Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-18-22

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

Bill rambles about Fenway Park, the Easter Bunny, and round Earth heckling.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday April 18th, I guess it's tax day According to my phone. Hey, man, your taxes are due man I thought they were doing the 15th when I was growing up when I was just a lad When it was fucking You know, what do I remember 68 cents per gallon 75 cents per gallon April 15th, the old Federal Reserve came around knocking at the door to see what the hell you were up with so happy tax day I hope you're getting your interest-free loan back from the powers that be rather than owing any money

You know, it's funny a friend of mine reached out to me. Oh He reached out to me. Hey, you know, what's going on haven't talked to you in a while blah blah blah He goes I ended up in Texas of all places and I said Dallas and he said yes, and I was like I love Dallas So I was like, let me look at real estate in Dallas Let me let me play out this fantasy where I get the fuck out of here You know, I'm getting the fuck out of you. I love that. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Where you going? I'm Going to a different state

the fucking People over there when you borrow a cup of sugar, whatever the fucking issue do nowadays with your neighbors They're way better people man to hang out with I gotta be honest with you If you have to leave a whole fucking state doesn't at some point you got to look in the mirror and be like what's going on with me? You can't deal with anybody in this state. I'm getting the fuck out of here Dude you living here nah, dude Where'd you go dude three years ago? I was like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I Was like fuck this place

You know how many times I've said that in my life From states to bars To schools You know, and you can't just leave you can't just leave somewhere you always have to say fuck that place when you're leaving it Hey, you ever been to Magic Mountain? Nah, man. Fuck that place Yeah, really you never went. No, I went I thought you say you didn't go No, I did go I don't I didn't like the way I was treated. So I was just like, you know, I went there and you know, I

Was playing the fucking shoot the water pistol into the fucking clown's mouth and The guy fucked a timer on me. So I didn't win the big big teddy bear. Fuck that place Yeah, right, I'm gonna see if there's an actual page of that the number one fuck that place in America They has to be Dude fuck that place You better that dude fuck that play hang on a second Number one fuck that place place

All right, fuck that place official fuck this place official video from guar It's an actual song These these are musicians they took time to write a piece of music that said fuck this place fuck this place from the blood of God's album the story of guar is carved across I got to find out what place they're talking about Fuck this place transition translation into Spanish It's got to be puta somewhere in that you got to tag it with that, right? Song by frightened rabbit fuck this place

All right Then it goes in the limp biscuit see the lot of anger Lot of anger with fuck this place speaking of that shit speaking of a fucking Anger Boston Celtics fans still upset with Kyrie Irving now granted granted the guy stomped on the fucking Celtics, you know logo Last year when they beat us in the playoffs, I guess so whenever the fuck happened. I don't know what so all I know Is I'm riding around with my lovely bride Well, we had like a big Easter weekend. I gotta talk about the Easter Bunny, right?

I gotta talk about that shit at some point remind me remind me to talk about the Easter Bunny. Anyway, so I'm riding around with my lovely bride and Ended up, you know Had to meet up with somebody because I had to practice something that I have to do this week That has a little there's a little bit of pressure involved, right? So I got that out of the way. I'm like, where do you want to go? She's like, I don't know I go how about we go buy a cigar bar Right hang out for a second. We go walking in low and behold the Celtics game is on in the second half I knew it was on today. I just didn't know when

and um I was like, oh my god, this is perfect and they got the fucking Celtics game on this is great So I sat down I watched like mid third quarter on it just killed me the Celtics fans were chanting Yeah, Kyrie sucks the guy doesn't suck And why are you pissing off? The star of the other team how many of these fucking Jordan documentaries do they have to make you guys you don't understand I'm not just talking about Celtics fans fans in general. Just do not understand because they think That superstar athletes are wired the same way they are

You know There's a reason you're sitting in the stands Because when you played ball and somebody told you you sucked You put your head down Swung at the first three pitches and went back to the bench. Am I talking about me right now? Um, that's how you think that's not how they think They think oh, you think I suck Great

Fantastic, you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna drop fucking 40 And fucking watch you drive out of here drying the tears off your son's face That's that's all that does that doesn't rattle a star player. You get some fucking bomb coming off the bench But usually they go in during garbage time. Anyway, you don't heckle the star Of another team Kyrie hadn't would he have fucking 39 40 41 whatever the fuck he had you knew that was coming But the Celtics pull it out The incredible it did not look like a good play. I don't know any of the guy's names collapsed in the corner all of a sudden across the Core what the fuck are we doing?

