Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-11-16

Episode Date: April 11, 2016

Bill rambles about Shell Companies, the Bruins and Ice Cream Parlors.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 11th, 2016. What's going on? How are you? It's it's Sunday night. It's a Sunday evening. I'm in the house all by myself. The lovely Nia had some business meeting or some shit she had to go to. It's show business. I know what you're saying. You guys all live in the normal world. You're thinking like, wait, my wife says she's got a business meeting on a Sunday night at fucking surpassed a certain hour. That means she's out there banging somebody's else fucking bull. I know that's what you think it, but I'm in show business. So it's totally normal for them to go out that way. What the fuck happened to the high hat over here? I told you,

got my little fucking practice set up there. What the fuck is maybe Cleo was playing it when I wasn't here. Anyways, anyways. Yeah, so she's out. So I'm going to try to knock this out because I got to be at work on Monday for something for some reason. I still can't say whether what it is or what's going on. Hopefully soon. You know what it is. You know what it is. Maybe you don't know what it is. Maybe you don't listen every week, but you know what it is. So I got to be at work on Monday and Oh, Billy fucking clean living. Ever since I got back from Canada. Oh, Canada. You bunch of freezing cunts. I got just got back from there. And I kind of realized that when I go on the road with the fellas, we act like we're on some sort of bachelor party. I don't know what it is minus

the fucking who is everything else. We basically, you know, we booze and we smoke cigars and that thing. And it's just, you know, it takes a lot out of me. And I got a bunch of shit I got to do. So I kind of need to be clearheaded. As opposed to the usual, you know, usually when I got nothing going on in my life, I mean, I can fucking you're gonna have a few, right? I can wake up the next morning like, Oh, Jesus Christ, I can be in that mindset. But as of right now, I can't. So I have not done anything. I haven't done shit. I haven't fucking haven't drank. I haven't smoked. Eating pretty good. Me even laying off the internet porn. I mean, it's just fucking over. I actually got this time

magazine that was about internet porn and how it's like fucking people up. You know, especially like kids, you know, when they first like, just the shit, the shoes can't hope the shit you can see on the fucking internet. I can't believe nobody stepped in. I'm not saying somebody should step in. But um, you know, I got to tell you, if they knew what the fuck the internet was going to be, when it was whenever Al Gore was inventing it back in the 80s, I never said that. I said that I was that I was involved in the email chain, whatever the fuck he said, that fucking guy. Remember when his campaign was over? Remember when he was dancing around and all sweaty and all that shit? He just looked like he was so fucking relieved that it

was over. What a thing to go through running for president. I just saw a clip of Hillary Clinton. I have not been paying attention at all. But Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened to her? She looks like Earl fucking Weaver. She looks like Earl Weaver. She was doing something, right? She was standing in some black church, right? Baptist church, I'm going to assume, you know, I don't think it was a Jewish synagogue there, whatever the fuck they could temple. She's in this green suit. She's just like yelling, ah, the shit she was going to do. That's the only time a politician goes near the black community is when they're running. They fucking they swing by the church, they make a whole bunch of promises, and then they get in

the fucking limo and they go, let's get the fuck out of here, right? Fuck out of dodge. Then they go over, they do a town meeting, talk to all the lunch pail, Louise, right? If there's even those people left in this country, if you fucking make anything, they get over there and they say, roll up their sleeves. That's when, you know, they're talking to the working man, they take off their sport coat and they roll up their sleeves. You know, like they're going to build something rather than just go out there and say the exact same bullshit they just said in the Baptist church with more of a fucking lunch pail swing to it, right? The whole fucking thing, it's just gross. I don't know how anybody sits there and watch that shit,

but the latest thing that I've become fascinated with is I completely leave whatever the fuck I was just talking about. I'll come back to it, the clean living thing. Who wants to listen about clean living? It's the most boring shit ever, you know? Anyways, um, I've become fascinated with how super rich people avoid paying taxes. Just fucking fascinating. It's one of those things, you know, it's, it's like, you gotta respect it on a certain level. It's the brilliance of it. And then there's a certain level of balls that that takes because you're fucking with your freedom. Anytime you're fucking with taxes, you know what I mean? Fucking with the government. Anytime you're doing that, I mean,

you know, why is that? I don't know what the fuck is that a federal thing? I guess if you're not paying your federal income tax, yeah, Bill, that would probably be a federal crime. I don't know. I always say you got to cross state borders. Do you have to like not pay taxes and then leave your state before it becomes federal? I don't know. I don't know these things, but anyways, just the balls that it takes and the, I don't know, I don't like people physically hurting other people, that type of crime. But when there's something like robbing banks or tax evasion, or even a good old fashioned fucking scam, if there's like a like an amazing level of thought behind it, on some level, you got to respect it,

I think. You know what I mean? Like I remember a long time ago, there was some fucking guy, he figured out how to rob parking meters. And they were allegedly it was impossible to do. So this guy figured out how to fucking do it. It's amazing. And he did this shit. This is back in like the 80s or some shit. This guy figured out how to do it. So it was way, way, way easier to not have everybody breathing down your fucking throat. You know, people would be having eggs watching you fucking robbing a parking meter. They didn't have a fucking smartphone on them. They'd just be sitting there going, this fucking guy guy just, is that guy robbing them parking meter? Holy shit, the fucking guy guy just fucked the parking. Did you see that? Anybody see that?

That was it. That's all that fucking happened. Rather than some douche sitting there filming you, and you're arrested before you even get home. Right. And then the fucking local newscasters, they always got to do some sort of fucking bad pun. You know what I mean? I'll tell you, this guy's life, his freedom is now going to change. You know, they do that somehow they get away with that and like fucking newspapers, like they can have the biggest fucking puns ever and everybody thinks it's great. You know, I don't know. I can't even think of one right now. But whatever, you know, you sit at home and you think about you said you have fucking cubicle instead of doing your goddamn work. You think of one. So anyways, this fucking guy figured out how to do this

shit. And of course, the parking meter guards were beside themselves. You know what I mean? It was like one of those sci fi movies. We're like the Titanic movie land, not even God can sink it. That's what they were like, not even God could get the fucking quarters out of this meter. This right, that's they were talking all kinds of shit. So this fucking guy figured out how to do it. And you're thinking like, All right, whatever, man, you do what the fuck you're going to do with that. Well, dude, there's fucking meters all over the city. So this guy anytime you wanted to drink, if he wanted to fucking sandwich with this guy, he had it perfect. It was like his own ATM machine before ATM machines. He just walked up, bang, bang, boom, you had a sack of fucking quarters,

you go down to the bank, you go, Yeah, can I get one of them rolly fucking things there? Right? Yeah, sure. They don't give a shit. Nobody gave a fuck back then. Nobody was paying attention. They were trying to pay attention, but not not to that type of shit. So this guy would roll the fucking quarters, you know, rolls enough quarters next thing you know, you get some self out of how the fuck would you get all those quarters down to a car dealership? I have no fucking idea. Although I talked to some drug dealers about how they fucking or a guy who knew drug dealers, let's be honest, Bill, let's not act like that news guy saying that you were in the war and then you were in a chopper or some shit next to the chopper and you didn't really fucking see it.

