Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-22-24

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Bill rambles about 'getting too old for this shit', Maynard's birthday show, and blue collar lingo. The Tim Ferris Show:   Tim Ferriss has been listed as one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People,” and Newsweek has also called him “the world’s best guinea pig.”  He’s the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers, including The 4-Hour Workweek and Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers.  You can find The Tim Ferriss Show wherever you get your podcasts.  SimpliSafe:  SimpliSafe has given me and many of my listeners real peace of mind. I want you to have it too. Get 20% off any new SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 22nd, 2024. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? I'll tell you right now, I don't got time for this shit. You know what I'm saying, man? I'm fucking busy. Sunday night. Trying to knock this out because I don't got time for this shit. I'm coming at you guys like an old school dad that's doing some shit and he ruins it because the whole time he's doing this shit all he does is tell you he doesn't have time

for this shit. Come on get in the goddamn car Christ I don't got time for this shit. All right get out of your seatbelt just Just fucking sit down and shut the fuck up. Your goddamn mother fucking set this whole fucking thing up. Does she tell me? It's in back and down the driveway. Does she tell you? Of course she doesn't.

I'm living in her fucking world, her rules. What the fuck I ever got married for? Quit your crying. I don't got time for this shit. That sums up the dads when I was growing up. Dads didn't have time for this shit. Then Hollywood took it and realized that I don't have time for this shit. Coming out, coming from a dad saying it to his kids was too sad.

So they switched it up and they turned it into I'm too old for this shit And then they just had to be about cops that were like, you know Really close to retiring which is fucking hilarious. I love that. They're really close to retiring, but they're still out in the street having gun battles It's like what what what the fuck did you steal out of the evidence room that you're still out there doing that shit? Shouldn't you be behind a desk going? All right, well, you know, Kowalski and fucking Serengeti. Serengeti. Why don't you guys go down there and you go check it. I got a call.

We got a call. There's some sort of gunplay down there at the crack house. All right. Yeah, you got your vest on. All right. I'll see you later. That's what the fuck you're supposed to be doing. The end of your cop career, not riding on top of a bus as you're looking at a bunch of trees

that are hanging lower than the top of the bus ducking your head going I'm getting too over this shit. You know, well maybe you should have made some better career choices and gotten a promotion every once in a while instead of being the fucking guy fucking up out there, whatever the hell you did. I mean what do you got to do? Let me, any cops listening to this? What the fuck do you have to be doing other than wanting to still be out there?

Let's just get that out of there, you know, that fucking guy. I don't want to be in the office area, it's fucking boring, I'm not going to spend my last 10 years doing paperwork. But the fucking guys that actually wanted to be in the office. But they're still out there dodging bullets. What did they do? They did something.

You did something. You know what I mean? That's like fucking running into somebody. They've been in the military for eight years and they still only have one stripe on their shirt. It's like, ah, you did something. Yeah, you come here, you. You. You did something. Christ, I'm getting too old for this shit. I don't got time for this shit. Tell you right now, I've had it up to here. Just fucking leave me alone.

I got time for this shit. Come on, stop it. Anyway, my brain's all over the place. It's the end of my kids' vacations. We had a fucking great time. I don't know why I'm being so aggressive about it. We had a great time. We had a fucking great time. Didn't't mind being so aggressive about it. We had a great time. We had a fucking great time. Didn't we kids? Say it! Yeah, just did a, just some monster dad days. I made sure that I was not on the road this week. So every day we went out and we did something

and you know the game plan. It's like we're going to weigh these kids. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm going to fucking weigh these kids out. And you kind of do it, but they take you down with them it's like if you see somebody drowning and you're not a strong swimmer if you go in to save them they're gonna pull you under and You're both gonna drown and then people at your funeral will be like, you know, that's where he was you know, he wasn't the kind of guy who was, you know, he wasn't the kind of guy who, uh, you know, sit back and, uh, you know, be on the sidelines. He would go in and get involved, even if he wasn't good at the activity, he was about ready to participate in that could cost possibly cost him his life. And, uh, that's what he did on that day. You know, but I think I speak for most of us when we say we would have let that complete stranger

that had no effect on our life go under by himself. But you know, that's not the way Mikey was wired. He got involved. I remember the first time he got stabbed, he was driving down the street, completely safe in a car, saw two people in a knife fight he pulls over goes in i'm like Mikey what the fuck are you doing and he's like you know i don't subscribe to being a passenger in life and i was like what the fuck does that mean mike you're driving he puts it in park he goes over there you know before he even gets the word out you know those two guys stopped fighting each other.

Now they're stabbing Mikey. Got stabbed 17 times. Somehow they missed vital organs. I mean, this kid was spraying like a fucking goddamn sprinkler. But you know, that's just how he was. He got involved in shit he didn't need to get involved in, and now he's fucking dead. So... Here's to Mikey! I'm sure he's up there right now getting involved in some shit, but it's not gonna matter, cause he's already dead.

