Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-25-22

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Bill rambles about Columbus, flying high speed through a canyon, and demisexuals.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 25th, 2022. Two, two, two, two. What's going on, everybody? How are you? Oh, Billy. Hey, fever.

I got a little bit of a cold here. Oh, Billy, too much fun. Oh, Billy, fucking not sitting in the sun. So I'm in, where the hell am I? Ah, shit. I hope this isn't fucking with my recording incoming call here. I am in Columbus, Ohio, trying to fucking drink plenty of fluids here to get rid of my cold.

I'm watching the New Orleans Breakers versus the Tampa Bay Bandits, some USFL action. And I got to be honest with you, I'm still heartbroken all these years later, 40 years later that the Boston Breakers left Boston to go down to New Orleans. They never appreciated them. Look at that all the way down to the four yard line, 37 seconds to go in the first quarter. I'm just saying this just in case somebody's actually taping this game. There's literally three people in the fucking crowd. This is decent football though.

I don't know what the problem is. Why people? Why? I guess because the NBA playoffs are happening. I might have to get a New Orleans break it to the end zone back shoulder, touchdown. Oh, he dropped it. Oh God. I was like the Yankees guys.

It is far. It is deep. That ball is caught. What happened? Wasn't even the back shoulder. Oh, we tried to one handed there and an NFL guy would have done that. I like watching these USFL games because everybody in this league does not want to be in this league.

They're all right down to the announcers. Everybody's hoping that someone from the NFL is watching this shit touchdown breakers. My God, there is literally, oh my God, there cannot be more than fucking 200 people at that game. That would be amazing. You've got to go to these games guys. If there's a fucking USFL game near you, you've got to go. These are all fucking division one players for the most part.

I would think they just didn't get drafted or whatever. This is still like watching a college all-star game. Not maybe not the top tier one. You get to watch it with 200 other people and they come out. Who's the redheaded fellow there used to coach the Dallas Cowboys? He's up in the booth. I was watching him. I'm like, this guy's doing a good job.

Kind of as a funny way of holding the mic a little bit, but other than that, I think it's all right. He's kind of holding the mic like it's a wine glass. I'm like, well, he was in Dallas for a while. You know Dallas. It's the Beverly Hills of Texas. There's a two point conversion for you. What in the fuck just happened?

They went up six to nothing and then they threw another one. Am I watching highlights here? What just happened there? Now all of a sudden, wow, what a great catch. All of a sudden, now they're up 14 to nothing. Is that two point conversion? You can go for another touchdown? These wacky other leagues, that can't be right.

Maybe it was already six, nothing. Hey, Bill, maybe 99% of people aren't watching the game right now. You should shut the fuck up. All right. The hell of a catch that you could literally take everyone who's going to your wedding and go to a USFL game and there'd be more people at it than this. This is fucking amazing. Anyway, and I want to give a shout out to a New York Yankee fan.

I know New York Yankee fans are taking a little bit of shit because a couple of knuckleheads out there in fucking right field. I saw this great video. I posted it on my Instagram stories for all you kids out there. There was a New York Yankee fan at the game. He looked like he was by himself. He had a beer, he had on his Yankees jacket, and he had a hot dog and he was dunking the hot dog into the beer and then eating it like a cop would dunk a donut into a coffee.

Why not a fireman? I don't know because that's the stereotype. And I just saw that. I was like, yeah, that's what you used to see at games. You should just see all of these sports fans doing weird shit like that. I remember the first time I went to Wrigley Field, early 80s, when Leon Durham was there, the great Bill Buckner, still love that guy, Rest in Peace, Bill Buckner. I remember the guys behind us were drinking beers and this guy kept pouring salt, a little

bit of salt into his beer. My dad told me it was to take the head down or something. I don't know what the fuck it was. I'd never seen anybody do that. And then all it was was just hot dogs, peanuts, and fucking booze. That was it. Great defensive play in the backfield. I said Vaughn Miller's brother, some guy named Miller, just to see that shit.

I've got to be honest with you, I was talking to a buddy of mine and was saying if I had the money, if I had the time, if I had the power, and I had the woman, I would buy the Pittsburgh Pirates and take them away from that awful ownership, who really should be forced to sell. And I would take over that stadium and not only would I try to make the team competitive, I would bring it back where you're not trying to attract people who aren't really even that into sports, you know? Oh, now I'm watching a commercial and the rocks in it for some movie.

