Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday,
June 25th. Could you hear me looking for the date there? I kind of like was looking and
I June 25th, June 25th in this motherfucker. Sorry, I'm actually excited because I'm doing
it Sunday night. So this fucking thing is going to be up midnight West Coast time in
the continental United States, which means I don't have to deal with anybody, you know,
giving me shit. Dude, what the fuck? You know what? What the fuck right back at you?
I'm going to great goddamn move my lady. Lady, you have left this state and I am all alone
now. And I'm remembering what it was like to be a single man. I just made my freckled
ass some motherfucking chicken. I had boneless. I deboned those thighs to like a motherfucker.
I'm such a stupid mood. I had I had boneless chicken breasts. No boneless chicken thighs.
Broccoli. I can't say that word without I can't say broccoli without an Asian accent.
I don't know why. I know why because when I lived in New York City and I was broke, there
was a Chinese restaurant around the corner and I always ordered chicken and broccoli.
Okay, if I wasn't eating sketchy with fucking prego, I would call up every once while I would
treat myself with little Chinese food and I would call up. They like, Hello, number
one. I'm like, Hey, number one, what's up? Can I get a can I get chicken and broccoli?
Chicken and broccoli. I've said that. So just in case you thought I had any Chinese blood
in me, I don't. I consider those people my friends for all the chicken and broccoli they
made me back in the late 90s. It sounds like an apology, like a corporate apology. I had
no dealings with number one Chinese food. I did stop in there on a number of occasions.
I did partake in some of the cuisine that was offered, but at no time was there any
inappropriate touching underneath that filthy fucking glass that I don't think was bullet
proof. You know, I'll tell you the Chinese restaurants in fucking New York where I lived
anyways, when I was on the Upper East side, Jesus Christ. You know what I mean? It was
like you'd have some either was either rusty, rusty great between you and the other person
or just filthy glass plastic or some shit. I don't know why I don't know Christ. I don't
even know what I'm saying. Look at my dog just fucking lay in there. Can you can you
get a goddamn job and come, you know, contribute? I'm actually jealous. Thinks fucking skinny
as hell, dude. But dogs emaciated, dropped her off at the trainer. I don't know what
the fuck happened. That will be what we're doing over there. Alright, let's let's get
the podcast. Let's get it. Let's let's get it back under control. I didn't do shit today.
So anyway, so my woman's out of town. My lady, she's out of town. So you know what's
funny is she keeps checking it on me. You know, what are you doing? What's going on?
You know, and you know what it is? It's one because she misses me and two because they
think that we're fucking morons. And she just wants to hear like what a difficult time I'm
having without her. You know, like, oh, I don't even know how to make cereal like like
I'm some sitcom fucking guy. All right. It's not I was going down. I did the fucking laundry.
I made myself a healthy dinner, a protein no bigger than the size of my head. Isn't that
what he's supposed to eat and in some kind of vegetable. Alright, go fuck yourself. And
you know what? I had a great time doing it. I haven't cooked in years. And you know why?
Because my woman is oppressive in the kitchen. She loves cooking. So anytime I go to cook,
she comes in there. She's looking over my fucking shoulder. Just why are you cutting
them up that way? What are you doing? I got fucking you do it. You fucking do it. Why
are you always getting bad? Um, fucking trying to make you a goddamn meal is one of the nicest
things somebody can do for you. Prepare a meal for you. Just sit there. Shut the fuck up and
let me do you think I what do you think I did eight out of eight out of goddamn garbage cans
before I met you. She just gives me shit about the way I make my eggs. Because she you know,
she always says I always like whenever I make scrambled eggs or whatever, like there's too
much egg gets stuck to the fucking pan and it's a pain in the ass to watch to wash I mean, you know.
It's like I'm sorry. I don't spray it with, you know, fuck the ozone layer Pam every goddamn time
dripping with the shit. No wonder it doesn't stick. I'm surprised it doesn't fucking slide right off
under the floor. This is you know what? This is what this is. You're just listening to a pathetic
man who's psyched that he's finally in his place by himself and he can just deliver his entire
argument without being interrupted. So uh, I'm telling you, she wants to come back. And it's
as much as she wants the place to be neat. She wants it to be a fucking disaster.
She wants to feel needed. She wants to feel that I am fucking lost without her and I'm such a cunt.
I am not going to let that happen. This place is going to be spotless. It's going to be ready
for one of those movie drill sergeants. You know, those guys that get in your face. I didn't hear you.
You know, you can come over here and bounce a fucking quarter right off my goddamn face.
Yeah, but whatever the fuck they do off the beds.
She's right there. I would never make it in the military. I'm supposed to be able to bounce a
fucking court. Why? Why are you supposed to be able to bounce a quarter? Why? Does that somehow
make me uh, you know, better at fighting the enemy if I can throw dirty change at a blanket
and then and then catch it like the fawns? You know, what happened to you, sir? What did you
really want to do? You know, did you really want to do this and scream at people? That was your
that was your dream to scream at people for your entire fucking life. That's what you wanted to do
with that Hitler fade.
Do you know, Hitler had like a a fresh prince from Bel Air haircut mixed with a
Martin Sheen and apocalypse. He was Martin Sheen apocalypse now on top, but he had like he had
a fade down below that that Will Smith's character with the eight ball leather jacket would have
would have loved. He would have loved it. I'm sorry. I've been watching a lot of shit about
fucking mass murderers lately and he always comes up, of course. You know what I mean?
Can't have a thing about mass murders without Hitler, right? Can't fucking do it.
Can't have a rock show without Zeppelin, man. It's their way to heaven. You know, that's what
it is. You got to fucking have that shit in there. So so that's my goal. That's my goal. And
I'm actually wrestling with this. Should I leave the place a little bit dirty so she feels like
wanted? Or should I just be? Should I just go fucking like, you know,
just come with the pimp vibe? Like this place is fucking spotless. All right, so you need to be on
you need to mind your peas and cues, whatever the fuck those letters stand for. What does it stand
for? Somebody's going to know. Somebody actually knows what when you know, when you say mind your
peas and cues, there's some douche listening to this. Yeah, you're a douche. All right, that knows
what the fuck that stands for. And they've just been waiting for somebody to fuck it up.
All excited. So they can be like, I know what it means. Well, send me a goddamn email. And by the
way, I haven't said the email for a while here. Oh, what a segue. Fucking classic right there.
I should teach a fucking podcast class. You know, somebody's gonna do that.
Somebody's gonna teach a podcast class the same way somebody teach a comedy class.
And that's what you do when you're failing. Whenever you're failing at what you do, you teach it.
All right, there we go. We just insulted teachers. All right, the email is bill at themmpodcast.com.
