Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-1-23

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Bill rambles about weed root beer, cigars and Cadillacs, and women studies. Policy Genius: Head to www.policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save .

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 1st, 2023. What's going on? How are you? Good to see you. Good to hear from you. Good to fucking have you listening. I don't even know what I'm saying. It's Sunday night and my Boston Bruins lost in overtime in game seven to the Florida Panthers fucking hats off to the Florida Panthers. I mean, they just fucking I can't even say they played great. They just like played hockey. I don't know what the fuck we were doing. I really don't know what the fuck we were doing. Do you know in that last possession before they tied it up in game seven? There's a face off on our end. There's 50 something seconds left. We

win the draw. Two Bruins go in the corner. I don't know who the fuck got it. One Panther skates in, lifts our stick and just takes the fucking puck, the puck fucking pond hockey shit. They stay in our zone, throw some garbage at the net, Bing bang, boom, it fucking deflects off people, ends up in the back of the fucking net. That right there, more than anything, is why we're going home and they're moving on. Like I don't know what the fuck we were doing. And I also, secondly, I don't know what the fuck has happened to hockey. I went to the Edmonton Oilers versus the LA Kings, the decisive game on Saturday night. And first of all, dude, you owe it to yourself to see Conor McDavid live in that whole line. Leon

dry saddle and fucking Evander came at that. I mean, it was, it was unbelievable. It was, it was like, there was, there was something Conor McDavid did in the, he had the puck down low and he just skated like a big fucking like she skated around the whole fucking offensive zone with the puck and went around people. It made it look, it looked like he was playing like division, whatever the fuck they have, like division three hockey and you just watching this guy going, that guy's definitely going to the pros. He's so much better than all of these guys. He does that at the pro level. Um, but anyways, watching that game, this is a decisive game for the Kings. If they lose, they're out of the playoffs and dude,

no hits. And the hits that I saw were like, you know, there was a couple of half ass hits. It's just not the same game. I went to the Ottawa Maple Leafs game and Ottawa, I watched three periods. I didn't see one hit. So on one side, it's great because this generation hopefully won't have all this CTE shit, but it's just a completely different game. And um, just watching the Bruins, I just thought we would just sort of skating along with them. And a number of times like Florida was just like taking liberties. Once again, takes me back to 2019. That guy, I don't know any of the fucking names. I got two kids. All right, give me a fucking break. The guy on the great player for the Panthers with the beard, just

a total fucking, you know, gamer. At one point, there's a bunch of people in the front and then he comes in, literally punches one of the Bruins in the fucking head. And then one of our guys doesn't do anything. Just kind of like grabs onto him like, Hey, what are we doing here? Dude, back in the day, if you fucking did that to a Bruin, that was you immediately in a fight and somebody's going to beat your fucking head and it's just it's whatever. It's it's it is a different game. But the, um, the Bruins inability to close out that series was like fucking astounding. We kept scoring the back breaking goal and then we would just stand around. I don't know what the fuck we were doing. So anyway, um,

but on the other side, like I'm telling you, man, I if I was the Maple Leafs, I would not be excited to play these guys. They don't give a fuck. They're just they played so great that beta dude, whatever the fuck his name is, um, what's his face to Chuck or whatever, just stirring shit up like that guy is just he's like a fucking cockroach. You can't kill him. He just keeps coming back at you. I mean, that's, that's the one thing they just kept fucking coming like you're supposed to in the playoffs playoffs. And I'll tell you the, the one thing, the number one big fucking difference between the regular season in the playoffs, you know what it is? Blocked fucking shots. All right. Nobody's trying to get in

front of a fucking slap shot game 17 of the year, breaking their foot, a fucking up their leg or whatever. All right. Cause then you're going to be out and no one's going to appreciate the fact that you fucking blocked the shot. They're going to be like, Oh, he's injury prone. And then that's going to affect your stock. Nobody does that shit. Come play off time. People are diving in front of shit, especially those guys who are like playing for a contract or who are right on the bubble. So you get all these fucking lunatics, like the sheer amount of bodies and sticks that got in front of brewing shots nullified our high powered offense. And, you know, I don't know that a million other reasons why anybody on any

given night can beat somebody, you know, one game. But as I was saying to like win a series, you know, if you want an example of it, go back and watch the fucking one I just watched where there's all these little battles that we were just losing. And I, for the life of me, I don't know fucking why we have a great team. We have great players and all of that. But just lately when we go into the fucking playoffs, I don't know what happens. Like we just don't, we don't have a mean streak. We don't have anybody out there to fucking make people accountable. And then we're just skating around playing this fucking finesse game while these guys up, you know, I'm not saying like, you know, Florida was cheaper

than anything, but they were playing a tougher game. I don't get it. So I will say this though, you know, I do actually really appreciate a first round exit if my team's going to lose, you know, I am, I am like when the fucking thing or rip the bandaid off. So I'm already getting over it. You know, I'm not over it, but I'm trying to tell myself that I am. I just, I just cannot fucking believe how many times we had that series one and we just fucking, I'm just standing around like, what, how the fuck did that guy come in and just just take the puck like that? Like walking up to a fucking baby. Anyway, let's move on here. Congratulations to the Toronto Maple Leafs. Jesus Christ. I mean, it was just fucking

groundhog day. It was like, Hey, we were again in April. Here we were again seeing fucking Toronto Maple Leaf fans outside of their fucking arena, freaking out, screaming and yelling. And you're just sitting there watching it with like one eye closed going like, you know, what's going to happen to these poor fucking people? Why do they show up every year? Sorry, I'm trying to put on the game because the cracker are about to eliminate the fucking avalanche. Last I saw it was two to nothing. Crack it. Another fucking team. Nobody wants to play. Um, big physical fucking team. Um, but anyway, uh, congratulations to the, uh, to the Toronto Maple Leafs advancing for the first time in, I don't know, like 17 goddamn

