Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-10-24

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Bill rambles about his birthday, his fighting abilities, and congestion fees. Zip Recruiter:  Try for free at www.ZipRectuiter.com/BURR SimpliSafe:  Get an exclusive 20% off any new SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 10th, 2024. What's going on? How are you? How's it going, everybody? Happy Monday. Did you have a good weekend? You know, one Monday is usually a bummer, man.

You know what's funny? We say it's a bummer, man. That like came from like the West Coast out here. You know, getting bummed in England means somebody fucking stuck it in your ass. So when you go over to England, don't say you're fucking bummed out. Or I was a bummer or whatever. Um, anyway, uh, today's my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday, dear Billy. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you, you bald ginger. Anyway I had a fantastic fucking weekend, you know what I mean? And you know, at my age, you know it's a great birthday, everybody just leaves me the fuck alone. It's fantastic. You know, be around, hey man, what's going on? You know, a little fist bump here, a little fist bump there.

I'm all fucking good. Look at me. It's my birthday. I'm laying down doing this podcast. You should lay down, you know, studies have shown that people say that new evidence shows and you're doing it right now and you're feeling better. Did I cover all bases of how people with no background in whatever the fuck they're about to give you information about? Do you like coffee? Here's a great coffee ice cream fucking recipe. Take honey and yogurt and some fucking peanut butter and peak.

That's not ice cream. It's not ice cream. It's not ice cream. All right. I don't fucking give a shit. What world you live in. I just, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it.

You're doing this exercise and your back has never felt better I'm not doing it I'm not doing it. It was like that lady the other day. Can we get a picture? You and who else no no you and me. Well, we don't want a picture you want a picture. I don't want a picture I want to fucking continue on my fucking day Can I get a picture that has driven me up the fucking wall. I've gone back and forth on that like tennis going like, no, wait, was I wrong? Is it can we get a picture?

No, it isn't. It's it's can I get a picture? If I was walking down the street and I ran into some fucking drummer that I was a fan of, I'll be oh my God and I ran into some fucking drummer that I was a fan of. I'm like, oh my God, I'm the biggest fan. Would it be okay if I get a picture? I wouldn't be like, can we get a picture? Standing there by myself?

I think I'm right. Listen, I'm either right about that or I'm right about the home court advantage. One of the fucking other, one of those ones, but I'm probably, who knows? I'm at that age. I'm at that age, man. I'm probably wrong about both. You know what song I downloaded? I downloaded some cool songs this weekend. Little River Band, Reminiscing. We'll go walking through the dark, so no, we'll go dancing in the dark, So no, we'll go dancing in the dark

Walking through the park and reminiscing Hurry don't be late Dad dadada the fucking musicianship on that and all these stupid fucking hipsters go around they call it Yacht rock and all of that. Let's see you cunts put away your fucking lap Laptops and all your fucking samples and just go out there with instruments in your own voice And no fun none of this fucking Shit singing with the track. I want to hear you do it. I Want to hear you do it? I'll tell you who's doing it. You guys familiar with the comedic actor by the name of Ken Marino Somehow I was on YouTube when I came across, he does all of these covers of songs.

I had no idea he's got a great voice. I took an acting class with him like 90 years ago, but I had no idea he could sing. He has an unbelievable voice and he's playing with like these fucking studio musician level guys and they absolutely fucking kill it. And I clicked on one and then I just kept going and going and going and they were amazing. Check it out on, I think it's on YouTube. I believe that's where they put them up. But anyway, getting back to the Little River Band, I always thought that they were like

Kansas. You know, they were sort of from fucking, you know, middle America or some shit. They all kind of came out at the same time, but it was actually an Australian band and the lead singer was from England. Incredible fucking voice. I downloaded that and then I downloaded Laidback White Horse.

You know, boop boop bo, don't ride the white horse. And you know what's funny is that they're from, I think, I think they're Dutch and you can't really tell until the guy says, he says, bitch. If you want to be rich, you got to be a bitch. And you can't really tell. And then he just goes, you bitch. All of a sudden he sounded like he's fucking, you know, Schwarzenegger adjacent. And what else? I downloaded a couple of UFO live. Some people were telling me to check that out.

I just kind of all over the map. Then there was something else I saw that dayless soul, you know, they got the drum beat from this and all of that. And, uh, I downloaded one of the songs that they built the track on. Um, I just had like the perfect weekend. I did a couple of shows Denver, Colorado and, um, two shows. And, uh, then I had a rare day off and, um, I was working with Dean Del Ray.

He has a friend of his out there that works for Ducati and he hooked us up with some motorcycles and we met out near like Red Rocks and we fucking rode around in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado for like fucking four hours maybe three we I don't know it was like we rode for an hour and a half and we got lunch at the hotel where they shot the shining. So it was fucking amazing. And, um, that was amazing alone just to see it. You're like, Oh my God. And in the front they have like, you know,

they more have like sleaze little standing look like little like shrub Christmas trees. Like there's, they don't have the maze there, but they kind of have a little one just for like tourists. If people remember, I mean, the fucking movie is almost 50 years old. And then of course you go in and it's different because they built like a set and everything. But the front, you know, is where they shot it, you know, Scatman Crothers coming up with that little fucking snowplow thing and all of that stuff. And it was amazing. I wrote, I always forget how to say it, the Ducati Diablo.

I don't know what it was. Wasn't the El Diablo, or what are the Diablo, Diablo? I don't know. I wrote it down. I don't know. I wrote it down. I don't know how to say it. Like most things. I'm just I'm a fucking idiot when it comes to it. Let me see if I know what the hell it was.

DIAVEL. Diabel? I have no idea. So we sort of rode in the parking lot for a minute. So I could kind of get used to it. And that's the first time, you know, I've kind of, you know, in a long time, like rode down the street with his cars and shit. There's pretty much cars the whole way up, but there was like three of us riding.

So it wasn't that bad. And they kind of had me in the middle till they realized that I was going to be all right. It did fine. You know, there was big sweeping turns which weren't that bad. And then, you know, some tighter turns or whatever. We had the Bluetooth going. We got up, after lunch we went up higher elevation and all of a sudden it was getting cooler and started raining a little bit.

Then we just sorta rode through that. There was some construction we had to stop. We went through like three tunnels that made me feel like I was in like Mission Impossible and just the most insane scenery I've ever seen. It was just incredible. And you know, it was just all back roads, no highway. At one point we had to get on the highway just for like one exit.