Bill at the capital M capital M capital P, oddcast.com bill at themmpodcast.com. All right,
if you don't fucking know what it by now, just hit stop and rewind on your little player. And you'll
be fine. Oh, by the way, can you guys I know I really appreciate all the the input and all
that stuff that you guys send to me because God knows if you didn't send it to me, I wouldn't
be able to do this podcast. See without you, I'm nothing as they slowly dim the lights and I go
into some sort of pandering fucking song like that Jackson Brown song singing about the roadies
like he gives a shit. You know, I think he fucking pissed them off and they weren't setting his piano
upright. So he wrote him a song just so they stopped fucking with them so he could get rid of his tour.
And then somehow he goes out of that to just fucking the whole thing is I hate pandering.
I don't like it. And you know, you know, the worst part of pandering is watching a performer
go on stage and panda to the audience is watching you fucking animals eat it up.
You eat it up every goddamn time. I gotta tell you something we played a lot of cities but
Hartford, you guys, you guys are the best and they'll be
Let me a fucking break.
There's nothing good about Hartford. You know, you don't believe me. Ask the whalers. Why do you
think they left? You couldn't even hold on to the fucking whalers. How does that make you feel, Hartford?
You know why they left? Because that's stupid ass song you play.
What's it called? The Brass City Orchestra?
Speaking of sports, I think my good friend Paul Verze is a little upset with me.
He's been on this Robinson Cano thing. I swear to God, since I've met him.
And he's the, you know, he's the classic dude. I called it guy and he got him.
He called, we actually, he's brought up Robinson Cano to me so many fucking times like a year or
a year and a half ago. I told him, Paul, like I actually put like a gag order. It's like you
have to stop bringing this fucking guy up. You're making me hate this guy and I don't hate him.
I don't know what, I don't know what he said six fucking years ago whenever
fucking Cano came up, but Paul Verze believes that he is the only person
in America that realized the potential of Robinson Cano. You know, and let's just say
for the sake of fucking argument, he does, it's fucking seven years later.
You know, he's like fucking, you know what he, and then, and then he's got all these other calls
that fell on their fucking faces, right? And you know what he's like, but all he does is
bring up this Robinson Cano shit. I'm getting sick of it, Paul Verze, because I know somebody
emailed you this fucking link. All right. You know what you're like, Paul, with your predictions,
you're like Jerome Bettis at the end of his fucking career, where he'd have 15 rushes for 22
fucking yards in the fourth quarter, just totally getting shut down. And then he bust off one for
like eight yards, 10 yards, and then he would get up thumping his fucking chest like he's been doing
it all day. That's what's bugging me about this. He called me up. This is how fucking sick Paul Verze
is and why you should see him in a comedy club, because you have to see his sickness life.
He called me up. I'm sitting on the fucking couch, my, you know, mine of my own fucking business.
Hanging out with the dog, making sure the place is spotless. So when my woman comes home,
she knows I can take you fucking leave you, mind your fucking peas and queues lady.
He calls me up and I'm going to break his fucking balls about this. He called me up and he goes,
dude, he's like, I know you're not going to give me credit for this, but this one might be my greatest
call of all. He's talking about the Robinson Cano thing and the way he said this might be
my greatest call of all, like he's looking back on this hall of fame career as the dude I called
it guy. If I told you some of the shit that this fucking guy threw out there, you know,
dude, Matt Castles, the real deal telling you the chiefs are for real, man. They're fucking for real.
Vince Young, Vince Young's a winner, man. All he does is win. Who else? I can't even fucking remember.
LeBron James, LeBron James, he's afraid of the moment. The guy is afraid of the fucking moment.
I actually said, I don't know shit about hoop when he took, when LeBron James took that last
second fucking shot, all right, against the Celtics and he missed it and it went into overtime.
I forget what fucking game it was, five, six or something like that.
What was it? Was it five? No, we won game five. I can't remember what it was. Game six or something.
No, not game six. They kicked the shit out of us. Game five, I think it was. He took the fucking shot
and he missed it. As far as he goes, no way Carmelo Anthony misses that. No fucking way.
And I said, dude, that was a big moment for him when it went in or not. That was big for him to
get over that hurdle and take that fucking shot. And then meanwhile in the finals, he hits that
killer three to fucking wrap it up. Did I call him up going dead? That might have been considering
I know nothing. It drives me up to fucking wall. I went to a Utah Jazz Boston Celtics game and I
fucking said, call Verzi. I'm going to this fuck. The NBA is fixed. These fucking guys at one point,
you could take somebody's head off. They're not calling shit. And then 10 minutes later,
you even look at a guy, you get a foul. And then it goes back to taking the fucking heads off.
No biggie. And it's just like these guys are dictating the pace. They're fucking shaving
points. I don't know what's going on. Year later, fucking mobbed up ref. Have I ever called Verzi
once about that shit and thrown it in his fucking face? I never have. I've listened to this Robinson
Cano fucking horseshit. And this is the thing. I don't know one person that ever thought Robinson
Cano sucked. I remember as a Red Sox fan, when this dude came up, all I remember was going like,
Jesus fucking Christ. Because they went from Chuck Knoblock, then they went to fucking Soriano.
That was annoying enough. Because at that point, we had one shit and I was just going,
can there be somebody who sucks on this team? So then they tried Soriano. I don't know what,
right? And then they bring up Robinson Cano. And it was just so fucking
discouraging. That's what Robinson Cano was to me. It was discouraging. It's like these fucking
assholes, they got, they got a guy at every fucking position and they trade a guy and then
they bring another guy up and he's the shit. That's how I remember the guy coming up. I don't
ever remember like Cano getting booed and everybody saying that he sucked. That's what Verzi's trying
to claim. And evidently he was the only guy, not even the Yankee scouts saw this guy come. This
is going to fucking drive him up the goddamn wall. And it's good. I'm just trying to help out his
podcast. You know what I mean? This is like a reverse. You're like what unknown rappers make
a mixtape and they trash somebody bigger than them so they can move their way up. I'm actually
helping him. I'm raining down mixtapes onto his podcast. All right, now listen to Verzi's podcast
and listen to him fucking trash me. All right. I think I think his podcast should be called
the dude I called it podcast. I love the guy. I'm just breaking his balls. He's fucking hilarious
and he is one of the best feature acts in the country right now. So if he's opening for somebody,
no kid, he's, he's a, he's, why can't I compliment my friends? I just can't fucking do it. He's,
he's a looker. All right, let's, let's plow through here. I just gave him a window. That's right.