years and he got it. I mean, I have no idea why Maple Leaf fans are as rabid as they are. It makes no sense considering what that team does to them every year. So the fact that they finally, all of their passion was paid off this year where they actually won a series. I was very happy for them, even though a lot of them are cunts to Bruins fans because they choked away. It'd be like me hating the fucking pan. I don't hate the Panthers. They fucking beat us. I liked the way the Panthers played. I wish we played that way. I don't do that shit where, uh, you know, you know, I'm going to get mad at a team because they played better than me, but a lot of them are still upset because they, they basically fucked up a

game seven against, uh, against us. But I will tell you this though, what is funny though is when a team achieves what the Bruins did in the regular season and then fucking chokes in the first round, oh my God, do the fucking sports fans come out? Like there's, you know, a lot of people listen, I'm going to give you guys a, a really, a rough reality here. A lot, most people lose in life, lose as far as what is considered winning in the United States, which as far as I can tell is having the biggest house with the most shit, which is a stupid way to live. All right. But I mean, just as far as like going after your dreams, you know, going up to the chick, you have a crush on asking her out. She says,

yes, but blabbing it all fucking works out and she doesn't fucking end up fucking the pool guy or whatever. You know, most people lose, you know, it's fucking brutal and God doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck. I've really come to that realization that he just simply doesn't give a shit. His shit is, Hey, I made you a good luck to you. And I think you have a better chance of fucking getting somebody on the phone at Google than you do that of having God actually answer or hear your fucking prayers. I think he's in a hammock. I think he lives in a giant fucking loft. He's one of those crazy artists that just creates shit. And I don't know what point he's trying to prove. Oh, it's two to one

of the third fucking period. Oh, this is good. Now I can like enjoy this series because now I don't have to be like sitting here as a Bruins fan like I was before we fucking choked it away. I was sitting here going like, I don't want to play either one of these teams. Both these teams fucking scare me. Anyway, yeah, I just, just how most people fucking lose. So when people achieve something, um, losers can't wait for you to fuck it up. So congratulations to the bitter losers out there. Uh, you will have a field day on Twitter trying to piss off a Bruins fan. It's like watching that fucking asshole asking Giannis that on the on the Milwaukee bus. Do you think this season was a failure? I wish I so wish he said, well,

if I said yes, would that make you feel better about what you, you go home to fuck? Can't say that the league finds you, but that's where it's coming from. It's where it's coming from the fucking, the fucking standard that these man-titted jackasses in their fucking Hawaiian shirts that to me, that's a sports right. It always will be. I know they don't dress like that anymore. It's like the fucking host is like what they're asking these athlete needs to do was not possible. All right. One team wins it every year. Everybody else is a fucking failure. And they, the fact that he, they, that this fucking asshole sports writer wants to get this guy to admit that he failed so he can fucking feel better. So

I loved what, uh, what, what, uh, on Tate to compo over, you say his last name or is it Giannis? Is it Giannis? I don't fucking know. I'm a hockey guy. I'm a dad. What the fuck am I kidding? I don't even know half the guys on my fucking team anymore, but, um, like just to be fucking make, I don't, why, why the fuck would you say that to that guy? And then everybody just chiming in going like, you know, when the dude said what he said to the guy, this one guy just goes, sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. Oh yeah. You're not making any excuses in your fucking life. I don't know. I just think it's like, uh, I think it's a real, uh, unless you're just trying to fucking piss people off, then it's

funny, but like, I, I don't know. If you fucking lose, you lose. It sucks. It hurts. No one wants to fucking lose, but like, I don't think because you lose, you have to sit there and talk to some athletic fuckhead who never got picked in gym class and you have to admit to him that you feel that you're a failure. Um, cause I gotta be honest with you, if that guy's failing, then what the fuck are the rest of us doing? I mean, the guy was born in Greece. I don't know when he started playing hoop, but somehow made the NBA. Just the fact that he did that, he's never failing ever. What is it? It's like, there's like two rounds in the NBA draft. Like that's a draft I could watch the fucking things over in like a half

hour. And this guy's living in Greece. He makes the fucking league and leads the fucking Milwaukee bucks of all fucking franchises. Score. Woo. I like both these teams. I'd like to see Seattle, but I also like, uh, I'd like to see the abs versus the fucking Oilers. Um, everybody says let's fucking go now. Let's fucking go. That's, that's a sports thing now. Let's fucking go. Then you got to grab your fucking shirt and show the emblem. Let's fucking go. Um, you know, it was hilarious. It was when I was at the Kings game, um, in between periods, of course there's a DJ and the Kings are down. This is like a clinching game. The Kings are down and this guy is like fucking play in music. Like they already won

the game and he's fucking looking at the camera like, come on, man, turn up, turn up. And it's just like, buddy, this is a, uh, we're on our way out the fucking door here. This is like a time for concern. It's time for sports fans to be talking to each other, being like, hey, oh, they saying it's fucking off. So how it's off sides. It's off sides. The Seattle Kraken. I think they're going to fucking get away with, not get away with it. I think it's going to, I think it's going to get called out. So no goal and they're going to lose it in the Pepsi center. Yeah. Unfortunately, this one's going to be called back. Um, so anyway, uh, here it comes. No goal. Oh, everybody's going to be bowing about fucking. Yeah. What

are you doing applying the rules correctly? Although it is Colorado. I don't know how I think, you know, I think some of the, uh, they're pretty beta out there till you get into the mountains, right? They're just out there slapping their wives around. You know, who you going to call? We're up here in the mountains. You know, you want a guy doesn't hit you. You should be down there fucking somebody on the prairie, on the flatlands. Um, anyway, yeah. So most people, uh, I don't know. They, they, they, they, they, they let it get to them. They let life beat them down. And then they somehow have, they, they poured in to like Star Wars sports or the Marvel universe. That's, that's where most men channel

