Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-15-23

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Bill rambles about food videos, cocaine rats, and mispronounced sayings. Gametime:  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase. FÜM:  Head to TryFum.com and use code BURR to save 10% off when you get the Journey pack today

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, May 15th, 2023. What's going on? How are ya? Oh, shit. It's Sunday. It's Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Do-do-do-do-do. Everybody bows down to you, woo-woo, but they don't care about other people. Obviously, you got to give it up to the moms out there. I was just like, mothers, for all the things you do, just how you do it, how you find the time. You know, why don't they do that for engineers? I love it. I don't know how you do it. What do you mean? It's a fucking kid. What are you just going to leave it there? I know how you do it.

You love it. Engineers. I don't know how do you do it? How do you dam up a river and drown all those animals? How do you know how many people to tell to clear out of the valley before it goes under fucking four hundred fucking feet of water? How do you do it? How do you do what you do? How do you know what to build the fucking dam? How does the water not go around the dam? It's fucking water. How do you do? You know what, engineers, I don't know how you do what it is that you do, but I'll tell you this. I do know how a mother does what she does. I don't find it confusing. I'm not saying I don't respect them. I'm not saying it's not their day, but I am so

sick of people like scratching their heads like they just can't get their fucking head around it. It has nothing to do with being a mother. It has to do with how fearful men are of an upset woman. So you just have to just constantly be gassing them up to make sure, God, you got to make sure they feel appreciated. If you fucking know anything, anything that, oh my, I don't know how you just sat down on that couch like that. I mean, it's just you're a woman. I mean, the wonderment of you. You know, meanwhile, you know, somebody's fucking rerouting water from the top of this state, and we're all down here literally in these, these metropolises that should not even exist. The California Aqueduct people, I don't know how you, I don't know how you did that.

I still don't know how you do it. I don't know why you did it either. Should have fucking left this place alone. How can we get a bunch of mouth-breathing morons to live in this part of the world? So, you know, we, we, we fought a battle. We, we took it over, but now what are we going to do with it? If we're not there, the people we defeated will gradually come back into, let's get a bunch of fucking, let's get some water down here. We'll, we'll build some theme parks. We'll get, well, well, I got it. We'll have a factory, right? That'll create jobs, but it also serves cake. Just listen to me on this one. Okay. Cheesecake. Everybody's favorite. All right.

Everybody back here thinks of a factory. They think of fucking smokestacks and fucking, you know, miners lung and all of this shit. And I'm just, you know, going to get used up and I'm going to die in some guy in a top hat, you know, like Andrew Carnegie or our Andrew Carnegie, if you're from Pittsburgh, is going to make all the money and then say, I owe the public nothing. That's what they think out here. Our factories are going to make cake. I don't know if that's the history of California, but I'm going with that. Anyway, before I get too deep into this. Oh, Billy, new dates. Oh, Billy's got some new ones on the calendar.

Billy, new dates. Thursday, June 22nd, 2023. What are you doing? What are you doing on Thursday? Hey, everybody, what are you doing Thursday, June 22nd, 20 fucking 23? Are you going to be anywhere near Hershey, Pennsylvania at the giant center and then July 6th, 2023, Allentown, Pennsylvania. Allentown, Pennsylvania, PPL center. I'm at the PPL center people in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Yeah. That sounds like a fucking one of those Pennsylvania towns that Billy Joe would write a song about the blue collar people, you know, and I'm out there on the Allentown steamer and I'm fucking got on my big rubber boots and I'm doing this shit and I'm fucking going over there and my wife is a fucking cunt. Oh, Lottie dog. Or Saturday to the rest of the world,

July, July 15th, 2023, Tacoma, Washington. I'm doing the Emerald Queen Casino Hello and Hotel. Well, then we added one. The fuck am I doing out there? Sunday, October 1st, 2023. I'm in Springfield, Massachusetts at the Mass Mutual Center kid. And then Thursday, October 5th, I'm in Niagara Falls, Ontario at the Falls View Casino and Resort. Now, back in the day, Niagara Falls, that was the place that you went to on your honeymoon. You know, and if you didn't push her over, you stayed married. No, that's what people would do. And back in the day, you know, the original X games was people for publicity to just show how daring they were because back in the day, being daring could get you some pussy, right? You had to be, you had to be a daredevil.

