Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-2-22

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Bill rambles about performing at the Hollywood Bowl with Dave, Zoom calls, and super-hero movies.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, May 2nd, 2022. What's going on? How are you? How's it going, everybody? I hope you had a nice weekend. I hope you had a nice rest of your April because now we are into May, we are into fucking May, which means what what does May mean? It means Kentucky Derby. What they do to those horses is horrible. They're not midgets, they're little people. Look at that fucking lady face plant over there. The Kentucky Derby, everybody. What's going on? That's going to be what's first Saturday in May, and then you got Mother's Day. You got to call your mom that day. You got to get her some seas candies, some flowers or whatever, by your wife something shiny.

And then what? Then the rest of the month is for you. This is a good month, man. And I always try to remind myself this is the beginning of the summer, even though summer doesn't start until June. I always feel like the summer goes flying by and I go, what the fuck happened? The summer's over. And I always sleepwalk through May. Well, guess what? They ain't happening this May. All right. I have a little splash about pool. I'm going to get in it. You know, I'm going to swim some fucking, you know, half a laps in my glorified kiddie pool. I've been telling you this story about my pool. Oh, it's a funny one. You know, always make sure you jump into a pool before you buy the house. You know, always make sure you make sure that the

fucking the goddamn thing that's supposed to heat up isn't from fucking 9,000 years ago, it doesn't even work. Always make sure you do that. Always make sure if you go, you know what, that fucking heating thing keeps breaking down. What if I buy one of these solar things? What if I buy one of these solar fucking things to put over my fucking pool? And then the first time you use it, it's incredible. It's like getting in bathwater. And then the second time it doesn't even work anymore. And then you then find out that too much exposure to the sun can damage a solar pool cover. It doesn't even that doesn't make any fucking sense. That's like buying a baseball bat where baseballs can hurt the bat. Well, I guess they break the bat.

All right, maybe it does make sense. All right, you know what? I'm not as mad at my solar panel as I was before. My solar panel, my solar pool cover, which is basically a little bit bigger than your average Afghan because I don't know. It's technically not a pool. No, it's not that bad. I'm fucking with you. It's a nice one, you know, but I'd like to be in it this year. So that's what I'm doing. Okay, every weekend, I'm getting out there, you know, like Chevy Chase, this is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy in vacation, and I'm doing a fucking cannonball, like fucking in what's his face in Anchorman, Ron Burgundy. I start with the Chevy Chase from vacation. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy that I am with the Ron Burgundy. And then I come up like

that kid who saw the doodoo and fucking the pool in Caddyshack. That's how I do it. I go old school. Bill, what in the fuck are you babbling about? I don't know. I've been I got into the Red Sox, and I'm watching them and they get they fucking the losing of the Blue Jays, they were playing the Orioles. I'm like, okay, you know, wake up the bats here. We fucking scored three runs right off the bat, the first game, and we don't score any more runs. We ended up winning three to was that game three to something? I can't remember. Then we lost like one to nothing. Then I was watching like a couple nights ago. And we were winning the game one nothing, the whole fucking game. This fucking guy gives us seven strong innings. What the hell

is it? Nathan Evaldi, seven strong innings. And then we come in the eighth inning. We fucking give up a run. It's tied. I can be they blown so many games at this point. I still believe in them. I still love them, but we've blown so many fucking games. I'm trying to remember how we blew this this one. Was it the bottom of the ninth? No, it wasn't. It was the bottom of the eighth. They tied it up one one. And then we had the bottom of our order go up in the ninth. We went down in order, I believe they fucking came up, we stopped them. Then the 10th inning, we had runners at the corner, we couldn't do it. And then this fucking guy laid down a bump in our picture, ran up to go get it, and he went to go to throw the third and he fucking over through the guy

and was it Baltimore's center fielder? Just named Cedric Mullins came in and won the game. And I'm just like, this was the fucking series we're supposed to try to get back because the Yankees and and I can't say the Blue Jays have been kicking our ass, but the Yankees, you know, had a nice schedule so far. And I'm like, good, we're going to start playing the teams that they were playing, and we're going to win and at least, you know, not lose any more ground. And we ended up losing again today. We lost. It was nine to one. We scored four runs in the top of the ninth and we lost nine to five. So I don't know. But I got to be honest with you, I like that I'm into baseball this early, you know, fill in the fucking cracks as the Celtics lose game one

to the Milwaukee Bucks and the Bruins start game one, their playoff run tomorrow. Actually, tonight, when you're listening to this against the Carolina Hurricanes, who I still remember a long time ago, even though I believe we avenged that loss, we played them in the fucking playoffs and they scored this overtime goal to close out the playoff series. And I just remember that Hurricane guy skating down doing his jazz hands. He had his hands in the air going like, oh, made it even worse. So we'll see how we do. We will see how we do. Oh, Freckles is still going along with the tour. I got the the Netflix thing this week. I'm doing a show at the the LA forum. Very excited to be doing that. I got my act where it needs to be in the other night.

You know, I was driving down the street and I saw I went by the Hollywood Bowl and I saw Dave Chappelle and friends. I was like, holy shit, I would love to go see Dave do an hour at the Hollywood Bowl. So I called up a couple of people day big bank boom and then they're like, Hey, when you want to do a little time in front of them? And I was like, Oh, boy, would I? So I got to do 15 minutes in front of Dave Chappelle at the Hollywood Bowl. It was it was Jeff Ross hosted. He brought up Dion Cole and then he brought up Don L. Rollings and then he brought up me. And then there was like a little intermission and then Jeff Ross did a roast and David did an hour and then Busta Rhymes came out and closed it.