Anyway... I don't even know who won the Celtics game. All I know was that Jamie Foxx wasn't playing so I knew we had a giant Jamie Foxx was not playing, so we had a chance at winning. We came out on fire, Jaylen Brown in particular, Draining Threes, spin moves, Garden going crazy, right? But I'm, you know, I got the kids so I only got to watch that. And I know the Bruins won. Oh, by the way, I know the Knicks won. And then fucking New York Knicks, you got to give it up to Nick fans. After fucking winning one game in the first round of the NBA playoffs Little fuck where they play Sixers playing the 76ers, you know what they chanted at the end of the game outside

The arena they were chanting we want Boston Telling you right now if I was putting out a dictionary and I was in the word optimist came up and there was going to be a picture, whatever they have it, they got to replace it. They got to get fucking Mother Teresa, whoever people have thought was a good person, they got to replace it with a Knicks fan. They always think this is the year. They always think they is the year they always think they got the team. They always think that it's it's like fucking it's 17,000 Charlie Browns running full speed

to kick the ball. No one full well that them in their zigzag fucking shorts again, you're going to end on your back. Nick fans, you don't want Boston. You want the heat to beat Boston. That's what you want. That's what the fuck you need. All right.

I know you had a fucking good regular seat. I don't know why, but I did get a kick out of it that that's what the fuck they said because my whole, not my whole life, but like once ESPN and everybody really just started stoking the fires of rivalries. I remember when they, when the, the Yankees red socks thing was huge, 19, 18 and all that shit, curse of the babe. They would, they, they just built this stupid fucking story that Boston had an inferiority complex because they were so close to New York and they weren't New York, dude, I gotta tell you something as someone who grew up there, we didn't know

shit about New York. Did no shit. We knew there was the Empire State Building in the Statue of Liberty. That was it. We had no nobody fucking knew Anything we knew as much about New York as they knew about Boston, you know them They're like, oh, what are you from Boston and they do like a Midwest accent? No, not Boston Boston You getting some chowder? I lived in Boston for 27 years. I heard everything under the sun. Other than, Hey, do you want to get some chowder? I never saw a lighthouse. None of my friends were lobster fishermen. Uh, uh,

the, the, the big wave story from those fishermen up in Gloucester, you know who knew that story? People in Gloucester and fucking maybe in Marblehead and a couple of weathermen. Nobody knew any of that. Nobody knows. All right. People, they're focused on their own fucking life. So I got a kick out of the fact that they're paying attention to Boston. And I know good and goddamn well, New Yorkers don't know shit about any other fucking city. They walk in and they, ah, it's got less buildings. That's

all they know. And then they order a bacon, egg and cheese, wherever they are. And then they bitch because they don't make it as good as they do on the bodega two feet from where they live. because they don't make it as good as they do on the bodega two feet from where they live. They're morons. They just are. I'm not saying we're not morons in Boston, but they're fucking morons. Anyway, but I root for the Knicks the same way I root for the Toronto Maple Leafs unless they're playing my Bruins Bruins that game I watched up until the third period then I had to go out and go do a spot I left after Kalos fucking goal and every time I walked out of the room

They kept scoring goals and I kept having to rewind so then I was going like do I need to leave the room and it's Like no dude you let go of this You let go of that stupid old lady superstition slash Narcissistic thought that that you who can barely skate backwards in a pickup game At 1130 at night fucking ice time somehow are affecting the outcome of an NHL playoff so anyway, yeah, we looked great from what I saw and just shut down all of those goal scorers that they have. But I got to be honest with you, like the sand has to be running out of the hourglass

of the Maple Leafs not winning a playoff series. I mean, they haven't won a playoff series since 2004. That was 20 fucking years ago. I mean, it's like, it doesn't even make sense. It boggles the fucking mind that that's even possible. And part of the tradition of the Stanley cup playoff Cup Playoffs every year is not only them talking about it's the hardest trophy to win, the fucking war. To Chuck last year, I can never know how to say that name. The guy had a broken sternum.

He had to have somebody dress him. I think his brother dressed him and he still played. I mean they're fucking warriors So they always go through that whole thing like that great Footage they do at the end of March Madness, you know The shining moment that they play like they always go back and they show out like all these bloody guys missing teeth and all that shit What they did to get this fucking trophy, right?

But part of that highlight reel is Toronto Maple Leafs sitting outside their fucking arena wildly excited like it's finally going to happen and then just the wheels fall off and they slowly go away and then it's just like 30% of them are left. Like I'll tell you the level of respect that I have for hardcore New York Nick and Toronto Maple Leafs fans is 10 out of 10 because for the most part, I mean the Knicks had some really bad years, but for the most part they don't, the Knicks had some really bad years, but for the most part, they don't have the decency to just suck. They have to get your hopes up before they rip your heart out.

And it's like, you know, even with the Jets, as much as the Jets fans get excited and they start giving out nicknames in August in the preseason, they're the fucking king of that shit. You know, fucking man genius, Sanchez. They're the fucking king of that shit You know fucking man genius Sanchez, what was the other one? We were going through all of them All of the fucking Eddie cutlets all of this fucking shit, right? They did just Jimmy cutlets Vinnie cut whatever his fucking name was right. They do this every fucking year Every fucking they don't just they can't just be like hey, we're starting to turn shit around they immediately go do we're going to the fucking Super Bowl?

