Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-24-17

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

Bill rambles about polka dotted socks, wearing gloves and Captain America.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, April 24th, 2017. How's it going? How are you? How are you doing? How's your week? I'm sorry the podcast is a little late. I traveled today. I flew back from Boise, Idaho, not Boise. Everybody, there's an S in there. That's what I learned when I was up there. Boise, Idaho. It was hilarious when we landed. You know that, the fucking shooter on the plane, the shooter? I don't mean with the gun because you can't get guns on the planes unless you make one like, what's his face there? John Malkovich in that Clint Eastwood movie. What was it called? Gun. Is that what it's called? He made like that little plastic gun. Till I get some goddamn respect and he fucking hung up the phone. No, I'm not talking about a gun. The fucking, the shooter, the guy, the wedge breaker. It's like the second they ring that little bing bong and you can take off your seatbelt. Some guy from 12 rows back like runs up to the front of the plane. So of course he stops right on my row. So now I can't get up and I'm looking at his dad jeans and he was wearing flip flops.

All right. So I got to give it up to the guy. All right. You know, to show that kind of quickness with like, you know, a third of a shoe on was, you know, it was impressive. So this fucking guy who was in the row behind me diagonally across starts fucking chirping in his ear. It was like the fucking NHL playoffs. So I'm like, are these guys going to drop the gloves? I see him talking to the guy and see the guy, you know, the flip flop guy looking over his shoulder. Right. It's basically a guy with really nice shoes and polka dots socks in first class, which is where I sit. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if I'm flying to Las Vegas. I sit in the front of the fucking plane. That's just how I do it. All right. I spent 20 goddamn years in the back of the plane. I swear to God, I'm not going back. Then I just spilled the fucking tea all over the place. What are the odds that I was putting my wallet on the fucking string to the teabag and then this shit is going to go all over the place. It's just, I swear to God, I'm having a hell of a like fucking four days here. Every goddamn thing, every little country thing that can go wrong.

You know, first I break my computer screen and then the teabag comes out. I mean, Jesus Christ, that's going to take me at least 11 seconds to clean up. Or I just kind of wipe it up with my sock. What a fucking animal. I said, I stopped it from going down the side of the table. Don't judge me. So anyways, let's get back to the polka dotted, polka dotted socks. All right. Fucking gentlemen worked his way up to the front of the fucking plane. Or maybe he was born into money. I don't know. I don't think this guy was because he was fucking all over this fucking animal with his flip flops. Who was coming up from, you know, the fucking the animal section of the plane where this guy deserved to be. All right. I'm telling you right now, that should be your guy's goal in life. You got to get to the front of the fucking plane. And that that's not a metaphor. That is literally you have to get to the front of the fucking plane. Unless you don't travel that often and just, you know, suck it up who gives a shit.

But if you travel all the time, you have to get to the front of the fucking plane. And I'm telling you, the only difference between the front of the plane and the back of the plane is they just they treat you like a human being. That's it. That's it. It's not like it used to be where, you know, there was fucking broads up there and, you know, they'd meet you in the Eastern Airlines fucking lounge afterwards. And they, you know, you're having like a fucking whatever the fuck happened in the 70s, you know what I mean? Is that incredible meeting of pubes that that decade was? So anyways, this guy is fucking in the guys like I've, you know, I got my fucking the free fucking Bose headsets, the wireless ones that those Bose cunts gave me. And then I found out they're spying on you. If you have the app, I had to delete the fucking app.

Jesus Christ. And then I found out those guys at Blue Apron are like going down to farmers markets. They're going, hey, you don't want to be with these guys. Come over to us. You know what I mean? What a bunch of pussies. If that's what they're doing, allegedly that's what they were doing. Why don't you fucking go do that in a goddamn Ralph's doing a supermarket, right? Stay in your own weight class. You colored apron cunts. It's fucking hilarious. This farmers market guy was going off on him. He's going blue apron. They eliminate the middleman. He's like, hello, you are the middleman. You dumb cunt.

We eliminated. We farmed this shit. We're going right to the people. Anyways, I probably just lost a sponsor there, but I don't give a fuck, right? If that's what they're doing, if you weren't doing it, I apologize to everybody that, you know, wears an apron the color of my balls right now. Okay, I apologize. Anyways, um, Jesus, Bill, can you get to the fucking fight? All right. All right. Sorry. I'm a little distracted. I don't like doing this podcast on days that I traveled on. I'm a little, I'm a little scared of brain there. More so than usual. All right. Before you make your joke. God damn, my new computer screen is gleaming.

I'll tell you, underrated, breaking your fucking computer screen. You know, you take it down. You never go to the Apple Store. Don't ever go to the Apple Store. The Apple Store is like flying coach. Okay, you're going to go in there and they're going to treat you like a fucking animal. You know, as they put themselves on a, on a higher plane, walking around genius, right? On their shirt. What does your shirt say? It says nothing, right? Like you have no fucking thought in your head. You got to go down there and go talk to those fucking wiry cunts. Anyways, no, you go to just some local fucking place. You know, they charge you a little bit more, but you go in there. Okay. And you get treated like a fucking human being. So I go in there and, you know, and they see the busted computer screen.

They know what the fuck happened. You know, and I'm not going to lie to them. Like, oh, you know, I got a little one at home and she knocked it off the table. You know, doing that shit. I didn't do that. They go, what happened to it? I said, I stabbed it with my phone. So they start laughing. They go, why'd you do that? I said, because I'm an impatient person and I'm not good at these things. And it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. And I immediately regretted it. So now I'm here to give you my money if you can fix this. And they were like, absolutely, you know, you know, it's funny. I always have a piece of tape. I have a piece of tape over the fucking camera. So I don't want people watching me fucking jerking off the porn. I don't, I don't want to watch people meet muttering,

walking around, talking to myself in the hotel room, trying to come up with new joy. I just don't want people watching me. So that's the first thing I knew. I was like, wow, this screen is really clean and fucking big brother can see what's going on. You know, I don't mind if they can hear what's going on. I just don't want them to see it. So anyways, there's this guy, he's got polka dot socks on. He's fucking, you know, got a smart pair of wingtip shoes on. And he's just given this guy shit. So I take off my Bose headphones, you know, which they probably downloaded the entire argument was fucking spying cunts, right? So I take them off and he's right in mid-sentence. Hey, just walk right up here.

You hit me with your bag. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? And I can't hear what the other guys saying. But this other guy, the guy in first class, you'd think he'd say some fucking guy with little soft hands, you know, never worked a day in his life. He's fucking all over this guy to the point the guy who, you know, the flip-flop guy just turns his back and doesn't want to say anything. And this guy just keeps going. He goes, what do you do next? Are you going to push down a kid? You know, hey, you might want to brush your teeth too. He started giving the guy shit at his breath stunk.

