Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-19-17

Episode Date: June 19, 2017

Bill rambles about being a mogul, hitting the showers and transitional habits.

Now at Proximus, the perfect deals with a 1 plus 11 for 0 euro at a mobile subscription. 0 euro? That doesn't make sense. I don't want that either. Amai, do you feel my heart beating? Oh, that's a good ringtone for that new 1 plus 11 for 0 euro. Information and information at proximus.be Proximus, think possible. That's for Monday, June 19th, 2017. What's going on? How you doing? How are you?

What's up? Oh, that's great. That's you doing good. How you doing good? Oh, that's good. I'm doing great. I'm actually recording this on Sunday, June 18th. 49 years old, my first fucking father's day. First father's day. Oh, geez, Bill, what did you do? God bless you. You're in the clubhouse fucking turn. You finally became a dad. What did you do? I had a great day. I had a great day. You know, they go all out for Mother's Day. This just brunch after brunch after this after that.

I went over to a car show over on Rodeo Drive. Rodeo Drive, right? Rodeo Road. Rodeo Drive, the fancy schmancy place. Evidently, they have a father's day car show. Every father's day, obviously. If they're going to call it father's day car show. Yes, they've had it every year. And of course, I never went. I was never a dad. I never even heard about the fucking thing. So I was not on the email list. You know, Billy the kid list as you guys called me back in the day.

As of five months ago, you could still call me that. I was never on the email list and God damn it. I was like, I'm going over there. So we had over there and you know, it's like, you know, the beautiful people, the beautiful people and me. Rich, rich ass fucking. Yeah. Beverly Hills. They call it the Beverly Hills car show. And I got to tell you, man, it's fucking beautiful cars. I was either going to go to the Peterson Museum. I was going to do that. I can go to the Peterson Museum anytime. This is the father's day one. I got to go to that one and then I'll do the Peterson later. Right.

So I fucking go over there. Peterson Museum, by the way, right down next to that place. That's right. We're big. He got shot. Wilshire and fucking Fairfax. So anyways, so I'm over there. Rodeo drive. I'm checking it out. Right. There's all these rich people, you know, there's all these beautiful fucking, you know, I don't know what, you know, walking around God knows how old they are. They're really getting good with the plastic surgery, man. They're really, really getting fucking. That was, there was some amazing old looking women walking around, you know, wearing forever 21 shit that they bought it, you know, I don't know,

one of those stores up and down the block. Right. So we're walking around. You know, it's fucking hilarious. Every restaurant was like closed over there. They're like, fuck the dads. They had like five food trucks, even over there. They're like, yeah, it's the daddy doesn't give a shit. Show him a couple of fucking babbles. Show him the Lincoln from entourage, which they had over there, which was fucking cool as shit. One of the great cars out there, the Lincoln continental suicide doors and all that. Not a convertible guy, but you know, he worked for the show, the overhead shot, iconic shot at this point. They had the Eleanor car from gone in 60 seconds, but I liked, I liked, I always liked the weird shit.

Um, I saw like a 19, what the fuck was like a 1961, 62 or 63 Mercedes Benz limousine. And out of everything that was there, there was a Tucker there. There was a fucking one of those midfield, like a 55, uh, Mercedes Gullwing, you know, a bunch of Ferraris Lamborghinis, you know, those weird years in the 70s. Those ones, uh, Adam Corolla has a lot of them. I don't mean weird, like they're not good looking. It's just like, you know, I always saw him as the racing car. And then to me, it was for me, I just felt it went right to Magnum PI. And it wasn't until I did Corolla's podcast back in the day when I saw the Lamborghini's and Ferraris, I was just like, what are these? He was like, oh, this is the, this one, this is that one from like the, like the late 60s.

So now they're cool as shit. He was ahead of the curve. By the way, um, I was watching a local, uh, newscast out here and, um, Adam Corolla was a free plug here. Adam Corolla was on and he was promoting. He's got a, um, he's got a documentary on the 24 hours of Le Mans in the 1950s when Ford decided that they were going to guess compete and see what they could do over there. And, uh, they came out with the Ford GT. He's got this great, getting rave reviews. And he has another documentary that he already put out about the racing life of Paul Newman. And if you go to his website, I believe it's chassis.com something. If you just put in Adam Corolla Le Mans, it's going to come up.

And, uh, what I love is all I could find on the website was just the DVD, which is great for me as an old man. I don't like that fucking, hey, you download it and then it's in the air and somehow it's on my computer. And then I dump some orange juice on the keyboard and then I don't own it anymore. I like the DVD. I'm going to, I, um, I'm an old man. I like the DVD. That's like having the gold behind your money. So had I known about this, I would have asked for both of those for father's day. So instead I'm just going to buy myself. So anyways, I fucking go over there and they got this Mercedes Benz, like 1961, 62, 63, something in the early 60s. And it's a, it's a limousine. It's fucking black. It's got this.

I took a video. I know I always say I'm going to post it. Then I always forget that I say I'm going to do it, but I'm going to try to remember here. I had this beautiful red interior and, um, it was just, I was like that, that right there. That's what the fuck is the older I get as much as I enjoy driving. I don't enjoy driving in LA because the traffic is just fucking insane. And my wife, my wife, she ubers all the time. So I'm getting used to this jumping in a car and somebody else is driving. You know, when I go out with her and, um, I get all this business done.

Be it breaking people's balls back on some text, you know, call it back fucking Joe DeRosa, some shit. Better call Saul's Joe DeRosa for your consideration is the fucking veterinarian on that wonderful show. Um, turn email calls, business shit, all of that. And, uh, you know, you always read about these, these fucking people out here, these moguls, like the Ryan Seacrests out here, they, they don't fucking drive. They have a drive. They sit in the back and they get shit done. They pull the curtain, right? And they just back there.

They got like the Janet Jackson headset on. They're fucking firing off emails. They're buying stocks. I don't know what they're doing back there. I'm not a mogul. It's not like they're going to tell you fucking tell someone I'd be a mogul and everybody's a mogul. And then what are you? You're sort of, you're just a regular guy.

Next thing you know, you're stopping at a red light. You're looking over. You're like, is that Ryan Seacrests driving his own fucking car? What happened? I thought this guy had 17 fucking TV shows. Um, anyways, I, I could really get into that to be honest with you. Who's getting who? I'm not a mogul.

I'm just fucking lazy. And I don't know. I think there's just two types of people as they get older. There's the person that just, you know, takes up cycling and rock climbing and they take like a fucking glass blowing class or some shit, you know, and then there's other people being like, you know what, I fucking, I'm tired, man. You know, I like to chill. If I get another 49 years or whatever I get, you know, I'm on the back nine.

Who's getting who? 49 times two is 98. I want to make a hundred. I'm staying positive. Who's getting who? All right. I feel like I'm on the 12th hole. Um, yeah, who the fuck wants to drive in LA?

It's fucking horrible. I would actually thoroughly enjoy and I would just, if you, if you had that kind of loot, you'd redo an old fucking beautiful car like that. You restore it. You bring it back to life. And then you just in the back, you know, you got, you got, you know, you got a little humidor, some fucking cigars, you know, a couple of your favorite little fucking accoutrements being the booze there.

And you just fucking whatever you just drive around. You know, whatever your driver's name is, you still call them James. Every fucking, every, uh, chauffeur was always named that. Wouldn't that be great? You want to go to the movies? You know, I drink too much already, man. There's no way I could, I could handle always having a designated driver. I'd be getting fucking stewed going to the supermarket.

Um, speaking of which, Billy, no fun. Oh, Jesus, Jesus Christ was seven days in, seven fucking days in. Last night I had a couple of glasses of wine. We went out with another couple. What am I supposed to do? Everybody, you know, I'm having an Italian meal. I'm not supposed to have a little Barolo. Come on.

Come on. What am I supposed to, I had a couple of those, you know, and I don't even fucking like wine. It just, it's just, it's always reminding you of the hangover it's going to give you. I turned your teeth gray. Um, but I actually enjoyed, that's the one wine that I like. I really enjoyed it last night. And, um, I was actually going to order a whiskey, but, uh, uh, I almost said the referee, the waiter forgot to come back and asked me at that point.

