Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-19

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

Bill rambles about New York, pretending to care, and the U.S. economy.

and watch the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlijn.be. That's the fun of Albert Heijn. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, June 10th, 2019. What's going on, Awaya? June 10th, my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy 51st birthday, dear Pasty. Happy birthday to me.

All right, before I get on with my birthday stuff, real quick. Very relieved, as I'm sure most people are. Why wouldn't you be? That David Ortiz is going to be okay, looks like. And they said there was no collateral damage, meaning no damage to his organs, which is also great. Thank God. Thank God. I was fortunate enough to meet him one time. I did a roast with Josh Wolfe and all those guys a couple of years ago. And he could not have been. He was just such a nice guy and, you know, and loved the more you trashed and the more he loved it was such a fun night. And who the hell shoots David Ortiz?

You know, that's literally, that's like shooting Santa Claus. I don't understand why somebody would do that. I saw a video, it seems like other people in the immediate vicinity agreed and did to him what would have happened if you shot Santa Claus, but she got the shit kicked out of him. What a world of all the fucking people. I just don't understand it and didn't even seem like it was a robbery. He was just trying to kill him. Is that one of those lunatics like that guy who tried to shoot Reagan just so you can get famous? I don't get it, but fortunately he's going to be okay and all of that stuff. So good for that. And a shout out to Aaron and Fred at Rivington Music Studios. Thank you guys for, you know, they've been hooking me up here,

been playing drums over there when I can while I'm in town, keeping my chops up. You know, I have to thank you for all the gigs I don't have. And, and with that, and with that, it's Freckles' birthday and I got a nice birthday gift early last night when the Bruins came out, took it to the Blues in one game six in an incredible atmosphere in St. Louis. I mean, they pulled out all the stops as you knew they would. They had Brett Hall who was hilarious and I don't understand. People are like sort of teasing him with his enthusiasm and just immediately thinking that he was absolutely shitfaced. That guy was always outspoken. He was always hilarious and he was, he's not introverted. I'm not saying he didn't have a couple, two or three, but who cares? He was having a great time.

My voice cracked. I smoked a cigar last night. The guy was having a great time. And yeah, those fans were on the edge of their seats. They wanted the cup and the Bruins had their backs to the wall and figured out a way to beat them. And now it is game seven on Wednesday. So you know, who's going to win? Who the hell knows? All I know is we made some adjustments to what they were doing. So you learn more in a loss than you do in a victory. So Barubi is going to make his adjustments and we'll see, we'll see what happens on Wednesday. I was so frigging nervous during that game where I, you know, even when we went up a couple of goals, I always knew, you know,

the Blues just always seemed to have this ability to, after you score a goal, they come right back down and they score. It just really just, it just takes the momentum out of what you did. And I literally said to my buddy, I was watching the game. It was like, we need a garbage goal. We just need a garbage goal. And we got one fucking knuckleball that was, came in like Phil Necro threw it. Yeah, that was a garbage goal. But other than that, it was a nice solid victory for us. But this series has been too back and forth to feel comfortable on either side. But there's going to be a game seven Stanley Cup final in in Boston on Wednesday and the Stanley Cup is coming to the garden and somebody's going home

with it. I obviously hope that it's going to be us. You know, either way, if you're not a hockey, you know, if you, this is a great game to tune into game seven Stanley Cup final, doesn't get any fucking better than this. The poor Blues fans had been waiting for 51, 52 years longer than this old fucking former red heads. Well, I guess I'm always going to be a red head. It's still alive. Well, it's been alive. Sorry. And we tried and went our second cup of the decade. So we shall see. It was what a game. I was so fucking nervous. I was, you know, we scored the first goal. I was watching in a bar, you know, I'm not drinking now. So I'm just drinking waters and I brought a cigar. So we smoked in between the first to

second period, put it out, you know, wash the second period, relit it back up, put it out, and then went in for the third period. And I, but I spent most of the game outside the bar pacing, watching was never comfortable. I think until we got the fourth goal was when I, when I finally felt like I could relax a little bit. And for whatever reason, I remember there was like seven minutes left for like 20 minutes, it felt. And at one point, I remember looking in the bar, looking at a different TV, and I saw Brian Cranston. And I was like, the hell's Brian Cranston doing at the Stanley Cup final? I didn't know he was a blues fan. He looks all happy. And he was wearing a bow tie. He really dressed up for the game. I didn't realize they had the Tony Awards

on another TV. And I got to see Brian Cranston win a Tony. So congratulations to him. And I also thought it was hilarious that they had the Tony Awards on in a, in a sports bar, you know what I mean? Who said that, you know, a big dumb sports bar can't be progressive. We had on the Tonys. And yeah, that was it. And then we, we, oh my God, we somehow, yeah, somehow went into their building and got a victory, which we needed to. So, but they, they're, they're a tough team. They are a tough team to beat. So somehow we're going to have to try to beat them two times in a row. I have no idea what is going to happen on Wednesday, but this has been a hell of a final. And I got to tell you, man, like just hockey is the best fucking sport, period.

