Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-18-24

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Bill rambles about the Celtics, A.I. we didn't ask for, and fake meat. Indochino:  Customize your summer style with Indochino. Go to www.Indochino.com  and use code BURR to get 10% off any purchase of $399 or more. Liquid Death: Go to www.LiquidDeath.com/BURR  to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. Gametime:  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday! June 17th, 2024! What's going on? Oh, yeah! How's it going? Oh, I'm fucking busy today. This is going to be patchwork trying to get this podcast done today. Oh, Billy, big day. Huh? Well, what do you think? You're too good for us, Bill? You can't do a podcast on Monday? Because what? Well, you got a big meeting, huh? You freckled cunt. Um, no, I just got a bunch of bullshit today, and I was going to do it yesterday,

but yesterday was Father's Day. Um, had a great time with the, uh, wife and kids. Um, yeah, they took me out to breakfast. I had a great time with the wife and kids. They took me out to breakfast. They let me watch a little bit of the US Open, my kids anyway. My son comes in, he just starts attacking me. So, he's four years old. I push him to the side, I'm on the couch

and I just put my leg across his chest and I'm just laying there. And he goes, all right, all right, I'll stop, I'll stop. I go, you gonna stop? He's like, yeah. And then I move it out of the way and then he gets back up and hits me again and laughs here's something epic my daughter said we were watching Lego Batman on Saturday night and she was watching it and that's one will Arnett and Zach Galifianakis who I've watched

the movie like 20 times I had no idea he did the voice of the Joker Which is so amazing his performance in that is so funny So anyway She was watching the movie with me and she goes, you know something she goes dad she goes Batman isn't a good guy Or a bad guy. He's just a man. that's a jerk who thinks he's a vigilante. So I go, what's a, oh she said vigilante. I go, what's a vigilante?

And she goes, that's a man who shows off to women because he's trying to be cool because he's embarrassed. That's what she said. And I was like, ah, you know, I don't know, I mean, I think, I don't think you quite understand what a vigilante is, but you definitely understand a certain type of person that's a guy, a male or whatever. Did I crack my fucking screen in my phone? Oh well. Inhale, exhale, smile. See? It's over. I've been doing that man. I'm rewiring my brain to fucking not flip out about that type of shit.

Anyway, so I did watch the US Open. Good Lord, can somebody just, you know, win a major without some sort of heartbreak? There's always some sort of heartbreak. Shout out to Rory McIlroy, man. Was it Bryson DeChambeau was ahead by a stroke. What happened? He, I think he, I don't even think he bogeyed. Rory just came pouring on Birdie three out of four holes,

like nine, 10, and 12. And then DeChambeau bogeyed and all of a sudden, Rory went from down one to like up, he was up two, I believe, it was like 800 to 600. And then he unfortunately missed a three footer and a three and a half footer on 17 and 18. And when he missed the one on 18 to go down a stroke on a major like that wasn't devastating enough

Like ten assholes in the crowd started chanting USA USA It's like first of all like Like what are you chanting USA for? Like, they're playing fucking hawk, it's golf! There's no countries in golf. Fuck that stupid skins game, whatever the hell it is, Davis Cup, whatever the hell they call that.

Who gets patriotic over a group of Americans going up against another country in golf. So dumb. It's so dumb. You bring in like the Olympic energy to that. I think that's really stupid. And then also, who has a problem with fucking Ireland? England. The biggest fucking cunts on the planet. There you go. Other than that, right? So... I don't know. I was

Happy DeChambeau. I'm hoping I'm saying his name. I'm new to golf. Bryson DeChambeau won. I was really happy for him I was happy with either one of them winning it, you know, because Rory I know is going through a divorce so like, you know, I could feel his ex-wife's spite the entire time He was there. So I was hoping he was gonna win it. But unfortunately It didn't happen. And was it me? Was the color commentator entire time he was there so I was hoping he was gonna win it but unfortunately it didn't happen and was it me or was the color commentator kind of being like really harsh with the criticism or is he the greatest golfer of all time he would just be like yeah that's not a good shot that was not a good shot like a guy like

halfway down the fairway out of a trap, goes just to the right of the green. You know, he definitely wanted more out of the shot. Like that couldn't be, it's like, that was kind of a fucking great shot from that lie, right? Look at me talking the fucking jargon over here from that lie. What about the rough? That rough was rough at Pinehurst.