With like Chris Brown and a few other one point usher came out there was fucking insane. But first things first, it's been a while. I was I was fucking nervous. I was like, going like, All right, this is this is a lot of there's a lot of goddamn people here, right? And it's also such a legendary. I was trying to think of all the shows that I saw there. Everyone from like, I don't know, like the old school bands. So like Peter Gabriel and Sting and fucking Steely Dan. I want to say I saw Erica Badu there a long time ago, but I think that was the Greek. I don't remember. I was drinking back then. I saw the Stone Temple pilots long time ago. I saw them there.

I saw Herbie Hancock there with Vinnie Caliuta on drums. Who else? I remember Pharrell opening and that other guy Landon Elvis Costello. Saw a whole bunch of people. Then all of a sudden you then I remember seeing like this classic story of Richard Pryor going on at the Hollywood Bowl. And it's this amazing story of how he went out there and it was a show for gay rights. And and he went out on the show and he opened with he said, you know, I sucked a dick once and the place went fucking crazy because he got molested or whatever, you know,

wait when he was younger according to his book and everything, right? So he opened with that and then everybody was just like, oh my god, this is fucking amazing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, not understanding the terms with which he did that act. And then they thought he was going to be cool and all of that. And then he just fucking turned it around on him and was basically saying, why the fuck should I as a black man give a fuck about you? Because where were all you gay people during the Watts riot? And he slowly, you know, a few people understood what he was saying, being like, all right, fair enough. And by the end, the crowd hated him and fucking booed him. It sounded incredible. It sounded like

a fucking unbelievable just one of those things the crowd is booing you because they know you're right. I wish I don't know, I wish there was fucking audio of that somewhere. But I for the longest time, I had never heard that story. I think it was I was down the comedy store. Something came about where it was like an anniversary of his death and they told that story. I was like, wow. So I was thinking about that. When I was backstage and had to go on after Donnell Rawlings, which is never easy, never easy, you know, I knew he was going to bring the heat and he also was wearing a fucking suit. And I was just like, oh, Jesus Christ, he looks like he's getting ready to cheat, you know, and fucking lifetime achievement award. I know he's going

to go up there and kill. So and I like an asshole, it stayed out to like one in the morning the night before, you know, my kids always get me up at like seven. So I was tired and I just I felt a bomb coming. I'm like, wait a minute, this this might not go well. There are a lot of people here to tell the story. So I was a little bit nervous. And then whenever I get nervous, I just start talking to people around me. So I stopped thinking about it. I just go out and I like I don't think and so of course, Dion Cole kills, of course, Donnell Rawlings kills. And then Jeff Ross is up there. And I couldn't hear because I was from the side, he was doing some sort of some sort of bit about the couple that left the royal family. And he was absolutely fucking murdering. And he's

usually, you know, just stands there and does his jokes. He was literally laying on the stage, just fucking destroying. And I was just like, Oh God, even Jeff is bringing the lumber. Here we go. And fortunately, I went out there and it went really well. And I gotta be honest with you, like I could not see past. You can only see about 4050 rows up. Thank God, because it just keeps going and going and going and going. So I remember at the end of the night, kind of when the lights came up, I was like, Holy shit, there was a ton of people here, but it was such a freaking honor to be on that show. And then Dave went out and did this super tight hour long, for him, a tight set is an hour. He did 60 minutes and absolutely fucking leveled no fat on

on the bone or whatever. No gristle. It was just fucking tight. It was great. And then Buster Rimes went out and I'm thinking, All right, people came here to see Dave. It's the end of the night. Buster's going to go out there. He's going to kill it. But you know, you're only getting him for 20 minutes. So he'll do like a medley or blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what I thought was going to happen to that guy went out there, him and I would I forget the guy's name that he goes out with, who's it was absolutely incredible. I got to look up his name. I can't I got to give this guy his do here the hell's his name here. Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. All right, the guy's name is spliff star. And let me tell you something, those guys went out there

and just absolutely fucking destroyed that place. Just leveled it. It transcended that they were rapping like I learned shit as a comedian watching them how hard they fucking killed the show they put on the sense of humor that they had. Um, the whole thing, they just absolutely fucking smashed and I got to tell you both of them, their energy is 20 years younger than they are because I was sitting there, you know, some of the bands I was saying that I saw, you know, sometimes you, you know, you see a band that you saw in your 20s and then you see them in your late 40s. And, you know, they're still good, but they just sort of remind you

of your mortality. It's like they're old, I'm old, we're all going to die. That was not the case when Buster went out there. Buster went out there and it was just like this fucking guy has not even lost and has lost anything. He was as amazing as he was way back in the 90s when I first started seeing him. He absolutely fucking killed. And, um, you know, I went to the show with Nia. I was, and I just kept talking about it afterwards going like, like how much I, what I got out of that performance. I'm so glad that I stayed because, you know, I was fucking tired. I was relieved. And I was just like, once I saw Dave, I was like, oh, I'm going to dip out, try to beat the traffic or whatever. And, um, but Dave does a thing in