That's it. You know, it's just, there's nothing, there's nothing like playoff hockey. It's just, it's the fucking best. I would say a close second match madness. Just as far as like the adrenaline excitement level, just not letting up. But somebody asked me said, oh, you're from Boston. So you like all the Boston teams. I was like, yes. So he goes, well, who's your favorite growing up? And I was thinking about it. I was like, yeah, I guess it was the Bruins. It was always, it was always hockey football. And then basketball and baseball were tied, I think, not tied in a bad way. They just, you know, I hated the Yankees and I hated the Lakers equally. So I watched, you know, this is the one great thing. I think the why Boston has such crazy sports fans is because when I was

growing up, other than the Celtics, we never won. And not only did we not win, but our biggest rivalries, rivals always seemed to be the most successful people, you know, franchises in the sport. And we were always like the Washington generals, like, you know, the Yankees had won a zillion fucking World Series. And we hadn't won in forever. And our biggest rivalry rivalry with was with the fucking Yankees, which was hilarious. And it was a ridiculous rivalry to say it's a rivalry. We just, we were there fucking punching bag for like fucking 80 years. And then in hockey, we could just never win in Montreal Forum. Like regular season or playoff, we didn't win a game in their fucking building for like two decades. It was crazy. Every one time

we had them beat and they scored a regular season game and they like tied it up with like two seconds to go in the game. Back then they didn't have overtime just like ended in a tie. So Montreal had a zillion cups and we had like five and we hadn't won in forever. And then the Celtics, our biggest rivals were the Lakers and we owned them right up until 84. But since then, you know, they, they beat us in 85, 87 in 2009 and we beat them in 2008. So they, they turned the tide, they won a bunch of titles and all of that shit. So it's just that level of, you know, you just hate them. It's like, if you live in Colorado, Detroit, how much the avalanche and the Red Wings hated each other, we had that in all four sports. And the Patriots was the fucking

Dolphins, believe it or not. I don't even know if the Miami Dolphin fans even realized that. Those fucking cunts, they went from Bob Greasy. A couple of years they had David Woodley and Don Strock, but then they went right to Dan Marino and they just beat our fucking ass from like the 70s, all the 70s, all of the 80s. And, and then all of a sudden Jim Kelly and the Bills came along. And I don't know, I was just, I was just looking, and we just had, I don't know, we did get to a Super Bowl in 86, but then got the living shit kicked out of us because we finally beat the Dolphins in the Orange Bowl. That was nothing. We could never win in the Orange Bowl. We could never been in the Montreal Forum. We could, we could never win in Yankee Stadium. Like just, we had these

fucking places and we're just tortured. And I think that that's why you have this, I don't know, why it's just such a great, you need the rivalries, I think, you know, I think that's why Pittsburgh's a great town, sports town, like that Patrick Division, they fucking hated each other. I don't know, I'm babbling because I'm so excited that we're, we still have a chance to win this fucking thing. So anyway, moving on, moving on here. I didn't get to see the Formula One, but I saw the highlight and Sebastian Vettel had the fucking race one. Lewis Hamilton was right on his ass, of course, and I don't know what happened. If he fucked up or what looked like he fucked up, he missed this turn and he had to go into the grass, which is fine. But when he got back on the

track, Lewis was trying to pass him on the right and Vettel defended, or he said he didn't have any grip because he had grass on his tires, but they gave him a time penalty. So even though he came in first, they took the race away from him. And which as a race fan sucks, I understand the call, I guess, but it sucks because it would have been nice to see Ferrari win one and make this a little more competitive. Instead of giving the golden boy there, Lewis Hamilton, another fucking 25 points. I just hope he doesn't pull away. And it's like over by July, you know, that's been a frustrating thing to see. You want to see a nice fucking back and forth, or at the very least between, you know, the two teammates there, Botas and Hamilton, I don't know. So anyway, I'm walking

around, I've been doing this movie, I've been having such a great time. And, you know, the fireman mustache looks good when I'm being the guy that I'm being, but I swear to God, this is hilarious too, because it's Gay Pride Week. When I just walk around New York, I look like, I just look like an old queen that never found love. You know, and it was, it was Pride Week, you know, I thought I'd be getting some more looks, you know, I'm a vain son of a bitch, I'm a little disappointed, the fellas weren't checking me out the way I thought they were going. It's like, I'm in movie shape right now. I got a big red village people mustache, like, come on, you know, give me a little fucking ego boost here.

You know, I was walking down, I was down, going to do a spot over in Caroline's, right? And there was just, you know, I was at Pride Week, is that what it is? I don't know, I'm always out of the loop with all that social shit. But I knew it was, it was, it was Gay Day Pride Week, whatever the fuck it was. And so everybody's, you know, doing that thing. And there was one guy just standing there. And he wrote a, he had this big fucking sign. And then he wrote in small letters, it was funny, he like, he didn't use the whole canvas. He just wrote God hates LGBT behavior. He's just standing there by himself. It was fucking hilarious. It was fucking hilarious, just sitting there with this sign, like, you know, I'm a fucking curmudgeon. And as much as there's a lot of shit out there

that really bothers me, but to put in the fucking effort to make a sign, you know, by myself, and then you just stand there, you know, like, I think the behavior of Beyonce's fans is, you know, when they really get on somebody, I think it's funny that they all, anytime anybody messes with Beyonce, they come to her defense, but to take it to the level that you send death threats to somebody, you know, it's just, I don't, I mean, what are you doing? Do you know? But as much as that bothers me, this is really a stupid comparison, but you don't, who's kidding who? You guys don't tune into this fucking podcast for intelligence, do you? As much as that bothers me, I just can't imagine ever making a sign and just standing there.

