Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-20-13

Episode Date: May 20, 2013

Bill rambles about public pools, people who quit, and Las Vegas.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, May 20th. Yeah, May 20th. People keep it going for May 20th. Come on. Isn't she lovely? May 20th, 2013. How the hell are you? You doing alright there? You doing alright with your twinkle toes over there? I'm kind of in a fucked up mood. We just got back. I was on the road with a lovely Nia for the last fucking 10 days. I was really nervous about the whole thing, like 10 straight days, 24 fucking seven, basically, other than when I was on stage running my goddamn YAP. She was going to be at my side. I was like, you know, this is going to be bad. We only had one major fight. One major, like, go fuck

yourself. I'm going to go become a sea captain. You'll be an astronaut so we can be as far away from each other as possible. Only had one of those. Only had one. So we just got back to California and we, you know, taped all these shows and shit and she was watching one and they just showed some fucking jogger. Some jogger got mauled to death by a pack of pit bulls. So then I look up the story and it says there's been like five deadly attacks by dogs in California in the last whatever year, year and a half and all of them were pit bulls. So I go to Nia. I go, you know, what exactly do we have on our hands here? And she's like, well, I think they were different kind of owners. And I

said, Oh, okay. Ah, fuck me. What do I do? What do you do when you're in love with a monster? No, it's not a monster. It can be. It's kind of like a gun in the wrong hands. Is that what it is? I don't know what it is, but it fucking really made me, um, made me nervous. Really fucking made me nervous. This is kind of a creepy way to start the podcast, isn't it? I usually come on, I sing a song or something, right? The summer when little Vegas action came blowing in from across the sea. You wore night flip flops with dark black socks down to the casino floor. But since the mob has left and it's a bunch of corporate cunts, you can get away with that fashion shit. I don't like your white trash

tattooed flabby arms. Sorry, I was just singing about what you see in casinos. You know, people who go to Vegas, can you do me a favor? Can you dress up a little bit? You fucking pieces of shit. And I was gonna say, and you know who you are. All right. You they don't know who they are. These fucking guys who come downstairs like a basketball jersey on, right? No fucking shirt underneath it sitting there looking at the beginning or ending depending on which way you're looking at their back of their back acne. You know, they got their shoulder zits, shorts, right? Flip flops, dark fucking black socks just standing there. I mean, you know, back in the day when the mob ran it, if you didn't come downstairs with a

collared shirt on, looking like a goddamn adult, they sent you back to your room. And they said, Hey, look at me. What's the matter with you? So get it out of here. Get it. Get it. No fucking. All right, they sent you back to your fucking room and you came down. All right, looking like a gentleman. Ladies look like ladies in the who is dressed like who is. All right. And if you were some fucking piece of shit, they just threw you out. You know, how much money do we need to make? Do we need to make so much fucking money? We were going to allow this fucking jerk off to be standing here like this. It was unbelievable. You know, everybody, you know, it just, there was so many people dressed

nicely. Ah, fuck, don't do this to me. Sorry, a little technical difficulties there. There was so many people dressed nicely. And all it takes is just somebody like that to just ruin the family photo. I actually took a picture of his flip flops and his dark socks. You know what the funny thing was is the horror that was from the ankles down on this guy actually matched the casino rug quite nicely. I might add. I don't know if you guys have been to a lot of casinos, but there's some unwritten rule that they have to have zany carpeting. You know, I don't know if it puts you in a more festive mood as you're losing all your fucking money. I don't know what it is, but every one of those casinos, not one of them just has a nice solid

color, you know, an electric blue, you know, a red carpet, whatever, an earth tone, none of them. It's this confetti. It's like they took all the yarn that was left over at a factory and they just sewed the shit together. I don't know. Other than that, I had a great time in Vegas, other than when I went down to the pool because I go down to the pool. I'm down there. It's me. It's fucking Jay Lawhead who's been killing it in front of me and the lovely Nia and her cousins and we're hanging her and cousin. I mean, we're hanging out down the pool and they're doing the usual shit. You know, if you're a redhead and you go down to the pool, like you just ask it for it. People all, you know, look how white you are. You know, like I never noticed. It's like

I'm fucking around myself. I've been around myself since the 60s, the late 60s. I know how white I am. And if I ever forget how white I am, there's always somebody there to remind me. So I don't know if you've noticed your skin tone. What am I meditating floating up out of my body? All right. So these people I'm with go, come on, come on in the pool. I'm like, I don't want to go in the pool. I don't want to go in the fucking pool. You know, they're like, why not? Why don't you want to go in the pool? You know why? Because they're fucking, look at, look at these people. Look at them. Look at them. And you're, you're getting, you know, would you take a bath with all, with any one of the people that you see here, these fucking

just messes of human beings. There's not enough chlorine in a fucking pool to kill whatever the fuck they're dragging in the pool. You know, I finally ended up going to the pool. Then everybody made fun of how white my fucking alabaster chest was. And then I had to stay in the shade of the fucking, uh, the lifeguards chair, you know, you know, I had a show to do. I'm being a professional. I can't come out stage later, half in the bag, looking like a lobster. Right. I got to do my little song and dance later on that night. So anyway, so I ended up getting in the fucking pool against what I wanted to do, you know, and then I get out of the pool. First of all, for my age, I am in absolutely

phenomenal top shelf shape. All right. I got to tell you the fucking, just the, the, the fuck, the humanity that I saw poolside in Las Vegas, the fucking humanity keyword manatee. Not to step on a Jim Gaffigan. I just realized he used to use that reference and I'm pretty sure he used it. I can't remember how the fuck he used it, but if he used it to describe a fat pale torso, not really pale, but whatever, whatever the fucking shit I saw the side of the, he was dead on that. Oh my God. Is there anything worse than seeing a tattoo come of age? You know, Jesus Christ, if you get a tattoo, you better, you better just make the mental decision that you're going to P 90 X for the rest of your fucking life. Cause when you don't,

dude, I saw this guy down at the pool. All right. He had like not only the worst tattoos you've ever seen in your life, like the worst placement. You know what I mean? Like you get one like on the side of your arm up by your shoulder. That looks good. Right on the bicep. That looks good. You know, show somebody gets one right over their voice box. Like I don't give a fuck what you have surrounding that, that leads into that part of the, of the work or the piece, whatever they call it. It looks fucking horrible. Leg tattoos, horrific, horrific. So this fucking jerk off, he has basically the exact sort of like tribal thing that the rock has, except he doesn't look tribal. He looks like an accountant, you know, and he doesn't work out. So just imagine

if the rock was as pasty as I was and it never worked down in his life, but he has that same tattoo that starts at the elbow, goes up the arm over the shoulder and covers one whole peck. But the way this guy had it done was it didn't cover his whole peck. It came swinging in and went right above his, his man, nipple. So now all of that, all of that is like colored in. So because of the pastiness of his torso, your eye is just drawn to his right nipple. As he's standing in the fucking pool, my neck was sore from shaking my head at people. It was, it was absolutely fucking horrific, right? So, so anyways, I go back up to the, I go back up to the hotel room, right? You know, going to make sure that I'm all ship shaped for my goddamn show.

