Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-27-20

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

Bill rambles about the passage of time, Jordan, and painters.

Hey, what's going on is Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 27, 2020. How's it going? How are you hanging in there? Are you running out of fucking projects to do? Oh my God, this has been the longest month of my fucking life. Jesus Christ. Remember when you watched the Shawshank Redemption? How that movie was so long, I was like, what the fuck is going on? And then I realized, oh, I know what they're doing. They're giving me the sense of what it's like to do time. I'm not shitting on the movie either because I love the movie, but it was fucking long. The guy was in jail for a long time, right? Hey, I don't know. Anyway, Jesus Christ. If you guys ever wanted to know what it was

like to be a comedian out on the road and you had to kill a day waiting for your show later on that night, you know, this is what it feels like. Remember that back in the day? You'd just be sitting there going, oh, you know, I heard they got an exhibit downtown. The first Ferris wheel ever was made. It's like a 20 minute walk if you want to do that. The worst is when I get paired up with a comic, I didn't want to go and do anything. I just would sit in the fucking condo, you know, ordering food, playing, brought his PlayStation. I remember when I saw the comic that brought his PlayStation, I was always like, all right, that guy's not going to make it. Like I was working harder because I was going to go to

the fucking arch in St. Louis. By the way, one of the scariest tourist attractions I've ever been to. A lot of people probably don't know this, but you can actually go up into the arch. And it's like these egg, I don't know if they still like that. They look like little eggs, these elevator thing that brings you up. It's like the thing that fucking Mork used to get out of on Mork and Mindy. Now there's a 40 year old fucking reference, right? So you go up this fucking thing and you start thinking like, well, wait a minute, at some point, am I going to start, am I going to be like laying on my back as I start going up the arch? And obviously, you know, what they do is there's like a, almost like a series

of locks, how a boat goes through like a, what do they call one of those fucking things? A canal, you know, like the Panama Canal series of locks thing, close behind you, fill it up with water, rise them up that bullshit. They kind of do the elevator version of that. But as you're waiting, like the fucking thing is swinging. And I swear to God, it looks like a plastic piece of shit. Then you get up to the top and the only way to look out is you lay down on your stomach and look out these little windows. And because of how high it is and how skinny it is, it has to give a little bit when the wind blows. So it won't fucking tip over. So you're up there laying on your stomach, looking out this little window

and you're feeling this thing fucking moving. Everybody's up there like, whoa, whoa, I want to go back. Then you get up there and there's really nothing to look at. I remember there was the baseball stadium. You looked at that and then you're like, wow, look at this beautiful downtown area that nobody's in. Gee, Bill, why did you have to shit on the Midwest? I don't know. Anyway, yeah, I am, I am like, I'm out of ideas. And I've just been staying like at this point, like I remember I was kind of being like, all right, every two, three days, I'm going to go for a drive. And that's become now like once a week. And remember, it used to feel

weird that I never left my house for a day. And now it's starting to feel normal. And I was just my head of thought today. I was like, is this what it's like to be on welfare? You know, I know it isn't, I know it isn't. I know you live in a way shitty or fucking whatever. But like, I would love to interview somebody on welfare and just be like, how long is does a year feel like compared to when you had a job? I guess you have a shitty job and just drag. I think anytime you're just doing something you don't want to be doing, like if you're on welfare and you're loving it, I bet the years fly by. I don't have no fucking idea what I'm talking about. Go fuck yourselves. You fill up a fucking hour when there's nothing

going on. By the way, I am not even entertaining any of these conspiracy theories that this is a fucking move China made to try and take over the fucking world. Jesus Christ, the randomness of letting a virus loose, that that's not going to come back and attack your own people. And let me guess, they already have a vaccine that they gave to their billion of fucking people. I don't I don't even like somebody sent me all you know, just just for the entertainment value. I will click on this, this, this fucking New World Order here thing that Yanis Papis from history high, he, oh, this is this is him doing Mr. Papis Chinese plot for world domination. All right. I love Mr. Mr. Panos. Sorry, Mr. Papis, Mr. Panos, one of the many

brilliant fucking characters that he does how that guy isn't on SNL. I just I don't I don't even understand. I don't even understand. Yanis Papis, everybody Italian guy. Anyway, I just I don't I don't know what the fuck to do now with myself. I'm just hoping because it's getting hotter out here, we had a little heat wave that it's just going to burn this thing out. And there's all these weird things going on now where states are starting to act independently. And like, I think like, oh, in Omaha, Nebraska, they got to open a comedy club, which I think is great. But then like, I was kind of reading this email about the whole situation. And it just kind of seems like they're just letting the comedy club decide how to disinfect. My buddy was telling me there was

some other fucking state they're opening up. And one of the things they're opening up is a bowling alley. Is it just going to be for the fucking guys who bring their own bowling balls? Because my buddy was going there, everybody's sticking their fingers in the same goddamn balls. I mean, that's just how this whole fucking thing started. I don't know, I think we're going to be fine. And I believe it's all going to open up. I'm going to say this right now, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to go ESPN here and make a prediction. And I'm going to say that they're going to open it back up on May 15. They have to. They have to. One of the best fucking rants I've seen about all of this.

