Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-28-18

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

Bill rambles about losing Game 7, Hollywood vanity, and Korean Foreskins.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. For Monday, May 28th, 2018, what's going on? How are you? Sorry, I just had to cry it out of me. Ah, I was a man, it kept you on the motorcycle. Oh, Jesus, ah, if only kids knew how to play basketball these days, and I'm actually talking about the Cavaliers and the Celtics, if we just played basketball in the end, if we just played basketball, we actually could have, I didn't think we'd win one, two games of that series. I was just like, LeBron James is LeBron James. If we just fucking played, but I didn't see one pick and roll that whole fucking game. Maybe I missed it. I mean, I was having a couple as I was sitting there just watching it. It's game seven, you know, stressing out. I had to take the edge off there. You know, I was talking to a buddy of mine. I swear to God, if you take a fucking three pointer with nobody underneath and you miss, that should be in the stat sheet as a turnover.

That's all I'm going to say. Jesus Christ. This is what happens when everybody in the league is a fucking one and done guy, you know, they never took a physics class, or I don't know, ever fucking had a ruler and fucking measured. Dude, we would, there was like six minutes left. We're like down by, I don't know, four, five, six, seven points. We just start taking threes every time we go down the court, like, like there was like five seconds left. Like the crowd was counting down. I don't know. Having said that, I got to tell you right now, LeBron James, in my mind, leapfrog, Kobe Bryant, taking that team to the NBA finals. I just, I just think Kobe would have been too, he just didn't have the, he just didn't have that thing. He would just look at everybody on the bench, like the bums they were, and be like, what the fuck, and would just walk into the front office and be like, I'm not playing with this shit. Get me better guys or I'm fucking leaving. That's, that's how he got his titles. He was also a beast, you know, I'm a Celtics fan, so I always have to shit on him a little bit. You know what I mean? It's either me or Shaq, the Black Mamba. He's ice cold, except when he was crying in the front office. Jesus, Bill, can you stay on topic?

Sorry, this has nothing to do with Kobe Bryant. He's one of the greatest players of all fucking time, right? I'm just a fucking butthurt Celtics fan right now, who's team way over achieved. So I said, I should be happy. But LeBron James, what the fuck that guy did? Jesus Christ. Unbelievable. Speechless. I don't, I don't know what to say. And from what I've heard, the Warriors are a little banged up. They got their game seven tonight. So I mean, I guess, you know, as, as a fan of basketball and more importantly, competition. I have to root for the Cavaliers or the Houston Rockets. I mean, you just, you can't root for a pile on team unless they're playing another pile on team. Isn't that how it works? Admittedly, the Celtics had one in 2008. I didn't watch that team the whole year. You know, I watched during the playoffs. Then we played the Lakers and I was like, all right, our pile on team versus your pile on team. Whatever. I'll do it. But congratulations. Congratulations to the Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron James, without a doubt. I mean, you got, I mean, I would put that guy like, I don't know, it's hard.

When you start talking Oscar Robertson, Bill Russell, I don't know where the fuck he is, but he's past Kobe in the modern era. I'd have to say that it's him and Jordan. And I know a lot of you young kids right now who didn't watch Michael Jordan. You know, you go back and you go on YouTube and you watch his highlights and that type. That guy, he literally changed the game. I can't, I can't stress that enough. Like the game changed. He didn't dominate the game the way Kobe did. He literally changed it. Like, oh, I didn't know he could fucking do that. I had no idea he could do that. My only knock against LeBron James is when he fucking blocked that shot and then just stood there basking in his own amazing, amazing, amazingness or whatever. And then the announcer Jackson goes every once in a while, every once in a while, you make a play that's so unbelievable. You have to stand there and admire it. And I was sitting there like the oldest old man ever going like, that's what's wrong with this country.

That YOLO fucking, yo, I can't even believe how I can't even believe how amazing I am. The fuck down the court, you know, you can't really say to help out your teammates. He had them all in his back, but just what the fuck was he doing back there? Standing there for like 20 minutes. Like, do you understand what that dumb look on his face? Like, he just stopped a scud missile. You blocked the shot. I don't know. I am officially, this is how old I am. Okay. This is how I was actually watching old school TV shows and like, I turned 50 next month. As much as it's fucking with me, I wouldn't change when I was born to live now as a younger person. And I'm, for the simple reason that when I was a kid, this is what a theme song sounded like on a TV show.

