Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-3-19

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

Bill rambles about playoff fans, downtime on a movie set, and Jeopardy James.

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I wasn't going to call you. Information and information on Proximus.be. Proximus. Think possible. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 3rd, 2019. What's going on?

How are ya? Hey, I don't know what to tell you. I'm here in New York City. We start the movie tomorrow. So, you know, little fuck. I always get antsy before I do those things. But then once I do a take or two, then I'm just kind of, I'm fine. So, and also today is my beautiful wife's birthday, which is a nice distraction.

The family's in town. I'm no longer lonely. They came in yesterday. It was awesome. We have a nice little space here. So, I play this game either where I chase my daughter around or, you know, she does like the pony ride. But, like, I used to do, you know, how you do the pony ride where you're crawling on

all fours, but my left knee's too fucked up. So, I was like, all right, get on my back and we'll do it this way. And then that morphed into, let's do the fast pony ride. So, now I have to run with her on my back. And yeah, it's just, there's no way, there's no way around it. I'm just old, no matter which way I try to adjust it. She wears me out. But, yeah, it's awesome that they're here in town.

So, anyways, let's talk Stanley Cup Final Hockey. Your Boston Bruins are up two games to one. Two games away from winning the Stanley Cup, which would be the seventh in franchise history. And they're two games away, but that is a long, long ways away. It's been a very strange series so far. It's been a series of dominance. Whoever wins the game that night seems to have dominated. Like, I remember when the Bruins won game one, all my buddies would text me going,

St. Louis can't play with us. They would text an emojis of, it's going to be a sweep. And I saw enough in the first period of that game. I just knew that, you know, they're a big, fast team. And this is going to be a war. This is going to be a war. So last night was a weird game. I don't know.

It's a little frustrating. I got to tell you, I was furious after game two. Not because we lost. I've just never seen a Bruins team look the other way after that amount of liberties that are taken after the whistle. You know, this is this new period where they've, I wish all the people that wanted to get fighting out of the game actually watch this series. You know, because that's what I always said.

It's like they, all these people were advocating, you know, getting the fighting out of the game so they could continue to not watch hockey. And like, there's nothing wrong with the way St. Louis is playing, but the way that they're playing back in the day, you know, we would have sent a goon out on the ice to settle everything down. But now there's none of that anymore. So the game that they're playing, which is essentially they play the lock, whatever, the left wing lock or whatever,

and then they're coming down the ice and running our goaltender. And back in the day, if you ran the goaltender, the second you did it, you just dropped the gloves because you knew somebody was going to come and try to beat the shit out of you, but that can't happen now. So I guess what needs to happen is then the ref needs to take his whistle out of his fucking slacks and you got to punish the team, but they've kind of let it go. And when they have taken the whistle out, they kind of have matching penalties, which has been really frustrating, but my buddy Joe Bartnick told me,

he said, don't worry, all the Bruins have to do is keep playing their game and they'll be able to get past it. But I am by no means comfortable. I'm psyched we're up two games to one, but I am, you know, it was so weird. I mean, that game was essentially five to two. It wasn't, you know, it was an empty netter and then a garbage time fucking bullshit goal in the end. It was basically a five to two game and I was really baffled. How we somehow scored five goals when I felt we played the game 80% in our own end.

And that isn't what I like. The way St. Louis plays is you got to get up on them early because they, you know, if they get up a goal or two, they're just going to fucking smother you with that boring ass fucking trap defense, which I don't understand why, you know, you saw the NBA, they, you know, when guys got too big and too fast, the game got boring. So certain defenses were made illegal. And for some reason, I don't know, they opted to get rid of the red line like that was supposed to fix the problem. I don't know what, but, you know, I don't know, but all I know is back in the day,

the game that St. Louis is playing, they would have to be a way tougher team to play it. Who's that guy? Number seven, Patrick Maroon. I mean, back to the deck, that guy would have got the shit kicked out. Well, I mean, I'm saying he would lose the fight. I'm making that assumption, but someone would have jumped him, you know, with the bullshit that he's doing. But that's just kind of not the way the game is. And I gotta tell you, as a Bruins fan, 40 fucking years, it's been a, I've never seen, you know, we were never the fast team.

We were usually the team doing the bullshit. So I know there's a lot of St. Louis fans who would be like, too, what fucking game are you watching? It's like, whatever bullshit we're doing is the reaction to what you guys are doing. You know what you're doing. You saw the San Jose Sharks, the last fucking series. By the end of the series, the third of their team was gone from the way that you guys are playing. And, you know, let's be honest, man, it's, you know, we'll call it chippy. So I still think that we, I really believe in my heart of hearts that we're the better team,

but I still don't think that, you know, that means we're going to win, you know, when a team is going to play like a physical game like that, because guys end up getting hurt, you know what I mean? I mean, it's just, it's just the way it is. So which I don't have a problem with that because the Bruins have played like that for fucking ever. It's just weird now having watched hockey as long as I have to then not see somebody skate out and beat the shit out of that guy. So he fucking tones it down and everybody else fucking relaxes. It's really been a weird thing. But having said that, you know, the atmosphere was great last night, you know, before the game,

I just, the game just got out of hand, but it was cool to see all those St. Louis fans that fucking excited. It really is a big time hockey, hockey town as much as their baseball team does so well. You know, they're definitely diehard fans. If you're a St. Louis fan, you were a fucking diehard fan. So you've been through it. So we'll see, we'll see what happens. I don't know what it's kind of just seems like it's going to be a back and forth so far. Obviously this will be huge if we can somehow break their serve, you know, and win back to back here and go home three games to one.

