Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-23-21

Episode Date: May 24, 2021

Bill rambles about art, 70's flicks, and ketamine.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, May 24th. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? How are you? How are you? It's fucking hilarious. My producer was telling me, like, Jesus Christ, Bill, what the fuck did you talk about in the last podcast? Everybody's coming at me. Oh, shit. Oh, fucking Billy fucking bummed out the last podcast and everybody fucking attacks fucking Andrew. Leave the guy alone. All right. He's not the reason for any of my bullshit. I'm going, this is all good shit. I'm working my way through the catacombs. You know, I'm going to have good days and bad days, right? Everybody fucking relax. Okay. I like this

shit. I like how every time you do anything that people reach out, just to know you can fucking call somebody. I'm so fucked up. Those messages make me angry. I know it's not you. It's me. But anyway, I appreciate the concern. I'm fine. All right. I'm not going to off myself. I'm just fucking going through some depressing shit. I got kids. I'm not going to off myself. All right. The fucking Bruins are looking great. They're up three games to one. I'm not. Yeah, everything's fine. All right. I just got some bullshit. I need to fucking clean out of the attic there so I can stop fucking, you know, being a douche to people that I love around me, you know, and the cycle. You get a car and you get

a car trying to do some Oprah shit here. Anyway, anyway, I've been only shut off my phone here. If you guys are into the real housewives, which somehow I'm finally into, which has really been a great thing for me and my wife, I'm actually, I just fucking watch it now. And I've given in and I just make fun of them. And it's the one show where I can talk and just interrupt and my wife doesn't give a fuck because there's really nothing to follow. And because of that, I've now been listening to this podcast called Guess What Crappens Now or whatever it's making fun of the it does the review of the Andy Cohen show when he gets them all together, which is like Sports Center for the for the real housewives and

he gets them all going again. And I just been listening to that podcast and I can't get those fucking impressions. I don't even know what women they're imitating, but they're fucking hilarious. And one of them does this incredible Andy Cohen impression. I don't know. Somehow, yeah, I'm trying to, I don't know, I got sucked into all of that. I just I fucking just gave in. I gave in. And, you know, sometimes, you know, in a relationship, if you just give up sometimes, if you just give up in certain areas, it's fine. It is okay. You don't have to always win, you know, but it is nice to win sometimes, you know, which is something that, you know, a lot of these bruds are not in touch with, you know, because if you're

going to fucking win on some point, it's like, okay, I guess we'll do that then. And then you got to deal with their fucking mood. It's like that's you're not you're not coming along for the ride here. No, what? I'm just sitting here. Don't do that passive aggressive shit. Why are you yelling? You yes, let me I want to go home. That's how that used to go down. So what you do now, what you got to do is you have to be like, Okay, so my options are basically do what you want. Let me finish. Do what you want to do. Or we actually get to do what I want to do. But you're going to pout the whole time. I'm not going to pout. Look at your face. Come on, you got a little fucking reverse selfie camera there. Take a picture of your

face right now. Tell me that's not pouting right now. You know, you look like that dog nobody picked down at the pound. Alright, so yeah, I can't even get into the silly one we had yesterday. They're all silly fights after a while. I miss having her on the podcast, but you know, we got the kids now. So it's like when I do the podcast, she has to watch the kids. So one of these days, I'm going to have somebody over here watching the kids and I'll get her back on the podcast because I am presenting way too much of a one sided look at my life. But anyway, yesterday, Saturday, because the pandemic, I didn't have any shows or anything. So I just hang with my wife. And we went out got a baby set up. And we went out and I went to an art

show, which is something I would never do back in the day. Like I was so homophobic, I couldn't even go to an art show. It's like painting. So it's not guys fucking beating each other up and being all sweaty, rolling all over each other. I'm not going to this. This is too gay. Right. It's fucking hilarious. Then you see what I'm watching. It's like, I don't know, Bill. I think looking at a painting, you might have some tendencies there, Bill. You keep watching all these fucking you're like wrestling, Bill. These guys walking around, oiled up shirtless, flexing their pecs. But you know, that was that was it. It was a different time. So so anyway, so I skip into this gallery yesterday, totally confident in my sexuality with my wife. And so the second time I've done that,

and I have thoroughly enjoyed it both times. It's it's it's a completely different mix of people. And the two times that she has taken me to these events is they're actually paintings of stuff I recognize. In other words, it's stuff from this dimension, where like, you know, I don't like that shit where it just looked like somebody had a temper tantrum and there was paint close by. I do get it a little bit looking at a canvas. And if there's colors that I like that make give me a happy mood feeling, I guess. But it's like, I ain't paying fucking, you know, I wouldn't buy one of those things. I'm just saying, if I was gone, it's like, dude, you just fucking vomit it all over this canvas. And you want how much for this shit?