This looks like a good movie. You know, I saw, oh, Young Rock, I got to watch that. You know, I saw this fucking video of him and he was talking to these young kids, he's like going, you know, I love you guys, I'm proud of you guys, but none of you motherfuckers is going to outwork me. None of you, can you hear me? None of you. Like, and it just bothered me that no one in the crowd was like, how fucking outwork

you? Nobody, they just sat there and took it. None of you motherfuckers is going to outwork me. It was really amazing. It was like, it was a motivational speech and then he started giving him shit all at the same time. But I get to argue with the guy. The guy's like fucking well into his 40s and he's absolutely shredded.

When you're sitting there in your 20s, you already got a fucking potato skin, pooch hanging over your fucking junk, and you're like, well, you know, maybe he's right, thanks. I want to do that. I want to be that motivational speaker that fucking goes around and inspires people. You know, it's like you do the dual thing. You inspire people while also suddenly saying they're never going to be as good as you. I'm going to do that. I'm going to teach a stand up comedy class and do that.

Let me tell you something. I love you guys. You guys are all funny and you all have a bright future ahead of you. But let me tell you something right now, none of you motherfuckers is going to lean on a mic stand the way I do. You hear me? None of you. Just be fucking staring at him as I'm leaning on the mic stand.

You will always open for me. You understand me? Just fucking around. I love the rock. Not only do I love the rock, I watch everything that he's in. Okay. And I'm old school. I can't say totally old school.

If I was a really old school rock fan, I would have watched him when he was with the Hurricanes. But I've been watching him since when he was wrestling. And I would still say, I mean, if anybody ever said, this is like sacrilegious. He's the only guy I ever saw that could fuck with Ric Flair on the mic. And just as a comedian, what I loved was he didn't rest on his catchphrases. He was always adding new stuff to what he was doing. There hasn't been a guy like that before or since how fucking amazing that guy is. I think, I would say in the modern era, which I consider the late 90s because I'm an old

guy, the modern era. I've yet to see somebody after him, all you young people, if there's somebody out there that you think is as good as the rock, I want to see that guy because that fucking guy, you know. I remember at the beginning of the Super Bowl this year when he was like, finally, the Super Bowl has come back to Los Angeles. This female comedian, I know, texted me and she goes, did we really need that at the beginning of the game?

And I was like, absolutely, we fucking absolutely did. It's one of my favorite intros to a fucking Super Bowl ever. What were we supposed to have? You know, one of those fucking goddamn wine and rock bands now that talk, sing about their emotions. You know, I blame the whole Seattle rock scene, like emo music on the Seattle scene. They just fucking, they came in and they just fucking changed it, whining about their fucking days.

They couldn't just block their feelings the way their hair metal bands did, you know. I'll tell you right now, if you're not watching this USFL game, the Portland Breakers, I mean the New Orleans Breakers, are they the Portland, I don't know where they're from, New Orleans. The Portland Breakers are, they're putting on a clinic here on how to beat the Tampa Bay fucking strip malls, whatever they're called, the Tampa Bay Bandits. Oh, look at that, is that a female driver? Somebody just won a race in a pink car, I'm guessing that's a female driver. Oh, it's a guy, maybe he lives an alternative lifestyle, he's with a woman, there's a lot

going on there. You know, when you watch TV with the sound down, I mean a lot of different things start happening. Whereas they put on the ball in USFL, I like it, you got to have, you know, when you have a new league, you got to have a different fucking, they don't have money for cups either, look at the quarterbacks junk hanging to the right. You got to have, I mean it was right in the middle of the screen people, what do you want from me?

Anyway, you got to have a different ball, like the AFL did, the way the ABA did. I think that right there is a good sign for investors that you could possibly be creating a league that will eventually merge. I don't know, there's probably too many goddamn teams at this point. I mean the NFL has 32 franchises, but God knows they're always looking to add more, you know? Like I'm wondering, do you ever think the NFL would ever get up to 40 teams? I mean who would thought that they would ever add a game and play 17 games, which by the

way I fucking hate, I fucking hate 17, because now I got to rethink my whole, you know, when you try to predict, predict, what do you think they're going to do this year? Go fucking, you know, 9 and 7, 10 and 6, now you got to be like, what do you think they're going to do this year? 9 and 8, 10 and 7? You got to ask yourself, is 10 and 7 good enough to make the playoffs this year? It's just weird, they're weird numbers. Not a fan.