And Over to Jason Tatum Little twist a roue whatever the fuck you saying basketball Layup for the win At the fucking buzzer incredible place goes nuts Uh, but it's gonna be a long series Celtics fans. Stop chanting Kyrie sucks. I want to win this series Okay I get it. He stepped on the fucking logo. Oh, but what what what are we in a gang?

Did he disrespect us who gives a shit? We got 17 banners You know hanging above his head who gives a fuck. Let's just beat him. That's what I want to do I want us to beat the Brooklynettes Um, by the way Um What's his face uh Durant I like Durant He looks like a fucking like I don't know what his what his deal is man. He just he he doesn't look like he's from this time

you know He's got like that that Greg Odom disease where he just looked like he was 40 when he was fucking 25 You know, that's what a big man used to look like As far into his career as he is Back in the day They'd come out there and they looked like somebody's dad and they had a look on your their face Like you didn't want to fuck with them now. Everybody still looks like a kid I don't know maybe because i'm old as shit. That's probably part of it, but

I don't know. I actually like a lot of the uh Brooklynettes, but anyway Celtics fans don't chant Kyrie sucks All right, just let him go out there and fucking do whatever the fuck he's gonna do I swear to god telling him that he sucks is gonna add seven points to his fucking final stats. I'm telling you He doesn't suck. You know, he doesn't suck You know as a Celtics fan. I wish he tried A little more he's one of those guys he needs to get motivated

So he's got to go to a city make everybody hate him and then he fucking tries against him when he goes to the next team or whatever But if you're gonna chant something I was tweeting about this if you're gonna chance something about Kyrie Chance something to take him out of the game Like chant the world is round That's a hard one the world is round The earth is round still one syllable you figure it out All right, and then you have him thinking about You know how he can prove to you that you're looking down at a cereal bowl not at a ball

Do you want him thinking about that shit? topography Geography paleontology you want him thinking about that shit. You don't just say that he sucks because then he's gonna fucking drop 40 on you Now if you're a gambler All right, and you go to the Celtics game and you got money on the nets even though your hats with the Celtics Then by all means You heckle Kyrie. That's actually a fucking move Right

You you actually go on the road And you heck you heckle the stars of your own team And they'll think that you're fans of the hometown team. They'll try extra hard They'll cover the spread and you win money and your home team wins. How about that? in theory In theory that worked in my head Figured all that out and it just fucking worked Anyway had a big uh

Big dad mom weekend. It was Easter weekend and um My daughter's hilarious. We went over to this this church And they had this Easter egg hunt and it was awesome, you know This older guys on the mic, you know, one of those guys that's involved in the neighborhood But you know can put a few away, you know guys guys, right? He's on the mic. We all do the bunny hop Ba-da-da-da-da Ba-da-da-da-da Ba-da-da-da-da

Ba-da-da-da-da-da Right hopping across the parking lot son and daughter everybody's having a great time the kids are having a great time beautiful day Everything's awesome and You know the the Easter bunnies there and stuff Definitely looking like it was on a plant-based diet, you know, I know Santa Claus is supposed to be fat Is the Easter Bunny supposed to be a little fat too? This one looked a little little skinny, right? So anyway We do the Easter egg hunt and all of that type of shit

Everybody's having a good time. There's always a couple of psycho parents like like coaching their kids on how to get the most eggs It is like oh god, what are you a banker who gives a shit? Talking to a kid like it's the beginning of survivor Um Yeah, I saw someone doing that everybody's gonna stop but you go deep you go deep into the into the field That's where all the eggs are the kids sitting there like fucking talking to like a three-year-old Five-year-old or something. It's hilarious

Anyway Anyway So we have a great time 99.9. Everybody over there was fucking great and So we ended up going home And my daughter says to me You know, I asked her she had fun and she was like, yeah and I go

I go that's great. I'm glad you had a good time. She goes. Yeah, but that wasn't a real Easter Bunny and I'm like I'm like And I just looked at and she goes, you know, I knew and I set out and she said he was wearing shoes She goes Easter Bunny doesn't wear shoes So me and my wife are like crying laughing not trying to like give the whole thing away And then I went back and looked at the video and the dude or the woman in the the fucking bunny suit um

