Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-20-22

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Bill rambles about Woodstock, his new truck, and ultimatums. 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, uh, January. No, June 20th. Fuck. Am I talking about June 20th? Got a little heat stroke here. Oh, geez. Keep the ginger out of the fucking pool there. I'm doing this podcast on father's day. Yeah, father's day, man. I got home for father's day. I had a wonderful trip out east. Uh, by the way, update on that bird from, uh, the podcast on Thursday when I came when I was done with the podcast, it was gone. When I came out to my garage, it was a little chicken, a little bird on the fucking ground and I'm walking up to him. It was like leaning to the side like a boat taken on water, little fucker, right? I actually

debated just stepping on him so he wouldn't be eaten alive by fucking insects, but it's a bird. I'm not a veterinarian. What am I going to do? Stick him in my shirt pocket like I'm on fucking little house in the prairie. I got a podcast to do, but I left it alone. So I, you know, went to the garage. I did my podcast and when I came out, low and behold, he was gone. Now I live in a desert. So for all I know, some reptile fucking grabbed the thing. I have no idea. I think I would have heard something. I don't know. Reptiles are fucking slithery little creepy fuckers. I really don't like reptiles. You know, I am like, I'm Donald Trump when it comes to reptiles. No tolerance. Um, I'm pretty liberal when it

comes to the other stuff. See Joe Biden fell off a bicycle. Good Lord. What is the secret service letting that guy in a fucking bicycle for? I swear to God, you literally have a president who shouldn't even be driving and you're going to stick him on a bicycle. At least get him one of those motorcycles that has three wheels on it. Good Lord. I mean, that's when you know you're old when you forget how to ride a bicycle. You know, that's, you know, some you never forget. Oh, you live long enough to do. So the I came out and the bird was gone. So God, well, I don't want to happen. Maybe he had a tough landing. Maybe he got into fucking ate somebody's weed, which by the way, man, I got it. You know, could

we what are they going to do the study about how addicted, addicting fucking weed is? My god. Now that it's fucking legal, these people that they're like fucking raging alcoholics, you know, they were a fucking booze bag just goes to work. And he sipping drinks all day. That's what these fucking pot heads are doing. And they got they got it. They can rub it on their arm. Like fucking, you know, those steroids people were taking in the early 2000s. Oh, that was it was cream. My muscles were sore. So I put it on it. And the next day, they were fucking huge and I had three home runs. They got pens. They got edibles. They got hairspray and the amount of ways that people can just be fucking high all day. Wake

and bake lunch and brunch, right? Because you're high, you eat both. And you know, I'm just saying, I'm just saying the story is going to come out. Now I might be a hater because I'm a I'm a I'm a reformed fucking booze bag. I'm a reformed gutter dweller. I'm just saying, watch out for that shit, everybody. You know, it's like, like, I feel like weed right now is like what wine is. We're wine. Everybody's so talking about like what you're pairing it with, like nobody notices you're drinking a bottle a night. Weeds become the same thing. If you want to focus, this is a good strain. If you just want to like chill, I would do this. If you want to fucking, you know, like, clean your whole house and forget

you even did it, I'd smoke this and eat one of those. But I haven't said that. I don't know. Do whatever do whatever the fuck you want to do, right? Jesus, Bill, you went hard. And then you're like, Yeah, what am I gonna do? You know, the fuck do I know? Maybe I'm just an old guy that's upset that all of a sudden it's fucking legal. And I'm too old to go to a rave. Right. I never had any desire to go to a fucking rave. The original rave was Woodstock, which I performed at this weekend. I want to thank everybody out there. And as amazing as that concert is, I always look at it going like there's no fucking way I would want to be there. Even at a young age, I would be over that in four hours, four hours. And

then my car was stuck in traffic, and people are sliding around in the mud, and people are on fucking acid. Oh my God, and where are you sleeping? Right? You're sleeping on the grass. And right as you finally go to sleep after the last guy has his bad trip, Jimmy Hendrix comes out with his guitar. Hey, Jimmy, give me another two hours. Yeah. Hey, Jimmy, can you do that? Yeah. That's my Jimmy Hendrix expression. Yeah. He does it all the time. He sings purple haze. He starts off yeah. Is it really a agreeable guy that Jimmy Hendrix? But anyway, I'm just fucking around. That was one of my favorite gigs I've ever done at Woodstock. Shout out to the chef that works there. This guy made me a salad like it's like they picked

