Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-17-21

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Bill rambles about going to the movies, 'mood drugs', and extreme politics.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, Monday, Monday, May 17th, Monday, May 17th. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. What's going on, dude? Hey, listen, the summer's already going by before you even know it, okay? We know it's the summer out here because in L.A., we already had our first fire out there

in the Palisades. I think they put it out. Shout out to all the firemen out there. I know that wasn't an easy one. I lied to you if I wasn't thinking like, what if I got so good at a helicopter I could be one of those people coming in dive bombing with the fucking water, coming by with a bucket into your infinity pool. I would deliberately pick some rich fuck's house and fucking drop the bucket right in

there. I'm going to save you. I'll stay a fucking Escobar. Anyway, shout out to them, man. We got lucky today. It seemed like there was really no wind and it rained a little bit, so at least over where the hell I'm at. But it was kind of cool where I'll tell you that I took my daughter with a buddy of mine,

his dad I know goes to the same school as my kid or his daughter does. So we took the kids to go see Toy Story, right? Now those of you who listen to my podcast know that before the pandemic, I was so excited to take my kid to the movies that I took her to go see Dumbo, not realizing that it was this sort of Bram Stoker's fucking, whatever the hell the guy's name is, Freddie Kruger's fucking Dumbo. It was dark and all of, you know, it was like for adults. I went in there.

It was nothing but adults in there. I'm like, this is weird. These fucking people need to get over their childhood, man. You know, it was Dumbo, the last happy day you had, so you couldn't wait for this to come out. Why are all these adults here? I got there and I noticed like the trailers for the movies, you know, before Dumbo were really adults themed.

I'm like, I don't think kids should be seeing this. This seems weird. I wasn't really clocking my kid because, you know, I was new to being a dad and it's the first time I took her to the movies. So anyway, we lasted about six minutes in and it was scary and it was super dark and like they were fucking beating the shit out of the elephant and all that, you have fucking big ears. You piece of shit.

It wasn't that bad, but that's what it felt like when I was with my daughter and she just looked at me and I just said, hey, buddy, you want to get out of here? And she just goes, yeah. So I go, let's bring the popcorn. So we brought the popcorn and all of that type of stuff. So it's like a good year and a half or whatever later. This buddy of mine goes, hey, let's take the kids to go see Toy Story. Am I perfect?

Toy Story, I know what happens in Toy Story, fine. So we go, you know, he gets the tickets. I get the concessions, right? We go in there. We're having a great time. Beautiful theater. I like to be back in the movies, right? There's like literally like five other people in there.

So everybody's nice and spread out because I don't get that whole rule. Like you have to have a mask on inside unless you're eating. Well, do I have to hold my breath while I'm eating? What are we doing? Right? Whatever. So we start to watch it. And then once again, the movie trailers before fucking Toy Story were all adult themed.

Like they're doing the Cruella DeVille story, like the backstory to see how she became who she was in the animated version, which I thought was a really cool idea. Our kids didn't think so much, at least my kid didn't, right? You know, she's just like, I'm Cruella DeVille. She's just being a fucking lunatic, right? Cokehead running around, dogs are growling at her and shit and she's got the crazy hair. It was live action and it kind of looked like they were doing sort of, you know, Batman meets the Joker backstory, right?

Like, all right, that was kind of weird. Then they cut to like this Marvel, the next one, some Marvel movie, you know, superhero movies are like, I'm gonna fucking punch you in the face. Yeah, I'll combat you with my laser eyes. Screaming and yelling and buildings falling down and fucking swords and hammers. When I see my daughter, she's like pulling her knees up and she's grabbing my arm and shit. I'm like, what the fuck are they showing this shit before, goddamn toy story.

So we finally get the toy story and I'm like, all right, okay, we're in, okay, we got through the bad neighborhood, now we're into the fuck, we're at the mall. So we're watching it and then it gets to the points, the original one, it gets to the point where Woody, spoiler alert, tries to push Bud's light year behind the dresser. He fucks up and the thing ends up falling out the window and there's the kid next door, Sid, the fucking lunatic, who blows up his toys and once again, my daughter looks over and she goes, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to see Sid. I was like, yeah, Sid's not a, Sid's a bad guy and I thought I could kind of cute, cute

see my way through it. She goes, I don't want to see him. I go, really? She goes, yeah. And I was sitting there going, all right, what do I do? And then I just see her, put her hands over her eyes and I'm like, you all right, buddy? She goes, daddy, I'm scared. I go, you want to get out of here?

She goes, yeah. I go, all right, let's grab the popcorn, get your starburst, the popcorn and lean over. I go, she wants to go. He goes, I know, I'm sorry, because he tried to prep his kid for Sid or whatever. So we ended up leaving up to like a half hour walking out of there. They handed us some Mickey Mouse ears. Thanks for coming. Right?

We leave. And as we're leaving, I see this cute little cartoon that's going to be there, you know, in a couple of weeks. I go, you want to go see that? She goes, no, no, I don't. And then we got in the car, she was eating her starburst and I go, okay, don't eat the whole bag. You're going to get sick.

She goes, okay. And, and she's like, she's like, dad, why does Sid torture his toys? I'm thinking, well, it's torture. That's a big word. It's pretty good. It's like, yeah, you know, I go, well, you know, you know, mommy and daddy always hug you and say we love you and all that. She's like, yeah.

I don't think your kids parents do that. She's like, oh, she's like, dad. I go, what? She goes, I don't want to go to the movies anymore. It's just like, okay, okay. I got to, I got to wait to you like, you know, six or seven and I'll start going there. I think it's a combination that they're trying to get. I get the marketing.

It's like, well, the parents are there with the kids. Let's, you know, we got the kids there. I'm taking the kids to the movies money. Let's get their, their money when they want to go themselves. So I understand why they're doing it. But anyway, I don't know. It is what it is. It's, so I'm just going to fucking chill till she gets a little bit older.

And I also think too, it's really loud also compared to just like watching it at home. Like when we're at home, it's not as like, I don't think ominous or something. You get into a dark movie theater and like, I'm telling you, it's how fucking old I am. I literally brought earplugs because I didn't know how crazy it was going to get because now like, I think throughout history, movie theaters have always felt threatened that no one's going to go anymore. And it goes all the way back to television. When television first came out, they freaked out.