Sounds like a fucking porno. That's all people playing it. Come on, get to the fucking horns. Dude, I used to be glued to the way, what the fuck? You knew somebody was getting fucked up. Those were all fucking people. You know, something after they played that theme song, they didn't stand in the studio. Admiring what the fuck they just did. Other than that, I love LeBron James. I do. I'm just breaking his fucking balls. And I also love the city of Cleveland. And I even still love the city of Cleveland. Even after about 5 or 6,000 Cleveland Cavalier fans went at me, sending me fucking all kinds of shit over social media. Like, they didn't have a Cleveland Stamer in their fucking pants. Whatever the fuck. I hate those stupid jokes, by the way.

You know what a dirty sandwich is? No, I don't. And keep the joke to yourself. It's all the same. Fuck, I hate when you stick your dick in a shit and then you shove it up a nose and you go, God bless you. But you Satan Spanish. Those water bubbler jokes. Those are all jokes for people who don't know how to make a move, right? Then you stand there, hey, you know what this one's called? He's when you stick your dick in your fucking pile of cum. Oh, they give me douche chills. I always fucking hated those jokes. Anyways, oh my God, we used to trash Patrice when he used to do those jokes on stage. We used to have Patrice, you're doing street jokes. You're doing street jokes.

Anyways, I'm all over the fucking map here. Sorry, man, I'm shaking off a game seven loss. I was just psyched that we got to the Eastern Conference finals and all of a sudden it's like, holy shit, we could actually win this fucking thing. Then I'm like, and if the Warriors lose to the Rockets, who gives a fuck about the Rockets? We always beat the Rockets in the finals. We beat them in 81 and 86. We're going to have the trifecta. Oh, Billy started dreaming. Anyways, those Cleveland fans who were talking all this crazy shit. You're lying to yourself if you forgot about that Jason Tatum dunk on LeBron James. That right there is what's known as the changing of the guard.

That was like the first time Shaq started having problems with his big toe. That's the beginning of the end and a new chapter is coming in and it's dressed in green and white. This one fucking guy, I trashed him on Twitter. He gave me some shit and he had his stupid Cavaliers jersey and his hat on. With this game seven look on his face, I said, but he was wearing his seat belt. I don't know. Some Cleveland fans, when they look up in the rafters and they start counting banners, they forget that an Eastern Conference championship is not an NBA title. A division title banner is literally something you give to a millennial.

You did something. I don't know. I only got like five people gave me shit. Why am I doing this right now? Why am I being so childish? Oh God, we were right fucking there. We were right there. Anyways, and I'm not going to do that dumb shit of like, so and so was there. You won fair and square. Everybody gets hurt. LeBron's hurt, right? He's probably all fucked up for carrying those people. Anyways, congratulations. That really didn't sound like a congratulatory fucking 10 minutes here. But that's that's what I was trying to get to. Congratulations to Cleveland.

All right, even like Eagles fans started giving me shit. It's just like, dude, you know, are you fucking serious right now? Good Lord, Philadelphia. When did Philly ever start talking shit about sports? This is what I want all of you guys to do. What is the championship combination to open your city? Count your championships. Ours is five, six, eight, seventeen. Huh? That unlocks to safe and all the rings pour out. What happens in Philly? Philly is two, two, three, one. Go fuck yourselves. You fucking green cunts. You hang around long enough. You're going to fucking win one. There was another one. This guy was giving me shit going the Celtics won like 11 championships before there was anybody.

It's like, all right, well, since then we won six. Stop talking about the Cavaliers. Like they're an expansion team. They've been in the league for almost 50 seasons. Fuck in Miami. He showed up in 88. I think they've won more than the Celtics. Well, they went one. They've been four. They've won four. I don't know. Why am I trashing cities? I don't want to try. I don't give a fuck about Philly. I like Philly. I like Cleveland. I like all of this shit. I'm just fucking, you know, it still stinks that I lost. Like I said, I wish, I don't even fucking hate the Yankees anymore. You can't hate them. They're all basically they added one free agent other than that's their whole team. It's just, uh,