They had a white bunny suit on with like black fucking sneakers Like ref shoes like walking around and every kid, you know, it's weird enough that you know You're looking at this thing that's supposed to be a rabbit They already know what a rabbit looks like and this thing's you're walking around on two fucking legs you know And you you're as skinny as flamingo legs that doesn't help and then you're walking around in ref shoes It actually made me feel good

Because um, I know some kids get really upset at the end of this shit when they find out You know, just wait a minute. Wait a minute. I should have said something before anybody's listening to this with your kids If you're listening with your kids, you're crazy But if you are listening to this with your kids, just Don't listen to the next thing I'm gonna say when you tell them that some okay. Some of these things are not real all of these things From the tooth fairy to the currency that you put under under the pillow none of it's fucking real um

The fact that you actually have somebody walking around a bunny rabbit suit with sneakers on you know, I guess my My daughter ever gives me shit about it I'm just gonna say that to her And just be like look you said when you were five you knew it wasn't real because it was wearing shoes All right, I don't know why it's just something you do you like seeing your kids get excited And you just I don't know you just lie about it. I don't know why why do we do that? What is the what is the reason for all of this shit the fucking tooth fairy and all of this crap Why make up all this magical?

horseshit You know what it was because when they came up with it Back in the day, I think parents didn't have iPads If they had iPads they wouldn't had to fucking make up all of this dumb shit to make your kid go to bed you know, you could just Hand them an iPad and have them do whatever um Oh, you know, what's a hard thing to do is to be the cool guy not looking at his phone and like

Wanting to get recognition for it It's really difficult because you're the cool guy not looking at your phone and everybody else is looking at their phone So then you're sitting there It's like the George Costanza moment where he wants to get credit for the big tip and he didn't So he reaches back in to pull it out again, and then they think he's stealing Sort of like that. Is it like that? I don't know Um, anyway, why am I yawning this much? Um Celtics up one game to none

Against the formidable very formidable uh Brooklyn net so we'll see how this goes but the Celtics number two number two Ranked in the east. I love it You know And the fucking Lakers didn't make the playoffs, you know, so i'm sure that they got to go out and go buy the whole fucking league again So they can be like we have 18 bitches I saw somebody with a Lakers hat and it said 17 NBA championships

And I so like it's so pathetic that I have to walk up to and be like, okay, let's look at that number here Okay, it's 16. It's one nbl and uh Four nba titles in minneapolis one nbl title or whatever the fuck it was called bba Whatever the fuck it was called title all right You have 12 the los angeles lakers have 12. That's what you have Everybody in LA patting their resume

um But I am excited that lebron was saying that he wants to go to golden state That makes me very happy because if he goes there, they're just they're gonna win. That's it And then the lakers won't win which is fantastic So that's all I root for at this point I know nobody real free agents want it, you know, even what la can offer you just can't you know the sunshine the supermodels you know I mean if you're gonna deal with police brutality

You you want the la weather? um So anyway, I also watched I watched my first full red sox game on saturday and I watched most of today when they've been wearing those um The marathon in honor of the victims of the boston marathon The yellow uniforms with the blue I thought it was like ucla versus the red sox because the twins, you know They got the navy with the red, you know um

I don't know at first I wasn't into them and then by the end of you know after two games I was like I kind of like that hat I could wear that out here on the west coast people would think it's a ucla hat But not a red sox hat so then I wouldn't have to worry about getting fucking stabbed in the kidney when I go to trader joe's So there you go It's incredible thing um, I like this red sox team, you know, I love I also loved uh The pitcher that pitched today Michael walker. I mean that is just a perfect boston name walker and you're not fucking uh

You're not mispronouncing it It's w it's something like w a k a h or something like that I'm not gonna lie to you. It's a bad name for a pitcher if you have a rough day Michael walker Michael walker Michael walks the whole fucking lineup dude um Garrett witlock I was like in him coming out of the bullpen Alex verdugo hitting three

I saw this the third of it. I guess he's had three monstrous home runs this year. I'm kind of liking it devour is a big defensive play I'm liking it. We got a really good fucking team. I hope we got some pitchers. I haven't seen chris sales name anywhere I don't know if he's coming out um If he's healthy or not, we got rid of him. I have no idea what's going on with him but um

