Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-3-24

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Bill rambles about chipping his tooth, gambling on kids, and the French Revolution. Stamps.com:  Sign up for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale.  No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to www.Stamps.com  and click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 3rd, 2024. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, I got my glasses on. I finally got used to these prescriptions. I think I'm going to start wearing them on stage so people think I'm smart. Look at me, he's got glasses, he must read or something. I gotta shut this fucking heater off, I feel like the uh it's gonna be too loud during the podcast here. Where am I going? Where am I going? Can I shut it off here? Is this how you do it? Did I do it? No, that's not it. Then you hit it again. Then you go back to the fucking thing. You spin it around. You bring it down to, oh, there you go. Anyway, we're into June, man. You know, June, 2024. I love all these fucking doomsdayers that always were saying Jesus is coming this time. He's coming that time You know, where is he?

2024 he was supposed to be here. I don't know how many times in my life something was supposed to happen in 1984 Something was supposed to happen in the year 2000 In the year 2000 in the year 2000 never did right he was supposed to come there was supposed to be a rapture if you were on the right side of God you what like Jesus like the Christmas Jesus that I like to think, you know, is in my image, you were going to be alright. People were going to turn around, all that was going to be left was your fucking overalls

and your duck boots. And Jesus was going to take you to the promised land, right? And there you could sit. Fucking with your hunting socks on and nothing else, because for some reason your socks seemed to stay. No, all your clothes go. I don't understand why the clothes go. You know, do you go up to heaven for a big fucking old person orgy?

Is that what happens? Why are you naked? That is not my idea of heaven. Standing there naked with a bunch of other naked people going, we were good people, right? Eyes front. Anyway, it's 2024, June. The summer is almost here. I'll tell you what else is almost here,

if you can wait another fucking week or whatever it is, the NBA finals, Jesus fucking Christ. They couldn't push it up. What did the Mavs win? The Mavs won in five. Celtic swept. It's like, let's get on with it. No, it doesn't start until June 6th. This should be an interesting series.

I feel like the Mavericks should be the favorites, I don't know. They play with a lot more passion, they scream a lot. Anytime they do something they go, ahhhh! You know, where the Celtics just sort of, I don't know, they're very cerebral, they're just, I don't know what their deal is. You think they're gonna yell, they don't yell. You know, this very like, calling this series the screamers versus the daydreamers. Okay, here's the drinking game.

When you watch the NBA finals, any time someone on the Dallas Mavericks, you know hits a layup and then screams like they're in 300. You have to do a shot You know or takes a charge What is that it's so fucking stupid What I don't understand you're not even in a combat sport I could see you know If you're fucking boxer and you just knock somebody out all day long. UFC. You're playing basketball. What are we doing here? You hit a layup. You aren't getting enough attention. It's really dumb. It's really fucking dumb.

It's really dumb. It's really fucking dumb. Fucking thumping your chest and pulling your jersey to the side to expose your heart. We get it. We get it. No one has more heart than you. You want the smoke. You're about that life. We get it.

All right. I get it. I get it. You know. Anyway. I get it, I get it, you know. Um, anyway. I fucking hate hoop. I love the game. I love the game, but I cannot stand the fucking pro game.

Just watching seven footers taking one three pointer after another. And then when they actually go in the lane and there's nobody there dunking on nobody. I just, I do I have to, I hope this, well, however this series goes, I just hope it goes quick. Anyway, so we shall see, we'll see what happens. Having said that, when they're not screaming and yelling or whatever, it is two great teams, two great teams to watch, but you know, there's a lot, there's a lot of different stuff they got a woman

in the broadcast booth you know what I mean it just blows my mind it blows my mind I just don't why you know it's you know why why can't there be a woman why don't you guys watch the WNBA and get the fucking ratings up you know can a man just walk away for fucking four quarters of basketball? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Can we just, can we have, nope. Nope. Nope. Anyways, I don't know, this is probably just the ramblings of a fucking old, it is the

ramblings of an old man fighting off, slipping into a fucking depression. I love these people that are just like, you know, take a couple of days off. Give your brain time to recharge. I can't do that. Anytime I take a couple of days off, I go into a depression. You know? I don't know what it is. All the fucking awful, sad shit that I've seen, that's happened to me and all of that,

it all fucking comes back to me. I don't want to think about it. So it's the middle of the day on Sunday. It's like, I know, this is a good time to do a podcast and rather be accepting of new things in sports, both in the broadcast booth and out on the basketball court. I'll try to shake off my sadness by shitting on other people that I don't know. Yeah, that's how I do it. A lot of people, they go for the medication.

I've been doing just a lot of bullshit online, just fucking watching videos and shit like most people, you know, studying my French and whatnot. But oh, by the way, I think I chipped my fucking tooth. I was chasing my daughter, I forget what game we were calling, and I went to leap over the couch and my son had all his Tonka trucks lined up on the other side of the couch and I didn't see it. So I had to stretch my leg even further.

I landed at the same time, left ass cheek, right on my sit bone, and then my big toe on my right foot folded underneath my foot. And then I think my teeth slammed together. So I have a slight chip. I have to get that fixed. My toe turned purple, somehow I didn't break it. But uh, oh my god.

