Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-26-14

Episode Date: May 27, 2014

Bill rambles about solar power, fighting rabid dogs with a sword and dropping the V, eyeball to eyeball.

Ikea, tip of the week. If you'd like to get a gift, you can count on us. Because until April 15th, Ikea family members will get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Go to a parade. Show your fucking respect. And go eat a bunch of burgers. And then you'll get fucking shit-faced and say something

that you shouldn't have fucking said. Maybe hit on your wife's sister. You get constantly fucking hit. Anyways, you can hear the echo in the room there. I'm back downstairs as the project downstairs inches along. You know, those of you who listened to this podcast, you know, from a year and a half ago, not even a year and a half, 14 months ago, when I had that fucking water damage,

I like to think it was a blessing in disguise because the part of the house upstairs was immaculate. And I had just redone that room. So that sucked. But below it was, it was, it was a fucking tree for it. It was shit. It needed to be fucking replaced anyways. It's a fucking, I don't know.

I didn't want to get into it. And now, of course, they get under the house. And what I already knew was because I had somebody do some electrical on my house before. He was cleaning up a little bit down there. And he's in the crawl space, which is right underneath my living room. And I hear him down there every once in a while. I was hearing this guy just going,

What the fuck? So I knew it wasn't good. I knew it wasn't good. And he told me that there was a lot of shit work down there. And I'm lucky I didn't have a fire and that he replaced most of it. So the foreman on this other job, you know, some of the stuff that they've taken out, they actually, you know, accidentally disconnected the phone.

You know, bullshit happens as these guys work on your house. So, you know, he reiterated, you know, he didn't use the F bomb, but I could tell by what he was talking about that I had some issues. And the electrical department in my house. So, you know, I'm going to get that all taken care of, which brings me to my question here. Solar power, everybody. Can I take five minutes just to be a fucking hippy man?

Every once in a while, I go in and out of my fucking, you know, I'm with the team and now and then I'm against the team, you know, kind of like a fucking, like a Randy Moss, you know, you come into town, you got your mind right. And after about a season and a half, you start acting like a fucking maniac. That's how I feel when I look at whatever the fucking express, I'm really trying to avoid the expression, the powers that be. But I don't know, I can't help it every time when I land in Los Angeles

and I look out at the basin, as they call it, from the San Gabriel Mountains all the way south of that, which is fucking LA and Greater LA, all of that. Just what an absolute clusterfuck it is. And what happens when the shit hits the fan? So, I'm thinking about getting some solar panels. And I know all you rednecks out there are saying the obvious thing. The fuck good's a solar panel going to do if you ain't got a gun?

What are you going to keep the guy warm that fucking shoots you in the head and steals your provisions? I understand the fucking bearded wonder. All right, I get it. But one step at a time, one step at a fucking time. First thing I want to do, I want to get, you know, it's ridiculous. I live in a fucking desert. The house bakes in the sun and I still have, I don't have solar power.

It's the dumbest shit ever. So, I'm going to look into it. And what I want to know is, you know, is there two types of solar power? There's one where you're still on the grid and then there's one where you're off the grid. I like off the grid. And if anybody's listening to my podcast, if you're off the grid, like, what happens? Do they like it? Do they get mad at you? I mean, how do they know?

Because all of a sudden your bill goes down. Does that, like, set off a light, you know, underneath the mountain that all those Illuminati guys live in and then somebody pulls up to your house. Hey, I noticed you haven't been making any toast lately. And, you know, what's going on here? How come you're not, you're not watching TV? You're reading books in there, fucking eating apples off a tree? How come you're not using any electrical electricity there?

Does that happen? It's not illegal to be off the grid. They just sort of fucking, do they bully you at all? Like, just let me know what I'm in for. All right? Because what I would love to do is to continue spending my legal tender that really has nothing behind it other than the faith of every freckled-faced cunt over here. I would really love to continue existing in this,

but I would like to have the backup that if the shit does hit the fan before I'm overrun by a mob, you know, because mine's the only light on the top of the hill. See, I used to do a bit about that. That's the thing, like, if you actually have, if you're off the grid, all right, and everything just goes fucking haywire, you immediately, you got to cut your lights out quick. Okay? Because the first thing, when everybody loses power, they're standing there going,

oh, you got to be fucking shitting me. I was watching two broke girls over here. Right? That's the first thing. You flip the switches. And then, you know, within 30 seconds, you're like, is it just our house and you look out the window? So you basically, you have 30 fucking seconds to cut all your lights off.

Tell your wife to shut the fuck up and get downstairs in that little corner room. All right? You put your hand on her shoulder, firmly. You don't hurt her, but you're not affectionate. You place your hand on her shoulder so she knows that some pertinent fucking information is on the way. And you say, honey, we're the only ones left. We're the only ones left. Look at me.

Stop crying. We're the only ones left with power. And I need you to hold it together. Cry it out now. I want you to cry every ounce of bitch you have in you out of you in this corner of this house. Okay? And when you come upstairs, I want you to sit here and act like we do not have power. Okay?

