Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-26-17

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

Bill rambles about photosynthesis police, the Big Papi roast and minding your p's and q's.

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I wasn't going to call you. Information and information on Proximus.be. Proximus. Think possible. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 26, 2017. What's going on?

How are you doing? How are you doing this fucking Monday morning? His global woman making your office hot. Climate change. Let's give it a nicer name. So what are we going to use? Was it euphemism? Well, photosynthesis.

Jesus Christ. The photosynthesis fucking police. There's nothing people enjoy more on the internet. Other than jerking off to people sold into the sex industry. Sex slave. What do they call it? Human trafficking is fucking correcting somebody. Jesus fucking Christ.

The amount of gold I give you have God for fucking bid. A pasty fucking dope like me makes a mistake every once every fucking five minutes on a podcast. All of you fucking cunts cannot wait to go on the internet. And just read me the riot act. Like you're up for some sort of fucking award in the science industry. You know, whatever the fuck they call it. The science circuit. That's what they always call radio guys say that.

You out there, you're working the circuit. You ain't doing the road. I didn't realize there was a circuit. Everybody fucking coming at me. Photosynthesis. I think you meant pollination. Laughing my ass off. You know, Jesus fucking Christ.

Let me even let me look it up right now. Pollination. Pollination. Why hasn't there ever been a ball player named that? Pollination is the process by which pollen is transferred to the female reproductive organs of a plant. Thereby enabling fertilization to take place. Like all living organisms, seed plants have a single major goal to pass their genetic information onto. All right.

Well, how the fuck does it get there? That's pollination. Oh, I said photosynthesis. All right. So that's what the photosynthesis was. Okay, here we go. Photosynthesis. That doesn't have a good ring.

Pollination. Photosynthesis. I'd say you'd have to bring them up. Now batting. Number 22. Photosynthesis. That's more like the MMA. Fighting out of the red corner.

I guess what he would just read the definition. Fighting out of the red corner. The process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize their foods. He is the raiding. From carbon dioxide to water and water. The process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water. Who does synthesize me? See, this is what happens.

Are they using auto-tune? Synthesize. S-Y-S-Y. I thought it was synthesize. You know what I meant. All right. Synthesize. All right.

The combination of ideas to form a theory or system. Well, that doesn't sound like the definition. What are we looking for? Synthesize. Synthesize. Oh, come on, you fucking cunt. Plural synthesis. The formation of a chemical compound through the combination of a simple compound of elements.

See, most of you guys that knew that I used the wrong word. You couldn't fucking tell me what all this shit meant. You know, unless you own a lab coat, right? Photosynthesis. The process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water. Like digest them. Turn them into something edible. There's some cunt right now.

Like, oh, yeah. Shut up. All right. There you fucking beaker reading cunt. Fuck you and your black frame glasses. All right. At least I own my work unlike you in the science industry. Who owns your shit and what do they use it for?

You're out there trying to feed plants using sunlight, right? And all of a sudden they come up with a new way to send our magic mic. That's what I'm starting to call our missiles. Magic mics. That's what we have in this country. We got the top of the line fucking missiles, you know, like the Mercedes and the Ferraris in F1. Top of the line. We got the magic mics.

We shoot them into a city. They only kill the bad people, right? And all these terrorist groups, they like to fucking the, who's the guys in the orange cars this year? Their fucking cars blow up every goddamn fucking race. One of the goddamn drivers goes, you know what? Fuck you guys. I'm taking a race off. I'm going to go drive the Indy 500.

He left formula one to drive a fucking Indy five, an Indy car race in America. The McLaren Hondas. They like the terrorist group. You know what I mean? You don't know what the fuck's going to happen. But we got the magic mics. Magic mics, photosynthesis, pollination, whatever you guys got me. I'm the fucking, what's that guy Yari?

The guy Yari, you said blow me like a cello or whatever. I don't think I've ever related to a rapper more in that moment, you know, as white as I am. That's what it took, you know, not talking about this or talking about that. It's the fact that that poor bastard thought a cello was a wind instrument. I was like, you know what? This sounds like the kind of person that I went to summer school with. And you know what? I bet he has other talents other than being able to memorize all you fucking cunts out there.

Were they able to memorize what photosynthesis was versus pollination? Can I ask you a question seriously and all seriousness? Where did it get you? Huh? Other than getting to be some cunt at a cocktail party, you know, what are you a socialite? You can talk photosynthesis and fashion. You know, by the way, thank you for correcting me. I don't know how it's going to affect my life, but it was just something about the joy that people took in,

in correcting me that I took umbrage with, that I use that correctly. Or is that the wrong you word? You know what? You know what I like about Twitter is I don't even have to read anymore. I'll just say shit that I think is right. You guys can correct me. All right. I'll learn things you guys can feel better about yourselves.

You know, I think I'd say it's a little fucking, what do they call it? A little surf and turf, a little scratch my back, a scratch your back. I don't know what. You see Beyonce's sister? She's got a gig at the fucking Hollywood Bowl. That's pretty, what a fucking talented family. You know what I mean? That's how talented that family is.

Like she can't even get anybody to look at her at the Thanksgiving table because her fucking older sister sold out the Rose Bowl. You know what I mean? She's like the fuck up of the family because she only sold out the Hollywood Bowl. Honey, honey, honey, quiet down, quiet down. Your sister is talking about what it was like to be singing bootylicious as the stealth bomber flew over the stage. Okay. Um, was that wrong to do that? Speaking of, uh, pollination, will this get the beehive after me?

You know, it's funny about all of those fucking groups. They're so up the ass of the artist. I swear to God, she would fucking, she wouldn't take her goddamn shoes off to run across the street and make a fucking emergency call on one of those old telephones back in the day. Let's just say they wasn't cell phones. If she saw one of you guys sitting on the side of the road, she wouldn't give a shit about you. What's another one? Who's another one's got a big following? You know, what is it?

It's the beehive. Does a Mariah Carey have one? You know what I mean? I don't know what it is. It's just, I don't know what. There's something about acting like a complete asshole and treating people like shit that just women can't get enough, a certain type of woman, they can't get enough of it. What is it? You know, something, I always wondered if more women were like Rhonda Rousey or the current champion that I don't know the name of my apologies.

If more of them took like MMA and could actually beat the fuck out of you, would they just not walk around being mean to each other as much? You know, I think that's the only reason why guys aren't as mean as women are because, personally speaking anyways, because I know that 90% of guys can beat the shit out of me, right? But to the very least, land a couple to my, you know, and I fucking bruise like the Irishman I am. You know, stop the fight! You know, two punches in. I don't need that shit, so I try to basically, you know, mind my peas and queues. What does that stand for, huh? You fucking brainiacs.