And I put on the news and what do they end up doing a story about? They start doing a story about the amount of fecal matter found in public pools. Right after I just got out of a goddamn pool, you know, and I know what people always think, oh, stay away from where the kids are, stay away from the kiddie pool, right? Stay away from there. They always blame the fucking kids. Well, uh, you know, something after seeing what I saw pools, you know, there weren't a lot of kids in there, but I guarantee you somebody got a coli. I know this is fucking disgusting, but people, you, you're basically bathing. You don't see even more fucked up is, is Vegas is just like, you know, people flying from all

over the world. You're taking a fucking AIDS bath, you know, with a shot of fucking, what the hell was that shit that came out, but it killed people so fast that it just burned out. Everybody just ran into the woods. The fuck was that shit called? Ah, Christ, I can't remember. Ebola. That's it. With a shot of Ebola or whatever, food poisoning. I don't know what it is. A salmonella shower, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I'm done with public pools. The only pool that I will ever swim in again is my pool. If I ever get one or the pool of some hot chick that I want to fucking bang, cause I have Nia's permission. That's the only way it's going to go down. Other than that, you know, I'll just go, I'll just go take a bath.

That way I'm out of the sun. You know, I'll take a couple of vitamin E pills, whatever the fuck it is you get from the sun, other than skin cancer, I'm done with it. You know what America needs to implement after years and years of calling the French people smelly? You know, that's kind of like the thing when we went over to France and saved their ass for the second time last century. Oh, wait, did we do it once? We did it one time, right? I can't fucking remember. You know, I thought the Spanish American War took place in Texas. I thought it was somehow tied in with the Alamo. I had no fucking idea. You know why? Cause I never talked about it. All I talked about was a revolutionary war. We got right up to about

the war of 1812. And that was it. French and Indian war. And then they just stopped. You know, they never, they never did anything be a civil war we talked about. But that was it. Spanish American War, as far as what I remember from Wikipedia, took place in like, I don't know, Cuba, Puerto Rico, and like Guam. Figure that one out. At some point, you know, that's one of those books. Like if I ever have insomnia, I'm just going to start reading the history of the Spanish American War. You know, I didn't realize it was in a way game. I thought that that was in our building. Evidently it wasn't. And it was spread out all over Hale. So anyways, we've always made fun of the French father they smell. If you ever

watched Bugs Bunny growing up, man, you saw Pepe Le Pew. If you noticed he had a French accent, you know, that's the kind of shit you couldn't get away with today because of political correctness, I guess they were basically saying that, you know, that they stunk. But I'll tell you one thing that the French have when it comes to hygiene over Americans, all right, is the bidet. All right, I can guarantee you, if I ever go swimming in a public pool again, it's going to be in France. Unless there's a bunch of Americans, I know I've been over to England, I never saw a bidet over there. You know, a bidet is basically a car wash for your asshole. And, you know, it leaves you feeling refreshed, puts a fucking smile on your face. And evidently in French,

you're so fucking happy, you forget to put on deodorant. But I'll tell you right now, you can jump in that pool. I bet they're not, but they're not talking about that shit over there. Right? You know what's funny about this? I am 15, I'm minutes into this podcast, I just told a 15 minute shit joke. Do you realize that? And that can mean only one thing, it's time for some advertising. And when we come back from advertising, everybody, this is what they call in the business a teaser. If I can figure out how to use this tablet. Oh, fuck you. Who's this? I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear who the fuck that is. Let's get to the live reach here. Oh, when we come back from the break,

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you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, in other news. All right. That's your joke right class. That's probably the worst description ever. I go fuck yourself. So anyway, so I'm walking back to the hotel and I walk by this sports members. I'm back in Vegas by the way. All right. Are you with me? We're out of the shit pool and now I'm walking through the little mall there and I see this sports memorabilia place and I see Pete Rose is going to be there. Like the guy's going to be here in an hour. I'm like, I got to meet this fucking guy. It's fucking Pete Rose. And I'm looking all the baseballs he signs. It's hilarious. He signs it hits, uh, like 4,256 steroids, zero. Pete Rose

hit King. I thought that was the shit. Um, so anyways, I'd seen him signing there before and the line was too long and I didn't feel like waiting. So this time me in lawhead, who does an amazing impression of him breaking Ty Cobb's record, the entire thing, him standing on first base, hitting the balls, standing on first place, waving to the crowd, gradually trying to fight off tears, hugging his son and breaking down. He does the whole fucking thing. Um, he does it at the Rose Bowl after cooking a delicious meal. But anyway, so I'm hanging out with Tim and you can have your biolist memorabilia and Pete Rose will, uh, will sign it for you. So they had two photos and one was Pete Rose, like sliding headfirst into third base in the 1975 World Series

when he beat my Boston Red Sox. And another photo that I saw in the collection was Pete Rose in the 1976 World Series where they beat the Yankees once again, sliding headfirst into third base, batting helmet, what, who knows where it went. It always flew off. It seemed between first and second base. Um, so I'm like, Oh my God, that's part, I gotta get, I gotta get both of those. Right. So my whole thing is I want them to write on the Red Sox one, Bill, I'm sorry, Pete Rose. And then on the Yankee one, Bill, you're welcome. Pete Rose, right? So I bring it up to him. Great guy. Hey, how you doing and all that type of thing. So I tell him, I go, okay, I go and big Red Sox fan. This is you beating the Red Sox. This is you

beating the Yankee. So on this one, just right, Bill, I'm sorry. And he immediately looks at me and he goes, I'm not a fucking died laughing. I loved it. He still had that competitive thing, you know? And I was like, I know you're not. I go, say you're not, that's funny or whatever. And he did. And he still wrote it. And then just write, you know, you're welcome on the other one. And he actually wrote, uh, wrote bill. I'm sorry on one. And Pete Rose 1975 World Series MVP. And on the other one, he wrote, uh, Bill, you're welcome. Pete Rose. And then he wrote Reds for Yankee zero, something about a sweep or something like that. In fact, when I brought up the Yankees,