So when the Sullivan's come across the fucking street and see if we don't have power, you lie to their fucking faces. Shh. Honey, forget about the Sullivan's. They're not going to make it. You understand? You know, I don't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen to anybody, but I don't want to be the Sullivan's. You know what I mean?

I want a shot. Just give me a fucking shot. That's all I need. I just need some solar panels and a fucking helicopter, and I will get the fuck out of here. That's what you need. You fucking idiot. It's with your guns. Huh?

What are you? Schwarzenegger? How long is that going to last? Anyway, so I'm thinking about it. Does anybody live in the LA area? Does anybody have solar panels anywhere in the fucking world? Can you recommend? Are there two different kinds?

Because I actually looked up solar panels off the grid, and I came to this place, Blue Pacific Solar. It says off-grid packages. Then there's another one that just says get solar power, sun power, off-grid systems, off-grid system, backwood solar electric systems. Yeah, I can install that shit. Well, what we're going to do is we're going to bring it in, and we'll just run it over the outhouse.

What? Cabana? What's that? A cigar? Sorry. I'm in a stupid fucking mood this week. Yeah. Oh, then there's one for Australia.

I don't mind paying the grid, but I would like to have, if the grid fails to have the then off the grid switch. How about that? Can we just have that? Those of you who've been on the internet this week, you know the direction that I'm working in. Oh, yes you do. To stop being modest, you know the direction I'm going in.

I'm talking about solar fucking roads. Has anybody seen this YouTube video? It's fucking amazing. If what they're saying is true about these solar roads, and I apologize for the narrator. I get what he's doing. He's trying to keep it interesting, but he kept it interesting too long. And then he brings it down to an interlude, which should have come a minute earlier. And then he goes back to screaming.

So it's a little bit annoying, but just try to listen to the information and then try not to get sucked into a George Bush Obama debate because I don't know. I don't know if these things, what the fuck do I know, right? But it just, they were basically saying if we replaced all our roads with these solar fucking things, that literally makes it look like Lego land and it's all lit up. And there'd be sensors to let you know a deer is going around the corner and then it would just light up in the turn. Hey, there's a fucking deer around the corner.

You know, enjoy your barley pancakes or whatever, right? Some fucking full on hippie shit. And that basically the amount of energy that it would create would be three times what this country even needed, which immediately we can just leave the Middle East, right? We don't have to be over there pissing them off by getting in the middle of their bullshit. All right. We don't have to deal with oil and oil money is what funds the terrorist as far as my limited reading goes, right?

The families over there that fuck. Hang on. She's scratching. I just gave you a bath. What's wrong? Oh, Cleo. Um, anyways, uh, yeah, like the fucking the oil people over the people who make all the money over there, they then donate to mosques.

And then in the mosque, they fucking, you know, kind of fucking a, you know, send it over to these fucking people over here that ended up coming back at us shooting shit at us as far as, you know, like I said, I don't know shit. Cleo, would you stop fucking? You're going to have to go to the other room here. Come here, buddy. What's up, sweetheart? We went on a nice hike today, didn't we?

Huh? Yes, we did. All right, get out of here. Um, so anyways, um, yeah, and then that whole fucking thing is just null and void. We have all this extra power. Actually did we create a bunch of jobs? The only thing I don't know is the way it looks, it doesn't seem like it's a smooth ride. It just seems like the whole time you'd be going over these fucking things.

I have no idea, but just check it out. And I swear to God, because this is something that I don't know if it is, if it does work, it does fucking work. It could benefit everybody. Conservatives, liberals, independents, everybody. Who wouldn't benefit from all of this energy? Oh, that's right. The people in power.

Oh, how could I forget that? That's right. How do you think that they're going to derail this if this actually becomes a movement? How will they somehow tie in terrorism, 9-11, liberals fucking right wing conservatives and just get the pot fucking stirring so everybody's screaming and yelling. It's going to be prohibitively expensive and babies will starve. They're going to do all of that shit. The only way this thing gets off the ground, if it works, if it works, is if people don't get sucked into those arguments

and we all become one and we all pick up a hatchet and we start marching towards the bankers' gated communities. Okay? Because the asphalt streets will have to run red with blue blood money before something wonderful like this will ever fucking happen. Because you are fucking with a century and a half of cash flow going to a small amount of people. That's what you're fucking with. And when you're fucking with something like that, that level of money, basically the money that gives the dollar power, like the only thing that gives the US dollar power is that barrels of oil are still measured in US dollars. Other than that, it's a fucking shit show.

So these guys are the guys behind all of that. It's them and the fucking bankers. And that's it. Alright? The insurance companies like the Ted Kennedy or that fucking family. Alright? But fucking Bobby and Jack. Alright?

Actually, the banks are fucking Joe Kennedy. Alright, they'll shut up with the Kennedy shit. Alright, so anyways, that's my thing. This is a great fucking idea. If it works, if it works, it's a fucking great idea. Even if you just did a few roads, if you just did a few of them, each state just did like their main highway or whatever. If you just did that, I can't imagine the amount of money it would save.