the end where he calls everybody out. So I was like, wow, I don't want to, you know, come back out to a curtain call at the Hollywood Bowl in my asshole. Of course I'm going to stay for that. And thank God I did because I got to watch his whole fucking set Buster set and he absolutely killed us. If you get a chance to see that guy, uh, you are without a doubt going to get your money's worth. That guy is an absolute fucking monster, monster performance. Um, you know, I guess you'd have to be to follow what, what Chappelle did for an hour, which was also, I mean, he just, uh, I mean, I, it's weird thing when you, when you love what a comic did, you can't say what they did because then you're doing their jokes, but definitely

obviously catch Dave. Um, he absolutely fucking killed it too. So, um, anyway, um, yeah, that was kind of my weekend. And then I, I've been looking at this footage and shit. And I'm actually learning finally how to fucking, uh, I'm getting into a groove here of how to edit footage and everything, which is pretty goddamn exciting. Um, I mean, I don't know, I don't know where this is going to lead or whatever, but, uh, I don't know. I've also gotten into like drinking coffee and shit, which I never did. I kind of still don't, but this morning I went to go hang with Keith Robinson because he was in town. I also owed him like 500 bucks because I've lost like five bets in a row for the guy. We used to bet a hundred bucks. I just keep losing.

And I've owed it to him since like during the pandemic. And I am just so sick of him calling me up being like, bruh, give me my fucking money. I just got sick of it. So I was just finally like, where are you staying? And I just woke up this morning and just drove down and I just gave him the 500 bucks. And I was like, now shut the fuck up. He just laughed. So we had a good time, um, hanging out or whatever. Uh, you know, that part's going good. My fucking arrest of the shit is not, you know, oh, you know, I'll tell you something right now. If you want to get into a fucking argument with your significant other, go to a brunch. I'm telling you, you know, I was fucking tired and, you know, there's this whole Netflix festival. There's this big brunch and,

you know, I hate shopping and I haven't shopped since before the fucking pandemic. I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to do it. And, uh, you know, it's just one of these fucking things. It's one of those fucking things that you just have to do as an adult. At some point you have to go out and try on a bunch of fucking sports coats and sport coats. And anyway, it's funny as I go to the brunch and most people weren't wearing a sport coat. And I was just like, I'm an asshole. You know, I hate buying a sport coat because I only wear it like twice. There's just so few events that I ever wear a sport coat to and I fucking, I buy one of these stupid things and then I wear it like twice. And then the next time I go to

wear it, it's already out of style. Somehow the cut, the color or whatever. And I have all of this shit. I don't know what to do with them. You know, I still have the suits that I wore when I, when I first did like Letterman like way back in the day and now they're like out of style and I want to get rid of them. And I was all ready to get rid of them. My wife's like, no, no, no, you're going to want those someday. And I was like, I don't, I don't want them. I don't want them. And I have this fucking thing in my life where I say things and people just don't hear me. You know, do you find that in your relationship? Well, you're just like, do you want to do this thing? And you're like, no, I don't. And the thing just happens anyway. And you're sitting there like, I said,

I didn't want to do this. And yet here I am doing this fucking thing. How does this keep it? How do I make my nose mean no? I just don't know how to do it. Jesus Christ. I gotta be honest with you. I wanted to, I was good at that brunch. You know what I mean? Because the sport coat will give you confidence because you can hide a good 30, 40 pounds underneath that thing, which is an excuse to go fucking, you know, do a little smash and grab up at the fucking buffet there. And I didn't do it. I fucking actually left the brunch hungry. I was like, that's that's a good thing. You know, a brunch will kill you. Have you ever seen anybody that organizes a brunch live past like 60, or what they look like,

those people who put like booze in their orange juice, whatever the fuck they call those things? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm talking about like white people, they get like those, though that red face, you know, like the fucking the hypertension face is what you end up getting just going to those it's just too much shit, right? I'm sorry, I'm in a goddamn mood. Celtics lost. It's bumming me out. I taped the game. I don't even want to sit down and fucking watch it. But at least we got we got passed. Yeah, we got past Brooklyn. So now I've got to watch Kyrie Irvin step on our logo again. So that's nice. And then we'll see what happens here. I like the

I like the Celtics chances. And even though the bucks won it last year, it's really hard to repeat. So we'll see, we'll see what happens. I think we win game two. You know, I got a little bet going with Nate Craig. You know, he was talking some nice shit. You know what I mean? Get I'm getting the usual bullshit. The usual bullshit's Boston being racist. That's always the one I have Boston is racist as opposed to what the open minded people in Milwaukee. And he's like written house was from Illinois. And I was like, I wasn't talking about him. So anyways, we should be giving each other a bunch of shit during the whole thing, which will make it fun. And lastly, but not least for all you old fucking guys out there, old men and women, like myself. I finally got the name of

that thing that I've been using. I'm telling you, it's incredible. It's called the shoulder reliever. I've been finally putting together like 40 days here where I just use it. I'm telling you that that that's that middle that medieval thing that I've been telling you about right with the handle. Then there's a ball on the end of it and you're swinging around like you're in a Mad Max movie. And there's four different weights. Each one, each ball gets heavier. That's what she said. Each ball gets heavier. And then by the end, I guess you're supposed to feel good. So I'm on the third one and my shoulders feel fucking great. And I'm starting to believe that I'm going to be able to win my fucking money in this pull up bet is kind of what I'm hoping to be honest. We'll see.