I just don't want to say his last name wrong. Is it Vic DiBattetto? Is that how you say? I don't know. I'm going to butcher it. I'm fucking Irish. We have short last names. We don't have all these wonderful vowels and all this like the Italians do. His fucking rant about the banks and all of that is where I wish all Americans heads were at. Is just sitting there talking about Trump and Clinton and Obama and Bush and all of that. It's nothing is clearer to me right now than even the government works for the fucking banks. Everybody is losing money. Everybody is losing money, but not the banks. Not the fucking banks. They'll give you three months off. And then on the fourth month,

you owe the back three plus the four. It's like, how the fuck am I going to? I haven't worked for fucking 90 days. Why can't they just treat the economy like a video game and just hit pause? And when this fucking thing's over, whatever, your April mortgage will then say it's over the beginning of August and you just play April's in August. And that's it. Just like pictures broke it down. It totally made sense. Just add three months to the end of the mortgage. And that's it. No, no, no banks will not do that. They will not do that complete. Everybody else making sacrifices. Everybody else trying to do whatever he's fucking doctors and nurses, you know, who are fucking working 90 goddamn hours a week helping people out. Everybody's

making fucking sacrifices. The banks fuck you. All right, but you go on the internet and what are people talking about? They're talking about the government is the government trying to control you. Trump's a fucking idiot, blah, blah, blah and all that type of shit. It's just like it's the banks. You're yelling at the ass of the problem. Although I got to be honest with you after after, you know, Trump said, you know, to inject household cleaner, maybe into your body, maybe that'll help. That's my I want people who are Trump supporters to write in and defend why you still think that guy is presidential material, why you can sit there and be and don't even hit me with that. Well, you know, he's got a lot. He's got a lot of people surrounding

him to help him out. Just imagine if you ran a deli. Okay. And you were interviewing somebody to make bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches, and they knew how to make a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. But in the job interview, when they taught, you asked him for whatever reason, you asked him about a solution to the COVID-19 problem, and they suggested that you inject household cleaner into yourself. Would you hire that person? Would you let that person touch the food with or without gloves? I'm asking you. Because that's what fascinates me about human behavior. I don't know. In the last, I don't know how many years since it all became social media

is how the sports fan mentality has entered like politics where, you know, my team's clean, your team's dirty, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all that. Oh, speaking of that, shit. Do you guys watch the fucking Jordan documentary? Oh my God. Out of all the teams that I've fucking hated in my life, the fucking bad boys Detroit Pistons were at the top of the list. And last night, my hatred went even higher. I'm actually not even hating them now. And I'm just like fascinated with Isaiah Thomas, because they, they were showing the whole thing where, like, you know, I remember like they used to beat the fucking shit out of Jordan. If he came in the paint, they would just fucking knock him on his ass, take him out, take out his legs, drop him on

his fucking head, throw elbows to his throat, every fucking thing he could do. And he lost like two years in a row. And as much as it killed him, he walked up and still shook their hands and said, good luck in the next round. Right. And then when the bulls finally beat the Pistons, they walked off the court and didn't shake fucking hands. And they got a ton of shit, saying the bad boys were actually a bunch of bitches and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. So it's a 30 year old story. Right. So anyway, they have Isaiah on the documentary. It's 30 fucking years later, and he has an opportunity to sit there and be like, yeah, man, we shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have done that, man. We should have shook their hands. You know,

we played them real tough. You know, we did a lot of borderline shit and this kid went and he fucking worked out in the off season and he learned the triangle offense. He was open to it. He started kicking it out to John Paxton and they beat us fair and fucking square. He shook our hands when we beat him. So it's only fair that we shake his hand. He had the opportunity to say that. And what does he do? What does this man do? He throws the Celtics under the bus. And that is all you need to know about that man. That's all you need to know. Fucking hilarious. And then they cut to the clip of the Celtics not shaking the pistons hands. And what's hilarious in the clip is you see Isaiah running over to

fucking Kevin McHale to shake his hands. It's like, Isaiah, I thought you just said you didn't do that. Why are you running over to shake Kevin McHale's? Oh, because you won. Oh, oh, that's right. We don't shake hands. But when you beat Jordan in the bulls, you had no problem shaking his hand. Oh, if you win, you shake hands. But if you lose, get the fuck out of it. It's fucking, let me, I don't know. I think it says a lot when the guy, he was left off the dream team. Okay. And you know, burden magic had a vote and they did not cast it. They're like, yeah, fuck this guy. Fuck that guy. So anyway, whatever, it was, I got a big heated debate with, with Giannis Papas, who tried to say the Celtics were dirty too because of the

