Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-12-23

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

Bill rambles about poisoned food, introspective mushrooms, and Catch-22. Gametime:  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase. MVMT:  Get Father’s Day gifts from MVMT and up to 40% off at www.MVMT.com code BILLBURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 12, 2023. What's going on? How, what, yeah. How's it going? Oh, oh, Billy fucking sweet tooth kicked in last night. You know, I had somebody sent me for my, it was my birthday this past weekend.

I don't know, 55 years old. 10 years away from retirement. T. T. I finally get my social security that I paid into. Oh boy, oh boy. Did they do away with that? Then they like, you know, we're gonna pay into this

and then you're gonna be all right and da da da da da. You know, granted that was before, like we learned how to eat sort of, you know, or at least they had like lipitor, whatever those fucking things are. Do you wanna keep eating like an asshole and not die? Do you wanna keep filling your body full of poison and never really learn about nutrition? That's what we made lipitor. Go to Wendy's, go to McDonald's,

Burger King, hit all three in the same night. We don't give a fuck lipitor. Lipitor. It's just fucking holding your arteries open like some gymnast doing an iron cross. I don't know what lipitor is. It's for you, Dick. I think it's a dietary. I would look it up, but then for the next six months, I'm going to get lipitor ads. And probably my health insurance will go up. Why did my health insurance go up? I didn't go in for any procedures or anything. You Googled lipitor. That was for the podcast, come on Bill,

we know what you're doing. You're on the road, you're eating fucking, you know. What else do you know the worst thing ever? Like, is the, a wet burrito? Is there anything worse than a fucking wet burrito? It's so fucking nasty. With all of that shit, like, you're not gonna be a fat fucking enough with all the toppings you're gonna put on it.

You know, you want guacamole, guacamole is extra. Even though you can look across the street and see a fucking avocado tree here in Los Angeles. Guacamole is extra. You know, like it's just, like it's the 1700s and they had to go to India to get the spice. It's a fucking avocado.

Yes, but there's limes. There's a lot of other things involved. Okay, stay in your lane. This is agriculture. All right, this isn't making fun of agriculture, which is something you do. Which really, if you really look at it, it's really the easiest way to go through life. You don't really do anything as much as you just make fun of others that are doing things. All right? I mean, if I didn't have to go to work until 8 o'clock at night,

maybe I could have time to make some smarter food choices, and then I wouldn't be on lipitor. Kinda sounds like a bad metal band, doesn't it? Ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage, you're opener for this evening. Keep it going for a limpet tour. What's going on, Brockton? Fuck you, man. All right. So anyway, somebody sent me, uh, for my birthday,

they sent me a dozen like giant fucking cupcakes. And I looked at those things and I'm like, I don't fuck with you anymore, man. You had to stand. I don't do, I don't eat desserts. I don't fucking do it, right? But it was my birthday weekend and my unbelievably lovely gorgeous wife took me out.

And she got me a cake, so I had the sugar in me. You know what I'm saying, people? Do you know what I'm saying? I took a hit of the crack pipe, and I had that sugar in me. So now, like, I couldn't make an intelligent choice. I couldn't make a choice, you know, without the sugar in me.

So I looked at him, I said, all right, here's the deal. I'm gonna have one, because I gotta feel on that one on top is red velvet, all right, which I love, you know what I mean? It's not really the sugar as much as it's the food dye. For real. I mean, it's not really the sugar as much as it's the food dye. I'm a child of the 70s, all right? Teen's in the 80s, but when I was a kid, it was all about sugar and shit that changed the color of your milk and food dye and yellow number, and fucking orange cars and bicycles. Everything was fucking orange and earth tones.

It was a fucking great time to be a kid. Not a good time to be adult, I don't think, you know, because you probably died with everything that was going on. There's a lot of smoke, a lot of shit going on. Anyway, a lot of ash trays. Ash trays everywhere, right? The waiting room of a doctor's office, they would of ash trays, ash trays everywhere, right? Waiting room of a doctor's office,

they would have ash trays. So I go for the red velvet, and I eat it, and I went like, all right, I mean, that was good, it wasn't great, all right, fuck these, I'm done, I'm just gonna just give them away and blah, blah, blah, blah. So I have a buddy come over, and I give him one, right? And I don't know what happened. It was like, I know what happened.

I took a hit of a joint hit who just takes a hit. I had one beer. No, I fucking smoked a joint and then I came inside and I was just like, and I'm trying the chocolate one and the coconut one. I'm trying all three flavors. And I woke up this morning, bo-do-bo-do-boop, oh my God, I felt like,

I felt like a 55 year old, that ate two giant cupcakes right before he went to bed. It's exactly, I felt exactly like what I did. And my body was just like, so, this is what we're doing, do we not wanna make it to 60? Is that the game? You better go get some lipitor. What would you guys do if you found out

lipitor advertised? All right, I'm looking it up. Lipitor. This is what women with little lips take right after they go to plastic surgery when their lips hurt, after they stretched them out. Lipitor. All right, lipitor.

Okay, oh, lipid, lip ally PI. Okay, all right, well just fucking tell me what it is. Lipitor. All right, it's not telling me, it's just telling me the dosage. What is lipitor? Lipitor is a prescription medicine that contains a cholesterol-lorimedicin.