You know what I mean? Or some sign about feminists, how fucking our hardcore feminists are some of the most fucking sexist human beings I've ever met. I can get political, right? I can say things. I can make a sign. We're going to go to war with fucking Iran when we already got bankrupt in Iraq. Fuck, are we doing and just stand there with the sign? I mean, I feel all those things, but to actually make the side as much as I don't agree with the sign, you know, you got to look at somebody like that and say that that is somebody that, you know, they have an idea and they see it through. And that's what all successful people do. And if you go and no one should follow, that sign is for your ass alone.

And then later on, like the next day, I think it was the same day. There was one guy with a megaphone yelling a bunch of anti gay shit. And unfortunately, there was some gay people that took the bait instead of just leaving the guy screaming into a fucking black hole. And it was funny because he was yelling all this shit about Jesus. And is there anything funnier than when somebody's yelling that Jesus fire and brimstone shit and you catch them losing their train of thought? That's what this guy was doing. He was like, I wish I could make the fucking sound effect of a megaphone. He was just going like, Jesus is going to come back and he's going to rain bad hand over guys. All these fucking huge pauses. And I want to be like, dude, are you running

out of hate? I think you said all your fucking hatred, dude, you're fucking, you're running on fumes. It sounded like a car running out of gas. And he was doing it into a fucking bullhorn. I walked by and I was crying, laughing. Because then there was like, you know, a bunch of, there was some drunk gay, I shut up, you fucking asshole. And he's like, Jesus, you know, I put my penis, I put my penis where it belongs or whatever the fuck he was saying. It really made me miss New York just seeing those kinds of interactions. And we went, we went to Central Park, or as I called it when I first got back to your grand Central Park, because I hadn't been here in so long as combining the train station with their park.

And I had a great day yesterday. We took my daughter to a dance class. And I was out there dancing around doing all the daddy shit with her. And then she went to bed. And then I went down to ribbing to music and I played some drums. And during her nap, and then I came back and we went to Central Park and took a horse and carriage ride. Me, the wife and my daughter. And it was funny, the guys going, it's like a 45 minute ride. And we're like, all right, cool, great. And he ends up starting to tell us, he goes, you want me to tell you? Jesus, hang on a second. How do you hit pause on this thing? I got a new fucking recorder. I don't want to hit pause, because then I'm gonna have to fucking edit this shit back together. I don't want to do,

it's my birthday. Okay, people, I'm not fucking doing that stuff. We don't have any tissues, do we? Gotta go with the toilet paper here. In God, oh, I got the echo here. In Jesus does lack you. All right. So we get to the park. And it's supposed to be a 45 minute tour. But because we're like, yeah, dude, we lived here for like 12 years, you don't need to point out the carousel and all that shit. We know it is. So he didn't say anything. And the fucking thing was done in like 18 minutes. But it was still fun. Because it was funny, my daughter, she wanted to see the horse. That was a big thing, because she loves, you know, riding, riding ponies. I kept saying to her, going, hey, we're gonna, we're gonna go to, we're gonna go to Central Park and take

ride on the wagon, as she would call it, a wagon and see the, you know, and see the horses. And she goes, she goes ride the ponies. I go, yeah, we're going to go there when it comes, trying to get her to say, see the horses. So she wouldn't think she was gonna, she just kept going and ride, ride the ponies. Like dead serious. Oh my God, she's at such a frigging cute age. Such a cute age for my, my wife dances around. She goes, go mommy, go mommy. And yesterday she, you know, she ate her dinner. And then she wanted some more of Nia's and stuff. And we do this like, no, you, you don't, you hate your dinner, you're done. And she goes, I want a smoothie. I want a smoothie. Like you can't have a smoothie. Okay,

you already ate, you know, you could have some more broccoli. She goes, I want, I want a smoothie. Well, like you can't, you can have some more broccoli if you want it. And she just goes, and she goes, why not? And we just go because, you know, she just got, she got mad for half a second. She goes, mommy, she goes, she goes, why not? And then my Nia gave her that mother look. And then she got all innocent. She just goes, please. She's killing, she's funnier than I am. She doesn't even know it yet. So, anyhoo, what am I done here? Is it time for the ad reads? No, not quite yet. So, so then we went there and

all the gay dudes were up there or a lot of them were up there, right? All the gay dudes, every single one of them in America was in Central Park. Oh, we were actually riding on the horse and we went by, was it sheep, sheeps, whatever fucking field? Well, they used to bring the sheep, have meat, the fucking grass, I guess. Sheeps Bay, Meadow, I don't know what the fuck it's called. And I looked over, I didn't really notice anything. And Nia started laughing. I said, what? She goes, she goes, well, sitting here wondering why, why are there so many shirtless white people over there? And she goes, I just realized it's Pride Week. I looked over, there

was like a zillion gay guys with their shirts off, all in like gay shape, you know, like fucking shredded and shit. And we got off. There was this couple that was just like intertwined, you know, like when snakes try to see who's stronger, who gets to fuck the female, these are sort of like, it's fucking one of the funniest fights ever, because they don't have arms or legs or anything. And they just sit there trying to push each other down. There was these two people, I thought it was a man and a woman, and they had their little boombox and they were listening to all these fucking, what was the fucking song? Oh, fuck. One of those classic hilarious love songs by like Christopher Cross or something. And they had it so loud that I looked over and both

their heads popped up and they both had mustaches like mine. Anyway, so I had like, I feel like yesterday was my birthday, you know, the Bruins one, I saw all that great people watching the guy with the megaphone running out of ideas. I mean, there's like, I mean, that's like, if you can come up with that as a comedian, I mean, that's just like a fucking brilliant character or something like that. And I don't know. It really is just so much funny shit out there. You know, some fucking guy in the New York Post decided he was going to rip David Mammet, like he was this hacky fucking writer or something. So Mammet has some new play, it's a comedy, and it's based on like the Harvey Weinstein thing. And he goes, that's right. It's a comedy based on