I said, yeah, but you beat the Yankees in 1976. He goes and he immediately goes, swept their asses. It's fucking great. Um, so anyways, I got to meet him. We could shut the shit with them for a second, shut the shit with the greatest hitter of all time. You know, I asked him, who was, uh, who's the toughest guy you ever faced? All right, I'm going to pause here. You're going to guess who do you think was a guy from the sixties? Who do you think? Huh? What are you guessing? Bob Gibson? It's a good guess. Don Drysdale. Another good guess. Steve Calton. It was actually Sandy Kofax. I was like, really Sandy Kofax, then he made this motion of like the ball just fucking dropping off a cliff. He did it with

both hands. Like the guy could get it breaking either way. And, uh, I don't know, actually talked to him about the red socks. He actually like still watches baseball. He's totally fucking into it. And, uh, I think at first he thought me and Jay were a couple of creeps that he could tell that we really, you know, looked up to him and wanted to talk baseball and he was fucking, you know, just totally warmed up, man, cool as hell. So if you ever get a chance and don't be a cunt like that little weasel that brought that shit up, all right, everybody knows he bent on baseball enough already. You know, they didn't let him into the hall of fame. He's cited memorabilia to casino. He's paying the price. You know, you realize how small that is?

Like they actually had a baseball there. It was all in black that he signs. I'm sorry I've been on baseball. Pete Rose. And I'm just like, oh Jesus Christ, you bring that ball up to him. Kind of fucking asshole would do that. Oh, who's kidding? Who? Half the people on Twitter. Um, um, anyways, oh, you know what fucking blows? It doesn't blow. It was actually an awesome sporting experience, but, uh, I don't know. Some of you guys who follow me on Twitter or whatever. Last week I was in Boston and, uh, I'm, if you listen to last week's podcast, I mentioned that I was going to that Bruins Maple Leafs game seven and, uh, I did get in. I was there. I went with this comedian, Doug Sinye, Boston guy came up from, up from New York and went to the

game. I had a good feeling. I thought we were going to win it. And, uh, I got to be honest with you. You know, we look good for the first two minutes and then all of a sudden it was all Leafs after that. And at three to one, I was convinced we were going to lose. Oh my God, that's it. That's it. We scored two goals. That's our limit. They just scored the third. You know, the Leafs are playing great hockey. They totally got this game in hand. So, you know, and then they went up four to one. And that's when the first like wave of Bruins fans started leaving like seven, eight minutes left. I forget what happened and like people were leaving and Leaf fans were moving down. All right. Now it's not like I'm sitting there going, you know,

I gave them shit for leaving. I was yelling, where are you going to fuck? But my shit was more, we have to stay because I hate when the other teams fans take over your building. You know what I mean? And get to celebrate and kind of fucking dance in your living room. So after three to one, I was convinced we were going to lose. So the only reason why I was still there was because I was there to basically give Maple Leaf fans dirty look when they beat us. So they'd have to tone down their celebration and also to give a bad description to the cops if somebody threw something at them, you know, unless it was something major and really hurt them. So that's it. So I'd like to thank my mother for teaching me to never leave.

You always stay. You never leave the game until it's over. And we stayed there. And all of a sudden it was four to two, Lucic scored, then it was four to three, four to four, the fucking place was going insane. And I was actually nervous that, you know, in the end of regulation that was given Toronto a time to regroup almost like when you're in a fight, you know, you see a fighter and he's got the guy in the ropes and all of a sudden saved by the bell. I almost felt like it was like that. And I just had this, I had this gnawing feeling that they would have come out and score a quick one. And all that excitement would have been for nothing. But fortunately, Bergeron scored. And I have to tell you, as far as sporting events that I've ever been to,

that one is a close second to, I went to the Super Bowl when the Patriots beat the Rams for our first Super Bowl championship. And it was unbelievable. My condolences to the Leaf fans, man. I think you guys are fucking awesome fans. And I wouldn't wish what happened to you on anybody other than Montreal, Canadian fans for the simple fact that they fucking deserve it. You know, it's funny though. Leaf fans are really hated. They're really hated. I don't know why. I've never understood that. Like how you can like have that level of no championships. I mean, they're, they're going on 46 years, so it's 47 seasons. They're coming up on 50 fucking years, a half a century and not winning shit. And people still hate them. I don't know what,

I don't, you know, I'm going to have to ask some Canadian people what, what the fucking deal is with that? Because I would think that they would hate Montreal fans more, but it seems, I don't know. I was surprised. Maybe they do hate Montreal fans more. I don't know, but I was surprised at the level of hatred, like the emails that I was getting from other Canadians about how much they hate fucking Toronto Leaf Maple Leaf fans. The ones that came to the Fleet Center were cool as hell, you know? And so whatever. So now we're into the next round of the fucking Bruins. Here we go, Bruins. Here we go. That's what it used to be. That after fucking the Rangers won it in 1994 and that let's go Rangers became so iconic. That fucking rhythm took over everything. So now

whenever people go, let's go Bruins. I can never fully give my heart into that fucking, that chant because I'm always thinking that's the Rangers chant. We were always here we go, Bruins. Here we go. They were always let's go Rangers. But like that whole, that whole cadence has taken over everything, which the funniest one is, is Yankee fans because they used to go 1918. And then when that was over, they, for some reason, you needed four syllables. They went, they took a fourth like syllable chant and they try to cram, I mean, elongate the third. They basically, they went from 1918 to Boston sucks, but they kept the same rhythm. So they go Boston sucks. Oh, those fucking hero eating jackasses. Why wouldn't you be like, fuck you, Boston? I mean,

something that fit. You know why? Because they're not that smart. Anyways, but anyway, you know, it was the best thing about fucking being back in Boston because I watched the, I watched a Red Sox game went out to get some pizza and I just walk, I mean, it just was so fucking nice. This is the biggest thing I miss about this living in Massachusetts is just walking into a sports bar or a fucking pizza place. And the game I want to watch is on and everybody in there is for the team that I like. I moved away from Boston in 1995. And it's like I've been behind any being lines here coming up on 20 fucking years and I'm exhausted. I'm like, I've said this before in the podcast. I'm like, I'm like a sports like Donnie Brasco. You know, somebody sent me a fucking

tweet today. They go, Hey, Bill, now that you live in LA, are you a Kings fan now? Or do you still have loyalty to the Bruins? And I, that is, I can't even relate to that fucking question. That's such a dumb question. I don't understand how people, how you root for team your whole fucking life. And then you move somewhere else. You're like, well, I guess I'll root for these guys now. You know, I don't hate the Kings. I mean, they sucked my whole life coming up. So we never ran into them. We always ran to the Edmonton Oilers as far as people out West. They used to fucking kick our ass. So, but even then I didn't hate them. I hated the Canadians. I hated the Sabres. I hated Hadford. The Nordics, I didn't mind for some reason, but that was the Adams

