Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 6-6-13

Episode Date: June 7, 2013

Bill rambles about the Bruins game, religion, and announces the Billy Red State Tour

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and as promised, I told you I was going to give you an extra 15 minutes, and I know there's a bunch of you whining on Twitter. Oh my God, you said you're going to put it up Wednesday, and now it's Thursday. That isn't what you said. Why don't you fucking grow up, all right? As Coolhand Luke once said, will you people stop feeding off me while I'm eating these fucking eggs? He said something like that. No, I'm just kidding. Look, I had a busy fucking day. You know what he wanted from me? I had such a crazy week. I was actually at an acting gig yesterday, and I thought, you know, I looked and I was like, this is three, four pages, you know, this shit's going to be over in a couple of hours. And it

ended up, I ended up being there like 12 hours from like eight to eight, and was basically it. And and daddy drinks at night. So that's why you didn't get your podcast. Jesus. I had a fucking brutal day. I just had one of these days where nothing worked out and I didn't flip out until the end of the day. I'm really working on my temper. I first thing I did was I had to do something this morning. Looping. It's called looping. It's basically when you shoot something, and then you somebody made a noise or you set down some books, or somebody scratched their fucking balls and that sound of fingers and pubes. Basically, they want to get your line clean. So you have to go over to this recording place. And then they show you the line that you

said, and then they count it down. And then you fucking jump in, you got to say the line, you just said, so I had to do that this morning at 9am. Right. So I punch in the fucking directions, right? I move the Prius, and I get out my fucking truck, take that up to top of the driveway, and I'm off, right? And I put in the GPS shit. And I actually GPS to whatever the fuck you call, I did it on the iPhone. What I did was I put in the address of the person who sent me the email telling me where I was supposed to go. So my dumb ass drove to my agent's office. And I'm like, wow, this is like really close to my agent's office. And I was like, wait, this is my agent's office. And I was a half hour fucking late. And that's how it started. I didn't lose my shit.

You know, I just, you know, I just I somehow got through it. And I finally snapped when I got home. After a bunch of shit went wrong. I went to get fucking light bulbs at home depot, and I put the what the size that I needed, I took it out and I put it in my pocket because those new squiggly ones, you know, the old school ones that were just an old light bulb, it said 75 watts or whatever. I can't figure out where the fuck they are. Long story short, I get out of the car, I turn around, I bang into my truck and I smash the light bulb in my pocket. Still have not snapped. Still haven't snapped. I can't even remember half the shit because I don't even care. But the time I got home, I go to get my fucking car, the Prius to go pick up Nia.

And I get there and the fucking battery's dead because I left it on like a boombox or some shit. And but it turned on just enough for me to put the key in. And when it's still on, it wouldn't shut off and I couldn't get my key out. So that's when I fucking snapped. And I believe I slapped the dashboard like maybe anywhere between five and 36 times. I can't remember. And then I fucking just tried to yank my keys out and I broke the plastic thing on it. So there you go. That was my day. That was my day. Was that even remotely interesting? Jesus, I don't give a fuck. What do you want from me? I had a brutal day. So I snapped one time. But anyways, and I know what you think, well, you worked all day yesterday at 12 hour day.

About time you did your lazy artist. Did you get a chance to watch the Bruins game? I came, I was on, you know, down where we were working and I kept checking. I try not to be that asshole who in between takes his fucking looking at his Twitter and stuff. I try not to be that guy. But, you know, come on, it's a playoff game. This is a huge game. And I'm not here to talk any shit, everybody. I got to tell you, I am just as stunned as Penguin fans. You know, I said at the beginning of this series, I said, my brain said Penguins and six, my heart says Bruins and seven. I am fucking dumbfounded with how great we're playing and how, how we're doing it against what I thought was the best team in the NHL, certainly the team with the most talent.

And, um, you know, I don't know. So I actually just watched the, I came home and it was in the middle of the second overtime and I ran into the bathroom real quick. When I came out, uh, Berge had scored and I was fucking psyched, but I wasn't psyched the way I would have been if I had been watching it from the beginning. I was more relieved because, um, you know, Campbell went down and I remember that time we went up three games to none and Craigie went down and then that other cunt came back for the flyers and all of a sudden the whole momentum switched. So look, I lived through the dark years of being a Boston sports fan. So it's, it ain't over till it's over. We're up three games to none. Anything can fucking happen.