Fuck out of here. It's looks like a casino rug. Which by the way, I learned that the reason why they have those super colorful, crazy patterns on the casino rugs is because people was spilling drinks and yakking and doing all kinds of shit dropping their cracked fucking rocks on it. It all sort of blends in. It's a way to keep it not looking so drab and shabby or whatever. So anyway, so we went to this thing and got to give a shout out. I want to make sure I'm saying the right people. I think they were the Perez brothers. They had this fucking sick painting of, you know, the low riders with the hydraulics and the guy stand next to the car. It's like they're holding a Game Boy, whatever the fuck that is. They drew

a picture of two of those cars with, you know, two of the guys doing it with the sick fucking paint jobs. And then a bunch of people stand around watching it. And then everything else, there was nothing else there. Everything else was just a white background. Let me see here. The Perez brothers. Fuck, come on, Bill. I picked the wrong Latino name. Here we go. No, wait a minute. I followed them on Instagram. God damn it. Did I say the wrong name? No, I found them. The Perez bros, B-R-O-S. They have, they make these like these paintings. This is like something I look at and I like, I like that shit. So I mean, I didn't think that I was going to go into that gallery yesterday and see, you know,

a painting of cars, custom cars and stuff. So anyway, we did that. We had a great time. My wife's over the moon that I'm actually doing this stuff and I'm actually into it. And then, all right, we got to, I'm back people. I just had to cut something out because I would, my wife would have fucking killed me if I, anyway. What was I going to say? So anyway, after the fucking, the, the gallery, you know, and I thought it was going to be like a bunch of people walking around with those big black, black frame glasses, you know, you know, a bunch of weirdos and stuff and it wasn't, it was a really cool mix of people. So after I go, all right, how about, you know, how about a little meat thing here? We'll go down

to a cigar bar because I made the mistake of smoking one last week. So now I'm kind of back on them. And I went down and I smoked a cigar and I got to tell you, I didn't enjoy it. I enjoyed the cigar, but I didn't enjoy being back into that world. And I've decided I'm not smoking again until my buddy comes out here in like June. And then the next time I'll smoke after that is once in July when I'm in Vegas. And then, I don't know, if I go to like a football game in the fall, I really just want them to be like last week when I smoked one, I hadn't smoked in three, four months. Bobby Kelly was in town. We went over to a buddy's house. He made this unbelievable steak. And like, that's the way you do it. You don't just do it because you smoked it. Now you

got the craving. Then it's just, then you just a fiend. And I don't want to do that. So I'm back off them again. Yeah, for a while or whatever. I don't know. I'm trying to learn how to do shit in moderation, basically. So anyway, so we went there and I smoked it and I was just like, I enjoyed it, but I was just like, ah, fuck, now I'm doing this again. So that was sort of a, you know, people, they were cool though. I love cigar peoples. And the cigar was delicious, but I just felt like, ah, fuck, why did I do that? I had my second one too close to the last time. So now it's going to get its hooks in me again. So now I just got a white knuckle it for the rest of fucking, you know, the next couple, two, three weeks, and then towards the end of next month

or whatever, I'll have one and I'll be all right. That's all I plan on doing. So then we ended up, I needed a new hoodie and I'm trying to find a fucking hoodie. They're not making hoodies anymore. Everything's all about the pullovers and all of that shit. And then I finally ended up finding one and I liked everything about it, except the people that made it had their name on the right shoulder, like right where you'd have like a tattoo. And I didn't like it because it kind of made it look like I worked for them. So I came home and I was able to remove it and, and I'm psyched. That's all in you. I just need a nice fucking hoodie because all my hoodies were getting fucking worn out. And I was kind of coming

down to the point where the only one I really had was that was still in decent shape was one from the Jimmy Kimmel show. And you can't walk around outside your house wearing a TV credit or else you look like a douche, like, Oh, look at me. I'm in show business, right? Which speaking of which, and I want, I want you guys to find, I think I was in a porno. I've really thought about what I was talking about the other day. I think I'm in the opening, the cold open to a porno. All right. And I want you guys to find it. Here's the deal. I was driving my car up on Mulholland. I'm telling the story again in case you missed the last episode. And I came around the corner and there was two chicks wearing next to nothing

oiled up walking a dog down the street. I mean, they were basically naked, right? And I was like, what the fuck? I immediately thought it was like a prank show. And the more I thought it, I was like that they was stealing a shot. Stealing a shot means you don't have a permit to shoot. So they probably just pulled up and said, okay, you know, we're going to do like a drone thing or something or they have somebody was shooting it from somewhere. And they just had him walking down the street. So if you see a porno and it starts off, it was a black chick and either a Latin Latin chick or an Italian chick or something like that. And I'm on the same side of the street. It's a green jaguar. And if you see some bald freckled

guy like, oh, God, like what the fuck is that? That's me. And I want credit that I'm in that fucking video. So there you go. See now back in the day, you know, there was a thing where I don't know if it ever worked, but you always heard these stories of how these beautiful women got discovered. Like, you know, this or like even like guys, like I remember that kid from the Terminator, we saw him in a mall, casting director saw him in a mall, we're like, oh, let's make this person famous. And you know, possibly fuck up their lives, you know, their lives, right? And there was always these stories about like, I wasn't even in show business, I was just pretty and they noticed me, right? So people were like, you know, it's not the way it is now

where the Kardashians showed you what you have to do is fucking blow somebody on camera. And then you'll be a billionaire, right? That that option didn't exist back then. All right, you were either a commercial actor, a TV actor, a movie star, or you were in porn. You couldn't just jump all around like these free agents in the fucking NBA going, where's the best deal for me? Right? So there was this thing out here, where women would go dress hot, because they knew that fucking agents were down there and managers and shit, right? And then the managers would go down there, dude, you gotta go down there. There's a bunch of hot chicks, right? And they would go down there. And then there was that weird dance, right? The weird dance, like I want to rep you slash fuck you.