You got to look before you leap, Bill. How old are you? Tell me how old are you, Bill? Billy boy, Billy boy. Stop singing that song! That was me as a kid. They always had songs and there was always somebody named Billy in it. And they were always like doing something stupid. You know, they, what was that one? Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life. And I should have just laughed it off.

Instead, my face got all red and I was going, stop singing that. So of course, you know, there'd be a 40 person choir down at the bus stop. Anyway, plowing ahead here. So I was watching these videos. Of course, my dentist isn't around either. I mean, Jesus Christ, who the fuck takes off Friday, the weekends and Monday? Somebody smart. They must be doing a lot of dentistry. Tuesday to Thursday, right? Maybe I had that wrong.

I don't know. Whatever I called, it wasn't fucking open. Is this technically a podcast right now? Or am I just sitting here having a coffee with myself? Or am I just sitting here having a coffee with myself? Anyway, I watch a lot of videos about animals and I watch animals attacking other animals and stuff and I try to make sense of it and I try to like fucking think why the other animals don't come over there and help them out. Why one of those big bulls over in Africa starts to fuck up a lion and then freaks out and starts running. And then the predator runs after it and inevitably just takes it down. And why like, I don't know, the prey has little

brother syndrome. It always reminds me of when I would fight my older brother and I would start to win, but then I would get nervous that I was winning because I'm like, well, then if I win, he's still going to be mad and then he's going to come back and kick my ass later. So you just would sort of like give into the inevitable. So anyway, I watched those videos and then whatever dumb reason, I should just watch the videos, but I go into the comments section, you know, and somebody always has to use that term apex predator. This is an apex predator.

What is your background, sir? What is your background other than watching videos like, like I am? What do you, you, you fucking zoologist, huh? Did you study, is that what a fucking animal, I major in animals? What's your major? I'm a zoologist. I'm majoring in zoology. Oh yeah? So you're to be a prison guard for fucking hippopotamuses? That's what you're going to do? That's basically like, you know, the people that work at a prison, right?

You're going to do the same thing except just with like animals. Dude, fuck that zoology shit. Those animals after a while, they can't take it in there. You ever see that moment that lady goes in and she starts to clear the, clean the fucking elephant's cage. Elephant just fucking slams its body against her in the concrete wall. I don't understand how you just don't let them, let the animals go after that. Like an elephant, it's just like, it's clearly communicating to you. It doesn't want to be there. Right. But what's the matter?

You have student loans on your zoology degree. So you sit there and you watch your fucking coworker get their rib cage crushed and get a lifetime disability package. And then the next day you're there again, you know, with some new safety safety protocol all the while loving animals. I love animals. The animals down here, what do they call it? They don't call it in the cages. They call it in the, uh, the EN something the, not the entrapment, the enclosure.

These animals, this is, this is a brand new enclosure. They absolutely love it. Well, I'm sure they loved it because it was bigger than the last one, but when they inevitably ran it to a fucking wall. I will say, I don't know how to keep the fucking monkeys captive. I really, they can climb anything. They're smarter than a lot of people. I just don't get it.

How the fuck they don't get out. They just sort of sit there, you know, and they observe you and they watch what you do. Every day you got the key out you're locking you're unlocking it And then just thinking that I'm faster than this guy. I'm stronger than this guy You go before To your fucking friend You know basically saying next time he comes in here you fucking grab his arms I'll take the keys you rip his face off and we'll get the fuck out of here

his arms, I'll take the keys, you rip his face off and we'll get the fuck out of here. Anyway, speaking of dumb people, how about that whole Trump fiasco? Jesus Christ, what a big fucking waste of time that was. When he got convicted of all of those things, I'm like, okay, and all these liberals were going fucking crazy. I go, so what does that mean? Does that mean, does that mean now he can't run for president again? And they're like, no. So it's like, well, what are you excited about? He's just going to appeal it and he's just going to keep appealing it. And he'll turn to his own people.

They want to put me in jail. They're actually trying to put you in jail. I'll take the fall for you, right? And he could crowdfund bail. The stupidest thing I've ever fucking seen in my life. I don't know why they went back and fucked with this guy again. I have no fucking idea. And I agree with his supporters that you basically could have done this with any fucking president,

any of these fucking people. Not the people in the House and the Senate because you can't, you know, they voted that you can't fucking try them for insider trading anymore. And then I also don't get like simultaneously why liberals are so afraid that Trump is gonna get re-elected. It's like he didn't the last time. so afraid that Trump is going to get reelected. It's like he didn't the last time. Are less liberals going to come out this time? Liberals are absolutely fucking, you know, Trump is the anti-Christ to them. Why, why wouldn't just as many, if not more show up this time?

And then I don't get on the other side. Did Trump supporters stay home on the last one? on the other side, did Trump supporters stay home on the last one? Like this doesn't, this doesn't make sense. And then if you're a Trump supporter and you think that the last election was fixed, what are you so excited about? Aren't they just going to do that to your guy again this time? And lastly, is there a reason that both people running for president are combined 160 to 170 years old?

Is that a good thing for us? I don't know what everyone is so, I don't know, up in arms about. Okay, so they convicted Trump. Okay, fantastic. He has all these other lawsuits and stuff. He's going to get if he gets an office, he's going to pardon himself, which is literally a storyline. I don't even think Vince McMahon could come up with.

