Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-18

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

Bill rambles about his last days in Paris, Le Mans, and grounded sixteen year olds.

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Come with me Ah yes, hello everyone, welcome The end for fucking noob To the Monday Morning Podcast For Lundi June D-Suite 2018 What's going on? How are you? How's your Monday treating you over there in the States?

I got my last couple of days over here in Paris I'm psyched to come back I'm sad that it's over I had a wonderful time Thank you to everybody over here that put up with my horrible fucking French You know, I know, I just, I just, I just stayed in the, I punished them with it this time Okay, and if they didn't like it, somebody taught me something to say to them Just say, ah, va-tu-fait-en-culé

That means go fuck yourself Va-tu-fait-en-culé Enculé, enculé, enculé Va-tu-fait-en-culé, monsieur Oui, vous Je parle à vous Va-tu-fait-en-culé, monsieur You gotta throw in the mister, still be polite, you know what I mean?

You can tell somebody to go fuck themselves over here But when you're wearing a scarf, you gotta throw the monsieur, you know, so you don't seem like an animal All right, roux I learned that, you know, it's the hardest one to say To say street right over here, it's R-U-E, roux, but you gotta go roux Roux, roux s'en honore, monsieur Aouai, en-tu-fait-en-culé Enculé, enculé

I'll get it, I'll get it done I'll learn how to say go fuck yourself in a new language All right Before we get started, a very special thanks to a very special person And a wonderful comedian And equally as well a human being Mr. Tom Rhodes For hooking me up

He found out I was in Paris And he was like, are you still there? I said, oui He said, ah, monsieur You need to go to this fucking pâtisserie They have the best fucking sandwiches and blah blah blah blah And god damn it, the man was right Best sandwiches I've had over here

Maybe top fucking two or three sandwiches I've ever had in my fucking life And then I had one of those little macarons Those little fucking cookies, they made a giant one, it was pistachio It was fucking incredible You know when food's so good you start having Tourette's As you're eating it, you're just like, oh fuck Shit All right, I was doing that, it was unbelievable

Fucking eating this Looking around for people to let them know Now I know what you're going to say, what's the name of it? Bill, what is the name of the pâtisserie Over there in Paris And I only have one thing to say to you Far too fair on Q-Lay, I'm not fucking telling you Because I don't want to, I don't like standing in lines

All right, become a fucking comedian But friend Tom Rhodes and maybe he'll tell you Okay, but what I ate today was magic All right, and I bet around enough magicians in this business To know that you never revealed the trick, okay? Tom Rhodes showed me the trick, okay, it's his trick It's his fucking, it's his joint Oh my god, it was fucking unbelievable

I walked a mile and a half over there and back It's my workout in the morning, I go for a brisk walk You know, I'm starting to learn how to use those little places Where people jog along the Seine I go down there, so I don't have to deal with the fucking Giant groups of people crossing the street to go to the Notre Dame I actually, we actually went in the, we went in that church And I'm glad I did it, the line moves really quickly

You go in there, you're like, wow, this is echo, echo This is huge, this is scary These statues, not a lot of positive messages in them A lot of misery, a lot of death, a lot of weeping But I think that that's just sort of the vibe back then I mean, people just, people fucking died back then You know, not like, not today People just, they live for fucking ever

You know what I mean? At my age, I see somebody died at 70 I was like, ah fuck, what happened, what did he eat? No, it's too soon Dude, back then you fucking, you went outside And like a mosquito bit you, and then the whole village died The second you sneezed, everybody was just done, you know And I believe it was some pompous cunt

That said art imitates life So if everybody over there is dying And you're really good with your hands when you get to clean it there What do you think you're gonna make? You're gonna make some fucking miserable statues You know? I tell you, these fucking people around here Walking around, these pasty white kids

Thinking that they're got, okay With their black nails and lipstick and all of that bullshit Let me tell you something, you got nothing On some of these statues there in the Notre Dame So you know what I have to say to all you got kids out there? Antou Faye, Ancule I fuck it up every time, whatever That's what you do, you just punish people

Punish people with you fucking I ran into some guy, what the fuck, I don't know what the fuck I was Some guy from Washington, not DC, the state And he was talking about trying to learn French over here He was living over here, he said it's brutal man He goes, you know, you try to speak it to him And then they just start speaking English And I told him, I said, I go punish him with it

I don't give a shit, if they do the whole thing in fucking English You stay, you stay in the pocket, right? Stay on target, that Star Wars shit Did I tell you guys, actually on the plane I watched, one of these plane rides I took I watched one of those Star Wars movies Ethis for Families, Laura Dern was in it The woman who played Princess Leia, I believe

It was the last movie she did before Unfortunately she passed away I don't know who else was in it, a bunch of young people Alright, kids, kids to me Kids to me are under the age of 39 at this point And I really enjoyed it And I'd like to apologize to anybody I might have offended At Comic Con

