Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-16-18

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

Bill rambles about anger relapse, Eastern Europe, and Stealing the World Cup.

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It's Sunday afternoon when I'm recording this. I'm still in Seattle, Washington. I've yet to do my shows up here. I'm imagining that they're going to go pretty well. I was in Portland, Oregon last night. Jesus Christ, great shows. Amazing people coming out. You know, even though I teased them a little bit.

I was making fun of some of the people in Portland. Do you know what really amazes me about this generation? Actually, maybe the past 10 years, it's just the amount of shit that guys do in their 20s. If I did it back in my 20s, I would get this shit kicked out of me. It's really unbelievable. Is it, Bill? How about an example? I'll give you an example.

I was coming over from Portland Airport. By the way, the first time I've ever landed here, or ever landed in Portland, I should say, where it was actually just sunny and beautiful. I believe my first aborted landing I ever had was in Portland, Oregon. It was fucking raining, and the guy was coming in. There was all this wind shear, and then he just fucking went up and around again, and we were all like, dude, what the fuck? I remember this old guy was just like, you know, take as many chances as you need,

or whatever. Just get this fucking thing on the ground. Everybody kind of laughed. So this was the first time. That was way back when I was working fucking hobbies. This comedy club down the street, which is a really interesting gig, because the guy ran it back in the day. You know, he would paper the entire room, which means he would give the show away.

So you go in on a Tuesday, and the place would be packed with people who won a comedy show. You know what I mean? So it was weird. It was like doing this giant office party, and you do one Tuesday, one Wednesday, one Thursday, two Friday, three Saturday, and then one on Sunday. But the cool thing is I got to hang in Portland all week, check out all these cool places to eat, and now I kind of dip in and dip out. But that's an old story.

So anyways, we're getting back to what the fuck I saw. I'm driving from the airport, from Oregon, from Portland Airport, over to my fucking hotel. I swear to God, I saw two guys in their 20s on a bicycle built for two. And then behind the guy, those two guys was another guy. Do you remember those cars when you were a kid? If you had like a toy car, you got in it right. It was made all out of metal, and then you pedaled it. Yeah, this guy had an adult version of that car, riding behind the two guys on a bicycle built for two.

Now, this might seem harsh, and I might seem old school, but shouldn't they be getting this shit kicked out of them? I know in a perfect world, they should be able to do whatever makes them happy. But there's just something about that behavior where you're so begging for attention. You know what I mean? You just can't get on a bicycle. It's got to be a bicycle built for two. It's got to be a little toy car, and you're a fucking adult in it with your goddamn hipster beard. Like, I don't know. I'm really disappointed with the bullies in the millennial generation, you know?

You're letting a lot of stuff slide. Is the advocating bully something? A fucking spitball? Anything? I mean, I just... I was in the middle of the pack when I was in school. I got bullied, and I bullied some kids, you know? I was right in the fucking middle. You know, I was background. I wasn't cool. I wasn't a nerd.

I was just one of those people that filled out your class picture. That's all the fuck I was, you know? And I just felt like this pressure, like that somebody is not doing the job needs to get done. I felt like sticking my head out the window, like fucking ogre, in that goddamn movie, and just be like, nerds! Just something. I mean, how, as an adult, are you supposed to sit there talking to another adult with a waxed mustache and never fucking bring it up?

You know, I don't know. I don't know. It really is like... It's like, how bored are you as a fucking person that you have to become like a character? Like, you go back and you watch a beer commercial from the late 70s or early 80s, and then you just decide that you're going to dress like that guy. But you're still going to be your douchey self, but you're going to have, you know, his mustache and hairdo and t-shirt.

It's really fucking weird. I don't know. I don't know. Just the shit that bothers me. I'm having sort of an anger relapse. I was doing so well. And the other day I snapped in the car when this fucking person just, you know, took him like nine tries to parallel park. And it actually felt weird to yell in the car because I hadn't in a good three weeks. So I tried to get it in check, but I think I let the fucking genie out of the bottle.

So I need to sit down and work on myself again because today when we were flying from Portland up to Seattle, you know, we were boarding the plane. And I was in the first group, you know, after people in the military, people with disabilities, people with kids, people with dogs that make them feel like it's okay to fly, people with acne problems. Like, I don't know how many fucking groups there are now before group one boards.

