Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 5-9-22

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Bill rambles about hockey, the Forum, and alliteration. 

Unbelievable, because you just heard from his capster that you're giving a party. Fortunately, it's the Bolsheviks with bizarre good deals that you have to share. Just like today, the JBL Partybox 310 is now only 319 euros. Score all the deals in the app on Bolpetcom. Oh yeah? Well, that's good. You don't say. I am in a fucking awesome mood, all right? Because I had my head in the oven after the first two games of the Carolina Bruins series, and I'm just like, they're too fast. They're just beating us the whole fucking game. We lose the first game. We lose the second game. We go up to Boston.

We're down 1-0 in game three. I'm like, are these fucking cunts going to sweep us? Is this really going to happen? And then all of a sudden, we just been turning it on ever. I can't even say been turning it on, but we somehow won the next two games, because I'll tell you, even like this last one, game four, I just felt like they had the puck for the whole fucking game. And somehow, somehow we won four to two. I'll tell you though, that fucking last goal that we had, where it's a set play, where Patrice Bergeron is taking the draw, of course. Why wouldn't he be? The second, the second, the ref drops the puck. Marshawn starts breaking in behind Bergeron, because it's Patrice Bergeron. You know he's going to win the draw.

And as he's breaking in, Pasta is getting right in front of the goaltender on the other side, skating backwards. Bergeron wins the draw right back between his legs. Marshawn picks it up, curls around, sends it right across before the defenseman can figure out what's going on. It's right on the tape for Pasta, and then it's in the back of the net. It was a fucking thing of beauty. And it's what you expect from the perfection line. The perfection lines out there, perfection. How many times are they going to say that during the broadcast? Jesus Christ. I know that's what they call it, but they usually say that. Bergeron's with the top line out there. You know, their first line, their goal scores.

They always say, you know, in the newspaper, they call it the perfection line. But during that broadcast, they just kept saying the perfection line. It was kind of like driving me nuts after a while. It was just like, dude, I get it. I get it. It's called the perfection line. What I don't get is what's going on with my fucking phone right now. I need to see that I'm still recording. Am I still recording? I am still recording. All right. So anyways, the Bruins are somehow two to two with the Hurricanes who appear to be clearly more talented and faster than we are. I was watching the game with my father-in-law and we were down two to one. And I was saying to him about halfway through the second period, it's like, I know it's two

to one. It doesn't feel like two to one. It feels like we're down like two, three goals here. You know, and then we did the cliche, but they're letting us hang around, right? And then what was it? Was it Tobras? Did Tobras get the first one or the second one? I don't know what. I don't know what. It was sort of a whirlwind and also, you know, it was Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Belated Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. So my wife was hanging upstairs watching her fun TV. So I was downstairs with the kids and my father-in-law, you know, watching the game and then also running around with them, having a good time. We made some Mother's Day cards for Mom. And then also, you know, it was great.

You know, it was fantastic was, you know, my wife loves a brunch. You know, she loves getting dressed up, going out to go see the people and everything like that. You know me, okay? Maybe you don't know me. Maybe you think you know me. Maybe I'm just so fucking arrogant that I'm just going to say, you know me, I'm not a, I'm not into brunch. You know what I mean? You get dressed up. It's hot out. You're sweaty. There's like fucking syrup and eggs. And it's, the whole thing is gross. And you, you want to sit outside or inside? Inside. Okay. Inside's going to be a 17 hour wait, but I can stick you directly in the sun in six minutes. And then everybody in my life has pigments.

So they all look to me and I don't want to, you know, because they know I have a need to be liked. I just go, yeah, no, it's fine. It's fine. I'll, you know, put on my hat. You know what I mean? So then I'm sitting there in a suit wearing like a baseball hat. So I look like the guy in Hollywood who just got a fresh pair of hair plugs and he's waiting for him to grow in and he doesn't have the confidence. You know what I mean? So we ended up over, we went to a brunch and yeah, we left and we ended up going somewhere else where we could sit inside and it was fantastic. That's my thing about brunch. It's like, who doesn't love breakfast? You know, who doesn't love lunch? Who doesn't love combining the two of them and just being a fat American

you know? What is, what is the lunch part for though? I guess that's for the people that go there that haven't had, that already had breakfast. You know, there's always that person at the brunch, the one who already got the workout in, just did a 5k and they need some fucking carbs. And rather than just eating the carbs, they have to show up with the fucking numbers still written on their arm from their 5k in that grease pencil. You always see that number right as you're fucking, you know, right as you're taking a big bite out of like a fucking waffle or something, you know. Anyway, so, but I actually was talking to my lovely wife and I think she's finally coming around to understanding why I don't like going to brunches.