But if they tie it up to two, I just, I just see this thing going seven. All right, I just hope no more of our players get fucking hurt. And if they do, I think it might be time to fucking go down to wherever our fucking farm team is and just bring a fucking going up and clean somebody's fucking clock like they did the other day and leave some teeth on the fucking ice to be like, you know, because like I said, the refs aren't fucking doing anything. Matching penalties is the best we seem to get. So anyways, having said that, speaking of as diehard as St. Louis Blues fans are. I watched a little bit of the NBA finals and the fact that they're calling Drake a superfan. It's just like, I, you know, I know it's a business.

I know it's about money, but that guy is the furthest thing from a superfan. A superfan is there through thick and thin. Where the fuck is this guy been? Okay. What kills me is up until like two years ago, they're superfan. I hope I say his name or is that Nav Batilla? Is that he say his name? No disrespect to that guy.

I love that fucking guy. That guy has been to every single home game in the Toronto Raptors history. He travels on the road. Dude, I mean, we played them in the fucking playoffs. He came to the Boston Garden and he was such a fucking good guy that, you know, even though he was wearing all his gear and shit, he's such a happy good fucking guy. He's everything a fan should be his behavior and all that. He gets no screen time. All of a sudden, Drake comes in who's a super bandwagon fan to the point he has to wear a fucking.

He's got to wear a fucking wristband or a headband on his fucking arm because he's got tattoos of the jerseys of the players on the other fucking team. And I just like that guy is literally like the worst representation of a sports fan you could possibly have standing up the whole game. You know, when you sit behind, you know, that fucking asshole. Every time somebody takes a three pointer, they got to stand up or stick their arm up with three fingers in the air. Like everybody doesn't know. I understand if it's a big three pointer and especially nowadays when both teams seem like they're going to take 23 pointers a piece. This guy's going to get up 20 fucking times in 48 fucking minutes as I'm trying to watch the game behind him going on to the court, getting into the faces of players, having arguments with them. And he is being like champion.

Like he's just this amazing fan. I even saw like Stephen A. Smith. Well, who's kidding who? I absolutely love Stephen A. Smith, but that guy does get a little enamored with famous people. He really does because there's no way if that was some plumber and he was getting in the face of fucking Steph Kirby and that other guy who kicks you in the balls accidentally 58 times when he takes a jump shot. You know, if he was getting in the face and he was just some regular guy, Stephen A. Smith would say, you know, you're a plumber. Sit your ass down. What are you doing?

Learn how to behave yourself in public. He would go that way. But because it's Drake, you know, some auto tune singer who evidently has a cell phone. Now all of a sudden this fucking guy can go on the fucking court. I don't know. I think Drake has that performer disease, you know, where even if it isn't their show, he has to somehow be he doesn't know how to behave. If, if, if like when he walks into an arena, you know, it's just sit down and have some popcorn and watch some of the best athletes on the planet. The guy's literally running his yap.

Like it's like, Drake, how many points do you have? How many assists? You're not in the game. I know you're wearing half a uniform so you might get a little fucking confused. I just, I don't understand. It's, I don't know. It's nauseating fucking behavior. I hate it back in the day when I was a Celtics fan and the amount of times they would cut to Jack Nicholson.

It's like, I don't give a fuck. This isn't a Jack Nicholson movie. And plus when you look back and you see how many fucking Hall of Famers were on the court, I know he was part of the atmosphere in Diane Cannon and it was the whole LA thing, whatever. I guess they cut the famous people, whatever. But you know, all of a sudden they're like making plays. They're in like the huddle and Drake's sitting there giving the guy a fucking back rub. I mean, it's just, and Stephen A Smith's sitting there going like, if you don't like it, shut the man up with your performance. Oh, so then if any of us regular people go out and get courtside fucking seats, like it's okay for us to do what Drake's doing, I can just go up to a coach and start giving him a back rub.

I could start yelling at a player and picking lint out of their fucking hair. I can do that. Like that's okay. You know, if the other team doesn't like it, then shut me up and score more points. Like I said, I love Stephen A Smith, but I disagree. And I think he's just getting a little enamored with this guy's fame. It's ridiculous behavior. He's a total bandwagon fan with tattoos of other players from the other fucking team on his arm.

The fuck out of here. If you want to see a super fan, it's that Nav Batia guy. Okay. That guy, that guy is an ambassador. That guy is tremendous, tremendous fucking human being. All right. And I'm sure when he goes to karaoke, they don't have to turn on the auto tune for him. All right.

Anyways, how far into this fucking, why does this screen shut off? Huh? I never know where I'm at. Okay. 13 minutes in. I got my new recorder here, everybody that has the ability to plug a microphone in the bottom. I don't know how to do it.