That fucking Dr. Seuss looking grass. It looked like they should have been digging for clams. It literally looked like... I can't remember where, but I was on a beach one time. In the morning, overcast. Ginger, right? Speaking of which, I went to a dermatologist. You know, my wife saw me looking, looking, oh, what is this? You got to get this checked out or whatever. So I went there, you know, no skin cancer.

Thank God. They're just like, oh, those are normal. Those are liver spots. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why do I have a liver spot on my arm? Why? What a liver spot? Why wouldn't it be on my fucking liver? I haven't drank in almost six years.

Whatever. Anyway, speaking of that shit, oh Billy, oh Billy's in the bubble. Oh Billy's in the bubble baby! I'm getting ready to do my special. I'm so friggin excited. I got that big Tom Brady event behind me. That was way bigger than me doing another dumb special. So I, you know, feel great.

Hit a home run on that thing. And the special is just going to be fun. But now I'm like really, like seriously. You know, I know you guys knew I was doing like, you know, my calisthenics and my toe touches, right? I had that band around my belly and I flipped the switch. Remember when you go,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, remember that shit? They thought that that would get rid of your belly fat. Just making it jiggle or whatever. It was like stomach twerking. Wait a minute. Did black people take twerking from white people with their big white guts back in the day? Hmm. There's a couple of those things I wonder about, you

know? The gay pride flag, did they take that from Deadhead's t-shirts? It's the exact same colors. I don't know. You ever think of me a little more original? Gay people? No. Anyway, so I've even cut dairy out. I'm just down to protein, vegetables, and copious amounts of water is what I'm doing. Oh Billy Fresh Face trying to come limping in over the limping in over the finish line at 56 years of age. And speaking of 56, I was watching some Lawrence Taylor highlights. To me that's the greatest football player I ever saw. He had it all. He was like a superhero. He completely changed the position and did anybody look better in a uniform than that guy? When the Giants were their whites, you know, when they had that blue helmet that said

Giants on the side in the white face mask with Lawrence Taylor. See with my skin tone I would have looked sickly. His skin tone with that white face mask, like nobody ever looked cooler. I still remember the first time him breaking out as a superstar, I wanna say it was a nationally televised game. I think it was

Thanksgiving. I don't know what it was, but whatever team it was, the Lions or whatever, they were down on the goal line. And he intercepted this pass. They threw it out in the flat, I believe, he intercepted it and just took off running and he was faster than any cornerback. You know, back in the day, I'm not going to lie to you, when a linebacker intercepted a ball, you know, he would get, you know, 20, 30 yards and then get run down by a receiver or running back or something like that, or maybe even a lineman. If a down lineman intercepted it, he'd run two feet and get tackled. And then Lawrence Taylor, in a corner, it was the only one you had, or a safety, it was the only one they had a chance of like,

taking a pick six all the way, if you were on the other side of the field. They were just too fucking slow, and that guy came along and was as fast it seemed as any wide receiver out there Maybe it already like started to establish himself as one of the best linebackers in the league and then he did that I remember John Madden going on and on and on About how amazing he was and all the stuff he was doing to disrupt the play of whoever the hell they were playing. Disrupt the play of whoever they were playing. Um...

Anyway, what did I want to talk about? The MotoGP race got cancelled this weekend. Rescheduled, I should say. Re- scheduled. Um... I'm in my car here, dude. This is what kind of a day I have here. Oh, Jesus. Gotta get out of here, man.

