Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-19-23

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Bill rambles about hens, Arnold, and the dollar. ButcherBox:  Sign up today at www.butcherbox.com/BURR and use code BURR to get flank steak for free in every box for 3 months plus $20 off your first order. ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. June 19, 2023. What's going on? How are you? Happy June teeth to everybody. I'm going to be Billy Liberal today. Happy June teeth to everybody, both the descendants of former slaves and the descendants of former slave masters. Because if it wasn't for those oppressors, then we wouldn't have this holiday. I'm fucking with you. Oh, and happy, happy pride month to all the gay people, but more importantly, all the straight people that just cannot stop complimenting themselves about how many gay friends they have. I believe you call them my gays. Oh, there's so many people that fucking annoy me. They really do. You know, you know, those people who like, remember on MySpace or Facebook, I'm going way back in

social media, you know. Do you remember way back during a simpler time on MySpace? It's like every fucking dummy had to say, I have a very eclectic music taste. My music tastes are very eclectic. I don't know who wrote that and then everybody saw it and then everybody has to go fucking do it. And it's like literally, it's the inverse of what the fucking word means, right? No, collecting means a wide variety

and I'm saying you're a hack, that isn't right. All right, whatever. It's kind of like, you know how this is like social media jokes and everybody does them to the point of like, how the fuck do you still think that this is a fucking, like I was joking about that last night on stage where like, you know, every fucking video.

It's like, tell me you're a construction worker without telling me you're a construct. Tell me you're a fucking disc without telling me you're a... Tell me you're alright, we get it! Jesus, fucking Christ! Oh, that's a joke fucking... what you call that? a joke structure that works. I'm gonna use it like mad lips. I'm just gonna change the thing. Oh Bill, what are you looking down your fucking nose? Is that what you're doing? Your cute little button nose. I do have a cute little button-nose, I do have a cute little button-nose. No, I wouldn't say a button-nose, but it is adorable.

Anyway, all of that shit. Yeah, so then they call them my gays, you know? I love the gays. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Like what the fuck does that even mean? Just generally just straight across the fucking board, you know? There's no assholes in the gay community. All right, whatever. Anyway, happy Pride Month to gay people and fuck all those straight people

that acquire gay friends like fucking, I don't know, like people that collect things. Sorry, I don't know what my deal is. I just fucking woke up. You know what it is? My son gets up every morning now at about 4.35 and he just comes walking into the room. It used to be three.

Now it's like five because walking and he goes and he just like a middle of the afternoon voice. Just go, da da, I want breakfast. Da da. No, X sandwich, no ex sandwich. I don't know why he puts no in front of every sentence. No water please. Dad, he starts slapping it. Dad, no water please.

I'm like, buddy, it's too early. So then I gotta take them back to his room. He gets into his bed and then I get in the adult bed that's in there so he doesn't leave again. And then what he does is he crawls in the bed and for the next like whatever, 90 minutes, two hours, he doesn't stop moving around. Kick it, kick it, kick it, singin' songs.

Excavator. Hey dirt. See you later for like, I don't know, someday I'll miss it. So I'm a little off my game. I'm also off my game because my wife's birthday, my son's birthday, my birthday and father's day are all jammed in. And in this month, and everybody just sends over like cupcakes and cookies. My wife came home, she had somebody get given us a friggin' banana cream pie. And it's like, don't these people realize I'm a fat fuck? Like, what are we doing here? So I kind of had to like

Yeah, so let me send over vegan cookies or anything fucking worse than vegan cookies because it's like you're still gonna eat them and they don't even taste good You just like you know you're just trying to work your way through the cookie to like the chocolate chip Like I'm even going to leave me vegan. It's like you fucking gotta kill a cow to make a cookie. Do you? You take some of its milk and then you have an egg. That's just an unfertilized fucking egg, right? Wait a minute. Is an egg a chicken having its period?

I gotta look this up. That is so fucking bizarre. Is an egg a chicken having its period? I gotta look this up. That is so fucking bizarre. And if women laid eggs instead of past them, would they be less grumpy? Hahaha. Is an egg a chickens? I'm literally, this is gonna be on my search. Chickens, period.

Oh, there was a question. That it came up, people, people have asked this. It's not just me. All right, although chickens do not menstruate and thus their eggs are not chicken periods as is sometimes asserted, the cycle of creating and passing much larger eggs relative to their body size and weight

is arguably even more physically tasking, especially in modern hands who have been bred to produce such unnaturally blah, blah, blah. Wait a minute. What is a period for a hen? The incubation period for the chickens, eggs, is 20 to 21 days and increases up to 30 days for other poultry. After sitting for some days, a broody hen can be given some newly hatched chicks and if they are accepted, the original eggs can be removed.

Dude, I am like my head is so fucking spinning right now. All right, so I still, the rooster still has to bang a chicken to make a chicken, right? They're not like self-sustained units. Are they? And when the chicken, the rooster bangs the chicken, like, how does this seem and get through that hard shell of the egg? How the fuck do you make an egg in you? That doesn't seem like a natural thing.

That's just too many questions. All right, whatever. All I know about eggs is that I eat them and they're delicious. I have a little soft cooked egg machine that I make and I'm drinking right now, lemon water. Because I got back on the sugar, but now I'm done. You just drink some lemon water in the morning

and then that's it. And then you just do fucking, I'm talking to myself, not to you done. You just drink some lemon water in the morning and then that's it. And then you just do fucking, I'm talking to myself, not to you guys. Then you just have a handful of peanuts and a piece of fruit and then you fucking, you're right is rain. Because you know what I've been watching on the Netflix there? Is there's a documentary on Arnold Schwarzenegger and it's one of the most motivating things

I've ever watched in my life. I mean, that guy truly is one of the most motivating things I've ever watched in my life. I mean, that guy truly is one of the most amazing, like as far as public figures goes, you know, making something to yourself. I used to long time ago, I did a bit about that, you know, when people were, you know, when he was going through his personal life bullshit, right? Which is not in my business.