I nailed it. Called astrovastatin. Jesus Christ, the amount of people that wouldn't get vaccinated, but we'll take this without even questioning it this is the part of the pharmaceutical industry that i trust the one that's still let's me go to jack in the box uh...

well we're all hypocrites i don't trust the pharmaceutical company and i took the the far i'd I saw, you know what? I fucking rolled the dice. Anyway, I love how both sides of that are claiming victory, getting it and not getting it. I don't know, who knows who was right? Nobody who got it is dying. And the thing kind of fucking went away.

I wanna think, because medicine sort of, you know, did its thing kind of fucking went away. I want to think, because medicine sort of, you know, did its best to inoculate it. But I know some people are calling it the scam demic like it never really happened. It's fascinating. Anyway, let's plow a head here. So I had two fucking cupcakes, oh my Jesus. Oh my Lord, and save you.

And I went to bed and I woke up. You know what it was? My lovely wife is out of town on business. And yesterday it was just me with the kids. And oh my God, they fucking wore me out. It was really my son. Like the amount of times I fucking lost it yesterday. Like going like, why would you do that?

Why would you do that? He just looking at me. He just doesn't get it yet. And then I have to be like, he doesn't understand. But like, that dude, you leave him in a room. He's like a rock star. He goes, goes in and he trashes it. Like if he sees a box, he goes over and he just tips it over. And lets everything pour out of it. Whatever food he doesn't want, he goes over and he just tips it over and lets everything pour out of it. Whatever food he doesn't want, he throws it on the floor.

He's like a mune to like, you know, he's got a little chair. Go get over and sit out and think about what you did and then he just goes over there. He's just looking around and daydream and like he's just literally a mune to it and I'm sitting here, I don't know, just thinking about the whole way the world is set up and how it's like male dominated and just how guys are wired. When you just see a little girl versus a little boy

and they always say, you know, if women ran the world, there'd be no war, but blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, how would you do that? You would have to undo all this dumb shit. Basically, not dumb shit, just all the shit that the way guys think, and the way guys approach. Like, you know, I win, you lose. You know, I win you lose.

You know, I win you're my bitch, you know, that whole, like, my foot's on your throat, not the other way around, like, how the fuck would you flip that all of that? That's like when the old Donnie boy, the light, he's gotta be on Lippertore, he fucking McDonald's. And when Donald Trump made his fucking, you know, pay-per-view wrestling inauguration speech and he was saying

how he was going to drain the swamp. I fucking laughed my ass. I was like, how in the fuck are you going to do that? First of all, you're in the swamp. You and Joe Biden, I'll be fine with anybody thinks I'm doing bad. It's in politics. Yeah. Yeah, you're in the swamp.

But let's just say you weren't how the fuck are you gonna do? How, where would you even start? It's really a I don't know I kind of had a I had a change of heart about like last week as far as like, a lot of my viewpoints and all of this stuff. In other words, I did mushrooms.

Um, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha some day, you know, instead of the fucking best, like every, you know, year or so, I kind of did him twice this year because I did a small dose and went, I went to go see Billy Joel, which was a mistake because it didn't make the concert better. It just sort of freaked me out when I saw giant Billy Joel head up on the on the big fucking screen. I was cool through Stevie Nicks, but somewhere in the middle of Billy Joel when he was hitting the high notes and they were like close up on his face and he was like, you know, the fucking screen's like 180 feet.

Hi, and you know, it's one of those deals. Like I knew I took mushroom, so I was like, all right, that looks like that because you're on mushrooms. And then I was just thinking, I just, you know that thing where they're starting to come on and it's more of a body high, and you're just feeling almost a little anxious.

That's kind of where I landed. I just sort of got there and stayed there for four hours. I was like, eh, are we, eh, like I was in the roller coaster going up the, up the fucking thing the whole time. I'm just anticipating this drop that never happened. Anyway, what am I talking about? I did have time yesterday to, you know, I, I did watch game five. Oh my god, my, my, my, game four, sorry, the, the Stanley Cup final.

My kids were like, trash me. Cause towards the end of the day, I was finally like, I was watching, trying to watch a little bit of the Red Sox Yankees, right? And I see them doing the highlights of the Red Sox Yankees and they show Bucky Dent, they show Jim Rice, they show Babe Ruth. I'm like, where's the celebration in 2004

when they were down four games to none? Where's big Poppy and all that? And I didn't see it. And I'm sitting there going like, are they still trying to tell this old story? It's fucking over. We won four titles. And we expect to win when we play them now. Like, why are they still have it? Like, I understand leading up to that, but then there should just be Red Sox fucking domination. up to that, but then it should just be Red Sox fucking domination. You know, for the last fucking whatever, I don't know how many years or whatever, not domination, but like given as good as we got and the greatest comeback of all time in the biggest choke. I thought the Bucky Dead Home run right to the fucking Johnny Damon Grand slam in game seven would have been a nice edit

But you know, they don't edit that thing in Boston do they? They edit it down and fucking New York cunts So I'm trying to watch that and then they're both like yelling at me and I finally look at them I'm like what and they started giving me shit going dead You're not watching us you watching TV and I was like are you serious right now? I Made you I made you guys egg sandwiches for breakfast. No, I made you pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Okay. Then we went out to the bouncy house. I had to list my whole fucking day. And still it didn't, didn't mean anything to him.