It's the, uh, the Olympus LS 100. I don't know how to do it. So I'm going to have to go down to that B and H where I bought it right down on 34th Street. See if they can help me out, which by the way, I actually posted a picture of their business in, um, on my Instagram. That is the best run business. Them and like AAA AAAs and Bartnick says it's Bartnick always talks about AAA. So this is the best fucking run business in the middle of nowhere, middle of fucking

nowhere. You call them and they're in like fucking 10 minutes. It's unbelievable with a battery, whatever the hell you need, um, flatbed truck to give you, get flats or whatever, get your fuck out of there, that and B and H. If you ever need electronics, man, and you're in the New York city area, go to them. They have everything. You know, they have a zillion employees. Everybody is knowledgeable about their section.

They can help you out. It's like the reverse of best buy where best buy you feel like, like, was there a plague and I somehow survived? Like where the fuck is everybody? You know, all you're doing best buy is walk around and ask other regular people, do you work here? And they're like, do I have a blue shirt? You're like, no, but you have blue eyes.

And I just at this point, I'm desperate. I was hoping maybe you were on your break, but you just started your fucking shift. B and H totally knowledgeable. And then I love they have like this way where no one can shoplift. They lately have like almost like a, they bring the luggage out at the airport. Like you never touch what you buy until you've bought the fucking thing. It's genius. I absolutely love it.

Every time I go in there, I'm like, like fascinated. So plowing ahead here as I wait for like, I'm actually, because it's Nia's birthday. She's let me, because she's a fucking saint here, sneak out and do my podcast. But then again, you know, the podcast helps to buy birthday gifts. The hell am I saying this? So I'm starting this fucking, this movie tomorrow and I got a, you know, I got to stay in movie shape here. So I got Nia, all these, you know, she wants a cup, she likes cupcakes better than cake,

you know, so she wanted the cupcake for, for a birthday. So I got to sit there and pass all those things out, watch everybody eating them as I sit there eating a fucking Mediterranean salad, chickpeas and cabbage. But I got to tell you something though, it sucks the first two bites, but then you eat it and it's because it's so nutritious. It's just, it gives you this fucking energy. And then I see everybody afterwards, they ate a cupcake and they kind of lay in there, you know, they got the itis, as Nia told me about Charlie Murphy and all them back in

the day. And I feel great. So I don't know, if you see pictures of me, you'll see that I am, I'm a little underweight, but that's kind of what you have to do when, when you do these fucking things. You just, you just have to be, you know, as much as all the fucking, you know, as much as all the fucking ladies are always bitch moaning and complaining about the shape, they have to be, it applies to men too, where it's like, you're either the fat guy, or you have to be in shape.

Well, you can't be like middle ground, generally speaking, you know what I mean? I mean, you can be a fat guy, but then you're just going to play the fat guy. They're going to be fall down and break a fucking table, you know? And, you know, I didn't go to acting class to do that. So anyway, so I've been walking all around New York and I'm just at that age, man. I got to get like fucking inserts and shit. I did find a place where I can go play drums. I've been having a great time doing that.

And like I said, I just, I just want this goddamn thing to start. Finally, it's starting tomorrow. And, you know, this guy goes back to the day, like whenever I used to have like a, like if I was doing Letterman or anything like that, like a big fucking gig. I remember just sitting there and just being like, God, I just wish I was going on now. Let me just go on now and get it going. So I'm very excited to start tomorrow and we've been doing a lot of rehearsals. And it's just a great bunch of men and women on the shoot.

So it's going to be a lot of fun. I am hoping. Hopefully I don't go in and fuck it all up, get fired and get replaced and all that bullshit. All right. Well, you know something, the advertising hasn't come yet. So what say I do a little bit of, I'll do a little bit of, I'll do some of the reeds here for the week. Some of the reeds here for the week. Oh, by the way, I've been like taking the subway, which Verzi, I was hanging out with Verzi, right?

When I smoked a cigar with him and he had come down. He's doing a day on the movie and he left his car in some parking garage and it turned out it was closed for the night. So he had the fucking crash at my apartment. So I go, all right, no biggie. So we walk across the street. It's hilarious. I know he hates the subway. So I start walking down the stairs and he's just like, we're taking the subway.

He almost, he almost like broken the hives. Like there's two types of fucking people in New York City. There's people who take the subway and then in their head, they're like someday I'm going to get to a certain level and I'm never taking this fucking thing again. And then there's other people who are just like, the subway is great. It's the easiest way to get around town, even with the delays and all that shit. And then like, you know, I don't, I love the subway because that's where all the people are. You know, you get to hear the music, you get to hear the arguments, you see what people are wearing. You go through the different fucking parts of town.

You see the people getting on, get off. It's a fucking education. You know, you see people screaming and yelling. You see interesting things where somebody comes on and he starts begging, you know, right before you get to another stop. And he's in the middle of being just finished his fucking speech and then someone else comes on and starts begging. And it's like, oh wow, we got two beggars on the same fucking car. What happens when they meet? Is there some sort of unwritten rule that I came here and beg first, all of that shit, the musicians?