I'm trying to remember the last brunch that I went to where it wasn't ridiculously hot. It's just always fucking hot and you always end up outside and I just don't want to, I just don't want to eat breakfast sitting in the blazing sun. I mean, I don't think that's, you know, does that make me anti-social? I don't think it does. It somehow always gets framed that way. Speaking of framed, the Boston Red Sox, my god, I'm still, I'm having so much fun watching them even though they just keep losing. It's like the fucking bad news bears. We just lost, we just got, we just got our asses kicked by a bunch of fucking God, whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds. We were playing the Chicago White Sox. Okay? We lost two out of three to the fucking Orioles.

We lost three straight to the White Sox. We lost our sixth game and overtime, extra innings, whatever you call it. We are 0 for six. All right? And I know there's a lot of, you know, Trevor's story got booed when he went 0 for four, four strikeouts. People are getting down on them. Okay? Now, we could possibly be this bad, but I don't think we are. I actually think we're getting all the disappointment out of the way. Right now, as I'm recording this, we are in last place. We're a half a game or a game behind the fucking Orioles, which it always pains me to see how bad that they've been for the better part of fucking 30 years, because they were an institution when I was growing up. As were the pirates.

Those were winning franchises, if you can believe it. But now that we're, you know, the, sort of the post steroid era, you know, luxury tax, big time free agents, everybody bouncing around. They have not been able to keep up. And I gotta, I gotta tell you, man, I would love to see the Orioles get good again. Just to hear that. Oh, R I O L E S. I used to love that in 1979. I think that guy passed away. That crazy fucking Yosemite Sam looking guy used to stand up on the dugout and get everybody going. They had fucking Eddie Murray and Doug Desenche and all of them. I loved all those guys. But anyway, we're in fucking last place. But I feel like, you know, if sale comes back and is even 80% of what he was, that's huge. We got a Valdez. So we kind of have a nice one,

two punch there. And if we could just start getting some walks and stop having the goddamn opposing pitcher always all relaxed on the mound with, you know, no one on base, clean fucking slate. You know, nobody taking a lead off a third and his peripheral fees are righty, right? I think we can start getting some wins. So we'll see. We'll see. I hate to say this. I do love that the Yankees are in first place. Not because I like the Yankees. Not because I like the Yankees. It's because the Blue Jays were running their fucking beaks up there in Toronto about, you know, hey, last year was the trailer. This year's the movie. Well, let me tell you something. It's not performing too well, is it? 580. I guess that's all right. You know, what is the movie? You almost

win the division? I decided I'm just going to give the Blue Jays shit all, all baseball season. It'll be fun, even though I really like Toronto. And I was all ready to jump on the Maple Leafs bandwagon when we were down 02. I was like, all right, this looks like if we're lucky, five game series, and then I'm just going to do what I do in the playoffs all the time is I root for the Toronto Maple Leafs because they haven't won since 1967, yet they sell out every fucking game and you cannot get a ticket. I mean, that's the greatest fan base in hockey. I mean, who else name another fan base that could get kicked in the dick since Lyndon Johnson was in office and they're still selling out. It just doesn't happen. So you have to respect that. Anyway, and I'm happy for

Joe Bartnick's Pittsburgh penguins. I don't know what they're doing today, but I know they're up to one against the Rangers. I guess that wasn't supposed to happen. I have no idea. All right, let's get on to some and the Celtics lost to a heartbreaker. You know, great first half, Bucks destroyed us in the third and then we came back too little too late in the fourth, but you know, the Celtics have showed that they can play with them. I mean, both teams are a little banged up, but I don't know, a lot less chirping from my friends who are Bucks fans that were fucking sitting there talking like they were just going to come in and may unhandle us. So, but then again, if we lose the next one, we'll be down 3-1, but I don't think we're gonna,