Division back then. So I really didn't like them. I didn't like the Devils. The fucking Islanders were always tough. Islanders were tough. Jesus, they were tough back then in the early 80s. Obviously, they were in the middle of a fucking dynasty. So, um, yeah, I, so the person who asked me that, I don't hate the, uh, I'm not a fan. I'm actually a fan. Like I like the way they play. I like their, their, uh, franchise the same way I like, you know, I'm a fan of like the Devil Rays or something like that. But, uh, until they didn't let people say Devil anymore, you know, like Tampa needed another reason to make fun of you, fun of them. You know what I mean? I think the name are baseball teams too evil. I don't mind the fish part, but the other part I

just, I just don't like. I don't even eat Devils food cake and I love dessert. Um, you know, it reminds me of last night. Oh, big first of all, big thank you to, uh, the mirage casino for having me out there. Um, and everybody who showed up, I had so much fun. The two shows that I did out there and they had me, you know, I took a picture of it and I know you guys are going to shit all over me. You guys always figure out a fucking way to shit all over me, but I don't give a fuck. It's a big moment in my life. So I'm up on one of those main marquees out there. They had a big, stupid fucking red head right up there. You know, it was fucking awesome. I was playing this theater and, um, it was great. It was packed both shows, signed some DVDs, took some pictures,

had a great fucking time. You know, you know what I did? I only gambled once. I bet on the preakness. I came down and I was watching the penguins, um, senator's game, the one where fucking Crosby had the hat trick right out of the gate. And, uh, I'll sit in there with a lawhead, you know, nursing a beer because I had a show that night and I'm watching it. And in front of us, these guys were betting the horses and I got to tell you something. There's no gamblers are funnier than people who bet the fucking horses, man. They are hilarious. They get so fucking into it as they're coming down the home stretch. I stopped watching the hockey game. The hockey game was on the giant one. They're watching it on these little screens and like these fucking degenerate

gambling cubicles and they got their rolled up programs and they're hitting the table. Just go, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, hit him. They literally go with the horse and go, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six, come on, you six. It's just, hit him, hit him, hit him. This fucking guy yelled in the casino, beat that horse. You're going to stand, I'm living out here right in fucking Tinseltown, the most liberal place ever. All right. Peter has a goddamn parade out here every fucking three seconds. So just to hear that beat that horse, I was fucking dying laughing. Even though I love horses and if I ever owned one, my dreams to own a horse and never ride it, you know, keep that fuck up here. I don't ever want

to break it. So it allows me to get on its fucking back. My stupid booze weight sitting on his back as it walks me up a hill. Even though if it wanted to, it could just kick me with its back foot and knock me out forever. There's something sad about that. So anyways, so I go down there the next day with lawhead. So we put money on the preakness. I think I can remember who the fuck I even, one of the horses we bet wasn't in the rate, wasn't in the race from fucking the second it started. And then my other going, I bet was it horse number wasn't three, something with golden and I can't fucking remember was in second place until they came around the clubhouse turn and then that was it. But the fucking place was jam packed and people were going crazy for like a

minute and a half or whatever it is. It's just they go nuts the second they're let out. And then then that dies down and then they're coming around the first turn there's this murmur they go, they go, get on the rail, get on the rail, you know, and then is it coming down the back stretch that fucking shit when they come down and down the stretch they come the place is going fucking crazy. Everybody's screaming. There was this one guy I watched him he lost six races in a fucking row. So and I didn't bet any of the races. This guy was like the, the, the mush in a Bronx tail and I'm looking at, he's the guy who yelled beat that horse, right? So I'm looking at him because I bet the preakness and I see him and his family sitting behind me. He's got this big shitty

grin on his face and I bet I think horse number three and horse number eight and he has got this big shitty grin on his face and he turned around and he looks basically over my head. He looks back at his family and he holds up number seven and he's smiling and nodding. I'm thinking right there. I go, well, that fucking horse isn't winning. He said three or eight. I swear to God, if I had any backbone, I would have tore up my ticket like fucking chess, pulmonary and just go home guys, it's over. So anyway, so let's, let's get on to fucking reading something for this week. I had a really interesting email from somebody. I don't know how to, I really don't know how to, what the hell is this? It's going to be brutal this week because you know what, these guys,

they're finally working on my house and I don't have internet because the room that they did, they fucking yank the thing out of the wall. All right, here we go. Helping an ugly friend. Do you have an ugly friend? Sure, we all do. Here we go. Dear Billion Burr, thanks for doing the podcast. Thank you. What are my good friends is ugly. I'll say it outright. God bless his heart. He's 26, short, disproportionate face. I don't know what that means. Skinny with a gut slowly forming. Oh God, receding hairline. Jesus. And worst of all, he doesn't take care of his teeth. Yeah. Wow. Jesus fucking Christ. All I thought of there was Clint Howard. Over the past couple of years, he's gotten more and more bitter about life. I believe it's due to his insecurity about

his looks and attracting women. He has a great degree, really well paying job, good sense of humor and can talk to the ladies. However, he lacks the killer instinct needed to close the deal, meaning he gets friend zoned with every girl that is possibly interested, which is very few. Well, you're kind of talking out of both sides of your mouth. You're saying he's great with the women, but he just can't close the deal. Why are there only a few women interested in him? What are you going to say? See the first paragraph? We decide to fuck. You basically describe the troll. Myself and close friends have been subtly pushing him to work out, clean his teeth, eat healthy, etc. But he gets very offended whenever we suggest anything. He seems to be

sent on a path of thinking he is going to have to wait until his 40s before women will be desperate enough to ignore his looks and date him for a successful career. This type of attitude is starting to affect his friendships. He's getting bitter and defensive, bitter, defensive and confrontational. Nobody likes an angry troll. They really don't. Okay. If you're going to go the troll route, you know, you gotta be at the very least affable, you know, working your way towards jolly, I would think. Maybe you could put on a silly hat, build some toys. I don't know. As his friend, how can I help him get off this path and boost his confidence to get that killer instinct and confidence that the ladies love even if you're, even if you're ugly. Thanks for the

advice and go fuck yourself. PS shout out to the beautiful city of Boston. I was there last year for a hockey tournament and can't wait to go back PSS. Fuck your ruins. I've lost two years of my life due to the stress of the Maple Leaf series. Jesus. I must have sent that before it was over. All right. So what do you say to this guy? Oh, wow. Well, I don't know him, but at some point you're just going to have to fucking lay it on the line and say it to him and say like, look, you know something you're just like me. All right. You want to have fun. You want to go. So your notes as they say, and then you want to find love and get married and start a family. Correct.