But by then I'd been riding the bike for like three, four hours. I was pretty confident. You know, the thing just had so much friggin power compared to what I'm, you know, I got that little Royal Enfield, you know, so anyway, We came all the way back to Red Rocks And the second I parked it, I text my wife and club soda kenny. I'm like, I'm fine. Nothing happened. You know, cause I knew, you know, everybody's all, you know, you got your special coming off the data that I was like, dude, I'm not going to be riding like a maniac or we're going to be out there. There's going to be nobody there. Then of course there were, you know, people there where they weren't driving like assholes. So it was a nice, leisurely

drive. Nothing crazy happened or anything, but it was, I couldn't believe it. And then the next day we wake up, oh, and then also I went to like two, three places that just had fucking great coffee in Denver. had fucking great coffee in Denver. Denver is really just a great city. The crowd was awesome both nights. And then the next day we flew into Oakland, drove up to Berkeley and I got to play the Greek theater, which is like 120 years old or something like that. They had pictures of like Teddy Roosevelt being there. So I got a kick out of that. Teddy Roosevelt and now me.

So yeah, it reminded me of doing like the Acropolis in Greece or going to the Yale Bowl or Harvard Stadium and like these really old places. And it went out, the show was like at 6.30. It was broad daylight. It was kind of weird, but it was funny because I could see the whole crowd. Some guy in a Lakers Jersey yelled out Boston sucks, which

was hilarious. It's like, all right. Well, I don't okay. I get it. You don't like us. I mean, I don't I don't why would you yell that when we're in the finals and you guys didn't make the playoffs? I don't know why you would choose to do that.

But all right, so I had a little back and forth with him and my act just kind of went perfect. And I was really, made me feel really confident about doing my special later on. And anyway, so I'm doing the show and like it couldn't be any cooler. Les Claypool from Primus and his wife came out, Molly Schmincke from the punch line, a bunch of friends came out.

And in the end, I said good night, got a standing ovation and I bring Dean back out and he's, and Les is walking out. So I was like, oh, Les is from here. Maybe he just wants to say a little crowd, like, oh, Dean, hey, let's play pool from Primus or whatever. And then Dean takes the mic or whatever and goes, hey, it's Bill's birthday on Monday. Let's sing him happy birthday. And everybody there who didn't leave sung me happy birthday with Les leading them singing. It was so fucking cool. And it was just, I don't know, I can't even explain it. If you basically told, you know, old freckles back in the day, you know, when I was sitting

there, the first time I heard Primus was that Sailing the Seas of Cheese and, you know, Tim Alexander immediately became one of my favorite drummers. And I was trying to figure out all of this shit and all listen all of that thrash and all my brought my brothers trying to get me fucking to play double bass and I'm like, I can't switch a double bass to like and play good times, bad times, single bass drum pedal. Right? The second I heard Tim playing, I wanted to play double bass. He was the one that got me to play. If you told me all these years later that not only would I be a comedian,

that Les would come out and I'd be playing a place that big and they'd sing me happy birthday, I probably would have had a fucking heart attack and died. I don't know, it's weird. Like my birthday's today, I feel like I already had it. It was that great of a weekend. So I want to thank Jason at Ducati and everybody that came out to my shows, Dean, Les, everybody that sang Happy Birthday, I laughed to my jokes. I just had a, really had a fucking great time, man.

You know? And I found this, Dean found this whole area, hipster area down in, uh, you know, Denver that I had never been to had all these cool shops and shit. We were just sort of walking around on our day off after riding motorcycles. Uh, well, it was named that fucking coffee place I went toal or something? I can't remember. I wrote it down. But I went in there and not only was the coffee great, they were killing it with the fucking music. It was funny. It was like sort of like melancholy, like seventies. Maybe that's why I downloaded the, oh no, I had already

downloaded the little river thing. Let me see. to go. All right. This is where I went. Metropolis. Yeah. Metropolis coffee. Then I went to this place on Monta M.A.N.T.E. coffee. They had a double shot latte. That was incredible. And then for breakfast, I went to snooze at Union Station. So shout out to all of those places. They were all fantastic. Station so shout out to all of those places. They were all fantastic. Oh And also Sarah Silverman was in town so I got to see her for like a second It was like the perfect fucking weekend and as if it couldn't get any better The Boston Celtics are up two games to none

14 and 2 in the playoffs And you know, what's funny is I've watching, I haven't watched a second of the NBA finals yet. I have the games taped, but I'm a married man with two kids and I can't put my kids through it. I am not emotionally built to watch basketball around kids. It's the most frustrating thing because you're up by 20,

oh yeah, we're gonna fucking kill them. And the next thing you know, it's tied, you're down by three, or the other team comes back and wins. And everybody, oh, you know, it's a game of runs, it's a game of runs. I don't fucking get it. I mean, it's starting to happen now in football

where like no game is over, but like, there's nothing like it in basketball and I'm just not built for it. And I don't want to be sitting there screaming motherfucking fucking cunt, which I would have been doing in front of my kids as much as I tried not to. I would have done that. And the end result would have been, we were still up two games to none. So what was the point of losing my shit like that? And it's just like, my wife and kids are just too important for me to do that. I just

can't do it anymore. I watch golf. I watch golf and I watch motorcycle racing. That's what I do. This is, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. It's just like golf. I'm just rooting for everybody and Occasionally some will you know? Putt or something it'll start to go with you know, go around the lip and kick out and occasionally be like, oh man God damn it. I'll say something but it's not like when I watch Like an actual sport, you know, I Just fucking lose it. I saw the Florida Panthers are up one game to none I Just hope that you know this starting to remind me of those awful New Jersey Devil teams that won the Cups remember how fucking

mind numbingly boring the hockey was When the Devils were making a run. It was just, oh my God, just dump and chase and the goalie would come out and then they would fucking win games one-nothing, two-nothing. I don't know. And just all of that clutch and grab. It wasn't just the Devils. I just remember like, you know, the, the, the Red Wings and ABS rivalry was the only thing keeping the NHL above their neck above the water during that whole awful clutch and grab.

And when you combine the clutch and grab with them playing the fuck and whatever you want to call it, the trap or the lock and the goalie could come out. And then not to mention like, you know, you could be following through on your shot and somebody could just come by three strides and put their shoulder into your fucking jaw and end your career. Um, wasn't a lot of goals being scored. Now I don't understand why they just didn't make, you know, the trap or the lock, whatever you want to call it. Why they just don't make that illegal.

Like you can't play that way. You know, why don't they just make it illegal? Like the NBA, they're just like, these guys are getting too big, you know? And then it was just like a three second rule. And then eventually they overcorrect. Now the fucking offensive guy can't even be in there. So I don't know, there's gotta be a happy medium between that. I would think. Um, however, so I hope it, you know, I hope it's, it's, it's, it's a,

it's a good series or whatever. It's kind of great. Cause you're either going to see the Panthers when their first one, or you're going to get to see the, um, the, the Oilers not only win their first one since 1990, but it's the first time Canada would get a cup since 93. So I think I'll probably, I hate to be saying this, I'll probably be watching more of that than I will the Celtics. I feel like what I do is I tape the Celtics and then I just watch after my kids go to bed. I already know the results. I could just fuck and relax.