Kurt Rambas. So he took one fucking play in a 10 year period. I go name another one that really sticks out. All right, I'm not saying we didn't play. I would say the Celtics were somewhere between the Showtime Lakers in the early nineties, nicks, obviously leaning way more towards the early nineties, but I didn't think the early nineties nicks were dirty. I don't think playing, okay, these guys are faster than us. We got to play more physical. That exists in every level of the game. My thing is when somebody leaves their feet and you have no regard for their safety, which is what the Celtics did to Kurt Rambas. That was a dirty play. Okay. But every fucking team has that play. You can, you can pick it out where, yeah, they should have done that. That was a

dirty play. People lose their composure, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. That all fucking exists. But I will tell you this. I've been out here for fucking 13 years and have talked to all the old school hardcore Laker fans. I mean, a zillion of them. And all we talk about is how great those games were. All right. And all we talk about is then when Jordan came along and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and that fucking get those games against the Celtics where he scored 49 and then he scored 63 still lost, but like, and everybody just skips past the fucking pistons because no one respected the way they played. They took it. They just took it too far. That's it. And I'm not even saying all of them because I still even now, because I go back now, right?

I look at how much I hated the fucking 76ers. I fucking love those guys now. I love going on the internet and watching them fucking Andrew Tony. Like I was actually one night looking up Andrew Tony, like a Jersey. This is me as a Celtics fan. I fucking hated them in the early days. But the end of the day, I respected them. I remember John, Dr. J and Larry Bird literally had a fist fight in a game. And the next time they played, they shook hands because they respected each other. As much as the Celtics and Lakers hated each other, Bird Magic's rivalry, they became friends. All right. Then you look at the dream team. They're all together. Who don't they let on the team?

Isaiah Thomas. All right. I'll let you do the fucking math. I'll let you do the fucking math. I couldn't fucking believe that. The Celtics didn't shake our hands. It's like Isaiah Magic. I mean, Jordan shook your hand after all you did to him back to back fucking years. This isn't about the Celtics, stupid. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, by the way, why would any team shake your fucking hand? I can't believe that Jordan would even shake the fucking. That means we did back in the day when they shook hands with Claude Lemieux. I just, this is the thing when it comes to this shit. Okay. Cause I'm not going to sit here and act like, you know, in the history of

Boston sports, we've had no dirty players. I'm never going to suggest it. Cause every, every time it does, I fucking hate dirty players. I hate dirty play. And especially when you fucking do something that could possibly end somebody's fucking career consistently. Okay. Everybody, you know, can lose their composure. All right. And have a moment where you did something that you shouldn't have done. Like, I don't think Dr. Jay should have been throwing fucking jabs while another guy on his team is holding Larry's arms. But at the end of the day, it was one incident. Overall, Dr. Jay was an ambassador to the game, total fucking class act. All right. That Kurt Rambas play filthy fucking play, hard foul, whatever you want to call it was fucking

filthy, absolutely fucking filthy. No regard for that guy's Kurt Rambas's safety. Absolutely. I would never say that that wasn't a dirty play. However, you know, Mikhail didn't do that. There's not like he has that one fucking highlight. There isn't like, you know, a 12 year period where this guy was considered the dirtiest guy in the league that fucking dude on golden state warriors, how many in 40 years of watching basketball, I never saw a guy take a jump shot and accidentally kick somebody in the balls three times that that happened. Or you wait till somebody jumps up to take a shot and then you stick his foot underneath so that when they land, they roll their ankle like those types of guys. I think they shouldn't be in the league headhunters and all of those types

of things. So just so you don't think that, you know, because I definitely being a Celtics fan, I am not without prejudice here. But I'm just judging how all of those teams viewed them and how Isaiah was left off of the fucking dream team. You know, I think it kind of speaks for itself when everybody sort of straight across the board kind of felt the same fucking way. But having said that though, I love John Sally. I love Joe Dumar's Vinnie the microwave Johnson. I liked him. And I even think that like Rick Mahorn was more towards a Charles Oakley than a Bill Lambert. Bill Lambert was just a sociopath. Like he and it's funny now when you watch him talk about those games, how he views them, he's like, you know, we tried to play a mind game.

That's my favorite quote ever. We try to play a mind game like like they would play in chess. It's like, Bill, you were kind of waiting till somebody was vulnerable and then just taking their legs out. I mean, that's not really a mind game. The other guys sitting there going like, Hey man, is it me or is like, what the fuck? You're like, you're fucking with their head. I mean, I guess you were fucking with their head in that you were dropping them on their head. So I don't know. And I always think it's bad for the sport when a team like that wins. I mean, the 74 74 flyers almost ruined the league. As far as I shouldn't say far, I mean, they were still selling tickets, obviously, but as far as their ability to grow the way the NBA was growing the way the NFL grew, MLB was already

the pastime, the way the NFL and NBA were able to grow and catch up and pass the national pastime hockey was held back by, you know, the slap shot era. And when they went back to back and there was nothing done about it. Yeah, it just created this really bad era. Although I would say by the 80s though, there was, there was the perfect balance, but you know, I'm not, listen, I'm not begrudging anybody, their championships or whatever, but like, I don't know. I hope that made sense. It didn't come off just to some Celtic fans, sour grapes, because I love Joe Dumar's defense. And I loved watching John Sally run the floor. I mean, I really respected, there was a lot of, but there was just like, you know what I'm saying? It's like