I find the whole thing fucking confusing. And Trump supporters, they blow my mind. You know, you watch this guy, he talked these Americans into doing what they did on January 6th. I mean, that alone, you know, turned on everyone in his administration, threw everybody under the bus. There was not a manly move in it. He loses the election, doesn't even stick around to shake hands.

He went away like some fucking toddler pouting. And like, this is the guy. I mean, out of all the fucking great Republicans out there, this is the guy you're going to go with again. My favorite thing was like, there was no war when he was president. Oh there wasn't? Last I checked was still in Iraq. What are we calling that now? Is it just an occupation? I remember at first it was they have weapons of mass destruction. They're evil doers. They were part of 9-11. Then it was like it's a liberation. And then we got Saddam and everything was done.

And now we're still there. We're still there. We're still getting into fights and all of this stuff. I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. Probably help if I paid attention a little bit more, but I don't understand what everybody's so excited about on both sides about Donald Trump. I have no fucking idea what the big they're excited.

He's going to jail. He's not going to jail. They're excited. He's going to get reelected. And it's like, and do what cause people to have another improvised insurrection? Like what exactly did the economy was better? It's like, guys, we have been beyond bankrupt since we started these never ending wars. Every year, they say we're going to shut down the government we can't, but they just agree

to raise the debt and just print more fucking money. They did that when Trump was president. They did it when he wasn't president. I don't understand what everybody think thinks got solved. Or why this is better or why that's bad. That's it. That's what I could say. I don't understand what the excitement is about. I understand depression. If you're sitting there going like I can't believe I have to choose this fucking idiot over that fucking idiot. I understand that. That I understand. But excitement about either one of these guys, the only excitement there is, I guess, would be that your guy is not the other guy. Is that, is that, is that what's happening? Um, and I'm also astounded by the amount of people in my business that are still posting

when something bad has happened to Trump and rub it in, rubbing it in like Trump's supportive faces, like that's helping the liberal side. It's like you idiot. All you're doing is just making these people matter and more focused on what they want to accomplish, which is to get this guy back in office. That's why I think that whole trial was stupid. They should have just like, leave the guy alone, let him fade into obscurity. But like CNN just cannot stop showing this guy on TV. I mean, like,

wouldn't it be amazing if you found out like there was some sort of bet MGM thing on Trump and CNN had him? Just fucking was burying him. I don't know, I have no idea, but oh God, I mean, just as Christ, this is, it's like fucking that movie cocoon or grumpy old men. It's like, when are these two fucking guys going to retire? When have they had enough? Can you move on and let younger people? I mean, I'm talking younger than me.

We need people in their forties. All right. That that are going to have to live with like climate change or global warming, whatever the fuck you're supposed to call it. The state of inflation, people like being able to afford houses and stuff. You need somebody that's going to actually live through that rather than these two fucking guys. I don't know what I mean. It'd be great if they both agreed to retire and then they came out to Hollywood and they made like a fucking buddy movie

Oh, you reboot the odd couple but up but up but alright Once grabbing pussies the others fucking I don't know what talking to a wall the others fucking I don't know what talking to a wall it's quite a situation it is quite the situation all right here's my fucking uninformed two cents I just don't think it's profitable anymore to be president I think it's it's it's if you look at the people in the house and the Senate and you look at their portfolios and see that despite making a couple hundred grand a year that their portfolios are worth 20 to 40 million dollars and nobody really knows their names, okay, except whatever state they

represent, like you might know who your senators are or whatever, right? But other than that, you know, once you're done, you can take your 20 to 40 million and just move to another state and nobody's gonna know who you are. There's another thing too that I think is so stupid about liberals out here in Hollywood is the last time you shit all over this fucking guy,

or the first time, he won a fucking election and he taxed the fucking shit out of us. He murdered the state. If this guy gets fucking back in, you know, I'm telling you, the guy's a full on narcissist. If you would just ignore him, he would get frustrated and he would leave. Um, I don't know. It's a weird, it's a weird thing. Whatever. That's, that's just, it's just, that's my fucking two cents. Um, anyway, plowing ahead here. So I'm taping my special later on this month. So I got a, of course I chipped my fucking tooth. Yeah,

that's how life is. I'm just glad I didn't bruise my taint. Thank God I came down on my fucking sit bone. Jesus Christ, can you imagine that? If I'd bent my frame, landed right on my fucking undercarriage, I mean that would have been brutal. So, anyway. I'm just hoping whoever gets elected is competent and is intelligent. And I just don't fucking understand why, again, we're going to have to choose between these two fucking idiots. But why do we keep accepting that this is the fucking best we can do. Why do liberals keep voting for Bernie Sanders and they just say, fuck you, here's Hillary, fuck you, here's Joe Biden.

And then like, they're okay with it. And then continue to demonize the Republican party like the fucking Democrats just didn't show you how filthy they are. I don't know. I just, I don't know. I don't see the difference. But I do know this. Somebody needs to bring us together. And sure as hell it ain't gonna be me. But like we have to fucking start working together. We gotta stop doing this shit. This divide and conquer thing with these fucking cunts at the top. Oh that was deep Bill. Well you know I gave it a shot you know can I at least get credit for that? All right.

