Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-20

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Bill rambles about human behavior, Akasegawa Genpei, and controlling hormones.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for June 1st, 2020. Oh, Jesus. The summer's here, and I just feel like if a bunch of people can get together and throw bricks through the windows of a target, I can go to the beach, okay? Because if I can't do that, isn't that like a double standard? Oh, big shout out to anybody who actually could sit there and watch the news over the last week and continue to watch the news and do all of that. I don't know why you would do that to yourself. It's going to give you a horrible idea of humanity and what people are like. I would venture to say that 99.9% of the population is not rioting, is not pulling people over, and then, you know,

beating them up, murdering them or whatever, okay? But if you want to sit there and watch the news and get all fucking bummed out about that shit, I mean, that is your prerogative, and I salute you for wanting to be that informed. However, I do understand that there's always going to be mouth breathers, and there's always going to be, you know, misdirected anger, there's going to be a bunch of stuff, but you got to keep your eye on the ball and this thing, okay? You know, I just think that there needs to be, the reality is, is if we ever want to solve this, everyone would have to get involved and everyone would have to give a shit, and I think it would go beyond, you know, just tweeting Black Lives Matter, and there I did my part. Like, you'd really have to like,

there's no reason to just be still doing this to each other. There's no fucking reason for it. There's just, there's no reason for it. And I don't know, I just don't understand how somebody can be faced down with handcuffs, even though it appears there was some sort of altercation in the back of the cruiser, there was some sort of resisting arrest, you know you shouldn't do that. They already got you, you are handcuffed or whatever, but like at some point when you're faced out, and you know, handcuffed saying, I can't breathe, I just don't understand. And I'm ignorant of the whole process. I don't understand why you can't just ease up your knee, maybe move your knee off of the neck. You could still be, I mean, I don't know what sort

of human being with their arms behind their back can do, you know, was he worried that the guy was going to start doing the worm and fucking flip them off and then I don't know break his handcuffs? I don't know what deal was, but when somebody says they can't breathe, and the unprecedented amount of leaders that are just saying insightful things is just unbelievable. Like, hey, if you can say I can't breathe, that means you can breathe. And it's just like, buddy, if that was your daughter or your son, or you, would you really have that same perspective? You know what I mean? There's different levels of not being able to breathe. It's not getting a full breath. Okay, that would be like if a fucking Python grabbed you and started to squeeze you and

you're like, dude, help me out, help me out. Well, you know, if you can still talk at this point, obviously, you could still breathe. I mean, it's so and even though that dude was from Mississippi, I'm not judging everybody down there in Mississippi. I'm sure there's plenty of people that can kind of see this thing. So hopefully, you know, I think the curfews are a great thing that'll stop the mouth breathing morons from attacking small businesses for whatever fucking reason. You know, I would think if there was some sort of like through line to the outrage, you would go after major corporations rather than mom and pop stores. I don't know why people would do that. But anyway, and then the white people also looting going down there like it's spring

break like, Hey, let's fucking act like we're oppressed. See what this feels like. I don't understand that either. And it's all just the whole thing is fucking weird. But it's the still the focus is that that and it was so great to see so many police officers saying that that situation Minneapolis was not handled correctly. That is unprecedented. You know, there's always been everybody just the cops always just stayed with each other. And it's time like to correct that problem. And I think it's time to hear from both sides because also being a cop every night, you could get killed and you're going up to a vehicle, you have no fucking idea what the person is going to do. You can't see their fucking hands. You don't know what's going on.

And who wants to die? Nobody. I mean, it's an incredibly difficult job, I would think. So I think there needs to be some empathy. You need to listen. And all of these people, you know, who are just fanning the flames, I just don't understand, unless you enjoy it, you just fucking have hate in your heart or something. I don't understand what this is. And, you know, I don't know, I don't know, but I would not judge people by these idiots at night doing what they're doing. I understand some of the rage and that type of stuff, but I just go into somebody's mom and pop store and just fucking burning it down and taking all their shit like, I don't know, that just seems like that's just sort of a that's not a smart move.

All right, there, I said it. Okay, I said my little fucking piece. What am I, and then you know what I'm going to do now? I'm going to get back to my fucking job, which is trying to make people laugh during all of this fucking chaos. Hey, when you're running down the street with a microwave, you know, as much as you shouldn't do that, you know, you're technically also working on your beach body. All right. And goddamn it, the fucking beaches are open. The restaurants are open. I actually ate at a restaurant last night. I was taking my wife for a drive. And there was this burger place we always wanted to go to. So we called up ordered went to pick up, we went in and there was people

sitting like every three booths away from each other. And I was like, you know, it's a burger, it's fries, a root beer, it's going to be messy to eat in the car. I said, can we go over there and sit there? And they're like, yeah. So we did that. I don't know if that was the right thing or the wrong thing to do, but I feel pretty good today. Can tell you that. And I've just been driving around Los Angeles, really learning about the city on these drives, like just kind of getting to something you usually can't do in LA, which is cruise around because there's always, there's so much traffic out here. And I've learned about fucking bike paths and, and, and the street and van eyes where people still, I guess, Wednesday nights, whatever they still cruise up and down,

the way they shot like American graffiti had no idea about that. Restaurants, architecture, all these different little subsets of city out cities outside of LA, beautiful views. And, you know, just being in the entertainment business, for some reason, it's always been all about getting into like, Beverly Hills, the Pacific Palisades, like everybody wants that same view, you know, unobstructed downtown LA all the way out to the ocean. That's that's the, then that'll be happy. But there are so many more views to have in this city that are just as breathtaking for like a third of the price. And with people probably who aren't in the entertainment business, so be cool to live out there and just fucking get away from it and