It was getting fucking hot. Gonna sit here on the goddamn sidewalk on the curb here like a goddamn bum. So anyway, yeah, the MotoGP got canceled. rescheduled I should say, and I don't know, I had this crazy thought, you know, because I've been kind of paying attention to like, you know, I've been practicing my French as always. And so I got, I might have some shows coming up there. We're trying to put something together in a small place. And the goal

is I want to do my act and then speak French to the crowd in between. So I sort of baby step my way into becoming fluent on stage. So they just had their elections over there in France and a bunch of conservatives got in like far right. So the left is like freaking out and blah, blah, blah. got in like far right. So the left is like freaking out and blah, blah, blah. And it's just kind of weird, man. It's almost like weather when you look at these elections. Where if a low pressure system is next to a high pressure, a high pressure goes to low pressure.

That's what wind is. And the bigger the difference, the faster the wind moves, right? So, uh, the air moves and, uh, I'm kind of looking at like this, uh, like these elections and stuff. And it's just like, you know, people like here are looking, oh my God, like, how does this guy, you know, like, how does Donald Trump make sense to these people? He's clearly, you know, yeah, cause you're going like, you know, like how does Donald Trump make sense to these people? He's clearly, you know, yeah, because you're going like, you know, January,

January 6th, it was a loving event. Everyone had a good time. He's just completely just redefining it. And they're all like, yeah, you know, and what it is is what needs to happen. And I'm telling you is we all have to have empathy and listen to either side because as much as that guy sounds to the left, like all of this extreme shit on the right, that some dude with a beard is like, you got to call me, you know, by these pronouns. You have to understand that people in the middle of nowhere, like that, that's like,

they're not ready for that. That's as nuts to them as Trump is to us. So if you're going to be doing that, like you got to like baby step our ways. We got to get back to the middle everybody is what I'm saying, right? You know, back in the day, I remember like, you know, I'm weird. Like I used to be on the right, then I was on the left, and I'm kind of like, I'm kind of sitting here in the middle, and I'm just waiting for somebody to fucking make sense and not scare the shit out of me. And that hasn't happened in a while on either side.

So I'm kind of thinking like, you know, I don't think it's going to happen. I mean, we're going to have these two fucking old nitwits again over here. So I guess over in Europe, like the same thing is happening, that it's never good when one side or the other is really making a hardcore push for their agenda. And they're in this mindset of like this, you have to do this, cause this is the way it's gonna be, or there's gonna be consequences.

You do that the other side, the left of the right is just gonna push back Just as hard and then you get into these fucking crazy errors And next thing you know, there's a war So, why doesn't everybody fucking relax and everybody just why don't we all just take tense paces towards each other and Fucking chill out and have a nice little breeze back and forth instead of a fucking tornado there. Alright I gotta eat something here. This is patchwork dude. This is what it's gonna be.

It's gonna be little 15 minute sections today. But I will get this done. Alright. Alright I'm back. I'm back. Now I'm sitting in another parking lot before I go into this friggin' meeting. Oh Billy, oh Billy trying to sell an idea out here. Do you ever get tired of just, you know, just selling yourself and just asking people to

care about whatever the fuck it is you're doing? Anyway, yeah, I mentioned I am in the bubble. I am working out this weekend. I have, I believe, four shows in San Jose, California, which is gonna be a great time. If you guys got any recommendations up there, good coffee spots. I mean, it's gonna have to be, you can't hide, you know, if I'm just drinking espressos, right?

Anybody can hide behind, you know, a little bit of cream and sugar. By the way, underrated iced coffee, huh? Gee, Bill, you're going out on a limb, aren't you? What are you going to say next, Bill? Huh? Fucking chocolate is yummy? Anyways, let's get down to talking about what fucking matters. The Boston Celtics and the Florida Panthers are both up three games to one. The Dallas Mavericks and the Edmonton Oilers both avoided being swept in game four. What is going to happen?