Um, what does that stand for? Let me find out. Like, you know, and I have to fact check everything so I don't get fucking, I get people left my ass again. Minding your peas and queues. Minding your peas and queues. Pea and queue origin. Or is it, yeah, it's peas and queues, not pea and queue. Mind your peas and queues, you fucking cunt.

How do you not say that without your fucking cunt? What does mind your peas and queues come from? This is going to be a very special educational podcast. It's just going to be me. All right. Okay. If you've ever been told to mind your peas and queues, it might have struck you as a rather odd thing to do. That's a nice way of saying it was annoying.

I think any time somebody say, hey, mind your peas and queues, I, my immediate thought was, who the fuck is this guy? Telling me to mind these things. I almost did some 80s comedy. Telling me to mind these things. The concept seems reasonable enough, behaving, behaving well, not giving offense, but quite, but quite what the letters P and Q have to do with this is a little more mysterious. Why not B and D? Oh, Jesus, here's something. Why not B and D or M and M?

Can you just fucking get a whole entry? All right. There's a whole fucking, this guy's just, you know what's funny about these fucking assholes who write for a living? They just can't get to it. They feel if they don't take up a whole fucking page. Or Bill, maybe there's people out there that enjoy reading. Maybe it's that. Okay.

You know what? I'll take the ride. Why not B and D or M and M? M and N or any other combination? Sadly, as is often is the case with the more intriguing terms in the English language, there is no definitive answer to the, well, what the fuck? No one knows what it means. This last meeting we're like directed to the mean queen and not queen.

What the best possible manners? Mind your dancing. I don't know. The Oxford dictionary doesn't even know the answer. You know, it's funny. They don't even have the fucking answer yet. They still, they still couldn't, they couldn't keep their mouth shut. Could they?

I bet somebody else has one. Somebody at this point, see the internet. Somebody's going to take a guess. All right. What does it mean? Have you been told to mind your peas and cute? Yes. Yes.

That's why I'm here. Unless you're working a mechanical printing press at the time, chances are you are fairly subtly being told to mind your manners. What exactly are your P's and Q's? The short answer is no one really knows. Why isn't that, why, why isn't that right there? Mind your P's and Q's. What does it mean? And then boom, nobody knows.

What, what kind of a fucking ass? You ever been told to mind your P's and Q's while you're working a mechanical printing press? Fucking two paragraphs. You know what it is? Cause this is delving into the world of people that, that like to know shit. So even when they don't know shit, they still have to fucking write three paragraphs on it. All right. Fuck all of this.

Fuck all of it. That was just frustrating. Um, anyways, and I am actually, you know, before I looked up those things, before I remembered that you guys corrected me, you know, maybe you guys weren't being assholes. Maybe you're just trying to help me out. You know, so next time I'm hanging around a socialite, you know, a socialite as far as I can tell is just a, a well read. Gold digging whore. You know, like how did you get there? You got to be married to somebody rich.

If you just walk, if you just pleasant to be around, you don't really have a fucking job. I mean, somebody's got to be bringing, bringing home the bacon, right? Bring it on the bacon. Where did that come from? You know, I mean, unless you're, unless you're a farmer, I don't know. Unless you, you're working a, unless you're a butcher of 20 fucking paragraphs later point is nobody really knows. Um, anyways, I'm actually relieved, believe it or not, because I did the big poppy roast on, uh, was it Thursday night? And thank Christ it went about as great as it could have gone.

I'm not a big fan of doing roast. You know what the last roast I did was? I did the Patrice O'Neill roast, like 15 years ago or something, whenever the hell that was. That was the last time. Cause I never understood doing one unless you were friends with the person, right? But I always like, cause I always see guys like Lenny Clark and Dennis Leary. Uh, you know, they're always hanging out at Red Sox games, getting up in the broadcast booth. And I'm like, I would love to fucking do some shit like that.

I need to do more Boston hometown shit. So this thing came up and I'm like, uh, why did it have to be a roast? And Nia chimed in. She's like, you should do it. So I said, yes, I'll do it. And then I had no time to fucking write cause I was dealing with a bunch of other shit. And, uh, all of a sudden it was a few days away. And, um, I dealt with that race, that race, that roast, the way this country dealt with, uh, Y2K.

You know, when we waited until the last second, then we were like, oh my God, what are we going to do? Like we treated it like a fucking giant term paper. That's what I did. Um, and it was a race to Thursday, what I was trying to say, a race to the finish line, a race against time. Um, and I actually figured out how my brain works when it comes to those fucking things. It's the same way it works for standup. But for some reason you think like a roast, I have to sit down and write jokes. That's not what I need to do.

I needed to, to put my daughter, is that my daughter in there? I had to put my daughter in the stroller and walk around the block. And then I had to, uh, I smoked a cigar by myself on the back porch. And I just kept thinking shit. And I would just videotape myself saying it. And then I had all these videos. And I forget if I told you this guys, you guys this on, uh, sorry, on Thursday, but I just watched the videos and I just spliced together every good one.

Just transcribed them. And then I had the block of everybody. Right. I had Poppy, Gronk, Petroia, Josh Wolf, Lenny Clack, Sarah Tiana, Anthony Mackie. I had everybody that was on the fucking thing. And I just would put them underneath, you know, each name. And then I just then made a new document and I just took the best of the best, slid them over. Then I put them in the best possible order.

Then I went in order of person and then I smoothed it out. And, um, and it all worked. Thank fucking Christ. The only way to make fun of David Ortiz was just to make fun of how he looked and the fact that he was a DH. That's all I had. And I made fun of the Dominican Republic a little bit. Um, and that was it. That was it.

So I don't know if this video, I know Gronk fucking killed. Petroia killed. He told this fucking hilarious story about Poppy not knowing his first name was Dustin. Somebody said to him, like, Poppy was in the batter's box, not the batter's box. He was on like the on deck circle and Petroia was stepped out of the batter's box. The umpire called time out of something and the catcher just said, hello to D said, Hey, what's up, Dustin? And when Dustin walked over to Poppy to talk to him, Poppy said, he goes, what the fuck did that guy just say to you? The fuck did that guy just call you?

He said, he said, what's up, Dustin? And Poppy was like, what the fuck does that mean? He goes, uh, that's my first, that's my first name. Poppy was like, really? Oh yeah. Like he didn't even know. He thought his name was Pee Wee. So Petroia is like, dude, it's my first name.

They introduced me every time I go up to bat. I've been going up to bat like 10,000 times. I bat in front of you. Every time I come to the plate, they say now batting number 15 Dustin Petroia. And it just never clicked with them. There's another guy I would have gone to summer school with. Petroia got it. Like I think Petroia got it the worst.