I was like, I fucking love this guy. Fucking love the guy. Just fucking, just the entire time it took him to get the goddamn jetway over. This guy is just in his fucking, in his fucking ear. And the guy wouldn't drop the gloves, would not drop the gloves during the playoffs. Unbelievable. You know, like he's some star player, right? He's going to, he's going to, he actually hurt the team if he fucking sits down. The shooter, man. You know, I wished what happened. I wished he grew, I grabbed him by his backpack because I don't give a shit if you have,

if you fucking have a black belt in every martial art discipline, if you have on a backpack, it's fucking over because all the person has to do, once somebody just grabs your backpack and starts running the other way, and there's nothing in jujitsu, there's nothing in a keto, you just, you can't, you know? That's why if you watch the UFC and Joe Rogan will tell you this, they do not allow backpacks into the octagon for that specific reason. You know what I mean? The backpack, it's like the gun, as far as like just, just throws the black belt right out the window. You know what I mean?

You know, like all karate movies, like nobody can have a gun because then it's just kind of like, well, yeah, I can just shoot you, you know? That's the coward way out, or the cinchy way out. Oh, you can do it. It's cinchy. That's what I was a little kid. That was a word that just disappeared. It meant easy. I guess it's a cinch. It became cinchy. I just figured, ah, fucking 48 years later, I finally get it.

Anyways, I just wish I reached up, grabbed his backpack and yanked it back, passed him to the polka-dotted sock guy, and everybody just passed him right back to his fucking row. It would have been tremendous, you know? And I know a lot of young listeners of this podcast, and I could lie to you and say that pre-911, that was the America that I lived in, you know? You know, I could sit in my house and not have to worry about somebody from the Geeks Squad watching me fucking rub one out, you know, in the privacy of my own goddamn home. I have tape over every fucking thing I could find.

They can listen, but they can't see. That's the deal. There's no video. It's just like the podcast. No fucking video. In my living room right now, they got my TV, they got their little fucking camera up there. I'm not fucking doing that. I want to look at some fucking pimple-faced douche and play War of the Worlds, whatever these kids do, you know? War of the Worlds, what the fuck is it? Warcraft, Minecraft, Mind Head, what is it called?

As a video game trendset to video gamers to the point that I actually know, which is of Eastwick, what is that fucking game that everybody loses their mind when it comes out? Is that Warcraft? Something like that. Ah, it'll come to me. No, it won't. Whatever. That's how you just get out of your own stupidity. That's such a great phrase. Ah, it'll come to me. I know that back in the day when I was in math class, you know? What is the sine, cosine, and tangent of that fucking iPod news? Mr. Burr, oh, it's, ah, ah, don't tell me.

You know what, it'll come to me. It'll come to me. That might teach me, hey, fair enough. Maybe I wouldn't have to go to summer school two out of four years. I should have gone all three fuckers. I should have gone all four years. You know what I mean? My sophomore teacher let me off the hook and gave me a D minus. And then senior year, I was like, well, what's the point? What's the fucking point? Do I get into a better community college?

Yeah, it didn't make any fucking difference. You know what I mean? It's like when the fucking outfield's playing in, you know? And then the guy after the plate, he hits it over the guy's fucking head. He doesn't go get it, he just runs in. That's why I treated summer school my senior year. Not fucking doing that shit. What's the point when I can go out and get hammered, drive drunk, and do what you did in the 80s?

Just driving around hammered, hammered. You go down to the fucking liquor store or the packy, as we called it. Hey, go down to the packy and get me a sex adode. We go down to the packy store, right? You just stand there out front, you know, hands in your pockets, looking as conspicuous as possible. And then you just fucking walk up to adults and be like, hey, could you buy me some beer? You know, and there was no fight, there was no cameras back then.

The television had just been invented. I mean, and nobody knew how to work these things. And people would do that. They would actually, like, not even think about the liability. They would go out and they, you know, you try to judge, like, get a buyer. That's what it was. You try to, like, pick the right person. Somebody would look cool, you know what I mean?

Anybody in a suit, you're like, fuck that guy. I'm not asking him. You don't ask a mom, you know? Didn't ask any women, you know what I mean? Unless she hoarded up a little bit, you're like, then you got to make the judgment call. How involved in her life was her father? I don't know.

I don't know. No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. And you just wait for somebody with a little bit of long hair, you know, some fucking shitty little mustache. You look for a dirtbag is basically what you did. Someone who would have no concern for people underage driving away with alcohol. And that's the way it was done.

I don't even know what I'm talking about right now. You know what it is? I got these fucking helicopters in my ears. Can you hear that thing? They're, like, hovering right over my house. They're having a big parade right now. I don't know, a parade or something. It's the Armenians.

They're recognizing or remembering everybody who died in the genocide, you know? You know, I just realized that just really just fucked up my relationship with the Turkish funny boat. I probably won't be getting any weekends out there for a while. That in Kazakhstan or wherever the two countries are that try to act like that. We never did that. Oh, that never happened. Yeah, well, the rest of the world knows it did. So you could just sit there and deny it all you want.

What are you fucking Bernie Madoff? How long are you going to fucking lie about this shit? I actually watched this documentary speaking of just despicable, horrible things to do to human beings. You know? I don't know anything about Turkish people, but I'll tell you right now. They were probably scared shitless of Armenians. You know what I mean? They're fucking tough people.

That's probably what it was. They got all nervous with some shit. I don't know what it was. There's a lot of Armenians in my neighborhood. I swear to God, like every other one of them you look at, you're like, is that a UFC champion? They're fucking jacked. Their heads are shaved. Every one of them just looks like they could kick the shit out of you.

I don't know. Maybe Turkey got nervous. I have no idea what happened. I don't know how you could fucking do that. I don't know. The older I get, the older I get, the more sickening human behavior becomes. And I'm some fucking saint, but I still, for the life of me, do not understand how war is legal. I just don't, I don't get it.

You know? Let's, let's, let's wait into international waters here without really paying attention to anything. I don't, you know, I don't even watch the BBC, you know? It's what a lot of stuck up cunts over here do. I just want to get another perspective. So Syria gasses some of its own fucking people and then we shoot missiles at them. So my thing is where did the missiles go and who died? How accurate are those missiles?

Was it just some guy selling popcorn on this quarter of Syria in Kazakhstan? You know? And he's up there. Step right up, step right up. Extra, extra. We don't know about it. Then we're like, ah, sorry about that. Sorry about that.

We were trying to get the guy that did the thing that we didn't like, that we frowned upon. We would like to apologize to anybody at the food court. I have no idea. Are our missiles that good? I don't know. I have no idea. I just don't get how that works. Yeah, war is just really, I just don't, I don't understand it.

We're going to murder more of your people before you murder all our people. And then when we win, we're going to say that you guys are evil. Right? The only way is if somebody just starts with you. If they started, you know, then you got to finish it. I guess that's how it works. You know what I mean? Then Sean Connery make a speech about this and the Untouchables or something like that.