They're like, oh my God, they're going to have a movie screen at home. They'll never go to the movies again. And you know, the TV's back then. I mean, I don't know how big they were, but they felt threatened by those things. And that's why the whole 3D thing came out creature, uh, creature, uh, from the black lagoon in 3D, all of those 3D move that gimmick came out to try and make people to continue going to see movies. And, uh, I don't know, there's, there's a whole, I used to know the whole fucking history

of that, but there was a number of things that happened and they've always been afraid that people weren't going to go up. But people still go up despite the fact that we now literally looks like you have a movie screen. People have home theaters and all of that. And shit comes out at the movies and like a month later, you can go see it. You can see it at home. Like you guys don't know this shit already.

But anyway, um, so I think one of the things that they did was they just, one of the things that they did to combat it was they made it the sound system crazy to the point. It's like you're going to go see ACDC or something. So my ears, you know, are a little shot from playing drums and this guy started up a fucking jet. I didn't have my fucking earplugs in and there goes my right ear. So, um, that's why I bring the, uh, the earplugs. But anyway, so that was my, my day, but we ended up having a good time.

I just ended up taking it for a drive and, um, we went up on Mulholland and I love doing that. I like doing it at night and I also like doing it when we're having like weather and that type of shit just cause what was really interesting to me is we were going over them. If you looked out on the Hollywood side out to like Santa Monica, it was, uh, you could fly no problem, visual, visual flight rules, right? VMC with the conditions. And then on the other side in the valley, what looked like shit like I would not fly

in that seemed okay by Van Nuys, but when you got over towards Burbank, it looked like it was raining and, um, what are the rules? You can't fly. If it's like the ceiling is below 2000 feet or visibility is less than, uh, three statute miles. And that's what it looked like. It was over there. And that's when it starts to get like, you know, scary enough in a helicopter, but super

scary in a fucking plane because planes are like sharks. If they stop, they die. Right. They got to keep moving forward, right? They're a plane, a helicopter. I could just stop and be like, I don't want to go into that shit. And I could literally just say, there's a nice big backyard. I think I'll set it down here, get yelled at by the owner, but I'll be alive being yelled

at. So, um, yeah, I learned something really fascinating. Like if you were in a plane or a helicopter and you would have fly into the clouds, which helicopters are not a lot to do, but say you fucked up or whatever, you were texting somebody and you went into the clouds, um, what you, if you really have to first, one of the first things you have to do is you got to see what radio you're flying because you want to then turn around and fly the exact opposite. So if you fly in three, six, zero, you'd want to fly one, eight, zero out.

The thing is, if you don't clock that, if you're so fucking panicked, um, when you go to make your 180 turn, like you're in the clouds, you can't, there's no frame of reference. It's over now. And if you don't fucking get your shit together and stop trying to look out the windshield and look at your gauges, your gauges, your, your, your, um, your instruments, right? Um, you're going to lose control and you're just going to fucking die like that quickly. You're going to lose all sense of what's up and what's down. All of this shit that I'm learning for this fucking exam is so fascinating how that, that

the liquid, the fluid within your middle ear is in your eyes work together. And if you take one of them away in a plane, you're not going to know whether you're upside down, right side up in a nosedive or in a climb, unless you look at your instruments and even when you look at your instruments, right, your, your fucking brain because that system of your eyes and your ears isn't working anymore will give you false information. Like if you start to accelerate, you're going to get this essential sensation that you possibly that you're tumbling backwards and you have to block that shit out and look at your instruments be like, my brain is wrong.

This machine is right. It's fucking, it's incredible. It's amazing. It's a really like incredible thing to learn. So I'm having a great time. I'm just going to try to enjoy because it's so much fucking information, but I'm just like, you know, even if I flunk this fucking thing, I'm better pilot just trying to get this, this, this rating.

So anyway, let's get back to the movies here. So I was talking about how loud movies are and how you feel like you're going to an AC DC concert when you, I remember when I saw that Superman versus Batman, it was just like, what the fuck is fucking crazy. Speaking of AC DC, I watched the original gone in 60 seconds and I swear to God, the lead in it, HB Haliki, I believe is how you say his name, is a dead ringer for fucking Bond Scott. I mean, he looks like Bond Scott in the Let There Be Rock concert video from Paris.

If he wasn't wearing a shirt, I'd be like, I didn't know fucking Bond Scott was in this movie. I highly recommend the original gone in 60 seconds because this guy, HB Haliki was like, fuck this, I'm making a movie. He was a stuntman, actor, the whole thing, the real deal. He shot it on a low budget. The audio is out the fucking window. Like, I don't know what happened to the audio, but I feel like they shot for about six weeks

and then they realized that they couldn't use a lot of it. So there's a lot of shit with this narration over footage that, you know, you'd be like in a wedding and you're seeing all this footage, great footage of them being at the wedding and you're just here talking over it like, all right, we got to steal all these cars. Well, how the hell are we going to do that? You're just leaving me. Well, as you're just watching people eating and dancing and laughing and you can't hear any music or any sound from the wedding.

But what's so fascinating about this movie is let's say, it was like an hour 35 minutes long is that the, let's say, let's just say it's an even 90 minutes long. You watch 45 minutes of a movie and then the last 45 minutes, literally the last half of this movie is one car chase. It's the police chasing him as he tries to, after he stole the last car that he needed. And that whole Eleanor Mustang, which I thought Ford came up with, actually this movie called it the Eleanor Mustang. They called all the cars they wanted to steal women's names.

I don't know if they kept that. I don't remember really saw the Nick Cage one in 2000, but they came up with all these female names so they could talk about them on the phone and the cops wouldn't know what they were talking about. They'd be like, yeah, we got to get, we got to get, you know, Jackie, we got to get Eleanor. So Ford ended up making an Eleanor, I guess, or tried to make an Eleanor Mustang because of the Nick Cage one. And this guy's estate sued Ford for copyright infringement because they came up with it.