You know, you couldn't just fly a plane. You had to get out of the fucking thing while your friend flew it and walked on the wings. Hey ladies, how about you meet my friend? Right, we never made him. He's a wind walker, a wing walker. Sorry. And next thing you know, they're just lining up, lining up to give that guy syphilis. That's how it worked back then and there was no cure for it. Um, so back in the day, the original X games, people would get in for some fucking reason. The big thing was to try to go over the falls in a barrel to go over the balls, the falls in a barrel and live. And then that would be that was your fucking thing because there was no sitcoms. There was no movies or whatever. There was, well,

how are you going to get famous? The only famous people were super rich people, Robert Barons, the J.P. Morgan's, the Vanderbilt's, the fucking Aster's, the, uh, the what's your faith Andrew Carnegie, Carnegie and fucking Pittsburgh. Yeah, the Robert Barons, the Rockefellers, J.D. Rockefeller, right? That's what every white guy just wanted to go by initials. That was like some fucking white pimp shit back in the day. I'm H.D. Buttercup. See, nice to meet you, J.D. Rockefeller. Get your hands out of your pockets. Um, anyway, so if you're just a regular person, how the fuck were you going to get famous riding around on a horse, robbing banks, and eventually you're going to get hung. You didn't want to do that. You didn't have the fucking balls

to join Jesse James or the younger gang or whatever, or Billy the Kid, that fucking lunatic, right? One of America's greatest spoiled brats, Billy the Kid, to a temper tantrum with a gun, you know, one of the most American things you can do, I feel. Um, I don't know anything about any of these people. Um, yeah, you'd get a barrel if you're just a regular fucking person. All right. And you didn't, you didn't have the fucking, you didn't have the sack, you know, to walk up to some chicken or hoop dress, you know, in a fan and a little parasol. And you came walking up, you didn't look like a gunfighter, right? You knew you weren't getting any. So you had to go out there and you had to go do some dumb shit. But back then it was called

being daring. All right. And you would get in a fucking barrel. You'd close the lid and you would just float and you'd go over the, over the falls in a wooden barrel. And you'd die. There was one guy went over the, went over the falls one time and on the way down, he hit a rock and got stuck. And then he was in there either drowned or suffocated. I can't remember what. There was one kid, you know, it's funny. There was one kid, he actually fell out of a boat, had nothing on, but a life preserver. He went over the falls and he actually lived. So it was really was like a, it was sort of Russian roulette with a, with a river. But, uh, that's what they did back in the day, the original X games, you know,

there was no selfies or rent. How would you even prove that you did it? You couldn't sit there and do like, you know, like those, those influences on YouTube. And you know, they always turn them on. Like, is anything worse, like when something happens and you just want to see the clip of it and then you got to sit through that YouTuber's fucking intro, you know, like something, whatever, a fucking cow falls down a flight of stairs and lands on a, I don't know, I don't know, some fat chick playing a piano, whatever. I'm just spitballing here, right? And that's what you want to watch. And then you click on the video and then there's immediately some fucking douche with his eyebrows

up going, oh shit, you guys all could have believed this one. Okay. It's fucking Allentown, Pennsylvania. They got his staircase, right? Now this isn't just any other staircase. You got to fucking go, it's just show the video. I know what happened. I don't need you. I speak English. I can read the title. Why do I need you to walk me through and then the cow, okay, right here. We're going to stop right here. This is where the cow starts to fall. Show it. It's one of my big, my big frustrations in life. Oh, Billy can drink coffee again. He's, he's, he's off his little fucking fast here. And I got to tell you, I'm feeling like I don't want it. I don't know what it is. I just the last couple of times I went to get off it, I had a headache.

I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? You know, having said that, I'll probably end this podcast and go get a cup. But like, I don't know, I think I've had enough cappuccinos to last me a lifetime. And, and now I started like following some like coffee shit on, on Instagram. And I'll tell you this, I don't, as much as I like food and coffee, I don't vibe with those people. You know what I mean? Like the second, like the music that they play, you know that fucking music they play, for some reason, whenever there's a cooking video, you know, like the music has to be like, it's perfectly dividing the line between being happy and upbeat and just absolutely mindless. You know, and there's always some chipper like fucking,

you know, she's hot, but not in a whorey way, like in the kitchen, right? Cause she's got to be the wholesome one. You know, she's not going to teach you how to make whore food to be all like pickles and hot dogs and phallic shaped things. Baguettes, you know, she's going to do more of the wholesome things. The wholesome cooking. Oh my God, wouldn't that be great? I think that's the only cooking show the food network hasn't done yet. Just how to make whore food. What did he say? What he, I would like, what is that? There's no such thing as that, but you just brand it like they do anything like how real estate agents, you know, there's some shitty part of the fucking city that the government doesn't care about and they're not investing any money into it or anything.

And then all of a sudden, you know, they just keep prittin a trillion dollars every year with no gold behind it. And then white people get forced out of their neighborhood. That's what the gentrification is. It's the white people with the least amount of money then getting forced to go to leave their neighborhood that they didn't want to leave. They always leave that part out. They act like it's just like rich white people moving in. Maybe it is. I don't fucking know. It seems to me like you're getting squeezed out. Everybody's getting moved. You're getting squeezed out. So anyway, I'm fucking totally losing my train of thought here. What the hell was the government part of the the city that people don't care about? What was that? And it's gone just like that. Oh Jesus, what happened?