Everybody was making fun of him. It's like, oh yeah, do you think you could move to Austria, learn the language, when their highest bodybuilding competition, like six, seven years in a fucking row, and then use that to somehow start an acting career before anybody had ever done that, and then become a fucking movie star,

and then transcend your type casted fucking, you know, roles as an action hero to then do a comedy and start doing comedies. And then you could basically do anything, be kindergarten cop and after a while people forget your Transylvanian accent. And then when you're done with that, you marry into America's royalty, the Kennedy family, and you start a political career, and you become governor of California.

Right? You think you could fucking, how many lifetimes would you, I would need at least, I don't know, 30? In some of those dreams would never come true. Even if I juiced, I don't have the fucking height. But like when he just sat there talking about working out, he goes, you get a picture in your mind and then you will the body to become that picture. Something like that.

I've always had a clear vision. If I can see it, then I can be it, I can achieve it. And it was just like, he's sitting in his fucking hot tub, smoking a cigar. I love this house. It's the combination of who I am. It's the house has the warmth of Austria. And then what did he say? He said, the flavor of America, big. And I like that he loves animals. And he has like a donkey or something that that he loves. And everybody like looks past the donkey and I guarantee you that he sees something in that donkey, some sort of drive, some sort of will that he can relate to.

And he vibes with that donkey the way that things never vibed with another fucking human. Most human beings looking at him is something to carry their carts, drive their carts around, right? Some people in some parts of the world they use it to keep the fucking, I guess the other livestock calm,

it's sort of the Bob Probert. I saw one fucking up a hyena, which I didn't think was possible. I don't know how it grabbed it by the back of its neck and it just kept slamming it down on the ground and it wouldn't fucking let go in the fucking hyena. I think his hyenas,, they don't like,

they're not like cats, they don't like, what the fuck, I'm so confused with the animals today, what the fuck is a hyena? It's one of those weird animals, where it's not, everything I feel like is either a cat or a, you know, like a part of the lion and tiger family or like a wolf. When it comes to those sort of four-legged things,

then you just got these hybrid things like a hyena. Well, I guess you got bears too. I fucking hate bears. Fucking can't stand like just the extra fucking disgusting way they have to kill things. You know? I do love watching them run though. It always looks like a fat guy coming down a hill. That's it.

That's it. This is like, you know, you ever see a fat guy start running down a hill and then the arms get going. Like the bear has that too. There's something about them that they look like slightly out of control. It's like watching F1 highlights in the 1950s when they had the open cockpit and they were driving those little two-seaters like right at the fucking limit

with those baloney skin fucking tires. That's what it's like watching a goddamn bear run down the hill. So anyways, I have a giant vat of lemon water that's supposed to be good to drink in the morning, but then if you drink too much of it, it fucking eats away your enamel. So you can't do it every day. The enamel on your teeth, man. It's just like, we're designed to get to our peak and then immediately start dying. That's what I feel like it is. So I am well past my prime physically. But as a person, I like to think I just keep getting better. I just feel like there's

a better version of me. And when it's me and I'm hanging out with my gay friends and their job is to sit around me and tell me how fabulous I look, so I'll continue to buy them tight shirts. All right, I don't know what I'm talking about here. You gotta watch the Arnold Schwarzenegger documentary. A little. All right, it's like a giant Tom Cruise. Because Tom Cruise is another guy that I watch and I just sit there watching like what that guy does.

Like, have you seen the billboards for the new mission impossible, I mean, this is a guy that's in his 60s and he's riding a fucking dirt bike off a cliff and then pulling a reserve shoot. A pulling a shoot is parachute. I mean, like that level, like, I just look at that and I'm like, what, and where in my life am I that dedicated?

Because I look at that billboard and I file that all under, I'm not doing that shit, I'm not fucking doing that shit. That's what you got a stunt man for. I mean, I'll ride the dirt bike around the parking lot, you know, maybe get it in second, ooh, ooh, billy dangerous, maybe in third gear, but then that's it. Then somebody's gonna come running over and be like, Bill, you're too bald and fragile. Get off that thing. And I'll be like, you know what, you're right.

I want 100% to understand that. You know what I also understand is that your Boston Red Sox swept a New York Yankees this weekend. Woo! Two game sweep. Because the other game got rained out. You know, there was a fucked up game that got away from the Yankees. That was a, that was the 15 to five game. When Justin Turner had like, fucking 48 RBIs,

you know, making us gingers look good. Our bearded gingers. I was worried he was going to be a yet another fucking giant third basement that we signed after they've he's won a world series and then comes here. Remember we had that guy, the panda panda pants, whatever his name was, and he fucking came to Boston and he immediately went to the Calune and got some crab rangoon and then he had a fucking lobster roll and went to Bill and Bob's roast beef and he never fucking played again. It's actually a sad story.

When I look at that, I actually think that he probably grew up in poverty and was always hungry. I always felt that way about that raiders quarterback, you know, unless it was just total self-sabotage. I just think this, this, the books that I've read about growing up like that and just constantly having that pang of hunger in your stomach. One of the most brutal books I ever read was Angela's Ashes, a classic Irish tale of disappointment, sadness, starvation, and alcoholism. And every fucking week waiting for the dad to come home with the paycheck and the guy

would go directly to the pub and drink it all away. I mean, it was just brutal. Oh, anyway, happy Father's Day, everybody. Oh, but getting back to that, I'm full in on the, I'm back into baseball. So I'm excited. We got the twins this week. And I've also, you know, I watched the last two MotoGPs. I didn't talk about the previous one, the one in Italy, because it was kind of uneventful. Other than Mark Marquez crashing again. And then this one in Germany was like, this is the best race I've seen since the classic days. My classic days of what I always talk about. Mark is versus David Cio. So, Jorge Martin versus Pecambinia, just passing each other back and forth.