I was getting trashed. Then I, we, we had egg sandwiches for, uh, for breakfast all day. Egg sandwiches for lunch. I played with the Choo Choo train. I chased you guys around. We played the piano. We did all this stuff. You know what it was? It was in between that.

I was watching 10 minute clips of, uh, of game four of the Stanley Cup finals. So to them, that meant I watched TV all day because that's how they're wired. It's like, it's like how much of my time do you need and they're like all of it? So if you spend, you know, an hour and 15 minutes, blowing through commercials and the in between periods watching

a game to them, it's like you watched TV all day. Fucking drove me crazy. But anyway, I did as much as I'm telling these crazy stories. We did have a good time. And this morning, I'm downstairs, and I'm making a breakfast because I gotta take my daughter to school. Oh, you know, also, I gave my bath.

I put the fucking bath bomb in there. I fucking hate those bath bombs. They turned the water a different color. They're bad for the environment. This one was yellow, so it looked like they was sitting in a giant tub of fucking, like, nuclear urine. It was fucking disgusting, and I had to wash my daughter's hair.

And I'm like, I'm not washing it in that yellow shit, so then I had to use the shower head, and she's just like, that's not how mom does it. And I'm like, yeah, well, I'm dead, this is how I'm doing it. So we, you know, we got through that, brushed out our hair, I braided her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. That was all going great. And then, you know, this morning I wake up, you know, my son like comes into the room, like burst into the room,

he's so funny, gets on into the bed, he gets onto the blanket and I'm laying on my side. Like I got my back to him. He just gets in there. Immediately, he just starts kicking me in the back. You know, like I don't know like he's running in place laying on his back but like hitting my back, right? And then like he gets up and he just, like, sits on my shoulder and then puts his face on the side of my head and he's breathing like a friggin' obscene phone call back in the day. And he does that for like five minutes as I'm laying there pretending to be asleep

because I know the second I opened my eyes, the questions are coming, right? The demands. So I finally just opened my eyes because it's so ridiculous that I kind of start laughing and I look at him and he just goes, pancakes, please. Dad, dad, pancakes, please.

And I'm not making your pancakes that we had pancakes yesterday for breakfast. And he goes, hall. Dad, that pancakes please. And I'm not making your pancakes, that we had pancakes yesterday for breakfast. And he goes, hall. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. And that's how my day started. And then we got downstairs, and get them all changed. I get my daughter ready, freshen up her braids, and everything. And we go downstairs, and I'm getting the eggs sandwich ready. And then he just picked up his chew, chew train,

and just threw it across the kitchen. And I'm getting the egg sandwich ready. And then he just picked up his chew, chew train and just threw it across the kitchen, just picked it up and just threw it. And I was like, why did you do that? Why did you just throw your train? Huh? And he's just going throw train, throw train, and I go, yeah, why?

Why did you do that? And he's just looking at me like, why wouldn't I throw the train? It's fun. It makes a cool sound. And I just had to sit back and be like, he doesn't understand any of this yet. And he needs like another six months

of like cognitive growth before he's going to get what he should be doing. So I kind of had to just be like, buddy, please don't throw your train. And he goes, okay, no throw train. I go, yes, I go, say sorry to the train. He's like, sorry, choo choo train. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Ah, Jesus Christ. So I think that that's why I ended up smoking a joint last night and fucking eating two giant cupcakes because I don't drink anymore. So maybe that's what it was, but you know, I pride myself on my German Irish being able to shut off the emotions and I can just fucking, I can get through it, but holy shit. Oh, you know what it was to is he doesn't nap anymore either. and I can just fucking, I can get through it, but holy shit. Oh, you know what it was to is he doesn't nap anymore either.

He just sort of plows through the nap, so I was like, all right, let's do this. You're just gonna go to bed earlier and then he wore me out before I wore him out. He won, I had a defeat yesterday. So, but my daughter was like super easy. It's amazing. She's writing in cursive.

She could actually read. She actually read my son a book. And I'm thinking like, man, like school is better than it was when I was a kid because I couldn't read until like first grade. It was like sandy and bing, bing and sandy. Run, sandy, run, run, run, run. That's where I was at.

She's reading like the whole cat and the hat. All right, I'm bragging about my kid here, right? Let me, let me, let me plow ahead. I did get a chance to watch that game for, and I'm so fucking, as a fan of hockey pissed that the Panthers didn't win that game to make it 2- two so I could get a series here. It's now three one Vegas. And I gotta say this, I don't give a shit if the Panthers lose

or not because you know they're gonna go out to Vegas and they're gonna win. I just really think they're going to. They're gonna go out and they're gonna win and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, fuck, if they win, the next one is tied three to three. Three just really think they're going to. They're going to go out and they're going to win. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, fuck, if they win the next one is tied three to three. Three to one series lead is the most overrated series lead ever as far as like comfort you have as a fan. Because it's all it is is all I have to do is just win the next game. They don't have to win every single game. You know what I mean? They just have to win the next game and then all the pressure is on the other team. I'm like, Oh, fuck, they win again. This series

is tied up and then when they win the last one, I know people with three one lead immediately goes to that. When you're the team down three one, all you have to worry about is winning game five. If you win game five for the rest of the fucking series, you're playing with house money because the other team is taking on all the fucking pressure. And I was like laughing watching the Panthers yesterday and it's like playing the Panthers is like watching two kids by yourself.