I think we're gonna fucking steal one out there. But at some point, you know, my math is correct. We're gonna have to win two in a row if we're gonna take the series. I'll tell you right now. All right, let's talk the LA Forum. I got to do a show there. And we put the stage in the middle. We did it in the round so it could be, you know, so that way nobody's that far away. Oh, the lovely Nia, everybody walking in. I was just getting ready to start talking about the LA Forum show. So I, before the, before the show, I was mentioning to you guys that I was thinking about, I don't even think I told it to you. No, I don't think I said that on a Thursday podcast. I ended up

calling up my drum teacher and friend, Dave Elich. And he's been way more of a friend in the last year because I've been so busy than a drum teacher because I haven't had time to get over then. I was just telling him, I saw, you know, one of these, one of these goddamn prodigy kids on Instagram just doing some insane 30-second note fucking gospel chop fill. And it was just bugging me going, teach me one of those damn things. Like, how come I can't hear those things? How come? It's just because I'm old, my brain's too slow. Just never been able to rag. I can get up to 16th note triplets. Then I just get, I get tired, you know, after a certain tempo, it's just like, well, what am I doing here? Well, I don't want to start buzz-sawing through all of

this bullshit. I mean, it's fun to do, I guess, if you can do it, but whatever. So I call him up and I was trying to figure out when I would have time and I just didn't have time and then just hit me. I was just like, well, listen, I'm down the forum. You know, when you play the pace, you'll rent it and it's yours for the whole day. It's literally yours. So I go, you know, why don't we rent a couple of drum kits, set them up face to face in the middle of that arena? And he's like, you want, you want to do, let's fuck, let's fucking do that. So he called up a buddy of his and, and, you know, I didn't know what kind of kits he were going to get, but I knew that they were going to sound right because Elich tunes him up

like nobody I've ever heard, right? And I showed up and he had the orange Vistalite, John Bonham kit, and then he had the stainless steel one. And for Zeppelin fans, Bonham after he had, he had the maple kit, natural finish, then he went under the green sparkle one that I think he took out on the road for the Led Zeppelin three tour. And then after that, he loved that kit so much that he didn't take it out on the road. And that was his studio kit right through to the end of his life, I believe. But his touring kit was, I'll get the door, I'll get the door. All right. His touring kit was that orange Vistalite kit. It's on the song remains the same concert video. He played that kit right through, I want to say 77. And then he switched to the

stainless steel kit. So that's what we had facing each other in the middle of an empty LA forum. We had a mic'd up with wedges pointed at us. And I have to tell you, it was the most insane fucking sound I've ever heard. I gave some of the drum footage to Andrew, he's going to get that edited together. And I'm going to post it. I know Dave posted one of him just sort of tuning up the drums messing around. But I have to be honest with you, I've known Dave I don't even know how long since like 2015, maybe that's the most I've ever seen him smiling and laughing. At one point, we were just playing a groove and we were trading force. And after like Dave will be playing a fill and we'll just be laughing at like this how great it sounded. It was so much, so much fucking fun. And once

again, a great way to kind of ease your nerves. I think when you got to do a gig that big is to kind of go in there and just make a whole bunch of noise before the show in the thing, kind of get you know, the butterflies out, I guess, because you know, it's a big show. So anyway, so we ended up playing for like an hour and a half to the point, you know, I got a little blister on my finger, blister on my finger. You can tell I'm not taking lessons lately because I was holding the sticks the wrong way. So I got a little blister on my finger, whatever. But like, it was the fastest 90 minutes of my life. It's how amazing that was. And then we went back, got something to eat. And then the crowd came in, we stopped playing

at like 630, they opened the doors at seven, the crowd came in. And I was working with Bianca Christeveo. That was her first arena, first time in the round. And she went up and fucking crushed it and then brought up Dean and Dean just took it to a whole other level. And then he brought me up. And it was just awesome. From the second I got up there, the fucking crowd was just awesome. Thank God. And yeah, I don't know, it's weird. I actually, there was one moment where I took it in, because you know, at the end of the day, oh, you got to go up, people, you got to go up, you got to take it in. You got to take, you never know when you get, you know, you may not ever come here again. It's like, I get it. But I also have to like fucking do the job here. You know,

I can't be standing up there. Ah, right. But there was a moment about three quarters of way through when I, at that point, I was like, all right, I got all my strongest bits left. This is going to be a great show. You know, basically, the other team pulled the gold tender at that point, right? So I know I'm going to win essentially. And I did look up at the ceiling and just sort of think for half a second, like, I am in the fucking LA forum right now. And anytime I go in there, it is impossible not to think of the showtime Lakers and Magic Johnson and those iconic shots of him when he was in the warmup jersey coming out of the, coming out of the, whatever, the locker room. And they had that little flap on the back up top.