The Celtics play tonight, game five at home at the TD Bank, North Boston Garden. I was down there the other day getting my kids some Celtics gear. Nothing that said finals on or whatever. Just a couple of t-shirts. You know, they grow out of them. You know, my kids are out here and I can't have them poisoned by becoming fans of the Clippers, you know? No. The Lakers. The Fakers. Saying they have fucking... The Los Angeles Lakers have 17

no you don't you don't the Minneapolis slash Los Angeles Lakers have 17 okay like Laker fans what would you do if fucking the Lakers moved to Vegas next year won a title and then everybody in Vegas was going we have 18 I think you get a little upset I think you get so upset we could actually see your fucking Forehead move again Huh, maybe mush around you know some of that Botox The fuck is people what are they doing? Walking around injecting whatever that shit is into your face

You're out of your fucking mind I You're out of your fucking mind. I do find that funny though. People you know freak out about I'm not gonna take this I'm not gonna take that if the government says you got to take it but then they'll you know it's my choice my choice to fucking shoot these fucking chemicals in my face or take testosterone that's my other favorite one. It's totally natural for your testosterone to drop off, and now people are taking it to make sure that it doesn't. And it's just like, all right there, guinea pig,

we'll see what happens. Good luck to you, we'll see you on the other side. You know, I think it's gonna lead, I'm gonna, it's gonna lead to like, you know, the PGA has like a seniors, the seniors tour. They're gonna have that with like fighters. They're just gonna have to do something with all that testosterone pumping through their veins. And they can't fight somebody young because they'll get the shit kicked out of them. But then I just think they're gonna, they'll like fight each other.

You had bum fights, right? This would be like, I don't know, what would you call it? What do you call it? What's it called? It's a derogatory term for old people? You old coot. It's really not a good one. Is there a word that you can call an old person? Like old people in general. I mean, you can call somebody an old bag, an old fart. Fart fights, old fart fights.

You know, you put alliteration in there, you know, somebody's gonna order the fight, right? Anyway, ah Christ, I'm sitting here in a parking lot, and I'm reading this sign. It says, pastries and coffee. Who the fuck gets a pastry? It says pastries and calf and coffee. Who the fuck gets a pastry? That shit's just funny to me. Going in and get a pastry. I understand ice cream and cookies. Cake on your birthday but a fucking pastry? You know, I like... What was that? What was that? A Danish?

Now wait a second. What is it? Is it croissant? Is that a pastry? I have no idea. What do you guys do if you see my next special and I am in just absolutely shredded shape, but unfortunately in July, like the second I went back, I just fucking went off the rails and just looked like this fucking gingered Michelin man. I could do it. My 600 pound life, my 600 pound fucking ginger. I'd be like the fucking white whale in Moby Dick.

This is how I would do it. If I was gonna balloon up to 600 pounds, this is how I would do it. Burgers and fries, pizza, gonna name all the shit I can't eat anymore. Burgers and fries, pizza. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh You know, half a rack, six fucking donuts. Six glazed. You know, I've had people love glazed donuts. They don't even have to chew. They just put it in their mouth like fucking tobacco.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They just tuck it in their whole fucking donut, right in their jowl. And they just leave it there except they don't spit they just fucking swallow the sugar um anyway i haven't watched one of those shows in a long time um just watching those people eat man was fucking fantastic i mean i felt bad for everything but like you know just watching somebody doing it like that it's just like watching somebody do blow into their 50s and just being like yeah you know one of these days i'm just gonna fucking have a heart attack and die but you know there's a part of you

where you look at them like you know like what's that like it's got to be amazing to just say yes i'm having a yes day like every fucking day Yes, I'm having a yes day like every fucking day. Just get out of the way. Maybe that's the way to fucking thin the population. If you stop putting information out there about the stuff that's bad for you and just tell everybody to steer into it, or you tell everybody that the world

is gonna end in like 15 years, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. So indulge. All right. But just know that, you know, no one's going to help you. All right. Hospitals and ambulances are now illegal. And just watch people falking and salking donuts.

Um, just complete absolute gluttony. What is going on? How do I get a notification? Oh, I didn't put her on airplane mode. Airplane mode. Guys, could you put your fucking phones on airplane mode? Not great. Now there's kids walking by my car and I'm out here in here cursing, talking to myself. Anyway, so we'll see, we'll see if the Celtics get it done tonight. I'm not gonna see it. I'm gonna record the game and then I'll watch, you know. I'm kind of glad the fucking Mavericks kicked the shit out of us. I think that's a good thing. I think the reason why they kicked the shit out of us so bad was because they were down three games to none.