I love it all. I love it all. Verzi on the other hand, not a fan. Verzi likes leather seats. He likes air conditioning. And he just goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, Bill. Yeah, I like that stuff. I like that stuff.

I just kept telling me it was soft. Like, Verzi, you're soft. You're the kind of guy who goes to the gym. You just go downstairs. You put on a robe and you go right in. You take a steam. I've known the man for 12 years. I've never seen him pick up a barbell.

Ever. Ever. He just goes down. Oh God. He just goes into the steam. Oh my God. God is unbelievable. But that's also why I love him.

So I got a big kick out of taking him down. And then, of course, it was hard as shit. And the thing was late. And I was just pretending not to notice him, but I was just getting totally entertained, watching him getting frustrated. And when we went to get on the subway car, he had this look of worry on his face

that there wasn't going to be any air conditioning. Like, he was literally breathing heavy. And he came in. And the second he felt like the AC, just getting like, oh, I just started laughing. And then he laughed. Plus, the subway keeps you in shape, too. You know, you're walking up all those stairs,

all of that type of stuff. I don't get it. Verzi likes taking a fucking steam. I mean, well, take a nice free steam down fucking the subway, waiting for the subway in the middle of fucking June, July, August, yeah. Steam away and you get rid of a lot of the toxins as you sit down there.

Anyway, I haven't seen a lot of rats down there this time around. I saw somebody's hat. It was a douchey hat, too. And it actually made me happy when I saw it laying on the tracks. I was like, I wonder if somebody slapped it off or that was just the god of stupid hats, you know, putting that guy in check. Just fucking knocking his hat onto the goddamn tracks or whatever.

And I'm not gonna lie. It was a part of me who wished the person jumped down and went to go after it. Not saying I wished that they got hurt or anything, but scared and had to run between, you know, the uptown and the downtown and sit there on the list in between the two third rails, freaking out.

All right. I think I've talked enough about that. Let's do some of the reeds here for the week. Manscaped. Oh, I'm sorry. These are like when people just write in whatever the fuck you want to call it. All right. Here we go.

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Nobody wants to shop for life insurance. That's why we make it easy. Let me tell you this. Having finally got life insurance, if you're a married fellow there, and you do have loved ones and all of that, I know it sucks to deal with your own mortality, but I've got to tell you, once I did it, there's a fucking relief, knowing that everybody's going to be okay.

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Not DeRozan. He plays on the Raptors. The Vizioso came in third. Marc Marquez was in second. And then Petrucci? Danilo Petrucci. Danilo Petrucci? Oh, that's great.

An Italian came in first and third. Valentino Rossi, I don't know if something happened to him. He went off the track I saw. And then he ended up crashing out of the race. But what are you going to do? It happens. It happens to the best of them. All right, let's do the last read here, if I can find it.

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That's Stamps.com. Enter Burr. All right. There you go. So there's the reads. Now, when the fuck am I going to get your goddamn questions for the week? Oh, for the love of St. Pete. You see that?

I got to watch my fucking mouth when my kid's around. Huh? And I just cursed right there. I'm the worst. Anyways, maybe I'll take my wife for a walk or something like that, where I wait for the damn reads to come in. Or maybe I won't. I've been going around.

I've been doing nothing but spots out here in New York. And I've been putting together my new hour. And I got to tell you, it started off a little rocky. Ah! Sorry. And now it's moving along. And I actually went up at Gotham the other night. Went on second to last.

Went on after a rich boss who fucking murdered as always. And tried out my new abortion chunk. And all of the shit was working. The Michael Jackson shit. All the shit was, I'm going to tell you all my topics, but everything was working. Ripped on a few other things. And this is literally, it's literally my favorite thing to do in the world. Other than hanging out with my wife and kid.

My favorite thing in the fucking world is writing the new hour. And just bomb in and being silly and stupid and doing the whole self-deprecating thing. Just putting the whole fucking thing together. And I got a feeling that I'm going to have such an awesome time in this movie. That I'm going to have at least 45 minutes of new material right as my special comes out. And then I have the leftover shit that we didn't use. So I'll have an hour that I'll be really proud of that I can go on the road and not feel like I'm fucking ripping people off. But I'm thinking maybe I'm going to do a couple of comedy clubs.

You know, there's rumors that the punchline in San Francisco might close. But I heard Dave Chappelle. Molly was saying that Dave Chappelle, you know, went in front of some, I don't know, politicians out there to try and save the place. So it might get saved. But either way, I'm going to try to get out there in August and just do as many shows as I can. If the old girl's going to get shut down, man, that's like one of the most legendary. They can start a petition out there to save it. I don't know.

I feel like the punchline in San Francisco, that's literally like sacred ground. And we have lost some big ones. The punchline in Atlanta was a huge one to see that one finally go. I loved, loved, loved that club. And the punchline in San Francisco, that was like the dream. It was a dream to go there. They had this big competition out there, the San Francisco International Comedy Festival. And all the comics that I loved before, you know, I got into stand-up.

It all seemed like they all went out there and did well, like the Dana Goulds. And one in particular, who unfortunately just passed away, was Maria Falzoni. And I remember, I just remember she had that credit. And I don't know, man, like she was just a beast of a comic. And she was always super nice to me. And I remember it was funny. I was so walled off when I started, she came up and gave me a hug. And I didn't even know what to do when she just laughed.