There was a thought there. And I was walking towards it and I got I got distracted along the fucking way. Oh, I know whore food, how whore food is nothing. But if they have some new if there's a new fucking area that real estate agents, you know, who are all in ridiculous shape now and have headshots and Botox and all of this fucking shit for some reason, like they've all gone Hollywood. All right. And they have an insatiable appetite to sell fucking real estate and buy more shit for themselves. They go to some fucking neighborhood that isn't safe because nobody gives a fuck. And they let it go to hell. And rather than helping that out, how do we fix that neighborhood up? What do we do? We have real estate agents

rename the neighborhood something else, which then that peaks people with money's interest. Like, you know, like Hell's Kitchen, I remember back in the day, Hell's Kitchen, because we know when they wanted people to go in and pay way too much money for apartments there, they changed it to Clinton. I don't know why they called it Clinton. I'll tell you why, because New York's a bunch of fucking liberals and they love that fucking fucking, that pedophile that went to Epstein, Eric. Does anybody else just sit back and just watch those, those political clips on social media and just watch how fucking hypocritical liberals and fucking conservatives are?

Like the past that conservatives are giving Donald Trump right now during this fucking whatever the fuck is going on with him, where he's sitting there going, I wouldn't pick you, you know? I hope you don't offend him. This guy is a babbling idiot. Like if I was his lawyer, I'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up. He's a babbling fucking idiot, right? And he's just saying rude shit to the person that's interviewing him because he feels he's above being questioned, right? And all these fucking mouth-breathing moron conservatives are like, yeah, I love this guy. You know, he's fucking honest. It's like, dude, they're talking about a rape case here. Like what is it about here to find it funny and to miss this guy?

Because you guys were the same fucking people calling out Clinton for going to Epstein Island and being a fucking pedophile, right? And you know, it was funny then liberals never said shit about that when it came to Clinton. But then Donald Trump gets a little fucking rapey-rapey, right? Little rape case and now they're all over him. Oh, this guy's fucking disgusting. Oh, big Billy comes walking in and all his accusations don't mean shit. I fucking hate all of those people. I shouldn't hate him because then that just takes energy out of my day. But I've completely given up on politics. I just don't think enough people have an ability to, I don't even know, I just don't understand it. I mean, all the information is out there.

The Federal Reserve, that's what you want to undo. That's what you want to go after. That's what we have to take back. We got to take back our money supply and not have it fucking printed by a private corporation. Why doesn't a president just send a fucking one platoon of army guys down there and say, hey, guess what? This shit is over. We don't owe you any more money. We're starting over again. Go fuck yourself. Why can't we do that? Everybody's too, all right, I'm on my fucking, I gotta get off the fucking, let's talk sports, everybody. Let's get to bread and circus. Fucking Washington can't handle fucking Trump.

Washington can handle any of, Washington handles us. They got us watching ties. I like the blue ones. I like the red ones. Anyway, the Celtics have a game seven today against the 76ers. I'm pretty confident. I think we're going to win it. But I, you know, Doc Rivers had a lot of work to do because I saw that 76ers team quit at the end of the game. And I kind of wish they didn't quit because I feel like Doc Rivers is an unbelievable coach who will know how to motivate that, turn that around and get them to play. I'm really looking forward to the game though, because that was sort of how I got baptized into watching the NBA back when I was a kid and it was bigger than life to me.

It was those great Celtics 76ers games and they always went seven games and it was bird versus Dr. J. Everybody talks fucking bird magic and all of that shit. Dude, before that was the fucking Philadelphia 76ers. And if you wanted to get to the finals, you had to go through that fucking team or the finals. I always forget which one says final Stanley Cup final or finals NBA final or finals. I forget they're, I think it's the NBA final Stanley Cup finals. And then always has to be like, there's always that one dude. There's only, it's final. There's only one NBA final. Like they're just like, you know, those words Smith, they're just so enamored with how fucking, you know, they just love when, when somebody says,

uh, et cetera or something, then they go, it's et cetera. And that like literally makes their weekend. That's got to be an interesting group of people, huh? Word Smiths hanging out with each other. Once you do this weekend, oh, you wouldn't believe it. You can't believe this. I was going out to get a coffee and I heard somebody say, et cetera, et cetera. Did you say something? Oh, I had to. I had to. They were so pissed, but I didn't, you know me. I don't give a fuck. Anyway, the Lakers closed out the ball, kicking warriors. Right? What's his fate? He's not dirty. That Derek Brook guy. Oh, he's filthy people in Memphis. Derek Brooks, the heart of our fucking team. That fucking asshole out on the Warriors is filthy.

Bill Clinton's a good guy. Um, oh, shit. God damn it. Spilling fucking water all over the place. I swear to God, I cannot. The second I spilled water like a fucking toddler, dude. This thing was, it was a can. Oh, free advertising. A can of liquid death on the fucking goddamn floor. Open. And I'm talking to you guys. And you know what I mean? I like to talk with my hands. I make a big sweeping generalization and I figure my hands should do the same thing. Oh, look what it does. Just spills it all over the fuck. I mean, you would spill shit and your grandparents were over there. I don't know how mad they get. There was a clip. Look at this here. Look what you did here. Jesus. Look at this right here. You see, look at it. Look at it.