I've been loving the uh Love and watching baseball though I really like it. I haven't uh done it in a while. I had I get the package every year, but last year Why the fuck was I so busy? I can't remember I was doing something and I just missed basically the whole season, but I always make the playoffs and this year I got in early um And we shall see we got the blue jays coming up

Who were talking all of this shit right last year was the trailer this year is the movie we're gonna see um With that one-man wrecking machine vladimir guerrero jr jr. Jesus christ over there Um, I also watched some formula one. Can you tell that i'm wrapped on the movie? I'm all getting all caught up Um Congratulations to chiles leclerc and the ferrari team Opening up an early lead on Mercedes

They got 78 points charles leclerc does Uh, let's look at the standings here. Well, well, well, well, we got this whole thing going on Just back it up here That was it george russell second place. He's okay 71 points 37 points Uh The other ferrari driver 33 points pares has 30 luis hamilton 28

max for staff in 25 He's got one win one podium and then two back-to-back did not finish us That's what's killing me is the amount of point not only the points He left the points that he gave luis hamilton because you got to be thinking That these Mercedes this team is not going to be like this for the whole season It's going to be ferrari versus Mercedes versus fucking red bull. This is like this is the season all of these years I've been whining That it's luis hamilton's race to the first turn and if he's there the whole fucking race is over and is boring as shit

Two things they got way more parity now and ESp and whoever the fuck's doing the coverage is doing a great job of covering the racing in the middle of um In the middle of the pack When someone you know Like charles leclerc has like a four five second lead and i'm just watching a guy drive around the track That's great now that they're showing the middle of the race, but they're probably showing the middle of the race because luis hamilton's in seventh place Now they're paying attention back there. You get to see some racing over there You know

um anyway I'm all over the place here. I I did a million dad things and i'm trying to watch enough shit here So I can get caught up with the fucking world I'm assuming the ukraine is still uh Kicking some ass over there because I haven't seen any stories about it. Although I'm also Don't watch the news here. Let's see what's going on here Are they still winning?

ukraine Let's see here Here we go ukraine. Here we go All right Russia ukraine war ukraine rejects deadline to surrender Oh boy In some city, I don't want to disrespect it

mario poll As russia threatens to eliminate resistance Uh, they still haven't surrendered. PM says at least five dead 20 injured Uh Senators heading to poland india germany to rally ukraine support All right, well they're hanging tough They're hanging tough. I don't know I would have thought it I don't know

What about russia big bad russia with all those weapons and shit? I would have thought this would have been, you know An easy win for them and look at them They're in a damn dog fight here Um, why am I talking about this like it's a fucking game? You know why because it's depressing It's beyond fucking depressing and then also seeing all of this horrible shit Done to the ukrainian people and knowing what the fuck my country's been doing for 20 years Even though they don't show it over here. The whole thing is just fucking depressing. That's what it is. Okay. There you got it. All right, let's look up Let's look up. Uh, what do I got it not look up. Let me let me do the reads here for the week. All right. Oh, look who it is everybody roman

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Yeah, my buddy verzi got a machete A fucking machete What is the purpose of a machete? If you don't live near a jungle you'd think you want to fucking kill somebody Um Or scare the shit out of them that is the knife version of a fucking shotgun All right

Taking a machete out of its sheath that sound, you know, they say if you just get a shotgun you go You know the the you know in theory the guy the intruder hears it It fucking runs away That's what they say. That's what they say happens. My thing is if what if you what if you go? And then you hear Oh shit, I'm outgunned There's the next sound you make the sound of you laying your shotgun on the floor I have no idea and I know a machete is not a knife

That's not a knife. This is a knife a machete. Oh crocodile dundee, huh 40 years later still quoting it um I know it's is it a sword? Let me let's look this up Machete it's a great fucking band. I do know that Is it a band? Or is it a movie I think it's a movie A machete knife

Or sword I think just the fact that I'm gonna I'm gonna look this up Is gonna make them dumb down all of my advertising Long story short all machetes are knives Not all knives are machetes What makes a sword a sword the instant when a machete is wielded like a weapon it might be seen as a sword All right, is a machete a knife or a sword see this is what you come to this podcast for All right for some of us they are best known as cutlasses or corn pickers Who the fuck calls it a cutlass