I think I hate the Lakers the most just because I live out here. You know, I'd say that was yet probably just because I live out here and then Canadian fans, but they just, you know, chasing their own fucking tales so they don't even matter anymore. I don't know. I guess I guess I'm just not mad anymore. I mean, I'm still mad, but I guess it probably is childhood issues. Wow. Why the fuck do I even watch sports? All right, guys, I'm going to end this podcast and I just had an epiphany. None of this matters. Um, anyways, I'm fucking with you. God damn it. Oh God. Oh, game seven stink. Game seven lost stinks. It really stinks. Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm not gonna lie to you. I mean, I, I, I haven't watched the NBA in so long. I know I watched the Celtics like all last season. I watched them and, uh, I just, I just cannot get over running down the court and just fucking stopping. And your teammates haven't even settled and just pulling up and taking a three and just not getting yanked out of the fucking game. The only thing that makes that okay is the other teams are doing it too. It's like watching this high skilled like game at the YMCA, you know, there's no plays. Everybody just met each other, you know, you just fucking trying to burn calories. Um, all right, Bill, let it go. Okay, I'll let it go. I'll let it go. How badass is that fucking theme song? It's from the streets of San Francisco, by the way.

I've been trying to find the original one, but I guess I can find is the Henry Mancini version of it. That was the heyday of, uh, the white cop chasing the minority actor down the street and the only role that he was going to get that decade. You know, um, they should, they should go back and they should do a documentary on all those fucking guys. You know, like who has the record, like what black actor in the seventies had the record for the most times he did a scene where he was running down an alley being chased by the cops. You know, when you get to the fence, that's the scene I always wanted to do. You get to the chain length fence and you get like, you know, a couple of rungs up and then they grab you back. You're like, nah, they fucking drag you off. Where you going freckles? Huh? You know, hurry or something? Sorry, man. I just not going nowhere.

Um, anyways, congratulations and other congratulations. I'm just, I'm just being, this is me in a very generous, thankful mood. It's Memorial Day, right? Thanking the troops, people that made the ultimate sacrifice. You know, it's a bit of a drop off to thank a fucking professional basketball team after you thank the troops. But, uh, you know, congratulations to Daniel Ricardo winning his first race, Formula One race in Monaco. How about that? That's the race I want to go to. And it's probably the most boring F1 race because that race is all about qualifying. That's the race. Whoever fucking wins the pole position. I mean, they're racing in those little ass fucking streets. You know what I mean? You know why those streets are so small over there? It's not because the city's so old and used to just ride a horse down it. It's because that's a sovereign city and that's Illuminati money.

And they like their bitches skinny. They like them young and thin. Okay, so that's, that's their locked door test. If they can walk down the street without their hips touching either building, uh, then they'll have their current wife, uh, disposed of. I think that's what they do. And then they stay young evidently. Somebody sent me this fucking thing in here. I think this is how they stay young. Somebody wrote to me said four skin injections. Yo, Bill, what gives in Hollywood? Uh, my girlfriend show showed me a video of an actress on Ellen talking about injecting four skin cells imported from Korea. Korean circumcision. Sorry. Into her face to look young. Get out of there, Bill. We can't have you injecting dick skin into your face for roles. The fuck's going on. Um, what do you mean what the fuck is going on? We are the leaders of how to stay young out here in Hollywood. Okay.

What do you, what do you think your Rogan came from? What do you think your, your Grecian formula is going to come from? Huh? What do you think all your workouts come from? They come from Hollywood. All your fad diets. That's us. Okay, we came up with all of that. You know why? Cause you cunts are always trashing us. You hold us to a higher standard. Okay. You look to us to see what the future of vanity is. You look to us to make it okay. Okay. Botox started out here. Now look, it's all over the country. You're all fucking doing it. All these real fucking housewives. Huh? You all made fun of us and now look at you. Huh? You're all on steroids. You're getting the fucking good hair plugs. Cause people out here in Hollywood, you know, had the decency to stick those ant legs into their fucking heads. To let these doctors make mistakes with their own face until it becomes safe enough that you can sneak into some fucking back alley and get the same procedure done to you when you start getting your mantits.

All right, sir. How dare you make fun of Hollywood? Thanks to our self involvement, you'll be able to wear a tank top well into your 60s. You're welcome, sir. I mean, I don't know who's more fucking arrogant. Cleveland Cavalier fans talking shit like they own the NBA when all they ever do is show up in the finals to be the Washington Generals to whoever the fuck they're playing. Except that one year when they won. Huh? Or you regular fucking people who sit there going, these fucking celebrities, they need to be taken down a peg and yada, yada, yada, fucking yada. Let me tell you something there, grillmaster. You two there forming grill or whatever type of fucking cookery you have in your goddamn kitchen. Huh? With your little fucking makeover and your sad little fucking house. You know, and then you turn on the TV to see what a dream looks like and who's standing there. Me and my bald fucking head.