That's basically what it is. It's like right when you think you got it under control and you can ease up and relax, you're just like, Oh, what the fuck happened in the other room? You know, that's this shit. That like, I was going to say, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I think winner lose, Matthew Kuchuk is the MVP of this year's Stanley Cup playoffs. The level that that guy affects the fucking game. Like what do you need?

A last second goal to tie it up and to go into overtime and assist a big hit. Do you need me to take a big hit to make a play? And then I go to the locker room and then I come back and I score the time fucking goal to set it into overtime. And then we win. Do you need me? Do you need me to annoy one of their best players and get them off the ice so we have a four on four and then we score a goal. The guy's fucking a force of nature.

He's sort of a medium-sized Mark Messier. It's like Mark Messier in 1994 and what the Panthers have done is like that great Canadian team in 1993 that run they had to go to the cup. It's been so hard to watch them because I was so upset that we fucking blew it. That's what I really was, not that they won, that we fucking blew it, that we would just be like, okay, I think we got the kids under control and we can put our feet up. That's what we did. We had two games won and we fucking blew it because those guys do not stop playing.

They're an amazing team. It took me until this round to really stop being a fucking baby about it and actually just enjoy the level of hockey that they're playing. And then on the other side, watching the nights like totally nullify that fucking bullshit, you know, when that chicken shit hockey, I call it now because there's no enforcer to come out there and beat the shit out of you

because you can now just after every stopper to play. If you don't, if you want to change the momentum, you can start punching guys in the head, face wash them, cross check them, do all his bullshit, and nothing happens. And for the most part, until the end of the last game, but the game was over and they had won, the Knights have been ignoring that to the point that I'm seeing the Panthers are doing it less and less because it wasn't getting them the desired results. So it's been this little chess game as far as that goes and the Knights have been doing a great job getting traffic in front of Bobby and Net. They keep calling them Bob, so I could get his fucking name.

But that's really been like a, I think, part of the difference or whatever. But what blows my mind is the end of the game. They think the fucking Vegas nights go up three to nothing and game four. And I'm just sitting there going like they need four goals. They need four goals because I know the Panthers are going to come back. And next thing you know, they just throw it on that fucking total garbage goal, you know, the flex off a stick hits the fucking Vegas defensements like skate or his leg and goes 90 degrees into the net, right? And then the momentum's changed.

And this is the thing, when they were down three and nothing, they never stopped playing. And I was just sitting there going to get a goal. They're going to get a goal here. They always get a goal right before the fucking period ends, right? And they do, even though it was a garbage one, but they still, you know, they threw it on net and it happened, right? Then they come out, they get another goal. Now it's three to fucking two. And I'm just like, this is like these fucking guys, they're like the

terminated. They just don't stop. And then the end of the game comes. And so this would have been so legendary. Somehow that with like fucking point something seconds left or whatever, the puck ends up on Kachak's stick and he just couldn't get enough air underneath it. He had a wide open net and Vegas night's goal. He got his left pad on it and stopped it. But like I'm just sitting there thinking like how the fuck do the Vegas nights let this guy get open again?

He just the game before just scored the goal to tie it up, send it into overtime and you lost. At what point are you dialing in on this guy? How is he free again? You know, and also the referees. At the end of the game, when all the bullshit was going on, and Kitchok was punching people in the face and everything, they'd always sort of start to grab it.

It's like, when are you going to realize that this guy's the straw star in the drink? It's just fucking restraining him. Anyway, it's been a pleasure as a hockey fan watching the Panthers play. They're down three to one. And I don't think this fucking series is over. I think the Panthers go in and they win the next one and then all of a sudden, the nights are going to have to deal with, we got to close these fuckers out. And the first time they're going to do it is they're going to have to go back into their build, the Panthers building.

And I really like the Panther's fans too, now that they showed up this year, right? You know, like that is, like they have trailer park fans. That is not the Miami Heat fans. The, you know, the Miami Heat fans is that guy of a certain age dressed all in white linen with some check that's like 20 years old. Oh shit with his $300 haircut and the fucking loafers with no socks on. That's Miami heat, you know, I'm just talking about what I see.

Court side, all right. Court side of fucking Panthers game, they are fucking animals. That is, uh, that is, that is trailer park Florida. And they got the rats. I don't know what that's about. Rink rats or whatever. And at the end of the game, they were fucking throwing water bottles and rats on the ice and all that. And this guy's going like, those, they're not Panther fans. They're not pan, yeah, they are. They they are pants fans they are it's you you fucking idiots you were the ones who put a hockey team in Florida what did you think was gonna happen I liked it I didn't think that was any sort of bad

fan behavior I thought it was like I bad fan behavior to me is when you don't act like how you usually act and that that is Florida, that's, that totally lines up. Florida's a fascinating place. Like I really like Florida. It reminds me of Massachusetts. It's the same thing where you'll either have like, you know, it's like the combination of MIT in Harvard and then just some fucking, you know, it's like the combination of MIT in Harvard and then just some fucking, you

know, meathead that, you know, whatever drives a truck. Like all of that shit is just right up against each other. And Florida, I feel is the same way. It's like you either own a fucking yacht in some glass tower of a house out on that fucking island that J.Lo lives on, or you're literally listening to Jimmy Buffett, you know, trying to kick meth. Now I know that both of those are extremes of both people in those states, but that's why I've always liked Florida. Plus when I was a kid, I went to fucking Disney World.

