Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-10-17

Episode Date: July 10, 2017

Bill rambles about Dr Phil, Hitler's House and his new drum kit.

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Proximus. Think possible. For Monday, July 9th, 2017, what's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, Billy's voice is coming back. It's coming back. You know, I've been drinking my old throat coat tea there, right?

Been having some fucking halls, mental elliptus. Um, you know, just, you know, trying not to yell at people in traffic. Trying to meditate. Trying to learn about patience. Oh, that guy cut me off. Oh, if I get upset, that's my fault. According to the fucking meditation guy on Headspace, he tries to chuckle through, blame in me for other people's cuntiness.

That's a challenge. That's a challenge to try to remain focused. You know, what kind of a fucking guy, you know, is just sitting there trying to get into a zone is telling you that things are your fault. I know he chuckles along. I know he's probably right. Why, why, why should I have expectations when I'm on the highways of LA that somebody isn't going to pass me doing 90 on the right

while somebody in the left lane is doing 35 and I'm in the middle like, you know, and I'm in the middle. I'm the victim. I'm the guy driving perfectly. I never pass people on the right bullshit every once in a while. I do. I tried to be cognizant. I don't even know what I have so much shit to talk about.

I mean, I always talk, but I mean, I actually have shit to talk about. By the way, shout out to that fucking lunatic who listened to my whole fucking give the oilman the sun and he took it seriously like he's trying to debunk my theory. You know, he's like, oh, well, you know, give the side. Well, did you ever think about these already like fucking 3.4 billion cars out there? We do both that. At least that's the way I read it. That's the way you sounded in my head.

And I just wrote it back was like, dude, how many F bombs did I drop during the pre the presentation of that theory? Why are you acting like you went to a TED talk? Was I like the one person you felt smarter than on the Internet? It's like, oh, here's my opportunity to be like, oh, maybe if you fucking. That's the classic Internet, the way you dive into a debate. Oh, maybe try this next time. Everybody coming at you like they have like these like just a bunch of awards

up on the wall behind them. You know, as opposed to you, you know, whatever you what do you got to do? What hacky fucking posters do you have on your wall? Huh? What's a hacky poster for the millennials? When I was growing up, you had to have the Farrah Fawcett poster. I know a Fonzie poster or some shit like that. It was, you know, it was the 70s when I was still into posters.

I don't want to talk about you know, I'm doing as I'm talking to you guys on trying to get fucking comfortable in this goddamn couch. We bought one of these fucking pullout couches in case we have guests. What, once every three years someone's going to stop by here for Thanksgiving? Because his fucking wife had enough with them. So instead I got to be on this thing that's not a couch and not a bed. Oh, it looks fluffy. Oh, it looks comfortable, but the looks are deceiving.

So anyways, I, I've been back in the writer's room. I'm back in the writer's room for Emphis for Family. We're knocking out episode one. We got our first table read on Thursday. And then I'm actually going to have to do a couple of table reads over the phone because I got some acting work in New York City. And spoiler alert, they're rebooting Sex in the City, except this time they're doing it with guys. And guess who gets to play Samantha?

I don't know, what's the, Cynthia Nixon, whoever the redhead is. All right, I'm going to wear a short little wig. All right, and I'm going to be the smart girl of the fellas. That's what's going to happen. It's kind of like that John Travolta movie Hogs, whatever the fuck it was called where they rode around on motorcycles. You know, I hate that those movies are hits. It just reminds me of the sadness that most people live in,

that they can relate to that movie like, oh, wouldn't it be awesome if we could still go out and do fun stuff? I don't know why you can't. I don't know why my voice still cracks at 49 years of age. I don't know why you can't. Why can't you continue to do fun shit? Two reasons. One, you're exaggerating your importance as a parent.

You know what I mean? That's the most important role you live. I know, I know it's important. But the fact that you think you got to fucking be there 24-7, staring at your kid and you can't just sneak down the street, you know, for fucking 90 minutes during the day, like what the fuck is going to happen to your kid in those nights? How fragile a mindset is your family in that God forbid you go down the street for 90 minutes, you know, figure 20-minute drive, 20-minute back, you got a shower after whatever the fuck you do, right?

You go to your rock climbing at one of those rock climbing gyms, you know, you take your talc out, your little talc fanny pack, whatever the fuck it is you do, you know, and in your head you're going up Mount Everest because that's all you got. That's all you got. You can't go all the way over there and fucking walk by dead people in sleeping bags while you got a family, a family bag each. You can't do that, right? You can't fucking do that.

You can't go down the fucking rock wall, okay? People either over exaggerate the importance of being a goddamn parent or they fucking, they're afraid of their wife. Just say, look, I need to go do this. I'll be back in 90 minutes and then just go do it. What is she going to do? Tackle you on the way to your car? The word she can do is just be moved.

Well, the word she can do is divorce you and take all your shit. You know, who's kidding who? Whatever. You know what I mean? You got to, every once in a while, why don't we steal away? Like fucking, every two, three days you can't just go down the street and just fucking do something. I'm saying this because I have a tremendous amount of guilt

because I came home from work, right? You know, I make sure I don't work as much as I did last year before I became a parent because I became the most important person in the world for me. So I come home like a couple hours earlier than I did last year, right? So I can take my daughter for a walk around the block. We're going to walk around, right? That's what I do. Okay, so the other day I'm driving to work.

No one's driving to work. I drop my car off to get serviced, right? I got the old truck. I'm driving. Now I can either go right to fucking work or it'd be like 10, 15 minutes early or I can swing by my house and hang with my daughter who just woke up. So obviously no fucking brainer. I do that.

I hang out with her for 10 minutes. I have a great fucking time. And then I leave and I drive to work feeling like a great dad, feeling great that I did that. I got my priorities straight, right? I'm going to raise a great citizen for this wonderful land that everybody else is jealous of. That's why they don't like us around the world.

It has nothing to do with our foreign policy. I'm so sick of that excuse. Okay, just admit it. You like our blue jeans? You like that we feed cows to other cows, right? You like that. You know you like it. You're over there in Europe.

You're in Asia. Wherever you are, you're all fucking jammed up. Everybody have fucking driving cars on cow paths. Well, there's like 90,000 skyscrapers like over in fucking Asia. Jesus Christ. Hong Kong is the most astounding fucking. I didn't realize there was that much concrete in the fucking world. They had clusters of Manhattan skyline just pocked all around that place.

It was just never fucking ending. I would love to meet the Donald Trump of Hong Kong. Talking about how he has the greatest skyscraper ever. But anyway, so I come home and I'm like, all right, this is great. I saw him 10 minutes this morning. I'm coming home. I'm going to get the hang. Go for this walk around the block and I walk into my house.

All right. And I notice it's hard to open the door. I can't open it all away and I look around the corner and what do I see? I see like five giant fucking boxes. And then I see an even bigger box across the room and they all say Gretch drums on them. My drum kit arrived. I couldn't fuck it. I was so convinced that I was like Murphy's law.