I mean, there was basically six, one hundredths of a second between the two of them. Incredible race. Do Cadi swept first, second and third. And unfortunately, Mark Mark has like crashed two or three times before the race even started, you know, on like Saturday or something like that. Friday and Saturday, I have no idea. Broke a bone in his thumb and he just said, I'm not racing. And I can't believe the level of hate that people have for Mark Marquez. And I think it really is because he's the guy that showed all of these

fans of what's his face. What the fuck? Why am I spacing on everybody's name? Number 46, the doctor. Valentino Rossi, there we go, Jesus Christ, Valentino Rossi. I think that they, he kind of showed them that Valentino wasn't gonna be the last great one, greatest one of all time, and they were worried that he was gonna come along and win more titles and do whatever.

He might have, I have no idea, but like the level of fucking hate for Mark Mark as is fucking ridiculous. The guy is so great for the sport. I don't wanna see him keep crashing. I don't know if it's the fucking, my buddy of mine who really watches the sports trying to say it's the bike.

But Jesus Christ, he slammed into Joanne Zarco. Literally cut his fucking bike in half. Everybody was going, if it was a little bit, you know, different position, you could, Joe Anker to lost his fucking leg. You forget that sometimes. This is scariest thing about riding a bike.

It's not dying, because then you're dead, but fucking just like losing your goddamn leg. Fuck all of that. All right, that was my in-depth analysis of whatever. I just fucking enjoy it. I think the bikes are gorgeous. I love how fast they fucking go in and I love how it's international.

All right, there, that's my level of it. I'm too afraid to ride a motorcycle unless I'm on a track going 30 miles an hour wearing full fucking gear. Anyway, so the red socks now, I think are two games above 500. We still two games below. I have no idea. And we're in last place. But it is fun. I got to tell you, it's fun to see, oh, we're two games above 500. It's fun to see the fucking Orioles are good. This is such a good year and sports. The Denver Nuggets are the NBA champions, the Vegas Knights are the Stanley Cup champions. I'd love to see the Orioles win their first one since 83 or fucking. I'm so psych, I hate how ESPN, like

they always do the Yankees win. And all is in baseball. It's like, you're so like institutionalized that you feel like that these like only the Lakers should be in the finals. Only the reds, the Yankees should be in the fucking or there's like three, four teams in baseball, three, four teams in basketball that seem to be acceptable. Like, oh, I'll watch that. And if they don't, I'm not watching the NBA finals. That's why I think hockey and NFL are better run leagues. Although I'm fucking pissed at the NFL right now that they're moving their product over to YouTube, right? I don't give a shit that they're doing that. But the fact that they sit there going like, yeah, you don't have to put some satellite dish up on your house.

It's like, hey, hey, you fucking cunts weren't you guys weren't saying that shit when I when I had to do it. When you signed with direct TV, you acted like that was a great thing. Now you walk away from them. That's a bad look. You know what that's like? That's like trash in your ex. It's just a bad fucking look. All right, wish her well, wish him well, and you just fucking move on. You don't do that shit. Fucking sit there. Not, you know, I'm sitting there.

I gotta, I gotta dish on top of my fucking house. And now the NFL is pulling up stakes and moving over to YouTube and then you're gonna turn around and make fun of me because I gotta dish on my house. No, it's like, really country thing with that that they're doing here where it's like they're acting like like I always say rollerblade. They're acting like they never rollerbladed. You did rollerblade. You set up the cones, you know? You had pink leg warmers on, you did your little backwards, fucking tricks and central park. I saw you.

I fucking saw you do it. Now you're gonna act like you never did it and you're gonna hope that the whole fad fucking goes away. Like they're rooting against direct TV. So now I have to get YouTube TV and this is what I do. I never cancel my other shit because I can't be bothered with it because the most effective way to do it is online.

So I think now I'm gonna be paying about $400 a month. Probably. I gotta get some tech person to come over here and in streamline My cable TV satellite TV online Shit Because like I am I am subscribed to Netflix direct TV,

Roku, Amazon, YouTube Prime. I just keep wanna watch these movies and they're not available anywhere else. And then I'm like, well, you gotta sign up for this shit. That's like, all right, and I sign up for it. And I forget that I'm like, well, you gotta sign up for this shit. That's like, all right. And I sign up for it. And then I forget that I'm paramount, paramount plus I'm on HBO. I got all of this shit.

Aaaaah, when I was a kid, it was all on the idiot box. I did the Roxy last night, legendary place. I'd get in the hour ready because I'm going out to Allentown and fucking Hershey, Pennsylvania and out in fucking New Jersey. I'm gonna be ready. So I'm doing the Trubador. The Trubador tonight. Another legendary music venue.

And I'm so excited to do these gigs. And I'm working with the different set of comics each night. I went out and I deliberately book comedians in front of me that really inspire me because I can't even tell you how excited I get when I see a young comic that I know is going to be great and that they're kind of doing like some different shit and all of that. And I had a great time last night. I worked with Bianca Cristavile and Fahim Anwar and they

fucking killed it. And that's another thing too that I like is it's a nice variety and people already get a good show before I even get up there. So I feel like the crowd's already gonna be in a good mood. So I'm think I'm gonna do this more often, like just sort of go into places like that because I love the comedy store and I always, always gonna love it and everything. But every once in a while to just switch up the background to be standing in a different venue,

kind of just pushing a different headspace. Like I was at the rocks last night, I was of course thinking, you know, Sam Kinnis and tape the special here. Now I gotta look that up. Jesus Christ, I'm looking up fucking chickens. I still don't understand that. Wait, snakes, fuck, I know I've seen that.

