Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-19-21

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

Bill rambles about his bird's eye view, cool names, and exhaling anger.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday. April 19th, 2021. What's going on? How are you? I don't know what just happened with that Monday.

I started doing it. I started thinking of Robert Plant. And he's like, John Bonham over the top, top, top, top, top, top, top. Like that was like some crazy effect that you could have back in the 1970s. And people, back when LSD was the real shit, man, none of these fucking happy mushrooms I figured myself out, man. This was the real shit, the shit that made you think you could fly and you'd rip your eyeballs out or whatever else they used to tell you in those stupid student films, which

evidently was all bullshit. I never did acid. You ever drop acid? Why would I do that? It kind of sounds like I wouldn't want to do that to my brain. Oh dude, I fucking dropped acid back in 76 at a Steve Miller concert. The second he went into, tick, tock, tick, dude, I went back in time. And then what happened?

I got a job at Home Depot. I was one of the three people that they hired at one of their locations. I'm convinced that they have a minimum of six employees at each Home Depot. You know, I bet there's a lot of like struggling actors that work at Home Depot. And then they say, they go like, Oh, is this what fame is like? I don't want to do this. Like, you know, when you go into Home Depot, it's just like, if there's anybody with one of those fucking aprons on, like 40 people like, Oh my God, where the fuck

is this thing I need? Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Doing that as they're trying to talk to you. And then you're the person like, I found it first. Get away from me. Get away from me. Right? Like the fucking, I don't know, I fucking hate that place.

Home Depot is the fucking worst, you know, what you really need to do, if you're going to shop at Home Depot, you got to spend a week there by yourself and you yourself have to figure out where the fuck everything is. So when you go in there, you know what the fuck's going on. Cause if you want help in that fucking motherfucker of a place just giant, you know what even makes you feel more lonely in that place is how high the ceilings are. Hello, hello, hello.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looking for a gasket, gasket, gasket, fucking worst. Um, so anyway, I had a, I had a freaking great, I had a great day. I had a great day yesterday. Um, I was, uh, first of all, it was the perfect day out here. And I was just thinking, when did it be great if every day was like this? Then I realized if every day was like that, then it'd just be like, you know, you get bored.

You'd be praying for an earthquake or, uh, or a rainstorm, which is why heaven, the concept of heaven has never made sense to me. Just every day is just fucking amazing. Ever for the forever. You just walk around happy all the time. There's the way human beings are, your brain would just level off, you know, like when you're named clouds, you don't know which way you're going. The equilibrium tells you upright when you ain't right.

You would be sitting there just thinking like after a while, like, you know, in this great, it's great. Yeah, it's great. It's fucking heaven. Oh, it's amazing. Fucking month in. It's every day, every day is going to be like this. Everybody's gonna have their eyebrows up.

Just walking around like, oh my God, this is so fucking great. Um, Jesus, that's a scary thought because the whole concept then, when you start thinking about that, the whole concept of forever is just like, it just, it seems worse than this shit because no matter what the fuck you're going through in this life, it's going to end. At least it's going to, there is an ending to the movie. Don't take that ending. Um, hardcore mash fans know why I just sang that theme song.

Um, you know that there's a fucking ending. Um, but with that shit, there's like no ending. But then if you went to hell, oh, you're going to burn me again. Well, you know, hell, hell, well, hell for some reason, hell, like, I can picture that better. I don't know what that says about me. I can picture just being tortured for the rest forever. I don't know.

I just can't imagine just fucking hanging out. You know, I'll say what you want about hell. I bet there's a lot of funny bastards down there. Um, making fun of the way you scream when you're in fire versus them. The ball breaking would start and then the devil would get mad. Oh, dad's home. Fucking what are you going to do? Send me to hell again.

You fucking red cunt. Um, Hey man, like, why can't we all just sort of, you know, clean up down here and just realize we all fucked up on earth and let's just make the best out of it. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if you unionized hell down there and everybody just sort of, all right, I don't know, but then you'd have like rapists and fucking pedophiles down there you'd have to watch out for. That's a stupid idea.

That'd be like if you could somehow get everybody in a jail. If you were in prison, to all of a sudden just be cool to each other, make everything else go away. You can't fucking do that. Be like, uh, get in the middle east. Everybody to settle down. That'd be like getting the corporations. That should do something right for the people rather than their own fucking wallets.

Hey, be like the NFL taking responsibility for the help of the players. Sorry. Anyway, what I was trying to say was a great day. I went flying yesterday with my instructor and it was windy as shit and like 30 knot winds and he's like, we'll be all right. We'll be all right. So 30 knot winds, I was actually faced the wrong way. It was weird.