Apex Predator. I hate hearing that as much as I hear somebody who never served in the military talk about the Pacific Theatre in World War two, you know, that's just like things people like to say, you know when you It's like anything I guess like any sport or whatever Like I know football fans that never played football Organized football. They love to say things like cover two, you know, was nickel defense when they were in

a nickel. They're in the cover two. Apex predator. That's the one that gets me. There's something about nature videos that makes fucking people want to just like, uh, I don't know what act like they are somehow, uh, built for it. And they know what to do.

This is a shark attack video and they go, unfortunately, the water was murky. If the person had seen the shark coming, they could have possibly pushed it away. There's no fucking way you could push it away. If it swam up to you slowly and it was sort of curious as to what you were doing, yeah, I imagine you could take it by its snout and stare at the other way like that chick on Instagram.

But you'd have to know what the fuck you were doing. You can't just do that. That was like when that fucking guy, remember that guy with the dogs? The dog whisperer guy, remember that guy? And he would just go, he would, he would do that. And then everybody who had a dog said, and they had no idea when to do it, why to do it or whatever. They would just fucking make the same noise. Didn't read up on it. They're like oh you just go chh chh and you just sort of you sort of like uh you know you know when Italians eh fungoo you know they got the fucking hand up you do it straight out you know like you're making trying to make a shadow puppet bird you know. Can't imagine the amount of I've got fucking bit by a goddamn dog doing that shit

But is the thing once the shark decides it's gonna get you and you're still in the water. That's it. You're done You're not gonna out swim it and you're not gonna steer it another fucking direction Once he gets that fucking tail We start fucking shooting through the fucking water like a goddamn torpedo You're just gonna reach out with your land dwelling limb and just sort of fucking yeah you know. You ever think how much more a shark weighs than you? You know what's amazing about that is if you got into the octagon with a great white shark, you could win. Just stay there until it fucking suffocates because it's not in the water.

There you go. You get in the water. That's it. It's fucking over. The fight is below the surface and you can't breathe or see below it. You can't. And it's fucking it outweighs you and it's way fast it's fucking you're done and some idiot on this was fortunately the water was murky had the water been not

been murky you could have possibly seen a fucking tiger shark what are those things 18 feet long he could have seen it coming and then he could have just grabbed it and steered it in the other fucking direction. Oh is that what he could have done? Is that what you've done when you've swam in that sea? All right, here we go. Let's just do the fucking reads here. That made me feel good. Made me feel good to go off on those people. And the morons that are all excited to, I don't know what, make sure somebody else

doesn't get into the White House rather than like, I don't understand why there's not some sort of collective coming together on both sides and looking at both parties and being like, guys, you can't do this to us again. All right? We need new blood. We need two people.

Oh my God. Can you imagine just two candidates that were like reasonable? Can you fucking imagine like how great that would be? It'd be like, I feel like I live in like this dysfunctional family. Like Biden and Trump are like this, this, you know, toxic gay couple. They adopted us. And it's just like, Oh God, are they fighting again? Can you imagine if, if there was just two fucking people in their 40s, reasonable, with some sort of vision, and they didn't just sit there and demonize one whole side or whatever, and they actually did something. Can you imagine if they went after the banks and they went after the corporations?

Can you imagine if they did that? Can you imagine if a group of people who are poorer than shit would not be continuing to defend these rich people that are fucking them over, acting like, you know, this is some sort of attack against capitalism? Anyway, I mean, I got a problem people making money, but you do need to be regulated. If you're not fucking regulated. I mean, look at this shit that's going on with Live Nation in my business. You listen to these bands talking about the shit that Live Nation has done.

It's just fucking, it's like, is there anybody watching anybody? You know, I had that conversation with somebody. They would go, oh, you know, your project did this or it did that. And I'm just going like, how would I know that? How would I know what the fuck it does? You get all the numbers. No, if we give you false numbers, we can get in trouble for fraud.

I'm like, by who? Oh, nobody's watching you. And the dude had no answer. Anyway, but enough about my stupid fucking business. My business is just like your business. Okay, let's get into the, let's get into the reads for this week. Stamps.com everybody, work slash life balance

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microphone on the top of the page and enter the code Burr, B-U-R-R-R-R-R-R. B-U-R-R. All right, what do we got here? Oh, we have our reads for this week. By the way, it's my lovely wife's birthday today and she's napping, so I'm out in the garage here doing my podcast, but I'm going to take a route after this. Let's see here. What do I got? So I got to get through this podcast is basically what I'm saying. Oh, hey, Billy, two shoes. Oh, I like that. Oh, Billy, two shoes. What is that? Is that a nursery rhyme? I remember Joe DeRose at one time called this guy in our business.

I remember Joda Rose at one time called this guy in our business. He was upset with him. You know, he goes, you know what he did? Oh, fatty two shoes. It's one of my favorite lines ever. Fatty two shoes. So this person says, hey, Billy, two shoes. Watching some women trash Caitlin Clark. I don't know who that is.