their crush dreams. And then they just live vicariously through these movie franchises, TV shows or sports. Now me, I chose sports and I was watching this game seven and my wife came downstairs and she said, Bill, the kids can hear you swearing all the way upstairs. And I was like, Oh God, am I still that guy? I'm still that guy. I mean, I know, I know I let the F bomb when we fucking won the draw and the guy came in and just took the fucking puck away from us. I, I, you know, what am I supposed to do at that point? Um, yeah, my wife came downstairs, the kids are upstairs, their eyes are wide open. Cause I, I usually, I make an effort to not curse. And, um, look, I'm doing the best I can. All right, go fuck

yourselves. Okay. I'm sure you're doing something. You know, maybe you don't curse, but you're too busy playing Dungeons and Dragons. Is that what you, you like how I fucked up and now I'm lashing out at you guys. Why don't I, why don't I take, you know what Bill just sounds like a lot of excuses. Hey Bill, do you think you've failed? Do you think you've failed this afternoon when you were cursing up a storm? Would you consider that a failure? Uh, you know what, I would. I would because I don't know. Hey, oh, hey, oh, fuck it. Yo, boy. Anyway, um, I did have a great, you know, weekend, went up. I did a little bit of standup, tried out some new shit, some stuff. Oh, look at that. They got the brackets. They got the

brackets and they just showed Florida advancing and that's not whatever. Now I can, you know, I can just be like a fan of hockey now. Is that what I am? I mean, what happened to my identity that I was putting into these sports? I mean, literally an hour ago, I was a guy watching his team, trying to attempt to have the greatest season since the 77 Montreal Canadians. And now I'm just a guy who's just a fan of hockey who just is kind of rooting for more games. Like right now it's, it's, it's fucking two to one. I want the avalanche to tie it up and then I want it to go into overtime because I've been exposed. I don't really have anything to do outside of this. Oh, and you know what's even worse or possibly

better is now, now that my team lost, they lose on the last day of the month. And now I do my fucking 10 day sabbatical from everything. So now I'm going to have to sit here in the dry, dry doc, no cigars. I don't really smoke too much anymore anyway, but no cigars, which I'm really, at least I did that. I'm telling you, man, if you want to quit smoking cigars, get them out of your fucking house or your apartment, empty your humidor, you know, just give them away, go down to a bus station, hand them out to people. Say you just, you just had a baby or something, you know, go old school, right? And then just fucking walk away and once they're out of your house, what are you going to do? You just sit there like,

I wanted one so fucking bad today. It had a little window, you know, my wife and daughter were having a mommy daughter day. They have all these new fucking things that they didn't have when I was a kid. Yes days and mommy daddy, I mean, mommy daughter days and daddy daughter days and all like they never had that shit. Like it was like, and it's all just fucking marketing. Like, you know, it's a good idea. Just have a yes day with your kid. Like how the fuck is that a good idea? You know what I mean? I mean, what am I teaching him about life? And then it's like, no, I'm going to reserve the right to say no. Dad, can I buy this? No, you have enough shit. We're having a yes day. So anyway, they were

out doing that. Not the yesterday. They were having a mommy daughter day and I put my son down for a nap and I had like this, you know, he takes about 90 minute naps at this point. And I'm like, oh, I could just go out on the porch right now, you know, make myself a little fucking double espresso, smoke a little shorty, you know, and just sit out there looking at the trees just having a good fucking time. But I did not have a cigar. And I was like, fuck, I want a fucking cigar. And I was like, I could drive down the street. I can't, I can't because I'm the only one home and my son's here. I can't do that. So I did not end up smoking a cigar and I'm happy that I didn't. I wasn't happy in the moment. I

also didn't even make the espresso. Jesus Christ. Is this how boring my fucking life is right now? You know what? And I wanted a cookie and I didn't have one in the cupboard. So I sat there and I had a handful of peanuts. What you're listening to is a man who's about ready to take to officially hit his mid fifties, 55 double nickel, um, which is cool. By the way, I did it. You know, one of the highlights of my, my week was and I reposted it is, um, I love listening to people that know how to tell stories. And this is a random one. Jada kiss. All right. The legendary rapper, uh, told his story on a podcast. Um, I retweeted it. It's absolutely, he's a master storyteller, just the tone with which he starts the story.

You think it's going to be serious. Like it has like this dramatic sort of beginning and talking about a friend of his and him saying hello to all of his friends and all of that. I don't want to ruin the story. So I'm not going to go any further. And, uh, where it goes and then how he wraps it up. I was literally going like, I could listen to this guy tell us, tell stories for like fucking four hours. There's no way that that guy doesn't hold court everywhere. He goes, I mean, um, if you get a chance, I don't know what the, uh, the pot, I follow the podcast, whatever podcast it is. They always have great guests and they're always telling, you know, all of these stories or whatever and all different kinds of stories.

But this is the first one, a nice quick little clip. Um, and it was funny. There's a friend of mine, uh, comedian and this person's trying to learn how to tell stories on stage. Uh, which is to be honest with you, something I had a difficult time with when I was starting out because like when you start out, you know, you're sort of just doing like set up, punch short of shit jokes and stuff. And that's scary enough. And you kind of live in eight seconds, you know, every eight seconds. Okay. That joke worked pretty good. Okay. This one worked better. That one didn't work or quick. Tell another one, keep the crowd, keep the crowd. Right. And then the first time you go to tell a story, it's like, I feel like as far as a comedian,

you've been, you've been running like 40 yard dashes. That's what you did. And this is the first time you're running like a one of the 600 meter or whatever the hell it is, just a longer race. And it just seems like forever. And you quickly lose confidence in the thing kind of like unravels. So anyways, I sent this, this Instagram clip of, of Jada Kiss telling the story. I was just like, if you just want to, I go watch this, I'll see you down the store. And we're going to talk, I'm going to break this down on why this is so fucking amazing. And all of the things that you can use just by watching him tell this story. And you can use this as like, I don't know, just keep watching this. It's just what I would say. I don't know. Sometimes I think

about telling stories, you either can do it or you can't, but there's definitely, I don't know. There's, there's, I don't even know how to, you know, it's just, comedy is such a weird fucking thing. It's such a weird fucking thing to try to like talk to somebody and like, because you can't really teach somebody how to do it. You can just be like, just watch, you got to watch, watch and then try. That's basically it. So watch this clip and then go try. And if there's any young comics or anybody listening to this, what I, what I, how I got over it was, I just would be like, all right, say this is like a five minute story. I'm going to commit to the first 45 seconds up a tonight. Sorry, I'm tired here. I'm going to

fucking bail or whatever. It's going to win it unravels. And then tomorrow night, I'll get to the first minute and I'll just get comfortable with the first minute of the story and then I'll have some line to bail out of it. And then you just get more and more comfortable with it. And, and then you got yourself a story, then you basically know how to do it. I guess that's what it is. I don't fucking know. Jesus Christ takes a weird bounce and he saves it. Can't even read anymore. Can't see shit. I thought the goalie's name was Gallagher, like the comedian rest his soul. That's what it isn't. That's not what it is. How about the Kraken coming out with these fucking killer uniforms?

