Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-4-20

Episode Date: May 5, 2020

Bill rambles about Joe six pack, Jordan docs, and talking about other people’s money.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, May 4th, 2020. What's going on? How are you? May 4th, everybody. We are 11 days away from this whole thing. Just open it back up again.

I know that's true because old Donnie Boy said it was going to happen. Donnie Boy, Donnie Boy. He says it's all opening up on May 15th, which totally makes sense. Do you know if he reopens it and everybody gets sick, the fact that he's going to get shit for that, when I am still, I'm taking my daily walk, my old man walk, all shuffling down the street like some old fucking mob boss, you know, who's trying to pretend he's insane, you know. I don't have the bathrobe on, but I definitely got the mask and all of that shit, right?

I go out to the grocery still. I wait my turn to go in. I got the gloves. I got the mask, right? Looking like a fucking beekeeper, right? But there's just too many selfish fucking cunts. I see yesterday, Jesus Christ, it was just yesterday. I'm walking down the street by a doobah doboop, I'm out of my business and across the street

I see, I'm assuming a husband and a wife, life partners, I don't know what, terminal one night standards across the street, both pushing strollers with like a one year old and a three year old or something like that, right? Adorable kids, beautiful family, nobody's wearing masks. Just walking down the street, you know, I think selfish cunts like that. Just like, well, everybody else is wearing a mask. I feel fine. So I'm fine.

I'm not like the mask rule is for somebody else. So just, I'm just going to put this out there as much as I don't like old Donny Brook. And I think he's a fucking disaster and he is a fucking disaster. And I will debate anybody who still supports still anybody who can debate a guy who's running your country that suggested you shoot household cleaners into your body. I, you know, something I'm sick of hearing from the painters. Oh, did I stir up a beehive with that one? And you should hear what they're talking about, how many hours they work and they're fucking

sitting. You would think that they're actually out there fighting a war the way they're waxing about what it's like to color in a fucking wall. I'm sorry, people. I just have to, I just have to, you know, I just have to keep fucking picking on them. Not because I really give a fuck about painters. It's just that there's nothing going on in the world. Everybody's just sitting at home and I have no guests and I have to keep talking.

So what I'm going to do, this is going to be the last day is each, what I'm going to do is each, for every two weeks during this, I'm going to pick a vocation and I'm just going to shit on it. If there's, if there's a job out there, if there is a job out there that you don't like that just bugs you, anything from Jippy loob to fucking in a tubes, whatever the fuck, whatever the fuck white water rafting to fucking skin graft and why am I rhyming? I don't know why. Whatever the fuck you want.

I will shit on it. I will shit all over it. I will show the profession. No fucking respect. And then I want people in the profession, I, you know, we've all had time to sit at home, right? And fucking look at what we do. Okay.

And if you like me, you stop moving, you stop running, right? And you're just sitting at home and what happened? It's like the tortoise in the hair. The tortoise comes over the hill and that's all your fucking demons from your childhood. And they all catch up with you, right? And then they surround you and then you're just sitting in them and you're just thinking like, you know, like, wow, I thought I was an adult. I thought I left all of this behind.

I went to therapy. I talked it out. I never think about this shit. And it's just like, no, no, it was just, it was just on the other side of that hill. Just waiting for you to take a fucking three day, three week, whatever fucking sabbatical and then it's all coming back. Oh, Billy freckles. And I'm going, I will shit all over it.

I will shit all over it because I cannot, the fucking joy I'm getting from these fucking asshole painters flipping out, like I really think they all suck. A lot of them do suck though. So I tried to move on past the angry shitty painters out there. I can't seem to do that. I'm trying to like, how do you find a good painter? You know what I mean? It should be like, you're in your, if you're a painter, can you tell just by like the guy's

advertisement? Is it word of mouth? How do you get a good fucking painter? We actually had, you know, some people who just came over and redid this couple of closets here because, you know, one of the final things in the old ass house that I bought that I am, I'm going to die in this house or I'm going to sell it. I'm going to lose a ton of fucking money. I have a fucking toilet in my house that I swear to God.

The only way it will flush is if you take a plunger and you go, what, like 50 fucking times and then put one, one square of toilet paper, anything beyond that and it just fucking taps out. And I've had person after person after person come over here and try and figure it out and somebody finally figured it out. And what happened was some fucking Dudley do it yourself guy came, I must have done it and fucked it up and put the wrong size pipe. I don't know what the fuck it is, but of course it's on the top floor.

So they're going to have to, what they would have to, I would have to literally leave my house or whatever the fuck it was, go live in the garage with the family while, you know, this who's kidding who, who's kidding who this, this seven day job, 10 day job turns into three months. We all know that that's what's going to happen. So whatever. So I'm dealing, I'm trying to put that off last. But anyways, the painters came in, they did a great job, they didn't get a splotcher

paint anyway. I know that they, I know that there's some good ones out there, but you have to admit painters. Okay. Okay. And it just, you know, don't get your fucking overalls in a bunch here. You know, this, some really bad painters out there, I would actually say that a bad painter is almost as bad, almost as bad as a bad comedian, you know, because at least

with a bad comedian, there is something funny about watching somebody who sucks it to and stand up. If you can get outside of just the fact they're not funny, then it's funny, but just a situation that somebody has a microphone and is holding a crowd captive for an hour, doing a job that they're not good at is fucking, and nobody can really say, I guess you can hackle. I don't know. I think it's funny. Anyway, moving on here.

Yeah. So I just keep seeing these people out there and, um, you know, I'm one of those old school I believe in rooting for the standing president, but like I said, once he said the household cleaner in your body, it's, well, I actually know when, when he saw both sides of a neo Nazi and, and, and people protesting neo Nazis or whatever the fuck happened, all I know is a neo Nazi in his dodge fucking challenger ran over an innocent woman and killed her and he's like, well, you know, there's two sides, every argument. I'm like, all right, fuck this guy, um, anyways, but I know you guys think of a Hollywood liberal

unless you live in a red state, then you think I'm a, uh, no, unless you live in a blue state, then you think I'm a Trump. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck it is. Or maybe I'm just reading a couple of emails and acting like everybody thinks what five fucking psychos think. Maybe that's what it is. I have no idea.

So I was going on my walk and I went by these, um, this lovely family acting like there wasn't a pandemic. I had everything. Why didn't you just yell at them? They weren't on the other side of the street. Like, why aren't you guys wearing masks? Do you want to this to last forever? I just can't do it cause their kids are there, but seriously, it's just, it's like, what,

what are you fucking special? You know what they're, you know what I fucking, you know, I'll tell you what I fucking heard. Do you know like when you, when you're fucking you're at the airport, right? And something's going on with your ticket and you're standing in line and you're waiting your turn and somebody's up there and they're talking and they're talking and they're talking and you're thinking like, how fucking long does this take? Right? Cause at the end of the day is you don't give a fuck about the end result of their bullshit.

You just want them to get the fuck out of the way. So you can go up there cause you are the most important person in the universe, right? So you, but you stood in line, selfish as you are, you stood in line and you waited your fucking turn and you walk up there, the bands play in the spotlight comes on and it's your time to sing your little song and in the middle of your bullshit, somebody comes walking up to the counter on the side cause they just have a quick question. Whenever that happens, man or woman, I had this, this, this fantasy and I actually ended up seeing it years later in the movie, once upon a time in Hollywood, you know, when Brad

Pitt grabs that chick by the back of the hair and fucking repeatedly smashes her face on the man. That's what I want to do to the person. Oh, did you not see the line? You have to stand in the line to get up to the fucking counter dude, you fucking, I used to see, now I just say something. I just look right at my go buddy, there's a line and you know what those cunts do? They just ignore me.