And cheering on the cheap shots she's taking is hilarious. Oh, is that the WNBA? WNBA? Watching some women trash Caitlin Clark and cheering on the cheap shots she's taking is hilarious. It's literally women's emotions getting in the way of them just playing a sport. Jealous players, hip checking a girl and acting proud of it is like dunking on no one and flexing. It's all cheap. Coming from a hockey fan, I think it's bullshit. Well, come on now, dude.

There's all kinds of fucking cheap hockey players or as they say you know he plays on the edge imagine getting hit on the open ice and then not having to not having a chance to retaliate well here's my quote she does have a chance to retaliate doesn't she can't she just go down and do it to them I mean basically what you're talking about is what the Pistons used to do to Michael Jordan and then he bulked up in the offseason came back started passing the ball and figured out a way to beat him It sounds to me like she's playing a sport and if they're trying to Give her cheap shots and shit. There's there's two reasons for that and they're both old-school all right one could be you're better than me and I can't stop you and

old school. All right? One could be you're better than me and I can't stop you. And secondly, the other thing is like, why are you coming into this fucking league? Everybody talking about you like you already did something. We've been here. Fuck you. Prove it to me. Those are both, that's the way it used to be. All sports used to be like that. Like, I'll tell you what's wild. You watch old fucking baseball highlights from the 70s and 80s like the way the game was played It was like a fucking contact sport people getting beaned then breaking up double plays brawls all of this shit I Watched one the other day Jim Rice They thought this guy had a spitball or something and Jim Rice got pissed at the catcher the catcher was walking out the mountain he goes to March out there and the umpire comes and he just fucking just

just sweeped him to the side like a fucking defensive lineman trying to get to a quarterback and they said oh you better be careful there you could get in trouble for that that that would have been an instant injection and like a fucking I don't know how many, and they would have been like, oh, oh, like today, oh, you cannot do that. You cannot on any level. And he basically just like, you know, just took his hand, you know, half speed and got this fat fuck out of the way. What is this?

I'm probably out of the way. And they'd be like, you can never, you know, under no circumstances whatsoever, can you ever put your hands on an official? That is a no-no. Yeah, so is gambling. And now look at it. All right.

Um, anyway, plumbing ahead here. So I actually think it's fucking cool. And it's great for the league that they're doing this type of shit because God knows them playing basketball has not been enough You know, they're making this huge push with women's sports So we'll see what's what's happening and they're selling the shit out of it You know what I mean? Like I had a buddy of mine used to do an impression of Hubie Brown selling a bad NBA game

I heard them doing that like they were talking about, I was flipping through the channels, they go, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to one of the most exciting things in sports today, the 2024 Women's US Open. And I was like, I didn't realize that. I had no idea. I mean, let's just take women out of it. We're still watching golf, right? Are they gonna start swinging clubs at each other? Like, what the fuck are we doing here? But I get it. I'm like, all right.

Women have complained saying, you know, the reason why our sports don't do as well as your sports is because you're not promoting them. So now, you know, ladies, if nobody watches your sports, you cannot fucking complain because they are promoting the shit out of them. I have seen more goddamn women's softball, which I'm not gonna lie to you, I actually fucking enjoy. I like watching the fucking lady fucking whiff the,

you know, fucking ball going in. I like that shit. And then the chattering in the field is funny. Just those high pitched voices is just funny. But other than that, it's all, but whatever. And then the chattering in the field is funny. Just those high pitched voices is just funny. But other than that, it's all... But whatever. I don't know what happened to ESPN.

I don't know how many fucking contracts they lost. But I turned on ESPN. It looks like ESPN in the early 80s. Remember that? When they had like fucking, you know, they'd have like water polo on. Just somehow trying to get from like, you know, the early morning hours to tip off or dropping the puck or fucking, you know, play ball. All right. Who knows? What the fuck do I know? And by the way, I don't think anything that I've said in this podcast has been ignorant or misogynistic.

If you look at my name, like how old I am, I'm gonna be 56 years old. This is what a 56 year old, unexamined human being sounds like. So, you know, if I was like 26 and I was talking like this, then I think that you would have a legitimate complaint. But I feel like I'm grandfathered in, like, that I could be a fucking moron like this. The same way, like, with hockey helmets, that if you played before a certain year, you know, you were grandfathered in, and then it was your choice whether or not you wanted to put a helmet on. All right. RealGambling at Dave and Busters.

Oh my God. What's going on, you ginger, big, angry, red machine? What's going on you ginger big angry red machine? This email actually covers two topics you love to bitch about. Gambling and corporate buzzwords. Not sure if you heard... Speaking of that, it's time to let Pete Rose in, right? At this point. Okay, you punish the guy for, what has it been, 35 years, all right? He's doing signings in casinos and at this point you guys are in bed, you know, you guys

are in bed with sports gambling. You're making money off of sports gambling. I know that's still way different than a player gambling. But if that Otani guy can pass the shit off onto his interpreter, I think, come on, don't wait till he fucking dies. Just get him in there. He did a lot of great things. Come on. Anyway, real game. And I also think Barry Bonds should get it. I still feel that Barry Bonds was a victim of the steroids error because he was the best player of his generation and, or at least the top two, him and Ken Griffey Jr. And then these people cheated and became better than him.

