Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-23

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Bill rambles about NBA, approaching horses, and leaving a girl at the altar. ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/burr

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning podcast for Monday for Monday, baby. Woo! May 20, fucking knife, 2023. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm a little flabbergasted. What a weekend. What a fucking weekend of sports that I had. They were for me, man.

I don't know if you guys were paying attention, but the Boston Celtics were down. Three games to none. They were halfway through game four. Charles Buckley and Shaquille O'Neal were giving the Celtics the tongue lashing. They fully deserved that halftime going like they're trying to win on talent. They don't have any heart. You got to have a killer instinct and Shaqu was going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, well, that was out there throwing balls, side-wire. Right? And Charles Barclay said something else and I was just sitting there as a Celtics fan wanting to get upset, but I was like, they're right.

They're right. They played the game. They're hollow famers. When they make the list of the greatest of all time,'re on the list am I gonna dispute what they're saying? I even knew it was true even even a a a a almost 55 year old bald ginger No That we weren't we weren't playing right we weren't coaching right we weren't doing anything fucking right and all of a sudden They turn on the Jess well low on behold. Oh, it's funny. What what what can happen in four days? You can get hit by a truck Have a funeral being the fucking ground in four days ago a week earlier. You're sitting at a goddamn

Diner Have a cup of coffee reading a newspaper thinking you got a whole bunch of more fucking weeks in you don't Same thing with watching this series. I was like, we're fucking done. I'll be honest with you, I don't mind getting swept. I'm a big believer in ripping the bandaid off. If I'm gonna lose a fucking series, just get it over with. Sweep our asses, send us back to the fucking goddamn golf course

or whatever the fuck basketball players do in the off season. And we'll fucking, send us back to the fucking goddamn golf course or whatever the fuck basketball players do in the off season. And we'll fucking, we'll try to do something. We'll try and rebuild. I think what we need to do is to Celtics to compete with like what the Lakers can offer off court is, you know, instead of getting all these nerds to fly in and go to MIT and fucking Harvard and Dak myth and Brown and all of that shit, what we need in Massachusetts are some good looking who is.

All right. Just fly them in for the day when you have the free agent walk around Boston. Okay. And then you just have all these fucking chicks walking down the street making eyes at them. And then maybe they'll choose us over the Los Angeles Pylon Lakers, who by the way got swept. However, if we don't win the game seven, it was, you know, what's the difference? We will be in, well, at least, you know, we had a better series, I guess. All right, let's get into it.

Close game, the whole way, the whole way, I thought we were gonna win the game. They just, you know, they had a lead early and then we just kept being up by six, eight, 11, 13, 15, nine, you know, just kept doing that shit, but they couldn't catch up with this. And then we almost choked away at the end and I'm like, oh my god, are they really going to do this? Oh, but you know, what are the odds you're going to win three in a row against any team, you know?

So I was thinking while at least they put up a good fight, you know, it's much more respectful than getting swept even though I prefer it just to get it fucking over with because I can't handle aging, you know, in dog years when I watch these fucking games. So anyway, we're somehow in the end we're up by three. I don't fucking remember. There's so many goddamn foul shots and timeouts and fucking commercials. So Jimmy Butler's bringing it down the court, right? Get's over half court. He's at the three point line, you know, where it's the top down the court, right? Get's over half court.

He's at the three point line, you know, where it's the top of the key or whatever. We got two guys up there. We're playing great defense. The clock's running down. And then all of a sudden, he starts going to the corner and he's got Al Horford moving laterals. So you knew exactly what was going to happen. He was going to draw contact, which is such fucking bullshit.

I feel he had no intention of that ball going in. I think his number one thing was I want to get fouled and take two free unguarded foul shots and Jimmy Butler, being Jimmy Butler gets fouled behind the three point ock. I don't know if they've changed this rule or whatever. Someone was trying to tell me that they did, but it's my belief that two rules that should just, I've just no brainers should be changed, is that if you're the offensive player and you deliberately draw contact,

not only should you not get a file, it should be a file on you. And that is the basketball version of in the NFL when a fucking quarterback, all right, with his fucking noodle arm underthroes a receiver. The receiver stops and fights through the defender and they call the defender on pass interference. I think that should be offensive pass interference. Okay. If I could, you know, change a few things in sports. I would also get rid of that stupid safe space underneath the fucking basket.

Nobody's allowed to be here. So people can dunk uncontested and then scream at the crowd like they did something. Anyway, so we got like two points something seconds and left, they put another point nine on the clock, which I love how people were like, you know, bitching about that. And then the point nine, jeggy, which I love how people would like, you know, bitching about that. And the point nine, jagged, yeah, we you fucking difference.

That wasn't the difference. That wasn't the difference. The difference was, Marcus smart misses the three pointer. When he shot the ball, Derek White is way out behind the fucking arc, or he's near the three point line. And what does he do? He cuts to the fucking hoop.

Just in case the fucking heat is standing around looking at the goddamn ball. That was the difference, not the fucking point nine seconds. Granted, it gave him the time to do it, but still, if everybody stood around like the fucking heat did, that thing doesn't go in. Derek White cutting to the fucking basket. The level of heads up play that was that in in in Celtics lore history, whatever you

say, remind of me of when Dennis Johnson, Resta's soul, Dennis DJ Johnson immediately cut to the hoop when fucking Larry Bird stole the ball from Isaiah Thomas If you watch that thing the funniest part of that play is Jerry Seasting like has like hot feet He's like, oh, oh, oh, what do I do Dennis Johnson cuts right to the fucking hoop Larry gives it in lays it up and it's going oh my god This place is going crazy Johnny most rested piece right Such a fucking heads up play It's not crazy. Johnny most rested piece, right?