shit. So I've really enjoyed doing that. And LA, you know, gets a really bad rap as far as like plastic people and fucking smog and all this shit. It has some of the most beautiful houses and architecture of any city I've ever been in. And the views, if you can just get yourself a little ways up in a hill and look over a couple houses, it looks like Christmas every night. It's fucking amazing. So I don't know what happened. I somehow really over the years have, I love this city the way I love like East Coast cities now, and all the food and that type of stuff. And I'm really missing you know, food trucks and all that type of shit. But it seems like we're starting to turn the corner on all this stuff. So that's a good thing. And I think with all of the stuff that's going on,

all the other stuff, the George Floyd stuff, I think the best way to go about it, you should, rather than tweet tweeting shit, I think you literally have to like do with what what feminist did. They knew if we just bitch, no one's going to give a fuck, we have to go after the money. So they would go after the advertisers if there was somebody that they wanted to, you know, silence or make apologize or whatever for better or worse. Sometimes they were right. Sometimes they abused their power. But it seems like that's the way to go that you would talk to politicians and people like that. But I don't know, I actually have a positive feeling about this. I feel like this is going to be a tipping point. The fact that you saw police officers walking

with protesters and police officers speaking out against this saying that's not good police work, you shouldn't do it that way. I think is a major, major step that I have not seen in the past. So I actually as ugly as all of this is and depressing, I think it's going to be it's going to be a positive thing. So there you go. Look at it. Now let's get let's get to something not positive. Let's talk about the presidential election coming up. Biden versus Trump or as I like to call it, the dud versus the dope. Democrats, are you trying to lose the election? Once again, boxing out Bernie Sanders is in 100% full effect. I mean, that is the fight you want to see. This is like when you want to see Pacquiao Mayweather, but fucking Mayweather keeps fighting

all these other fucking guys. You know, instead, I don't understand it like Bernie is the Democrat version of Trump. He is a rebel. He is outside the lines. All right, you got to fight fire with they're going to bring another company man in like they did with Hillary. It's a fucking mistake. But Jesus Christ, I, you know, I try to stay out of the politics. Shit. I really do. Like Mike Pence doesn't bug me. It's just, you know, watching a guy fanning the fucking flames and talking about shooting American citizens with the National Guard like that guy is just like he does not, he can't be that dumb. He just doesn't, he just, they, you turn on a microphone, he's just going to start talking. Like if this guy was in the fucking mob, like he would, he,

I don't even think he wouldn't even get whacked because he wouldn't even ascend to any sort of level. You know, Donnie the mouth. Donnie dumb dumb. I don't know what the fuck they would call him, but there's no fucking way they would put that guy in charge of anything. If at some point they would, I think they would just stop returning his calls. Anyway, and then like, I don't understand Joe Biden. Joe Biden is like, you know, I don't know, listen to that guy fucking give a speech is like, I feel like I'm at community service. You know, I would rather go pick up litter on the side of the highway. I would actually enjoy that knowing that I was making the city cleaner, not the earth by the way, you make the

city cleaner that whole fucking bullshit put litter in its place where the animals live where we can't see it. It's still fucking exists. However, you know, I would enjoy doing that more so than listen to that guy give a fucking speech. Jesus Christ. Oh, I'm going to sneeze in a bad way. Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck. I ate at a restaurant last night. I have it. Anyway, yeah, I'm trying to avoid all this shit that I watched. I watched a real sports with Brian Gumbel about, you know, the COVID tests and how they weren't giving them out to people who were doctors and nurses and stuff like this and this poor woman got exposed to it and she exposed

her sister to her and her sister died. It's one of the worst fucking things I've ever seen. I just, here's a question I have for you guys. Why when there's a decision on the table choosing more money or choosing the right thing, why is it never the same? It's always a fork in the road. Why is more money always worse morally? You know, I don't know. I've been fascinated with the whole human fucking behavior, looking at it, knowing that I'm also human. So I'm not judging people, but and I've been guilty of this. I really think that human beings at the end of the day, one of our major flaws is we would rather win than be right. You know, I find myself so many times arguing with my wife about fucking, you

know, when she gives me, you know, some sort of feminist rhetoric and I'll actually know she's right. And just because she's saying it about guys and I'm a guy, I just will fucking argue it. And it takes me like two or three days to be like, all right, you know what, you will write. She's like, what a fucking, you just say that because I'm a fucking human being. All right. The same way you can't, you can't admit that you're a little messy. You know, oh, my wife loves a corner of a room. She will fucking throw some shit in the corner of a room. Just a bunch of drives me up the fucking wall. Not a big fan of the clutter. That's a good name for a band, the clutter, you know,

then if people shit on your album, well, I mean, you heard the name of the band. Why the fuck would you listen to it? So anyway, I went on a, I did something real dangerous yesterday. I actually went on a little bike ride here in LA. I just figured it was Sunday morning. I could get away with it. And I forgot my mask. I was such a cunt yesterday. I forgot my mask and I already like had gone down a few hills. I'm like, I'm not going all the way back. So I just sort of rode away from people and shit like that. But like, I still don't like riding out in the street. You know, God knows there's no bike lanes out here, you know, just because they paint a bicycle in the middle of the street, you know, and just the way some people ride bicycles, that fucking thing

where you're riding down the street and you and somebody else are riding and you ride next to the person blocking the whole fucking street so nobody can pass as you guys sit there shooting the shit. There's two types of people that ride bicycles. There's the people that just wear regular clothes. And I find them to be courteous. And then there's the people who dress like they're in the tour to France and actually like it's a fucking bike race. And they're the biggest cunts on the planet. And they blow through stop signs. Like that was what I did yesterday. I made sure that I stopped at every fucking stop sign. Now by stop is I mean I wrote as slowly as humanly possible before I could then continue. It was a sort of a rolling stop, you know what I mean? But I did