What have you done here? Look at this. Look at this here. They just fucking commentate the whole time. All you're doing is looking at the old age spot on top of their fucking head. Like, is that what happens? Is that the end of this ride? You know, you got liver spots on top of your head while you fucking yell at a two-year-old that's related to you. All right. Sorry about that. I apologize, especially to the mothers. I don't know how you do what it is you do. You know, I love how they act like this. They don't have a partner. Like, look, single moms. All right, I get that. I get that. You bang some guy and you didn't wear a condom. Congratulations. No, I'm kidding. What about divorces? Anyway, there's the fucking

Lakers, you know, doing what they do, buying other people's talent. You know, I swear to God, if they got rid of free agency, the Lakers would never win another title. They literally cannot put a team together of their own fucking players, but I'll tell you what they can do. Those motherfuckers know who to buy because everybody's doing it, but they know who to buy. Why? The Los Angeles other people's players. They're looking great. Verzi's trying to tell me that fucking the Denver Nuggets are going to beat him in six. That's what he's saying. But Verzi also said that he, as a Nix fan, was not afraid of the Miami Heat. Now, I tried to tell my half Sicilian friend, I was like, you don't want any part of

Jimmy Butler. Jimmy Butler's coming to town and you, you, you're going to wish that he fucking gets off at the wrong stop. Anyway, I don't know shit about hoop. I really don't. I don't know who's left. Like if we beat the 76ers, then we go on to play. Oh, the Miami Heat, you fucking idiot. You were just talking about him. All right. Oh, okay. Well, you know, I kind of feel like whoever wins this series loses to the heat. That's what I think. But getting back to it, though, is like, I like the early 80s, the fucking like 1980 to 1983, Philadelphia 76ers is one of my favorite teams of all time. You know, the Daryl Dawkins ones into the Moses Malone. I talk about them all the time. I fucking those fucking guys could play. And they had Dr. J, who was Michael

Jordan before Michael Jordan came, just fucking above the rim. I remember we talked about that when he, he, he went up for the dunk and those guys, the he was baseline. And he fucking, I think two people went up to block it. So then he brought the ball down. And he windmilled it around, ducked his head went underneath the hoop and then reverse laid it up like no one had ever done some shit like that ever. I know all the young kids who watch the game. Well, that's because they saw everybody saw him do it and realized it was possible. So anyway, over to the NHL, Toronto Maple Leafs. All right, well, we'll say this, they want to play off series. So they finally, you know, they, they, they crawled out of the hole a little bit.

They lose to the fucking Florida Panthers who look, look who's in the fucking Eastern Conference finals, your own Florida Panthers. And I am excited to see them face the Carolina Hurricanes, because I think in this Carolina Hurricanes series, they're going to face something, a challenge that they have not, they have, they have yet to be faced with a challenge they, they haven't faced yet in the playoffs, which is something called defense. I don't think the Bruins played great D on them. And I will tell you the, or the very least, we just fucking kept letting them get up off the mat. But the Toronto fucking Maple Leafs, those first three games was the defense was fucking atrocious.

They were giving them like a three foot cushion. They were like escorting them into the zone. Um, I don't understand it. The only thing I can say is I feel like it's, it's a symptom of, they took the red light out of the game. There's the stretch pass. So now 99% of the people are super fast, you know, unbelievable with the puck finesse players and nobody takes the body anymore, I feel like that one, the last two fucking games Toronto finally showed up to the series and played and they went one in one. Imagine if they did that from game one. Um, so we shall see because I'm not buying the Florida Panthers until they beat Carolina because um, I don't know. I feel like as much as the Bruins had one of the greatest fucking regular

season of all time, I just still don't feel like, you know, we're still just missing. We don't have any grit and that's what you need. That's the main fucking ingredient. You just got it. You got it like the Panthers. They got nothing but that. They're like fucking like relentless. You know what's reminding me of like their run so far reminds me of when the Canadians won it in 1993, although they had better series. I feel like their series were closer. That was one of the, if it wasn't the Canadians, it would be my favorite run to the cup ever. I mean, it was, but, but as a hockey fan, just watching that and then Patrick Waugh, the greatest gold tender of all time. As far as I'm concerned, just shutting everybody down in this fucking,

I don't know what seed they were, but they were supposed to be gone by the first or second round. They won the whole damn thing. Um, and then those same fans a couple of years later, booed Patrick Waugh out of their organization and there they sit 30 years later, coupless. I mean, they haven't been a dynasty in 50 years. It's getting bad. Like I don't know how much longer they can sit there and talk about act like they, they are the pinnacle of hockey. Historically, historically you are, but dude, we're talking, we're going back half a century. All right. You haven't won the Stanley cup since before Ronald Reagan. Uh, I'm sorry, uh, but a dynasty since before Ronald Reagan,

as far as like dominating the fucking league. Um, it's been pretty pedestrian since 1980. Since nine. Okay. Just for Canadian fans to put it into perspective, since 1980, you've only won one more cup than the Bruins and we never win it. So you like that? I shit on Bruins too. So maybe you can hear the information. It's all I'm trying to do here, people. Edmonton Oilers got back against the wall down three to two. They got a one, two against the fucking Vegas nights. These expansion teams might be two expansion teams. Might be the Vegas nights versus Seattle, Kraken Seattle, Kraken playing the Dallas stars. Um, wait a second,