And then he said, okay, well then fuck it. This is me on steroids. And then everybody hated him. All right, you hate him or whatever. This is me on steroids and then everybody hated him um All right, you hate him or whatever the guy hit like fucking 760 home runs Um, I do hate the argument when they go like steroids doesn't make you bad speed faster, but it's like no But it makes you feel like every game is the first game of the year. You're coming out there like whoo Let's go baby. There's no dog days in summer when you're on steroids.

You wake up every day like a fucking... one of those fucking women's freshness commercials. Alright, sorry. Alright, real gambling at Dave and Buster's. Okay, this email covers... Not sure if you heard, but the chain Dave and Buster's, which is basically like Chuck E. Cheese on meth for adults,

is about to launch real wagering on their shitty games via their app. Basically, parents will be able to gamble real money on little Timmy making all his free throws and killing it at Skeeball. Yeah, we're at the end It's the end game here for corporate greed at this point they have completely run out of ways to To increase profits every quarter they've just absolutely run out of ways like somebody needs to just say okay I think you guys are making enough money Okay, can we not can we not you know guess the over-under of this three-year-old trying to throw a fucking ball into a hoop I can't be the only one who foresees a bunch of kids getting

destroyed by dad in the car dad in the car ride home for the last airball he threw now I've got to work an extra shift at the plant because you went 6 for 19 from the line, Timmy. I hope you're fucking happy. Yeah. There's nobody. There used to be something called the Better Business Bureau. I don't know if they still exist, but there's just nobody looking out for the regular guy anymore. Now here is an actual statement that I'm sure took a real think tank to draft. We are thrilled to work with Lucra to bring this exciting new gaming platform to our customers, he said in a statement. This new partnership gives our loyalty members real-time unrivaled

gaming experiences, gaming, not gambling, gaming, and reinforces our commitment to continue to elevate our customer experience through innovative, cutting-edge technology. In other words, we found a new way to vacuum money out of your fucking pocket before you leave. You man-titted cunt. That's what they're really saying. The company Lucra that they mention is a gambling company that is actually short for lucrative. You know, yeah, no hidden agendas there, hey freckles? They also say the gambling portion will only be available to people of legal gambling age, but reinforcing that will be like reinforcing that massive plants don't dump their horrible

pollutants into lakes and rivers. Spoiler alert, it ain't gonna happen. Yeah, I don't know. The future of America, we're gonna be a giant casino slash marijuana dispensary. And once we basically reach maximum profits, then all of those jobs will once again leave this country. Because that's what ends up happening. They don't want to deal with unions, and they don't want to deal with this and that, and then they just say, alright, fuck it, we're out of here. Anyway, French Revolution. Yeah, at some point I want to when they're going to actually stop saying that marijuana is not addictive. I mean, I don't like the amount of people that I know that go like, oh, dude, if I don't take a gummy, I can't go to sleep.

Yeah, I mean, at that point, that is, is that a problem? I don't know. Maybe you don't take a gummy, I can't go to sleep. Yeah, I make that point. That is is that a problem? I don't know. Maybe you don't give a shit. All right. French Revolution. But it's a way better thing to be addicted to than, say, sugar. Although some of those gummies have sugar on them, right? Bill, do you think before you talk now? French Revolution. Oh, boy, here we go.

Hey, Billy, Butternuts. Why don't I make a list of these? Somebody's got to go back and make a list of all of these fucking nicknames. I just feel like every week I feel like you came up with the last one, last funny one or whatever. Billy Butternuts, that's great. Billy Two Shoes, this meant some good ones this week. You like to talk about how the riches of the rich live off the labor of everyone else and conspire to keep all of us down. Yeah, a lot of people like to talk about that.

And you sometimes allude to the idea that we should all rise up against them or whatever. I don't think there should be a war. It'd just be like if we could all just be collectively informed and just be like, yeah, no, we're not like, say like that Dave and Buster thing. We have a town meeting, we all go like, listen, this is their latest fuck over. There's no way they would put these games in if someone was going to be winning more money than they were. All right? This is just, this is stupid. This is a loss.

It's bad enough you're going down there to eat that mediocre cuisine. At least they got the game on, but now they're trying to just stay away from that shit. That's, how could they get mad at that? Well, they could cause they're losing money. But like, once you go violent, like I don't think a violent uprising, you know,

like take like these white nationalist groups that have like uniforms and crazy weaponry and all this type of shit. It's like what you're going to be rising up against. They have like these, they got the helicopters, they got tanks, they got supersonic jets. What are you going to do? You can't like, you have to do it on an intellectual way. I don't think it can be done by force. You'd have to have somebody on the inside, it's all crazy James Bond shit. It's beyond mind. I'm just gonna shut up and just read here.

You like to talk about how the riches of the rich live off the labor of everyone else and conspire to keep all of us down. Da da da da da da. talk about how the riches of the rich live off the labor of everyone else and conspire to keep all of us down, we should rise up. Assuming you don't already know why and how the French Revolution happened, here's the gist of it. Oh, I'll tell you this. I've heard, I've been here about the French Revolution my entire life and I have no idea what it was. In the late 1700s, the King of France had gone into a crazy amount of foreign debt, supplying arms and provisions to a little ragtag band of rebels in some British colonies. Oh, is that us? Led by a guy named George Washington, whom you may have heard of. The rebellion was successful, but King Louis had no way of paying off the foreign debt he encouraged supporting the rebels.