I want to be represented, but I don't want to fuck you. There was this whole fucking game that was going on. So back in the day, if I saw that, like when I lived out here in the 90s, I would have been like, if I saw that, I would be like, Oh, were they going extra hard trying to get a fucking agent or a manager? But now it's like, well, they could just do that on Instagram from the safety of their own home, start their own brand and not have a manager or an agent and just be like, you know, like, Oh, here's my titties. You like these? Yeah, you're fucking like them. You know, whatever the fuck they do and make fucking a whole bunch of money and become like an influencer, right? There's no reason to do that anymore. Unless they didn't pay their cable bill,

but even though there's a cell phone bill, I don't know. I'm convinced it was a porno. I have no idea. And I'm still also, I watched, I owe Dirty Harry, the movie Dirty Harry, an apology, because I lumped it in to all of those, those fucking movies that would rip off, I probably have Dirty Harry, where they were basically doing the white cop goes into the not white neighborhood, because he's going to clean it up and never address that that neighborhood is like that because of the oppression of white people. Dirty Harry is not that movie. It's a fucking great movie. And it doesn't even have the, I don't feel it even has that element in there. So I wanted to correct what the fuck I said, I watched the rest of Dirty Harry. And I

got to tell you, man, that fucking scene where he's standing on the bridge, and then the bus comes underneath, which by the way, he did that fucking stunt, it's just, it's fucking, I don't know how he knew to stand on that bridge, but it was fucking, it's fucking, it's such a fucking badass shot. No, that piece of shit, he's in the bus. Oh my God, and he slaps that fat kid. The kid's crying and shit. That fucking, the look on that actor's face when he sees Dirty Harry up in the bridge, it's just fucking priceless. So I watched Magnum Force, and now I'm watching the enforcer. So here you go. So the first Dirty Harry came out in 71. Magnum Force was 73, and then the enforcer was 76. So so far, the cars that Clint has driven, I think he had a,

I think it was a 1968 Ford Custom 500 was the first one. Then he had a 72 Ford LTD Green. I love a green car. He had that in Magnum Force. And then for whatever reason, in the enforcer, I kind of like this choice, he's driving a car that's like four years old, it's a 72 Plymouth, no longer a Ford. He's got a Plymouth satellite. What are you doing, Harry? Well, he asked for a car. Okay. Well, I'm going to give him a car. He drives it through the front of the liquor store. If you're into body count, the one that has the highest body count is Magnum Force comes out at 30 bodies. All right. Just to break it down for you, because I know a lot of you play fantasy football.

There's four creeps in a car, then there's four guys in a liquor store, three in and one out. And there's a great thing where he throws one of the guys in the liquor store, throws this kid with a numbered shirt from the 70s into a display inside the liquor store. And I got a kick out of that. I was like, that, that really is the cinematic version of being a kid in the 70s. You had a numbered shirt and there was some adult man handling you that was really not part of your family whatsoever. And then they, you'd get thrown into something and then your parents would just be like, well, you know, what the fuck did you say? Well, what we should have listened to him when the gym teacher tells you to do jumping jack to do the

fucking jumping jack. So four creeps in the car, four guys, three guys in the liquor store, the driver outside, six people at the pool, four people in a high rise, a hooker kills, a pimp kills a hooker and then the pimp gets killed, four hoods in a high hideout, five cops and one police commissioner for a grand total of 30 phenomenal films, phenomenal films. My favorite one right now is I like the enforcer because it's actually really fits in today with like all the progressive and I'm not saying this in a negative way, but all the ways that things have changed because not all of progressive shit has been bad. Okay. Not all of feminism is bad. Not all of Bob being a hipster is bad where people say, you know, hipsters do like a lot of good

shit and they do know where the good food is. It's not all fucking bad, right? It's like my act, you know, there's a couple of stinkers in there, but you know, overall, I think there's some good jokes. I think you can hang with me for an hour. So in the 1972 one, I really recommend you watch him in order so you can really just follow the development of Harry Callahan. In the 1972 one, the enforcer, I just started watching him about 20 minutes in. So it's very progressive in that, you know, the first one, his partner's Latino, probably played by an Italian guy. Who's getting who, right? But anyway, it's supposed to be Latino. Maybe it's Latino. I don't know. And then the next one, his partner's black. And then this one, I think he's going to get a woman partner,

which isn't good because when you're a partner with Harry Callahan, you're going to get paralyzed, you're going to get blown up at a male bar, like shit's going to fucking happen to you, right? I should have said spoiler alert for all of this shit. So in the enforcer, they want to have more women on the force, right? And they're explaining why and the lady's going, my name is Ms, something or other, right? So the establisher is the feminist. And she's going how, you know, we're going to try to get rid of the neanderthal or neanderthal, however you say that word, element on the cops and clinch just looking at her. I think we need more females on it. And this his response to more women on the force was, he just goes, well, isn't that fancy?