And it just said, you know, Lakers and it said Johnson, I think, right across. I don't think it said Magic. I think it said Johnson. I was just thinking of that, thinking of Kareem played there, worthy Jamal Wilkes. Who else? Michael Cooper. It's insane. This was like 40 years ago. And I still remember so many of the people on that team. It was Jamal Wilkes. And then after him was it Norm Nixon. I can't remember who else they had. If I had to try to name their starting five, it was Kareem worthy Magic Johnson. It was Jamal Wilkes in the early 80s and he had that crazy release where he'd bring the ball almost like around his head. Michael Cooper, who was just tenacious on D. I mean, I don't know how tall he was. He was like six, seven, six, eight. And I think he weighed like

160 pounds. And you would think that he would get pushed all over the court and he didn't. The guy just had so much heart. It's crazy how back then like how much you hate those guys, you know, in the moment when they're playing. And then years later, when you look back, you start to just because the games were so great, you start to love the people you hated as a sports fan. Anyway, so yeah, it was it was an insane night. And I just want to thank everybody, Netflix and everybody for helping to put that thing together. I did get to go up at the Hollywood Bull. I can't remember if I told you that I got to do 15 in front of Dave Chappelle, which is amazing. I was not there the night when all that craziness happened. Fortunately, nothing too nuts

happened. So, you know, whatever, whatever, heavy once in a while, some lunatic. There's always going to be some sort of incident here or there. I, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I try not to talk about shit like that because I notice all these fucking idiots, you know, they turn everything you say into like click bait. Like I literally talk with like speaking this tone and they'll be like, you know, Bill Burr, you know, goes off on guy at the Hollywood Bull. It's like, I didn't. I didn't. You're just saying that I did. So anyway, those drums sounded so fucking good. I haven't played at home yet. You know, even though I should, I think I'm going to go out there this afternoon,

but I didn't even play at home since then because I'm trying to forget how unbelievable it sound. I mean, when I post the videos, even with me playing and I play like shit, just to warn you, I haven't played like two months. So my kick drum foot was sloppy. But on those Vista lights and all of that stuff in that empty arena, it was literally the bottom sound. It was fucking insane. And I was sitting there going like, man, I would love to get, I'd love to get a Vista light kit. I really would. I mean, John Theodore made this sick, sick fucking video introducing the whole new line of them. And they have the, those, the swirl ones, the Vista light swirl ones. And one of them is, is like the blue and olive badge and clear, I believe, or might be what,

I think it's clear. Yeah, it's clear. And for me, that's the fucking one. Um, my only knock, they're just really bright. So that kind of like, if you just want to fucking bash, like that is the goddamn kit, I can tell you that. Oh, speaking of which, dude, wasn't me, they kind of played a couple of sick ass tunes during the Bruins game. I mean, it wasn't the usual, why can't we be friends after a fight, you know, those hacky hockey songs? Like, I think they got somebody going, guys, we got to switch this up in there. So they were playing, you know, some of the modern mumble rap shit, which is great. You got to do that for the young kids. But then they played Iggy Pop Iggy Pop and like some real shit

too. It was just, it was like, now I'm going to be a dog. They're playing that. I'm just like, what the fuck? Well, how does that correlate to, uh, to what's going on in the ice right now? I was trying to think of the, uh, the connection and then later on in the game, they played Iron Maiden the Trooper. I was like, I don't know who's the new DJ over there or who fucking updated the playlist, but I thought it was a really nice balance of some fresh old songs and then whatever the kids are listening to today. I don't know. I let kids weigh in on that, but I thought, uh, I was very impressed with the goddamn DJ. So here's my question to you. Can the Bruins go down into Carolina and steal one down there? Cause I think it's Carolina, Boston, Carolina

for the rest of this series. Um, you know, we shall see. Um, but hey, you know, it was awesome was when we were trading for us. I was, it was, it sounded so fucking amazing that for the first time ever, I wasn't in my head. And, um, as someone who's played drums forever, I've only done that a couple of times. So if you're a young drummer out there or an old drummer like me, if you ever get a chance to play with another drummer and just start trading for us, I can't even tell you, or maybe just someone on another instrument or something. If you have friends that you can jam with, you know what I mean? Which gets harder when you get to be my age and you're a dad and you've got kids and that type of stuff, trying to find another dad that can sneak out, you know, which