Every time you think all the cool colors are done, that was the weird thing about that, that fucking, by the way, there's no women listening to this at this point. I've done nothing but talk sports other than the Instagram clip. You know what I mean? There's no women listening to this like there's no women supporting women's sports. Isn't it funny how ES ESPN is putting that shit on and showing the highlights, you know, how about a ladies? Hey, feminists, how about a fucking tip of the cap to fucking ESPN for acting like you guys give a fuck? It's such a shame. Cause I gotta tell you, there's some great female sports out there. Obviously volleyball. There's no guy is going to say, Hey, get this volleyball game, female volleyball game off here, right? And then

there's women's softball. I mean, the delivery alone in the picture, I go watch the picture all fucking day long. I don't know how they hit that ball and I just love when one of them just fucking goes yard. All right, now a women's tennis is the shit. And yeah, there's three. I mean, guys only have four. We got baseball. We don't really like three. We have baseball, basketball, and football are the big ones. And then hockey is like the fucking, the adopted kid, you know, kid that just moved in one fucking day and we had to like get some bunk beds. Am I going to literally fall asleep on my own fucking podcast? I'm so fucking emotionally drained from that seven game fucking cunt of a series.

I'll tell you what, though, guess what I'm wearing tomorrow when I walk out the door by brewing zip up. I don't give a fuck. I'm a big believer in that you still fly the colors. You still fly the colors. And you know, people are going to give you shit fucking like, what are my Kings going to give me? LA fan going to give me shit. You guys didn't get out of the first fucking round either. Do you even know that you didn't get out of the first round? Even paying attention? Oh, Bill, you're going to lash out at fucking Kings fans? Is that what you're going to do? Yeah, that's kind of what I am going to do. All right, let's let's let's do something here. Let's do this right here. We got to do the reads here. We got to do the reads.

Live reads and a show announcement. All right. New show added. Oh, I'll be in Edmonton, Alberta at Kingsman Park on Sunday, July 16th. Gee, I wonder if the Stanley Cup will be around. By then, you know, someone will have won it. God knows it won't be my fucking team. You know what? First, the fucking line at that Super Mario ride fucking two hours and 40 minutes for a three minute fucking ride. I feel like that's what just happened to me as a hockey fan. Shout out to David Cragi and Patrice Bergeron. I got a bad feeling that was the last game that they're going to play with us. What a shame. Incredible careers. Stanley Cup champions. Can't ever take that away from him. Oh, this is my one pause that I'm taking away. Last time

we fucked up this bad in the playoffs, playoffs was 2010. We were up three games to none and Cragi got hurt and then Eric Gagne came back for the Flyers and I don't know what the fuck. We lost four in a row and I was just like, what the fuck? And I remember watching game seven in Boston. I was at some bar. It was brutal. And then the very next year we won it. So who knows? Who knows? I don't know how we do that without Cragi and Bergeron, but we will try. All right. Anyways, I didn't even read this whole thing. New show added Edmonton, Alberta at Kinsman Park, Sunday, July 16th, local and artist pre-sales Wednesday, May 3rd at 9am Pacific time with the Code Burr, BURR. It goes on sale Friday, May 5th, Cinco de Mayo at 9am Pacific.

May 5th is also Club Soda Kenny's birthday. So please wish him a happy birthday if you can. He's a great man. All right. And funny as hell. All right. Policy genius, everybody. Look who it is. It's all policy genius. You know, if you have a family like I do, you know how much your loved ones depend on you. In a worst case scenario, you wouldn't want them to worry about money, would you? Well, I wouldn't. A good life insurance plan can give you peace of mind that if something happens to you, your family will have a safety net to cover mortgage payments, college costs or other expenses so they can get back on their feet and focus on what's most important. Policy genius was built to modernize the life insurance industry. Their technology

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not easy. Never was. How the fuck would you... How would you even have a hit song before radio? Is that vanilla ice? Is that vanilla ice? I may be really happy if it is. Wait a minute. Twisted tea original? Was that... There was a guy in the Jeep vanilla ice? I don't fucking know. Anyway, it's a bunch of people on a beach with a DJ. Yeah, because why would you want to listen to the ocean and actually take in the serenity and listen to your kids when you can have a guy with a laptop and a fucking AC DC Marshall stack blasting music into your fucking ear? You know what this beach is missing right now? A fucking, a drum and bass version of a Topesh mode song. I don't know anything about either the band or fucking

drum and bass. I don't know what it is. It's just like, I thought we would, you know, can't just go to the beach. We got to create a vibe. I thought the beach was a vibe. Nah, man, nah. You got to... You just got to feel like, you know, you're getting bottle service any way you go. I told you a few months ago I was out to dinner with my wife at a really nice sushi restaurant. I had to fucking break out my earplugs, you know, like I was seeing Kip Winger in the, in the fellas. What was the name of that dare guitarist, man? That guy was a beast in Winger. What the fuck was his name? Sometimes I feel like that's why they got so much shit was the names in the band.

