Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-5-23

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

Bill rambles about basketball moves, Scottish history, and door knobs. Policy Genius:  Head to www.policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contract

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday! June 5th, 2023! What's going on? How? I-ya! How's it going with you? Oh, Billy's in a good mood. Oh, Billy's in a fucking good mood. You know, I saw a movie. I saw this Phil Hattman, Reston, Reston, Reston piece. Phil Hattman told us there's a clip going around where he was talking about how he did some like recorded one line for Jack Nicholson's character in this movie called The Border. I don't know. Jack was probably doing another movie. They just needed one line.

They couldn't get him and they had to release the movie. So Phil Harmon could do the impression so he just delivered the line. There's a story he told on the Dennis Miller show. Anyway, the great Andrew Thamelis sent me that clip and I was like, what's the Jack Nicholson movie called The Border? And I looked it up and it's Jack Nicholson in Harvey Kitell. Did I talk about this the last podcast? I don't remember.

All I know is I saw the movie. It's fantastic. And by the way, Harvey Kitell fucking ripped in that movie. And he's like 40 years old. Looks like a goddamn gymnast. He's sort of like the one of the first guys that was like today in shape then. You know, because back then all you had to do was just sort of like, you know, be in shape and wear a butt.

You could be like in my shape and people, like, yeah, guys, and good shape. He's hard-boiled, I'll tell and people, like, yeah, guys, and good shape. He's hard boiled, I'll tell ya. But like, he was actually like fucking shred. I'm obviously professional athletes who are in great shape, but I mean, just as far as like actors being in shape. You know what I mean? Bert Reynolds was drinking the fucking Miller Highlights.

You know what I mean? He had a little poach, you know? He had the first couple of abs, but he had a little fucking, little something or other. The Harvey Cadillac fucking was ripped in that movie and amazing performance, Jack Nixon. I really highly recommend the movie, although the ending, I don't know what happened.

It's put it this way, any movie that ends on a freeze frame is usually not a good thing. We don't have money for reshoots. We don't have to get out of this. And freeze frame, go fuck yourself, Roll credits. But definitely a great movie. And if you're a fan of Dodge, I don't know what they call the Power Wagon. What's the Dodge version of the Chevy Blaza or the Ford Bronco. Whatever that is, the Dodge version of that, that's what the Border Patrol is driving in that. These two-door, like, Ranger Green with a cream top. Why don't they do two-tone anymore?

Why aren't things the way they used to be? Somebody sent me this joke, some comedian was doing, or I don't get it, I'm a humorist, I don't know what it was, it was late. And it was people from like, my generation is talking a lot of shit. It's part of being old, I think you just talk a bunch of shit, I do it, but Jesus, some of the shit that they're saying.

You know, nobody complained back in the 80s. Nobody complained, right? And there's one of these kids today that are even out of do cursive. They can't even re cursive. It's like, yeah. They don't need to. Yeah. They don't need to. You know what I mean? You can't download shit. I can't upload shit. Like, we're the idiots.

We're literally looking at him like, ah, what are you gonna do someday when you got a shoe a horse? This generation can't even churn butter. It's like, little things, things have progressed. It's a very, I don't know, it's a very common thing. I'm trying to, I, I, I've been in it pretty bad and I'm starting to realize, you know, it's my first time being old, you know, so I don't know how to be old. And now I'm kind of realizing like, uh, you, you kind of being a cunt, you know, it's going to say as my pubes turn the color of autumn leaves, but they were already there. I've been in the autumn of my life since I was 14. Too much information,

Bill. Autumn of my years, that's what it's supposed to be. Anyway, I went on a great fucking flight the other day. I was gonna try to go all the way up to Pasa Robles. So of course, like every day is like fucking perfect to fly. Then the day I wanna fly, there's like, you know, like a 2,500 foot ceiling. And you know, when you go north out of LA, like the topography, whatever you call it,

it just, it immediately, you know, it goes up like 2,000 feet quickly. So, I mean, the clouds were kind of meeting the top of the sand gableals. So, I was like, you know what, I'll fly out to the coast. I'll go up by Santa Barbara. I'll go by Santa E. Nez, you know? I'll go by Michael Jackson's house

and I'll fucking, I'll go up that Jackson's house and I'll fucking I'll go up that way. So I was flying out there. It was kind of perfect weather for a ginger because it was cool out, man. And there was cloud cover protecting my ivory skin. My alabaster, alabastered, alabastered torso from the sun, fuckhead that he is. And it was cool out and the visibility was all right, right? So I ended up flying out there and I rained a little bit,

but I could see on the coast that it was, the sun was out there, so I was just like, all right, it's just kind of raining through here. So I flew through that shit, made the right turn, went up to Santa Barbara, and I was just gonna fly around their airspace, but when I got all the way up there, it was getting bad. It wasn't getting, it was beyond my comfort level,

and I was flying to like a place where I'd never been before. So what did I do? Did I do the machismo thing? I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna get there and blah, blah, get there,itis as they call it. I said, fuck this, I'll fly it a different day. Bang the Ui came right back down

and transitioned through Oxnard. And then whatever that fucking military airport is, point, magoo or something like that, they go, okay, I asked the transition along the coast and they had two airplanes, military airplanes in the pattern. So they told me to transition along. What is that, the Pacific coast highway? And I hadn't flown over there for miles, so I'm like, I'm not really sure where that is. I imagine it's the one highway,

and Linda guy goes, all right, transition three miles off the coast. And I'm like, I'm a fucking helicopter. I don't know if he floats or lifeless, I was like, yeah, fucking. So I just punched and direct to their airport. And I made sure I stayed. I got about to 2.8 miles and I'm just like,

and I called them, I'm like, is this far enough out? They're like, yeah, you're good. I'm like fine, then I just made a B line back in. So I was only out there for like a minute. And I was like, well, you know, I'm on the radio, you know, I'm fighting and putting in the drink. They're gonna come and get me. I know they got some fucking helicopters.