I'm hoping we close them out because I don't want to give these guys any bit of life because, uh, you know, there's a lot of guys on that team that have their name on the Stanley Cup. So I'm, I don't know what to tell you. I'm fucking thrilled. And for all you people out there who will give me shit, you know, about whatever I said about your boy there on your team. Listen, that shit Marshawn did where he stuck out his knee on Chris Coon is he shouldn't have got two minutes for slashing him back. He should have been allowed to smash a stick over his fucking head. Anytime anybody sticks the knee out like that's a piece of shit. Fucking move. See that penguin fans. Now, why don't you try doing that with your boy there?

All right. At least our guy's only five feet tall. We've got a little Tasmanian double and I like that. What's his face? Brendan Morrow, whatever the fuck his name is getting in Marshawn's face. I like that. I like seeing that. That doesn't make me mad or make me hate the other team. I like seeing people with fucking hot. And penguins came to play in that that third game. They just fucking couldn't score a goal. What about Johnny Boychuk in the fucking second overtime? He had two saves that that first one he had on Crosby was going in the fucking net. I don't know. You guys heard how I talked about the Bruins all year. I didn't have any faith of them. I'm like, they can't score more than two

goals. I'm actually blown away. They just flipped the switch. But I'll tell you who's scaring the shit out of me the most is the LA Kings because nobody's talking about them. They just won the fucking cup. They're kind of being disrespected. And they're a big ass fucking team. And that game is 18 minutes old at this point when I'm doing it. And I'm calling it right fucking now. Kings are winning the game and they went in the series. And my heart won't let let me say that they're going to win the cup. They're going to play the Bruins hopefully in the Stanley Cup finals. And we will have our work cut out for ourselves. All right, so there you go. There's my hockey talk for the week. Now let's get to talking about religion. Oh, Jesus. I got an email.

Actually, it wasn't sent to me. It was sent to somebody else. I know. And then they were just like, Hey, you might want to check this out. So I thought it was going to be one of those emails where they were like, you know, Hey, Bill, how are you? Just want to tell you, I saw you on Slapy's fucking Yang Yang show. And I really thought you were funny, but it wasn't like that at all. This is guy is a Catholic and he has a fucking bone to pick with me. All right, so strap yourselves in for this one starts off. It says this message is for Bill crybaby fucking burr. And I hope to Christ he gets it because I'm too worked up to search for a way to get this to him directly. Once again, not mad at this guy. I'm loving his passion.

He's right. He's right in my grill right now. He's on the bench and I'm standing there after I fucking gave him a knee to knee. Actually, I went knee to knee on all the fucking bearded baby there evidently. So there he goes. He continues. Let me tell you something, burr. I'm trying to give this a good read. I'm pointing as I do this. You slimy fuck. You don't just dislike the Catholics. You fucking hate them. I don't know what happened to you in your life to make you hate the Catholics. Maybe you were molested. Well, yeah, maybe if I was raped by a priest, don't you think that that would be a logical fucking reason? Would that still make me a crybaby? All right, here we go. We're just getting going. Maybe you were molested. Maybe you had to attend too many midnight masses

on Christmas Eve. Nah, that's copping out. Pussies did that. You get up on Christmas day. You do your paper routes. Then you go, you take a shower and then you go to the mass. Then you have a big breakfast and then you open your gifts. That's how it was done in my house. All you guys getting it out of the way. Hey, Jesus, quick high five. Just want to say what's up before I go to bed. All right, bang my fucking wife and jizz on some presents. Thanks for everything you've done for me. Anyways, he says, or maybe your mommy and daddy forced you to go to church against your will. Well, yeah, of course they did. As did yours. What were you doing when you were five? You know, I'm really enjoying climbing this tree, but what I really, really would love to do is to

put on some uncomfortable clothes and listen to some adults go for a fucking hour. They didn't force me to do it. It's not like I had any rights. You know, they were my parents. They could do whatever they wanted to. As did yours, sir. So anyways, he goes, and you're still resentful of it like a rebelling little teenage bitch. I don't fucking know, but I'm tired of hearing about it. We get it. Hey, hey, speak for yourself, sir. Don't use we say you're sick of it. Say I'm sick of it. Be a big boy now. He says the fact is, the fact is that you can't talk about whatever the fuck the fact is you can talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about. That's your right.

Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much for backing up the constitution. He says, but there's a lot of us where I come from who are tired of your I'm a poor recovering Catholic whiny crybaby fucking story. You whiny little bitch. I got it, sir. I got it. You're calling me whiny. How can you whine? Is it really considered whining? Well, you're like, I'm done with an organization that sided with the pedophiles. You know, I quit your whining. He said, I happen to like your comedy a lot. Very nice. Draw me back in and salt me for nine paragraphs. Then pull me back in. Go for the ego. Very smart move. I like this guy.

He said, but I'm sick and tired of you attacking my faith. Well, too, that's why you there's other podcasts. There's all kinds of wonderful pot. I bet you can find one. I don't know. Jesus is awesome podcast. Why don't you go listen to Striper? They have like a like 19 albums about that. You know, you can put on some fucking yellow and black striped pajamas. You know, change your last name to sweet tease up your fucking hair. You can have a great time. Why are you acting like I'm the only fucking podcast out there and you're being subjected to this? You're not. There's a whole big, beautiful, free world for

you out there, sir. Download what you want. So anyways, he continues. He goes, the thing that kills me, the thing that kills me, I like this. He's bringing it down. He's crossing his legs. Now he's going. Colombo won me. The thing that kills me is that you try to be so open-minded and fair about a lot of things and I respect that. But how about being fair with the Catholics? Sir, I'm not yelling at Catholics. I'm yelling at the Catholic church. That's what I'm at it. Those people who's murdered, tortured and raped people, those ones who always seem to be on the wrong side and the world war two. Right. Jewish people are trying to fucking follow where the hell all this shit went and

where does part of it lead to? Huh? Who went some of that shit falling out of their pockets? The Catholic church, right? They were playing both sides of the shit on one side, right? The high five and FDR and fucking, uh, Walt Fraser there. What the fuck's his name? We shall never surrender. Winston Churchill, right? And on the other side, they're going, here we go. Wait off. Here we go. This scumbag, sir, I'm not attacking you. You're taking this as an attack. I'm not. All right. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that you enjoy that music? I mean, how many times can you fucking go there? You can go as many times one. I'm not giving you shit, sir. You're really taking this personally. So anyway, no, no doubt what happened was fucking

wrong. Uh, and you aren't the only one who's sicked by it. Okay, we agree. We agree on something. He goes, trust me. He goes, I have plenty to tell you about being a Catholic growing up, but you don't see me fucking whining about it. I don't know why you think I'm whining. I think I'm telling jokes and people are laughing and I don't think you like the jokes. And now you're trying to say it's that I'm whining. I'm not here going. I'm not doing that. I'm just going. Oh, I'm scat singing, which I claimed that I hate. So you can call me a hypocrite. So he goes, he goes, I wasn't molested, but I had some friends who were well, oh my God, right there. I swear to God. If I didn't give a shit about my house, I would

have taken this microphone in this mixer and just throw it through my fucking window. Well, let me ask you this, sir. Okay, you had friends that were molested, yet you still go to the church. Okay, now if you walked into a pet store, let's pick a chain. All right, if you walked into Wendy's, okay, and two of your buddies got molested in there, would you go back to Wendy's? Would you really sit there and be like, look, it's not the burgers. It's the, it's the fucking guy in the fries. Burgers are fine. Now what if the people making the burgers were covering for the guy in the fries and they put them over there on the filet of fish and put a couple more of them over there on the apple pies? Huh? I just jumped