I don't know. I am I admire that I admire that and just watching it. It's like you fucking just looking you know You just looking the other way cuz you know, the you know in the other way. Cause you know, the, you know, the other, the other cleat or whatever, the other skate, the other, whatever it's going to drop and the whole thing comes fucking crashing down. So, um, I don't think this playoff series against the Maple Leafs is going to be easy. Um, I'm beyond excited about the season that the Bruins had and this was

a major hangover year losing Patrice Bergeron and David Craigie and I thought we were going to be middle of the pack and we were upper third which I was really happy last I checked the standards. Now I'm really ignorant all of this shit with my life right now. But you know, if we went to playoff series, that's more than we did last year. Ran into the buzzsaw that was the Florida Panthers last year. Unfortunately they came up short. That was an amazing story. Um, but whatever Bruce Cassidy won one, you know, former Bruins coach. I was happy for him with Vegas anyway

That's what see that's where my expectations are measured Nick's fans Maple Leaf fans measure what maple leaf fans know Nick fans don't measured I'm like look what we lost you can't replace those guys. They're fucking Hall of Famers like like, look, well, what we lost, you can't replace those guys. They're fucking hall of famers. Like, um, that was crazy. You get in the hall of fame. I think it should be in the whole thing. Bergeron definitely. Um,

I'm looking coming out of that. If we just win a playoff series, that's fucking amazing. So, uh, anyway, I'll be watching game two tonight and, uh, had a fucking awesome weekend. Dean Del Rey, the Dean Del Razor took me to, uh, the Hollywood bowl on Saturday night, um, where I saw the 60th birthday party for Maynard, Tool and all of those guys fucking showed up and Primus, Perfect Circle and Plyssifer, which I never even heard of that band. And everybody comes out at the same time. There was like three drum kits on stage and they were just taking turns. They would sing two, three songs and then the next band would come down and then the

other rest of the band would be up there hanging out and doing shit, which I don't want to ruin for when you go to the show. It was fantastic. The level of humor in it was fantastic. I don't want to give away any of this show, but Maynard's fucking hilarious. And I ended up seeing a drummer I never heard of, Gunnar Olsen, absolutely fucking blew me away. And then it was just everything, it just seemed like every other song was like an odd time. Certainly a perfect circle. I think everything's in six. Friis was playing, Tim Alexander for Primus.

So I was in my glory and as fantastic as the show was. Like Maynard literally sounds like the album from like 30 years ago. It's fucking ridiculous. It's the only other time I saw that I did a gig with Tony Bennett, I swear to God. One of the most insane gigs I ever did. It was Tony, John Stewart was hosting,

it was Tony Bennett Bruce Springsteen Joe McHale me and I want to say Jerry Seinfeld at the Beacon Theatre and Joe McHale had to follow It to follow He had to follow those two fucking giant Bruce Springsteen. He had to follow Tony Bennett and Bruce Springsteen said, how am I going to follow this? And he went out and fucking, you know, sliding around on his knees, jumping up on the piano,

just fucking went all out and then auctioned off his fucking guitar to these rich people. They paid like a hundred grand for it. And then they're like, and now Joe Mcay, like he's got like the greatest. What did you have to follow? And we were both just laughing. I mean, those two guys were killing so fucking hard. I was just like, not only is Joel going to struggle, so am I. And that's, you know, that's kind of what happened.

And then Jerry came out and he's Jerry and he fucking destroyed um But we both definitely took one for the team that night anyway so As amazing as the show was um There was this group of people in front of us We had like box seats at the hollywood bowl if you've never been there You got to see a show there

So each box has like four seats at the Hollywood Bowl. If you've never been there, you gotta see a show there. So each box has like four seats, right? So in the box in front of us, there's four seats and somehow there was anywhere from six to eight people in it at a time. It was like the old days when you would sneak into a drive-in movie theater, which I never did. I just used to watch footage of it, right? And they would stick like five people in the trunk.

So you only had to pay for like two people and you'd open it up and everybody come running out Uh, it was basically that version of it box seats and these people I don't know They're probably 10 to 15 years younger than me. They were fucking tailgating Drinking tall beers and smoking joints. I'm talking the final song and they announced This is the final song and they lit a new joint like I was looking at like I was looking at dean like at first we were like aren't these guys a little old to be fucking drinking like this and then it just became funny and they were dancing in the fucking aisles and my favorite part they were doing these weird fucking dances and they're making videos as they were

running at each other like it was some you know with the lights like dude this is gonna be killer shit and I was laughing with Dean. I was going tomorrow when they sober up They're gonna see what we're seeing right now But right now what they're doing is Changing the fucking universe. So that was as fun as watching as watching the bands and I mean I got to see you know three of the best drummers out there and all in one night and like,

it was like flipping channels. They just kept switching. It was incredible. And then in the end, Danny Carey came out, the whole tool, you know, I'd never seen them live. They played one fucking song. And I was just like, wow, like, what is this? This is incredible. Like this, the sonic, I don't know what you call it, just assault, assaults bad because that makes it sound like it was a bad thing. Just they were unfucking believable. And then everybody in the end came out and all jammed together. It was, uh, it was an incredible night. And I kind of turned around at one point just to see what the crowd's going to look like. I got a gig there in a few weeks and at less than a few weeks.

So I kind of had to look at it and be like, all right, okay, you know, just fucking one joke at a time. Um, yeah, block it out. Anyway, just act like it's not happening. And then when it does just go out and do what you do and then think about it after. Um, anyway, had a great fucking time doing that. And, uh, and then today a buddy of mine came over and he's got one of those French cars that does the Citroen Citroen.