And on the less, oh man, it was incredible. The possibilities of it are incredible. I don't know if it works, but it is fucking incredible. But the sad thing is the fact that whenever new stuff like this comes up, it all just turns into Obama, Bush, Republican, Democrat, blah, blah, and everybody's just yelling at each other and then it just fucking goes away and then everybody turns on sports. And that's what happens.

So there you go. This is all off the grid, Billy. 15 minutes of crazy talk, but that makes sense to me. Makes sense to me, man, fuck, you know? We'd get this done if everybody wasn't so fucking liberal. All them liberals out there in Hollywood, right? I gotta tell you, I'm not just making fun of a stereotypical Southern guy, because having lived out here in Hollywood, these people are out of their fucking minds.

They have fuck's news to the left. They're out of their fucking minds. There's such fucking hypocrites where it's just like, you can say the most, I guess, racist isn't the word, because you can make fun of white people, rich white people. You can basically, you can be, you can use the exact fucking thing that they don't like being used on poor people against rich people, and they fucking love it.

You can suggest that people from the South are all fucking their sisters, slapping their knees, and they're doing the wave in the crowd. All right? But if you suggest any homeless guy needs to get off his fucking ass, stop boozing and get a fucking job, then you're the devil. So, I mean, I don't know. Does that make any sense? Well, it shouldn't.

Isn't that why you listen to this podcast? You cunts. Alrighty then. Let's do a little bit of advertisements. Any solar people want to advertise in this fucking podcast? How much does it cost? All right. Evoise, everybody.

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that when I'm on the slightest little bit of a hill and I go to put it in reverse, it rolls forward a little bit like crap from the 70s. Come on, Chevy, you can do better than that. Those are a few things that piss me off. And you know what else pisses me off? Oh, he's coming around again, everybody. Paying way too much to shave my freckled face

is definitely up there. Ah, nothing feels better than shaving with the fresh new blade, everybody. But new razors are so ridiculously expensive that you can't afford to change your blade more than once every six months. So you end up scalping your face with an old blade. Come on, we've all been there. Dollar Shave, you change your blade as much as you change.

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And a great company by going to Dollar Shave Club.com slash Burr. Dollar Shave Club.com slash Burr. That is a great company. You know, for years, I used to sit there going, why the fuck does it cost so much goddamn money? You know? But all I did was talk about it. That son of a bitch went out and did it.

Now he's the millionaire. Oh, gee. All right. Let's talk sports here. All right. Let's start with the NBA. Something I never watch, but you know, it's the conference finals. I've had some downtime.

So basically what I've been doing is it's the hockey conference finals and the NBA conference finals. So what I do is I tape the NBA game as I watch the NHL game live. And then the following morning I watched the NBA game. And I got to tell you, it's been a slice of heaven. It's been a slice of heaven. And you know what? I got back into NBA hoop. And I got back into the simplicity and the beauty of just coming out there with a ball,

trying to put it through a hoop. It's a fucking pure game. It is a wonderful game if those fucking refs would just relax. Classic example. I don't even know who won this game yet. And I'm going to go watch it as I upload. I've only watched the first quarter of the last OKC San Antonio Spurs game. All right.

Now, as far as I understand, the job of the referee is to keep the game under control. Keep the game under control and let the players decide who's going to win the fucking game. All right. I watched the first quarter of the game. All right. OKC is already in trouble because that Serge Abaka guy, how do you say his name? The big man is hurt. All right.

So he's on the elliptical. So they got Kendrick Perkins in there. And what does the fucking ref do? Gives him three fucking bulls. Two definite bullshit fucking calls and puts the guy in the bench. They already got one guy in the elliptical. You know they need Kendrick Perkins and you give him two bulls. The guy had fucking three fouls in the first quarter.

The last two, I swear to God, he was standing there scratching his ass and they gave him a foul. Then I watched him with the, who's the guy there who, you know, what the fuck's his name? That point guard who sometimes turns into an eight year old. I began with a W. Why do I keep thinking witherspoon? Because I'm old. You know what I'm talking about. That fucking guy, right? Manu Genobli, whatever his name is, that guy refuses to shave his fucking head, steals the ball from him.

All right. So you see the fucking guy, he turns into the eight year old, he runs right up and tries to slap it away from him, takes a foul and he's, you know, and he's sitting there. He doesn't even look at the ref. He says something like, that's fucking bullshit. And the ref is standing there staring at him. How do I know he's staring at him? Because even the guy announcing the game, Reggie Miller, I think it was, was going,

that ref should have fucking given him the foul and walked away. He stands there, not only stands there, stands there staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Now I know, I know this guy probably has a fucking reputation for doing that. But it's just like, it's a complete fucking abuse of power. And these guys, their job is to, to keep the game under control, not control the pace of the game. And that's what I fucking hate about the NBA. All right. There.

Okay. There. Sorry. I got my fucking tampon mentality this week. But it's the fucking thing that I cannot stand about the NBA, the goddamn officiating, whether it's fixed or not, I don't fucking know. But those guys, they need to relax. Cleo, what is the problem?

What is the problem? I just gave you a bath. I rinsed you good. Fucking thing. You know, it's such a ridiculous level how much I love that dog. You know what? I think it drives me nuts. Drives me nuts.