And another interesting thing was they actually were making a sequel. The original came out in 74. They were making the sequel. This HB Hyliki guy was making a sequel in 1989. He was shooting in Buffalo, gone in 60 seconds. Part two was going to come out 16 years, probably 1990 or probably would have come out after the original. And they were shooting a scene and it was a stunt where this water tower was supposed

to come down. I imagine they'd have the car drive underneath it or something like that. A cable snapped. The water tower came down, hit a telephone, hit a telephone pole, the telephone pole came down. This is like some Wiley Coyote shit. I was saying to a buddy of mine, came down, hit HB Hyliki and killed him instantly. And that was the end of that sequel.

And then they, I don't know, then they rebooted it in 99, shot at 99 in 2000, which everybody thought was the original, at least I did, when Nick Cage did it. So check that one out if you can. I forget where the hell I was watching that. It might, it was either Amazon Prime or like Hulu, which Hulu, by the way, I don't understand, all of a sudden now they had some new fucking thing and they were like, yeah, we need to know where you are when you're watching it. It's like, well, I'm not fucking doing that.

Why do you need to know where I am? I gave you the zip code of my fucking credit card. Doesn't that kind of let you know where I am? We want to know exactly where you are. So I might be done with those guys or I'll have my wife figure it out. So anyway, so I watched that and then I watched this other thing called, that a buddy of mine recommended called Trip of Compassion. This is pretty fucking wild, man.

Trip of Compassion is about people who suffered some really traumatic event and they have, I always say this wrong, PTSD, post-traumatic stress, PTSD. And they're finding that almost like if you have like an injury to your body and you get like a masseuse and she can work it out or he can work it out, you know, hey, work it out like and get you, get you going again, some sort of trauma to your body. Your brain is sort of the same way where you get all your muscles get all glued up, you get frozen shoulder, whatever like that. Like your brain operates on a lot of those same principles, obviously it's a different,

it's not the same type of thing. It's not like you can have a masseuse massage your fucking brain. So but what they've, what they've been trying to use is psychedelics, right? I know I'm late to the party, a lot of people roll in their eyes like they already fucking did it and cured themselves of their childhoods or whatever, but this is new to me. So I watched this thing called Trip of Compassion on Vimeo and it was three people, they were all from Israel and one had been molested, another had been kidnapped and the other one saw, you know, bomb went off, there was a terrorist attack and then he was one of

the first people who ran up to try and help people and he just saw what no person should see. So it showed them they were taking ecstasy, which was new to me. I had no idea. I thought ecstasy was what you took when you went to go watch somebody with play music from his laptop and those DJ shows. So anyway, they were showing it in this documentary. It really helps these three people out who's in like someone like myself who's just trying

to like finally got to this amazing place where it's so fucked up. I'm not angry anymore. It's like weird, it's like somebody fucking moved out, you know, and I got all this space now. And I don't know what to do with it. In fact, like today, so much shit happened that would have escalated into a fight and it didn't. Like I heard, you know, downstairs pancakes are being made.

Who doesn't like pancakes? Who doesn't like pancakes on a Sunday morning, right? So I'm upstairs, I'm studying my flashcards for the instrument thing, crushing it, do it in the morning when my brain's nice and fresh, I get it out of the way so it's not hanging over my head and I can focus on the family, right? Anyway, I come downstairs. Everybody's had pancakes and I'm like, Hey, is there any batter left for pancakes? And like, No.

No, there isn't. And I'm sitting there like, All right, you know, not like I really gave a fuck, but I know if it was the other way around, because this has happened. If I've been, which is another reason why I shouldn't get mad because I've made like, I have these healthy style pancakes that I'll make for myself. My daughter loves them. If I make those and, you know, one time, a number of times I made them and I wasn't thinking because they were just healthy.

I don't think anybody wants them. My wife will come down and she's like, He didn't make enough for me, right? And then I'm just, I'm like, Oh, you can have mine. Then I just give her mine is what I do. But it's like a fucking thing where she feels like, What do you like not give a fuck about me? So basically that's what happened to me. But you know, that whole thing is a one way street, right?

And I, which I've learned, which used to piss me off and I'm just like, All right, fucking whatever. I'll make my healthy pancakes. I fucking go to the fridge for the last ingredient that I need, which is the Greek yogurt. And there's none in there. This is European style yogurt. Oh, I can use that. I pick it up.

I can tell there's not enough in there. And that would have, that would have set me the fuck off, right? But I didn't, didn't I just said, You know what? Fuck it. And I took out Chinese food that we had had the night before and I just heated it up and I got to tell you something. It sucked. Most of it sucked.

The orange chicken sucked. I sound like we sucked today. The offense sucked. The defense sucked. Okay, playoffs. But the beef and pork was delicious. So I just playfully gave my wife shit and she laughed about it and said, You know what? You're right.

And then I go, So I come downstairs on a Sunday morning and there's just remnants of golden brown pancakes that we're eating and I'm over here eating fucking beef and broccoli and I'm going to clean up the kitchen. She's like, You don't have to clean up the kitchen. I said, Oh, yes, I do because then I can hang this whole morning over your head and she laughed and I left and it was fucking over. And I also made my point next time this pancake is being made that include old freckles, right? And then a thousand things, you know, taking my kid to the fucking movie theater, thousand

fucking things happened. You know, she didn't want to go. She had a tummy ache, just all of this shit. She was just being moody or whatever. And I was just like, Okay, buddy, all right, buddy, and I didn't have a problem with any of it. I get to the parking lot. The guy tells me, Hey, park over here.

I parked there. I put it between the lines. He does that thing. Can you move it over a little bit? I literally have a backup camera on between the fucking lines. I'm looking at the guy. I did say I dropped one F bomb. I was in the car and I'm back and I'm like, What the fuck did I really say?

What the fuck does this guy want from me? And then my daughter's like, Oh, dad, that's a bad word. I'm like, You're right, buddy. You're right. I got out. Guy gave me the thumbs up. I'm like, whatever. You know, I go to the movies.