We'll see. We'll end up seeing what happens with this thing. As long as I don't go crazy in the gym, but I've been sort of hanging from like a pull up bar with my feet on the ground, stretching out my shoulders, which also really helps. But I just got to make sure I don't add too much weight when I'm lifting or whatever. It's embarrassing. Using like five, six pounds. At least I'm out of like the colorful ones that the aerobic chicks used in the early 80s. I was using those for a while, but then I also realized, the other day I took a picture with somebody that was in their 20s and they showed me the picture and I looked at it. I was like, I really am in my 50s. You know, what's weird about aging is you don't really notice it.

Because every day, you see yourself in the mirror, you're brushing your teeth, you know, you're checking yourself out to make sure you don't have anything hanging off your fucking shoe and you just see your face every single fucking day and you just do not notice. And then one day you take a picture with somebody that is the age that you still think you could pass for and then you go, holy shit, who is that waterlogged, fucking hag, fucking hag next to that person. Oh my God, that's me. That's fucking me. Anyway, let's do some reads here for this week as I'm bumming you out about aging, which I hope I'm not. Roman, everybody. Speaking of being old, you know what I mean?

Is your dick old? Is your dick like Roger Clemens the last year he played for the Red Sox? Would you like it to then turn into the Roger Clemens the very next year with the Toronto Blue Jays? Get Roman, everybody. You know, when you're wearing a great outfit, everything looks, oh, this isn't something for your dick. This is for your suits, right? Oh, no, it is. No, it is. This is for your dick. Sorry. Roman, everybody. You know, when you're wearing a great outfit, everything just looks right and your confidence is soaring. You can walk into a room knowing you're on an A game. If you've been struggling with PE, what is PE? What is PE? Roman can give you that same feeling. Isn't it ED? What is PE? Penis Envy?

They can make your dick bigger? What's going on here? If you're struggling, what the fuck is I got to look this up? What is PE? Here we go. How do you Google this to know what does that's a physical education PE stand for in medicine? Here we go. Pulmonary embolism. I don't think that that's what it is. All right, I'm going to write the worst word. I wrote penis premature ejaculation. Oh shit. I feel like the last family family member on the family feud, you know, they always stick the dumbest one all the way down to the side. And the whole fucking family's just looking at them as they spit this dumb shit out of them out and they got to be a good answer. That's a good answer. It's not a good answer. And you're

not helping them by saying they're giving a good answer. All right. All right, PE. All right, if you wanted to feature length film but only got a short, basically premature ejaculation. Why is everything about a guy in his dick so embarrassing that we have to abbreviate ED PE? Oh God, I needed another one. What's another thing? BD bent dick. I guess you have your dicks like hooked and they're now saying there's something wrong with your dick. I have no idea. Fitness. Look, we all know that change doesn't happen without action. Whether you're looking for gains at the gym or an experience in the bedroom, there's never any shame in showing up for yourself and your health. So if you're dealing with PE premature ejaculation,

don't ignore the issue. Instead face it head on with Roman. Why can't women take PE as a fucking compliment? You know what I mean? It's just you're so hot. I already just in my pants before we even took our clothes off. I mean, I can't think of a grander gesture to talk about how beautiful you are. Do you think I'm pretty? Do you think I'm pretty? Oh, no. Do I think you're pretty? You're out of your fucking mind. I mean, I got to go change my underwears. Yeah. All right, guys, man to man, I care about each one of you. This is what they're these are the words I put in my mouth. I want you to feel confident. I do though. I want you walking in there, you know, knowing that the first thing you point your dick at, it's not going to shoot.

All right. I want you to secure the perimeter. I want you to feel confident and to prioritize your health and your relationship. If you're ready to do that for yourself, start with Roman. We'd like to have a lot of fun around here on my channel podcast show. We'd like to have a lot of fun around here. I like how this is morning DJ copy. So I know if you guys are anything like me, you're probably dread wasting time and boring waiting rooms. Then having to spend money on a copay, then insurance is a hassle. You know how it goes for my guys out there dealing with PE. I have to tell you about Roman. Why is this a whole new intro? It's not about in the waiting room and spending money. It's about having to sit there

across another human being saying you come too quick. It's embarrassing. And this is what we need to talk about. We need to erase the stigma of PE. Roman swipes are clinically proven to help you last longer in bed. No prescription needed. Premature ejaculation treatments are safe, effective and used by millions of men. Free two day shipping. Go to getroman.com slash burr today. If approved, you'll get $10 off your first order. That's getroman.com slash burr. Do you realize if men were like women? That's saying we don't fucking bitch all the time. Hence my podcast. I can guarantee you that like, if there was some sort of PE version for women, you know what I mean? Oh, if we were like them, then this would be like something like,

we need, where are the women to support men when it comes to premature ejaculation? Don't fucking quick, come shame me. All right. I'm sorry. I'm just in touch with my body. All right, stamps.com, you know, if you've got a small business, inflation isn't doing you any favors right now. It's harder than ever to stay profitable. If you're looking for ways to cut costs, mailing and shipping is a great place to start. Simply use stamps.com to mail and ship and get access to exclusive discounts and great rates on shipping from USPS and UPS. It's an easy way to keep your money in your pocket. Stamps.com saves you time. It saves you money and stress. No matter what business you're in, stamps.com can help you save on shipping. Whether you're in

office, sending invoices, an Etsy shop, sending your products or warehouse shipping out truck loads of orders. Shipping.com is the mailing and shipping solution for you. Start mailing and shipping with stamps.com and keep more money in your pocket every day. Sign up with the promo code BIR for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code BIR, B-U-R-R. So there you go. Let's get into the reads here for this week. By the way, I saved that message from Iqbaluit, Nunavut. I want to see if I can make that show happen and see the northern lights there.