everything that was in it. And then they had a little burrata on top. Oh my God, I didn't know what the dressing was. It's like this is what a salad should be. If a salad was like this, rather than that shit, they sell down there at the golden arches. Ronald McDonald, the original evil ginger out there poison in his own fucking country, man. He's the one, you know, they always say that, you know, you know, redheads like me are the spawn of the devil. You know, and then if you're right with your left hand, that's another thing. I'm a left handed fucking redhead. All right. And even I'm telling you to watch out for Ronald McDonald. Okay, just give him a wide berth. Go down there every once in a while kisses white

love. What am I talking about? Anyway, so I went out there and they gave they were nice enough, they actually gave us a tour of the place. And on the other side of this little ampie theater, fuck sorry, got right off the plane and played with the kids, you know, father's day, father's day stuff. On the other side of the hill, you guys got to go if you can, if you have a chance, you got to go they have an incredible museum. With all of this memorabilia, I had to blow through it because I had to like, you know, get ready for my show. But one of the really cool things that I saw there was they had, they had this picture of people supporting the troops in Vietnam, a bunch of young people with American flags. And it's like, yeah, where is this story?

When they tell, I'll talk about the 60s, they always talk about they act like all young people were against it and that type of shit. And I knew that wasn't true. Because my parents, you know, are conservative and they, they were supporting it. I thought the hippies were a bunch of fucking, you know, loafers who didn't want to, you know, wanted the advantages of freedom, didn't want to fight for it. You know, they, they, they went along with the company at that point. Now the people went against it. I don't know. I'll tell you right now, if I got a fucking draft card, I would have gone just because I would have been too afraid to burn it. It's like, I don't want to be on the lamb for the rest of my life. What am I going to do? I'm going to go to

Canada. Fucking needed a Tim Hortons for the rest of my life. I can't do it. I'm too Americanized. I gotta, I gotta learn how to fix jeeps or something that keeps me out of the action. Oh my God, can you imagine that? Can I just get out of going to a jungle because I'm fucking three quarters of an albino? You're really going to stick me in there. Those fucking things are going to eat me alive. I'm going to come walking in there looking like a red velvet cake to them. No, I just would have done drugs. Would have done drugs and pointed the gun at the tree line. That's what I would have done. Jesus Christ, what a fucking time. But anyways, you go through that museum, you kind of relive all of that, all of that stuff that was going on back when they used

to report on wars before it just became the two propaganda channels that we now have that somehow pit us against each other. We just scream and eat. That's what we do now. Now we just yell at each other when we used to yell at the government going, hey, what the fuck are you guys doing? Enough of this shit. Now we just sort of screaming at each other. Oh, G Bill, did you figure it out? Breezing through a fucking museum in upstate New York? Well, I think I did. But I really loved seeing that, that that was in that museum showing young people with American flags saying support the troops and stuff like that. That was really, it was like, all right, there's the other half of the pie. Now this is sort of put into, you know, more of a balanced

perspective as far as where young people were back then. But I got to tell you, man, you've really got to go that was one of my favorite gigs I ever did. It was like the perfect temperature. The food was amazing. The people were amazing, so friendly. And they gave us a tour and you actually they took us to the hill, the hill where the actual concert was is like sacred ground. So nobody like walks on it or any of that type of stuff. But like, you just look at the hill. And after all the years, you know, my whole life seeing footage of it, like the hill is famous. And it's funny because it goes up and it sort of dips and then goes up again. And if you look at pictures of the crowd, the crowd takes on the shape of the hill. So then the crowd's not

there. Now you actually see the grassy hill. And they had all these amazing aerial photos of like the guy with the farm right next door fucking hated everything that the the festival stood for and said you weren't allowed you're not allowed on our property. So literally you could there was an aerial photo, there's like a line, almost like a state. And there's just nobody on his property and right next door is like, you know, 500,000 fucking people. It's pretty incredible. So I really want to thank them. That was fascinating. And I don't know. I couldn't believe I was there. And then I went out and the crowd was awesome. The whole thing was amazing. And the night before I performed in Wilkes Barry, which I was calling Wilkes bar because it's spelled b a r r e Wilkes