this could be for expansion teams. Mike modern day, Florida Panthers versus the Seattle Kraken and the nights versus, well, Carol, uh, uh, wait a minute, Caroline Hurricanes with a Hartford whalers. They've been wrong long enough. That's back to the seventies. It's damn close though. All right. Is this even a podcast anymore? When did the Panthers come into the league? I know Pavel Burry ended up there. So it's at least 30 years ago, isn't it? Florida Panthers, Florida Panthers. It's a good time to be in Miami, huh? Florida Panthers are killing it. Miami heat are killing it. You know, if I get broads down there, I got plenty of cocaine.

You know, it's a good time. 1993, they've been around for 30 years. Seattle Kraken are like two years old. Vegas nights are like, what, six, seven years old. Let's look up the Hartford whalers. This is the kind of shit that I'm interested in. When they asked, do you know US history? I'm just like, well, you mean like sports, the history of sports in the United States? Yeah, I'm pretty good on that. I could do well on that in jeopardy, I feel founded 1972. They were the New England whalers. Then they became the Hartford whalers. They were in the world hockey association starting from 1971 until 1974. They relocated to Hartford in 1974. The Hartford Civic Center. January 11th, sell out crowd. The franchise remained in Hartford until relocated in North

Carolina in 1997, 1998. That's a shame. You know what happens? People move on. You know what, guys like me get sad. Okay. Oh, I didn't say when the pre-sale was for those dates that I was talking about. I just saw that Niagara Falls and I was looking at it and it just reminded me of that clip of that guy who went to the Negro League Hall of Fame. Not only did he say that, that the guy next to him was like nodding like, yup, that's where we went. If he writes his career, God help him if he ever goes to Niagara Falls. He's going to be like saying Niagara, Niagara, Niagara before he gets on fucking TV again. All right. Artist pre-sale Wednesday, May 17th at 10am local with Code Burr. Promoter and local pre-sales Wednesday, May 17th at 10am local. General on sale Friday,

May 19th at 10am local. There's a lot of local in there. All right. If you want to email the podcast, by the way, all right, you can send an email to the Monday, Monday dot morning. Wait, why is it underlined and fucking red? I can't tell. I think it's Monday morning podcast at gmail.com or it might be Monday dot morning podcast. I don't fucking know. It's my own goddamn podcast and I don't know. Jesus Christ. All right. Game time, everybody. Let's do a little ad reads here. Game time. You know, buying tickets, buying tickets to your favorite events shouldn't be stressful. Game time is the fact. Game time is fast and easy. It's a fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports, music, comedy and theater near you. With killer deals on last minute tickets and their best price

guarantee, you can stop stressing over tickets and start getting hyped for the fun you're going to be having. Game time is the place for the last minute ticket deals. Forget planning months in advance. You got shit to do. Game time has deals on tickets right up to the day of the event. Get exclusive flash deals on tickets for football, basketball, baseball, concerts, comedy, theater and more. The game time guarantee means you'll always get the best price if you find ticket. If you find tickets in the same section and rows for less, game time will credit you 110% of the difference, 110% of the difference. That's like the ticket cost $100. They give you $110. It's the fastest growing ticketing app in the country for a reason. Get images of your seat before you

buy. It'd be funny if they just took pictures of the seat, not your view. Get images of your seat before you buy so you know exactly what to expect when you arrive. Buy tickets in a matter of seconds. Two taps in your set. Tickets are sent directly to your phone so you never have to dig through your email. That's great. This is some shit for an old man like me. Snag the tickets without the stress with game time. Download the game time app. Create an account and use code BRR for $20 off your purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code BRR for $20 off. Download game time. Today, last minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. All right. Fume, everybody. It's F-U with an umlat M. Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break

your bad habits. Not everything in a bad habit is wrong, so instead of drastic, uncomfortable change, why not just remove the bad from your habit? Fube is an innovative, award-nominated device that does just that. What makes fume different? Instead of electronics, fume is completely natural. Instead of vapor, fume uses flavored air. And instead of harmful chemicals, fume uses all natural delicious flavors. You get it. Instead of bad, fume is good. It's a habit. Well, tell me about the flavors. What, you got a chocolate eclair mix there? Mist? I can't even talk today. It's a habit you're free to enjoy and makes replacing your bad habit easy. Your fume comes with an adjustable airflow dial and is designed with movable parts and magnets for fidgeting,

giving your fingers a lot to do. This is for all the fiends out there. Giving your fingers a lot to do, which is helpful for de-stressing and anxiety while breaking your habit. Oh, man, they broke that word up over like two lines, DE-stressing. I fucking made my little brain do a somersault there. I need to take a break here. Stopping is something we all put off because it's hard. But switching to fume is easy, enjoyable, and even fun. Fume has served over 100,000 customers and has thousands of success stories. And there's no reason it can't be you. All right, join fume in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the journey pack today. Head to tryfume.com, T-R-Y-F-U-M.com, and use code BRR to save 10% off when you get the