Harvey Weinstein's behavior. And it proceeds to write how out of fucking touch he is, you know, and it's just like, like what, you don't even understand what the fuck, like there's so many people out there who don't even understand all the different levels of humor and the purpose of humor and how humor can be used in very stressful, sad things. You know, they just look at humor in a one dimensional way. You made fun of that. That means you don't care. That's that's the only way they look at it. So the only thing that should be made fun of is just inanimate objects, because if you make fun of any fucking thing else, that means that like, you know, you obviously don't give a shit about it. And they have no idea that there's just like music, there's all different

kinds of fucking humor. And some shit is so sad, you have to joke about it. Or else you're going to go fucking crazy. That's why people at war, you know, cops on in murder scenes will make a joke. I remember one time this person I went to high school with was worked for like the state as a defense attorney. And this guy had beaten like this is a terrible thing had beaten his like toddler to death, and they had to come up with the defense. Oh, that's right, because she'd seen me and these fucking assholes were taking my shit seriously. And I was and I was telling how people don't understand humor. She goes, I totally get it. She goes, we had to come up with defense for this guy who beat his toddler to death. And she said,

we were sitting there and it was just so absurd that they started saying how the toddler was coming at the guy and he felt threatened. And it was just so fucking ridiculous that they all started crying, laughing. And it isn't because you don't care. It's because the fucking thought of it is just so fucking overwhelming. Yeah, if you don't laugh, you're going to cry, right? And what is so fucking ridiculous for this guy to have this outrage? First of all, David Mammon, who's a fucking genius, never fucking outrage that he would choose the Harvey Weinstein story as a topic for for a fucking play and have that level of outrage. Why the fucking producers is like one of the greatest all time plays ever that was based off of the fucking Holocaust.

I mean, what the fuck? I can't believe that person wrote that article in the editor never at any point was just like, you know, how can we criticize this when the producers is out there? I don't fucking know. I what I think it really comes down to unfortunately is most papers are just highly politicized. And I'm sure David Mammon is some considered some sort of lefty or something. So they decided to do that. Or he was just roadkill in their attack on Hollywood fucking people. I have no fucking idea. But it just kind of struck me as funny. It's just like, All right, well, that's based on sexual harassment. This one's based on the Holocaust. So you don't have a problem with that.

Well, it's because he was Jewish and he wrote it. Therefore you can do it. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. All right. Plenty of other people also died. For some reason, they don't count them. I feel like in World War Two, all the people that the Germans killed that weren't Jewish people are they're almost like NFL titles. Like for some reason, they don't count them. They only count fucking Super Bowls. It's really a strange thing. All right, we got a read here. Indochino, Indochino. Talk about how every man looks better. It feels more confident when he puts on a suit. Well, I know that I do and I wish I put one on yesterday, honey, for gay pride. So I would have

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interface or his face or they's face. Look at that. There's a progressive read right there. All right. Let's do some fucking reads here for the week. Can we do some reads? How much time do I got left here? Oh, Jesus. I got a whole half an hour. I got a whole half an hour there from Nigeria. Nice. I might when I first moved to New York, I had a Nigerian roommate who was a big time hockey player, really good hockey player. All right. What's up, Billy birthday boy. Thank you. Look at that birthday wishes from a from on the other side of the planet. It's also my birthday too. Look at that. Another June 10th person. I just want to ask you from some advice on my career choices. All right. I really want to go into animation,

but I have developed a love for acting. I know you do both comedy and acting. So I just want to ask if it's reasonable to do both or a pain in the ass. Thank you for your response. My name is Gabriel and I'm 17. Well, 18 now and from Nigeria. Thank you again, birthday mate. All right. First of all, the fact that you know what you want to do or you've narrowed it down to two things at just 18 years of age is a huge advantage. You know, back in the day, it used to be you kind of had to pick a road. You know, he's a writer. This guy's an he's a television actor. This guy's a movie star. Now you can do whatever you want to do. So

I can tell you doing stand up and doing an animated show definitely takes up a lot of my time, but I am able to do it and I have a wife and a child. So I'm assuming you're not married and don't have a kid. So I say you you just keep following your heart. I mean, both of those are two really, really, really fun jobs. So no matter which one you pick, you're going to have a great time. I will say I do remember watching Louis CK's career. And I was first a fan of his amazing stand up when I saw him on the half hour MTV half hour comedy hour. Then I then I remember he wrote for Letterman for a while a little bit and also the Dana Carvey show. And I remember thinking like, why is why? I mean, that's cool. He's writing for those shows,

but this guy's a star. He should he should be the guy coming out doing the monologue. And then after that, he then worked for Chris Rock Show and he was like directing and all of that stuff. And every time I would see him when he would pop into the clubs, he was he was just immediately one of the best guys I had ever seen. I was thinking like, and I was thinking in my young brain, why is he wasting his time doing these things? And then like five years after that, when he started putting out special after special after special, and then he got his TV shows. And he was the writer, the director, the actor and the whole thing was just like, oh, I get he learned the whole business. And now he's going to take his voice and apply it to all these things