Oh, Billy Grouchy cakes, doesn't like an extra game of NFL football as he sits here watching spring football. Look at the fucking, they got little stars in the front of them when somebody throws a spiral, it looks cool. All right, I got to do a little vanity thing here, I'm not going to lie to you. Hope Soda Kenny sent me video, center field camera of me throwing out the first pitch. I've probably watched it 78 times today. It still hasn't worn off.

It's the coolest thing I think I ever did. I still can't believe it. I talked about the pitch amount, right? I'm telling you, it's fucking synthetic dirt. It's not even, it was like a Luminati level dirt. It was the cleanest dirt I've ever seen in my life. Like if you fell down on it, your clothes would be cleaner somehow, it was incredible. You know, Bull Derm, they always talked about how, you know, playing baseball, like every

ball was when you get to the show, how all you played with was like the new baseballs. Jesus Christ, look at that fucking coach. I don't know what he was looking at, but I don't think he's ever going to figure out whatever the hell he was trying to figure out. Oh Christ, there's a sloppy play on third and goal. Now we got to settle for a field goal. You know what's funny about this shit is you know there's somebody out there that has money on this game.

What are you thinking? How do you think you're taking them? I don't know, I like Tampa. I like Tampa and the points. Christ, they didn't show up just like the crowd. Anyway, so I've been doing my tour this week and I started off in Pittsburgh, which was absolutely incredible and they blocked the fucking field goal. God damn it.

Why do I care? I still love that I actually have some sort of like loyalty to the USFL breakers. I do, you know, that's the thing, man. Now who the fuck had Campbell? The guy went right in and blocked the goddamn thing. The fuck's the field goal kicker looking at? Do you think it's going to bounce back around? He's probably looking up to see if his girlfriend left too.

God damn, she left his leagues going under. He's probably watching the replay. That's what he was doing. Anyway, so I started off in Pittsburgh, then went to Nashville, then up to Cleveland and I'm in Columbus tonight. I'm recording this Sunday afternoon and I want to thank everybody that has come out to the shows. It's been, those are, as far as shows that I've done, I've never done shows this big

back to back to back to back in my life. The amount of people coming out to see me, I'm not going to lie to you, is, I'm not going to lie to you, kind of overwhelming, you know? And it wasn't until last night where I kind of, like, I was kind of freaking out the first two nights and I started like catastrophizing, you know? I'm like, what am I doing? This is too big. I don't want to do this.

This is fucking stupid. Like, this is shit that you think about before you go out. I'm just going like, you know, just fucking give me a 1200 seater, I'll just do my fucking shit. Just fucking leave me alone. And then I remember thinking back to, way back in the day when I first started selling tickets, which was in 2005, and I remember the first gig I did, I had an HBO half hour came out and I was covering for Jim Norton on an Anthony show, right?

So I had that going on and then I had the half hour special came out and then all of a sudden I went from, you know, basically selling hardly any tickets and people just kind of going to the comedy club because that's what you did, like, hey, let's check out, see who's down there. Maybe the guy's funny. Like, that's kind of the crowd that I had. To all of a sudden, I played Rascals in New Jersey and it was the first time I met Paul Verzi, New Jersey's own Paul Verzi.

And I went there and the place was packed and there was like this excitement, people wanted to see me and I heard a few people yell my name and I remember being in the green room and I was freaking the fuck out because it was this whole new level of pressure where before the pressure was can I convince these people that I'm funny and that's basically the pressure that you deal with as a comedian from day one as a comic. The first time you do your first open mic, you got to go up there and show the people that you're funny because obviously no one knows who you are and it's also an open mic so they're expecting you to suck.

So that was my whole career from 1992 until 2005. So I was really comfortable with the crowd sitting there thinking that, who the fuck is this guy? This guy isn't funny. That was my sort of comfort zone. And then all of a sudden, yeah, I had those two things happen in my career and all of a sudden there was a comedy club full of people that wanted to see me and I felt for the first time in my life the pressure of expectation where now it was and hey, let's go down there

and see who, you know, see if this guy, who the fuck this guy is or whatever. Now we know who this person is and we expect him to be as funny as whatever the hell we already saw. So I remember being down there and like, you know, I was not comfortable with it. I wasn't comfortable with it that weekend and I remember being at the stress factory in New Jersey. I was at a couple of East Coast gigs because, you know, Opie and Ethie was strong there and I was also like, you know, when you first do like a quick little half hour, I found

like if you're from the Northeast, you get like the coasts and maybe you can sell some tickets in like Chicago, you can kind of go out to like Cleveland or whatever. But a lot of that was because it was the ONA markets too. So they were helping me sell a lot of tickets and it took me like three weekends. I think before I was finally able to be like, okay, this is what you wanted. Okay, you're finally going to make some fucking money. Jesus Christ, I have to fucking see seven, 13 years. Finally going to make some fucking money.