If we're going to lose, just, I won't be flipping out screaming and it's, you know, I'm doing it for the kids, you know, I just get plus when I lose my shit now and I curse or swear as we used to say, when I was a kid, I, you know, every time I, I, it's a fine and I owe my daughter like five bucks. So ever since we've been doing it, I mean, I, I don't know, I probably gave him like 40 bucks. I've been doing really well. I told you that GS, that George St. Pierre thing, he made that video and he was talking about road rage. I've done it. Now, you know, that whole like before you flip out, just big inhale, big exhale, and then smile. Smugness. That's fucking the inhale and exhale causes you to fucking think about what

you're doing for calm down. And then when you smile, I don't know what it is. It actually makes the fact that you got mad funny. At least for me it does. I just start, you know, like tonight I was, I mean, actually recording this Sunday night, right? So I had a bunch of shit to do. I knew how to do the podcast and I hadn't done my daughter's hair yet for the week. So, you know, I had to wash her hair. I had to like, you know,

contige condition, detangle, and then braid it, you know, and I always, I like, well, you know, what kind of haircut do you want? You know, not haircut. What kind of hairstyle do you want? She always tells me. So, uh, you know, I, that's one of those you want? She always tells me. So, you know, that's one of those things that would like frustrate me, especially if I had other shit to do and everything. And I was able to do the whole thing, you know, without only got frustrated one time. This fucking bobby pin, it wouldn't open for me. And I was like, God damn it. And then I just did the inhale, exhale and I smile.

So I got myself to the point, I still, I told like Nia today, cause she was looking at me like I was a lunatic. And I just said, listen, I've gotten myself where I flip out, but I can immediately stop it. All right. Eventually I'll be able to do the inhale,

exhale, smile before I flip out. That's what I'm hoping. That's what I'm hoping. And then I won't be funny anymore. And I'll be this person, you know, that doesn't flip out and then I'll lose my following. And I'll be like, why did I do that? Anyway, you know, I saw something right the other day, like most people, I just see shit online.

I saw this thing where they had this guy in the 1800s. They were showing that God knows I don't know if this is true or not, but it was he was basically the fattest person on the planet. And he just basically looked like the average person you see walking around a grocery store or like a home. Like Winston Churchill was considered a fat fuck. And he wasn't really fat. He wasn't fat.

He just was like, you know, by today's standards. And people are like, well, you know, back then, you know, people, you know, they walked 90 miles and da-da-da. No, no, back then the food wasn't poisoned. That's why you didn't have a bunch of plastic in your fucking body and all of this shit. It's like, I saw this really crazy thing where they were talking about how in the early 80s was the beginning of when they started to deregulate everything. And there was this big thing that there was there was too many too many governmental groups watching these corporations and that it was inhibiting the economic growth and that's why we kept running into these economic depressions and blah blah blah blah blah. The reality was it was a fucking,

you know, it's a Ponzi scheme and these fucking ups and downs are designed and it's for the rich people to every time you know oh money's money you know somebody told me a long time ago i never really thought about he goes i say oh you know a trillion dollars was lost in the stock market he goes money is not lost like where did it go it transfers hands so since they started deregulating things in the early 80s and no politician on either side has done anything about it and anyone who did try to do about it was immediately labeled a fucking communist. This is why you have this weird thing going on right now in this country where you're just seeing like you know these real estate shows and people have

like you know he has two helicopters in his garage. You know, he has a pool the size of Lake Michigan and then this, you know, 10 minute drive down the street, you got a bunch of people fucking living in Skid Row and all of that. So I think what eventually will happen hopefully is the government's going to have to regulate these people again, because they've shown that they can't self-regulate. Like there's no end to their greed and how big they want their pools to be and how little they want to pay people working. And I think it'll be a great thing if they bring that back.

And it'll even be great for these rich cunts if they actually read a little bit of history. You can't, you know, eventually if you just fuck everybody except for yourself, everybody comes over the hill and then that's the end of it. So one of the others gonna help. I actually think about, that'd be a fun fucking sci-fi movie to make. I'm always pitching movies and then I never write them. Here's a movie idea.

It's like somehow somebody gets people to stop watching these network news things and they somehow get everybody who's getting equally fucked to realize that they're all on the same side. who's getting equally fucked to realize that they're all on the same side. And then the end of the movie, you know, the end of Scarface when they're coming over the walls to go get Tony Montana in the end of the movie, there's people going over the walls, except it's from like in like gated communities. They break into the Bilderberg meeting or some shit like that. I mean, it's obviously sci-fi or whatever it would be. But if you made it a comedy, I would have that happen halfway through the movie and

then all the people that were like, yeah, man, we're doing it for the people. Then all of a sudden, you know, they're looking around the gated community at these big ass houses And then they catch the greedy bug and then they trick everybody then they just started all over again Which is kind of what happened with this country, you know England took too much. We had enough We rebelled against them and then when they left the founding fathers all these people that they fucking blow all the time They moved into all those English cunts houses that were over here And then they just gradually did the same thing, right? I don't know, probably overly, I'm probably overly simplifying it. I have no idea. But you know what? Tomorrow, which is today, is my birthday.

So, um, I don't know what I'm going to do today, you know? I don't know, I, you know what I'm gonna do today, you know? I don't know, I, you know, I think, probably gonna go get a nice cup of coffee. I'm not smoking cigars this month. I've been doing really well with them, you know? They go out of control, but you know, I've had like, had one in January, none in March. I'm gonna have none in June. That's pretty fucking good, right?

10 February, fucking 15, April 49 in May. You know, it goes off the rails. Whatever. I'm trying, all right? What the fuck do you want from me? What am I supposed to do? Oh my God, I thought about having a cigar like 58 times today. At least 58 times. I just keep saying to myself tomorrow when you don't have one, you're going to feel way better rather than having to start over again like, oh, here we go again.

Okay, I'm not going to have a fucking... It's unreal. I, you know, it must be amazing to be one of these people that like, you know, you ever meet people that just like, you know, it must be amazing to be one of these people that like, you know, you ever meet people that are just like, you know, I tried alcohol, I didn't like it. They don't smoke, you know, they're just kind of like, they're just like evened. And you just look at them, you're like, it's got to be like boring as hell. But then like when you're trying to quit something, you really look at him with like envy. You know, I know somebody like that. Like been sober his whole life.

Him and his wife, you know what they like doing? They like making puzzles. And they're just like, it's just good clean fun. They're not hurting anybody. They go out, they see movies, they go out to dinner and all that type of stuff. And I just look at him like, this people live their whole fucking lives to figure to get where you're at in the amount of hell that they go through to just realize like, you know what life's pretty fucking awesome. You know, just walking around

looking at shit. I don't need to be that, you know, fucked up all the time. I don't need to have these stupid fucking habits. I don't know. Maybe I'm over you. I always, I overly simplify everything, but I look at that going like, yeah, man, fucking you don't get wasted. You don't say something stupid. You don't fucking regret it the next day. You know, you wake up hydrated hydrated you did a puzzle last night you didn't hurt anybody it's kind of brilliant you know but everybody thinks they got to be out there getting fucked up or whatever I don't know I don't know oh shit all right look what a here we go ever this does to the average I know I gotta read the advertising. I know that. Look what it is everybody. It's, oh, zip. Cruder.