journey pack today. That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com, T-R-Y-F-U-M.com, and use code BRR to save an additional 10% off your order. Head to tryfume.com slash BRR to save an additional 10% off your order today. Good luck quitting smoking. All right, moving away from a young lady. Oh, now we're the listeners, people. Finally, we're going to get some intelligence on this podcast. I have to listen to me yammering on for a good, the better part, 38 minutes. You know, moving away from a young lady. Dear Bill Burr of Rights. You know, I got my kids watching Schoolhouse Rock now, and they love that one. I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill. They're like, Dad, they're singing about you. And then they like interjection. So when you're happy, hooray. Three's a magic number.

Verb. That's what's happening in 5, 10, 15, 20. They like that one too. And then the one that they weren't into that used to always bum me out too was that one. If I could skate a figure eight, it would be great. It's all like fucking fucking creeping me out. Although she does nice crossovers when she's fucking skating there. Love the podcast and I'm a fan of yours. Your advice has kept me going through the dullness and slog that is law school. Oh my God. I have a couple of friends of mine got through law school when I just just look at the books that they had to read and read about those cases. I mean, you got to love it. You know, I don't give a fuck how much your parents push

you into becoming a lawyer. You have to love that shit to pass the bar. Oh my God. Fuck that. Hats off to anybody that can do it. And hats off to the lawyers out there. They always get like such a bad fucking rap like this scumbags, you know, like it's not their clients. Like there's no good lawyers out there. It's just like anything else. It's like comedians. There's some good ones. There's some bad ones. And there's some ones that it shouldn't be fucking doing it, right? Lawyers are the same way. All right. There's always the David tell out there. I mean, there's a David tell lawyer out there. That's what I'm going to say. All right. This person says I'm a 27 year old guy get graduating from law school this week. Congratulations. I've known this lovely young lady

for two years now. She is 23, goes to law school with me and is the year below me in school. She is very much the nerdy type, but is attractive, smart, and really is the total package. We are both runners and ran together constantly until she broke her kneecap on her run a few months ago and a few days before she realized it was broken. She ran 10 miles on it. Total badass. All right. So what's the problem? We just finished the school year and the night before she leaves, we went out to dinner with some friends. Then one thing led to another and we ended up spending the night together, but didn't go all the way because I'm the first guy she's kissed. Wait a second. I just got lost there. This is the chick you're with or the chicks you were out to dinner with.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm twice every guy. I've known this. Okay. So you knew this lady. Oh, okay. So you've been running together. She's been waiting for you to do that for fucking years, buddy. Congratulations. That's what I'm guessing. The problem is I will be moving away across the country and I'm concerned about starting a new relationship right now, especially because I have to study for the bar over the next few months and then start my new career as a lawyer. What the fuck did you kiss her for? Wait a minute. Were you drinking? Jesus. Anyway, on the other hand, though, I really do like this girl. She's a total sweetheart and I would probably regret losing her. Any advice from you and the lovely Nia would be greatly

appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Hey, man, you're going to be her first. Don't break her heart. All right, unless you have good intentions with this person, just leave it at the kiss and she'll get over with it. Don't don't. Okay. She's coming out of her shell. All right. I would say that I'd be very careful. This is a sweetheart of a person. You don't want to be the person that does that. All right. So it seems to me like you're pretty focused on your career, but yeah, you have to answer that one, dude, because nothing in there, it seems like you were assessing a draft pick, ran on a broken kneecap for 10 miles, total badass, smart, attractive, really is the total package, the total package like you're

ordering cable. I'm just not feeling love here, buddy. I'd say leave her alone. That's my advice. And I don't think you're going to do it. I think you're going to fucking, I don't, I think you're not, I don't think you're going to listen to me. That's my prediction. All right. Rat Park study. Hello, Mr. Burr from Calgary, Calgary. All right. Am I saying it wrong? Calgary, Calgary. I wanted to ask you if you knew about the Rat Pack, Rat Park study done in Simon Fraser University, British Columbia, Canada. How in the fuck would I know that? I can't even say it. I thought it was Rat Pack, Rat Park. In the 60s, a professor allowed rats to hydration sources. Okay. A lot of rats, two, TWA hydration sources. One was water

and one was cocaine infused. The study concluded the rats would rapidly overdose on cocaine water over regular water. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Cocaine water. That was what spa water was in the 1970s. In the 70s, a student now professor thought, what if I made a rat utopia? Would happiness overcome the convenient addiction? The young lad did such, did such this setting up a best cheese plate. Yeah, come on people. Try to proofread this shit. I can't even read it when you wrote it correctly. Maybe the young lad did just that. Setting up a best cheese plate, a ferris wheel. The fuck kind of rat wasn't going to ferris wheel, a waterfall. The rats were making babies and starting a community. The study concluded that the rats only did cocaine water on the weekends.