I don't remember what the movie was called Oh, there was a Luke Scott, Mark Hamill was in it Right, and at the end of the movie, right? I'm kidding, I'm kidding I'm kidding, like you nerds haven't watched it 9 million times You know, weeping into a potato sack, whatever You know, I liked how he was wearing the Ben Kenobi fucking Like, you know, the messages in Star Wars

You know, that if you actually live a righteous life You know, that there's really no money in it The way the whole game is set up And you end up in like a burlap sack for a bathrobe Just living by yourself, you know, making rocks, levitate You know, for tourists, whatever the fuck it is he was doing on that island But if you sell your fucking soul to the dark side You know, you get that dope ass outfit that fucking Darth Vader had, you know

That looks like some shit, what's his face with the design? Who's the designer over here in France? He used to be fat, and now he isn't And all he does is shit on fat people And he won't make clothes for fat people Hey, Nia! What's the name of the designer over here? He's hilarious, he used to be fat, and now we are

See, like I said, we've been on vacation too long Hey, Nia, I love you again To Q-T-L-A? I can't remember Q-T-L-A To G-F-Y-S? Yes G-F-M-S?

I'm telling two to do that, because I know you and you're familiar What's the name of that, what's the name of that? Luke Robotard, what's his name? Who's Luke Robotard? I don't know The designer? The designer, white-haired guy, he used to be fat Carl Lagerfeld

Yeah, doesn't Darth Vader's suit look like some shit he'd come up with? Oh, for sure Yeah, there you go, I fucking nailed it You're impressed with some of my fashion knowledge I am, you've been proving yourself to be quite the fashionista out here I was telling, told you the difference between the hoary style and the elegant style Right, yes, thanks for explaining that to me What do you mean? You actually were fascinated by it

Right, because we went to lunch and we were talking about how some of the girls were like very elegant and some, you know Some were all Instagram-y Who's desperate, like they were basically the fashion version of a comic with a catchphrase Right, yes, exactly Opposed to me, who's all pure up there with my shit and dick jokes Yeah, yeah, the comedian's comedian, that's you I was going to bust in here and see what you were talking about, you jerk, what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on, what, yesterday

Father's Day Yes My second, dozeem Ah, we Ah, we I, we went to the Vincottes Le Mans

We went to the 24 hours of Le Mans And, Nia, how did you enjoy it? Meeew Meeew Four hours Yeah, but it's not always like that, sometimes it's Is it? Sometimes it's

But it's like, okay Who's that? Yeah, but like, so are you just waiting for somebody to crash or like, what's the Cause it's just round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows, it's like You know, like it wasn't that exciting, I mean I I know that it's a big, it's a world famous Was it cool to at least see cars going that fast, that close to each other? You know, I feel like

Seeing cars goes fast before and it doesn't really Do that much for me For me This is what's fucking hilarious, it was Father's Day I would go to Formula One with you because Is that the same thing though, it's just round and round Yeah, Nia, because if you were sitting in the stands and they just fucking drove in a straight line It would be over in a minute

So that's why they go around and around and around and then they would also have to clear out You know, for a five hundred mile race if they had to clear out five hundred miles of streets In a straight direction, I mean all of a sudden you can't go from a city to fucking the other side of Texas Well you know how in horse racing and I'm not saying that like horse racing is okay But you know how it's like go baby go and everyone's like yeah, yeah, like let's go, let's go baby go There wasn't a lot of that, like people were on their phones, people were eating crepes Like it was very like subdued, like there wasn't, it didn't feel like there was a lot of action going on A lot of excitement is what I'm saying

Cause it was a twenty four hour race That's maybe too long, like maybe they should never be twenty four hours I would say this, what I was amazing to me is that they had, I counted, I was saying this got to be at least two classes If not three classes of cars out there, turns out there was four different classes So I think there was like four winners in each class, one for each class But we got there on the second day, so when we showed up there was two cars in the lead lap, both Toyotas And the guy in first place was ahead by like a minute and a half Which is like, you know, that's like almost the back of the race and anything else

And then the guy in third place was twelve laps down So I was kind of like, oh, so this thing, this is three hours to go and this is already over Unless somebody crashes or has a problem with their car And the Toyota in second place did have a problem with this car briefly Which put him even further back, then he was down two laps and then So yeah, it's more of like an endurance thing I thought it was fascinating because if I would recommend if you go to it, go for the start Or I would go at night, just to see him at night

It was kind of cool to see the brake lights and wipers and shit I've never seen that on race cars, it's usually just like, it's just a shell for a body With a whole full roll cage and it's just the powertrain, that's it So it was exciting to see one shell wipers Yeah, it was for me You know what's funny? No, no, no, no, you know what it is You know what it is? Yeah, Steve McQueen and all that shit And just to know how many people have died and the balls that it takes and all that shit to do it