All right, you have the act. You're funny. You know what you're doing. Just relax and go up there and have fun. But it took me three week weekends to get that and I feel like on this tour here, I kind of did that again where I was like in Pittsburgh, I was like, all right, here we go, Pittsburgh. Okay, these fucking, these are, you know, big time sports fans, you know, everybody comes to Pittsburgh, everybody loves Pittsburgh, they got big expectations and it's just like

I've gone there a zillion times and had fucking great sets and I don't know why, I just was like getting in my head because now all of a sudden I was performing at a level of venue that I had never performed for. And then of course I got out there in a second, I got out there. It was immediately fine and I had a great show and the fans were amazing and I got to meet the great Hall of Famer, Franco Harris. Franco Harris was at my show. Can you believe, I'm going to say that again, Franco Harris and his lovely wife and his

son, Doc, were all at my show and it went great and I got to meet Franco and his family after the show. It was insane, right? So I was just like that, you know, I mean, I can't even tell you what that was like to meet that guy. I was just thinking of all the football cards I had and being excited every time, you know, I'd be opening the packs of cards with my siblings or whatever and some of you would be like, Franco Harris, you know, when you would get his football card.

What also was cool was Randy and Bill Crawford came down, Randy Baumann and Bill Crawford came down from WDVE, which they were the reasons I ever sold even half a ticket in Pittsburgh because of those guys, they used to let me come in like on a Tuesday and just sitting on the show. God, I love doing that. It was fucking awesome, man. And they were also out at the show. So at the end of the show in the green room, I was talking to Franco and somebody, a Steeler

fan showed me the entire immaculate reception from a 50-yard line camera that has the whole thing. Without a doubt, caught the ball before it touched the ground. I mean, you can still argue, did it go off an offensive player first, who the fuck knows? But like, it always just seemed the way NFL films cut it, that they were trying to do something underhanded because they were showing the play from that 50-yard line thing and then they would always cut to the close up. But what it really was, now that I've done a little direct in here, what was is they

were set up to watch where Terry threw the ball, not where it was going to ricochet. So they didn't have the shot. So they were probably in close on where the ball was going to end up and then it ricocheted to the right out of frame, so then they had to go to the end zone shot. And all that they had from that was sort of a three-quarter shot on Franco, so you couldn't see the ground. You could never see if it touched the turf or not. I got to watch it with Franco Eris, how fucking nuts is that?

Anyway, so then the next night I go down to Nashville and yeah, I felt the same feeling again, like, what am I, this is too big, what am I doing, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I went out there and it went great again and then like, you know, Nashville was a mind fuck because I remember I went to a Predators game their first or second season before they became like this big hockey town. And I remember like walking up to buy a ticket and I was hearing, you know, Nashville has all the great live music and everything, right? And I heard like this guy, he was like dressed like a cowboy in this little bar and he was

just singing and he was singing like country music and I'm walking past it to go buy a ticket to go see NHL hockey, like it didn't even make sense. And then I went in there by myself as I went to most of those games back then and I remember the puck went in the corner and they just kicked a fucking field goal, okay, Tampa Bay did and I swear to God. If I could rewind on my hotel TV, there is literally 11 people in the end zone. You guys got to get out and support this league. It's a good fucking thing.

More sports, more sports, less war. That's my hippie mantra. Anyway, yeah, so I went there and the puck went in the corner, this Nashville Predators game. Behind me just is one of the Predators was going in to check the guys, she, you know, was cheering on but didn't know what the right hockey terminology. She literally, she goes, puck goes in the corner. The Predators going in to hit the other guy and she just yells out, she goes, squish him.

It's fucking amazing. And I remember thinking like, ah, the NHL did it again, trying to bring the game down south. How many times are they going to fail down here? How many times are they going to give Atlanta a fucking team and just realize this ain't going to work? And lo and behold, Nashville becomes this insane hockey town and ever since then I feel like the NHL has made great moves with where they put their teams.