The second I go to New York for two fucking weeks that fucking drum kits going to come. There's going to be some nose pick and jackass delivering it. And he's just going to fucking leave it on the front porch and some asshole is going to take it. But for once, you know, life worked out. Right. I showed up. It's there it is. There it is.

I think I've ever been so fucking excited in my adult life ever. So the drum kit came and it spent literally as far as when I saw it. I don't even think it spent 12 hours in my house. Boom. Right over to the rehearsal space and unpacked it. Each box you unpacked, there's a box within it, right? You open that box up and then there's the drum and then there's this little card, this little card, right? Like a birthday card from Gretch drums and it says that great Gretch sound.

And it's written in that writing that millennials can't read, whatever the fuck you call it. We used to call it writing versus printing. Cursive is what they call it. Maybe that's why millennials don't like it, you know, because, you know, I don't want to curth. I don't want to offend anybody. I'm going to print. Or maybe they were on computers all day, Bill, and they just don't see it anymore. All right, fair enough.

Fair enough. Whatever. Maybe just an old guy, Bill, and you're just trashing younger people because they're younger than you and they're still in the primate. They're like, hey, you know, maybe you have a point. Maybe? Okay. Whatever. So I load up my truck.

I drive over to the place, about 20 minutes down, fucking straight. And I start taking these things out of the box. And they're absolutely fucking gorgeous. There's a couple of pieces of hardware that I need to get, but I am going, I'm going to tweet a fucking picture of that thing. Probably Monday. Tomorrow I'm going to go over and pick up the last couple of pieces of hardware that I need. They are fucking gorgeous. And I don't give a shit what you are.

I don't give a fuck what you think of the color. I love them. I love them. So I am, I am just over the fucking moon. I can't fucking believe. Can't believe. Best thing I ever did is I got rid of that old fucking Ludwig and went out and bought the kit that I wanted. I can't fucking wait to go over there, but now I have this crushing fucking guilt, you know, being a daggle.

You should be with your daughter right now. It's like, I can't, and I'm fucking yelling at myself as I'm driving over there. I can't fucking go down there for fucking 90 minutes. Not even 90. I play for an hour, 20 back, 20 over. It's an hour and 40 fucking minutes. Oh shit, that's more. That's 100 minutes.

Oh Jesus. All right, so I'm the worst fucking dad ever. What do you want from me? Keeps me in a good mood. Anyways, they came and I'm going over there today. My drum teacher, he's going to fucking tune him up. I got him sounding halfway decent, but I'm just a comedian. This guy's a pro.

So these things are going to sound like fuck. I don't know what they're going to sound like, but I can't fucking wait. I'm so goddamn excited. And I got, oh Jesus, my stomach's growling here. I got to fucking, I got my symbols. I got the whole fucking thing. You know how nice, this is how nice the setup is. I'm afraid to show it to my wife.

That's how nice it is. You know that shit, you know, when you do something like that, and then your wife just looks at it and she's just kind of quiet, doesn't say anything. And it's just, this is all they do. They just go, huh. And you're like, oh fuck. How much did that, how much that noise right there?

How much is that going to cost me? You know, all I did was buy a set of drums. You know, there's their fucking shit. What's she going to go get? Well, I thought this would be fair. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. So anyways, I want to thank the Gretch Drum Company for fucking making the greatest goddamn drums I've ever, the most beautiful fucking drums I've ever seen in my life.

And packing them up so there wasn't, there wasn't even, even a piece of dust on them. Absolutely gorgeous. And I'm going to go over there today and I'm going to play because I'm doing the goddamn comedy jam. The fucking two or three year anniversary. I've lost track at this point. I think it's the two year anniversary. When did it start? 14 or 15?

Maybe 14. No, it started in 15. The two year anniversary. And I'm going to be singing one song even though I can't sing. And then I'm going to be sitting in on drums for the encore. And no, I am not bringing my kid over. I'm not bringing it over because I don't have any cases. Plus, I would be fucking losing my mind that something bad was going to happen to him.

So that's it. All right. So there you go. That's what I have to look forward to. Anyways, so I don't know where to fucking start here. See if I can keep my happiness in my drum kit as I talk about this next thing. I saw two of the most fucked up things as far as just that have you no shame, you know, and I'm a piece of shit.

So for me to think that, you know, I was watching some fucking clip trashing Dr. Phil. And I never saw this. I didn't realize this. I guess like a year ago or two years ago, you know, that actress Shelley Duvall who crushed it in the shining, but she's in her sixties now. And I guess she's having, I don't know what she's having. She's having some sort of mental issue. I don't know what it is.

Okay. But she's old and she needs medical help. That scumbag Dr. Phil, who I called it the second I saw that guy, I called it. I was like, that guy looks like a fucking crooked cop. The second I saw him, I was like, that guy looks like he'd plant a fucking gun on you. You know, he fucking shoot you over some routine fucking traffic stop. And he pulled out, he'd do that to a white person. That's how fucking nuts this guy is.

Right. He's a standard, you know, bad cop going after minorities. This guy would do it. This guy is a serial killer. Look, doesn't he? Anyways, that piece of shit fucking interviewed Shelley Duvall and talk to her as if he was trying to help her. And she was saying all of this stuff about how Robin Williams was still alive and fucking,

you know, the earth is flat and just all kinds of stuff like that where it's clearly like, Oh my God. All right, shut off the cameras. Shut off the cameras. Come on. Let's not do this to her. And he's sitting there talking to her a lot. So like he's going to try to help her.

So like you think that a Robin Williams is still alive. Okay. I think you need like he was acting the entire fucking time. Like he was trying to help her rather than completely exploiting. This famous actress who's now in like, you know, this mental condition. It's just, it was, I don't, I don't, how do you still sit down and watch that guy's fucking show? Fuck that guy and everything he's fucking connected to.

Jesus, you don't have enough fucking money. You can't, you don't drag enough fucking penniless people onto your fucking show. You don't have enough honey boo boo people coming on your fucking show. You got to do that. Jesus fucking Christ. But, you know, I've been meditating and I guess I'm not supposed to get upset about this. I should, you know, I should expect it. I should expect that behavior out of him.

So you're saying that you're hearing these voices in your head or saying, I don't, I'm making up all of this shit. I couldn't, I couldn't get, I don't think I got 20 seconds, 30 seconds into it. The second she said the Robin Williams saying, and then they cut to him. So you're saying once he did that, I had to just shut it off, shut it off, shut it off. Dr. Phil, have you no shame? I swear to God, that fucking guy, I'm trying to think what he wouldn't interview. You know, what wouldn't, like, first of all, I love that people watch those shows as if

they're like watching somebody trying to help somebody. They're not, you can't fix somebody in a half hour episode. On that time when he had that girl on that little girl on there, the, you know, catch me outside, have my dad, that one that went fucking viral. And then he has her back on again. And he's like, people thought I was exploiting her. So we took out the studio audience. Yeah, but you still broadcasted it.

I don't know. But you know something, I'm a hypocritical cut. All right, because I still watched the catch me outside. How about that? I just kept seeing it on Twitter and I was like, I have to see what that is. And I'm not going to lie to you. I did watch it and I did enjoy it. So maybe I got to knock back my criticism.