By the way, I'm not going to lie to you guys for my 50th birthday. I think I'm going to give myself hair plugs. I think I've earned them. Okay. I'd like to brush my teeth, you know, and not stare at the sink. Okay, I would like to look up and see something that I like. And, you know, I just want to live my truth. You know, that's all that I'm doing. And hey, you know, if hair plugs are going to make me feel better, then I say I should do it. And you know something, I think it's time that I gave myself permission to look sexy again. Why in the fuck would you ever? Like, I could see if you if you had American four skin cells.

All right, but like, why would you get four skin cells imported from a country that we're really not getting along with at least not half of it? You know, why don't you just get your Botox from China? It's probably where it's from, right? Sad. Make them China sad. Yeah, people are out of their fucking minds. I am doing my damnedest to stay in shape, but I'm going to age fucking naturally. That's it. You know, I mean, other than the I got a varicose vein in my left leg, you know, it looks like a goddamn roadmap to fucking Albuquerque. You know, I might get that taken out some point. I keep meaning to get around to it, but I never wear shorts. You know, because I respect people, you know, all these fatties out there wearing half shirts acting like they're brave. You're not you're disgusting.

And everybody should point at you like we're an invasion of the body snatchers. Okay, I don't care that you're fat, but you know, you put on put on a whole shirt. Maybe it is a whole shirt. Maybe you just ate so much that now we can see your belly again. You know, like you ever see a woman with big tits wearing a half shirt and then when you turn around to look at her, it goes all the way down to her ass in the back. And it's like, oh, that's not a half shirt. She just has giant tits. She can't help it. She can't help it. It's not her fault. Anyways, I took my daughter, we went out for a walk today and we went up, we went on a hike. And, you know, I was pushing the stroller the whole way up. What a great workout, man. You go up the fucking hills pushing a stroller.

You know, that's the next 25 pounds right there. Just pushing it up, pushing it up the goddamn hill. I saw this guy hiking with his daughter and his son as they got a little older. I thought it was really cool. It's like, man, I'd love to do that someday. You know, although his son was still wearing his pajamas. I was just like, come on, man, you got to tell him put his clothes on. But then I was thinking like, yeah, at least my favorite pajamas and I would have caved to. All right, all right. All right, son. No, I wouldn't.

All right, well, you wear them in the house. But I don't want to wear them. All right, then we're not going hiking. I hate you. Well, join the club, son. Join the club. I really don't even want the fuck I've been talking about. I'm just trying to fill up time here. That's all I do here in this podcast. If you're new to it. I'll tell you right now, I've never been so offended in my life that someone actually has the audacity to make fun of the vanity of Hollywood and the Boston Celtics. That's one of the most simple combination championship combination cities ever.

What is Cleveland? Cleveland is zero. The Indians won in 48. I'll throw another one in there. I mean, they're like zero, one, two. You know, when it comes to championships, I swear to God, this should be a Fisher price tag hanging off the ones in Cleveland. I'm saying your children when it comes to success. Oh, Bill, why would you go back into that bucket of hate? Because it's fun. Oh, I must use the line from Brett Dawn. It keeps me warm. All that hate's going to burn you up.

Keeps me warm. Powers Booth. Was it Powers Booth? Was Powers Booth in that thing? What a fucking name. Powers Booth. You guys see Morgan Freeman gotten a little bit of trouble this week. Nobody said how fucking cool it is that an 80 year old guy can still fuck. You know what I mean? Why can't we look at the bright side of sexual harassment? Plus, he's 80. I mean, what do you think he's going to do? You stop listening to music a couple of years after high school, you get married, you have a kid. You don't know what the fuck's going on. This guy doesn't know what's going on.

What are you going to do next? Make fun of the playlist on his flip phone? He's in his fucking 80s. Oh my God, I was so afraid. I was so afraid when that guy pushing a hundred. That clip where he was saying, I wish I was there. I thought he was making fun of Michael Cain. Going, I wish I was there when you stuck your foot in your mouth saying are you pregnant and the woman wasn't. That's how I took it. I have no idea. But what would I know? What would I know about male and female relationships? What the fuck would I know? What was I looking up again?