fucking fast food chains, whatever. I'm not familiar with the Wendy's menu. I find that more made, I find your fucking anger at me, at me, who never touched your friends, never fucking, I don't know, had an inquisition. I don't got any Nazi money. You know, I don't tell you that you're born into sin. The second you're born. I mean, that just that fucking thing. And if you don't get, if you don't get dunked in this water that we dashed the fucking shit in that this baby, you're going to burn in hell forever. Because some chick ate an apple and fucking when asked to mouth like a week, whatever the fuck the story is, right? Whatever you want to be mad at me, be mad at me, sir. And I'm sure

you can kick the shit out of me, but I think you have misdirected anger. You know, let me ask you this. Were you upset when they took away all those wins at Penn State? Were you upset by that? Actually, I was. I thought that was bullshit because the players didn't do it. That's a bad example. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I look at I what were you upset when they took down what's his face, the statue there? Huh? What's the matter? Oh, look who's here. Look who just decided to wander in here. I got a, I got a mic here for you. The lovely Nia, everybody. Who's that? This guy is just going off on me, Nia. What guy? Are you there? Can't wait, wait, wait. How your levels are my mic up.

You'll turn me up to the baseline now. How come that isn't working? I don't know. Are you sure? I can see me when I'm talking. Wait, but I'm way louder. God, Jesus. You're always louder. There we go. Now talk. Hello. Hello. There you go. I'm here in an echo. I don't know why, but I like it. Um, so this guy's going off for me because I've been, because you took an idea like cold lotion and ran with it and then acknowledge the collaborative effort that went into the cold lotion. What was the collaborative effort? I put it on your back. Yes. And you went, you freaked out and said, Oh, it's cold. And you're like, is there anything worse than if someone puts cold lotion on you? And I laughed. And so that sounds like a 70s term.

And I said, that's some cold lotion. And you're like, yeah, I said that. No, I said that's some cold lotion. Oh my God. You said it sounded like some sort of 70s, like a black guy, jibe, whatever saying. And then I said it. And I said, that's some cold lotion. Oh my God. No, I said that's some cold lotion. And you really have the nerve to make these people think that you came up with it. I swear to God. How dare you? Listen, but you, but you were the one. Why is there an echo when you're talking? Why don't we hear an echo? I don't know. You're the one that said it is a 70s type of thing, which it really does sound like. And then that's what, then I said it. I go, man, that's some cold lotion. That's what I said. Now you laugh. I said that's some cold lotion. Well,

that's a big difference that you just said I did say. Now you said, I feel like I said it. Look, if you want to split this fifth, I don't want to make this ugly here. You know, I'll give you full credit. All right, but I'll tell you right now. I don't need full credit. You're taking credit for cold lotion is cold lotion. No, the way you left me out of it was some cold lotion. You called lotion me on cold lotion. This is what it is. This is what it is. I have you on my podcast as a guest and you come on like you're going to be all cool and then you start attacking me. That's cold lotion. All right. You called me first. No, whatever, whatever. Sick. Let me, let me continue with this hashtag cold lotion. All right, let's make cold, cold lotion happen.

No, no, no, no, no, they, they decide. Don't fucking beg for it, needy. I'm not begging. You sounded a little desperate there. Oh, shut up. All right. What's this guy talking about? He's trashing me. He's trashing me because I, I, I come, I, he says I, I trash Catholics. I whine about it. He says I keep whining about it. Okay. And he said wine like 50 times and I think I'm in the fourth paragraph. So, uh, so he actually, he said that he agreed with me. Obviously, the molestation was bad. He goes, I was never molested. Uh, when I was a kid, but I had some friends who were, he goes together. We went through a lot, but I knew then at 12 years old, this isn't what the real church is about. I'm a hundred percent in agreement with that.

But I think you need to go beyond, Hey, the real church isn't about fucking my friends against their will. I also don't think it's about like you're born into sin and all that. I'm allowed to have that opinion, but I'm not coming at you. Anyways, so he goes, the truth still remains, even if a bunch of fucking deadbeat human beings and pedophiles jumped in there and fucked it all up. You know what, you know what that's called? It's called evil. And why wouldn't evil go after the church? The basis of the church is still there. And instead of attacking it, maybe you should at least find your way through the layers of shit, which I admit have existed in the past and take it and take a closer look, douchebag. Well, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. So my question to this guy is, okay, but you're making it sound like there's little pockets of evil. I want you to explain to me the Inquisition. I want you explain to me them having the spoils of Nazi pilfering in their pockets. I want you to tell me why they made this decision to hide these pedophiles. And I mean, the organization from top to bottom is dirtier than fucking professional cycling. All right. So you're making it seem like this, this like, Hey, there's always going to be a couple of bad apples in the barrel. It's like the whole pyramid is fucked up. The whole way that they got everybody on board, I believe is fucked up. All right. You shouldn't have to murder