The Vegas Knights. I mean, the fans are crazy there and I think the Seattle Kraken are going to be fucking huge too. So anyway, last night I'm in Cleveland and I'm waiting to go on and Vanessa Fraction and Joe Bartnick are opening for me and Joe, by the way, is, is taping his show tonight. His standup special with all things comedy at what's it called the den or something like that in Chicago. All Freckles is going to be warming up the crowd, fucking around, trying out some new

jokes, talking to the locals, getting everybody all amped up, you know? But Joe Bartnick's first standup special, I got to tell you, Vanessa went up and just absolutely fucking killed. And we've been playing a game I've been on the road about, you know, you got to try out new shit. You got to try out one new bit during your set. And she didn't check it out and she did her new bit and it went great. And then Bartnick went up there and he's totally in like, like beyond mid-season form.

He's ready to like tape a special. He was up there like just, you know, one of the hardest I've ever seen him kill. Just fucking kill. And when he got off, he was so excited about how well he did. He forgot his beer. Okay. And I'll tell you right now, you know Joe Bartnick is excited when he leaves, you know, a third of a Miller high life sitting up on the stage.

So anyway, as they were up there killing, I was still having all of those feelings of doubt and all of that shit. And then I don't know, I thought about that moment in my career when I was at Rascals and I was at the stress factory, I'm like, no, this is what you do when you get something bigger than what you used to is you turn into little Billy Burr again, who just wants to be alone so no one can hurt him and blah, blah, blah, and pull your knees into your chest. Fucking relax. Go up there.

It's going to be fine. These people want to see you. Have a good time. And I went up there and like, I had the best set, I think, of the three nights that I've done it. And I was like, okay. All right. And now tonight I'm all excited.

I'm in Columbus and I'm not feeling any of those feelings other than that. I'm just going to go up and have a great time and fuck around and try out some new shit. So I don't know, I was telling you that story in case there's younger comedians listening because that's something that, you know, what I just told you is not a unique thing. Like that's what performers, I think, go through. I don't know, if you wired like me, I should say some people are just, I mean, they're ready to play in an arena the first night you meet them. The first person that comes to mind with that would be Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart, when I met him, he was ready from day one. Day one, if you told him to go play in an arena, he would go out there with his first five minutes with supreme confidence. He was just wired that way. So I was, as much as all that he's done, I don't think, I was, you know, I got the idea. I guess you were a little surprised when somebody you work with is all of a sudden starring in a movie, but I wasn't surprised that he could fucking handle it.

I mean, he just, you know, I don't know, one of those rare people was just ready to go from the beginning. Anyway, let's talk about some other stuff. Your Boston Celtics, my Boston Celtics are up three games to none over the Brooklyn Nets. And I got to tell you, I was worried about game three because, you know, we went up two games to none and, you know, the cameras were on the Celtics fans, not the smart ones who go home, the drunk ones who hang out afterwards and get in the camera like holding up four fingers like we're going to fucking sweep these guys.

And I'm thinking like, what are they doing? These are the same people that are heckling fucking Kyrie Irving. What are you doing? You're just motivating these people. Just fucking go home. Don't say shit. You know, some people fucking watch sports so that if their team wins that they could talk shit.

I don't know why, but that's, that is an unfortunate part of sports fandom. So anyway, I remember I was in a cigar bar afterward, like living my sports dream. Okay. I watched the end of the Red Sox game, even though we lost to the Blue Jays, we ended up taking two out of three from us, sons of bitches. And I was watching the end of the Red Sox game with the Celtics game on and the Red Sox games ended and then they were promoting the Bruins vs. the Penguins in Pittsburgh the next night that I was going to be in, which we lost to them too.

But I was like, this is what I miss. I haven't experienced this since half my life ago. I left Boston when I was 27, I'm going to be 54. So half of my life I have not lived. I've lived in hostile sports behind hostile sports lines and I get fucking sick of it. So anyway, as I was watching promote the Bruins game, they cut to the after, you know, Celtics, the post game interviews and they were cut into highlights of it and I, they show Jason Williams and he's dressed like he just won a Grammy and then they cut to Kevin Durant

and he has on just regular tracksuit with this red knitted hat and he looked like Marvin Gaye right before he went into the studio and was going to record what's going on. So I was just sitting there going like, we're looking like the Miami Hurricanes right now and they got off the plane wearing fatigues thinking the whole shit was a foregone conclusion. So I was really nervous that Kevin Durant was going to have a big game and that, you know, it was going to be all of a sudden two games to one and then we'd be looking at the next game of them being able to tie it right up. But fucking Celtics, Jesus Christ, I only was able to watch highlights.