Anyways, but it's still great. What a great series. Even though OKC is down at this point, two games than none. I don't know if it's three at this point. It's just, I don't know. Spurs are fun to watch. OKC is fun to watch. And, you know, as much, I imagine Pacer fans are frustrated with their team.

You know, they just don't know how to win yet. You know what they like? They like the little brother that's big enough at this point to finally win a fight against his older brother. But the older brother has the psychological advantage because he's been kicking their ass their entire fucking life. You know? Oh, hang on.

She's scratching again. That's their problem. You know? I don't know. Jason Lawhead knows the game better than me. He also says that Coach Stinks and Larry Bird should literally walk down and fire the guy during the game and just take over because he's getting brutally out-coached.

I have no idea. I'm just actually happy that I'm watching the NBA again. I just wish these fucking refs would just put their fucking whistles away or at least just be consistent. They are the fucking worst. And I know in every sport you can have bad officiating and you can have shit calls, but the NBA is at the top of the fucking list because it goes beyond bad calls.

Because with their power, they can put guys on the bench. It just fucking drives me nuts. Relax, Bill. Okay, I will. Let's talk to some hockey here. How about those fucking rages? I have never... I think the last time I was just wrong about somebody,

the fucking Patriots traded Drew Bledsoe to the Buffalo Bills and I was like, that guy's going to come back to haunt us. And I forgot that the poor bastard was playing for the fucking Bills and it isn't his fault, but I thought they were going to come back and kill us. And I also thought that Tom Brady got lucky his first year. That's what I thought. So I don't know shit.

And I also just have not been believing in the Rangers. And here they are, one game away. Ladies and gentlemen, the New York fucking Rangers who's tortured their fans every fucking year except 1994 since 1940. They've been torturing those motherfuckers. They are one game away from going to the Stanley Cup Finals. It's been a great...

What a fucking game that was. I mean, it could easily be 2-2. Just an incredible game yesterday. And I really enjoyed... I've really been enjoying that series because I know the Canadians aren't going to quit. I think they're going to win the next one. And then it'll be game six.

It's going to fucking add pressure to the Rangers. Like, fuck, we can't lose this one because we don't want to game seven with these guys. I'm basically praying for both series, both the Kings Hawks and the Rangers Canadians to go seven games. Same thing with the basketball, even though it doesn't look like it's going to.

I want more hockey, more hoop, okay, to bridge the gap between the end of those series and the beginning of NFL football. But then again, why am I shitting on the national pastime? Why don't I just fucking embrace that too? That's what I should do. I don't fucking know. But...

And then the Hawks King series has just been fucking ridiculous. The Hawks came out game one. They just look like what everybody thought they were. Just this... I guess if they win it this year, they are considered a dynasty. You know what's funny is the amount of teams and how hard it is to win a championship has increased over the years that when I was a kid,

you had to win three in a row to be a dynasty. And then three and four years, like they gave it to the Patriots, where we won one, fucking years won, and then we won, we won. We won three and four years, and they said, that was a dynasty. And now, hockey, Chicago won 2010, 2013,

and then if they win again this year, they were going to give them a dynasty. Whatever you want to call it, it's fucking impressive what they're doing because they lose guys every year, but they're somehow able to not dip in quality. Like the way we did, you know, we made some moves, got rid of Tyler Sagan,

some of those guys got a little bit older, a little more inexperienced at the same time, and I think that hurt us in the end. What the Hawks are doing, amazing, but then the fucking Kings come roaring back, was it six to two, just kick their ass, and then the Hawks come back, game three, I think,

and that was just like a heavyweight battle, them just going at it, and I can't wait. If you listen to this podcast before game tonight, jump on the fucking bandwagon. If you just want to watch hockey at its highest level, watch the Kings Hawks series, it's fucking insane. I actually tried to get tickets for tonight,

it didn't work out, I don't think it's going to work out. I called up my connection and it ain't fucking happening there, but I'm definitely going to be watching that series dry. Do you guys know I'm one day away from 40 days and I'm going to drop a booze? Fucking brutal. I swear to God, if anyone's in an AA meeting right now and they try to give me one of those chips,

I'd throw it at them. Fucking throw it at them, just start screaming, I'm not enjoying this! I like that I've lost some weight, but I'm getting ready to do a special, everybody, and tickets are on sale. If you want to be at the live taping of my next special, so you can say to your loved ones,

I was there when that hour of filth was recorded. I will have the link up. Tickets are going fast, thank God. I'm going to be at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait to come back. It's one of my favorite theaters, and I'm really hoping, I don't know, I'm nervous about this one, man.

I've got to try to top my last one, which is the only thing you can really do is just try to top your last one, and I don't know. I've got to get myself in the mindset. I'm not in the mindset yet. That mindset has to be where you don't give a fuck, but you do, and you're having fun,

and you're improv-ing, like I would during a normal show, so I basically have to block out. That's the thing, you block out that the cameras are there, and then you also don't start thinking like, oh fuck, I missed a tag, who gives a fuck? Nobody's going to know. You're not documenting the joke.