and torture people to believe and to get them to believe in your version of the shit. And I don't know how as an adult, you can look at your religion and then see other adults with a completely different religion and then just feel without a doubt that yours is right. 100% right. I'm looking at this letter though, just on your computer. And it's like, there's a very, not even vaguely, there's like a seriously threatening tone to it, not in a serious way. But he goes, if you ever, and I mean ever in capital letters, want to talk more about this, why would like, it sounds like he's really upset. And I promise I can be civil about it. You fucking call me and we'll discuss it. He's like me. He's like me. He's all worked up.

I don't think it sounds to me like you need some answers and I'm the fucking guy to give him to you. He doesn't sound like you. You are screwed up on some shit when it comes to the Catholic. Don't be fucking pussy. I guess a pussy talk to somebody or don't. I don't give a shit for exclamation point. I said, I don't a shit. I know you're right. I don't a shit. He was so worked up over this. He forgot to put in a couple words. You obviously give a shit. You wrote. No, but listen to this. I have a football game this weekend and I'm going to pretend the guy across from me is you. So this guy's a down lineman. So I'll give him a pass on not having give because he plays those big fat sausage fingers. Oh man, we can make a million bucks doing that. Why do we make

a big fat sausage finger for people with big fat sausage finger keyboards? Oh, that's a good sausage finger. And all you have to do is just have some little guy, nerdy guy typing away, having a good time, right? And then you have the other guy wanting to look at porn on the internet, but he can't because he has sausage finger. Exactly. Isn't it like that restaurant? Where do we hear about that on TV? Is it in Vegas or something where if you're over 250 pounds, you eat for free and people are like to borrow from you. I'm reprehensible. People are really upset about it because they feel like they're like rewarding obesity because they have something called like, you know, they have like one of those burgers that has four patties and eight slices of

cheese and a pound of bacon. If somebody literally wants to eat themselves to death, if you're over, if you're over, if you're two fifth, you're over, you could eat in this restaurant for free. I don't get that. So how do you, they're going to eat more and you're going to lose money. It's just that I think it's just a stupid gimmick. But wait a minute. But you fucking flip my switch this time. People over 250 have a lot of smaller friends that'll come with them. Maybe. No, but they're the only ones. Maybe they have to drive them over in the van. You know, those people they have like that, they just got to roll them into like one of those old Ford Astros and you drive while we're here and might as well eat. Yeah.

Maybe they're so fat, they have to have people bring the food out to them and then those people, yeah, you give me a number seven. No, I think he told the dude's whole thing was like he recognizes that there are a lot of big people in this world and I don't know. I think he was trying to spit it into some like positive thing. Oh, well, here's one. I went over to the Home Depot today and all I needed is some light bulbs and I needed this hacksaw to cut up something metal. You know, it's stupid curtain rod that we have sticking up against our fence like we're fucking Sanford and son. I want to cut that thing up. You have a song. So no, but that's for wood. Oh, okay. So I use it once a year for the Christmas tree. And you like doing it too.

I like exposing it properly. People really do just throw their Christmas trees out on the curb. Like it's so sad. It's bad enough the holidays over. Then you just throw it out there like this mugging victim just laying there. It always looks like a dead body. I always feel like, you know, it's so depressing. Yeah, like I was here like fucking the trunk slant as far as I can remember. I always wanted to be a gangster. I tweeted something because I was driving behind somebody who put their their Christmas tree in the trunk, but it was sticking out, you know, all the leaves branches, whatever, making SOS. And I said they got this Christmas tree in here looking like Billy bats. Very nice. Yeah, see, nobody said you didn't have a good references there, Nina.