Okay, you took a fucking helicopter tour one time. You weren't even in Iraq, whatever the fuck he said, I don't pay attention to shit. So anyways, I was talking to this guy and basically how back in the day when drug dealers were still driving around in flashy cars, because what I heard nowadays, they they didn't want to track that level of attention. How it used to be was anything, any cash deal that was over 10 grand grand had to be fucking reported. So what these drug dealers would do was they would go out and they buy a car worth nine grand for cash and then they drive it around for like a fucking week and then they trade it in for a car worth 16 grand, maybe get seven for theirs, and then they throw another fucking nine at the other car. Now they

got a $16,000 car, you drive around for a little bit, you fucking trade it in on a $23,000 car, they give you fifth, whatever, and so on and so forth until you trade your way all the way up to whatever fucking car you wanted. It's just, I just look at that shit, like, I mean, that's not the deepest thing, but that's the way my brain would work. I'd be like, well, I guess I got to drive a piece of shit down. What's the point of dealing drugs? Right? Or I just say, fuck it, I'm buying a Ferrari, and I'm going to drive it until they catch me fucking three weeks later. By the way, the Ferrari I like is the Ferrari California. That's the old man one, the fucking GT, the grand touring one, right? I don't need to ride around in some Batmobile. Just give me one that

shaped like a fucking Jaguar from back in the day, you know, or maybe a Toyota Supra. Those fucking things from the 80s. I remember, Sky loaned me his while he used my truck to move, and I ran and I beat the shit out of his car and he beat the fuck out of my truck, and we both got our cars back and he's smelling rubber and I'm seeing all kinds of scratches all over my truck and we just, that's kind of a fair deal, right? Then we both got arrested for drinking and driving months later, but that's a completely different story. I know I'm all over the map. I'm doing this late night and I don't want to be doing it right now, but I got shit to do in the morning. So anyways, this fucking guy, you know, if he had half a fucking brain, what you do is

you keep your day job, right? You keep your fucking day job. And then, you know, for anything miscellaneous, you just go to the parking meters, right? And what you do is you start storing up on the quarters than every once in a while, right? You just start, you start washing the money with your fucking cat. I know what you do. You fucking, you're going to stores and stuff. Who gets a fuck, right? You just use it to get yourself a better TV. But what does this dope do? He gets fucking greedy. I don't remember how the fucking story goes. All I know is he just started hitting every fucking goddamn parking meter around. The next thing you know, he's sitting on like a fucking $2 million in quarters and he ended up getting busted. But there was a part of it.

I liked the guy, you know? So anyways, this gets me to the super rich on how, you know, all that shit about the Panama papers and all that type of stuff. I was talking to another friend of mine who's a fucking lawyer. And I was like, how does that work? Like, how do you get your money out of the country? And then once it's out of the country, how do you make sure nobody steals it? Like what happened to Johnny Depp's character and blow? And then once you have it out of the country, how do you get it back in without just getting taxed all over again, a busted? And he said, basically, this is it. He broke the whole fucking thing down. All right? Or as far as I know, he broke an aspect of it down. I know all you guys are sitting there right now going, oh,

Jesus, he's going to try to explain. I'm going to try to explain some shit that was just explained to me. And I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about. So let's get rid of one myth right out of the gate. I remember a long time ago, a friend of mine had a fucking landscaping business. And he already had a truck and he went out and he bought this giant fucking, you know, one of those things with the dual wheels on the back and this fucking giant bed. Look at you put cattle in it, right? And I was like, holy fuck, man, how much does that thing cost? And you know, it's like the 80s, it costs like 25 grand, which was a lot of fucking money back then, right? For a truck, you know, like 10 grand more than you pay the 25 30 grand of some shit, right?

I was like, holy shit, man, you can afford that. He was like, yeah, it's right off. That's what a lot of dope say. And they think it is a right off. But what they think is is that they can write $30,000 off of their taxes, which you can't. What you can do is you can write off. It's a write off as far as that 30 grand that you just spent on that truck is untaxable. All right, it's sitting in whatever you made that money, you made 30 grand. If it's just sitting there and you don't put it back into play as far as reinvesting into your business, the government will tax you at the end of the year, you know, on that 30 grand. And let's say you're in like a fucking, whatever, 20% tax bracket that you'd have to give the government fucking six grand, right?

That's it. So people morons think, Oh, I get to write 30 in the end of the year. If I owed 40 grand in taxes and I bought a $30,000 truck, I get to take $30,000 off of my taxes. You wouldn't, you'd just be able to knock off six grand, right? And you're not even knocking it off. You just not getting taxed on that. Does that make sense? Probably doesn't because I explained it. So anyways, when you have your own business, what you're trying to do is you're trying to come up with as many fucking write offs as you possibly can. Many is expenses, everything you possibly can to lower your, your basic, your, whatever your income as far as what is going to be taxable. So say you made fucking a hundred grand. All right, you grossed a hundred grand.

The net is what you're left with after your expenses, you try to fucking come up with as many goddamn expenses as you can to get that hundred grand as far down as zero is possible. Ideally, you wouldn't want to pay any fucking taxes as far as these people look. But the bottom line is you can only do it so much. And if you write off too much, the IRS is going to show up and be like, what's this fucking, you know, 60 grand for fucking cheeseburgers, blah, blah, blah, you tried to write off and you're going to get busted. All right. So what these fucking super rich people do is the first thing they do is they get the fucking money out of the, out of the, out of the country because the IRS's jurisdiction doesn't go beyond the borders.