And then that makes me even more angry and it's just like, what happened to the world with this guy? Get the old Sunday punch right in the old fucking kazoo. Oh, shut up, Bill, you're not going to punch anybody at an airport. You're a law-abiding fucking pussy. Yes, I am. All right. Anyway, that's why I look at these fucking people with masks.

Can somebody start driving around and just yelling at people who don't have masks on? Just do it in a copy. Hey, it doesn't apply to you. The wearing the mask thing is for other people. My other favorite thing is the no mask person who then walks in the middle of the street. I mean, just get a fucking mad. Nah, put it, get a bandana, tie a t-shirt around. Nah, I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing that. That's inconvenient. It makes my face sweaty. But I don't want to get it. So I'm not going to walk by the other people. So instead I'm going to walk in the middle of the fucking street and make somebody have to slow down and then decide what level they're going to push their horn. Do I go with a peep?

I fucking hate myself that the other day I peeped at somebody. I should have just blasted the fucking and said, get out of the fucking road and put on a mask, you stupid cunt. You know what fucking kills me is all of these fucking people out here, they're sitting there and they're bitch moaning and complaining the government isn't doing this and the government isn't doing that, right? And then you got like, there's like a third of the fucking people are outside walking around with that fucking mask on.

It's like, are you anarchists? Do you want to like, do you want the whole fucking thing to, I don't get it. I don't get it. Whatever, whatever. Moving on. All right. Let's get back to the matrix. Did anybody watch the Jordan documentary last night?

I still fucking have the songs. Another amazing couple of episodes. Thank God that thing came out now. Jesus Christ. I didn't know that they had footage of that, that, that scrimmage. I always heard about in the, uh, in the Olympics, the 1992 dream team, um, I felt bad for Tony Kukoch too. Is it Kukoch?

They kept calling Kukoch. It was Kukoch. The whole time you fucking played in the NBA. I thought that's how they said it. Now I don't even know how to say it, um, you know, sitting there talking about how they shut him down. It's like, yeah, you shut him down and then you also had like another 10 of the greatest players who ever played the fucking game.

He's playing for fucking Croatia. You know, gee, who did you decide to key in on? And I love that he came back in the next game and he scored like 16 and had a good game. Um, I thought that that was cool. And I also thought that that was what made European basketball players great. That was the, the, the tipping point when, when the dream team came over there and just essentially kicked everybody's ass and embarrassed them. You know, athletes are athletes, no matter what, what fucking world they're in and they

want to compete with the best and they don't want to get embarrassed. And I just, everybody was just like, Oh, that's the fucking level. And not only did they get up to that level, they ended up surpassing it in a lot of areas becoming all stars in the NBA. So I thought that that was really cool. You know, all of a sudden you had all these Dirk Nowitzki's, the seven foot fucking European dudes coming in who could hit fucking three pointers like they were, they were a shooting guard.

Um, I, I attribute all of that to the embarrassment of playing the dream team and how bad they kicked everybody. Who was the guy who dunked the ball and then pelvic pumped the fucking Ethiopian guy away? Like I, I actually remember when I watched the dream team, I thought the whole thing was embarrassing. Um, it wasn't competition. It was, yeah, it was like watching like fucking fifth graders play tackle football against first graders and then standing over them after they knocked them down like, yeah, motherfucker,

what? Like, I actually didn't watch a lot of it, but the, the dream team scrimmage when it was like, it was like basically an all star game where people really tried and played defense and all of that shit. They tried on both ends of the court, right? And uh, at one point during the game, they called the foul. I don't know if it was on magic, but it was, uh, it was Jordan had the ball and then they called the foul and I've never seen magic his entire career.

I never saw anybody get to him. I never saw anybody make him mad. Like I know he was like super depressed in 84 when he lost to the Celtics, but he kind of got over it when he won again in 85 and then 87 and 88, uh, I think he got past that. But like to actually see him get mad and take the ball and throw it up into the upper deck to be like, wow, nobody in his entire career that I ever saw got him that fucking upset. Um, I don't know. Maybe he was a little more free with his emotions because there was nobody there.

I don't know what, but he took the ball. And just threw it into the fucking upper deck when they called that foul and it was just like, wow, I never saw anybody get, hello, Hey, the lovely ladies. What's going on? Hey, how are you going to have dance class? Come over here. You got to come closer to the microphone, but look at your cute little outfit. You have a microphone and what do you do with the microphone?

You sing old town road. You sing old town road. How does old town road go? Uh, I don't know. There you do. I'm going to take my horse to the old town road. I'm going to, till I can't go. Good job, buddy.

Um, I'm talking about basketball and there's people out there in the world that paint houses and they're very upset with me right now, at least some of them are the ones that don't have a sense of humor. Yeah. I've seen some of the comments. Oh yeah. It's fun. You've made a powerful enemy.

I can't believe the lack of sense of humor that painters have. You know what it is? I think they're getting so bad mad cause they know it's true on some level. Like that's not me. It's those other people and they're ruining it. And now look, we're getting put on blast by Bill Burn. Why don't they realize? Everybody gets put on blast as you could say.

I'm joking around. That's true. Except for you. No. You don't get put on blast. You like... Hey, I want to show you something. What are you going to show me?

I'm going to show you my new book. You're going to show me a new book? I'm in the middle of doing a show. You wouldn't realize it right now, but I'm technically in show business right now. Come on. We got to do your class. All right. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Yeah. All right. Okay. I just feel like there's a bunch of angry fucking painters sitting in vans right now listening to this guy.

And someday, someday he's going to hire me. And I'm going to make the... I'm going to do the best job ever. And I'm going to ask if he likes it. And when he... The second he's blown away, I'm going to take out some red paint and say, fuck you, you red cunt on the wall. I saw a really cool old Cadillac.

I saw a 69 fucking Cadillac El Dorado. I mean, that's just a fucking man's car parked on the side of the road in need of some TLC original, the whole fucking car was original. It was fucking... Body was still straight, still the original hubcaps on it. You know, the paint just from years of sitting in the sun was pretty faded and it needed a new top and all of that. But Jesus Christ, is that a fucking beautiful car.

Someday that's going to be my retirement car. And I get one of those fuckers drive around and be like, bear, I used to do things in this business and then I made fun of painters and it all came crumbling down. Still been watching the old NFL games, trying to figure out what happened before a Super Bowl. Watching the Browns at the Bears. I got to look this guy up again. I have to give this guy a proper shout out.

Let's see here. They had a running back. The Bears did. Where the fuck is it? Number 44 Cleveland Browns. What was this guy's name? And I was like, man, this guy's playing incredible, right? Come on, come on, come on, where is he?

1969. That was his number, right? Yeah. Number 44. Cleveland Brown roster, roster, roster, roster, 44, Leroy Kelly, the guy, like I looked this guy up. I'm like, man, I never heard of this guy. And listen to this.

I got to make sure I get, I get his whole, his whole thing down. So there's actually people talking. I have this guy should be in the Hall of Fame and 7274 yards back when you had to hurt it. He was an NFL champion in 1964. He was a six time pro bowler between 66 and 71. He made it six years in a row. Three time first team, all pro.

He won the Bert Bell Award, which we all know he was the commissioner, I believe before Pete Roselle. And they had the, the, the, the Bert Bell bowl, which was the playoff bowl for third place in the NFL, which we all know happened from 1960 to 1969. Now, um, 7,274 yards, average 4.2 yards per carry had 74 touchdowns. I feel like in order to get into the Hall of Fame, he needed to get up until like 9,000 and closer to 100 touchdowns. It seems to be how it was, but like, uh, Leroy Kelly, learn your old NFL players pre

Super Bowl, even though he played after the Super Bowl era, but he was also on the Browns and they were just in a bad way in the seventies. I mean, the Browns were just fucking them. I mean, they were fucking amazing. 40s, 50s, 60s. They shit the bed in the seventies, came back with the, uh, the cardiac kids in the eighties, uh, it all went to hell. Art Modell left.