One windsock was blowing one way, one was blowing the other. And the flag I usually look at was not, they didn't have it up the pole that day. So I was like, all right, well, we usually go this way. And of course I get in, you know, I get in, I turn on the fucking radios, I listen to the ATIS and it says they're going the other way. And I'm like, all right, well, what are you going to do? Lifted that fucker up nice and straight, slid out, went the other way and came around. And the fucking, you know, when I took off, obviously into the wind, it wasn't bad,

but it was still bumpy. But when I went crosswind and then went downwind and the wind was to my back, yeah, that was pretty intense. It's pretty fucking intense. And the whole day was really bumpy, but the great day, great thing about flying in that other than the experience of it is LA is so fucking clear on those days. Like usually on days when it's good to fly, just the haze that's out there,

everybody always thinks people mistake smog and haze. Smog is brown, haze is haze. Everybody just because of LA's reputation just thinks every day. Like the air quality out here is way better than it was back in the 70s and 80s when it was just like fucking brown outside. So, but on, yeah, it's just all the people driving around the dust and all that. And literally like, I didn't even get into what I realized what haze is. It's also like fucking, yeah, all the people out here, your skin flakes off,

that gets in the air. It's fucking disgusting what it really is. So anyway, mother nature blows it all out. At least that's what I heard. That might be wrong. I don't know. Mother nature blows all of that shit out, right? And yeah, it's just dust, dirt, fucking all of that shit.

The same shit that's in your house just goes up into the air. So it's blown all the way. Those are the days when they take, you know, they hire helicopters and then they do the touristy pictures of Los Angeles. And those are the days when you can see downtown LA and behind it, you see snow cap mountains and you're like, how did they take downtown LA and drop it in the middle of fucking Utah? What is this, right?

It's those days that they do it. So we flew, I did an instrument approach into Santa Monica. And then I transitioned along the beach through LA airspace at a below 150, which is the shit. I'm going to film that one day for you guys just to see what that's like on a beach day. Those people on surfboards fucking doing the waving to you, you know, crossing the arms over the head doing the like come rescue me shit. You got to look out for kites.

That's how low you are. And then you get on the other side, the smokestacks should come up, you get on with Torrance. We did some landings there on the pad and then we flew up near Hawthorne. I got to see, you know, a little bit of the Rams San Diego Chargers new stadium, which looks just fucking incredible. Looks like a stingray. That's like swimming and they took a picture when it was flapping down. It's fucking amazing.

But that is in the Bravo airspace. If you guys are into this shit, where are all the big guys, all the big boys land and ladies and they's all right fucking assholes. If we try to get me in trouble, they all come in. So you go around that and go up to 110 and it was so fucking by the time we got back, the airport that I flew out of the wind gusts were up to 50 knots. And we were like, you know what? Fuck that.

And I learned a really cool thing. You just call another airport, which I guess I would have figured out if I was soloing with this is why I always still go with an instructor to keep learning on these new experiences. We just sat down at another airport, Ubered back to the airport we took off from. You know, I'm just paying the fee to leave it there overnight. And after my podcast, I'm going to go over today's a nice calm day, get up, fly it, put it on Dolly and stick it back in the little fucking hangar.

But it was fun as hell to get back up there and hadn't flown in a little over a week. I got some work coming up. We're editing season five at Epister family and just got a little busy doing that. So whenever I don't fly for more than like four or five days, I always end up just going up with an instructor and going to be like, all right, let's go through this, you know, do some auto rotations. And you got to be humble, man. You can't be thinking you fucking know everything, but I had a great time.

And listen to this shit. So I've been listening to a lot of, I always was fascinated about the whole session musicians, studio musicians scene that existed out here in LA and hearing stories about how, you know, I was talking to a guy yesterday who was going, oh man, he goes, I would have two or three sessions a day. And then some guys were so good and needed so much that they had an open call to drop into these places to do jingles for like commercials, for radio or for TV. They just had an open fucking call.

You know, one of these days when, when this fucking thing clears up, Vinny Caliuta, one of the greatest drummers of all time, I'm going to try to get him on my podcast so he can talk about, I talked to him about it one time where he was, he was the drummer for the Joan Rivers show. He was doing all these sessions and had jingles and also toward and he just was just constantly playing drums. And I just downloaded this fucking album that he played on, which is really incredible because I know that I heard this music before some sort of sports highlights or,

or possibly the Olympics. I don't know if anybody recognizes this music here. It's not something I would normally listen to, but I was listening to, let's see here. Let me just sort of fast forward through this part. Let me see if I get to the beginning of this thing. Here we go. Wait.

And the Kansas City Royals have turned a corner, winning six of the last seven. Thanks to Willie Wilson, the Batta Frank White, and their closer, Dennis Leonard. Right. So it's like that type of shit. So this album, as crazy as that shit is, like if you, this Bill Mayers or Myers, M-E-Y-E-R-S, it's called Images. You can get it on iTunes.

And what's cool about this thing is they had these things back then, these recordings, it was straight to disc. And what you had to, you had to record, I don't know if I talked about this last podcast, I can't remember, you had to record the whole fucking album in one take. And if anybody fucked, anytime anybody fucked up, they had to start over again on the first fucking song. So, you know, if you were going to fuck up, fuck up in the very beginning, don't fuck up on track number eight out of, out of 10 or whatever.