Criticism. Why don't you just exploit people that still have their whole life ahead of them? Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know. Did I become the asshole by the end of that? I don't know where the fuck that whole thing went. So anyways, I was watching the F1 race in Austria, which by the way, there's something fucking crazy going on in Austria right now.

Jewish people relax. It's not that. Well, it's kind of is. It's kind of related to that. Then you know, you know, in fucking in England, like all their shit is old. Because they, you know, that's the origins of white people. Unless you listen to a Naz album and somehow we all came from Egypt. Which they're not really black either.

Are they? They're like Arab. You know what I mean? But he's like, yeah, they're African. It's like, all right, well, I'm German and Irish. Do I also claim to be Italian because I'm European, like African. That's Africa is a continent. I've never been able to.

So you're saying that we all came from Egypt. Right now there's no fucking way I did. If you ever saw my fucking legs. I mean, I don't know how fucking long ago my ancestors left Africa. And then we did what we sat in a fucking snow jacuzzi for fucking 2000 years. I don't know, but I do actually, I do believe that we all came. We had to all come from the same fucking. Whatever.

Lake. Do you know what you realize what you're listening to right now? You're listening to a comedian trying to figure out like just because he watched like 10 minutes of Neil deGrasse Tyson, whatever the fucking name is, as he's falling asleep. And I, if I can quote deGrasse Tyson, whatever the fuck his first name is. I believe he thinks we came from trees. And I don't mean like we were living in trees, like we were apes.

He's like, no trees, like, I don't know. I, that was one of those things where I was just like falling asleep. Cause like this fucking guy's crazy. I fell asleep. I never saw the other, other part of it. But you know what the deal is. You'd go over his house and he'd convince you of it. You go over and he'd have on a turtleneck with a sport coat over it,

like smoking a pipe and they'd be a fire in the fireplace. Right. He'd come in and he'd have all these fucking artifacts, you know, you and your wife show up as these other couples there. And you just thinking like this guy's either going to fucking tell me the secrets of the world or I'm going to slowly lose consciousness and end up in one of those silence of the lamp pits trying to steal his dog. Anyways, the fuck am I talking about?

I, uh, oh yeah. So I'm, I'm why, oh, what, oh, what happened in Austria? So what's happened in Austria? It might've already been solved. I just remember seeing it a little while ago cause a couple of weeks ago I was trying to see where the F1 circuit was taking him next. And I guess in Austria, Hitler's house still exists. Like where he was born, but it's more like an apartment building.

So I guess all these neo Nazis go there and they do like the neo Nazi, like YOLO selfie, you know, instead of doing the peace sign, I bet this, but you can't do like a full Seeg Heil, you know, in a selfie. That's a hard, your arms aren't long enough to hold it out. So they probably do it to the side, you know, whether it's just from the elbow to the tip and then they do the duck face. Right. I guess they've been doing that.

I don't know what the fuck they're doing. They're doing some shit like that in front of it. And for some reason people feel that if you take that place down, that, you know, those guys aren't going to continue to exist. I don't know about that, but I mean, what are people going, you know, I was going to be a neo Nazi, but then they, they took down Hitler's fucking building. So whatever.

So there's somebody that owns it. And he's like, nah, I'm not tearing this shit down. And the government's like, right, we're going to fucking seize it. All right. That's how they talk in Austria too. Everybody talks like my bad sort of fucking English accent. Maybe what the fuck it is. Davey Jones, whatever I'm doing.

So there's some big battle about that and they're going to like knock it down, but I gotta be honest with you, as much as I'm not down with the Nazis, like if I went to Austria, I would go see that place. I would be like the most evil baby, you know, the Jordan of evil babies, you know, fucking came home to that place right there. People walked in and saw baby Hitler and were like, Oh, isn't he adorable? Look at his eyes. There's a lot going on in there.

So they want to get rid of that. 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,400 I thought that that was fucking interesting. Like this is what kills me. He's like, who fucking? How do people know that that's where he grew up? So many people fucking died in World War two. You think that anybody that even remotely fucking remembered it.

The old people. I remember he grew up in that place right down the street. He always had a funny look on his face. Oh, I never liked him. Right. They just passed the story on. It's too juicy a gossip. That it just, it just keeps getting passed down to the point.

They got to knock down this perfectly good fucking building. I guess it needs to be redone a little bit. Like we're doing with the baseball stadiums over here. And then what happens? They throw it out and ends up in the ocean. Throw it out in the fucking Mediterranean sea. That water, you know, the water that when you go over there, they try to say there's no sharks in them until you go on the internet.

It's like, Oh yeah, I just saw there was a couple of attacks. Oh yeah, I mean, there's been a couple of attacks, but you know, that, you know, that's, it's rare. Yeah. Shark attacks in general are rare, considering most of us are on the fucking land. I don't know. I swam in the Mediterranean. I absolutely loved it.

It was fucking life changing. But afterwards when I was reading about these shark attacks, there is just this fucking, it's the scariest thing other than being tortured. You know, I'm trying to think, you know, of stuff equal to that. Speaking of shark attacks, I was watching this fucking movie that starred Paul Walker, Rest in Peace, Jessica Alba, Scott Kahn, this other woman, her name escapes me. Her name escapes me.

I was watching that movie and I don't know what the fuck it's called. I don't know what the fuck it's called. Jessica Alba, first of all, is so fucking beautiful. You just, it's like, she doesn't have to do anything. She just sits there. She looks fucking amazing, right? And that movie was so fucking ridiculous, yet entertaining. I don't think I've ever seen people hold their breath longer underwater in my life.

You know, there's a fucking crash plane under the water. They go down there. They find drugs. This is even like a spoiler alert. This is like how many fucking times they done the movie where regular people find a bag of money. Oh, they find some fucking drugs. Oh, what should we do? I think we should leave it.

No, we should take it, man. This is a shot, right? And then the fucking bad guys figure out that they fucking took it somehow, right? The same classic fucking story, right? Then Tom Hanks lost his wife and he meets Meg Ryan in Seattle. It's all the same fucking movie. Billy Crystal comes in and says a couple of things. Okay, then Ron Reiner makes a cameo because he's directing the thing.

And then somebody starts shooting up. Tom Cruise runs through and the dubs come up and there's your fucking movie. It's every Hollywood movie. Somebody's getting too old for this shit. The two people that hate each other have realized that they now love each other. The two foes then look at each other and they realize that, you know what, I respect you. You know, the days of thunder ending. I think, I think that covers it, right?

Anyway, so we're watching this fucking movie and at one point the bad guys have scuba gear. Paul Walker and fucking Scott Conn have no scuba gear. They just dive down to this fucking plane. Which is like, I don't like 20 fucking feet under the water. So they fucking the scuba guys swim into the plane looking for him. Scott Conn is sitting in one of the, in the co-pilot seat pretending to be dead. He had enough time to sit there, gather himself, pretend to be dead, holding his fucking breath. And the scuba guy comes up and looks at him like, well, I guess he's dead and he keeps going.