It's a six-cylinder the engines put in backwards It's fucking incredible. The car was amazing. First of all, it's six-cylinder It was light as shit. So it like sort of low-key hauled ass five-speed classic French car You know, you're in a French car when the ashtray is closer than the radio That's how they do it and this car when you ashtray is closer than the radio. That's how they do it. And this car, when you started it up, you had to sit there and cause it had like these, this air suspension system and he had to let the car run and warm up or whatever. And all of a sudden the front end of the car lifts up three inches and then the back end

of the car lifts up three inches. So we're dry and that's probably, you, and the Frenchman at that point is, is you know, halfway through his first cigarette, you know, back in the day when they made those cars, it was from the 70s, right? And remember they were illegal over here when I was a kid, I had a Corgi car toy version of it. Um, oh no, I think I'm thinking of a different car. There was one other car that they had that almost looked like the VW thing, except it was a longer version of it. And that car was not deemed safe enough.

I mean, the walls on this thing were like, they were like an eighth of an inch thick. It was like a tree fort, except it was made out of metal. And then they put wheels underneath it. And then it had like this rag top that you could just sort of like roll up like a yoga mat on top of it. I mean the amount of decapitations, you know, the amount of berets laying in the streets when people drove those things must have been off the fucking on the road. on le roux, sagement. Anyway, I rode around on that thing. So we're going down the street and there's these speed bumps coming up.

And he goes, dude, watch this. And he fucking floors it. And I literally went, you know, cause the car hasn't been restored. I'm like, this whole fucking thing, the whole front end of this car is gonna like bottom out and it's gonna be all over the road. Dude, we went over him.

You didn't even feel him. It was just like, and I was like, dude, that's gotta do something to the tires or something's taking the impact of that. We're not moving, but something is he's like, now, man, this is how they built these fucking thing. It was like, I never been in one of those, you never see, watch those Baja races with those insane fucking pickup trucks. And maybe like the, I I know like the Ford Raptor

Which I really feel is sort of the Mercedes G Wagon of Ford trucks there's like a certain personality that buys it It's not really a truck. I Mean it is but it's not really a truck. It's kind of You know, it's one of those cars. Hey, look at me, I'm doing big things over here. It's one of those fucking cars. I told you, you hear about Mike, he got a fucking, why is everybody Mike on the podcast? You hear about Jerry?

Dude, Jerry got a fucking Raptor. You don't give a fuck, just got a race. He's fucking loving life, his fucking wife's hot, you know? Must be nice, right? Must be nice. That was the, uh, that was Boston hating when I was growing up. Must be nice. Like, people would say that if your life was going well. They would start listing all the things that was going well in your life,

and then they'd be like, must be nice. Look at you. Huh? Is that your, that's you out there? New car? Really? What'd you pay for it? Not bad.

Cloth interior. It got AC AC. Wow. Must be nice. Like I'm supposed to feel fucking bad for you. It's like, dude, it's three in the afternoon on Tuesday. You're fucking drinking here. Why don't you think you have that car?

I'm here picking up pizzas. You've been on the sauce since the place fucking opened. Come walking in, you flip the Herald over to the backside. Fucking Red Sox lost again dude. All right, been drinking ever since. What am I talking about? I don't know. I'm very excited this weekend.

I'm going to Phoenix, Arizona for not one, not two, not three, but four. I'm hitting for the cycle out there. We just put a Sunday show on sale in like the past week. So all shows, what Thursday, Friday, Saturday, are like 95% gone. And then there's some tickets left on Sunday. So before I go any further, thank you to everybody in Phoenix ridiculously coming out to support me. You know, I think you're going to my act is about ready to do

a special. So I'm going to be coming in at the top of my game. And I am not fucking around because I got the special coming up in the Hollywood Bowl. So I need to be And oh Billy Billy fucking focused on these goddamn things. All right, let's do some reads here for the week Let's do some reads Okay, look the Tim Ferriss show this episode is brought to you by the Tim Ferriss show Podcast I like this. This is like Sesame Street the Tim Ferriss show crossed one billion downloads

what in 2023 Can you imagine if a billion people won't like actually listen to it like one person? Like one billion people all listen to one episode that would be What percentage of the whole planet. What I'm trying to say is this guy is on his way to having as much downloads as there are people on the planet. Was it eight billion people? He's one billion down, seven to go.

Cross one billion downloads in 2023 and it's celebrating its 10 year anniversary this month. So this guy does like a hundred million downloads a year. They have some very exciting plans for 2024. Each episode, Tim Ferriss deconstructs world-class performers from eclectic worlds, business arts, sports, Japanese, knife making, sex work and everything in between. Jesus, crawl. No wonder you got a billion downloads talking to the whores To extract the techniques tricks tools and routines you can use so to be a better fucking prostitute

Many notable guests had their first ever interviews on the Tim Ferriss show including Arnold Schwarzenegger Jamie Foxx from the Miami Heat, Jocko Willink Rick Rubin, the founder of Cirque du Soleil, iconic filmmaker Darren Aronofsky, reclusive prodigy. Aren't all prodigies reclusive, talking to themselves and then they make a movie about it, and then my left foot guy plays him and he gets an Oscar Josh Waitskin Tony Robbins and many many more past guests have include Jerry Seinfeld LeBron James Edward Norton Malcolm Goldwell Matthew McConaughey and hundreds

of others you know I also did the show if you think if you're gonna ever if I'm gonna advertise another fucking podcast on my podcast you can think you can at least give me a shout out Tim. So who is Tim Ferriss? Oh inquiring minds want to know. Tim Ferriss has been listed on as one of the fast, as one of fast companies, most innovative business people and Newsweek has also called him the world's best guinea pig. I don't know what that means. He's the author of the number one New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers including the four-hour work week and tools of Titans, the tactics routines have, when does this guy take a break?