Such a fucking heads up play. And I'm so glad that that game didn't end on three uncontested fucking shots. It's the thing I fucking hate the most about basketball is the same thing I hate about soccer. You watch the fucking world cup and it ends on three uncontested, like whatever, like five fucking penalty shots. Poor goalie, he's fucking trying to block a space

bigger than a goddamn garage or a gay garage as they call it over there and fucking England or whatever. So anyway, incredible game. And I think game seven is gonna be a fucking war. I don't think either team lays down. I think Miami comes in there. They're like a wounded corner animal, whatever you wanna say, these motherfuckers

are not gonna sit here and be the first fucking team that ever got swept in that organization with Jimmy Butler. Whatever the fuck that coach's name is, I can never remember his, he looks like a Brian to me. I know it isn't. Pat Riley, okay, who fucking hates the Celtics and is a Hall of Famer and is a whole bunch of fucking sock drug full of rings as they say. There's no way that they're laying down. So I am not in any way, shape or form, thinking that we're just gonna win game seven. I have no idea what's gonna happen.

All I know is I'm gonna age a thousand years. As an old man, I am on the Instagram. I am on the internet. I am a part of these things. And there's all these big stupid debates about who's the best, blah blah blah blah. If I see one more stupid fucking argument, people are sitting there that are trying to say LeBron is better than Michael Jordan. And I think that what they did, they're not even this,

first of all, it's different errors. And then secondly, like, this is how I, I, as a, as a dummy myself, how I, I sort of judge if somebody's smart or not. All right. Being intelligent isn't reading a bunch of books and then puking out what you just read to the nearest person. You know a blue whale, a whale's over a flock of little, little tons. That doesn't make you smart because you know that. That just means you have a memory. All right, true intelligence to me is how you process information and the level of empathy that you have, the most difficult

of all emotions, empathy, which I've had to do the last two nights. I went out with my wife both nights and both times she came at me at the end of the night and I argued with her and then in the morning I realized, ah, she's kind of right. It's kind of being a douche and And then I gotta put myself in her position. It's not fucking fair. All right, you're right. Okay, she does that for me. I gotta do it for her.

Blah blah blah. Bill, did you just sit around about way Pat yourself on the back and say that you're smart? I think I did. I mean, one of the great things about doing a podcast about yourself is this, with yourself, is there's nobody in about yourself. There's no one here to disagree with me.

So I stand by that The level of dumb shit that that that fucking people are talking like LeBron is one of the greatest players of all time. He's one of the most dominant players of all time All right, but when you sit there and you talk about, you know, look at his stats. It's like first of all time. All right, but when you sit there and you talk about, you know, look at his stats. It's like, first of all, the fucking guy started playing when he was 18. Nine oh, Karine played forever, but he played forever on the back end. He spent 18, 19 from 18 to 22 playing college. He could have scored 2500 points easy a year in his fucking prime. Instead, he was wearing his body out.

When in four straight NCAA titles, all those extra games and March madness. So I mean, had he just gone to the NBA, then I would think that LeBron would still need another 10,000 fucking points. Okay, so I don't know how you can say LeBron is better than Kreme Abdul Javar. I'm not saying he's worse, but how you can just infatically go, Hey, you guys more points therefore he is better. And not like, look at this shit or say LeBron is better than Michael Jordan. The difference between Michael and LeBron and my humble opinion as someone who never played fucking organized hoop in my life, the difference between the two of them is Michael Jordan changed the game. Literally changed the game. LeBron hasn't done that. He's dominated the game. He's dominated the game the way Jordan has in a lot

of areas, but he didn't change the fucking game. Because I'll tell you growing up when Dr. J was around and he was dunking on people. I didn't think anybody was gonna jump higher I didn't think anybody was gonna do what the fuck he did when he jumped up when out of bounds came back Dr's head lifted his legs went under and reverse laid up against the Lakers in 1980 I was just like this nobody ever gonna do that again And then along came Dominique Wilkins and Michael Jordan. And Dominique and Michael were going toe to toe. And then Michael just went to this whole other level. And he completely changed the game before Michael Jordan came into the league. Okay. There wasn't anybody out there that was going to tell you that you could win a championship unless you had a superstar

seven footer down low that you were feeding the ball at least 50 fucking times a game. All right, Dr. Jay never fucking won a championship until he got fucking Moses Malone and that was the formula. And then a long comes Michael Jordan and he was like, fuck your seven photos, fuck everybody else. I'm going to play a perimeter game. And I'll go in and I'll dunk on two or three guys at the same time. That shitty did against the next coming in going back out and then coming back in and dunking on fucking, what was it? Bark, I'm not barkly. Fucking you in and nobody had done shit like that. Okay, so, and I would say the guy today that has that that that I put

in that category as far as is change the game without a doubt is Steph Curry. Before Steph Curry came in, the fucking shots that that guy not only takes, but hits on a regular basis, you would get benched in the 80s for even taking him. Like, because she's supposed to feed the big guy down low. This dude is, I think Steph Curry is the greatest shooter in NBA history. And I don't even think it's close However watching people talking about Larry bird the young kids talking about Larry bird like they don't even realize that when Larry Larry only hit this many threes

Steph does that in a fucking season. It's like well if Larry took 4,000 three pointers if that's what the game was and he wasn't feeding the ball the parish and macaill playing like a team game, which is what you played back then. And that's another thing that Michael Jordan changed. Michael Jordan, when somebody is that far advanced in their game, they actually hurt the game because you got a bunch of less talented people trying to do what they're seeing. And a bunch of kids stop playing team whoop for like, it was like a seven eight year period, where was everyone was just trying to be Jordan and they weren't.