So what they do is they just create a company that doesn't exist. It's just, it's just on paper. Right. So say you make a hundred million dollars. Right. What you do is you go to a country that doesn't give a shit about America and let you use it as a tax shelter. You just come up with some incorporated thing like who gives a fuck ink. Right. And then you just have that company bill your company a consulting fee for a hundred million dollars or whatever the whatever of the hundred million 30, 40, 50, whatever you don't want to pay taxes on, whatever you, whatever. And then you write a check to that company that doesn't exist. That's really you. And then you send it out. So now it's out of the fucking country. And then what they do is they open up like 10

other of these fucking shell companies and they have those other companies build the first company and then the third one builds the second one, the fourth one. And it's just gone. The money's fucking gone. Now the IRS can come at you and be like, what the fuck did you pay somebody a hundred million dollars consulting fee? And then you're telling me you paid somebody a hundred million dollars as a consulting fee. And then you just look at them and go, yes. And evidently, there's nothing they can fucking do about it. So then I was like, all right, so now it's out of the country and then it's it's in this other country. How the fuck do you protect it? And they and they goes, well, you those countries where these tax shelters are they're in on the scam. So you just kick them

10% of the hundred million you give him 10 years fucking whatever you can negotiate. We'll just make it easy. Here's 10 million bucks. So I, you know, I'll give you 10 million rather than then given the government fucking 50, 55, 60 million at 100 million, I'm still fucking up 45 million. All right. So then I was like, all right, so now, how do you get the money back? Because if you know, you bring the money back, you stick it to the bank, they're going to consider that earned income, like where the fuck did you get it? And this guy was like, they bring it back into the country in the form of a loan. Loans aren't taxable, right? Like if you get a fucking loan, because you're already paying interest on it and everything, they don't tax you. So they just bring

it back in the form of a loan, whatever the fuck you want to do. I want to buy a $10 million house. So you have this shell company that's 10 times removed from the one that you paid from a consulting fee, right? And they can't follow the paper trail because it's in a different country, right? You just bring it back into the country in the form of a loan. And then you go buy a fucking house. And I guess I don't know, you pretend to make payments or the loan is forgiven by this shell company, that's still you. I know I just glossed over that. And if anybody has more information on it, I find it absolutely fascinating. There's all, there's other ones, they just pretend that that's their main business, that shell company. So they just act like it's doing the, I don't know,

that that's that's as far as I can remember that what he told me. And I found that shit absolutely fucking fascinating because at the end of the fucking day, as far as what they're doing, I know they're fucking over you and me because, you know, the school systems go down the shitter because they don't have enough money. There's a lot of potholes, there's all kinds of stuff. You can't take care of your homeless people. You can't build another gleaming structure for a fucking sports team, whatever the fuck it is. The end of the day, as fucked up as that is, these people who are criminals, they're stealing from other criminals. As far as my conspiracy theory goes, the IRS is just

a bunch of fucking crooks anyway. So I mean, they, it's kind of fascinating watching these two giant powerful entities fuck with each other. You know, meanwhile, you know, I'm in the crosshairs, you're in the crosshairs and we're all paying Elvis taxes. And there goes Hillary Clinton screaming in some Baptist church. Is she talking about that shit? Of course she isn't. Cause when you bring the fucking money back in, you just don't bring it in and go out and buy yourself your fucking Ferrari, California. What you do is, I mean, you do do that. But what else would you also do is you walk around with nice water cash and you go, oh, hey, chief of police. Oh, look at that birdie over there. And as he looks over your stuff,

a fucking water cash in his pocket, you know, and then, oh, oh, is it an election year? Yeah, let me get, I'll take 2 million on Trump. Give me 2.5 on Hillary and fuck it. Give me 500 grand on Bernie Sanders. What do you mean? He's not taking any money from guys like me. Oh, is that right? Well, you know, whatever, he won't get it. And if he does, you know, I'll give 3 million to, uh, you know, silence him. That's what the fuck they do. And that's, and that's how they, they, you know, I don't know, I'm convinced of that. I'm convinced as far as like standup comedy goes, you know why they're always given a shit is because, uh, we, uh, if standup comedians just organized, okay? And we donated to the campaigns of people running to the Democratic and the

Republican parties, right? And then we bought a little ad time on CNN and on Fox news and all these major networks. If we did that, you'd never see another comedian getting in trouble for doing a fucking Caitlyn Jenner joke. Anyways, if anybody has any more information on that, or they can talk about, I, I don't like if it's really dry. I just like, um, I'm fascinated with people that do shit like that. And then they go to bed knowing what the fuck they're doing. And they got to be thinking at some point, like the wolves got to be coming to the door at some point. Hang on one second. I got to answer this. All right. So I'm back. Of course, I completely forget what the fuck I, where I ended off. Um, but what I really learned when I was,

you know, listening to this lawyer telling me all this shit. Um, oh, I know I say in the balls that that takes to go to bed at night, knowing at any point, like, oh, sudden the fucking feds are going to kick in your fucking door. But I think that these guys are like the smarter ones. And when you watch like American greed, what I noticed when I watched them, all of their fuckery was within the borders of the United States, which you just, I mean, if you, I guess if you're too dumb to know, you don't realize you're not going to get away with it forever. But like once I, um, after talking to this guy, it just seems like anybody who just tries to have their entire illegal entity within the borders of one country is, uh, you're just on

borrowed time. So I think when you watch American greed, what you're really seeing is, is the hacks of, uh, you know, you always see these fucking idiots, they buy a house, they get all these fucking cars, and they have some strippers come over. Oh my fucking laptop. Oh, that was a laptop hitting hardboard floors. Come on. Come on, baby. Come on. Come around. You're all right. Hang in there. Help us on the way. Fuck. Oh, you fucking motherfucker. Steve Jobs is laughing somewhere right now. He's laughing at me because I got to give him money. And he also knows it's going to be another little kid's going to put it together. All right, it's saved. It's saved. Um, so anyways, uh, let's read a little bit of fucking ad shit here before my screen goes dark.

I hang on a second. I find that shit. I find it, um, I find all that stuff fucking amazing. It's really, really interesting if you just remove yourself from it, the humanity of it or whatever, uh, and all the people that it's affecting and kids not getting better school books and shit. If you just look at the fucking game that's going on, it's really fucking interesting. All right. Oh shit. We got somebody new here. We got somebody new. This is Joe Rogan's company, the great Joe Rogan, uh, from the, uh, Joe Rogan experience podcast. He might recognize him from, uh, gee, I don't know the first 200 UFC pay per views. Um, one of the best standup comics I've ever seen. All right. Here's this company on it. On it is a