I was just like, fuck this. I'm just going to stay with the wine. And then tonight my family took me out for father's day and I had one whiskey. And I, oh man, I got a fucking good one, right? I got a really good 28 years old. And then I went outside to return a phone call and I had set the glass down. I came back and, uh, one of my red blooders had bumped the table and said they knocked a little bit out. And I didn't think there was that much.

And then I looked down and there was this big puddle of it. And I was like, oh fuck, that was 28 years old. I mean, the back of my head, I was like, oh, that's good cause I'm trying not to drink anyways, but it was 28 years old. The shit poured in a glass. I sipped it and then somebody came by, boom, hit the table and then there was a puddle of it spent 20 years in a fucking barrel to be spilt on the floor and then cleaned up with a rag. Oh, that's a travesty.

I felt my liver crying, but it was good because then I had the perfect amount of booze and I was fine. So I don't know. I know you guys who were in AA, you know, collecting your little chippy poos there. You knew it. Just why I got five days sober, you know, give you a little cookie. Got you down there. There's no way, even if I was like a full on fucking Alki, like I'm in triple A of alcoholism. I never got called up to the big show.

I'm basically like Kevin Costner and Bull Durham, except I'm drinking. That would annoy me going to AA and they give me my stupid chip. Like that's what I'm like, I'm supposed to be fucking chasing these things. I got too much of a contrarian in me. That's the new word for cunt, by the way. You know, I'm a bit of a canary, a contrarian, a bit of a contrarian. Yeah, yeah, you're, you're difficult. You're a cunt, you know, you're fucking pain in the ass.

You're the kind of guy. If the fucking jet went down, you're the fucking guy. You're the guy that would get us killed. We'd all be fucking sitting there if we survived going, hey, you know, but I say we go over this ridge. Everybody agree with me? Yeah. And then there always been one guy. Well, why don't you fucking go over there, buddy?

We're being mauled by a bobcat. We'll wait for you to slowly die. And then there's our new nourishment for the rest of this fucking walk down this snowy God forsaken tundra. Anyways, sorry. The fuck am I talking about? Yeah. So we go to the car show, right?

None of the fucking restaurants are open. Fuck the dads. It's like food trucks. Nobody gives it. You know what's funny though? I didn't give a shit. My wife was upset. Oh my God.

Why do we? None of these places are open. She's like, are you all right with that? I was like, yeah, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. You know, I really don't. I'm wired like a guy. I walked around.

I looked at some shiny cars. I'm happy. It's hot as shit. Let's get back in the car and go home. I'm fine. Completely fine brunch. That's, that's some you shit. Turning this whole fucking thing into a whole day.

Yeah. Father's day. You leave it. I had the, I had the perfect father's day. And then, um, I didn't say I started my day. Well, fucking, uh, no fun. Billy, I can wake up now like super early and, um, I finally have a little drum space, about 20 ways, a little, uh, little Jesus Christ.

I came to talk a little ways away from like 20 minutes away from my house. I got a little rehearsal studio, right? You can just rent them. And I got the smallest fucking one. Like if I stretch out, I can touch the walls on all sides. And I got this little fucking, that little sonar kit that I bought, the martini kit, 16 inch bass drum, which cracks me up because I was playing that giant bottom one that had a 26 inch fucking bass drum.

And, uh, I'm trying to, you know, just go in a completely different, different direction after all of these goddamn years of just fucking trying to ape everything that, uh, that he did. And I just, it just hit me one fucking day. I told you what, one day I just sat there and I said, what if this fucking guy came back to life and he came walking into my house? I kept saying this on the podcast, right? And I was just like, Hey man, John Bonham, holy shit.

Hey, I'm a big fan of yours. Come in and look at my drum kit. I had his exact drum kit right down to the Rogers hi-hat. He would have looked, he would have slowly backed out of the fucking room. And what was funny is now I'm going down this whole fucking rabbit hole. You know, I'm listening to Pantera and fucking Primus and Miles Davis. Figure that one out. Listening to all of his fucking great drum is from Philly Joe, Tony Williams,

to fucking Jack DeGeneres. Just listen to these fucking geniuses and, um, trying to get something else in my fucking head. And, uh, through reading up on Tony Williams, I went down this fucking rabbit hole full of, I don't know how many hours on the internet, just trying to, all these tracks I was listening to and trying to see if I could, there's so many tracks where Tony is just killing it live and they just won't show them. It's so fucking annoying. They're always showing Miles or Coltrane or fucking, not Colt, he didn't play Coltrane,

Miles or fucking, was it shorter that he played with? I don't know. They're always showing those guys. Yes. It's like, if everybody else stops playing, they'll finally fucking show him. It's annoying. Um, but you know, typical, they never show the drummer. That's why I love the romantics when I was a kid and what I liked about you came out

and I finally got the, the, the drummer was singing. If the drummer sang, then they would be on Hotel California with Don Henley. You'd see the drummer the whole fucking time. Other than that, you were shit out of luck. Um, so anyways, I ended up, when you read about Tony, that leads to Billy Cobham, which leads to fucking eventually, you know, I don't know, Vinny Caliuta and Steve Smith and all these fucking guys, and then they start talking about the guys they listen to and then you go back around again.

It's amazing. So I ended up finding this quote that really made me feel good about getting rid of the drum kit that I did. Cause sometimes I think, oh man, I always wanted that kid and I finally fucking had it. And then I just always think, yeah, and you sat down and played it and you sounded like you. So it was too fucking big for you and you have all these other ideas. Why don't you go pursue those? And I just stumbled on this quote by Vinny Caliuta, right?

That's actually transcends playing drums. You can apply this to anything. It's, he says, this is when he was trying to find his own style. He said, I went through periods where I tried to imitate Tony and Billy. That's Tony Williams and Billy Cobham. He goes, but I eventually realized how dangerous it was basically trying to imitate those guys. I goes, I began to ask myself, what am I saying? I wasn't saying anything.

It had been said before and had a reason for being said, but I didn't have a reason. I wasn't making a statement. I was just repeating it like a parrot by imitating and copying someone else. A person becomes a parrot. I saw the trap and I knew as great as those guys were and still are that I had to find my own voice. And I was like, God damn it. Look at that. That applies to stand up comedy.

That applies to fucking washing cars. Do you want to be one of the greats? You know, how many times can you watch Mr. Miyagi do the wax on wax off before you're going to fucking break out of that? Come up with a new way to do it, right? I don't have the fuck to tell you. I'm just happy. So now I got this place. So I wake up now because, you know, the way my daughter sleeps, she sleeps in these four hour chunks.

So she finally falls asleep, you know, around two in the morning after she slept from like, you know, eight to 12. Then she'll be like up for like an hour and a half of some shit. And then she sleeps till like seven. My wife feeds her and then she goes back to sleep again until 10. So that window right there from seven to 10. Now I just been jumping in the car, drive 20 minutes down the street. Nobody's up. There's no musicians over at that place.

You know, they're just getting done doing blow. They're going home, you know, I'm there at like eight in the fucking morning. And I get to play for like a nice solid hour. Having the time of my fucking life. I don't know why I didn't do this for myself years ago. I never dawned on me to do it. I was always trying to play him in the fucking house and trying to find quiet ways to do it. Because who's kidding who drums are fucking annoying other, unless you're the person playing them.

So I finally got this place and I'm beyond psych. So we'll see. We'll see. We'll see what this little kid leaves me. But I don't know, whatever. I'm just saying it was a great father's day. So I went out tonight and then got a nice frame picture of me holding my beautiful daughter. And I could not be having my arms around her anymore and she looks content as hell.

It was an instant classic. I'm kissing her on the cheek and I got a frame. I'm looking at it right now, sitting on my desk and fucking psyched. So happy father's day. Father's day to all the fathers out there. You know, and if you used to play drums, you want to play him again? Go get one of those. Get that fucking that quest love little breakbeat set.