And I'm going to tell you right now, I'm stealing that. The next time somebody said, we need more women coaches in the NFL. I'm just going to be like, well, well, isn't that fancy? Why can't they just go to the WNBA and build a league? They don't want to. They want to go to the ones that's already built. I'm kidding. There's football fans that have both genitalia built. It's time to be progressive. Well, isn't that fancy? All right. I have, I'm trying to go through what my walk on music is going to be for my tour. I always have something that I come out to. And I've narrowed it down to a few. And one of the ones that I've just been fast,

because I woke up one day and the song was in my head was Paula Abdul. It's the way that you love me. So I find this song fascinating because I've thought about the song. I don't know why, but there's so many different ways to read this song. So it's this chick. She's dating this fucking dude who's, you know, he's got all of this stuff. And she's basically saying it's not all the stuff that you have and it's not all this shit that you're doing. It's the way that you love me. But she's really listing all of this shit. And she knows all of the shit that he has right down to the point. She can not only inventory all the stuff he has, she can also make it rhyme while she's doing it. So she's very,

she's well aware of what's, I'll read you some of the lyrics. It ain't the clothes that you wear. It ain't the things that you buy. It ain't your house on the hill. It ain't the plane that you fly. This guy has a house on the hill. He's flying planes, right? It ain't your black limousine. It ain't your 90 foot roll of the eyes. Yacht little dick joke in there. It ain't the things that you'll get. It ain't the things that you got. It ain't the money or the diamond rings. Honey, I ain't impressed with your material things. It's the way that you love me. So this guy's got a 90 foot yacht, or maybe she's saying he's got a big dick. I think that that's what it's supposed to be. 90 foot yacht. I mean, it's a million a meter. So that's about 30 million

bucks right there. If I do the metrics, right? Thank you MotoGP for me learning the metric system a little bit. It's not any of that shit. It's the way that he loves her. It ain't your friends at the top. It ain't their fortunate fame. So you know, celebrity and you know, rich fucking people. It ain't your heavy connections. It ain't the Hollywood game. It ain't the famous people or the parties they throw. Honey, I ain't impressed with all the people you know. It's the way that you love me in the heat of the night. It's the way that you love me. I just like the way she goes. When you love me right, baby, and the things that you do, baby makes me crazy for you. All right. So this guy's doing all of this stuff and he's also putting it on her basically.

All right. So here's the trips to Brazil. It ain't the weekends in Rome. It ain't the French Riviera. You know, I'd rather stay home. It ain't the Bahamas. It ain't Monaco. Honey, I ain't impressed with all the places we go. So at first, my first listen to this song. I know, by the way, I know how ridiculous this is. But I just love how many different ways you can. This is people. Oh, there's just a dumb pop song. You can, this is like going to a museum and looking it up. There's all these different interpretations. All right. So you can just do read this at face value where this chick is just with this guy because he's rich. Right. And what she's saying this stuff allegedly to him, but she's really saying it to herself. She's trying to convince herself

that she's not in love with the lifestyle. It's that she really loves this guy. Now this is the way I, I interpreted it for years. And then the other day it was in my head and I was sort of laughing about the song. Um, and then I was starting, well, wait a minute, maybe it's that she really loves this guy, but he has all of this stuff and he's around all of these people and all of this temptations, all the temptation that she is fucking worried that she's going to lose the guy. Right. Some other broads going to come moving in on her on her on a turf here on that 90 foot yacht. If you know what I mean there. Um, so I think what it is for her is she's trying, she's waiting for this guy to drop the ring. He hasn't done it yet. So her way to

feel in control is she has to kind of like knock down all of this shit that he's like, he's the guy knows how to fly a plane. He's got a black limousine. He's taken her all of these places and given a diamond rings. He's hitting all the hot cities around the fucking world and you know, it's on his dime. And then she, she says that she's not impressed, which, you know, it's fucking rude. Right. If you take it at face value, but it's like, Oh, she's nervous that she's just like, you know, this little passing fantasy fancy thing. And then, you know, he's going to move on to somebody else, you know, and she's tap dancing in the video. So it's like, she feels like she has to always fucking be looking good and doing

a little dance like, huh, see my tits still perky enough for you. Right. And then say she's not impressed. And you know, I'd rather stay home. Right. She's just trying to stay grounded. I don't know. I think she's worried the whole thing's going to go away and she's going to waste the best years of her life. And then the next guy she gets with is just going to have a regular dick and drive a fucking Plymouth satellite going. Well, isn't that fancy? Anyway, let's talk some fucking NHL playoffs. The only series that I have time to watch Bruins versus Capitals. I only caught the third period. Fucking I heard Miller got hurt. I know he got hurt. And I guess we have to maybe, I don't know, someone from back from back east, the family back east was saying

that, you know, one of our guys needed to go out and go fuck up some guy on the fucking capitals. It's like, no, you know what we need to do? We need to send them home packing. That's what we need to do. That's what we need to do. Okay. And I don't know. I think the Capitals are a great team. And I actually think the next game is a must win because I don't want to be three, two with them. And then the next game is, do they tie it up? That's what I love about a seven game series is you're down three games to one, and it's looking bleak. And all you have to do is win the next game. And the pressure goes back on the other person. So I am actually nervous about game five. I want this thing to be over and done with. And I got to give a shout out to Ovechkin that hit on