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slash burr. That's blueapron.com slash burr. Blueapron.com. A better way to cook. All right. How many more of these fucking things do I have? All right, we're going two and two then. All right, you guys are you already listening to fucking two of these. Let's get back to the podcast, shall we? All right. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. I got to bring it up. My Boston Bruins, unfortunately, after a big, big win over the Detroit Red Wings, got beat down by Ottawa six to one. And we're out of it. You know, it's funny that we beat Detroit the game before and then because we lost Detroit get in and you know, there was actually a certain amount of fucking Red Wing fans that were actually talking shit. The smart ones were going, Hey, thanks for losing. And then the

other ones were like, Oh, fucking 26 years in a rope. We've been in the playoffs. Yeah, it's impressive. But this year, you're backed in like a bitch. You went in as first. I don't know what you fuck. I mean, because a team that you couldn't even beat when account two days before, you know, who fucking manhandled you. I don't know what you're excited about. You know, you like the fat chick who got, you know, fucking asked to the prom. You know, you're all exceeded. You just wanted to be there. Who's getting who you're there for the fucking buffet. And then you go and home crying. That's what I'm predicting for Detroit. Your makeup is going to be running by game three of the first series. I'm fucking with you. I have

no hate for anybody that's in the playoffs this year. I think I'm going to want, and I've always liked Detroit. Because when I was growing up, they never won shit. The big thing is they hadn't won it since 1955 with Gordie Howe. And they were in the middle of a 40 year drought. Before they got a team around Iserman and man, those were great times watching hockey. They're fucking avalanche, red wings, fucking rivalry. That was the best. It was the first time when I lived in LA and the games came on at five. And I totally got back into hockey. You know, it's original six. Oh, it's the best. I'm sorry. Fucking yawning here. So, um, so this year, I think in the East, uh, I'm going to, I'm going to root, I'm going to root for two fucking teams this year

in the East and the West. Uh, I'm rooting for the capitals to push through to get to the finals. And, uh, as much as I like the Kings and the Blackhawks, just to switch it up, I'd love to see the Dallas stars or, uh, the St. Louis Blues, you know, somebody different, you know, St. Louis Blues, who's kidding? Their fans have been waiting for fucking ever. They have been in the league. They're part of the expansion six that came in 1967. All right. The NHL was a six team league. Um, before that, right after the depression, there was a lot of people that I didn't realize I see that there was a, there was a bunch of other teams, not a bunch, but there was like at least four other fucking teams or something that all folded after the, uh, the depression

and the six that survived then became known as the original six. Um, so 1967, six teams came in. Can you name a bill off the top of my head? Let's see. There was the flyers, the penguins, the North stars, oh Jesus, the California golden seals. Oh man, I used to know this off top of my head. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Capitalists didn't come in until the early seventies. Fuck me. St. Louis Blues. Jesus Christ. It just brought them up. One more, one more. Was it a Seattle team, Cleveland barons? That's what the fucking golden seals became. Didn't they? Oh, the fucking LA Kings. Yeah. And the LA Kings

weigh the fuck out there. And that was funny when for the golden seals like folded or went to Cleveland, they went to Cleveland just like the dreams of all the sports fans there. They just fucking died a slow, miserable death. And, um, like that franchise just died out. Nobody bought it and went nowhere. It just went to Cleveland and fucking died. So for the longest time, the only game in town out fucking West was the Kings. Every fucking road trip they had was like at least the three, four hour fucking flight. Denver didn't have a team. Vancouver didn't have a team. Edmonton Calgary. They had nothing. They were just out there by themselves. You know, basically fucking whatever actresses couldn't bang a Los Angeles,

Dodger or an LA ramp. That's basic. They got sloppy thirds. That's what was going on. So anyways, yeah, we lost. So, uh, congratulations to the flyers and the fucking red wings. There was two spots left and three teams vying for it. And, uh, we didn't get in. And like clockwork, the day after we don't get in, what Boston sports writer who doesn't watch hockey, do you think piled on immediately? And as always calls for the wrong head to be chopped off. Good old Dan Shaughnessy, the noodle headed cunt himself who doesn't watch hockey, doesn't like hockey, chimes in something's gotta be done. It's time based on what Dan, all the hockey you never fucking watch. Um, Claude Gillian, this was actually one of his

finest coaching performances of the year of, I mean, of his career. They traded the entire fucking team away. Basically they, it was what they got rid of over the last few years. Tyler Sagan, Johnny Boyd, Chuck, Dougie fucking fresh there, fucking Milan, Lou Cheech. It was just, I was like, we got nothing. We got nothing left. I don't know. Marshawn, we got Berge. We still had Chara Chara's older now, but basically who's kidding who anybody fucking watches hockey, looked at the Bruins. It was like, you know what, this is a rebuilding year. And all the way up to like mid-March, Claude Gillian had this, this rebuilding year team was a third seed. Everybody was bunched together. We hit a bad patch, you know, went out West, tough fucking run. We lost

some games. The next thing you know, we were fighting for the playoff lives as they say, and we didn't win. I mean, I mean, I don't, you get, I would get, if anybody's head's gonna get chopped off, you chopped the head off, whoever made all those fucking trades. But you know, the bottom line is the guy who made the first half of those already got his head chopped off. And then you got, was it Michael Connell? You got to give this guy a chance, right? He can't just go one and done a fucked up with that be. They just gave Claude Gillian a fucking watch for having the most Vic, the most wins ever of any Bruins coach. He got us our first fucking Stanley cup in like, what was it? Almost 40 years. And then what? A couple years later,

he doesn't have a coach hockey anymore. Why is it time, Dan Shaughnessy? Why is it time? Because it's too early in the baseball season, you got nothing to write about. This guy's forever calling for somebody's head. You know what, Dan? You know, I think it's time for you to do, it's time for you to stop writing about hockey or maybe watching maybe fucking five games at a goddamn season. Unfucking believe that guy, I swear to God, at the end of the day, I think he's from New York City, the way he just tries to pull apart fucking teams. It's unbelievable. You know what I mean? He's like somebody with some mob guys goom are that they end up having a whack because you can't keep her fucking mouth shut. Oh, Jesus, Bill, go easy on the guy. He's

just trying to sell some fucking papers. I don't really hate Dan Shaughnessy. I don't know the guy, but I can tell you right now, he's one of the few people that looks less athletic than me. Anyways, any who as I as I was talking about earlier, I've been doing the whole fucking clean living thing since I got back from yet another lost bachelor party weekend slash stand updates run with with my buddies there. Fersi and Bartnick and so this whole week, no booze, no porn, no cigars, nothing. I got the cigar thing. I got that thing on on fucking locked down. I don't have them in my house. I think about doing I don't think about doing it as much. And I only had one cigar in March and I'm going to try to just have one this month.