stop. I didn't just do that thing where you stand up on your pedals and you look left and right and blow through a fucking red light. And then you get hit and then they frost your bicycle like something tragic happened. Not saying every person that died on a bicycle was not hit tragically because somebody was texting. Not saying that either. But I realized I'm too old to ride a bicycle that's like a 10 or 12 speed design with those handles because the way you the way you're positioned and then you have to have your head up fucking hurts my neck. So I need to go more of like the the beach rambler beach fucking what do you call those things mountain bike thing. You know mountain bike style while not being on a mountain whatever you call that I think you

call that white guy over 50 bicycle cycling. Is that what it's called? Is that what people talk about? My shoulder rehab people if you're rehabbing a rotator cuff I finally learned that you have to go excruciatingly slow even though that information was conveyed to me immediately. It's taken me all these years and I am up to I'm using the pink weight one powder. I did two sets of 10 and the last one I did 11. And I didn't even have to ice it. No anti-inflammatory nothing. It's felt great the last two days. So tomorrow is is another rehab day. Every three days I do it. I do these exercises and this time I'm going to I'm going to try to go three sets of 11. You know the old me be like hey let's go up to fucking 12 or 13 for three sets. And that's just enough to twinge the

fucking thing. So if I can just get this fucking thing up once I get up I know I keep saying this but I'm saying it for me so I can get past this shit. Once you get up to like four or five pounds doing the exercises that I'm doing then you can increase weight without having to worry but that going from one pound to two pounds. I told you my deal I'm going to get all the way up to three sets of 20. So 60 reps 60 pounds and then when I switch to a two pounder I'm going to do the one pounder two sets of maybe 15 each and then the third set is going to be with the two pounder and I'm only going to do three reps and see how that feels. And then I will gradually increase it up to where I can do one full set with the two pounder and the first two sets

are still going to be with the one pound and plus the warm-up and just gradually increase that and just gauge it on how much my shoulder is talking to me to move forward back off or stay where I'm at. And I don't know why I didn't do that before but probably because I was traveling and all of that shit. But I talked to my agent yesterday about possibly setting up some shows. There's a particular venue out here that is struggling or whatever so I was thinking of doing like a little run of shows there. I won't charge him anything. People pay some money for the tickets, they buy some alcohol, have a good fucking time, that guy makes his money. I don't need to do shit. All I need to do is just go up there and shake the rust off and all of that type

of stuff. I think it could be a good thing for everybody. So hopefully I can put that together sooner rather than later. Sorry got the hiccups. All right let's talk about some shit here that happened in my life. So I went out to my little podcast studio slash drum studio slash garage and I opened the side door. Okay I have a nice little carpet down and all of that shit right and I come walking in and there's a little gecko. Somehow it's gotten in through the side door which I don't know they can really fucking flatten out their bodies. I don't know what that deal is. So I'm like Jesus Christ. So I go to like you know give it a little flip you know up and over the threshold to get it out of there but I didn't want to hurt him but I also needed to get him out of

there. So I sort of no pun intended with the reptile reference here. I sort of alligator armed it with my foot and I missed him and God bless him. He fucking detook off and he was on a hardwood floor before he got to the carpet and that was my last window to try and get this fucker and then once he got to the carpet he went underneath my suitcase and by the time I zoomed the wheels you know pushed it a lot of the way he was underneath the couch and the couch sits real low like a fucking lowrider right? Sort of couch you know not high legs or anything. So I put the flashlight my phone and now I have a phone again and I saw the little fucker underneath there right? So I had this old rolling stone one the one that Adam Yacht was on the cover when he died right?

And I'm trying to fucking push him out and I just couldn't get him and then I just decided like you know what there's nothing to eat in here. There's nothing to fucking hear. This thing's eventually going to leave on its own power. I just said fuck it. Now the old me I also didn't want to pick up the sofa and fuck up my shoulder so I was just like you know what? Fuck it. You want to stay in here and fucking be a lizard? I don't give a shit. So I now share my studio with this little fucking lizard right? I had a real weird weekend you know? My wife's going through it like we're literally down to single digits here as far as when the baby's coming as far as days left and so I wanted to make her something sweet right? So I was out at the grocery store and

I knew I was going to make her a cake or some cupcakes for her birthday. So I got some of that dark chocolate that shit that cooking chocolate or whatever and they had this recipe for these peanut butter cheesecake brownies. So I'll make those fucking things for her this weekend right? So go downstairs. She doesn't know I'm doing it and I'm fucking making this shit and for what a reason they said to put like you know tin foil in the casserole dish type of thing and spray it so then you can like the tin foil you lift it up and out when you're done and the whole thing comes out. It's actually kind of slick I guess right? So anyway I but I didn't have good tin foil. It's that cheap shit you know? There's like Reynolds wrap and then there's these

other shit where if you would like to like the the littlest amount of pressure you accidentally tear the fucking thing in half. So anyway I make these fucking things and I'm tasting along the way I'm like oh man it's gonna taste delicious right? And I cook these fucking things I don't know what happened. I cut out a square and I ate it immediately it was the worst fucking tasting thing I'd ever tasted in my life. You know what it reminded me of a long time ago I had season tickets to the Pats in 1989 right? I always tell you that but I did right? And we were all shit-faced and we thought we had the grill going so we put our food on it our burgers and stuff and then the fire went out we had to get it going again we were so hammered we were shooting