Marshawn. As much as I love Brad Marshawn, and I love the Bruins, dude, there is anything better than a fucking clean open ice hit. I mean, fucking blasted the helmet right off him, who's fucking amazing. And you watch that. And then you look at a guy like Wilson, who once again, there's a guy down on the ice, he's like fucking cross checking him. And the NHL awards the Capitals with like a power play. It's like, I don't, I don't get what they're doing with that fucking serial killer. And then what sucks about him is he can play. And you look at that hit Ovechkin did on Marshawn, it's like, dude, that's the way you do it. You have the size and you have the skill set to do that. And you can put the puck in the back of the net. There's no reason for you to be doing all

of this other shit. There's no fucking reason for you to be doing it. I just don't get it. And like I said, I know people always try to compare Marshawn to Wilson. It's just like, you know, you got a guy five foot fucking nothing, 185 pounds. And then you got this fucking other guy who's six foot four, 230 pounds. I'm telling you, this guy's going to end fucking careers. But whatever, I mean, it ain't on him. The fucking NHL just let some play that way. It's really a strange thing. And I was actually nervous when we went up like four to one. And I'm like, please keep Wilson on the bench because he's going to go out there and just end somebody's fucking season, which I guess one of the other guys did with a fucking hit to the head.

That is the one aspect of fucking the NHL hockey that I've always loved the fights and physical and all of that type of shit of the game. But I always hated those Claude Lemieux players that would just take it to the point of like, Oh, you guys are better than us. So we're just going to take out one of your best fucking players or whatever. The old Samuel sins that type of shit. So if they could get rid of that, you know, and just have hits like fucking Ovechkin get, I mean, that's how can you get mad at that was the thing of beauty. All right, so critical game five for the Bruins. I think the pressure is on the Bruins. I don't want to be three two with the capitals. I want to fucking just put them to bed, rest up, then Miller can come back and see

who we play next round. All right. And with that, the Celtics had their first game against the upstart Brooklyn nets, you know, just an upstart team, you know, pulling themselves up by the bootstrap with a bunch of no names like James Harden, Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, Blake Griffin, Deandre Jordan, just a bunch of knock around guys that came out to compete for the love of the game. Oh, the NBA is the worst. I just hope they baseball got out of this. I feel like baseball did even though there's still teams that spend a lot of money. But those looking back as much as fun as it was to see the Red Sox win an 04. If you look at that period during baseball, it was fucking ridiculous. It really was 200, 190, 180, 200 million, 210, 209 million dollar team. I think

the Yankees had one time Red Sox right behind him. It was it was fucking ridiculous. And you just spend the whole season just waiting for these two behemoth teams to clash. And it makes the other 28 teams fucking irrelevant. I've no I've said it forever, but I'm going to continue fucking saying it until something is done about it. It's just like, I look, I don't mind if you pick up a free agent or whatever, but that's this whole fucking nine guys all go to the same fucking team. They won by 40. Oh, yeah, they should have. They should have. I don't think it's good for the league. I don't think it's good. But people still sit down and watch it. So I should say it's not good for the game. I think

it is good for the league because people then tune in because they want to see the dream. It's like they have dream teams within the NBA where they used to have the dream team and it would go over and they would play like fucking, you know, Portugal be dunking on them, putting their nuts in their face. I mean, I don't know. I don't I don't know. That's not the kind of sports I want to watch. I want to watch and I like, you know, every game, if you can go for the charges versus the dolphins, that fucking game, like that's what I would like to watch rather than this other bullshit. So all right, that's it. Let me see if the the reads and all that stuff came in at this point. Baby, it's just the way that you love me.