So this album, if you listen to it, and you listen to the arrangements, the different time signatures, and sometimes when the whole band drops out and the keyboards are just playing, the hits, they're always like off beats and just really crazy shit. And Vinny is just, the whole band is just fucking on it. So anyways, there was that whole scene back then. So I, of course, love drums and everything. So I was, watched this great video that my drum teacher, Davey Litch,

sent me on Jeff Piccaro. And he mentioned all of these guys. Most of the guys I heard of, Andy Newmark, Vinny, and those guys, but there's always this guy, Jim Gordon, that I always heard about, that was this incredible fucking drummer, unfortunately was an undiagnosed schizophrenic and heard voices and killed his mom. So that's the other side, but, but what he was behind the drums. Anyway, so he was talking, Jeff Piccaro was talking about some of the albums that they

played on. So I looked up, I don't know how I ended up getting into like this Carly Simon, right? Not this Carly, this Carly Simon album. So I got the one that had the hit, You're So Vayne on it. And that has Jim Gordon playing drums and is the, you know, incredible track that he plays on. And first of all, the lyrics to You're So Vayne, you know, I remember when I was growing up, wasn't growing up, I was, I was like, I don't know, my early 20s when that fucking or maybe late 20s. I don't know when it came that jagged little pill. What's her face came out? What she was just saying?

You remember that? I fucking hate you. Step on your nut sack. That fucking time. Mr. De Placete. Placete got down on you and I hit her. And everybody's just like, oh shit, she went in. She fucking went in, right? What she did. And it was way different than anything out there. But I gotta remember, she went in so fucking hard and she showed tapped in to how jilted and left behind. She felt that as a man, when I listened to it, I was just like,

I don't know who she's singing about, but I hope I'm glad he is not near her. I felt, it's funny, women listen to it and we're just like, yeah, fucking, that's it, that's what you fucking get. You fucking fuck me and leave me and fucking write a song about you. All I would think was like, Jesus Christ, if this guy's dick is still attached to his body, good on him. That's all I got out of that. But if you listen to the Carly Simon, you're so vain, which by the way, by the way, Mick Jagger is singing back up from the second chorus on. And what's so crazy about it is, is like, you, I've never heard, all these years I've heard that song, I never heard his voice. And then once you know, he's singing back up.

It's so up in the mix, you can't not fucking hear it. And he's even like, totally singing like Mick. I bet you think this song is the bat. Yeah. You know, yeah. Right. I know I'm gonna bat him. You can almost feel like his fucking hand on his hip when he's doing the shit, right? So, but anyway, the lyrics to that one is as hard as she's going in. I guess it's about each verse is about a different guy that she had dated. And because everybody's like, oh, that song's about this guy, that song's about this guy. Oh, no, it's about that guy or whatever. But she's now starting to say who the song is about, which to me indicates she that has a book or a tour coming up. Because why would you do it after all of these years? You know, it's all,

it's all a fucking, it's all wringling brothers. It's like that fight this weekend. What are that that shit that was going on all of that, that fucking Donnie and Mauricio meets fucking boxing, whatever the fuck that's supposed to be. I actually got two invites to watch that. You say, you don't watch that? It's like, no, no, I'm not. I don't want to see the wedding band version of boxing. I just don't. But I'm happy for everybody that went in and fought and made some fucking money. You know what I mean? But I'm not paying the same amount of money that I paid to see professional fighters to see this shit and then see somebody win and you start thumping your chest like you're the second coming to fucking Roy Jones.

And my favorite thing is standing up on the ropes, thumping your chest like you're like there's a crowd there. I didn't even buy this. This is me. Okay. I didn't even rent Conor McGregor versus Floyd Mayweather. That was the dumbest fucking thing I'd ever seen in my life. This guy is one of the greatest boxes of all time. This guy's one of the great mixed martial arts fighters of all time. So we are going to try to determine who is the best fighter by fighting to one of their strengths. It's just like if they fought and it was like, all right, we're going to go into the octagon. What's his face? McGregor ends, ends Floyd Mayweather in the first fucking minute. It's it. He's in an arm bar. He chokes him. He just takes it to the ground. It's fucking over. They're

just going to stand there and fight. I mean, how did you not see that coming? All right, Floyd could take this guy out and under a fucking minute, but instead he's going to carry him so people feel like they got their money's worth before he finally takes him out. It's fucking, it's, look, I'm not going to say it's ridiculous. It's entertainment. That's all it is. It's fucking entertainment. But yeah, I wasn't going to sit there and watch that shit. But I will talk about it to give it more attention, which is what everybody fucking needs. So it continues on. All right, but my buddy Pete Davidson did host it. So I was happy for him. And I saw that he was trending and everybody said he was absolutely fucking hilarious.