I don't fucking know. But I don't, I don't get why we're all up in arms about that hairless fat fuck over there in Korea. You know what I mean? I just don't, I don't understand why this guy can't shoot off his fireworks in his own fucking country. I mean, we do that shit all the time. Who gives a fuck? What is that fucking? Jerbil going to do.

That's what he's built like. He's built like a Jerbil. He says like a fucking, he's adorable. If he would just stop with the, I'm going to blow up fucking the United States. You got to admit the guy, he's kind of adorable. You know? I don't know. I have no fucking idea.

But anyway, so I was watching this thing on Europe right after World War Two. And then it was so fascinating to me what the fuck was going on that I actually, you know, I went on, I actually got on my, the internet. I didn't have my laptop because I stabbed it with my phone, but my phone was still working. So I was checking out, you know, a couple of websites. And this one website put exactly how my mindset was, how I believed World War Two right after it was like. All right. I mean, I knew in Germany that obviously they had to fucking rebuild, you know, obviously Japan.

It was a rough one, right? That they, you know, were rebuilding. But everybody else, I kind of thought, hey, you know, everybody was all in a good mood and shit and skipping down the fucking street because it was over. This is website put it, you know, there was sailors kissing nurses in fucking Times Square. That was it. And evidently it was not. In a lot of ways, like people were acting exactly the way against the people they were fighting.

It was fucking brutal. It was all kinds of rapes, murders, people settle in scores. All Germans that were all around Europe that, you know, were not in Germany. They were getting fucking killed and sent back to Germany. A couple of little mini genocides, which, you know, between people in Eastern fucking Europe, it was just like, Jesus Christ, and I have to say something to fucking Nazis too. Every time I think like I've heard the worst thing they ever did. It's like you literally, you can't even watch it.

I just found out something else they did. I'm going to tell you, it was so fucking disturbing. I'm not even going to repeat it. I can't stop fucking thinking about it. And then they were showing the goddamn Nuremberg trials and those fucking Nazi cunts are sitting there with this arrogant look on their face like, well, this is fucking bullshit. You know, and then I'm thinking, how could you think that? How could you not be like, wow, that got a little, yeah, I guess we got a little sideways with that.

Uh, plan, huh? They're fucking sitting there, you know, with these look on their face like, yeah, like, like this is fucking bullshit. And I'm thinking like, how could they possibly think that? Because they're, and I'm thinking they think, well, if we fucking won, you guys would be sitting here. All right. What about when you fire bombed Dresden?

How about that shit? And then we could just be like, well, you know, we wouldn't have done that if you wouldn't do what you were doing. If you weren't doing what you were doing, right, Mr. Blonde, they had just done what I told them to do. No one would have been dead. That's what we were doing. If you didn't do what the fuck you were doing, we wouldn't have done what we did. And then they would say, well, we, what we did, we learned from you with what you did to the Native Americans. And then we would say, well, you know what, that wasn't us.

We weren't alive when that happened. And then they'd be like, well, you know what, you're still alive. And a lot of them are still alive and you're not doing anything about it. And then we were like, all right, fair enough, you know what, we'll set some emotion to eventually give them casinos. And the Nazis would be like, you know, fair enough, fair enough. And that's it. You see, they had all this fucking footage of them hanging these fucking guys. Just a nonchalant way they did it.

They had this footage of this guy. I don't even know what the fuck it was. It was like, it was just a board. It was like a do it yourself fucking hang the guy right in court. They fucking tie the guy's hands behind his back. They lay him down on this board. It just goes like to a 45 degree angle. They hoist the guy up.

They put a fucking rope around his neck and he's sitting there fucking holding him up. Right. And then a guy with gloves just covers the guy's eyes and then they let go of him. And as the guy slides down, he breaks his neck and the guy with the hands just, he just moves his hand with the guy's head. So you never see his fucking eyes, you know, because they don't want to upset people in court. It was fucking insane. Fucking insane.

And Jesus Christ, I gotta be honest with you. I really wish I didn't watch it because there was this woman testifying and that, that, you know, if you want to see it, I can't remember the program. I'm sure you can find it on the fucking internet. You know, just Google what the fuck was Bill talking about World War II. I'm sure somebody will find it. And you got to see them like, you know, all right, this is just not funny anymore. All right, let's plow ahead.

Let's talk about something else. Okay. So I was in, I was in Boise. This Jesus Christ. Sorry, I'm typing my password here. I was in Boy, you know what? Does anybody seen Joe McIntyre's new show? Joe McIntyre from New Kids on the Block, from the movie The Heat.

I got to work with them on that movie and he was a fucking great guy, absolutely hilarious, right? So I was supposed to do a podcast with him to help promote his show. And I had, I just completely forgot. And he drove all the way over to this podcast studio and I wasn't there. Completely fucked the guy over. So he's going to be, I'm going to be interviewing him for next week's Monday morning podcast. And he is going to give me a fucking ton of shit. So out of guilt, I'm like, fuck, I got to watch this guy's show.

Because I fucked this up and I put it on and lo and behold, it's fucking hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. I hit pause because I wanted to make sure that I said this guy's name right. Joey Lawrence did a guest star. I always forget there's too many joey's in the story. So I fuck, I was going to fuck it up. He was fucking hilarious.

And the guy who plays his agent is great. I don't know what his name is. I'm on the IMDb page. I'm going to fuck all of this stuff up. Everybody on the show is hilarious. Jamie Denbow, who I also worked with in The Heat. Who else was it? Donnie Wahlberg, all of these guys were just, it's really fucking funny.

Thank Christ. Because I was already sitting there going like, fuck, I fucked this guy over. I didn't show up. And then I'm going to watch his show. And I'm like, God, God, what if it's terrible? Then what do I do? I got to sit there and cross. Ah, it's a great show.

I can actually tell you, it's a fucking great show. I don't know what network it's on. I'm going to fuck it up. I'll know by Monday. All I know is it's not on the comfy network, but it's fucking hilarious. Just look it up. It's really, really well written. And the guy who plays his agent is a fucking beast.

Kills it. I don't know. I actually found it interesting too, like what his life is like, you know, because it's based obviously on his life. And there's so much like creepy older women wanting to come up and hug him. And now he's got to kind of just allow them to do it. I found that hilarious just because I don't like people touching me. You know, I just after a while, I just like, I so understand how he mendel.

You know what I mean? Just as people always wanted to come up and touch him. And then like, what if he wants a fucking sandwich in all those hands? He just shook all that DNA. He could literally start his own country with what is on his fucking hands. And when you really start thinking about that, you know, that's, I don't know. Like my favorite time to meet people is during the winter when I'm back East and you already have gloves on.