Cleveland Indians. This is such a cunty thing to do after they just had success to talk about their entire pastures. But this is all I got. What you listen to is a sad, pathetic man taking swings at people who are no longer in the room. They've moved on. Cleveland Indians. I want to coin that. What is your combination? Cleveland Indians, World Series, championships. And I put it plural out of respect. World Series titles, two. So they got two World Series, one NBA, zero Super Bowls. And we'll give them the fucking Columbus blue jackets with zero Stanley Cup.

My combination to Cleveland is zero, zero, one, two. All right. Do you understand we've won more Super Bowls than you have? Why am I doing this? This is so check, because it's fun. I'm not doing it to all Cleveland. I'm just doing it to the fucking. How do you only win two Super Bowl, I mean two World Series and you have like 58 retired numbers? Would you retire the numbers for if I have in the fucking jumping on the grenade and joining that franchise? Oh, Bill, I like the Cleveland Indians. You know, it really is. I kind of just had a great weekend and I don't really have anything to talk about. Oh, by the way, did anybody see the highlight? I don't know what I did.

I tried to favorite the thing on my Instagram page, which by the way, I suck at it. Like I'm not making these stupid videos going like, oh, man, I'm in the grocery store to fucks up with cantaloupe. Check me out at the San Jose Improv. Did you see that fucking guy MotoGP race with that fucking guy? I can't even describe what he basically he's they're all coming around the corner. They're all two inches from each other. One guy wipes out. Okay. And his bike lands perpendicular to the guy behind him. All right.

And the guy just hits the gas and drives up over it like a fucking stuntman. He's going 100 something miles an hour. He goes flying through the fucking air and then lands on gravel and somehow saves it and doesn't go down and continues on. Oh, and by the way, like his airbag popped. I don't know if you haven't seen those guys when they get off the bikes after they wipe out their arms looking weird like in like they were in these weird, you know, when somebody gets knocked out in their arms kind of go, they kind of stick out. They do that a little bit. I'm guessing that's because the airbag popped and they can't bring their arms back down. This guy's airbag popped, making him less aerodynamic. He continued to ride the race.

I mean, it's just fucking badass, badass. You know what I miss? I miss the fucking Indy 500 after interviewing Danica Patrick, who by the way was so fucking badass. And I think it's really cool that she's retiring, you know, retire while you still have some years left. You know, it doesn't look, you know, you don't want to limp out of the league like fucking, you know, Brett Favre, you know, I don't really think of those last few years, but it's just like, dude, you're in there. You're a Hall of Fame. You're one of the greatest ever. What do you do it? You want to get out before then. And then she also had like a vineyard or something like that. It's really, that's the way to do it. That's the way to get out of showbiz. You know, I think the Smothers Brothers did that. Like they didn't even announce their retirement. From what I heard, I was working in Vegas.

They did their last show at the Orleans casino. Didn't say it was their last show. Just said, thank you. Good night. And just fucking went retired to their vineyard. How fucking bad? I mean, that is, that's, that's it. Like with Jordan hit that last shot as a bull. Smothers Brothers didn't come back to play for the fucking wizards. All right. So Celtics lost the game seven and I am in the last days of my forties. I am basically sitting here with a bottle of tampons and some Kleenex. This is, this is, this is the end of it, man. You know, I mean, Jesus, I look really good for fucking 50. I'm not going to lie. But I'm going to tell you right now, nobody looks good at 60. Okay, I don't give a fuck what you do when you're 60. You're 60. And all even that's not true. Kenny Aaron off did my podcast. He looked fucking unbelievable. And he was a little north of 60. All right. That's it. Kenny Aaron, Kenny Aaron off. Now the guy I'm looking at. All right. The day that guy falls off, whatever fucking year that is, I'm going to be like God, man, that's officially your fucking old.

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You know, what is the fucking show there? It's always sunny in Philadelphia, spacing on the guy's name. He was hosting in one flu of the cuckoo's nest. He was in kindergarten cop. No, he wasn't. He was in twins. He was in Romancing the Stone, I think. Keep thinking Alan Alda. Fuck, he got drunk on that talk show. It was hilarious. Louis De Palma. You know what I'm talking about. Anyways, all right, I already read the four skin injections. Wine country advice. Hey, Billy Barolo, breath. Heard you talking to Danica Patrick about why you said you and Neil want to do a wine country trip.

Thought I'd give you some ideas. I grow grapes and make wine for a small producer in Sonoma County and have been in the wine industry for 10 years. All right, you have established credibility. Why can't you just tell me where the fuck to go rather than reading me your entire resume? You self-involved jackass. How soon before this guy has fucking Korean four skin cells injected into his fucking grey teeth? Make his teeth white again after all that Merlot. I am not drinking Merlot. I guess that fucked up the whole Merlot industry. I like Merlot. First of all, don't do Napa. It's douchey as fuck.