The names in the, it was just Reb. It was Kip, Kip Winger, Reb Beach, Rod Morganstein. So you got Kip, Red and Rod. How the fuck did he miss that? He says the guy who could barely lift the puck off the ice. Jesus Christ, I would have buried that top shelf, dude. On the fucking Seattle Kraken, really going to knock off the defending... Well, if they do, you're welcome, Colorado, because no one's going to be talking about you. They're only going to be talking about us. Uh-oh. Oh no. Oh no. Come on. Wind it up. Wind it up. I want overtime. Oh, I see what Kraken are doing. They're just clogging up the neutral zone. They got three guys back at the blue line. You know, what you want to do is you want to keep them on the perimeter.

And then what the avalanche want to do is try to get some traffic in front of the gold tender. You see what he's doing here? He's not getting a clean shot at this. He's not going to clean. Look at it. Yes, we get it. You say this every fucking game. Oh no. Now I'm yelling at random analysts. This is how fucking upset I am. I'll tell you what is amazing is in my refrigerator. Yeah, this is this new shit where you just sort of back up, back up, back up. What the fuck happened to hitting the guy with the puck? You just sort of like get in the way of them, you know? It's like a fucking medium-sized dog when you come home and you're trying to get up the stairs, but it's happy to see you and you're

like, you get the fuck out of the way. That's like, it's that level. That's a little bit of a hit. All right. Everybody's standing around. Now they're bringing it up the ice again. The fenceman's backing up. People get behind. It's just, it's the, yeah, there you go. He's in the corner. Nobody fucking hits him. I don't know. It's a different game. They're all different games, Bill. Guess what I have in my, in my reefer, in my, speaking of reefer, in my refrigerator, somebody gave me these, dude, and I highly, highly, no pun intended, recommend these. It's called, this is a free advertisement here. It says, not your father's root beer. Oh, these aren't going to be twist offs, are they? These will definitely not be twist offs because

there's fucking weed in it. God, now I got to do the old fucking, do I got the thing here? If I, if I, if I, it used to be so, I'm going to rip my fucking finger open if I do that. I don't have a bottle opener. I know I do. I must. I must. I want to drink some fucking root beer that has a little bit of weed in it. You kids have no idea how lucky you are. You know, back in the day, if you wanted some goddamn fucking reefer, you had to get in the back of a fucking Ford Pinto, the gas tank about to be ignited. Hang on, let me open this fucking thing. Oh, fucking, he was able to do it. Will you look at that? That really surprised me. Still got those skills.

Ah, you know what's funny is it doesn't quite taste like root beer, but you know it is root beer. It tastes like somebody put some weed in your root beer. What a fucking time to be alive. You know, people sit there and they talk about how this goddamn country is going to hell in a hand basket. What's going on in the world and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, let me tell you something. The fucking world has always been fucked up because God has been in a hammock since he fucking made the place. All right. He doesn't give a shit. Okay. And he makes mouth breathing morons that listen to sociopaths that attack innocent people. That's essentially human behavior on a global level. But in the meantime,

he makes every once in a while, he makes a good shit that puts fucking weed in root beer. Okay. Now let me tell you, I know there's a lot of fucking problems out there, you know, but you know, the fact that there is weed in root beer, you can drink root beer and get fucking high after your team fucking blows it in the first goddamn round. You know, I mean, I don't think it's that bad. You know, I was thinking about getting a karaoke machine, you know, just for the family, have a good time, you know, make absolute fools of ourselves. I also think it's a good thing for like kids to like not be self-conscious about getting up in

front of a group of people. Because that really affects your life, you know, like, just like not giving a fuck in a good way. Like not to the point of you're hurting people, but just to be like, you just get, you just kind of get to that fucking point, you know, like Pete Rose, he didn't give a fuck. I'm managing this team and I'm betting on it. You know, I mean, how far ahead of his time was he? That guy was Bet MGM 30 years before Bet MGM. You know, all of these fucking gambling websites, he was doing that before all of them. I like how he was always guessing fastball. Every time I'm talking about hit, I love listening to Pete Rose talk about hitting. He was saying, I just always guess fastball, you know,

he goes, because that's going to be as fast as pitch. So if anything else comes, I can adjust to it. You know, and he goes to never, never adjust your swing. Your swing is how you got to the show. All right, choke up on the bat, move forward, move back in the batter's box, but you don't fuck with your swing. That's what got you here. Sound, when he said it, I was just like, Jesus, that sounds really obvious. I wonder why I never thought that. Oh, that's right. I'm dumb. I drink root beer with weed in it. Um, oh, shout out to that guy right behind the bench with the old Quebec Nordiques fucking jersey. It does have Joe Sackx number on it. You know what it should be? You should have fucking now who's

in one of the, one of the stasty brothers or Michel Goulet, you know, a Dale Hunter. Here's a good one. Jesus Christ, Dale Hunter, that motherfucker. There was a guy. There was a guy that just didn't skate around with you. He had to know where the hell that guy was. Um, he had a brother too. One time they actually grabbed me. Oh shit. Oh my God. This three minutes left. There's three minutes fucking left in the exciting Colorado Avalanche with the next Bobby or Nathan McKinnon are going to get knocked out by the Seattle crappin. The Kraken. What is that plankton? Is that another bird? Oh, a two on one. Save.

All right. Here's one for all you hockey fans out there. Who's the greatest goal tender you ever saw? All right. For me, without a doubt. And I, you know, I was talking to Joe Bartnick about this, Patrick Wah. I still think is the, is, you know, I never saw Ken Dryden, but I would say that's the greatest goal tenor of all time. Um, 100%. I don't give a shit about whoever played, uh, you know, during like, I don't know. Martin Broder is a hard one because I feel like he gets punished by the, the error that he played in, at least in my head, clutch and grab dump, you know, dump and chase. And you could just skate back and stop it. You could skate way out, stop it and flick it back down the fucking ice. It was such a horrible fucking period in hockey.