And meanwhile they keep cutting up Paul Walker, rest in peace, right? He keeps fucking peeking in one of the windows. And the scene is like five fucking minutes long real time. It feels, or when you just do in the math, how long it would take to get down there. How long you could fucking stay down there. And he's like peeking. And then he would just duck back out of the way. And all they had the decency to do is have like one or two little air bubbles go like, boop, boop.

If I'm underwater and I don't have any fucking air, I mean, your heart's already racing like a fucking lunatic. So you're eating up that oxygen. Forget about the fact that there's these drug dealers with scuba gear that want to kill you. And you're in shark infested fucking waters. Didn't affect Paul Walker or Scott Conn in the least. Somehow they were able to throw effective punches under the water. I mean, it was, it was unbelievable. The leaps of faith that you had to make in that movie.

Yet I still enjoyed it. You know, because every time you were like, this is fucking ridiculous. They would cut to Jessica Alba just going, like, should we keep the drugs or something? You go, oh my gosh, fucking beautiful. Genius. The editing of that movie is genius. I don't know what it's called though. Dude, she has one scene.

She just leans against the door brushing her teeth. And it's like, I could watch a movie of that. Jessica Alba gets ready for bed. So check it out. I think that's what that movie is. It's called something about the deep. They're always called the deep. The Cove.

I don't know what it was, but I was just sitting there, you know, in my own way, making fun of the movie, trying to make Neil laugh. I was just like, Jessica, I'm not, I'm not going to wear a shirt. And then see, are you going to wear a shirt? Um, which is probably childish. That's what I do here. Wait a second. I got to find out the other name of that actress on that movie.

I can't name three of the four stars, right? Can I? Hang on a second. Actually, you know what? 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:22,400 I'm not even going to look that up. I have to give somebody, I got to give two stars. I got to give somebody, I got to give two people a shout out.

Um, I've been watching bloodline. I'm up to episode eight, season three. I got two more episodes to go. That show, that series is gut wrenching. Like I can only watch two of them and then I have to shut it off. And I've never watched the show where I get so mad at the characters. You know, I get so fucking mad. Like, why the fuck did you just do that?

Shut up. Stop talking. What's up with your life. Most of it's with the Kevin character, um, Norbert Leo, but. One of like five people who ever won the best lead male Tony award. Um, which is a Broadway Oscar, basically, the amazing fucking actor. So anyways, there's a guy on that show who plays Eric O'Bannon, who's absolutely killing it.

His name is Jaime McShane. And for breaking bad fans, if you're wondering, how do I know that guy's face? Why would his face fucking make one of my, how do I know that guy? If you're a breaking bad fan, the episode, I'm not going to give anything away. The one that involved the train. All right. I can't remember if he played the conductor or the engineer. And, uh, he was a great fucking guy.

And in his work on this show is fucking unbelievable. 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,400 I want to quote his lines, but I want everybody like when they watch movies, it's like years later. Do you know my dad just saw it? Like I did this movie called stand up guys. And he calls me up. He's like, Christ, Billy, I tell you the other night I'm sitting there. I'm like, I'm like narcoleptic.

I'm falling asleep on the couch. I wake up at three in the morning. And, uh, and I'm already laughing because I know it's going to be some shit I did like fucking 10 years ago. He goes, it's got Al Pacino and Christopher walking and I'm watching the movie. And all of a sudden there you are. 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:30,400 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,400 He goes, Jesus Christ is built.

That's how my parents pay attention to my career. They watch shit that I did. He goes, it was a great movie. I'll tell you, Billy, you know, you could do this comedy stuff. You could do the dramatic shit. Hey, you fucking got it all figured out. As we said, you can do the dramatic shit. It's my favorite thing.

Anybody said to me all week, you can do the dramatic shit. So anyways, two thumbs up from my dad for the fucking stand up guys. Check it out if you get a chance. Anyways, Jamie McShane is fucking kill. Everybody's killing it on that show. And then also, uh, John Leguizamo. I mean, has that guy ever been bad in anything? He's fucking, everything he's in, he makes it better.

The guy's fucking unreal and he's like creepy and hilarious all at the same time, which I don't know how you do that unless you're a fucking genius like that guy. There's a scene, um, how do I do? I don't want to fucking ruin it for people. He goes in and he orders like what we used to call like a slurpee or a frosty, you know, one of those. He orders one of those. It's one of the funniest fucking scenes I've seen in a long time. Just start watching Bloodline and I'm telling you, if you want to not have your insides get fucking all twisted up.

Just you do two episodes at a time. Okay. The first season, you know, it's like, all right, you know, it starts a little slow, like most series do, because they got to establish who the characters are, what the background is. But once that fucking rock starts rolling down the hill. So I'm going to watch the last two episodes today. And, um, and I don't know, you know, I'm excited to see what happens, but then I also have that, you know, I almost had the balls to say this. I almost had the nerve to say like, you know, when you're finishing a great book,

like I read, I remember back in the day when I used to read and a book would end. And I used to read a lot of that was that guy who did all the train spotting and Marabou Stork nightmare books. I used to read all of his shit, Irvin Welsh or something. Then I started reading the classics. I remember I read the full version of the three musketeers, not three musketeers, the Count of Monte Cristo. It was like 700 something pages of the smallest fucking type set or a font you've ever seen in your life. And I'm like, I'm finishing this fucking thing. I'm finishing this fucking thing.

And, um, I just would try to read like 20 pages a day. It took me months to finish that fucking book. And, but I did, I finished it. And I was like, wow, like I spent a significant part of my life reading this book. That's how, that's how slow I read. And all these years, and I was always proud that I read that book. I read it like 20 years ago. And I remember thinking like, you know, this is what people did back then.

They had time to read books like this because there wasn't the internet. There wasn't the TV and all that. And they were bored and needed to be entertained. So these guys would just spin these yarns that would go for six, seven, eight, 900 fucking pages. And recently I forget where I saw it. They said that Alexander Dumas, however you say his name, was getting paid by the word. And then 20 years later, I'm like, you fucking asshole, you could have finished that shit like 200 pages. I read like the director's cut of the Count of Monte Cristo.

I still love the book. Gotta love a story or a venture, you know? So anyways, this is the time when I would usually read some fucking advertising. But I'm doing this early because I got shit to do tomorrow. I got shit to do tomorrow, man. I got stuff to pick up. The last few pieces of hardware that I need for my kit. And then I'm good to go there.

Let's see, let's see, let's see. The advertising has not come in yet. So what do I do now? Do I just pause here and I just pretend like I have reads to do? How many minutes have I done? 37, 37 minutes. You know, I'm just going to continue talking about the shit I want to. Then I'll just do, I'll just hit pause.

And when the advertising comes in, I'll read it. And then when the fucking, the questions comes in, I'll fucking read those two. So anyways, so what you're saying is, I saw this thing, you know, when I shut off the F1 race, which is kind of becoming my teaser here. Like people, are you going to talk about it? Are you going to talk about it? 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,400 I'll talk about the F1 race.