He was hilarious. He just kept sitting there like, dude, what the fuck? Every, you know, it was just, I think he got, you know, speaking of 11,000, there was like 11,000 short jokes for him. So there, there is clips of it up on the internet. Um, it wasn't the greatest organized thing was the first time they did it and they didn't know how to do a roast. And you can't have people filming at it because a roast is so over the top. And that's how people get in trouble and they, you know, they take shit out of context and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's completely fucking over the top.

So, uh, you know, I don't know why, I don't know why they let, they let people film. I don't know why things happen. Why did things happen like that? But anyways, I had to go on dead last and everybody fucking killed Lenny went up first, killed Adam Ray went up, dressed as a Yankee fan named Tony and just told everybody in the crowd to suck his dick and kept trashing big poppy and then bragging about the Yankees 27 championships and the crowd loved it while they were booing them. They were also loving it. He was fucking hilarious.

Um, Anthony Mackie killed Sarah Tiana fucking destroyed probably had my favorite joke in the night. And then, uh, fuck it. Gronk went up, killed then padroia. And then I had to go up last. And, uh, it's one of those things as you sit there, you know, you're kind of losing angles as you go. So I tried to do, I tried to just go like a unique way. So with Gronk, I knew everybody was going to say he was stupid. So I was like, all right, I'm going to say he's smart.

I'm going to go that way with it. Uh, by the way, by the way, um, he actually was commenting on how he hates going to concerts and everybody sits there fucking looking at the concert through their phone. You know what I mean? How fucking stupid that is. I love everybody thinks that that guy's dumb. You know, like you can make it to the NFL, memorize the playbook and all of that, all that fucking shit you got to learn. And then go out on the field against the top athletes on the planet and make split second decisions and reactions to how they're reacting to you.

And people feel that you can actually get there and just be this big dumb guy. I knew he wasn't going to be dumb when I met him and he wasn't. So that was a, uh, that made the shit that I was going to say about him even better. I mean, I did one dumb joke about him being dumb, but I had to get through it. I had to do like fucking 10, 12 minutes. So anyways, it, uh, it went great. And my favorite part about it was, uh, poppy yelled, fuck you with me at least three or four times. And I just kept going, fuck you too, man.

It's a roast. You wanted to get roasted. Here we go. And, uh, he was such a fucking great guy. The guy really is a rock star, man. His whole vibe is a fucking rock star. And when I finished, he got up off the chair and came over and gave me a big fucking hug. And, uh, and thanked me for doing it.

Just, just really like one of the great fucking people I've ever gotten to do something like that for. So, uh, what was funny is I had, I had just as much, I think I had more jokes about Lenny Clark than I did about poppy. Just cause I knew him, which is why I always feel like if you're going to do a roast, you should know the person. And, um, what's hilarious is, uh, Lenny has been clean and sober for like a quarter of a century. And, uh, all of my jokes were about him just being a fucking, you know, complete maniac. I talked to him basically like he wasn't sober. Like he hadn't been sober and he was, you know, the best guy, uh, great sport about it. So anyways, long story short, um, I got through it.

Once I got through that gig mother, the whole rest of my year, fucking nothing, easy, easy, easy, easy peasy. Everything's in my wheelhouse. It's the weirdest fucking year for me. I had all the crazy shit I had to do this month. Um, oh, this year was all in this month. All of this stuff of just, um, I haven't thought. I haven't sat worried thinking how the fuck is this going to go this many times in one month. Since back when I first started out doing standup, which basically every show I was going up thinking like, uh, fuck, commit to your shit,

get that first laugh, ride the wave, don't go over, say good night, get the fuck out of there, you know? So, um, that's it and I'm ready to go to the summer. The next night we all went to the game, got to see the retirement ceremony and, uh, it was great, man. Jim Rice was there, Karja Stremski, um, Veratech, Pedro Martinez, um, Pedroia came out and, uh, I got to see the whole thing, man. They took the, you know, uncovered it, got to see when they were first put 34 up there. And, um, I got to admit though, part of it was sad. It was like, fuck, it's over.

It's over. Now he's part of the history of the Boston Red Sox and, um, I don't know. Though I, you know, all those ceremonies, man, they always just remind you that you're going to fucking die. Like, oh, now he's too old to play baseball. He's too old to fucking play and I'm like 15 years fucking older than he is, 10 years older than him, you know, seeing Karja Stremski coming out with all white hair. I should have known that was coming. That guy played until he was like fucking 40.

Oh my God. I'm, I'm nine years older than when that guy retired. Maybe he played like, like 43. I don't fucking know. This is getting depressing. How do I get out of this? How the fuck do I get out of this? Oh, I know.

Let's talk F1 and fucking MotoGP. Pete, Pete, Pete. Um, all right. So race number fucking eight or nine of the F1, uh, season. In, uh, Azerbaijan, is that how you say it? Azerbaijan, by Jan, whatever, just East of Georgia. And I don't mean fucking Georgia, United States, the country, Georgia. And I guess it's in Asia.

It's not Eastern Europe. I was getting, it's always weird Georgia and all the way over there. You don't know where the fuck they're at. Uh, one of the coolest cities, um, on the F1 circuit, using that word circuit, uh, just a beautiful city. I would love to go there. But I definitely looked up like, is that like, uh, one of those places I shouldn't go. Should I have like a Canadian, uh, fucking flag on my backpack?

Should I speak in an Irish brogue? That's when I go there. Um, seemed like it was pretty safe. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I had a great time. What crazy goddamn fucking race. Congratulations to Daniel Ricardo, who I think might be the best driver in F1.

Considering he doesn't have the best engine and he's always on the fucking podium and he drinks champagne out of his fucking shoe. So, you know, God bless you. And I don't know about this Lewis Hamilton guy. I was a fan. I think he's a fucking great driver, but I don't know. They said he didn't hit the brakes. If only you guys don't watch that they were under caution and the fucking safety car was out there.

You know, guys always complain that the safety car drives too fucking slow, you know, which cools off their tires, then they don't have any grip. And then they slam into the fucking wall or into each other. Right. So anyways, Hamilton was complaining that the fucking guy was driving too slow. And then for whatever reason, he hits the brakes really hard and Sebastian Vettel rear-ended him. And he was like, what the fuck? And then he, Vettel pulls up alongside of him and slammed his cars and like, you know, tire to tire.

And he got a 10 second penalty for that. And I don't know, I kind of view it and they said Hamilton didn't slam on the brakes, but I kind of viewed this as one of the ball don't lie. You know, they say that in basketball and there's some piece of shit foul bullshit foul guy flops. You go up there and you missed the foul shots. They always say the ball don't lie. Well, only after that thing they said Hamilton slam on the brakes. Hamilton didn't slam on the brakes and Vettel was guilty of slamming into him.