And I gotta be honest with you, we were driving out there You were listening to your Beyonce and your Jay-Z that we got there And you were on your phone the entire fucking time And it made me feel good about that time I walked out when you said you were, quote, in this play First of all, that is not the same thing How dare you even make that comparison I'll make it again, don't you yell at me on my own

I was on the phone the whole time I was taking Instagram video of you, okay, and Instagram video Of who? You and of myself and the race But like, I was on the whole entire time And I didn't walk out, okay? I wasn't like, alright, I'll be in the car I can say the same thing about that play

I sat through the first half of it Were you in the 24 hours of Le Mans? Were you in it? Were you driving? And I walked out? No It was Father's Day No, it's not the same thing I think it's the same thing I was the narrator of that show

And you walked out because you were like bored And it was so rude and it really hurt my feelings I did it on support of you I did it on support I cannot believe, no, you didn't You did it for entirely selfish reason You were sitting right on my line of view And then we come back from intermission and you're fucking gone

And I can't even believe it There was a white guy rapping And it was a play It's the two worst things ever combined And I sat through 90 minutes of it And you were a better actor than anybody there And all it had to do was go later at the Hall of Justice It annoyed me

I can't even believe that you would bring that up so many years later How long have you known me? I'm gonna bring that up so many years later after this You really are like the king of bringing back stuff But yeah, remember back when? And it's like we've been together for 15 years You're literally bringing up something from like year two Of our relationship

What else do I bring up from way back when? Like a lot of stuff Oh, good point You're the king of making a big statement And then you can't back it up I am the king That's the fucking point of it Is I am the goddamn king

Oh, good one Take that Yeah, take that to the bank And try to cash it Smoked it No, I get it No, auto racing is a torturous thing To bring to somebody who doesn't give a shit about cars

But we met that really nice guy, Ryan Hilly And he's the one who taught me how to say go fuck yourself What's up, Ryan? He was really nice He was very nice And he helped me out of my forge I can't believe I went there Oh, this is a great one

So Nia doesn't like beer There's no wine there So I keep buying two beers And it's like, oh, you don't want to finish that? So I'm drinking Daddy's having a good time on Father's Day, right? So I bought a... How do they have crepes there, but no wine?

I mean, this is France But that truly was Because crepes to them is just like a fucking sandwich Yeah, that's true That was really kind of... What about the other guy? Is it insulting, if I say, that it's like the NASCAR of France? That's insulting, right?

Because NASCAR is not on the same level as 24-hour Le Mans I don't know what you mean I think that you were more looking at it Like you were outside Paris So there wasn't as many fancy closed people Walking around I think that that's what it is You're a class kind of person

Like, oh, you're here, you're there I'm up here I'm not classes or elitists And I'll thank you for not pushing that Because people are all in my comments being like I hope you are nice to the waiter I hope they didn't piss you off Like, you know...

What are they saying to me? Could you be nicer to Nia? Do they say that? Yeah When? Every fucking week Let me see I want to see, I want the receipts

What do you mean you want the receipts? Well, I want your fucking receipts then Stop coming at me like you're the FBI You're gonna turn over my laptop to you Oh, we have fun Yes, we did We had a great time over here And tonight we are seeing guns

With roses Tonight And it's hard to hold a candle In the cold November rain That was good Thank you I've never seen them at concerts I'm so excited

It's gonna be ridiculous It's gonna be awesome So that's what we're doing And then we're gonna fucking And then we fly back Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do I hope he says that How do you say that in French?

You're in the jungle, baby Huh? I thought you learned that I want to learn that You're gonna die Can't get too fed To wait down in the jungle, baby To wait more

Um, anyways I don't know, I've been having a good time I've been torturing people with my French, haven't I? Yeah When they go to English, I don't give a fuck It's like, it's the most fun It's so much fucking fun to just... Some French people will humor you

But a lot of times they can't be bothered Remember when... Oh, remember, what was the restaurant we went to? And we were having a hard time figuring out the menu And I was saying to the guy, I asked him I said, oh, can you translate some of this stuff for us? And he goes, oh, why don't I just get you an English menu? And I was like, yeah, okay

And you were like, oh, no, no, I want to know what's going on It's like, Phil, he doesn't want to sit here And translate the entire menu When there's an English menu How does parents make their money? Tourists Yeah, fucking humor me Okay, but it doesn't work like that

When you come over to my country Uh, you say, uh, is there liberty? Is that you? No Wait a minute, sir It's fucking down the street there I know, they're all fucking pure Don't pull that shit

I'm so sick of hearing that every fucking person Who isn't from America is fucking Is the greatest person ever I'm walking right now Hang on a second, I gotta go get my charger here We're walking I'm always spinning, always moving Kyle Dunnigan

Um, I don't know where the fuck it is No, no, I don't do that Okay People here in France are just like Americans Okay, some of them are nice Some of them are not And a lot of them are fat Okay