You know, you got to brush your fucking teeth. I don't know how to, how do you go into it slowly like this is no matter how you come at it. When somebody's defensive, there's no way to come at them without burning up in the atmosphere of their fucking bitterness during reentry. How do you do it? I would wait till the next time he says something bitter and or defensive or something like that and just look at him and be like, listen, dude, you're your own worst enemy. All right. Life is a horse race and you're shooting yours in the back of the head before the fucking gate even opens. Then you're walking around the track with mud on your shoes. You know, wondering why I don't know why you're fucking some other horse racing thing that I don't know shit about.

I picked the wrong metaphor. You know what I mean? Just wait till he's being a cunt. I remember one time I knew this guy was just negative as fucking hell. And you'd say, hey, you know something? If you keep doing this, maybe this will happen. And then he always be like, yeah, you know, with my luck, the fucking piano fall on my head. And I got sick of it. And then finally I'd be like, yeah, you know, well, you know, if you think that way, that's probably going to happen. I only said it one time and he never talked that way again. He's still negative, but I didn't have to deal with that shit. I don't know what to do with this guy like you might you might have to fucking channel Patrice O'Neill.

God rest his soul. Patrice O'Neill would have sat this dude down and would have said N word. What the fuck are you doing? Look at yourself. You know, you got a fucked up face. You're losing your goddamn hair at the very least brush your fucking teeth. Get some fucking better clothes. What's wrong? I can't do I can't do it. He would have done. He would have been able to do it. He would have hurt the guy's feelings so bad while helping him to become a better person at the same time. You might you're going to have to come up with your own fucking version of that. You know, I don't know what do you do when somebody just stops brushing their teeth. You just tapping out on humanity.

And you're saying he's smart. He has a degree. He's not one of those. He's anything worse than somebody really smart with bad fucking hygiene. You know, those people that they're so fucking smart, they, you know, but they show up. They got like sleep in their eye. Oh God. Dude, bad teeth is a goddamn deal breaker. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. You know what's funny? I'm disgusted with this guy. Don't you don't you don't get me fighting you? You just going to quit? Fucking asshole. I was born with orange hair. Did I quit?

I got great teeth. Did I ever stop brushing? No, I didn't. I got second and third degree burns when I went out in the sun. You know, then I stopped flossing. I didn't quit fucking moping around you ugly motherfucker. You get yourself some scope and listerine and a fucking scrub brush. You go to a goddamn dentist. You get your fucking teeth clean. All right. When you hit on a woman, you stay on it. You keep those plates spitted. Always have a condom. Always be ready. What time is it? Right? Do something like that. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. That fucking is nothing that annoys me more than

watching somebody just quit. Tell him that. Tell him stop being such a fucking baby. He's fucking eight year old. Sewing together his goddamn shirts. He's probably toddlers making the toothbrushes that he's not even using. Oh, poor fucking baby. You know, you don't look like John Davidson. Who gives a fuck? Brush your teeth. Shave your fucking head down. All right. Go to the gym. Give yourself a fighting chance. Stop treating yourself like you're the pirates. You know, running yourself like the fucking pirates do. What did I do to this goddamn thing? All right. Sorry, man. I just, something really fucking gets me about people who do that shit, who just fucking quit.

It's nothing worse than that. Unless you really just truly suck at something. Like, you know, like you guys here, I sing. I'm terrible, but it's funny because it's the podcast, but if I was actually trying to sing professionally, that's one thing you really should quit and fucking do something else for just, just for your fellow man, you know? But you just, just a, just a quit. You're just going to quit. I'm legitimately disgusted with that person I never met before. I don't know what to tell you. What an asshole. Fuck and he gets bitter. You know what that reminds me of some reason? There was one time I was doing a show and there was somebody in the front row that was mentally

challenged. So there's no way I'm fucking with this guy. And then I get on stage and the kids are cunt. He starts fucking heckling me, you know? And every time I don't say anything back, he gets a little more fucking confident. And then finally I was just like, you know what? I came in with the fuck I said to him, the crowd pulled back and I'm like, you know what? Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. They're just like everybody else. Okay? Some of them are cunts and this is a great example. So fuck you, buddy. I kind of kept it at that. It was really a fight. Oh man, I thought that guy fucking annoyed me. I was doing some hell gig the first time I lived out here in LA. I'm standing at some fucking Mexican restaurant. I'm getting fucking heckled

by this kid. All right? I mean, you know what I'm doing living in LA. I'm going through that fucking bullshit. But you know what? I didn't quit. I brushed my teeth before that fucking show. Dude, when you, when you just don't brush your teeth, you just tapped out. You're just saying, fuck it. Why won't this, wait a minute. Why won't this thing fucking load? Ah, Jesus Christ. You know, you guys hear me battling this shit every week. Do I fucking quit this? Loading. How do I make it go back? Oh, I was doing so well and all I had to do was read a couple more and I was done. What if I shut it off and then I turn it back on again? What happened?

Ah, Jesus Christ. I swear to God. How do these things make your fucking life easier? Can somebody please explain it to me how it makes it easier? Oh, sure. It's easier to go shopping or find out, you know, what your fucking neighbor jerks off to. But other than that, how does it make your fucking life easier for someone like me? Hey, Nia. Nia. I know she hears me and that's the thing that slowly kills you in a relationship. I know she fucking hears me and I know she hears the panic in my fucking voice and I know she knows that I need her and she just got, I got to hit pause. God, fucking damn it. Hang on a second. Every fucking week.

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or they can connect you to an attorney but they are not a law firm. Don't forget to use that referral code BRR. All right, there we go. Back to the podcast. All right, experience with the threesome. All right, firstly, congrats on the podcast. Anyways, in a recent podcast you mentioned a guy who wants to bang another chick in front of his wife. Then you asked if someone's got some good stories. No, no, no, she wanted him to do it. Oh, by the way, somebody else gave me a great insight to that which was that his wife or girlfriend did the same thing. Said she wanted to see him have sex with another woman and it turned out that she was trying to lessen her guilt because she already fucked around on him. So, you know, it's a tango web being weaved here.