I'll tread water. And then I flew down the coast, went across Santa Monica and Hollywood and all that type of shit. I just had like a this great flight. So I realized because I have kids, as I talk about flying out over the ocean, I don't, I only have so much time to fly every month, so I'm just gonna do longer flights.

And I'm sick of the LA Basin area. I've done it a million times over the last decade. It's still fun, but I want to start going up to like wine country and that type of shit. Fly up there with my instructor, bring my wife up and stuff like that. They could be a fucking cool less thing. But anyways, it was a big like confidence building.

Anytime you fly into some shit, you know, you're done with an instructor, but this time you're doing it by yourself. Like I was kind of proud of myself. I was like, all right, I didn't freak out that it was raining a little bit, you know. I can see the sun. All right, this will clear up.

It's just raining here. And lo and behold, that's what happened. I was like, look at me. Look at me knowing things. Anyway, enough about me and my fucking dad hobby accomplishments. Let's talk game one of the Stanley Cup finals. Final, Stanley Cup final.

All right, against the relentless the unstoppable They play 60 minutes of hockey. They don't stop. I swear to God their logo should be the fucking terminator When that guy gave this piece he's just gonna keep coming Well that guy in platoon Charlie ain't stopping for nothing man. I got a bad feeling about this one man they just don't stop fucking playing. And it's an incredible lesson. I would think for any hockey coach to just do a highlight reel of the amount of fucking times.

And the fucking Vegas Knights did it. Vegas Knights go up two to one, and what do they do? Ah, they kind of stopped skating a little bit. They didn't play 20 minutes. They played like 19 minutes, 25 seconds, and that's all those fucking goddamn panthers need. They fucking scored a shorthanded goal, right? Little fluky thing, a defenseman breaks a stick.

Vegas is on the fucking power play. The guy skates away, what the fuck's he doing? I couldn't, I couldn't, didn't realize it until the replay there. The guy broke the stick. So he goes to the bench, another guy comes off the bench or they gave him a stick, one of the other. And in that time, where all of a sudden, it was, it became four on four, the panthers intercepted a pass and there's a guy

breaking out. As the defenseman is skating towards the zone, he has to slam on the brakes. They go past him. That other guy from the fucking, I don't know what team he was. I don't know anybody's name anymore. The old goal score, 37, is streaking down the ice following the play. The Vegas guy fucking doesn't skate. down the ice following the play. The Vegas guy fucking doesn't skate. Trouble a lot down the ice. The fucking guy goes wide for whatever the gold tender goes way out of the net.

The guy goes around the fucking net out to the dude who kept skating. It's in the back of the net. And then you see the Vegas night like, oh man, what the fuck? What do you mean? What the fuck? I've been watching this movie every other night since April.

When are these fucking guns gonna wake up and stop playing 54 minutes, 53 minutes of hockey? Jesus Christ, the great one Wayne Gretzky at the end of the first period, in the second period, said, you got to skate whistle to whistle. It's so obvious what the fuck they're doing. But at the time, Toronto decided to start fucking play and they already down three games to none. I don't know what the fuck happened with the hurricanes and the Bruins. We could have closed these cunts out, but we didn't. We played 50 fucking four minutes of hockey. And because of that, we've been golfing for the last fucking two months.

So anyway The Vegas nights. I don't know much about them, but they they looked pretty impressive, right? So they get up four to two And I'm sitting on the couch with my father-in-law and I just look over at him There's about seven minutes left and I go a around three and a half minutes left in this game, there's gonna be a stop at your play. And then the Panthers are gonna start punching people in the head, cross-checking them in face-washing them. And they're gonna try to get matching minors ruffing

so they can play four and four and try and steal this fucking game, right? As a stand-up comedian, I knew it was common. I was off by a minute. Four and a half minutes minute four and a half minutes Four and a half minutes left right? Left they start doing that that chicken shit style of fucking hockey the reason why I call it chicken shit It's because you realize you can't skate five on five and you also realize that the NHL has gotten rid of all the enforcers

So now you can go down there and start punching goal tenders and goal scorers in the fucking head four or five times until they lose their temper, punch you back once and then get matching fucking roughing penalties. And I swear to God, the referees finally, because the Vegas nights just sat there turning on the cheek. It was literally five on five of these guys with gloves on just punching the Vegas nights just sat there turning on the cheek. It was literally five on five of these guys with gloves on, just punching the Vegas nights in the heads, face washing them, and they're not doing anything.

And I'm gonna sit in there, you know, they finally break them up, you know, cajucks in the middle of it, great at stirring things up. And they go to the fucking box or whatever, and I'm just sitting there, go over to whatever that fucking guy is between the boxes and they're talking about the penalties and they finally called it.