Group one is really like group 26 at this point, right? You know? It's blue shirt Fridays. Anybody with a blue shirt can now board. Anyway, so we walk out into the tarmac to board, right? And I see this woman in front of me has stopped. You know, it's like one of these deals where you walk outside to get on the plane. There's this little zigzag sort of ramp you have to walk up and she stopped

while this flight attendant is helping this other woman up there. So I'm thinking in my head, well, you know, she didn't tell me to stop. So I'm going to walk around this lady. I was kind of being a douche and I went to walk around her and she fucking stuck her hand out like that. She told me to wait and she kind of like hit me with her hand. She did like the mother thing. And she was like old, like white hair and shit.

And like the shit that went through my fucking head. Not initially when she hit me, I was just surprised. Like, what the fuck? She just hit me. Oh my God. And the level that I judged her. I was like, is that how you got up in the first class? You fucking competitive cunt. You know?

Meanwhile, I was going to walk around her. I was going to wait and I was being a douche. I just kept playing it over my head that I just wish I walked right through her little fucking stiff arm that she gave me. And I ended up sitting behind her on the plane and my brain's telling me to hit the back of her chair to rattle her head a little bit. But you know, the rest of my brain is going through it.

It's an old woman. Why are you letting her get to you like this? And then when we landed, I was thinking like, she's not married. There's no fucking way any guy's putting up with her. And then I looked and she had a wedding ring. And I was just like, the fuck is wrong with me? Somewhere getting off the plane. I walked down one of those ramps.

And I was actually laughing at myself because I knew I was going to have to pass her and get into the airport before her. You know? Just to somehow make up for that fucking moment, right? How fucking stupid is that? And then I do it. I turn around in glance and look at her. She doesn't even know that I exist.

And I wasted all of that energy. You know? And probably took, probably, I don't know, 40 seconds off my life with that level of just, you know. And it was like legit hate. Like I hated this person. I mean, I don't like... It's just she fucking touched me, you know?

What am I, what are you supposed to do? You don't want me to say, hey, you yell at some old lady. Get your fucking hands off me, lady. Do it again. You'll never bake another batch of cookies. I mean, well, what exactly am I supposed to be doing there? I just, you know, I created that whole situation. And really, if I'm honest, looking back,

I knew that she was flying first class so she was probably on some level a lunatic in a control freak. And I kind of knew that if I went around her, it was going to bug her. I just did not anticipate her giving me the flair chop when I tried to go past her. So I kind of got what I deserved.

Oh, man. I can't believe how upset I let that get me. And I created the whole fucking thing. I really am a pathetic human being. But, you know, it makes for a good story. You know, it helps fill up a podcast. I'm sitting here in the hotel room, right? Oh, by the way, so I'm in the airport,

you know, before this lady gave me the flair chop. And the World Cup final is like happening. And I'm taping it at home. And it is so not a big deal in this airport that I can actually walk in public while the Super Bowl of the world is being played and there's no spoiler alert, nothing. No one had it on.

It wasn't on on any TV. I didn't see anybody watching the fucking game on their phone. If I didn't go on Instagram, I wouldn't even know who won. It was fucking insane. But anyways, I guess France won. All right, congratulations. What do they say?

Allelé bleu, right? Allelé bleu. Congratulations to France and congratulations to Croatia, a country of what, 4.1 million people, according to Pete Davidson and his Instagram page, that they got that far was fucking incredible.

And I knew I was going to be happy with either person winning and I obviously love France and Croatia was the underdogs. I was rooting for them, but I did not see the game. I heard there was an own goal, you know, fortunately he didn't do that in South America. So I think he has a chance when he gets back to his hometown,

but they lost by two goals anyways, but I did not see it, but I did in this World Cup become a soccer fan and I've gone from not giving a fuck to wanting to Google where the next World Cup is going to be so I can actually go. And I'll go there with 40 other Americans if our team makes it and we'll cheer them on

until they lose in the first fucking round or whatever the fuck happens. So anyways, I'm up here in Seattle, Portland and Seattle, you know, two of my favorite cities. What are your favorite cities? Oh, glad you asked. Portland, Seattle.