My daughter gets scared. I wouldn't get mad at my daughter, but I would get mad at myself and and and and all of Hollywood for fucking putting those trailers out and fucking God damn corporate cunts. Isn't it enough? I would have done that. I would have been cursing walking down the street as my daughter would be telling me to stop yelling and stop yelling and stop cursing. None of that fucking happened.

So anyways, this goes back to I'm watching this shit and I really think the whole reason I had this breakthrough or at least the watershed moment for me was I took mushrooms. I'm not trying to steer people into this shit. I feel weird trying to steer. Talk about this. I'm just being honest. This is how it worked for me. I took mushrooms and fucking February and I had that feeling of of loneliness and not

feeling loved. And I'm like, what? I have a beautiful wife that I love and kids. What the fuck is this? And then I figured it out. This is how you felt growing up. This is still lingering. This is what you haven't been dealing with.

So this fucking thing, I think this is why my buddy sent me this because he goes, yeah, dude, you should watch this. So these people are taking ecstasy. Now, I'm not going to lie. I have a I have a prejudice against ecstasy. All right, ecstasy to me is for some fucking rich kid that went to a private school that is either trying to get back to his absent at his absentee parents or is just a spoiled rich kid and has no fucking boundaries.

So it seems to me the way to go with these psychedelics and shit, if you're going to try to use them for therapeutic purposes is you ask around and you find a reputable place and you do a guided like trip, I think, as opposed to just taking the shit and being like, oh, my fucking TV's fucking getting bigger, man, is it going to fall on me like I was doing now. So I don't know. I got a I was watching it and I was relating to the people in it like turning a corner and I felt good for him.

And then I felt the whole fucking thing ironic where it was called trip of compassion and it was in Israel. And then you're watching everything that's going on over there, which is not compassion. It's all fucking hate on both sides. Then people need to fucking, you know, I guess take guided trips to get over the shit. So maybe that's what you need to do over there is you just have guided everybody on both sides takes mushroom or ecstasy in a with guided professionals like the same way they're giving out the vaccine.

Everybody let's go of all of their shit. They forgives everybody and then everybody remembers that everybody there is a human being that deserves love and to feel safe and to, you know, enjoy an unoppressed existence. But it's not how it works. It's not how money works. So anyway, check that out if you can, if you can, would be cool. And speaking of of tragedies, I didn't realize this. This is a comedian that I actually lost touch with probably back since I moved out to Los

Angeles in the 2000s, but I found out this comedian, great comedian, really just one of the absolute like just a sweetheart. She really had like a special thing about her. Katie Lazarus, unfortunately passed away from my, I believe breast cancer really bummed me out. My wife was a big fan of hers. I feel bad that it was back in January. I just I just found out my wife told me about it, but I'm just wanted to give her a shout

out say rest in peace and truly one of the just really nicest people that I've met in my adult life, forget about in this business. So sorry to hear about that news. All right. Now, how the hell what do you segue? What are you? How do you segue out of that? What do we do?

Bread and circus here? Do we talk sports? My Celtics lost to Paul Verzi's Nix today. We're going to be playing the Wizards starting on Tuesday. The Nix winning today. They clinched home court. The opening round. Yes, Nick fans.

Nix fans. Their Nix made the playoffs first time in eight years and they have home court in the opening round and they're playing great defense and it's the most excited. I've heard Paul Verzi about the Nix and he gets excited every year. This is the most excited he has been. He has been about the Nix possibly since I've known him. Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, when they had what the fuck was it?

Who's that Asian kid? He was a point guard for them who he was just an overnight fucking superstar. Ended up going to the Rockets. When that kid came on and was doing what he was doing, Verzi was losing his fucking mind. What the hell was his name? My brain's the worst. Speaking of Asians, shout out to, I hope he says his name, Sohai Otani. I almost said it, the California Angels.

That's how old I am. The Anaheim Angels. Red Sox looking to sweep the Angels. I watched most of all three games this weekend. We got a fucking solid squad over there. I'm loving these Red Sox. And we were up, was it five to four or four to three? I forget what the hell it was.

Went down to like one out. Matt Barnes, total stud, going to close it out, been striking out the side. And he threw a fucking 97 mile an hour fastball on the inside. This Otani kid fucking turned on it and hit a bomb around the pesky pole. Gala's the old fucking right there, Fred. We still got a couple guys on at the bottom of the ninth. But I'm loving watching the Red Sox. I think we got to, after last season, finishing dead last, granted.

Our manager, Alex Cora, was suspended. Which, by the way, he's back showing the guy's value. He is a great fucking manager. I didn't realize that the whole way the Astros got busted was some fan at home figured it out that whenever they were in the home game, they heard that fucking trash can. That's fucking amazing. It's is amazing that you could bang on a trash can and no one would fucking notice some guy at home.

I mean, that is a fan. But I would have to think that it was a fan of the Astros because why would he be watching all their games? Crack that code. I mean, I put that right up where when this standup comedian by the name of Bill Burr said the NBA was fixed early in the 2000s and everybody said I was nuts. And then they said they had a mobbed up ref, right? They tried to do the whole Oswald.

Oh, he acted alone. Oh, did he? Is that what he did? Fuck out of here. Sorry. You like how I fucking weaseled my way in there a little pat on the back? All right, Bruins versus Washington Capitals. Game one last night.

I'm taping this on Sunday. Oh, she oh Jesus scored an overtime. Just one of those games we were chasing in the whole game one, nothing one, one, two, one, two, two was it three, two, three, three, and then they won four, three or something like that. You know, I got kids, so I'm in and out of the room and all that trying to figure it out. Um, seemed like it, we look like a really, this one looks like it's going to go seven.

I hope anyway, but I do have to, I have one petty thing here. I am so sick of NHL fans comparing Marshawn and Wilson like who do you think is worse? Okay. Just for the record, Marshawn is five, nine, one, 83, okay, five, nine with fucking skates on. All right, or if he lays down, you measure his nose, sorry, um, and fucking Wilson is six, four, two, 20. Okay.