Go find some fucking studio space. Cause you're like 125, 200 bucks a month. Who gives a fuck? You know, go get it and go down there. Bring your fucking, you know, or find a studio space. Like, you know where I used to play. I say this, I didn't want anybody bug me down there. The best place that I found out here in LA, if you don't have time to get a drum kit and all that shit,

but if you just want to go play someplace is Cascade Studios down on Santa Monica, just east of Highland. It's the shit. It's fucking clean. The drum kits are great. And it was the first class place and I went to a bunch of places that was the best place that I found. So free plug there and speaking of that, speaking of that, oh, by the way, everybody keeps telling me to watch the fucking Lakers Celtics documentary thing that they got on ESPN.

So I have to check that out. But before I do that, before I do that, I fucking fucked up the goddamn podcast. That podcast, they fucked up the password. I ain't how complex these things have to be now. I hate when you fucking put a nice easy one in and then they just say to you like, oh, yeah, that's not good enough. That's not fucking good enough. It's like, well, why don't I determine that? Why are you acting like I'm in the Pentagon?

I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Oh, you know what's hilarious too? Now that I'm out of my bottom phase, I still played to some Zeppelin today. I'm like a laddie when I was over there. Somebody showed me his fucking, remember that car and the song remains the same? That crazy looking, I don't know who made it, Ford or some shit that he had, that all that crazy paintings and stuff like that. You know, you always wonder what happened to that shit.

It's somebody bought it and then somebody else bought it and now it's up for sale. It's like 250 fucking grand. You know who's going to buy that thing? John Jimmerse of the Colts. I think that guy's going to end up having like the equivalent of Jay Leno's car collection. He's going to have that with musical artifacts. I mean, the guy's getting to the point where he can kind of fuck with the rock and roll hall of fame. He's got like a Prince guitar.

He's got Jerry Garcia's guitar. If you had John Bonham's car, I mean, that really adds to the collection. Then you put your fucking Prince's guitars and all the Charlie Parker saxophone, whatever the fuck else that guy owns, in the back. Yeah, some hookers come over, he starts doing blow, whatever the fuck it is, he does it. I mean, it could be a good time. No. Anyway, let's read some advertising here. Upside down. Boy, you turn me.

All right, upside. There's a better way round and round you're turning me. Remember that one? That's obscure. Give love is deeply upside down. You turn me upside. There's a better way for you to buy business travel. It's called upside.com.

Every time you buy a trip at upside, you'll save your company a ton of money and they give you an Amazon gift card worth hundreds of dollars. Upside's able to do this because they bundle your flights and hotel together for one low price. Bundled saving, bundled prices saves money. Well, what the fuck? How do I still get a gift card worth hundreds of dollars? I mean, if you're going to bundle and it's going to save money, aren't I going to come out around $300? Then you're going to give me $200 back. This is like the greatest fucking deal ever.

If you're a frequent business traveler, your company saves a ton of money and you could get thousands a year in gift cards just for buying your air and hotel together. Upside, plus you still get all your miles. If you're shopping for business travel, you'd be crazy not to check out upside.com. Oh, I get this. This is if you're buying business tickets. Is that what it is? Business class? It takes just three minutes to see how much you can save by buying your flights and hotel together for one low price.

And right now, when you use my name, Burr, B-U-R-R, you're guaranteed to get at least $100, at least a $100 Amazon gift card for your first trip. It probably depends on how much the ticket is, I would guess. That's my name, Burr, B-U-R-R, to get at least a $100 Amazon gift card for free. Save big on travel and get a big gift card every trip. I love upside.com, evidently, even though I've never used it. Upside.com, minimum purchase required. See site for complete details. I should start fucking using that.

But then you give me an Amazon card and then I got to go out and buy shit. I'm trying to get shit out of my fucking house. Oh, I know, didn't I re-gift it? I'll give it to somebody else. There you go, you buy shit. You drown in your own fucking artifacts, whatever the hell you did, you're buying. Black tux, everybody. Black tux.

There's only so many opportunities in life to wear a tuxedo. So when your big day or special event, what are the days? You know, getting married, going to a prom. You somehow know the mayor and he's fucking got something going on, you know. What else did you wear when you're on trial? That'd be fucking hilarious. Wear a tuxedo. It's like you're showing respect and saying you're a little crazy.

Sooner or if they convict you, you can be like, hey, I mean, the guy's out of his fucking mind. Who wears a tuxedo? Who wears a tuxedo? To the road prom. There's so many options. Okay, when your big day special event comes, rolls around this spring or summer, look just as great as you feel with suits from black tux.com with high quality rental suits and tuxedos delivered to your doorstep. The black tux gives you a new way to rent.

Plus with their free home try on, you can see the fit and feel the quality of your suit months before your event. And the best part is it's completely done online. The blue tux.com lets you create your look and choose from tons of styles, stylists selected outfits, suits like these usually retail retail for $1,200. But at the black tux, they start at just $95. If you have any questions or issues, man, what's your issue, man? Their expert customer care team has your back every step of the way. After ordering your suit will arrive 14 days before your event. Why do I blow off commas?

After ordering, your suit will arrive 14 days before your event period. If anything else, if anything is less than perfect, the black tux will, the black tux will send you a free replacement right away. When your event's over, just drop your rental back in the mail. When he's wadded up in the fucking box, shipping is free both ways. How easy is that? Stand out at your event. Just thinking of all the stains on the tuxedo and have a fucking hazmat suit on. Dude, if you have a tuxedo at some point in the night, your dick's coming out.

That's just a fact. Stand out at your event for the right reason with the black tux. To get $20 off your purchase, visit theblacktux.com slash burr. That's theblacktux.com slash burr for $20 off your purchase. Two more reads, guys. Hang in there. Hang the fuck in there. I'm as bored with my reading as you are.

Legal zoom. In order to successfully run your business, attention to detail is so critical. One contract slip up. Jesus. Or legal misunderstanding. I didn't do it. Can really set you back. Fortunately, there's legal zoom.

Zoom? Yeah. You may already know that over a million Americans have used legal zoom to start their business, but legal zoom services go well beyond business formation. They built a nationwide network of independent attorneys who can provide legal answers to day-to-day questions you have about your business. Because let's face it. Things like trademarks, employment laws, and lease agreements can get pretty complicated.

That's such a nice way of saying you're too scatterbrained to want to deal with this shit. Let us handle it. So don't waste your valuable time trying to wrap your head around all the fine print. Use legal zoom for that so they could focus. So you could focus on growing your business instead. You'll get the legal help you need without being billed by the hour since legal zoom isn't a law for. I've never understood that sentence. Get legal advice from a fucking place that isn't a law firm.

Go to legal zoom.com today and be sure to enter code BRR in the referral box for special savings, only at the legal zoom.com. Lastly, but not leastly, Dollar Shave Club, dude. Dollar Shave Club is the smarter choice. You'll get your great shave at a great price conveniently delivered right to your doer. You no longer have to schlep to the store to buy a cheap disposable razor that gives you a cheap shave or spend a fortune on razors with gimmicky shaving technology you don't fucking need. All right.

When you use your Dollar Shave Club's executive razor with the Dr. Covey's easy shave. The blade gently glides across your balls, giving you a smooth shave, you know, your face. Dr. Carver's shave butter is transparent for the more prices, precise shave, helps present ingrown hairs and fights razor bumps. There you go. They handle all the way to white to black people there, huh? Make the smarter choice by joining Dollar Shave Club. For a limited time, new members can get their first month of the executive razor

with a tube of their Dr. Carver's easy shave. Butter! For only $5 with free shipping after that, razors at just a few bucks a month. That's a $15 value for only five bucks. There are no hidden fees and no commitments. Cancel any time you like. You can only get this offer exclusively at DollarShaveClub.com. That's DollarShaveClub.com.

Thank fucking Christ. That's over. Over? Um... Alright, so anyways, I really fucking overextended myself this month. I said yes to way too much shit. And for July, my answer is going to be no. I don't give a fuck when anybody asks me, no.

Hey, Billy, no. I'm not doing it. I'm not fucking doing it. I'm on the road again. I'm doing the roast of David Ortiz this week, Thursday. And I gotta figure out how to... I don't do that. Hey, I'm not saying this guy waka waka, but this boop boop boop boop.