Now, the pussy is after countless efforts of hitting on this, after countless efforts of hitting on this chick in my class, I found out that she was engaged so I gave it a rest. Not long after, she started hinting sexual stuff all the time, getting a little too comfortable with the touching. I bet a moron was shit like this and fucked myself over to bang some random chick who turns out to be a psycho at least a couple of times. Oh, so you're sitting there going, I think this girl's giving me sexual vibes but I don't want to be an idiot and shit where I eat. Is that what you're saying? Well, you're not here to tell me either way so that's what I'm going to think. So anyways, he goes, I started to question her about her man and what she really

wants if she's just being a tease. She said she suggested to her fiance to have a threesome with another chick from class. Now she wants the two dude type of deal, tag teaming, double penetration of whatever else you want to call it. Dude, right there, that's not your wife. Okay, that is a free fucking spirit. Okay, you bang her and then you hand her backpack and you let her continue walking down the road with that little saucepan clink clink clink the pots and pans clinking off the back. Anyways, he goes, I can't say it was comfortable. So I had to lay some ground rules, no eye contact between the guys, no sword crossing, et cetera, et cetera. Dude, I got to tell you something that what is in it for the as a guy to have a fucking two on one

with another dude, although I know, I know one guy who I actually understood it because they would be doing the rotisserie with some girl and they would well, you know, she can't look at them obviously because she's busy. And what they would do is they would try to make each other laugh. Now, to me that that that's fucking hilarious. And unless you're the woman, you never want to hear somebody just go in the middle of fucking having sex with you, I guess. Are you laughing at my ass? About a week later, let's get back to the thing here. About a week later, chick invited me to the house. I'm sorry, I'm having more trouble than usual reading this.

I keep touching this fucking tablet thing here and shit just keeps popping up. I don't know how to get rid of it. All right, I think we're back to normal here. So he goes about a week later, the chick invited me to the house to prepare a presentation and asked the dude if he was okay with everything that happened. He said, well, she let me have it with another chick. So it's totally fair. Oh, okay. So you guys haven't done it yet. So did you guys come in there and dressed in like power suits with like a fucking little briefcases? He's sitting at the end of a long table, you know, with his elbows on the table

and all fingertips touching each other. And how do you plan to make my dick some money this week? Anyways, he goes, so I asked if he was okay with it. His eyes started getting all watery and face got red and that vein in the forehead starts popping. He says it fucks him up every time he thinks about it, but it also turned him on to a whole different level. I asked whether he still want to be married to her. He said he doesn't know and excused himself. I asked what her vision behind this whole shit was and apparently she takes pleasure to see him jealous and can't do anything about it. She likes the whole watching him, watching her being fucked by a man or a woman. She doesn't want to hurt him.

So she lets him in on the action, but she loves this swinging type of shit a lot more. Oh my God. So wait a minute. So you did it. Right? Dude, you're writing, you're leaving out words here and you're making a dumb guy sound even worse here. Let me go back. About a week later, a chick invited me to the house to prepare a presentation and I asked to do it if he was okay with everything that happened. All my fault. I read it wrong or I wasn't listening to my as I was talking because I was so nervous about fucking up the next sentence. Oh my God. Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you that you went back?

You know, like you're doing some follow-up survey. This whole thing is weird. So when he goes, well, let's just say things were awesome in my shoes, but I felt a little bad that they broke up. Dude, you know what you did? You just saved a fucking soul. The soul that the two of them were going to fucking make. Okay. That soul will go into a fucking different person. I don't, I don't know how it works. I'm not a religious guy, but yeah, you just stopped a kid from being brought into the world by, uh, by a couple of fucking people who need to go to therapy. I think I get some judging. I don't know what those aren't parents. Anyways, funny thing is he still goes over to fucker and another partner. Sometimes even another couple partners swapping

thing, basically swing or fuck buddies. Oh yeah. Well, he opened Pandora's box. Now, no pun intended. Now it's no biggie to him. He goes, I wouldn't call them freaks. There are some people, but this type of shit doesn't usually work out for the best in relationships, let alone a marriage. Excuse my bad grammar and poor descriptive skills. Well, you know what? You should have started your email with that. So everyone wouldn't think that it was me. Wow, man. I've never been involved in any, any shit like that. I never had a threesome or anything. I think I could have had two. I'd said this before. One of them, I was so young and stupid. I was actually annoyed with the other girl going, why won't she fucking leave so I can bang her friend? You know, I didn't get that she was

lingering around. That one kills me because they were both fucking great looking. And then the other one was, was a layup, but one was fucking gorgeous. And the other one looked like a goddamn refrigerator. She was like fucking six, two, one of those rich people refrigerators. You know what I mean? That's just built into the fucking wall. That's what she looked like. And it's just like, I, you know, I wouldn't need one of those like some rock climbing shit to fucking handle that one. So I gracefully bowed out of that. Yeah, that's, that's an entire, let me ask you this, sir. Do you live in Atlanta? I always get that fucking freak vibe in Atlanta. Anyways, here we go. Philosophy workshop. I'm doing a philosophy workshop this summer called rape jokes and other effects. Dude,

what is with all this fucking babbling about rape jokes? I swear to fucking Christ, I go to comedy clubs all the time. Like you're making it seem like every five seconds, somebody talks about it. You know, he's fucking idiot bloggers, blogging about what kind of fucking jokes. You don't understand how fucking dumb that is. That's like if you played guitar and you start blogging about what chords people should and shouldn't use. Good fucking. It's, it's, it's not even frustrating. It's just, it's bizarre. It's really bizarre. And I've yet to see anybody, I don't know, anybody that's kind of doing anything or who's considered funny. That's really going around telling people what they should talk about. I would, why don't you work on your own act?

You know, if you don't like rape jokes, don't do any, I don't like country music. I would never say don't do fucking country music. It's bizarre. No fucking, it's the whole thing is just fucking, I'm going to stop talking about this because I'm just going to add fuel to the fire. Let's just blow through these dumb questions here. Can people be inappropriately offended? If so, how do we draw the line between a pro? This is so fucking stupid. Don't go to a comedy club. Oh my God, I went to the pool and I got wet. Is there a way to make the pool drier? How wet is too wet? Is being offended a moral response? If what kind of response? If you're morally wrong, someone, it's appropriate for you to feel guilt. Who is, is this one of these

bloggers who wrote this? I find that whole thing unbelievably childish and silly. I'm not even going to give even a fucking time of day. What about chickens? What about the chickens who died and you're talking about eating a chicken BLT? Anyways, plowing ahead here. Met girl last week of school. Hey Bill, this past weekend I made out with this girl I've been talking to at school. Since then we've been talking nonstop and I really like her and I think she likes me. Oh, isn't this nice? But in a little more than a week, we will both be graduating. She lives in Philly and I live right outside of New York. Well, you can kiss that pussy goodbye. Sorry, that was me. All right, she's really cool and different than all the other girls at school. I'm just wondering