what it takes to make the NBA, you know, specifically the NBA, where they're draft, there's so few spots. You know, the fucking NFL, it's like a three day thing. The NBA, I mean, I think it's over in about like 90 minutes. There's like three rounds or something ridiculously short. And there's so few spots. And I would just think every fucking year, if you're in the NBA, and you're one of those middle of the pack guys, and you have to figure out how to fucking survive every fucking year as another group of number one draft picks, knowing full well that anybody picked in the first round is going to get playing time. And knowing full well that the future Hall of Famers each year come into the league and you're sitting there starting

to get forced out, what you have to do, how hard it is to stay in a league where there's only, what is there, 11, 12 spots on each team. So to have a team out there that doesn't give a fuck about your career and is playing past aggressive into the area of like this, this hit could end your fucking career. And admittedly, like I said, you know, that Rambus one, that was a possible career ender had he landed on his fucking head. Everybody has examples of that. But when you build your whole game around that, I think that that's what I even like Chuck, Chuck daily, I love the suits, all of that type of shit. There was a lot of stuff that I liked. I love the city of Detroit. I just don't respect that fucking style of play there. That's what a stand up comedian

thinks about professional basketball. I'm reading my fucking buddy who fucking made me lose my fucking mind today when I was talking about this shit. Oh, Jesus Christ, this fucking guy drives me up the wall. I swear to God, I can't even I can't fucking read that. Anyways, let me just you know, isn't a sports argument when I try to do so people can hear me as I admit to the faults on my own fucking team. So maybe you'll be a little open minded because I just walked out said, Oh, this team's a bunch of pieces of shit and fuck them. They're not real champions. But my team is without sin. I try not to do that. That's tough to do with certain sports fans. So anyway, so here we are people. We're in day 9,648 of this shit. I'm predicting May 15th. They're

going to open it up. And there's going to be a lot of propaganda that it's gone. But what they're really going to do is just be like, All right, you know what, whoever gets it gets it at this point. And, you know, hopefully the testing will somehow trickle down to small towns like Los Angeles. And maybe we can test people if you're starting to feel a little weird. I don't know. I think they should reopen the economy not because it's safe, just simply because I'm bored. I've run out of shit to do. I played good times, bad times at 82 BPMs yesterday. 13 BPMs away. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm having the fucking time of my life with that shit. I'm having the

time of my life hanging out with my daughter. And I've been lying to myself throughout this that I don't miss stand up. I don't think I did for the first couple of weeks. But now I'm feeling backed up. And I didn't realize what a release it was to fucking do stand up and just get up there and be like, This is what I think I'm yelling it into a mic and you have to listen because I'm louder than you. I didn't understand the privilege of that. I always knew it was a privilege to do it. But now last night, I actually went for a drive. And I got as far as the laugh factory. And that was too sad to see that. And I couldn't drive all the way down to the store. And I just made a left and headed back down south again. Just couldn't fucking do it.

Jesus Christ. I mean, what do you do? This would be a great time if you had Rosetta Stone to just finally learn another language. You know, if you don't have a bunch of kids driving you up the fucking wall. Anyway, I was a lunatic this morning. My wife's fucking pissed at me. And it always takes me 20 minutes after the fight for the first 19 minutes. I've never felt more right in my life. And then in the 20 minutes, that thought comes in. Yeah, you know, maybe you were and then by 21 minutes, I'm like, All right, I'm an asshole. You know, what are you going to do? I mean, that's but even if you're not the asshole, that is the way to solve the argument with your wife. You do just apologize. Anyway,

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right email. So last year, all freckles went to New York city, the big city skyscrapers and everything. Hey, wait, I didn't know. It's my favorite acting ever. That's Stevie, uh, Stevie Raven and that Stevie Wonder song. Hey, wait, I didn't know. Um, all right. King of Staten Island. All right. Universal will announce the King of Staten Island release on Monday, April 27th at around 12 p.m. Pacific time, 3 p.m. East coast. Judd will post a video. That's the great Judd Apatow will post a video that he made with Pete. That's the great Pete Davidson along with the universal's one sheet to his socials, which will also be pushed out by universal's socials and a press blast. Uh, universal asked of you, please share on your

socials. Let me know if you have any questions. All right. So I will be posting something at 12 noon Pacific time, specific time, um, today that will show, uh, I think a trailer and we'll let you know when the movie's coming out. They're getting creative with how you can see it because of the COVID-19. Um, all right, guys, I'm not going to lie. This is a big one for me. I even need piston fans on this one. If you guys could watch this movie and help it to be successful, then you know what? I could actually, uh, you know, maybe, uh, you know, get to grow another fake mustache and be in a movie, which could be fun, right? Watch it if you want to. I hope you want to watch it. I think it's a really, really, really funny movie and it's got a lot of hat,

you know, typical Judd Apatow funny and has some heart. And, uh, I saw a cut of it and I thought it was great and I know they've done a bunch of other cuts since then. So, uh, I'm really excited about this thing. All right. So I will let you know, 12 noon today, today, today, today. All right. Um, April 29th, Yo sup need to know if Windsor, Ontario is canceled. April 29th. I can't get any answers from the vendor. Yeah, it's canceled. Yeah, it's it's fucking, it's beyond canceled. Do you think that I didn't have that fucking gig? I wouldn't be talking about, you know, every five said, I don't know. No other comedians doing road gigs, but we're going to take a chance in Windsor, Ontario. Yeah, that's definitely, uh, that's canceled. All right, Swiffer,