is fucking awesome because you both immediately become like fucking 13 and 14 again. Like, hey, man, let's play some fucking priest, man. Um, I, I can't even begin to tell you like, I just personally, how much I got out of that and was just, I feel like a few moments during saying like an hour and a half, I felt like there was a good like 27 seconds in there where I felt the way I feel when I do stand up where I'm not thinking, I'm just sort of doing it and just, it's just flowing out of me, you know, at least on the good night. So I've kind of been chasing that for a while now and I actually saw a little glimpse of it. So, so basically what I'm saying is the second I'm done with this podcast, I'm going to go fucking, then I go, go play some

drums. Um, so anyway, and lastly, but not leastly, um, I, I decided because I was so fucking busy, you know, I'm going to try this fucking intermittent intermittent fasting, which is funny to me, intermittent fasting. When I was a kid that was called poverty, but, um, now it's like an exercise or a diet movement intermittent fasting. It used to be you fasted because you didn't have any money. You wouldn't eat from Monday to like Thursday morning, but it wasn't because you wanted to is because you didn't have any fucking money. Um, or whatever. Now it's like for people, you know, privileged enough to have food every day, it's a choice. So it's like a 16 hour fast and you just do it every day and you just sort of eat

like eight hours, you know, you eat healthy, whatever. But I've been going to the gym, my fucking shoulder feels good. And, uh, I don't know, we're going to see if that's going to work. I know I, I, I'm kind of turned to the corner here and I'm trying all this new shit. And the biggest one ever is like, you know how I told you guys, I went golfing at ATC golf tournament, which was just a fucking the best time ever. I have been fighting not playing again. I think I caught the bug. I kind of had an awesome time and I now get it. I now get why people go over and do that shit. And, uh, I think I'm going to play with one of my siblings soon and ran to a buddy of mine who lives up in Canada. And I think I'm going to get an early and play around

with him too. I don't know. I don't know what happened. I will tell you this though. What's funny to me is how they always try to, I mean, granted I'm not a member anywhere, um, but it always cracks me up how they try to make like golf courses where like, there's all these fucking white guys, like Illuminati people, like carving up the golf course. I mean, that's not the golf golf course, like carving up the world. Um, now I'm not saying this doesn't happen, but as far as my experience going to a golf course, it's just a bunch of guys giving each other shit that are fucking excited that they got a three hour window, four hour window, and they don't have to deal with all of their fucking responsibilities because at the end of the day,

you know, men are basically, we're just big kids. I don't think we necessarily ever grow up and, the level of fucking shit talking, that's all it was the entire time I was on there. I like fucking really, really enjoyed it. So, um, I don't know, we shall see. We'll see if I actually give into this thing, but I feel like I have enough, I got enough fucking hobbies or whatever, but I, I'll come, I've come this far that I, I can say I get why people do it. Um, all right, with that, let's do a little, um, let's do some advertising here. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Indochino. All right, these guys make custom suits for only $3.99. Choose every detail on a suit, shirt, dinner jacket. You got any smoking jackets and more at affordable prices that may surprise you

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F1. Talk about picking the perfect US city for a formula one race. You know, you got to have, it's got to be a destination city. It's got to be a fucking sexy city. There's got to be beautiful people there. There's got to be yachts. There's got to be sunshine. Okay, there's got to be that whole fucking, what do they call that, uh, excess vibe to it. All right, that is Miami. You know, I know there's low key areas of Miami, but I don't know when you blow through that city, you don't seem to run into them. All right, F1 everybody. Uh, Bill, it seems like all of a sudden F1 racing was more relevant in the US. I thought it was just you talking about it. Um, that put it on my radar, but, but then there was the Netflix show and more races here. Then I just saw this tweet and I

thought you might find it interesting. Formula one was acquired by Liberty media. Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty media for 4.4 billion in 2016. And it's now one of the fastest growing sports globally. They're up, they are up billions of dollars on the investment already. And it's one of the best case studies in business. Um, well, I'll tell you what has made it even better too is now it's competitive. I haven't watched the Miami race yet. I'm going to try to watch that tonight when, uh, you know, we're doing a, uh, it's the end of the Netflix. There's unbelievable festival that they put together. And, um, tonight's the last night and all the comics will be hanging down the comedy store. So I'm going down there. So after that, I'm going to watch the race, uh, hoping