Barry. And those fans were incredible. That was a great gig. Beautiful, beautiful part of the country. Wilkes Barry, you know, get close enough to Philly if you want to get the city thing and then you can be out there and just seem like there's probably a bunch of great hiking and all that type of stuff. I don't know. I'm really into like trees and lakes and shit now that I live in the upper restaurants of hell out here in the fucking desert. And then the last night, we did another rampy theater, which musicians have told me they call them sheds. So we played the PNC, whatever the fuck it's called. The last time I was there was on that legendary opium Anthony traveling virus tour. And I was actually thinking, you know, the last time I was there, I believe

three of the comics on there, if not four. I want to say the lineup had Bob Saget, Ralphie May, Patrice O'Neill and Otto and George. Unbelievable, unbelievable. And I went there and all of these memories came back of that crazy tour. And I remember I looked out and I got that same nervousness I had when you were doing that tour because that was a fucking aggressive. Actually, they weren't. The Jersey crowd was great. But what happened in close to Philly and Camden, everybody kind of knew that that show was was coming. So I don't know. But anyway, I went out had a great time and Joey Diaz swank by to say hello. And I said, Hey, you want to go up and do some time? He said, I'd love to. So we brought him up first. And Dean Delray took video of it didn't you know,

those fucking cell phones didn't do justice of how fucking crazy the crowd went. When when Joey took the stage, I told Kenny to say there's three legends in New Jersey. Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and mad flavor Joey Coco Diaz. He fucking went out the place went fucking nuts. You know, he comes out. What's up, cocksuckers? What exit you from you? You know, he just fucking murdered, then brought Dean out. And then I came out to close it out. And I could not have had a better time. So thank you to everybody and all three of those Wilkes Barry Woodstock and out there at PNC Park there in New Jersey. I actually had a great time in New York to, you know, it was gay pride. So it was wall to wall gay dudes. And I was actually thinking,

you know, gay dudes are not nearly as fucking aggressive as they you when I was young, they were fucking scared. But then I was thinking maybe I'm just old so nobody's fucking looking at me anymore. My old fisherman beard. I'm talking like the early fucking eighties. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I don't know. Anyway, plowing ahead here. So I had a great father's day. I did my show and I literally, you know, I had a pickup at like five a.m. flew back on like a six 50 a.m. flight landed here around like 9 30 came home, you know, my daughter made me a card. And now we went swimming. My wife took me out. I, you know, I smoked a cigar. We laughed. I watched a little bit of the US Open, which I, you know, ended up having to leave because my

the sitter had to go. So we ended up coming back and I don't know who won that thing. But I saw that kid picked up two strokes on one hole with two, two left, I think sank like a fucking, I don't know, look like a like a 30 footer. I watched a little bit of the F one. Max Verstappen winning again, but Ferrari coming in second, but Lewis Hamilton first time in months. I don't know if he got like a third place in like March or April. It's the first time he's been on the podium in months and Mercedes, which you knew they were, we're going to get this shit together. So it's coming up on the end of July break for F one, the season split like, I don't know, 40% over and all of a sudden they're getting Lewis

Hamilton's car dialed in. Max Verstappen has continued to win. He's got a sizable lead, but Jesus Christ, it's going to be some fucking sick, sick racing for the rest of the season. So I'm very excited that whatever the fuck was going on with Lewis Hamilton's car, even though I root against him, you know, I don't want to see one of the great arguably the greatest driver ever riding around on a shit box, right? I want to see, I want to see Verstappen go up against him. So what else do I do? I caught up with a bunch of people. I did some sets in New York. It was awesome. My Celtics lost to the Golden State Warriors. Congratulations to Golden State. Just amazing what they're doing up there. And you know, what can you say about Steph Curry?

Other than if Steph Curry didn't play for Golden State, I don't think they win ever. I don't think they win anything. I mean, that guy is without a doubt the MVP man. I mean, that guy just, he brings it past the half court line. You're like, ah, fuck, just don't follow them. Jesus Christ. It'll be a four point play. It was difficult to watch them drinking champagne in the Boston garden, took me back to 85. So the 85 or 87 when the Lakers beat us, they for the first time in the garden, I think it was 85. That was brutal to watch. That was the first time any team had ever drank champagne in the Boston garden. Now it's just a TD Bank North Garden. So drink up fellas.