Although I'm thinking about only having one and then I'm also thinking about having a fucking cigar night over here. I might do that because I have like fucking, I don't know, about 10 cigar friends. Unless you smoke cigars, you don't know what that means, but it's just people that call, Hey, I'm going to smoke. You want to come by, right? So all of a sudden I have 10 opportunities a month. People call me, come on, man, come buy and smoke, come buy and smoke. And next thing you know, you smoke like seven, eight, nine, 10 of them. So I'm going to invite all of them over to my house the same fucking night and I'll smoke one cigar with all 10 of them rather than smoking one each with 10 individuals. How does that math work? Right? And then I'll create a shell company.

So anyways, so I bought this time magazine on watching internet porn and how it's fucking up kids like they're, you know, the amount of shit that they see before they even get their first fucking hand job. It turns them into like these fucking sociopaths. And I got to admit, reading some of the articles, like I could relate to a lot of the shit that was going on. So I'm really just going to fucking going to try to stop that cold turkey. You know, I got to stop looking at that shit. Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. See this clean list what clean living does for you 1030 at night. I'm fucking yawning. I'm ready to go bed right now, get my fucking jam jams. And here and here I am supposed to be there for you. You guys are sitting there at work. The last fucking thing you need

you probably already had a donut. You're going to stick a sugar crash here in a minute. And here I am yawning on you. So what else can I talk about here? Oh, yeah, clean living. If you're trying to have some clean living, do not watch the Lemmy documentary, which I just watched for the second time makes you want to have a couple of drinks because you're like, look how long that guy fucking lift all the shit that he did. You know, fucking yard it again. All right. 39 minutes in I can do the last 21 minutes here without yawning. Here we go. Here we go. All right. By the way, I don't for people out there. You know, I mentioned some of the helicopter shit I did I did I tell you I finally did that's that solo flight that I wanted to do from Long Beach.

And I went through the Bravo airspace with the planes taken off over you, you know, at LAX came right around looked at the house flew over the fucking house that they the horses head from Godfather right down sunset over to El Monte and then back to or I did tell you that because that's when I saw the old guy fall off the fucking scooter. I'm sorry. I thought I didn't think that I told you that one. I was just thinking about that shit the other day. Of course, my fucking headphones go out what the fuck and I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew that was going to happen. So anyways, I was at the comedy store on Saturday night and I was trying out this this new chunk that I've been fucking with for the last couple of months and I finally got it down. I said it

is perfect as I could say it of course I didn't. I didn't fucking an intake of course I didn't why would I take that would have been the smart thing to do but whatever I said it so I'll get it I'll get it back and I felt fucking great about it and then today I got text messages from two different comedians telling me that they love the new shit that I was doing I just I just made my fucking day so I'm really excited about getting that shit together because I want to do another special this year and I got some stuff in my act that's funny but I just feel like the topics have been done before so I'm gonna try to like you know you know push that shit to the wayside maybe that'll just be on the some of those topics will just be on like the when I release the vinyl

of the Madison Square Garden show I'll just keep them on that one there'll be some extra jokes so it won't be the same material I don't know I'm just excited about the the next few months how that shit's gonna turn out but uh before I get into the questions this week everybody I have to give a shout out to rogue fitness who evidently was listening to the podcast I was breaking their balls you know I'm making a gym I'm paying somebody to build a gym for me out my garage a little gym there in the back and I got all my shit through rogue fitness they just had the best shit out there and I was just joking with them that uh you know how dare you not send me free shit I didn't even ask them for I just immediately came to the podcast breaking their fucking balls and they

listened to the one where there was me and Nia and Nia told me to get the regular looking weights just the ones that look like iron or whatever and I wanted the uh I wanted the colorful ones and she thought that they were corny so all of a sudden I just got this shipment of these colorful weights and I was laughing going oh man I must have fucked it up I got the colorful ones so I wrote them trying to ask how to send it back and they said no we listened to the podcast they sent me some free weight and they sent me a t-shirt so I you know rogue fitness I was fucking around you didn't have to do that you guys are solid man and I'm I can't wait to uh you know use your your equipment because it's you know it's great made in the USA all good stuff oh look who's here

the busy body the lovely Nia did you get some Thai food did you grab a mic or do you want to eat do you want to eat I got another uh 17 minutes here 17 minutes the mics are in the closet oh why don't you why don't you sit down and help me through with the questions why don't I hook it up because I am I'm uh I'm actively doing the podcast right now actively huh oh Jesus you know if you're gonna be in a mood like that oh Jesus what's that you just walked out on me um anyways all right well I'm gonna start reading the first one then okay you don't care all right oh by the way you know something I was taking my dog out for a walk today you know we were walking up into the park there and this is before she puked and I

decided to turn around and come home she started nowhere she started yakking uh made me feel bad I was like Jesus I hope it wasn't something I did it wasn't hot out or anything um Leo has a very sensitive stomach well another fucking group of people come up the second they get into the into the park they just fucking don't say what park they go to the fucking park and they fucking take the leashes off the fucking dogs come right up to my dog they're like yeah yeah no worry don't worry she's friendly she's friendly it's like my dog isn't my dog my dog is ignores other dogs it chills and then like when you are bugging my dog it doesn't go it never has the hey can you do me a favor can you knock it off it immediately just grabs you like remember Friday the 13th when

Jason was under the cot and grabbed that dude's head and reached up I guess it was the chicken the first one I met a dog tonight who just didn't like anybody and I but I realized quickly what it was his owner was holding him and anytime anyone came towards the owner like oh hey oh what a cute dog the dog will start growling and I and it's so funny because he said to one of the people oh pet him and I'm like no your dog isn't doesn't want to be pet it growls at everybody and I think the dog was protecting the owner so anytime you know like I said anyone came towards him he started growling but he was so clueless that he was like oh he's fine just pet him I'm like no no you can't pet the dog if it's growling at people I can't judge him our dogs a psycho the dog went to bite me like it

actually kind of like put its teeth around my finger it went to bite you like it walked across the fucking room no I went over and it put its it's put my finger in between its teeth and didn't chop down little dog it was a bite yes but it was abiding little dogs are the worst behavior so basically that man if little dogs with people they'd be riding around in convertibles you know like a Corvette or some shit all right I have to leave in 11 minutes all right so you want to do one one question yeah let's do it all right job hey Billy Burry um I'm working part-time job and I have a problem let me see if there's a relationship one here why can't oh boyfriend I'm sorry can I not be involved in the the job one well I just feel like I always give the guy

advice well maybe it's time to shake it up a little bit that's what I was trying to do have you give some lady advice on some relationship huh oh god are you gonna go on a feminist rant here you know women can answer other fucking questions too you know yeah all right ask another question that doesn't have to do with relationships hey you know I'm trying to give you a nice softball here trying to lob it over the fucking place you don't need to fucking softball anything to Jesus rolling your head here we go you went all reality showing me there all right I'm working a part-time job and I have a problem related to it all right the job is I work at a fucking ice cream it's at an ice cream place in my town and the second time I worked there a while back I had a