Now, I'm not saying that either one of these guys, you know, I understand why people get upset by the way they play, but like Marshawn is from like the Ken Linzman family tree. All right, Wilson is like Claude Lemieux with Cam Neely's body. Okay. That guy will end your fucking career. What does Marshawn do? He spears you in the balls that obviously sucks. You might not be able to have kids and he's going to lick your face.

Okay. But he's not like, you know, coming in like a freight train and slamming you, boarding you, slamming your head off the fucking glass, or you're laying in a prone position and he's jackhammering, punching you in the back of the fucking head. All right. I understand while non-Bruin fans don't like Marshawn. I get it. I absolutely get it.

But you know, compare him to another rat. All right. I don't want to fucking hear that. I mean, you know, he's kind of the same. Now he isn't. He isn't. You're talking about a guy knocking off a convenience store and you compare him to somebody who goes on a fucking shooting spree.

At least that's how I see it. All right. 59183 is not 64220. So shut the fuck up with that. I don't want to hear that. You want to compare him to another fucking rat? I don't have a problem with that, but enough with this bullshit. And also in defense of both of them, everybody's acting like they're the only two guys that

play like that in the whole fucking league. It's like it's becoming like Hillary Clinton and Trump. There's plenty of other cunts in the Democratic and Republican parties. All right. Having said that, on the reason why I picked Claude and Mew with Wilson was out of respect because as much of the sociopath as Claude was, the fucking guy could play and Wilson can play. He had a great goal, took advantage of what's his face, his broken stick, Charlie, Jesus

Christ, McEvoy, broken stick and just did a nice little give and go when top shelf, the guy can fucking play. And like Claude and Mew, you look at the guy going, this guy can play. There's no reason for him to be doing this shit, which I understand you could say about our guy too. I get that. I get that. But let's stop acting like it's an equal threat.

Okay. That's my fucking opinion. You don't like it. I don't give a fuck. All right. And you can waste your time moving your thumbs on Twitter talking to me. I ain't reading you bullshit. All right.

With that, let's fucking do a little bit of zip. You know, if you're a business owner who's hiring, you probably face a lot of challenges when it comes to finding the right person for your role. Talk about some of the challenges of hiring. Yeah. You don't want to get some shit head. Who's only going to be there for like a week, you know, I get somebody's going to be stealing all fucking pens and pencils.

You want somebody to do the job. Was that right? That's why hiring can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Sure. You can post your job to some job board, but then all you can do is hope the right person comes along, which is why you should try zip for free free at zip recruiter.com slash burr. When you post a job on zip, it gets sent out to over 100 top job sites with one click.

Then zip recruiter matched matching zip recruiters matching technology finds people with the right skills and experience for your job and actively invites them to apply. In fact, zip is so effective that four out of five employers who post on zip recruit get a quality candidate within the first day. Time is money. You can't beat that. It's no wonder over 2.3 million businesses have come to zip for their hiring needs. So while other companies overwhelm you with way too many options, zip recruiter finds

out what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Right now, you can try zip for free at this web address ziprecruiter.com slash burr once again. Remember to go to this unique place zip recruiter R-E-C-R-U-I-T-E-R.com slash burr B-U-R-R. One more time zip. The smartest way to hire. All right. Oh, that's it.

I only had a couple of reads. Oh, I love that. One read. I mean, it's less money, but it's also less stress on my brain. Jesus, that fucking guy's flying low. Did you feel that? Just shook my whole fucking garage out here. All right.

Mandalorian pinball likeness. Now a lot of you guys sent this to me. It says, hi, Bill. Love the podcast. Thank you. What are your thoughts on being on the side of the Mando pinball machine? The Mandalorian, for those of you who don't watch sci-fi, is a new branch off of the Star Wars franchise.

John Favreau is running that over there. And now they're coming out with merch. One of the things that came out was a pinball machine. You know, Freckles has his face on it. Very small, but I am in there. Wondering when the last time you played pinball, if you got a free game from Stern, the pinball company. All right.

I did not. But if Stern is listening, I would love one. I don't have any room for it, but I would just get rid of some shit for that. I love pinball. Last time I played pinball, I was in Asbury Park, New Jersey. I was doing some, what the hell was I doing out there? I did some gigs right before I was doing SNL. And we were down there, me and Club Soda Kenny, and my wife took the kids out.

There's an arcade right down there across from where they used to have the, right around the corner, right up the street from where they used to have the carousel with the horses and shit. They were in there and they had all the classic old games, and there was some game in there. Nia just said, I'm the shit at this, and she just kicked my ass like three times in a row in it. But I played pinball in there. I'm a huge fan of pinball.

I did not get a free game from the Stern company. Maybe I can get a company discount. I don't know. I just think that's the coolest thing ever. Yeah. I've done a lot of cool things, but that is one of the coolest fucking things ever to be part of that, part of that world. So there's three different levels.

There's the entry level one. It's like a Camaro, right? There was the rally sport, the Berlinetta and the Z28. And I don't know. Those things are pretty fucking sweet. I will tell you that. All right. NFL newbie.

Hey, Billy Belichick. After listening to you talk about the NFL for years, I decided to give it a shot. I watched the last Super Bowl and could see myself watching it. So I will be following the next season when it starts up. Nice. Now I just have to pick a team to root for. As a Swedish man, I feel like I have to reclaim my pillaging heritage and pick the Vikings. What do you think?

Dude, I think that's fucking perfect because I never would have picked that. I would have said, just be a fan of the Buccaneers. You know, watch Tom Brady and what's this fucking Gronk and maybe Julian Edelman if he comes out of retirement a year or so. Do they have any good players and do they have any interesting, anything interesting about them? Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right.

Now, while I have to be honest here and people from Minnesota, maybe you want to go to the cupboard right now and go get yourself a big Viking, take a big Viking swig or something because I have to tell them the history, I have to tell this person the history of the Vikings. Okay. All right. So this is the history of the Vikings. They are an original AFL team.

All right. The AFL was, the last AFL was the third version of an American football league using that name and the NFL was established at that point. Having a board absorbed, last one they absorbed was the All-American Football League which brought in the Browns, Otto Graham and Paul Brown and the 49ers and a few other teams. So the AFL starts an upstart league against the NFL. The NFL laughs at them. But as they laugh at them, they shot two torpedoes at them.