Hashtag coglution. So, um, yes, the hell is it? Oh, so I go on to home. I go on to Home Depot. Here's their new scam. At least the Home Depot around the corner. All right. And I'm just talking about Home Depot, sir. I'm not trashing the cat. And I really hope I'm not whining. I go in there. So I'm just getting a couple of products. I don't want to their giant. I don't want to their giant whatever you call those things that you're pushing around with the four wheels shopping car shopping carts. Yeah. So I go to you have one of those little little baskets I could skip around the store with throw some pedals around and they're like, and they're like, no, we don't have, we don't have them. But we do have these. And there was

these Home Depot buckets. Like the kind of stuff you'd have a bunch of shit in, you know, like, like a bucket, like a bucket. Yeah. So I'm like, well, I don't want that thing. And they go, yeah, we understand that. So I start walking around the store, filling up the bucket. I'm trolling on, you know, getting a saw and all this stuff. So they gave you the basket. So they know they have a whole stack of them. They don't, they don't have baskets. They just have buckets buckets now and have Home Depot on the bucket. I assume it's a Home Depot bucket, Mia. I don't know how else to explain it. Okay, I got it. So I'm filling up the stuff and then I get up to the register and the guy starts running it up and it just seemed a little high. And I, you know,

after he's done ringing, he goes, you know, 48 20 B and I went, Hey, you know, I don't want the bucket. They are charging. And he goes, and he goes, Oh, okay, okay. And I was just like, yeah, take it off. And he goes, all right, to get it taken off, you got to go stand in this line over here. Oh, but he, but I was just like, I started laughing. I was like, ah, those bastards. And he got all like, like weird, like, Oh, no, sir, I'm gonna do it. I'm not saying you. I'm not saying, yeah, I go, you know, the game up to I couldn't get him to crack. He was, he was fucking like the home Dean Po Man, cheering candidate. He's like, sorry, sir, but blah, blah, blah. So that's their new shit. So now they take the fucking bucket back. Now I got all this shit out of my carry.

So they don't have the little plastic bags, those brown plastic bags that say Home Depot on them. They don't give them to you anymore. No, they don't have a bucket or nothing. It's a, they don't have the little basket trial laws. They don't have the trial laws anymore. So you either have to use a shopping cart or a bucket. Yeah. So then they took the bucket away. They said, well, okay, we'll take the bucket away. And I go, now what did they go? You got to carry the stuff out. And I was like, you know what? I will. That's some cold lotion. No, we're killing it now. No, um, Ikea does that. Ikea, if you want a bag, you get an Ikea bag and I don't know how much it's like 35 cents, but something, you know, just cheap enough so it doesn't like break you, but just annoying enough

to say, why should I have to pay for a bag? No, because they're brilliant because what because all those plastic bags are going out into the ocean and they're choking out the porpoises, right? So all the, all the hippies were like, Hey, man, like you guys got to stop with the plastic bags, man. So they're like, fine. So now there's like a charge if you want to get a plastic bag, but they're a corporation. They're going to try to make money. They're trying to hide behind some environmental, that's bullshit, because there's plenty of places where you can still get a plastic bag. What they do, I write it. You can get it at the Walgreens and get the damn grocery store. So they don't, they don't care about the porpoises. I know they don't. They care about making money,

but I like even when the hippies try to get them, they still figure out a way hippies like we really are still in the 60s and 70s. There's no more hippies. Why can't you let me have my fun? Oh, but you're just, you're just as much of a hippie as anybody else. You're running around unplugging things. I wish I had hair like a hippie. I look like a principal. You're very concerned about the environment. Are you a hippie? I'm not good. I try not to, I try not to be you are so annoying about that. You are a hippie. You're just as bad as the people you're talking about. You're costly. I'm not fucking unplugging. I'm not showering with mint tea or whatever the fuck it is they do. What do they do? Don't they all smell like spices? Spices? Spices?