We all know the deal 95 Cleveland smartly retained the, uh, the ownership of the name the Browns and, um, they're the only franchise that's had a perfect season and then had a, a, a zero and 16 season. They went like 14 and 0 one year in like the late 40s when they were still in the all American football conference and, uh, our football league, whatever the fuck they called it before they joined the NFL. And then they went, oh, and 16 a few years ago. I've always liked the Browns and family.

I had family back east. I had family out there. So, um, I had relatives in Cleveland and Detroit. So I always had, that's how I became a University of Michigan fan. That's how, you know, I always kind of like the Tigers. Um, the Lions and, uh, let's see who else, uh, I guess the Red Wings too. I should find out one of my relatives. He was like, yeah, I used to go to Red Wing games.

I'm like, when he goes in the 1950s. I'm like, you saw Gordy how he's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. And it's just like, well, you went, you went to a number of games. So I imagine that you, you probably saw them play the Canadians. There was only six, there was only five other teams. So you, you basically saw everybody. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You know, I was there at the inception. You know what's hilarious? If I fucking went back in, in time, in a time machine, that's what I would do. You know, where Tom Cruz would go back and try and kill Hitler, I would go back and try to get a ticket to the fucking Colts versus the Giants in 1958. The greatest game ever. So 58 or 59, something like that. I would go to that.

I'd go try to go to the game where fucking Willie Mays cut the ball over his shoulder and then just to see people like what their reaction was, like was in real time, you never know in real time how great something is. Is something like, is it something when it's, when it's great, people continue to talk about it and then like the legend starts to like blur, like the myth starts to blur what actually even happened. Like there's so many plays that I remember now going back and I remember this play and it was just like, it's way bigger in my head, a catch, a run.

I hit or something like that. It's way bigger in my head. And then I go back and watch it and be like, oh, that was, it's still not a standard play, but it's way more standard than I had remembered in my head, which is true with a lot of your childhood stuff. It's bigger in your head than what it actually was. It's just that you were a kid when it happened to you. So what was happening was your whole world.

And then as you get older and your world expands, you realize it wasn't that big a deal. Hopefully, unless you never talk about it, then it's just sitting there in your head and it's as big as a fucking mountain. Bill, enough about you and you fucked, you fucked up bullshit. Anyways, this is the last week I'm going to make fun of painters. I'm just going to read their fucking things. I know it's a fucking cool job.

That's not a cool job. It's a fucking hard job. And I know that there's very few people that are really good at it and actually take the fucking time to do it right. I mean, you can say that about anything. You can say that about comedians, mechanics. Isaiah Thomas. Poor bastard.

The competitiveness of him is what made him go in that documentary. It's like, why would you, Isaiah Thomas, knowing Michael Jordan fucking hates you and thinks you're an asshole and he has final cut on a documentary? Why would you go in there? You should have been like your boy, Bill Lambert. I bet they asked him. He's like, I'm not fucking doing any. He has final cut.

Fuck you. I'm not doing it. I got to be honest with you as much as, as a Celtics fan. I hated Bill Lambert. I fucking love that when they came at him, they said, Hey, do you know, all these years later, do you regret not shaking the bull's hands? He goes, no, fuck them. Fuck them.

When we won it, they said we weren't real champions. Oh, here's another reason why fucking. Why Larry probably didn't shake your hand after, after the thing. Not cause he was a sore, a sore loser, which is always an option. Maybe he didn't shake your hand cause you went publicly and said, if he wasn't white, if he was a black player, he'd just be another player. There was no reason to say that. And you went, you went ahead and you fucking said that, right?

And I, out of all of this shit, I just think it's fucking hilarious how much. It seems nobody likes Isaiah Thomas and he, but the thing about him is you, you listen to him in the interviews and he's smiling and he always just had that, that, that great smile that just made him seem like really approachable and this great guy. And then now you listen to all these guys like, oh wait, this guy's like a used car salesman. He's charming the fucking basketball shorts off of me while he sells me a fucking Range Rover. Sorry, had a buddy of mine used to work on fucking lemon laws. And he told me, he goes, dude, those guys, I asked, oh, you do lemon laws.

And he, I go, what, what car right now? What is the car you don't want? He goes range rovers all the fucking time, all the fucking time. Now, granted, this was like 10 years ago. I'm not saying they're not making them right now because I had to be honest with you. I always loved that fucking beer, that vehicle. But I liked them more back when they were like for lunatic white people with like childhood issues. So they had to go to Africa and shoot a rhinoceros, you know, just to stay ahead of their own demons.

It's so fucking dumb. It's like, dude, isn't it enough that you have a fucking gun? You also have to get in a fucking SUV and drive all through the fucking jungle in a goddamn tank. Fucking rhinos. Like what the fuck is that? It already doesn't know what you are. And then you go out there and from like a hundred yards away, you just, well, a hundred yards is actually impressive. I don't know, whatever, how far away you are.

You just fucking shoot this goddamn fucking, I mean, what is a rhino? It's a fucking roided up cow. It's a small dinosaur. I don't know what it is. I do think it's hilarious that people think if you take the horn and somehow like put it in your fucking tea in the morning, it's going to make your dick harder. And there's still people doing that. It's like we have medicine for that.

Just get some Viagra and leave the fucking thing alone. You cunt, right? I don't know. Anyway, let's get to the, if you've listened to this podcast long enough, you guys would realize that I have all the solutions for the world's problems and none for myself. Policy genius, everybody. I think I have to fucking remind people to not take this fucking podcast so goddamn seriously. Or maybe that's the fun of it that people actually do it.

This is how bad my eyes are getting. I wrote cool old catty as far as something to talk about. I have my little topics here. Michael Jordan, parents, no mask, cool old catty. And I just read that is cool out catty. Like I'm at a golf course and there's some cat catty at the golf course acting like an asshole. I had that job. I told you that I had that job at a country club.

I fucking, I hated that job only because I was a redhead. But other than that, that was one of my favorite fucking jobs I ever had. And I loved all of the, like, I just thought the members at a country club. I thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever. I could give a fuck about golf, but I just loved the ball breaking that they did with each other. I liked that they fucking, I used to like watching guys fuck with other guys. I'm one time I was catting with this guy and there was this other guy who was a better golfer. They were both good golfers, but one guy was just cool as a cucumber.

And that was the guy I was catting for. And the other guy was fucking wound up like me. And they weren't even playing for money. At least they didn't say it out in front to us, right? And I remember like he got in this guy's fucking head and the last fucking thing he did, even I was just like, Jesus Christ, I was getting uncocked. I thought there was going to be a fight. This fucking sweaty wound up guy, right?

And it was funny because the other guy was older and he was in great shape. He was really slim, barely sweated the whole fucking time. He was just out there just fucking, he knew like, you know, the thing that fascinates me about golf is that whole thing that you get in your own fucking head. And then all of a sudden you can't fucking do it anymore. And the frustration of it. I actually, you know, all these years I'm making fun of golf. I now have a tremendous respect for it basically because one time I did a benefit

and there was pro athletes there and all of them said that those guys are the best fucking athletes out there. And I'm like, what are you talking about, man? You fucking, you played hockey. You got to like really learn how to run and walk. He goes, it's not the same thing. He goes, man, I would just go out there on the ice. I was just reacting. I didn't have the game is so fast.