Congratulations to, I always want to say Valerie, Val Terry, whatever his fucking name is, BOTOS, he had such a good start to start that race. They actually thought he, she was a fucking cheater like the Indianapolis Colts there. And it was a typical fucking F1 race. Where was the first guy to turn one, won the fucking race. There was a fucking accident in the beginning, right? The guy in the fucking, the stepchild of the Red Bull team, that, that Rojas fucking team, whatever the fuck, whatever the, oh Jesus, Bill, grab your almanac, grab the fucking program.

If you're going to talk about it, have a little bit of respect for the people that actually watch the goddamn race. What's the name of their fucking team? What is it? What is it? Oh, the Toro Rosa, Rosa, that fucking lunatic. He came in and he fucking slammed into one of the McLaren's who then slammed into the, the Red Bull guy Max Verstappen. And every one of them, their whole fucking day was over. It was over. Botas was out in front.

Lewis Hamilton got like a five position, I don't know, penalty because he had to change his gearbox during qualifying. So even if he was number one, the best he could have done was in qualifying was six. So he was started eighth. So I guess evidently, wait, there'll be a five spot. 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:57,400 So I guess he came in third. Anyways, pretty uneventful race the whole fucking time. Other than, then in the end, it got great.

It got great. But I assume some, I actually love the shit that Lewis Hamilton was talking. They were talking about the whole, his, his bullshit with what's what's his face there, Sebastian Vettel. And he goes, he goes, you know, what are you planning to do? He goes, you know, I'll go out there. I'll try to exploit a few of his weaknesses. Just floats that out there. So of course, the report of bites and goes, what are some of his weaknesses?

Would you say his temper is, is one of his weaknesses? Cause I guess this guy, Vettel, he's, he's dangerously approaching 12 penalty points. If you get 12 penalty points, you have to sit out a race within a calendar year. They're basically points for being a cunt, driving dangerously, slamming your car into Lewis Hamilton, whatever the fuck it is he's doing. He's like those people on the highway out here that pass you on the right doing 90. 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:11,400 So if you accrue 12 of those points within a calendar year, you have to sit out a race, which is devastating, especially if the guy you're going up against wins the race. He gets 25 points and just sitting there on your ass, you know, sitting on your helmet.

So anyways, they said, he goes, I'm going to exploit a few of his weaknesses. So the report of bites and goes, this is temper one of them. And Lewis smiles and goes, yes, which is the perfect thing you want to do with someone with the temper, you know, speaking from experience. Cause all that does is make us more mad. And then we fuck up again, right? So then the, the, the reporter goes, well, what's his other weakness? And Lewis just smiles and goes, he's like, I'll keep that one in my pocket. And he walked away and I was like, ah, that was perfect.

Perfect. He's in his head. But anyways, like I said, it was pretty uneventful for the whole time. Everybody just cruising around the fucking track. No big crashes after that turn one. And the fucking American team, the host team was up front for like two laps. You know, they gave us a little pad on the head. Like we were able to hold off the Ferraris for the first three laps of a 71 lap race.

And as an American, I'm supposed to be excited by that as we have the Ferrari junior engine, whatever the fuck they give us. Um, so anyways, the, uh, the final, like six laps, uh, um, Lewis Hamilton was right on fucking Ricardo's ass. The tires were all fucking chewed up. I was convinced Hamilton was going to catch him. Ricardo was able to hold off, hold them off. And then, uh, Sebastian Vettel was right on Botas's ass. Once again, no passes were made, but it was still fucking exciting. The last six laps of the race was great and that track was fucking cool as hell, man.

I love how it just, it starts like uphill, that bizarre, I don't know. I've never seen a track laid out like that and it's in the, uh, the Austrian Alps. How do you not fucking go to that swing by Hitler's house? You go to the F one race and then you get yourself some vener schnitzel. How do you not, how do you not do that fucking trifecta? That's a bucket listing right there before they tear it down. I mean, I was always a fan of the Omen. Always all those horror movies, those demon babies.

How do you not fucking go there and just be like, he fucking learned how to walk in that house. It's just fascinating. Like the first time he lost his temper was in that house. First time he realized he had, he could draw. I don't know how long he fucking stayed there. It's just eerie. You know what I mean? Look, if universal studios, if you can take the tour over there and they still have the fucking, uh, the psycho house, you know,

because everyone just wants to look at that. This is a real life fucking psycho. He shouldn't be glorified. I'm not glorifying it. It's the same reason why I want to see a great white shark from a boat. You know, I don't fucking, this is so as much as everybody fucking bitches. There's no way if you walk down the street, you couldn't, you couldn't fucking look at it. You couldn't feel that, that fucking vibe of evil.

Coming off the side of the fucking house. Oh, they're probably right. They should probably tear the fucking thing down. You know? Why am I talking about Hitler's house? Can somebody explain it to me? So anyways, the race ends. I shut it off.

I come in here to go do the podcast. And, um, I ended up, uh, as when I shut off the race, this is woman with short hair. You know, she's got the fucking, uh, the same haircut as that one. Who's a girl? I'm coming out. So you better get the party started. I'm coming out. I'm coming.

Remember that pink, right? Had the pink haircut and she's sitting there talking to this guy and I'm looking at it like this looks like a fucking therapy session. What's going on here? And the show is called the therapist. And then, and I'm, and she's sitting there. It's Katy Perry talking about herself and like, you know, some people like me. Some people don't.

Some people like when I had long hair, but they don't like to show their haircut. And I'm just sitting there thinking, why are you doing this? Sweetheart, you should do this in private. You should do this in private. You should do this in private. Sweetheart, you should do this in private. Why would you put all this shit out of it? Is she going nuts?

But as much, you know, her, I felt bad for cause it's just like, you know, she's fucking obviously going through some shit. But that, the fucking therapist guy, they got this whole intro and he's like walking through doors and shit. Like, I'm so insane. I'm a licensed fucking therapist. You're a fucking money grubbing cunt. Acting like you're trying to help Katy Perry. I had to shut it off. I had to shut it off.

I rewound it cause I had to find the name of the fucking show and then I had to fucking walk away. Jesus Christ, Katy Perry, if you need therapy, go to a fucking therapist. Close the fucking door, have her shut off her phone and get it out. And I hope you get better. You don't fucking do it on TV. Do you realize what you're doing? You're letting the world know what hurts you and you're on the internet. Are you out of your fucking mind?

These are my weaknesses and every fucking asshole on the internet is going to be coming after you. It's a bad move. That is not a good move. And like that licensed therapist, air quote, fucking that guy, that guy should be disbarred. That you would fucking exploit something like that. But you know what? At the end of the day, I mean, it was probably her people's idea. She greenlit it.

And then they had to find, they had to find a therapist low enough on the rung. With enough TV presence that would fucking agree to do that gig. I'm trying to think of the stand up equivalent to that. That televised. You know what it would be? It'd be like those fucking gigs that Beyonce and all those guys do for like fucking New Year's. They go out, they sneak out of the country and they go do like fucking, they sing bootylicious for like five million bucks to the son of a fucking dictator. You know, in some country that we're at odds with, I guess like that's the TV version of it.