And then that made me wish that I did rent it. So who knows? But you know what? I didn't watch it because I was too busy watching my Boston Bruins with the Taylor Hall trade, which all of a sudden has injected the life that we needed in our offense. Okay. And we sweep the Islanders who we could not beat. Well, we beat them back to back games. I can't say that's a sweep. You need that. You need, it's a three game sweep, you know, a home and home, whatever the fuck you call those things. We beat them both games and then we beat the capitals and scored like fucking six goals on them. I missed yesterday's game, but like, you know, the caps kind of like the best we could do, we always be up two to one in the third period, then they tie it, and then we would lose in a

shootout and they, well, you know, you got a point out of it. It's like, well, you know, I think in the playoffs, that's a fucking loss. So I don't see us doing well against them. So I feel like we have risen up to the level of those two teams at least. So now we can compete. If you're going to get out there every week, I need to know that you're going to compete and do the things you need to do. So I'm very happy about that, man. That makes me feel, you know, makes me feel good. And you know what? I went on the fucking internet. I already forget this guy's name, but somehow in my YouTube, you know, when you go on and it has you, it tries to suggest videos for you to watch this, this fucking Bruin that I had never heard of.

See, let me just, I can look them up. 1978 Bruin OT goal Canadians. Bobby Schmatz. He just passed away. He dies at 76. When the hell was that? I guess it was earlier this year. So rest in peace to him. I had never, I didn't know, this is the guy that that character Dr. Hook was based on in slap shot. The guy was like my size. He fought like the fucking Tasmanian devil and he had no fucking problem taking his stick and going right for your eye. And he didn't even give a fuck like a fucking lunatic, fucking lunatic. Be honest with you. I've never liked players like that. Just, you know, you know, if you want to be a fucking lunatic and do whatever it takes, I draw the line at trying,

not caring if you don't end somebody's career, but he seemed like, like when you read about this guy and the way he played, I watched this video of him. It was like you. It was like one of those Wild West characters. John Wesley Arden. So many one shot a man for snoring too loud. Like he was just like, he was out of those days, except he was on skates and had a stick. All of that stuff's really fascinating. So then I, of course, then I go down a rabbit hole. And if you want to learn about players back then, one of the greatest things to do is you just go buy a complete set of cards. So I find, you know, I was looking at like hockey cards and that type

of shit and just the fucking names. It's like every name was just a, let me see if I still have it up here. I don't know if I, I think I got rid of it. Yeah, I did. I had it on eBay. Like I was looking at the early seventies, every guy's name, Jacques Claude, Jean, like they were all Frenchmen. And everybody was like Canadian. And there was only a couple of Americans. And, you know, it took me the longest. I didn't even realize that when I just thought anybody from it with an English sounding name was from the United States. And it really was just English speaking Canada, which is basically everything west of Montreal as far as I know. And it was kind of fascinating to watch that. And he also, I think he had Stan Jonathan's number

first, and then Stan Jonathan had it, and then Nevin Marquardt. And forget who had it after that. What was Lucic? Was Lucic 17? I can't even remember anymore. Lucic number for Bruins. He was 17. Yeah. Yeah. So there's something about that number. If you get that number for the Bruins, that you are going to be a lunatic, the very least like, you know, you're going to be somebody, you're going to be a force to be reckoned with. So anyway, Red Sox seemed to keep winning. I watched actually a full game of theirs the other day. It's a fun team. And I think I'm going to get the MLB package, give me something to do this summer as I wait for stuff to start opening up so I can get out there and start touring again. I cannot wait. This is how much

my brain is in stand up right now. I actually woke up thinking of a bit. You know, well, you know what it had to do with had to do with me thinking about getting this fucking F 250, this Ford truck that I always wanted, which I don't fucking need. And I really don't have any space. I don't have any space for people. I'd have to put it in fucking storage and switch it in and out. Like what am I doing? Do I really want to do that? Yes. But I will give you, I will tell you this. This is what I've learned with building a car on the internet. All right. I don't give a fuck what it looks like. Whatever the color is, you go down and you look at it, go down and look at that shit and see what color it really is. Because I

built this Ford F 250 four by four sprayed in liner, the diesel engine, and I did it in velocity blue. And it was the most gorgeous truck I had seen in the modern era. It looked like this aqua, sort of misty blue, understated, but classy. Almost looking like that Cadillac blue that I loved, that Caddy in that Tarantino movie, once upon a time in Hollywood, when they pull up to the Sharon Tate House. I mean, that fucking El Dorado is God. That fucking car. Oh my God. And the thing about that car, it's so beautiful. I wouldn't want my friend to have it so I could drive next to it and just watch it go down the road. Because that's the thing. When you're driving the beautiful car, you don't get to see it. You get to drive it, but you don't get to see it. So anyway, so I went down

to look to see what this velocity blue looks like. Because a buddy of mine who just ordered a truck and he said, this is what the color looks like. And I was looking at it going, that's a lot more bluer than I thought. Dude, I saw that in the sunlight, dude. It's like Smurf blue. Like a Play-Doh blue. It's just like, God, damn, that's fucking blue. And to have a big truck in that color, I was just like, no fucking way. So now I'm back to the drawing board with that shit. And that's kind of like what I was thinking about as I'm kind of going back and forth on whether to do something stupid like that. That's what gave me the idea for the bit, which I'm not going to tell you because I need shit