What? That doesn't make any sense. How the fuck did they know it's the weekend? P.S., my mother is addicted to your podcast. I have to close the windows. She laughs so hard. Dude, what are you, there was so much missing there. You just fucking with me? So there was a cheese plate, a ferris wheel, a waterfall. The rats were making babies and starting a community. The study concluded that the rats only did the cocaine water on weekends. That just sounds like that was just a big jerk off to me. Like there's no fucking, they don't, rats don't work a five day week and then take two days off. Yeah, do they get memorial day off from spreading plagues? All right, mispronounced sayings. Oh, I heard another one this week.

I got to read this one to you. Let me see. I write them down all the time. No shit, Captain Obvious. Technically, it's not wrong, but you say no shit, Sherlock. And then you usually go, all right, let's hear it for Captain Obvious. This person combined both and said no shit, Captain Obvious. It doesn't even sound good. And I'm adding that to, he's not the brightest bulb to come down the pipe. You're a piece of dirt that I wouldn't piss on if you were on fire. I don't know how dirt catches on fire. And they should know each other like clockwork. All right, I'm not, these aren't really mispronounced as much as they're just, they're combining, you're combining sayings or just saying them wrong.

Hey, Barista Bill, writing to you in response to saying that people mispronounce, I have a coworker that always says, it's a blessing in the skies, in the skies. I get it. Yeah, because that's how you hear it and you're thinking it's like a religious thing as opposed to being a blessing in disguise. How is the former not obvious? Because people are religious, so they think it's God like, anyway, the person goes, it drives me absolutely up the wall. What the fuck would a blessing in the skies even mean? For anyone confused, let me explain. If a tree falls on my car and my insurance payout allows me to purchase a better vehicle, that unfortunate event was a blessing in disguise. Yeah, it's because good came out of an initially bad situation. Jesus

Christ people, any who love the yada, yada, yada and go fuck yourself. I like the explanation afterwards. That's great. That was a good example. Blessing in disguise because you're looking at it, you're like, that's a terrible thing. And then you get a better, Bill, why don't you explain his example like you came up with it? All right, you're right. Blessing in the skies. Blessing in the skies. Uh, pronounced sayings. Dear Billy Freckles Burr, uh, you've been an aviation long enough to have a call sign in fighter aviation. We write it as depicted above and would then introduce yourself as good morning. I am Billy Burr, call sign Freckles. You're welcome. Oh, is that like Maverick? Are you goose? I'm Freckles. I love Freckles.

Oh, Freckles coming in hot. Here comes Freckles getting a fucking sunburn in the cockpit. I'm a military tactical fire fighter pilot. With many hours and multiple advanced airframes that I won't list here, but today I am not writing about aviation. Oh, you just figured you'd throw your dick on the table. I want to know all about it. You got me all fucking interested and nothing happened. Uh, but rather about a common misunderstood saying that makes me want to throw, throw heads through walls every time I hear it muttered. The common saying that is used incorrectly is chomping at the bit. Is that not how you say it? That's how I say it. What most, what most don't know is that the actual

saying is champing, C-H-A-M-P-I-N-G, champing at the bit and it originates from the action of a horse clamping down on their bit repeatedly and restless when they are getting ready to race, run, et cetera. Obviously the bit being the part of the horse's tack that sits in the mouth used for control. Now, knowing this information, you can really go one of two ways. You can use it to sound like a magnanimous cunt when correcting someone to inflate your delicate, delicate ego, not recommended to. You can use the saying correctly when queried. Uh, use the opportunity to teach someone something and not be a cunt. I will let you decide. Queried. Is that what that word means? What's so funny is I'm making fun of people while I can't even read out loud. Let me see this. Champing at the bit.

I had no idea. That's like, I always thought I was, I'll be your Huckleberry and it's your Huckle bearer. A Huckle bearer is one of the person that carries, helps to carry your casket. I learned that the other day on fucking Instagram. I thought it was Huckleberry, Huckle bearer. Champing at the bit. Uh, champ at the bit is to show impatience at restraint and be restless. I gotta answer that later. Oh, okay. So, so it's not only being impatient. You're impatient with restraint and being restless. So I would imagine a human being is champing at the bit when they're fucking standing in a line at TSA and the fucking asshole had all this time to take the shit out of his pockets and he waits

till he gets up there to do it. Uh, comes from something said about horses when they bite their bits repeatedly and restlessly. They champ. Yeah. Cause they don't like that fucking thing in their mouth. They don't want somebody on their back telling them which way to go. Champing at the bit. Everybody. Chomping at the bit. Yeah. That's what I, that's what I say. Chomping at the bit. Champing at the bit. All right. Segway. Thank you, sir. Quirried. I gotta look up that word. Quirried. When one gay guy stabs another. No. Quirried. Something that sounded like parried. Quirried. Here we go. Quirried. Uh, past participle. I have no idea what a participle is. Or a dangling participle or predicate, predicate nominative. Remember all that shit? Remember

diagramming sentences. It was just like, why are you doing this? Why, like, we're all talking. We all understand each other. Why do I need to know this? It was literally like the geometry of talking. It's like, why am I, why do I need to know theories about triangles? I'm not going to become an engineer here. All right. Many. Okay. Ask a question about something, especially in order to express one's doubt about it or check its validity or accuracy. Oh, so if I would be queried because people would be going like, wait a minute now, I think it's chomping at the bit. You know what? This might be one of the most informative fucking emails I ever got. Champing at the bit. I'm definitely saying that. That actually sounds better.