And they only gave him a 10 second penalty. I guess they said that should have been more. So B basically has to drive into the fucking pits and sit there for 10 seconds as everybody keeps going and then drives back out again. But Hamilton, after that, that fucking thing that goes around his neck or whatever outside the car, that thing came loose. So he had to fucking pull in anyways, which fucked him over and Vettel still beat him. So I looked at that like the ball don't lie. And Hamilton fuck, I didn't like how he fucking said, he says to his team saying, Baltus should slow down. He should slow down so to help me pass Vettel go fuck yourself.

What about last year when the team called you up to slow down for fucking Nico Rosberg and you're like, nah, I'm good. You were out there driving for yourself. You know what that guy reminds me of? He reminds me of a couple of comedians. I'm not going to fucking mention their names when I was on my way up with them and they were these fucking people. They were happy if you got something as long as they had more and they would literally stab your mother in the eye if they could get an inch forward. That's what I got out of that fucking shit.

He should slow down. You gotta fucking Mercedes Benz engine. That isn't enough for you. I still like Lewis Hamilton, but that was kind of girly. That was kind of girly, I thought. You know what I mean? I might be out of my fucking mind. Yeah, I don't like that shit.

Here's what I don't like about F1 is basically the fucking Mercedes and the Ferraris. Okay, if you don't root for either one of those other teams, every other team, it's like they're out there driving around in a fucking Z28. Okay, and Ferrari and Mercedes, they're driving around in a Corvette Z06. Seeing that Lance Stroll. He was like 10 seconds ahead of BOTUS. What happened to him in the early part of the race? Oh, everybody fucking hit each other in the beginning.

So he had to go when he was immediately a lap down. He's a lap down. He does his stroke or a shit like a fucking movie. Just flies through the entire fucking field. I mean, Daniel Ricardo did the same thing, but he's in the Red Bull thing. They got like an inferior engine. Like they won't give him one of those Mercedes. They won't sell the guy a Mercedes or a Ferrari engine because he knows he'd be too much of a problem.

That's why I think he's the best driver out there because he's driving around basically a fucking Z28 and he's always up on the podium. So anyways, Force India, my fucking team there. What's going on with them? They got this whole Ricky Bobby, Ricky Bobby shit going on, slamming into each other. What the fuck is wrong with them? Esteban, Ocon and Sergio Perez, they basically took each other out of the race. They would have been on the podium, one possibly two cars and for half a fucking second. What is it?

The Haas team, the fucking American team, Magnuson was like in third place. All right. Who are the Williams? It was the craziest fucking race. Like the front of the race was Daniel Ricardo, like both Williams, Martini, Martini racing, whatever the fuck you say it, and Magnuson. Then of course, they all just get run down. They all get fucking run down. Both of us was like 10 seconds behind stroll with like 10 laps to go and he fucking caught him right at the finish line to get second place.

So that's it. I can no longer root for fucking Ferrari and I can't root for Mercedes because I feel like I'm rooting for the Yankees or the Red Sox. The only reason why I root for the Red Sox is because I'm from Boston. What am I supposed to do? But like, you know, they both blow $200 million, but not this year. The Yankees have it, but I'm just saying, generally speaking throughout history, right? So I can't, I can't like pile on. Pull a Kevin Durant or a LeBron down in Miami or the big three in Boston, two out of three anyways.

I can't fucking do that. So my team, my teams, I like, I like the Force India, India team and I like the Williams racing team. That's the coolest looking car. I think I like their colors, you know, red, white and blue. I guess they used to dominate though. I got to read up more on this sport. I don't get how you used to fucking dominate than everybody. You just suck.

You know, I don't get it. It's not like other sports where you got athletes getting old and dying, not dying, retiring, I should say. I mean, if you know how to make a fucking engine work at that level, shouldn't you just know how to do it? I know, I know the driver does count for something, but I don't fucking know what I'm saying. I don't know shit about this stuff. I just know it's fun to watch. I guess Red Bull went like three in a row like I don't five, six years ago. And then all of a sudden what engine were they using then?

Well, look it up, Bill. I'm afraid to, I'm afraid to look it up and it'll be like fucking P's and Q's and no one will have an answer. So I watched that today. And then I also watched the Moto GP race, which was fucking insane. Both races were great. The Moto GP race was even fucking better. Like as crazy as that race was that they have a problem with that. As a bi-jan race where because it goes through a city, they don't have those cranes to lift the cars out of the way and there's fucking debris all over the track.

They actually had a red flag and everybody just pulled in and just stopped as all these guys were running around the track, picking up shit from other cars that is smashed into each other. As crazy as that race was, the Moto GP race was, was the shit. Valentino Rossi, he's like 38 fucking years old. He ended up winning the thing. Just imagine all the bullshit that was happened. F1 with them bumping into each other. They're doing it on motorcycles, going like 150, 200 fucking miles an hour. You know, the guy I like the best on that.

I mean, I was root for Valentino Rossi just because he's old and I relate and I want him to keep winning. So it doesn't make me feel like, you know, when he retires, there's another guy. I like that Johan, Johan Zarco. That guy's a fucking lunatic. And I also like the color of the bike, the black and the yellow, whatever they got. I like him. I like, and then I also like the Ducati team. I like that.

How do you say his last name? Dove, Dove, Dove Cio, Cio, so I can't say it. I can't say it. Someone's got to say, I got to watch another 15 races to be able to pronounce that. Dove, I Z, I O, S O, Zioso, Do, Dove, Dove, Zioso, Dove, Zioso. Is that how you say it? German Irish. Like we usually have two syllable, one syllable fucking last names.

I can't. That's that's too many fucking hills. Dove, Zioso, Andrea Dove, Zioso. Grazie. Prego. Just an incredible fucking race. Mack, Mackez was in there too. And then that fucking lunatic, the British guy, Cal Crutchlow.

I don't know where the fuck he came from. That guy rides like a lunatic. The way he rode in Johann Zarco, I like them. They're out of their fucking minds. So I'm, I'm, I'm all in on both of those races. They're so fucking easy to watch 20 something laps. And then the, the one today with the cars was like, what, like 50 fucking laps. 51.

It's a good goddamn time. And then after that, I take my daughter out, you know, a lot of people, when they want to get their babies to fall asleep, a lot of dads, what they do is they put them in the car and they drive around and it's hilarious because the movement makes them go to sleep. But then you get to a red light and they wake up and they start crying again. That's why I am a big proponent of the stroller. All right, cause you can keep that fucking thing. Even if you had a red light, you can keep it, you know, if you're walking.