So, and I also thought palm trees were really fucking cool for whatever reason. Because when do you ever see them? You know, when you live up on the East Coast, you know, you don't. All right, so they're up three one. The Denver Nuggets are up three one. I missed the last game, but, you know, I think, I don't know.

I'm guessing they were just moving the ball around, hitting their threes as always. They are a fun team to watch, Denver. And I am psyched that it's not the same old, same old fucking people in the finals. See, I, as did you guys notice how I got both of those right, Stanley Cup final the finals. See, I, as did you guys notice how I got both of those right, Stanley Cup final NBA finals. How I, how I remember that the NBA finals is plural

is I just think that like, you know, with all the free agents, you can never have enough free agents, you need to add another person. That's how I remember. Oh, is that how you remember Bill? That's fascinating. Bill, tell us about your birthday, nobody said.

All right, I will. I had a fantastic birthday. My wife told me, I got you an experience rather than gifts, and I was like, perfect, that's what I want. Like, I literally, I got no gifts for my birthday, and it was fucking awesome. Actually, a friend of mine got me some earplugs

that you can put on your keychain, because she knew my ears had fucked up. That's the one gift I got, but other than that, my lovely wife rented a classic car for me to drive around, and it was a car that I never would have picked. It was a 1969 Ford Grand Torino. Now here's the deal. She was trying to get me the 65 Cadillac that was gold, which would have been badass, but it was rented out. So she went with that instead. And I got to tell you something, man, I fucking loved that car. Said it had a 351 in it. It was classic American muscle, you know. It just wanted to go really

fast in a straight line, you know. You get in the turns, you got to start hanging onto the underneath of the seats, you know't slide into the fucking door. But it was a badass car, and I felt like I was starring in my own TV show in the early 70s, you know, because that was the deal, like back in the day, like whoever the lead was, was definitely gonna be a man for the most part, unless you were watching the flying nun, you know. And they always gave the guy, the lead of the show, always had to have like a badass car. And the flying nun, you know, they just made a fly. They didn't

have to have a car like, you know, rockford files. He had a, he had a firebird. Starskine Hutch had the grand torino. Bert Reynolds had the fucking Trans-Am with the golden fucking bird on it, right? You get the deal. Ephraim Zimblist Jr. only drove Thunderbirds in 77 Sunset Strip. Yeah, he didn't think I was gonna go that far back, did ya? So, I just drove that thing around LA.

We went out, I got some coffee at one of my favorite places, I had a great breakfast. I just sort of hung out with my wife and kids all day, and then at the end of the night, my wife took me out to this cigar bar that I didn't even know existed. And we just had the best time, and I had, like, it was perfect. You know? And I was just thinking, like you know maybe this is what you do rather than owning classic cars you just rent them

and you drive around and you have a great fucking time and then you just give them back then you kind of can have all the cars. You know, that's kind of how I'm looking at it now. But I just loved like, you know, when you put the gas in, it was behind the license plate. Just those little things that had the lap belts. It was a convertible. I never, you know, I've never been a rag top guy, you know, obviously fucking ginger, I burned up in the sun. And it was a cloudy day. And I fucking loved it. I absolutely

loved the top down. And the, I, what I noticed, the car had no vents, you know, back in the day when they made convertibles, they've just like, we don't need vents. Put the fucking top down. What do you want to ask all, you know? It's pretty gruff time. I don't think they really talk like that. But underrated, the 1969 Grand Torino. I gotta jump off the podcast here. I gotta do a quick Zoom call here, which doesn't mean shit to you guys,

because it'll be a quick edit, but reminding myself to continue talking about my birthday. And I am back. All right, so blah, blah, blah. So both the Stanley Cup and the NBA final, of course, you know. All right, you already know, I don't need to tell you this shit. All right, I don't wanna say it again. Both series are three to one.

And then that's gonna be it. And then we're going to be in a baseball season. Everybody's going to be like, go and be going to fucking hate baseball. I love it. I enjoy it. And I got to start watching the Red Sources. I haven't watched them in a minute. Last time I checked in on them, they were two games above 500.

Yet still. Still in a minute. Last time I checked in on them, there were two games above 500, yet still in last place. Still in last place. So, oh, you know what, I fucking kid stand. Do you ever notice like guys who can't get hot women? They love to say this shit. They love to say like, you know, you show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you guys tired of fucking it, right?

My whole life I heard people saying that, show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy that's tired of fucking you. And I wanna be like, yeah, and I'll show you a guy that got with her for the wrong reasons. How about that, You dumb fuck. T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T Yeah. He was going like, I get up at like, I start my day from like, I go from six to 12,

and then I blood blood. Then the next day, I start my day at like 3 a.m. Then the next day, I start my day at 12 a.m. See, so I just added an extra day into the week. I'm like, what? What happened? You added a day? Did you also find the H-Cord on the guitar? What else did you do? What the fuck, right? He's like, I just, and he goes, after week, he goes, I'm making stride, he goes, after a month, he goes, I'm kicking your ass.