You have time to think he goes with golf. You got all of that fucking time walking up to the fucking ball. People watching you and you got all this is a professional athlete said that. And as he was saying that there was two other pro athletes, different sports, nodding their head. And I had to sit there and take a hard look at my gym class recreational career and be like, you know, I think these guys achieved a little more in the the phys ed world. I'm going to have to go with, I'm going to have to go with these guys and they were just saying how difficult the game was. The thing is, I never gave a fuck about it.

And I always thought that hooking and slicing was fucking hilarious. And I would always, whenever I played, I would go out and I would have like, I would have at least fucking 12 just shitty golf balls in my bag. And it's just like, you want to look for that? I ain't fucking walking in there looking for it. And another thing too was I would count every fucking that's a gimme. No, it isn't. No, it isn't.

That's the thing that I fucking hated about golf was the amount of fucking cheating. That's a breakfast ball. No, it is. That's not a breakfast ball. I already had my breakfast. Okay. I had a nice nutritional breakfast and I got up here and I hit the fucking ball and it's on two. It's two fucking fairways away.

I hit that. I'm going to take the penalty. How the fuck am I going to know where my game is at? If every time I'm out here, I'm getting graded on a fucking curve. That's what I don't like about golf at the country club level. But like when you sit, when you, what I like about it at the pro level is there's no breakfast ball. Although I will say, I will say watching somebody with a lead in one of the majors completely fucking unravel. I don't even know what to, I don't know what to compare it to in sports.

How long it takes, how bad it is. It's like watching somebody miss a kick to win a fucking championship, a field goal. To win a championship over and over and over again. So anyway, so where I'm caddy, yeah, I'm talking about back when I was a caddy. You were a caddy? I was a caddy. Oh, you told me that. Oh yeah.

The big thing is if he did doubles, if he had doubles, then I would, they would pay you like 10 bucks around 15 bucks for like fucking 18 holes. What is a caddy? Do you fetch the clubs? Did you just say fetch? I mean, you're a caddy. Like, is that not what you do? I'm not going to lie.

You literally, you literally went and fetched their clubs. There was people in the clubhouse that washed their clubs. And you know what's funny about that? You could always tell, you could tell the self made men versus the people that were born into wealth. Because the self made men always hung out, talk to you, always made sure that they tipped you well. And the fucking rich, rich people, they, they were always like their whole life they had like people, I don't know, servants or whatever.

And they would come in and they, they would hand you the bag, the clubs and they would not break conversation with the other person. Talking about their game or their business or some movie and they would, it was like you weren't there. And the best was if there was a rich guy with the self made man and he would see that and then when, and then the rich guy would see how the other guy behaved. And then he tried to, oh yeah, yeah, I really appreciate it. So anyway, he just keep walking.

Did they tip you decent? No, they were tight fucks. Generally speaking, they were tight fucks unless you had, there was a few cool guys, but there was, there was a lot of tight fucks. Um, yeah, and they had, they had reputations too. This doesn't sound like any kind of culture. Uh huh. This doesn't sound like any kind of culture you'd want to be around, like this old rich.

If you can just divorce yourself from the way country clubs have treated your people, it's actually, I love how you subtly, this doesn't seem like a cult. Get over here. I can't. I gotta go. Everybody knows what you were just doing there. Um, no, I gotta go back in there with her. So, you know, to make sure she's okay during her, her dance class, even though she doesn't

really need me. She's kind of. Can I tell you something about country clubs? As far as being a guy, it's one of the greatest things you can ever join that's so much fun and beyond the golf country club is one of the greatest things you could ever join as a guy. Yeah. Once you get married and you have no free time and all your shits in the garage.

When you fucking go down to the country club, I'm telling you, I, I, you know, I got a, we have a buddy of ours, country club. I went down to his country club, didn't even play golf, not that I give a fuck about golf. I hung out and just had a fucking, uh, rib tips, fucking sandwich and a couple of drinks. No, I didn't have a drink. I had a cigar. It was the best fuck. All they did was just fucking break each other's balls.

You know, they always act like it's a bunch of white guys and they're like carving up the country and I'm going to take Tennessee C and you're going to have fucking Wyoming. It wasn't, it was just a bunch in the, and I mean this in a, in a nice way, a bunch of fucking idiots, just a bunch of knuckleheads, breaking ball, fucking Frank's going to tell a story. This is going to take 20 minutes or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just, I don't know. That was a bad example of breaking balls, but you know, you know, I understand.

You're not open to it. No, no, I understand. I understand. Sorry. No, no, no, I get it. I get it. I understand what you say. No, no, no.

I understand. I understand. So anyway, so I'm caddying for this guy and you know, it's a, it's a foursome. So it's, I guess they're playing two against two. I don't know. I was always like, you know, you handed them the club and then you fucking ran down to go spot the ball or you were moving on to the next hole. So I don't know what the dynamic was going.

So all I could tell was that the fats, the pudgy sweaty dude who was a really good golfer and I actually think was every bit, if not better than the guy I was caddying for. But the guy I was with, he was the guy that was leaving with the girl. Right. He, he, he was, he was the hero of the movie. All right. You know, and this other guy was the guy who had to work like twice as hard and half of it was cause he was in his own way, right?

So we got up to what a fucking hole was. I think it was 17. Yeah. It was 17 and we're on the green. And at this point, the pudgy guy, he has man twit, tit, man twit, man, tit sweat under his man boobs. He's got like, like he has armpit stains, but they're underneath his man boobs and he had a stripe shirt and it was like, you know, it was the 80s.

So it was like it fit. He's got his spare tire over his slacks and he had all the gear and, and, um, oh wait, no, he chipped in on the 17. He chipped in out of the trap and it went into the fucking hole. He was a really good golfer. But anyway, I don't, I forget what the fucking hole was. So he lines up a putt. All right.

And my guy is closer to the hole. So he's waiting. Okay. So this guy is a right handed golfer. So he's sitting there and he lines up the putt and okay. And we're, we're not behind him. We're on the side where he can see us just standing there, being quiet, being respectful. The second he hit the ball and he's watching it roll towards the hole.

The guy I was catting for starts walking over to his ball and before this guy can see whether it goes in the hole or not, this guy crossed in front of him and I was just like, I was right there. I was like, there's going to be a fight. And he literally dropped his putter and looked, looked at me like, do you fucking believe this guy? And I walked by him like Isaiah walking by Jordan where he kind of ducked it. I didn't know what to do.

But I don't know what it was. I found it fucking hilarious how upset he got. But now all these years later, looking back at it, it's like, dude, you should have fucking said something to that guy. Anyway, there's my little golf story. Let me read some fucking advertising here before I get absolutely fucking before I get destroyed by that by the painters. And then I'm going to just to let you know to give you, I'll do a little teaser here,

like old time radio. Fuck you. You redheaded do nothing content. I have to start trashing more fucking vocations. All right. But I always come around. I've been trashing golf for years and now I, you know, granted it took some three professional athletes at the same time to see how great a game it was, how hard it was.

And that is the one thing about me. Okay. You can call me a bald, redheaded, do nothing content, all you want, but I can be swayed. I am not going to sit here and just be stubborn and continue to say that painters are on the lowest rung of the learning a trade. It's like you didn't know how to build anything. You couldn't get in the wall. I love how plumbers had a sense of humor that I said they, they grew up in single parent

families and they didn't have enough food and they used to go underneath the sink to try and find some scraps, bread or whatever the fuck I said, they get one fucking email from a plumber. These painters, man, they're, they're a sensitive fucking crew. I think it's cause they dress like nurses, you know, they come in dressed all in white. If anything, if anything I'm getting out of this, I'm getting more fans in the plumbing and in carpentry vocation. I have gotten a couple of those emails.