The first thing they did was they figure out which owner had the deepest pockets and that was Lamar Lundy and he had a team called the Dallas Texans. So what the NFL did was immediately award Dallas a franchise, 1960 the Dallas Cowboys. The only reason why they did that was because they didn't want, they wanted to take out the top owner. They wanted to try to chop off the fucking head. So basically you're, immediately you had, you had no professional football team in Dallas and then overnight you could choose between seeing the Dallas Cowboys get the shit kicked

out of them by all of these famous NFL stars that never came through Jim Brown and all of those guys or you could watch some upstart league across town. So they did it deliberately to try and bury the Texans, which worked because the Texans ended up having to leave and went to Kansas city and became the chiefs. The other thing they did was they offered one AFL team an opportunity to join the NFL and that was the Minnesota Vikings. So the Minnesota Vikings were an AFL team that never played an AFL game. They just jumped ship on all the other owners.

So that's what they did. They joined the NFL. In 1960, they came in and in 1969, the only title, I believe they ever won, they won an NFL title in 1969, played the chiefs in what was still called the NFL AFL championship game, I believe, and they lost to Super Bowl. They were the last NFL champs. So then after that retroactively, those first three, four AFL NFL title games were then called Super Bowls.

I think that's how it is. For some reason, I'm feeling like though the Vikings first the chiefs was the first one. 1969 NFL title game. Let's see who was it. The Vikings versus the Browns. This was the 37th and final game. Am I fucking good or am I fucking good? Yeah, they beat the Browns.

So they have won a title. If they counted, if they counted, they counted NFL titles. Let's check the Vikings because I want to make sure, let's see, the Packers lost, beat the chiefs in the first Super Bowl, and then they beat the Raiders. And then the Jets beat the Colts, and then the Vikings lost to the chiefs. That's how it went. So let's look up the Minnesota Vikings. Here's the tale of the tape.

Let's see. Wow, that is like the quickest credits. Let's see, Playoffs, NFL championship game, yeah, they've won an NFL championship. That's all they have. They've won some division titles. They've never won a Super Bowl. They actually were the original Buffalo Bills in that they lost four Super Bowls in a very short period of time.

They lost back-to-back years to the Dolphins and the Steelers, I believe, in like 74, 75 or something like that. They lost to the Raiders in Super Bowl 11, and they lost to the Chiefs in Super Bowl 4. So you're basically signing up for a franchise that has a history of breaking people's hearts. Vikings, let's see, Vikings projection, but you should definitely jump in because I feel like it has to, just mathematically speaking, it has to be coming to an end here. Okay, Vikings hopes for 2021.

Let's see what comes up here. Five prospects, the Vikings hope for takeaways from the Vikings regular season. Yeah, I don't know, I don't even know who their fucking quarterback is anymore. I don't know, but here's the deal, you're from fucking Scandinavia, right? You should definitely pick the Vikings. They've shit the bed for 60 years, other than in 1969 with Joe Cap, I believe it was. I think Joe Cap was either there, who I think finished on the Patriots, and we drafted a guy named Joe Plunkett, and he was like, I'm out of here, and he was the first Latino quarterback

to win a title, a championship, but for whatever reason, they don't fucking count those. So I would definitely jump on that bandwagon, and it's easy. It's easy to ride out Tom Brady's last seven seasons and be a fan of them. I think the Vikings are the perfect team for you to pick. I think if you actually flew over here and went to a game, you'd love Minnesota. It's a twin cities, it's a great place to be, and you'd see a lot of Scandinavian bloodline out there. Get yourself a juicy Lucy, you'll have a great time.

Minnesota's one of my favorite places, but you can skip the Mall of America, and what you should do instead is watch a highlight of the Minnesota North Stars in that stadium. I would watch that instead of going to that fucking mall. All right, NFL, Nubia, you read that one, all right, CDC vs. America. Oh boy, hey Billy Boy, bitch tits. Billy Boy, bitch tits. First off, my lady and I were impressed to see you in Nashville at the Grand Ole Opry. What a fucking venue to perform at.

Anyway, the CDC just announced today that as long as you're fully vaccinated, you can resume life without a mask or staying six feet apart, but there's still a lot of Americans that don't agree with the doctors and are still going to wear a mask because they don't want to be misrepresented as a Republican. Is that why? I didn't know that. Not that I am one, but when do you think people will start listening to the professionals and turn off the fucking news?

Never, never, until somebody shut down CNN and Fox News and all that crap, but even then, then they would just turn to social media and they would just listen to each other. And I just think, you know, we're not smart enough. And there's also too many channels to just do the news now. You have to have crazy sensationalized shit. Like I don't like feeling bad, so I don't watch the news and I have not watched the news. I don't know what's going on. I watch a little bit of it.

You know, I saw what was going on, you know, in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and all of that and Palestine and all of that stuff is starting back up again, which is fucking heartbreak. And you can't come up with a solution and I just, I don't know, just having kids and stuff and I just see those bombs being shot and just knowing that they're hitting people's children. There's just no way around it on both sides and the whole fucking thing is heartbreaking because I went over there. I saw both people.

I saw Israelis. I saw Palestinians. They're beautiful people. I just wish that, you know, I wish there was a way human beings could live without oppressing other. It's like, in order for me to have, you have to have not. And there's just different degrees of that throughout. And it's this fucking inhumane business model that just needs to stop globally.

And it all starts with mushrooms. Anyway, I have no solutions. I challenge anyone to delete Facebook and turn off the news just for a week to see the little bit of peace that comes to your life. I don't know. Maybe I'm a stupid idiot too. No, you're not. Everyone you think that maybe you're an idiot means that you're smart enough to know that

you don't know everything. And that is, of all the bullshit I've said, this person here, that is great advice. Delete Facebook, turn off the news. Just like stay off social media for a week. Don't watch the fucking news. It's amazing. Your life becomes nice and small. I'm going to go to the store and get some butter, you know, and you can kind of slow

down and fucking enjoy life as opposed to just like that chicken little shit that's on like social media and in fucking news. Anyways, the person says all the best to your family below is the tweet from the CDC. Let me read it here. Open the link. Open the link. Update. Okay.