You know? So they came in with that fire in their eye and now you know we should be coming back being like alright well these guys are obviously have woken up so we got a job to do let's get out there and get it done. to do let's get out there and get it done so anyway now that I have trashed or made fun of the Lakers rest in peace Jerry West I always like that guy just total class act he had that rare combination of like He was a total class act and then was like ridiculously competitive Would like talk shit while being classy all at the same time And I believe isn't he the silhouette for the NBA logo?

So we should we shall see what happens with that now that he's passed away there's no way that they're gonna change it. Because some people were saying, like, why do we have a white guy as, like, the symbol of the NBA? Right? At which point white people could be like, I don't know, because we started the league? Do we get any credit for that. I know black people dominated it, but we at least started it. Can we do that? Never seems to work that way.

But if you had to pick somebody, they should switch it up. They should switch it up. Like if the NBA, you know, I don't know, corporations gets weird about their logos. Like, you know, that's gotta be consistency. It's gotta come at the exact same time. There has to be the stupid fucking music underneath it. Just like all those people in the room,

like looking at analytics about a logo. And doing test studies. And just dragging homeless people you know off the fucking streets taking their fucking bud tall out of their hand you want it back you want it back you tell us which one you like don't fucking lie to us and we'll dump this down the sink right whatever they do whatever those fucking people do in those rooms. Let's do some reads here for the week. Oh, look who it is everybody. Indochino!

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Create an account and redeem code, spell out BURR, B-U-R-R for $20 off, download Game Time. Today, last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. All right, what do we got now? All right, this is people writing in here, things we didn't ask for. Hey Bill, I really appreciate your takes over the last 15 years. You're batting almost 900 in my book when it comes to all the evil shit that's happening. Yeah, I'm all right, you know. I've done pretty good for myself. That whole one world currency

and government thing to make sure we have less to say about our lives is happening every day, but no one seems to care. Yeah, no, people care. They're just silenced and called crazy people and the rest of people are taking payoffs or they're part of it. Or they just in the dark and they don't know. For example, we're being forced to have all our technology

integrated with AI. There are a million things to complain or worry about here but I'll pick one. The fact that AI makes decisions for us changes the whole point of picking up a tool. If I picked up a hammer and it constantly guided me in a direction of use, it would essentially control me. The algorithm is an early version of this Yeah, but you can fuck with the algorithm can't you? Like I remember I would go on Netflix and if I remember I watched I always talk about this I watched one of those narcos seasons and then everything was about narcos and behind the scenes in prisons So then I just watched Japanese anime

just to fuck with it. To flip it around. The weird thing about people in power and people having money is they're incredibly paranoid and fearful that it's all gonna go away. Are they gonna be figured out or anything? So they need like a ridiculous, unhealthy level of control. They're all fucking sick people. They really are sick people, but they have the money.

So all these watchdog people, you know, they keep their fucking mouths shut. And then they just go after dumbass shit. You know what I mean? Like a standup comedian who does a show in Berkeley, and you write half my joke and make it seem like I trashed liberals when I was really baiting conservatives so I could say that I hated both sides and then you leave all of that out there

so you can fucking put it into your fucking whatever whatever your bullshit is in your newspaper that's one of the coolest things about just being in the public eye a little bit is that's when you just realize all of these newspapers are just lying their fucking asses off and they're spinning everything to whatever their ideology is the left and the right. Great example of that was last week, a couple weeks ago when I did a show and I trashed both liberals and conservatives and conservative papers picked it up and all they talked about was when I trashed liberals. Is that reporting?

I don't think it is. I don't think it is. Anyways, this person says my kids lives are going to be nothing like mine granted my childhood was different than my parents and grandparents the difference now is beyond understanding if the tech company wants to add a i to their ship that's their business but now our military government service

are talking about integrating it in huge ways. Okay, so I like that. That's the usual thing. So we now have something to be paranoid about and is there any way to organize people to say we don't want that stuff? You know, I don't know. It's weird. I don't understand those people. What are they so afraid of people making their own decisions? Why are they afraid of people just living their fucking lives? I don't understand it.