And they lay eggs. It's got to be how it works. Am I really going to Google, how does a rooster's giz get through the hard shell of an egg? It's got a furl- No. It's got to start off where it's just the egg and then a shell grows around it. My god, the fucking heartburn,

a chicken must have any reptile that you lay eggs. What was I looking up? Sam Yeah, 1984. Let's see, IMDB. Let me see, IMDB. Boom. Sam Kinnison breaking the rules. Let's see here. Is that amazing? And he just filmed it, that gigantic icon of a comedian filmed that legendary special in that little club.

Where is it? Ah, it doesn't have it here. Yeah. April 21st, 1987, at least that's when it came out. Yeah, that was one that put them over the top. So I was thinking about that. I was thinking about all the bands that I've seen at the Roxy. Everybody that I heard that had played there.

And then tonight, go down to the Trubordor. I remember here in Steve Martin telling a story about doing stand-up at the Trubordor, like co-headlining with Richard Pryor. And how Richard Pryor, you know, he went up and he did his thing and then get off stage and then Richard showed up like 45 minutes later and came in and immediately like won the crowd over and Steve Martin was amazed by that and all that type of stuff but like they've performed there. And then that whole Laurel Canyon singer songwriter, you know, everybody from,

I still say the Eagles. I guess it's just Eagles. That's another thing from Steve Martin's book. He was talking to one of the members of the band and they said we're putting together a band and he goes, what's it called? And he goes, Eagles and Steve was going, the Eagles, he's like, no, just Eagles. So Jackson Brown, Frank Zappa, Johnny Mitchell, all of them. And

they all came down to Carol King. Elton John had a big, I think, showcase there when that fuck, David Gaffin or somebody saw him. All of that, all of that history is there. So I will come down there. I saw, was it, what the fuck the comedian I saw down there? I've seen a couple comments down there. What the fuck is going on by brain today? Anyway, I'm going to be down there staggering through my set evidently. I forget who I'm working with tonight. Who is tonight? I know Dean's there. Dean Delray definitely has to be there because Dean played there when he fronted his band. He played there opening for guys.

Oh, the original lineup of guns and roses played there. There's like pictures of them there, like all the way back to when Steven Adler had that white drum kit before he got the black pearl kit that was on that was on, what did they play? They played in New York, the Ritz, and they played the Ritz. And Dean was telling me there is a, a new video that just surfaced. It was one of the last times it was the original five of that band, one of my favorite bands of all time. And I also think part of it is because as fans, we had them for such a short period. It was like they...

I remember the album came out like October 87 and I was living in North Carolina and I still remember where I was driving when I heard welcome to the jungle. And I still remember where I was driving when I heard Welcome to the Jungle. And I was like, you know what, I need a new band. I can't just keep listening to the ACDC. These guys sound cool. And I wasn't even overly excited about Welcome to the Jungle.

I just was starting to feel old and I didn't want to be left behind. It was funny, I was 19. I was starting to feel old. So I bought the cassette tape and I started listening to feel old. So I bought the cassette tape and I started listening to it and I'd always listened to this single and then I would listen to what was the next one on that. I see your sister in a Sunday address.

I would get to that one and then Mr. Brownstone and then I would stop and then each time I would go deeper into the album and then finally I was like, this whole fucking album is great. And then I totally got into Steven Adler and he was my favorite drummer from the 80s. I just thought it was so fucking badass that he had that little kid

and everybody else had these giant fucking kits even if they didn't need him. He had a little four piece fucking kit and the amount of goddamn talent. You go back and listen to that fucking album. And the drum parts that that guy comes up with, the fills that are part of the groove, the floor tom patterns, just like the intro for Paradise City. How that is just built for an arena. Like how that can just make 80,000 people lose their fucking mind and all it is is flames on the snare and syncopation with the bass

drum. That's a bone. That's all it is. Has everybody going fucking nuts. I mean, the genius of that. Yeah, so anyway, I guess this new video, Dean, was telling me of them, I think playing some of the usual illusion material with the original five before Izzy left and unfortunately Stephen got kicked out and I actually listened to this podcast, 33 and a third where this guy had on Ricky Rockman and Sebastian Bach and they were talking about the Usur allusion album.

Quite the quadruple album all came out at the same fucking time. And that was just such like a shit show during that period of music where grunge had already come in for like a couple of years. So it was like moving forward and then this band that was broken 87, 88, that was the biggest band of the late 80s was now stomping their foot down on the 90s I I felt like I was like as a fan. I was kind of caught in the middle of all of that shit and I was just like I can't listen to all of this shit. I just said fuck these grunge bands

I still listen to And I kept listening to fucking Skid Row and all of that shit. And you know what? In that time was when I first became old because then I didn't know. Like everybody, like, say that Pearl Jam album, like 10. Like they know it fucking front to back.