Yeah. Oh, this isn't, I don't think this, it doesn't happen this time of year. Okay. Sorry. Keep yawning. Sorry. I'm old. All right. Zoom everybody. Hey Bill. Hey man. He's talking about Zoom. This is like the Zoom meeting or she is. Hey man, I'm sick of Zoom. I don't want to jump on a Zoom call if I can make a phone call and people are really starting, and people are really starting to lean into it because they're sick of their boring desk jobs and need face-to-face to liven up their afternoon. I recently, yeah, I don't get that. Like, it's becoming that thing though. If they can't see you, it's like you're not on the phone. It's like I am on the phone. All right. I'm just going to sit here with my eyes closed as I listen to you.

I bet all corporations, they're all going to start every, like it's all going to be video conference because we want to be able to read your face. We want to see what your face is doing, scan your face, scan your retina, all of that shit, and just see if we can see any inconsistencies in the level of loyalty that we demand here as we deliver soul-sucking information and instructions to your side of the room. Anyway, I recently told someone, I don't have Zoom and opted to get on the phone. The reaction over email was loud and clear. They passively, aggressively made it seem as if we couldn't accomplish what we needed without it. Fuck the Zoom. Also, why is it assumed that I have it? Hey, bitch, come over my house and

install it or get the fuck out of my email. All right. That was a lot of anger in there, but I understand what you're saying. Yeah, the Zoom calls and all that. I got a couple people that are in the corporate world in my life, and it just seemed like I just don't understand. I don't feel like corporations value their employees as much as they're just like, we're just going to just burn them out, burn them out, burn them out, burn them out. We don't care about the turnover or anything. We're treating you like shit, and we're getting every ounce of fucking work out of you that we can. When you leave, we don't give a fuck because we'll just get someone else to replace you because we've destroyed all the mom and pop places. I don't know. That's just

my opinion. I feel like the Zoom call is another way for them to gain information about where you live, how you're living, your commitment to the thing. The whole fucking thing is just creepy. All right. Trial. Dear Bill, but on the other side, I love a Zoom call as opposed to like, if I was in the corporate world and you had to go to Hong Kong, it's like, why can't we just jump on a Zoom? We're still face to face. What is the fucking problem? Pollute the environment less. I think that that's a good use of it, I would think. But if you guys are just living close by and this guy just says, hey, man, I just want to be on the phone. I don't look at you. Why can't you just say that? Listen, I don't like doing Zoom. If I'm going to be on the phone,

I want to be on the phone. I don't want you to sit there looking at me. But I think what they, maybe that's what they like about it. Maybe they like the fact that you can't act like you're paying attention when you're not because you can fucking mute Zoom and you can mute a phone call. But when you mute a phone call, they don't know what the fuck you're doing. I mean, you literally could be doing anything. You can be asleep. And they wouldn't know. And I don't think that they, I think that they like the control of Zoom. And I gotta be honest with you, it would be nicer if it would be, the world would be a better place if more people kind of rebelled against shit like this.

At least push back a little bit. Anyway, trial. Dear Bill, I've been watching the depth trial, Johnny Depp trial every day on YouTube in the background while working. It's fucking awesome, Bill. Watching someone get caught lying is super underrated. Oh, I heard he is absolutely destroying her. I'm too big a Johnny Depp fan to watch that. I love that guy. And I just, I don't want to hear all this personal details and shit, but from what I've seen, the guy is fucking destroying. And what's great about this is if he really does expose this woman for lying, I'm wondering all of these people that just accepted her lies about him, if they're going to apologize somehow, because they publicly

trashed him. It'd be nice if they then publicly apologized and said, maybe next time we won't jump to conclusions. Anyways, because it's fucking awesome, Bill. Watching someone get caught lying is super underrated. Having someone who has gone on the record is saying one thing, and then having proof that the other happened is so fulfilling. On top of all of it, you get Johnny effortlessly throwing that Hollywood charm around the courtroom. I'd love to have it on vinyl. I got to be honest with you, my good buddy Paul Verzi's been watching it. He just keeps calling me up. He goes, are you watching this? He's like, Johnny is absolutely destroying her. You know, I've just heard like bits and pieces of that. It really does amaze me

how it just, the pendulum just does not seem to swing the other way that all of these women's groups that when they see a woman that lies like this, which really hurts their position, because there are women out there that are in a relationship that this woman evidently lied and claimed that she was in when she wasn't. And for someone to go out and lie about it hurts the people that are actually in it. So you think that they would cover this and they would also talk about like, you know, I remember a guy a long time ago told me, he said, if you're in a relationship with a woman, if she ever starts swinging on you, lock yourself in the bathroom. Lock yourself in the bathroom. So, you know,

she won't hit you anymore. It doesn't escalate. And there's going to be no evidence of you at some point because you're going to have to get her off you. You know, she can be, look at this mark on my wrist when he, you know, because you caught her hand as she was swinging at you, you caught her wrist, then you're going to get in trouble. You know, you're wearing a ring, it leaves a mark, you just fucking done, you know, it's like, no, I just grabbed her arms because she was swinging at me. No, we have to take you in and all of that shit. It just fascinates me that when there's just a clear example of something like this, that I think it really hurts feminism, if they want more men to come along, that if they would actually trash someone like this