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That sounds like a lot. It has helped enormously with my own drinking habit and gives you a pleasant calming buzz without getting you messed up out of your mind. It lets you get on with the rest of your day. Also no hangover, which is a huge plus. Well, that's amazing. I don't know. I think, I need to figure out what the fuck happened to me and who the fuck I am here first before I start going around in an altered state. Just make sure to do your research so that you're getting a high quality reputable product. Well, can you recommend one? The one downsize is it can make you a little sleepy, but that can subside after an hour or just take a nap. All right. So obviously you don't do this while driving. There are sugarless and natural flavored options too,

so you can fend off the calories. Dude, we are in like the golden age of getting fucked up. I mean, they're going to come up with ways. We can literally have your cake and eat it. You can get fucked up. You won't be belligerent. There's no hangover and you won't get fat. I mean, that's about, there's still going to be a price to pay. I'm sure you're still killing brain cells or whatever, but there is like a, I don't know, what am I looking at for to say here? There is a fucking, I was just thinking of mushrooms for some reason. So I completely lost my fucking train of thought, what I was trying to say. I don't know. I have no idea what the fuck is going on with my brain. Maybe I need to drink this fucking shit here. I'm just saying, back in the day,

you got fucked up. You paid the price and a lot of people died at 27. It seemed nowadays, you can just fucking like, it's like, I want to be fucked up, but I still want to build a house. We have the perfect marijuana for that. This guy ends it with up yours, cunt. I like that. All right, pool cover. Now I had a problem with my little splash about. I've refused to call my pool a splash about. Okay. If you can go into your pool and at no point, is there a place where you can just have your feet are touching the bottom and your head is still well out of the water. You do not have a pool. You have an in-ground above ground pool. All right, dear Billy Sunspot. I have a solar's pool cover as well, or should I say had. I had the same problem you did. I left

it out and it got ruined. I didn't know it'd be like having a pet that required that much maintenance. I started asking questions to my brother-in-law who works at a tech company that dabbles in solar power. He basically told me that solar technology in general is where computers were in the 70s, except that people think it's as good as computers are now. He suggested getting aluminum or some other metal to cover the pool, some heavy duty gloves so I don't burn my hands, so you don't burn your hands when moving it. He said essentially it's the same thing. This was just disheartening. Sincerely, guy with small balls in cold pool. Oh yeah, well they'll get it there. I mean look what they've done with getting fucked up.

I don't know if I'm done with alcohol forever. I told my wife like if we ever go back to France, I might come up, but then I just don't want to go through. I haven't taken me fucking six years to quit again. I don't know. I think I'm in a really good place here despite my last podcast. I am. I'm just going through some shit here, so I need to fucking do this and I'm going to. It's really going to benefit my kids and now I actually kind of realize why subconsciously maybe I waited so long to have kids, so I just really needed to pull the handbrake on the runaway freight train of dysfunction of, you know, and I'm not just coming down on my family tree, just like in general,

just generally speaking, you know, the fallout of everybody trying to fix, you know, shit, you got to understand it first. So now that I do, I just feel like, you know, I'll be a way better parent, hopefully. All right. Malibu deck collapse. What's up, you freckled freak. Please do a story on the Malibu deck collapse. I didn't see that. The news coverage is fucking hysterical. The interviews of the pain and suffering they endured is beyond imaginable. How they fell the mind blowing 15 feet to the jagged rock. I didn't hear about this. Jagged rocks below with wine, get glasses and caviar without dying is beyond me. Oh my God. The news coverage

shows them limping to where Mercedes and BMW and BMWs. I almost pissed my pants. I sure hope they get the support they need to rebuild their $50,000 deck on their $30 million home. Well, haven't you ever heard that saying that your health is everything? Now, I know I seem like I'm rich, shaming, but I'm old school and don't give a fuck. All right, I can go with that. I was born in the 70s and grew up talking, taking ass whooping whooping from bullies while the teachers laughed when America wasn't full of snatch face sissies. Or maybe you're just still hurt from all of that. And this is the protective place you're still in. I mean, don't you wish somebody helped you out back then? Or if you're saying there's been an overcorrection. I don't even think there's an

overcorrection in caring. I just think that there's a select group of fucking sociopaths, white women, that are grabbing the steering wheel of this and really ignoring people of color and all of that. And they're making it about themselves and it's a power grab. That's really kind of what's going on here, I think. Check out the videos on YouTube and carry on. I saw your show at Madison Square Garden two years ago on mushrooms with my wife. Nice. And she's been hooked ever since to mushrooms or to my act. Dude, you see anything on mushrooms. You can be like, dude, I fucking like this. This is good shit. All right. Ketamine. Ketamine. Greetings and love you freckled fuck. As someone who has self healed from a childhood of abuse

slash neglect, who has been a bit timid about trying shrooms and shit, I highly recommend. Wait a minute. This guy's spelled Ketamine, K-E-T-O-M-I-N-E. Then he or she spells it K-O-T-M-I-N-E and M-D-M-A. M-D-M-A is a safer version of ecstasy. M-D-A is not cut for parties with random shit. Yeah, dude. I'm not going into that world. You know what the first song I heard? I just thought of was the part where Madonna's moaning in that song, smack my bitch up. Like all of a sudden I'll just be in that thing and she's in the background. I'll just hear her voice. What was that Robert plant? I live in Oakland slash San Francisco and Ketamine slash shrooms have been decriminalized for therapy. Wow. Can you imagine if this shit actually works?