Zip recruiter. All right. The famous Abraham Lincoln quote says, good things come to those who wait. He said that? I just thought that that was one of them idioms. One of them fucking things people say. Idiom is that right? Uh but that's only part of the quote. The full quote is good things come to those who wait but only the things left by those who hustle. I don't think he said all of that.

Uh well if you're a business owner and want the best people on your team, the same applies. Maybe he did say that. I mean, this is advertising. Could they just misquote him like that? Good things happen to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. But only the things left by those who hustle. I don't know what that means. Anyway, well if you're a business owner and want the best people, you know you're dumb when you read

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You liked that, didn't you? Wow, that was great. Thank you. Bill, great emails. Hope you have a happy birthday. Oh, that's nice, Andrew. Thank you. All right, Father's Day.

Gee. I miss your laugh on the podcast. I know, it's been too long. All right, hey Billy, two nuts strut. I don't know what that podcast. I know it's been too long. All right. Hey Billy too nuts strut I don't know what that means. I got two balls Do I strut around the house near my underwears? You definitely have like a certain way that you walk Yes, cause you're like bowlegged. So you kind of have this like like you just got off a cowboy type of walk It's called a bad back

You know, you got a vibe. No, it's called an injury. All right. Billy, two nuts strut. What are you going to ask for for Father's Day this year? Sincerely guy, the guy fanning the flames. You definitely are fanning the flames with that one, but we kind of made a decision about Father's Day today, right? Did we? No, we did. About where to go, at least. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did. No, I got something fun planned. I'll tell you about it after I go to it because I don't want any widows showing up and ruining my day. That's right. This is my day. That's right, baby. That's right. And you better make me feel as fucking

special as I do on your day. All right. You're the daddy of our children and you're the daddy. Jesus. Keep it clean. No, I have, you know, I actually, you know, I asked for some fun shit. I have a I have a drum kit that travels around with me when I'm out on the road of this Ludwig and I've been playing, I asked for these Zildjian K symbols and the hi hats are fucking incredible. And I sent them to you. I said, Hey, you know, I do recall getting a link. Are you comfortable? I like that.

Like, is that supposed to be some sort of what you can't see it. They'll describe what it's all right. So Bill is in our children's playroom and he's laying on a like a, I don't know what you call this little structure that we got for them, but they're both, they've outgrown it, but your, your, your kid climbs up a little ladder type of thing and then goes down the slide like a plank that's made of wood and Bill's lying on the floor on the carpet With his head on the plank

Yeah, that's my head Huh, oh I grew up in a different generation Well, yeah, if you were a guy and you actually asked for a pillow you then immediately got gay bashed Dude, what are you trying to be comfortable? Why are straight men like that though? Why? Why? How did that start? Where you guys were like make fun of like a simple You know comfort need like a pillow or like you're a bit about the umbrella shrug up your shoulders Put your shoulders up.

Um, because we didn't have like comfort, uh, way back in the day in the cave and so someone had, you just had to fucking, I think everybody did back then. If you got hurt, you had to just keep plowing through it or else the tribe wouldn't survive. And I just think that that's something that kind of never went away. And being a man was, you know, it's a lot like the whole idea of what a man is, is like, it's like very few people can actually live up to it as far as like you got to be able to beat the shit out of a whole bar. You got to be able to fucking do like you know like Rambo in Schwarzenegger.

You know you got to be able to Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse. You know how to fly a plane, a helicopter, you can fucking drive a tank, you can you know there's no weaponry that they weren't just unbelievable at. What do you want to do hand to hand? You want to go knife? You want me? I watched Rambo 2 when I was on the road, man. It was fucking amazing.

My God, Rambo movies are so violent. I honestly didn't realize until we watched the last one that Stallone did. Like the very last one. Oh my God, he just kept cutting people's legs off and shit. I was like, what the fuck? Are they all like that? Because I never watched them. Well, look, he's John Rambo. The guy's been trying to chill since Vietnam. Yeah.

And everybody keeps fucking with him. Why? Did he see things that he wasn't supposed to see? Well, it's just, you know, it's sort of his lot in life. You're supposed to feel lucky. Well, a lot of people don't know this. I think this is true in cinema. Rambo 2 is the first time.

Not cinema. Cinema. Rambo 2 is the first time you ever see someone get blown up. Like they would always show somebody blown up from afar, but you actually see a guy like explode. And like the parts flying... Well he has like a fucking bow and arrow. Who? Rambo? Of course.

And it has like an explosive tip on it. And of course this guy's shooting at him. An explosive tip on the end of a bow and arrow. Yeah him. It's weird it's like he screws it on and he shoots it at the guy, hits some center mass and they're doing a close-up and then they cut to the master and it looks like the guy was a balloon, like a water balloon. Oh dude you don't even know. It's know. You don't even know how much the theater went nuts. That's the thing. All these kids, you watch it at home with your surround sound and everything to be with like fucking 200 people, you know, people drinking and people

sneak shit in high and everything. And you're just collectively watching that when he fucking blew that guy up. Oh my God. Yeah, dude, it was unbelievable. Those Stallone and Schwarzenegger movies and right on into Jean-Claude Van Damme. The fucking earlier ones of the ponytail, Stephen Seagal. Oh my god. Chuck Norris. The Bruce Lee ones were the first ones. they were fucking incredible. So anyways, to get to that whole thing, like as a guy, you know, it's like, it can be anywhere from good-natured hazing, because it is making you toughen up, because you don't want to be a pussy as a guy. Okay, right. Okay, that doesn't make you progressive.

That just makes you an easy target along with your family. I mean, you got to be able to be, can't you be like mentally and emotionally empathetic, but also physically strong and able to like do what needs to be done if you or your loved ones threatened? Is there not like a middle ground or can't you just be, can't you have both? Well, that's what everybody, well, that's then you're stumbling into your female side where you're like, can men have it all? Can't they have it all?

Can they use the right pronouns and beat the shit out of everyone in a bar? I don't know. So I don't know. No, I would. Do you understand how most women would love that? Would love that. Yeah. That's like, that's all you guys have to do.