Why does everything have to be rammed down your throat or secretly, you know, some backdoor shit? My favorite thing is incognito mode. Like, oh, you don't know that I'm on this porn website because I'm in incognito mode. Like, oh, you don't know that I'm on this porn website cause I'm in incognito mode. It's like, are you out of your... That's just to make you feel better. There's definitely, they're watching every fucking thing that you're doing.

The end of the day, if you don't cause a revolution, no one's gonna care. But if you become a fucking problem, then they'll use all of that shit against you. Well, I don't know what the fuck they're gonna care. But if you become a fucking problem, then they'll use all of that shit against you. Well, I don't know what the fuck they're gonna do. US guidelines for food and drug stink. Wilfred the Wise, thank you for always railing against the food companies.

I just saw a clip going around where you talk about them poisoning the food supply, and there were tens of thousands of views and so many comments about how you're the only one who talks about this stuff publicly all the time. So did you hear that Italy banned fake meat? You know, that processed stuff that is nothing like meat at all, that is cheaper to make sure, to make sure, surely lacking the proper minerals and nutrients found in actual meat.

Not only are we cool with it here in the US, we give tax breaks to these companies because someone is jerking someone else off up there. Yeah, all of these, they actually infiltrated the watchdog groups. It goes back to the Reagan years, when they started doing that, hey man, you don't want government in your life, you know what government in there telling you what to do, like the government gives a fuck what I'm doing. What it really was, was the corporations made it seem like the government was going to infiltrate our lives. But what they really were doing was they were watching the corporations, they were sort of putting a governor on their level of greed and sociopath behavior.

And over the years, it all got deregulated basically from Reagan to Clinton. I think Clinton was the last one that deregulated something on the banks that finally opened the door for 2008 to happen. And yeah, so all of these, the FDA and all of these places where they're supposed to be watching us, from what I've read, I don't know if it's true or not, they basically got infiltrated by Food companies putting their own people in there to push shit through Drug companies and all of that, but that's not important

That's not important. Let's fucking let's watch an award show and see what this actor says about fucking Somalia All right, where am I? They give them tax breaks Meanwhile, they're making it impossible for farmers to do their job with every ass backwards law that gets passed The other one is so zempik. I just heard that it is illegal in all other countries except Canada It's wild how fucking stupid we are over here. We're not stupid. We're uninformed And they got us battling with each other with CNN and Fox News. This is not a good thing.

These people are crazy, the direction that they're sending us in. It's almost like none of these people making these decisions care about us. Who would have thought? Well, I mean, I just think it's so fucking corrupt at this point. How do you, and the momentum is going so far. I don't have any, you know. That's why you know they have the Celtics vs the Mavs tonight. Bread and circus for you.

Alright groomsmen buying my husband a $6,000 wedding gift. Oh whoa. Unless you guys are in the Illuminati, what is this person trying to do? Hi Bill, my fiance and I are huge fans and he especially loves listening to your podcast. I'll cut to the chase. We've been together for eight years

and getting married this fall. He loves watches and I've been really excited to surprise him with one for the wedding. This would be more money than I've been really excited to surprise him with one of one with one for the wedding. This would be more money than I've spent on anything other than my house and I've been saving up for many months. He has a wealthy groomsman that has always loved to flaunt his money and is always getting him expensive gifts for birthdays or life events. Parentheses when he bought his house.

Wait, he bought your fiance a house? Anyway, he told me the other day that he bought my fiance a nearly six thousand dollar watch as a wedding present and I burst into tears right in front of my fiance when I got the message. I'm so mad at myself ruining the surprise but more mad that his groomsman thinks this is an appropriate wedding gift. I hate that one of his friends is buying him the same caliber of wedding gift that his wife me is getting him.