for my act. So anyway, so last night, after we set the helicopter down on everything, and Uber back, got in our cars, laughed and fucking went our separate ways, came home, had a great dinner, you know, and all of that shit. And then, you know, it was the weekend. So that's when I get crazy. You know, that's when I really throw down and I go out and get myself a chocolate malt. I switched it up. I got an Oreo shake, got one for me and one for my wife, and I was driving and it was the perfect fucking night. That's what I was getting to. It was just a perfect temperature and that breeze that was fucking with us when we were flying on the ground was fucking amazing. Had the windows down and there was no traffic out and it was

really quiet for whatever reason. And, you know, it's not often that you get the great feeling of driving in the middle of nowhere on a great road in Los Angeles, in a city. You don't get that feeling too often. But, you know, it was just, it really was just a perfect night and then the fucking shake was delicious. And that's what I do now. That's what I do now. I'm really going to try and stick with this as I try to figure myself out for the first time, I guess, in my life. Oh, and also, how about that MotoGP race? Congratulations to Fabio Quatoraro winning the race. It would have been more exciting if Alex Rinsen, Zarco didn't fucking wipe out towards the end. That kind of killed some of the drama

of the race. But it also built it because it kind of looked a little fire onto both of them. That now I feel like that they're really going to have to try to go for some points. Obviously, getting no points on that last race there. And I think Fabio Quatoraro was in the lead for the championship. And Marc Marquez, it was back. Congratulations. He was in ninth for most of the race. Those two guys wiped out. He ended up finishing seventh. I just thought he was going to just come out and do what he always did, or at least be on the podium. And really just shows you how difficult racing is that you can't just come right back. You got to like get the rust, you know, shake the rust off, and then they got to get his bike dialed in. But

looking forward to him in a couple of races, getting back to where he was, and then everybody having to deal with him being a force again. And then that's when the season should get crazy. Because I don't think that like Mears, Rins, Quatoraro, I don't think any of them fear that guy. I know they respect him, but it's just like, good, come back and be as good as you ever were. And I'm going to fucking beat you. Because, I mean, that's how you want to win, right? You want to fucking, you want to beat the best. So anyway, I, so that's my new thing. I don't know that I'm even going to come jump it back to just being sober here. I don't even know if I'm going to go back to cigars. I probably will. But this, I have this urge here in the morning

to just slowly give away everything in my humidor to my friends who, who smoke cigars and just kind of like, like, I always kind of want it to be like, I got to stop accepting cigars is what I have to do. Because people give them to you, then you stick them in the humidor and that's like, oh, my God, it's getting filled up. I need to smoke a few of these. But I think I would be way better off is if I had no cigars at home. And occasionally, every other month or something, if I went out, you know, with my wife, like we hang out, have these great days, you know, we'll get a babysitter or something, just spend like afternoons together. And I always thought it would be cool to just kind of go out, get something nice to eat, and then, you know, go into someplace that has cigars and

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start laughing. Look at my straight teeth. Anyway, become your best you. Start straightening your teeth today. Right now, you can't have crooked teeth in 2021. That's like having a boil on your neck. What is it? The fucking 1700s? You live under a bridge there? Yeah. My recorder died just like that. Jesus Christ, a middle, middle of a read. I'm being Candid. It's all right. I just went in the other room and played drums for half an hour. Let this thing charge up. You know, fucking good times, good times. You don't waste a second of the day being calm and relaxed in dealing with your past. You just continue to plow forward. Where the hell was I? All right. Well, other companies use general dentists who just want

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My bookie. Dude, is there anything better than breaking into into a house when somebody has sleep apnea? I mean, if you can fucking cut open a safe, they don't even, they don't even hear you. My bookie. Watching any sport is a hell of a lot more exciting when you got a little at stake in the game. But regardless of why you play, you need a platform that makes it easy. At mybookie.ag, they make it easy. Talk about what games you're watching now, who you would bet on last game you went to, favorite sport, etc. I've been watching the hockey. Been watching the hockey and I would bet on the Bruins now that they have Taylor Hall.

Yeah, I bet the over. Whether you're looking to bet NBA MLB or this weekend's UFC 261, my bookie is the best place to bet. And though odds can change, put a wager on Mazvedal right now to win the fight and you'll triple your money. That's right, $100 wager on Mazvedal would net you 300 bucks in return. I hope I'm saying his name right, because I think that's a guy who came running out with the flying knee and gave him the right there, Fred. With UFC 261 slated to be the first full capacity live event, get the fuck out of here since the pandemic began. Oh, I'm ordering that. My bookie should put up an over under on how many cases of COVID will come out of it. I thought we cured it,

no matter what. If you're going to bet, there's only one place to do it. That's my bookie. Sign up now with promo code burr at mybookie.ag to get your first deposit matched up to $1,000. That's promo code burr at mybookie.ag to get a free deposit bonus and start your day off with the win. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with my bookie. Why don't they just have them fight outside and just tell people to wear a mask and most people will and then you can limit the damage. Who knows? Anyways, all right. My dad drew you. I forgot to tell Andrew. For some reason, he sent me the thing. I couldn't see the picture. I'm going to text him right now because I want to see this. Hold on a second.