Hey, he's chomping at the bit. It's chomping. That's when you go, actually, it's chomping. Champing at the bit. Champing is as a horse biting down on the bit. It's impatient and it's restless due to restraint. The restraints put on it. That's what it is. Champing. Why wouldn't they just say chomping? I'm just going to look up champing. This is a fucking wrap. Oh my God, am I becoming a wordsmith? Champing. Some reason shampooing came up. What? Oh, because I have this on French. God damn it. I'll have to look it up some other time, which means I'll never do it. Somebody else look it up and tell me what it means. All right. Segway and Segway, dear Billy Bonham booties. Greetings from

Ireland. Greetings from Ireland. You recently brought up a confused, up confused words saying on the podcast. And I want to write, you're going to listen to my bad Irish action through it all this. You're going to want to write in to raise awareness on something that's been driving me crazy for years now. Segway versus Segway. Okay. Segway rhymes with leg. Segway means an uninterrupted transition from one piece of conversation, music, movie, scene, et cetera, to another. Seg, leg, Segway. For example, in the Beatles album, Abby Road, there's a Segway where carry that weight transitions into the song, the end. Another Segway is between the songs Parabola and Parabola by Tool, where one song blends into the next. I'm too dumb to read these words, people.

What a lot of people end up saying is Segway. Segway is a brand. Segway. Oh my God, I'm saying it wrong. It's a brand. I don't know how to say it. Let me, let me, I got to look up Segway and I'm saying it wrong. Wow. This whole bit was supposed to make fun of other people and it's really just making fun of me. Segway pronunciation. Segway. It says Segway. This might be some Irish shit, dude. I don't know how you say it over there, but we say both the same way. I think. Segway is a brand product. It is the Paul Blart podium with the wheels that is most commonly used by fat Americans while sightseeing on flat terrain. Oh, fuck you, your Irish kind. It's not our fault you live on half a fucking island. We got land

over here. Okay, we got places to go. It's the combination of the word Seg and Way plus Way since it describes a way of Segway from one place to the, so how do you say the first one? Oh, he's just saying Seg. You're saying the first one, S-E-G-L-S-E-G-U-E. You just say it like leg, but with an S? Seg? I don't know what you're saying here, sir. I'm sorry. You know, I'm assuming we're both white. We both speak English and we can't communicate because of that body of water. It's just separated us for too long. Anyway, unfortunately, however, Segway is used more and more incorrectly in place of Seg. I'm just going to keep calling it Seg because I don't know how he wants me to say this.

Seg-U. A Seg-U. It surprised me how often I hear intelligent podcasters, speakers, et cetera, mix up these words. It's getting to the point where it's used incorrectly more often than it is used correctly. Yeah, and then it becomes accepted when the Oxford dictionary just taps out and just says, all right, mouth breathers win again. The Segway inventor, Jim Heslidan, died in 2010, not on his Segway. When the Segway, he was riding, drove off a cliff while he was out walking his dog. I hope this mistreatment of the word Seg-U follows a similar fate. That's not true. That's just no fucking way. He died by his own invention. Is he the first guy since Frankenstein that that happened to?

Oh, Jimmy Segway. Jimmy. Look, goes up Hendricks. Heslidan. Death. No fucking way. Jesus Christ, look at the beak on that guy. He invented a Segway. What happened to the guy who invented the Segway? The millionaire owner of a Segway company has died after falling from cliffs while riding one of his first motorbike scooters. Oh no. He was 62. 62 year old people fall out of a golf cart and die. Now I'm fascinated. Can somebody phonetically write out how to pronounce? According to my American English, it's still Segway. Okay, sayings. Hey, Billy Ballbag. Long time listener. First time emailer. Here's a saying I heard a friend say wrong.

He was talking about some issue at work and referred to it as a doggy dog world. Oh no. Oh no. Instead of a dog eat dog world. What a dickhead. It's a doggy dog world. Oh, that's adorable. He's like adorably stupid. As opposed to me, he was annoyingly stupid. Greetings from Northern Ireland. Love the podcast in your work, you fucking freckled cunt. Your work on the Mandalorian is brilliant. Oh, thank you. You know, the space cunts really seem to enjoy my work on the lightsaber program there. And I appreciate the compliments. I gotta add doggy dog world. All right. This is fantastic. We just can keep going with this and people mispronounce,

because you guys are helping me out too, because I think a lot of people listens to this podcast. Also, I said chomping at the bit and I also say Segway. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know. I don't want to tell you. But anyways, that is the podcast, everybody. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.