You're not documenting, like, that night's performance of the joke, and that's the way it came out. Once you do that, then you can fucking free yourself up. Whatever, I just want to fucking do it already. I was supposed to be doing it the first week, and I was going to do it in San Francisco, but the fucking union's up there.

Jesus Christ. Fucking beat, I'm pro-unit, beating the shit out of me. You've got to fucking hire 15 guys to bring a mic stand out on the fucking stage, and I'm like, oh fuck this place, let me go across the street. Yeah, it's going to be 16 guys.

Alright, you know what? All the leaves are brown, fuck this town. I went to Atlanta, I'm definitely coming back now, I'm just going to do San Francisco, I'm just not going to fucking film there. It's unreal, you know, I wanted to,

what, those wacky unions. Anyways, what else am I talking about here? Jesus Christ, did I do all my topics already? Am I already into the questions? Well, I am 30 minutes in. I'm actually supposed to be going to a, to a blabber queue.

I had the guy, actually, all my buddies over on, on Saturday, and we watched Game 3 of the Kings game, and it was fucking great. And, um, you know, grilled up some steaks. I'm one of those guys too, I don't give a fuck, I'll let somebody, somebody's like, man,

let me grill those up, go ahead and grill them up, I don't give a fuck. You know, I was upstairs making the fucking garlic mashed potatoes like a fucking lady. I don't care. I really don't give a fuck. I know that really fucks with my man card, that I have another guy come over here and jump on my grill.

I don't give a shit. I just want to make sure people have drinks, you know. I'm up here wearing my apron. I'm really in touch with my feminine side when I turn on my grill. Lawhead's cooked on it. Now, Court McCown fucking made the steaks on it.

You know, it's not like I don't cook on it, but I just thought, I don't know. The steaks look so good. I actually got some anxiety, I was like, I don't want to fuck these up. Court threw them on, he handled them, and I was up here and I made potatoes. What a pussy.

Jesus Christ. I hope my dad doesn't listen to this. I got a couple other frozen ones up there. I'll throw them on. Don't make them for me and my wife. What a pussy. Anyways. Sorry, this is making me fucking laugh.

I really am, dude. I'm either a fucking type A alpha male or I'm wearing an apron. I really am a Gemini. It all depends on the situation. I will either not take an ounce of shit or I will let you roll right the fuck over me as I hand you my wallet.

It all depends on the situation. Yeah, but it's called being a skit self. Ah, go fuck yourself. All right. All right, the big thing in my life is yesterday. I went out and I bought a new snare drum. And I can't wait because I bought this old Ludwig kit.

And I know I've been threatening a long time to be doing these drum covers, but I've been doing these drum covers for a long time to be doing these drum covers, but I'm getting close. I got my drum kit and I bought an early 70s green spahako.

All fucking bottom sizes. And of course they never come with the snare. I don't know what happens with the snare. People just want to keep the fucking snare. They break up the kit. So I went out, you know, I was looking on the internet trying to find a fucking 1971 Ludwig six and a half by 14 fucking snare.

And I just can't find it. I bought a new one. And then, you know, one comes along and you whatever, you add it to the fucking kit. Who gives a shit? But I bought it and now does it sound sweet? It sounds sweet. And I've been practicing a lot.

I've been on the practice pad big time. And what I learned yesterday when I got behind a kit is the practice pad is not a drum kit and I sounded like shit. And then what was funny was I went over to go buy a snare drum afterwards and they were trying to see if they had a

had shell case for it. I was, I got down, I sat on one of those the V drums, the electronic kits and those things sound so unbelievable. Like I was joking with the buddy, now Dean Del Rey from the

Let There Be Talk podcast and the All Things Comedy Network. You know, we went over there together and I was joking with the most, with those electronic drums like you sit behind a real kit and you're like, oh my god, I suck. Thank god nobody's here to listen to this.

You get behind the electronic kits and you're just like, how come I'm not in a band? I'm fucking awesome. Like they sound so unbelievable and they're so forgiving. I sat down on those those V drums. I'll tell you right now, if you ever wanted to play drums

and you're worried about how loud they're going to be and you just want to have fun, you got to get the fucking V drums and this is not a commercial, just get the this is just me saying this, just get the fucking V drums because you can actually control the volume of them. You can play them with headphones.

You can be downstairs, your wife can't even hear it whatever, your roommates or whatever and if you live in an apartment, all you do is you go out and you get um, you know those little I think I've talked about this before, you know those things those overly protective parents get in the playroom, those interlocking

like little rubber uh, spongy floor things so if your kid falls down, he doesn't hurt himself, you just get those and you get two layers of it and you put it underneath the kid and then you go downstairs to your downstairs neighbor and you say, hey, my name's so-and-so

this is my phone number alright? If I'm ever playing and you're at home call me up and I will stop immediately if anybody has a problem with that, they're a cunt and then you should play it two in the morning alright? There you go

so that's what's going on in my life let me read the last of the advertising here and we'll get into your questions there oh by the way, the all things comedy once a month, we do a show we do a stand up show and uh, the little money that we make goes to help paying the rent at our studio