And I felt like the Sacramento Kings, the San Antonio Spurs and that champion chip team that the, the pistons had brought back like the team game. But everyone was trying to do it on their own. Kobe and Shaq were trying to do that until, you know, they got the free agent coach. To come in, the guy whistles with his pinkies, right? He comes in piles on that thing and that began the pile on error of like, you don't try to beat another team. You just join the team that's beating you. Phil Jackson and all of that shit, right?

So I mean, Larry was an unbelievable shooter, okay? But he was not as good as Steph Curry. And so I just want you, so I'm not being like the old, cramage-only guy. However, Larry Bird also, like the first couple of years of his career, there wasn't even a three-point line that had yet to be invented in the league.

But I will say this as far as the NBA goes. I think the most talented, the end as far as like the level of talent in the NBA, I don't think it's ever been higher than now. And that's because it's now a global game. They draft globally, or at least they go and weigh into Europe, they've gotten guys from China. I love when those people do the Trump. China. They do Trump. They in China. And I feel like the players from Europe have elevated the game. It's made everybody elevate their game because what is this? There's two rounds.

It's so fucking quick. There's so few spots. And now you've opened it up to another fucking continent or two. I mean, I mean, this guy's coming off the bench. I feel like back in the day, could have been all stars. As far as like the ball handling skills and all that. I know that they've loosened it up, but it's an incredible level of talent. So I'm not shitting on today.

I'm just saying in order to be in the Jordan conversation, this is my argument. I think you have to change the game. And I feel Steph Curry's done it because I feel like the kids today when you watch him play are trying to do Steph Curry shit. Like they're launching, they're getting over to have court line and they're just fucking launching it with nobody underneath because they want it to go in and then they wanna run off the court and whatever because that's what they see him doing.

So, there you go. All right, so all you youngsters can now fucking take me to task, but I feel like that was a fair argument. And to further like solidify my argument, just so you understand what I'm saying. Like the people that I saw that changed the game in my lifetime. Dr. J,

Magic Johnson, there was never a guy his size bringing the ball up the court. Those guys at six nine were goofy, tripping over themselves. They just didn't have the fucking coordination. Lawrence Taylor, Wayne Gretzky, Patrick Waw, it's a good fucking list by the way. Michael Jordan, Steph Curry, who else? Who else?

Who else? Uh, honorable mention. And this is before my time, Marlon Briscoe on the, I hope I could set his name right, on the Denver Broncos. But unfortunately he was, he was black and he was playing quarterback. And if you watch him play the half season, they let him play and then just drafted a white kid and shipped him off the Buffalo and he became a wide receiver. If you watch how he plays the game, you're seeing the modern day NFL game. He would have changed it if they

gave him the opportunity. But that's a good one for as far as like who changed the game as far as like quarterbacks. I'd have to say nobody off the top of my head. I would say more like coaches, Bill Walsh, Bill Belichek. All right, I'm done. You guys understand my point. They change the game and then there's before them

and then there's after them. All right, I think I've exhausted that topic. Whatever, we've got a game seven, we've got a game seven tonight against the Vegas Knights in the Dallas Jazz. And this is the time of year. You know, I know it's the NBA finals with an S. And then the Stanley Cup final is written Stanley Cup final

and Stanley Cup finals. So I have no idea, but I just love this time of year. If I say Stanley Cup finals or NBA finals, there's always some, you know, fucking wordsmith cunt always has to be like, oh, it's the Stanley Cup final. There's only one final. You know, in this person that sends me that every year used to annoy me, but now I look at them like, you know what, that's all you have in life, isn't it? What? You're that person at the party that corrects people.

That's all you got. If you're actually working towards a dream and working for yourself and you were your own boss as much as they'll allow you to be. I don't think you have time to give a fuck if somebody says Stanley Cup Final or finals. However, I'm trying to get these expressions right. I'm champion at the bit to get these expressions right. You know, somebody said,

I read one the other day on the internet where somebody said something was said, yeah, it's worth the trade offer. Instead of the worth worth the trade off worth the trade offer. And if enough mouth breathers say it that way, they bring Oxford and Webster to their knees and they say it's also now acceptable to say it this way. In other words, we're tired of waiting for you to find the right fucking answer here. So anyway, it is Sunday morning. I'm in a great fucking mood. How great was it seeing what's his face or bar stool sports live

Whatever making the live video of him watching the end of that game if you see the look on his what I love about the look on his face You see how much he cares? That was beyond I have money on the game that That was hurting his heart. Look into your heart. Anyway, and then running around his house and outside back, I was just fucking amazing. Anyway, Dave Portnoy, there we go, Jesus Christ. I always get nervous when I say that, because then there's my Portnoy from Dream Theater. So I was fucked that up, cause I got the cell phone brain right now, I think. Anyway, so it's Sunday morning.