That's what he said in the video. I'm kicking your, kicking my ass, What game are we playing? What are we even competing in? He goes over a year's time. I'm over the fucking moms and blah, blah, blah, blah. And what I love, what I love about the clip is that no point does he even say what business he's in? What he's doing, what he's accomplishing. I feel like those people, all of those people out there who are saying this ridiculous shit

that they wake up at two in the morning to fucking work out and they start their day so they can be on a business call with Berlin, Germany, or whatever the fucking philosophy is. I feel like they are the modern day, like remember those televangelists? That was like the big fling flam, you know, which then ended up creating one of my favorite characters of all time and wrestling. Brother Love.

Because I love you. I love you. Brother love. Uh, yeah, those fucking guys who are just sitting there, where they, they, they talk about, uh, how to set up relationships with women. I always thought about this guy in the first date. I sat down with my now wife and I said,

I'm just gonna tell you right now, I will not give up on my dream. Like who the fuck says that on like the first date? Like this hope like posturing and getting yourself into like a position and all of that. It's this whole fucking moron mindset. I feel like that we're all in. You know, just walking around like, I'm winning. So you're

my bitch. Like there's no like coexisting or anything like that. And we're, I don't know, we're just fucking, I don't know, fucking destroying each other. And it's so dumb. And then take the fact that like if you're a guy, like the less you feel feelings in the more you don't give a fuck, the more you like admired. That's really a, uh, it's really a fucked up thing because all you do is hear the ladies talking about all this shit and all the stress that they're under and wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah. And I have to have the thigh gap and all of this stuff and I just don't want to do it every day. I just don't want to do it.

Alright, and then we're able to cry and get it out of them. And all we got, like our self-help guys that go in like, you know what? I get up before you do, you know, and I add an extra day and then you're fucking toast. Don't kick in your ass. And I'm like, how am I losing this fight? I don't even know what the fuck fight I'm even in. I so want to comment on those things, but like, I just know that it never goes well. Whenever you like junk, whenever you join the guy, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to leave a comment uh... so instead what I do is I say my comments on my podcast while torturing you as you're trying to fucking at day right now you show me a hot woman so you got a tire of fucking you know i think i'm doing i think you show me a guy that's afraid to talk to a beautiful woman uh... and if you got one you'd be afraid to let her be yourself and go out and do the shit that she afraid to talk to a beautiful woman. And if you got one, you'd be afraid to let her be herself and go out and do the shit that she wants to do.

You know, not saying that guys do that exclusively because I don't want any woman out there listening right now thinking I'm becoming a feminist. I'm not. I realize, you know, this is my feminism. You guys are just as out of your fucking mind as we are. But if you're lucky and you get a great one, you know, you can really learn about yourself as a man, which I feel like I did with the woman that I'm with. Who is

beautiful? No, I ain't tied. I'm sorry. Have a little respect, huh? All right, game time, everybody. All right. Oh, I like this one. Game time. All right, buying tickets to your favorite events shouldn't be stressful. Game time. It's the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all sports, music, comedy, and theater near you. With killer deals on last minute tickets and their best price guarantee,

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time app create an account and use the code burr for $20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account in redeem code burb you are for $20 off download game time. Today last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. And then the only other read we have is movement MVMT. Great moments with dad are worth remembering. Give him a father's day. Give him.

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Paired dads, new watch with MV, MTs, Prattout's movements, stunning, minimalist jewelry. So you both have a daily reminder of your bond. Wait a minute, well I get them a watch and then what I buy myself a fucking bracelet. I'm gonna set a trust bracelet. Is that a thing? A commitment fucking Ask God, I don't know. Fast shipping and returns always. Why movement is a great watch? Fresh monitor designed by a team of weekend mavericks who know what it means to go from 9 to 5 work days to 5 to 9 good tabs.

And every adventure in between, the, the epitome of bank for your buck with huge value and style, your wrist and wallet will both love. Get him a father's day gift as memorable as he is from movement. Get up to 40% off at mvmt.com. Michael, Victor, Michael, Tango.com and use code bill, Burr. Exclusions may apply. That's movement, mvmt.com code, Burr burb you are for up to 40% off. You guys have a listen to the dream weaver album?

That's a fucking killer album. Now the single was it Gary Wright? Is that who it is? We will dream weaver. Somebody get me a judge and the other one. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna.

Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna.

Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. Dunna. It's time to get ready. Here's on fire. I can't remember it. Sorry. All right. Let's let's read something from sweet.

You'll never get that 30 seconds back. And we try to remember that song. Sweden. Hello, Bill. Big fan. I just bought your tickets to the show in Sweden. I just want you to promise me something. don't hold back on the proud feminist socialist Swedes. Keep on tracking.

Come to my house, they'll have a party. I'll never forget that. The creepiest heckle I ever got. Come to my house, they'll have a party. I was asking them, what is there to do here in Sweden? And you know, that's what came back. Come to my house, I'll have a party. Like, will I be wearing a gimp suit? Don't hold back on the proud feminist socialist suites.