Jesus Christ. I mean, I, I get to the point, I was almost done with the game. So it's, it's incredible what they, what they did for the game. Martin Broder is definitely top five, but I still think Patrick was better. Um, anyway, uh, all right, let's get to some reads here for this week. Jesus Christ, we fucking lost. Can't fucking believe it. Uh, anyway, um, old guy in suburbs. Bill, there's an old guy who drives around town every day smoking a cigar in his Lincoln continental. Uh, I mean, that guy, he gets life. He goes, he's not some super classy guy, but he's not a bum either. He's just a middle of the road dude who seems super happy. Why wouldn't you be all fucking at the post?

How the fuck do they see that it doesn't go in that quickly? Jesus Christ. Um, yeah, why wouldn't he be happy? There is something to be said for those people that like maybe he just smokes one a day and he's fine. I don't know. Um, all right, what do I got here? Uh, sorry, I'm trying to watch this the end of this game too, too. Uh, he pulls up to spots and never really gets out of his car. He'll stop by the car washer gas station in town and just chat out his window with friends. He'll grab coffee and occasionally lean on his car, but it's mostly cruising in a members only jacket. Sounds like something you'd want to do. Are you kidding me?

I mean, if they made a Netflix series about that guy or people like that, I got it. Here's the Netflix series. You follow that guy around him just enjoying his life with a members only jacket, a fucking probably, you know, average price cigar and his Lincoln continental happy as hell. And you call this series, he gets it. You know, that seems like somebody like Oprah remember when Oprah was obsessed on trying to figure out how to be happy and she was like trying to teach all of us how to be happy, but you really knew secretly. It was also for her, which made it a little sad and funny. If you fucked up like me, like I do remember what time she did this thing. I might be wrong on this one,

which I'm wrong about a lot of shit, but I remember what time she did this fucking thing. And she was talking about the happiest places on earth. And she, one of the places she went to was Dubai and she was Dubai. She went to Dubai, right? And she was talking about how happy everybody was there and they don't even pay any taxes. They own this stuff. They don't pay any taxes. It's like Jesus Christ. What are you doing here, Oprah? You know, the comes from somewhere. Well, it turns out they have slave labor there. I found that out when I went to, uh, I think some people in India told me that they said, need to go to India or like Pakistan and they promised these poor people work in a better life. And when they go to Dubai, the first thing they do is they confiscate

their passport and then they enslave them. And the number one cause of death for those people that go there and they have to build all those buildings is suicide. Um, this is like one of the happiest places ever. I swear to God, I think she said Dubai because I remember I was watching it with my lovely wife and she was getting annoyed with me and I was going like, that's not a happy place. Just like, you know, can't you just shut up and let me enjoy a fucking show? I was like, all right, fair enough. Fair enough. I get it. This is your game seven, evidently. Um, are we fanned on it? Come on, put the biscuit in the basket. Oh shit. It's a race to the end. I sing. Gotta love no touch. I sing one of the stupidest things ever was racing down to the board

so you could fucking break your ankle or your fucking leg. All right. Friend didn't invite me to fake wedding. All right. I swear to God, if this is written by a man, I might just tap out. If this is written by a woman, uh, you know, what else is new? Friend didn't invite me to a fake wedding. So what did you do? High five them? All right. Dear Billy Bridegroom, this person did you an advice identity was solid. Anyway, I need your advice. A close friend of mine recently got married to a girl from the US. We're from Wales. Uh, my buddy told me that they're having two weddings. This first one was just so his partner could stay in the country and the real wedding will be later in the year. I have been invited to the air quote real wedding and was told that no

friends were invited to the first one, only a few immediate family members. Oh my God, for the fucking life of me. I don't understand why people give a fuck whether or not they're invited to a wedding. And why everybody who isn't getting married makes the fucking wedding all about them. Can you have some empathy for the two people getting fucking married? All the bullshit, all the fights, all the planning, all the money they have to go through. If they don't want to invite you, who gives a fuck? God bless them. They did you a solid. Anyway, who the fuck wants to go to a wedding? Nobody. Women, women want to go to weddings, I don't know. My wife, you know, we watched the fucking Real Housewives of New Jersey,

that Joe and Melissa guy, they're fucking freaking out because, you know, they're not getting invited to the fucking, the guy's sister's second wedding. Okay, you went to the first one, who gives a shit? I went to the first fucking Patriot Super Bowl victory. I never went to any of the other ones. You know what? I'm good. I saw the first one. That's the best one. That's the best one. The second one is, you know, you just don't want to die alone. Anyways, turns out that three of our mutual friends were actually in attendance at this fake wedding. Oh shit. As well as the party, they had the same weekend. This upset me because I never would have excluded this guy if I was the one getting married. We've been good friends for 15

years or so I thought. I would consider him a closer friend if he doesn't invite me to his fucking fake ass wedding. I haven't talked to him since and I don't know what to do. Should I ask for an explanation or should I just let it go and not let it ruin our friendship? After all, I've been invited to the real wedding. Would love to hear your thoughts on the situation. Thanks and go. I can't read. FFW CIO yourself. Oh, that's fucking Welsh. Yeah, dude, you got a fucking, you know, at some point, the Seattle Kraken just fucking beat the goddamn Colorado Avalanche. Are you fucking kidding me? Two to one. Congratulations to the Seattle Kraken. Wow, how the mighty are falling.

Um, yeah, dude, you got to let your balls drop at some point and just fucking, are you really going to do this? I mean, you're acting like a chick here. What the fuck are we doing? You know, first of all, if you if you're ever upset with somebody about something, go fucking talk to him about it. All right. The last thing you do is like, oh my God, I'm not fucking talking to you. Do you know why I know that? Because I used to do that for the first 54 and a half years of my life. Not that long, but I used to do that. Now my deal is if I have a fucking problem with somebody, I talk to them. I don't go around talking shit about people. I don't fucking go, you know, this fucking guy did. It's just like, well, go talk to that guy. What

is that what he did? Well, why are you talking to me about it? So, um, um, yeah, I just think like, whatever his fucking reason is, I got to be honest with you, the fact that you're making this big a deal out of it, I kind of understand why I didn't invite you. Maybe you need to be a little more chill and stop acting like a lady. Um, I would 100% get over it and I would have a great time at his wedding. I would say congratulations. I would get him a nice fucking gift and I would leave it at that. Like, I mean, if you don't, and people ask you why you, the friendship ended, you're going to have to tell this story. Okay. So my friend was getting married and it was like

two weddings and one wasn't the real one. One was the fake one, but you know, I was invited to the real one and they found out three of friends were invited to the fake one. I mean, that's like, you know, when you tell that story, someone's going to be like just staring into their beer, going like, is this like, did you steal this story from a woman? This is something a woman gets upset about. All right. So, you know, I don't know much about the Welsh people, but I feel like you're, you're really not representing them well. All right. But God damn it, you fucking represent the Welsh Indians correctly. I would get over it is what I would do and I would just go have a good fucking time and that's it. All right. I would leave it at that. All right.