that he learned how to do. So using that as as a game plan, I would think that that there's nothing wrong with doing both at your age. I mean, 18 years old, who the hell knows what they want to do at 18. So I would I would go full force into both throw yourself into them. And, you know, you listen to your heart, it'll tell you which way to go. Listen to your gut, it guts the best. You know, you got your heart can sometimes be like, you know, your heart gets broken, right? Your gut is always sitting there going, I fucking told you. You didn't listen to me. Didn't listen to me. All right. My girl is blowing me better now. Jesus Christ. Hey, Billy blow me. Wanted to say thank you. My girlfriend and I were listening to you

talking about blow jobs. And while she's always been a trooper, since listening, she's been really attacking the task with vigor now. Jesus, more effort and more frequency. We didn't even really talk about it after listening. But man, the result is amazing. Anyway, and then he put the S anyways, thanks for shining a light on this topic. You're truly doing God's work. Sincerely, my empty balls. All right, sir. Well, I'm glad you're having a good time. But what was lacking in that email? Was you thanking your girlfriend for the you're noticeably better effort and you reciprocating by taking the downtown train there. Just make sure you know, it's got to be even Steven there, buddy. All right,

just going to fucking lay there like an emperor. I don't know how long she's going to be into that. All right. What else? You know, Jesus, Venice, California. All right. Dear Billy Garbage can, I'm semi jaded as a teen. I volunteered at shelters and focused education on civil engineer and city planning. Look at me qualifying myself. I'm almost 40 now. And I've been around the problem long enough to see some things won't change. It take hours for me to break down all the things that have proven to work or not work in combating homelessness. Instead, a little humor. Maybe I read this article almost spit out my coffee. The idea is a product of people who want the vanity of progressive forms of community charity with none of the logic. The funny part is the guy who wrote

I think he meant wrote it. The author opens with an anecdote about a young man who was sleeping on a couch that was being moved around the alley outside his apartment and how he and a neighbor made sure to get rid of that couch. I imagine to send a message. I imagine to send a message, do not sleep here. He goes on to say that to blame the heartless federal government for pulling. He then goes on to say that to blame. I'll do this is so interesting and you didn't fucking proofread it. He then goes on to blame the heartless federal government for pulling funding. Then the locals who don't want to support new housing while discussing a proposed high rise that would take the place of a parking lot on Venice Beach. They want to put up to 140 unit

transitional living building which the author seems to be in favor of. You don't need my background in this issue to understand the problem with that. You can just watch American gangster. The white men's plan to stack people up who have very little on top of each other really backfired. The author who had no desire to have someone sleeping on a couch next to a dumpster behind his apartment finishes off with. I would so much rather that young man who dragged the blue couch next to my house for a good night's sleep have a bed and a shelter instead. You see the irony, right? Yeah, he wants to get that guy the fuck out of his world. He doesn't give a fuck. No, he doesn't. He just pretends to give a fuck. If he did, he would have asked the young man if

he needed anything or at least left the goddamn couch alone. Thank you. Thank you. I have to read this fucking article now. This is just the classic thing. That's like, you know, I've been teasing all these feminists here in New York who have outrage for what's going on in Alabama. It's like, since when have you given a fuck about Alabama? Okay, their school systems, their funding, everything has been fucked up since the Civil War, meaning your entire life. You haven't given a shit. Now you give a shit because there's something going on down there that could have potentially affect you. All right. Okay, let's let's read this little thing here. The blue couch appeared one evening at the dumpster across the alley behind my couch. Over the course

of the next two days, the couch was moved around a bit. By the third day, someone had dragged the couch to the side of my house, a not particularly private space. The next morning, as I took my niece to school, we noticed that a young man, presumably homeless, was asleep on the couch. Well, I don't think he's a hot rod couch builder who was taking a nap between fabrics. I had just heard a report on KPCC about how homeless can exacerbate or even cause mental illness, not the other way around. One factor the report said is the lack of sleep suffered by people with no place to lay their heads. I left the kid alone. I was going to give him some food, but when I checked an hour later, he was gone. My neighbor and I dragged the couch back into the

alley. I called the city within a day. The Sanitation Department picked it up in some residential neighborhoods of the sprawling city. I supposed it's possible to look away from homeless crisis the way you did. I was going to give him some food. You had food in your apartment. You didn't do it. I was going to give him some food, basically covered his ass for when he calls the city to have the fucking the Sanitation Department pick the fucking thing up so he can get rid of this guy. But to play devil's advocate, he does have a kid. He doesn't know if this guy is dangerous or whatever, who the fuck knows, right? Anyway, in some residential neighborhoods of the sprawling city, I suppose it's possible to look away from the homeless crisis here in Venice. It is not

at home price as home prices continue their exorbitant march upward as rent skyrocket and short-term rentals like Airbnb displace longtime Venice tenants from their rent stabilized units. More and more people are facing a homeless crisis, not of their own making. All right, I don't want to read the rest of this shit. It's getting too long. Yeah, it is fucking terrible. I don't fucking know, you know, but how much can I make fun of him when I'm not doing anything about the homeless problem? I mean, I give people money occasionally. Sometimes I do. I always try to like figure out of this person under the influence because I don't want like, you know, I don't want to help you give you money to go buy something that you're going to just