Bill, it's Swiffer, not Swifter. He read it and fuck Jesus fucking Christ. Love you, Bill. And thanks for the podcast. Oh, I didn't know, you know, you're like, like three people were really fucking annoyed that I was saying Swifter. I thought, you know, it's Swift. You clean up real quick. It's Swiffer. All right. Well, you know, they're price gouging the Swiffer. I don't care if it's Swift or Swift. I'm not fucking buying it till those prices come down. Um, I don't know why I mispronounce so many different things. I just, I mean, is my hearing bad or is it what I don't want to admit that maybe I'm just not that bright a guy? All right, painters, hey, Billy Burkowski, I'm a union iron worker. For the last weeks, I've been building stairs

and handrails for a large manufacturer. Oh my God, this picture is hilarious. Uh, manufacturing facility, um, not to toot my own horn, but I've been told I'm essential. Um, anyway, we finished fabricating and installing the stairs, catwalks and handrails. Uh, a couple of days later, the shit-ass painters show up to paint the handrail rails safety yellow. They ran through it like Ray Charles on meth. When it comes to the trades, they are definitely the blue collar bottom of the barrel. I've attached a sample photo of the pride they take in their work. Oh, dude, when you look at this photo, which I am definitely going to fucking post, I got to post this thing right now to my Twitter account because I always say I'm going to post shit and I never fucking do probably

because I just clicked it over and I just fucking clicked it over. I just tried to drag it over to my fucking desktop and where is it? Where is it? It won't let me fucking do it. Of course it won't. You fucking motherfucker. God damn fucking. I swear to God, these fucking things just don't work for me. Bill, that's such a stupid statement. You don't know how to use computers. There it is. That's the reality. I'm fucking texting. God damn. Andrew Femmell is right fucking now to post this fucking photo that he's going to post in two seconds. What the fuck is it? Come on. Come on. Come on. Here we go. Here we go. All right. Andrew, please post that picture of the bad paint job on my Twitter immediately. All right. Dude, if you look at this fucking photo, it looks like somebody is pouring yellow paint

down onto these stairs the way he took this picture. They painted like the part of the railing, the banister, as old people call it, where it meets the stairs. It's just like, it's like they just dumped the paint down it. Oh my God, I love that. I love it. People, please send me more pictures of painters not having pride in their job. All right. Oh my God. That's fucking fantastic. Hey, painters. Hey, Billy, the baldy cunt who used to be a ginger cunt. You're always on about cheap cunts, but maybe you were a cheap cunt when you hired the fucking blind drunk painter, your cunt. I'm a painter myself and can't wait to hear all the emails you get about it. What's the over under on how many people say they hope

you die in a plane crash? You fucking Kennedy wannabe. All the best, you cunt. Yeah, you really didn't defend yourself, sir. I mean, I'm talking every house I've ever moved into. Well, all right, lived in. I've only moved into one that I've been able to afford, but all the houses my parents had, every fucking one of the paint jobs, they just suck. Okay, it's not like you walk in and the guy will hung the door. It's only on one hinge. He still hangs the door. Listen, listen, the same way as a comedian, I know why that when as much as people respect standup comedy, I know why that whenever they show a comedian or somebody's playing a comedian, they're on offstage, have a lampshade on their head and are fucking annoying to be around. I understand why that stereotype exists.

All right, so don't don't be a precious cunt. All right, take an honest look at some of the work like finding a really good painter. I mean, if you have any suggestions in LA, please let me know or submit. Let me know if you're a top level fucking painter. That's what the fuck I'm looking for. I don't want someone to go in there like fucking Helen Keller in a bad mood, and just fucking. Hey, can you paint this closet? And they paint over everything, including like you the fucking window. Paint the fucking window shut. Slap, slap, sloop, slap, close it, lock it. There you go. All painted, including the fucking hardware. Yeah, I still don't. I respect the art of painting as much as the people who do it do.