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if you'd like to follow the MMPodcast and get the links for all the videos and all the stuff that I talk about follow us here at the MMPodcast our twitter handle is at the MMPpodcast at the MMPpodcast and MMP is all

capitalized, alright okay here we go first one, Bruins, Bill why didn't the Bruins just take out Kerry Price, Ranger figured this out in game 1 come on man you don't want to do that shit you don't want to deliberately hurt somebody

but I will say that I don't think Kerry Price is quite as good as people say is, if you go up top you got the guy unless you miss it every fucking time the way we did we really we really screwed the fucking pooch but I definitely think he's one of the elite

but I wouldn't, I think I'd say the Kings, Mike Quick is the best is it Mike Quick or is that the fucking guy from the Eagles I'm so fucking old I just combine generations of people I gotta look this up now Jonathan Quick

Mike Quick, yeah Mike Quick played for the Eagles I knew that in the sound right I've watched all three fucking games and they've said Jonathan Quick a zillion times and I still said Mike Quick my fucking brain stopped retaining information somewhere around the late 80's early 90's

my apologies to Jonathan Quick I think he's the best I'll tell you what I don't think is as fucking good as his numbers is the Blackhawks Crawford I just think he has an incredible group of people in front of him and

he plays with the lead a lot so people can get back on deep but I've noticed you know all of a sudden they start chasing it a little bit they gotta take their chances I'll tell you that five holes looking pretty tasty there um, sorry

anyways, whatever I gotta be honest with you if we took out Kerry Price I don't think it would have made a difference the Canadians were just better than us and they're moving in the right direction and I hope that we do so there you go

all right, dilemma I'm gonna read a dilemma in a while here's one would you rather fight three rabid dogs with the thirst for blood with a sword oh yeah, I could fucking take them out or take your chances with one bullet

and a bear coming at you from a hundred yards away keep in mind the dogs can kill you and that it can take more than one bullet to kill a bear absolutely fucking lutely I know that I've watched enough YouTube videos um, I actually saw

YouTube videos watching one of those fail-win videos why do they always have to put a picture of some hot chick bending over and then she's never in it it's like I'm gonna watch it anyways what do you get my hopes up for watching people fail and succeed

is compelling it's compelling enough you don't have to put some chick with the fucking you know covered clam fucking winking at me in the beginning of it and then it's not there, it's false advertising you cunt, you know what I'm doing is I'm starting

to just click on the ones that don't have that fucking pussies stand on the merit of the footage you stole but anyways I was watching one of those fail-win videos and uh, this guy he was hunting wild boar

and he fucking shoots at the thing he misses fucking thing turns around and just starts running at him, he misses again and then he fucking ran away dude you just got it what are you gonna outrun a fucking wild boar you nut

what's your trucks right there I'm telling you you gotta just stand there if I had to shoot a fucking bear in the head you gotta shoot him in the fucking head you gotta wait to the absolute last second

I'm talking about urinating down both sides of your pant leg just stand there like and just waiting so you can almost feel his breath and you better have a fucking 50 caliber and you just fire that fucker

100 yards away fuck that fuck that oh my god and you know you just feel the earth shaking is that things coming at you I mean I'm just telling you that's just all organs fail at that point

fuck that rabbit dogs absolutely with a sword the great thing about a sword is that gives me a little bit of distance alright how do I meet these rabbit dogs am I lowered into a pit

is this seeing me are they running at me fall three are running at me I stand there and right as the first one starts to leap I do a little side step a little sashay if you will

and I fucking just come right down whatever whatever meat I can hit and at that what I'm gonna do is I'm actually gonna allocate an arm because the last thing I want to have is for that sword to get stuck and that things flesh as the other two take

take it oh I'm really getting into this I'd fucking give him a nice fucking right there Fred right little chop to him set him to the side then the other fuckers even if one of them is biting me my move is I'm hacking your leg I'm hacking your fucking dog

and the people right now are like oh my god I love dogs shut up it's hypothetical and they're rabbit they gotta be put down anyways and they're trying to kill me oh billy red face who the fuck side you on here so that would be my big move

that would be my big move like I've always thought if I was ever hiking and somebody I came upon somebody getting mauled by a a mountain lion if ever I was actually I mean I know what I would do in real life

I'd be like well it sucks for him didn't see that sorry what am I supposed to do getting mauled to so I can get on the news fuck that um but if for some reason if for somebody I gave a shit about and they were gonna die I would I would run like

a Native American really fucking softly and I would leap in the air and I would fucking Matt cook that mountain lion one of his back legs I would just fucking land on its leg and try to blow out you know and

it's and it's lateral fucking movement and it would just fucking you know the great thing about wild animals the great thing about animals in general is they don't have a fucking ego okay so they just kind of like you know when something

like that happens they're just like okay I need to go lay down and heal even though that's not gonna fucking heal that's that's I don't know so whatever that's that's how I would take the three dogs I would give a nice jab with the sword to the first one that came to me I'd take the bite of the second one I'd

hack the leg of the third one and then I fucking start finishing them off that's what I would do and then I would go to the hospital uh with all three carcasses and I would say I got bit by two out of three of these they're all fucking rabid and uh