I love winter when you're in New York, you know, you can go on the subway, you can grab onto shit, you can finally hold on, you know, just walking down the street, high five and homeless people. You don't give a shit, right? You got on gloves. It's perfect. Maybe that's what I'm going to do. You know, I've always been looking for something.

Oh, look who's here. Am I being too loud? No, no, no, I haven't done the podcast yet. Oh, it's the two lovely ladies. Can I say hello to my daughter? What's up? Huh? Oh, you know what?

The internet doesn't work in the office. And I was worried I was going to stab my laptop again with my phone. I didn't want to do that. Come here. Let me get one little smile here. Let me get one little smile. Hey, buddy. Oh, she just woke up.

Did you just wake up? Hey, remember me? Yeah, there's that smile. How are you? All right. She's too adorable and this is not going to be a funny podcast anymore. How are you, cutie? We going to hang out today?

Huh? Read your couple? Yes. Nice smile. All right. Sorry. I'm back. I'm back.

All right. Let me do some of the, let me do some of the read here. So yeah, check out our return of the Mac. Nia, how funny is that show? There you go. See that? Nia would never lie. Nia, how funny is that show?

Very funny. There you go. See that? Nia would never lie. All right. Let me, let me read some of these fucking things here. Where is, all right. Okay.

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Okay. Anyway, so let's get on to it. Okay. So I was up there. I am going to talk hockey, but I'm trying to avoid the pain. I'm trying to avoid the pain. Okay. I just thought about Carlito's wife.

It comes to bed. I reloaded. Cleinfeld is my friend. That's one of my favorite roles Sean Penn ever played. I fucking love him in that. I love him with the fucking perm and the receding hairline. You know, he's doing the fucking blow. Cop comes in, says all that crazy shit to him trying to scare the shit out of him.

He just looks at the cop and goes dun dun dun. Fucking hilarious. Oh, I love Sean Penn. You know, sometimes I pray for a flood just so I can see him coming up in a boat just to rescue me. He's that kind of guy. Um, anyways, um, so I'm up in Boise, Idaho working the Egyptian theater had a great fucking time, despite the fact for the first time in like 12, 13 years, I had to kick somebody

out of the show and I never do that. And I told the guy, I don't want to do that. I think it's a pussy move by a comedian. Deal with the heckler and that's it. But this guy was just, he just was, you know, he wasn't even remotely coherent. And, uh, I don't know, I offered to pay for his tickets and all that. I was just like, dude, you just, you gotta go. You gotta fucking go.

And I gave him like a one more word. You could just shut the fuck up and he's still, I couldn't even respond to what he was saying because I couldn't understand him. And it was getting, uh, it was getting ugly. It was getting ugly. So, uh, you know, I apologize to, uh, the people there. And if the guy's listening, you know, just come back next time sober. All right.

That's all. I didn't want to do it. All right. I'm sure you woke up today all fucking mad at me. Um, you know, when they threw him out, they found 14 beers, empty beer cans underneath his, uh, underneath his seat. I don't know. I don't know if they're trumping up the charges.

I don't know if because he was in the front row, a bunch of rows of beers, cans rolled down to him. I have no, I don't pretend to fucking know. But anyways, I was, um, I was performing at that theater and, uh, one of the coolest things anybody has ever done for me, the people at the theater. Heard that I played drums, so they rented a drum kit and during the day I got to go into the theater, the theater and just fucking, you know, put on my walk, man, whatever the fuck you call it, the iPod thing, my phone, my little handheld stereo and just fucking

just rock out, man. I had a great time and whoever the, whoever tuned up those drums, they sounded great. The snare was fucking unbelievable. It was like, it was like a marching, I don't know what the fuck, how deep it was. It was like six and a half by like, uh, what's the next size up? I'm sorry. It was like 14 by six and a half. What's the next size up?

Is it eight inches deep, nine inches deep? But this isn't a porno here, people. I'm fucking asking. It was incredible, incredible fucking sound. And I was this old Ludwigs and they didn't even have like the usual, um, like lugs on them, whatever the fuck you call the things you unscrew when you're tuning up and tuning down the drum or whatever, or tensioning, tensioning the drum, however the fuck you're supposed to say it.

They just had screws that were all stripped. So it's got this great kit, but to adjust it, I had to take out a pair of pliers that came with the drum kit. Um, so it was a five piece, broke it down to the four piece setup. Steven Adler fucking set up that I fell in love with when appetite for destruction came out, you know, when I was going down the slippery slope of I won as many drums as possible because I was listening to Iron Maiden and then Steven Adler came out and like this fucking guy's getting more music out of these four drums and have these guys out with these fucking

15 piece kits. So, um, I just said, I had, I had the greatest fucking time and, uh, was up there with, uh, Rose Bowl, Tailgate legend, Joe Bartnick, who fucking murdered all week and, uh, Monday morning podcast, uh, produce producer, producer. So they said extraordinary Andrew Thimbalus was up there and we made a tour. We did a tour of Boise. We fucked it. We got everywhere.

We got fucking everywhere. We went on the blue field. We went up to the fucking table rock. We were all over that fucking town. We had a great time. Um, so that'll be coming out. The San Jose one is almost done. And then I also got another one for, uh, San Antonio that's coming up.

So, uh, I'm just going to start doing those fucking things. I don't know why I like doing them. They're fun. You know, plus it makes me get out and do shit. You know, I've been to Boise a number of times. I never got up into those fucking hills. You know, so all right, I think I've avoided it long enough. Let's talk about the NHL playoffs.

Uh, you know, you want your team to make the playoffs until they lose a playoff series, then you just like, oh, that sucked. Shouldn't they just not have made the playoffs? They could have just ripped the emotional bandaid right off. Um, congratulations. I'm saying this through grid of teeth. Congratulations to the auto list senators. It was a well played series.

I had nothing to sort of restrict for you guys and your organization. Good luck in the next round against the New York Falcon. Right. Um, and, uh, and I gotta, you know, you know, they always do the star of the game. I mean, at some point you got to give it to those, uh, all those Ottawa locals, you know, that were refereeing those games, particularly game three, game five, and even a little bit of game six. You know, I'm not saying if, if, you know, I'm not saying that's why we lost,

but Jesus fucking Christ, all I wanted was a little consistency. You know, it is a deal. A ref can fuck you in one game, but you know, when it's like three out of the six Jesus Christ, how many times did we have to win game five before they, we had to score like two fucking goals. They fucking sit in the crease covering the puck up in the crease, not the goalie. Okay. For those of you who don't watch hockey, that's, that's, I've been watching hockey for 37 fucking years. That's a penalty shot.

They have replay. I don't know how they, uh, well, uh, after further review, uh, when the defenseman put his, uh, hand over the puck, we could no longer see the puck. So it was inconclusive as to whether it was underneath his glove or not. So we actually won game five despite the fucking refs trying everything they possibly could to give Ottawa a chance to fucking win it. Game three was a debacle, you know, end of the third period. I can't remember who the fuck it was. Someone on Ottawa just stood up and punched one of the Bruins in the face and we got offsetting ruffings.