You can't compliment me and you can't give me credit whenever I fucking pick something. I gave
you credit, Paul, when you said I got a feeling Tom Brady is going to get hurt and he blew out
his fucking knee. That's your best call. This Robinson can no shit. Okay. You can stick that
a fucking pillow and I don't know and do something with it. Go spoon with it because I don't give a
fuck. You're not getting credit for it. You never will get credit for it. Oh, by the way, did you
guys see? I know I'm talking a mile a minute. I'm sorry. I'm excited. I made a fucking dinner for
myself and it worked. All right. I can exist by myself. I rubbed one out today. I mean,
not just a fucking self sustained unit here. I'm ready for the goddamn apocalypse.
My dog needs a bath. Look at you itching over there like a maniac.
Oh, what the fuck was I just talking about? Oh, I know, I know what it was. I know.
I know what I was going to talk about. I went up to the, the Oakland A's facility this weekend,
you know, because I'm a giver. They called me up and they said, Hey, Bill, you know what, we want
to give out some root beer floats. We want to do this to raise awareness for fucking childhood
diabetes. And you know what I did? I laughed at everybody like everybody else going, what are
you out of your fucking, you, you, you're giving people root beer floats for diabetes and you
don't see the irony in that. So I got an email says each season fans and media ask about the irony
of the A's root beer float days supporting juvenile diabetes research. So here are the facts
for when people ask about it. Basically eating too much sugar is not a cause or a factor of type
one juvenile diabetes. If there's any doctors listening, let me know if this is right. Type
one diabetes also called juvenile diabetes or insulin dependent diabetes is a disorder of
the body's immune system. In type one diabetes, the body does not produce, does not produce
insulin. Insulin is a hormone that is needed to convert sugar and statues and other food into
energy needed for daily life. Scientists do not yet know exactly what causes type one diabetes,
but they believe that the autoimmune, that autoimmune genetic and environmental factors
are involved. Well, that pretty much covers everything. People with type one diabetes must
inject insulin several times every day or continually infuse insulin through a pump.
Eating too much sugar is not a factor. Limiting sweets will help people with type one diabetes
keep their blood sugar under control. But with the advice of their doctor or nutritionist,
sweets can fit into their meal plan just as they would for people without diabetes.
So they're basically suggesting that they can have a cookie too and it's not a problem
provided they haven't eaten the whole box. Like people who don't have diabetes who do that sometimes.
Evidently, is that what they're saying there? I don't fucking know.
You got to pass this on to a lawyer or something. And there are times when sweets are a must. If the
blood sugar level drops too low, sweets or juice or soda can be the surest to raise it and prevent
the onset of hypoglycemia, which evidently I guess is low blood sugar, with strict adherence to a
specific diet and exercise plan and multiple insulin injections each day based on careful
monitoring of blood sugar levels. A person with type one diabetes can have some control
over his blood sugar levels. So that's what they say. Well, let me ask you this, the amount of
sugar that is in a fucking root beer float, does anybody need that throughout the course of the
day? Because I know that, you know, some people who have diabetes will carry around a little container
of like cake frosting. And when the blood sugar goes gets too low, like dangerously low, they'll
take it out like a little snifter. No, they'll just take a little frosting right up their nose.
And that's a fact, you can go to Wikipedia answer, you go to wiki answers.
And look that one up. I don't fucking know. I can tell you this is I did a fucking incredible job.
I'm patting myself on the back, like Paul Versey, dude, this might have been the greatest root
beer float ever produced. I got it down to a science. Science, I got it down to a fucking science.
This is how you do it. This is how you do it. This is how I was fucking up. I was putting the
ice cream in first, and then I pour the root beer on and it would just start foaming up like I was
some sort of a mad scientist. I'm not leaning over to say hello to you, Cleo. I'm just leaning over
because my back hurts. All right. All right, beat it. Um, is it weird that I like dog breath?
You know, not bad dog breath, but just in general. It doesn't. I don't fucking know why
I freaked my dog out. I tell you every once in a while, I just grab her by both ears,
and I yell in her face, I fucking love you. You know, it's weird. It's like, I can't believe
how much I love that fucking dog. And I have problems with that emotion. So I don't know how
to handle it. So I have to fucking grab her and have her looking at me like, what the fuck are
you doing? And then I just yell, I fucking love you right in her face. If I told you that before,
I don't give a shit. I got a fucking hour to fill here. So anyways, this is how, so the root
beer float, what you want to do people is you want to fill your mug about 40% with root beer or
orange soda, like a lot of people do and kind of make like a cream sickle out of it. I don't know.
40% and they take a nice glob of fucking ice cream and you slam that fucker in there. Okay,
you try to let it slide down the side of the glass, you tilt it like you learned in bottenant
school. All right, because you don't want to splash because then you're going to have that
foam fucking problem again, you let it slide. This is me. This is what I did. People fucking
gathering at my fucking table, who is me and this other radio dude up there named icky,
who was looked like a fucking J crew model. I don't know why his name was icky. I forgot to
ask him, but all the chicks fucking loved him. And they were looking at me like the balding
redhead that I am. You know, and of course, like most balding people, I'm trying harder,
like that short guy out on the courts got this fucking dick on your leg playing defense and
some bullshit pickup game, right? One of those guys, that's how I was making these root beer
floats. I was fucking killing it. It's how it's raised a little bit of pride in your work.
So I fucking I got it down. So I would let that thing slide in slide in like a ship being set
off to fucking see, you know, when they do that shit, oh, they don't slide it down a ramp.
No, they don't they fill the whole fucking thing with water. What the hell image is that?
I don't fucking know. Whatever, like a fucking pontoon boat in a snowstorm. I don't I don't
have an image for whatever. Let the fucking like quince slid down into the jaws of that
shark in the end of jaws, except he's not kicking and screaming. He's enjoying it, you know, like
like he wants it to happen. No, all right, whatever. So I slide the fucking ice cream down.
There's only a little bit of foam and then what you do is you put a little more ice cream in
and then you top it off a little bit of root beer. Okay, then you take a napkin. All right,
you put it on the outside and you hand it to him handle fucking first. That's what I was doing.
That's the way it went down. In case you were wondering. And then I then I what did I do? Oh,
fuck. I went out and went to an Italian restaurant and I'm sitting sitting there ordering this really
nice Italian restaurant in San Francisco. And I swear to God, I looked over two tables over
and it was fucking Joe Montana. Joe Montana, I almost fucking I almost started shrieking like
a girl. Joe Montana is the Michael Jordan of of of quarterbacks. He just is. He's the best I ever
fucking saw. There's nobody near him. Fuck all these goddamn fantasy football stats guys. I don't
give a shit. Joe got you to the playoffs. And when he got to the playoffs, Joe won. Joe went
for no in fucking Super Bowls. The classic story. They're down against the Bengals. He's sitting
there in the huddle during the TV timeout. Right. He just said, Hey, that's John Candy in the crowd.