go ahead stick those needles in my stomach let's get it over with and chain me little radiator let's see if I go mad or something you know shit all right I like the dilemmas let's bring the dilemmas back I also like YouTube videos of the week

there was a lot of fucking things out there oh remember back then we used to have topics all right corporate bullies dear Bill I used to be a bully not a terrible one but the harmless Eddie Haskell type um all right see more just

you just like a just an asshole all right harmless as I may have been I'm sure I heard some feelings it made some experiences less fun for those at the other end my question to you is how can I make this right um I know I can't trace down the kids I grew

up with but I see people being dicks in corporate America and want to call them out without losing my job do I tease them in the same style we did as children or take a serious route and give a Denzel speech all right first of all why can't you track track down the kid you grew up with

happens all the time on Facebook I bet you can find a lot of them you can go to a high school reunion um you could do it that way I think that would be a great thing to make you feel better and say hey I'm an adult now I shouldn't have done that sorry that I

I dumped your books and gave you a fucking wedgie whatever the fuck you did um I don't know how that works in corporate America I wouldn't give a Denzel speech uh that those speeches

only work in the movies um do I tease them in the same style we did as children well you know what you need to elaborate they're bullying people um I don't know you know in the job place if somebody's getting

bullied that's really just on them you know and just the amount of shit that they've decided that they want to take in life you know it'd be one thing you know if someone was like you know putting his secretary in a headlock and was giving her noogies

you know what I mean there was a bunch of fucking former athletes beating on some former athlete you know hanging outside his cubicle waiting for him to go over to the water bubbler they push him in a broom closet and fucking rough him up yeah then you gotta do some

but if it's just like mental torture um what I would do is I would walk up to the person getting bullied when you get a chance and just say listen man you gotta stick up for yourself stop taking that shit what's the guy gonna do throw his cuff links at you what are you afraid of fuck him

um but I know in the work environment you can't say hey fuck you you have to come more you have to sit down to say can I talk to you for a second and then they'll listen to you and then you gotta be like yeah listen I just notice you've been uh

you know coming at me in a manner that that sort of indicates to me that you're not pleased with something about me and I was just wondering what that was you know and just leave it that see what that is and then you know if they want to sit there and try and make your life miserable at that point

um I because I know there's all that passive aggressive horseshit that goes on in an office um but I have not fortunately never worked in that arena tell you what you know what I need a little help on this one

everybody um can you guys write in some not really corporate bullies things can you write in uh some passive aggressive shit that's been happening like they do they want you to quit so they keep doing stuff to you you guys got any stories out there I think those are interesting I think those would

help you fill up a fucking hour here on the block at um all right so yeah I would go to a high school reunion I'd go to a high school reunion I think it would be weird to reach out to somebody on facebook hey sorry for being a dick go to a high school reunion say to their face you know

I would do that I wouldn't reach out on facebook facebook is just fucking weird um anyways all right kid kid movies uh dear billy the kidless hahahaha ah just when you think

there's not an original one left that's a fucking great one he said I'm a father of two little girls congratulations congratulations um all my free time is spent with them and there's a lot of kids programings happening in my life I was wondering the other day

does bill like any kids movies classics like the goonies or disney animation don't worry even if you don't like any now you will enjoy them when your own child is getting all giggly and bubbly over the site of a little mermaid um of course I do

I mean I didn't the goonies I was too old when that came out I was already a teenager so I was watching more quality cinema like youngblood in our roadhouse um let me see here what do I like I like all the disney stuff um

I never liked mickey mouse's voice though I liked goofy I liked Pluto donald duck was fucking hilarious why did they always make the duck be the dick you know did Warner Brothers rip off donald duck with daffy duck I hate and I hated daffy duck by the way

I couldn't stand that fucking dude and after a while I didn't like bugs bunny either bugs bunny always won so he was fucking annoying and daffy duck was just kind of this piece of shit you know he just you know he just would do shit to fuck himself over

he was kind of flying south for the winter and now I'm supposed to feel bad for you you did I gotta give you another bath what's wrong with you do you need a flea treatment there Cleodio huh you know what's funny about her when she's

anticipating me either saying if she wants to oh she's already I can't even say want go to a play basically outside or go for a ride her ears

she's staring at me right now perk up she looks like bat ears she just locks in on me the psycho pitbull look ears come up and she just stares at me with all senses like did he just say what I said thought he said

I would actually get a riled up but it's a mean thing to do you want me to do it fine I'll do it you want to hear her howl she does this every once in a while Cleo Cleo do you want to go for a ride huh Cleo