Drunk, slapped by cow, by a cow's tail or by a fat woman. What are we talking about here? Dear Billy Bullocks, all my girlfriend's house, at my girlfriend's housewarming party last Friday, her housemate invited a friend that was so woke that she sounds like a caricature. All right. Well, anytime you guys use the term woke, you got to define it because everybody has a different definition of it. Now that white culture took the word and made it mean something completely different. So now what is that? She's just overly sensitive about shit, which is not what it initially meant. Anyway, she is studying a PhD in gender studies, shock. She's quite overweight, shock and her attitude to me in the male friends I brought

to the party was condescending from the start. Yeah. I mean, she's getting that fucking shit poured in her head every day. I mean, I would love to see gender studies and how fucking sexist it is in the other direction. You got to watch out for fucking liberals, man. Conservatives are easy to see. They're coming down, they're burning across, they're screaming slurs and shit. The liberals, the way they do it, you know, they hide behind, you know, they're black or they're gay friend. All right. Sorry, I'm fucking around here. Maybe it's the weed and the root beer. It doesn't work that fast people and her attitude to me. Okay. Nevertheless, my girlfriend and I are going to be spending a lot of time in this house. Why? So I did not react or get put off by

the condescending tone to me or my friends. I asked her about her PhD and told her that it sounded interesting. All right. Well, that's a fucking mistake. Why would you do that? You've completely misrepresented yourself and you've actually just pumped her fucking ego. I love these hockey fans that just hang out like their dog just died. Yeah. Okay. A fucking game ended. You know what I mean? You're disappointed. Maybe they're just waiting for the traffic. That's a beautiful facility, huh? Everybody that was coming down the escalator is going to be dead by the time they're 60. The people that took the stairs will live to be 65. Sorry, I was just doing the quick math there. Okay. Anyway, then she started insulting my friends. My friends responded

with some banter of their own, which made me laugh. This woke cow saw me laughing at my friend's joke with a full bowl of vodka in my hands and she smacked the bowl into my chin. You're drinking vodka out of a bowl? That's been some cheap shit, huh? Covering me in vodka, not to mention presenting a bit of danger with the glass hitting me in the face. I have a very bad temper as does she and I work hard on it. I have some issues with the police in the past for violence. Oh boy. So all my friends expected me to see red and smack this bitch to the suffragette, the suffragette era. Oh my God, that's hilarious, but I didn't and I avoided it by walking away. My issue is I keep picturing it in my mind when I try to sleep or just in the

middle of the day. Oh yeah. I know you have something similar. So I was hoping you might have a solution for the murderous thoughts in my mind. Dude, I got to tell you something right now. I can't even tell you the fucking empathy that I have for you right now. I know what it's like to have somebody fucking with you that you the system defends. You know what I mean? And you can't hit them because it's just it's just going to be a loss for you. You know, it's just one of those deals. So anyway, go fuck yourself in the ass with a fucking sandy red dildo, you ginger tainted fuck. I got to feel like most of that's the anger in that last thing was geared towards the woke fatty. Anyway, PS, the fact that you've

got a family has actually helped me believe I could be able to have one someday too. So thank you and best wishes. That's such fucking hilarious that you then finished on something that nice. Um, all right, that that is so fucked up. I wait housewarming. Okay. My girlfriend and I gonna be spending a lot of time in this house. Um, all right, here's the number one thing. If she keeps going around doing that, someone is going to punch her in the face. Just let it be somebody else. Okay. Um, I'm not going to lie to you, you know, when people say, Hey, don't worry about someday they'll get theirs. A lot of times they don't, they don't, and they just surround themselves with weak fucking people that put up with shit like that. All right, you don't have to

put up with shit like that. So what you can tell your girlfriend is on no under no, was it on no uncertain terms. I'm trying to think if there's any expression that I actually 100% know how to say. I would just say we're not going back to that house. No, I got, you know, if you know something better is that you tell your girlfriend that that fatty owes you an apology and that you're considering going to the cops to press charges for assault. You know, if you do really want to do that though, do you want to get it to that point? Um, I don't know. Like what can you do? What can you do? There's nothing you can do. The society protects a fat cunt. It just does. It's just one of those things. And all you can do is just

somehow just, you just got to work on your own life and just be glad that somebody else, the ballast man that's going to crawl on top of her every night is just like, like, I mean, just be happy. It's not you. That's all I can say. I mean, that's just, it's, it's fucking ridiculous. And I've said this a million times that women should respect the fact that a man's not going to hit him rather than take advantage of it. That is just, I mean, who's kin who sir, if I did that to you, I would be fucking at the dentist right now. And no one would give a fuck. They would all be saying to me, well, what the fuck did you think was going to happen? Did you really think you're going to smack a glass bowl into his fucking face

with his alcohol in it? I still don't understand how vodka is in a bowl. Um, anyway, um, I have found, uh, I've tried meditation and stuff like that, but like you really have to work on, it's, it's a skill is when stuff like that happens, letting go of it. And I actually, that happened to me recently and I forget what I did. You know, sometimes now when people come at me, I just go like, you know what, this is just all part of the fucking the deal. If I'm going to do what it is that I do, it's not all going to be sunshine that I'm going to have to deal with certain people and the fuck you're