use to kill yourself. But I don't know. I guess I'm better than this guy because I don't pretend to care. Who knows? I don't know. I just started reading that article and I realized as much as I wanted to make fun of him that I'm kind of full of shit too. It goes up to the, you know, it doesn't make any fucking sense how expensive everything is getting. It's just doesn't make any sense. And what it is causing everybody else, the problem with capitalism, not even capitalism, all forms of government, because there's always no matter what you can have socialism, there's still been people on the top taking more than they should. And there's always going to be hookups and fucking angles and racism and sexism and all

that fucking shit, right? And what it always ends up creating is a fuck or be fucked pyramid. And if you can somehow figure out a way, like here's something for you. Why isn't helping people profitable? You know, everybody's just running on the fucking wheel so they don't face plant and get trampled by the people behind them. So to try and stop and help somebody, you feel like you're going to get run over. I don't know. I also think that, you know, I could probably look into it more. And there has to be a way. Jesus, Bill, I mean, you don't work every day. You could take a couple of those hours and go help some people out, right? All right, US economy. Speaking of which,

I still haven't found a fucking public school and haven't even talked to anybody about it. And I said I was going to do a show. So I have to make that happen or else I'm full of shit. US economy. Hey, Bill. Hey, baby. I'd just like to give you some friendly insight on the current state of our economy. You often say that our country is bankrupt and your last podcast got pretty passionate about the, about being worried about it. I'm a financial advisor and studied economics in school. I know what it means. I know everything, right? I'm going to assume when you say we are bankrupt, you are referencing the amount of debt we currently hold as a country. Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. We do indeed hold quite a bit of debt.

Buddy, every fucking August for like nine years in a row, the government shut down. And our only solution was to legally raise the amount of debt that this country could take. All right. Now I know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but let's, let's not fucking put, you know, let's not put on the kid gloves. Just give it to me straight. All right. We do hold quite a bit of debt. $22 trillion is quite a bit. This is broken up into different types of debt, public debt and government debt. Public debt is the type of debt that other countries hold like China and Japan. Well, I didn't know that. That's good. So people actually owe this always money. They each hold a little over a trillion each.

Oh, good. So now we're down to $20 trillion. You've probably heard the rhetoric of, well, what if China gets mad and dumps our debt into the market, dumps our debt to the market that would fuck up bond prices and yields? I've probably heard that. Who the fuck do you think I'm hanging out with? I don't know what any of that means. How can you dump our debt to the market? What market where the little piggies go? This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and China dumped fucking all their debt to us. And I don't know what the fuck that means. Sure. Very temporarily. And then we would either buy back that one trillion or find another alley to buy it up. It's not enough to crash our market, not even close. Then there is our government debt

debt, where it's mainly our agencies, holdings like Social Security, Medicare, disability, etc. This is about 30% of our overall debt. Well, how much is paying a billion dollars a fucking week or whatever in these goddamn never ending fucking wars that we just keep starting with no real like the war against terror. It's just it's wide open. Us being over there creates more terrorism. So it becomes never ending. I just I feel like if we just my this is my stupid bar room logic. If we just got the fuck out of the Middle East. And I know everybody we just can't just up and leave all of those people like it will look what the fuck we've done to them in the process of trying to get the bad guys how many fucking innocent people we've killed over there.

If we get the fuck out of there, we commit to electric and solar power, which I'm not even saying is cleaner. It's just not what they're selling over there. That fucking really affects their goddamn economy would affect ours too, I guess, because of all the oil companies. So I just say you give all the solar shit you give the sun you give the sun to the oil companies here. Okay, and you invest in them switching over to that form of fucking energy. And Middle East that's the number one export then they go bankrupt. They don't have enough fucking money to fuck with us. And after we're gone for a while, they'll just go back to fighting each other the same way when Russia left fucking Eastern Europe, Bosnians and Serbs

picked right the fuck up where they were before those guys were there and they were there for like fucking 70 years or something. Something like that 80 years I have no fucking idea. That's my solution. All right. And you know, considering I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about I should probably shut up. All right. Okay, now let's talk about why that much debt isn't a big problem for the US instead of boring you with a bunch of dumb numbers. No, bore me educate me. He goes I'll give you an example. Oh, they I love this he's going to dump it down to my level. Let's say you're sitting there in the second period and you got half a beer and you got to take a piss. All right. But you don't want to miss the empty meta.

Who pulls the goalie in the second period? Patrick Wa does. All right. Now let's talk about why that did it. Okay, I'll give me an example. It's like a guy with $50,000 in credit in a credit card debt, but only $5,000 in the bank. Yeah, that's terribly okay. He goes awful position to be in obviously, but that same guy owns a million dollar house free and clear with no mortgage. The equity he has in that house alone could cover the debt easily. Yeah, but at some point you're going to have to sell the fucking house. Right? Is the house our country? I'm lost. Now he asked the question as to why wouldn't he just pay off those debts then? I didn't ask that question, but thank you for asking it for me. In the US scenario, debt is a way of leverage

and collateral with other countries. It's bargaining chips that can bring other ideas to the table. Also, the US has never missed an interest payment on this debt. Okay, but a bunch of other shit has been slashed and cut. Am I crazy? I mean, look at our public school systems. Look at mental health institutions. Look at healthcare. Social security is not going to be there by the time I fucking need it. What are you talking about? This is like the thing. Yeah, they have all this debt, so now they're not taking care of their citizens as well as they used to. Right? God, I wish this was, I could talk to you about this and you could make me feel