We've just never paid the tab, have we? Louis knew that the peasants in France could not possibly provide the coin to pay off his debts. The coin? He sounded like he was from Massachusetts. He also knew that the nobility, the money died classes, would outright refuse to pay off his debts or any portions of them. So he called representatives from the peasant classes and the money-eyed classes to a conference and told them to work it out. Long story short, the rich locked the representatives from the peasants out of the meeting and began working out a plan to seize what little the peasants had in order to sell it to the king's

creditors. The nobles were fully aware as were the peasants. Oh shit! That this would would result in widespread famine and the present peasants harvests would have to be seized and sold as well as their tools and whatever meager coin they might have had blacksmiths would have their anvil seized and sold lumberjacks would have their stocks of lumber seized etc just the fucking greed of rich rich people and they could just sit back so they don't lose any money and they can sit there and watch a baby starve to death uh this would have utterly devastated the peasant class and condemned a sizable percentage of them

to starvation and destitution. All this so that the nobles could avoid a significant but one-time tax that would not have left them destitute, just slightly poorer. I did that thing again where I went back to the top of my documents. How do I do that? I have no idea. Again, long story short, the peasants took over France, cut off thousands of heads, holy shit, and established a republic, yada yada yada.

The rest of Europe attacked France all at once to air quote restore order air quote, restore order. Yeah, restore order. Yeah, because they're all in bed with each other, fucking over the same broke people in their own countries. And they gotta make sure that these people don't win. Because if they win, then they gotta worry about that shit happening in their country. And that's exactly what happened to Tom Brady. He beat him in fucking court, because they had no case. And then they were like, oh fuck, now we're gonna have to go to court with every player in the NFL every time we suspend them figure out a loophole and that's what they did all right

millions died I can shoehorn deflate gate into anything and Napoleon was defeated ultimately France's revolutionary ideas spread to the rest of Europe despite efforts to root it out and today hundreds of millions of pointless bloody deaths, okay, and today hundreds of millions of pointless bloody deaths. Later, Europe is the most progressive liberal, dare I say socialist civilization in the world. What is wrong with socialism? I don't fucking understand why that's a bad word as opposed to capitalism.

Like capitalism is working? None of them work. Capitalism, communism, socialism, none of them work because at the top you're gonna have the same psychological makeup. Fucking lunatics, sociopaths. They rise to the top and the rest of us sit here going, hey man, like I don't want to tell anybody what to do man. We're all walking around like the dude, the big Lebowski, and we all get fucked over, regardless. With the happiest people and the second or third, depending on how you measure it, largest economy. The USA, despite this,

well, let's not fucking paint it all with rose-colored glasses. I feel like Europe is always on the brink of another fucking world war. The USA, despite the staggering levels of inequality, has always been a nation of abundance. It's not until large swaths of starving or threatened with starvation that people rise up and overthrow their government. Well, what the problem is over here is we're a giant group of mixed race people, you know, a bunch of different races. And, you know, sociopaths have been able to convince ignorant white people that the problem in this country is not the rich people

with the power that make the decision. It's somehow minorities and immigrants who have no fucking power. Somehow what they're doing, you know, is what's fucking everybody over. It's not the insatiable corporate greed and every quarter they have to make more money. It's not that. You know what I mean? It really does amaze me how racist will look the opposite way of what white people have done to them. Done to our food supply, our water supply.

I would say all the money that we had before we got involved in these fucking wars and how they just took it all. They fucking, you blow it up and we'll build it and we'll take all the money and go fuck yourself and then they're like then like you know these goddamn immigrants somebody floating over from Cuba on a fucking mattress with a bedspread he's holding on to as a sail is somehow fucking fucking your life up but the you know these other guys are on the all right I start I don't get it I don't subscribe that however I have an open mind if you want to fucking write in and your life up but these other guys are on the all right. I don't get it. I don't subscribe to that.

However, I have an open mind if you want to fucking write in and try to convince me otherwise I'm all for it. Anyway, where was I? See also the Russian Revolution in 1917 which was in large part motivated by mass starvation. Well, what's fascinating now is the weaponry that a select group of, you know, back in the day, it was guns versus guns, you know, whatever, swords versus sword. Now it's like gun versus a fucking F-18 or whatever, whatever number they're up to now. As long as we remain fat and entertained here in the US, we will allow

the government to fist-fuck us. That's the way it is. The government is not doing. The government works for the fucking people. And then the the sociopaths pay off the government. That's what they do. That's why the president, when he retires, he goes around and he goes on a speech tour and gets paid five six hundred Thousand dollars a night giving speeches. What do you what is he giving speeches about? I don't fucking know you're not president anymore It's like a fucking coach giving some pregame speech and he's fucking retired. Why is he doing that? Does he give speeches to people like you and me? No, he goes to the same fucking places That got him elected and that's just them washing their bribe money. They pay him a ridiculous amount of money to come in there and talk for an hour, take pictures

with them, give him five, six hundred grand and that's his payoff for letting them put carcinogens in food. Hitting the head with a hockey puck. Dear Nia's husband. I am Nia's husband. If you are actually reading this, wow. What the fuck is up? I'm a huge fan. I was honored to finally see you live in Syracuse back in October with my FIL. We did a daddy-daughter date to see you and had a blast What is it? F? I I don't know. Anywho's I want to bring back a Would you rather like you used to do would you rather get hit in the head By a professional. Okay back in the day we would do what would you rather do?