I don't know why, but I just feel so sick to my stomach over it. Do I need to get over myself? Is this a normal thing to get for a friend if you have a lot of money? We appreciate any advice. Thanks Bill." No, it's totally douchey. That's the male version of the chick that shows up to the wedding and tries to look prettier than the fucking bride.

You know what I mean? And shows up with something that is really elegant but also hoary and tries to like steal focus. The only thing I can say in defense of this guy is it seems like he does it all the time. At least he's generous with his money. But there is an outside chance that he doesn't realize, you know, if he's got a little bit of narcissism, he might not realize that this wedding is not

about him. That he should just go up there and just say he's happy for the two of you and wish you luck and all of that stuff. And say that he loves you guys and then that's it. Say a couple things funny. I don't know what you're making a year, but if you're saving up that amount of money, you're obviously not making what he's making. So he must know on some level that what he's buying him is going to be worth more than

you. And then why did he have to tell you that? This guy, you know what? This guy, he's really self-involved. If he is a narcissist, what I've learned dealing with people like that is you don't take what they do personally, you just view them as with people like that is you don't take what they do personally You just view them as mentally ill, which is what they are. So I hate to say it when you burst into tears if he's a narcissist, he probably fucking savored that

You know because he got a reaction out of you and then he gets to act like you know, what did I do? I mean, I love my bro bro I don't think you need to get over yourself I think that guy needs to you know learn some sort of etiquette or maybe I don't know maybe he's gay and maybe this is his last Hail Mary baby thinks your husband's a bit of your husband to be is a bit of a whore on quitting dream job. Hey Billy boy, I'm in a tough spot. Three years ago at 26, I quit my day job and switched to playing music full-time in a covered band. It required a ton of downsizing in life but we are finally making a livable wage from it. The problem is that in order to do this nearly every Thursday through Saturday. I am playing a show sometimes in order to make

enough To get by we're playing shows six days a week and the summer we play weddings Which takes up the entire weekend all my free time is during the day on weekdays An inverted schedule of all my friends and family I found my dream job But I can't stand the isolation that comes with the lifestyle. When I quit my job, I thought I was finally going to be living on my terms, but I feel like the rest of my life outside of playing shows is nothing

like I want it to be. I'm thinking of going back to a more regular nine to five job and making gigging a once in a while hobby. Am I crazy to have gotten out of the rat race only to walk back in? Big fan, I would really appreciate advice from someone like you who I think has weighed similar sacrifices in the beginning of your entertainment career and maybe even now. Yes, that is a fantastic question. But unfortunately I have my, well, it's not gonna be unfortunate for you, I'm just going to hit stop here.

I will answer this momentarily in your life in about a fucking hour and a half in mine. Alright, now back, here we go. Oh, Billy Patchwork over here. Alright, so the question was, you guys remember it? Um... Alright. There's no reason to go into full-on panic mode here. There is that weird thing when you go after a dream and then your dream becomes a job and then the job becomes a grind.

It's like anything else, but the great thing about the job you have is you can decide when you want to work and when you don't want to work. I don't think because you don't seem to have a social life during the middle of the week that that's a reason to go back to the rat race. I just think that you need to be hanging out with people that have the same schedule as you, which I don't think is as rare as you think it is. I do remember my first road gig I ever did. I was in Martha's Vineyard, and I did this gig down there for a comedian by the name of Billy Martin, who's now like the head showrunner guy over at Bill Marsh's show. like the head showrunner guy over at Bill Marsh show.

And I remember that first night vividly, that was, you know, when I was living, you know, in the suburbs of Boston, and I literally drove down to Woods Hole, took the boat over, did the gig, slept there that night and then came back. But that was the first night on the road where I was by myself sleeping in a bed that was not mine and I was all alone.

And I do remember thinking like, wow, this is crazy. Like I don't know, I don't know if I can do this. Like this is like just experiencing that the first time. I got over it quick, but, and then there was other times, you know, struggling times, working hard and not seeming to get noticed or getting screwed over or, you know, some unforeseen expense. And you're like, oh my God, just when I felt like I could relax a little and that, you know, because it takes a lot of balls to kind of leave the nine to five life. I don't know about now, the corporations have so decimated it. You might as well go take a shot.