Since the 1500s maybe if you live back then Um, you might have other local names for this diverse tool looking at one though Is a machete a knife or some kind of sword or something else machetes are considered bigger knives due to their build purpose and construction The tang of the machete is shorter than the swords And closer to that of a knife the fuck is a tang Fitted with a thinner edge compared to most cutting tools. They are best placed in a large larger knife category instead All right, let's look up tang It's a drink from what i'm from what is the tang

of a knife Tang refers to the part of the knife blade that extends to the handle Well everything extends to the handle Depends on where you start looking The tang plays an important factor in products cost as well as how a knife performs with constant use A knife can either be full tang or partial tang I mean I don't Does it matter if my kitchen knife is full tang now this just has to be cooks. What is a full tang?

What is knife tang tang refers to the part of the knife extends into the handle okay, so it's not the blade part the other part Tang plays an important knife can be full tang full tang a full tang knife blade extends fully Through the handle both in length and width Oh, I see it disappears into the handle and they just have a little skinny Thing there look at look at learn a whole bunch of shit about knives All right Machetes are considered big knives due to their build and construction the tang of the machete is shorter than that of a sword Ah closer to that of a knife

So the metal part that goes into the handle is shorter on a machete I don't know I just I would rather face somebody that has a sword than a machete Because I feel like you know if you have a sword, you know, you're a little light in the loafers Right if you have a machete, you're a fucking lunatic You know of all the things I didn't think I'd be talking about on this podcast it would have been that On god, I feel like that's a that's a sword guy on god and I feel like a machete guys you motherfucker It's just some angry dad

Who just ran through a screen door to catch you before your el Camino pulls away um All right We do have some reads here for the week. Oh, you know what I did? I am not allowed to fly For another like nine weeks. I had to get through the shoot and then in 10 weeks I owe my first cut and at that point I can fly So, you know, like any engine I got to keep it running. So I I you know

I just tow it out with the four-wheeler and then I let it run for 20 minutes you know a couple times a week and uh I was to the point now I needed fuel so I actually went and I gassed it up and it actually just made me feel like a pilot again Just doing that You know, but you know what I do when I just sit there for 20 fucking minutes Just resisting the urge Huh

To start raising that collective as I pushed my right foot in Pushed my right foot down Coming straight up Flying off into the blue blue yonder. You know what I do is I I For the pilots out there. I just load like approaches. So I don't forget how to do that You know, I just mess with my Garmin You know shit discovering all types of stuff that it has That I didn't know how to do because I was so busy learning how to fly this one

um But I oh my god, I'm going out of my fucking mind with that I just loved I love the smell of the fuel. I I just love the way the helicopter looks I there's nothing just that feeling You know My favorite thing too is when I'm done with the flight coming in And just setting it right down on the pad when there's people watching Before I used to get kind of the yips and I go down and go up and go down and go up and then back up and then have to do it again

And then by then people are filming like is he gonna crash it? Because that's what they want Which by the way, you know why you if you you film somebody doing that If you thought that that was going to be the result Why you would film someone that fucking close? With the main road or spinning like that and the shrapnel that's going to come your fucking way Like I got to be honest with you like one of the dumbest things you could ever fucking do as far as risking your life is going to a Fucking air show

You're out of your mind I remember one time I went to go see the blue angels when I was a kid And just thinking like these guys like went Just peeled off in two different directions and then flew right at each other like like a game of chicken and at the last second they both Turned on their side you know Like fucking 90 degrees So their wings were completely pointed north south

They both turned the opposite way and just missed each other and they passed each other like right in front of us Fucking insane It's amazing how like you know when when you're expecting to see something how much you'll put your guard down You know Like when you see a lion at the zoo If you can you got your head hanging over the side Because you're expecting to see a fucking life the only time you ever walk towards a tiger Or a gorilla or any of that shit is when you're at the zoo

And they like to fucking air shows the same thing if there was two planes flying at each other Fucking around. I mean, what are you doing besides running for cover instead of sitting there? Right where the most place of impact is going to be you fucking run So I've had you know since I got and Gotten dude since I gotten since I got my pilot's license I've had a number of people ask me If I wanted to go to an air show and I'm always just like Can I just watch it on youtube? It's it's fucking awesome. I love