going to do. And then I just sort of move on, you know, it's like, well, I can fixate on that shit or I can just continue, I don't know, go, just go do something fun, go to a game or some shit like that. But I would tell you, like, I can't even tell you how much empathy I have for you, like being in a situation like that where someone just so clearly, you know, crosses a line like that and nobody says anything. And then if you do something that you're fucking wrong is, that's a tough one. So, but the upside is, is you just tell your girlfriend that I'm, that that's, that's, that's a wrap. I'm not going over there. You know what sucks is even if you saw her and you just said, hey, fatso, can I talk to you for

a second? Do you realize how lucky you are that you're not a guy? Because I would have beat the fucking shit out of you. And I would have smashed that fucking bowl over your head and I would have picked up the shards and I would have stuck it right in your gut and watched you die slowly. If you don't have a temper, you don't understand these thoughts. But the thing is, is you can't say that to her because then you're threatening her. There's really, there's nothing you can do other than just tell the story to your friends, laugh about it and then go to the gym and try to get it out of you. But I wouldn't fight with your girlfriend about it. I would just get yourself into a really zen fucking mindset and just say,

honey, here's the deal. What that happened to me was unbelievably humiliating. The level of anger that I have towards that person and the fact that I'm not allowed to do anything because she's a woman, which is the reason why she went up and did that to me because she knew she could get away with it. I don't ever want to be around that person again. And it's just a non-negotiable. And then I got to be honest with you, if your girlfriend's going to be hanging around her too, then what the fuck is, like, what is she doing? You know what I mean? Like, what if some girl went up and did that to her and then you're still hanging out with that girl that did it? That doesn't make any fucking sense.

But I wouldn't, don't get angry with your girlfriend. Just say like this is how it is. And then if she doesn't want to do it, then I don't know. Then you just have a calm conversation of like, you know, I think I kind of want to spend the rest of my life with a person that like doesn't want to hang out with somebody who just fucking smashed a glass bowl on my face. Is that Henrik Lundquist? Is that A.C.? That's Anson Carter. Anyway, let me move on. Sorry, um, movie, sorry, I'm still got the TV on. I got the analysts on right now. All right, movie recommendation. Los Angeles plays itself. Now, what is that? That sounds, uh, that sounds interesting. Let's see. Los Angeles plays itself. Hey, Bill, have you ever heard this documentary?

It's incredible. I just stumbled upon it. It examines all the way, ways Los Angeles impacts its character on film and culture through architecture, stereotypes, et cetera. Highly recommended, tons of cool footage and insight. Examines all the ways Los Angeles imparts its character on film. I gotta look up in parts. Why is that? Because we'll try to make Brent would look like Vancouver. Um, I don't know. Anyway, that is the podcast, everybody. Uh, thank you so much for listening. Ah, tough, tough fucking loss. What are you going to do? I still love the Bruins. Congratulations, um, to the Panthers. And I'm just going to enjoy the hell out of watching that Panthers Leaf series. Uh, oh wait, the fucking Rangers and

devils had a game seven. Oh, that's tomorrow. I'm going to watch that. I'm just going to watch that. Oh, I can't even drink root beer with weed in it because then I'll be fucking, I'm going to be off. By the way, if we learned anything, you know, if your team loses a game seven of a series, they should have fucking won. Uh, I highly recommend not your father's root beer. And for that poor gentleman, you know what I mean? Dude, I got an idea. I got an idea. Holy shit. Every once in a while, I have an idea. Oh, it's too diabolical, but I got to tell you. Just start sending her desserts. I don't know how to do it or how, how to get, but you know, she's going to eat them. You just got to, what have your punishment

rather than, you know, doing the normal shit? What is, if you just try to make her like 50 pounds fatter, is there a law against that? I feel like this is like, if you made somebody morbidly obese because they threw a drink in your face. Oh dude, wait a minute. Maybe that's what you do. Maybe you don't say anything, your girlfriend. And what you do is you just buy a ridiculous amount of fucking sweets every time you go over there and you just leave them behind knowing that she's going to fucking house them the second everybody walks out of there. Right. And I mean like toxic shit, like Cinnabon, anything from Entomans, you know, just that fucking like that shit old people used to eat when I was a kid and they just be dead.

They did just like, dude, when I was a kid, people fucking died. You know, people live now, man. They live for a long time and they live quality fucking lives. People were fucking, I mean, when you were 50, you were like, he had one foot in the fucking grave. The shit was over. So maybe that's what you do. You know, and don't, oh, you know what? Don't buy. Oh my God, dude. Don't buy shit desserts. Go to the best cupcake place there. Just say, hey, listen, I'm sorry I laughed at you the other day, the da da, da, da, da, feed your egos. Hey, you know, maybe I should take one of those women's studies courses, but blah, blah, blah, blah, and you give her the cupcakes, right? And you just listen to her bullshit. Her fucking reverse sex

is bullshit as you watch her eating these fucking things and then you just keep going over there and then she'll actually start to love you, right? And then when she gets to her fattest, when she can't get out of the chair, that's when you walk up to her. This is too diabolical. I mean, there's so many different ways to do it. There's a way that you could just start sending them to her job saying she has a secret admirer. No, that's too mean. It's just all too mean. You know what? You know what? All of this shit is that I'm, this is all vengeance. I don't like vengeance is the darkest of all human emotions. I feel even more show than what were the seven

deadly sins. Like one of them, it's, it's, uh, what's the, uh, the anger one? What's the word they use for that? Let's see. There was, there was a wrath become wrath. The end of seven. I remember that. Um, does vengeance, is vengeance tied in with wrath? Is vengeance like wrath adjacent? I don't know. Um, I would go over, I would bring a big fucking chocolate, a yellow cake with chocolate frosting, you know, and I'd cut her a big fucking slice in bay. Sorry about that. And then you had, you just like, that's right. Get fatter, die quicker. All right. I'm sorry. Some of that had to do with the fact that my fucking team won 65 games and just lost in the first round. The other part really was, came from an empathetic place. All right. That's it.

Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.