Okay Yeah, there's a lot of fucking fat people Okay Okay Okay Kyle Dunnigan, you genius Um, all right, do you have anything else to add about how, uh, you know Okay, here's the thing, all right

So maybe you didn't do it to the level of walking out Halfway through a play I want to reiterate again, just in defense to my listeners It was a play and there was a white guy rapping The entire time Okay And it was an M&M Ugh

His eye brows up like he was blowing my mind I stepped through 90 minutes of that As you sat over in the fucking corner Going Later Hey, G, Mrs. Herman Mr. Herman, you have a phone call at the front desk Yeah, what the fuck

I was reading stage directions because it wasn't a full production It was kind of like a stage reading So I was, it was a musical, I don't sing So, you know, I was there doing the stage directions I got paid, it was a gig I don't sing, okay Okay Um, yeah

The point was coming to support me I supported this shit out of you, I didn't make you over I didn't walk out, I went out and I had a Sam Adams And I was like And I came back Wait, let me finish And I sat down There's no defending it

Fuck, that was delicious That was as delicious as what I just saw was horrific And I was just like, maybe if I stay out here she won't notice It was totally selfish You were in my eye line It was totally selfish We made eye contact during the first act It was totally selfish

And I have apologized And it's because of the guilt No, no That I try to bring you down to my level Oh, no Years later That's what it is It's because I love you so much

Oh, please And, uh, it shames me That, you know, just because, you know, I do all these great things for you You are a manipulative son of a gun Yeah, where did I learn it from? Where did I learn it from? I don't know I'm looking at you cry on cue

I'm not your mama I didn't teach you this Oh, god, did you just try to be sassy? Yeah Okay, I just felt like I was doing it Did they reboot good times? What just happened there? I'm not your mama

We'll be right back with white red and black nene After these fucking messages Anyways White red White red All right Are you gonna miss this apartment? I'm ready to go home

After the guns and roses thing is gonna be perfect We're gonna do that And then we fucking go home I'm ready to go back Eat some quinoa Get back on my diet Hit the elliptical Oh, you mean having croissants and baguettes every day?

They're so fucking good They're so good Not good for the waistline Yeah, but you don't get as bad as if you eat them over there You know Who makes them? Howard Johnson? Who makes them in our country?

Who makes the baguettes? There's a couple places in L.A. that have really good Antiments Antiments Pepperage farm No, there's some good places that have amazing croissants But No, not like here

Okay, all right, well Thank you for coming out Let me finish this fucking thing Oh, you're not done? Huh? Not only 23 minutes in What? Usually when I butcher

Oh, God Are you serious? Are you serious? All right Well, you know, certain people have to take a nap in here Oh, well, you told me to come in here In about an hour In about an hour they do

All right Look at you Walking out on the podcast the way I did on your play Don't I guess we're even now We even try it Oh, my God Obam

Obamadam Oh, God, dude, the fucking play was That fucking play was the worst Oh, this fucking kid Doing the fucking thing with his hands Ugh It was It was

It was in a How fucking long are you supposed to sit there for that? You know And she gets to go to a goddamn car race And fucking sit there and Look up dancing with the stars shit As I'm sitting there She's clearly bored out of her fucking mind

Bored out of her fucking mind At that fucking race Tough like fucking shoe leather that moots around All right, where the fuck is the advertising for this? You know, I'll never live down that I knew it, you know, it's so fucking stupid Is if I just went back in for the final 90 fucking minutes I'm the king of bringing up shit

You know how many times she's fucking brought that up to me? Put it this way I've got yelled at that longer than the fucking play was All right, please don't read on air This is a note from somebody A host says he doesn't know what he's saying And at the end He offers advice that directly contradicts what he read

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All right so Anyways, oh my god 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,000 I'm gonna fucking ask it myself I've eaten so much French food, okay I got fork and baguettes coming out of my fork And he is over here and I'm growing a fork and beret Where my hair used to be okay

And better put the fork and fork So I up the street they had this They had a little pizzeria so I'm like Okay, there's no way this pizza can be as bad as the pizza in L.A. You know, I know it's not gonna be as good as Italy Who gives a fuck, right? So I'm trying to find this place And what happens

When you're in a country where you don't speak the language Is a lot of times You stop reading words And you just start looking at colors of things And you start Like Like anything yellow is a taxi Anything blue becomes a police car

Like that type of shit So There was this restaurant with this red awning Like the Italian restaurant and I'm looking at it going I don't know man this doesn't quite look right And rather than just reading The French What is it?