And also it's a great way to prevent the dreaded dad bod. Okay. All you fucking guys out there, you throw them in the car and then you drive around, you know, then they fall asleep. And then what do you do? You hit the drive through because you're tired, you know, Arby's, we have the meats. And then you get that fucking sandwich that also has a pig on it, the pork, the spare ribs or whatever the fuck they put on there, the ribs.

The hoof, the hoof. Yeah. I've been just walking her around my neighborhood and she falls asleep and then I just keep walking throughout her whole nap. I went to the fucking butcher, went to the supermarket, knock out some errands as she's asleep. You just keep it fucking moving the whole time. You throw the groceries on the bottom of the stroller and that's it.

There's a little dad tip for you. If you got, you got a better one. I don't know what to tell you. I do the elliptical watch. She's still sleeping in the morning and then I take her for a trip around the neighborhood. You got to do it. You can't, you can't do the car thing, man. You got to go out and walk, put on your tracksuits, right?

Track shoes, your dad socks, your fucking jeans shorts, whatever the fuck you got going on, your true religion jeans. I love that. I never gave into that fed. Those were the Zecavary cheese of fucking last decade, giant stitching with the fucking, you want to get lucky boy fucking horseshoe on the back. There was always something funny about a horseshoe on the ass pockets that always to me was more gay pride parade than a fucking a little fucking chicks over there, but they fuck.

They loved them. They loved them and speaking of fucking the gay pride parade. You know what's slowly making a comeback and I love it because I never had a problem with it is rollerblading. Rollerblading is slowly making a comeback. I loved it. I used to go down the beach with my short shorts on skating backwards, kidding little boy short, true religion boy shorts.

I did it. We share. We all did. There's the photo shop for the week, but you know what, there's no fucking true religion boy shorts. I was lucky with you on that one. Fuck. Oh, no, I liked it.

I used to play fucking in New York and out in Santa Mart on down to Venice Beach. I used to play roller hockey and Jesus Christ, catching an edge never hurt more than when you were in a fucking parking lot. You had to go elbow pads. You had to do it elbow and knee pad. You just had to fucking do it, you know, out there dressed like Robocop because when you went down, you were, you were fucked. The only thing that sucked is the hockey gloves.

You didn't have that thing. And I actually broke my wrist or broke a bone in my wrist. I used to his, I his, oh my God, way back, way, way, way back, way back in the fucking day. I used to play two on two roller blade hockey at the, on the top of parking garages in West Hollywood. I used to play and with three other comics, it was me and Dame cook and it was versus through all Boston comics versus Rick Dillia and rest his soul, uh, Pete coming.

And I remember we used to, I remember playing the day of the Super Bowl, just laughing at how insane the fucking weather was that it was 80 degrees out. We went out there, had a great fucking game, super, super highly competitive fucking game. And we used to play at the top of the parking garage cause for whatever reason, unlike the Sundays or whatever, they would just never, there wouldn't be enough people and no one wanted to park on the roof cause the car would get all fucking hot on the inside. And we would play up there and sometimes someone would park up there, but no one would ever rat us out.

And only a couple of times did the ball ever go over the edge that I remember, but we always had like an extra one. But we used to do that all the time and it was a great time and, uh, I never understood why the whole fucking fad went away. There was one homophobic joke, one homophobic joke killed me. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading telling your parents, telling, telling your parents that you're gay, that one little joke, the whole fucking thing, the whole thing went away.

I never understood it. I got to the point. I was the one that the guy who took his break off. That was like a big thing. When you lived in New York, you had to be cool. You had to take your break off and learn how to stop the other way. Like yeah, why would I want to be able to stop quick when I'm skating out in traffic with cabs and shit?

I can't believe I never died. Um, I had a couple of really close calls. So fucking stupid. I would never do that again. I just chalked that up to, uh, being young. Like I still lived in New York and I was close to central park park park park and I was going to go rollerblading. I would, I would, at this my age, I would walk to the park carrying my fucking rollerblades.

I have no shame about it. I know a lot of people are embarrassed that they rollerbladed. I have no fucking shame. No shame. If I lived closer to a boardwalk, I would own a pair and I would go out there. So much more fun than doing the fucking elliptical. It's better exercise, you know, you put on your wireless headphones, right? You tie your t-shirt off at the waist and you know, you go out there and you, you have

a good time. Maybe you have some tassels on. I don't know why I am. I, I think it's hilarious that everybody got all fucking weird about it. Um, as you can tell, I haven't read any advertising. I haven't done any fucking questions because, uh, I'm recording it early and I still haven't got my materials for the week. Let's hit refresh, see if they came in.

Let's see nothing, nothing, nothing, no advertising, no nothing. All right. I'll keep talking here. I'll keep talking. I'll read the ads and then I'll do the fucking, I'll do the fucking, uh, what do you call it? I'll do the questions. All right.

Um, all right. No dad, Bob. I already talked about that. Oh, Billy, no fun. Billy, no fun. Didn't drink until Friday night. Um, took my nephew to the game and after I dropped him off, I went back into the city and I had, uh, two home pours and a fucking, uh, and a, and a cigar, but then I didn't

drink last night and, uh, today I had one course light just cause they, they made the old stubby bottles again. I just had to add one and it was fucking delicious, but I don't count that. I just had one. I didn't get fucked up. Um, anyways, so I've been doing that shit. Got the drinking back under control and, um, I'm going to find out this week, by the way, if there's going to be a season three of efforts for family.

So I'm a little nervous, um, to find out. So, uh, if you haven't watched it yet, it would really help us if you guys would watch this week to give it a nice little boost, you know, I know there's a ton of good shit out there. I know bloodline came back. I know some of you guys are working your way through Fargo or better call Saul, but, uh, if you could just give us just, you know, watch one episode, something, anything will help.

Um, cause we're going to find out this week and, um, so anyways, I went to the Red Sox Friday night, Saturday, I came home and the angels game was on against the Red Sox cause you know, I get the angels feet out here and now I'm back into watching baseball. I'm watching racing and I actually watched the end of the BC Eagles versus the Edmonton Eskimos. I watched a CFL game. I gotta tell you, it was highly entertaining because the BC Eagles fucking defense sucks. Um, one of those high scoring games or whatever, they tied it up and then, you know, what's

like, tied it up with like no time left and the Edmonton Eskimos go out and the first fucking play they gave up, I don't know, a nice 80 yard meter, whatever the fuck they call it a kilometer, whatever they call it up there, uh, pass. And then they lost the game, kicked a field goal and it was over. And I know a lot of people shit on the CFL, it's on TSN. It's good shit. You know, I look at it this way. This is college players that weren't good enough to make it, you know, into the, uh,

into the NFL, but any, any one of those CFL teams could beat the best fucking college team out there. Cause it's made of college all stars. Like the NFL, it's college all stars. The NFL is just the best of the best college all stars. The CFL is all the college all stars that could not make it to the NFL. So it's still competitive football. They got that giant field.