No, I'm not a hippie. Just because you give a shit. Well, these people give a shit too. So why are they hippies? I was just trying to be funny. Okay. Is that all right? All right. We were only supposed to do 15 minutes. So this is an extra 15 for all the people on the internet. Where is it, man? So, oh, hey, you know what? I got a big announcement to make. Um, preggers. No. Whoever says I have a big announcement, they always has to be unpregnant. Where is it here? Please tweet that, that Bill Burr is pregnant. Do a mock up of Bill Burr pregnant. That's the first trimester. And I have to look as excited as a first time mom. Um, so wait, wait, wait, here we go. I have a tour. You know, this is a thing. Yeah, people always

come up to me after my shows and they'll say, Hey, we drove four hours to the show. Don't you tear it? Don't you turn my fucking I'm trying to look at it. Well, I want to read it. Okay. Okay. So they'll come up to me at the end of my shows and be like, we drove four hours, you know, six hours, eight hours. I've had people like we flew in here from, you know, blah, blah, blah, and I was like, you know, that means something, right? So I was like, I called up my agent and I go, well, why don't I go out to some of these more obscure places? Um, you know, where these people are at. So I came up with this tour. Or my agent did, it's going to be basically all the middle of the country. It's the, uh, it's the Billy Red state tour.

Billy Red state going to have T shirts and fucking everything. I start off on July 26th at the Morris Morrison center in Boise, Idaho. All right. Then July 27th, my first time ever in this state and obviously performing there at the Emerson theater in Bozeman, Montana. Yeah. All right. Then I go to, uh, July 28th. I'm at the Deadwood mountain grand event center in Deadwood, South Dakota. Wow. That's cool. July. I'm getting another bus, needy. I'm going to gain 10, 10 pounds of whiskey, baby. July 29th, the Boulder theater in Boulder, Colorado, July 30th pikes peak center in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Then I'm at the Orpheum theater, July 31st in Wichita, Kansas. Then August 1st, I'm doing the Tom Brady theater. It's just a Brady theater. I hope

that's not, uh, like Brady bill Brady. Then that's really disrespectful. My fault. Brady theater in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Then I got a private event in the second on the third, um, at the Abraham Chavez theater in El Paso, Texas. The official Billy Red state tour. There you go. A, a, a cavalcade of dates in the middle of nowhere from July 26th to August 3rd. Uh, tickets are already on sale for, uh, or should be on sale for Boise, Bozeman, Deadwood, Boulder, Colorado Springs, and Tulsa, Oklahoma. At least I have links. I'm going to get those up on the pot, uh, up on the website as soon as I can. And, uh, I never watched the show, but was that, is Deadwood, I never watched it. Is it actual? Did it take place there? I have no idea. That's just

a badass name. That's just a bad ass name though. Come on, Nene. Some good looking cowboy. Try to talk game to you. Came up, right? You weren't with me, right? You're already liking this. Comes walking in. Yeah, I've already forgotten about you. As soon as you brought this fantasy up, you're not in it. Automatically. You're not in it. So yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. Where you from? Where you from cowboy? From Deadwood, South Dakota. That's a bad accent. That wasn't sexy at all, was it? No. Who you thinking of? You thinking of, uh, fucking Michael Moore there and, uh, Michael Moore? I'm not thinking of, I'm not thinking of Michael Moore. Let's just make Brad Pitt. What? I think Michael Moore. Did he play somebody named Michael? Um, all right. That's the podcast

for this week. I want to go watch the, uh, the Kings and Blackhawks. And like I said, I feel like the Kings not only going to win game two, I think they're going to win the series. If they play that game, that's a big ass fucking team. Ah, Jesus. Paul Versey, who's going to be on the Billy Red State Tour? Billy Red State Tour as is, uh, Jason Lawhead. Jason Lawhead. All the bands getting back together. Hey, Versey, let me call you right back. I'm finishing a podcast. Uh, all right, that's it. All right. And, uh, please. Hey, by the way, NHL hockey, finally getting its due on the cover of sports illustrated. It says something like the best game or the best, whatever. And it just has like on the covers back east, it's going to be the