Yada, yada, yada. You know those fucking roast jokes? For some reason, the format of roast jokes is still from like the 1950s. I don't understand why that is. You have to figure out how to do this shit. So-and-so is here, you know. Last time I saw a head like that, it had a fucking waka waka waka. You know, they still use that except the young guys now, they all say AIDS and cunt and fucking.

It's just so over the top, you know, 9-11. It's always like, I gotta figure out how the fuck to do this and I only have four days to do it. And of course, I'm busy as shit. So, I don't know what to do here. But this is the last thing. If I just get past this, which I will. Either by doing a good job, a mediocre job, or eating my fucking balls on it. The bottom line is it's over, you know, it's a 12-minute spot.

I just have to get, if I get past this fucking roast, the rest of- I'm gonna, the rest of my year, it's downhill. Billy, no fun is saying no to everything. What do you want? When is it? Nah, I can't make it. Nope, can't do it. No, no, no, I'm not gonna do it. It'd be like that fucking buzzard.

Way back. Remember that bashful buzzard on Bugs Bunny? No, no, I'm not gonna do it. That's gonna be me. I have to start fucking doing that because, yeah, it's not good. It's just too much shit. And I am, and now with the kid, I'm fucking, I'm exhausted. It's 9.22 at night, and I was ready for bed two fucking hours ago.

It's just my cutie pie doesn't fall asleep till about nine. And you know what's great about no booze? You sleep like a fucking baby. I mean, booze will put you to sleep. But the next morning you wake up and you're just like, you know, you wake up, you feel like you should be tied to a chair, you know, and there's some guy just waiting for you to come around to continue interrogating you by punching you in the head.

And then you realize like, no, I punched myself in the head with all those fucking drinks. So I'm actually really enjoying it, despite the fact that I drank the last two nights. I had one tonight and half of it spilled on the fucking ground. All right? Fuckin' judge me, all right? I decide.

I'm in my own AA. Okay, I still earned a chip today. I just feel like for me having my own AA is a good thing. Speaking of for me in reality show stars, you're not going to fucking believe who I think was at that car show today. We're walking around with looking at this fucking, this two door Cadillac that I swear to God was like, it was like two town cars put together.

Incredible fucking car. Gigantic. Oh my God, I saw this one Jaguar. You know the one that had the early, that one that had in the 60s with the long fucking hood? Not the one from the 50s that Sinatra had, that one, the James Bond era one. You know the one.

And like the hatchback opened like a fucking regular door. This guy's showing it off, right? He's got the back door open and then the hood opens like the reverse way, you know, from the windshield out. Looks cool as shit. And then I look in there. He's got like some small bucks, small block Chevy engine in there. You know, I don't know.

That's what you want to fucking do. I don't know why you would do that. Anyways, I, so we're walking around looking at those cars and all of a sudden he has these people on like, you know, they're giving out awards to cars and shit. And there's, he is listening to this person on the microphone going, I think that's Caitlyn Jenner. I think Caitlyn Jenner's here.

And I was like, no fucking way. I got to go see, I got to go see Kate. Hey, right? I got to go see Wayne by the time we got there. I'm not even sure if it was, but like Nia said that Bruce, it gets confusing. He sees, she said she's really into cars. So I got confused saying like, all right, was,

was he not into it? And then can that happen? Do your hobbies change? Then I knew what she was saying. It's like, no, he was into him. He's always been into him. And now he's become Caitlyn. I someone said transferred.

What's the fucking word you're supposed to say? Transitioned. Helicopter, November one, five, three, Sierra hotel on with you. Information Bravo requesting fucking transition through. Transitioned. To, uh, you know, being Caitlyn, but the hobbies stay the same. There you go. Who would have known that I would think you'd take up some other hobbies.

Right. Maybe you wouldn't. I got to look this up. I got to look this up. This is fucking weird because I know you take hormones and stuff. Right. So does that make you into other shit? It's, it's fine.

It's fascinating. You know, and you know what's funny is they're going to keep doing the same way they're doing the plastic surgery where, you know, it's going to keep looking better and better and better. You know what I mean? Same way, you know, everything keeps getting better and better and better except for the fucking environment, you know? Oh, by the way, I did a fucking benefit the other night and flee was in the crowd.

I can't fucking believe I didn't give him a shout out for giving a shit about bees. There was one of the few positive things I saw about the environment last year was that flee somehow got it, you know, flee the fucking bees are dying off. And flee shows up like a goddamn hero. And it gets into this beekeeping stuff. He's got the whole suit and everything. I saw this whole article on it and he's, he's hooking up like a little like there was like 10,000 of them hanging out in his backyard.

You know, you know, what's funny is that's one of those things. Your neighbors would be annoyed at because they don't understand photosynthesis. I don't know where that fucking word came from, but I literally, I think I think I used it correctly. Isn't that when the bees go from flower to flower and stuff gets on their cute little feet, you know, their cute little bee feet, you know what I mean? And then they pollinate shit inadvertently. They're out there running errands for the queen, right? The queen bee.

The fuck was I talking about? Oh, I got to look this shit up. When you transition to your hobbies, change fucking list of am I going to get put on looking this shit up? Oh, come on, man. Don't do this to me. Come on, internet. Come on, internet. Can you fucking work for once in your life?

You fucking cunt. Can you believe someone who can't even get internet in his whole house is talking about having a chauffeur? I mean, how fucking First World country is that? Habit change is easy when people move into your house. Four strategies to change your habits. Was that not specific enough? I, this has to, I have to be wrong. You transition to a woman.

Do your hobbies change? 13 ways to master the transition from college to the real world. Habit change is easier. How to successfully transition your diet, nerd fitness, health in your 40s. Well, you know what? I searched it twice, I guess. So Bruce was into it. Now Bruce is Caitlyn.

Caitlyn's like, you know, good on you, Bruce. Way to get those fucking cars because I'm still digging them. That's fucking amazing. You know, I hope someone I know fucking transitions. I just want to see that whole goddamn thing, you know. Something's got it. Something, it's got to be something. All right.

Does your preference of color change? If you're taking hormones, like you're fucking with like the chemicals, right? Isn't it fucking amazing how I just refuse to read about shit and I just continue to add to it? I just refuse to read about shit and I just continue to ask questions while answering them. And this is how I come to conclusions. And then I can somehow legally get on stage with the microphone or do a fucking podcast. I can't imagine how many people who used to be men and are now women are just slapping their female forehead, their transition forehead right now, listening to me as I'm talking.

I apologize to anybody out there transitioning. I don't fuck them. Why would I think that? Because she said she's really into cars. Doesn't take a lot to trip me up. That's all I'm saying. All right. Let's read some shit here, right?

Mute math and Colbert. Hey, Billy, boom, back. But boom, boom, back. Thanks for putting me onto mute math. Oh my God, they're fucking amazing. Fucking incredible band. They got a brand new album out. Whatever you kids say, they got some brand new shit that you can download through the fucking air.

Man. Capture it on your device. Share it with your friends, man. This guy says I've seen the name before, but never listened and they are all caps fucking dope. Just bought a ticket to see them on their tour in September. Dude, you are not going to be disappointed. They are fucking as good as their band. Their albums are their fucking incredible life.

Fucking incredible band. And then he said to me, he told me to check out these bands. It says check out big data in Portugal. I don't understand this next sentence. It says the man, comma, I think you might dig them. Is the man also a band? I'll look it up. All right.

If my internet hasn't shut down after that last stupid fucking search, keep drumming and make Stephen keep drumming and making Stephen Colbert uncomfortable. Oh, I did the Steve Colbert show last Thursday, aired Friday. I wasn't making him uncomfortable. He enjoyed it. I had a great time with him. He's a, I met him briefly one time at some benefit, but he's a really good dude. It was fucking amazing to go back and do that show because that's where Letterman used to tape. And it's still fucking ice cold in there.

It's still roughly like the same setup. And it's just weird because Colbert's desk is over where the band is. And, um, I talked to him, you know, during the break, I go, wow, this is crazy being over here. You know, I did stand up on Letterman like four or five times. And this is where I always look over and Felicia and Paul Schaefer and Todd Figg, all the whole band was over there. And now the desk is here. And he said that, um, he asked Letterman where he should put the desk. And Letterman said on the right side, saying that he always wanted to sit over there, but Johnny sat over there.