what you think I should do. This upcoming week is senior, is senior week. You know what? I shouldn't have said that. You actually like this girl. I apologize. I'm an idiot. This up, I'm going to treat it with respect for the rest of this, for the rest of this fucking email. This upcoming week is senior week, a week full of drinking and nonstop partying until graduation. I know we're going to be hanging out all week and I just want to get your thoughts on what I should do after graduation. I really like her. She's pretty smart and is into a lot of the same stuff I am. Anywho, thanks for everything. Big fan of you and the podcast and I just watched stand up guys hilarious. Oh, thank you. That sound you make when you get shot made me laugh so hard. Yeah, got shot in the

head. You're not going to make a graceful noise. All right, where are we going here? What do we do here? You know what, sir? You're at that time in your life where you have to figure this shit out. You can't ask someone as old and as jaded as me because you heard what I said right out of the gate. It was fucking insensitive and it was mean and it had nothing to do with you or the wonderful woman that you're dating. It had to do with me and the train wreck of my fucking dating career. All right, so there's your lesson. Here's your lesson, something that I learned. Tom Papa taught me this one. Anytime he said, anytime I make a big decision in my life and I tell people about it, I realize that most of the

time their reaction has nothing to do with what I'm doing. It has everything to do with them. So I say, look, if you like this girl, the long-distance thing is really hard. You guys are both going to different colleges. I mean, it's like a fucking nightclub and just all these single people. You're never going to be in a greater nightclub than college and it's just a shame that when you're going through it, you don't realize it. It's just you have the pick of the litter. But the problem is you want all these experiences. You're just getting out from underneath your parents and they should really have college like when you're 25, 26 and just make it illegal to get married until then. You just kind of have a good time,

figure out what the fuck you want. Then you go to college and you got this. You have pick of all these fucking people, maybe not 26 by then. You're a little bit, I don't know. It's just everybody kind of in the prime of their life before they get jaded and that type of shit. So you know what I would do, sir? I would follow your heart. That's my advice and I wouldn't listen to old grizzled asshole like myself. All right. Good luck to you. I hope it all works out. Yeah, you follow your heart. You'll never be wrong. You can still get hurt, but you're not wrong because everybody hurts. Sorry. Wife is getting heavy. Oh, Jesus. Dear Bill Doe. I didn't get that at first. Shit, I didn't get that. That's fucking hilarious. I read it and it didn't make

sense till it came out of my mind. I saw Doe, DOE like Doe. I was like, what is he calling me a fucking bambi or something? I didn't get it. Oh my God. That's fucking funny. Love the podcast you're staying up. You're the best guest on Rogan. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm a 26 year old fella from Maine due to tie the knot in October with my lady of seven years and we have a great relationship and are very happy. Well, congratulations, sir. You've hit the lottery. You're living in God's country. You know, you got yourself a great woman. You got a great start here. Where is the left term coming, everybody? Let's continue reading. She's smart and didn't take shit from no one. She has stuck with me, supported me through my oxy, caught in addiction, of course.

Fucking Maine. You know what? I was going to do, I had a small part in a movie. I was going to do something called Blue Potato last September and it didn't, the dates didn't end up working out and it was all about the oxy problem up there in Maine. So look for that movie because the fucking script was great. There you go. There's a little inside Hollywood shit. All right. Here we go. She helped me get through my through, helped me get throughout when my mom died. All right. This guy did some oxy and when he was doing the oxy, he did not take a spelling class. All right. Let's back up here. Help me get through when my mom died. She has stuck with me and helped me raise and support my niece from the time she was born till present. Oh yeah. This girl's a champ. My niece is now almost

four and now helping me support. You jump it back and forth here, sir. So now there's wonderful woman. I'm going to help you out here. So now helping me support my father who can't work due to him dying with multiple melanoma, marrow cancer, bone marrow cancer. Jesus Christ. Not melanoma. My loma, bone cancer. I don't know how to read that word, sir. Oh Jesus. Bill, just get to the end of this fucking thing so we can all stop staring awkwardly down at our pen and pencil set. Okay guys, here we go. All of this while holding a full-time job and going to college to be a psychological nurse. Psychological nurse. Okay. Bill, she is an angel and I don't know what I would do without her, but I have one little problem. Over the last few years,

she's been putting on the pounds. She loves to eat. I, dude, I read in the beginning of this, wife is getting heavy and I'm like, where's the lifter? I have the memory of a fucking aunt. Jesus Christ, Bill. Stop talking on the cell phone. Anyways, she's been putting on the pounds. She loves to eat. I guess she stresses out with everything, but she's gained a lot of weight in the last three years. I'm talking at least 80 pounds. No, you can't have that. Can't have that. 80 pounds. I mean, she's almost morbidly obese. 100 pounds is like morbidly obese. 30 pounds is obese. So she's going to fucking die. Anyways, he got to the point where she almost weighed more than me and I'm not a small guy. Six feet, 240, but in shape for the most part. I've got at least

five inches height on her and only weighed 10 to 15 pounds more than her. I'm not, it's not making me not want to tie the knot with her, but if we're going to do it for the long haul, I don't want her to have a heart attack at the age of 40. How do I bring this up? Because as all men know, you don't bring up a woman's weight. Help me, dollar, dollar bills. All right. I'll tell you, this is how you do it. You need to lose some weight, right? All right. How do you do this? What you got to do is you bring her in the fold by talking about your own shortcomings with you, you, you know, whatever weight problem you have, because what are you, you're six feet, 240, you know, dude, you could stand to lose a good 25, 30 yourself, you know, get down to that two 15,

two 10, you know, you guys are getting married. Just say, you know what, let's fucking, you know, watch one of those late night things and just get her into it. You know what? This is what you do first. I got it. This is what I would do with her. You got all your, you're living up there in Maine. It's absolutely gorgeous. Just say you want to take her on a picnic. She likes food. All right. Well, you don't say this is going to be a mile long hike. And when she opens the picnic basket, you got Brussels sprouts in there, right? No, you can't do it like that. But I would start enjoying the outdoors more. And I would get into some activities. And what I would do is just slowly, if you guys are living together, just start introducing healthier fucking foods

into the fridge and the cabinets and toss another shit. And just see how that works. And if she calls you on it, you just got to come clean. Just say, honey, I love you to death. You're the one of my dreams. I want to marry you. And the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. And I just don't know how to bring up that I'm concerned that I'm going to lose you. And she'll be like, what are you talking about? And if you just bring it up with the fact that you're concerned that you're going to lose her someday and you bring it into the weight thing. And then when she cries or whatever, blah, blah, hold her, tell her you love her and just say, listen, I got to lose some weight too. You help me through the oxy thing. All right.