Like the level of pilot there is insane, but the level of risk Is ridiculous I feel like to just sit there and just watch people Doing shit like that I don't know Whatever the older you get the more I don't know the smarter you get a more fearful you get where you're kind of like, you know What I think I think I'm all right on that Think I'm all right on that

All right, whatever the bottom line we learned a difference that a machete Because of its tang Is in the knife family Right I mean, dude, that is something all you guys you got to keep that You got to keep that and just hope one day You're at a party And somehow the topic of a machete comes up and somebody goes is a machete a sword or a knife

And then you can just be like it's a knife Why is it a knife uh because of the size of its tang And then you then immediately you just walk out of the room I mean I would almost hire somebody to say that to me in front of other people I want to impress at this point Because of its tang Um Okay, uh, I don't know if I'm saying something in different language or this is a a a uh Oh, this is a city

Equal Louis none of that none of that Hello bill You said you're looking to play unique places As you believe you played them all well, we are in the arctic and we would love to have you Equal is the capital city of Nunavut And we have about 9 000 people our venue holds 500 people I know you play to arenas and such but I thought it could be a unique opportunity. Where are you? Where is this place Nunavut

None of us Nunavut Oh, it's in canada Oh These are the og's The original peoples, you know, you know, canada likes to act like they're they're the better white people Uh, yeah, there was people there before they got there and then they they moved them all the way up there I would fucking play this I didn't jack white play up there

Hang on a second Where is it at? I would play there I absolutely would play there Apps of fucking Lutely now wait a minute now, where's the capital you got me interested god damn it Jesus christ, how many how many fucking planes do I got to take to get to there? Dude, I'll go there when the fucking northern lights are happening. I'll bring my lovely wife. Let's do it Let's fucking do it. All right, you know what? I'm gonna try to make that happen

Now that I'm saying it I want to text my agent text my agent right fucking now. Oh, who has an agent? Oh, mr. Fucking hollywood Fucking cunt um All right, I can't do that because I'm afraid it's gonna shut the recorder off This is not a high text. I'm getting my my high tech. I got a green I'm looking at a green screen right now meaning a green piece of cloth Behind my screen in my office. It's it's all going down slowly

um, all right makin hey billy beef Bulgogi burr. I don't know what that means. I just wanted to say I came and saw you in makin and you crushed it man I can't tell you what a fucking Blast I had there and to also know that that was the home base of the allman brothers Which was the favorite band of the late great david richardson Who some of the biggest laughs on f is for family? He wrote And forget about the ones that we couldn't put in the show one of the funniest guys I ever met um

And he said such a great laugh, um, so Maybe that's another reason why I just connected to that place Um, it was my first time ever going to any comedy show and it was a great time It was also my first time watching paul versey And he killed as well and now And i'm now a fan of him But while he was on stage doing his set. I was sitting perfectly So the stage light were hitting his watch and the reflection would hit me in the face

He would love that he would love I immediately remembered how you said on the podcast that versey is sicilian And they like their shiny things and I started dying laughing. Yeah, i'm telling you like Being friends with paul versey He's also the reason i'm married He talked me off the ledge He's like, dude, where you going? You got her. You got the woman. You're not going anywhere. He goes. I'm telling you All you got to do is just get through

The vows and then it's like the greatest party ever with all your best friends um But also he introduced me to a subset Of people that I didn't even understand like sneakerheads and all of that shit I guess I would have seen some of that on the news You know when somebody gets shot over a pair of fucking, I don't know easter shells toast limited editions um Yeah, all of that shit the the jewelry the fucking chains

Which is jewelry the fucking sneakers all of that shit. Don't crease your sneakers and shit I it's just fascinating to me um Anyway, he goes, I guess that's oh, I fucked up his joke He said I immediately remembered how you said on the podcast of that versey is sicilian and they like their shiny things And I started dying laughing. I guess that's why he likes you when you're shiny bald head. Oh, look at that a first fucking Bald joke of easter weekend If you come back to making you need to go to my hometown, which is about 20 minutes south and go to the museum of aviation