But my God, Jason Williams, Jalen Brown, Marcus Smart, I mean, by the way, congratulations, one defensive player of the year, also hit a couple of big threes down the road or at least one that I saw. And you know, we are on a collision course, I'll tell you, with the Milwaukee Bucks and everybody's going to see the matchup that ESPN is too afraid to talk about. All right. Did he just fucking catch that? That has got to be the greatest catch in front of 18 fucking people I've ever seen in my

life, 316 to go in the third quarter. 9 for your New Orleans breakers goes up one-handed catch between two defenders. They kind of brought the other hand over. Wow, what a catch. People were not going to go because of the uniforms. That was a big time fucking catch anyway. There's a collision on sports rivalry about ready to happen and I don't know why ESPN is shying away from it.

But all the real NBA fans know it's coming. All right. It is the rematch of Grayson Allen and Grant Williams. A little backstory for you, back when Grayson Allen was on the Memphis Grizzlies, he was playing a summer league game against the Boston Celtics and in the course of about 10 seconds he committed two-flagrant fouls against Grant Williams. All Grant did was just, you know, was it a pick screen, whatever the fuck you call it, from behind, Grayson didn't like it, Grayson showing no grace, didn't like it whatsoever

and just sort of swung at Grant Williams' head. He gets a flagrant foul. You got to watch it. I should post it because he announces just rip him a new one. And then, I don't know, like where it is they come out of that, Celtics go back down with the ball, another screen, Grayson Allen doesn't like it, Grant Williams goes up for a fucking layup and he's swung at his fucking head is what it looked like and he got himself ejected.

Now, since then, I think Grayson has stopped playing like that. I know today he had a big game with the Milwaukee Bucks and he's been doing great with the Bucks and he scores all kinds of points for him. I think he's changed his game, all right? But the question is, when he sees Grant Williams, will he revert back to who he was? Is that him? Is that who he is? Huh?

Will people on ESPN be screaming about it? I'll tell you this show I want to see. Stephen A. Smith with Mad Dog Russo. I mean, all they need to add to that is like fucking Bruce Dickinson or Rob Halford. And that will be the loudest show in the history of, forget about sports, anything. A couple of screemers and that's coming from me. That is coming from me. Another thing, when I was in Cleveland, I got to swing by one of my favorite comedy

clubs in the country, Hilarides. And of course, I was coming down with the cold. My favorite club owner out there, Nick Costas, we got to hang out. So many memories. I hadn't been in there in like 10 years and all of the memories, all of the friends that I met, all of the people that I've met, all of the times I hung out, all the sets, all the comics, all of this stuff came flooding back. And I had nothing but, just nothing but fond memories and I swear to God, if I didn't have

kids, you know, I would love to come through there one time and just do like a weekend, you know, next time I'm built in an hour, maybe do a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. But Nick was class, as always, and fortunately I had to leave a little bit early because I wasn't feeling well. But anyways, I want to thank him and his staff and everybody else and one of my best friends in the league, in comedy, Nate Craig was out there, it was just a great time. So anyway, let's, with that, let's do the, let's do the Reads here for the week. Oh, would you look who it is?

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on a second and we're back sorry old Sneezy here had a blow his fucking nose all right so here we go. The first letter from the fans here Yankee fans the Yankee fans are trash now come on they had one incident it's people in the bleachers everybody's fans that are in the bleachers are a bunch of fucking animals all right hey Bill I don't even really hate the Yankees because I'm a pirate fan yeah you also fucking you guys beat them in like 1960 or 61 right Bill Mazurowski but they're just the all-time classless fans of all time I'm sure you saw them trashing their own field well they weren't trashing on field they were throwing shit

at people from the other team I'm from outside of Pittsburgh and there's a lot of moron fans around here but they're not entitled morons and that's a key difference find a worst fan base in baseball you can't oh come on people have done way worse than that and so if Yankee fans in the late 70s somebody threw a fucking knife from the upper deck and it grazed the forearm or somebody on the other team when they were congratulating each other for winning back then everybody didn't have a cell phone camera so the person didn't get caught I wonder that that person went on to do you know just in a fit of anger they threw it and then as it was going it's like oh fuck is that gonna hit somebody you gotta go gotta go yeah it was

definitely unfortunate what they did it was great to see you know Aaron judge and those guys go out there and tell everybody to stop acting like fucking idiots but like you know now Yankee fans there's some loud morons they sit out in right field and do all that stupid stuff Aaron judge that's that part is stupid but if you mean like you know a Yankee fan that knows the game they they they're great I don't have a problem with them I really don't like I like listening to like my big thing is if a Yankee fan can talk about the Yankees in the 80s then I'll listen to them you know or now talk about them over the like the last 10 years you know I've met some you know every fan base has their good fans and their their bad fans all