You know, I was mentioning this on the Anything Better podcast when they were showing the next day, the, uh, the locker room celebration of the Golden State Warriors. I was in the hotel gyms in, uh, Westbury and, uh, club soda, Kenny was watching the TV. He's not a sports fan. He was watching them spraying champagne and he saw that they had those ski goggles on. He was like, they wear goggles when they do. He goes, just don't do it then. It's fucking hilarious. Um, anyway, so, uh, man, I had a good time in New York. I really want to, uh, I swear I ran, hung out with a bunch of comics I hadn't seen in a minute, caught up with some people, you know, as I mentioned, I saw American Buffalo and, uh,

I saw, uh, Gerard Carmichael's new special that Nathaniel, which absolutely blew me away, Bo Burnham, a directing thing that he did on that. I really hope those two do some more shit together because that was like, I can't remember the last time I watched something like that. It was just absolutely riveting from the beginning to the end. It was a fucking masterpiece. Um, and what else? What else? What else is going on in my world? Oh, I remember. I remember. Oh, Freckles finally pulled the trigger and he ordered his fucking Ford F-250. And they're going to be here for nine years with the backup, but I ordered it. I ordered it and I got all the fucking bells and whistles. I finally presented an argument

that made my wife fucking give me the look, but also kind of smiled, you know, cause I have the old 68 F-100, right? So she goes to me. I said, I'm, you know, I'm busting my ass. This movie's coming together. I got a huge fucking tour. I write the old man's going to buy his dream truck. And she goes, what are you getting? And I showed her the F-250 pickup truck. She goes, you don't need another truck. I looked at her and I go, you don't need another bag. She was walking out of the room. She just cocked her head and gave me the look and I just laughed. I'm just like, it's not going to be here. You don't have to look at it.

She thinks it's so fucking stupid. I know she's right. You know, oh my God, if you see this truck, you're like, that guy knows how to build a house from scratch. He must be towing a yacht down the street. That's the level I went with this truck. But I got the F-250. I didn't get the fucking, you know, the limited, the platinum, the King Ranch. I call those Texas trucks. You know, those guys, they get shiny belt buckle that, you know, the back of their truck has never even seen a bailer. Hey, those guys, those city cowboys that drive around the four door pickup trucks, and not that. I wanted the F-250 with the fucking rubber mat floor, the bench seat, the way I remembered them growing up.

And front to back, I just got every fucking thing I could get on that thing, the four wheel drive, everything, fucking everything. And I cannot wait. I just, that's coming over the horizon. Over the horizon. I got the biggest fucking engine I could get in it. It's gonna, it's an apocalypse vehicle. And it's hilarious. My wife thinks it's the stupidest thing. She doesn't get it. What's hilarious? I'm like, look at our son. Look at how like his favorite toys is garbage truck. His favorite thing in the world is a garbage truck. He sees a fire engine. He loses his mind. He sees trucks. He loves them. It's, it's, she doesn't get it. She doesn't get it. What's funny is my daughter's wired the same

way. When I give, you know, when I get my daughter riding my truck, right? She always says to me, she goes, dad, she goes, this is the biggest truck in the whole wide world. And I'm like, you know, I don't think it's the biggest. It's a nice one though. And we'll drive by trucks clearly, but I think I told you guys this story. She still says, no, this one's bigger. It's funny. My whole life since I'm not like freshmen sophomore year in high school, I remember there was a kid who had a, he had an F 250 four wheel drive and he would go four wheeling. It was green. And I just, I don't know. I've just always liked, I mean, I did like muscle cars and shit like that. I do like when you get like a fucking pickup and they give you shit about like, why'd

you get a pickup? It's like, why'd you get a sports car? You're not a, you're not going to take it to the track. All these fucking jerkoffs can go out. You can go out and buy a fucking Ferrari, right? What's that 300 grand? You can get a fucking F 250 for like 50 grand. That's another thing. That's what blew my second. I just spent like fucking one sixth. What some aren't you happy that my dream car is 50 grand? Jesus. The fact that that was the, there was even any like, like pushback on that is, is the one of the things that makes marriage so goddamn funny. You know, oh, you don't want, you don't want, you don't want that taken up the driveway, but you can take over three quarters of the walk-in closet, the bathroom, the bedroom,

and all of that shit. Jesus Christ. Enough with the encroachment. I should get that truck, pull it in the driveway and throw all this shit you don't need in the back of it and take it to the dump. Now these are things the old me used to say. I'm not going to say that. There's no upside. By the way, shout out to the fucking Stanley Cup finals. I know that last one was a blowout, but those first two games, I watched the replays of them. That's some of the best fucking hockey I've ever seen in my life, in my life. I only wish Tampa won one of those overtime games because now the series is just over. But Colorado Avalanche, they're looking like the fucking 1980s Edmonton Oilers. It's the fastest fucking team I've ever seen in my life.