They gave Vegas a four minute power play and they gave Kachak a game misconduct. I have been waiting for that fucking call since the Bruins playing the fucking goddamn St. Louis Blues. Um, and it started this era where you can be way less talented than the other team and you can just get away with all kinds of shit because the fucking league penalized like back in the day, you did some shit like that. All of a sudden, Bob Probert spun you around and knocked you ahead into the fucking bleachers. All right. John Cordec, rest his soul, Chris Nylon,

Jay Miller, these fucking guys, if you did any shit like that, any of that fucking chicken shit hockey, you punched their fucking goal scorer in the face, that was it, Dave Semenko, rest his soul, that was fucking it. They came out and they beat the fuck out of you, they could get out of the box and do it two more times before they threw them out of the game.

You before you got a game as conduct, and that was the way the players police the game. And everybody sat there going like, why is it fighting? They're police in the fucking game. So they've gotten rid of the enforcers. So now a team like the Carolina Panthers, which I totally respect. But let's be honest, that Guta's guy, he's not a Norris Trophy winner. They don't have an Aetricant on the team. All right, that is a six with a bunch of makeup on it.

And they're out there and they're just, they're playing 60 minutes, but they're also doing that shit when they get down and when it ends up happening, it's the fucking referees award him, reward him for that type of chicken shit fucking play, where, I mean, of course you're gonna punch the gold tender in the head. Of course you're gonna fucking face watch. Of course you're gonna do all of that shit.

There's nobody you have to answer to anymore. It's like there's a substitute teacher out there. So my thing is, my standing ovation to that officiating crew at the end of that game for finally getting that fucking call right. Because my thing is, if you're gonna get the enforces out of the game,

you have to police that shit with four minute power plays and game misconducts. Or what you're gonna have is mediocre teams just beating the other team down to their fucking talent level. It's just, I fucking, I've never respected that style of play. We can't beat you, so now we're just gonna fucking,

try to injure you, or whatever, whatever. I don't mind the instigating, back when there was enforcers. I had no problem with that. And a lot of those instigators were actually tough players because they knew that they had a beat down coming. tough players because they knew that they had a beat down coming. You know, like, you know, from Sean Avery back, like those guys, you know, if you were instigating, you also had to fight, you had, you know, you knew something was coming. But nowadays, I feel like you can just do it, you get a free pass.

It's sort of the NHL's answer to that little safe space thing under the hoop in the NBA, where it's just like even the defensive player has to clear out of there. We just can't have people clogging up and defending the basketball rim. You got to let these guys come in and you might have unguarded layups and dunks as just fucking insane. So anyway, plow in a head here. They got it right. And if they continue to call the game like that, it's gonna be interesting to see how the Panthers react to it. Because I really think that Vegas, keeping their composure in that moment,

kind of crack the code of the panthers with that horse shit. And the officiating crew hats off to them actually saw it. Now who knows what's going to happen, but I will tell you, they made twice, they made that mistake of not playing until, you know, the end of the period. And they gave up both goals that they gave up, that shorthanded goal and that other one. I even know it was a set play off the face off,

that second goal that they got, it's like where was the face off? It was in your fucking zone, because you guys were content to go into the fucking locker room with the 2-1 victory. I mean, 2-1 lead. Like, okay, 2-1, that's pretty good. Little poke check here.

What the fuck happened? Back at the net, 2-2. So we'll see what happens. I, this is a hard one because I kind of, as far as who I'm rooting for. Bruce Cassidy, former Bruins coach, I'm loving that. And then also the way the Panthers have just, how do you not root for a fucking eighth seed

that's gone all the way to the finals? Final, Stanley Cup final. And with that, over to the NBA finals, which game two was happening here in a couple of hours, I'm recording in the afternoon, because I got a set tonight. What was I going to say? I only watched about, I think I saw like the last quarter of the game and Denver was just handling Miami and they were up to like 21 points.

And, but they're the Miami Heat, man, they fucking quit. It's kind of amazing that they have two, both my city of Miami has two eight seats that are in the final and the finals, right? So they ended up cutting the lead and went all the way down to nine. You know, the announcer's like, ah, there's's off, but blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, all of a sudden it's down to 12, it's down to 10, down to nine.

So what I took away from that game, other than the fact that, you know, I don't know shit about hoop, especially out in the West, but that Yo-okehitch guy, I watched some highlight reels of that dude. And it's amazing. He does that Larry Bird pass, the two handed over, you know, no look over the top of your head. And then he does all these magic Johnson passes.

He kind of can do both players passes, but he looks like Larry Bird the whole time. So that's going to be fun to watch. But what I loved about the end of the game is the game ends. Miami loses. And you see Jimmy Butler walking off the court, talking to another player strategizing. So I feel like both the Stanley Cup and the NBA, their last round here, is two similar tales where you have a more talented team fighting a team that is like a goddamn Wolverine or a badger. And then just, you ever see those animal videos where like a bunch of wolves were like surrounded ager, or wolverine, and the thing fights off the whole fucking pack.