god-awful shift I didn't have all the kinks of the job worked yet and I was working with someone I didn't know which made me more nervous the night quickly became a you know this word Kafka-esque parade who's who's who's that oh no is it writer is he a philosopher I'm gonna have a particular political view I think he died in a boating accident whatever it was communist Kafka-esque Joseph Kafka I think he's uh one of those he's like a philosopher J Lo no before she goes on tour I'm not gonna lie and say no exactly who can we google it though I really feel like it's Joseph Kafka can we just read the fucking question all right the night quickly became a Kafka-esque parade of horrific errors I screwed up orders stock things wrong etc and by the end of the night my co-worker

was audibly invisibly disgusted with me and she should have been Franz Kafka okay sorry German language writer of novels and short stories who is oh my god he died the day after my birthday and therein lies the tragedy all right here we go fuck you all right put down your phone I'm trying to learn what I was gonna say surreal I was right yes um this is not entertaining sorry this isn't entertaining for people Kafka-esque elements often appear in existential works but the term has transcended the literary realm to apply to real life occurrences in situations that are incomprehensibly complex bizarre or illogical there we go Franz Kafka all right okay okay all right so the ladies the lady is was upset with

him and he's saying you know audibly and visibly disgusted with me and she should have been okay she's in college and I'm in high school so luckily I never had to work with her again after the summer was over and she went back to her classes but even as recently as spring break I've heard she's still talking shit about me oh you heard this all the way back she's at some college yeah how did you hear that yeah they're all on the facebook um oh grantee I love saying the you guys taking the Molly the no you wouldn't you wouldn't know Molly if you were the grantee you'd be like Molly the ecstasy whatever just an old guy thanks yeah that was my dad when he used to get mad at my sister Christ is she on that internet she on that internet um it's almost summer again

and I'm almost definitely going to have to face her if I work regularly if I do I know for a fact I'll fuck things up immediately purely from anxiety dude you should be like the fucking older wiser guy crushing it and then you fucking banger confidence my friend wait what what do you mean banger it's all there why do you what is all there you can make her a mall she get two straws you know what because she's the older woman right and she has to be tamed by getting that dick is that what it is I didn't say that yeah you basically did no you're like go after the confidence and then you banger yeah because your life is like a fucking movie from the 1920s bill where the guy is slapping the woman around like get it together see and she's hysterical no he completely fucked up post

this is like one of those coming of age movies when they begin beginning the nerds look you'll walk away from me the nerd is looking at the cheerleader and she's dating the impossible dick with the blonde wavy hair right somebody does a fucking triple lindy jesus christ that went sideways huh the fuck just happened there listen because i'm not going to be able to get awarded in defense of what i was saying right he makes an ass out himself in front of this you know this older fucking broad right see this isn't sexist now you come back you're a little older a little wiser right you're a year older you're still growing you filled out a little bit right all of a sudden you're crushing it

you're making a fucking couple banana splits and a smoothie all at the same time and she's just like wow this isn't the man that i left the year you know the year before all of a sudden you guys are working closely you know ice cream is always romantic what kind of fucked up advice that you give me i'm not giving anything i'm telling this kid to fucking shake it off he goes if i don't work often i could lose my job as we've got more employees than we need and i really have a great setup now that i've learned that the work is easy i basically picked my own hours and my bosses by far the sweetest racist homophobe i've ever met in my life any ideas besides the obvious murder he said you're stand up as killer i hope i can

see you perform sometime yeah dude you gotta you gotta grow a dick here man you're the fucking man you've been there for a year you know what's going on just be like uh i don't know just i don't what are you it's just this do you have a crush on this woman if she's not gonna fuck you then what do you care what she thinks is that bad neah yes what does fucking have to do with it just have confidence in yourself and do the job also this is this is a high school person that's writing in this is somebody who's making ice cream cones and he's scared out of his mind about some woman who's not he's in he's not even fucking he doesn't want to ask her out what is the problem she's gonna yell at you about the way you put the fucking cherries on

because it's a job he's in you know worried about how he's gonna pre-perceive you remember what it's like to be at that age where you know every little thing you know means disaster and the bigger picture oh so is he this is just a job is he catastrophizing a little bit yeah i think you're worried a little too much about nothing just do your job do your thing don't even worry about it and there's plenty of other jobs out there by the way he should just be totally cocky when she comes in what a bitch yeah i'm sure that'll go over real well to be a float float that's how i do kiss with the little peace sign no no honey the ice cream we had to decide all right weed pussy or nothing jesus christ pushing all the chips in this is the

world series of poker all right hey there billy boy i'm a new listener to your podcast but a long time fan of you stand up i was wondering if you could help me out with a dilemma i'm facing so my weed dealer put the moves on me my last time i was at her place uh nothing came of it but i could tell she was trying to get me to fuck her until now i thought it was weird that she began to sell me pot for practically nothing wow she's cool and i've hung out with her at her place many times to just smoke weed just just as well i'm single so i have no problem getting some strange pussy that falls into my lap the problem is that she's a very heavy broad and completely unattractive oh jesus but she sells the best weed in the area dude this is fucking this has all the

makings of the great first 10 pages of her script we've established who the characters are oh yeah now we've got the problem super far with this premise oh god you know what you know what you know i love you know i love i want to do that i'm sorry i couldn't help it you know that guys just want to fuck you women know that you use it to your advantage to get shit and then when we admit that that's what we want to do you're like oh my god i really wish someone would tell the story about a guy who's getting thrown pussy left and right and doesn't know what to do with it it's like a coming of age and i'm sure he's also fighting with his friends a little bit about like what door we're gonna stay in and god this is hilarious he's got this heavy broad that he's not attracted

to who's this fucking weed dealer yeah she's got the best weed he knows he wants she wants to fuck him what was the rest of the story does he want yeah this is a fucking come on seth rogan would crush this oh you are in it you know what you're hungry you're like him on that snickers commercial i don't know who you are right now seth rogan would write a phenomenal transcended script that jonahill would act out and it would just be like wow is this what it's like what is wrong with you i like all of those people and i like those movies you don't like hot tub time machine what does it like to be chubby and awkward and not know what to do with your life oh what are you a being a jerk i don't know you're being a jerk yeah you're hungry i'm being a little