Just learn how to beat everybody up in a bar and use the right pronouns. And use the right pronouns. And be sensitive and yeah. But can I tell you something? You would get used to that and then it would just be something else. Like what you have to understand

is you're with a human being, so they're gonna be flawed. I'm not saying that it's a way for like the person to be un-flawed gonna be flawed? I'm not saying that it's a way for like the person to be unflod or perfect But I'm just saying that there is I feel like what men don't understand is that you can have both elements inside of you It's not like alpha versus beta or you know progressive versus conservative It's like there's a way that you can have all the best of both worlds, but yeah Well, that was a nice fantasy from someone who's never been a man because I can tell you right now there are people out there that you just do not want to get into a fight with as a man and they have no special forces training, no martial arts, they

just came out of the womb like that needs like that puppy that the that the mother would reject because there's something fucking wrong with it. All right And those people get driver's licenses and they Licenses and they go out into the fucking world and the wrong person fucks with them and you you know You show up to the crime scene and you're trying to find where the victim is and they're just all over the yard And then that person goes to jail So what you learn very quickly as a man,

if you're going to be fighting, there's always gonna be somebody tougher than you, and it's not gonna end well. Yeah, I saw people like, I fought right up until like junior high, and then everybody else hit their growth spurt, and I didn't until later, and then all of a sudden, I was a smaller kid so I had to go with humor because it was

becoming guys who were 140, 150 pounds and were coordinated and then that's where all of a sudden teeth were coming out, blood and all of this shit and I'm like, whoa, this is like, we just went from high school to college you know and the pros was like you know then all of a sudden somebody hit somebody with a bottle I remember that they had a fucking scar yeah yeah it was like it yeah yeah and then you hear yeah yeah but so and so yeah he bit some kids here off he was keep you biting the kids here and I remember there was a guy I met he punched this kid in the nose and broke his nose really bad. And then, I don't know, somebody ran to those kids again and they fucking jumped him and

they held him down. The kids said, payback's a bitch. And he fucking bit the kid's nose off. What the fuck kind of insane childhood did you have? Who are these animals that you went to school with? It was called, Massachusetts And I'll tell you this and I'll tell you this and the kids dad was fucking rich So the kid got out of it and the other kid had a fucking scar that they think so to back It was fucking horrible. It's fucking ripped. So that's what I'm saying. Like yeah, you're not gonna be you got to be willing

Just to beat that just to beat that kid right and that kid would get ass raped in jail so that's the levels that you're doing yeah you don't watch those behind the scenes no thank oh my god I remember we scare straight no I don't like that shit. I Listen, I talked to a couple guys that were like prison guards in prison. Like it is just it's it's like a fucking It's a shit show. It's a shit check military prison Who grew up in like South Central? But yeah, anyway, yeah, it sounds that sounds crazy But anyway, what. Yeah, it sounds that sounds crazy. But anyway, what

was this person? How did we get on this topic? Because you were trying to say like, can't you just be the guy that can beat up everyone in the world and also call somebody a they if they want to. And it's just like that person does not exist. The fucking guy that's going around biting somebody's nose off is not worried about what your fucking pronouns are I can tell you that right now so I yeah I know this this fucking guys like that in the world and I'm like I'm not built like that I'm you know I like my nose attached to my face all right that's why I became the fucking clown yeah that's what I am you married a clown I mean I'mia. Do you feel like you can fight? You married a clown.

I mean, I'm very aware. Do you think you can fight? I used to be able to fight. I'm 55 now. Now I cannot fight. Did you fight well or did you fight dirty? Did you fight like? No, I was all right.

I was sort of like middle of the pack, but I wasn't fast. That was the thing. So like, and I also like, kind of didn't want to, so I always had to get hit a couple of times, and then I would get mad, and I would do like that shit. But now I would say, if I was young again now, like just this sheer knowledge about physical combat,

like back when I was growing up, it was just rock and sock and everybody just throwing hooks and just swinging. And all you did was just try to punch somebody in the face. These fucking kids, you just, just watching the UFC, you know what I mean? And giving you all of these crazy fucking ideas. There was no spinning back fist when I was a kid.

Nobody did that. Nobody did that. Nobody did that. I love that. I don't even think I ever saw it in a martial arts movie. I fucking love a spinning back fist. I love an elbow. I really love, I love a knee. Like, you know, UFC, like all those moves.

They're so beautiful to me. And a flying kick, of course. Who doesn't love a flying kick? No, I listen. Front kick is always nice. nice straight to the fucking gut. Just with the heel. You know what I love? I love watching somebody that has the ability to not get hit.

That is what like that blows my mind. Like when you see, especially you see like a boxer, right? At like the highest fucking level. Like, do you remember Roy Jones? He would like put both arms behind his back and then like sort of bend at the waist at like a 45 degree angle and just fucking sit there and a professional boxer could not lay a fucking hand on it like that to me is all of that is like is amazing to me so as far as like I was just like a classic just bar room fighter and it just got a little messy, you know, but you landed. No footwork. Yeah, nothing just fucking just fucking taking a few to get a few and it was just it was still is all sucker punches and haymakers. It was like it looked like a fucking old Western. punches and haymakers. It was like it looked like a fucking old Western except people were in champion sweatshirts. That's basically what it was. And then what it was, and then I'll be honest with you, what it was is the closer you got into Boston, the crazier the

kids were. And their idea of like, you know, fighting was they would just live in the game. The game of life was played at a different level and it was like literally going from Division three to Division two to Division ones, you know, and every once in a while, you'd have some sort of blue chip prospect from the fucking suburbs that just was a good fighter. But most of us, the further you went to the city, you just weren't as tough as they were. And it was just like, you know, George Chester's, those kids were lunatics. And then by the time you got to South, you forget about it.

And that's just the white kids. You know, so it was like, yeah, it was, you know, I knew early on, I was like, hey, I think my road is not, this is not my fucking road. Right. Yep. Yeah. I lost like, I lost the last couple, two, three, and I was just like, you know, it's one of the things. Very humbling. No, I mean, one of my strengths in life

is I always knew what I sucked at. Like when I used to play drums and thinking like, maybe I can fucking do this, I would go into a music store, right? Back before it was all these chain ones, like Norfolk County Music, they had something in like Dedham or Norwood or something, I remember going in there. How do chain ones. Like Norfolk County music, they had something in like Dedham or Norwood or something, I remember going in there.

How do you say that, Norfolk? Norfolk, Norfolk. Norfolk, no, you don't say Norfolk, you say Norfolk. Right? Not Norfolk. Norfolk. You say it like that. That's how I say it, Norfolk, no, no.

Now you got me thinking about it. Yeah, Norfolk, like Norfolk County, not Norfolk. N-O-. Yeah, Norfolk like Norfolk County not Norfolk NOR folk Norfolk Not nor that's not what I'm saying. Say it again Norfolk Anyways, can I get back to my failures in life? Yes I Can I get back to my failures in life? Yes. I... Can't fight. I can't, no, I am, no, I'm here, I am.

All right. Why do you gotta do that to me? I would fight, I just knew I, you know, I'm not fucking Marvin Hagler, I realize that. Marvin. Marvin. Marvin. Marvin.

Jesus Christ. He was in Brockton. I mean, this is what was going on. Those kids in Brockton! I mean this is what was going on! Those kids in Brockton were fucking lunatics, I'm telling you! I'm no Marvin Hagler, your references are just so funny to me! Well what, that was the best fighter when I was growing up! Vinnie Pazienza was from Rhode Island, fucking... These aren't real people. Yeah!