I feel like that's the mentality of both my Emmy teams. And I'm also excited. It's not the fucking warriors of the Lakers and a bunch of fucking free agents again. They kind of seem like they're not super teams or whatever, but that's, you know, it's a different time bill. It's a different time. I'm trying to be the understanding, fucking old-ass mother fucker that I am. So anyway,

Friday was my wife's birthday, and then Saturday was my son's birthday, and I just had the best time. I've been home for like 48 hours straight, haven't even left. Had a bunch of kids over for my son's birthday, swimming in the pool. You know, grilling, I made some cupcakes, had a little bit of help from a friend, you know. And actually a lot of help from a friend. And then for my wife's birthday, we went out to dinner and I bought her this beautiful dress.

I did a thing. I actually found out her sizes and went out and bought her a beautiful dress and she absolutely loved it and looked stunning in it. And so then I went out to eat with her and all her family, and I made the mistake, because I had such a good day, I crushed it so hard in the birthday that I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take an edible. You know, being an I.M. fucking, I know I usually take the first 10 days off of every month, but you know

it's my birthday month. I'll do June 11th to June 21st this month. Fuck it, right? So I take it and I kind of had forgotten that I had neat and much that day because we were going to this amazing restaurant on a neos favorite restaurants and I was like all right and she's like the food's unbelievable and I was like I'm gonna fucking throw favorite restaurants. And I was like, all right, and she's like, the food's unbelievable. And I was like, I'm gonna fucking throw down there. So I took the edible and woof. That thing hit me quickly. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. And I was social, and then I wasn't for like an hour,

and then I like to think I came back and saved it, but I was flying. Scab, rockin' tin, flight. I like the edible, so I like them way better than smoking. It just seems a lot more healthy, or, you know, something I think just smoking, it's just really obvious what you're doing to yourself. We're like, that shit, you know, the edible,

it's so funny. They have like sugar on them and you know, the edibles, it's so funny, they have like sugar on them and stuff. It's so like, it's so funny, they legalize weed and they're gonna somehow make it, you know, even more unhealthy. That's what I'm kind of worried about, like mushrooms, as if finding out, you know, or they probably already knew how healing those things could be if done correctly.

Eventually they'll become like the McDonald's birds. They'll have that pink slime in them. You know, and then who's that? Monsanto. Monsanto, they changed their name, took over the food supply and what our food supply has become. They'll do that to the you know, just heartless, heartless people. So speaking of that, I'm enjoying watching Joe Biden get blamed for the fact that the country's bankrupt. It's like the country, I don't know if you guys have realized this,

this country has been bankrupt, sits way back towards the end of George W. Bush. They started that fucking war over there or brought us in there and they had no fucking exit strategy and it costs us like a what a trillion dollars a day. Yeah, we have been just printing money with nothing behind it every August for like the last over a decade. for like the last over a decade. And, but unfortunately people are, you know, they look at politics like sports. They just keep doing other the fucking Democrats,

the lib tards. Oh, these conservative right wing religious freaks. So they're fucking arguing about small stuff. I was compared to like how the average person is when they talk about politics. What they, what they, their priority is, it's like literally like a tornado just knock down your house and you're screaming about how you need a new toaster.

It's like no, we need a new house. Why don't we get that first? Before you start dealing with appliances, we don't have any outlets to plug them into. All right. I told myself I wasn't going to get, you know, I wasn't going to lose my shit here, all right? I watched that F1 race today, the one from Spain, and I, yeah, you know, I like F1 or whatever, but it's just always the same thing.

Now, instead of watching Lewis Hamilton get out in front in the first turn, now it's the the other guy there. Watch his name, the red bull guy. Sebastian Vettel. Is that who the fuck it is? Yeah, he just gets out front and then that's it. I think that's who won the race. That's what I'm telling you guys, you got to watch Moto GP. All right. First of all, it's only like 22-23 laps. Every fucking lap matters. There's no pit stops and they're just fucking flying, passing each other. You know, and when they crash, like literally a guy goes flying off of a motorcycle.

Like, it's like watching Raiders of the Lost Ark when those people were trying to climb onto his truck. Anyway, speaking of that, can you watch, is that TT race in the Isle of Man coming up? Can you watch that live? You probably can't, because somebody dies every year. All right, I'm done running my app here. Let's do the reads for the week.

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Here's another thing that I love about the Florida Panthers. Is when they're on the power play, if you look at, you know, they go into the box, the four man box there, if you look at it, they're pressuring the puck still. And if you watch the Vegas nights and all these other guys that play, they just sort of like, don't leave your little circle area. Just kind of, you know, stay in the box, stay in the box. They fucking pressure the goddamn puck. And granted, they got fucked on it. I can't remember if they were on the power player, not somehow they had three guys behind the net.

So I thought they were on the wrong side of a power play, but generally speaking, they just constantly coming at you, I don't understand why more teams don't play that way. If they can have that level of... Imagine if you played that way and you actually had like superstars on your team. I know one and what's going to mess up my wallet. All right, that's the first round draft pick. Bill, great emails. All right, well let's see... Oh, here's a question I had. What happens when you say, okay, boomer to boomer, a syscent? Does he get what you're saying?

Does he like, okay, what? No, no, I meant like your generation. And he goes, oh, okay. I'm sorry. Let's fuck it a go. All right, here we go. Moto racing. Hey there, Billy Blue Balls.