So out of respect, he sat on the other side. That's how much, you know, the level of respect that was amazing, just amazing story, the level of respect that Letterman had for Carson. And why wouldn't you? The guy's the king of it all. Um, but Letterman was the Carson of my generation. All right. Phelps versus the shark. Uh, Bill, I just listened to your, uh, Monday morning, your Thursday afternoon, just before Monday podcast and enjoyed your rant about the upcoming fight between McGregor and Mayweather.

I, it's not, it wasn't a rant. It wasn't a rant. I just was discussing the fucking subject. If I was screaming and yelling, ranting and raving, that is a fucking rant. You know, I'm going to look up rant. I'm probably really wrong. It's wrong about, you know, if you transition, your fucking habits change. Why the fuck would I be wrong about this rant definition?

Come on. Oh, somehow I go to rant now. What the fuck is that? No rant. You cunt. Come on. Definition. Okay.

Rant. Definition. Speak or shout at length in a wild and passionate way. Yeah. She was still ranting on the, I don't know. Wow. I think this just goes back to me being from Massachusetts and my ideas of, of yelling and fucking being out of control are just different than everybody else's. But you even want to say I ran it finally.

Fine. Whatever. Um, yeah, I just, you know, I fucking hate most about that. McGregor Mayweather fight, aside from the fact that, that McGregor is only going to be allowed to box. I mean, that guy's a fucking Swiss army knife of death and then they only let him take out the spoon. You know, um, you don't fucking annoys the shit out of me about that fight is I know I'm going to order it. I know I'm going to order it. How do you lay off that?

Once they found out it's only going to be a hundred bucks. I thought it was going to be like 200 bucks. I thought they were both making a hundred million. I guess Mayweather makes a hundred million. McGregor makes 20 million for whatever fucking reason. How fucked up is that? I think the guy that isn't, you know, if they were doing the fact that McGregor isn't allowed to do what the fuck, you know, we could do, which is put Mayweather right on his back and the thing would be over in 30 fucking seconds.

He should be getting a hundred million. This is a walk in the park for Mayweather. This is his fucking strength. It never went the other way. If McGregor was allowed to use all of his fucking fighting skills, then Mayweather should get the hundred million. This is classic Mayweather. This guy's a fucking genius. He's getting it entirely his way and he's making $80 million more than this other fucking guy.

Um, anyways, he goes, did you see that Michael Phelps is going to race a great white shark for some discovery channel thing? I fucking refused. That's a joke, right? That has to be a joke. Do I have to look this up? I thought you might like that one. That is fucking ridiculous. Um, all right, I got to look it up.

Dude, even if the shark was full, I mean, this is like the Mayweather fucking McGregor fight. This is what he does. I mean, Phelps swims, but he also does other shit. He goes to restaurants, you know what I mean? He hits a bong every once in a while. What the fuck does a shark do? That's all it does. There's no fucking way.

There's no selves. Oh my God, it can't, no. Phelps versus shark. This can't be fucking real. Michael Phelps to race a great, uh, to race against a great white shark in shark weeks, Phelps versus shark. Jesus Christ, whatever happened just being on the fucking Wheaties box. You're not making enough money doing that. Michael Phelps isn't done swimming yet.

The 23 time, 23 time Olympic gold medals. This guy has 23 gold fight. You know what? This guy wants to race us. You know, of course he does. He's done with human beings. I think a shark is, is a good tune up fight when you're going into the ocean. I think this is, I don't know who put this together.

Maybe it was Mayweather. He said, he always picks the perfect fucking opponent. You go in there against a great white shark. You know what I mean? They're not known for their speed. Are they? It's always dolphin zipping around. It's always the shit that they have to fucking catch this.

Fast, right? Then the slowest thing gets caught. All right. 23 time Olympic gold medalists will compete in the most adrenaline filled race yet when he swims against a great white shark for this discovery channel shark week. All right. So how do I handicap this? Are they starting in the water or is the shark got to get up on that fucking block too and

wait for the whistle? Oh, we got a false start. We got a false start. We have a difficulty explaining to the shark what the fucking whistle is. He's just so freaked out that he's out of his natural atmosphere here in Phelps versus shark. Great gold versus great white is what they're calling this. The retired athlete will take on the ocean's most efficient predator in a competition of

speed. Jesus Christ. Can you imagine? Is Nike putting out the swim goggles for the fucking shark? All right. And I guess Phelps tweeted something. I was able to do something that I'd always wanted to do being a cage and dive with great white sharks.

Wait, is he married? He's got a kid now. Good fam. First birthday party. Hey, happy father's day to him. What kind of a dad he's got? You know what? He's got all that gold, you know?

You know what's funny? The dollar, the entire U.S. economy could collapse and he's going to be fine. He's got 23 gold medals. You just melt those fucking thing down. You make little nickel sized coins that guy's eating subs for the rest of his fucking life. Phelps, great white race, isn't the only shark week special he'll be appearing in. The father of one will also join. I don't give a fuck about what he's doing.

Together the trio will dispel myths and misconceptions and teach Phelps the proper way to get up close and personal with hammerheads and great whites. Okay. You know what's funny about fucking the Discovery Channel? After all these years of being the champions, the absolute champions of misinformation about sharks, you'd always watch their things on the sharks. You'd always watch these things on the sharks. And while you watch the program, they'd always say all this, you know, these things are being hunted down.

They're misunderstood, blah, blah, blah. But when you watch the fucking advertising for that week, Shark Week, it was always, it was like another Jaws movie was coming out. It was really bad. So now I guess they're finally feeling guilty and maybe some younger people came in on the Discovery Channel and they're finally done, I don't know, shitting on sharks. So the way they're going to be in a fucking saltwater pool, if they're in a pool, I like Phelps for the simple fact that I have a feeling that the sharks going to go out of its lane

and be disqualified. And at the very least, the shark can't do that little somersault flip at the end of the fucking pool. Jesus Christ. This is what the world of sport is becoming. I don't know. Back in the day, you used to have those fucking fat bald guys, strong men. They were always bald, right? So I'm about lifting weights back in the day.

You know, you went bald. They would always be pulling trains with their teeth and shit. All right. First time listening. Hey, Bill, first time listening to your podcast, my husband and I came to LA for the Rose Bowl last year and saw your stand up. We love it. Thank you.

Thanks for taking so much. Thanks so much for taking, talking in detail about jazz and sports. I think this show, this, I think this shows a lot of respect for your audience. We like cool shit. Obviously, we like you stand up. Don't be afraid to go into technical details about whatever. It's interesting. Anywho, happy podcasting.

Well, all right. There's two people that are enjoying it. I think I talked about it a little bit. I downloaded all of this fucking Miles Davis shit. I am like, I was a huge Miles Davis fan like in the early nineties and my favorite album was in a silent way. And I read his autobiography. I got like fucking, I mean, I had all his shit on like cassette tapes. I even got like on the corner, which he talks about in his book how when Herbie Hancock came out with chameleon,

like that's what he was trying to do, that headhunters album. But, you know, he's blamed the record label saying that, you know, they fucked up the promotion of it. But I got into all of that shit. And then I moved to New York and I stopped playing drums because, you know, I was living in a walkthrough fucking bedroom apartment. I just drums into goddamn loud. I didn't play for like five, six years. And then I started back up again. So I started in 88 and I've been, I was like a five year break in there.

So I've been playing about 19 years. Is that what it is? I don't know what the fuck it is. But anyways, Dave Brubeck jazz stuff. Here we go. More drum shit. Dear Billy Backbeat. Not the exact error you were asking for, but Dave Brubeck's band experimented with some crazy time signatures starting in the early sixties. Look for the album, the Dave Brubeck Quartet at Carnegie Hall.

I bought it when I was a music major in college and it was a borderline spiritual experience. It's got songs in 11, four aptly named 11, four. Wait a minute. 11, four. Now how the fuck does that work out? 11, four. So you just count. That's when you count that just up to 11.