Unbelievable. But those first two games, holy shit. I can't remember last time I saw playoff hockey at that level. I hope you guys, while you fucking lower bowl NBA, fucking glitter douchebags, you should check that out. I watch your sport. People running out, shooting t-shirts into the crowd. Everybody clap your hands. That fucking whatever the fuck that is. Oh, it's such a tramp. I wish I ran the NBA, the level that I would dial it back. It's like, can we get just back to the fact that this is one of the most beautiful games ever and is played by some of the greatest athletes of all time? Can you get these fucking jerks off the fucking court, please? Oh, what I would do.

If some stupid ass celebrity came to the fucking game and had that look on their face and they're not even cheering and they're looking at their phone wearing bedazzled clothes, that's it. You're out. They're gonna have bounces. Get them the fuck out of there. Let's get some degenerate gambler from fucking up top. Oh, shit. I actually ripped on this on the anything better. I'm overlapping here. My brain's so tired. I'm telling you, be such a better, you want to see something great? You ever watched that Michael Rappaport documentary when the garden was Eden? My big takeaway from that aside from, you know, that fight that I'd never seen the footage of Willis, was it Willis Reid? I'm bad with the NBA back then.

Yeah, Willis Reid had where he just beat up a whole team was when they would cut to the crowd. I mean, it was it was just sports fans. It was sports fans. No one was looking at the camera. All right. It was just a sea of just fucking old school bald guys, you know, and everybody just like just riveted screaming about the game. Nobody mime it. Nobody shooting a fucking bow and arrow miming doing that. None of this fucking other shit. It was just a goddamn game and an announcer. And these people look like, I don't know. I'm not saying it should go all the way back to that, but it'd be nice. And I you could say that really about all sports. Once they got the luxury boxes

and the corporate cunts started buying those things up, you know, baseball has that problem too. A lot of them do. Like it's so ridiculous to watch a Yankee game and it never looks like it's sold out because there's a bunch of Wall Street cunts instead of sitting in their seats, they're down below eating fucking prime rib. That's another one. All right, you got it. You came here to eat. Just get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Like this should be a thing. Like if you leave your seat too long, somebody from the mezzanine or the upper deck should be able to come down and chair on the game and heckle some guy in the on deck circle from the other team the way it used to be scare a couple of kids, you know, get yourself over served.

Yeah, I had this idea. I don't know if this would work. I saw a motorcycle with a side car on it, right? And I was thinking like that would be the greatest way if you owned a bar to bring home people that were over served. There's always that one person they don't want to give up the keys and then you just fucking you stick them in the sidecar, put some goggles on them. If he pukes, you know, what are you gonna do? Just hose it off. He's he's already he's just he's already outside, right? You take him home. You know, he gets to put his arms up like he's on a fucking roller coaster, you know, just just have a good time. Take him home. It'd be funny. It's like when somebody on the Red Sox hits a home run and they put them in that laundry basket

and they fucking push them down the the dugout. It's the same way. I don't know. I think if you had a fun way of bringing people home, maybe they could get out of their ego. I guess now Uber solved all of that. But that would have been a great thing. Yeah, listen, buddy, you're your sidecar level drunk right now. Okay, we're taking your keys. Dude, you're gonna ride home like on a motorcycle, you know, sitting there. Just enjoy it. You know, you get the bedspins, you puke now puke before you get home. We'll give you some mouthwash and shit you can walk in. Maybe your wife's asleep. You can get away with it. I don't know. I mean, we're really bending over backwards here to try to work this out for you. All right. I will say that beautiful

part of the country. I was just Wilkes-Barre, Barry Woodstock and out in Jersey. I don't know, man. I don't know. There was a lot. I'm probably gonna retire back there. You know, I just, every one of those roads, I just kept thinking of fucking driving that truck that I have coming down it, having a nice little house in the middle of fucking nowhere, nobody bugs you. I don't even need to soundproof my drum room because there's no neighbors. There's trees, there's water. Everything doesn't catch on fire. It's like, you know, there's something to be said about that. All right. What do we got here? Let's do a little love. So don't let anybody ever tell you, you know, you live in the middle of fucking nowhere, all these fucking Hollywood

douchebags, other people live on the East Coast and call all these states flyover states and shit like that or the boonies. I don't know, man. You know, I know there's a lot of lunatics out there. You know, they drive around with like the American flag hanging off their fucking truck, like people don't know what country they're in. There's a lot to be said about living out there. All right. Simply safe, everybody. Something everybody wants to be today's episode of Monday Morning Podcast is brought to you by Simply Safe Home Security. I believe home should be the safest place on earth for every family. That's why I use and recommend Simply Safe. I got the whole system and I can see 360 all around my whole house. It's fantastic. Simply Safe is advanced whole