lighter fluid under the charcoals but it was also getting under the burgers and when I ate the burger it was just like I could taste the lighter fluid in it but I was so fucking hammered and hungry I ate it anyways and like the fucking hangover I got was brutal. So I was eating this this peanut butter cheesecake brownie and I was having a flashback to that like why does it taste like there's like chemicals in it this is fucking terrible and I was done eating it you know I came upstairs I told my wife I said I blew it man they don't eat them they're terrible I'm gonna throw them out tomorrow morning. The next day I went downstairs and I went to throw them out and I looked at the space where the brownie was and there was a little triangle piece of fucking aluminum

foil gone I think I ate the aluminum foil that was the that was the taste because I then ate in the center where it didn't stick and they were fucking delicious so I don't know what the point of that story was just be careful people if you're out there baking during this fucking pandemic if you have the cheap shit aluminum foil which was all that was left where I went just watch out because that that's stuff you eat aluminum foil it stays with you for a few days oh by the way here's something that I'm going to attempt and I want to thank all you guys for listening to my podcast over the years because I'm going to fuck with electricity in my house oh Jesus there's just a couple of outlets you know about three or four where one of the

outlets works and the other one if you go to stick it in like it's like a baby when it doesn't like what you're given and just sort of just let's it dribble back down its chin doesn't like what's eating you know that's what it just sort of spits the plug out so I need some new outlets and I watched this youtube video of a guy replacing me it looks really easy I'm just terrified of electricity but for fortunately our fuse box everything is labeled correctly and I know all you do is just you just plug a lamp into the outlet you turn it on it's good and then you throw the switch and if you come fucking things off it doesn't work you know you're good so I'm going to be attempting that and I'm just going to do one if I get that then I'll be good

and I watched a bunch of videos and I'm aware to not when you go to put the wire back in if it's the one where you got to wrap it around make sure there's no insulation in there and then also make sure that you don't take away too much insulation where there's bare wire beyond where it would wrap around you want the insulation to be go right up to where the nut is what that you wrap around screw it back in so I understand all of that shit and I'm going to give it a shot fuck it oh billy fix it all right helix everybody some advertising here helix helix um oh this is where they wrote this copy for me I'm pretty one of a kind right I'm unique I like to think I'm special well helix sleep makes mattresses made for unique for how unique we

all are and how we all sleep differently not being able to sleep because of today's politics your love life any other drama you talk about in your show oh I guess I was supposed to talk about that sleeping on uh how about the fact I'm having a kid any friggin day and I'm going to be 52 years old you know and I'm wondering if I'm going to you know stay alive here long enough uh sleeping on a terrible mattress in before helix slash on the road what is this like just suggestions for me to improv your content putting people to sleep any other funny stereotypes slash antidotes slash thoughts that fit your content oh this is like direction can I start this over again let's go back to one okay I've done a couple of movies here we go helix helix you know people are pretty one

of a kind right I'm unique well helix sleep makes mattresses made for how unique we all are and how we all sleep differently you know I haven't been able to sleep because of uh my uh rotate a cup boy oh boy I would love a mattress helix sleep makes personalized mattresses made right here in America yeah and ships straight to your door with free no contact delivery free returns gross and a hundred night sleep trial gross uh to choose a mattress uh helix made a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you if you like a mattress that that's really soft or firm you sleep on your side or your back or your stomach or you sleep really hot with helix there's a specific mattress for each and

every unique taste uh I love helix but you don't need to take my word for it helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by gq magazine wired magazine and apartment therapy just go to helix sleep dot com slash bird take the two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life they have a 10-year warranty and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free they'll even pick it up and give you a full refund if you don't love it but you will you know what that reminds me of I was I was my wife was watching my 600 pound life last night there was this big fat guy who weighed over 600 pounds and the doctor comes and he says hey buddy if you don't drop some weight we can't do the fucking bypass uh stomach

fucking shrinkage thing to you and he's like okay but I need my pain man so I'm in a lot of pain the guy's like I'm not giving you any pain you're in pain because you're overweight all right lay off the pizzas so what does this guy do he fucking eats a bunch of pizzas he gains fucking 80 pounds which is putting on like five pounds at that that weight he gains 80 fucking pounds and also pulls out all of his fucking hair in the top of his head one strand at a time so the guy comes back to check on him he's now 685 pounds and he looks like fucking Ben Franklin at 28 you know you know because he's still a blackhead had great fucking head of hair it killed me watching him pull all that out you know and uh he was just really a manipulated guy manipulating type of a personality

and uh I was really having a reaction to it you know Nia was trying to watch I was like this you just let this guy die I mean what the what what is he doing you know fucking what are you keeping him around for I you know I swear to god you know I might this might be a little Trump but if I was running I would just put that guy in a giant hammock and I'd just take him out to see and then that's it you just leave him there and you let all the fucking killer whales that's so fucking mean I'm sorry I mean he was though he was like human sushi um anyway let's get back to the advertising here hymns everybody what a common issue men fit well okay what what's a common issue men's face but don't always want to talk about think long and hard do you get it