I would definitely do that. It's a free museum by the air force base in my hometown And it has old warplanes and helicopters. There you go. You can see and actually sit in some of the cockpits I'm sure you would love to visit and I'll put a link for you if you are interested. Thanks for the laughs and go fuck yourself Yeah, I gotta tell you I don't know what it was about making but I connected to that place and that venue um The way I I have it's crazy and some of those southern States they just have these these venues. I don't know what it is you walk in you feel the history of them

And I don't know Jesus christ, what's the name of that place in Atlanta? I did a special there. I haven't been there in a while I'd love to go back. Was it the tabernacle? All right, the tabernacle Yeah, that place um That place in Macon I just went to I went to a place in like I want to say South Carolina along the coast

Super old venue I don't know Well, I'm glad you came down then you sound like a funny bastard yourself. Um, all right american made turntables Wait a second. I'm asking people to write in that make some american made stuff so I can give a shout out To the businesses business. This is this is here american made turntables a Billow bill or willem. Oh billo willem. It was bulla willem bulla willem bull Hey, bulla willem, uh, I'm writing to you from the greater boston area

And I work for a company that makes turntables and speakers called you turn audio Link at the bottom you turn like the like the letter you dash turn audio They are based just north of the city and all their products are manufactured in the united states. This is so great to know The company has been around since the early 2010s and I've been working there since 2020 It was founded by three friends who all grew up together and over the years have strived to put out quality products at an affordable price I am I know I'm The past I know in the past you've you've Wait, I know I'm the past you've takes about

Already owning I okay. I know in the past you've talked about already owning a record player But if you want another one consider you turn comedian mark maren and acdc bases cliff williams both own one if you want to gauge our clientele What you know what my mother-in-law needs one. I'm going to get her one all the best to you and your family go fuck yourself I'm all over that I'm going to be in boston this week everybody I'm going to be in boston this week dude. Uh, dude. Uh, oh, I forgot to tell you I'm doing a I'm doing a show August 21st

In boston massachusetts at fenway park Yes fenway park first time they've ever had stand-up comedy there. It's going to be me and the great tony v and uh And to promote it. They're having me throw out the first pitch on tuesday We'll see how that goes you know, it's funny people going like dude, whatever you do you can't bounce it Are you going to throw from the rubber you can't I love you can't bounce it. Why can't I bounce it? I'm a 53 year old comedian. I can throw it over the fucking backstop if I want to

I'm not getting paid to do this shit. I'm telling you right now I'm going out to the rubber and I'm I'm I'm going to bring some 53 year old never picked in gym class gas We'll see how it goes and you know what I'm going to try to see if I got some time To go up to u-turn audio. I would love to do that get my uh, you know, I'll click on the fucking website I can make it easier on myself, right? u-turn audio Now that is a sexy ass turntable. Would you look at that? Would you look at that?

Oh, they got all the different colors. All right. I'm sold. I'm getting one. I'm getting one Going through a puberty here. Yeah, I am uh beyond excited I wasn't allowed to bring this up, but I know today we're announcing it I got to make sure that we're announcing it off to cut this part of the podcast out Yeah Let's just say That I I will definitely be burning the light that night

Okay Whatever time they tell me I have to do I'm doing more than that This is going to be absolutely fucking Epic I can't believe this is happening every time I I I I I can't even think about it I am so fucking excited for it. I am like literally this morning. I was making My beautiful kids pancakes and I was like bits were coming together in my head And I was writing them down and my kids are going dad. What's with the pancakes? I'm like hang on a second

I'm writing something about the who was no, um, I didn't say that um Dad I could tell he wasn't the Easter Bunny because he was wearing shoes I mean, what do you say to that? I almost spilled all the beans That was like the smoking gun. I almost said all right There's no Santa Claus either. There's no fucking tooth fairy You know, there's no gold behind our currency You know, jesus existed, but whether or not he was a prophet. I didn't even think he was white, you know

I don't know what he was the the man had pigment though I can tell you that and you know if you listen to noz I'm sure he'll say he's from africa But then other people say we're all from africa and then neil de grass tyson said we came from the tree Some or the water or some shit. I don't you know what I don't know anything Okay Other than that. I love you. There you go. How's that? Is that a good way to say there's no Santa Claus? All right overrated underrated Underrated Easter