Somebody takes the time to draw old freckles with leftover paint. I'm sure. All right, Andrew. I couldn't see the picture that that dude's dad drew of me. Can you text it to me? Question mark. You always have to have good punctuation in your voice text. All right, I'll get back to that one. Well, anyway, I'll just read it here. So my dad is a big fan of you. So as I, he actually was, oh, so am I. He actually was the one to show me your specials. Dude, if I hear one more story like this coming from Mexico, I think old freckles is going to have to go down there and do a little fucking comedy club. And he is a big fan of Star Wars too.

So when I showed him the Mandalorian and saw you, he got excited and quickly drew you in your Star Wars character. How fucking cool is that? And there it is. I didn't see it. I got to look at it. And I watched probably a joke picture. Really nice acting in the show. Sincerely from Mexico. Well, you know what? I just watched this whole thing last night. I got into, I was watching this whole thing on Julio Cesar Chavez. I was the entire time when I was trying to make it as a comedian and I missed so much of his career. And my god, I watched this whole fucking thing on him. The body blows. The way that guy would just, he would just break you. Just watching. I never saw a guy go to the fucking liver so fast after a headshot,

just watching this entire compilation. And the guys like career record was like 147, 166 and something. I got to get this right. As everybody claims to be the greatest. Let's see here. I mean, just having that many fights. 107, 6 and 2. What the fuck? Unbelievable. So he's the bar. Have you ever wondered why Mexican fighters are so goddamn tough and don't quit? It's because they got to live up to that guy. Incredible, incredible story. All right. Easter Bunny is all about fucking. Okay, here we go. This guy, this person is going for big air early. Hey, Billy McVegan-Titty. Last Monday, you asked what the Easter Bunny has to do with Easter. Well,

I used to go down a rabbit hole myself pun intended. I went down a rabbit hole myself pun intended by a guy named William Cooper, who was a conspiracy theorist. He ran a radio podcast called The Hour of the Time. And in a few episodes, he broke down the symbolisms of holidays like Easter and Christmas. Easter is based off a pagan deity named Oester. The Catholic church just ripped off everything from the pagans and is all about fertility and rebirth. It corresponds with spring. Everything has life again, born again, which is why they threw Christ coming back from the dead on top of that after the Romans became Catholic. But the Easter Bunny is all about fucking and having babies. Yeah, see guys, he's not coming back. The guy, I'm telling you, this is just all,

it's a marketing plan. But the Easter, because this guy just told me this and I 100%, this makes one more way more fucking sense than this shit. Somebody dying and coming back from the dead. But the Easter Bunny is all about fucking and having babies, being fruitful. The chicks are obviously about babies being born, but it's all about the sun's return to a particular spot in the sky, the vernal equinox, Google that shit. But say hello to Noah and kiss the kids, whatever that means, Noah's Ark, love the podcast and please for the love of Oester and baby Jesus, go fuck yourself. Well, here's my question. What about people in the southern hemisphere? When it's spring up here, it's going into fall down there. So then when is there Easter? It's

the same time, right? Or do they have a different Jesus? You know what it was, is they did it way back in the time when they didn't give a fuck about the southern hemisphere. They were just in Rome. That's probably the explanation for it. Travel, right? All right, yoga douche. Recommended reading and recipes. That's what I'm trying to be. Although I kind of fell off of my yoga. I need to get back to it. Just find my center, my chi. All right. Hi, Bill. Hi, Bill. My husband loves your podcast. I've heard that you're doing yoga and meditation now. Trying. I'm trying to. My husband also thinks yoga is for douche bags. You know what? I like your husband and I agree with him. But he has seen how much it's helped me deal with my depression and chronic pain. I was in a really

bad car accident six years ago. Oh, man. Sorry to hear that. I was lucky enough to have a great yoga teacher who taught me belly breathing or pranayama. It helps calm the nervous system and deal with anger. Oh shit. Okay. I think I need to learn how to do the old pranayama there. Yoga isn't really about stretching. Jesus. Don't you love that when you're fucking 30 years into doing it? Not 30, 20 some years. It's about exploring your inner self and healing. I thought it was about trying to be more stretchy than the person next to you on the mat. I thought it was competition. I think you would benefit a lot from this practice. Breathe in fresh air slash life. Exhale the anger. Relax your face. Let go of the tension in your shoulder and jaw. Rebalance your

body and mind. I recommend exploring the wisdom of yoga by Stephen Cope. S-T-E-P-H-E-N-C-O-P-E. I'm reading all of this stuff because as much as a lot of you guys are gonna give me shit about this is a bunch of you guys quietly being like, I'm gonna fucking do that shit. Kind of like what I used to drive at Prius. Everybody's like, dude, what are you fucking? Did you have to blow the salesman to get that? All right. And then secretly they'd be like, does that thing really do go to gas? Anyway, it will help you understand more about your visual visualizations when meditating. A bit of a hard read, but you get an idea of what's happening in your practice. You gotta love a difficult read on fucking meditation. Whenever I feel anxious at night,