Would you rather have this happen to that happen? Would you rather get hit in the head by a professional baseball? Or a professional baseball or a professional hockey puck at a game? I know there's no crying in baseball, but there's no pussy bitches allowed in hockey, so... Oh man. Well, fans in both sports have died. A guy on the Dodgers hit a foul ball into the stands in the 70s and a kid died and somebody had a deflected shot at a Columbus Blue Jacket game and some poor little girl lost her life so it's not the funniest topic. I'd say a hockey puck Just because it just seems what's heavier though

It just makes more sense Hockey they're always losing teeth and going around with fucking two black eyes with a broken nose like baseball is supposed to be a cleaner Sort of sport. I think I would take the baseball. I think I'd take the, Jesus Christ. But I mean, both of them are traveling like the same, almost the same speed. So I would say, can it be a wrist shot

and an off speed pitch? Do I have that? Or we must be talking fast ball and a slap shot. Anyway, the guy goes on to say I asked this because I got hit by a I got hit in the head by a puck at a professional hockey game. Holy shit. I coordinated a date night for my husband and I was some friends. We got second row seats right on the side of the goal. I asked my husband when we sat down am I gonna get hit with the puck here? Of

course he goes no way. Well seven my husband when we sat down, am I gonna get hit with the puck here? Of course he goes, no way. Well, seven minutes later, I'm looking down to text my babysitter and wham bam, thank you ma'am. I take a puck to, right to the fucking dome. Thank God I was looking down. I could have, it could have been my eye or my nose,

instantly covered in blood and shock. My stupid ass husband, who is a medical professional, parentheses pharmacist, get the fuck out of here. It's not a doctor. Faints from the blood. Oh god. Guess that's why he didn't go to medical school, she says. This woman's hilarious hilarious the stupid bitch mother of the year sitting behind me grabs my bloody ass puck from my seat and hands it to her kid my part the fucking audacity Wow Wow yeah huh isn't there there's got to be a rule if you get hit with the puck you get the puck well I'm sure that the team

gave you an autographed jersey or something. I swear to God, if I wasn't in shock and had I realized she stole it, I would have put her ass in a full Nelson. Oh, that would have been great. You were all bloody. That would look like one of those pay-per-view wrestling matches back in the day. So anyway, long story short, 20 stitches in total and my scar is practically non-existent. I think non-existent switchman. But never got my puck free tickets, free beer, and they didn't even put my bloody face on

the Jumbotron. This couldn't have been an NHL game. I'm from Western New York and did marry a hockey family. Even my MIL plays. What does that mean? You said you called your daughter an FIL. I'm thinking that like firstborn. MIL. Anyway, the person goes on to say, so getting hit with the puck is a badge of honor. Yeah, and I think hockey fans are way more used to seeing blood. So when they carry you out and you're all fucking bloody, I think it would add to their experience. So you mean as much as it's going to suck for you, I've bet it was great for the other

fans to see. Yeah, I think you'd have to go baseball. Hockey puck, I just think it's a lot harder. I can tell you, I took a half-assed fucking wrist shot off my fucking toe one time and like, like three toes turned purple. I mean, we like, I can't try to think of it. Yeah, we did have goalies with pads, but you know, one of those games, no lifting, right? Pond hockey shit. And the kid took the shot and I wasn't doing anything on the ice. So I had to do something. So I fucking block the shot in a pickup game like a fucking idiot. And uh yeah I couldn't feel my foot so I know a baseball hurts but uh I just something about a baseball yeah just you just you are saying off the fucking head though that's a tough you know what that's literally that would be a coin flip

That would literally be a coin flip. I'm gonna flip this hanger right now in whichever way that if the hanger Falls to the left. It's a puck to the rights of baseball. Here we go. Boom. It's a baseball. All right I'm gonna take a baseball take a baseball to my big dome. All right, that's the podcast everybody Take a baseball to my big dome. All right, that's the podcast everybody. Just know I don't have a dog in the fight here with this presidential election. My whole thing I want us to come together guys. Stop being mean online.

Stop saying stupid shit. Stop trying to rile each other up. All right? This is not helping this country on any level. You're doing a disservice. Stop getting excited that bad shit is happening to Trump. Stop being excited that Joe Biden has lost even more of his faculty. Try to get along with your fucking neighbor. Stop putting your stupid political opinions on the internet or on your car or on your dumb fucking sign in your fucking yard. Nobody cares. Everybody already knows who they're fucking voting

for, which is fine. You know what would be great is if CNN and Fox tried to get us all wound up again this year and they didn't succeed. You know, they just flick in the back of our ear and we take the bait every time and it'd be nice if we just stopped just to see what they would do. Like, oh, fuck now, now how do we keep the fucking plate spinning? It's goddamn circus. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.