I am not Billy Blue Balls. All right. I'm Billy satisfied if you know what I mean. Oh Jesus. Afternoon delight. Billy Blue Balls and Andrew. I'm just trying to let you know that for the next two weeks. Oh, there it is. The ILEMAN TT RACES are on. There's an app that you can watch every session live online at, uh, that HTTPS, colon, slash slash, TT plus dash, check out dot I-O-M-TT races dot com. I should just post that. And having spent, does that 20 pounds? Is it 20 quid? Is quid in pounds the same thing? Is that like dollars and bucks?

On it last year, I can honestly say it's the best money I've ever spent. And I'm Scottish. So me and my money aren't easily parted. All the best. You know what? I'm going to look that up. Why, why is this, why are the Scottish people considered cheap?

Why are... Scottish, remember my dad used to say that, my mother has some Scottish blood. And, you know, he wanted to buy something, she wouldn't, Christ up to you, it's that fucking Scottish blood. Why are Scottish people considered cheap?

Because the English took everything they had. Cheap Scots and disappearing stereoty. I'm not looking for the fucking woke shit. I want the why did scotish people acquire a reputation for frugality uh... first thing it says if you were abused by a priest is a child you have rights priest abuse victims in california still have rights and can file a lawsuit

anonymously we We believe you. Slash, we want to make money off of the most horrible thing that could ever happen to you. The Scottish reputation for frugality may have roots in the historical events such as the Highland Clarences, a period of mass eviction of tenets from their lands in the 18th and 19th century. Was that done by the English? This forced many scots to become resourceful and frugal in order to survive. Additionally, Presbyterian work ethic which emphasize hard work and thriftness, thriftiness may have contributed to the Scottish reputation for frugality. Finally, the harsh climate and rugged terrain of Scotland may also have encouraged a culture of resourcefulness and carefulness, careful use of resources. The Highland Clarences, what are the odds the English are behind this? That's always a good guess.

Kind of anywhere in the Highland Clarences. Let's see here. Come on, Wikipedia. You can do it. All right, the Highland Clarences were the eviction of the Gales. We're the forced evictions of a significant number of tenants in Scottish, Highlands and Islands, mostly in two phases, 1750 and 1860,

well from 1750 to 1860. The first phase revolted from agricultural improvement driven by the need for landlords to increase their income. Oh, it's the slumlords, my apologies to the English. Many had substantial debts with actual or potential bankruptcy being a large part of the story of the Clarences. This involved the enclosure of the open fields, managed on the run rigged system and shared grazing. These were usually replaced with large scales pastoral farms on which much higher rents or pay this is kind of what ended up happening in

America where in their all corporate farms now uh... pastoral farming reason regions as ranching livestock farming of grazing is aimed but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but I mean, why does he go shoot some of these fucking cons that come up with this shit? Or don't, why am I advocating in mass shooting? I am not, okay? I'm just fucking thinking out loud here. Whatever people, I don't edit the podcast, all right? I don't edit myself.

I just, you know, I just have a thought, and I say, Jesus Christ, this is a comedy podcast. Don't take it seriously. No one here at the Monday morning podcast advocates doing something like that Even though you're already out of your fucking mind if you went to go and do it They would still somehow try to blame a comedian, you know, or an actor or somebody like that. Wow. Yeah, blame them Don't blame people that get us in endless fucking wars with no fucking solution that bankruptcy. They'll blame those guys. Blame a tie.

What college a tie? I don't like you. What college a tie? Oh, you can do no wrong. That works both ways, by the way. You know, I love all these liberals that are up in arms about fucking Trump and how we treats women, but they could care less about a certain fucking pasty-thigh McDonald's eatin' cunt that went to a certain island allegedly, a good fucking 25, 30 times. All right, game-changing NBA players! All right, so last time, I was one of the, you know,

introduce this debate here. What I feel, you know, if you're going to get compared to a Gretzky, a Jordan, a Lawrence Taylor, I feel like you have to do, you have to change the game, you have to do the impossible. What you do on the field, people didn't think was possible and then you do it, you show it is possible and then your game then becomes the standard and then all of a sudden it takes about two or three generations. Then your play becomes standard. And that's the hard thing with younger people when they look at like Jordan highlights and shit like that, they don't understand that no one had done shit like that.

Like he came up with it. It's kind of like the Beatles. People be like, eh, they're not that groundbreaking, you know fucking 60 years later It's like well, that's because everyone has taken from them You know what I mean? So anyway, so my opinion is like Yeah, if you change the game You changed the game and then people you actually ruin the game for a minute Because people can't do what you're doing, but they want to do it too Like when Jordan dominated the game all of a sudden there was you know, we didn't need a big man to feed

down low All of a sudden everybody started playing like that and they weren't as good as him and they became awful fucking basketball for a while and right now I think the Steph Curry influence where there's kids now pulling up from like fucking half court instead of trying to work the ball around the perimeter. I can't imagine Bobby Knight trying to fucking coach now, Jesus Christ, you think he slapped people then?

Anyway, so that was, that's just my opinion on what makes somebody the greatest. So, game changing NBA players, Nee, Heo, Billy Boy, greetings from China. Nihai, okay, I go learn how to say that. I can disrespect you, you're gonna write all the way in from China. You could at least learn how to say hello. You know, I just talked for another fucking 20 minutes.