Keep trash in those fucking guys. Um, all right, policy genius, uh, there was never a bad time to save money, but now more than ever finding smart ways to put some cash back in your pocket can make a big difference. One way to do that is to simply save on things you're already paying for like home insurance. If you own a home reshopping your more, your home insurance rates with policy genius could save you a good chunk of change. And the best part is you barely need to lift a finger to do it. Motivate your audience.

Okay. Now that offends me. I know what I'm supposed to be doing here. The first thing I have to do is I have to get them to listen to the copy. That's what I need to do. First. All right. You'd know that if you really were a genius.

Policy genius. First head to policygenius.com and answer a few quick questions about yourself and your proper time. Then policy genius will compare your policy against options from top insurers to make sure you're getting the right home insurance coverage at the best possible price if policy genius finds you a better rate than what you're currently paying, they'll do all the work to get you switched. I mean, come on, man, I'm fucking, you don't have to do anything.

That's perfect. Own a car to policy genius will compare your home and auto policies across different insurers and even mix and match to find you savings. They save their customers an average of $1,127 per year. Just doing that call to action parentheses. This section is mandatory. Hey, if you write it, I read it buddy. So or lady or lady.

So if you'd like to put a little cash back in your pocket right now, see how much you can save. So if you'd like to put a little cash back in your pocket right now, see how much you can save by reshopping your home insurance rates at policy genius.com. I don't like how there's, there's no sort of a podcast code there. How will they know that I sent them there? Ah, geez. Yeah.

All right. Helix Helix. Okay. Here is my Helix ad. Hello. I'm Bill Burr. I'm a really unique. Oh, they're still doing this fucking copy.

I am not a really unique guy. That is not why you like my podcast. You like my podcast cause you, you listen to me fucking blow a gasket and then it makes you feel better about yourself and your own shortcomings. I don't know. Um, anyways, there, Helix is truly one of a kind, I guess next, please mention all the talking points below. As I've said before, advertisers, if you write it, I will read it.

Uh, Helix sleep built, um, a sleep quiz that takes two minutes to complete. They use the answers to match your body type and sleep preference to the perfect matrix for you. If you like a mattress that's really soft or firm, you sleep on your side or your back or your stomach, or you sleep really hot, gross with Helix. There's a specific mattress for each and everybody's unique taste, uh, like you just go to helix sleep.com slash burr, B U R R take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life.

Um, that's, it says like me after that. I think there's a joke there. I don't know. Helix sleep was even awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2019 by GQ and wired magazine. They have a 10 year warranty, 10 year warranty, and you get to try it out for a hundred nice risks free. They'll even pick it up if you don't like it gross.

I bet people are all wearing masks when that goes down anyways, uh, right now Helix is offering up to $200 off mattress orders for our listeners. Get up to $200 at helix.com slash burr prop. Okay. Plus slash burr. That's all right. Woo. Look at you, Neney.

Looking good there, sweetheart. Um, all right, there you go. I think, I mean, I have to double check that that is all the advertising for this week before I get absolutely raked over the proverbial coals by all of these, these fucking, uh, I rate painters. I mean, they are so I rate, I am surprised that, uh, you know, no other, no other websites have picked up on how this controversy, all right, prop painter from the Mandalorian. I did an episode of that last season.

Hey there, Bill. That's my day job as a prop painter for movies and TV. That's my day job. Oh, congratulations. That's a cool job. I mainly specialize in weapons. I've worked on a bunch of stuff you may recognize from Avengers, Better Call Saul, Westworld. These are all my Avengers.

I don't watch. I watch everything else and a lot of the weapons and droids for the Mandalorian. You might be a little stoked to know I've made a lot of these things while listening to the Monday morning podcast as lucky as I have been to find my way into having the honor to paint some really cool stuff. I stouted, I started out my painting career, painting houses in my college years. I can't argue with you that a majority of house painters suck. Thank you, validation, validation.

If you can compare it to something like cooking, painting houses is like starting, uh, your cooking career at a Denny's. If you haven't moved on to a better restaurant after a few years, then you're probably not going to do it for the love of it or as a career choice. If you haven't moved on to industrial painting, cars, murals, or entertainment, then you're just doing it for the money and you're most likely just trying to bang jobs out and you're not doing, and not so much caring about the artistry while painting another four walls some off white color.

All right, that makes sense. So basically painting houses is sort of the open mic of painting. And then you move on to more, to like more difficult stuff to paint, right? I'm joking because I know that there's the Richard Price and George Carlin's of house painters. I'm fucking joking people. Relax. All right.

And by the way, is there anything cooler than someone who paints cars? All right. I think that's, that's fucking amazing. And actually, you know, come on, some of the, some of the graffiti that the people who suck at painting paint over, you know what I mean? Do you ever have guilt people who just paint walls when you paint over graffiti? Do you ever look at, do you ever stand back and be like, wow, this, this vandal is actually better at what they do than I am.

You know, as your paint drips down onto these poor plants underneath the graffiti. In defense of painters, they can't hide their shitty work the way a plumber can. Like whoever did my old ass fucking house, they can't hide their, like I had a guy coming over looking at the hot water heater the other day and I have like one, I don't know anything about plumbing, but my, the, the, where the water goes in, the pipe will just say is three quarter inches and where it comes out. It's like a quarter inch. And the guy before even ever had an open wall.

He goes, well, I don't know who did that, but that is not up to code. And he as a plumber was saying that, um, you know, most plumbers don't take the time to do it right. So I think in general, we can, you know, listen, here's a deal. I mean, if you guys fucking shit on comedians, I'll laugh about it all fucking day long. I love it. Comics shit on other comics. I don't give a fuck.

I didn't realize how precious the art of painting was a house, how sensitive people are until this guy here fuck you. You redheaded do nothing cunt. By the way, you forgot the hyphen between do and nothing. Just the way you missed that corner when you painted the house, you sloppy cunt. All right. Stop bashing my fucking career. This guy really comes with soccer mom energy.

I'm working 75 hour weeks to get my wife and kid through this pandemic that has your pussy ass stuck at home. Look at this fucking guy. He paints a house and all of a sudden he thinks he can throw hands. Oh, you're a tough guy. Huh? Walking around with the Oshkosh, but gosh overalls. Let me ask you this on your painter boots.

Did you write right and left? So you'd put them on correctly. Um, I'm coming right back at you, buddy. Is your fucking whining about your fucking work week? Just because you people hire idiots doesn't make all painters bad. This point has already been made. Stop hiring dumb ass. You fucking morons.

I agree with that. Take your mic out of your ass hilarious and learn how to vet a contractor. You bald twat. Once again, body shaming me. I liked your podcast until last week you fucking pussy. You're going to take your paintbrushes and go home. You're going to go out and go cry in your van. Hey, hey, hey, good luck to you, buddy.

All the fucking people that I have shit on in this podcast, all of these fucking people I've shit on it. You've had no fucking problem with it whatsoever. And all of a sudden I come around to you and your little pedophile fucking van with your splotch of fucking paint and your fucking nice head of hair, right? And all of a sudden now you're going to leave. Well go ahead and fucking leave. You know what?

Yeah, I'm going to do your thing. I'm going to help you leave here. I'm going to look up. I'm going to find a painting podcast house that you can listen to so you can feel like it's a safe space house painting podcast. Here we go. I'm going to give you the first one. Podcast America's number one.