That's as close as I will come. How's that? Is that enough of an olive branch for you? Oh, painting is a real job, you cunt. I'm not saying it isn't. It seems like a bitch of a job. And actually, I can tell by your work how hard it is, because it seems you guys want to get it over with as quickly as possible. All right, painting is a real job, you cunt. I don't think I've ever been called it. I think Detroit Piston fans after today, I will call me a cunt less than painters. Dear Bill, I don't know why you give painters such abuse, so much abuse because of the job that they've done, because of the amount of fucking windows that have been painted shut,

doorknobs painted completely over, fucking with the fucking latch meets the lock completely fucking painted over, splotches of paint on hardwood floors, paint on the fucking windows. That's why. Jesus Christ. It's like, did you paint or did you fucking bust a nut? It's all over the place. I don't know why you give painters so much abuse, just because you let some asshole into your house and paid him to cover your wall with paint doesn't make him a painter any more than you are a barber when you shave the red off the side of your skull. The man made a good point there. The reason you hire a painter is so you don't get fucking

splashes of paint on your precious Netflix money. Oh, you know what? This whole fucking thing where you shit on, fuck you, you fucking cunt. I used to wash windows, you non-funny douche. Go to an open mic and beat out 10 million fucking comics. Fuck you. I earned every fucking cent of my Netflix money. You window paint and fucking cack. Go fuck yourself and fuck all you people who shit on people that make it in show business. You just fucking, you're not happy with your own fucking lives. Jesus fucking Christ. Who the fuck are they hurting? Slept on a futon until I was 36 years old, my precious Netflix money. Fuck you. I hope you're stepping a bucket of paint today, you cunt. All right, everything else was fine. I don't mind you saying that I'm not a painter.

I don't mind you calling me a bald headed cunt, but you fucking stay out of my pockets. I earned every fucking dime I've made in this fucking business, standing on stage as a fucking nobody in front of a bunch of drunk painter cunts like yourself, heckling me the whole fucking way. And I took the pain and you know what? My ship came in and go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. I have Netflix money. I'm not giving you a drop of it. I hope a bat comes up and bites you right on your paint, select fucking neck, you cunt. All right, precious Netflix money, bought designer furniture in wine. He spelt the W H I N E on the oh, I'm sorry in wine about it on the internet. I saw you were right there. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there's people out there

calling themselves painters and they do it just just as bad a job as you would do if you do it. No, this is what amazes me, sir, is every apartment, everything I've ever fucking been in, the windows are painted shut, all these all this great old hardware, every place I've lived in has been old as shit. And people just paint it over all of it. And this paint all over the fucking floor. I'm just saying, let's just where are these fucking great painters? All right, in a defensive view, though, if I walk into a really nice governmental building, there's not fucking paint all over the fucking floor. I don't know. I'm just saying that there's a lot that listen, listen, there's a lot of bad painters out there. I would actually say there's more bad painters

out there than there's bad comedians. Okay, because being a bad comedian, you at least have to have a set of balls to get on stage. All right, anybody can put on their white on white jam jams and go walk in and start coloring on the walls like you, sir. Fuck you, the gloves are off, buddy. You went after my few you fucking went after the money I earned designer furniture. What does that look like? Does it have the jordas gene thing on the back? Stupid cunt. Let me tell you something about designer furniture. You can take that shit, turn it up sideways as the rock says and shove it straight up your fucking candy ass. I hate all that designer shit. I hate designer. I don't like designer clothes. I bought a couple of expensive suits when I had to fucking do Letterman and all that.

The biggest nightmare ever, ever was wearing expensive clothes ever. Anything you brush up against living in New York City getting in filthy fucking cabs. Stupid. Why somebody would buy a designer couch? Why would you do that? So you can fucking lay there and fall asleep and drool on it? I don't understand any of that. All right, sir. So I know you think that I'm just sitting here rolling around in a pile of fucking money, you know, with like, I don't know what my name engraved with an oil painting of myself like I'm in fucking MTV cribs. I'm not. I'm not. Okay. So go fuck yourself. Okay. And I know that you're a little butthurt here. Okay. Why don't you take the paint brush out of your fucking ass, you baby? And, you know, take a little criticism. Anyways.

All right, it doesn't take a genius. I actually agree with a lot of his points. You know, what it really is, is shut the fuck up about the fact that I actually took a chance in my dream came true. Go fuck yourself and fuck all you fucking people who keep shitting on celebrities in their big ass fucking kitchens. They earned them. All right. Do you have the balls to stand across the table from a naked Harvey Weinstein that's in heat? Do you want to fucking do that? If you can step into that ring with that ugly orange orangutan coming at you with the fucking heart on if you can handle that shit. Oh, I'm a painter. Let's all cry for the painters. Go fuck yourself in your stupid van. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there's people

out there will calling themselves painters and they do just as bad as okay, I already read that. And sure, it's not rocket science to apply a coat of paint, but paint selection is often overlooked by amateur. See, this is what I like the the act of it. It's one thing to slap some blue paint on your dirty looking white walls. Hey, here's an argument on his side. How do I know that the paint isn't from the last person that rented the apartment? What it really is is it's probably from the cheap landlord. That's what it is. God damn it. He's going to fucking convince me that I'm wrong. I'm not wrong about you talking about my money. You fucking cunt. But maybe I deserve that because I went after your trade. I don't know. Yeah, you're probably fucking right.