What if it actually fucking works and you could like cure people at the very least of the pain that happened to them and then what if you could then give it to people that have inflicted pain and then they could fucking cure whatever made them the pain that happened to them that made them hurt other people. Then how would they try and separate us? Then how could they pit us against each other? When mushrooms take half a day, where mushrooms take half a day, I think is what you want to say, a dose of K will get you back to life in 30 hours? Dude, did you write this while high on this shit? When mushrooms take half a day, okay, that'd be 12 hours. A dose of K will get you back to life in 30 hours. Did you mean a third of an hour? But you feel like you died and came

back squeaky clean. A nice fondle of the chakras, man. I was tossed to the street at night by my mother at 10 years old for calling my father upset due to my stepfather's drunken destruction. Oh, and she chose him. My stepfather was molested and took it all out on me growing up. I didn't know the molestation till I was an adult, but shit was fucked. A poor fucked up redheaded stepchild from Vermont. So I relate to your New England ashy bald ginger fuck soul. Nothing has helped me like a week with K and MDMA. I like how you've gotten in touch with your chakras, but still if you're going to say that you relate to me as another man, I'm assuming you're straight that you then have to call me a fucking ashy bald ginger fuck soul so it doesn't seem too gay.

I let some hippies take me to Burning Man, which is an amazing art show, totally better than my sarcastic non-new age mind thought it would be. Jesus Christ, did I write this shit? You sound like me. I was dosed and finally broke down, cried, spent the week on a bike just peddling and letting go of childhood drama. Sounds great. I tried DMT once and every time I see a mosque, I see what started out, started most of our cultures. The word DMT brings you, the world DMT brings you is exactly what the ceiling of the mosque look like. Religion is sober people trying to recreate one person's heavy drug-fueled weekend. Wow. Religion is sober people trying to recreate one person's heavy drug-fueled weekend. That's pretty fucking wild. All right,

cheated on fiance with bottle service girl. Oh boy. Come on guys, I'm not a therapist. You're going too deep here. Bill, a little over a month ago I went on a bachelor trip and I hooked up with the bottle service girl that worked our VIP booth. It's a wild story that I'd love to tell every detail, but long story short, the bottle service girl found out I was engaged after Google searching my name the day after we hooked up. I played at a big D1 college and had a sh... I don't want to read all your details. I don't have Facebook, I don't have any social medias, but now I've learned to never underestimate the investigative work of a group of girls at brunch drinking bottomless mimosas. And yes, of course, I would have given her a fake name, but it was my

credit card. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is like a VIP booth and I had to give her my driver's license to verify the transit. Anyway, she found my fiance's Instagram and told her everything that happened before I even boarded my connecting flight home. I was picked up from the airport and immediately confronted by my fiance. Literally, I was busted four hours after the bottle service girl dropped me off at the airport. I deleted everything on my phone except I didn't clear my Google search to which my fiance finds how long until Molly kicks in. Oh boy. If anyone's interested, about 30 minutes. And Google is just kicking my ass left and right. I have never taken Molly before in

some life advice for your listeners. If you're trying to stay faithful to your significant other, it's the last drug you should ever take. Me and my fiance are still together, but my life has been turned upside down. Everything I do is under a microscope and this is something I never, I've never put up with, with other relationships and I'm really struggling with it. The bachelor trip I went on was not mine, but my fiance is telling me that I can't have my own bachelor trip. Well, it sounds like you already had one, dude. I know that trust is gone and it's going to take years to gain it back, but I don't think I can set a precedent of giving up this much leverage in the relationship because I made one mistake.

We're going to couples counseling twice a week and it's really helped clear the air and get something back on track, but it's been very one-sided. Yeah. Well, dude, you got to, you got to, I don't know, dude, you're coming off a little selfish here. If you did what you did, you know, I don't know, dude. My gut's telling me you shouldn't get married. Anyways, because you haven't said that you really love this woman at all. For example, I've invited in several of my best friends that were on the trip through text messages and of course I delete them because it's a conversation I wouldn't want her to see. It's bro talk that would undoubtedly be taken out of context and start a fight.

Oh boy, buddy. My fiance goes through my phone and sees that I'm deleting text and tells my counselor about, yeah, dude, this relationship is over. Because I was basically told that I can't delete text and I have to be transparent if I want this to work and our counselor agreed. Yeah. Prior to my cheating, she never went through my phone at all. So this is uncharted waters for me. I'm walking on eggshells and it fucking sucks. She wants me to cut ties with the majority of my best friends that, that were on the trip and that's not going to happen. Yeah, it's over. I love my fiance. Okay, it's here. I want to marry her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. She's an incredible beautiful woman and I

wish I could take back what I did. I made the mistake and I'm the reason I am in this situation. All right, you've taken accountability here, but I don't think I can be too much of a push over in this process. I know I have to give in a bit here, but I feel like I have to draw a line at some point. Should I give up my bachelor trip because it's what she wants? Yeah, dude, I think you have to, you have to say I already had mine. Or do you have any advice for me to make a bachelor trip happen with my best friend that she now hates? Yeah, dude, I just, I don't see this relationship working. I think you're sad that you did what you did. I think you feel bad that you hurt her, but I also think that you probably equally feel bad for yourself. So, I don't know. And then