She goes, Bill Burr, Jesus Christ. She goes, I got to teach you how to hug. And she had like that openness about her. So I wasn't like walled off or whatever. And I actually became a better hugger, like knowing her. And I remember she was like one of the few, like, female headlining comics. Like Boston was just really, you know, overly testosterone and that shit. And she just held her own and would fucking murder and was an absolute sweetheart.

And I actually tweeted out a link. She does a whole speech on she got cancer. It went away and then it ended up coming back. And I can't even wrap my head around this. She just knew, you know, there was the doctors told there was nothing that they could do. It was a very rare form of liver cancer that she called it. There was two types, the kind that you could cure. And then she said the dick suckered kind.

Unfortunately, she got the second kind and she actually, you know, just knew she wasn't going to make it. And then she just decided how she was going to go out and she went out to California, which has that law where mercy law, whatever they call it, where they'll take you out. And you literally choose the day and she chose the day when she was going to die. And I have friends of mine that called her up to say goodbye. I mean, it's fucking hardcore, man. And it just really says a lot about what kind of person she was that she could do that she could go out like that. Because I was talking to other people.

I would be like, I would just be kicking and screaming, going out like I don't know how somebody has the courage to do that. But her stand up act was like that. So I have a link to it on my Twitter page. It's pretty inspiring and definitely puts things into perspective because I knew that she was sick, but I didn't know she'd get sick again. And I had been complaining about some stupid bullshit, which is half my fucking podcast. And then seeing her story being like, Jesus Christ, I was bitching about this and she was going through that shit there. So anyways, rest in peace to Maria and another Jesus Christ.

Hacks live for fucking ever. That's all I can say. They just fucking live forever. And I'm still alive. So what does that say about me? Oh, so anyways, to tell you a little bit about this movie I'm doing. I am playing a firefighter. And we actually went, I was at Randall Island, Randall's Island or something where they train all the fucking, you know, New York Fire Department.

And they actually had us go out there and they had the buildings, one of the buildings that the Dennis Leary Foundation donated. Thank you to Dennis Leary. He actually helped out some actors. And we went in there and they lit the fucking place up and you had to go in there with your fucking mask on and all that shit. Learned a lot of shit in one day. First of all, how heavy that goddamn gear is. It's ridiculous. And like, it's like, there's two fights.

There's a fight just getting to the fire. Like the shape that the people have to be in. In fact, I saw, I had all the probes, is what they call them, the new ones, you know, jogging around. It looks like a military operation, like a platoon of them going by. There was this one woman like leading the platoon of the probes. And I looked at her, dude, the ease with which she could have just picked me up and slung me over her fucking shoulder or thrown me across the fucking room. Like the shape that these people are in is ridiculous. So we're all a bunch of fucking actors.

And the first fire was on the, just the second floor, walking up two flights of fucking stairs with all this shit on. Like, I was having like heart palpitations. And then it was like, all right, get in there and put it out. It was like, dude, I got to fucking, we let this thing burn a little more men. I got to fucking get my shit together. And then it was really cool. Like all of the stuff, like you, when you hose the fire, you go in circular motions clockwise because for whatever reason, God knows, I don't have a good science, math, physics background. If you go counterclockwise, you draw the flames at you.

So, and when I tell you, we were only in there, we were in there all of 30 seconds each and walk back down the stairs. And it was just like, I don't know. You know, they have all these different workouts now. When you just see people who are in killer shape, there's like the boxing workout. You know, remember, what was that guy who had the fucking, the Taibo workout, the UFC workouts. And I got all these people like lifting up big tires and throwing them because they want to be in the shape of a UFC fighter without taking any hits to the head. You could literally have the fireman workout, you know, and all it would involve, it would be, is you buy all the fireman gear, you put it on, and then you just start walking up and down the stairs in your house and watch the pounds fall off of you.

I got to say, for firefighters, obviously already had a tremendous amount of respect for what you do. Okay, but now seeing how difficult it is and fuck, you know, it's just like, it's ridiculous. It's unbelievable. And they had one, we went in there and we were like, the second time you did it, you had to walk up three flights of stairs. I literally thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. You went up three flights of stairs and then you were crawling around with the mask on, which is really, you know, they ask people if they were like claustrophobic or whatever. But whenever I feel feelings like that, I just kind of, I just chill, you know, and I just go like, all right, this isn't a real fire. This isn't even real smoke bill. This is movie smoke.

Okay, if you have a problem, you can just take the mask off and you'll be fine. So it's very easy. So we went into this room and it was just like, it was just pitch black and you just, you crawl. One guy goes one way, the other guy goes the other way and you're crawling around your hands and he's feeling along the wall and then doing a sweep with the other hand trying to find, you know, the dummies that they put in there. And like, I just can't imagine going in there. It's an actual fire. There's people in there every second counts, whether they're going to live or die or have, you know, moderate damage to like life altering, you know, brain damage from lack of oxygen and then thinking about your own family. The amount of shit that you have to block out is, it's, yeah, it's a whole other level because it's, you know, sometimes, you know, they send you on these acting things and you just start thinking to yourself like, Jesus Christ, this is like, you know, this is one day on the movie, you know, this is really hardcore for one day on the movie. And then when I was in that room crawling around, it's like, oh, now I get it.