Maybe, I don't know who the fuck knows. Speaking of all that shit, did you see when Trump went to Russia and he met flicking Vladimir Putin? Did you see that? That was fucking hilarious. You know what? That's when they fucking were shooting the shit. It reminded me of Jimmy the gent after the left swanza heist, however the fuck you say it. When Trump walked in, Putin should have been like, come here, yo.

Come here, yo. Left swanza. Left. How do you say L U F T H. Left swanza. Heist. Model. I don't fucking know.

Anyways. Oh, by the way, Rest in Peace. Great drama passed away about four days ago. Jonathan Blackwell, who absolutely killed it with Prince New Power Generation, played on Justin Timberlake's big, I think, his first album, that tour. Was it Blood Sugar Sex Magic? I can't remember. Sexy back tour. I'm stomping on a disco ball, whatever the fuck it was called.

I can't, you know. I actually own the album too. That's the sad thing. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.

Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham.

Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. Wham. What is that one?

Oh, I always think he says dirty bitch. That I let you with me if you misbehave. I always think he's going dirty bitch. He always laughs going, he's not saying dirty bitch. And I go, what's he saying? Is she going a dirty babe or something like that? You know what's the hardest one to fucking understand is that Rihanna. She's got the accent and she doesn't.

She says like the first three letters of every word at the end of a sentence. What's, what's her new fucking hit? We, you know. Me and Nia will, I forget where the fuck we were going, but we had on like pop radio, right? One of the pop stations there. Is that what it's called? Top 40.

It was hilarious. Like they played the same 10 songs on the way there and the same 10 songs on the way back. Um, isn't that like, like, like, like, like, like, I wasn't that one, but it was the same thing. It began with a W. What I was going to fucking drive me nuts. I got to look it up. All right.

Katie fucking Perry. Katie Perry. What a show. Katie. Not Katie Perry. Sorry. Not LaSwanza. Not Jimmy the gent.

Rihanna. Rihanna. Music. See if it comes up. Umbrella. Come on. Loading. Slowly loading.

I'm running out of shit to talk about. I might have to fucking hit pause here at this point. Maybe I can look up the song. Oh yeah. Work, work, work. No, it's not that one. She has a lot of W songs. W songs.

Don't stop the music. Work. Love on the brain. Diamonds. Umbrella. We found love. Bitch better have my money. Okay.

Man down. All right. This is, I'm just, I'm too fucking old to be looking at this shit. You know what I mean? God bless you. God bless you hits. Okay. I'm going to fucking, I like being an old guy.

And you know something when you, when you're fucking old guy, you got to know when you're too old to be fucking looking at something, you just walk away. You know, like those fucking, I don't understand why guys over 40s take those fucking testosterone pills. It's like you're finally clearing your head. You know what I mean? You finally getting out of the fucking bars.

You finally really realizing how much more sustained happiness you can get out of order in a brand new drum kit and setting the fucking thing up. Then the fucking colossal waste of time that chasing pussy is, you know, you see that question? You're a guy over 40. Try it. Was it new genics? They act like your testosterone dipping is a bad thing.

It's a fucking great thing. The clouds are finally parting. Why would you want to take a bottle of that be 18 forever fucking juice? Jesus Christ. You want to go back into the sports bar, shorten up the fucking sporty slash whore themed waitresses, right? The original spice girls, as they walk around with jerseys tied on. It's been in the gang.

You want some wings? You want some buffalo wings? Is there slowly fucking killing you? Why would you want to take a fucking pill that's going to make you think that that's a good option? I'm going to go back into that. You know, then you got to start P 90. You got on a Myrtle, right?

A man girdle trying to suck in your fucking, you know, guys, the torso just starts, it just keeps getting thicker and thicker, right? You got your fucking, you still got your skinny high school legs. Cause just boozing it up. You got that goddamn beer belly. Now you're going to fucking throw some 18 year old fucking testosterone down your throat as you're walking up there. You know, you got to die your goatee before you go down there.

What the fuck are you doing? Just let it go, man. Fuck it. Jesus Christ. I will never fucking understand this. I don't want to go back into that fucking world. Granted, I experienced it with an orange afro. I mean, maybe you guys had a better time than I did.

I don't fucking know. I don't pretend to know. Anyways, I think this is it. I don't know that I can go any fucking further here. If I talked about everything that I wanted to talk about, I believe I have. Oh, coming up this weekend, me and Dean Delray, host of the Let There Be Talk podcast are going to be at the Fountain Street church in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

This is one of my favorite fucking places to play. It's a still functioning, non-denominational church, all right, which is why they let comedians go in there. If I ever decide to get back into religion, I think I could, you know what, I bet I couldn't go to a non-denomination one either, because they'd be so busy patting themselves in the back about how open-minded they are. Just whatever you want to do. If you want to stand, you want to kneel.

And I have all that Catholic in me going, there's got to be some sort of structure. What is this, a fucking drum circle? Anyways, we're doing two shows Friday, I think one Saturday or the other way around. All I know is the third show has just been added. There's still some tickets left. They just added that thing, because it first did so well. So thank you to everybody that's showing up. I can't wait to go up there and run my fucking mouth standing there.

I can't wait to go up there and run my fucking mouth standing on an altar. You got to go to this. If you don't see me, you have to see a show at this place, just to see the fucking venue. It has an upper deck, horseshoe upper deck that runs from one side of the altar, right down the hall, down the side of the fucking, you know, the windows there, to the back of the church, and then comes right back up again, like a horseshoe, right? Like what they still call Ohio State Stadium, even though they enclosed it. And like the altar is like the new stands that they stuck in there when they enclosed it.

So I'll be up there, and then I go to New York to do the acting gig. I'm just basically filibustering right now, seeing if I can get the fucking... Nah, they ain't coming in. God damn it, they're not coming in. I want to read some dates for you here. You know, not like you can't do this on your own. BillBurr.com. Stand updates.

I have got to change the fucking picture. Oh, I got one with the shaved head. I just never fucking... I got to learn how to upload photos. All right, where do I go here? Shows. All right, this is what I got coming up. Then I got in August 10th, Red Bank, New Jersey, Count Basie Theater.

All right, and then after that one, August 13th, All Things Comedy producing their first stand-up special ever, Paul Verzi. All right, me and Pete Davidson are going to come out on stage and get the crowd warmed up, and then Paul's going to go out and absolutely crush it. It's taking place. It's going down at the Tarrytown Theater in Tarrytown, New York. Absolutely beautiful. Bring the wife, bring the kids.

Don't bring the kids. Come up there, hang out with us, watch a great special. Tickets are going fast. I'm sorry, August 10th and 11th, I'm in Red Bank. Oh, and 12th. Oh, shit. And then I fucking hang out with Verzi. Bam on the 13th.

August 27th, Hyannis, Massachusetts at the Cape Cod Melody Tenth, Joe. Then I'm doing the Hampton Beach Casino first show sold out. That's on the 30th. Second show, they added a late show, September 2nd. I'm at Valley Center, Harris Resort in Southern California. In September 8th, I'm at the Horseshoe Casino in Bluesville, Mississippi. Bluesville, Mississippi. And then I'm going to an Alabama game, Crimson Tide.