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Examples pool time, a family or personal vacation backyard barbecues with friends redoing your deck gardening. Oh, I know what I'm looking forward to. Somebody power washing my driveway and these fucking patio bricks around the backyard. Get all the water stains off of there. I've become obsessed with that. I literally follow people on Instagram that power wash walkways. That's why you need zip recruiter to find great candidates. That's why because I want to power wash my driveway, they do the work for you and now you can try it for free at zip.com slash bur zip recruiter uses its powerful technology to find and match the right candidates up with your job. You can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply. Additionally, zip recruiter has a

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Andrew. It's the exact same one. Oh, you know what? It's not Andrew's fault. It's not his fault. I hope he didn't paste it in twice. I'm a moron. All right. Here we go. Let's swear on me. We got some we got some we got some people writing in. We got questions here. Alicia keys. Afternoon, Billy Bistro tits. You know, people, I've been going to the gym for a couple of months right now and I'm telling you, I'm getting my fucking revenge body back. All right, when I get out there, my two piece bikini this this summer. Okay, I think these these these insults are going to stop. All right, just listen to your podcast from Thursday and wanted to quickly say that what you were talking about regarding Alicia keys. I was saying is that really her last name? What are

the odds her last names are keys? And she ends up being a Grammy award winning piano play pianist. He said it's called nomid nomid nominative nominative. God, I hate like more than three syllables nominative. That's why I can never fucking hang with Italians. I was good with the first name Nino, right? And you get to the second day. Jesus. A lot of owls. Determinatism, nominative determinism. That's how you say basically the idea that someone called John bread is almost destined to become a baker or Edward scissor hands becoming a barber. He should have been called Edward pooper scooper if he knew who the fuck he was going to be dating years later now. Now I've written now I've written it now that I've written it I

realized how unbelievably dull this email is no it isn't that's like envisioning whatever that's success thing that people have Jesus Christ if I see one more stupid celebrity posting a fucking video trying to inspire me what what at what point did all of these people become qualified? Like what makes you fucking qualified what because you twirl around on a fucking stage nobody gives a shit and nobody asks you shut the fuck up. Now I've written he says I realize how unbelievably dull this email is but I've always wanted to write in just to say how much I enjoy the podcast and also how valuable I can imagine me actually doing this as you guys write in to me for advice to actually criticize other people doing the exact same thing and also how valuable some of the things

that you say about your parenting has been for me oh look at that wait a minute am I an influencer more than once you've made me look at myself and consider the impact of my actions on my daughter wow keep on keeping on yeah that's why I kind of laid off the NBA finals when I saw my daughter looking at me when we were playing Candyland and I'm screaming about the refs going oh of course there here we go every game this is what they do and she's looking at me like who the fuck is this guy I was like all right she doesn't need to see that guy not now not ever taping the games watching them when she goes to sleep all right eating berries in a survival situation I love shit like this by the way all right now I know you guys know that I'm a big time liberal all right I will

not shit anywhere unless it says gender neutral something whatever the fuck else you're supposed to say peaceful warrior social justice guy eating berries in a survival situation which make make may make some of you uh you know you redneck type people you know you guys with your lawnmower engines hooked up to your fucking ac to keep it going you know you're off the grid guys I want to hear from you guys and the ladies too okay not to say this not a lady out there that does not a fucking hot wire a dodge ram uh eating berries in a survival situation dear bill bear bill bear grills burr grills burr is this supposed to be like grizzly bear t r y l l s burr I don't get it I'm old sorry I'm sure it was great um on monday's podcast you briefly mentioned you're

not eating mentioned not eating berry berries as their poisonous slash magical I was talking about there's berries is a berry bush if I say that fucking word one more time um um at the end of my driveway and you know they look edible but I know not to eat berries because some of them are poisonous this person said you are mainly correct eating berries when you can't identify them can cause serious issues up to and including death I've went through the air force s e r e school survival evasion resistance escape dude you got your money's worth when the shit hits the fan you got air force training on survival evasion resistance escape survival staying alive evasion avoiding the zombies resistance chopping their fucking heads off

escaping getting the fuck out of there before they eat your neck fantastic anyway and he says they uh here she says and they teach wilderness survival as part of the curriculum another big word curriculum hey check this out attache case attache I could say it finally could say it I always I always say ashatay as shatee at as a fucking briefcase man uh the final part of this portion is where they dump you this is the final part of this guy's training where they dump you in a remote part of Idaho the Idaho national forest oh man there's bears there's mountain lions bobcats fucking snakes with a few other people and you have to navigate and evade people that are looking for you with minimal