right so I mean I'm not gonna sit here as a Boston fan and start talking about behavior considering some of the shit that we've done it was an unfortunate incident and you shouldn't fucking paint everybody you know and I think a lot of the shit that they're gonna get is because they have all that money in 27 championships but having said that those people out in right field are they're they're kind of they're fucking nerds I always thought they were just nerds with their chants and all of that stuff it was really sort of rocky horror pictures it was very Broadway musical I thought what they would like the sports version of it um

anyway uh survival kicks in dear billy bloodbath I've been thinking a lot lately about how much better we perform when our life depends on it everything from a mother's adrenaline allowing her to lift heavy shift it's funny you said like allowing her to life heavy shit and I was trying to fix what you wrote and I took the f out of that and put it on the other thing shift to lift heavy shit to save her kid to win soldiers or emergency workers take their skills to the next level in the heat of combat yeah you get like that you get that tunnel vision or like when I went out to throw out that first pitch you know I'm kidding but not really which leads to my question if you had to fly a helicopter through a canyon at high speeds

in significant turns would you be able to we're not talking heavy rocket fire but let's say someone's on your tail and there's some ground to air artillery no time to think just time to act talk to me what do you think well I mean I wouldn't have a choice I would have to I'm not saying that I wouldn't fuck up but um no I think I could do it absolutely I mean I couldn't do it in the helicopter that I fly I would fly it at the highest speed it could fly um no I think I could do it I could fucking haul ass my thing I'd be trying to look around every corner um in case there was wires or all of a sudden you know if I was flying into one of those dead-end canyons so then what you have to do is uh what's known as a quick stop in a helicopter something you

cannot do in an airplane and that's why flying that low in unfamiliar canyons is so much more dangerous in a plane than it is in a helicopter with a helicopter you gotta obviously look out for wires um I mean I guess you do when you're playing too but like if I was to suddenly make a turn and I saw the canyon was a dead end I can just do a quick stop where a airplane has to you know do like a u-turn so I know when like when they're in an unfamiliar area and they're flying low like I watched this horrible video of these people that died they landed in Aspen they were on their way across country to refuel and all of that and it was a hot day so density altitude was a lot higher meaning the air was a lot thinner than it usually is at that altitude

causing you to not um get the normal performance that you would at that your your aircraft is performing at that altitude like it's at a much higher altitude which causes you to have to you know be concerned about the weight and all of that stuff that you have and versus the distance you have to climb out of there and these guys were unfamiliar and they went down a canyon that they were unfamiliar with and they couldn't get the altitude they needed and I learned by watching that um they just showed something on Carl and Fisk he didn't pass away did he why would that be show showing that here um they were showing uh they were talking about how as a pilot the safe way to fly something like that if you're not familiar is you you fly to one side of the

canyon or the valley or whatever you're on one side so if you do have to bank around you don't have to eat up any more distance by getting to one side of it so you can make the turn you can immediately just enter the turn and these guys didn't do that and then they tried to do it and they just went into the fucking trees it's it's it's horrible hang on a second please tell me Carl and Fisk didn't fucking pass away please tell me that's it's just it's his birthday or something Carl turn Fisk he just for some reason just showed him in the middle of a USFL football game uh okay he's still alive

all right good Jesus Christ sorry I didn't mean to scare you guys too I'm watching a fucking USFL game and all of a sudden they were showing him on the red socks and the white socks and saying how many years he played and all that right he's okay wikipedia he's still alive all right pudge the great pudge fisk um all right now that I scared the shit out of you let's uh so anyways going back to that what do I think would I be able to do it um I would absolutely be able to fly way beyond anything I've ever done on my own skill level would I be able to shake the pilot behind me probably not because I think everybody is pretty much a better pilot it has more hours than me you know I only have like 300 something although I should be over 400 but