All right. You're right. All right. It's one thing to slap some blue paint paint selection. What it's one thing to slap some blue paint on your dirty looking white wall. It's something else to first carefully clean and patch the wall, tape off sections for protection, apply a good coat of water based paint primer. Nobody does that. Then proudly take control of your roller proudly and your container of glossy aqua marine oil paint and turn the room into something into someone's happy place. I work quick effectively and take pride in my work. I really pissed this guy off. People often can't thank me enough for the job that I do. Oh, shut the fuck up. I was with you till then. A lot of people are really liking what I do.

So keep on paying some bum eight bucks an hour to paint your wall. I hope the reason why it looks like shit will eventually penetrate your head. Stupid redhead. Keep doing what you do with love and disrespect. All right. You're right. You're right. Listen to what he said there. I think what it is is so much of my life I rented and you know, landlords are notoriously cheap. So they probably just hired a bunch of fucking college kids. People move out, they fix the wood and then they just slap white paint. You know why? You know what? You're right. You're right. And then I bought the house and my house was 100 years old and a bunch of tight fucks or do it yourself first probably painted it and I blamed your trade. You know what? Touche sir, you're absolutely right.

But you know what? God bless you for writing that fucking email because it was funny as hell. And it also took up a good 10 minutes of the podcast there. All right. All right. I'm done shitting on painters. He's right. But you know what? I needed to do it to learn something. And you know what? He was right. You see this? I hope Isaiah Thomas is listening to this. Economy. Dear Billy Blind Faith. Remember when anyone who questioned bombing Iraq after 9-11 was given the business? Yeah, I do remember that because I was one of those guys going, why are we going after Iraq? The Dixie chicks and all of that. Yeah, I do remember that. I bring that up routinely on this podcast. Well, it seems like that now about, well, it seems like that now

about restarting the economy. And we're going to look back at how fucked up it was if we go past the first week or two of May. So many people will lose their businesses. I don't think it's being talked about enough because of the stigma. Dude, like I don't even know what your point was there. Yeah, I am honestly, I am, I definitely think that they need to reopen the economy because of that. My analogy has been you can't make 60% of the people homeless because, you know, I don't know, fucking less than 1% has COVID-19. You know, at some point we have to let people go back to work. People have to earn a living. People have to be able to pay their mortgages. And I do not want to see a bunch of mom and pop

places go out of business and that these corporations are able to ride it out. And we get even less options to go to places like that. And I don't know. What worries me is that politicians are in the pockets of corporations. And I know how corporations think, as all people do, and all they care about is money, and they might look at this COVID-19 thing as an advantage, a way to get rid of you know, what's left of their competition. Like explain to me why grocery stores are open, but farmers markets aren't. Like why can't farmers markets come up with like a, okay, you just stand over here six feet apart, we'll let a certain amount of groups and this is the way you walk through the farmer's market. Why can't you do that? Maybe you can. I mean,

I haven't investigated it, but I don't think you can. And I would think, well, that, you know, that's great for grocery stores. Yeah, it's a very, I don't want to see that. Okay, that's like, we've already had enough sadness with all these old people, people's grandparents dying in these old folks homes and all that type of stuff. I don't want to see a bunch of people who had a dream to start their business. And you know, that goes away. And then everybody has to work for fucking Amazon. I don't want to see that like anybody else. So I'm hoping that they open they should open it back up. I think that they should younger, healthy people are able to fight this things off. It seems as long as you don't have a respiratory problem, whatever granted, I don't

have a medical background, but just what I've been hearing. So I think they should be allowed to go to work. And if you're in the prime of your life, I don't think you should lose your business. If you're a young married couple, and you just bought a fucking house, I don't think that you should lose your fucking house. And your credit should be ruined and all of that type of shit. So I think we really need to be looking at that too. And there is a test for it. And if we can have all of this money to fight these never ending wars, I believe we can print some more fucking money to get everybody tested and just have the fuck just get everybody fucking tested that you possibly can. Every job that's out there, right? If you're gonna open up your job,

all right, you have to get all your workers tested and everybody gets fucking tested, then they come into work and then you fuck it fine. But then it's like, what do they do have to work? Who are they fucking? Where are they going? This is what you do. You know those stupid things I voted the stickers that people wear like they're fucking two year olds. They see I was tested, get those things, right? Now, but then stronger people will rip them off the chest to somebody else because they don't want to get tested. And then they'll work, you know, there's always going to be somebody licking fruit in life. You know what I mean? I don't know what to do. It's fucking chaos. They should just open them back up and whoever lives lives, whoever dies

dies, what the fuck are you going to do? We got to keep marching ahead because this is the world that we live in. And hopefully in a year, they'll have a fucking vaccination. There you go. This is what happens. We let a comedian solve real problems. All right, overrated, underrated, dear bill de burg meeting, overrated, binging shows. Oh, I'm with you. I'll tell you starting shows. I can't remember the last time I started a fucking show. I just don't want the fucking, you know, it's, you know, I start thinking about it and then I did shit. I need to get done and I don't cause I'm going to go fucking watch it. You think like you're like, you're on heroin, but like watching TV. Anyways, he goes, I can use two shows you are on. You are in on the

advantages of weekly shows versus binging shows. Look what happened at what happened with the Mandalorian each week after an episode was released, the hype went through the roof for the next week. Yeah, I always looked at it like, you know, when something like the Mandalorian are breaking bad, look at me self promoting here. Yeah. To binge watch those shows, that's like, you know, shotgunning like a fucking thousand dollar bottle of wine and like, that was delicious. You got any more wine? Each week after an episode was released, the hype went through the roof for next week and the people had time to analyze each episode each week and talk about the workings of the show. And this goes on until the show ends and then people are still discussing it.