better because you don't seem worried about this at all. He said, now I'll give you the American stats. And if we do miss an interest payment, who's going to foreclose on us? I don't know. The United States has assets that blow its debt numbers out of the water. Last time I checked, we owned around 34% of the global wealth. Our earning power is ridiculous. What do you mean we own it? Our government owns it or corporations own it? I don't understand this. Our earning power is ridiculous and our growth is unprecedented. Everyone has been expecting our GDP to slow because markets are cynical and we have been in the longest bull run in history. Then this last quarter we dropped 3.2%. I didn't even know what

the GDP, I know gross natural product. Is it gross domestic product? What does that mean? I got to look that up. I'm going to look this up like if I know what this means, I'm going to understand what the fuck you're talking about. Economy, GDP, meaning. When in a gross domestic product? Oh, I got it right. Look at that. I didn't even have to phone a friend. Well, I did because I had to confirm it. Everyone has been expecting our gross domestic product to slow because these markets are cynical. We've been in the longest bull run in history. Then this last quarter we dropped a 3.2% gross domestic product, which is honestly incredible and is reflective of our resilience of our country is at making money. We aren't

bankrupt Bill, far from it. Should we go into war with Iran? No, but we aren't bankrupt. When you say we, what do you mean by we? What about the 2008 banking crisis and the amount of people in America who are upside down in their houses? So basically what you're saying to me is that your heads above water and my heads above water. So then we shouldn't care about all the Americans who are drowning in debt. Is that what you're telling me? All of these social programs that have been cut, all of this, this is what you're telling me. I mean, I don't know. I try not to do that shit where, Hey, I'm doing okay. So everything's great. I don't know. But I also know that you know more about this shit than I do. He said, if you want sources on any of these stats, I loosely

threw at you, I'll give it to you. I just figured you didn't want to take 30 minutes on the subject, been listening to the podcast since 2010 and seen you live twice, big fan and hope your family's well. Well, you know, something if I did, I imagine Joe Rogan has had a person like this on as a guest rather than listening to me fucking swim in this shit and not even know what he's talking about. By the way, do you see Joe Rogan, the Joe Rogan podcast, Joe Rogan experience, he has advertising on a fucking stock car. How incredible is that these stupid little things that we started and how far some people have, I mean, I'm still the fucking guy just sitting there talking to myself, but some of these guys, Mark Marin had the president as a guest.

It's unbelievable. A veteran's perspective. By the way, all you young comics out there, you young stand up comics, you young performers, all right, start now, manager and agent comes towards you, do not give them a cut of your podcast money. You're going to grow all of that by yourself. They're trying to insert themselves into this, oh, this fucking phone here is goddamn phone. You don't have to do it. You can grow these things on your own and you can fucking, you can fucking have all of the money to yourself. All right, let them stay where they fucking belong. Okay. And film and TV and the way that they're fucking over writers and the way they've packaged all of these shows together and they're actually making more money than

then the performers on the show and a lot of cases shows you where their hearts are at. So fuck them. So they can't get old guys like us because they didn't know what podcasts we're going to be, but what now they're going to try to do is sign you to across the deal boards. Do not give up your podcast money. Fuck them. Just say that's, that's, that's a deal breaker. And all you young people should get together and say that that isn't fucking for once, for fucking once, because those fucking pieces of shit are going to figure out a fucking way that somehow they're going to end up owning your podcast and they're going to end up getting more fucking money. The fucking check is going to come with their fucking name on it. I'm going to tell

you right now, that is how business works. You get in business with somebody bigger than you, all the, all, you know, we're in business together to make money off these guys. How it works is then the fucking money that is made always goes to the other cunt that you get into business with. Okay. And then they send you a fucking check with their name on it. And that is the quintessential behind the music, how to get stolen from, and then you go to them to get a raise and then they can somehow fudge the fucking numbers and say that you're not in fucking profit. And they, and then you fucking audit them and then you find out that they're stealing from you and they'll come back the next day with a smile on their face and just be like,

this is how business is done. All right. And that is the purpose of all things comedy. We try to create this place where fucking comedians could keep their podcast and these fucking goddamn fucking leeches couldn't come in and try and steal you. They can't even just accept a portion of it. They fucking want all of it. I swear to God, dude, this is why this is why I do this business the way I fucking do it. Sit here talking to my fucking self. I try to do everything by myself because every time I get in fucking business with somebody, all they do is they fucking steal from you. There is not one aspect in this fucking business that I have ever been involved in where somebody is doing a standup date, doing fucking podcasting. I've been, I've been good. Okay.