Going to that September 22nd, I'm at the Toronto, the Sony Center. The Sony Center in Toronto, Ontario on the 22nd and 23rd. Then I'm in Vegas on the 29th. Then on the 6th of October, I'm in St. Petersburg, Florida. My half-heater. Now, this is what's great about that gig. It's the Thursday. I'm going to see the Patriots play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

That's the last NFL team I need to see a home game of, including the fucking Los Angeles charges. But I'll go to one of those in September. Then I do my gig. And then the next day, I go see that Florida LSU game. And on December 14th, I got the hard rock in Florida. And I might have an overseas gig in Europe in December in my favorite city over there. My favorite city to take my wife.

Possibly. We're working on it. We are working on it. I'm going to hit pause right now. I'm going to wait for the advertising to come through. I'm going to read the fuckers, but it's not going to take any time out of your life, because I'm not doing like, you know, not just going to leave a recording. You know what I mean?

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When are you coming to Norway, man? We would love it, man, when we need it before we end up like Sweden. Have a nice weekend and go fuck yourself. Always trash and sweet. Hey, Nia, people want to know when I'm going to come to Norway. Oh, is it Nia plus one? I brought my plus one. There you go.

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Yeah, I was talking about Deep into the Blue Ocean with Jessica Alba and Paul Walker. Into the blue. Into the blue. Into the blue. I'll have a blue. That racist ass movie. Oh shit. Racist.

Yes. How is it racist? I watched it as a white person and I didn't have a problem with any of it. Surprise, surprise. What did you see? No, that scene where they had the talk into the mic for the love of Christ. You know what? People have tweeted me and have been like, we can hear you just fine.

Well, then they would say that I was too fucking loud. I mean, yeah, but they haven't. They're used to it by now. All right. I'm talking to the microphone. No, there was this one. So this place, this movie takes place in the Bahamas, right? But of course, you know, there's like barely any black people in it.

And it's white people on vacation. They're not on vacation. They live and work there except for Scott. Jessica Alba is not white. Oh, right. Oh shit. Now who's not being racially sensitive. Yeah, she's yeah.

Okay, fine. She's not white, but they're in the Bahamas. That's where black people live. Anyway, can I finish telling you how I, you know, anyway, one of the guys that you know, one of the guys that either works for them or works with them in some capacity, he has like maybe two lines and one of them is I got to go. My baby mama is hassling me over a weave or like needs me to give her money for a weave needs a new weave like what the fuck.

They were capturing the black experience. No, no, no, no, they can't give him a line that has any kind of like dignity. Like, oh, I got to go. I told my wife I'd watch the baby or oh, I got to go. My son has a soccer game. My baby mama needs a weave. That is so racist. That is so.

And then, and then there's another scene where there's somehow explaining, I don't know, pirates or some kind of Bahamian legend that, you know, Paul Walker is explaining. And then what's his name? Scott Conn is looking at pictures. And he's like, so this is Snoop Dogg here. And these are all his hoes. And this is Pimp Cup and blah, blah, blah. And it's like really he used to be in a rap group.

He knows the terminology. You know what? Do you ever see Eight Mile? That was based on him. It was based on Eminem. And I'm not even one of those white guys Scott Conn in a rap group. Like I'm just not even know. I don't even want to talk about that.

Scotty Conn. Scotty Conn. Oh, did he scratch to that? Right? He came out. Oh my. Yeah. Let me rock you.

Let me rock you. Scotty Conn is ridiculous. The one thing that I liked about that movie, I can't believe we actually watched the whole thing. But there was a scene where Scott Conn and Paul Walker are talking about the life. What are we going to do, man? And they're underwater holding their breath at the same time. No, they're above punching sharks.

They're on land. And it's daytime as they're talking. And the camera slowly pans around them like really slow. And by the time it's done, the sun has set. And it was a really beautiful shot. Other than that, that movie can go kick rocks, right? Oh, it's because you're holding the baby. Kick rocks.

Can kick rocks. I already said the F word in front of her. We're really trying not to do that. I mean, but that movie was ridiculous. And I really upset at that line. It still bothers me. I got to go. My baby mama needs a new week.

They were underwater for 15 minutes. Like I can suspend my disbelief on that. That wasn't something that I'm just saying. I mean, if they're going to handle why are you making excuses for that line in that movie? Because I meditate now. And what I've learned is I'm learning to have patience. Patience with what?

With just people's behavior. Well, you're lucky that you have that ability to do that. I was very offended and annoyed by that. No, I'm just saying that like if they could give him that line. Not to me. I'm white. I'm not asking about you as a white person. I'm just saying that I went over my head to defend you.

I'm just saying I didn't get it. I'm telling you what it is. So why are you sitting here acting brand new? Like you don't understand what I'm talking about. God, I'm just trying to be at some point. That's funny. Well, I don't care about it being funny. I know it's a ridiculous fucking line, but I got to keep the comedy going.

This isn't count point a point. Oh, what is it? What is it? Point, count a point. You got a moron for a host. Oh, yeah. Keep the funny for the love of God, please. Let's not lose the funny.

God forbid you actually agree with me on some shit and try not to, you know. Can you pitch this episode to dear white people for me? Good Lord. I got it. It's fucking offensive. I'm agreeing with you. I'm trying to fucking keep it funny on some level. Fine.

I'm trying to, I'm just playing the ignorant white guy. You don't have to play at anything. Nia. I'm the one who said the line first. I was laying there. I go, I got to get my baby mama a weave. Terrible. It's terrible writing.

No. What the fuck? It's offensive. It's fucking people jumping. They're walking around all naked looking good, holding their breath for fucking four hours. Do you honestly think that they're going to have Maya Angelou or was one of those people in their fucking heads? Is that the right reference?

Um, sure. All right. What else you got? I don't know. Okay. Norway. When, when are you on this? Oh, by the way, you know, it was stupid.

It was when I was imitating Jessica Abbot doing lines. Like she's dumb. She's got a billion dollar fucking company. I get off saying that. Uh-huh. Although my podcast is doing pretty well. If you go on iTunes. All right.

Norway. When are you coming to Norway, man? We love it. We would love it. And we need it before we end up like Sweden. Have a nice weekend and go fuck yourself. Now you, we traveled. You know what that means.

No, but before we end up like Sweden. Yeah. You know what that means. I don't know what it is. You don't remember when they said Sweden, Sweden used to, you know, Sweden remained neutral during World War II. Okay. And they looked the other way and they allowed the Nazis to use their train system to go

into Norway and fuck Norway up. Is that what's going to happen? No. Okay. Norway had, right before the war, regained the lower third of their country from Sweden. And Sweden was like, whatever, we didn't want it anyways or whatever. Right. So then they, during World War II, Sweden remained neutral.

Okay. Let the Nazis go through the Nazis fucked up Norway. Sweden became a power after World War II, just simply for the fact that their cities were still standing and they could function in like a, in a business capacity. Jesus, I'm using some pretty impressive words for me. Right. So long story short, Norway ends up finding, and Norway didn't offer any, I mean, Sweden didn't offer Norway any help and stuff.