Now I get it. So this is for when I do this, I'll have all those thoughts in my head, which will add to what you're doing. You know, I'm a comedian. I don't understand acting. I shouldn't be saying this out loud, but it's, it's like, oh, okay, that's why they did. I came out and that's what I really started thinking of like, wow, I can't, if that was a real thing, I would be thinking about my daughter. I would be thinking about my wife, be thinking about dying and like, I would think the first time you go in there and then you got to like, wait a minute, wait, these are all bad thoughts, fuck this shit. I got to block this out. I have to just, you know, do my fucking job in here. I don't know, tremendous amount of respect and also, you know, a lot of firemen are also cigar smokers. You know, you see him hanging out in front of the fucking firehouse smoking a cigar and I got to be, you know, there's very few jobs that seem cooler than being a stand up comedian. But I talked to a lot of these firefighters and that's like, they want to work. It's like, I was talking to one, he goes, look, off the record, he goes, I don't want anybody to get hurt, of course, but you want shit to catch on fire because you want to go work. You get the adrenaline going. It's fucking exciting. And they were saying how there's not as much work because of the way the buildings and the fire code and how Manhattan and Brooklyn and all that, like all the money here now. And I think these are investment properties. But like back in the day when a lot of these guys I talked to were working in 70s, 80s and 90s, you know, you could buy a building for nothing.

So there was no money in them and these fucking things would catch on fire. There was a lot of work, I guess, back then is what I learned. So anyway, for some reason, I'm not getting the fucking reads here for the week. I gotta hit pause here. I might have to finish this thing because I just want to waste you guys time and babble for like another fucking 16 minutes here. So anyway, the shoot starts tomorrow. Very excited about that. So hopefully when I come back on here, I'll have some of your emails here for the week. All right. All right, I'm back. I'm back. I got the reads and of course they just disappeared. All right, let's read this one here. This comes from trailer trash. Dear Billyboard brains, what do you plan to do while hanging out in your trailer while filming your fancy movie? Are you going to master French, read any good books or just jerk it to basic cable? Love your red head. Go fuck yourself.

Well, I imagine I'll be learning my lines. I think, well, the first day up I have, we're shooting two scenes and I'm in both of them. So I won't be, I won't be mastering French, reading any books or jerking off. I hate to disappoint you, but I did go out and I bought a drum thrown snare stand and a practice pad to keep my drum chops up. And I brought my French flashcards and that type of stuff, but you know, I bring like healthy food to the set and I don't bring a watch and I don't bring my cell phone down there. So I think, I don't know, just how I work. I fucking, you know, I've done acting gigs where actors are looking at fucking social media right before, you know, they go, okay, everybody, you know, hit your mind. They fucking put it away and it's like, I just can't see how that that helps your performance. So when I go to, when I go down there, I don't have a watch and I don't have my, my phone, I leave it in the trailer and I just look at it like I'm at a casino. Like I don't know what time it is. I don't care to know what time it is. I'm just here, you know, to do this job and all of a sudden someone taps me on the shoulder and say, hey, we're breaking for lunch. I'm like, all right, must be the middle of the day. And I find that that, that works best for me as opposed to fucking going on Twitter and reading the latest things somebody's offended about.

And then I get all worked up about that. And then the scene is completely different. Hey, you're really mellow in this scene. Remember, this is, you just came out of a spa, you know, and I'm two seconds later going, what the fuck, you can't say this fucking thing. Now, you know, that's, it's just not good for me. So, but if there is some like downtime, yeah, I think I'm going to do some of the shit Dave Elich taught me about because I kind of haven't gone to him in a minute. And I've lost some of the technique that he taught me that was awesome. So I think I'll just be doing that. All right, great question, though. Great question. All right, Jeopardy James. Hey, Billy bald fuck, love the podcast, but that mouth breather who wrote in about James didn't do him justice. Oh, this is the guy who can't be beat on Jeopardy. Jeopardy James is a degenerate gambler from Las Vegas. And it definitely shows he bets all his money on double Jeopardy and doesn't break his sweat. You know, it's funny about the word degenerate. It always precedes gambler. It's never degenerate alcoholic degenerate wife beater. It's always degenerate gambler. All right, we've talked about that. It's like ornate. It's always an ornate theater. Ornate is never used unless you're talking about a theater.

What's crazy is that early this early this year, I think you meant to say earlier, earlier this year, Alex Trebek was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. Oh, no, pretty much a death sentence. He said, fuck that, I want to stick around until this James guy beats the record. Now Alex is almost in remission. And his tumors are about 50% smaller. James has made Jeopardy the number one game show makes six figures a day beating teachers, librarians and professors. I got to tell my wife about this. He's trying to beat the all time record for wins. He's second right now. And to add insult to injury, he said he learned everything from children's books. I think he's playing a game there. He's psyching out his opponent. Definitely check it out and do a show in Reno again. Me and my wife love your comedy. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I love Reno. I absolutely love that place. It's one of my favorite places to perform. Highly, highly, highly underrated city. It really gives you a look of what, I don't know, kind of like what those West towns used to look like. I just loved, you know, how you would, how they used to try to stop people driving across country was they would have a big fancy sign like Bakersfield, Fresno, all those California towns have them. And they'd have a little slogan, you know, like Reno's Lord is the biggest little town in America or something like that. I love that shit.