Bruins. I think against the Rangers because I think, uh, you know, they got to go to press. I think, I don't think it's against, might be against the penguins. And then they have the, uh, maybe they just have the, the conference finals, but they're talking about how the NHL playoffs are the greatest. Like, you know, I love at this, this part, like this deep into the playoffs, the, any player they interview has like stitches on their face or a fat lip. What about that guy we saw that guy in the Blackhawks hit that guy in the Kings? He literally looked like, like he stuck his face in a woodchipper. How, like, how excited you are during hockey season. I fucking love it. It's all coming together now. You are, you're always so happy during hockey season. You're

like a little schoolboy on Christmas day. Every day you're like, oh boy, oh boy, I watched the game texting me in the middle of the day. Nini, can you take this such and such game for me? I love it. Yeah. I'm actually bummed that it's all, I love that it's getting the respect, but I like that it's underground. It's like a band that you love and you can get, you can fucking sit close and watch them before all the fucking screaming horrors show up and then it's, you know, you're up in the upper deck going, you know, man, I watched him in the fucking. I follow this guy on, on Twitter that has like puts up all these classic pictures and the guy helps me with the podcast. Andrew sent me this, this unbelievable photo of, I believe it's a Rangers Montreal

Canadians game and you can see the crowd and this unbelievable color and you should, first of all, you should see the crowd. It's mostly guys. Yeah. And everybody is just dressed to the nines. Oh, for a hockey game? Dude, suits, overcoats, the whole thing. And you just think now the fat fucks with their faces painted, kids giving the finger and you know, these whores running around with their t-shirts tied off shooting t-shirts of people catching them. They can't even fit in the fucking things. And you just wonder like, what happened? You know, but I've never worn a suit and tie to a game. So I'm part of the problem. You know, do you know what would happen if you actually wore a suit and tie to a game? Like people would look at you like, what are you, one of the

owners? Yeah, which is not a bad thing, especially if you were sitting in one of like the fancier seats. Yeah, but now like, you know, back in the day, I feel like people could hold their alcohol. I just feel like now you're just going to show up and somebody's going to dump one of those fucking 72 ounce big gulp molsons all over a nice overcoat. I don't know, whatever. I'll try to give you guys, I'll try to post that somewhere. Maybe next week, if you guys remind me, send me an email and I'll tell you who that guy is that I follow on Twitter. I see Joe Rosa gave me great advice. He took the Twitter app off his phone. Oh yeah, you told me. I did that. I took the Twitter app off and I took the Facebook app off because yeah, because I was becoming one of these fucking

zombies like every five seconds, my phone would make and I would just be checking, checking, checking, checking, just what am I doing? Facebook is the fucking worst because you know, I love about Twitter, it's smaller. So if people really want to go on and on, they cut some off. Yeah, like one of those quick answering machines, right, right. Facebook people can just go on and on. Yeah. How funny is it me saying that going on and on? But like, just some of this shit that somebody wrote some stuff like, you know, I trusted somebody, you know, and I guess that was wrong because you know, I just, I guess I care too. It was whole fucking long thing. I don't know why I read it. I'm just like, why would you, why would you put that out there? Because you're trying to

connect with people. You're trying to share your feelings and get some empathy. You also did that Kobe. Kobe, when he heard his Achilles, when his Achilles snapped, he went out and he was just going, what do I do? Do I rehab it? Do I just say the hell with it? That's a great Kobe impression. Kobe with no Achilles tendons, paralyzed from the fucking neck down, could still kick my ass. All right, there's 40 minutes. All right. There you go. Just like that. And another part. Oh, the best fucking thing that raccoon came in the back and Cleo barked at it and then ran back to the door to look for you to look for me. She sure did. Let's go get that motherfucker. Yep. And I was sitting right out there too. And she saw it. She growl a little bit and she started barking and

she did. She ran back to the door and she was looking around like, where are you? Yeah. Let's get this motherfucker. See what a cat and what a cat ever do. Actually, you know what a cat would do? A cat would just immediately take care of the problem and you'd have no idea. And then it would just be sitting there with the dead body and you just be like, glad that thing's on my side. But they can be a little nervous. Yeah, Cleo really had this look on her face. Like, where is he? There's nothing like a big dump dog. Where's daddy? Let's go. All right, cool. All right. That's the that's the bonus tracks for this week. Thank you for being patient as always and and that is it. I'll talk to you guys later. All right, go Bruins.