When a show comes out all at once, people watch it in a day and it's discussed for a week or two at the most and then forgotten. Yeah. And people don't analyze each episode because they watch it in a day and basically forget about 40% of what they saw. I 100% agree with this. People are used to instant gratification and it sucks. Children complain when shows are weekly and I wonder how they would have survived network television. Well, the same way we did, when there's no option, we didn't know about streaming. All right, but if you could have streamed, welcome back Carter back in the day. And for some reason, when one day at a time came out, you couldn't, you would have whined as a kid too, as would have I. All right, underrated,

cliffhangers. It keeps you talking and waiting in anticipation for next week's episodes. As a child, a literal every Saturday morning cartoon ended in a cliffhanger with the bad guy laughing evilly over the good guy. I thought cartoons just sort of ended. A lot of them, Bugs Bunny was stand alone. You mean Batman and Robin Batman, the TV show. Anyway, this is my as he says, this is my opinion, as I say, anyways, this is my opinion. Feel free to disagree, go Bruins and Pat's. I definitely agree with binging, but I don't think cartoons ended with cliffhangers. I don't know. My favorite cartoon of all time, I will tell you those, Johnny Quest. Oh man, as far as like people, they got shot and they died. I just, I mean,

it's just fucking incredible. That original one is just, I can't say enough good things about it. Like if you could buy that box set, I would buy it because I still have a TV, I have a DVD VCR player, but it's not compatible with my fucking TV. So I'm still trying to figure out what fucking apparatus I need. Who gives a shit, Bill? All right. All right, I just wanted to say, okay, music, I just want to give you some suggestions of bands since you were asking. I listened to pretty much anything that sounds good to me, but mainly a metalhead. Check out, if you haven't already, opeth and porcupine tree, great musicians and songwriter, porcupine tree. Now I've dabbled in, I never heard of opeth, O P E T H. I'll definitely check them out. All right,

two, check out Tom Mish and Yusef Dave's new album. Somebody told me about Yusef guy. I got a couple of his albums. I think he's fucking amazing. Amazing drummer. They have a new album called What Kind of Music just came out on Friday. You mentioned Yusef Dave's once before, when someone wrote in with the video recommendation, this has full songs, not just drum work. Oh, well, guess what I'm doing right now. I'm going to iTunes. All right, Yusef Dave's. What is, what's the name of the fucking thing? What kind of music? What kind of music? Bang. $9.99. I'm taking $9.99 of my Netflix money. You fucking tacky. You know, I hope your paint work isn't as tacky as your fucking email.

Kind of a man brings up another man's, what the fucking money? Self made man too, you motherfucker. All right, you go do six shows in the basement of a fucking spaghetti. Freddy's on a fucking root one. You cunt. Sorry. I'm really getting tired of that, by the way, just hating somebody because they fucking went after a dream. Go fuck yourself. All right, what the fuck is my password? Underrated having the same password for everything. God, this is a long password because they kept telling me it wasn't, it wasn't good enough. You know, fucking asshole still like my parents. No matter what I do, it's not good enough. I'm kidding. Oh, was it really the wrong fucking password? Huh? Do you think somebody's trying to

steal my fucking account? You fucking, come on. We can do it. We can do it. Bang. Bang, bought, purchased, listening to it. Thank you. Then oh, Pate, I have to fucking figure out what the hell that is. All right, that's the podcast, everybody. All right. God bless everybody. Even the bad boy Pistons, except for Isaiah Thomas and Bill Lambert. Everybody else I'm fucking cool with. And no matter what the fuck I say, oh, one of my favorite fucking teams ever, that early 2000 Detroit Piston teams that beat the Los Angeles Lakers and ended their reign. That was an incredible, incredible fucking series, man. The five, five game sweep there. I love that Piston team. See, there you go. I'm not a cunt. All right. I said the Ramas play was fucking dirty.

All right. There you go. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check it on you on Thursday and look this noon, this noon, today noon. How do I promote this today at noon Pacific time? If it isn't already, just go to my, all my social medias and I will have hopefully I'll have posted a trailer and a link and all that shit that will let you know when the king of Staten Island starring Pete Davidson and Marissa Tomei, directed by Judd Apatow. Steve Buscemi, Dom Lombardosi, too many great people to fucking list. I'll be posting that today, 12 noon Pacific time specifically. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Tuesday, on Thursday. That's it. Thursday? Yeah, Thursday.