And all I know is like the radio jams because I never, to this day, I still haven't bought that album. Although I will tell you, I went back and I listened to Jane's addiction, the ritual album. And that's second side, that whole album. You wanna talk about some of the most original and beautiful drumming I've ever fucking heard in my life is on that album

Stephen Perkins and his fucking and then she did is at the name of the song has that beautiful like ride pattern and I always said man I'm gonna sit down one day I'm gonna write that out I'm gonna fucking try and learn that shit I'm kind of all over the place right now musically though, cause I downloaded like all the Stevie Wonder albums, like those, remember when he put out like five albums in five years? And that was like his, considered his,

I don't know what period they called it, the critics, you know what I mean, call it, but like he put out like some of the best music of all time on like five straight albums all working towards the masterpiece that is songs in the key of life. And I've been listening to that. And then Queens of the Stone Age have a new album and they're back out on the road. And I saw some live footage of them and they open with this song called Missfit love. If you're a drummer, you've got to watch John Theodore playing that, although I don't think he played the original. I think that was somebody else. But like, it's like open-handed drumming. And that's another one that's just is bomp bomp capon, tt bomp bomp capon, tt bomp bomp capon,

tt bomp bomp bomp capon. And your right hand on the rack and on the floor, Tom, is why am I giving you guys, why am I telling you this shit? I don't know, I fucking into it. I saw that and I was like, I gotta download that album and I have to learn how to fucking play that and that's what I did on Father's Day. Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, I went out to breakfast with my lovely family. Then I went down to Long Beach with my kids. And we went to this playground and went down by the ocean and all that stuff. Got myself a coffee. We had a great time. We looked at some old cars and came back and then hung out with my lovely wife. And then I went out to the garage and I was like, I'm gonna try to learn how to fucking play this

and I failed miserably, but I had a great fucking time doing it. All right, I'm just babbling. I'm just fucking babbling here. Let me do the goddamn advertising here. Did I haven't even set up? It's wrong with me. Is this it? Is this the email?

Okay, here we go. Content. Oh, where did it go? No! All right, here we go. But your box, everybody. You know, it's getting harder and harder. That's what she said.

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Mm. I saw this thing, I saw this thing, this Instagram video, a some white dude, I don't know where the fuck he was, but he was standing there and he had a black lives matter sign, just standing on the side of the road. So of course, he doesn't post the 18,000 people that drove by and didn't do anything. He posts all the people that say like racist shit

and then people go, did you get America? I didn't say, no, posts all the people that say like racist shit and then people go, dude, you get America. I know, it's like, now this is a part of America. I was actually sitting there looking at people like how they could be that fucking dumb and how they could be that fucking worked up over a stupid fucking sign while simultaneously eating food that is literally poison. It's a very small group of people are going to take control

of the water supply. Why the fuck you're concerned with this shit? You know what I mean? And then I realize, because they go like, you know, white lives matter too. And I realize like, oh, these are hurt people. They have been left behind. And they also, a lot of them are dumb. And I think when you're a dumb white person, all you have is that you're white. So you want to hang on to racism because racism is sort of your affirmative action that gives you a job you don't deserve over someone who isn't white, right?

I mean, I would love to hear your arguments on that, but I kind of feel like that's what that is. Like, I've been doing this bit. I haven't figured out how to do it, but I was talking about how segregation was sort of the original affirmative action. But it worked the opposite way. Whatever, I'll, I'll, I'll fucking,

I'll figure out how to do it. Although I forgot to do that bit last night. Maybe I'll fucking examine more of my chicken humor on this. All right, here we go. Oh my God. Australia. Hey Billy, you dandelion pussy. Why aren't you coming to Australia? Run out of stupid jokes about us or did you find your way into an outback steakhouse and add a

fosters and thought you got the point you dumb American. Come make me laugh. Can I be honest with you fucking rejects from the English Empire? Fellow rejects. Well, you guys were just like fucking animals that they couldn't control that were like a bunch of criminals and then they sent you to that just like fucking animals that they couldn't control that were like a bunch of criminals and then they sent you to that lifeless fucking island. You call it country. You can't even live in like, you know, your bread basket is like unlivable.

That's the ACDC song, Highway to Hell. I always thought Highway to Hell was them making fun of Zeppelin saying, stay away to heaven. Stay away to heaven, Highway to Hell. Highway to hell was them driving through the middle part of their fucking country trying to get to a gig. But anyway, yeah, nobody drinks fosters. I've never seen it. You would think in a country of obese people, we would enjoy how big the can is and all of that, but it's just, we know what it is.

obese people, we would enjoy how big the can is and all of that, but it's just, we know what it is. It's, you guys make unbelievably delicious beer and you keep it for yourselves, like little creatures. I can't get that here, but you're swill. You basically put it in a can, the size of like a fucking PT boats, like depth charge and you send it over here, like, raw, you eat it. You eat it, you fat cunt, right? I haven't been over there because I have kids and I just, I mean, I just haven't been able to fucking figure it out. I am gonna get over there and what's gonna suck it,

I have to do, you know what, I should tour it in the summertime, which is your winter time because then I can bring everybody over there. I just have to wait to my kids get a little bit older and then I can bring everybody over there. I just have to wait till my kids get a little bit older, and then I can take everybody over there, because I don't wanna go over there, because as much as I'm making fun of your country,

I think it's a beautiful, beautiful place. And you guys know, if you've listened to this podcast, I am fucking terrified of the ocean, and I have a buddy of mine that's over there right now, who's saying how he's sitting in his favorite city in the world, and he was talking about the ocean, and I have a buddy of mine that's over there right now who's saying how he, Sidney's his favorite city in the world, and he was talking about the beaches, and I have to be honest with you, is terrified as I am of the ocean, of sharks, of the undertow, of hypothermia, of being pulled out to sea,

and just dying alone, and being out there on a moonless night, and not being able to see my hand in front of my face and then feel something touch my fucking leg. As much as all of that goes through my head, the beaches of Australia are so fucking gorgeous. Like, I had to stop myself from going into the water during the wintertime when it was cold. I felt compelled to go into it.