So that's just basically, it's like playing three, three bars of four, and then you just play one bar, three, four, and you just lop off that last beat. Right. Five, four. Take five, nine, eight, blue, rondo, a la turk. Not only are the songs great, but the audio quality is impressive for the time period. Every once in a while, you can even hear Dave or another member of the band blurt out a cool jazzy during a solo. It really immerses you in the time period and culture. All right.

You know what? This is a classic. I'm going to download this and listen to this with really nice headphones in the dark. You probably wish that I, you know, did some drugs. If you listen to a check out the track, Castilian drums at the four minute mark. There's a drum solo where he turns the snare off and does some really cool and creative stuff with his hands and sticks on the stairs. So morello shit where he's playing with his hands and stuff and then watch John Bonham playing with his fucking hands. I'm sure he morello wasn't the first to the only guy to do it, but there's just a couple of things where he's hitting with the back of his hand and shit and you see Bonham do that.

But then there's also like, like YouTube and all that shit did not exist when Bonham was coming up. So he was over in England. The odds of him checking that out and actually seeing it is so fucking, I don't know how people were able to, you definitely listen to everything you could, but to actually get to watch all the, I mean, it was fucking, when something came on the TV, you just fucking sat there and watched it. There was no hit and pause. There's no, oh, there's going to be a rerun. And if you missed it, you fucking missed it. Anyways, this guy says thanks and go fuck yourself with that shiny new hi-hat stand.

Jesus Christ. All right. Join in the army. Hey, Nia, if you want to come in, there's a question for you. Yeah. Grab a, grab a mic. Bring in the tyke and grab a mic. Bring in the tyke and grab a mic.

La, la, la, la, la. Get your ass in here and do the podcast. Bye-bye. Where are you? Oh, you're coming. It's hot as hell in here. Why don't you open a window? Why don't I open a window?

I don't know. Okay. Can you, can you, there's a microphone over there. Can you, in the closeted area? Oh, Jesus. She's, she's, Hey, cutie. Well, I can't do a podcast and hold the kid at the same time.

Jesus Christ. What am I multitasking? Hey, buddy. What am I looking for? A mic up on top of the fucking thing there. On top of the thing straight ahead. She's got it. Please don't tip over my computer.

Don't tip it over. All right. This is perilous here. I'm holding her and there's a computer here. She's going to knock it over. She's going to knock it over. What's up, cutie pie? What's up, cutie?

All right. Plug it in there. Plug it in. Plug it in. Plug it in. And here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the podcast. I don't need to put the screen.

You don't need to put a windscreen on any of the window open. Can you grab your beautiful daughter here, please? Please. I think you're crazy. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I've heard your question for you. How did you pull the map up? All right. Here's your question. All right. You ready? Dancing wedding.

Okay. Hey there Billy back, freckle. My girlfriend and myself are attending a wedding for our good friends to gay fellas. This is a very progressive podcast, by the way. That you're doing. Yes. Okay.

Because I already brought up Caitlyn Jenner and I learned something today. When you kind of freaked me out when you said like, oh, she's really into cars. Why did I freak you out? Because I know I had to do the math in my head. It was like, was Bruce not into cars? So then I was like, no, wait, I remember reading Sports Illustrated. He had Porsches and he was a pilot and all that shit. Right?

Mm hmm. Does his pilot's license, it must transfer over. You got to change the name. How far, how crazy is that? And then you got to go down there and be like, listen, I'm this guy. Now. I'm sure it's, it's every, everyone knows who Caitlyn Jenner is. All right.

So if you're not, but if you're not famous. Yeah, if you're not famous, you probably got to do, we got some spade in a do. But I am, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get you for Mother's Day next year. Speaking into a mic class. Sorry. All right. So here it is. By the way, so I Googled it when you transition to your habits change and nothing came up.

So I guess it doesn't. Okay. What's the question? You wouldn't think one little thing would be kind of like, oh shit. Now I'm into this. Have you taken like hormones and stuff? Like when something changed, your favorite color would change. I don't think so.

It doesn't affect your brain. All right. Why aren't you allowed to ask questions about this shit? Is it me? Like, oh my God, what are you a fucking Trump supporter? I'm really excited to go to this wedding. He's saying, okay, these two gay guys are getting married. Great.

Two gay fellas, as he says. I'm really excited to go minus the fact that they are dancing fools. Could they be more stereotypical? My girl and that whole group will be dancing the night away. Well, it's a wedding. Yeah. Do you not want to do this? No, I'm just trying to, I'm, I'm, I should wait to hear the question fully.

Please proceed. Okay. You seem annoyed at any point. You need to walk out. I'm fine with it. Okay. He says me for me. For me.

I just feel, he says me, I'm not a dancer. Perhaps I shouldn't assume, but I'm assuming that you're no dancer yourself. Evidently, he has not seen daddy's home. Right. Um, I'm the worst. I'm your standard pasty white guy who doesn't really dance. I don't like it. I don't really understand it.

It's just, it just seems goofy to me. I totally line up with this guy. I haven't appreciated it for you. You, you dance at the wedding though. You dance at our wedding all night long. Yeah. I was drunk. My girlfriend has expressed her dislike with my opinion of dancing after a couple of drinks

going as far as to tell me it's a real disappointment that I don't enjoy dancing. Oh, I love how honest she is. You know, it's a real disappointment in our four years together. I love you, but I'm really disappointed. And I completely don't respect the fact that you don't like something that I like. Hey, Nia, do you like hockey? Uh, you know what I do. Oh, could you just play along?

No, I don't know. That's a real disappointment. Um, in our four years together, we've never really had any sort of arguments other than that one. Jesus Christ. That's the only thing you are. You're very lucky. How often do you guys go to marry this girl?

He goes, I don't try and guilt her into doing something she doesn't like. So I get a little hot blooded when she does it to me. Hot blooded. Can't you see? You'll be dancing to that one. Hot blooded, was it? I got a fever. I got a fever of 103.

Come on, baby. Do you do more than dance? Right? That's another white guy. Doesn't want to dance. Do you do more than dance? Can we get out of here? Mm-hmm.

So we can, uh, yeah, invent herpes. Uh, well, what do you think? What do you think? Ruby puby. Ruby pu's day. Um, I don't stand my ground in what, do I stand my ground in what will most definitely become a disagreement when I don't go flail around like the non-dancing whitey that I am, or do I sack up and do my best to revolt from pulp fiction and go attempt to cut some rug,

even though I'll be miserable the whole time. Best to you, uh, your little one and, and season two of efforts for family has been great. Thanks for the content and go f yourself. All right. All right. All right. So, um, what do you say? Well, as I snarkily said earlier, it's a wedding.

So obviously there's going to be dancing, whether they're gay guys or straight, like everybody dances at weddings. Let's not, I don't know how he expect, like, why would he think that there wouldn't be dancing? Maybe that's not the point. It had nothing to do with the gay guys. He was just saying. He just doesn't want it.

He just doesn't want to dance. No, I can't dance. I can't tell the only thing about me is the way that I walk. Um, um, I don't know. Listen, girls that like to dance like guys that like to dance with them. That's just how it is. Is that the name of a new reality show? If you don't go in there and do the YMCA and the electric slide, you can at least do

a couple of slow dances. How about that? Can you? How about that? How about that? No, it's catch me outside. Catch me outside. How about that?

Um, maybe that can be the compromise. Listen, I'm not going to go up there. YMCA and celebrate good times. Come on. This is not a karaoke. What's another classic? I don't know why I'm singing. So none of those things.

We didn't even have it. Prince. Yeah. Did we have Prince at our wedding? I don't know. Let's stay focused. Oh, yes. I think, I think the compromise, sir is that you should give your lady a couple of slow

dances. And also, also, wait a minute. It's one night. It's not going to kill you to get up there and like be goofy with her. No one's watching you because I feel like there's a little bit of you. That's like, you don't like to dance because you feel like you can't dance. Nobody's looking at you. Nobody's judging you.