We both got two minutes for roughing the Ottawa guy for punching the do in the face. And I guess the Bruin for not ducking. I don't know what he, I don't know what we got. Two minutes for not ducking for allowing yourself to be punched in the face. I have no, so was also like, all right, that's what he's going to do. What I saw that I was like, okay, this ref is like, it's going to be even strength. I'm not going to be a part of this horseshit. Okay.

I don't know why he punched him in the face. Maybe some other shit happened right before that. And this is retaliation. I don't have time for your fucking bullshit children. You're both sitting down and it's going to be even strength and no one's going to know my fucking name at the end of this. But that's not how it went down because then in the fucking overtime, Ottawa comes in fucking smashes us in the face. Nash punches the guy back in the face and we get two minutes. They go in the power play and they fucking beat us.

I don't know. I'm not even saying that we would have won the fucking thing, but it's just like, well, why do that to me? Now I got to think of that the whole fucking summer. Can't you just let Ottawa beat us? They were going to beat us. Maybe they weren't. I don't know. I don't fucking know, but Jesus Christ.

I even thought that last, that last one. I mean, maybe I'm looking at this through fucking black and gold fucking colored glasses, which of course I am. I'd love to hear what you think, but even like that fucking, you know, they won on the power play again on some ticky tack fucking horseshit. It looked bad, but when you looked at the fucking. When I did anyways, let's be honest, when I looked at the instant replay, it's like Posternaug was trying to get to the guy with the puck who was entering the offensive zone, AKA a fucking scoring threat. The fucking Ottawa guy turns around, looks at Posternaug and initiates the contact. Poster reach out, grabs the guy and he just sits on his ass.

Two minutes for fucking holding fucking 30 seconds later. Hey, enjoy your golfing, but you know what? What do I give? I mean, I actually have no fucking, I don't give a shit about Ottawa at all. I go there, I have a good time. I do shows. They've never done anything to us for some reason. They decided to trade Chara to us.

So thank you for that. To God bless you on your fucking wing. But now I get this is good, but you know something as sad as that was, I was equally happy for the New York Rangers. Not because I like, I don't dislike the Rangers either. I actually like the Rangers. It's one of the few New York teams that actually kind of see. I really love, I actually love the Knicks and I love the Rangers unless they're playing us. Then I don't like them.

And it's not really even them. It's always, it always comes down to the fans. So I was extremely excited that the Rangers knocked out the Montreal Commade Canadians. But of course I cannot give 100% credit to the New York Rangers. I do have to thank the fans of Montreal who are in the Montreal forum, the second forum on that fateful night. When you guys absolutely humiliated Patrick Waugh. To the point he gave you guys the finger. Right?

Remember that? Then he went over and he sat on the bench and he looked at your owner and I've read his lips. He said, listen you motherfucker, I'm never playing for you cunts again. All right? Trade me to whoever the fucking Nordiques are now. And that's what happened. That's exactly what happened. He called it and then he went on and he won two more cups.

I believe in 96 and in 2001. Or was it 2000? I can't fucking remember. Right? And the greatest thing ever is the Montreal Canadians never won another cup. The end. That's it. That's how the story ends.

It has it right now. That's how it's going to end. I love it. They're dead. Can you believe this? I've root for a franchise that has six cups. But we won in 2011. That gives me rights.

Whenever Montreal fans talk about their fucking all the cups they won, I just start singing glory days. That's all I do. It's really obnoxious. It annoys the shit out of them. They start wiping their tears away with their little hankies they have in their front sport coat pockets. I was actually talking to Bartnick. And a host of puck off. And I was trying to tell him I was saying that I was going to root for Toronto.

So of course then they get the old right there Fred from fucking the capitals. By the way, hey Bill, who do you think is going to win the cup? I think the Penguins repeat. That's what I think. I think they're going to have an amazing fucking series against the capitals. And then they'll probably face the fucking Rangers. And who they're going to face in the West? Well, who the fuck knows now?

Nobody saw that four game sweep against the Blackhawks. And I mean, no one saw that shit coming. Fucking people in Nashville, you know, they actually, they're such not hockey fans. They actually showed up for game five. They didn't know how many games you had to win. That's such a cheap joke. I enjoyed it. Congratulations to Edmonton.

Who else moved on? Anaheim. Anaheim fucking kicked the fuck out of somebody. St. Louis Blues. You know, I guess I got to root for the Blues again. I'll root for the Blues. They haven't fucking, they've never won a cup. And but anyways, I was talking to Bartnick, Joey Bartnick.

And a lot of people don't know this because the Maple Leafs have not won since 1967. And I was surprised when I was going back one day, just going down some fucking hockey history rabbit hole. And do you know in 1967, like if you ask somebody like who's the greatest hockey franchise, the most successful one of all fucking time, it would still would have been the Canadians, right? They'd still won the most cups, but a lot of people don't know this. In 1967, the fucking Maple Leafs were only one cup behind the Montreal Canadiens. They are now 10 cups behind them or something like that. 11 cups, I believe.

Yeah, 24 to 13. In 1967, the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs won their 13th Stanley Cup to be within one of the Montreal Canadiens. So that's like Celtics Lakers, except the Maple Leafs weren't lying about any of their titles. They didn't win one in some other fucking hockey league, you know? And then they called it a Stanley Cup championship, you know? Anyways, so they win it in 1967. All right, the Canadians have 14, Leafs have 13, they're breathing down their fucking necks. If they win two more, right?

All of a sudden, they're the greatest fucking franchise of all time. That's how fucking close they were. And once again, they won the cup in 1967. The end. That's the end of that book. It's fucking unbelievable. And then the Canadians, they won it the next two years in a row. 68-69, then the Bruins won it at 70.

Oh God, here we go. This is from memory. There's so much of a fucking nerd I am. 71, the Canadians win 72. The Bruins, 73 Canadians win. Then the Flyers went back to back in 74-75. And then they fucking had it. The Canadians had a dynasty, 76, 77, 78, 79.

When Larry Robinson beat the shit out of Dave Schultz, you know? Both of them rocking the same fucking perm. Both of them, I believe, had a mustache. I mean, it was 1976. You watch it now. They look like a couple of roided-up hipsters. But back then, that's what men looked like. And he stood up to them, and that was it.

That's one of my favorite fucking moments, by the way. And that's as a Bruin fan. I love that fight, you know? Just because, you know, I don't know. I just don't like bullies. And I'm not saying Dave Schultz was a bully. It's like you're playing fucking hockey for fuck's sakes. Me was too mean to me, you know?