It was so fucking beautiful. I don't know why. I have no idea why. It's the most, okay? Australia, the most beautiful beaches in the world. The most beautiful sea in the world is the Mediterranean. Okay? As far as my limited travel, that's what I feel. So when I go to Australia, I don't want to fucking go there

and just bond storm it and start off in Perth and then just work my way back to fucking Sydney. And right as I get acclimated to the time, I get on the fucking plane and do 14 hours back, I don't want to do that. I like to go there and enjoy Australia because it's a fucking amazing country. The people are fucking hilarious. And last time I was there, I want to say I went to the Australian open, the tennis event, but I'd like to go there and stay there

like 10 days in tour at a comfortable place and then maybe go to Australian rules football, like actually experience the fucking country rather than just coming into Melbourne and just checking into the hotel and then, you know, doing the gig and then fucking coming back. I don't want to do that. I will. So that's why I am waiting. I'm going to come down there. All right. I've been there like four times and I will tell you one thing I've never seen. I've never seen anybody drinking a fucking fosters ever. Never seen it. And as far as Outback Steakhouse, how dare you?

How fucking dare you suggest that I would ever get a steak and a shit hole like that? I'm not gonna lie to you. Outback Steakhouse is a place I would have gone to back in the day when I was working in a warehouse and I was fucking broke,

living week to week. But once you make a little bit of money, okay? You just don't go out to get a stake. You save your money up and you go to a place that's gonna make it right. All right, and it's not a place that also serves a blooming onion, whatever the fuck that is. Although I've never had a blooming onion,

it does look delicious. As far as like, what the fuck was my steak place? Steak was just never fast food when I was growing up. We didn't have outback steakhouse, we didn't have steak and shake. We didn't have that. And there also wasn't a bunch of steak. You know what?

Your mom made steak. And then she put it on the table. And your dad was like, Christ, you cut the shit out of it. My dad, like he fucking, the way he liked steak, it literally, it was still almost cold on the inside. Anything else, it was like Christ, you cut the shit out of it. Dude, male, female, that shit you could get away with as a guy back then

Oh my god if my The lovely near every made me a moot of a fucking meal And I just wind that she cooked this shit out of it I wouldn't even finish the statement before the fucking meal would be over my head. And then I would be like, yeah, I deserved it. Like, what kind of an asshole? T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T My God, just undercooked everything. Eggs, runny as fucking hell. The worst is when he made fucking, you know, poached eggs on toast. The toast would just be warm bread.

And then he would fucking take the poached eggs out of the skillet, was not using, you're not using a slotted spoon because that was the luxury. So he put the runny egg with whatever water was on the spoon under this wet warm breath. Oh my God, it was like, I don't even know, I'm just immediately thinking of like taking a steam. That's the level of water that was in it. All right, explaining the Angry Sportsman podcast to my kid. Oh no, dearest Frederick Freckles. I listen to your podcast for years in Australia.

This is another Australian one. All right. Fuck it. I'm going over there. I'm going to make it happen. Usually while I'm cooking my family, well, usually I'm cooking my family some dinner and my kids. Oh my god. Okay. So there's going to be no periods in this. All right. I'll do the punctuation here. Let me read slower. I've listened to your podcast for years in Australia, usually while I'm cooking, usually why I'm cooking period. No, usually why I'm cooking my family some dinner period. I'm going to get rid of this and and just say, my kids have often asked why I listened to this angry swearing American talking slash screaming about sports. U.S. sports, no less.

Something literally none of us care about whatsoever. Dude, that was my favorite thing about YoKitsch winning the, you know, his whole after, like, winning the championship. And him just clearly showing that basketball is just a job and that he really just wants to be back in his home country with his friends hanging out with his horses. Like, which totally makes sense if you if you can just get yourself out of like, why don't you think everything's awesome in our country?

It's like because he's not from here. And all of his memories and his friends and all of that stuff and the pace, the pace of life and the food and all of that is back where he's from. I thought it was beautiful. He was just like, you know, you know, you know, you're like, you win the championship, how you feeling? Oh, it's great.

It's great. Now we can all go home and when he found out all the poor bastard when he found out there was a championship parade like three days later he literally looked to the left like what I gotta do something else what the fuck oh god does anybody have video of him on that fucking duck boat or whatever you take him around in the giant rubber raft with wheels on it in Slash a salt vehicle in Denver. I would love to see footage of that. I bet he got off that thing and just went straight to the airport and I hope he got home as soon as possible and that like just the way you could just see how much he missed his country and his friends

and his horses and all of that. And I just was looking at that like, oh my God. Like when he looked over there, if I was the owner of the team, I'd be like, hey man, you know what, you don't have to go. You don't have to go to the parade. Just get out of here.

Go home. You know, you won the championship. People aren't gonna give a fuck that you didn't go to the parade. Just get out of here. Go home. You know, you won the championship. People aren't gonna give a fuck to eat and go to the parade. I mean, some will, but that's just because they're not happy with their own lives. Anyway, so they asked their asking this guy, this father.

My God, I gotta get eat something. Where's stomach fucking growling here? Why is listening to me? He said, I didn't have a good answer for them, but I've always enjoyed the maniacal passion and humor even when you're yelling about something I have no idea about. Well, I appreciate that because I have to be honest with you.

I've watched clips of women yelling about shit to the guys in a language, I don't even know one word of. I don't even know how to say hello. And I can basically, like, I kind of understand what's going on. And I can tell by his expression, whether she's a nag or whether he really fucked up. And I can tell by her tone, how close they,

if this is the end of the relationship, or if this is just like a moment. So that's cool that you can do that with my, I can't even, I'm not even good at speaking my own language. So the fact that you can fuckin' figure that out is amazing. So the guy goes on to say, we all have our interests and you're passionately interested

in things like drums, music, choppers, et cetera. I think that's a good way to be. I'm in a family of music and art nerds and we're all inspired and passionate in the things we do too. However, I taught my daughter her first drum beat and I'm taking my son to a music class today. I'm very excited.

I'm just sort of nudging him in that direction and if they take to it, then we're all going to fucking jam and I'll become the white Joe Jackson and ruin their childhoods, kidding. No, if they're into it, they're into it. If they're not, then I'll just back off. So anyway, the guy continues. He says, however, if the kid wants to skip sports at school,

I couldn't give a fuck. What does that have to do with him? I'm in a family music art nerds and we're all inspired and passionate in the things we do too. However, if the kids want to skip sports at school, I couldn't give a fuck. Well, that's fine.