I take my time to practice. This takes me away from torturing my husband with my anxiety. I feel a lot clearer after. I also think you should try Costco's frozen stir-fry veggies. They're already sliced. You just add them to your stir-fry protein, cover with sauce, let the veggies cook till tender. Frozen veggies have fewer pesticides than fresh. Who know? Also try making a stir-fry sauce beforehand and storing it so it's quicker when you cook. My sauce is a third cup of soy sauce, a teaspoon of sesame oil, a teaspoon of brown sugar, a teaspoon of grated ginger, a teaspoon of minced garlic, and a third cup of water. It's good for any type of stir-fry, the ginger and garlic help fight inflammation. Happy stretching. Go fuck yourself because

my husband said you have to end it that way best. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it. I'm definitely going to say that I'm going to try that. Hopefully I do it. All right. Porn addicted 23-year-old. Oh, gee. Hey, Bill, no chill. I'm a 23-year-old guy from Norway, and I'm going to get straight to the point. Like many guy out there, I've been transfixed by porn ever since I found this curse. I love that you called it a curse when I was a little kid, ever since I've been watching it once a day and sometimes even more, until a couple months ago, where I figured out that I was addicted to it. My addiction is not nearly as bad as other people had seen, but I noticed I was addicted nevertheless. In my case, my addiction was that I needed to

watch it to masturbate. Oh, Jesus. I've been there. Don't get me wrong. I could still do a little wank with my imagination. However, I didn't prefer it. Now I've been almost 30 days free and I feel great about it. That's awesome. I still get the urge though, but managed to beat it off. Pun intended. I was like the pun week. Granted, it's not as hard as quitting smoking, I can imagine. You mentioned a couple of times that you stopped watching porn a while ago. No, but then I relapsed. I've been doing it again, so I got to stop again. I went from May to December and now since December, I on and off. The holidays are rough, everybody. Every once in a while, you got to turn to porn to try to take the edge off. I was just wondering

what made you quit and do you think porn addiction is something we should take seriously? Absolutely. I think we're all lab rats. Social media, porn and all of that stuff. I think the powers that run social media in porn will then do what the cigarette companies do when the studies come out that say these things are bad and they're not good for you. They will flood the market with air quote doctors saying that it's healthy, that it's not that bad, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what always happens. No, it's terrible. The people that are in it were abused as kids. Nobody with options fucking gets into that thing. It's a terrible fucking thing and you're actually helping it out. It's one less thing that human beings do to hurt other human beings that you

could get away from if you choose to. While I say this sitting here wearing clothes that were made by crying people in sweatshops that try to kill themselves, but can't because there's nets outside to prevent them from plunging to their death. All right, husband slash wife argument over the hole in the ground literally. Dear back on the road bill, wife and I agreed we both wanted a basketball hoop in our driveway and eventually decided on an in-ground one. Being that I am the resident basketball expert in the house, I played in high school. I decided where it should go on the driveway. She did give her opinion, but I used the scientific method. I measured the exact length of the driveway. Oh, you went in to find the exact mid, I was thinking my dad put

one up. He thought the regulation was nine feet. So we had a nine foot room. He built it himself, bought the hoop. It was actually cool, but like it was on a ridiculous like probably like a 20 to 25 degree bank. You know, it was probably eight and a half feet if you were on the left side and it was about nine and a half feet on the right side, but it was fun as shit. Anyway, he said, wife and I agreed we both wanted to, wanted a basketball hoop, blah, blah, blah, blah. I measured the exact length of the driveway to find the exact midpoint so as to have an equal space on both sides of the rim for shooting, just like the pros do. That's great. We have a six foot, we have a six feet overhang above our garage, which shortens the court on that end. So I moved the hole about