We took the kids out to breakfast me and my lovely wife, and we had a blast, and just, they're the funniest damn kids. And my son, I swear to God, he just loves, no matter what you tell him, he just loves doing the opposite. And then he just looks at you smiling. And if you try and stare him down, he'll stare at you back.

And then he gives a little smirk and he starts batting his friggin eyes at you. And he makes you laugh every time. You know? I don't know what to do about him. I've gotten way better at it though, as far as like, you know, he got his, he got his big boy bed. So now he has the freedom where he can get in and get out whenever the hell he wants. So I've

had a, you know, I got it down. I just, I don't go to his, you know, you know, I approach kids the same way you approach a horse. You know what I mean? You got to be totally fucking chill. You know what I mean? You gotta be totally fucking chill. You know what I mean? You keep them relaxed and then they'll go to your energy. If you go up there, kind of going like, oh gee, this animal's pretty big. They get uncomfortable.

You get uncomfortable. Next thing you know, you're getting kicked in the fucking head and you're on YouTube, right? Same thing happens with the toddler. So. Excuse me, taking a drink there. Yeah, so he got up like once, putting to bed at like eight, he got up like once, and then I put him in bed, and then like three,

thirty in the morning, he got up every five minutes for a half hour. And I just kept walking back on buddy, buddy. You got to go to bed. You got to go, no, no, can't sleep in the big one. You got to sleep in your, you got to sleep in your, you can't sleep in mom and dad's bed. You have to be in bed. That's it. And then it's funny as hell.

Like for some reason, when he says goodnight, he just screams it. We go, okay, okay. And then you start to walk out and he just goes okay night night gada Night night and you just go all right buddy. Good night. You know, I'm trying to wake up my daughter I'm like all right good night good night buddy night night well That's what he says night well Good night sweetie Yes, he yells the stuff. He combined stuff and all of that.

It's hilarious. So he did that for like a half hour straight and then I finally got him to just stay in bed. And then it's funny, then he's wiped out because he got up in the middle of the night and then he'll sleep to like, I don't know, quarter to seven or something like that. So I kind of got that down.

So I'm very psyched about that, but it's a good thing, man, going out to dinner or breakfast with the whole family. I left my cell phone at home, totally locked in, had a bunch of laughs and all that, had a great cappuccino. I don't know, I can't believe I already got my fucking 10-day cleanse coming up again.

I'm really fucking annoyed. I haven't such a good time doing whatever the fuck I want. I don't know. Maybe I could just learn how to like everything in moderation, then I wouldn't have to do this. Like, what if I just had one cup of coffee? Nah, because I know what happens. I was actually the other day,

I had this amazing day, right? I wake up and made myself a cappuccino, did a bunch of work, and then I went flying with a buddy of mine, my instructor and friend and he knows this guy who I'm starting to get to know who lives out on the ocean and he has a little house on there and he has this flat driveway. He also flies helicopters. So I went out and we landed out there. We texted him, he was home, we landed out there and he made me, it was Armenian coffee. And I mean, I literally landed it and he's like,

hey, what's up? He goes, you ever have Armenian coffee? I'm like, no, I haven't, but I'd like to. So he goes, all right. So he goes, it's just like, you know, it's like really like muddy on the bottom. And I'm like, that sounds fantastic. I don't, I mean, it's coffee.

Other than drip, I just can't do drip. It just tastes like fucking dirty water to me, right? So he made me one of those. It was fucking delicious. It was sitting there looking at the ocean. And the only thing I fucked up was I left my iPad on the mount there. You know, I use it as a backup system

in case I lose my screen. And with four flights, you know, it just shows you where you are so I don't bust out anybody's airspace, right? And so I was a little overheated. I just stuck it under the seat. It seemed to be all right after that. But just sat there having a cup of coffee.

Cup of coffee in the morning, right? And I was just looking back at the helicopters and seeing how fucking awesome the day is. And my life is,'t know, just looking back at the helicopters, it's how fucking awesome the day is. And my life is, you know, these beautiful wife, beautiful kids, get to play drums for the helicopter, try out different coffees and then tell shit jokes and somehow be able to pay for Cheerios.

I mean, it's pretty fucking amazing. So I'm telling you guys this because I've flunked everything in high school. So when I let those cunts, they're not cunts, they're just institutionalized. Don't let them ever make, don't ever listen to those fucking people when they go, you need two years of a language. If you don't have this, the schools aren't, the colleges aren't, they looked down their noses and they're fucking poorly, fuck, yo! Respectfully, fuck you.

Respectfully fuck you, okay? There's nothing wrong with doing great in high school and getting into a great school that has an amazing sports program that you can follow for the rest of your fucking life, which I think is awesome. I mean, for me, that's the reason why I should have studied in high school, not because it would have made a break whether I was going to be successful or not.

You know what I mean? I mean, there is that, if you do well enough in high school and you get to go to an Ivy League school, you know, when you become friends with the Senator's son and he accidentally kills his girlfriend having air quote rough sex with her and you know about it and you keep your mouth shut, you know, that's a way to be successful. But for the rest of us, you know, I can put in all the rest of you in my fucking dumb pool. You know, I can't put it all in the rest of you in my fucking dumb pool. You know, it's, you're just gonna go to a school and you're gonna get all this fucking debt. I don't know.