publicly, the way that they would go after a toxic guy, because, you know, I don't matter, I'm going after toxic guys and asshole, I get that. But, you know, I don't know, for someone to be able to do, like if this really goes in the direction that everything she was saying was absolute bullshit and the level that this guy's career suffered and the amount of shit that happened to him, if it all just pans out with the whole, oh, yeah, sorry about that, like that's how it's going to end. It just doesn't fucking seem right. And you know what, it doesn't sit well with me. So anyway, if I had the time, I would definitely, I would be watching more of it. I mean, Verzi's losing his mind, like he's watching like a seven

game series, he thought it was going to be a seven game series, but it sounds like Johnny's going to sweep, which makes me happy. Yeah, I like that guy. All right, superhero movies. And it should make even women happy, because if he's innocent, then that means that he didn't make a woman suffer, right? All right, superhero movies, Dear Billy the Marvellous. A couple weeks ago, you were talking about superhero movies. You know, it's funny last night, me and my lovely wife, who's mad at me right now, we went to go to sleep and sheep for whatever reason put on the Hulk. And I was watching it. I've always loved the Hulk slash related to the Hulk. Just the anger issues, obviously not the physique, or the science degree, whatever Dr. David Banner,

you know, whatever. I just always hated how it was always the army going after them, they're always like shooting machine guns at him and fucking sound waves and all of this shit. And I don't know, I always liked the Hulk, angry, misunderstood, fucking person, you know, but I don't get the Hulk when the Hulk is chill and starts shooting the shit with people and isn't angry. It's like, shouldn't you be turning back into Bill Bixby? But anyway, a couple weeks ago, you were talking about superhero movies. I'm a few years younger than you. And I also did not get super get super into comics as a kid. I dabbled here and there in a cartoon or random comic book. It wasn't until I had two kids. And I got to tell you, they

ain't bad. Remember that Spider-Man TV show from the 70s, where they basically had some guy throw a rope from off the screen to look like webbing? Yeah, throw like a net. I remember that. The thing that gets me the most is how they took 25 movies and had them all tie together. My kids don't even really get it, but I'm sitting next to them going, oh, shit, that ties back to that other one. I only bring this up because you've talked about how revisiting things you didn't like, i.e. the talking heads. No, I always liked the talking heads. I just never saw that movie stop making sense. Talking heads wasn't one of the bands. I always liked them. It was, oh, I forget who it was. It wasn't the talking heads though. I always liked them.

Anyways, in realizing you judge them too early, I'm very guilty of this. I would say like REM, a few bands, like those college bands. I mean, I was just some of this testosterone metal. I mean, anything else after listening to that shit, at least back then to my untrained ears just sounded like somebody playing a fucking ukulele, and now when I go back and listen to some of that metal, a lot of it, it was just really thin and cheesy. I just, I thought it was, you know, this guy's a fucking badass, man. Anyway, anyway, you can't go wrong with Iron Man. I watched a few of the Iron Man's, you know, John Favreau, Robert Downey Jr. Of course, I'm going to watch that. And honestly, Guardians of the Galaxy is

one of the best movies. It's like Kelly's Heroes in Space kind of. Give it a few years and you'll be coming on the podcast, flipping out about them because your kid loves them. Also, watching these movies is easy on the back. I don't know what that means. It's not a lot of heavy lifting for your brain. Is that what you're saying? No, I'm not, I just, I don't know. They're fucking loud as shit. The last one I went to, I went to Superman versus Batman. And I was like, I was sitting there like, I should have brought my earplugs. It was so fucking loud. And all they did was just beat the shit out of each other. It was like a fight. It was like a half hour long. And I just want to be like, can you two just fuck already? Nobody hates another guy this much. Like, what are

you fighting? And I also don't, I just don't buy that Superman would have that bigger problem with Batman. That's never made sense to me. Batman is a vigilante. Okay. I don't know what sort of fucking, you know, grip strength workout this guy does, but you know, he's pretty goddamn strong. And then you also got to say, you know, for a rich kid, he did all right. Usually when you're born into wealth, you know, there's real no sense of urgency unless you come from one of those psycho families that want you to continue building the wealth and you'll be written out of the will, then your life sucks. You know, you know, those fucking families where you have to take fencing, it's just required because, you know, every, you know,

fucking Griffith Vaughn III knows how to fence going, but we can trace it back to the medieval times. Like those fucking rich kids, those ones, the ones who end up like, you know, committing a murder, you know, those fucking lunatics back in the day, the billionaires boys club. I don't even want to talk about it right now, but you know, let's get back to Bruce Wayne here. The guy comes from money. He's a slacker. He's not really doing any core workout or even no kettlebell shit. You know, he was probably listening to the Joe Rogan podcast and was going to order the on it stuff, but never got around to it. And then all of a sudden one day, his parents get killed, right? Isn't that what happened? His parents get whacked.