that Ferrari and, uh, Red Bull both have great races. And then also hoping that Lewis Hamilton and Mercedes, you know, get their act together, which I know they're going to because I'm seeing like a three-way battle and the best F1 season since I started watching in 2015, which that was a great one. Even though it was Mercedes and Mercedes, it was just watching those two guys like in days at Thunder was at Nico Rosberg and, um, Lewis Hamilton was fucking awesome to see. Um, all right. So there's one in Miami and there's now, now we have two races. We have one in Miami and we have one in Austin, Texas. And then there's also one up in Montreal. So in North America, and then you got the one in Mexico. So in North America, you got four races. That's pretty fucking cool. Um,

and you know what? There's going to be some lunatic with the fucking private jet that's going to go to all four on this side of this side of the world and north of the equator. Um, I've been to the one in Montreal. That's it. But my next one, I want to go to the one in Mexico City, the one that goes through the, uh, the minor league ballpark. I think that's fucking cool as shit. Um, all right, Dr. Banner. Hey, Bill, you mentioned the Hulk by his real name, Dr. David Banner. Um, in the comics, his name is Bruce Banner, but for the television show, they changed it to David because they thought Bruce was a gay name. Seriously. Really? Bruce Banner, David Banner. Well, you know, Bruce, you can kind of say it that way. Bruce Banner, David Banner. You can do

that to anything with that accent. Bill Burr. Oh, look at the alliteration. You can make anything sound a little gay. I think Bruce is, you know, Bruce Springsteen, Bruce Bruce, Bruce Banner. I stand by Bruce. Um, and if they thought it was a little gay, then they should have kept it because then he got a nice duality, right? Then he turns into this fucking raging aggro. Then the Hulk could be like, maybe he's like one of these alpha guys that's pretending he's straight, but he's fighting the fact that he's gay. Maybe that's why he's actually angry. You know, and is that, is that why he fought Batman? I was Superman. Maybe the Hulk is jealous of Superman and Batman's, you know, relationship. You know, he just feels like the side piece.

Um, sorry. Uh, it was anyway, it broke from the alternative name, which was a big thing with Stan Lee, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic, Sue Storm, Reed's wife, the invisible woman, Stephen Strange, et cetera. Oh, all the all. What is it? It broke from the all. Hey, what's up? I'm doing my podcast, buddy. What's the matter? All right, hang on a second. All right, I'm back. I'm back. Um, yeah. So you said all all litter of litter. It's a l l i t e r a t i v e all all alliterive. I've never seen that word in my life. You mean alliteration?

Oh, alliter, alliter, I can't say it alliterative. I got to look that up and figure out how to say it. Alliter a l l i t e r a t i v pronunciation. I got to hear how do you say this alliterative alliterative Oh, there's your fucking $5 word for the day alliterative alliterative names. Hey, you know what? Shout out to this man, a woman who wrote this. This email alliterative all it broke from the all they broke from the alliterative names, which was a big thing with Stan Lee, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, Bruce Banner,

Dr. David Banner. Well, they kind of had Dr. David. That's two D's in a row. You know, what does Dick start with D? So how come that's not still like homoerotic? You know, I mean, that's basically it. I mean the entire superhero thing, you know, like it or not. I mean, it does look like a bit of a drag show, does it not? I'm campaigning for a gay hulk. Anyways, righteous. Oh my god, then somebody tries to beat him up in a rest area and he beats the shit out of him. That'd be fucking amazing. All right, righteous cunt segment. Hey, Billy bathtub, on the topic of people getting caught lying and being asshole while coming off as good people.

Oh, I love that. That's one of my favorite things to do as a person. I'm amazing. Hey, Bill, what about when you did this? Oh, I don't recall that. Someone I went to high school with has spent the last five plus years reporting on the dumbest members of the political party he opposes. It's a lot of look at what this person who doesn't matter said, you should hate everyone who doesn't think like us type of shit. He published people's personal information online. Oh no. Some of which ultimately turned out to have no, some of which ultimately turned out to have no affiliation with the thing he was reporting on. Anyway, bunch of s's to make fun of me. This fucker just got caught on camera,

camera vandalizing places of worship for minority groups. I have no idea why, but maybe he was going for one of those things where people start a fire just so they can be the hero that reports it sort of deal. I have no idea when the trial is, but I'm thinking about flying in for it. Did I mention this person once accused me of stealing his math book from his locker? Because it was easier than saying he left it at home. I never forgot that. Fuck these people. Wait a minute. Who is this guy? Who? He must have so much power that you don't want to say his name or her name. It can't be a her. It doesn't fit the narrative yet. That's why I try to make sure that when I do my stand-up act,