Right. Just totally fucking. Hey, you know, whatever. Just gonna go out, throw the ball around,
win another fucking Super Bowl. Right. Unfucking believable. So I was freaking out. I actually
had a buddy of mine asked me, he goes, dude, did you go up to him? Did you ask for a picture?
It's like, dude, do you have a fucking mind? It's fucking Joe Montana. First of all, I wouldn't
interrupt screech if he was eating and asking for a goddamn photo. This is fucking Joe Montana.
Joe fucking Montana. I wouldn't ask if I fucking I wouldn't ask Joe Montana for a photo.
I wouldn't interrupt him for a photo. And I just saved him from fucking drowning.
I wouldn't ask him. I wouldn't impose. I wouldn't fucking Joe Montana. That is that is the biggest
most legendary fucking athlete I've ever seen. He's up there with I one time I was in Vegas
and Michael Jordan walked through the casino like late, late, late at night with like three security
guards flanking them. Wearing one of those NBA I'm the greatest basketball players of all time
suits looking like a million bucks. That that fucking hoop earring that looked like a goddamn,
I don't know, like a fucking horseshoe just made out of diamonds hanging out of his ear was it's
just everybody stopped even to generate gamblers. Everybody just stopped as he fucking walked by
who's right up there with that. And I saw Dr. J at the Esby's last year. Those my big three.
They got to be those are the three biggest guys I ever saw. It's fucking unreal. Joe Montana.
I just kept looking over at him. I said it to my waiter. When he came over, I was just like,
is that fucking Joe Montana? And he was all geeking out going, Yeah, it is. I was like,
Oh, fucking Joe Montana. I said, I said the F word like 1515, you know what is about Joe Montana
fight aside from being the shit. When he retired, he just kind of disappeared. He didn't go on a
ESPN. He didn't do any of that shit. For the first time in years, he's finally doing some
national commercials with that, you know, hey, look at these new fucking sneakers,
they're going to help your old feet, whatever, whatever the fuck they are. Is that the worst
impression of a commercial ever? Hey, the fuck is that? Hey, look at these sneakers, whatever.
So I think that adds to his mystique. He kind of left like Johnny Carson.
Johnny Carson signed off. That was it. He did one letterman. I think that was it. He did one
letterman thing. And then that was it called into tonight's show one time, I think when they
were doing celebrity in a sack or some shit like that, or he made fun of it. I do remember that,
but he just left with clash. Joe Montana did the same thing. You know, he's not out there with some
NBC P code, right? Just saying, Oh, what the judge got to do today? He's not doing that.
Joe doesn't need to sit there and analyze. He knows what's going to happen. He's fucking Joe
Montana. I did it. I'm done with you guys. Guy was still in phenomenal shape. You know,
that was the shit. It was the fucking shit. So that was my week. I gave out root beer floats,
the Oakland AS Jesus Christ, man, if you want to go to a throwback fucking stadium, you got to go
to the Oakland AS stadium, man. And you know what you're going to realize how truly fat this
country has got. And I'm not talking about their fans. I'm talking about how small the corridor
is when you walk out to get food. Um, and just the way they used to build the stadiums,
the way they used to build the stadiums, you know, nowadays you can order a fucking
hot dog, you know, when you're rubbing one out, taking a piss, still watching the goddamn game.
You still agree. It's like sightlines everywhere. This thing, man, you just walk in and you're
like in a bunker. You have no idea what's going on. There's like a kitchen TV, like 30 yards away,
like, like hanging from the ceiling, right? That fucking Ken Stabler donated to it. That's
basically what happened. And, um, that's what I always realized when I go to the old stadiums,
is how truly fat this country has got. You know, I guess they were, they were smaller back then,
weren't they? They were shorter. So there's a bunch of little people just waddling to,
well, why the fuck would the ceilings be that high? I don't know. I was like claustrophobic
walking through the shit. I'm just like, this needs to be at least like another like fucking
10 feet wider. It was like the, the, whether the Oakland Coliseum, whatever the fuck they
call it, that is the antithesis to Yankee stadium. If you guys, if I don't know if you've been to
the new Yankee stadium, it's weird. It's like breathtaking and growing up gaudy all at the
same time. Sometimes you, you, you walk around a corner and you see something and it's like,
oh my God, it takes you back to like 1929. You think Ruth and Gary are going to come walking
around. You're going to hear their cleats and then you look to your left and then there's some guy
behind glass cutting up stakes. Like, oh, look at all the money we got. You know, it's really fucking
stupid. Um, that's, that's what happens when I, whenever I go to new Yankee stadium, I either
think about Lou Gehrig and the old school Yankees, or I think of that Pizza Hut commercial where
that fucking white trash whore was eating the pasta going, oh, and she did, but she didn't
know that it was Pizza Hut or Domino's or whatever. And they were like, what do you think about it?
She's like, oh my God, it's so decadent. Pizza Hut pasta, decadent. Really? Um, speaking of
corporate entities, it's time for a fucking commercial. Here we go. Commercial. All right.
There's only two this week, everybody. You know, some cunt actually said, you know,
commercials are only 30 seconds long on TV. Why don't you get on it? Are they as entertaining
as these are? I don't think they are, sir. And then not only 30, what about those infomercials?
Maybe I'm doing a little mini infomercial. You ever think about that?
You know, why don't you just fast forward through it? You fucking moron. All right.
Advertisement number one, Amazon, Amazon. If you're going to buy something online,
you want to support the Monday morning podcast. This is a great way to do it.
And you're also supporting the, the wounded warrior project. All right, you go to my podcast,
billbird.com. You click on the podcast page and then you click on the Amazon banner.
This is just if you go into Amazon. All right, just stop by my podcast, go on there. Once you
go on to Amazon.com, you don't have to do anything. And then you want to buy something,
go ahead and buy it. And they, they kick a certain percentage back to me. And then I take 10% of that
and I round it up to the nearest fucking hundred. And I pass that on to the troops. All right,
it's a great way to help out my podcast and great way to support the troops all in one, two and one
like that guy shampoo that has got the shampoo in the conditioner right in it. All right.
All right, the next one, this is it. This is the last one for the week.
Gamefly.com. You got 18,000 video games available. Do you play video games?
Is that what you do? Is that what you're doing over there? You playing your little video game?
Why don't you go to gamefly.com? Cause I know you don't have 8,000 video games. I know you don't.
Gamefly.com does. You got 8,000 video games. They'll mail them right to your house.
You can sit there in your pajamas, rubbing your balls as you pay for them.
Actually, you don't have to pay for them. It's a 15 day free trial. Okay, they'll mail them to you
or send them right to your frigging PC. Monthly fees are a fraction of what a new game cost.