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history and chat with the doctor for a confidential review if approved by doctor products are shipped directly to your door this is going to be the hardest year of your life you know it's funny is the fact that if you do have this problem that you really can't talk about it and I'm just sitting there going like if I had this problem why the fuck what I want to deal why would I want to talk about it you know this is a stereotype guys should be able to talk about this stuff but until you can't uh hymns you can talk about it confidentially uh well known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you combat your ed prescription solutions backed by science and made more affordable answer questions about

your medical history and chat with the doctor for confidential review if approved by the doctor products are shipped directly to your door this is going to be the hardest year of your life sorry already read that try hymns today by starting out with a free online visit go to for hymns.com burred that's f-o-r-h-i-m-s dot com slash b-u-r-r capital ed for hymns.com slash burred prescription products are subject to doctor approval and require online consultation with a physician who will determine if a prescription is appropriate see the website for full details and safety information this could cost hundreds if you went in person to the doctor's office or pharmacy remember that's for hymns.com slash burred um all right should we get into some of the

reads here for the week uh this is one that i just found today it says hi bill fuck you so right there i'm in i've got something that may interest you you ginger cunt uh i'm a british i'm british and a big football fan not soccer fuck you it's called football and that's already two reasons to hate me i'm a i say i'm a big football fan in fact i'm also a fat fuck that's three reasons anyway i have an interesting baseball story that you might not know if you do then fuck you in fact i'm too locked down drunk to be able to give the details in coherent enough fashion for your fat your fat finger reading skills to manage just look up gary thomason the x dodger and yanky player who went to japan his name has become a byword for something pointless but beautifully maintained

look it up it's fucking interesting i'm going to bed now cheers fat fuck so and so uh ps i love your show all right so i look this up um where the hell is it the unfortunate legacy of gary thomason and he was right he was a guy that played in the mlb played for the dodgers and the yankies and then he signed a big contract in japan here is his story gary thomason was an american baseball player who lost his mojo when he moved to japan but despite his despite his less than stellar career his name still lives on today thanks to japanese artists i hope i say i'm not going to say this phrase akas akasegawa genpai it's a killer name whatever it's akasegawa genpai uh thomason has become an iponim i don't know how to say that word uh jesus christ i need to get smarter

if i'm gonna be fucking talking to people iponim i've spelled it wrong let's see pronunciation how do you oh fuck you with the fucking goddamn fucking windows have i ever said yes to any of that when are you gonna quit pronunciation how do you say it how do you oh wait i had the sound off all right here we go let's try it again let's try it again eponym eponym eponym i never would have guessed that all right his name has become an eponym for a truly bizarre type of architecture what the fuck just happened it just scrolled without me his name has become an eponym for a truly bizarre type of architecture objects that are completely

useless but still carefully maintained if you've ever lived in a major city you've probably seen your fair share of architectural oddities perhaps you've spotted a handrail where there aren't any stairs or a door that opens to a brick wall maybe you've noticed vents with nothing to ventilate or a section of a fence you can easily walk around picture pictured above you can see a skyway that no longer connects to anything uh yet wasn't demolished and it with its connected building for some reason well that's probably because they would have charged more money i would think to take that fucking thing down the other buildings like we're not we're not paying for and they were like well fuck it then we're just gonna leave it i'm guessing i have no idea all right the whole

bushel here here we go if you've ever lived in a major city i read all of that buh buh buh buh anyway uh there are these are some remnants of expanding cities why the fuck oh because it keeps loading advertising it keeps moving on me here um these are remnants of expanding cities but what's confusing is many of these ridiculous doors and pointless pipes are still carefully maintained while they serve no purpose they're repainted when they grow rusty or repaired when they fall apart they also have their own name they're called thomasans so who nicknamed these silly structures and why well the culprit is a japanese artist named agasagawa genpai one day in 1972 he was on his lunch break in tokyo when something caught his eye that's on my bucket list to go there by the way

it was a staircase that went up and down like all staircases do only there was no door at the top they were stairs to nowhere but what really amazed agasagawa agasigawa was the railing it was obviously it was obvious that at one time or another the railing had come apart but what blew agasaga was mine was someone had fixed the darn thing now the railing was good as new even though there was no reason why anyone would ever use those stairs mystified agasagawa searched the city for more worthless wonders whenever he found an out-of-place pole or a gate in the middle of nowhere he'd snap a photo he considered these doors and stairs artistic byproducts of the city i'm going to give you this guy's name so you can look at up his

work it's a k i'll spell it a k a a k a s e g a w a um i can't imagine there's somebody else maybe that name is like mike over there so i'll give you his last fucking name here um genpai g e n p e i do you want to look up his work as i continue to read here um one day 1972 let's see blah blah it was obvious that at one time or another i read that oh so he considered them artistic byproducts of the city and soon he was published publishing the pictures in a photography magazine complete with little articles on the name the nature of their existence that's a great book um coffee table book um he also created a name for these vest vestigial structures i don't know how to

say that word fuck getting killed here today okay let's look this one up vestigial pronunciation here we go here we go vestigial vestigial oh man you got to work that into your fucking oh you can't really go to a party i can't i already forgot how to say it vestigial vestigial i like that one getting sick and tired of this vestigial shit um so in order does that even make sense so in order to be a thomason an object must be cared for even though it's completely pointless wait i skipped over a bunch of shit god damn it he called him thomason's after baseball player gary thomason who was played for two played for teams like the dodgers and the Yankees while thomason was a fine player in the states things changed dramatically when he signed on with the yomi Yuri

giants a team based in tokyo once thomason arrived in the land of the rising sun he couldn't hit a ball to save his life i bet what happened was he got in his head and then he compiled it with the fact that he was this american representing an entire country and the pressure just got too big where are we here um but but but but he couldn't hit a ball to save his life people called him the giant human fan because all he was doing because that was all he was doing with the bat was stirring up air you see that baseball of sports fans are sports fans around the world after thomason set the all-time japanese strikeout record in 1981 the coaches benched the poor guy and that's how thomason served out the rest of his contract sitting in the dugout and making money for doing nothing