I know they are. Fucking Marvin Hagler was in fucking Marvin Hagler Marvin Hagler I want to get Marvin Hagler shape. Yeah Fucking dare you bill you forget that we are 10 years apart. There's some stuff that I just don't know about. Or like, you know what we're going to watch tonight? What we're going to watch one of the greatest fights of all fucking time. OK, we're going to watch Marvin Hagler versus Tommy Hitman,

Hearns and the middleweight division. A lot of people talk about Tyson, the middleweight division in the 1980s had Marvin Hagler, Tommy Hitman-Herz, Sugar Ray Leonard, Roberto Duran, John the Beast Mugabe. They had these fucking, but they were the top four. They all fought each other. No one came out undefeated. Somebody lost to somebody. I think Sugar Ray was the only one that beat everybody. He lost to Durant

Then he beat Durant. I think he lost to herns then beat herns Tommy beat He beat Roberta's right. Oh my god, he caught him with a fucking hook. I thought he killed him He hit him and he just fucking face planted it was was out. And then Sugar Ray Leonard beat Hagler, which I think was bullshit. I think that they didn't realize that Hagler was gonna walk away from boxing, so they gave Sugar the decision,

thinking that Hagler would come in and they would all get paid again. And he said, fuck it, went to Italy and made some fucking movies. Really? Yeah, he unfortunately passed away recently. But like, they, and what else did he have? movies. Really? Yeah, he unfortunately passed away recently, but like they and what else you'd have? They had Bum Bum Mancini. That was Ray Bum Bum Mancini.

You had Alexis Arguella. It was incredible, the boxers. And then you in the heavyweight division early on you had Larry Holmes was beating everybody and then what's his face came along and then Tyson yeah boxing was incredible it was incredible anyway let's let's get back to the podcast here I love how you're asking like a fucking bill do you think you can fight it's just like I'm 56 years old. But if you had to, yeah, you could, you could do it. I think. Yeah. Let me tell you something.

You have a rage inside of you that you could. Oh, I could literally fucking murder somebody. If anybody ever touched you or my kids, I swear to God, forget it. That would be it. But that's just dad shit. Right. Like you could take like, who's that guy you watch on the Simpsons? The guy next door, the Jesus freak. Oh, Ned Flanders. Ned Flanders. If somebody came in Ned Flanders house

Okay, and fucking threw his Bible into his chicken noodle soup or whatever like he he was that guy fucking that's a guy That you would not want to fuck with because that guy He's in really good shape. They've shown him like shirtless a couple of times. Oh Flanders Yeah, and they've also implied that he has a really big dick too. There was one thing where they like, Homer was trying to set him up with after his wife died, which was Homer's fault kind of. They, he had, he was putting together like a dating tape and they showed, he, he filmed him in the shower and they had like a pixelated on the stick and it

was like hanging like really like noticeably low and he had a six pack. So they've always. That was on the Simpsons Yeah, so they've always kind of implied that like yeah I think Ned Flanders is working with a lot under there And then I also think he has like a dark side like I mean just being that pleasant all the time wearing sweaters Hey, how you doing and blah blah. Yeah, there's always something going on behind closed doors Oh, yeah, I wouldn't fuck with that. Now what happens is, is you walk around with that pain and one day somebody flips the switch

and then you take the beating for that pain. You just don't want to be that guy. Oh god, that reminds me of another one. A bad one I saw. Yeah, I was just like, yeah, I don't want to do that to somebody. And I just don't want it to happen to me. So I just said, fuck it. All right. The idiot dating a Thai stripper.

Okay. Hi, Angry Billy Irish. John O'Reilly here, an English trucker down in New Zealand. A word of warning for your listeners. A few weeks ago, a listener asked if he should date a Thai stripper he met on a trip to Thailand. Man Alive, if you wrote a textbook way to get scammed in Thailand, that's had 99.9% of the tricks. Yeah, to the point, I thought he was fucking with me. Okay, so here's the scam. This guy's gonna break it down

Just in case you go to Thailand and you actually think a hooker is fuck is in love with you She's in love with you every time as long as you keep walking to that ATM I'm familiar with the Southeast Asia and Vietnam in particular. That's not really nice. That's not really fair to Thai women because what if they're not strippers that are hookers that are trying to just like, we are specifically talking about hookers and strippers in Thailand in particular, not the women in general. I told him if he was attracted to Thai women, go get one.

That's like a nurse or something. Right? Right But don't maybe sell cell phone service a real estate maybe not a sex workers Which is yes don't have been human traffics. So that's probably not a good idea to participate in anyway. Sorry. Yep We don't need a fucking lecture Most of whom did not want to beg you did thank you everybody Sure. Sorry. Continue, continue, continue. Most of whom did not want to beg. Thank you.

Everybody, let's give everybody. Try to bring humanity to the situation. I love that Bill Maher did that to me when I said that about gay people and he gives me the clap, the Oprah clap. I'm like, all right, I deserve that. All right. I'm familiar with, okay, bye bye. Finally, there are no strippers in Thailand, only hookers that strip. The main income is sucking dick case. You didn't know what a fucking hooker

did. Well, we painting a picture. He's not painting a picture. He's giving them the fucking truth here. Is this going to be too much for you? I was going to stop not interrupt. I'm listening. Now, if everyone know the score, if everyone knows the score, it can be an amazing place to blow off steam, so to speak. I'm getting this guy. This guy's a trucker. He does a few runs. He saves up some money. He gets his fucking knob shined over there in the fucking southeast of Asia there. But while your girlfriend, quote, is waving goodbye at wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, as another boyfriend turns up. Oh my God, I love that for them. Sorry, I'm listening. I'm sorry. No, no, no, why do you love that for them?

I'm sorry. Because that is fucking hilarious to me. It's like the end of White Lotus. It's like, goodbye. Thank you so much. I'm gonna miss you. But then just do do do do do do do. And then walking around.

That's when I was like, oh my God, you're here. I missed you so much. I mean, I get it. Keeps rolling in. Well, I mean, there you go. I mean, what the fuck? If you're gonna be that dumb, I guess you can kind of get laughed at. Anyway, even more dangerous, other hookers say mid to late 20s, possibly early 30s, as

they're heading to the scrap heap and looking to catch a guy to actually marry and get the passport before it's too late for them. What? I love how you love the fucking whores and you don't like the trucker. But I'm listening. All right, I get it. We're rooting for different teams here. They'll milk you dry in both ways for a few years, then return home to Thailand wealthy,

leaving you, your home in your home county penniless and wondering how. You're really wondering how you married a fucking whore? How did that happen? Anyway, you understand it's just sex. Then you can... If you understand it's just sex, then you can actually befriend the ladies and play the game.

See them when in Thailand and nothing more. Slash. I have four Vietnamese friends that started out as ladies. I'd visit when in Saigon. Even go for lunch or dinner. After all, they are still people and normally very friendly.