But whatever. They were called the bullies. It was just something about it. Like, I just saw them pulling people's hair and shit. And I was just like, ah, you know. Who's kidding who? I love Dave Schultz. But after a while, you win so many fights,

you just start rooting for somebody else. Anyways, then they won in 1986. Then they won in 93. They won 10 more fucking Stanley Cups, and they just disappeared over the horizon. It was like when Lance Armstrong looked back at that guy, you know? When he went on to win the Tour de France, like seven fucking times.

I still can't believe they took those titles away from him. That's so fucking ridiculous. That's one of the dumbest things ever. That whole fucking sport is on drugs. They're all on drugs. So it was level playing field. Okay, that's it. I'll tell you right now, if the same people race,

okay, and they all went clean, he's going to win it again. Right? He's the best guy. If they're all on drugs, it was even. I don't know. That whole thing fucking annoys me. You know why? Because everybody fucking shits on the guy,

but everybody made all this money off of him. You never saw anybody give any of their fucking money back, did you? Oh, they were so fucking outraged. Like the fucking cunts who run the sport of cycling didn't realize what the fuck was going on. You know what I mean? If someone you work with, if you're in a restaurant and somebody's on fucking heroin at the staff,

you know that people in the restaurant don't know, but you fucking know because you worked there. They let that guy win seven in a row, blow up the fucking sport, and then they took it away from him, and then they all kept their fucking money. That's exactly what happened. As far as I'm concerned, you know, why doesn't Trump go shoot some missiles at them?

You know? Anyways, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Let me fucking type in my goddamn passport. Passport? No, my password. Oh, the screen is just so clear. I never fucking wiped down the screen. Fucking animal I am. Never do it.

I just, I'd rather squint for some stupid reason. Alright, let's do a couple questions here. Alright, big eyes follow up. Hi Bill, I listened to your podcast when you were going, when you were Googling big eyes and heard you mention the fiasco that occurred, which you dismissed assuming that it wasn't the same artist. Actually, there was a fraud involved.

The husband took credit for the wife's artistry, which came out after the images were licensed. Love your podcast, love you, go fuck yourself. And by the way, I am a 62 year old woman. God bless you, sweetheart. Yeah, I actually looked it up. Yeah, that guy was a fucking creep. Well, we should put a link up to that.

It's a crazy story. My favorite part of that story was, I forget there was some big fucking, you know, one of those things that like socialites show up to. You know those people who are just, you know, they're just, they're famous because they go to these parties where famous people are there. Every day only they just have a great conversation.

You know, they go in there and they talk about fucking hot air ballooning or just something just, I don't know. They just, people just find them fascinating because they can go from subject to subject, you know, while eating appetizers and not getting anything between their teeth. They just, I don't know what it is about fucking rich people. They are fascinated. I think they got so much fucking money.

They just get bored, right? God knows they're not talking to their wives anymore. You know, they went out and they got themselves a mattress that, you know, two different kinds, right? Fucking banker. He probably wants a heated one, the reptilian cunt. Um, so I think, I don't know if it was the World's Fair. I don't know what it was, but they fucking bought,

they had all the, they bought some big, one of those big-eyed fucking kid paintings and somebody in the New York Times and one of these fucking papers that all these fucking social-like cunts want, that respect trashed those drawings saying they're creepy, they're hacky, it's awful, it's terrible art.

What happened was they just became too mainstream and people got sick of them and they trashed them and then they immediately took it down. I think they commissioned her to fucking paint the goddamn thing. Um, I mean, what a fucking shame. One article, it's like, you like that shit. You like that shit and then you walked, you commissioned that artist, you told her

how much you fucking liked her and you appreciated her work and one little fucking article, what did you do? All of a sudden, you were like a fucking kid in high school who wasn't strong enough to say, yeah, I'm friends with that snot-nosed kid over there, you know what I mean? And stayed with them, you know, you didn't. They just stepped away and they watched that lady

get stuffed into a fucking locker with all her goddamn paintings. After what the fuck happened to her and her husband. I'll tell you right now, that's reprehensible. Alright, Captain America, everybody. Hey, Billy Bruce Banner. I don't imagine you're spending your free time reading comic books. Yeah, I can't get into them. I really like the way they're drawn, though.

Um, and I also like the superheroes always have like fucking, they have like the hottest girlfriends, at least the ones that I read. Spider-Man's girlfriend was fucking ridiculous. Jesus Christ, the fucking titties, asses, legs. I mean, she was fucking amazing. Beautiful. Beautiful goddamn woman.

Um, that's why I don't like the movies, you know what I mean? Because nowadays, I think they gotta make sure they can't go too fucking pretty now. Or else all the fatties get fucking upset. Yeah, that's an impossible image. I go to the fucking gym. Do I fucking cry when Brad Pitt takes his shirt off? Maybe I do, but I don't tweet about it.

All right, I don't imagine you spending your free time reading comic books, Bill, but I thought I'd share some news with you, man. Uh, it was revealed months back. Uh, the Captain America was actually a Hydra spy all these years. Hydra is basically the Nazis. What? All right, it was assumed that they would write it in

that he was actually, he wasn't actually a spy this whole time, but was pretending to be. Well, this month they decided to make it so that Captain America is and has always been a bad guy. The story elements they are adding are trash, so it's not even a cool twist. Oh, I love, oh, is there anything better? Is there anything better than the fucking,

the pissed off comic book reader with the direction they're taking the story? You like that fucking Dolores Claiborne, whatever the fucking name is, Misery, whatever the hell her name was. This isn't how it should end. I, well, what else are they supposed to do? He's been a good guy for a hundred fucking years,

and I'm going to tell you right now, you fucking comic book, I'm not, I'm not, am I even going to read the rest of this? You guys have, you know, out of respect, I'll read the last few sentences here. He goes, I'm not a staunch Republican.

The fuck did my screen go? I'm not a staunch Republican or a wild southerner. I'm just a guy who is tired of this self-hating trend. What's with people hating traditions so much that they can't stand a hero just being a hero? Oh, I see, you went in different directions. This is good why I read it, okay. I think you'd like some of the newer comic titles.

Pictures and words and some good stories makes for an easy, stimulating read. Just don't read Captain America. Love you, love Nia, congrats on the little lady. Thank you. Sir, what you're dealing with here is money. That's why they're doing it. They have exhausted every fucking possible storyline.

You know what I mean? Like, do you remember the Brady Bunch when they had to bring in Oliver? Right? Remember happy days? Like after a while, like Ron Howard, he just left. It's just like there's nothing left to do with this character. I'm out of here.

And all of a sudden, Fonz, he started wearing suits and he was teaching a mechanic class. He became a teacher. This fucking hooligan riding a motorcycle. Next thing you know, he's pulling up in a station wagon, teaching this fucking guy with blonde hair how to fucking tune a carburetor. He's actually helping them with their problems.

All of a sudden, it became like welcome back cutter. It's because they were out of ideas. It had run its course. And I hate to tell you this, but Captain America has run its fucking course. All right? They're going to get themselves out of this. All right?