They got stuff. It works for PlayStation, Xbox, Wii and even on your PC. So for money and money
morning podcast listeners get a free two disc 15 day free trial. It's a $23 value by going to
www.gamefly.com slash burr or you go through the banner ad on the podcast page at billburr.com.
There you go. All right, that's it. Wasn't that painless? Wasn't that painless man bitching about
fucking commercials? Oh, you know what? I tweeted about some girl. I'm too old to know who the fuck
she is. Now, what the fuck that I do with all the podcast shit? I'm the worst. I'm the worst.
I get all this shit here. I have it. You know, it's gonna be the last one that I click on. You
know, it's gonna be where is it? Are you fucking kidding me? It's not that. You know, at some point,
I really should just hit pause. Shouldn't I? You guys, you know what? I'm not doing this to you.
Hang on a second. All right, I'm back. Dude, I gotta tell you something. I hate this. This is
a reverse commercial. The new MacBook Pro can suck a dick. I fucking hate this thing.
It's unfucking believable. I knew how to use a laptop before I bought this thing. Now, I don't,
I don't know what the fuck is going on. I never closed the window with a fuck that it go. Dude,
do you know something that that cunt that's in your iPhone that's Surrey bitch? Do you know that
like they sit there and like gather all the information that you talk about to that bitch
so she can air quote help you out better that I cloud shit. You just giving them all the stuff
that you do like they're a bunch of fucking creeps over there. They really are at Apple bunch of
fucking voyeuristic fucking weirdos. They got that whole J Edgar Hoover vibe going on over there.
Every fucking thing you do like they're peeking in their fucking nerds. They don't know how to get
laid. So now what they're doing is they're standing outside the window of everybody in this fucking
country with their dick in their hand trying to figure out what the fuck you're doing.
How is that legal? Why don't they bring it up? This is some legal mumbo jumbo that I
automatically agreed to the second I fucking bought this phone. I don't talk to that robot
bitch at all. I cut her out of my life. You know, that fucking John Malkovich just giggling like a
little goddamn school girl. She's having a just having a great fucking time with noise the hell
out of me. All right, upcoming shows. I'm going to be in the Inland Empire, Ontario, California,
June 29 30th and July 1st with Cleveland, Ohio's own Jason Lawhead and Kevin Shea.
Kevin Shea is going to be out there. I'm going to be at the Hampton Beach Ballroom Casino July 14th
in the Newport Yachting Festival Center or whatever the fuck it is July 15th and I'll be at
Carolines in New York City from July 26th through the 29th and I will be making a B line to the
Open Anthony program to defend my honor after Joe DeRosa mercilessly evidently trashed me last
Friday on the show. Okay, now I know that I shouldn't get mad at him. This isn't Joe. This is his
addiction. All right, the sensation. He had a nice run. You know, his album sales started
falling off. He got he got the sickness. Alrighty, he was exhausted. He went away and now he's
coming back and he's lashing out at the people that helped him out in this business. Okay.
Fucking Joe DeRosa taking swings at me while I'm still sleeping.
Taking fucking potshots at me while I'm fucking trying to get my goddamn beauty sleep. You know,
isn't that exactly what you'd expect from a shoulderless half Egyptian fucking son of a
bitch like Joe DeRosa. Oh, that motherfucker. Oh, that goddamn motherfucker. Alright, let's get
with the question here. Obsessed friend or as I read it the first time, obese friend. Obsessed
friend. Hey, Bill, first and foremost, like your podcast. Thank you. I wanted to get your opinion
on something. One of my male friends. Do you have female friends? I don't I don't get how that works.
I really don't get how that works. I had such a funny conversation. Oh, Jesus was I giggling.
I had this conversation with this guy one time. And we were talking about guys,
like women who have guys friends, straight guy friends. And we were both saying that we didn't
like it. Like I don't like me and have guy friends. I don't I don't like it. I don't like these guys
fucking hanging around. And this guy summed it up perfectly. He goes two types of guys hang out
are friends with women, gay guys and guys trying to fuck that woman.
And exactly he put it a little more colorful in that. All right, but that's exactly how I feel.
You know, I don't have any female friends. I have I have a few but it's like that fight
scene and comedy clubs. That's it. We don't fucking hang out though. You know,
like, Oh, I'll, you know, let's, I'll come by pick you up. Let's go to the movies.
If I'm doing that with you, I'm trying to fuck you. You know, there's no like,
what am I, sit around and talk about reality TVs or whatever. Can I be more condescending
to females, whatever the fuck it is you guys talk about. Anyways,
guys, sometimes guys I think have female friends so they can fuck their friends. I don't
I've never, I've never been able to do that. I just like it's on the tape. This is you know,
you know why I'm here. All right, I'm not here to fucking borrow and bracelet.
You know,
do you know those guys are the guys that get the most goddamn ass other than just those fucking
type a fucking we just they just got that thing that makes girls fall all over themselves.
I'm not talking about those guys who just you know, at 13, they could bang a 28 year old
hottie. I'm not talking about those fucking guys, you know, grow a fucking mustache already. You
know, those guys like banging a teacher and shit. And it's like no big deal to them.
I'm not talking about them. I'm just talking like regular fucking dudes who have to figure out a way
to to to get some those fucking dudes who are straight and they do that androgynous thing
where they start borrowing chicks clothes or chicks like that. It's fucking over.
It's over. You know, when you got a little Steven Tyler in your tank, you know,
um, anyways, what am I trying to say here? Yeah, you weren't like scarves and you're you
accessorize as you dress it, you know, there's something about it. Oh my god, I love that.
What is that? Is that maze? What is maze? Is maze what corn is made out of? I was trying to think
what is that light blue shit that they have in New Mexico? Teal? Well, what the fuck do you call it?
Aztec? A Rappahoe? Sorry, we annihilated you. Here's a casino. What the fuck is that shit called?
Oh, god, damn it. Who gives a shit? White guy pretending to be a cowboy? What the fuck is
that pretending you have a ranch? This anyways, where the fuck was it? One of my male friends who
I've been friends with for a long time. Maybe this is a check right now. Who knows met this girl
about a year ago. And she has since become good friends with my entire group of friends. This
friend, this friend has become obsessed. Okay, the first person you're talking about now. That's
what I'm going on. That's how I'm reading this. As your friend has become obsessed with this girl
and makes it unintentionally obvious to the world that he would do anything to be with her. He makes
every possible attempt he can to be around her to do stuff for her and even helps her pay her
bills. Well, I can tell you one thing. This dude is never fucking this girl. What kind of fucking
approach is that? You know, that's like giving away merchandise and then going Oh, by the way,
that was 50 bucks. They're already in the car driving away. All right. What you got to do
is hold that. Do you know how like people this is how this is how you bang a girl like this.