I'm not allowed to fly until I get the first edit of this movie done so um that's where I'm at all right made in America oh this is my favorite thing by the way I'm getting my mother-in-law one of those u-turn uh turntables uh that's made in America in Massachusetts uh made in America amps hey guys headstrong is a one-man operation has been hand-building two guitar amps for 19 years in the u.s. Andrew Thamelis are you listening just like they were done in the 1950s with no circuit boards or integrated circuit chips it's called headstrong come on all you dad rockers out there we're making a decent living because you know playing a band you know you're gonna get one of these all hand wired using cloth covered wire handmade vintage spec transformers u.s. made

solid pine cabinets and handmade speakers just like the old fender amps from the golden era of american craftsmanship and tone all here in a tiny little shop in the mountains on western north carolina wait a minute i think i got one of these from this guy i know this guy yeah headstrong i have a fucking amp and i still stink but oh i sound great when i stink um 21 three at halftime by the way um american made vibrator company okay here we go i mean you know it takes all kinds everybody's got this there's plenty of voids to be filled here in america dear billy ginger balls burr re-manufacturing in usa what does re stand for is that replying i have no idea okay i'm an engineer at the cleveland vibrator company in cleveland ohio

i love my job because i design and test vibrators every day i enjoy it but it's hard work get it sometimes i'm sore at the end of the day and need a stiff one get your mind out of the gutter it's not that kind of vibrator that's what i thought uh we make industrial vibrators for transportation and processing of bulk materials ranging from animal feed to iron ore cement to plastic pellets fasteners to fund dip well what does the vibrator do it shakes everything inside the thing so it settles and you can put more in the in the container i don't even know what you do here think of that show how it's made one out of three segments will have a vibrator in it as part of the production process oh my wife loves telling people where i work it says that i'm a

professional vibrator tester she's not wrong i wear shirts and hats with our company logo out and about and we have a lot of fun with reactions um hate the show never listening again can't wait to see you in cleveland april 23rd go fuck yourself i don't even know what i don't know what that is let me just i'm gonna look that up cleveland vibrator company you know jesus i can't do that next to carl fistname i gotta delete him first here cleveland come on you fucking cunt vibrator company let's see images cleveland vibrator company

all right i have no idea what it does it vibrates something but not your clitoris your clitoris um all right well that's awesome all right said the wrong thing all right hi mr burr i'm a big fan of your comedy and you're acting thank you i was out for dinner with my girlfriend and she invited her friend who i've never met she was nice and everything was going well but i might have fucked up at some point in the night she mentions that she is now demisexual and explains thank you that you're gonna explain this that it means that she only has sex with people she has a real connection with well there you go i said so i guess you're i guess you're just not a whore anymore

he said i just went quiet and she seemed offended was i wrong comedically no comedically that was fucking hilarious um um and on the date i don't know i mean if you were trying to see if she had a sense of humor i have to be honest with you my wife if i said that to her on a first date she would have laughed i think i don't know it all depends because this is the thing she might have been a whore before or what society calls a whore and uh she might have figured out the reasons that she was doing it was she had issues about something and now you know she wants to turn over this new leaf so she's trying to be this new thing and you kind of shit all over it so um

i don't know i gotta be i mean i gotta give you props it's a bold statement to make on a first date but you know you might have heard her feelings but she also saw the kind of sense of humor you had so so as far as in the realm of how much you could have heard her what if he didn't make that joke and then she dated you and fell in love with you and then she found out you were this level of an asshole you were to hurt her much more so yeah you i mean how did you know she wasn't gonna like the joke but at the end of the day in a lot of ways she sort of ripped the band-aid off if she just immediately saw what an asshole you were now here's the thing if you guys are going out again i would definitely apologize and just be like uh you know i shouldn't have said that shit i was

just making a joke but just to let you know that's how i joke uh by the way what is the purpose of knee pads in football anymore the guys pants are always like yanked up above their fucking knees and then they have the knee pad like sitting where their thigh is um why wouldn't you have it on your that's an apod um all right well there we go so i got columbus tonight tomorrow i'm going to be in chicago my kind of town chicago is traffic 24 7 chicago is a fucking beautiful city this time of year no more cold wind blowing off lake michigan i'm excited to be there and i'm very excited for my great friend joe bartnick i think he's absolutely gonna kill it and knowing that he's absolutely gonna kill it and then start headlining around the country i know i'm gonna lose him as

an opener but the upside is uh you know he'll be headlining which is what i want and then also i get to try out some new peoples to new peoples say this is what happens to all my openness they all eventually end up headlining because i don't bring cupcakes out on the road that's just how it is i go out on the road and i bring people that i believe in and i believe in joe bartnick and that's why i'm doing the 10 minutes in front of his show um tomorrow night at the den so come on out i don't know if there's any tickets left you can check uh it's a small you know 300 400 cedar or whatever but it's going to be an absolute fucking blast and i'm so proud of him that's it okay that's the podcast go fuck yourselves and i will check in on you on thursday

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