Bratisserie or something like that I went up to the guy and I was just Looking at the menu and I was just You know, I was just tired And I couldn't find any pizzas or anything So finally this guy walks out to One of the fucking ways he's like You know

Excuse me, is this Italian restaurant And he's just like No monsieur, this is a French restaurant Walking to me Walked away Felt like such an asshole What is it? Braserie, whatever it means

It was written right there Across the red awning and then it went one more Block up and there's the red awning That was the Italian place And I wanted to yell down Excuse me You know, I was only off by a block Go fuck yourself, but I knew he was right

And I went in And I ordered two pieces Margarita and then I got the one with The anchovies on it And I gotta tell you It was fucking horrific Worse than the pizza in LA But the Salad

Niswa Was a pop famous Was actually delicious But I might have Indian food tonight I just I can't fucking do it anymore I stayed here just a couple of days too long But I gotta see guns and roses

You wanna hear my whole fucking guns and roses Story here? Okay The first time they came around In a city that I was in They were opening for Motley Crue The original lineup And I forget why I fucking

Missed that show Alright? And then Then the Use Your Illusion tour Came out And I had a ticket to see him on that one And then one of my buddies You know

The love of his life dumped him And he was fucking devastated Borderline suicidal And he needed some sort of Fucking light in his life So I said, hey, I got a ticket to guns and roses You go, you need it Cause I don't wanna see you kill yourself

And he said, I appreciate that man And then, you know All the drama happened You know It was just Axl, right? And then they didn't tour For like 10 fucking years or something like that And by then I was a comedian, I just, you know

And then when they got back together I had a hookup To go to the show At the fucking club there, the Troubadour Their first time back together I had a ticket for that but I was working On the road, I couldn't go Every fucking time

I've tried to see this band One of my favorite bands Of all fucking time I just, something has always happened Where I haven't been able to go, so finally Finally, I'm gonna see him tonight, I can't fucking wait It's gonna be Yeah, it's not even gonna be real

Until it starts happening That's how long I've been waiting to see this friggin' band So, anyways Very excited about that And I'm also a great way To wind up a perfect trip To the states And do some stand-up, because I have not done stand-up

In a couple of weeks Old fucking Rusty Jones is gonna limp on stage Down at the comedy store later on this weekend Probably try to get my fucking act back together So anyways, let's My daughter has to take a nap My lovely daughter, she's so cute She can say all these French words now

Oui, bon Bonjour Why isn't this light working? I can't even see any time I've done here Alright Let's read a couple of questions here Ah! 24 Hours of Le Mans

Ah, Le Mans Hey, Billy Bourguignon I just heard you say you were going to Le Mans for the race I'm from Cleveland But was able to go To the 24 Hours twice when I happened to be in France For work the same week

Not sure what your plans are There, but had to let you know About an awesome hidden gem along The Muslane Strait My first time there, 2012 A friend came out to meet me and we drove down With essentially no plans

Didn't have tickets or a place to stay that night We bought tickets at the gate And got in just in time for the start Then ended up befriending and drinking with a group Of Brits that lasted most of the day Ah, this is how you do it One of the This is what I'm gonna do the next time

He told us of a bar somewhere along The No way! The ridiculously long Strait that runs a few miles away From the area of the track You get access to Or you get access to it with a ticket So him and the two of us decided to leave the track

And catch a cab to try finding it Took forever seeking it out though Random back roads to the streets You would usually get To it or on Wait, the street You usually get to it On is the racetrack

Found out after the fact The place is called I can't read this Oh, Beirut And was a great spot To eat, drink while catching a short glimpse Of cars at top speed just before The first chicane

I would definitely recommend seeking it out If possible, but also I learned On my second trip there A few years later, you should definitely make a reservation Maybe it's not so hidden anymore Because it was too crowded To get in and they only speak French If you call for one

We stayed there late into the night That first time, eventually one of the restaurant Employees gave us a ride back To our car on the other side of the track Where we... You'd like stayed there for the whole fucking race Huh? We got maybe a couple hours of sleep

Anyways, just had to tell you about that That track is so crazy compared to anything It's definitely worth getting outside Of the main area Whether you seek out that spot or somewhere else Just to get an idea of how massive The track is And see them doing 200 miles an hour

Down dark country roads with just their headlights To the track, not sure if you'll actually Get this message before I missed all of that I was on the main straightaway and it just looked like A regular race track Well, I'll be like you, the second time around Hopefully I'll get it right

Goddammit, I didn't know there was all of that Rejection letters You know what was crazy was there was a fucking airport Like Parallel Almost touching The main straightaway And I kept seeing these helicopters taking off and shit

I thought they were just following the race And all of a sudden I saw a fucking Learjet Flying right along where a helicopter had just been flying Along, I'm like there's no way that's fucking safe What is that all about Is that some rich guy just going I don't give a fuck I'm paying you, buzz the fucking race track

Weave around these fucking helicopters You know, but it turned out there was a There was a Airport right there Anyways Oh, here's this one, here's this one I should bring Lear in here for this one Letter psycho

Bill, wondering if you saw this This accomplished clarinet player Was accepted to his dream school But never received the good news because His then girlfriend deleted it And sent him a fake rejection Email That turned out to be a