I'm gonna answer to you. I got through college for my parents because they went that route and they were both professionals and they believed went that route and they were both professionals and they they believed in that so I wanted to make them happy and Have a college degree because they also just like different errors in sports They grew up in a different time where if you had a college education that was a big deal It was something you could fall back on I still think it could be important But I just feel like unless you're I still think it could be important, but I just feel like unless you're,

you know, becoming like a veterinarian, a doctor, a lawyer, if you're learning a trade, you know, and you go to a trade school, if that feels like I'm learning this thing specifically to go out and get a job, as opposed to like, you know, you know, like an English major, a history major, and just shit like that. Like I don't know where that goes.

Look, I haven't been in college in 30 years, so I should shut the fuck up. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm just saying. All right. I believed in all of that shit, and I thought that I was fucked. I thought about my sophomore year in high school, I was like, I'm fucked. I knew academically I was fucked. I was like, I'm gonna go to Notre Dame

and I'm gonna become a lawyer. And then by the end of my freshman year, I was like, maybe I'll learn a trade and then I sucked at that too and I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And that lasted from age 15 to about, I don't know, 22 or something like that, a nice seven-year period of just flailing. Flailing, while everybody else is fucking, seemed to be moving right along or whatever. So anyway, by the way, I heard the style of coffee.

I don't wanna start any fights here, but like, Greek Armenians and Turkish people. Armenians and Turkish people. Now, I don't want to get involved with Armenians and Turkish people. That's like Michigan Ohio State. If one of them, I don't know enough about it to get involved in it. I just know what one side says happened and then the other side said, didn't happen. And I'm siding with the underdog there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, what had never happened? Um, anyway, why did I get involved in that? Why would I get involved in that? You know, I'm just, you know, I look at that like Israeli's and Palestinians like I get along with both of them I don't understand why we're fucking arguing. Why understand what the problem is they fucking Kick them out and Jesus Christ. I can't get out of this You know, it's like, you know India and

Pakistan, I mean, I like both those people. I don't understand what they're fighting. I mean, maybe they're all just Led Zeppelin fans and they don't want to give up cash mirror. Is that what it is? I don't fucking know. I don't try to get involved in these. By the way, I saw on Instagram, a friend of mine put it out there that Henry Kissinger turned 100 years old.

I had no fucking idea that guy was still alive. And I started reading up on that guy, and it is fascinating. You wanna talk about a tale of two stories. However the fuck that goes, how does that go? I can't remember. A tale of two stories. I gotta add that to the list. You know, it was a tale of two stories.

A tale of two stories. I gotta add that to the list. You know, it was a tale of two stories. How the fuck you so know how that went? How did I just forget that? I like panic. I was like, oh God, Bill, you're gonna use an expression, whatever you do, don't fucking use, do it wrong.

A tale of two cities. Not two stories. Ah! Ah! Try out one out. Try out a tale of two cities. Not two stories. No. No. Try out one out. Try out a tale of two stories. I guarantee it. You'll have to say it at least nine times in a sports bar

before someone goes. It's actually a tale of two cities. I've had people do that to me and they fuck it up so bad. Like, Verzy will fuck it up so bad that I can't remember how it goes. And it was like, I knew how it went until you said the dumb shit that you said. And then I do it to him because I always get people's names wrong. You know, the classic one, we went Madison Square Gardens at a Rangers game.

And I was going, Verzy, George Stepanopoulos! George Stepanopoulos! And he starts laughing, he goes, that's not George Stepanopoulos. I go, then who is it? He goes, that's not George Steppenopoulos. Like, oh, then who is it? He goes, that's fucking, he goes, now you made me forget his name. He Jeff Gordon, it's Jeff Gordon.

I'm like, all right, well, he looks like it's older brother. Um, anyway, let me, uh, let me do the, the, the reads here for the week, for the week, for the week. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's all zip. Brrrrrr! Grrrr-up.

Did you know that it can take up to 11 weeks on average to hire for an open position? That's almost two and a half months. So if you're hiring for a growing business, do you really wanna have to, that kind of wait, time to wait? Do you really have that kind of time to wait? There we go. Well, if you're listening today, I've got some advice for you. Stop waiting and start using zipper. Shikak. Ziprocuda can help you find qualified candidates for all your roles fast and right now you can try it for free at ziprocura.com

Slashburr. How is it that zip? Is so efficient at helping you hire? Easy they use powerful matching technology to quickly find and send you the most qualified people for your roles You can check out the people that it sends you and if you really like one or two of them, you can personally invite them to apply with one click. That's how easy they make it. Which may make them apply even sooner. Plus, now, Chloe, plus, here's how quickly Zip can work to help you hire four to five employers who post on zip Get a quality candidate within the first day so speed up your hiring process

Process process with zip recruiters. CY3.8 million businesses have come to Zip for their hiring needs. Just go to this exclusive web address to try Zip Recruiter for free. Zip Recruiter.com slash burr. Again, that Zip. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap dot com slash burst bell out burp you are our zipper cruder the smartest way to hire all right is that it do I have I must have emails for the week right is anybody know is anybody out there but then is anybody there we go? Oh, that would be a great if I could fucking do that every week.

When I go to, do we have any reads for the week and then we could cut to deaf leopard? Is anybody out there when a wedding? Bill, we've noticed in some of your recent photos that you appear to be slimming down. What is your secret? Oh, come on you guys. You're embarrassing me. I've been working out. My new thing is when somebody goes,

do you want dessert? I just say, I don't eat dessert. The same way I say, I don't drink. It's an amazing thing. I love saying it. I don't eat dessert. And I always look at the dessert and I go, ah, man, I wish I did it.