It's one night out of your life. Just be silly, have fun with it, and definitely slow dance with her. She'll really appreciate it. This is one of those times where even though you don't like doing something, you do it for the person that you love. This is what, this is my suggestion. But you're not going out dancing every single Saturday. Would you?

But for the wedding, you should. I'm a little distracted, so I'm sorry. I can't put my mouth like, you know, you want me to blow the damn microphone? No. No. I just want you to speak into it. Hello. Is this right?

Am I swiping into the microphone? Is that okay? Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're blowing the thing up. I just, this is what he should do. He should go, go there and have five quick drinks.

Five? Five. Get fucking hammered and then just go out there and then just, that's it. You black out drunk. I don't think that's a good idea. You flop around like a fish out of water. Yeah. And the next day, when you hung over and you're laying there and she's giving you a look,

she just looked at her and your best clean Eastwood voice and you just feel like it was your idea. You want me to dance? These are the rules. I would just tell her to say, listen, I'm going to dance my ass off that night. Okay. And I want you to know how stupid I'm going to feel. I'm doing this for you.

However, these are the rules. You line up five shots. I'm doing those like Mr. Blonde going through that bank. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. If you had made me go out on the fucking dance floor, I don't think he should get a good Mr. Blonde. That was all right. I don't think he should be five shots wasted, but I think he should.

Would you accept three? I would take two and see how it goes. Oh, you're the worst. Three. Give him three. Give him three. Think of all the stuff you don't like to do. Right.

Exactly. Okay. But I'm just saying, well, how about this? Can he at least give her a, how about that before he gets wasted? Can he just give her a slow? Cause we love slow dances. They don't start with the slow dance. I know you go out there and it's like immediately like, immediately get down on it.

Get down on it. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I'm just saying, wasn't I'm just burning, doing a new Trump dance. Um, someone stole my brand new Chevrolet. Yeah. At that point, you gotta be like, you gotta be like, you gotta be, you gotta be five shots in. It's one night out of your life.

Do it cause you love her just one night. This is my dancing for the year. I love you. One more night. He's gotta be shit-faced. Can you just let the guy get drunk, Nia? I don't say this a lot. I don't say this a lot.

This is a white thing. What do you mean? We don't do, we don't dance, the white people dance all the time, Fred Astaire. We either do it professionally. We just don't do it. We're either one of those people on dancing with the stars or that, that's it. I don't know. All right.

Here's another one for a girl at jujitsu. Hey, Billy Bullock's bread. So my dilemma is I'm 18 and I've just, oh my, it's so hot is frigging hell in here. Why don't you turn the AC on? Because what am I supposed to, I'll hit pause. Hang on. All right. I'm back.

Here we go. So my dilemma is I'm 18 and I've just finished the first, my first year of college. A few months ago and I've been hitting the gym. Good for you as much as possible. Good for you. And I've been going to jujitsu. You're crushing it for the past couple of months. Anyway, first day going there, I noticed a girl in the beginner's class with me and

thought she was hot and she's doing jujitsu. This is cool. This is nothing but great stuff so far. So after a couple of weeks, I work up the nerve to talk to her. Good for you. Turns out I went to school with a younger brother, something in common. This is like all rainbows right now. And I was also the youngest in my year.

So I think she might be 19 or 20. Jesus Christ. This is just all aces. Why does my computer screen keep shutting down? I don't know. Anyway, after training, I asked her, I asked for her Snapchat. Is that the way millennials ask for digits now? I never even said digits.

I'd be like, what's your number? Can I call you? You like my Z-cavary cheese? Daisy Buchanan's dude, it's a meat market. Trying not to curse in front of her, even though I've already done it 50 times here. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, it's a trip.

And she gave it to me. And after I asked her for it, I felt like a weight had been lifted because I've never really talked to that many girls, let alone get their Snapchat or whatever. It's good for you. Because I'm incredibly reluctant and a bit scared to talk to them. Yeah, pathetic, I know. But I think this girl is girlfriend material. That's not pathetic.

Not just a fuck one time bitch. That was pathetic. Yeah, he really just made a left turn there. That statement was pathetic. He kind of built himself up as the all shucks guy. Yeah. And then he turned it around into. Now he's a lady killer.

Yeah. What? I know what it is. What? Love. Love. Whatever. No, no.

See what you just did? You just turned her off. All right. I think I'm solo on this one. So Billy boy, what should I do? How should I go about this? How should I text her? Any advice would be appropriate.

Appreciate it. Love the podcast. Wouldn't mind hearing from the lovely Nia's input too, if possible. Would love for you. Can you just let a guy be a guy? Nia, that's the equivalent of you guys being like, well, what does he do for a living? How much does he make the, what size house could I get when I kick him out? Oh, is that the equivalent bill?

Yes. Equivalent. Equivalent. As an equal. Nobody talks like that. At least not on my circle. Oh, sorry. Oh my God.

For me, I feel I need a 20 from house, however, your friends talk would love for you to play a gig in Ireland sometime. Thanks to go f yourself. Dude, I played a gig. I played three last year. I went from Dublin up to Belfast and out to Galway. I had an isoscelia triangle of freckled fuckos I performed to out there. Are you trying to be a badass with this whole not a one time bitch fuck type of thing?

Like, what was that? What was that little statement he threw in there? Cause that did really turn me off. Why do you keep latching onto that? This guy has all kinds of great qualities. He's 18. He's, he's, he's one year into college. Okay.

He's hitting the gym. He's taking jujitsu. He saw a beautiful woman. He was smitten by her and he's nervous. Okay. He used to, he used to, it's locker room talking. I just don't understand why he, I just don't understand why he has to be like categorizing girls that he doesn't even know.

And so this is like the kind of bitch you just fuck once and this is girlfriend material. Go fuck yourself. How about you're neither? How about you're not going to get laid and you're an asshole that won't have a girlfriend? How about that? How does that feel? Meet me outside. How about that?

Yeah. You guys do the same thing. We're not talking about what you guys do and what everybody else does. I'm talking about this person that wrote in this question. Okay. That's not what this, that's not what this conversation is about. What everybody else does. I want her to feel my passion.

Him. Okay. No. Her. Oh, her. We're not discussing what women do versus what men do. We're talking about this particular person who is like, oh, good for you. You got her Snapchat.

Also like Snapchat, grow a pair and get her number if you're really trying to like come with it. Like don't be lurking on her Snapchat so you can like jerk off to her like little selfie pics. I'm annoyed with this person. I'm sorry. I just, you know what? I'm jealous of this person.

You know what, son? I don't. He's 18 and he's working out. He's in the gym. Like that little line that you threw in, so it's making me feel some type of way about it. So. All right.

Here's my advice. Here's my advice. Here's my advice. You know something, Nia, I swear to God, if you were a pitcher right now, I'm coming out and before I even get to the mound, I'm taking you out of the game. I don't even know what that means. It means you got way too emotional. You've lost your control and you're going to, you're going to kill somebody.

Hit the shower. This girl from material, not just a one-time, you know, a bitch you fuck once. This guy cannot run in from the bullpen quick enough. You've completely lost your composure. Hit the showers on this one. All right. How do you know what kind of person she is? Oh boy.

Cause you decided because you've projected what you want your fantasy because she's not a real person to you, right? She's not a real person. She's just someone you saw doing jujitsu and it's like, Oh my God. This is like my dream girl. Not like those other girls that you just like tossed to the side. You don't even know her. You don't even care to know her.

You got her Snapchat. Her Snapchat really grow a pair. Ask for the number or stay the fuck away. Don't be lurking online like some kind of creep. What is this person's name? It was from Ireland. Colin. Yeah.

Don't. Seamus. Seamus O'Leary. No. Seamus. This guy has no Seamus. Um, sorry. Sorry.

Patrick. Listen. Yes. Um, don't you had, didn't you guys have like, Oh, this guy's husband material? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Don't you had, didn't you guys have like, Oh, this guy's husband material? Yes. Well, all right then. So why don't you relax? All right. Good Lord.

I did get, I really got hot. You got grumpy. All right. Fine. Yes. There are definitely guys that you're like, this guy, you would not want to be in relationship. This is a guy that you just like bang out a few times and don't ever see again. Yes.