I stay in the, I'm just a fucking moron like Lane because I don't think anybody can sit there and start going, you know what, you know what your problem is, you know, before it eventually comes back and bites you in the ass. Like, well, hey, didn't you do this, this and this? And doesn't that contradict everything that you just said? Well, yeah, it does. So sorry. All right. Relationship, vulnerability, greetings from Greece. Oh God, I'm going to do a show there someday. I swear to God I am. Greetings from Greece. Dear Bill Burr, sorry in advance, but it gets sad because it gets sad, but I'm really troubled. Oh Jesus, some background. I'm a 24 year old guy who's been surrounded with funerals for the last seven years.

One of those funerals was my best friend who was murdered when I was 17. Oh man, sorry to hear that. Since then and up until my 20s, I really struggled keeping a smile on my face or having any motivation in life. Because of that, I lost many relationships and friends due to not being always emotionally available or present. As days went, I finally got up on my feet and started accepting our mortality. At least I thought so. Here's my problem. I'm in a happy three year relationship, which had no issues lately though. Things are getting weird. My depressive past is catching up on me as I didn't resolve the sadness like I thought, but I had just closed the lid as a legend once said. Yeah, that doesn't work.

That doesn't work. You should be, all right. I already think I know what my vice view is going to be, you know, as a non-professional. All right. This with the combination of my girlfriend's sudden change of routine, she found her first job where I don't see her that often really startled me. I get these huge waves of sadness and loneliness accompanied with the insecurities I never had. Yeah, probably her suddenly leaving, having to leave for work reminded you of how your friend suddenly wasn't there anymore. This is becoming an issue since I'm really into communicating, feeling slash problems with my lady, but this time it feels weird. I seem parentheses and am emotionally weak, vulnerable and insecure. Literally the top three things a woman don't want you to be.

Yeah, well, that's the top three things the other person in the conversation doesn't want to deal with on a daily basis because it's a lot. And that's what you have therapists for, is they can actually take that on. And if you go into a therapist, I think it eases the tension in your relationship because you're talking to a professional, so you start moving in the right direction. And then when you talk to your significant other, they know that you're working on yourself and then you're not just dumping your day on them, which can be exhausting. Anyway, it's not the first time I experienced these feelings, but I always could manage to put a happy face, put on a happy face and say that everything is all right. Doesn't seem to be the case this time.

It's not a job to fix me nor wait for me. I wasn't like this 99% relationship. I was the happy, funny dude who she could always count on. Now I just feel like a man child. What do I do? I've talked about it. She tries to understand and support me, but I can't stop having the unavoidable feeling of the pressure that if I don't get my shit straight fast, I may lose her. Thank you for making my car ride something to look forward to with your podcast. All the best to you and your family. Can't wait for your next special. English is my third language. Sorry for any trouble. It may cause you humble brag. All right, dude, you speak three languages. All right. You're a funny dude. You got a great girlfriend.

Okay. Just go get some therapy and stop worrying about losing her. All right. If she takes off, that's her fucking issue. It's not your issue. And if she takes off, that'll be sad. You go through that sadness and eventually the right one comes along and they don't leave. All right. And if she's the right one, she won't leave. But right now, if I was you, just work on yourself and talk that shit out, cry it out, do whatever you got to do. There's a lot of stuff out there about mushroom therapy. I've never done that, but I've heard a lot of good things about that. It's good for PTSD and trying to work your shit out so you actually get to live a happy life because why should you be miserable because of that horrible thing somebody else did to your friend? And that's

the thing about when somebody does something like that, it doesn't just obviously affect the person that they attacked. It's the ripple effect and it can literally affect how you are in a relationship, how you're going to be as a father and a husband. And then for generations, people deal with these these issues. It's sort of the blowback or whatever of whatever happened. So I hope you're able to work through that shit. And as always, go to a professional, not a fucking jerk off with the podcast, but you know, I appreciate you writing it. Not that I was giving you shit, all right. Okay, so don't don't fucking get down on the dumps because of what I just said there. All right. Jesus, hope I didn't snip the wrong wire there at the end. I feel like it was in an

action movie. All right. What do we got here? Oh, new segment idea. Old people remedies that work. Oh, I like that. Hey, Bill, my grandmother and immigrant from Spain, obvious, immediately has credibility. Anybody whose grandparents are from the quote old country, just meaning not this country, you always feel like they got some information, you know, you know, she makes a rutabaga soup. My grandmother and immigrant from Spain has some crazy remedies. And a lot of them work little things like eat this if your stomach hurts, or do this if you have a headache. The one that's, can you tell me both of those? That'd be amazing. The one that sticks out that has worked for me a million times is a midday