Why do I wish I did it? There's no nutritional value to it. Why do I wish I did it? There's no nutritional value to it. I just want the fucking sugar rush, you know? The second it goes in your mouth and that fucking food heroin, sugar. And you go, oh God, it's fucking, you know, bringing my energy up and all of that shit.

I just go, I don't fuck, I don't, I don't do that. I haven't been fucking with bread and I've gone easy on the dairy. And then as far as my workout goes, if you're wondering, I've been doing this, watching these things on Instagram about mobility. And they're actually great, like a lot of them are great cardio exercises. It's sort of like calisthenics, mobility, a little bit of yoga and that type of stuff. Plus my weight lifting, which I don't really go that heavy. Do you know what I mean guys?

Like, I know a lot of you guys, like your dumbbells are all black and gray and manly colors, but the dumbbells I use are the color of the rainbow. They're very inclusive. The one pounders, the two and a half's, the threes. They're all like kid colors up until you get to like 10, but they do make some five pounders. You know, that are the manly I'm pumping iron iron Schwartzenegger type of thing.

Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, what do we got here? Uh, all right. Oh, speaking of pumping iron, I saw a fortune, uh, Feemster in Bert Kreischer working out with Arnold Schwartzenegger, Gosi Bert's new movie, Movie, the machine that is out. All right, thank you everyone for watching the Paul Anker interview. And thank you to Dear James and Marina Del Rey for hosting the interview.

And anybody wants to write into the podcast? I'm sure I got there's a bunch of people want to write it enough to me talking about different errors and basketball and sports. The Monday Morning Podcast at gmail.com. Monday Morning Podcast at gmail.com. All right. All right, sorry about that. I actually was like trying to switch screens and then I hit the Siri thing that cut the,

we didn't lose anything. All right, we're good, we're good. I just had to listen back to it. Doesn't mean anything to you because we're gonna edit this like no time went by but I had a panic attack. I was like, oh my God, did it shut off like a long time ago? Did they hear my argument about Dominique Wilkins?

It's so important. Live streamer douchebags. Hey Billy, blood pressure. I'm not sure if you saw the video is going around last few weeks. There's this punk kid who does stupid shit while live streaming to his followers. The first one that blew up was him walking into a guy's house.

Oh, I would not advise that. He's sweeping his stairs and standing on the stoop while this kid and his friends charge into the house. What? What the fuck? Why would you do that? You're going to get shot. His wife and kids are upstairs and the guy is obviously a bit concerned,

but he doesn't freak out at the live streamer. He's actually pretty calm about and says, hey, my kid is upstairs, you have to leave. The wife is worried because she doesn't know what's going on. The streamer's just laughing at him and eventually leaves after they walk through half the house. I can't imagine that happening to me. I'm a new dad and I would probably be inclined

to beat the pulp out of him. I mean, I immediately figured, I just pictured getting the old softball bat, you know, and just fucking smashing the shit out of his fucking skull. Dude, if somebody just runs any house and you tell them to leave and they start laughing at you, you know what that says to me? That kid has never gotten the shit kicked out of him

in his life. Hahaha. So he's either won all of his fights or he's never had a fight. I would think if he had fights, so there's something about getting into fights, unless you're more on, you really, you gain a level of respect for other people.

And you also have a level of respect for violence where it's just like, I don't want to fucking do this. You know, even if I win my fucking backs and my hands are going to hurt, I'm going to have a fucking headache. And in the yoldy again, I can get sued, the cops show up, it's fucking nightmare. Anyway, after getting some notoriety from that, he's proud and does a few more crazy things while live streaming. There's one video where he walks up to an older person, oh no, please tell me he doesn't scare him and asks them about their dog. Then he picks up the dog and starts running away with it. He's laughing and running while the dog is under one arm and being absolutely manhandled.

Yeah, this kid was not brought up right. So he's fucking with this man and woman's sense of safety with their kid and then he's fucking with old people. Anyway, the kid goes on to say, I'm not sure how he wasn't arrested or even shot. I have no sympathy for these assholes. The guy isn't 14 or anything, he's in his 20s. If someone ran into you at home or stole your dog,

how would you react? I just don't see a probably, I just don't see a probably with someone getting their kneecaps shot off if they're going to take the offensive like that and fuck with people. I think you see, and I have this, yeah, this kid, this isn't going to end well. Another one I saw was this dude pouring out a red gas canister onto the hood of a car. Oh, I did see that one.

The owner obviously assumes there is gasoline in the canister because that's what they usually holds. In actuality it's water. The streamer pulls out a lighter and applying he's going to burn the guy's card now. The older man who owns the pickup truck pulls a gun out but uses restraint. I think he had every right to shoot the live streamer. Well, if he's in the truck and he's pouring gas on it and takes the lighter out, you have to assume this kid's trying to burn you to death. Bad enough he's going to burn you to death. You know fucking light and no the man's truck on

fire. I'm partial to trial, man. You know, a car is a car but a truck, I mean that you can earn a living off of it or pretend you do like I do. PS, I'm never the guy who thinks people should be shot but when you're walking into someone's home with their kid, with their kid is stealing a dog or threatened to burn their car while they're in it, you deserve no mercy. Don't fuck with with kids animals or people's cars or old people yeah no um when i was younger that would be he needs a good old fashioned as kickin and what other is he needs a swift kick in the pants that's what he needs and uh i don't understand why uh

i don't know it's it's it's it's a desperate move. And I guess you can blame it. You know what that is? I feel like that's the guy version. Those are like manhors. Where like now there's this thing where you can be like a, like, back in the day, horrors needed pimps.