He goes, I'd rather they sat on the sidelines with a fake medical certificate I wrote, clutching an asthma in a hailer than risk injury, or endure the pointless exercise of chasing a ball. Oh my God. I've got to be honest with you, dude. That is going to be one of the best criticisms of sports I've ever heard simply because you've actually shown that you're a passionate person and you're into something else and

is the thing. You know, there's a lot of people that don't like sports, but everybody likes music. You know what I mean? Everybody, there's a song that just gets you going. I would think, I'm sure there's a couple of exceptions, but generally speaking. And you're into music. So, a pointless exercise of chasing a ball. Oh my God, that's fucking amazing.

I always, I love people that are new to sports because I always want to be like, well, so what do you do with all your free time? I'm literally addicted to it. Like I actually have to go through a couple days of like, oh my God, hockey and basketball are over. What am I gonna do? And then I get into baseball

and I just, I have to get totally into baseball because if I don't, then like, what am I gonna do with myself? All right so the person says I've never cared for sports myself and I've been relatively successful in life. Dude you're cooking for your kids and you're into music and if they don't want to play sports you're okay with that. You're an amazing human being. And I think you're a great father from what I'm reading here. Anyway, he says, I've given them full permission to suck at sports in care less. In recent years, however, I've gotten into chess big time, playing it, watching it, following the great players.

All right, well, chess is not a sport. All right, let's, oh my god, that reminds me of something. I gotta tell you guys about. Chess has exploded recently online. Do you know the world, who the world's top chess player is right now? Can you name him? No, I can't, but I watched the story recently and it's probably some guy sitting in a park.

But they're just not good at being in the matrix. This person says maybe not, but the goat is a guy called Magnus Carlson from Norway who's been blowing everyone away for about a decade or more. I 100% can appreciate that. I think that's, I think chess and chess players are actually fascinating, like that level of intelligence. And like, but my problem is watching chess is like so fucking annoying, because it's either played over the course of three days

or it's played so goddamn fast, like, you know, it's like at Eddie Van Halen speed and there's just this nothing for me to do because Eddie I'm enjoying the sound he's making and When I'm watching chess players playing as fast as Eddie I don't know what's going on So it's just the sound of the fucking piece hitting the board and then them slapping the clock. And I'm like, okay, you guys, you guys play real fast. I don't know what the point of this is.

All right, the way the young players play now, Eclipse is the last generation since they all came up with computers. Oh, so they had to be good enough to be computers. Oh my God, this gives me an idea for a movie. A.I.'s out of control. And then the only way to feed it is they have to bring in an anti-social chess champion that fucking hates sports. And then he's around all these fucking type A guys that played football at West Point

or so. I don't know. I'll flesh it out. Anyway, I was watching the recent World Championship and found myself yelling at the TV, knowing all the backstory and the drama, following every move. Well, there goes my fucking theory. I guess it is exciting. Every game and the insane underdog story of the now champion, Ding L learin. And then I realized I am the angry

man yelling at sports now. It's me. I'm that guy. I finally get it. Well, you're yelling, you're yelling a competition. It's not a sport though. But that is pretty amazing. It was actually a really well written email and it all came around and if I didn't interrupt it with my own fucking bullshit, that could have been a lot more enjoyable for you guys. So I apologize He says thanks for everything you do. I thought we were very different, but not really. I love your taste in music and your center Center left humility and politics Keep banging those drums and much love to the family Yeah, there's a weird thing now like if you're sort of in the middle

and like people get really angry. You know, like when people trash Joe Biden, I'm like, oh yeah, that guy should be out sitting on a porch somewhere. He's fucking horrific. But having said that, these last two guys are the two worst people that have ever been president. And then they get like upset and it's just like... It's like this is the only way to the light, man. You just gotta be honest. Okay, they're fucking horrific. It's a fucking cartoon.

It's a fucking cartoon. Anyway, keep banging those drums. I will. I'm gonna play it a day, man. I cannot fucking wait. I can't wait. I have never enjoyed playing drums as much as I am right now. I am so inspired by just like some of the stuff that I've been watching. It's like going all the way back to... Oh, Joey Castillo, I think, is the guy that did the thing for Queens of the Stone Age. That incredible, open-handed drumbeat for Miss Fit Love. But like, just watching stuff like that all the way back to Tony Williams, and then of course, my bottom shit, I've just, I've had so much goddamn fun.

I'm finally just committing to this bebop book that I've always, I've had so much goddamn fun. I'm finally just committing to this bebop book that I've always wanted to have that jazz ride independence that I've just been doing it every day. And I actually find playing jazz drums is just so much more creative as far as, like rock is just really like mesmerizing, repetitive, in a lot of ways.

Like, you lay down that groove and the whole band is on top of it. And I just feel like with jazz drumming, how that foundation is on the ride symbol, and it opens you up to say all these things between your hands and your feet. At least how my brain is, like, I'm not good at like improvising when I'm playing like rock drums, but like, I feel like jazz drums is like, no, this, like, the music is improvisation. And I love that shit because that's how I like to be when I do stand up.

So it's this weird thing where I gravitate towards that style, jazz drums, but like my DNA and the music that really moves me that I feel is rock drums, rock music or whatever. I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm gonna see Queens of the Stone Age whenever they come through. What? Hahaha. With John Theodor.