Wait, am I talking about ghost? That was Patrick Swayze. That was Demi Moore's boyfriend, right? You know, I just realized I remember one time I was high out of my fucking mind. I didn't, I didn't, I don't know how many fucking milligrams of wheat, right? I was high out of my fucking mind and I started thinking about Demi Moore and Demi Moore and how it was always Demi Moore and then out of nowhere, it became Demi and I just started cracking up laughing. Wait, this wasn't when I was, no, this was an acting gig I had. Dude, I gotta, I gotta get off these fucking cell phones. No, I wasn't, I wasn't high. I was,

I was improv-ing with the person. Somebody brought that up. Wait, is that a riff from the movie? I mean, I think that may be a riff from the movie I'm editing. I gotta find that thing. I already edited that scene. Holy shit. All right, this has been good podcast. I just remembered a joke that I wanted to throw into the fucking movie. All right, sorry people. I, I'm sure I just fucking did a little somersault with the brain there. I apologize. Let's get back to Bruce Wayne. All of a sudden, his fucking, you know, all the scary moves I saw, by the way, that have freaked me the fuck out, those fucking things that came up in ghost, if you were a bad person, that drag you down to hell, there was something about it because it was

sort of a romantic, I can't say comedy. It's not really a romantic comedy if the boyfriend gets whacked, you know, in the beginning of it, right? Although Bambi's mother dies and they call that a kid's movie. Jesus Christ, I'm all over the map here. So anyway, I think that's what was more disturbing. Well, if you're watching like a fucking horror movie, you think it's going to be a problem. But like, if I know that like, you know, some dead guy is going to make a, like a fucking potted plant with his ex-girlfriend who's still alive, like I just don't think it's going to be that scary. It just seems like it's going to be kind of like, you know, live in somewhere like flubber or the shaggy DA. Remember those Sunday night Disney movies with that guy that looked

like the guy from fucking leave it to beaver, but it wasn't. There was two guys, there was Hugh Beaumont and then there was this other guy. And they both looked the same and they both combed their hair the same fucking way, but they were different guys. The guy from my three sons. Is that the guy? Well, Bill would help if you had fucking names. All right, sorry. Anyway, so Bruce Wayne's parents get fucking whacked and then he becomes like a superhero, but like he's not like, he doesn't have superpowers. He's just like a, he's basically Charles Bronson or Charles Bronson was Batman in Death Wish. Right? Anyway, so I went to, that's, that's was moves. So I saw that movie and look, I probably saw a bad one because I liked the Spiderman ones,

the John Favreau, Robert Downey Jr. ones. I liked those. Those were fun movies. And, you know, John Favreau is one of my favorite directors and Robert Downey Jr. is one of my favorite actors. So it was kind of cool to see that level of talent go into like a big Hollywood movie like that and make a great fucking movie. I also liked the, my favorite one, the Batman movie there with the Joker walks away out of the hospital dressed like a nurse with that guy from Brokeback Mountain. Right? I love that one. That one I loved, you know, but I was never into, I don't know. You know what, dude? I'll give him a shot. Just where am I supposed to start? I bet they got the whole list of them. There's 25 fucking movies. This is the thing about nowadays.

When you try to get into something, if you're always like 500 hours behind and it's just like, I can't, I can't do all of this. I can't have fucking time with this. All Marvel movies in order. There it is. Okay. Here we go. It starts with Howard the duck. What? All Marvel movies. How to watch MCU movies. All right, here we go. Oh my God. I'm going to do, you know something? I actually agree with what you're saying, and I will do this with my kids someday, but I'm not going to do this twice. Marvel movies in order. How to watch all 33 MCU, whatever that stands for. It's probably something about a guy who has a dick problem. Movies in series chronologically. All right,

if you want to see the Marvel and Avengers movies in orders, order as they happen, starting with the World War two set Captain America, the first Avenger, we've listed all 33 MC movies in a series in chronological order in one guide exclamation point. So while Iron Man set and released in 2008 can claim the banner as the first of the Marvel Cinematic Universe within its story, Chris Evans has got Robert Downey Jr beat. That's because Evans origin story as Captain America, the first Avenger takes action in 1942. Wait, they didn't put that out in 1942. It's set then, right? They're there. We're also first fully introduced to the terrorist Tesseract and energy cube. Oh, Jesus, an energy cube. There's always a sphere or a fucking cube

or like a fucking isotope. Something glowing. There's always that's always that cheesy fucking stupid thing that now if I throw a face cloth over it, Thor's hammer doesn't work anymore. Or if I hold it up next to him, he fucking crumbles. He loses his hair and he's standing there with a tack hammer. It's all the same story. Climaxing in 2019's Avengers Endgame. All right, did they just list them or do I have to read all of them? Right? Number one, Captain America, the first Avenger, 2011. All right, then Captain Marvel, 2019. That's number two, Iron Man, number three, 2008. Wait a second. This is the order you have to watch them in. Iron Man two, 2010, the Incredible Hulk, number five. I think I saw that one. That was the one I was watching last

night. Then there's Thor, 2011. That's six. Marvel's the Avengers is number seven. Yeah, this is when it became like Ocean's 11. But with, you know, people on HGH and underwear. Thor, the Dark World is number eight. Iron Man three. Captain America, the Winter Soldier, that got 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, Guardians of the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume Two Avenger. You guys can look this shit up. Ant-Man with fucking Paul Rudd. I got to see that. I love Paul Rudd. Captain America, Civil War. I think I would like, oh wait, this is Captain America versus Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Black Widow, Spider-Man. I hate this. I love Spider-Man, and I just hate they always fuck up Spider-Man. You know what I mean? I just hit his girlfriend

in the fucking, it's one of the few comic books I ever read, was like a raven-haired beauty, like a Catherine Zeta-Jones type. And I don't know what the fuck they do in the movies. You know, she had hips, she had titties. She was fucking gorgeous, right? And then they always get like some fucking lollipop body, thin lips. I don't know what. And they always just sit there like Spider-Man's not fucking that. That's, you know, Peter Parker is not, I don't know. I could get her. I can't even do a pull-up anymore. All right, Black Panther. Oh, that was part of this. I saw that one, Doctor Strange. Thor is number 20. Ant-Man is back. Avengers Affinity. This is a whole other thing. Avengers