May 13th. Since COVID-19, you can resume activities without wearing a mask or staying six feet apart or staying six feet apart, except where required by federal, state, local, tribal, or territorial laws, including local businesses and workplace guidance. That's fucking awesome. That's awesome. All right. I love it.

All right, Democrat, I can't wait to go to a baseball game. I can't wait to go to a sporting event. I can't wait to go out and do standup and make people laugh. I did standup. I did two shows at two nights, three shows at the comedy store. And I got to tell you something, after a fucking year and a half of doing standup, standing next to highways and then strips of grass behind fucking motels, being inside and not having any other noise to distract me, I felt like I was on steroids, like I was swinging

a weighted bat for like a year and a half. And now I'm getting up there like swinging like a wiffle ball bat. And I kind of noticed that with like all the comics were fucking murdering. I came walking in. I saw Sebastian for the first time and I was looking to say hello to him when I was in the back room. He kind of came out and instead of coming into the green room, he just left. By the time I realized he wasn't coming to the green room, he left.

I haven't literally not seen that guy since his bullshit started. He was fucking destroying. And I could see it in his face, like how much fun, how great it was to be back. So very happy for him. Him by the way, Sebastian's doing a movie with Robert De Niro. How fucking crazy is that? It's fucking amazing. So congrats to him.

All right. Democratic socialism. He's doing, I should say, doing another movie, his second film with Robert De Niro. All right. Democratic socialism. Dear Billy for father. When I hear democratic socialists speak, I often agree with what they're aiming for. Oh God, did I start the socialism discussion on here?

Healthcare availability, taking care of fellow men and women with excess resources, et cetera. Yeah. Nobody is against that. Well, some people are against healthcare availability because they're just like, I can afford healthcare. So fuck everybody else. That's another one of those. I have. And if you have not, you fucking figure it out.

My house is up on a hill and I look down on you. Suffer. Anyway, the problem is that they push this on a federal level. All right. This is going to educate me because I don't want this. At this point in American history, it's impossible to have that type of system. Banks and corporation have so much control over everything our country does. See wars.

Well, thank you. Thank you for actually getting to the root of the problem. Instead of being like, you know, it'd be too expensive. It's like, why is it too expensive? Do you know when I was a kid, so much shit was made here. And ever since they went overseas to go to get away from the unions with who's kidding who, they got a little fucking. They acted like a bunch of fucking divas and the corporations, it wasn't 100% the corporations

just being cheap fucks. They said, fuck this. We're out of here. But now that they're making the profit margins, they are using sweatshop labor, they're like, if they made it here, then a t-shirt would cost $6,000. It's like, no, it's that the only reason why that is because you're trying to keep the same profit margins that you have when you're not paying people shit and you're oppressing them in other fucking countries.

That's why it costs that. And what do they always do? They blame their shareholders. Fucking cunts. Anyway, voting for this type of power to be handed to the current government would just end in abuse. Obamacare bankrupted the medical industry because it was written by insurance companies. I don't know if that's true or not, but if they wrote it, yeah, I could see that happening.

This is the field I'm in and I'm concerned for the next few years of health care availability. All right, this person is an expert here, at least compared to me. Well, compared to me, everybody's an expert. Okay, local level politics need to be stronger and people need to be accountable for who they send to Washington to represent them. That's true. That's true. Blindingly saying, yes, this sounds good.

Let's give them the power to do so. That's what I do. It's irresponsible without watching everything they do closely from there on after. Yeah, I mean, that's an airtight argument. You're 100% right. I remember somebody telling me a long time ago that people just sort of vote for president every four years, most people, but how important your local elections are. I think people, they're just the genius of this fucking thing as they got you running

on a wheel so you don't have time. But I swear to God, if we pay the attention of these fucking politicians the way we pay attention to sports, myself included, we would definitely have a much better, more accountable system. So there you go. Hey, look at that. Look at those last two fucking people who wrote in. This is some smart shit here.

Stay off social media for a week and don't watch the news and pay attention to who the hell you're voting for and follow up to see what they do. Don't blindly say yes because they got a blue tie or a red tie. Or you know, it'd be fair to the ladies, a blue bra or a red bra, right? All right. Socialism, first capitalism. Oh, God damn, I really opened a can of warrants here. People, I don't even know.

I couldn't give you a definition of either one. Hey, Andrew, can you please get Bill to read this? I've been writing to Bill for a couple of, for a couple of times before it would be so grateful if you get this to him. Thank you very much. All right, dude, I gotta already say you are suspect that you, you're an adult and you wrote a sentence. I've been writing to Bill for a couple of times before.

All right. Hey, Billy. Hey, Bill, pasty fuck, dangle balls, redheaded, redhead cunt, Burr, I'm going to keep this short because I know how hard it is to read out loud for you. Yeah, it's about as hard for you to write a fucking sentence. I am a fellow Liverpool fan from Tunisia living in the Netherlands. Ah, fuck, it's his second language. My apologies.

You are smarter than me. God damn it. I thought for once I wasn't going to be the dummy. Anyway, I don't get why Americans only believe in extremes. Oh, shut the fuck up. I don't know why you dumb cunts. If you want to give us constructive criticism, why you would open it with a statement like that.

You just put me on the defensive. Oh, have you figured it out? Have you figured it all out in the Netherlands? I've been there with the illegal drugs there and fucking all of these guys with itching their fucking heroin scabs on the neck trying to sell you a stolen bicycle. That's not an extreme. Do whatever the fuck you want here in Holland. I guess it's just in Amsterdam anyway, either socialism or capitalism, nothing else.

The ideal in my opinion, the ideal in my opinion system is actually a mix between the two. God damn it. This already sounds interesting. A country with capitalist economy, but also the same time social policies like nationwide healthcare and affordable universities. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's like, hey, what if you just did heroin once a month and you didn't get addicted to it?