But listen, ultimately this whole decision is gonna have to be yours. But I don't think because, you know, all my friends are like, you know, working Monday through Friday. Well, then you got to, you know, I'm not saying to get rid of those friends, but I basically, when I became a comedian, then most of my friends ended up, my new friends were comedians. And we hung out at work and all of that type of stuff. But I still maintained my core group of friends. In fact, when I did that gig at Gillette and they asked for my guest list, anybody who wasn't my family, they were all the guys I had season tickets with in 1989.

So it was really cool to come back and hang with them. So I've still been friends with them and we have completely different schedules, but I don't know. I feel like I'm just meandering here because I don't know what you want to do in the music business. There's a bunch of different areas you can go into i i know like making tracks for people for like you know background music on instagram and stuff i would think you could make a fucking small fortune doing that um if you want to get out of the grind of weddings and all of that stuff but uh i would also talk talk to your bandmates and people like that just ask them you know how do you how do you deal with Monday through Friday

when all your friends are working and then they're off on the weekend and then you're, you know, I don't know, man. Yeah, it'll be like up to you, but I want to sit here and tell you to fucking give up on your dream. Just do whatever the fuck you want to do. But like from the outside, I don't think like,

well, I got nobody to hang out with you know during the fucking week go find some somebody's got to be doing something see you're you're a working musician now so now you are in you're running with like strippers comedians people in the restaurant industry they have crazy schedules you. Data waitress, they're always working weekends and then they fucking their Monday, Tuesdays, their Friday and Saturday night. I have to tell you just like early on that was weird to me but then it's still special to me that I can do whatever the hell I want to do. Well, it's not really true now.

I mean, I got the wife and kids. But like back in the day that like if I wanted to go get something to eat or I wanted to go see a movie or whatever, you know, during the day, those days were mine when they used to be somebody else's and I had to work on somebody else's dream. So, I don't know. Just follow your heart and you'll be fine. All right. I am stressing out to do because I have to sit down and watch this game.

I am going to watch it in real time. A buddy of mine just said he's coming by to watch it. So, you know, here we go. Here we go. Just get it fucking done, dude. All right. That is the podcast. I apologize that it was so late. I Just I don't know it was just one of these days yesterday was Father's Day

I didn't want to like, you know fucking do a podcast at the end of the night You know I'm not fucking working on Father's Day. Okay, it's goddamn my day Did you by the way? How many commercials did you see for Father's Day zero? Nothing fucking promoting that shit Did they wear special jerseys and MLB years your Father's Day home Jersey Let the dad you know in your life versus the dad who actually made your stepfather let him know how much you appreciate him other than your biological father by buying him a limited edition red socks right fielder

jersey well these things are special I saw him up close said that's a sharp piece of equipment. I'll tell you what's really stupid, fucking sports memorabilia. It used to be cool when they just sort of randomly made it when good shit happened. Now they're just constantly having these wacky hats and shit like that. And you know what ends up happening? It all ends up fucking shrink wrapped underneath your fucking bed and no one gives a shit about it. Sorry. Alright, so have we learned anything from this podcast? Alright, AI is coming, it's not our decision, they're going to control us.

Extreme left people think extreme right people are crazy, extreme right people think extreme left people are crazy. If we could all just sort of walk towards each other and be like, hey man, I'm cool with your guns and as long as you don't do anything fucked up with them, and then they could be like, hey man, you know, not for nothing, every bathroom is gender neutral if there's a toilet in there. If there's a shit out, right, and then we all just sort of come together and everybody fucking relaxes and everybody stops yelling each other on the internet. I like to think no one listens to my podcast does that.

But if you're doing that, you're not making the world a better place. And you're most likely arguing with the robot. All right, that's it. That's it from me, a guy who doesn't know shit. I'll fucking talk to you guys on Thursday. Go fuck yourselves and have a great couple of days.