$265,000 mistake on her part Okay, let's see what the fuck happened Alright, this kid His hard work paid off The accomplished clarinet had been Accepted to his dream school, but he never got To hear the good news, that's because when His acceptance email arrived in 2014

His then girlfriend Deleted it and sent him a Fake rejection email from the school Was a $265,000 mistake He said it was really Devastating to feel that incredible Betrayal, maybe think of our whole

Relationship and made me feel like everything Might have been a lie Anywhere it began, a college sophomore Studying music at McGill University at the Time, this kid had applied To a two-year full scholarship program To finish his bachelor's degree At the Colburn Conservatory of Music

In Los Angeles, itching to study With a renowned clarinet teacher So-and-so spent many late Nights in practice rooms to prepare For his auditions which he thought went well The full scholarship which includes Tuition, room and board is worth About $50,000 a year

And so-and-so said graduating From Colburn would have sent him Up for high paying Symphony career When he was rejected The kid was crushed, it was Disappointing feeling, he said I had such High hopes, the kid

Would have studied with this person Who was considered one of the best clarinet Instructors in the world He said The school accepts only two students Each year at Colburn and he was One of them How she covered her tracks

This Wednesday, a Canadian court ruled That this guy's ex-girlfriend Older more than $265,000 Three-year and fifty grand Canadian For damages including loss of reputation Educational opportunity and two years Of potential income, roughly $37,000

Can you fucking, can you Believe like the level Of Like Break into his Like she'd have to be Knowing that he, that letter Is coming

She'd have to be constantly scared For someone she knows is fucking I guess computer passwords, it's just Scanning it, scanning it, scanning it Finds it, sees it, he gets accepted Fucking Deletes this guy's dream and then Comes up with a whole phony thing

I wonder how the fuck they found out But this is why this whole fucking You know This me too shit now where they're just Saying straight across the board Believe women when there's Women like that out there Okay, there's a reason why

That there's due process And you have to have evidence And you have to listen to both sides Of the fucking story, yet again Another person was accused This week and without this The person being accused Without them ever responding

The stuff That people wrote on twitter I always knew this person Was a piece of shit I love One person was the fucking most Self-serving thing ever If you're still following so and so

Unfollow me Right, like, wow man You're really sticking up for women You're willing to lose Fucking twitter followers Way to make a fucking stand Stop making it about yourself You fucking jerk off

And I'm not saying anybody Innocent, guilty or whatever The reality is then the guy then Responds and says, no look We argued and blah blah blah blah And she ended up being unfaithful to me And I didn't want to be with somebody That was unfaithful to me

So then at that point I just want to know How does anybody make a judgment Any sane rational person Like you read her story Like wow man that's really fucked up Blah blah blah blah blah And then you read his thing and say Well then there's that side of it

So then what? You just, now at that point You've read two things online Like just imagine A court of law Somebody's like Entire future was on the line And the plaintiff and the defendant

All they were going to do Was write two paragraphs Of I don't know if you call it A blog or whatever and then you were going to Determine You know somebody's ability To continue their career or not Is I, am I

That's a little fucking nuts people And this is what's driving me up the wall Is I've been saying this at shows And You know the vibe is people Fucking agree with that But everybody's afraid to say it So it's just, I know it's just not

A You know the shit that guys Have been doing to women has to fucking stop But I don't think the way to go about it Is to just make blanket statements Of believe women Like It's like all of them

Even the ones who key people's cars And fucking Break laptops and destruction Of property all of that Even the ones that fucking you know Are out there saying that they love somebody Just because the guys got fucking all of them I don't know

It's a little fucking It's just such a fucking I never, I can't Out of all this I'm just really surprised At how fucking Just how afraid everybody is And how everybody just chooses self Preservation

And they'll watch somebody twist in the wind You know Because there's been the ones that are obviously Like this guy's a fucking monster This guy should be in jail And then there's been some other ones like what But everybody still shuts the fuck up While these lunatics

On twitter are like you know fucking Burn them at the stake I don't know I keep thinking that eventually Like it's gonna like calm down a little bit Where people are gonna be like okay If that what that woman Wrote is true this needs to happen

Why don't we all just Hang on a second and listen to what the guy Has to say And then even then all you've done is just That's like you show up at a fucking car accident And then both drivers are pointing at each other And you know and you weren't there when it fucking Happened I don't know that's another thing too

When you watch all of these like these These videos and shit Of you know Injustices happening What I can't stand about those fucking videos Is it always starts after For the most part after The injustice happened

And it's one person's Point of view on it and everybody Just watches it and acts like they just Saw a documentary Or actually just watch the footage from beginning To end Or maybe it isn't Maybe it's just a 30,000 fucking

Lunatics on social media I have no idea but I don't know Like Nia showed me one the other day And I was just watching going like all right well What she's bitching about Isn't on this The footage

It's just her yelling at the guy Saying why did you do that you didn't see him Do what she's saying that he did and he Defended himself saying I didn't fucking do it But it's her video So her point of view becomes What happened This is getting confusing to me