Endgame is number 23. So the Endgame isn't even the last one. Then you watch Loki. What if in 2021, one Davidson, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Now we're going over to Asia here, the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Moon Knight, Spider-Man Far From Home, Spider-Man No Way Home, Spider-Man Home on the Range. No, Eternals Hawkeye. Dude, fuck that. I'm not fucking watching all of that. But you said it was good. Oh my god. All right. Well, if I ever do that, I'm going to count the amount of cubes, spheres, and isotopes that glow, that either give power or take power away. Wasn't that in Superman's, like,

sort, fortress of solitude? I mean, if that doesn't just show you how much fucking women nag guys, he had to have a fortress of solitude. This is Superman. He could fly away from any conversation he possibly, I'm doing like 80 stand-up right now. What's the deal with a fortress of solitude? I don't know. I'll watch them. So Batman is not in it because that's DC, right? And that's like the big thing. Who do you like better, Marvel or DC? And generally speaking, Marvel's the more mainstream. And DC is for those people that just want to be cool, right? And be like, I actually like this better. I actually like what less people like, you know, I used to know a guy like that, that I swear to God, wherever somebody was at, he was always on the lesser

side, every single fucking time. And it took me about 12 years to finally figure out being like, oh, he doesn't really feel this. He just does this because that's a way of keeping the focus of the sub of the topic on him, rather than what we're talking about. You know what I mean? Like you'd be like, oh my God, Aretha Franklin died. I mean, the queen of soul, the greatest voice, one of the greatest voices of all time. And then he just be like, yeah, you know, I didn't think she was that good. And then it would, we would stop talking about Aretha and they would be like, well, you don't like, how could you not like, you know, I just didn't fucking in it. And for the longest time, I remember just thinking, how is this person always,

always on that opposite fucking side? And then I finally, I don't know. I think I undid a couple of my own quirks and I figured out a few other people and I was kind of able to all of a sudden see this person in a different way. I was like, Oh, that's what they're doing. Oh, that's the way to do it. I've seen people do that. You know, if you want to keep the like, if you're younger and you're around boomers and all they're doing is just talking to each other and you and for whatever reason you'd want attention from them, all you'd have to say is you think the Beatles are overrated. That was it. And then the entire focus of the conversation would be on you trying to figure out how you couldn't like the greatest band of their generation, according

to them. So anyway, who do you like? Who do you like in this Celtic series? I mean, you kind of got to go, I mean, my heart says the Celtics, but you also kind of have to go, you got to go with the defending champs, right? You got to feel like it's theirs to lose. I don't know. I mean, it would be incredible. If we could get past them, make it to the Eastern Conference finals, that would be fucking amazing, but it's obviously going to be tough. And I was, I'm going to watch the tape of the game after I upload this podcast, because I want to see if there's still any more animosity between Grace and Alan and Grant Williams. I'm going to keep talking about this, because this is the story that ESPN keeps running from. They've asked me not to talk about it,

because it's just such a divisive, a polarizing topic. All right, but I will continue to talk about it that, you know, I don't think Grant Williams ever got his revenge for two back-to-back flagrant fouls, because Grace and Alan couldn't handle a soft screen during a summer league game. He got his ass kicked out. Now, they were playing in Vegas. Who knows? Maybe Grace had some whore on the side he wanted to get to, and maybe he had taken his Roman swipes, you know, and thought he could last a little longer and he wanted to see if they worked. So he just decided to pick on Grant Williams, but I don't think that that's where that came from. And I think there's a score to settle here. And I think when the Celtics are up eight points

in game seven to close it out in Milwaukee, I think that's the time, you know, if basketball was like hockey, where I think that's the time where you drop the gloves, because there is an art to it. It isn't just going around skating around like a fucking goon. There is an art to knowing when and where to drop the fucking gloves. All right. And I also dropped the mic, which is what I'm doing now, because I got to go fucking do some shit as always. That's what I have to do. So anyway, thank you to everybody that's coming out to the LA Forum on May 5th. I think there's only a couple tickets left. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I got nervous. I got nervous, but people showed up. So I'm going to give you guys a fucking incredible

show. I'm so excited to do that. I'm also hosting a stand up show for Netflix at the Palladium on the fourth. That's a TV taping. Very excited for that. I'll be working with, I don't know if I'm allowed to say everything with Netflix is so secret, but I'm working with all these comics that I admire. They gave me a great lineup. So I'm very excited about that too. And that's it. I think that's all I got. So anyways, go Celtics, go Bruins, Red Sox, Jesus. You know what the problem is, is they're not taking any walks. They're just going up there and they're swinging. They got to get some guys on base and then make these opposing pitches pitch to them. That's what they need to do. They're not just not doing that. We'll be all right though. It's early. It's early. It's early

on. We'll see what happens. All right. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you on Thursday.