supplies basically no food when it comes to berries look for dark berries about 99 percent of berries are edible without negative effects see now there you go there's some quality information for comparison only about 50 percent of red berries are edible and the majority of other berries white yellow green etc are poisonous to humans oh there you go I don't think I would ever eat a white yellow or green I would think that they weren't ripe yet but if I was hungry enough I eat it anyway hope this info comes in handy if you ever get lost on a hike you ginger cunt all the best and go fuck yourself well thank you for writing in thank you for your service hey and why don't you thank me

huh for my tax dollars that puts you in that fucking forest out there I'm a hero too uh what is there to do in albuquerque dear bill I'm a 51 year old female hey a lady I love when the ladies finally write in I wonder why they don't oh because I'm a misogynistic cunt I'm a 51 year old female UPS driver in southwest Kansas I listen to your pot Jesus Christ talk about the last vehicle you want to be in in tornado alley is driving that fucking thing how quickly you're gonna get nice little crosswind you're done I listen to your podcast when I'm working so I don't have to listen to my thoughts I love this person thanks for helping me get through the day I'll do my very best to put the punctuation where they belong so your head

doesn't explode when I was in the fifth grade I was sent to the reading trailer so I feel your pain when it comes to reading oh is that what they had a trailer oh no and that's out in Kansas so there wasn't any fucking trees it was just right out there in the open I appreciate your common sense approach when it comes to persuading others to consider another view I'm married to a ginger who wears sunblock religiously good for him he's my rock long story short he's my third husband and I wish I would have calmed the fuck down in my first marriage my second ex-husband is in prison wait he's my third husband and I wish I would have calmed the fuck down in my first marriage oh you see he's saying you fucked up your first one the second one was a lunatic

my second my second my second ex-husband is in prison I don't know what he did I remind myself of a puppy that just chews the hell out of everything but finally is able to sit on the porch and appreciate life you know is there anything better than an adult actually just owning up to hey you know the bed I'm laying and I basically made um anyway she says I'm taking my 12 year old grandson on the train to Albuquerque for a few days do you have any suggestions on where to go or what to do with a 12 year old no um I only went out there to do stand-up gigs and I used to do breaking bad out there and I would land and go right to Wardrobe and I would go to work I mean that was one of the greatest and most efficient sets I was ever on and usually I'm barnstorming through

I did go up to Santa Fe one time we shot up there that was a blast um well I would think that there's incredible hiking I know they do that hot air balloon thing if you're into that take some dirt bikes out there's a lot of stuff to do in nature and then I would think there's a ton of like uh Native American stuff you can check out I will tell you this it's one of the most beautiful states I've ever been in and one of the most fascinating things about it is you can see the weather coming like you can see a rainstorm off in the distance or whatever you know I wish I had more I haven't been to Albuquerque that many times but I mean I know there's a lot of good bars there I don't think you're taking your 12 year old there but there's plenty of great food I would

think the Mexican is fucking incredible there that's where I would start they also have all like these websites and stuff I would do that but I think it's really cool I remember going to the Grand Canyon Vegas and uh Los Angeles with my grandmother and we had a blast we had a fucking blast so that's really cool that you're doing that um all right what else we got here uh sorry I wish I could have given you more advice um do I have my phone with me though I do I have a little thing in my phone called places to go so every time I you know go somewhere I know the places to go Jesus Christ that's how fucking basic my brain is I have all these lists of restaurants and all of this shit and stuff to do and all of that in my phone I'm scrolling right now I'm looking for

maybe New Mexico I'd have another Rhode Island Seattle St. Louis looks like we blew by it then I go to Australia Canada Europe all right wait a second I don't have anything come on gotta have something New Orleans New Jersey New Haven New York yeah it's under cities and states let's look up Albuquerque Albujerky there Albuquerque I don't know I know they have some incredible you want to take some UFC classes um I know they got some a lot of champions come from what do they call it something city god damn it this woman said it too when she was a badass Duke City or something like that I forget what I was just like I'm not fucking I mean I go around fucking with people but anyway um sorry I wish I could anybody has any ideas just right in and I'll do it on the next

podcast anybody from Albuquerque listening what where where should this person go there we go I'm gonna phone a friend on this one all right what do we got here um girlfriend gave me an ultimatum ah Jesus Christ why are they you know why is it always like a fucking hostage situation you know what I mean I swear to god when they give me an ultimatum you know what they should do they should just for the fun of it you should make them like do it from outside your apartment like with a bullhorn leading on the hood of a car like one of those old school 70s like dog day afternoon attention mark you have three months to give me a ring or I'm gonna start fucking all your friends I know you're in there uh girlfriend gave me an ultimatum uh dear mr billy frecklenutz