bit of a jerk apologize to seth rogan jonahill okay yeah you are you're a little out of sorts here okay all right you look you're burning bridges into this town sweetie let me tell you something those bridges don't come back the rest of the story uh but she sells the best weed in the area i don't want right i don't want to not fuck her and then ever cut me off but at the same time i feel that i if i do fuck her then i'm no better than an addicted crack or doing a line off some fat guy's dick maybe uh so guess what when it comes down to it do i fuck my ugly drug dealer for good cheap weed oh my god or do i just or do i just find a new dealer with super herb and pay more money thanks hope all is well with you ginger fuck what's your ginger fuck um have you ever heard

the expression don't shit where you eat yeah don't fuck your weed dealer yeah don't just don't fuck her this is a business relationship keep it business should he like lie and start talking about how we as a girlfriend no just buy weed from her and like just let it be business yes stop smoking with her and also like i i mean maybe she's desperate for your cock but maybe you're like reading into it she might be trying to fuck you and the next dude so she's giving her she's she's a drug dealer she's hustling she's hustling for like customers she's hustling for dick like don't get excited you know you're not the only one bra so you think yeah but she's giving it away for next to nothing if she does that she's not gonna make any money true she's making it in other ways i don't know i

feel like just don't fuck your weed dealer that just sounds like a disaster written all over it or get yourself a really good connect now have that in your back pocket so if you do decide the only reason why you would fuck your weed dealer is if you actually want to fuck her not because you're so desperate for the best weed ever have you really had the best weed in like your entire city probably not so calm down don't he's got a dealer uh i mean you know you're kind of into the habit you're not just going hey can i get a hit off that when you fucking go in there week after week to the point that the weed dealers are a dime a dozen though there's it's not like it's a specialty but i'm just saying this fucking chick is the he's he's buying so much weed off

from she's developing feelings for she's not he might be cute she may have a little crush but like it's not that it's my point is it's not that serious don't fuck your weed dealer unless you want to have a problem with your weed dealer and you don't want to have a problem with drug dealer trust me weed dealer wants to fuck one of her customers of course i completely believe it i'm just saying just don't don't go there it's not worth it that's my bottom line she's usually not this grumpy you guys all right grumpy old boyfriend tech's wife oh billy cheese balls where'd that come from i don't know i'll just fucking make them names for me oh okay all right very happily married for 25 years to the hottest wife and mother of our three sons she's in

spectacular shape and beautiful while on vacation and palm springs most important thing right just escape yourself in shape yeah we're visual animals we're visual animals i know there's a reason why all those gay guys are walking around with six packs because they know what they're trying to attract yeah don't bring the gays into this do you think all those gay guys want to go to the gym that much they have to if they don't that's the end of the dick train and they know it they know it oh they know it all right so anyways uh while on vacation in palm springs i caught a glimpse of her phone screen and saw a text from pb pb was asking how's the weather so i asked her who pb is

after a little persuasion she replied it's dave dave is a boyfriend from her high school years and he is a former fiance this is awful she promised it was nothing i asked if they had seen each other underneath a different name though yeah that's pretty suspect when you have the person's name saved under an alias pb was pb mean wait is a penis brilliant brilliant penis she's dyslexic penis babe penis babe pussy banger maybe

i'm sure it's something between the two it was a capital p and then a lowercase b i don't know why he did it all right if you guys have any suggestions what pb would stand for uh come on it's fun what's gonna come through what social media is all about jesus he goes uh she promised it was nothing i asked if if they had seen each other or slept together she said no i believe her okay oh jesus it's a former seo fiance does he mean now i guess now well maybe i just want her believer she's otherwise a very honest person well i sent david text and here's what i said oh beautiful i'm only going to say this once you're nothing but a sleazy cocksucker you've crossed the line of decency go fuck yourself or better yet go choke to death on some poor

somebody's dick wait what it's a it's a homophobic he was upset never communicate with my wife capital letters ever if you pursue her in any way i'll cut your dick off with a rusty saw blade and shove it down your throat i hope you're getting the message here his reply understood this is the last text name and number deleted my question to you is was i harsh enough with and i'm not sure what to do with about my wife she deleted him from our contacts and she said she has no need to ever communicate with him again what are your thoughts well i think you need to let it be then i mean i that was i have to say that was masterful that text that he sent to pb aka dav i think he got the message with that one now what do you think

uh so do you think she banged him no she's probably sending flirting borderline inappropriate text messages maybe yours is beautiful the day i took you to prom like that type of shit why are you i probably went a little further than that i don't fucking know i because if it were you bill burr you probably would have said some like that's what you're making a face right now because you know how you are you probably would have said some inappropriate shit over text i mean that's what texting is is that what texting is it is it's it's what is how do i how do i how do i get to this texting to us bill burr please explain how texting works all right advice from a for a fellow ginger oh moving right moving right along i'm running right along a fellow ginger from fendland

here i have a decision to make and would appreciate some advice from a wise and experienced man like you ever since i was a kid oh you've just every fucking thing ever since i was a kid i've wanted to be an airline pilot i'm 19 years old and i'm graduating from high school in december yes here we finish high school later i was just going to say is that when they graduate from high school in fendland yeah later than you guys in murica all right i've i have till the end of the year to decide what i want to study i've always had a plan after high school i would want to go to a flight academy and become a pilot but now i've started to question if that's what i really want to do for living living i mean an airline pilot is an incredible job absolutely love flying and we get

to travel a bunch of seal kinds of amazing places etc plus i would get to the sun every day without burning my nordic ultra pasty pasty skin captain makes six figures which is plenty enough for me since i'm not into money my only problem with being a pilot is that i would never be completely free meaning that for the rest of my life working for some other douche bag would would decide for me when i can come to work and where i can fly the idea of being tied up to a company and having some cunt making all the decisions for me scares the shit out of me when i'm older i want to be able to do things on an impulse without asking permission from uh some capital letters other men also pilots but you're just over there taking pictures of shit in you um also pilots spend a lot

of time away from home and someday when i start a family to have kids i want to spend as much time as possible with them so that could be a problem as well flying planes for a living would be a dream job but it would get in the way of my other dream of being completely my own man and free what do you think should i go study something else no what you should do is still be into the aviation thing you just figure out a way to do what you want to do within aviation okay i will equate it to the job that i have i am a stand-up comedian which opens up all these doors into the entertainment world which a lot of them you think you want to run through until you get to the other side and then you realize what you're talking about is like holy fuck i thought i had the world by the balls

if i got this i thought i would be the pimp and then you realize that you're actually the whore so you have to um what i would do if i was you is i would um still go to flight school i would learn how to fly and then what i would do is rather than going flying for some commercial airline there's got to be some other cool shit that you can do like flying for sightseeing tours you're not into money right maybe you do that maybe you end up having that business and other people fly for you and you get to fly around um what other jobs are they there's fighting forest fires you know you do that like helicopters and planes and that type of shit sure yeah um listen just by being a pilot already you got some sort of renegade spirit in you so