Habits of billionaires? Oh I would love to hear that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They get up the morning. I make my bed. Yeah. Impressed third world countries icons and world class performers. You can find the Tim Ferriss show wherever you get your podcast. You can learn more about the podcast as well as a five Bulletin Friday Tim's news newsletter with two million weekly subscribers at Tim.blog. That's Tim.blog. All right, look who it is everybody. It's Simply Safe. You know, springtime is all about fresh air, you know. Fresh starts and freshly cleaned homes, oh, fresh starts and freshly cleaned homes. Fresh starts and freshly cleaned homes.

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system back for a full refund. I would love to see how you repack it into the box. Wires sticking out. SimpliSafe has given me and many of my listeners real peace of mind. I want you to have it too. Yeah, it's fantastic. Get 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for fast protect monitoring. Just visit simplisafe.com slash burr. S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E dot com slash burr. There's no safe like simply safe. All right, let's get to the reads here for the week Not gonna lie to you just hit pause Went to bed. Now. It's Monday morning. Now. I'm fucking late. I don't get time for this shit And I watched the Celtics game in the third quarter. I'm assuming they won

And I watched the Celtics game in the third quarter. I'm assuming they won Bill how do you not know they won? You know what? I don't know cuz somehow nobody's texting me. It's fucking amazing Okay Bill great emails right update government asking for face Scan man. Oh, yeah, it's never gonna stop This is what kills me. This is what they're gonna do Oh yeah, it's never gonna stop. This is what kills me. This is what they're gonna do. Right? And all these fucking gun owners out there who always go, I have my gun collection in case a tyrannical government tyrannies on my tyrannical tyrannies.

What the fuck are you guys waiting for? What are you waiting for? Are you gonna get organized? January 6th? Is that the best you got? We have helmets and fucking ropes Here they go, here they go. They're going for more. They're going for more. Whatever the government wants eventually a corporation wants Okay. Hey Bill, I just thought I'd write in to let you know I listened to your advice and stood my ground against getting my facial recognition set up for the new laptops that were being rolled out for my job. No way! The IT team were unsure whether you could turn off

the facial recognition from the onset so there's no initial scan needed, which gives me the idea that a lot of people have just just went along with it instead of questioning it Which is just sad if that's the case long story short I didn't have to leave my job and I was able to avoid the scan altogether. Yeah, because there's no law They're just doing this. There's no law that says you have to do it now enough people push back Then eventually there will be a law. We really have no fucking say it's not a democracy People have become so willing to sacrifice certain privileges privileges in exchange for Comfortability so I'm glad I didn't compromise as it all worked out

Well in the end your advice was a big help with this and I really appreciate it. Much love to you and the family and go fuck yourself. That's good. See, that's the kind of stand in your ground that we need. Not this racist stand your ground. You know, I felt threatened and you just use the laws so you can go out and go kill somebody who isn't white. Why don't we all fucking get together and fucking push back against this stuff? Huh? Man? Sorry, I just woke up. I'm feeling righteous. I have my gun collection in case the government becomes too tyrannical. And what are you going to do with it? And what are you gonna do with it?

Ah, it's just whatever. Uh, keep your nose clean. I'm waiting to rebel when they come up my driveway. Keep your nose clean. Hey Bill, hey Billy, no news. This week the Senate passed on ex- oh my god. Why, why are you guys doing this to me in the morning? This week the Senate passed on expansion to sp this buying powers and overriding of the fourth amendment to the constitution here's a quote about the provisions i don't know what the fourth amendment is all i ever hear about is the first and the second the provision effectively grants the NSA access to the communications equipment of almost any US business, plus huge numbers of organizations and individuals.

It's a gift to any president who may wish to spy on political enemies, journalists, ideological opponents." Yeah, see, this is how they're going to bypass your gun collection. The administration, you're going to, by the time you guys fucking get together and try and stop these fucking corporations, they're gonna know what you're doing it as you're planning it. The administration and intelligent committee leaders buried senators in a morass of misleading and in some cases, what is M-O-R-A-S-S? It has ass in it, more ass. Of misleading and in some cases, flatly false statements throughout the week. I think of myself as a pretty jaded,

and I was still generally shaken by how many lies I heard. One of the most dramatic and terrifying expansions of the government's surveillance authority in history. So, if you're keeping score, we're funding three wars, stripping ourselves of basic human rights and allowing our land to be bought by foreign governments with money they created out of thin air too. I stopped paying attention to the news 10 years ago, but have had a kid since. And let's just say I'm also idling in third gear all day thinking about how insane things are getting. I used to think it can't get much worse in our lives and it wouldn't change, but between

all these things in AI, it's going to be a completely different century. I'm not a nostalgic guy, so this isn't, I wish I was a kid again thinking, like when people think it was better because they were home watching cartoons all day, not worrying about Iran-Contra or whatever was going on. That's a great point A lot of times. Oh my god, what the 90s were the greatest decade. It's like yeah, cuz you were in your teens or your 20s You know the pressures of life there was still a bunch of horrible shit going any decade you find Anyway, the person says by the way for all the people that give you shit calling you both sides bill

insufferable centrist. Do they say that? Both sides bill insufferable centrist. See, well, that's what they do. They name call because they can't refute the points that I'm making. They can't refute the point that whatever political party they lean on is just as fucking corrupt as the one that they think is causing all the fucking problems. It's irrefutable.