Just trying to fucking explain it to you Anyways all right 28 year old virgin Hey Billy Billblaster I love the podcast and you're Raging sanity I'm going to be honest I don't think There's a solution to my problem

Ah come on man but just hearing You talk about it might help me See it as a So bad it's funny kind of situation I'm a 28 year old virgin and he Writes oh Jesus I'm ugly as shit oh come on man

Except even shit has Dung beetles that appreciate the aesthetic All right so you got a sense of humor Self deprecating I got big Ass ears that lie perpendicular To the side of my head Big triangle nose balding Island pattern

Small oh island of hair On the forehead With the rest of the hair In a horseshoe pattern Very hairy all over except My fucking head pointy ass Man titties With pepperoni nipples Jesus Christ

And best of all My genitals alone Would send any woman sprinting Towards the horizon Aside from that Can't complain Respectable job Good friends great family

Bit heavy five nine 160 pounds dude that's not heavy But otherwise Healthy I try to stay upbeat but I As I get older it really starts to Way on me that I'm destined to Live life

On as a solo player Any advice would be appreciated Wish you and your family all the Best ah yeah dude come on Man you got to step up to Play all right you're saying game over Before you even play the game All right

You have a great Sense of humor I think You're being way too hard on yourself The fact that you say you're a bit Heavy at five nine one sixty You know I think you're being You means to me that you're pro You're not heavy which means you're

Probably not nearly as ugly as you're Saying Yeah dude I would get out there I would get out there there's dating apps There's all kinds of shit you can do I mean you know you got any friends Any guy friends just tell them Dude I'm a twenty eight year old virgin

You got to help me out here Maybe that's not the way to go because guys Will be like try to just find you some You know loose woman That's not I don't think that's the way You want to go But I Yeah I would just

You got to You got to get up to the plate dude You got to get up to the plate and you have to stop Looking at yourself the way you're looking at yourself You got to keep That great sense of humor but you know You're not ugly as shit Okay dude look at me

I'm a fucking fifty year old Bald redheaded male And I think I look great Ha ha ha ha It's all how you look at yourself Okay but if you think you look good You feel good about yourself It's a nice vibe to fucking have

And you'll attract people alright And just use your sense I have the number one thing you got going for yourself Aside from the fact you still have your whole life ahead of you You're only twenty eight years old You got a great sense of humor Women love to laugh How do you think I landed Nia

I made her fucking laugh You know my fucking looks I don't know what it was Who the fuck knows But if she knew fifteen years later She'd be going to the twenty four hours of Le Mans I don't think she would have gone You landed me because I knew about your earning potential

That's it What Oh my god I'm just kidding I loved you long before Any of this Any of what I was making money when you met me

Yes I was I was on the rich bitch tour Right but like you weren't rich bitch Sorry I was doing great anyways I never Because I never told you You never told me I didn't ask

I didn't care You just came in here and became a hero Can you help this guy out He's a twenty eight year old virgin He said he's a twenty eight year old virgin He goes I'm ugly as shit He goes except even shit Has dung beetles that appreciate the aesthetic

Oh sweetie But he's got a great sense of humor He goes I got big ass ears that lie perpendicular To the side of my head So does Will Smith Big triangle nose I don't know about that What about Adrian Brody you like him

There you go He's got a big ass Roman nose Balding island pattern The circle here with the horseshoe Shaved it all off Very hairy All over except my fucking head He goes pointy ass mantiddies

With pepperoni nipples This sounds like Jim Norton wrote this And best of all he goes my genitals alone Would send any woman sprinting towards the horizon Oh got a little one Wow alright so what does he do Got a little one Listen I know they say

Listen I know they say that the man Makes the clothes the clothes don't make the man But I feel like you know maybe you need To shave that head Bald like the way Bill has it So you know there's No like trace any time that horseshoe Starts to come back you just slap

Some shaving cream on it And go to town on that bad boy Yeah then people think you know like MMA Or some shit Wax your back cause that shit's nasty Just wax it just boom deal with it You'll be fine He's already

60% better looking right there Yeah go to the gym You'll feel never mind Dude he's 59160 he said He said I'm a bit heavy 59160 doesn't sound Big to me That sounds

Heavy Maybe you're fleshy Maybe you're skinny that Like you don't have any tone in your body Yeah not my tempo Not my tempo So here's what he does he shaves his head Shaves his head he gets shredded

No for the women Shave your head get shredded Cause he'll feel better about himself Just even going to the gym You'll make himself feel better I mean I don't know what to do about your dick size Because So what if he had like a 12 pack abs

12 pack abs 8 pack abs None of that is necessary Wait let me finish with the scenario 8 pack abs That you kissed down that leads To his little fella down there Are you

You'd be less disappointed If you had the little fucking xylophone above it Where you go I mean it would certainly help But you should also like cut down your pubes So your dick looks bigger But he doesn't need His dick isn't small