according to agasago sagua akasegawa who's huge who's a huge baseball fan thomason had a fully formed body yet served no purpose to the world fuck oh my god but just like those fences and banisters he found around tokyo the man was still being maintained wow so in order to be a thomason an object must be cared for even though it's completely pointless the concept caught on and soon people were submitting their own thomason thomasons to agasagawa for approval agasagawa for approval 1985 the artist published his findings in a book called hyper art thomason which was translated into english in 2009 oh my god this is like international bill bukner the book inspired a new group of thomason hunters particularly in san francisco and agasagawa's

publishers even started a website where they could submit their artistic discoveries unfortunately gary thomason's family isn't exactly pleased with the way the ball player is being portrayed after all who wants to be remembered for being useless of course as a radio host roman mars points out how many other ball players from the 70s and 80s can you remember thanks to agasagawa a bunch a bunch i can name half of the fucking big red machine i can name all the yankees and the red socks you don't believe me here we go all right uh davie concepcion george foster pete rose tom semer johnny bench sparky lile tony penya will seize our geronimo on that name what a fucking name was he on that team

hosay cruz jr richards there's some astros for you the fucking dodgers ron sey bill russell uh davie lope steve garvey steve yaga dusty baker tommy lasorda don't fucking challenge i can never remember was gregor kreg nettles bucky dent um christ shambles who the fuck was their second baseman bucky dent was short right thurman munson breasted soul reggie jackson lou penella ron gedry louisiana lightning jim rice fredley and carly stramsky what the fuck are you talking about it's a dumb point um thanks to agasega was gary thompson's name will live on wherever people find doorknobs attached to brick

walls or roads that lead smack dab into dead ends well now i i gotta look that i'll look it up after the podcast so there you go thank you look at you get a drunk fucking british guy guy just ate up 15 minutes of the podcast god bless you all right milwaukee hi bill i'm a lady listener hey welcome welcome i love when the lady's right in i'm a lady listener from milwaukee wisconsin i was wondering what your take is on the democratic national convention which is supposed to be in milwaukee in august do you think it will still happen what do you think needs to happen at the convention to get people excited about biden uh jesus christ i mean joe biden making you exciting is excited it'd be like having somebody tone deaf sing a fucking song on you know in the right key

it's just not going to happen i hope you have a chance to visit in the summertime so do i it is beautiful here right now i love milwaukee um and uh you know i don't know i'm i'm at this point i'm rooting can you root for other republicans too can a republican fucking take the spot we can just start over again i don't know i don't know this is just a weird weird ass fucking transitional time here in politics um all right doctor salaries by the way somebody recently i did a a reddit asked me anything and people asked me about uh overrated and underrated cities and i said overrated was a lot of the major cities because uh a lot of it had to do because i had been to him so many times but uh just the traffic congestion and all of that

shit how much they cost you know the money you got to spend and all of that shit no place to park and i was naming my like top three underrated um milwaukee wisconsin chattanooga tennessee noxville also honorable mention uh big fan of tennessee and uh tulsa oklahoma are some of the ones that i went to that are fucking amazing overrated are and these are all great cities they just too many people move to austin texas too many fucking people um i mean it's just an absolute fucking shit show trying to get from the airport to get trying to get to the airport into austin to your hotel is it's like if you've ever landed in washington dullis airport and then you know especially if you're coming from the west coast you land right at rush hour i mean it's

like fucking two hours just to get to your fucking hotel um that's why i always try to fly into reagan fly right in there jump in a cab boom you're there it costs more but i don't give a fuck i'm kind of into the uh the same way i'm into smaller cities i'm into smaller airports i like doing that and i don't give a fuck if i have to pay more money i just like that way better than dealing with uh the bigger the bigger ones i liked going to when i was a younger man but now that i'm an older man and i don't want to fucking deal with lugging my luggage and all of that shit and then they have wheels my luggage has wheels like everybody else all right and i'm still talking about lugging it that's how fucking old i am all right dr salaries everybody

dear bodacious billington billington can't come watch it uh my daughter has a virtual virtual dance recital hang on a second i gotta i'll be right back what's up you need to watch me what are you gonna go do all right hang on i'm coming i'm coming i'm coming all right i'll hang on a second guys all right i just crushed the parent daughter dance killed it you know some moves that have never been seen before oh jeez all right i'm back all right dr salaries dear bodacious billing team uh that intro was what gmail suggested to me when i typed bill that's artificial intelligence for you i love the podcast okay some orthopedic surgeons and plastic surgeons make over 750 000 a year while many general medicine doctors and pediatricians

make under 225 000 a year the highest paid surgeons are clearly overpaid um and what as compared to the other ones dude somebody's operating on your face i mean how do you how do you put a price on that you i don't think i would want to bargain been shopping for that i don't know uh but do you think general medicine doctors like your primary care doctor or your daughter's pediatrician and their pairs or peers are underpaid well this next point is what i was going to bring up they often leave medical school with 200 000 to 300 000 and debt physicians often work 60 plus hours a week with 10 to 20 of those hours being spent doing paperwork and dealing with bullshit pharmaceutical and insurance companies we need more doctors and with those

salaries versus debts we won't get them do you think we should pay doctors not surgeons more or do you think that even with that debt they should be happy with what they have um oh i imagine like with any business the people that employ them are keeping the lion's share of the money and they probably um exploit people like that's kind of i mean capitalism gets a bad rap i mean i just kind of see people getting exploited in every country that i fucking go to so uh i think it's a human thing not really a form of government thing but um yeah i mean i i i think out of everybody out there as far as like earning a living earning the money that you're you're being paid the fact that these people help you prevent you from dying

i don't know how you put a price on that that's really the most important thing out there is staying alive and um as far as like uh orthopedic surgeons i mean yeah your quality of life is so much more improved those are the people that give you like you know hip replacements knee replacements you can actually walk around right fuck i gotta look that up orthopedic i get all of those confused except for gynecology just because there's been so many jokes about it and i know podiatrists too that's just because i'm old orthopedic surgeon spelled it wrong orthopedic surgeon oh for fuck's sakes no they're just giving me a bunch of fucking orthopedic surgeons names