You can't fuck, they fucking work for the same people. You know what I do love? The name calling. Like whenever somebody makes a good point in a, in a, one of those threads on like Instagram, the other person would be like, oh, these libtards are getting awfully sensitive. Looks like I pushed some buttons on some Trumpers. And it's like, no, it looks like the Trump person or the fucking liberal made a point that you can't refute. So now you're just going to be like, Oh, you're getting all sensitive now. Fucking morons. And I want to be honest with you, when I go on an Instagram thread, or when I just

kind of listened to some of these people at these fucking moron rallies, you're like, well, no wonder they want to take this level of control. Look at the level of stupidity out there. Look at Bill. Now I'm on the side of those. I'm not on that guy's side. I draw a hard line on that. Fuck these people.

All right. Plowing ahead and nuking your comments section. Look at Bill, now I'm on the side of those, I'm not on that guy's side, I draw a hard line on that. Fuck these people. All right, plowing ahead. And nuking your comments section every time you talk about RFK, please remember that this one with an equal amount of votes from both color ties. Love you and love the podcast. Yeah, exactly. They fucking paid him off. What is people's problems with RFK?

I don't understand it. But like, you know what I love about it is all they do is attack him. They won't talk about, I mean, let's, and I always say, let's just say RFK is the worst fucking person in the world. My question is why isn't any, why isn't any conservative Republican candidate or liberal fucking Democrat candidate talking about how a one corporation is buying up all the houses one corporations bought up the empire uh... uh... all the pigs and all of that shit and sold it to a company in china they're doing shit like that all the fucking time why aren't any of them talking about that stuff

none of that has to do with anti-semitism or any of that all of those fucking points that he's making why aren't any of them talking about that because they're all fucking bought and paid for you dumb cunts. Oh, i'm on my fucking freckled stump Uh corporate jargon and phrases Yeah, what's happening to rfk is what happens anytime you go after the people that are actually behind the politicians Do they immediately brand you like a fucking socialist a communist and anti-semite? They just tar and feather you and say that you're crazy and that you're a waste of a vote But fucking voting for Hillary or Biden or Trump. This is the good fucking move. Okay

Corporate jargon and phrases Beverly Hills bill, you know, I recently heard you talking about corporate jargon and other nonsensical Terminologies that at the end of the day add nothing to a value. Yeah, my favorite one that you guys sent in was bio break. I'm going to go take a bio break. That means I'm going to go fucking hit the head. Take a dump. Shake my fucking whatever.

Whatever you call your dick. I blame the management consulting companies like Deloite, EY, and KPMG for the rise of this. However, the original source is investment and corporate banking, your Wall Street pals. They're commonly referred to as bankerisms Well, what are they gonna say what they're doing? I Saw I walked by yesterday on the sidewalk. I literally saw a person in a tent With giant brown boxes on the outside all taped together fresh freshly fucking homeless It was fucking heartbreaking

With all of this stuff and then you're homeless for 10 days and you look like you've been out there for fucking ten years And everybody just thinks you're a crazy homeless person And all of these fucking corporation guys get bonuses they get bonuses by making people unemployed and possibly home homeless They get six figures seven figure bonuses at the end of the day for putting people out on the fucking street Is that centrist? Here are a few examples I thought you'd like. Boil the ocean. Don't need to work hard for an easy result. Low-hanging fruit. Something too easy, obvious. We use that in my business. That's when you have a hacky joke.

Or you're going after something that everybody's making fun of. Smell test, intuitive understanding or experience. Talking slick to a barrel of oil. That's trying to BS. Cutting a lawn with scissors, overworking an easy project, squeaky wheel gets the grease, I mean that's a common phrase right there. Three men make a tiger. If enough people believe in something it can be, it can be true. Oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Three men make a tiger. If enough

people believe something, it can be true. Jesus fucking Christ. Can you imagine like wasting your life doing that? Learning how to like manipulate people just so you can I don't know. I don't understand. They're fucking crazy people. These phrases are commonly used during corporate earning, earning calls, boardroom presentations, or general projects at investment shops. Do you want something? I bet the all of these people have some incentive to do that. I bet they're all going to be like, oh, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. Calls boardroom presentations or general projects at investment shops. Do you want something? I bet the all of these people Have some insane hobby You got to have something to walk away from that, but even these people know what the fuck they're doing Some sort of collection Um, if you want something funny to watch I check out Uh

Lawrence Goncaves Cleveland Cliffs CEO earning calls when he berates Wall Street analysis analyst sorry maybe someday your collar will be as white as your skin a long time podcast listener. I am actually not blue collar or white collar. I grew up in a blue collar town, but my parents were white collar, but we had a little financial difficulty there. So that's why I have, you know, I don't know. Maybe that's why I'm all over the place with you fucking cunts.

All right. Corporate lingo. What up, bandwidth corporate banker cunt here I built I built foreclosure prevention programs a couple of words here from the financial industry Opportunity a Problem A problem. Oh, that means opportunity means there's a problem. Okay, deliverable. Did I not eat breakfast today? My stomach is growling like a fucking son of a bitch. I had my parfait.