Anyway, countries which are successful with this, the Netherlands where I live, well, you pat yourself in the back, Finland, Norway, Denmark. All right, I want people who aren't white from the Netherlands, Finland, Norway and Denmark to write in to me and I want to know if this guy's version, because I'm assuming this person is a white dude and that this is in fact the equal opportunity closest thing to perfect that it can be. I will tell you this, one of the biggest cunts I ever met was in Denmark, this taxi driver. I forget what he said, but he turned around at the end of the ride because you Americans

are so stupid. And I, oh my God, I fucking, I almost punched that guy in the fucking head. I was so fucking, he was such a fucking bitch too. One of those fucking, you know, six foot, four, 130 pound fucking European guys fold like a fucking lawn chair as they say on crime stories. I stayed in that cab. My wife was trying to drag me out and I fucking just sat there trash. Oh yeah, you're so smart.

You drive a fucking cab and he's like, oh, he's put his fucking bitchy hands up. Who's kidding? Who? I didn't almost punch him in the face. I was just fucking mad and I yelled at him. That was the real thing. I wanted to punch him in the face. All right, but I was afraid because I watched fucking, what is that guy?

We had the drugs type to tape to the inside of his leg and he fucking goes to jail or the fuck is the name of that movie, which I will never watch again. It was so fucking terrifying. Yeah, I wouldn't want to go to jail, but he was a big fucking, he had a big mouth and he was a big bitch. Anyway, yes, it will lead to higher tax rate, but also you see where that tax goes and you won't have to sell your house in order to pay for your hospital bill. All right, so you're telling me in your country that there's nobody abusing their position

of power and, you know, there's no filthy stinking rich person there. Or are you saying there are some, but not as many and it's spread out better? I don't know. I understand why this can't work in the US because like what Dave Chappelle said on Rogan to rephrase, higher tax rate works in countries where the people trust their government. Also, US is controlled by corporations. I kind of believe that all of the countries at this point are controlled by corporations unless you have a dictator.

Am I crazy thinking that? I do like how you guys are rejecting our food. All you had to do was look at us to know you didn't want to put that shit in your body. All right, once again, every other country seems to be better than this one. And they've evidently solved all their problems. Anyways, side question, I am 29 years old and I would like to start playing drums. Is it too late for me? No, because you're probably still in college because you don't have to fucking pay for it.

Like those fucking college student lifers I met when I was in Finland. No, it's never too late. It's never too late. It is so much fucking fun. It is so much fun. If you live in a place where noise is going to be an issue, I recommend buying the V-Drums, the electronic kit, if you can afford that or a used kit, if you can't. And I also recommend looking in and learning all about hearing loss and

tinnitus, how the fuck you say that word and get yourself those Vic first headphones and really, really be careful with your ears. All right, also, you said you're doing great learning French. I speak French and you are doing great. I'm currently learning Dutch and I know how hard it is to learn a new language. Well, I had to set that aside because I have to like I only have so much space in my brain where I'm going to pick it back up when I'm on the other side of this fucking instrument thing. P.S., thank you for the podcast.

It helped me through some tough times and for being open about the shit you are dealing with. It helped me realize certain things about myself. Look at me. I'm like a fucking bald freckled male Oprah. Go fuck yourself, you cunt. All right, man. Well, thank you for the important. I'm happy your life is better. It's doing better.

Girlfriend of three years caught cheating. Oh boy. Oh boy. All right. Dear Bill Burr. Oh, wow, this guy's in such a fucking bad place right now. He didn't even trash me. I just found out my girlfriend, the love of my life of three years has cheated. Here's how I found out she went out to get drinks one night at 6 p.m.

and came back home at 10 p.m. and proceeded to cuddle with me in bed. The next day she is at work and I am on my day off at home. Her iPad is linked to her iPhone. Whoops. When she gets a text message on her phone, it pops up on the iPad at home. She got a message from some guy in red. Hope the dick helped last night.

Oh God. I confronted her about it and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I decided to leave the house and stay with the family member for the weekend. Once I came back to talk to her face to face with her, she admits to having sex with the same guy twice. She also said the night she was out drinking, the guy suggested they go to his car and initiated to have sex. I've also caught her texting another guy about how deep she can go,

implying she can suck long dick and how much dick she can take. Oh boy. We have been through a lot together from meeting each other's families to being there for each other when a loved one has passed away, even to saying I love you every day. My family loves her and her family loves me. I don't get why she would do this after all this time. I really love her but want to teach her a lesson.

Any advice is helpful. Yeah dude, you got to get out of it. It's over. You shouldn't want to teach her a lesson. You shouldn't want to do anything vindictive to her. What you should want to do is go out and meet a person that's going to love you the way that you're going to love them is not going to do that to you.

That's it. I'm sorry you're going through that. Yeah, but you have to leave that one because it's going to happen again. I hate to be the guy to tell you that. But the good news is you could have been married with kids and then found that out and then you'd be linked to this person for the rest of your life because you have kids together. So you can get away clean.

I would suggest going to therapy. I would suggest crying about it. I would suggest talking about it to other friends. And I would suggest giving yourself all the time you need to get over it and really get over it before you try to meet somebody else. And it is what it is. It sucks. It happens.

But like I said, the upside is you didn't find out after you were married with kids. All right, that was kind of a bummer. What's funny, that expression over here, I heard in England that means if somebody fucking banged you in the ass, which makes a bummer or a man, I'm bummed, means that that's what is, which makes way more fucking sense because I've never understood that whole thing.

Like, oh, it was a bummer. I'm like, what does your ass have to do with something being, you know, bad? Well, I guess if somebody banged you in the ass unless you wanted it, it would be a way. Let's see here. Bummed, English slang. Definition of bum is slang for feeling upset. No, no, in England.

Isn't it in England? It's something different. Maybe it was a different country. The word is funny because it means something different in the U.S. and in the U.S. The U.S. to be bummed or bummed out it means to be sad or depressed. Oh, fucking, did I, did I click on the right one?

In the U.K., to be bummed means a man has sex with you by putting his penis in your, there you go. And we can end on that. We ended on a laugh. All right, that's it. Right, he got fucking bummed by his best mate. A couple of cunts stuck together. All right, that's it.

Go fuck yourselves. I'll check it on you on Thursday. All right, that's it.