I didn't realize when I watched that woman from China's video on how to say hello in Chinese that because it was audio, it shut off my recorder on my phone. Ni Hao, Billy Boy, greeting some China. Heard your opinions on the game, changing players, and I only agree with you partially. Okay, so this was, yeah, yeah, I already explained this. Yes, this person goes to say,

Michael Jordan and Curry were the most influential players in 30 years and young guys in their era, all try to imitate their game. I think people are still doing that with Steph Curry, where I feel like Michael Jordan's moves and the stuff, the way he played the game has been absorbed into the league. The same way when you have a groundbreaking band that comes along and changes music, then everybody just is influenced, rips them off. And then when enough time goes by, young people go back and look at the originators and they go,

well, what's the big deal? Everybody plays guitar like that. Or everybody can write a song like that. What's the big deal? So that's why it's hard as an older person to, you know, talk to younger people about what certain players did because you were there when it happened. And I always equate that to like, remember my math teacher going like, you guys have no idea what it was like when a Beatles album came out, like what the fuck that experience was like,

and that was in the 80s, and they had already, the Beatles had already been ripped off for like 20 years. So anyway, here we go, let's hear what this person has to say. However, for the most people, imitating their game only means imitating their signature moves.

Everyone could do a post-up fade away like Michael Jordan or Kobe. Kobe is not in Michael Jordan's class, okay? Kobe could do Michael Jordan's moves, but I never saw Kobe do anything like, you know, it's just the gap between Michael Jordan and Dr. J was like infinite, which you never thought was going to be like, he was so fucking far ahead of everybody. Kobe came along and could play like Michael, could play as good as Michael. I'll give that, but he didn't play better. He didn't change the game.

I hate that he's passed away for obvious reasons. But like I only, whenever I criticize the game, I feel like I'm doing disrespect, but I'm just, I'm not disrespecting the man. Okay. He was fine. I know, I always say I never saw a fucking guy with two people hanging all over him, fucking, you know, behind the arc and still hit the three point of so consistently. He was a fucking beast, 100%. But I don't, he didn't change the game the way Michael did. He just didn't. All right.

And everyone can dribble twice and shoot a three like curry. Everyone can do that? Well, all right. Well, if everyone can do that, they're doing it because they saw him to... Everyone can be 10 feet behind the fucking three-point arc and consistently hit it at an NBA level. I have to be honest with you, what Steph Curry is doing has never been done and he doesn't

on a consistent level that he's showing that human beings have this capability. So what will happen? You watch with his game, young fellas. His game is going to get absorbed into the NBA and in 20 years, people are going to watch what Steph Curry did and be like, what's the big deal? I can do that. I can do that. It's like, you can do that because he showed everybody that it was possible.

Anyway, this person goes, only very few people can make a layup while two guys are trying to drag him or her down. That's not true. They've always had people like that. There's always been the fucking Charles Barkley, Larry Johnson, just fucking... I'm trying to think Moses Malone. There's always been those guys that can bang. Although those guys have kind of been phased out of the game, I feel. The guy goes, that's why we hardly see people try to play like super powerful guys, such as LeBron and Shaq. Yes, I feel like LeBron and Shaq are physical anomalies, but they didn't change the game. This guy goes on to say that doesn't mean these guys couldn't

change the game in fact the nba change rules several times because of these superbeings they changed the gold-tending rule because of will chamberlain yes i wouldn't put shack in lebron and will chamberlain's category they made like a bunch of rules to stop will chamberlain uh... they made like a bunch of rules to stop will chamberlain uh... they made dunking illegal

uh... they did everything to try because that guy was like twenty years ahead of his time you gotta be twenty years ahead of your time i feel uh... the five second back to the basket violation is known as the Charles barkley rule zone defense was brought back to tackle, shut into tackle, shack. Yeah, those are just,

they mean, okay, this is the Sean Avery rule. I mean, I'm talking about like changing the game, not like somebody's doing some shit like, all right, we gotta do this to, there's always rules like that. Like, you know, if you come out, you put Vaseline in the belly of your cap, and then they go, you can't fucking do that.

And you know, in the same category as Babe Ruth. I don't know what you come out you put Vaseline in the bill you cap you know and then they go you can't fucking do that and you know the same category is Babe Ruth. I don't know what you're saying there. I do highly agree with you on LeBron though. He did not change how people play. He was dominating. He's still dominating. But not to the point that the league has to change rules. He didn't change the sport, how you play, but he did change the league after they take my talents to South Beach. Too many super teams were made by trading instead of good old fashioned drafting. That was definitely a watershed moment, but I think the Kobe Shack Phil Jackson, I mean, this three free agents right there, Charlotte Hornet Orlando Magic and then, you know, the coach or the Bulls, which is

of another thing. They go, you know, Michael Jordan had Phil Jackson. It's like, Michael, Phil Jackson was former Nick Phil Jackson, assistant coach Phil Jackson. He became the legend of Phil Jackson happened in Chicago. It's not like they got him and we're like, all right, this guy has a proven coach that wins a championship. Anyway, PS, I have a few, I have a Chinese joke about America for you. Oh, I love this shit. Let's hear it. What's smack are you talking about us? A few days ago, China manned space exploration office announced that they planned to go to

the moon by 2030 and it soon became a hot topic on the internet. Some people in China don't believe the 1969 Neil Armstrong moon landing is true. So people are discussing how we can find out the truth when we get up there. Oh my god, that's amazing. Put the debate to bed. Some say we can bring back lunar soil in compare hours to what NASA gave us decades ago. Dude, I can tell you right now, if we fake that lunar landing, there is no fucking way you're getting a ziplock bag of our Mojave Desert fucking sand.