all right wikipedia is the branch of surgery concerned with involving the musculoskeletal skeletal system by the way let me see who's the first guy that comes up oh it's people in your neighborhood i was like who's like the fucking kevin hart you know like the biggest or sebastian like the biggest the dave chappelle of uh orthopedic surgeons that if you google them like their name just comes up that's fucking interesting uh we need more doctors and they'll say okay uh yeah i mean i don't have a problem giving them more money i mean i don't pay them i i imagine there's somebody that the guy who owns the hospital the team owner

that's actually kind of fascinating but then as far as like plastic surgeons you know everybody thinks that somebody getting tits or fucking fake asses or something like that but you know there's also people that you know get into car accidents and stuff like that and these people you know get you know lacerations to the faith you did such a great job buddy yes i did did you have fun in the dance class yeah how did the daddy dance okay yes i'm making a very what you do when you interview a kid you don't ask yes or no questions you gotta ask how did you feel about dance class what is it that you like about dance class i like about mommy go poopy you like it that mommy goes poopy she's getting she's potty trained now so she's all about poop

but yeah okay that's your statement on dance class is that mommy goes poopy okay is there anything else you would like to add because i got to get back to the podcast um i like to play candy lanterns shoots and ladders you like to play candy lanterns shoots and ladders we're about those walkie talkies yes walkie talkies all right are we gonna play when i'm done here um no no come on buddy we're gonna go play wiffle ball okay t-ball t-ball yeah t-ball sorry sorry well i'm old so i use the different references um then we play catch no all right come on let me let me knock this out and then we'll go play all right hey great job buddy got it you got it all right um close the door buddy hey thank you um all right where was i okay advice email

poppin boners at work well here's a guy doesn't need for hymns i'm a 21 year old male from i'm not going to say where who moved to washington for a decent education um all right the state he's from is also the last name of one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time and that state isn't known for its education and my family wanted me to have a chance in today's world anyway i recently got a job at a grocery store so i can make some cash on the side and take advantage of an increased need of healthy people willing to work during a pandemic here's the problem 99% of the women in this state dress like they just ran the boston marathon they wear yoga pants that show off their hips or loose shirts that show a lot of cleavage maybe i'm just an ignorant male

but in the state of blah blah blah most people most people women included wear pants or cargo shorts that aren't flaunting their bodies 24 seven i'm having a difficult time not having hard ons during my shift hours i'm not claiming to have a magnum dong but when i look down you can clearly see i'm aroused since i tuck my shirt in and wear a belt like a gentleman if me is there i'm sure will end up being my fault oh shit shots fired but i swear i'm not drooling over these women it's just hard pun include included intended i think you meant to not notice their mostly beautiful bodies especially when they flaunt it so casually it's kind of like if a lady has really colorful hair or an or if an attractive 30 plus year old lady wears white

yoga pants with a black thong it's something your eyes brain and dung would want to look at any advice would be appreciated go fuck yourself my advice is hang in there buddy hang in there all right you got two positive going for yourself one your dick works there's people out there they got to take for hymns you're all right okay so you're fine and then secondly you know i imagine if you got a job at a titty bar the first couple of days you'd be like god damn look at all these fucking titties and then after a while it's just titties i think you'll get used to it and i think you'll be fine as long as you don't start rubbing your dick you know with your hand or up against whatever fucking i don't know their food or some shit you should be fine um you know but yeah

what are you supposed to do if they're coming in there with wearing their fucking i mean listen i've been out here in la forever and i still almost hit a tree every time i drive down the street some of the lack of clothing that the women wear out here god bless them i'm not complaining all right hype hype if they she's not wearing it for you she's wearing it for her own fucking conference oh really listen i've watched enough fucking baseball to know when the catcher's frame in the fucking strike zone to make a ball look like a strike so get the fuck out of here with that bullshit um hypothetical dilemma bill i got one for you uh you're you but you're not famous for comedy okay oh it's a dilemma okay you're you but you're not famous for comedy you're just a hardware

store employee in boston a member of british royalty falls in love with you it doesn't even matter if you love her back maybe you do the question is could you keep your mouth shut and eat your cake and have it too oh would i marry her no i couldn't do it could you marry into that and be responsible for acting as the palace required no i would feel like a fucking loser remember you might get all sorts of cool luxuries but have to attend lots of events though keep in mind that life in a one bedroom in medford might not be that bad no i could i couldn't do that if i loved her i would do it but even then i would just be i would be constantly saying hey you don't need to buy me anything can i at least pay for the cable in the

palace can i do something can i wash the royal dishes i have to do something to earn my keep i'm not gonna sit here because if i don't really honestly don't have to do anything other than go i'll tell you what i would do is i would become a fucking drunk i would become a fucking drunk oh wait a minute wait a minute i just got a fucking message from my fucking agent um oh no oh jesus christ i was hoping that's about moving a fucking date god damn it you know you start to get excited

all right let's let's let's wrap up the podcast here all right great songs not the hits this we're going deep cuts i don't know why we haven't done this before i love this shit all right this guy says or this lady says um wait did i answer this thing yeah i i i couldn't i couldn't do that i would have to keep working in the fucking hardware so but then you have a level of fame and then you have security around you it would it would i wouldn't want to be famous for being with somebody who's famous that's not how i'm fucking wired and i gotta tell you from when i heard medford's really fucking nice now you know great songs not the hits plus you know then i'd have to move to england and i wouldn't get to watch all my fucking teams i couldn't go to