Cause I was able to fucking circle the wagons. All right. Acting, creating a show, working on a show. There's never, I've never not gotten stolen from every fuck and every fucking time you think this they've run out of ways to do it. And this is what kills me because they're fucking sociopathic, fucking pieces of shit. They go to sleep at night. They sleep like a fucking baby, absolute fucking scumbags. So if I can tell you that all you fucking young people coming up in this fucking business, all right, all of those fucking cunts out there, okay, do not give away your podcast money. Fucking greedy dirty bastards. All right. A veteran's perspective. Hey Bill, how's it going? I was thinking about what you and your wife were talking about, the cognitive dissonance between

Americans and their politics. In the field of psychology, cognitive, cognitive, at what point did somebody, did I say something smart last week? I've never had emails like this in my life. Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort, psychological stress experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs or values. Is this a fancy way of saying I'm out of my mind? This discomfort is triggered by a situation in which a person's belief clashes with new evidence perceived by the person. When confronted with facts that contradict beliefs, ideals and values, people will try to find a way to resolve the contradiction to reduce their discomfort. God knows I do that. I think the book Media Politics by Shanto Iyengar, that looks like an L,

L-Y, Linger, is that a L or an I? I guess that's an I. I-Y-E-N-G-A-R. A professor of political science from Stanford would ease your frustration in understanding how they, for instance, the big six media conglomerates use information and psychology to benefit the bottom line of financially motivated networks. Aren't they all financially motivated? Except for PBS, man. They have a fundraiser, a telethon. When I wasn't dropping acid and ecstasy in the hills of the 805, I was in a classroom full of exchange students from Sweden, China, Mexico and a bunch of other places. They knew far more than I ever learned in my K-12 experience about our politics and the intertwined relationship between lobbyists, brand representative politicians, advocates for legislator, and

bureaucracy, government agency. Essentially, Mr. Iyengar says you have to buy your blue, red, green, rainbow, P-O-W and American flags from the same company who funds the campaigns of politicians who then push funds for agencies and committees. For example, because banks cost wait, for example, because banks cost all sides money, why have overdraft fees gone from 15, 20 in the early 2000s to $34 to $36 in 2019? They have made record profits and didn't have to accept defeat in 2008. How did that happen? As the late and great Patrice O'Neill would say, gas is high because what are you going to do? Hope this helps. Love the podcast and your comedy is good therapy. Best. A veteran who enjoys your stand up. Jesus Christ, I might actually,

am I going to read a book? The one that isn't like, the next book on my list is the Ken Stabler autobiography. That's the next one on my hit list, but maybe I should actually throw something like this in. You know what's funny? As you'll know, I'm reading a fucking smart book like this because all of a sudden I'll try to start sounding smart in this podcast and the whole thing will go off the rails. Vindictive woman. I'm a lady. Oh, I love when the lady's right in. I've been saying for years. It doesn't happen enough. When I'm, when in my twenties, a boyfriend put a brick through my windshield first night in my new place without him. What? When in my twenties, a boyfriend put a brick through my windshield first night in my new place without him, meaning you guys had broken

up or you just had the audacity to have a night just for you. I responded by getting a temporary restraining order on him and went to his favorite watering hole. He went to nightly. That's kind of dangerous. Advised him. I would be there every night until he paid for my replacement windshield. Okay, that's a gangster fucking move. Basically taking his home away from home from him. He did pay, but even though I had heard he got a new apartment and checked his account at the bank. Wait, he did pay, but even though I had heard he got new apartment and checked his account at the bank. What the fuck does that mean? Place stop, pay on his rent, check in the new apartment to get even. Love everything you do. Go fuck yourself. Wait, wait, what, what did you do?

I missed. What happened? I feel like when people, this is like the last episode of Lost. What happened? I don't get what just happened there. You got a restraining order and then went to his favorite bar every night. You advised him that you'd be there every night until he paid for the replacement windshield. Gangster fucking move. And any person in law enforcement and security would say dangerous fucking move. So don't do that ladies. All right. Cause you're going to get the guy who doesn't give a fuck and it will be like, Oh, so now I know where you're going to be. So I can go down and do something horrible to you. All right. Basically taking his home away from home away from him. He did pay. I think she was trying to say, even though he did pay though, I heard he got a new

apartment and I checked his account at the bank, placed a stop payment on his rent check in his new apartment to get even. Oh, love everything you do and go fuck yourself. Well, I mean, okay, that is fucking amazing. All right. It's not smart and it's not mature. And you got away with it so good on you, but I would not do that. Cause one of these days, you're going to run into the fucking person that doesn't give a fuck. Watch casino and watch that Joe Pesci monologue. When he talks to that guy, what the fuck he's going to do to him and they're going to send me to jail and yada, yada, yada in seven years. You know, later I'm going to come out and I'm going to fucking do it again,

because I'm a fucking lunatic. Like when somebody doesn't, if you date somebody, I don't know, it's my belief when you break up with somebody, that's it. You get the fuck away from when you do not try to make their life miserable or whatever. He did throw a brick through your windshield. You did the proper thing. You got a restraining order. But I will say, going down to his favorite bar every night, so he can't go there as funny as that is, is for your own personal safety is a really reckless thing to do. And also letting him know that you're doing that and just deliberately rubbing it in the face of somebody who did something pretty fucking violent. I would be worried where the next brick was going

to go. So in the future, you know, it looks like he got away with it. I would not. And also what you're doing is making him more of an angry human being and he's probably going to treat, I don't know, people even worse on his next one. So you're combating negative energy with more negative energy. So I would be careful with that. It made for a good read. It was a funny fucking story. But yeah, being a addictive person is it's not a good character trait. And eventually you do it to the wrong person. And there can be grave consequences. All right. And that's all I'm going to say on that. And evidently, I have some books to read here. Go Bruins. Go Bruins. Go Bruins. Go Bruins. Go Bruins. Go Bruins. That's all I can say. And I am

so psyched for this game seven. Hopefully I won't be working on the movie. And I will be standing outside a sports bar for most of it, looking into the fucking window. What a series. What a sport. Okay. All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. When I do, there'll be a new Stanley Cup champion. All right. The second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be. That is it from Albert Heijn.