Pfft. Like back in the day, horrors needed pimps. Now they just need a social media platform, which is good. We freed the horrors. But I think guys are going like, oh my god, that chick I used to bang is now making 200 grand to show a clam on the fucking inner web there. Like how do I do that? What's the male version of that? You know, no one wants to see a fucking ball bag.

Pfft. Well, the hint of one. So maybe they're thinking like, all right, I have to do stupid shit. Maybe that, maybe, and then I can win a couple hundred grand. Or like that kid there, who goes and boxes former, whatever, boxing champions and MMA champions. And he's carved out this whole thing

and that kid's become a fucking multi-millionaire doing it. I think it's just It's a new way of looking at the world and trying to make money So I don't know I don't know. I'm just glad. I Don't have to be a young person to try and navigate that Okay, living in the middle of nowhere, dear Billy two times, I grew up in a really modest neighborhood in Los Angeles. That's a nice way of saying people I grew up with

didn't have shit. Last week you were talking about moving to the middle of nowhere and how it can be more racist than living in the city. I meant like more overtly racist because I'm not gonna sit here and act like L.A. isn't one of the most racist places you could ever move to. It's just that's not there. The story of L.A. is the traffic, the floods,

the fires, the drought, Hollywood. That's what they talk about. They ignore all the riots that they've had and how most people of color seem to live on final approach and to LAX out here. Anyway, last week you were talking about, well, I moved out of my childhood neighborhood and out of LA altogether to start a trade business with my cousin. We've been out here for about four years and honestly it's the greatest thing I've done for myself. Our families are happy here, and our business is doing well.

That's awesome. Our kids' schools are better than their schools in LA. Yep, that's the problem out here. The teachers actually seem to give a shit as far as getting weird looks and being accepted. It's been easy. In LA proper, I would get a lot of looks if I walked into a nice store in Beverly Hills,

or me and my friends went to a nightclub. In my early tronies we were told we couldn't go into bars because of our clothing, even if we just, it was just jeans and a t-shirt. Why kids had no problem, but with us they thought maybe we'd be trouble. Yeah, they thought you weren't a gang or something. I've never been asked not to enter a bar here

and honestly we're usually better dressed than most people around here. One time a customer asked me if I voted for Trump, he expected a hard no, but I told him the truth. I laughed and said I didn't vote for Trump but I didn't vote for the other white man either. He laughed and then we started complaining about taxes. When in doubt Bill, hatred of taxes can bring us all together.

The only people who make my wife feel uncomfortable are the white men who overdue it with the, we want you to feel welcome vibe. It can be comical at times and definitely tacky. I appreciate your views on a lot of things and listen to the podcast every week on the job, love to knee in the kids. Well, that's awesome.

There you go. Okay, good for you. I'd love to do it. I just worry if I lived in the middle of nowhere, like you guys would never see me again. I would just disappear. I would, but I would, I think I could definitely do that recluse thing wherever he wants to go.

Oh, he's back. He's doing his shit jokes. That at the comedy club, he's doing an eight city tour. And that means he's gonna, you know, like, shot A. You know, she like disappears. I love people that fucking do that. All right, left a girl at the altar. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh people we're getting

in deep with this one. Hey, Nears Boy Bill. Last year I had a crazy whirlwind romance turned horror story with a lovely lady. All right, well you left her at the altar. I mean that's not the best way to break up somebody, but at least you finally got the fucking seeds to do it. The super short, you know what you should do? You should be a good shit and gradually pay your dad back. You know, send him some cash every month. And then in the end, when you give him the final payment to be like, all right, now that we're even,

can we just shake hands and agree that your daughter's out of her fucking mind. The super short version, we met through a mutual friend and had an on and off the charts connection. After spending a week seeing each other every day, she started moving the relationship at light speed and asked to move in together after a week. And then a few days later, said we should just the lope

and already had a court date set even though my inner voice was telling me something is off here oh my god does she have a dick what happened I did what isn't moving so fast you could find out she have all the body parts what's going on here I did what so many dudes do when a hot chick is banging them and ignored my inner voice. Oh my God! Let me read that again.

I, this is the smartest thing on this podcast as far as information. I did what so many dudes do when a hot chick is banging them. I ignored my inner voice and many red flags and moved forward. Don't ever ignore that inner voice. Women do it. I think when they get with a guy that can take care of him. I'm just guessing though.

All right. I don't want to speak for women. I was able to convince her to postpone the wedding, but I did end up moving in with her after about six weeks. Then things went from great to bad to unbearable. Once we were living together, all her crazy came out. She was incredibly controlling, emotionally manipulative, and narcissistic among other negative traits that made the relationship turn into my personal hell.

Just a few highlights. I like how you go in sports center on here. Banananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Oh wow. I would have got into that argument in my 20s and I would have had a three hour argument and I probably wouldn't have been going to the gym. Now I would have been like, all right, I'm going to the gym and I'm taking all my stuff with me if you know what I mean. I will be back. One day I went and I went, and then I went, and then went, and then one day I went and had lunch with a close guy friend,

which led to a huge argument because she told me she doesn't want me spending time with my friends without her. It continues. She told me I can't watch movies on my phone or in the other room because she's afraid I'm watching porn and she wants to see what I'm watching at all times. Then when I would watch Netflix or whatever in our room, she would get upset at the movies I was watching. Jesus, dude, how long can you hang around for this?