Honestly, you only need to drive a couple hours into Santo Huaynez Valley for an awesome weekend of wine tasting. They have all kinds of great wines there, but if you guys do want to come all the way up to the quote, real wine country, I really do think Sonoma County is better than Napa County. The mistake people make is going to the actual town of Sonoma, which is boring and pretty shitty. The move is to stay in Heldsburg, dude, you're hooking me up. Heldsburg, which is in northern Sonoma County. Shitloads of excellent tasting rooms and restaurants just walking around town, plus tons of other wineries nearby to drive to, slash, hire a car.

Napa is only an hour away at most, so you could always cruise over there for a day. If there are some specific Napa wineries you want to check out, okay, if there's some specific ones you want to check out, but seriously, fuck Napa, blown up, way overpriced wine, most of them, which aren't great, and they can't even grow Pinot Noir over there. It's too hot, and Pinot is the best wine there is once you learn to notice and appreciate the little details. Bonus fact, Les Claypool has a winery here. He makes Pinot because he knows what's up. I fucking love Les Claypool. Shit, baby, do you want to fucking drink wine with me?

Other football leagues. Well, thank you, sir. I'm going to fucking copy and paste that and send that to my wharf and see what she says. Other football leagues. Hey, William Shevers! Just one, oh, you know what? I missed the Liverpool Cup final. I'll have to catch their next game, next season, evidently. I don't even know who won. I would think Liverpool won.

I lost because I didn't get any fucking... Hey, dude, I hope you watched your adopted team won. Liverpool Cup final. Ah, geez, against Madrid. Where the fuck is it over here? Why is my cable so slow? Not cable, my internet? Come on, you fuckos. Come on. Come on. Why? Well, I don't fucking know. Well, you know what? Evidently, my computer is allergic to soccer.

Ah, okay. Other football leagues. Hey, William Shevers was wondering since Johnny Menzel has made the switch, if you ever watch any CFL. I love the CFL. CFL is so fucking underrated. CFL is better than college football. That's a bunch of college all-stars that weren't quite good enough to make it to the NFL, but won't quit any college football team.

Bigger field. It's exciting. I don't even know what the fuck's going on, and there's only like six teams, right? The Edmonton Eskimos. They're like your Washington Redskins, right? Are they getting pressured to change that name? The Calgary Rough Riders. The B.C. Eagles. Oh, no, it's the Calgary Stampede, right? Isn't it? The Winnipeg Nostral Stickers. Something like that. Something about the cold weather out there. I don't fucking know.

Oh, by the way, tonight's the first night of the Stanley Cup finals. Right? Stanley Cup final. Not the NBA finals. Stanley Cup final. And congratulations to the fucking Vegas Knights and the Washington Capitals. That's going to be exciting to see either team win, but I'm really pulling for the Capitals. I'm a big fan of fucking What's His Face There? or Vechkin. You know, Russian players get a bad name in the NHL, because I guess a number of them could give a fuck about winning a Stanley Cup. You know, who was that guy that signed, you know, was fucking amazing.

Played for the Atlanta Thrasher. He's got a giant contract with New Jersey. He was just like, yeah, you know, I just don't give a fuck. And he left, went back to play hockey in Russia. Like the Stanley Cup does, like that's the stereotype that it doesn't mean shit to these guys. All right? So guys like, you know, Malkin and Vechkin got a bear. The carry the load of these other Russian cunts that I guess didn't give a shit. So I'm rooting for that guy. You know, Trump probably wouldn't like it that I'm rooting for a Russian,

but I want to see him win one. We shall see. But what's his face? Vince Neil. Motley Crue, one of my favorite groups of all time. He's out in Vegas and he's become a big fucking Vegas Knights fan. So no matter what, I'm going to be happy whoever wins. Anyways, other football leagues, I would absolutely watch the CFL. The biggest difference is our field is longer, long and wider with bigger end zones

and field goal posts are on the goal line. We also function on a three down system. I'm probably a poor source for the rules, but hey, I'm just some jackass right near the podcast. Well, let me know when it starts. PS, you should see a Saskatchewan Rough Riders game. We are considered one of the best football fan bases around and do a show in Saskatoon while you're at it. Go fuck yourself and have a lovely day.