Do you know you ever watch a hockey fight? They don't stand face to face anymore. What they do
is they stand sideways, grab a jersey and they cock the fucking hand back right now stand
it sideways. You know, and you got that close shoulder. So that guy can't really get you with
anything. You're doing it right. And then if he goes to throw the fucking overhand right,
you're out of his range, unless he's fucking really tall. But I'm just saying generally speaking,
that's how you do it with this girl. Okay, you get your hand on her fucking shoulder,
and then everything she wants you hold it away from her so she can't get it. And it's in between
what she wants. And her what's in between it is you and your dick. Okay, that's how that's how
you got to do it. That's called the car. So I hope that makes sense. Anyways,
and he'll do anything he's paying her fucking bills. The annoying part is he will not be straight
up with any of us friends and say how he truly wants to be with her. He will only say she's hot.
Yeah, I can tell you who's banging this girl the guy who's not doing all that shit.
Anyway, she is aware about how he feels in an attempt to steer him away. She says stuff like
you're like my brother, and will not do anything to make him think that he's even the slightest
has the slightest chance of anything. Oh, fuck this cunt. Fuck that. Fuck that. All right. Oh,
but she'll accept him paying her bills. She's using the guy. Now this guy's a jackass. This guy
is a jackass. Okay, he is setting himself up to be fucking used. Okay. Oh, you're like a boyfriend.
That's what she that's I mean, you're like a brother. She's saying that right after he pays her
fucking bills. I bet she doesn't say that before. You know, I don't know. I think this is this is
obviously his fault. He's putting himself in this situation. But she's kind of a douche
for for using them like that. I that I that really fucking annoys me.
That really says something about this other person. I wouldn't have a fucking do that
to somebody lead somebody on like that. Why would you do that? Because you are kind of leaving
along in a little way. Oh, what I've taken advantage of this stupid fucking puppy love that they have
for you. You know, if somebody comes up to you and they're really into you and you're not into them,
you know, it's kind of your job to stay the fuck away from them. So they forget about you.
That that's the gentleman thing to do. You know, if they give you a gift, you just take it and you
go, hey, you see that you fucking throw it across the parking lot. All right, just get it over with,
rip the band. You just be mean to him something you get him to fuck away from you.
All right, but you don't keep being nice to him, keep hanging around him and fucking letting him pay
you bill. I guess you guys have the same group of friends. But you know, she's just be like,
look, stop paying my fucking bills. Because at some point, I feel like you feel you're going to feel
like you can fuck me and that ain't happening. All right, so get that a get that stupid fucking
look off your face. It ain't happening. I don't like you. Fuck off. Okay. See at the reunion.
She sometimes even cracks jokes when he's not around about his never ending attempts to win her
over. This girl's a fucking cunt. It's getting to the point where it's pitiful and I want to
tell him to stop being such a pussy and realize it isn't going to happen and move on at the same
time he's a good friend and I want to be respectful. And I get it. She's a cool chick and she's hot
and he's trying to get it. Get it in what what would you recommend sit back and continue watching
the desperation or be straight up and try and talk some sense into him. This is always a hard
fucking thing. Because you could be like, you know, fuck her she's using your whatever they
ain't going to happen and then they end up together and then you're the douche and you get froze out.
But I think in this case, this kid doesn't have a prayer.
He's just he's not even a man to her at this point. He's just showing that he's dumb
that he can be used and that he's not going to not nearly make as much an hour as he should
because he's a jackass. That's that's what he's showing her. So
yeah, she just you know, at the very least critique the guys approach be like, look,
you want to fuck this girl just you know, just ignore her don't ignore her just be like, Hey,
what's going on? Just be your fucking self like talk to other people. You know, go hit on some
motherfucking hot girl in front of some shit like that. I've said this shit before. That's what you
do. You know, go out, start working out, you know, take care of yourself. Get a little fucking spring
in your step and all so what the fuck's he doing all of a sudden he's not paying attention to me.
And that's going to tap into her. Oh my god. Am I not hot anymore that that fear they have that
a fear that all fucking hot chicks have the day they're not going to be hot anymore. You know,
and they stayed out there too long. You know, you got to tap into that shit. But then you're
playing a fucking game. You know, this this douchebag he's he's he fucking loves her. What an asshole.
You know, what are you just say to him one night just be like, dude, how long are you going to
fucking chase this chick? Why are you paying your bills? You set yourself up like a fucking sap.
Do you want to bang this girl stop treating her like she's fucking Mother Teresa? That's disgusting.
That's the wrong one to not treat her like she's fucking Mary, the Virgin fucking Mary who has a
kid give me a break. Right. Oh, but I fucking give her shit if I ever saw if I ever came walking
down the street my sandals and my robe back in the day and I saw the Virgin Mary really.
How did it happen? Huh? How did it happen?
How did how did it really you just woke up and you were pregnant? Well, congratulations, Mary,
you got roofied. All right, don't take a shower. Go down and get yourself fucking
swabbed and let's figure out who did it. Um, wow, um,
let's regroup from that one. All right, you know, that that that isn't my fault. That's some fucking
that's that's because he does this goddamn question. All right. Well, you know what, dude,
if you want to tell him, just fucking tell him. Just tell him, dude, as a friend, I can't sit here
watching you keep running up trying to kick the football and watch her to take it away. Okay.
She doesn't fucking respect you. Don't say that. Don't say anything that the girl said, because
then he's going to say to her and then she's going to give you that fucking, you know, that
look that girls do when they're mad where they make their eyes like really small. You know,
sometimes they have their mouth hanging open when they do that kind of thing. You know,
you don't, you don't want to deal with that. Um, did I even give you advice? I don't remember.
All right. Should I kick my girlfriend's dad's ass? Hey Bill, I remember giving advice to a guy
about whether or not he should kick his neighbor's ass. Well, I'm in a similar situation. Only it
involves my girlfriend's father. I'm 22 years old and I am a first lieutenant in the US army
and I live in Colorado. Oh Jesus. Are you up there and Greeley at Fort whatever with the bad
smell day? Huh? Could you stop slaughtering cows? We can't breathe. Um, are they steer? I don't know.
I've been with my girl for a little under a year now and her father has not been a problem up until
now. Her parents are extremely religious. Oh, no, don't play this podcast, especially that last part.
And they're always trying to get me and my girl to go to mass with them. When I first met her,
Oh, when I first met her dad, he seemed like a good shit. A good shit. This guy's he's coast.
Seemed like a good shit kid. We are both gun nuts. So the entire time I was around him,
we talked about guns, no conflicts at all. The second time I saw him, I was in my, uh,
my uniform. And while we were talking about whatever inane shit we were talking about,
he slipped into the conversation. You know, just because you're in the army,
you know, just because you are in the army does not scare me at all.