Bang out a few times. No, you're right. You're right. Women do the same thing. It's, it's a hundred percent true. I took you 20 minutes to get there. I don't know. It just bugged me.

Of course it did. Of course it did. But I'm being a hypocrite because I've certainly had those feelings towards certain guys. So exactly. And it's about time. I start fucking admitting that instead of acting like the world ozio round of drinks. Now here's a man. He's found.

He's smitten with this girl. He's afraid. You know. So he just needs to get out of there. Well, this is what I would say. How should you go about this? You're going to have to do something that's probably difficult at your age. And I hate when older people say this, but you got to figure out a way to be yourself.

You just got to walk. You've said enough to you. I think you've said enough. I'm sorry, Shane. I'm sorry. I yelled at you. I think you've said enough here. I think you dumped a whole bunch of other stuff from other days.

Was it something I did? I don't know. But this guy did not deserve that. This is an 18 year old. He just became a man. Okay. Okay. I overreacted a little bit.

He's going to college. He's going to want to defend his family. Man. Fuck. Right. With his jujitsu. Yeah. I think you've said enough.

I'm sorry, Shane. I'm sorry. I yelled at you. I think you've said enough here. I think you dumped a whole bunch of other stuff from other days. With his jujitsu. I'm just saying, if you were my son, I'd be like, can you not? Can you get off it, Nia?

All right. I'm off it. Yeah. You're a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. But what I love about you is you admit what a pig you are like the rest of us. Jesus Christ. Can you give the kids some advice here?

What was the question? He got our Snapchat. He's nervous. He actually likes this woman. What does he do? He should just be himself. Just listen. I saw you across the room.

I had one of those little mini heart attacks. I really like you. I'd like to take you out. You got to go on a stage. Just ask her. Yeah. You don't have to sit there and brood in the corner. There's no reason.

What you do is you fake what those ones you're just going to bang. Somebody you actually like, you got to be honest with them or else it's not going to work. So just, yeah. Okay. This little one is getting a little fussy. I'm going to go. Okay. I think you would get, I think you both need a nap.

Yeah. I know. I'm sorry about that. It's all right. Hey, we all get that. Whatever his name is. That's it. My bad.

Yeah. All you know his name is Vinny. All right. Okay. Dancing at the wedding. I already did that. Girl at Jiu Jitsu. I already did that.

Did I answer all the questions? Oh, joining the army. Joining the army as you can sail the seven seas in the army. You can eat some mushy peas in the army. Okay. Joining the army. Dear William. No fun.

I'll skip all the ass kissing since you blow through all your, blow through on your reads. All right. I'm a 34 year old married guy. Former Navy vet. Who's sick of feeling like a shit bag. I want to do something with my life and feel like making a difference. I've kicked around the idea of going back into the military for a while now. And it's shit or get off the pot time.

Wow. You want to go back into the military 34. Okay. I brought this up to my wife in the past and all she can say is you're married and changes the subject. Some backstory on us. We've been together for seven years and married fivish. We've had our ups and downs like any couple, but I get sick of being treated like a child

when it comes to my own life. Anyway, I'm just about at the cut off age, cut off age wise to go down the path I want in life. I want to be a combat medic. Jesus Christ, dude. Good Lord, man. I mean, how much excitement do you need in your life? You already served and you want to go back here with this guy's a frigging hero here.

I said, I'm a determined man who cares about my family and my family and my country. I've done my research and I have the time to join. Do the medic training, go to rasp ranger assessment program. You going to become an army ranger at 34. Do you guys ever watch that documentary on Netflix about just to see if you're worthy of going through like the week long of 10 days of 14 days of hell? All I think I remember was they had this giant like telephone pole that you and 10 other guys had to hold up and do curls with it or some shit.

And as people quit, the rest of you had to hold the thing up. I mean, I was screaming and pain watching it. And if you puked in the pit, you had to get your puke out of the pit. It was just like just that beginning thing was more obstacles than I've ever faced in my entire life. You are a driven man. You're a special kind of person, man. If you can do that special forces, right?

He says, then special operations, combat medic training. My question is, Bill, what do I do here? Do I risk losing her or stay here and resent her? I don't want to do either, but I also can't continue to work myself to death as a construction worker, making someone else rich at the cost of my health and happiness. Dude, if you want to be a combat medic and you're fucking putting drywall in, I mean, that's got to be torturing you. He said, I've worked seven 12s for six months, six, seven days a week, 12 hours a day for

six goddamn months, trying to save money to go to nursing school. And she tells me she booked us on a cruise. She spent that money on a cruise. Oh boy. I don't know what to do and I need your help. Thanks in advance for your advice and thanks for the mediocre job on F is for family. Go fuck yourself. All right, here's the deal, dude.

What's going on in your relationship is a critical lack of communication. Okay. You're telling her what you want to do. She's just saying you're married, changes the subject. You saved up all that money to go to nursing school and either she didn't realize that that was what it was for and booked you on a cruise or she's one of the most selfish people on the planet, which I don't think you would have brought that up. So I think what's going on here is you're one of these, you're this guy's guy, John

Wayne type and like most of them, you know, people like that, you ask you how you're doing and you just say fine. All right. What you need to do is you got to open up. You got to sit down. You got to say, listen, we got to talk and you have to sit down and tell her what you want to do. Tell her how you feel at work and you have to communicate and start there and work your

way to the ranger assessment program. That's what you have to do. Um, because other than that, uh, you have a major blowout argument on the horizon and her catchphrase is going to be, where is all of this coming from? You know, um, you, if you're one of those guys that does stuff the right way, there's a problem you can run into where you have this expectation that everybody else should also do things the right way. And when they don't, then you get fucking pissed and, uh, it's, it's all of it builds

it as complete like I lead by example and all that shit. You got to learn how to communicate. So yeah, I would sit down with her and I would talk to her. Um, all right. And, uh, good luck with that. Those are amazing frigging goals. I just want to learn how to play Tommy the cat. That's what I want to do.

Anyways, that's the podcast everybody. I hope you enjoyed it. Um, by the way, I have, um, I have a number of friends on that show. Uh, I'm dying up here and, uh, they're telling me that as good as the pilot was, it just keeps getting better and better and better. And there's a zillion shows out there. So they really need people to watch. Um, the book was fucking incredible.

I know Jim Carrey's name is attached to it. So I know it's going to be great. I'm going to watch episode two right now. Al Madrigal, the great Al Madrigal, um, who I, uh, you know, do the all things comedy podcast network with, and it's just a friend in general is killing it on there. Um, I don't know. I hope you guys watch the show because I'm, I'm really, uh, I'm really, I'm really enjoying the family business.

All right. So what am I going to do here? Is there anything else I need to fucking to anything else that I need to hype here? Um, should I give a shout out to anything? I already gave a shout out to flee for saving the bees. I wonder if enough people fucking did that. You know, I still can't believe that I pulled photosynthesis out of my ish. I don't know where I came up with that one.

Um, all right. That's it. Everybody check out. I'm dying up here and, uh, I'll check in on you on, on, uh, what is it Thursday? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Oh, Andrew Santino's on it. Here we go.

Eric Griffin. I'm going to get everybody. John Daly fucking hilarious. Um, who else? Who else? Scroll in Rick Overton. Rick Overton met him back in the day. Speaking of neutron dance was actually in Beverly Hills cup.

Don my rare is fucking hilarious on it. I'm going to watch that right now. That's what I'm doing after I upload this podcast. All right, everybody. I hope you have all the dads out there had a wonderful father's day. Uh, it was an incredible day for me to finally get texts and, uh, tweets from people. Wish me a happy father's day. It meant a lot to me.

Thank you so much. That is it. I will, uh, check in on it. Check in on you. There we go. That's how you say it on Thursday. All right. Bye-bye.

Now at Proximus, the perfect deals with a one plus 11 for 0 euro at a mobile subscription. 0 euro? That doesn't seem to come. And I don't want to either. So, I'm going to shoot. And me, do you feel like a heart attack? Oh, that's a good ringtone for that new one plus 11 for 0 euro. Information and information at proximus.be.

Proximus. Think possible.