Socialistic suites. I want, but I like you guys. I mean, I don't know. I have a different viewpoint of feminism than actual feminists do. I think like active feminists, when they're running their yaps, they just sound like dumb guys with, but they have vaginas. It's like, you sound like the exact same power hungry, fucking lunatics who pretend that they give a shit about the people beneath them, but you don't. That's what you are.

That'd be a tough pill for a lot of them to swallow. You know, no pun intended. That was not a pro-choice statement. It was just an expression I was using. Then if they realized that at the end of the day, they were Donald Trump with a vagina. Just as arrogant, just as stupid, just as unqualified. But say what you want about Donald Trump. He has his faculties as opposed like, too. Why can they just put Joe Biden on a fucking porch somewhere and just let the guy enjoy the last couple months of his life? Like, what are we doing with this guy? I mean,

it is fucking unbelievable. I truly do believe that the media is liberal, like the level that they're letting this guy get away with, like, just, you know, stopping in the middle of speeches. I mean, I can't even fucking watch it. I think all of us as Americans, we really owe it to both sides, to our side, why there's sides I don't know why, we owe it to humanity to pick somebody qualified. All right? We, we, one side had their fucking idiot, the other side had their fucking idiot. Like, let's just go back to somebody

that can deliver a fucking speech. Would be nice, you know what I mean? It won't happen. All right, birthday, berry, and root beer. Billy birthday boy, we almost share a birthday. I turned, I turned 29 on June 9th happy birthday mildly funny story because my head crowned because of because my head crowned on June 8th at 11.59 pm and the birthing process finished past midnight on June 9th my mom got to choose either date for my birthday. She chose June 9th because it meant insurance covered

an extra day in the hospital, smart lady. I like that work in the system. Anyway, she writes, your cameo in Barry, as the pod co-hosts saying murder is definitely not a sin. Crack me the fuck up. I'm so glad people liked that because I had no idea what they were going to do with it. I just went down and did the voiceover.

Obviously, I'd not seen the episode, but the people that were directing me sent me in the right direction. But that was definitely one of those ones I was walking out going like, I hope that works, but then I was like, well, it's Bill Hader. He's a fucking genius. So even if I fuck this up, he'll either make it work or just not use it. So I felt that was in good hands. So thank you for the people that watched it and sent me the compliments, but it should go to Bill Hader and his writing staff, because I just said what they wrote. Okay, here we go. It's funny to think that in an alternate universe, you might be a deadly hockey enforcer and a religious nut and still a successful podcast host. Yeah, but I mean, I would have to have played in like the 19 teens to actually be an enforcer

with my size, my middleweight size. Lastly, for three years during high school, I worked at an A&W into Troy. If I see one of those on the road because they're barely there anymore, I literally have to stop and get something. It's my favorite burger stand I literally have to stop and get something. It's my favorite burger stand in the world because they didn't have them on the East Coast to whenever I would go out to like the Midwest or something. I don't even know when I started seeing them. Maybe when I started doing the road,

I couldn't believe it. I was like, and W has their own burger stand. This is like, because most places don't even carry root beer. It's fucking amazing. Anyway, while I myself may not be a root beer nut, I absolutely love the root beer flavored soft serve ice cream at A&W. Seriously, that shit rocks, treat yourself a little for your, for our birthday. Much love to you and your family and thanks for all the laughs. You read son of a bitch. Go fuck yourself.

All right, thank you. All right. Catch 22. All right. Catch 22. Dear shiny head bill. I do have a shiny head. You know, and it's not because I'm bald.

That's my personality shining through the top of my hairless head. Your long-time listener, first time, call! I was listening to try to explain the origin and meaning of Catch 22 and had to write in. Yeah, I had never seen the movie and I was unfamiliar, so thank you for writing in to set me straight here. In the book, the soldiers are required to complete, all right, so anyway, there's the expression catch 22, which I thought it meant damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Ever dendly, it, I think it kind of meant regardless of your response, you know, if you choose A or B, C is still happening. So it doesn't matter, but they give you the illusion of choice. I don't know. This person will explain it. In the book, the soldiers are required to complete a certain number of missions in order to be released from their duties. For what I remember, the missions are World War II bomber missions and are extremely dangerous

and the soldiers have to complete 40 of them. If a soldier agrees to go on a mission, the soldier is labeled as clinically insane and they are not allowed to fly because no one in their right mind would agree to go on such a dangerous mission. If you don't want to fly, then the officers, officers agree that is the right response and they deem the soldiers saying and tell them to fly the mission. The soldier agrees to the mission and is immediately called in saying again and they ground you from flying, thus creating the paradox and inability to complete the required missions.

These soldiers are never able to reach their goal and even if someone does get close, the commanding officers raise the requirement. Well it kind of seems like they're looking out for you. The phrase catch 22 is mentioned when the characters talk about this one catch to the rules that they have to follow in order to go home. The book was originally titled Catch 18, but the offer changed it since a different World War II novel came out around the same time with the number 18 in the title.