To the point I'm kind of punchy right now. Let's, let's get our weight down for these kids we don't have yet. You know, just do that. Try that. I'll see, see how that fuck it works. And if it blows up in your face, I apologize. But I got to tell you that, that, that hiking takes a little sneaky. You know, start going for walks. If you hold your at their hand, they don't notice that they're hiking. You know, that's what you do. Hold her hand, hand, hold her hand and then have, have a guitar that you fucking acoustic guitar. You got to throw it around your back like you're going to serenade it. It should just be so blown away. She won't notice that you walk three miles up a mountain. You know, and then when you get up there, you just sing that the bear went over the

mouth and all that he could see. I'm sorry. Girlfriend going to Vegas alone. Oh God. Oh, as Joda Rosa says, you hate to see it. Oh, you hate to see it. I got to have him. I'm going to be going on to New York next week. I should have him on the podcast next week. I should really do that. I'm going to reach out to Joe. You know, I'm actually going to reach out to his people and see if they can get in touch with Joe. He's just finishing the European leg of his latest, uh, his latest CD. Smash it. What was it called? Something personal, I believe is what he put it out as. Anyways, my girlfriend of two years and I have a great relationship. We're in our thirties and get along better than anyone I've dated before.

I have no complaints. You guys always start this shit. Like guys go is just like a fucking lover. She's fucking great, but you know, she has a dick. All right. He goes, I have no complaint with the way things are going. Neither of us are looking at marriage in the future. She's divorced and doesn't want to try again. And I've never intended to get married. Well, then what, you guys, you're fuck buddies. He goes, we just enjoy each other's company and I couldn't be happy with her. Here's the thing. She still gets the urge to go out and dance to blow off some steam sometime, but I avoid it. It's not that I don't know how to dance, but let's just say that I partied my way through college and immersing myself in that scene again only gets me into trouble with those

mood enhancing substances. She's got a great job and unlike me can afford to go on a little vacation. She picked Vegas and no, I'm not the least bit worried about her banging some other dude. She's into the ladies. Oh, she is. And as an unwavering per and as my unwavering permission to go out and have her fun with them, as long as she's safe about it, a threesome has always been on the table in the past, but I honestly think I'd opt out just so we don't have the potential for angelicy to show its face in our relationship. That's, that's a smart move. Watching is good enough for me. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I have no issues with her going, but I'm worried that I'm not fulfilled, fulfilling her need to go out and party. That's what I was going to say.

I was actually going to suggest that he said, let me go back here. I'm not fulfilling your need to go out and party at the club every so often and don't want it to build into a serious problem. She doesn't go clubbing on the regular. This is her first time doing anything like this since we started dating. Do I need to grow the fuck up with my past behind me and start taking my lady out to the club or I just let her keep going out on her own. I think it's perfectly normal for two people in a relationship to have activities that they do on their own. I'm into outdoor sports and she's into going dancing. We both need our adrenaline source outside of our great sex life together. She says she's not planning on hooking up with a lady

while she's out there and I wouldn't care either way, but I am setting myself up for failure in the future, not taking her out myself or do I just let her go and let her have her fun? I would tell her what you told me. Just say, listen, I did the party scene in college. No, start with saying like, listen, I'm worried that because I don't take you out dancing, eventually that's going to lead to X, Y and Z. And I have to tell you that the reason why I take you out is not because the reason I don't take you out is not because I don't want to take you out. It's because I did the college partying scene and I'm worried that if I go into that scene again, I'm going to get in trouble with, you know, whatever drugs you are using, you know,

so much of this relationship shit is just fucking taking a deep breath and just saying it, you know, saying why you're doing whatever the fuck it is that you're doing. And, you know, you can't fuck with honesty. I mean, you can be upset by it. I want to fuck your friend there. It's out there. All right, here we go. Third break. Oh my god, I want 15 minutes. You guys got your money's worth, huh? Here we go. Personal capital, everybody. Two things suck about managing your money. It's hard to keep track of. You got stocks, bonds, 401k, IRA, bank accounts, et cetera, all on different sites with their own username and password. They literally just described my financial situation and every month I get like

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fucking guys, what do they do? They lost two, two in a row to the Blues, then came back, won the last four. They won the first two against the Sharks and then the Sharks won it over time. But that's my dark horse out west for taking out the, you know, the winner of the Blackhawks, Red Wings. Obviously, the favorite is the Blackhawks. The Kings are a very, very dangerous team. And I'm obviously loving how the Bruins are playing, but I gotta tell you the Penguins have so much talent, but the goal tending is shaky. That's their Achilles heel there. You know, you know why they still have Achilles heel because Matt Cook plays for them. So he didn't slice it off with his skate accidentally. Oh, by the way, Phil Jackson, I got a gloat here,

a little gloating moment at the end of the podcast. Phil Jackson wrote a book and had some interesting things to say about Kobe. So I just want to ask Laker fans, is he also a hater? He won five championships with that guy, you know, and if you read between the lines of what Phil Jackson writes in his book about Kobe, all right, you'll basically have exactly what the fuck I've been saying. All right. So there you go. I fucking called it, just like Paul Verzi. That's it. That's the podcast for this week. Once again, thank you to everybody who came out to the Mirage Casino and thank you to the Mirage Casino and everybody out in Vegas. That really was a dream come true. And to perform at such a legendary casino and have

all those people come out and got treated like a fucking king there. And we're actually hoping that that's going to be my home base. And I can come out there because of the turnover because every day, I don't know, 100,000, 200,000 people leave, 200,000 come in. I'm really hoping that that can become my home away from home. That's what we're going to be working towards. So that is it for the podcast. As always, amazon.com banner on if you want to donate to this podcast, you just go to billbird.com, click on the podcast page and just click on the Amazon banner and brings you right to Amazon or whatever you buy. They kick me a portion. It doesn't cost you any money. They kick me a little juice. I take part of that and I throw it to the Wounded Warriors

project. So you support me and you support all the heroes who've come back for fighting these wars here. And last but not least, we have the download of my latest special. You people are all the same digital or if you want a hard copy DVD, you can get them right off billbird.com. That's it. I hope you guys have a great week. Go fuck yourselves. And also, now that the show is over, also, go set up your free trial of evoist so you can start making more money. Go to evoist.com and use your promo code bill. That's evoist.com promo code bill or just go to the podcast page on billbird.com and click the evoist banner right now. Ladies and gentlemen, now that the show is over, go sign up for your free account with personal capital so you can see all of your assets on

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