i'm sure there's plenty of fucking jobs that you can get in aviation i think in pretty much any job there's there's a way to be in the matrix and then there's a way to be outside like you know he's a renegade that one you know don't get tied down with that guy you can definitely do it right what do you think yes yeah so he should still be a pilot dude you love to fly it's what you want to do um but you know there's all kinds of shit you could fly for a fucking airline make your money and then leave and then go do something else like start your own business i don't know you're laughing at me right now this is 19 he's got the whole worry he's got he's got the world by the fucking short his it all sounds it all sounds good i was listening to a

podcast from a while back then you were shitting on the nfl having games in london he said those games are huge things for us european football fans and believe it or not there are tons of football fans here in europe uh the games always sell out and i felt football sells out out there who knows all right here's new who who's here's the last one stuttering here okay guess what i just time traveled in the podcast let me give you a second to just wrap your head around this because i know it's always weird when this happens i actually finished out the podcast with the lovely neah but the my fucking batteries wore out and i didn't even notice we had a nice debate she fucking trashed me what are you gonna do um so let me i don't mean no way to pick up here i got two more

reads to do and i think i have another question i'm not sure so let me uh all right dollar shave club everybody i know this is fucking weird sorry to just slam your fucking brain against the inside of your skull there um all right dollar shave club it's monday morning now by the way that's why i sound a little more fresh no yawning for old freckles all right do all the shave club do dollar shave club dot com has a special offer for new members who joined today you'll get a free month of the executive razor when you buy a tube of docked it covers i gotta still i'm gonna say kavi for the doctor kavi's easy shave butter whenever i hear that executive razor i just picture like you know you have the dress shirt on with boxers and then

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all right it's been a few weeks since i cracked open these sharp looking movement watch not spend a couple of months stop putting words in my mouth um all right as promised the quality's watches are there for an awesome price in the style department the compliments i get on this thing are really unbelievable considering i don't wear it now i'm wearing it describe your watch well i'm wearing the fucking watch i always had because i'm a grown-up and i can afford to watch because i spent 24 fucking years in strip malls i can actually afford one but back in the day i'm going to redo this copy all right when i couldn't afford to watch when i stayed in that broken bed in that fucked up cabin up in chile coup charlie's in alaska i would have worn a watch like this they

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you said the wage gap statistic um you said i wanted to bunk a myth for you the wage gap statistic you know this is thing right now that they say that a woman gets paid less 79 cents less to do the exact same job is a guy which you know my opinion is fucked up the job should pay what it should pay right so this guy says the wage gap statistic that you hear about all the time is simply the average earnings of men and women working full time it does not take into account different job positions hours worked or different jobs it has nothing to do with the same work it has nothing to do with discrimination in 1963 the supreme court passed the equal pay act which makes it illegal to pay different wages for the same job if you still don't buy that

then consider this if a company could legally play pay women less money do you think those greedy cunts would ever hire a man some decent points there uh once i pulled this wage gap threat thread a whole bunch of other feminist myths started to unravel but i just wanted to shine a light on this topic well okay let's you know i'll have to look all of that up i never looked up the equal pay act but um if they're still able to make the numbers work then wouldn't that say that guys get the better high paying jobs then then does it become that i'm just asking all right um that's what i would guess so i don't know evidently i have some readings to do and i think a lot of feminists do too that just jump on the bandwagon i'll look up the equal pay act um

i don't know who the fuck knows i mean one of the dumbest fucking ways to get somebody to listen to your goddamn opinion is to just sit there and be like you got it better than us your life is fucking easy that immediately puts the other side going like you know and ah fuck you fuck you when you're brazier you know my fucking life's easy i just dealt with this this this and this you know it just puts people into that mindset um i don't know that whole fucking yelling and screaming and shit you know believe me as a yellower and a screamer i know it doesn't make people listen to you it just makes you people just go oh my god i want to get away from this person or that person's a fucking lunatic that's been my experience trying to convey ideas since i was a little

orange headed child um i don't know what's going on okay at the end of the day people should the job should pay with the job pays and the best person should get it but sadly that is never going to happen because there's always going to be the boss's son there's always going to be the hot chick there's always going to be the racist the homophobe the person who comes in with the southern accent you're up north or vice versa and somebody's mentally still fighting the war i think southern people are stupid you the only way to take the human element out of it is to gradually slowly but surely dumb down human beings make everything automated and you slowly replace them with free thinking robots which is basically what's going to happen by free thinking i mean they agree with

the upper one percent and not even the upper one percent the upper one percent of the one percent that doesn't even show up you know there's a lot of you remember all the blue blood money and everybody kind of knew how much money they had and now they all say that oh they gave away a lot you know the rocker fellas are you know their fortune isn't what it's worth they used to be the Vanderbilt's they're only worth like 75 million dollars now i mean that's i don't know there's all these stories out there that there's families that are so fucking big and powerful they're above any sort of borders and they fucking you know when they travel by yacht it's only like it's like their little navy and they just it's i love conspiracy theory and they just float around they pull up to the dock

and the countries just come out and give them bags of gold and then they just disappear it's like water world except you know without the uh you know i don't know except they still have all the amenities because the world hasn't flooded over yet does that make any sense you know i think that's as good a spot to stop as any uh my apologies for uh fucking up the podcast this week um you guys have a nice couple of fucking days and um can i end on some more drum nerd shit i told you my uh drum teachers taken me through um that sting album 10 summers tails whatever that has the great viny caliuta on it and how they played in all these odd times but they wanted to imply four four time and he finally taught me on that seven days which is in five which i love uh he

finally wrote out what he was doing on the hi-hat which is basically he's playing that it's four four against five he's playing five underneath but he's implying four in the hi-hat and after all these fucking years of trying to figure out how to do it he finally he just wrote out one line of it and now it makes sense um to me and it's basically on the hi-hat i just still count in five but you just count you know underneath you if you if you listen to it you count a one two three four five one two three four five that fucking shit but on top how it works for me is you just you just i still count in five i just you're throwing in you count it as like eighth notes so one and two and three and four and five and one and two and three and four and five and the first time through

you accent one three and five and the second time through you accent two and four try that that's the way i've been doing it now granted this is massively filtered down from a professional drummer to a stand-up comedian who cannot read out loud um all right that's it go fuck yourselves i'll talk to you on thursday i'll check in on you all right download the my the lesson app and cook me yeah the lesson