Cleo do you alright we'll go in a second we'll go in a second go lay down sorry I got you all excited you know what I just did I just did like those fail win videos I put the hot

chick in the beginning didn't I I'm sorry buddy good girl we'll go in a minute okay yeah I like I didn't like the little mermaid I'm not into fish women it's just fucking weird then there's always some sort of like

the guy ends up fucking the fish woman really creepy like splash you know I mean this is really crude but I you just always think you know you just think the downstairs is going to be a little ripe you know what I mean how do you tell do you look in her eye

for eyes cloudy you don't go down there oh Jesus that's a fish joke everybody now that's how you pick out fresh fish hey you know what I actually looked up this recipe this is my favorite thing on YouTube it's for garlic garlic mashed potatoes

and this is how the guy the way the guy ends this video is so fucking priceless let me see if I can bring this up this is the YouTube video of the week ah Jesus with the advertising don't they know everybody hits fucking mute and then scrolls down

and you just look at the yellow bar that's what I do six more seconds six more seconds three, two, one alright so basically this guy makes I just want you to hear this

I'm glad you did shut up shut up shut up alright here we go so he basically I just said shut up to a video that's how dumb I am he basically makes these garlic mashed potatoes you know in the end then they gotta try it

and tell you how fucking delicious it is this is it right here listen to what this guy says this is this fucking this made my week here we go recipe you'll be glad you did thanks for tubing in man that's good man that's good

such fucking guy you could not get mad at that guy I played that for Nia right before we went to bed last night and she almost fell out of the bed laughing he goes thanks for you tubing he goes that's garlic mashed potatoes thanks for you tubing see you next time

and then he puts the garlic mashed potatoes in his mouth and then he just goes man that's good you know what in his videos we'll get better because I've actually seen outtakes where he's actually more relaxed more like who he is he's just been doing him I don't know this is from a few years ago

whatever I always believe that people are gonna get better alright so here we go one more read here alright first time Dear Billy Go Lucky I'm gonna lose my V card next weekend Jesus Christ I always always

surprises me when people know when they're gonna lose their virginity doesn't it just happen like it did for me you know like it's never gonna happen and then somebody just grabs your dick and you're like oh shit here we go woo then you're driving home yeah

I didn't know people planned it right I like how I just said somebody just grabs your dick like it could be anybody like some fucking 60 year old man gross um what was I gonna say like you guys actually plan this shit out

when down next Sunday I'm gonna lose my V card next weekend me and the girl are corny high school lovebirds and it couldn't be more right I think I know the answer to this question but I'll ask you anyways should I blow it in her face

oh no should I blow it in her face to commemorate the occasion then he says kidding real question should I think about mixing up positions should I keep it I love making

um yeah I gotta be honest with you I never hooked up with a virgin okay the woman it was a woman she was a woman and she had been around the block

alright so there was no uh yeah I don't know you don't want to flip her over um yeah this is a big responsibility

I would try to keep it as loving and as nice as you can and uh I would probably do that the first half dozen to dozen times and then you know let her get comfortable there buddy

before you start fucking trying to you know what it is about your kids you've probably watched the access that you have to it you know I wonder if kids that's a fucking creepy thought sorry strike that

I shouldn't even say kids teenagers of age I mean they gotta be better at it than we were we had no idea all you had was rumors when I was a kid you didn't know what the fuck you were doing you had to figure ages you just walked into the bush

no fucking trail no nothing you guys are walking you guys are walking right down the open highway just to do you know something I didn't even the thought of blowing it in some woman's face like I didn't even

you didn't even think who even thought of shit like that I'm trying to think when the facial came I arrived there when I was in high school like the two pornos I think I ever saw the big thing was when the VCR came out and then all of a sudden you know

and then it was somebody had to have the balls to go through those fucking saloon doors at the back of the video shop and you just fucking went in there you just grabbed one really quick what'd you get I don't know it had tits and then you fucking went out like nobody did that

right nobody fucking did I'm trying to think the first time I even saw that first time I saw that I thought it was fucking gross like a lot of porn you're like oh my god that's disgusting and then you're like oh my god that's the only thing that gets me off then you move to the next level which is the danger of porn right you just keep going further

and further down the fucking abyss and next thing you know you could work on a vice squad without getting sick while you're eating a fucking mayonnaise sandwich over there sorry this is getting gross but it's true and if elected no child

under the age of 18 will be allowed to watch somebody bust it in somebody's face ask not whose face you can bust it in yeah wow Jesus Christ I mean even like your question like how fucking

advanced you already are if you never fucking did anything cause when I like I said there was no video we had no game film when I was a kid that you guys can sit there and go over and over and over like fucking Bill Belichick there was no game film

and then because there was so little information you had to act like you knew everything and someone would bring something up and and you'd be sitting there on the outside just total fucking world series of poker face and on the inside you were panicking going what the fuck are they talking about

what is that I don't know what that is you know and I don't know if my dad knows what it is but I'm certainly not talking about it to him cause that's fucking gross just talking to him about it would be fucking gross and then a whole other levels

he doing that to my mom how the fuck does he know that right so I don't know so like I said just keep it I love making I would leave it at that all right and with that everybody that is the Monday morning podcast here for Memorial Day alright thank you to all the troops

anybody who's ever served and for giving me the wonderful life that I have protecting my life and on and it means a lot more to me now that I actually you know got that chance to go over there to Omaha Beach and everything added a whole another level of reality to it so

that is it so thank you to all the troops the rest of you guys go fuck yourselves I'll talk to you next week get your solar panels get your idea patented and if you're making love to a version this week let's try to keep it eye to eye all right guys see you