They'll do the classic thing that, you know, it wasn't actually the real Captain America. It was fucking somebody else. But the thing is, dude, the way we should really blame is Al Gore. He's the reason that this is all going down because as we all know, Al Gore invented the internet. He said it himself.

He said it himself, and he said it again. All right? The man invented the internet. And the internet, you know, gave birth to fucking Napster, which gave birth to all of these things where people could watch movies and shit for free. Right? Napster obviously was music, but the other shit.

People go on Pirate Bay. They just watch all these movies for free. So what happened was that killed the fucking 30 million to 70 million dollar movies. Like, they just went away. So then everything became either super fucking cheap or a hundred million dollar superhero fucking movie where it's like, all right,

we're going to just spend all this money and people are going to go because they're going to want to see special effects in, you know, at the movie screen. That's what happened. So they made 9,000 of these fucking movies and there's nowhere else to go with them. I think they made a couple of Captain America movies, didn't they?

I don't fucking know. But now what they're going to do is they're going to set this up that now this guy is actually a fucking Nazi, you know, and who was doing all this great stuff in America. I don't understand. He was like saving children while spying on us. I don't know. They could somehow going to try to explain all of that shit.

I have no idea. But eventually he's going to fight Batman. All right? We all know that Batman has one professional fight under his belt and he's 0 for 1. Right? He lost to Superman. So before he gets another shot at the title,

I think he has to fight somebody else. Who's he going to fight? You know, it can't be Lex Luthor and fucking the octopus guy. I mean, those guys, they're played out. All right. They're all punch drunk. Spider-Man's been fucking them up for years.

They need somebody new. So this is the only way to go. All right? I would be surprised if Vince McMahon does not sue them for this storyline because he did this with Hulk Hogan like 50 times. You know? You knew Hulk Hogan was,

you knew when he was the bad guy I loved because he would die the side of his beard. He would die that fucking black and then he would have the fucking blonde mustache. Which by the way, I thought looked really cool. He had a great fucking Foo Man shoe. He still does. Do you ever see a guy go bald more gracefully than that?

He just kept pushing it back like Richard Rawlings and every time he did it, it was a little further back. You know? Then he started wearing the fucking, the scarves. They'd always come off. I don't know. Tanned his head up. He looked great.

Neil, wouldn't you say that? Hulk Hogan went bald very gracefully. Wouldn't you say? You don't think so? What's wrong with you today? I feel like you don't like me. I mean, part of being married, some days you're not going to like me.

I feel like that's one of these days. No, fine. I don't understand how you're so loud with slippers on. That's why I don't like you. Oh, she just said that's why I don't like you. All right. Princess Kate finds parenting hard. Well, I imagine when they try to play hide-and-go-seek in that castle,

it's going to take forever. Hey Bill, get a load of this crap. Kate Middleton, a fucking princess, did a speech in which she says she finds it hard being a mom. Now, I'm sure she has a busy schedule, but for Christ's sake, she has servants. I know.

She doesn't even have nannies. She has servants. She may have one of the easiest jobs in the entire world. She wasn't born to royalty. She married into it. So all she needs to do is not be a cunt for the next 50 to 75 years. Stay married and she's all set.

Attached as a link to her full speech. You can listen to it. If you care to listen to it, I'm not listening to that shit. She's trying to promote mental health awareness, which is nice. But did she really need to try to tell us that she finds parenting difficult? Huge fan from Newfoundland, Canada.

Thanks and don't forget to go fuck yourself. Yeah, I mean, you know, this is the thing. When a kid comes into your life, there's an adjustment period. So she was sitting there getting fanned by feathers and all of that shit, right? Having somebody bring her a little Dagwood sandwich. She's sitting on, you know, the Louis the 15th fucking,

I don't know, Ottoman. Is that a word? Is that a piece of furniture? It is, isn't it? Or is that an empire? Yeah, then all of a sudden the kid's there and she has to pretend to give a fuck about it. You know, I think it just makes her photo shoots

more difficult. What does she name her kids? They probably gave him some old white guy's name like Winston Ebenezer, the fucking 19th or some shit. I have to be honest with you, like that has to be the most boring fucking life you could ever fucking live being a fucking princess. At least when you're a prince, you know,

you got fucking guy, he goes around, he flies helicopters, he was in the goddamn army. You know what I mean? Goes out, he does shit, right? He hangs out with the boys, he's smoking cigars. What do you do as a princess? Once you're fucking married, you know, you rode down on the white horse, you had your fucking,

your wedding, right? Everybody shows up, you know, all the women in the crowd giving you the evil eye because they wanted to be a princess, all the haters. You know, there's nothing good about that right in, you know, because it's either going to be haters or people just sobbing because that dream's never going to happen for them.

So that's all you see is people staring, staring fucking daggers at you next to fatties and fucking weirdos, like, she's so beautiful. I would think it would be hard to be a princess, to see mind-numbingly boring fucking life that you're going to live, you know, to the fuck, this is when you know you're bored,

is when you promote a cause, you know, you're so fucking bored, you have to go out and help somebody. You're so fucking all set, there's nothing, there's nothing to do. You know, there's nothing, you got everything you fucking want. It's, yeah, the end, game over.

Now what do you do? Now you got to fucking, you got to go down to some third world country and start installing plumbing or some shit. I mean, you got it, you have to do something. Either that or you just fucking, you just become like one of those Dudley Moore characters, you just get shit-faced every day.

That's what I would do. Take up like archery and shit. I'd just be in the back yard just fucking shooting stuff, walking around with some fucking ridiculous cognac. I would be such a piece of shit, you know? I really would be. Can you get written out of the will? Can you get un-fucking-printed,

X-printed or something like that, X-communicated from that? That's exactly, I would do, oh my god, I would have all the fucking sports packages. I'd go to all the fucking games. I wouldn't give a shit either. I would be fucking ridiculously blowing the money and that would be my goal in life.

How overt can I be with the English tax people's money? What am I trying to say? The English taxpayer's money, there we go. You ever seen somebody like dyslexic when they're just talking? You think I'm trying to read this shit? I always flip words around. And by all means, all of you who aren't doctors, please diagnose me and tell me what sort of fish oil

I need to take to cure it. That's what I would do. My goal would be by the time I'm 42, I could easily do that. I could easily do that. I could get X-fucking, you know, no longer a duke. You know? You know what would be great?

You know what would be great? The people would actually love you. I want to say what Dunn hates you. The second you walk into a pub, you have no more security anymore, you're walking in. And they're like, yeah, you really fucked that one up, didn't you? You're cut.