59 160 if he fucking thinks he's fat I bet his dick is fine I don't know He says it's small so Listen Some guys aren't blessed and that's fine That's why I'm saying your eat out game better be strong Your eat out game your fingering game

All that stuff Whatever Just get it down I don't know what I don't know who you are right now Don't tell him he needs to get a 12 pack That's too intimidating Just go to the gym like not everybody has to have

Washboard abs You just fucking told this guy That you know All of these fucking skills Like when you first get laid Fucking stick it in And now you're doing all these next level moves Those are all next level moves

I wouldn't say fingering though That's the prequel That's like the third star wars Listen as long as he knows where the clit is He'll be fine Right Yeah and I would think with videos and shit Everything on the internet I think he'll be fine

But don't use porn as a guide I just feel like porn fucks guys up I'm not saying to use porn So should he go to Www Doc Klinkenstein's clip finder The wholesome clip finder This is when you save your money

And you get a nice professional woman Who can like help you with all of that That's not the ideal way to lose your virginity But Are you saying to get a hooker An escort What's the difference between a hooker and an escort I don't know really

But the escort sounds nice Chance of STD Well I mean you know The escorts have like websites and stuff And hookers You hit them on Venmo It's not like cash I think cash is preferred And hookers are outside like those people

When they try to get you to go into the place To get your taxes done out there flipping the signs around Right exactly Street hookers either Did I do what you gotta do But You just need a little guidance and a little self esteem I don't know I feel like this is weird

Because it's like I'm promoting prostitution Yeah I think what I said was a little more positive I said go into dating sites and stuff like that And use your sense of humor Oh yeah yeah yeah forget the escorts Did I say escorts I'm sorry No because I You know feel like sex workers

Are fine and whatever Um Yeah but what's this question He wants to get laid Unless he doesn't want to go through life alone Of course None of us do I gave my suggestions

Like what more Nothing you want to do the last one here You're on a roll here You're just fucking killing it And there's a level of coldness to you today That's funny We talked about that last night Oh yeah

What are you over you over the podcast or something No no no But no you're just my coldness It's just like you know what I have to do To survive In life It's cold world baby Alright Mr. Friends mom is a psycho

Mr. Friends This sounds like a TV show Mr. Friends mom Psycho I have a friend who's been getting grounded a lot recently For the dumbest shit Does he mean my friends mom Not Mr. Friends mom

Probably but I like Mr. Friends mom better All my friends have known for a while That his mom was a psycho But now it's getting way worse First he got grounded for a month How old is this person Wasn't allowed to leave the house Outside of school at all

Because he got a 70 on one test That's good not great But better than 70% of the kids At my school Now Just this past week he got grounded For the entire summer for using His laptop to text

When he wasn't supposed to be able to communicate With anybody outside the house When he's not in school He's 16 years old by the way Is there anything I could do Could or should do to help him Or should I just leave it alone Yeah you're not the parent

Just be his friend and just commiserate with him How? He's grounded for the whole summer Damn He can't leave the house or like Anything like that I know what I would do But I'm not giving a minor advice

Yeah exactly I'm gonna stay away from this one Moving on By the way 70% is not acceptable On a test He said his grades are good, they're not great He's kind of agreeing with you He's just saying that's not justification

One text message, you can't go out the whole summer What does he know about parenting Or any of that stuff You're too young So you think that's a fair thing? If someone got a 70 on a test To ground them Don't communicate with your friends outside of school

And then he sent one text message or whatever And now he can't go out for the whole summer That's definitely extreme I don't think that I would parent Like that But that's not my kid And I don't know what else he's doing I also don't know if it was just one text

He sent one text, what was the text about We're leaving that alone We're skipping What does it say here How much time have I done One minute and 26, 27 Okay that's one hour You think we've done a minute

We did a minute on this podcast What, a minute? How much time have I done One minute, one hour Okay cool That's the podcast Nea I've had such a wonderful time here with you Me too

This is our place That's right We got to bring the baby How special is that I was cleaning up And I was looking over at her playing In the living room And I was making her dinner

I was like I'm making dinner For my little baby girl in Parrot It's so special How cool when she says the French word Say we We Say thanks Thanks

She nods her head She asks for food What are you saying She goes And then you give it to her Thanks She nods her head like a bad commercial From the 1950s

Anyways Thanks for bringing us here baby Happy This day Thank you See you We had a great time And that's it

And thank you again Tom Rhodes For letting me know about that patisserie Delicious Stascio macaroon You got to have those sandwiches I got the fucking Jean Bonheur Oh that one's mine

I gave you a half of each And I got a salmon one They punched the wall Good Fucking incredible That's the podcast I got to say it in French I got to say

Keep forgetting how to say go fuck yourselves On Frosé Va tout faire On Q-Lay I'll check it on you On Thursday Fuck Do I shut it off