games that's the one thing that i that the only thing it sucks about being in this fucking business is i really wish that uh you know i could live in massachusetts again you know and just go to a fucking red sucks game brewin saltox patriots i really wish i could do that that's fucking hilarious if i ended up doing that and i missed the entire championship fucking two decades i was away although it was fun to be behind enemy lines while all of that was happening too anyway all right here we go deep cuts here great songs not the hits so if you guys haven't heard this premise this is basically like you know anybody who listens to acdc on the radio they know you shook me all night long they might not know what's next to the moon get it hot so this

is people letting you know about the deeper cuts stuff like that all right great songs not the hits now i love everything by steely dan but i feel the track uh doesn't get nearly enough credit for the song is don't take me alive which is much more rock than their traditional sound my wife's a big steely dan fan i don't know their songs by name i did see them in concert they were fucking great uh the cult most people either know them for fire woman from 1989 sonic temple or she sells sanctuary from 1985's love however 1987's electric album produced by rick rubin has some killer tracks including electric ocean bad fun and love removal machine keep up the great work now i gotta look now am i crazy was was matt soram the drummer in that band

let me see here i gotta look this up do i got it i gotta get to the bottom of this now why won't this fucking thing open up where did it go where the fuck is it oh it's all the way down here all right the cult the cult matt soram it's best known as member of the rock band guns and roses with whom you recorded three studio i remember the supergroup velvet revolver fucking loved that band i saw them at the uh the wiltern uh soram is currently a member of the touring project kings chaos and his formerly uh member of the cult let's see let's see let's see when he's 59 he looks fucking great um 60 to 89 when was he in the cult years active come on i wish they would do this you know they do that with teams like you played for the pages from this

to this um i'll have to look at this later because i'm i'm getting bumping up against here on time i will show you something that's fucking amazing is underrated i'll give you an underrated overrated underrated as far as new england patriot coaches chuck fairbanks look at this shit patriots number one draft picks you should see this guy's draft that he had in 73 we know if chuck null didn't do what he did i would say that chuck fairbanks patriots number one draft picks there we go oh fuck you well i this is not going to come up for me of course because i'm doing the podcast i'll read these to you at some point but one one year that day it was like uh john hannah sam cunningham daryl stingley and then the next year we had like mike hains stanley morgan uh

raymond claybourne they've some incredible incredible teams that by the way that 76 team was uh one roughing the passer fucking call away from going to the fucking super bowl they got beat on that call but that was a great team that 76 radius team was a great fucking team um but we went we went toe to toe with them and we're actually going to win the fucking game in their goddamn uh their own fucking stadium well they actually shared it with the a's whatever their fucking two bedroom apartment that they had with the oakland a's and we were actually going to win that fucking game and then there was a very highly highly highly questionable fucking roughing the passer call um you know and for all al davis bitching that the nfl was

against him i there's no fucking way he bitched after that call at least for a week all right billy joel uh river of dreams you've heard the track the title track on the album the sleeper songs are great wall of china a song about his old manager fucking him oh that's right because he got fucked out of money right and i thought it was his brother-in-law and famous last words the last song in the album and the last song with lyrics he has released okay um that's another bucket list thing too i gotta see him in concert you always play his fucking matters the square garden and i'm out here i gotta see that guy in concert i saw him one time you ever see him on howard stern it's like fucking eight o'clock in the morning he's absolutely crushing it

just hearing him just play piano how good he is fucking amazing all right two live crew has some great tracks yeah i know we have all heard the classics uh we want some pussy you know i've never really listened to them uh but don't underestimate throw the d the intricate drum beat combined with the melody allows for some smooth lyrics to relax your brain i really enjoy listening to this track before i go to bed throw the d i gotta listen to this i'll tell you underrated drum track um is uh run dmc maya didis if you want to play along to something that's fucking amazing to play if you play drums throw the d i you know i came up throw throw the damn tau two live crew all right let's listen to this thing for a second i might download this immediately

just the title alone is hilarious oh jeez it's an ultrasonic toothbrush everybody just in case oh well exactly what i don't need wait a minute what is this thing oh this is for you started seeing paces ruin the teeth with an ordinary brush and decided to partner with the product engineer here to create dr mass spiker and mark crawler this music is so compelling did you believe it's about a toothbrush all right here we go listen up y'all because this is it forget that old dance and okay um i'll have to give that a a better listen but i have to tell you i enjoyed the music in the toothbrush thing a little better i know it's a classic i know it's a classic so i will go back

and listen to it uh the cult of rick rubin i gotta listen to that fucking thing okay that's it everybody that's the podcast everyone um that's it don't riot don't fucking go after mom and pop stores please don't do that shit please keep it focused on what it should be about okay can we can we try to do that for once george floyd let's keep his name out there and all of that stuff and everybody just sit down and fucking work it out and the world becomes a better place you know let's go positive here no one's listening you're fucking your goddamn like inflammatory shit let's let's bring people together can we do that can we do that uh that's it all right i'm predicting it right now the Denver the fucking presidential election i'm calling it

right now the dead verse the dope on pay per view who knows maybe maybe maybe what's his face maybe maybe maybe uh uh what's his name joe biden who knows maybe he has some sort of fucking left hook in him that's just gonna catch the current champ on the jaw who knows who knows i don't i've always found all of those those presidential debates to just be uh just unwatchable just politicians just have this unique like outside their own body sort of vibe and i just think it's it's because of the pressure that they're underneath you know what i mean like that guy went to japan and couldn't hit anymore um i don't know i don't think i want to watch it now why am i still talking all right i have shit to do all right god bless all of you go fuck yourselves and i'll check in on you on thursday