And the real deal breaker was she told me she didn't want me to pursue my dreams because I made my dreams a higher priority than her. my dreams a higher priority than her. This sounds like a poorly like a lazy, written movie. Like how could somebody really be this crazy? Anyway, I can list about another dozen unreasonable arguments that she would unleash on me anytime I didn't act, think or feel exactly to her expectations. And as our wedding date drew closer, my anxiety got worse and worse

until that inner voice was screaming at me to leave Dude you shouldn't have told me in the beginning That you left that you left her at the altar because right now I would be having a panic attack that you went through with You went through with it, but I felt completely trapped as her entire family loved me and embraced me Yeah, they're trying to get the what-a-bob Bob chick married off. Anyway, we had a wedding plan that everyone was excited about and had made plans to attend. The hardest part of all is she had two kids who were already calling me dad. I had really fallen in love with two. Oh, God. You left that part. The

week of our wedding, we ended up getting into an argument that lasted almost two straight days where I had no sleep and couldn't eat. Finally, a day before the wedding, I found the balls to accept a reality that there was no way this relationship was the right one for me. I left our house, got in my car, drove away as she chased me down the street, pleading for me to come back. Of course, I got nasty messages and threats from her family. Well, I guess they're not nice.

As the news broke that I had called off the wedding a day before, she even told a bunch of people I left her at the altar, which wasn't exactly true, but close enough. Oh, my God, dude. I just pictured the end of the Texas chainsaw massacre as you're driving away and she's spinning around with a chainsaw in the middle of the fucking road. Good for you, man.

Every time I hear you and the lovely Nea interact on your podcast, it seems like you two are perfect for each other and that you generally love each other's company and it made me curious. Did you have any serious relationship before finding near that seemed like they might be the one but ended badly or were you ever in a relationship with a woman who seemed like a dream but turned into a nightmare like my situation always near your first serious relationship you

happen to hit a grand slam as a rookie in the relationship major leagues thanks for everything you do and go fuck yourself. I was always a relationship guy and I dated great women and the problem was me, not them. I had a couple crazy ones, but I was also nuts. I was kind of bringing that into my life. But, and me and I, we had like a bumpy road,

where both of us were relationship people, but we would get freaked out that we were in a relationship, which is why we were together for so fucking long before we got married. And like, we always say like, we should just got married, you know, a fucking year in. Why do we wait that long? I was like, well, you know,

because we had shit to work out. But I have found that even if you meet somebody that you totally vibe with, you really have to pay attention to the relationship and you have to take care of it and you have to like make sure that you're going out and doing things and, you I don't know this is such a big subject I've learned and continue to learn so much about it and you also like you can be 20 years in like I am and you'll discover this whole other part of the person that you're with and then you you know that. You're like, oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Oh, my God. All right. And I've been doing this, this, and this, and the other

thing, you know, blah blah blah, or they want to do this thing. I got to support this. So whatever. Yeah. But I, but the biggest thing that I would say is like, it should feel easy. You know what I mean? Like hanging out should feel easy. Talking to each other should feel easy. Not talking being quiet should feel easy. It should feel easy. If it's already hard, before you even get involved with legally, you know, being committed and having kids and a fucking dog or whatever the hell you do, it's not going to get like, like, less stressful. Not saying that, you know, getting married to having kids is a stressful thing, but it's, you know, it's a lot of fucking responsibility and you kind of got to see the world similar

enough with the person or you're just going to be constantly fucking arguing. And then your kids are going to see that and it's gonna fuck up their childhood. Good luck! Anyway, mispronounce sayings. Hey Billy Yellowstones. Greetings from down under. I got a great one for you. A maid of mine is always the first to hang shit on everyone in our friend's circle but hates it when he gets it back. Recently in a Facebook he tagged a friend in a photo of an old fat guy saying look Dan I Found your double-ganger. Oh My god, needless to say he got lit the fuck up by everyone. It was the funniest I've seen in a while

For everybody else's doppelganger Anyway, I hope to see you in Australia soon and look forward to every episode stay classy and go fuck yourself How do you spell doppelganger? Is it DOP? That's how I say it. Doppel. Yeah, doppelgangers. All one word, doppelganger.

And apparation or a double of a living person. He's been replaced by an evil doppelganger. People ask, what does doppelganger mean? How rare is it me? How common are doppelgangers? The team concluded that the characteristics of someone looking exactly like someone else in all eight features.

Eight features, let's see, that would be eyes, nose, ears, mouth, face, body. I don't know what I would have. Fucking pinky toe. It's about one in a trillion. This means there's definitely a mathematical chance for two top doppelgangers to exist, but it's highly unlikely.

And they got a picture Okay, whoa Jesus that's a doll. Yeah Wow, that is fucking wild. All right, I don't like looking at this You know, it's one thing of their twins it makes sense, but if it's just like there's somebody on the other side of the world Looking like you. Oh, that's fucking bizarre. Bizarre. All right, that's the podcast everybody. I don't know what to tell you.

I fucking ran my mouth for an hour. I got nothing else, all right? Go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you. On Thursday. Check it on you on Thursday.