People tend to overlook this holiday, but I can't think of a lower rent slash higher luxury than Easter I don't need to buy gifts I'm old enough to blow off church I get a huge meal out of it and the weather is getting nicer People enjoy it way more than they know Unless they're jewish and they're like oh jesus Shout out to other religions doing that thing this time of year almost like they all came from the same Uh ancient tales. Oh jesus. Yeah, we're all this fucking same. It's stupid

Um overrated tired opinions. Oh god. I feel like I'm going to get heckled on this One Tired opinions dear billy. No bedhead. Oh Oh, that one's just sad I'm tired of people who don't understand something spout off opinions. They heard Uh ringo is a bad drummer is one of them. Yeah, that's something you'll never hear from a fucking A professional musician who ever had to go into a recording studio and play for a song Another one is people in blank are blank is if everyone is a particular place

Is all the same when it comes to manners or demeanor Do you have any hate? It might take just another tired opinion and i'm guilty too Okay, you were doing great to that last sentence. It might it might take I think you mean it's just my take Just another tired opinion. Am I guilty too? That's what you're trying to say. I was actually really well written That you brought it back around. We're all guilty of that I trashed all toronto blue jay fans because of getty lee You know and all he was doing was being funny the guy was being a sports fan

He was at a blue jays game and they were playing the the red socks So that was some red socks fans were there. They were probably making noise in his stadium So he shit on him like he's supposed to And what did I do? I attacked him his band The entire providence Province not providence. That's in rhoda island province of toronto Um, all right. Well, this is a great podcast. I have a new place where i'm going to go do a gig

um Whenever the northern lights are i'm going to head up there and then uh to Iqbaluit none of us You'll have none of it none of us um And I got a turntable i'm going to get from my my uh my mother-in-law Beautiful

Isn't that wonderful? You know what i'm going to do tonight? You know what i'm going to do tonight because I got a bunch of shows coming up It would be at pittsburgh columbus cleveland all of these places. Guess what i'm doing. I'm going out of the comedy club All right. I'm putting on my sweatpants and my headband my fucking leg warmers and i'm going to go around there I'm going to run my fucking hour and all my new jokes because I got a Big week of shows and I got the biggest show of my fucking life coming up august 21st at fenway park I cannot believe it 30 years ago Oh billy freckles no beard

Full head of thick I had a lion's mane a fucking gorgeous fucking The red waves Were fucking happening right? Stepped on stage at nix comedy stop. I knew I wanted to to get somewhere in this business I never thought in a zillion years

It would lead to play to do and stand up at a baseball park. No forget about that one Where I have I I think i'll spend the whole fucking time up there just telling stories about being hammered in that that Stadium park I guess park you call it. Um Oh my god Yeah, that's a big one. That is a big one. So anyways, oh freckles throwing the first pitch out. He's coming from the rubber That's it coming from the rubber and i'm gonna i'm gonna uh We'll see how I do but i'm not putting any pressure on myself because at the end of the day i'm a comedian

If I bounce it it's supposed to be funny and no matter what I do it could never be worse than what 50 said did You know Or could it We shall find out All right, what else what else Got a few more minutes to kill here. Is there anything else I got coming up? Let's talk about some of my let's see what the dates. I don't even know where i'm gonna be I'm just gonna get past this fucking first pitch thing

Uh, let's see Googling yourself Fucking ego move All right Tickets, okay, where am I gonna be? Where am I gonna be? All right This is this new thing they do they they they show you tickets where you're living. Okay thursday Thursday, i'm gonna be in pittsburgh, pennsylvania

um One of the most underrated cities um In the united states and I do not understand why Hey, if you're from europe and you want to go somewhere different go to pittsburgh The only thing that sucks about pittsburgh is the owner of the is the owners of the pirates if they could just Let that team go give it to someone who wants to win that would be fantastic um

Oh my god, then i'm in nashville, tennessee That shows this week fuck That's a big one too. Then i'm at and then i'm in cleveland and then i'm in columbus Holy summoning bitch um Yeah, I got some big ones coming up I got some big ones coming up. Holy shit. All right. I gotta make sure that'll Yeah, I gotta go do my act. All right. I gotta

I gotta Fuck I gotta I gotta go do some stand-up. All right. That's it. That's the podcast for uh For this this week here Have a great couple of days go fuck yourself and i'll check in on you on thursday