I actually enjoyed it. Um, I don't know. I always watch like the Edmonton Eskimos just because like way back in the day, it always seemed like Doug Flutey and Warren moon or some shit were always on those teams. Um, but you know, I don't know, BC Eagles came back. So I was like, I gotta watch these. I'm going to root for these guys and they fuck the game up. Um, all right.

I don't know what else to talk about. I'm running out of shit. Uh, uh, congratulations to the lady in, in Australia who breastfed in, in parliament. I don't know why that was a big deal, but evidently it's a big deal. I don't know what, I have to be honest with you. My whole fucking life, I've never heard one guy ever say that he had an issue with breastfeeding in public. I don't know what the fucking problem is.

Um, I think it's more for like guys that don't have kids yet and it like grosses them out because they're like, I want to be sticking my face in there. Now there's a baby there and that weirds me out and it makes my chubby go away. I don't know what the deal is. I also don't think, but I'd be honest with you, I don't think you should be breastfeeding while you're fucking, you know, working for your district. You know, can, can we have your 100% focus here? You know, I don't know, I, but I guess guys can go up there and adjust their

balls as they're talking about laws. I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know what the big deal is about it. Um, I've seen it my whole fucking life, but I also don't know why it's treated like somebody just landed on Mars and came back. You know, anything women do is now it's just like, it was so brave. It was so ground breaking.

You know, they try to act like, you know, they were, they were in brave heart. It's like you fed a baby. Cause it was hungry. Um, um, running out of shit to talk about royal blood has a new album out. Everybody now, I didn't download their first one. I just downloaded their hit and I played my drums to it a thousand times and I still suck at it, you know, then some, some to do, but by the boo got a fucking working out.

Well, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but I, but however the fucking song goes. I don't even know the words. Um, well, what did a, well, what did a boo? Um, royal blood has a new album out and it got good review. So I'm going to download that shit cause I have a fucking, I got a little rehearsal space.

I was over there today. I was over there today. I got my fucking life down. It's perfect. Wake up in the morning. I work out, right? While the kid's sleeping, my wife's sleeping, then I run over and play drums for a fucking hour.

I come back like a champ. I make everybody breakfast. You know, I get my bullshit done. And then in the afternoon, I, uh, take my fucking precious little baby girl for a walk. That's it. That's it. But you know what?

My wife will still find something to complain to me about something. I'll ask something. There'll be something I'm doing wrong. I just feel like I would like it better if you, I feel like for me, um, all right, this is the last thing that I got to hit pause until this fucking shit comes in, uh, the questions here. Come on, man, send the fucking questions. Refresh button.

Hit the refresh button, Bill. Hit the refresh button. Nothing. Wait a minute. I'm an asshole. Oh, I was in the wrong account. What an asshole. What an ass.

This is the kind of guy who doesn't know the difference between photosynthesis and pollination. Fighting out of the blue corner. Here we go. Oh, and lo and behold, there it is. Here we go. Oh, it's time for some advertising. I was just going to give you guys a fun baseball fact.

Remind me when I come back. You can't, but I'll, you know, all right. Oh, but do do do me on these me on these. They used to be two all star games. Do do do do me on these me on these between 1959 and 1962. And everybody went up to play. That balls hurt. They didn't know what to do because the suits were made of wool.

They didn't have fun. That one sucked. I got to take two on that one. I tried to give you the all that there was two all star games in 1959, 60, 61. And I believe 62. I might as well give it to you now, right? Might as well tell it to you why not. You know why it is, do you know why they had two all star games?

Not because, you know, people couldn't afford to travel. So they had one on the East Coast, one on the West Coast. It wasn't that it wasn't heavy. Okay, turns out that playing of the second game was intended to increase the amount of money going to the player's pension fund. This person says, I wish there was a neater reason than that. Like gambling demands or trial formation of an all stars league, which would be made up of two teams of all stars that played each other a hundred times a

season, but nope, pension fund. That's it. And everybody realized by 1962 or so that the arrangement was dumb. The public at large is finding a second all star game, something of an anti-climax, like playing a second world series in Brazil. So 1951, 1960, 61, 1959, sorry, 60, 61, they played two all star games. There you go. And I learned that this weekend when I saw a pennant from Fenway about the

1961 all star games and they called the Cincinnati Reds, by the way, the Red Lakes, which I'd never heard of either. Hey, Bill, why don't you get to the advertising because that was some of the most boring shit I've ever listened to in my life. Hey, hey, hey, fair enough. Oh, but do do do me on these me on these mind your fucking cues and peas do do do do me on these me on these. I can't fucking sing it this week.

I got nothing this week. That brain is fried from right in all those roast jokes. I thought if I was ended with peas and give me some of Ryan's me on these me on these mind your fucking peas and cues do do do me on these me on these. Don't pee pee or do the doodoo and your fucking velvet fucking underwear. If you shit, no, I won't care because it'll be soft and cradled. Yeah. In the taint of your fuck, that's gross.

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I'm done with that shit. I hate doing a lot of reads during the summer. All right. Here we go. Let's read some of the content. Some of the content. Oh, hey, I got, I got to promote a Paul Versey show. Paul Versey with the hilarious Mike favor men are

co-headlining a comedy show to help raise awareness to fight that's film, intervening, getting high team. Jesus Christ. There's a fucking mouth full as a nonprofit that helps young adolescents tell inspiring stories through film and video creations that help curb the opiate epidemic founded by oxymoron writers oxymorons writer slash director Johnny Hickey.

You ever see that movie? That's a good one. Check that one out. They're doing the show at the cowloon on root one in sogas this Thursday, July 29th, 7 to 10 p.m. Free buffet with ticket purchase of $40. All right. Go to the cowloon root one sogas some of the best

fucking Chinese food you ever going to have Paul Versey Mike favor men are going to fucking kill it 7 and 10 p.m. What 7 7 dash 10 p.m. And there's two shows one show 7 to 10. I don't know what it is. Look it up. All right. Cowloon root one sogas.

All right. Three drink rule. Hey billbow bag tits. I have three drinks tonight and went home. I feel great about myself from a fellow adult. Oh, a little shade there in the end. I don't know dude. Three drinks should become a bloated fat fuck.