We're not sending it to you. Anyway, some suggest that we can go find that flag, Neil Armstrong left on the moon to prove whether or not we got there. All right, here's the joke. Well, there's a very quick and simple way to tell if the moon landing by America is true. When you land on the moon and you find no natives on the moon, then you know the Americans were there before. That's a fucking great joke. They're talking about the genocide of the Native Americans. There you go.

Great fucking joke. That's what I love about travel. You know, when you meet people from other countries, another, other part of the world, and you realize that they break balls the same way you do. That's fantastic. And then these pieces of shit with the different colored ties, try to tell you that everybody in that country is evil. They're not.

Like whoever wrote that joke, fucking fantastic joke. And you know, that's kind of person you want to go have a beer with. You know, but you watch CNN and Fox and all the evil doers and all of this. Oh, shut up, Bill. It's true though. Anyway, the person says, that's it. Love your standups. Love your podcasts.

Keep up the good work. Come visit China sometime and go fuck yourself. Hit an eyelash on my phone there. Yeah, I'd love to come back there. I went to Hong Kong one time. I still think about the food that I had there. Still, still the greatest, from Singapore to China, the fucking dumplings that I had there.

I couldn't believe they didn't float up to the fucking ceiling. They were so light. Oh my God, they were fucking amazing. Anyway, keeping your son in his room. Oh boy, I'm gonna get some parental advice here. God knows that always happens. You open your fucking app, here we go. Hi Bill, if you put a child's safety door knob

cover on the inside of your son's room, he cannot open his door and get into your room. I did that with three kids. My wife thought it was kind of fucked up to do. That's my initial feeling that it's kind of fucked up. This guy goes on to say, I told her that if we had a house fire, we'd know the kids were in their room and we wouldn't have to search for them. But what if the fire is in their

room and they can't get out? The guy says, parentheses, I built a career out of pitching worst case scenarios to get my way. The guy goes on to say, I can't guarantee that he won't hoot and holler about wanting to get out. Eventually, he'll figure out how to defeat you, but maybe you'll get some uninterrupted sleep for a stretch of time. I hated getting up in the middle of the night and I bet you do too. I really enjoy all of your stuff, all the best to you and yours from the Boston area. No, you know, I don't know. Look, I love to sleep through the night.

He's barely doing it now, but I just kind of like, I just walk him back. Like, come on buddy, what are we doing? So, and then when he comes in early in the morning, like 5'30 or 6'o'clock, I open my eyes and the sun's out. At that point, I just walk him back into his room and then there's an adult bed in there. I just, you know, sleep in that.

So he got in the bed this morning and like, he listens to that cocoa melanchol and they got this song that they sing. They go, you know, do you like broccoli? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Do you like pizza? Yes, I do, yes, I do. Do you like pizza? Yes, I do, yes, I do.

Then it goes, do you like broccoli pizza? Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, I don't. Yaki. And the kids like saying no, I don't. And saying yaki and shit. And they also like, you know, they teach you them that certain things don't go together, whatever, right?

So I was joking around with him and I was singing his name, you know. Do you like, yes I do, yes I do. And then I would combine it with something else. Do you like someone so, you know, popcorn? No, I don't, yucky, right? So five thirty in the morning, I'm in there, I put it a bed, I get the big bed,

and then he comes walking over. He gets in the bed with me, I'm like, I just don't have the energy to get back up again. And he's like rubbing my head, slapping it, fucking squeezing my ear, kicking me, doing all of this shit. And then he just starts singing,

he goes, do you like Dada? Yes, I do. Yes, I do. And then he skipped the next verse. He just goes, do you like Dada? Grinola? No, I don't. Yucky. And I just start cracking up. So I would miss out on those moments as tired as I am. I'd miss out on those moments and I don't want to do that. And I don't mind being tired as a parent. It's part of being a parent.

And my son is the greatest smile. And he's such a happy, happy kid, which I'm really proud of. I really feel like, you know, I guess a benchmark of your parental skills, at least when they're young, before they get into the teenage angst and then you really can't,

you just try to navigate them through that, but I mean, you really can't control their moods. But like, under 10, I feel like if they're happy and that type of stuff, you're doing a great job. Like we went out this morning, because it's sort of like their birthday weekend, and I went out and I got some pastries or whatever, and I brought both my kids everywhere.

I just really believe in that, you know, bringing them along, you know, and then you can really subtly like expose them to music and that type of stuff. Like, I've been on this fucking 1960s Miles Davis kick. And first they were like, what is this? Now they just sort of listen to it. And what I love is they're so young and just absorbing things

like a sponge. I really think Tony Williams drumming and Miles Davis and John Coltrane and all that. To have that in them along with my ACDC and all of my wife's amazing music is just like a great thing to expose them to. You know what else was cool was we have these dance parties like once a week. I started doing this right because I didn't want like my daughter and my son to have like anxiety. Like I did about any type of social situations because I just you know did not experience a lot of them and then all of a sudden by time I got to him I was like you know just hopelessly behind and it caused me to get even more introverted.