Oh, wow. Yeah, that is weird. Just because you're in the army, that doesn't scare me at all.
I raised an eyebrow at this, but I let it slide. I hope you filed that in the back of your head.
That's a weird one. This is about eight months ago. Fast forward to about two days ago. I'm currently
moving out of the military housing in Fort Carson here in Colorado spring and I'm fixing to move
up to Denver. People I'm buying the house from were still moving out. So I had to stay at a
friend's house and my girl was staying at a parents house. One night we went out to dinner
and we stayed out till around 11 and made out after we ate. Okay, people,
this is what I'm talking about where I don't need that every fucking detail.
Let's just get to the point here. I made no effort to fuck this girl
because I know her parents will start foaming at the mouth if I do.
But it looks like I don't have to. She fell asleep in my car on the way back.
So I had to carry her. I was doing so well reading, wasn't I? She fell asleep in the car on the way
back. So I had to carry her to her inside. Okay, inside the house. Is that what you're trying to
say? When her mom opened the door, she looked extremely nervous and my girl's dad was sitting
in a chair just staring at me as I walked in and took the girl to the guest room. Dude, why didn't
you just fucking wake her up? When I went back downstairs, her dad was waiting for me at the
door. Before I could leave, he put his hand in front of me and said, I want a word with you outside.
This is never good. Whenever it says I want a word with you outside. When we both went outside,
he outright asked me, did you fuck my daughter? I told him no, but he replied, you're a goddamn liar.
No one stays out that long without fucking. Oh my God. Was he wearing a wife meter with his old
man chest sagging a little bit? I reassured him I did not fuck his daughter. And before I left,
he looked at me in the eyes with his nose about touching my eyes and said, if I find out you
ever have sex with my daughter, you don't even want to know what's going to happen to you. I
blankly stared at him for about 10 seconds and walked away to my truck and drove away. I'm not
living in Denver with my girl and I'm getting calls every day from her dad asking what we're doing
and what our plans for the day are. Yesterday he called up and asked the same old stupid ass
question and my girl told him we were planning to go out and see a movie. Yesterday he came over
to my house without his wife. Since I answered the door, he told me to step outside and he asked
me once again if I fucked his daughter in almost identical conversation. Identical conversation
sued. But this time I noticed he had a sidearm on him. Dude, this is this is okay. This is going
beyond my my abilities here, buddy. When he's wearing a jacket with the shoulder hosted, but
he's so fucking fat that a pistol insanely contrasts with his round yoga ball body form.
He once again said he told me that I don't want to even know what will happen if I fuck his daughter.
Bill, I need your advice. What should I do about this prick? I'm pretty sure that this guy has no
idea that I went to ranger school and I have been trained to shove a knife in another man's neck
with none of all right, all right, all right, dude, what the fuck? This is what you need.
I don't know what you need to do, dude. This is beyond me. Okay, this this sounds like the
beginning of one of those murders. These murder things. I think you I don't know I don't know
what the fuck to do here. Don't listen to my advice here because I'm gonna end up getting sued. This
one's too deep. You don't need to kick this guy's ass. You don't need to do anything like that. I
think you almost need to go to the cops. Does this guy have a license to carry? Why the fuck is
he sitting there with the pistol and he keeps having this open anything? Dude, this is for this
guy's fucking nuts, man. This guy sounds like he's crazy. And I don't know. This is easy for me
to say because I don't have any feelings in this thing. I would fucking say you know what,
you need to go back and move back home with your parents and you need to live with them.
And when your dad can accept the fact that you're an adult and you're gonna do what you want to do,
give me a call but until then I don't need some guy coming up to me making veiled threats with
the fucking sidearm. Alright, I'm not looking to get shot in the fucking head. And that's the thing,
dude. I know you're a ranger and that type of thing but the thing about a gun is that makes
everybody tough. Okay, you can fucking kill Bruce Lee with a gun. So you definitely do not want to go
you know, Steven Segal on this shit. Like I don't know, this sounds to me like I would get out of
that relationship. Tell her to go home and just say listen, your dad is not ready for you to be in
an adult relationship and I'm not ready to die or get shot at or whatever the fuck it is he has
planned. I am going to stay here and you know, enjoy my life without fat men coming up to me
asking me what the fuck I'm doing with the women in my life. Good luck and God bless and it's on
to Chicago. Let's win there. That's what the fuck I would do. But like I said, I don't listen to me
on that one. I that is beyond. Yeah, dude, that's that's that's a whole that's whole other level
shit here. Yeah, guys, don't send me in shit like that. That's that's creepy, man. That's
yeah, that's all right. Okay, let's let's move on. Hey, breakup advice. All right, let's try to
break the tension here. I'm 27. And just broke up with my girlfriend two years. We took a break
for about three months last summer got back together in September and have been going together
ever since. Let's read that again. I was too busy thinking of the other thing. I'm 27 just broke
up with my girlfriend in two years. We took a break for about three months last summer got back
together in September and been been together ever since I'm going to guess that this you're
going to find out she fucked somebody in those three months. We've been arguing a lot over the
past two months or so but it's all about bullshit. Nothing serious just little nagging things that
get us all worked up and then it turns into a much bigger fight about how we don't see the same
we don't see the same way on priorities and key relationship points. Yeah, you guys, you broke
up. You got lonely. You got back together. This happens. This is like the breakups the tsunami
and then this is the aftershock and finally the second wave. One fight a couple weeks ago actually
was because she thought she left the stove on I said, No, it's fine. She says, Well, you don't know
for sure. And then it ex escalated from there. I thought that shit only happens on bad sitcoms.
Now we've never done anything bad like cheat or be abusive as far as you know,
towards each other at all. And when things are good, we're totally in love. We have all the
same interests and enjoy doing things together tremendously. Unfortunately, it's only around
60% of the time. The other 40% were kind of on edge with each other. So she ended up breaking up
with me about two weeks ago after a stupid drunk fight when we got home from the bar at 2am. Her
words were we're just not working. Now since then she's been commenting slash liking my picks and
status on social networks and I amming me when we're at work. Yeah, this girl is she just she's
not ready to just go through walk through the pain by herself. So she keeps doing it like this.
She goes I even got drunk late last night phone call then hang up the other night.
No, you did that. She was she was the one to break it off to she claims she she missed me
like crazy but she just doesn't know what to do. I said we either cut the bullshit and move forward
or stop talking completely. She hasn't replied to me since that last thing I said, I really do love
this chick and imagine imagine us spending a very long time together at this point. I'm almost
positive she feels the same way as well. But should I stop being a pussy and just move along?