I did, I did a show. That's how I know you guys go. I did a show in Saskatchewan. I did one in Saskatoon and Regina. The city that rhymes with fun. I never need to hear that again. I'll definitely be back. And you can see the Northern Lights like all year round. Boyfriend found out I cheated on my ex-husband.

Oh boy. Billy Babushka lips. What the fuck is Babushka? I got to look that up. Liverpool quest for glory ends in tears as Gareth Bale, wonder goal breaks heart. Oh no. Oh, I had enough sports pain for the fucking weekend.

What happened? I'm clicking on the link. Why won't you do anything? All right. What was I looking up, Babushka? That's one of my favorite words of all time. I don't even know what it means. Oh, Billy Babushka.

I was a wrestling manager. That would be my name. All right. Should I end my relationship? My boyfriend of a year and a half found out I cheated on my ex-husband. He's not being a huge dick about it, just passive aggressive whenever shit goes down, which is not too often. He's a little bit, he's a little on the sensitive side,

but until he found out about my past, that's what I liked about him. He's a math computer guy, not an alpha male. Well, you know, you get what you pay for, sweetheart. He does not care what people think about him and he has a unique sense of humor. His family definitely has mental issues. His dad refused to stay on dialysis

and died when he was in high school and two older brothers off themselves when he was a sophomore and a senior in college. Jesus fucking Christ. You dating the Hemingways here? I'm in my mid-30s and have a good job. He's two years older and has a great job, owns a house in a good neighborhood.

No kids involved. Our relationship is the best I've ever had. I feel a lot of love recently, though, after he found out I sense a lapse. He never wants to talk about it. I could never imagine myself cheating again. I got married to my ex too young, but now that my baby making years are coming to an end,

I don't know what to do. Should I stick around to see if we get back to where we were or move on? Go drink yourself. Yeah, I don't fuck. You know, I don't know. I don't know. Just be like, look, are you ever going to be able to get,

just ask him. Are you going to be able to get past this? You know, here's the thing. You know, you did do it, so it gives you shit. You kind of got to roll with it, I guess. It gives a fuck. Yeah, I just roll with it for a little bit and just see a full fucking sensitive tour there.

I don't know, people always say that. You know, if you fucking cheat, you're going to cheat again. I don't know. It all depends on where you are in your life, who the fuck you're with. I don't know about that one. Is there been a study on that? I have no idea.

I honestly don't know what to tell you, man. Maybe you could turn it into some sort of math joke. Dating older women. Dear Billy Blueballs, my name is Prince. I am 23 and about to be 24 and about a month. I am in a relationship with a 44-year-old woman. Yeah, this is easy. Get the fuck out of it. You're not in a relationship.

You're banging a 44-year-old woman. Now, I know what you are thinking. Mommy issues much? No, and I don't end fucking sentences with the word much. Nonetheless, I just said, hey, that's too much. I don't know. There's some fucking... I hate that.

Something, something much? You know what else the one I hate? So-and-so. And then something in quotes. Me, something in quotes. And you're always the cool fucking person. Bill, you're old. Get over it. People talk differently now.

All right? Remember when you were young and everybody would yell not? You didn't think that was annoying to older people? All right, you got me. Now I know what you are thinking. Okay, now I know what you're thinking. Mommy issues much? That is part of the reason I am with her, if I'm being honest.

Well, there you go. Got to love honesty. We have been dating for about five months now and things are good, but there are things that irritate the hell out of me. What, her fucking silver pubic hair? Like she thinks some of my views on life and other things are odd. I honestly just think it's because she grew up in a totally different time. Yeah, it's called a generation gap.

If you get your face out of her gap and look at the fucking calendar, sorry. We have been dating for about five months now and things are good. No, they're not. But there are things that irritate. Okay, I read this. They're not good, sir. You need to get the fuck out of this. This is not going to end well.

At some point you're going to want to have a kid. All right? And a vagina is going to be in a fucking museum. Anyways, where the fuck was I? I mean, there's definitely a different time than me, but some of it is that she isn't into science. Oh, she better be if she's going to try to keep herself young. Like we got into an argument about high fructose corn syrup

because she said it's only sugar until I proved to her that it's not just sugar. And she thinks that's not really science. Yeah, I thought you were into science. You're just reading facts that scientists figured out. That's not science. Right? I mean, the fact that I could look that up and just go, here it is. That's not scientist.