face wash. She would always say, tell us to wash our face in the middle of the day because it gave us a second morning and more pep in our step or something. I thought it was stupid as a kid, but I do it all the time. I get crushingly tired at 2pm. It's not for lack of eating, right, or exercise. It's more so my job and being at or near my desk. I'll just go to the bathroom at work and splash water on my face and on my neck. Work still sucks, but I certainly feel better. Do you have any? I think your listeners would probably have some too. Oh, wow. Do I have any old school remedies? Look, I'm German, Irish. We just sit there and take it, whatever's happened to us. I would love to hear your remedies. I can't tell you like for some physical shit,

but having dealt with frozen shoulder in my right and left arms, I am now obsessed with keeping my shoulders free from getting all bound up. I think everybody, to a certain extent, has frozen shoulders. You just don't notice it because you have like 85% mobility or whatever, but like I can on one side, see if I can still do it, my left arm, I can put behind my back and then with my right arm, I can reach back, grab the fingers and pull my left arm up. My right arm, I can't quite do that. I can only touch the tips and I've been working on that and I just do like a set of 10 of trying to bring my arm as high up between my shoulder blades, my hand basically, as I can. I do a set of 10 of those and then on the 10th one, I take my other

hand behind my back and I just sort of push my arm up a little bit more and it's a weird pain, that frozen shoulder kind of pain and it's just schmutz and yucky attendance and stuff. So I've kind of gotten into that and then Andrew Thamelis, the great Andrew Thamelis on this podcast showed me these, what the fuck they called Himalayan squats, Hindu squats, I don't know what the Hindu squats, then I'm actually going to start doing today that is supposed to be really good for you and actually good for longevity and life, but as far as like, I think a lot of the remedies are more on my wife's side. You know what, I'll get you guys in the next podcast. I'll give you like a, if you're starting to get sick, one of those fucking things you make on the stove top

that has all these different spices and shit and you just drink it down and it's got the cayenne pepper in it and all that. I think everybody has a version of that, but I'll be honest with you, I don't have a lot of those things, but I bet a lot of people do, which I would find. The only thing that I know that I've learned that helps sell your stomach after a big meal was when I was in Italy, they had like these, I don't know what they were called, aperitifs or liqueurs or whatever and it made no fucking sense because you'd be so stuffed and be like, I don't want anything else and you would just do a little shot. It was like really sweet liquor and it just fucking settled your stomach like you couldn't believe. I'll give you one, here's one a lot of people don't know,

if you rent cars all the time, you're pulling into a gas station and you're like, oh what side is the gas tank on? You guys see these are like sort of life hacks. What side is the gas tank on? In every car, if you look at the fuel gauge, there'll be a little gas tank and then there's an arrow that points to which side the tank is on. I didn't know that for the first 35 years of my life and Matt Frost over at CAA, give him a shout out. He's the guy that fucking told me about that in like the early 2000s and at that point I was doing college gigs almost every weekend and I like had memorized where because I always got the Dodge Neon because back then I was with National rental car and they always had like a purple Dodge Neon. I would always end up with one

of those things and driving through like Kansas or fucking South Dakota and I always forget what side the fucking thing was on and I was telling that I was saying that telling him that story one day and he said, you know, I just learned this the other day. So there you go. I give you a life hack. I can't give you any sort of fucking remedy or whatever. I'll tell you the one that everybody wants to know is when you get a fucking cold, how the hell you get rid of it. All right, or how you make it, you stop it from coming on. All right, that is the podcast everybody. I'm still in the edit room and this week I believe I'm up in like Sacramento. I'm playing the Oracle where the Warriors used to play and then I'm playing the Cow Palace where every fucking major band I ever

loved played Van Halen all of those guys right on through all the 80s. So that's going to be a huge one and I don't know. This is the biggest story I've ever did and I'm blown away that all of these people are showing up. So I'm really working hard on my act and I want to make sure it's going to be worth your money. So thank you guys for, you know, coming to my shows all these years. All right. So that is the podcast and I will talk to you. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Go Bruins, go Celtics and I'm hanging in there with the Red Sox. I think they're going to turn it around with Chris Sale because back. All right.