All right. Girl used to weigh 300 pounds. All right. Hey, Billy Buttmunch. I met this girl who apparently used to weigh 300 pounds. She has lost 100 pounds in a little over a year. So I never saw it 300. She's 5'10 and still on the high side, but she's turned, she's determined to keep losing weight. I'm 6'3", 175 Jesus Christ, bony son of a bitch and don't really date heavy women. So here's what you are now. So here's the thing though. I'm in a two year rut and 32. I've been trying lately to get myself back out there and the girl does seem really cool. And I don't really want to wait for her to lose more weight before trying to ramp things up because I'd come across as really shallow. Wasn't this like shallow hell? This whole fucking email, but I don't want to end up with a fat chick. Yeah, dude, there's nothing wrong with that either. And this whole fucking, you know, women don't want to end up with a fucking loser. You know what I mean? You don't end up with a fat chick, you know? Because, you know, you set yourself up for heartache. You're going to fall in love with her and then she's going to fucking drop off a cardiac arrest at 50. That's the fucking thing about this whole being proud of your body. It's like, you know, okay, I get that.

But you realize just because you're proud doesn't mean your fucking, you know, your vitals are ecstatic about that double cheeseburger you're about ready to eat. And especially if you have kids, you know, you got to get the fucking weight off. Men are women. Should I assume she will keep losing weight? Assume she will stay as she is now or gulp? Should I proceed as if she'll eventually put that weight back on? She has a pretty face and some potential. If possible, I'd love to hear what the lovely Nia thinks. Yeah, she's not here right now. She's just celebrating her birthday without me. So I need to wrap this up. I would, I don't do this is a really weird way to go into a really, you're not really saying what you think about her. You're just talking about how she looks. So if you have issues with fat chicks, I wouldn't fucking get involved with one who could potentially become fat again because you're going to break her heart.

All right, if you're into her as a person, I would say proceed. All right. But if you're not, then I would leave it alone. Simple as that. Simple as that. But I'm looking back here at the shit that you said, she does seem really cool. You're in a rut. I mean, it just sounds like you want to go out and get laid and you're trying to fuck somebody in the best shape as possible, to be honest with you. If you were trying to get back out there to, you know, think I'm finally ready to settle down and find somebody, you know, you know, unless this chick's getting in shape so she can get a bunch of dick, and maybe you guys are on the same page. I don't know if you guys will have to have that conversation. All right, relationship education and blow jobs. Hey, Wilfred, I've been listening to your podcast since 2010. I'm 26. Isn't that amazing? That means you were 17 when you started.

Is that right? Did I do the math right? Yeah, that's crazy. I think the podcast emails has helped me avoid making mistakes through college when it came to relationships. Well, that's great to hear. I just wanted to say that the blow job email is a classic case of a lot of things that you've talked about. All right, so last week, somebody over the other day, somebody wrote in, was talking about how they married some woman and now that they're married, they found out that this person does not like to give blow jobs, which is really high up there on shit you should have discussed before you got married. So if all you guys not engaged, you know, you got to have that conversation. All right, talk about how many kids you want, how you want to raise them, religion, whatever you want to do, then at some point you just got to make the hard left and be like, all right, let's talk blow jobs.

What do you think? You liking it? You're not liking it? Frequency. Talk about blow jobs. All right, the biggest lesson I've learned from you could have helped him avoid this parentheses, unless his wife just totally 180, which happens is communication is everything. That's right. To get what you want, you have to know what you want, and that takes time. So don't fuck up figuring out what you want by being distracted with shit you don't. You know, this is pretty, this is pretty deep 26 year old to know all this at the year on the right. I wish I knew all this when I was 26. He said, I dated a few girls that wanted more and I could have fallen into the trap of changing in certain ways or ignoring things.

I knew I wanted in life, i.e. where I wanted to live or what pipe dream I wanted to pursue or what my type of girl is, parentheses of athletic. Yeah, there's nothing, you have to be totally selfish when you're looking for somebody when you're single. You know, ask for everything. That's what you need to do. All right, I dated one girl who never blew me. We had sex for four months and she never once went down there. Who am I to change her? I just moved on and we ended amicably. Thanks for all the advice. All right, you listen to this person. This person is becoming a Jedi in the game of life of what they want. Yeah, male or female, listen to this. There's no fucking reason to settle.

I think that's what I had a problem with this guy talking to the girl who weighed 300 pounds at one point. It just seemed like he was settling. It seemed like he wasn't in a confident place in his life. I've been in a bit of a rut and I need to get back out there. And then at that point, you're just using the other person. You know, I mean, it also, it all depends on how you come at him. I'll tell you right now, you would be surprised what honesty does for your sex life. Women are not is closed off. They enjoy sex too. But they also enjoy knowing where they stand the most.