Deliverable. Document report or something which needs to be created or changed to solve the opportunity. Oh, God, this is... I look at... They have to talk around all of this shit because otherwise they'll be in the boardroom going like, all right, this is bullshit, but enough of...

If enough of us say it's true, these people will think that it's true and then we can rob them. Well, you know, three men make a tiger and I think we can solve this opportunity. Dude, they call a problem an opportunity. Oh my God, these fucking people, they need to be, they just need to be fucking. They need to be put down. That's what needs to happen.

All right. Working session, a side meeting to work on the deliverable. Issue slash defect. We fucked up the deliverable and created a new opportunity. What the fuck? My head is spinning. Hope all is well. I thought that was another saying, meaning I'm going to try to fucking kill

you by cutting your brake lines. Hope all is well. Looking forward to seeing you in Winston-Salem soon. Whoa, let's go back. Opportunity Deliverable Working Session. That means you're going to work the weekend. A side meeting to work on the deliverable. Which is a report to fix the fucking opportunity. But if you fuck up the deliverable you have an issue or a defect and created a new opportunity what is that when people realize you

poured something into the fucking water supply all right that was more chilling than funny all right office talk oh I think we got ourselves a hit topic here office talk Hey Billy cunt hair, I like that one Jesus Christ Hey, Billy cunt here. I'm an electrician in the great province of Alberta No, you guys are fucking animals up there now those people can drink Specifically Calgary I used to think Calgary was blue collar and Edmonton was white collar. And somebody goes, no, it's the other way around. Edmonton's, they're more of a bunch of animals than Calgary. Which surprises me because the first time I played Calgary,

I was absolutely fucking astounded at the level of drinking that was going on. They were fucking hammered. I remember it was a concrete floor and every like fucking 10 minutes you just hear a beer, a beer bottle, hit the floor and start rolling towards the front of the crowd and everyone would just start laughing. Alright. Okay, great province of Alberta. After listening to your previous podcast, I thought I might add to the office slang, but in a blue collar perspective, I love it. All right.

Cunt hair unit of measurement, usually about an eighth of an inch. Uh, I use cunt hair for, uh, the flake gate. That's why you lost by 35. That's why you let up over 300 yards rushing. Okay. All right. Bang on. Oh, but Otani,ani oh it was my interpreter

nothing to see here houston astros their first world series was was complicated bang on perfect fitment or measurement playing guilty showing up to work hungover. Oh, that's fantastic. See these are just fun Looks good from my house never a good thing to hear but if you stand back far enough, it looks pretty okay That's fantastic Oh my god, I remember I told you a long time ago I Oh my god, I remember I told you a long time ago. I Was hanging with Patrice in front of Caroline's and this woman was crossing the street. I said, oh my god Look at her She's a ten and she got a little close and Patrice went nine and then I was like eight and then we just started laughing

And we were saying she has like came up with she has rocket launch good looks I mean, that's when a woman is looking like from a distance looks like a 10 but as she walks that girl's a 10 and as she comes towards you it's 9 8 um but you still get a number all right the infamous one day flu aka the philly flu some guys on the job site are notorious for having a oneday flu when they know it's going to be a hard day. Or they do it on a Friday to get a three-day weekend. The Philly flu in hockey was, um, you asked out of the lineup because of some phantom injury, cause you didn't want to drop the gloves against the broad street bullies back in the day. Uh, don't forget your knee pads.

I'm a some kissing ass. They usually said when someone mentions going to talk to the boss. Okay. Don't forget your knee pads. I'm a some kissing ass thing. Usually said when someone mentions going to talk to the boss. Okay. Oh, that's fair. It looks good from my house. Playing guilty is fantastic. There's a few to keep the ball rolling.

There's a few to keep the ball rolling. I also think you mentioned working a trade or two in your older podcast. So hopefully you can appreciate some of these gems Thanks for all the entertainment during my morning drives go fuck yourself and let's go Oilers Bang on I thought I always thought that was English cunt hair Playing guilty. That's what that one's fancy. I'm trying to think what the fuck we used to, all we used to do was just try to make each other laugh. That's all I remember. We did, we could do impressions of everybody

in the carpeted area and we would just create scenarios. Yeah, that's all I remember. I don't remember like any expressions. We had nicknames and stuff like that. Dude, I mean, we're going back and this is like the fucking 80s. It's almost 40 years ago. Jesus Christ, I'm old. All right.

Wife speak and corporate talk. Dear Billy the barista, I've enjoyed the show for years and wanted to come wanted to pass along more corporate speak and a typical text communication between my wife and I. 40 years marriage. The confusion never fails. The background is that I'm napping parentheses have a cold and she knows this when she leaves the house to go for a walk. It poured earlier and it's been cloudy all day. I woke up and see this text, 3pm text from wife, you up? 310 my response, just now why? I come downstairs to find she's gone and see it's pouring out. I see the sticky note saying she is out walking. So I respond, I'm in your car coming to look for you. I then open the garage door and she's walking up the driveway like a

drowned rat. I'm getting the look. She's P. O.ed at my slow response. I was supposed to translate you up to mean come get me. I'm on Smith Street and it's pouring any who I'm always quoting dr. Seuss Horton the elephant at her say what you mean and mean what you say just to get her going yeah like I don't I don't understand any of that I would you know what I would just my lovely wife came walking up to the driveway like that. I would just laugh and be like, Oh, try to grab a blanket or a towel or something. That's hilarious.