You had three drinks and then you drove home. What kind of drinks? Um, all right. Here's his one for you, buddy. I drank probably over 300 days last year. I don't feel good about myself. Um, and me needing to shut it down in no way should make you feel self-conscious about what you're doing to the point.

You have to be cunty to me and say you feel great about yourself. Um, all right, that's it. So good for you. Keep having three drinks tonight and feel good about yourself when you don't feel good about yourself. Shut it down. You know what I'll do. I'll support you.

Cancer charity sham. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here's another one is another one in a rare joint action with the attorney attorneys general for each of the 50 states. The federal trade commission says for cancer charities run by extended members of the same family, con donors out of 187 million dollars from 2008 through 2012 and spent almost nothing

to help actual cancer patients. And what happens to these people? Are they going to go to jail? Children's cancer fund. All right, let's see in a rare, but by right, each of the charities charged with a subject of extensive reporting by CNN and 2013 ever because I remember the story and in each instance, none of the four charities would comment.

We were ordered out of the building at the cancer fund of America in Knoxville, Tennessee, home of the Tennessee volunteers. And we're the object of an of an obscene gesture by the CEO of the breast cancer society. And that's usually that's usually a good sign that it's bullshit. If you're raising money to for cancer to help kids stricken with cancer and you're the CEO and you give the finger of media, which is going to help promote.

Yeah, that's probably a good sign. The cancer fund of America is run by James Reynolds senior, his son James Reynolds Jr. This is all alleged by the way before these scumbags allegedly start to sue me for reading this is the CEO of the breast cancer society. Another charity. The child's cancer fund of America is run by Rose Perkins,

the ex-wife of the elder James Reynolds. He is. He's also the CEO of the fourth charity cancer support support services. Oh, wow. Wow. Well, if they're doing dirt, I hope they get caught and they go to fucking jail.

Jesus Christ, man, that is like some sociopath shit. Jesus Christ. Oh my God, you're going out buying like a fucking buy yourself a raptor like a fucking. What could you hear something for you? What could you buy yourself? With with cancer. Shit that was supposed to go to help kids.

What could you buy yourself? Oh my God, that that is I mean, that is just it is just that's on another fucking level. I think even bankers would be like really do Jesus Christ. How about a little fucking little bit attacked something? All right, transgender habits. Hey, Billy muffin top. Oh, that's so true.

I listened to NPA a few months ago. Maybe even a few years ago. Oh Jesus, sorry, losing credibility. I can't remember last month or 2010. I heard a segment you might be interested in. I believe it was this American life, but they asked a transgendered man. I don't want them a woman becoming a man.

I get it. I think if there was any interesting changing. Well, he talked about after his transition, he was now more into science was way more interested in sex and wasn't able to access his emotions as much anymore. Oh, so those are basically guy things. That's kind of interesting. I would think way more interested in sex because you find the sex

you want to be science. That's really interesting and weren't able to access your emotions more. I don't know. I have no idea. That's well, there you go. So maybe I wasn't wrong thinking that somebody's habits changed. Female privilege.

Hey, man, love your podcast. Hope your family's doing great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Wasn't that nice of you? My family is doing great. My daughter is awesome and my wife. I have a whole new level of love for watching a be a mom.

No, have a read at this article when you get a chance. Okay. Female nurse found guilty of dangerous driving causing death. To be sentenced. Do I want to read this? There aren't any kids involved in this. This is this. Come on.

We already saw a potential scam. Okay. BC nurse found guilty of dangerous driving causing death sentence to 90 days in jail. The families of two young people are angry over a dangerous driving sentence giving the woman who killed them. Okay. The BC nurse found guilty of dangerous driving.

Causing death of two people has been sentenced to 90 days in jail. And Alina Hesse Movic was driving at high speeds through pet pit meadows in October 2010. She ran a red light jumped a concrete median and slammed into a car carrying. Becky Dyer 19 and Johnny D. Olivera 21 the couple who were on their way home from a

concert were killed instantly along with the 90 day sentence. Hesse Movic also received two years provoked probation 120 hours of community service and three years driving probation. She will serve her sentence intermittently between Tuesdays and Thursdays around her work schedule. Oh my God. What a joke. Dyer's mother Debbie said this sentence is not showing the

public that our justice system actually is a justice system. It's actually a legal system. It's not going to deter other drivers from doing the same. Oh my God. D. Olivera's mom Audrey echoed the same sentiment. Six years is a long time. She's put everybody through and she's only getting a little bit here a little bit there.

It's wrong. Yeah, that's terrible. That's fucking terrible. That's fucking horrible. You know at some point when you're driving that fast, you do I mean I think those laws are all going to change. I know they have what drunk driving. I think because she wasn't drunk and jails are all filled up

at least in this country like I don't understand that. But I mean your life should be tremendously effective. If you were if you were driving that fucking fast and then killed two innocent people. I think the whole well she's never committed a crime. She's a nurse. She's a productive member of society. I think a lot of that goes out the fucking window.

Well, she did something tremendously stupid and now two people are dead forever. So at the very least you can do 90 straight days in jail. What do you say there? And yeah, I guess you'll have to figure out what you're going to find another job after that. What kind of cool job does she have? I have to be on jail.

I've been jail on Tuesday and Thursdays because I killed two people. On Tuesday, I go to jail for the woman I killed on Thursday. I go to jail for the guy I killed. So like can I work like Monday? Not Wednesday. So it'll be like so tired from being jailed from one day. Can I work like Monday, Friday, Saturday and a half day

Sunday? That's yeah, that's disgusting. Fucking disgusting. All right. My girlfriend is becoming a feminist. Hey there, daddy bald freckle. First of all, English is isn't my mother tongue. So sorry if I fucked up a bit.

All right. I was wondering why that. I could just see you googling daddy bald freckle and just mashing them. That's what I would have done. All right. And I'm 33 years old and I'm an 18 in an 18 month relationship with a terrific girl after four rather unsuccessful

relationship. I finally had the feeling she could be the one. Um, she has her flaws like every person, but hey, so do I. When it comes down to the important features like honesty, moral values, similar lifestyles and interests. She really is my match and to top it all off in bed. It never gets boring. Dude, this is your second language.

This is great. She's more on the submissive side. Maybe you just fucking with me and you really wrote a bad insult. She's more on the submissive side. If you understand wink and some things sometimes get wild. Gross. Gross.

I now have no sympathy for you, but in a very nice way. He tries to say after our sexy time session, gross. We lay next to each other cop. Completely out of breath, feeling like nothing can touch her. Sounds cheesy, but it's really beautiful. Why did you go into all that detail? Oh my God.