If I can figure it out, it's not science, sir. And she thinks my fear of chemicals in our food is odd as well. It's hard being with someone that doesn't get me. Another thing in a black male, oh, I'm a black male and she's a white female, so she doesn't really understand how it is to be a black man in this day and that Jesus fucking Christ, sir. How many red flags do you need? You know, and she's she got fired from the police department for dropping the N word.

Other than that, I think I really like her, sir. What the fuck are you doing? I'm going to keep going here and to jump top and to jump topic. Sex with her is good, but it's like we only have sex once and it sucks. It's because I leave her too sore. Okay, I'm not. I leave her too sore. You know, is there anything worse than a big fucking dick, nincompoop?

I can't fuck. What am I supposed to do with you, sir? You and your porno cock need to fucking date somebody. You know, from, from, she's almost twice your age. And she listens to cartoon. This is such a fucked up email. I don't believe it. I'm calling bullshit on that one.

You kind of did a slow roll on me. You had me. You had me. You had me. And then you say, and I'm black and I got a big dick and she's so I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Maybe it's true. He goes, I want to have excitement and shit in our relationship.

And she just doesn't bring that to the table. I like her a lot and we watch documentaries together. I'm sure that she fall asleep halfway through it like I do. Um, anyways, all right. Okay. And she has a venereal disease, but you know, other than that, you know, we laugh a lot. Oh, fuck. All right.

Do we have anything else here? Is there anything else that, that needs to be discussed other than why is my computer that I got kicked off line? You know, and now it'd be funny if I never go to the internet again. And the last thing I did was I looked up Babushka. Um, all right, people. It's Memorial Day. Who's kidding who?

You're not fucking working today either. All right. I have to go to a picnic, a kid picnic and I can't wait. You know what? I actually got a great book here. It says 88 great daddy daughter dates. I think I'm going to do most of these. You know, I got all these books, you know, a dad's prayer for his daughter's daughter.

That's fucking weird. Strong fathers, strong daughters, 10 secrets. Every father should know. All right. Let's read a little bit of this. See how much of this I agree. Protect her, defend her. Okay.

She needs. Oh my God. How this is like. All right. How dumb would you have to be to read this fucking book? Okay. One, you are the most important man in her life. Chapter two, she needs a hero.

Chapter three, you are her first love. Chapter four, teacher humility. Oh, she shouldn't stand there like LeBron James. After you just blocked her shot. Protect her, defend her and use a shotgun if necessary. Pragmatism and grit your two greatest. I'll read that chapter because I don't know what either one of those means. I know one of them was a John Wayne movie.

Be the man you want her to marry. Gross teacher who God is gross teacher to fight. That's right. There you go. Keep her connected. Afterward. Acknowledgements, bibliography, notes, index. I don't know what those last thing chapters were about.

Let's see. Let's read the chapter. We'll start with index here. Let's see what the hell I'm supposed to tell my daughter. A, abortion, 12 abstinence, comma, 113-114. This doesn't make any sense. Add health study, ADHD, advertising, African Americans. This book is all over the place.

African Americans and it says depression and STDs, AIDS. But why did you have to drag black people into this? Alcohol? This is a weird chapter. I don't think I like this book. I don't know who wrote it. Anyways. Oh, fucking Billy burger face is going to go fucking turn on the grill.

Make a few here. This is one of my last podcasts in my 40s. This is so stupid. I'm turning 50. I'm not going to feel any fucking differently. I'm definitely going to try to eat better. And I've been doing that for the last three months. And I was FaceTime with somebody and they were like, have you lost weight?

And I was like, nah, not really. Yes! Woo! I'm excited. So anyways, I think that's it, right? Anything I'm doing a drum, doing my double bass drum, it's coming along. It's coming along, you know, working on that song. I of the beholder.

I of the beholder. Little Metallica. Oh, and I played Streets of San Francisco. It's all serendipity. All right, this is it. I'm done. I'm not going to just fucking me enter for another fucking six minutes just to say I did it. Once again, I apologize to everybody in Cleveland and in Philly for being a cunt, all right?

You won a Super Bowl. Congratulations. You're going to the NBA finals. Congratulations. I hope you fucking cheese steaks and whatever the fuck it is you guys eat there in Cleveland. I hope they taste extra better today. Extra special, all right? I'm off to watch some baseball.

Oh, yeah, that was a spaghetti bolognese with a little veal. Download the Myderlese app and cook me. Yeah, top. The lesse. Me with the cleven.