I've been in a pretty good relationship for about five months now and she's already given you an ultimatum you must be drinking your ass off I'm 25 years old and she is 23 before we got into a relationship I have expressed wholeheartedly that my dream in life is to be a professional wrestler she is supportive of that okay everything's good so far and you picked a fucking you're going after a dream you don't just become a professional wrestler so first and foremost good luck with your dream um she's supportive of that and is even considering following me to live down state so I can go to a good training facility down there to me wrestling acting entertaining are the same fields part of my dream is to cross over into movies oh I see what you're going to do you're

going to blow up on the wwe become this big personality and then then do like uh with the rock and uh John Cena did that's amazing all right I like the game plan anyway it seems very realistic very realistic as many wwe superstars have done it and I believe wrestling is a good stepping stone I agree the other day I received a message from someone making an independent romantic comedy film where I live and would like me to be one of the main characters I believe it would help me gain experience and get a network with people who also enjoy acting I was so excited to tell my girlfriend and when I did she immediately shot me down she was saying that she does not want me to act in anything that involves romance and that she wouldn't want me acting in any roles

that involve kissing sex scenes or even holding hands on screen she says she's compromised by letting me take roles she says that oh she says she compromises by letting me take roles that don't involve those actions I personally think those restrictions are very limiting to roles I could audition for or aspire to be in even forest gumps get it gets his rocks off she gave me an ultimatum of basically respecting your boundaries or sacrificing part of my dream any advice you have on this topic would be great I have great advice fuck that take the role go do it you're 25 you got your whole life ahead of you she's 23 I mean her brain isn't even fully developed yet she doesn't know what she's saying all right I went a little hard there yeah don't do that too

like I'm getting anxiety I don't even know you I'm getting anxiety that you're not going to take that role take the fucking role that's it and you just be nice about just say listen I understand your boundaries I respect your boundaries but they I mean I don't want to tell you I want to act and they give me a role here and part of acting is stuff like this and you know it's great to know three months in that you're not in on it so I don't you know but what the what the fuck are we doing here all right that was terrible the way I just said that I just I don't know how to do this I this just you just you know you just got to go is there a a a nice blunt way just say this is too big an opportunity for me to turn down

I'm going to take the role and then wait to see what she says and anyways dude what did you say earlier you said something you said something you know I'm in a pretty good relationship you don't love this person all right dude you're you're about ready to get on a fucking rocket ship okay you're gonna go fucking you're wrestling you're gonna be in movies and all of this shit I mean you gotta you gotta have fucking you gotta dive in the deep end you just gotta jump in dude and you can't let anything stop you especially some petty shit like this all right yeah and who knows maybe if you just say well I'm doing it maybe she comes along I don't know I can just tell you right on it right out of the fucking gate the fact that she's fucking saying

that you know she's put she's already putting a governor on this shit this is actually a great thing that just happened this early on and once again the fact that you say it's a pretty good relationship you're not saying this is love my life I want to marry her I can see having kids with this person you say it's a pretty good relationship you know dude the level of regret I'm just guessing the level of regret you'll have if you don't fucking you gotta take it you gotta take it don't don't fuck this up all right take the fucking gig okay and let her have a little fucking pout let her go storm off whatever the fuck it is she's gonna do you go do the goddamn gig all right you do the fucking gig

you get priceless you know priceless experience okay then you go downstate or whatever the fuck you said and go down and start training and you're off and running and you never look back okay and she either wants to come along or she doesn't but that's it but either way whether she goes or she doesn't is you're going okay there's your advice all right so as bad as the Albuquerque one I think I think I did her right on that other one all right there you go um she's gonna be like I don't want you like wrestling where there's you know women wrestling you know I don't know they do the fucking co-ed thing now but every once in a while you see some woman get body slammed by a guy you're like your hand you're her crotch when you picked her up just like oh Jesus come out

there I'm dropped her I'm fucking dressed like a Viking it's not real um all right that is the podcast everybody once again congratulations to the golden state warriors moving into third place all time I believe uh most championships they got the bulls next uh and then who's next it really should be the Lakers if they if they gave a fuck the NBA gave a shit um but somehow with their funny math they're tied with the Celtics which is just fucking hilarious to me all right that's it go fuck yourselves I'll check in on you on Thursday