That was disgusting. Did I ever tell you guys how much I can't stand watching people kiss in public on film or any of that? It's, it's the grossest fucking thing ever. Keep your intimacies to yourself. Now we have a long distance relationship. We are far away, but we still each still see each other quite often.

Five times per year, but then usually weeks at a time. Dude, what the fuck just happened? What's a hat? What just happened? There was a, was there a jump in time here? Was there some time travel going on here? She lives in Europe and has been hanging out with these feminist activist girls and she's bringing up the topic of

sexism, etc. More and more lately. Now I was raised by a proud mother from Jesus. Is there any other kind? Proud strong woman and could not imagine dating a girl that has the has values of women out of the 1950s. I like confident proud women. This is what he always sets himself up to be a good guy that

can hold their own. But even though I am not a chauvinist by any means, I think the modern feminist movement similar to vegans annoying the living annoys the living hell out of me. I get that there is sexism in this world, but I don't see the huge problem in it, especially since the western societies have made such progress in this field in the past decades.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You keep talking yourself back into the hole there. Yeah, like a total psycho 100% feminist maniac. Yeah, you don't want to be around that. It's literally like being around a conspiracy theorist after a while. As far as they're never going to shut the fuck up about that topic.

It's going to drive you nuts after a while. Do you realize that every day 40% of women, they're going to be throwing stats at you like someone who plays fantasy football. Anyway, he says today, my girlfriend sent me a link to an article about how pornography objectifies and discriminates women. Then she wrote, I've been thinking a lot lately and I'll

have to change some things in the future, especially in our sex life. Yeah, dude, this relationship is over now. I tend to agree with now. I tend to agree with this auto button. Nevertheless, I furiously replied. Hey, if you're going to turn into one of these nonstop nagging feminists, please tell me now so I can even move

the fuck further away from you and your victim seeking miserable friends. Yeah, dude, you're kind of an asshole. You're kind of an asshole. Slash a bit of a control freak, I think. I don't know, but then you're cool with her moving away. I don't know. I can't read you.

He goes, then things escalated quickly. Yeah, you think we got into a big fight and haven't communicated since. Yeah, dude, it's a wrap. It was already a wrap. It was already a wrap. You know, if you just imagine if you got into something. Okay, and then you came home and whatever your new fucking

way of thinking was, you told your wife that or girlfriend that she needed to adjust some things in the bedroom. I mean, try that one on for size. Yeah, what it is is she's grown in a different direction and she needs to be, you know, I don't know. She's with a different type of guy, not you. Now, Bill, this is a girl. This girl is great and smart and TBH.

I don't know what that means. I am all for women's rights and see sexism on a daily basis and totally understand some of the way. Oh, stop fucking making yourself out to be the hero. I'm not one of these guys, but I'm not one of these guys. So leave me the fuck alone with this stuff. And if this stuff will interfere with our sex life and change the woman that I have learned to love, I don't know

where this will leave us. What do you think of this? Am I being too non empathetic here? It's been, I don't think you're an empathetic person. Um, I would say that, uh, yeah, this is a wrap. This is not the kind of woman you're looking for. Um, and this is a major change in her. All right.

I mean, I don't know what goes on between the two of you, but if she's going to be like, Hey, watch this and we need to change some stuff in the bedroom, like the relationship, as you know, it is over and, uh, and it's long distance. I mean, yes, it's a fucking wrap. I would walk away. Um, all right. Fucked up at, at pet shop.

Last one here. Fucked up at the pet shop. He's standing by the way. Least and girls pet shop boys. That's right. All right. Fucked up at pet shop. How's it going?

Oh, Billy Bordeaux, Bollocks. Um, love the podcast. Congrats. Okay. Thank you very much. All the great work on F is for family. Big East haven't left at anything so hard in a long time. Oh, Billy, I fucked up recently, but no one knows.

I've done anything wrong. I work at a pet shop. We sell rabbits and mice, things like that. And my job is to feed them and clean their cages. I already don't like where this is going. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but I love animals and they look so sad a lot of the time. So I try to make their lives a little better by looking

after them the best I can. That's what I would do if I worked at a pet store, long story short, I'm fairly new. So the first day I was taught how to tell the male rabbits from the female rabbits. Turns out you have to feel for the testicles, which wasn't that hard as a lot of the rabbits had really big balls like holy shit.

And I was pretty confident that I could do it in the future. God, these are weird this week. Fast forward to Monday. Turns out I cannot do it. We got a whole load of new lion head rabbits in with massive fur making it almost impossible to locate the balls. Well, just flick them between the legs. If the rabbit turns around like what the fuck was that for?

She has a pussy. You fucking flick it between the legs and the thing collapses. You know, and lays there for 30 seconds while his other friends laugh at him. That is a male and the ones laughing. Well, women laugh at that shit too. Anyways, at that stage, it was just me and one of the student part-time workers who probably had just learned to

locate his own balls, let alone someone else's. Why is this a big deal? Well, I can tell you, I think you can figure out we can why we can't put the males in with the females. Bill, I seriously don't know what the fuck happened, but I went home that evening having no idea if I was going to arrive back into work with double the number of rabbits. I know that's not how gestation works, but fuck it.

What would you do if you were in my situation? I just started working here and I really like it, but I have no idea how explain how I fuck this up so badly. Thanks. Well, what happened? We got a whole new load of new lion head rabbits in with massive fur making it almost impossible. So what is it?

What is the problem here? You're worried that you're going to put him in with the wrong ones and the fuck. Oh my God. I just dropped my fucking laptop on my foot. Jesus Christ. I don't know what the problem is, sir. What I would do is I would come clean before you have 7,000

rabbits and they got to feed him to the snakes. That's what I would do. All right. How hard is it to find fucking balls? I put on a glove and I get like underneath them. You know, I don't know. I don't know.

01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,320 You're out of my I'm out of my element. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to find rabbit balls. I would definitely come clean and say that you think you fucking messed up because the fact that you're running from this problem like that guy in Fargo. Ah, geez.

I'm going to get you the numbers like you're doing that right now. All right. And I'm afraid you're going to end up blaming the fucking college student. All right. So I would just come clean say that you fucked up. I don't think they're going to fire you over it.

You know what I mean? That's what I would do and I would learn how to find rabbit balls. I would get into another line of business. All right. Okay. There you go. That's the podcast for this week.

I'll check in on you on Thursday. If you'd like to contribute to this podcast, just go to Netflix and watch f is for family this week. If you don't want to do that, go to my podcast page, click on the, uh, go to my website, click on the podcast page. And if you're going to buy something on Amazon, just click on the Amazon link. It takes you there.

I get credit for driving traffic and they kick me a little dough. Rain me over there. Okay. That's it. Go fuck yourselves and I will talk to you on Thursday.