I don't know what the fuck is it? Oh my God. This is just a wide open market podcast for painters paint talk 2016. What do we got here? Podcast for painters. Why listen to a podcast finding podcast podcast for painters painting and decorating contractors of America paint ed. You might want to listen to that one because ed is like education contractor s e o pro construction

guide. There you go, buddy. There you go. Happy trails. The when you fucking soccer mom, you let you fucking get your goddamn fucking painter panties in a bunch thinking that I'm giving a fuck that you're walking away with your soggy fucking painter socks squashing sloshing around your red wing boots. All right.

I work harder and deal with more shit than you could ever imagine. All right. Time out. What do you know about my life? You don't even think that you think that working 75 five hours a week is impressive to me. Buddy just to remind you. I do two podcasts a week. Myself.

All right. I then do another one with Burt Kreischer. I also run a podcast network and within the podcast network, I produce standup specials in TV shows and to do those, I have to go around town pitching those things. All right. That's just one little aspect. Then I also write, produce and act on an animated show called f is for family. Okay.

I got to put out 10 episodes. You know how long it takes to make 10 episodes of an animated show? It takes about 10 and a half months and then it comes out and then you go right back to do it all over again. All right. I also just finished a fucking movie script that I've been working on for two fucking years. I'm also a standup comedian and put out a standup special every two fucking years.

So fuck you and your 75 hour work week. Go fuck yourself. I want you to go do your 75 hour work week in front of a bunch of white chicks that are looking for you to say one wrong thing at your job and then end your career and cancel you. So go fuck yourself. 75 hour fucking work week, coloring in fucking walls. Go fuck yourself.

I am so sick of fucking people thinking that they have the hardest fucking job and oh, do you paint houses in the United States of America? You know what I want you to do right now, sir, I want you to look down and look at that spare tire hanging over your fucking belt and realize that 90% of the world will never eat as much food in their life than you eat in 10 fucking years. So fuck you. Jesus. I am so fucking sick when the, you know, isn't it fucking hilarious how I all of these fucking

people. Oh Jesus. Hey sweetheart. How are you? What's that? Can you close the door and don't listen to dad say the bad words? Hey sweetheart, close the door. Hey, hey, hey, close the door buddy.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. You're working 75 hours a week. Good for fucking you to get my wife and kid through this pandemic. You're the fucking hero. We're all fucking working. Everybody's working.

How many hours of work is a doctor working? Take a fucking joke. You fucking, fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. All right. He works harder. He has no idea. Like he thinks I'm just sitting by a fucking, a fucking pool, writing knock, knock jokes.

Windows get painted by the fucking homeowners and idiot nephews when you were too cheap to hire a real contractor. I run a business, play drums and sing for a band and still have time to take care of my family without complaining about shit that I don't have any idea about. Time out. Time out. You just fucking with shit and all over the entertainment business saying that I don't do anything.

Go fuck yourself and then do it again. You red fuzzy fuckers. It's plural for some reason. Maybe he was just joking. I don't know. This is another thing, everybody. I am fucking over listening to how hard people fucking work. Let me ask you guys a question.

How annoying was it when I just told you how hard I work and I didn't even tell you how many hours? I told you how many months. How annoying was that? Okay. Just know that when you do that, you sound just as fucking annoying. Oh my God. I have to bust my ass every week to take care of my family.

Who doesn't? Let me ask you this painter. You tell me what's in your fucking career. You go do show. What is the showtime at the Apollo surviving that of being a fucking house painter? Go fuck yourself. This is my thing about all of this shit. This is for all of you out there who are going to be successful in life.

Know this, that no one is going to help you. You're going to be all alone, all right? If it involves going on the road, you're going to get to be, and you're going to intimately know Motel 6, Super 8, and those are like above the no country for old men motels that you're going to stay in, all right? And you're going to do whatever it takes to get there, and you're going to do the equivalent of standing in a cafeteria of college kids in the middle of the day who had no idea there was going to be a show, and you're going to stand up there and fucking humiliate yourself.

And there's going to be nobody there to help you, okay? And if your dream doesn't come true, nobody's going to give a shit, all right? But if it does come true, then what's going to happen is everybody's going to act like it was given to you and you didn't work for it, and your life is just putting your feet up and sitting courtside and fucking, you know, fucking playing grab ass with people. This is what I've learned about super successful people. Most of them have pools and very rarely are they in them. The geniuses in the world somehow have that balance of money and free time.

What I find with most people that become really successful is what suffers as their personal life, which ends up being the most important thing, and a lot of times they lose everything that they have, and then they just have this fucking thing that they built. So I'm off this whole fucking painter's stupid shit. I know that guy was probably just fucking around anyways, but that is the thing. There's a few people in this business that I really admire that figured out how to do it. The first two that I think is Dave Chappelle and Joe Rogan.

They figured out how to be super successful and also still have their life is still theirs. Where with this business that I'm in, you know, you spend your whole fucking time trying to get in, trying to get in, driving by the studios. It's right there. And this is giant wall. You're trying to do that. Do I go through the gate? Do I climb over?

Do I tunnel under? How the fuck? And then you get in there. And what you thought it was going to be and what the fuck it really is like, this is what I've learned in my business is people, writers, editors, and directors. My job is the performer is way fucking easier than that. I've done writing on efforts for family and I just wrote a fucking script. That shit is a fucking nightmare.

Fucking nightmare is far. It's not physically demanding, but you come out of there, you're like, you know, my problem with booze came out of sitting in a writer's room after two and a half seasons of efforts for family. I would come home fried and I would just start boozing. That was my solution to it. I don't know. This probably all just sounds like, like, you know, oh, this is all fucking easy and

blah, blah, blah, writing a script that that would be fun. That's, that's, I'll tell you this, that's what I thought. And I have a ridiculous amount of respect for writers and editors going to sit there and go through your 58 fucking takes of each, each setup, trying to figure out what's the best one that then matches the other persons in the scenes 58 takes. Forget about the dinner scene when there's fucking 10 fucking actors there. You can fucking have that job. I'll go back.

I would go back to fucking warehousing before I would fucking sit and even attempt to fucking the mental energy it takes to fucking do that shit. So all right. So that's the end of the painter shit. I was just breaking balls. So you guys pick another fucking job. I'm going to shit all over and then hopefully somebody else is going to get their panties in a fucking bunch and, and take that shit seriously.

Like this guy here, he goes, Netflix money rant, dear bill, fuck you, you fucking cunt burr, please don't ever refer to yourself as a political lefty again. Why? Cause you said so in your tirade against the painter that mentioned your Netflix money. Now here's a great thing here. Okay. I never talked about the painter's money. Okay.

You don't talk about another man's money. You just don't do that. Okay. He crossed that fucking line, but here's the deal because I'm making more than the average fucking painter. All of a sudden it becomes a tirade and I'm the bad guy. Right. He said, you sir, you said I earned every fucking dime and I earned, I've ever earned

in this business. Yeah, that is the truth. My ship came in and go fuck yourself. I have Netflix money and I'm not giving you a drop of it. Yeah. Yeah. And that did not exist in a vacuum. That guy brought that out of me and you're going to ignore all that.

So here we go. Yes. You worked hard for it. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for telling me what I already know. And you earned it. And I'm in complete agreement with your off the rails, unhinged bald headed rant.

It wasn't off the rails. It was totally warranted. But damn, you sounded like a Republican to me. Oh, all right. Now, from here on out, this has nothing to do with me. This has to do with what goes on in between this guy's ears. Listen to this ridiculous comparison. You berate the air quote greedy bankers, evidently they're not greedy in corporations constantly.

Who are the bankers? People like you and me. Who are the corporations? People like you and me. They're not like me. I don't know what you do. Okay. I don't go out and fucking, you know, inflate the economy and then take it and then take

everybody's fucking retirement away, telling my jokes. What I do on stage does not make a fucking World War two veteran spend the last two years of his life eating fucking dog food because they can't afford, you know, I what I do does not make people upside down in their fucking house and take their American dream away from them. The fuck are you talking about? I don't pollute the water supply. I don't create a nationwide drug epidemic by coming up, inventing synthetic heroin.