And men have a horrible reputation of lying to them and playing fucking games and then they end up getting hurt. Not saying that women, Jesus Christ, they're like the fucking kings of manipulation. They don't, they don't do their bullshit, but I'm just saying, you know, you got to know what the other person is thinking if you're going to be able to figure them out and that's their bullshit. So you'd be surprised, you know, where is this going? And you just go nowhere. I'm not ready for a relationship. You know, so what? You just want to fool around with me? Yeah, I think you're gorgeous. I would love to fool around with you.

That's fucking, that's it. If they don't like it, then you're cool with it. And I don't know, I don't know why that works or why it did work for me. I don't know how that works and it post me to fucking error, but it used to, it used to work for me and look at how I look. I found the more honest I was in the more upfront, all that shit that I thought would make someone run in another direction. They actually found it borderline quaint. Like, oh my God, honesty. I remember this. I remember people used to be honest with me when I was younger, before everyone was just trying to fuck me or whatever. Alright, women, women's response to wife won't blow him.

Oh, this is great. We're getting both sides of the fence here. Alright, thank you for doing this. I wish more women would write in like this. So people wouldn't be at the mercy of my ignorant thought. I felt compelled to write into you about this. I don't listen to your podcasts religiously, but my boyfriend asked for my opinion on this topic. And let me tell you, I have a fucking opinion on this. Alright, buckle up everybody. She's going in. She writes, I fucking hate when women just air quote, decide that they don't like giving blowjobs and just won't do it.

What do you think the rest of, do you think the rest of like, what do you think the rest of like giving blowjobs? That's the sentence she wrote. I really wish she wrote the, she spelled checked here. How fucking selfish do you have to be to think that someone you're better than? Oh my God, I was so looking forward to this. How fucking selfish do you have to be to think that somehow, okay, you're better than let's say 80% of the heterosexual female population. Sucking dick is part of being a woman and being in a heterosexual relationship. You don't just get to quote, not like sucking dick. Put on your big girl panties and fucking do it like the rest of us.

Jesus Christ, ladies, I said that fucking bad. My God, at least it's fucking on the outside. You go down on a woman, it's like fucking working on a van. Half the engines under the front seat there. We all pay taxes. No one is above that. And if you're a woman, you suck dick. Period.

Sorry for the rent. But I knew if anyone would appreciate it, it was you. All right. Well, here's the thing. I wouldn't want someone blowing me because they felt like it was their job. I'd want them to be into it. If they're not fucking into it, then it just feels weird. So then it's just like, all right, forget it, forget it.

And then that's something that I want. You don't want to do it. So we go our separate ways. As much as I agree with your passion on the subject, I would just say that if you don't like doing that, then you need to bring it up before the guy says, I do. Yeah, I don't like doing that. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, that is not a smart way to run a relationship.

If you're going to be in a relationship with a guy and you're not going to blow him, then, you know, I mean, okay, and you're a modern woman. So obviously you're not cooking or cleaning either and you're not blowing me. And so what exactly are you going to do? I don't understand. Like, you know, and I know all of that sounded misogynistic, but like, you know, for some reason, all the female shit is like misogynistic. They don't have to do it, but I'm still supposed to fucking hold the door for you, defend your

honor, pay for everything. And all of these fucking bullshit women out there who sit there and they're infected. I'll fucking split a check. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah. They all talk a good fucking game. They all talk a fucking good game.

So, you know, I'm not saying stay at home and not live your dream or anything like that, but like, you know, I love cooking for my wife. Cooking for somebody is one of the greatest fucking things you can ever do. And we have a rule in our relationship. Okay. If she cooks, I do the dishes. If she cooks for me, I do the dishes and everything gets done. But to just fucking be like, you know, I'm not fucking cooking for you at all.

Go fuck yourself, fend for yourself. I'm not fucking blowing you. I'm not doing laundry. I'm not doing any of this shit. And it's just like, okay, so then I have to do all of that. We're not even splitting this 50-50. They're fucking Edith Wharton. Why don't you and your hairy muff take a walk there?

All right. You knew it was going to end there. Doesn't it always end on some level of fucking ignorance? All right. That's the podcast for this week. I'm very excited to get started working tomorrow. And it's an amazing cast and everything. So I am thrilled.

And I'm also thrilled that a few times, you know, I think like once a week I get like a day off. So that's the night I can take out my lady and I can go out and go do a little bit of stand up and act like a fucking idiot. And then the next day I get to wake up and act in a movie again. You know, how great, how great is my fucking life? The Boston Bruins are two games away from winning a Stanley Cup. It's a long two games away. And by no means, like I said, writing off the St. Louis Blues. That game that they're playing, they got that fucking thing down.

So we shall see. We shall see. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Who do you want to see? Paws, Prince of Ift, huh? Chocolade, eggs.

Tall as in the promo. So here I am on my list. From Alles, I take two. No man, no way, with the Eric. From us here we shall pass. Ramadan Mubarak. Enjoy passing in Ramadan with the surprising and diverse assortment of Albert Heijn. And definitely also watch the second episode on TheWerldInHetKlein.be.

That is the clicker of Albert Heijn.