And it's just, you know, not a fun place to be, right? So last week we were doing like the electric slide, teaching them how to do the electric slide. Then there's the cha-cha slide, what's the electric slide with the cha-cha-cha step or whatever. And they, you know, my kids will have a blast and all that. And it just so happens, my wife ends up going to a party

with one of her friends, brings my daughter and they do the cha-cha-cha-slide and my daughter got up and did it. And I was so fucking happy. I was like, yeah, that's what you do. Something you struggled with, you make sure your kids, you know, you try to fix that. I know that they're gonna have their problems or whatever.

But I think that's a big thing. So in answer to your question, I'm not gonna take the door knob off so the kid can't get out. But I appreciate it. And I will tell you, my wife suggested something along those lines because she's not built like me, where I'm German Irish, so I can just deny anything that that I'm feeling I can just compartmentalize it until it fucking

It it Comes out a misdirected anger later on in the day or fucking 20 years later But my wife is really in tune with her body and it's just like I need eight hours sleep so It's messing with her more so than me. Not to say that I'm a better parent because there's other shit that messes with me, does not mess with her. All right, here we go.

All right, for all intents, I don't know how to say, okay, this is expressions. If you knew to the podcast, there's a bunch of expressions that people don't say correctly or they combine them with other ones. And, uh, fuck, I heard one this week and I forgot to write it down. Oh,

something about coming to blows. I forget. I think I actually heard a sportscaster say, all right, for all intense, Hey, Bill, I just realized that my saying for all intensive purposes. You know what I said? I said for all intents and purposes, for all intents and purposes, that's how I said it. It's all for all intents and purposes. Wait, oh, you say for all intents and purposes, makes me a dumbass as the phrase is ash.

Oh, it is right. I am get for all intents and purposes. For all intensive purposes. Well, maybe people are not seated. They didn't say it so fast because you're kind of made sense to the point I thought it yours was right. My learning this last week really stings as I've been a full-time writer for over 30 years. You got to forgive yourself, man.

That's not the first or the last. At least you corrected it. How did I not know I was saying and writing this phrase wrong? Why did no one ever tell me? For all intents and purposes, you are a dumbass for saying that incorrectly. I am an idiot. Oh, what go- I'm sorry, I've read that wrong.

Why did no one ever tell me for all intents and purposes, you are a dumbass for saying that incorrectly? I am an idiot. Oh, well, you live, you learn. Keep doing what you do as it makes my life more enjoyable. Best regards. All right. Good luck with your writing. All right. What do we got left here? What do we have? What do we have left here? We got one more, everybody. Help with expressions. Hey, Billy, beat it. Beatitz, Burr. 46 year old Mexican with the question.

Number one, oh no. Look at me, huh? A little tip of the fucking hat there. Uh, what does hindsight's 2020 mean? All right, question free. All right. Hindsight's 2020. That means when you look back and all the events have played out, you can see clearly what the right choice was. Number two, dose, Cattorze, as Bono would say. Oh no, Cattorze. And what the hell do you Americans mean when you say, well, catch 22. Catch 22 means damned if you do, damned if you don't, there's no right choice. You're obviously not married

if you don't know what that means. And an explanation from the mind of Burke could definitely make my day. Okay, so I explained the first one. Catch 22 means you fucked either way. Do I go left or do I go right? All right, on the left is a most poisonous snake in the world. On the right is a fucking,

that lethal injection that they give you. Well, I guess, well, no matter what you're gonna die, that's a bad example. Well, you know something, I don't know what, where catch 22 came from. Catch 22 Origin Come on

Origin Origin The 1960s title of novel but fun at that Where did the expression catch 22 come from? Where did the expression catch 22 come from? Comes from Joseph Highler's 1961 classic novel, Catch 22, a satirical depiction of the American military bureaucracy in World War II. So he sort of coined the phrase, like why did he call the book Catch 22? Alright, let's go a little deeper here. A Catch 22 is a paradoxical situation from which an individual can on escape because of contradictory rules or limitations. The term was coined by Joseph Heller who used it in his 1961 novel Catch

22. And here's an example. Are you concerned for your own safety in flying these missions? No. Then you continue flying the mission. If you say yes, this is rational so you cannot be exempted on the grounds of insanity. So you still have to fly the mission. Oh, yes. So if you say yes or no, the outcome is still going to be the same. Catch 22 is often a result from rules and regulations, origin and meaning. Here we go. All right.

Catch 22, which describes absurd, bureaucratic constraints. Yeah, but why did he call it catch 22? All right, I'm not going to be able to not going to answer that fucking question. Yeah, so it basically someone is asking you to do something crazy. If you say no, you're like, well, that's the proper response. So obviously you're saying enough to do this so then they make you fucking do it. No, I already forgot what happens if you say yes. Are you concerned about your own safety? Well, if you say no, then well, because you got the balls to do this. So no matter what, you can have to fly the mission.

I guess that's what is. I think I did better on the first one. But anyway, you should know better. You should know better than to ask me to clear things up. All right, that is it. I'm going to watch game two of the NBA Finals. And I'm going to continue watching the Stanley Cup Final. And I'm going to start watching baseball, get caught up on my Red Sox to see where there's at.

Last I checked we were two games over 500 and in last place because the devil rays are burning it up and the Baltimore Orioles are in second place which is really exciting to me because they always had such great pitching staffs when I was growing up. And I'll be honest with you, I'm sick of Red Sox Yankees every fucking year. How about that? Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll be honest with you, I'm sick of red socks, Yankees every fucking year. How about that? Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you on Thursday.