Is that what you're suggesting? He goes, why don't you berate the eight out of 10 Americans that live paycheck to paycheck because they have the newest iPhone, their Disney pass, their booze, cruise vacations, their new car, et cetera. I have, I have, I've actually done that during this pandemic where I've said that now that you see that the government can't fucking help me, help you, please tell me that you're going to save fucking money. You have to save fucking money because at the end of the day, nobody's going to help

you. You're on your fucking own. I have talked about that anyways, uh, their new car, et cetera. How about braiding people that constantly live above their means, max out their credit cards? This is shit I've talked about for years on the podcast, sir, default on their payments and on and on and on. So basically you don't give a shit that this guy questioned the money that I've made after

I took this ridiculous chance that 90% of people end up just being fucking, you know, out of the business and become like a fucking substitute teacher in their 40s. All right. Fuck all of that. None of that shit counts. This guy brought up my money, which I would never bring up anybody's fucking money. What the fuck you're making, right? Unless you're a greedy banker cunt because then you affect and everybody else's dream.

I don't know, dude. I don't know what your point is here. I think you're just mad that you feel that I didn't yell at the people that you wanted to yell at. So I think you should start your own podcast there. The banks aren't making anyone max out their credit cards and Apple isn't making anyone buy their iPhone, wait a second, yes, they are. Yes they are.

By having the upgrades, fill up your fucking phone that they then go in and take your phone and fucking take all your shit out and then they go and resell it again in Southeast Asia or whatever. You're completely ignoring that all of these design obsolescence of everything that you fucking buy and that they make it cheaper to buy something newer rather than have it fucking repaired, which destroyed the repairman business and has the fucking ocean filled with old flat screen out out of date fucking TVs. You're painting a very broad brush here, sir.

You actually sound more Republican, I would say, well whatever the fuck that means. Anyways, if people don't want to buy it, wait a second, but like the people that you fat shame, they have no discipline with food, if people want it, they buy it, screw the financial consequences, then cry, I can't pay my rent two days into a shutdown. Alright, well you're painting with a broad brush here, which is what I did with the painters, no pun intended, fucking around. I agree with a lot of that and I think if you're in the middle class that you need to do what, like saving money is a lost art and I agree with all of that, but someone who

is born into fucking poverty and you're ignoring racism, sexism, homophobia, all of this other, all these other social fucking issues that can cause someone to get, so I don't agree with that, so there's my lefty side, buddy. This podcast isn't fun anymore, dude, come on, we're just supposed to be fucking around here, even though I feel like I'm fucking, I got to sit here and defend what it is that I'm fucking doing here, no, here's the thing, I don't fucking talk about somebody's money and I don't begrudge somebody if they made their dream come true. And I was joking about that when I was watching everybody getting mad at these celebrities

that were doing Zoom things and everybody was getting all into their feelings about their fucking giant kitchens. Acting is though that if that actor or movie star or whatever, if their dream didn't come true that they would have come to their rescue and helped them out, which you wouldn't have, so I don't know what the fucking problem is. All right, Jesus Christ, this is not fun anymore, guys, you don't fuck this, I'm not going to make fun of vocations, this is what it brings out of people, I don't want to have a podcast like this, I just like saying stupid shit.

All right, Biden, Bill, I think it's crazy that you tapped out of the news with all this Biden shit, yeah, what's going on with this stuff, like there's something that they're saying he needs to address, listening to all the me too people throw this woman Tara Reed under the bus because her story isn't believable. Oh, somebody told me about this, Tara Reed said Joe Biden did something, but because Joe Biden is on the left, and let's, you know, who's kidding, no, Tara Reed doesn't actually have like a, you know, has a very volatile reputation, put it that way. They are not listening to her.

Yeah, that is fucked up. They believed in women who accused, I don't know what that, I think that's the judge guy, because they didn't want a Republican on the Supreme Court. I don't think that's a hundred percent of women, but I think that's a hundred percent of the ones that are listened to. I think that there is definitely a double standard when it comes to that Tara Reed's mom called in Larry King in the early nineties, trying to get traction because authorities refused to take action when reported 30 years ago.

It's so transparent, but for some reason people are playing dumb so hard. What do you mean people are playing dumb so hard? There's people that still think Donald Trump should be reelected, and he said to shoot fucking Drano basically into your body. This is what people do. Politics is just like sports. Your team cheats, but my team doesn't. That's past interference.

And then when we do it, that's a good no call. People do that with me too, and they do it with politics, unfortunately. Selfishly I like that they're doing it because it exposes the fact that when it really comes down to it, they're into their own whatever the fuck it is they want. This is the most serious podcast I've ever had, and I don't like talking about this shit. It's so transparent, but for some reason people are playing dumb so hard. Progressives went after Joe Rogan for dumb shit harder than a presidential candidate who's the face of everything they've hated.

Yeah, that's when Rogan said that he was going to be supported Bernie Sanders. Biden gropes chicks. All right, well, that's still alleged. It has to be proven. He was a huge part of the crime bill in the nineties that imprisoned hundreds of thousands of black men and classified them as super predators, and he has a consistent record of voting for wars and staying in line with the Democratic establishment. Mind-blowing stuff, Bill.

Is any of that anything that you wrote there surprising? All right, the fact that Biden has a let's just talk about the history of voting for wars and staying in line with the Democratic establishment. That more than anything is the reason why Hillary lost and Trump won. All the theories out there, it was, I think the 2000, this is my own bullshit and I don't follow this stuff, but I really believe that the 2008 banking crisis and the fact that the bankers didn't go to jail, the government bailed out the banks, and who's kidding? No, we now have the people who are upside down in the house had to help bail them out

after they got fucked over and none of them went to jail. I think that Hillary came along and was, was a fucking company person, was going to tow the company line and that was not what people wanted and Trump was saying what people wanted to hear. I'm going to drain the swamp and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that and all of this shit. And that's what they were looking for and they should have put Bernie Sanders. It was like a, it was like a prize fight.

It was just like, it wasn't a good matchup. A better matchup was another guy saying, I'm going to, basically his way of saying I was going to drain the swamp on the left and you have them go at it, which I still believe that the best matchup, if you want Trump out of there is you put the left version of him. So then it's like, all right, this is, this is going to be a good fight. I think the Democrats, once again, for some reason are going with the company man. And I think that's, I definitely think that that is a, that is a fucking error, but, and this is why I usually end up voting, I should say always, I mean, since way back, way back

when was the last time I voted for an actual Democrat or Republican for president? I think in 96, I actually voted for Bill Clinton. And if I could go back, I wouldn't have because he was the guy that signed the last thing for deregulating banks, as far as I know, that opened up what the fuck ended up coming to fruition in 2008, which of course, George W. Bush. I mean, George, yeah, George W had got blamed for, because it happened while he was president, which wasn't fair. And that was basically that thing that somehow made people not qualified for houses qualified.

And then you went from five people, been on a house to 10 people, and then they artificially inflated the house because the market, you know, it's basically a supply and demand. And when you make way more people eligible for these loans, the demand goes through the roof. So then the price of the house goes up high. And then eventually those people who can't afford the house, it was like they just, they just used them as warm bodies in these houses. And then at something like these loans that they gave them for that, they could afford

the house for like a year. And then all of a sudden they couldn't because then the payment jumped up and then they had to sell and they kicked it back out on the plane. Eventually they ran out of saps. I mean, I know this is a very remedial of what went down. They ran out of saps and the whole fucking thing came crashing down. And then people who were qualified ended up in a house that they paid way more than what the fuck it was worth.