All right, world economics. Dear Billy brain juice. You're constant ranting on the US and world banking system is about to get into, I told you so territory. Every week more and more countries are leaving the dollar and moving to the why you EN. What the fuck is that? I thought Yen was spelled YEN, I don't know what that is, or the BRICS BRICS, international payment system. Hey, listen, we had a great run, you know what I mean? Russia collapsed, they're back, you know,

maybe we'll be back next time, we'll have a dictator that everybody pretends is good at hockey. Africa, which has been largely exploited by the West for its raw materials and given nothing, and Europe, just stop it already. Just stop it already, okay, with this fucking bullshit. We are Europeans. We're just living over here, okay? And now you're trying to disown us.

For its raw materials and given nothing in return, he's making impactful relationships and deals with China who will be giving them something in return for exploiting their raw materials. The dollar isn't as strong as it was in the US. Fed can't do much more than keep raising rates, which continues to bankrupt the middle class. Yeah, we're fucked. What also fucked us was the way we handled the fall of Russia.

And we could have been these great people. And instead we just went total greed and tried to take it all for ourselves. So now Africa is looking at China probably like they're better people when they're not. No one is. Everyone has the same greedy sociopaths running their country. And then underneath it is just a bunch of fucking bald podcasting shitheads like me, you know, trying to figure out how the fucking going to survive their greed. That's essentially what it is. Cheap bill, could you oversimplify it anymore? Well, I'm a simple person.

All right, political economy studies routinely show many of the US current characteristics being a precursor to economic collapse. The only real hope would be repurpose military spending to fund education infrastructure at home by all metrics where the most propaganda dies democratic country in modern history Hey, well, you know, you got to give it up to us when we go to do something where the best at it

The hope is that one day we elect Congress and a president that speaks like an actual human being The average no, but the average gluttonous unpatriotic american won't listen to a rational person wax about how corrupt the military industrial complex is or how we're being duped into handling over privacy rights is because a former president is being prosecuted for something other than killing millions of people with drones. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, The average gluttonous unpatriotic American won't listen to a rational person talk about how corrupt the military industrial complex is or how we're being duped into handing over privacy rights is because a former president is being prosecuted for something other than killing millions of people with drones or import sanctions on countries we're not at war with. Yeah, and you could, you could do that with everyone back to Bill Clinton. They're all fucking guilty of that, killing millions of people with drones and killing the wrong people and, you know, war criminal behavior.

It just is what it is. And, uh, yeah, it's, if you say it, then you're fucking un-American. You need to get out of the country. And it's just like, no, I love this place. And I'm just watching a handful of fucking lunatics take everything. I would ever, this is too fucking deep for this podcast.

And also, I'm not well read enough. All right, the dollar. Hey hey you pasty knuckle fuck you keep saying that the dollar used to have gold behind it gold isn't backbone of dollar trust is Okay, first of all Are you Russian? This is a Russian bought gold isn't backbone of dollar trust is it is easier to trust in gold because you can see it measure it at Measure it at because it is so rare it has little surprises in it But it is still just a mechanism you have to trust that gold is worth something yeah, I understand that I don't understand why money just can't be worth something.

You know, I think it's bullshit. I think that the fact that they have to, that the dollar is worth less because they printed more with no gold behind it is just part of the banker's scam to bring us to our knees so they can have more. That's what I think it is because if we all believe in it, we all get paid in it, then it should have value. I mean, I am as confused at that as when the away team wins one of the first two games and then they say they now have home court advantage. I still, I don't understand the math on that. All right, trust can be gained other ways as well and although you can't trust those other methods others do and it makes the world go around

uh... the you almost lost its mind when grease was going under grease was losing trust to handle its economy there was so many big banks going under it was going to mirror on the whole of europe and especially germany which is why it was so eager to feed Greece money to make it stable and trustworthy again. Now Greece is recovering. If the US would be failing in similar fashion, it would pull some other country down, it would pull the world down.

It's not going to happen. So many, I like this. We're getting both sides here. It's going to happen. It's not. So many countries would go under in result that all those countries would will rather pull money to secure USA's trustworthiness. It would result in severe cuts in the US spending, but the US would recover. If trust fails on different rules, then we fall back on gold. If we can't trust

gold, then we will trust food in the end food and water of the real currency and that's why I have a seller full of potatoes. Oh yeah, vitamin. Two greetings from Finland. There's no afterlife and you can go fuck yourself. I love Finland, man. Those fucking people are amazing. They had the most profound explanation of the afterlife. I know I've told this story before, but for those of you who are new to the podcast, I said, so what is your guys' religion over here? I can't even remember what they said. I said, do you guys believe in an afterlife?

And they were like, no. And I go, so what do you think happens when you die? And then this guy in the crowd just goes, do you remember what it was like before you were born? And I go, no, and he goes, it's like that. And then they all laughed at me. And I'm telling you, they blew my mind. I'm like, it really is that simple, isn't it?

There's really nothing to be afraid of. You're just gone. That's it. Like a squirrel. You're dead. Oh, whatever. But I don't know. I've been taking mushrooms over the last couple of years.

So now what I believe is that nobody, I still believe nobody knows what happens when you're gone. My wife and her energy makes me believe in a... I'm not in higher power. I just believe that like... I don't know, there is something... There is something beyond what we're looking at, but I really don't know what it is, but I am definitely not going to try to find those answers in organized religion at all. But I will listen to any individual.

I will listen to their theory from beginning to end. But I'm not going to listen to people that profit off of it. All right. Oh, Bill, you're so interesting. Go fuck yourself. You're red-cut. All right. That's it, everybody. That is the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. Thank you for the emails. Emails were really interesting this week. And, you know, I am very humbled that people all the way over in Australia are listening to this podcast, people in Finland and in mainland China and all that type of stuff. Okay. You, you're me. Don't let these fucking habidashary have a change that.

All right. Fuck them. All right. And get yourself a sandwich. I'll talk to you on Thursday. them. Alright, and get yourself a sandwich. I'll talk to you on Thursday.