You'd be like, yeah, I did. I had a great time, though. The fuck was I supposed to do? I was living in a castle. You'd fucking, you know, that would be it. The next, you know, you're sitting in the bleachers, right? In the fucking pit at the footy games. Just being a regular guy, getting fucking hammered,

eating fish and chips. And just laughing. Just laughing at how bad you fucked up your life and all those fucking sad sacks. They'd love you. Anyways, fat yoga instructor. Hey, Billy Redsack. I don't know why that struck me so funny.

I mean, I see it every day. You'd think that that would be an old joke. I work out here in LA as a personal trainer and teach some yoga classes here and there. I've been teaching yoga at this studio for over four years, and I got this fat ass cunt for a manager. Bill, she's got to be 80 pounds overweight, and despite being around all this healthy lifestyle,

she has done nothing to improve herself. I'm talking donuts and cookies. I fucking love this person. Oh, my God. I love both of these people. I love that you're calling her out for being fat or him out. And I love that this person's sitting there fucking eating donuts in a yoga shop.

What do you call it? A studio. A dojo. A crib. I'm talking donuts and cookies in the studio lobby around people that are there to avoid these temptations. That's fucking hilarious. Anyways, I've kept my mouth shut for years,

but recently we had our annual class review where the manager comes and sees how your class is put together and how you are with the students, et cetera. This whale couldn't even get through the first 15 minutes. She was beached on her matte belly, she was beached on her matte belly up gulping fucking water. Oh, she went into, yeah, she went into whale pose. Then afterwards, she had the nerve to criticize my class

that it wasn't challenging enough. Oh, my God. And you didn't say anything? Okay, this is their reason the grudge is being held. Okay, the, the, it should say the reason, the reason the grudge is being held is that my annual raise was a mere 30 cents. And I wonder if that criticism affected it.

Give me that Billy Burr philosophy on the situation. Love the podcast. Congratulations on the baby. It was great hearing her on the podcast the other day. Go fuck yourself, fire nips. Jesus Christ. Really coming at me with the fucking redhead shit today, aren't you? I think the whole thing is fucking hilarious.

I got to ask you something. All right, you've been doing this shit there for over four years. Why don't you eventually start your own thing at this point? You know, get out from that. This is what, you know what I would do if I was you? Get in a good graces, man. You know, just start bringing a doughnuts. I bring a fudge.

You know, and just, you know, I don't know if the cops could prove it, but you just kill her. Kill her with what she loves. Kill her with kindness. Okay, there you go. Kill her with kindness. Just keep what you got to do. Okay.

And this is the thing about those fatties is that they can handle donuts. All right, but I'm telling you right now, nobody can handle fudge. Fudge is like, it's like, it's almost a hundred percent sugar. It's like a solid form of cotton candy with like chocolate in it. I mean, it is fucking, you can't even eat it. Like your whole face puckers up. This is what you do. You come in and you make a tray of fudge.

All right. You cut a piece out. This is what you do. Okay. You cut a fucking piece out. All right. And just, you know, give it to the birds or something. Right.

I think sugar is good for them. I can't remember. It's either good or it kills them. Either way, just give it to the fucking birds. Right. Then you bring the fudge in there. So now it looks like somebody already took a piece. So she's not going to feel guilty and I guarantee you, I guarantee you.

You do that and the sugar is going to fuck with the joints. All right. Then you come in with some bacon, some sandwiches. You just keep going. Sugar, salt, sugar, salt, sugar, salt. Okay. And just, you know, that 30 cents they should have given you, you take 30, another 30 cents out of your fucking check every goddamn hour.

All right. And you, you put it towards giving this person food that'll slowly kill them. There you go. Or you get a new job. I don't know. I just, I just think killing her would be funnier. All right. Disowning your daughter.

Hey, Billy Bathgate's, would you ever disown your daughter if she brought home a dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Hack comic. Oh, Jesus. Think of the hackiest type of comic you could think of. And in the future, she brought him home talking about how she loves him. And now he's the funniest comic ever. Oh God.

He's got a YouTube channel tells jokes with the lampshade on his head, et cetera. She asks you what you think of him. You tell her he's a hack. She gets mad at you, tells you you don't understand him. And now he's funnier than you. Would you disowner and tell her she can't bring the hack into his house? No, no. Joke thief.

Yeah. Joke thief. He can't come into the house. You can't come into my house as a fucking joke thief. This is what I would do. You know what? Even if he stole fucking jokes, I know he's going to get caught and people are going to call him out on it.

I wouldn't say anything. All right. Because I'll tell you this. I've seen how that goes down when you say you don't like somebody that your kid likes. You know what I mean? And then there's all those in love problems. All right. This is your job as a parent is you got to trust your kid's decision making.

All right. They love the guy. You just got to go with it. You know what I mean? And then if they get divorced, you can't be like, hey, you know, I was, you know, because why did you fucking say something because you'd hate me? Jesus, why would you bring that up? I'm just, I'm three months into this.

I want to enjoy my daughter growing up. Jesus Christ. Picture of being at the fucking wedding. You know, the guy would have some fucking crazy colored fucking bow tie, the cummerbund. All right. I don't know. Jesus Christ. What a way to end.

By the way, how about the Celtics? I'm coming back one in two games. How lucky do we get with Rondo going down? Jesus Christ. By the way, he pulled off a short sleeve suit. I don't know how he did it. He actually fucking looked cool. I think you had to have a cast on to make it work though.

Like he did. He fucked up his thumb with some shit. All right. Patrice, dear Billy Big Tits. Hey, I'm losing weight, you cunts. Found this on YouTube. Almost shit myself laughing. Thought you'd appreciate this.

Some classic Patrice. Hope you enjoy and go fuck yourself. I will definitely retweet this. Thank you for sending that in. You know, it's always great that people are still watching his shit and I'm always talking about him and that type of stuff. It keeps his comedy alive. I know that's all cliched stuff, but like I was talking to, I was actually talking to

Bartnick and Andrew last night about him in the green room and I was just talking, just saying how just what a fucking, just still like crater, comedy fucking crater. What a fucking loss that was, man. It's just that guy was so much, he was so much better than all of us. He was fucking ridiculous. And I'm telling you, even as great as Elephant in the room is, I'm telling you, he effortlessly, his next special would have been at least fucking 30% funnier than that one. That's the trajectory that that guy was on and fucking kills me, man.

Fucking kills me. So anyways, that's the podcast for this week. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Please check out Return of the Mac. The first couple episodes, it's streaming on something I don't fucking know anymore. Very funny. And my apologies to Joe McIntyre for standing up last week. I really fucked that up.

And you know what's the worst part? He was totally cool about it. He goes, no worries, brother. Fucking don't worry about it and all that. That was the worst. I was like, can you at least be mad at me? Something. All right.

Go fuck yourselves up. Check in on you on Thursday. That one is from now on. Boredom for recipes that are delicious, easy and well bought. For those of you who are interested in something else, or love classics. Oh yeah, that was a spaghetti bolognese with a lot of meat. Download the My The Leise App and cook with it. Yeah, great.

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