I'm not sure if these things can be worked out or we both adjust our attitudes or if
there really is a more serious problem in the big picture relationship any feedback would help.
I don't know dude you know what dude just take three months for yourself.
Three, three, six months. Just get away from it. Don't talk to her.
Six, eight months if you're still fucking. I don't know. I don't know how long you guys
we went off for like two years it's gonna take like it's gonna take like six, eight months
to kind of you know it sucks if you if you love somebody it's gonna take that long just to kind
of get it going again but um look dude if you're gonna marry this chick someday you know why not
go out and bang a bunch of broads now before you get back together with her and it's going to be
her call because she fucking broke up with you. I always have the same advice just fucking focus
on yourself you know getting great shape go out go chat up some fucking girls you think are out of
your league and who knows you might meet a better one who knows who the fuck knows but uh at this
point she's you know I would definitely uh you're just gonna keep you when you break up with somebody
you gotta get away from them or you're just gonna keep hurting each other and um you know I don't
advise advice going out getting plastered eating a bunch of shit food and becoming a fucking depressed
tub of shit uh you know jerking off with you know kfc containers around it don't do that go the other
way all right go the other way I don't know dude just go do some shit you couldn't do when you were
fucking with her you know what I mean go take a road trip go go to a fucking baseball stadium
you wanted to go to go do some fun dumb shit whatever the fuck you want to do learn how to
ride a motorcycle some fucking cool guy shit just go have a good fucking time do something
go to an all-star game you know go out to Vegas go to that fucking whore ranch whatever the
fuck you want to do go do some shit like that and then you know if you still give a fuck about her
and you know by the time the next election uh then I don't I don't know what to tell you
that then then figure it out from there but at this point I would stay away from each other
see stop hurting each other all right convincing my girlfriend to get a dog all right this is
a nice show and hey billiamson I've been living with my girlfriend for about a month plus now
it's seriously the greatest relationship I've ever been in really in a month yeah you're
fucking every day why wouldn't it be awesome um it see I just took all the joy out of that
maybe you found the one I don't know in order to take this relationship to the next level
I would really like us to get a great day I'm sorry I just had to take a look at you
you just moved in for a month
and now you want to get a great date everything's going great you're fucking like rabbits and now
you want to live with a little horse all right I would really like us to get a great day from all
great day owners I hear they are the laziest dogs that they don't require a ton of work
in comparison to terriers for example do but they take up the whole apartment
all right all right they take a shit the size of that fucking aged salami they have hanging in
those fucking Italian restaurants you know you got to pick it up with a fucking hefty bag
I don't know teach us home the main reason why I need her approval is because she'll have to
participate in the working in the work of taking care of the dog most of my work involves me being
gone for 12 to 14 hours a day a dude are you out of your mind while her job is nine to five
how do you suggest I convince this woman to agree to get a dog dude don't get a dog that's not fair
to the dog okay you're basically never there and she works nine to five you're you're you're not in
a place right now to get a dog dogs need attention they pack animals they like laying around with you
all right it's hard enough for them for for you to leave for an eight hour day
that's not fair to the dog man it's great that you're a dog lover but and also I don't think
it's good for your relationship you just moved in you just figuring out who does what you having
a good time and then you're gonna add this fucking thing that's gonna come in it's probably gonna be
a puppy it's gonna be shitting all over the place you're gonna you're gonna kill your utopia
I think it's a bad move dude I think it's great to get a dog it's the greatest fucking thing I
ever did I love having a dog but I waited till I had a schedule you know and I was with the right
person and all that type of shit and I didn't figure that out a month so I don't know dude I think
that might be throwing a giant fucking wrench in your situation
but let me know how it works out all right overrated underrated underrated
if you guys want to send the overrated underrated this is something else that you also send to
that that that email address that I gave you earlier underrated taking a punch from your
girlfriend's ex I was out at a bar with my lady and some other my lady and some other friends
I come back from a bar to see this guy yelling at her friend so I mosey on over and make sure
nothing's going down while I'm looking at the tiger's game on tv he takes a swing at me and I took
it like a champ that's the end of the story dude you got to write me back I got to know what happened
overrated bouncers oh here we go they grabbed both of us before I could get a swing in
but oh well taking his punch got my girl to do anything I wanted that night and it made me
look like a badass when the punch didn't faze me ah that's hilarious see that see what happens
see what happens when you get jealous over a woman you go over you punch somebody in the face it
doesn't even hurt and then he's banging that chick in the ass so there's a lesson right there's one
to grow on underrated cleaning your car clean that shit up there's nothing worse than getting
into a friend's car and having you having to place your feet between two months of water
two months old of water bottles and coffee cups absolutely I recently heard a girl on Ari Shafir's
podcast uh you guys got to check that out by the way that's another one of my favorites
Ari's spelled A-R-I Shafir S-H-A-F-I-R podcast say that girls take that as a sign of how clean
your bedroom is I think it's true one of my buddy's cars look at looks like a recycling center
and his bedroom looks like it hosted a motley crew after party except that's not except that's not
cool and there was no cool there was no party um yeah absolutely I fucking can't stay in a woman
with a messy car you know you get it oh my god I have a cat I'm sorry and you got cat hair all over
you you know and then you see what they ate for the last six fucking weeks it's disgusting
or I hate when girls have like fucking half their wardrobe it's just it's disgusting
you know what I mean and I imagine like a guy's filthy car has got to be even fucking worse
and I bet that's even more of a turn off for a woman just because the way we're set up physically
you know I just look at him like this girl's disgusting I don't want to banger
you know they gotta look at you be like oh my god this guy's disgusting he's gonna enter my
body all right overrated drinking coffee to stay awake yeah you might wake up a bit
but you function like an asshole and your breath smells like an ashtray eat an apple and go for a run
um oh that's how you wake yourself up Jesus Christ that's pretty healthy
all right YouTube uh video of the week actually just watch the first 10 minutes of this this is
fucking awesome if you guys want to watch a great documentary uh it's a documentary about
bouncers uh we'll have this on the uh the the mm podcast page you can click on it
it's actually just called bouncer documentary part one and uh you get to see these guys tell
their stories you know some of them are smart some of them are meat heads I think they have a nice
balance some guys don't want to get into a fight some guys are like one guy's just like I sometimes
I just want somebody to say something just to give me an excuse he's like fucking squeezing his
fists together he's sweating and shit it's a great one um all right that's the podcast for this week
thank you everybody for listening once again let me give out that email again um just so you have
it because I haven't given it out in a long fucking time um all right the once again if you would
like to email the podcast send your overrated underrated and all that bullshit and ask me advice
whatever you want to do uh it's bill at the mm podcast dot com all right that's it hope you
guys have a great week and uh look at me getting the podcasts up on time all right go fuck yourself