When we went for lunch, sometimes I'd buy sometimes I buy sometimes they buy that's when you know you've made a friend but never ever ever send money back when you get home. I know I've now met a lovely Vietnamese lady. Oh this guy is just totally into hookers. So this is how you play the game. I've now met a lovely Vietnamese lady totally unconnected to the entertainment industry, or so you think, and she's been with me in New Zealand a good while. It would be so funny if she was actually a hooker.

That's the thing. He's got a lot of fucking nerve. Or maybe this guy just knows how to play the game. Maybe this is Tom Brady going to Tampa Bay and he still fucking wins. Who knows? Listen, I've been fucking Asian broads for a long, long time. These are the rules. These are the rules.

These are the ropes. Good for him. I live part of the year in Saigon with her too. We get married in October. But again, she's never been connected with that industry and just a normal lovely lady. How the fuck do you know? This guy is a piece of shit. You know what?

I hope you don't drive your truck the way this story went because you're all over the road. You are a piece of shit. Stop coming in here on your high fucking horse like you know what's going on. All these guys don't know. If you really think this was going on, yeah, fucking right. You're getting scammed left and right I don't want to hear nothing from you, New Zealand. Bye. Okay, Nia's not buying it. All right, remember

When we learned how to play the game What game? What game the game where like you're in New Zealand fetishizing Asian women's until they find one to marry Congratulations. Wow, you really cracked the code there, buddy Maybe this is maybe maybe people women in New Zealand are fucking difficult because they live on that island and they know that there's not a lot of options. And they start acting all country there in the clean air and the beautiful water. And maybe he's had enough.

He doesn't have anything to opera than half his. Maybe he was abused as a child. Okay, really? Now you're gonna drive the truck. So now you're gonna play that game. Cause he only feels safe when he's alone. They're like childhood trauma. We're all traumatized as children. You're rooting for whores. I mean, yes, always. Oh boy. Um, okay. Let me just move ahead here. Okay Truckers are the bad guys whores are the nice people. All right

I think aren't they both equally fucked up and they deserve each other on some level Different sides the same coin. Yeah, it's just a John He's an international John remember guys He's an international John. Remember guys, if a lady from Southeast Asia wants to be your girlfriend, there is a bulletproof way to find out if she was ever connected to the sex trade, she said. Can she play pool? If yes, she 100% was. As all the ladies do is play pool and bars for 12 to 14 hours a day with each other then the customers every day well there you go I mean these you know he has a lock the door test he certainly has a lot of research under his belt that's for sure you know what you are you're a fucking hater

not a hater you are don't hate the player hate the game is that your other it's like you're fucking you got all the excuses in the world for the whoas, but then the John comes to town. Because I don't like his holier than thou attitude. I don't like how he's positioning himself above people who maybe fall in love, quote unquote, with a stripper or a hooker, and the women who are doing the work there.

He's acting like he's the fucking man that really knows what's going on. Everybody else is just like, I don't know, a piece of shit or an idiot or, you know, naive. I think he's just trying to be like, listen, if you don't have the ability to sustain a normal relationship and you want to go over there, these are the do's and the don'ts. That's it. Nia, look. Look. You know? Whatever. Uh huh. Come on. Nia. There's all these...

What? Okay, you get into my business. Alright? There's all these fucking rules that you end up learning so you don't get fucked. Right? Make sure your name's on the pilot script. If it's not on the pilot script, you don't get to create it by credit.

Nobody fucking tells you that until you get fucked out of it, and then you gotta learn how to do it. Well, then you should be identifying, if you're gonna use that example, you should be identifying with the whores. Unless so with the truck driver, in that story, in that scenario. I'm not identifying with either one of them. You are a whore, is what I'm telling you. Yeah, you know what's funny? That is what this business is. They make the artists feel like they're the pimp and then you realize that you're walking

the block for them and then you try to figure out, oh, your boy did that when he changed his name. I know what you're talking about. Oh, your guy there. Oh, he's wore purple and then he had a record contract he couldn't fucking get out of and he realized he was a fucking slave. Are you talking about Prince? Yes.

Your boy there, that changed his name. Is that really how you describe Prince? Yeah. Hey Jackie, hey Mikey. What was that? Batman song? What was the Batman? He was like, Hey, Jackie. Hey,

Mikey, whatever the fuck it was. He wrote a Batman song. He didn't say hello to somebody. They said hello back. I remember he used to make me uncomfortable when I would watch it. I was like, this is a really talented guy. But he has the same haircut as my second grade teacher. All right. Good luck, fellas, and be careful. They are still people. So befriend them. You see, here's me, nice hair.

Oh, great. Thank you. So befriend them. Keeps you safer from theft in the city, but keep your money in the pocket when you return home. There you go. So there's a guy that's an international John he's out there playing the game and he's driving his truck. Yeah that's right.

That was fantastic. That was that was informative. Alright $ fee. That is funny to be like, oh my God, I miss you. And then I can replay it and make a, oh my God, you're here. There is something funny about that. Just as an old school wrestling fan, I always enjoyed the heels more than the baby faces. So there is something funny about that. Alright, $15 congestion fee and black kids in computers. Oh, here we go. We're all over here. And it was also like something funny about someone that thinks that they figured out that game. Like somehow people

that hustle all the time, he's going to figure out it's like, you know what he basically is? He's going to Vegas and he has a system and he's going to be the guy that wins. We'll see. All right. $15 congestion fee and black kids and computers. Okay. Hey, Billy, do well lifelong New Yorker. They advertise the best part about New York City is that it's a melting pot of people

of all class and race except for the last 20 years it's become completely classless and the city doesn't want or care about anyone. I drive a truck one of the thankless jobs that keeps the city going. Last week they proposed the idea of an additional $15 congestion fee to anyone traveling below Midtown. My man, this is crazy. They have me at $100 a day to do my route, eat each lunch and cover gas. That's $3,000 a month just for expenses

and I barely make six figures. I pay my own insurance and lost my second job. It's getting harder. Yeah, this is crazy. Well, why would you do that if he's actually delivering supplies to the city? Shouldn't he be exempt? So who comes to the rescue within a day? Everyone in the city was losing their shit.

The next day the governor gets on TV and starts explaining to New Yorkers that things are tough out there and people are struggling to make ends meet and that a $15 con confession fee wouldn't be good as if he as if she wasn't the one who introduced the idea in the first place. They are postponing it through though didn't say it wouldn't happen again in the future. Well I hope you guys saw the power you had when all of you rather than being red ties blue ties blue ties, got together and said, fuck that, we're not doing that. They did that in San Francisco when they were going to have a robo cop. They're like, we don't want a robo cop.

And they did the same thing. Okay, we won't do it for now. And it's like, no, you fucking work for us. Right. That's another big mind fuck. Is like, you know, you get a big time, whoever in this business, they still work for you. They're supposed to be working for you. And if you get the wrong person, they make it feel the other way.