you're texting, what are you texting? Dude, you see the tits on that chick? I mean, if that's what you're texting during all of this, I think you're getting caught might have saved you a lot of money and kids that will fucking resent you or whatever. I just don't think you should, I don't think you should get married. I think your only play here is just to say, look, how long are you going to fucking, I know I put myself in this situation, but like you totally don't trust me, you're going through my phone and this is this level of control is going to drive me crazy after a while. But then you also already fucked up by having to delete texts. So once again, she's broken the trust with her again, it's over, dude, it's a wrap. Either you put your balls in

her purse or you fucking walk. So either get used to this and not have a bachelor party. The fact that you still think you deserve one is pretty fucked up. I got to be honest with you. So I don't think you're at the level of maturity or maybe with the right person yet to get married. So if I was you, I'm leaning, I would say get the fuck out now because it's not going to get any better. All right, should I get a prenup? Dear Billy the Bulber, I'm a 27 year old entrepreneur and I'm engaged by fiance is 21. We've been dating for almost one and a half years. I met her when she was 17. She's only 17. When I was working in minimum and a minimum wage job trying to start up a business, I was kind of I was kind of friend zone, but then perhaps that was because she was

in high school. Wait a second, you were 27, weren't you friend zone because you were 10 years older than her? Because he was old as Jim Morrison when he died and she was still fucking still had a book bag. All right, when I met her, well, I don't know. When I met her, I made about $12,000 per year and lived with my parents. But after starting my business, I made 160 grand in my first year and 180 grand in my second year. The business is just opening up two more locations in 2022 and continue expanding after that. We didn't start dating until after I was making money. Yeah, she was also a kid, dude, when you're met her. So I see where you're going with this, but she was a fucking means 17 years. My parents insist that I'm crazy. If I don't get a prenuptial

prenuptial agreement as an argument could be made that my company is very valuable. And when I brought this up to her, she felt very insulted like I was indicating she was only in it for the money. Yeah, that's the thing with prenupts. There's no way to bring it up where they're not going to get pissed. I said, I don't think that it's just to appease my parents. That was a stupid thing to say. Then she thought I was saying my parents don't trust her. See, now you're into that. She'd probably signed it if I forced her, but would resent me for it. A little history on my girl, she was physically abused as a child and the father eventually left the family. She had a very long sexual history before meeting me that she met her at 17. These fucking emails

are too deep. This is above my pay grade people. And according to her, I was the first person she told about a sexual history in depth and one of only a few to know about the abuse. All right, so she trusts you. That's a good thing. Since we've been together, she hasn't, if she's telling the truth, because I don't know any of these people in this story. I don't know you. Since we've been together, she hasn't given me any reason to doubt her. I'd say, doubt her. I'd say her behavior is the opposite of gold digging. She encourages me not to spend money on her. As she says, she doesn't deserve someone like me. I can see my parents, brothers and extended families perspective, but they don't know her like I know her.

And it seems wrong to say, hey, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. But just in case you're planning on running off of my money, sign this. Any advice would be appreciated. Oh, Jesus. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, this is like one of the things that they don't talk about in the current narrative, where as a man, you're just always viewed as the predator. But the thing is, when you become rich and successful, you become prey. You do. And there's way more women that will now have a conversation with you because of where you're at, the car you're driving in, the clothes you're wearing. Now, I understand their argument was like, well, I'm not going to hitch my wagon to some fucking loser. But the, you know, the same way

guys will marry for looks. Some guys will do that. Some people, women will marry for the lifestyle. So this is something that you're going to have to try and figure out. Yeah, there's prenups. There's fucking, I don't know what else is there, trust. She's pretty young, dude. I would be nervous that like, wait, you're 10 years older. So she's 21. So you're 31. You got this crazy fucking business going. And she's going to marry into that. And she's 21 years old. She could hang with you for five years, let that shit blow up. And she still has the rest of her fucking 20s to take that money and then try to go out and find love. Yeah, I mean, I can see why your parents are putting that paranoid shit in your head. But I'm not going to tell you what to do here,

dude. This is way too complex. All right. All right, ladies, you know what? Can any ladies out there? Ladies, how does a guy in that situation know what is and be brutally honest? Because, you know, I was joking about this. I did Conan last week. There's like women out here that can tell instantly if the Ferrari is yours, if you rented or rented it, there's a sticker somewhere. They just look and they know like, oh, he's just, he doesn't have Ferrari money. If they see you without that sticker, then they're like, oh, you know, and then they move on, right? To the guy who actually has the Ferrari. So there is that element out there. Is this person that I have no idea? There's no way for me to tell. So somebody out there, ladies, can you read from your playbook a little bit?

How can this guy tell if just this woman's being honest with them? I mean, those are some good signs, you know, don't buy me anything. I don't fucking deserve it, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I think that's fucking trauma from her childhood, which, you know, if you get abused like that, you feel fucking worthless. I don't know. I don't fucking know, guys. Come on, let's just, let's try to keep it light here. All right, but ladies, right in. Let me know. Okay, let this guy know. He's in a critical point here. Okay, that's the podcast. Go Bruins, go Celtics, go Red Sox, go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you on Thursday. You