10 inches away from the side to increase the area over there to shoot. So that probably messed with the symmetry that she didn't like with the house, right? Well, after breaking my back, digging the hole, the wife says that she, she don't like it. That is too close to the road and that the ball will go out to the street too much. We are now on the fourth day of her not speaking to me over this issue. Oh, wow. I got to that level. I woke up today with a compromise. I filled the damn hole back in, of course, of course, because it's all about their fucking feelings. Unbelievable. Do guys ever win that fucking fight? You can't win. If you win, then they just mope around and be a douche for the rest of time or you give in and then they act like that's a

fucking healthy relationship. I'm telling you, all of this bullshit out there about how fucking toxic guys are and they ignore this aspect of fucking women. I swear to God that you are a fucking prisoner of their fucking emotions, that you have to find your happiness within the airspace of their fucking happiness and they get to fucking do whatever the fuck they want. It's I'm fucking sorry. That shit just sets me up. Yes. So, of course, you filled the fucking damn hole back in. Of course, you did. This is why guys have funnier fucking stories. You know, where's her funny? So, I pouted and then he gave in and I watched him. I watched, you know, I enjoyed breaking his spirit. Then the guys got the story of,

son, I'm fucking feeling the fucking goddamn hole back in. It's hilarious. Anyways, and told her we will order a portable one that I can move whenever I want to shoot. All right, so you got a little bit back. Bill, my question is, should I have held the line being that she knows nothing about basketball? I am always the compromiser and bridge builder and normally I'm okay with it, but on this it really bothers me being her lack of understanding or even on even ever playing basketball, plus her literally acting like a child and locking herself in the room until she got her way. In my opinion, really bugs me. How do I kiss and make up on this? This is what you have to do. This is what you got to you got to play their game.

You got to play the fucking guilt game. So, this is what you do. Okay, you fucking do exactly what the fuck she wants you to do and then you tell her how unhappy it makes you and then you don't fucking talk to her. You literally play the game back and be like, this is not, this is an abusive relationship that you do this and you can't say it in the tone that I'm saying it. You just got to be like, fine, we'll do it the way you want to do it. And I just want you to know that this makes me really unhappy. She's not even going to fucking play anything. You just convey to her how much pain she's bringing you by doing this constantly. And then that's what you have to do. And then in the end, when she goes, I'm sure you can put the whole bit and now you got to go out

and dig the fucking hole again. All right, you have to tell her that we need to work on this part of the relationship. All right, I'm just going to say it the way I'd say it to a guy. You got to fix it up for her because this is fucking bullshit. This is fucking bullshit. All right, let's just say next time I dig a hole, I ain't putting a fucking basketball hoop in it. You understand what I'm saying? No, don't go that far. But you know what I mean? It's so fucking ridiculous. And I swear to God, that right there is the normal. That right there is the normal. With all these fucking stats out there that all these fucking stupid feminists are throwing out there, just like the fucking cigarette companies throwing all of this shit out to support their side of the argument

and acting like they want equal footing. They don't. They do not. They do not because they completely ignore this. Oh, he got me going on a Monday. Am I wrong to be jealous of boyfriend using sex apps and watching porn? No, that's your line. If that's how that makes you feel, you should communicate that to him and then he should respect that. See that ladies? I'm not always on the fucking guy's side. Like that basketball hoop thing, the fucking dude was right. The lady was wrong. And on this one, she's right. Okay. Hello from Alaska. Oh, wait a minute. Alaska? What the fuck else is he gonna do? Go outside and get eaten by a bear. I love your podcast, Monday podcast and enjoy your straightforward answers. I'm 31 years old and have been with my boyfriend for about 10 years now.

Guys are taking it slow, huh? Recently, he's been downloading all these apps that are kind of making me wonder and I guess feel insecure or unsure. Oh, he's downloading all these apps. For instance, apps like Find More Fish in the Sea, Fuck Milfs Now, cheaters.com, Live Sex Now apps, Fuck Locals apps, so on and so forth. He claims he just does it to look. Oh my God. Oh God, sweetheart, sweetheart. What's he gonna download next? How to kill your girlfriend at 10 years? I'm just into true crime. And he's not doing it to act on anything, but still it makes me mad. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Absolutely not. And he's been with you for 10 years and he hasn't married you. And now he's looking at this shit. Yeah, fuck that. Fuck that. Not only are you right

to feel this, get out of this relationship, all right? Should I ignore it? He claims like it's just like watching porn. But come on, fuck locals now. Red flag or is it just me looking forward to your response? Is it just a red flag? It's the fucking Soviet Union. Dude, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Yeah, it's over. It's over. Okay, you're 31 years old. You still got your life ahead of you. Get the fuck out of that thing now. That's a crock of shit. That's a crock of fucking shit. That's the easiest question ever. Why would you be looking at those apps? Exactly. Exactly. You're looking to, you're looking for a new love, baby. All right. The great Andrew Females just sent me the picture. Here we go. Let's see. Here we go. Oh my God, that's fucking

unbelievable. Your dad is ridiculously talented. That is incredible. I'm going to have to post that. That's it. I got to do a show in Mexico. I mean, come on. All right. It's the one from the first season where I got the gun up on my shoulder. That is legit. All right. Well, tell your dad, I said, thank you so much. Thank you for introducing you to my specials and you introducing him to the Mandalorian. I really appreciate it. And you know what? One of these years, when this stupid COVID thing is over, I'm going to go to an F1 race or a MotoGP race down there. And then I'll do a stand-up show, maybe the night before or something like that and have a great time. That means a lot to me.

Thank you so much for sending that in. All right. Okay, people, that's the podcast. Have a great couple of days. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.