22 was chosen because it has a repeating number, numbers similar to repeating events that happen in the book. Love the podcast and go fuck yourself. Well, thank you very much for a very clear and well-written explanation of catch 22. The catch 22 I have with that is that still doesn't quite make sense to me because they actually looked out for you. I thought it was no matter what, you're going on this mission and you're going to fucking die.

It seems like it went the other way. I don't know. Wrong expressions. All right. If you guys are new to the podcast, this is something that I've been doing as of late, which is talking about people using expressions incorrectly or my favorite combining expressions. All right, High Bill heard this one the other day.

They took their foot off the boil. What does that mean? I don't even took their foot off the gas. Anyway, the person says, I believe this beauty is the bastard son of the expression. They took their foot off the gas and go off the boil. Thought you'd appreciate this one. Thanks and go take a flying fuck to yourself.

Wait a minute, I never heard of the, go off the boil. That sounds European to me. Hang on a second. What is Lipertor? We have to get rid of this. Okay, to go off the boil meaning... All right, British informal into a state that is less good than before, after two hits singles, the band went off the boil and eventually disbanded. All right, origin. Origin. It's a weird word, origin.

Origin. To lose interest or become less urgent, They were really excited about the project, but now they seem to go off the boil Oh, the pot was boiling is that what is it? Who the fuck is that? I found this on the web all the sudden he just started talking like it's let's stop fucking listening to me get a life you AI cunt Like, it's, let's stop fucking listening to me. Get a life, you AI-cont. Originally, an expression of the kitchen, if you have to boil some substance in hot water for a long time,

the fire goes out, wait a minute, this is interesting. We're talking, this is before you had gas in the thing here. When the bubble waves it origin, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit , it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit , it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's

a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it I don't give a fuck. When the bubble stop coming up, a previously boiling liquid is said to have gone off the boil. This happens after heating is stopped, but not immediately. There is always a delay because caused by thermal hysteresis.

It doesn't only mean past the crisis. It is frequently used to mean something is not performing as well as it did. All right. Okay. So you can say something's off the boil, meaning, you know, how are you and your wife doing? Not better, man. We're off the boil. I guess you could do it like that.

Or off the boil as far as like a band where you are a hot band churning out, hit singles, and all of a sudden you cooled off with a couple of stinkers, and then you're off the boil. I took my foot off the boil. Yeah, okay, I get it now. You brought me into your English world. Yes, that is a bastardized version of. We just don't say that around here. I'm going to start doing it just to see if my wife picks up on it.

At some point, I'm gonna have her on this podcast to talk about. We took a mushroom trip together. It was like her first time really tripping or whatever, so it was really fun to watch. And sort of experience all that. I gotta have her on the podcast. It was definitely an amazing, an amazing time.

So with that, I am not having a cupcake today, even though I ate three, my buddy had one. That means there's eight left. So I'm gonna give these things away. Make sure I don't fucking, I can't become Billy Fat Tits. I've worked to God damn hard. You know what sucks?

I had a personal trainer and I was killing it, but now I have to do physical therapy because one of my shoulders, you can literally move it in the socket, an inch this way and an inch that way. So they gotta fix that, they have to stabilize it. My ligaments are loose, they got stretched out or some shit. So I don't know how they tighten them up,

but I gotta do that over the next month or so, and then I get back in the gym. So in the meantime, I've just been doing like Just make sure I'm but stretching or whatever. There's a couple of stretches. I always wanted to be able to do You know like those Bruce Lee ones We are sitting down and your head just can go right down to your kneecaps. You know I Always thought that was cool. I can do the one where you put your arm behind your back and then reach over with the other one and clash hands.

I can do that on both sides. So the shoulders are good. Well, Bill, maybe because that's the problem. Do you ever think that that's the problem? Do you ever think that you're not a fucking rehab person? That rehab's shoulders. All right, that is the podcast everybody. My prediction.

My prediction, I feel that the Florida Panthers are gonna stay alive and the Miami Heat unfortunately are gonna lose. And some of you's trying to tell me they think Jimmy Butler's hurt, not trying to make excuses. But I really like that fucking organization. And but I'm psyched out for the Denver Nuggets. They'd never won an NBA title.

Everdaily they won an ABA title like 50 years ago. So that's great. It is funny though. Like I thought their fan base would seem more like newbies like, oh my god, I can't believe we're in the finals. But they act like a bunch of arrogant cunts too everybody's just fucking holding the jersey and doing that fucking stupid Instagram like I don't even know what it is it's like everybody walks around acting like a heel in wrestling i feel like back in the day like the only people that behave that way

i felt what like you know like rick flair now everybody's walking around with like rick flair vibes uh... which is so funny because they're not even police rick flair was doing some shit you're watching it like you're the rick flair of fans some shit. You're watching it. Like you're the Ric Flair of fans. Like I don't even understand it. That's because you're old, Bill.

You're old and the world has passed you by and you just haven't accepted it yet. All right, I'll go with that. All right, so that's my prediction. The Florida Panthers win game five, bring it back to Florida for an unbelievable game six, which I think the Vegas Knights might win because I just think that they are, they don't get involved into the head games. They keep their fucking cool. I don't know, whatever, but I think Miami he's are gonna lose

game five. Jeep, but why don't you just sit here and add another fucking nine minutes to the podcast, saying the same thing over and over again. All right, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.