You up 310 just now. Why? No response. Oh, what a fucking baby. Yeah, you know. What are you gonna do? It's just how they are. I fucking texted you at 3! Hey, you should have looked at the forecast on your smartphone there, sweetheart! Um...

Anyway, uh... Alright, game two is tonight. The Boston Bruins. Bam! Ba-da! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- years ago. We'll see. If we go up two games to none, I still don't think I'm comfortable. We'd have to be up 3-0. I just can't see them doing this again this year. I just cannot

fucking see it. And the people of Toronto, ooh, stop jinxing us. I'm not jinxing you. It's been almost 60 fucking years 60 fucking years. You know, I love is no one says Toronto was cursed Right everybody said that not everybody that fucking hockey fans said that the New York Rangers were cursed they went 54 years And they were chanting 1940 at him Starting in the 80s is how far back I remember them doing that It's amazing how like, you know, just certain franchises get shit and other ones don't So 54 years ago is

1970 Toronto hasn't won it since 1967 They're 57 years and they've gone three years longer than the Rangers who had to end a curse and no one is saying that they're cursed. And you know why that is? Because Toronto is the fucking media capital of Canada and they're suppressing the story. And everybody forgets because you're so busy paying attention to your own team. I will tell you what's amazing is that somehow with

the Toronto Maple Leafs not winning a cup for like 50 what I just say 57 years Montreal Canadian fans have still somehow maintained their irrational hatred for the Toronto Maple Leafs. It doesn't even make any sense. They haven't done anything. They've done nothing. They haven't won since two years before we pretended to land on the moon. No, I'm not one of those guys.

I'm one of those guys that has no idea whether we did or not. I'm not one of those people that goes on the internet and figures shit out. Like I saw this guy on Instagram. I'm gonna fucking sneeze here, people. I'm gonna stare at the night. Eww! Thank you. Um... I was on Instagram because I'm doing that again.

And, um... This fucking guy goes on there said he spent 1500 hours on the internet and he figured out that Bitcoin Bitcoin was this giant scam to crash the entire world's economy so that a very few amount of people could get all the money and the rest of us would be completely destitute. And I'm just thinking like all right that information is out there. Hey I have a great idea. How about me and five of my friends tank the world's economy? Everybody's fighting and eating

each other, cannibalism and all of that shit, right? Dying off and we're gonna keep all the money. That's what we're gonna do, okay? All right, great. Now let's, let's upload this information on the internet. So if somebody spends 1,500 hours they can find, if I spent 1,500 on the hours on the internet like it's I spent fifteen hundred hours on the everybody spent fifteen hundred hours on the internet like what part of the interview are you on the truthful internet that's how fuck that's that's the level of misinformation that's out

there right now I'm not saying that there isn't some sort of scam going on I'm just saying that you as a lay person cannot even remotely figure out what the fuck is going on. I love how they have all these top secret documents in these government buildings but somehow if you go on the internet you can figure out what the fuck they're doing. All you're doing is you're listening to theories by people who are in different mindsets. Some people former employees of the government. That's a pretty good source. But who knows?

Maybe they're bat shit crazy. And here's my thing. If you're going to fucking do that, come up with a solution first rather than just telling me this shit, freaking me the fuck out and then being like, alright, have a good day. The worst one I saw was this guy and he was doing it in a sing-songy voice. He's like, your recyclables are not recycled. They're dumped in the ocean and it's going into the fish and you're all full of plastic. You're welcome.

It's like, well, you're living on the same planet. And also none of that is new information. He took all this old shit and then he just fucking, he repurposed it like he just figured it all out. Like he was out there doing that shit with those little things that you stick in the water, those little tubes, and then you shake them and you look at the color. It's turning red. This isn't good.

The plastic content of this section of the ocean are for fuck, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about either. All right, this is just getting me going, all right? I've done a lot of good things in March and I undid them in April and I'm gonna turn it around in May. That's how it's going.

So anyway, that is the podcast everybody. Game two Boston Bruins tonight, tonight, tonight. Obviously pulling for the Bruins if the Leafs beat us then I'm rooting for them the rest of the way because how long is that fan base supposed to suffer? And number two, evidently it pisses off Canadian fans. I mean, I get if you're a Canadian fan and you're fucking in your 70s. And you realize how old you have to be to remember the last fucking Maple Leafs? Like, I'd say you have to be at least eight years old plus 57 years 65 can you imagine that and you got your little fucking Stanley Cup Championship

shirt and then you go 8 to 18 you know they had a little bit of a drought 28 fucks going on 38 48 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 still not called curse that's like an East Coast thing East Coast people are fucking mean when it comes to shit like that you know look at Chicago Cubs when was the last time you know before they won was the last time, you know, before they won it the last time. What was the year when they won it before? Nobody knows. I don't even know. It was 19-0-something. No one was chanting 19-07 or 19-08, whatever the fuck it was. Nobody was doing that. Then you go out there,

and the people out there are no more nicer. They're pleasant. I would say people in the Midwest, they're pleasant. They have a more pleasant demeanor about them, but they're not nice. All right. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I got to get, I got to fucking get off my day. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. God bless all of you

Thank you for going on the internet and figuring out what is going on in the world You know you'd think if you spent fifteen hundred hours figuring that out You could spend another fucking six hundred hours and come up with a solution All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.