Long story short, Norway ended up discovering all this oil in that land that they got back, I believe, or norther that, or now they're making so much money over there. Norway wants to do like lower level jobs. So Swedes come in and do the jobs Norwegians don't want to do. You don't remember the Norwegians saying, or the Swedish people saying, yeah, we're like the Mexicans for, for Norwegians. Wow. Okay.

You don't remember that? No, I don't remember that at all. When would I, when would that? When the guy said it to us, we've, I thought it was the Norwegian guy when we were in Norway. I got to be honest with you and you're probably going to jump all over me. But when we did Norway, Finland and Sweden, like I honestly can't, I don't know. I don't recall which was which country because it looked the same. Do you realize?

Do you realize? No, don't try to cover your tracks. Don't try to cover your tracks. Do you realize if you took me to Rwanda, fucking, to Ecuador and what is the other one over there? You took me to three African countries, right? No, we've never been to Africa. South Africa.

And then we went to Rwanda like, yeah, you know, to be honest with you. I know what you're saying. There's a bunch of blue-eyed blonde-haired white people. No, it looked the same. Norway, Finland. And what was the other one we went to? What was the other one? I want to go.

I want to go. You know what I said? Plain ticket cost me. Sweden I love because I love Stockholm. But what were the other three? I don't know. Why don't you go get a fucking globe and spin it around a couple times and figure it out? I can't remember which country was which.

I always wanted to travel as a little girl. Yeah. His three. It was also where we had that crazy meal, that like 10 course meal, like the never ending with the cheese at the end. Was that Norway? Why don't you just move out to Calabasas and knock on the Kardashians door right now? Why don't you just do that and just fit in with them?

What is anything that I'm saying have to do with the card? I don't remember. I don't remember what Finland versus Norway like what we did because they were geographically very similar. All right. I'm going to have to remind you of these places in a way that your little travel brain can remember. Okay.

All right. Finland. Yes. Was where you've got the coat. Yes. Okay. I remember that. Okay.

Now you remember that. Norway is where you got the cheese. Yeah. Okay. Great. And Stockholm you loved. So you remember that. There you go.

That's the difference. Oh, okay. Yeah. So Finland is the coat country. Got it. Yeah. And then there was that the funkiest cheese ever and I was eating it. You were telling me to stop and my eyes were watering.

And the more you told me to stop, the more I had to eat it because it was funny to me. All right. It was cold. I remember it being cold. Yeah. All right. Paris was the place that had the arch like in Washington Square Park. Yes.

I remember Paris. All right. Restaurant doesn't accept cash deer. Cash deer? Dear Billy Red Tits restaurant. In some reason this is backwards. It says restaurant doesn't accept cash deer while one word Billy Red Tits. I think it's Billy Red Tits restaurant doesn't dear Billy Red Tits.

All right. The other day I went to a very trended salad place in Hollywood. And when I went to what I say, sorry, trended a very trendy salad place in Hollywood. And when I went to pay, I held out a $20 bill in the cashier said, sorry, we don't accept cash. That's the most ridiculous thing. Have you heard this before? Yeah.

We have trains, planes and shit planes. I don't think they do. What do you think? We have they're working towards a cashless society. We're going to be microchipped. And that's going to be it. And right when they gain control of all human society, the robots are going to take over. All right.

Lastly, but not leastly, the last question here, girlfriend wants me to call her daddy during sex. There's a new one. Hey, Bill, I just started seeing this girl. We've been dating for about two to three weeks. She's smart, attractive. Everybody says this, career driven and generally speaking, has her shit together. She seems like a girl.

Seems like a girl. She seems like a girl. As far as I can tell, she's got all the lady parts that I can see myself having a long term relationship with. However, recently when we were having sex, she insisted on calling me daddy. I've never been the type to talk dirty. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I say, okay, I get it. Oh, okay.

I thought it was the other way around. I thought she wanted you to, okay, I get, okay, I see that. All right. Well, that's pretty pedestrian. However, recently about, I've never been the type to talk dirty because it seems kind of silly and takes me out of the moment. Yeah, you guys are not compatible. She's going to want to sell this filthy crazy over the top shit and you're going to be like,

oh, oh, like in your fucking chi, whatever the fuck you're doing, you know, which neither one of you are wrong. I don't know if you're compatible here. When she started calling me daddy, I was caught off guard, but tried to play through it because I didn't want to make her feel weird. Well, you're a good person then. All right. I even attempted to throw in my own lines like, oh yeah, you like that.

But afterwards, after the words left my mouth, I had to try not to laugh because it felt like I was in a cheesy porno and it started to affect my performance. Afterward, she asked me how I felt about it and I just brushed it off like it wasn't a problem. But on the inside, I was starting to have my doubts. I'm trying to paint a picture without giving too much detail because I know you get all the weirdos. You get all weirded out by shit, but I know I don't get weirded out by a lot of shit.

Is it weird that she likes me to call her daddy? Am I walking into a relationship with underlying daddy issues? Help me out, Bill. What should I do? Oh, I get to be Dr. Bill. So when he's having sex with you, oh, she wants you to call her daddy. This is how Dr. Phil would handle it. Well, most of my fan base is female, so you're the male and you're therefore always wrong.

No, I would definitely bring it up to her. I would bring it up to her. It's difficult to bring up something like that with somebody, but if it bothers you, you got to bring it up. I would bring it up just say, listen, I'm not judging you anything like that, but for me, you got to keep it on your side of the bed. It just feels weird. Now, how do you say it?

I don't feel comfortable having you call me daddy in bed. It just makes, just say uncomfortable. Don't say weird and that, hey, Nia, I need your help. Are you here? Are you coming? All right, this guy, this guy's with this girl. He thinks she's great and everything she wants. She wants him to call, she wants to call him daddy during sex and it weirds him out.

How does he bring it up without making her feel like she's got a fucking problem? I don't want you to call me daddy during sex because it makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's wrong. I'm not judging you. Just for me, for me. That was perfect. Yeah. Just be honest.

There you go. But just say, I'm not trying to judge you. I don't think you're weird because I know a lot of people do it because a lot of people do do it, but just, it makes me uncomfortable and I'm not ready to go there just yet. Can we come up with something else? I thought they went a different language like she said, I poppa, yeah. Well, you just picture some completely random language, I don't know. Is German random enough?

German? Yeah. You don't want to go there next. I know she's taking a shit on your chest. I don't know, buddy. You got a, yeah, however, Nia just said it. That's perfect. All right.

I'm going to wrap up the podcast here. All right. That's the podcast, everybody. Thank you for listening. Thank you guys once again for watching Netflix for Family. We got, I don't know. You never know what the fuck ratings you get on Netflix, but you know, they gave us another season.

I really appreciate it. That's it. Please come out and see me and Dean Delray at the Fountain Street Church. Grand Rapids added a third show. Tickets are hopefully going fast, but hopefully there's some left so you can get them because I'm saying there's some left. All right. That's it.

I'll talk to you on, check it on you on Thursday. Bye.