And I even got caught up in that shit on my house when I went to go fix the fucking roof on my house when I had water damage, because they fucked up the fucking job. And I didn't want to deal with it. I had insurance and I'm not going to go to court with this guy, fuck it, right? When the check came to me, my insurance that I pay for all the money I fucking pay for when the check came, it was made out to me and the bank that owned my mortgage. And I had to sign it over to them so they could make sure that that money was going to be used to fix the roof.

Because what happened was they fuck so many people over and their house wasn't worth what they owed on it. When they actually had an insurance claim, they didn't fix it. They just kept the money so they would have some money. And then when eventually they had to sell the fucking house, the bank would get the house back and then they had to fix the roof. And then they were upset about that, even though they created that situation. So I was so fucking mad when I called the bank.

I was like, Hey, I pay my bills. You want to look at my fucking credit report? I'm responsible with my money. You aren't. And there was nothing I could do. And I had to send it over to them. And with each portion of the job, I had to wait for one of those fucking banker cunts to come over and inspect the job to make sure that it was done coming over like a fucking

parent. So I think that that's what ended up making that happen. And as far as this guy's money ran, I 100% agree with. If you're maxing out your credit cards and you live in week to week, you are setting yourself up, okay? And you are, you are a victim of your own foolish ways with money. And I'll forgive a younger person, but after you've learned the lesson to just continually be living week to week, once you're making a certain amount of money, you and your wife,

there's no reason to be living like that. You bought too much house. You bought too much car. You bought too many fucking Apple shit. And this guy is, oh, this woman is 100% right about that. However, if you're below the poverty line, if you're dealing with racism, sexism and homophobia and all that shit, like that, that becomes a different variable that you definitely have to look at.

So I don't know that that's where it is. Jesus Christ. This is, I feel like I'm fucking hosting fucking meet the press right now. I'm an hour and 20 minutes in. That's how fucking nuts, guys, I don't want to talk about these giant fucking issues. All right. I have empathy for all you guys, including the fucking painters. I'm not trying to get into this shit.

I'm supposed to make you forget about your problems, not sit here and talk about them. So anyway, it is a thing too. Just if you're making a zillion dollars, you can still be that fucking idiot who then, you know, if you're making $10 million a year, you can then be that idiot who lives a lifestyle that requires you to make $10 million. Like I learned that in this fucking business. I want, I watched people, I watched them get like back in the day when it was, you know, the brass ring was getting a fucking sitcom.

I would watch these guys and women get these sitcoms and in their first year, they buy the big house. They'd get the fucking fancy car and all of that shit. And then all, you know, they weren't getting ratings and blah, blah, blah, blah, and they do a half a season or they maybe they do like a season or two or whatever. They'd stop doing standup and they would, they would just fucking, they would buy into this fantasy that they had made it, which they hadn't. They took a significant step towards it, but their ship hadn't come in and I would watch

them, the show would go off the air and then you'd hear that they had to move out of their house and they'd always keep the car because the car was what everybody saw. No one really saw the house and then you'd see them try to hang onto the car and then the car would be gone and then they'd be up at the bar and then they would be like super fucking depressed because mentally they allowed themselves to go to this place that they weren't at yet. They took the fucking ride and it was terrifying. And when I first got into this business, I would open with guys, I would open for God,

I'm not going to name names, but I opened for people that I remember had sitcoms before I fucking started in the business and then like three years in, you know, when I was in Boston, they'd come to town, they'd be back to when standup and they were fucking broke. It was like Hannibal Lecter. I was looking at their shoes. Remember this one guy came in when, you know, everybody used to wear the white rebox, you know, those aerobic ones and I saw like the creases in it with the dirt in it.

And I saw, I tried to scrub them clean. I'm like, this guy is fucking broke or this woman is fucking broke. And it scared the fucking shit out of me. And I just, I remember I talked to a show runner and with Patrice O'Neill and we asked him and said, Hey, when should you buy the car? And he's, this is, this was like doing math show biz math 20 years ago and everything has fucking changed since then. And he said, I would wait till after season three and you get the season four pickup.

And this was a super conservative guy who was a show runner on three different shows and did not dress like it and had a modest car and all of that shit. And I just gravitated towards people like, that's the guy, that's the guy, that's the guy. And if I learned anything like that's you, you always buy a car underneath way underneath where you're at. You buy a house underneath where you're at. And that's the way to go about it and you save up your fucking money because God forbid

something fucking happens. You're fucked. Right. And that's why I drove a fucking Prius for 10 goddamn years getting gay bashed around Hollywood. And I fucking love that car every time I filled up the tank and it was like 28 bucks, 30 bucks. I fucking loved it.

All right. So there you go. So there's some fucking advice and I am not big league in anybody on this podcast. I'm just fucking joking around. So this, this, you know, I think just cause it was a pandemic, people had less of a sense of humor. I apologize. It was probably the wrong time to pick on a fucking vocation.

I'm just fucking around here, people. All right. I am a fucking idiot who accidentally got into the business that I was in and somehow it all worked out for me. I don't know shit. All right. There you go. All right.

You still have a fucking problem with me. Then that's your issue. Not mine. All right. Johnny quest number one. Bill, you mentioned in the last podcast, April 27th, that you liked the old school Johnny quest. Definitely loved it, but I'm 32.

So I only saw reruns. However, there is another newer animated show based on that that ran on adult swim called venture brothers. Definitely check it out. Oh, you know, I, when I was looking it up, I actually saw that I never seen it. I saw that it existed. I should say. Check it out, especially with all the free time.

It's right up your alley. Favorite character is definitely Brock Sampson and you'll see why immediately. All right. I love the name already. All right. Number two. Hey, Bill, you recently said in your podcast that you like watching Johnny quest as a kid. I was wondering if you ever heard of this cartoon show called the venture.

This is another person, the venture brothers. It's not for kids and as a comedy while you were at home for the quarantine, maybe check it out. It's about what it would be like to grow up with a life like Johnny, but through characters named Rusty venture. I would go into more detail about the show, but that this make the email longer. Whatever dude. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm watching it. All right. Overrated, underrated, uh, overrated, uh, fucking slow piano music in commercials trying to empathize about the virus. I am so happy somebody else got annoyed with you. Like is there trying to sell me a car? We're here for you during these hard times.

We'll bring the car right to your house. Oh, is that what you're going to do acting like you're going to give me a break in the price like you're not going to roll into something out. He said, it reminds me of Patrice's bit about white women, women singing to save puppies. Yeah, as always, Patrice O'Neill ahead of his time underrated reality TV, because it's so fake and off the wall that, uh, who fucking cares? No soap opera could come up with this virus shit. I'm sure they could.

I mean, the movies have done it. Um, all right, overrated, um, just hiring a jerk off to fucking paint your room in your house underrated, doing the job to actually find out who the best guy is or a lady to do the job. There you go. All right. So all you painter cunts can quit yelling at me and you'll have time to get some turpentine and comb the fucking speckles of paint out of your pubes.

All right. Go fuck yourselves, everybody. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I'm gonna, I'm done with this shit. I'm going to go back to talking about old time fucking football about when players had day jobs during the off season and when the Giants played in Yankee stadium and Sam Huff shared a locker with Mickey Mantle. All right.

I'd rather talk about that shit than fucking, uh, viruses and people, how much money that they make. See, this is where this shit goes. This is where this shit goes when you fucking sit there and talk about people's jobs and their money. And I started it. So it's my fault. All right.

And cue the sad piano music. All right. I'll check in on you on Thursday.