All right, keep in mind, this is the same lady who went on TV last month and said that black kids in the Bronx are so poor, they don't even know what a computer is. Trying to act like she cares about black kids, but fucking up and letting everyone knows she's out of touch thanks for all your wise words Billy God bless yeah but isn't that funny too though like the lady going like oh my god I miss you and they turn around be like oh yeah and her being like I love black people I know nothing about them, but this sounds good.

All right. I don't know why I had to start doing this. Nia's doing ab work. I don't know why. Oh, so you can cry when I go on the road as your new boyfriend comes to town. Bye, Bibi. Bye, Bibi, I'm gonna miss you.

Some other fucking guy. He's a middle act, but I think he's eventually gonna be headlining. Why? I would never hook He's a middle act, but I think he's eventually going to be headlining Why I would never go with a middle-axe Why good zoos exist Dear Bill gorilla balls burr You you mentioned that zoos are basically animal prisons, and that's not necessarily wrong. But I argue that good zoos, yeah, that's like white collar prisons.

It's still in jail. San Diego, DC, our examples have to exist because of what humans have done. The most obvious reason is that a lot of animals are there because they have been orphaned, often by things like poachers and destructions of their habitats. Okay, well why can't they re-release them into the wild? Because they'll get killed immediately, so let's... Okay, well then why can't you just have them on a farm? Why does everybody have to sit there looking at them and they've got to fucking ride a

bicycle? Well, they've got to pay for their food somehow. I guess so. These animals often will never be able to learn the skills to live in the wild. They have no idea what computers are near. So the zoo is the best option left for them. Another good reason for zoos involves severely endangered animals. There's so few of these left that they cannot be in the wild because there isn't enough

natural differentiated DNA. So zoos have to use a global system to select a breed so that they have habitat, blah, blah, blah. Big cats are often in zoos for this reason is their population has diminished. A third of the reason is a little more morally ambiguous. So like when aliens come down, they should stick us in fucking zoos because they killed all of us because they took alien shits all over the place. At no point should humans adjust.

But I feel necessary. Anyways, this is a money making element that zoos have to execute. Okay, I get it. I get it. Yeah. I mean, all right. I guess zoos are a good thing. All right.

Comedy timing. Good evening, Billy Beet-Bollocks. Dude, every week they come up with a new way to make fun of my junk. It's really interesting. Beat Root Bullocks is fucking, that's like a, that's a fucking metal band if I ever heard it. I'm definitely a double bass drummer in that band. One for each ball, dear. Jeez.

I'm a big fan of your show and listen to the podcast as much as I can. Hilarious. Thank you. I particularly enjoy you losing your shit about utterly pointless things like stealing home court. Oh yeah. I'm Scottish so we don't have that bullshit, but fuck me. It's funny to hear you lose your marbles over it.

Which brings me into my serious point. Unfortunately, my eight-year-old son is funny as fuck. His timing with jokes is exceptional. The level of irony and sarcasm is just great. He's also Scottish. You guys are all fucking funny. I find it a delight. My wife, on the other hand, finds it a little tedious.

I mean, it's her problem, right? Generally, he's a great kid and kind-hearted, so he's on the right path. If he's getting told off, he can turn the tables pretty quickly, which is funny, but also can be annoying. I honestly get my wife's point of view, but you just can't be angry at the timing. Should I A. Try and see if somehow we can all work together in harmony and have a hilarious living environment, or B. Fake my death to see if the grief can sort it out. I think I know where he gets a sense of humor.

Thanks for your great work, you ginger cunts. Love you. Just tell your wife it's a sign of intelligence and and then you and then you got to tell your son like listen just go easy go easy on your mom and not every moment needs to be a joke you don't always have to be making jokes there's a time and a place and you know sometimes you just don't feel like hearing a joke right now yeah in other words women aren't as funny as men Oh my god, just do the joke to me or tell it to me later. Exactly. Just no don't say that part of it, obviously But yeah men have more of a sense of humor

Yeah, you've been killing on this podcast killing me women you're funnier than most comedians. I know. All right. There we go No, but it's true You're funnier than most comedians I know. Alright, there we go. Thank you, you always say that. No, but it's true. It's true. When you fuck, you know what Mia got me dying laughing about? I posted the video, that video of that guy, well there's this little guy and he's showing these moves that work in bar fights. And he tells this bigger guy to bully him.

And the guy, he doesn't, you know, he sort of put on the spot so he's got like improv acting. What does he say to me? He walks up to you know, he sort of put on the spot so he's got like impromptu acting. What does he say to me? He walks up to you. He goes, you're kind of a jerk. You're kind of a little short punky. Yeah, he goes, hey man, he goes, you're kind of a jerk. You're kind of a short little punky.

And as he's saying that, the guy takes a sip of his drink and spits it in his face. In his face. In his face. And he did it for real. And then he turns to the camera and he goes, was it dirty? Okay, but it works. He doesn't even answer it. And just listening to her, like she's been making me laugh all week.

Like I'll be sitting there making eggs for the kids and breakfast and all of a sudden she'll come behind me and start poking me going, you kind of a jerk. You kind of a little... Little punky. I think he spit extra hard because he said short I think he was pissed about that part dude he he spit this shit that was like an explosion yeah anyway all right we got we got to end this dude because it's getting late here all right that's gotta end this dude, because it's getting late here. All right, that's it. Congratulations to the Boston Celtics. Still got a long way to go.

Still have a long way to go. Two games to none. All right, go Celtics. And I've been taping the games to watch them after the kids go to bed so I won't lose my shit. Why does the timing of it matter? Because you just will know that you can't, because they're sleeping, you have to keep your volume down? Yeah, then I also know the results so if we're gonna lose

You're not gonna jump out of bed and pace back and forth? No, no, I already know what happens. That's how I stop. Oh, okay. No, no if I if I if I didn't know it was gonna happen that would defeat the whole purpose of it because I'd be downstairs yell whispering Goddamn fucking motherfucking hate this fucking sport Either fucking win the game or fucking lose it Why don't fucking go up by 20 fucking points?

And let them back in the fucking game You knew they were coming out in the third quarter hard Why don't you fucking play defense? You wanna listen to that for fucking 10 days? No, I'm not doing that to you guys And I wanna be happily married so I don't want my kids to see me like that It's not a good example because I don't want them to see that It's stupid, It's fucking stupid. So

When you go to bed tonight, I'm gonna watch game two All right, that's the podcast. Thank you guys again Thank you to everybody in Berkeley that came out for that amazing show and saying happy birthday to me Nice oh my god, yeah, that was like you tapped into your so nice. Oh my god, Nia. That was like you tapped into your white girl. Oh my god, that's like so nice. Stop. My voice is all fucked up too.

Yeah, and you're going to the valley. All right, see you later. All right, that's the podcast everybody. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.