I'd say Seattle over Portland. You know, they're both nice. Portland just has a little more of a hipster douche factor. You know, it was sort of a tie and then when I saw that guy and the two guys and the bicycle built for two with the kid

with the kiddie car behind it, I fucking can't, all right. You know, then you come up to Seattle and you've got the New World Order hippies. I mean, there's a lot up here to kind of be annoyed with, but beautiful cities. Lush land, all kinds of water, that's just amazing up here.

San Francisco, Los Angeles, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Chattanooga, Tennessee. What are your favorites? Obviously, I'm from Boston. Cleveland, Detroit, Buffalo, Pittsburgh.

I think that's it. The rest of the towns can all go fuck themselves. I'm kidding. Tulsa, Oklahoma. What's my favorite one in Texas? I'm going there in two weeks. I'm going to fucking Houston, Texas in July as a red-headed bald male. The fuck was I thinking?

Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Austin, College Station. I don't know, it's, they're all kind of the same. It's flat. There's the most shiny as new pickup trucks you've ever seen in your life.

I've never seen so many shiny, brand-new pickup trucks in my four-door pickup trucks in my life. They look like they just got taken right off the showroom floor. Can you hear my stomach growling, by the way? I'm having a steak dinner tonight, so I just ate light like an hour and a half ago. I had a soup and a salad,

fucking old bastard. By the way, I'm up to 70 pounds on the lat pull-down machine. You like that? The fucking rotator cup is rehabbing. And a person helped me out, told me I need to get up to about 120 pounds

on that thing. And I have to do it really slowly, so I don't fucking blow out my shoulder again. If I get up 120, then I can attempt to do four pull-ups, and I'm back in the game. Because I have a bet with Verzi that when I'm 70, I'll be able to do 10 of them. And that's not going to be a fucking problem.

That's what I'm saying at 50. We'll see. That's a long 20 years, man. I'll tell you. All depends on how I do it, you know? If I lift my life the way I did last month, I won't be able to do two pull-ups. I don't even know if I'll be around to do pull-ups.

If I lift my life the way I'm living it this month, you know, I might do 15. I'm crushing it this month. I was 16 days in. Old Freckles hasn't had a drop of booze. He said, shutting it down. Shut it down for a month. Give yourself a good fucking month.

Then ease myself back into my binge drinking. I can't tell you this though. I have never caught a fucking cold like this cold that I caught in Minneapolis and into whatever the fuck I went after that, Detroit. Jesus Christ. This thing has been lingering. I caught it on like June 30th

and I was sick for a week and now it's just been lingering like, I don't know. I don't know if I need to lay off dairy or something to get the last little bit out of it. Last night I was on stage and I started like coughing. My throat was getting all fucking dry. I don't know.

I'm sure you guys out there, none of whom or doctors all have a fucking reason why, you know? Maybe I'm just an old bastard. Speaking of that, speaking of being an old bastard, I put the TV on in this hotel. This hotel is really fucking annoying.

I wanted to order room service and I was like, where's the menu? Where's the menu? I can't find the menu so I call them up and they go, the menu's on the TV. So I'm like, okay, all right. Well, I'm not going to get upset. I've been getting too upset lately. This is the way the kids do it nowadays.

Let's do that. And I go on there, right? And you know goddamn well that the fucking thing is on the TV because they want you to order through the fucking TV. So they have that information. What's his name? Who is he? How old is he?

What food does he eat? We've gathered all of this fucking information. What kind of porno does he watch? Did he rent a movie? All of this fucking information. Not to mention they're probably watching you through that little fucking camera on the TV too. And then they just bundle it all together and they sell it.

So I didn't order through the TV. I called instead. They probably got something connected to the phone. It's just fucking unbelievable. Can you imagine if you actually read the file on yourself

that these corporations have? Like the amount of fucking information that they have about you and if they actually kept the video because they've gotten busted watching people in their fucking houses. Watching people in their houses watching TV.

What if you're banging your wife? You know? What if you're walking around fucking butt ass naked? What are they doing? How is that legal? It's un-fucking-real, man. These fucking nerds

are making robots so you can fuck. They're down there fucking them at the factory trying them out before they sell it to us. You got these other fucking nerds. That damn TV watching your fucking your wife. And there's barely a ripple. Barely a fucking ripple.

But as a comedian, if you send out a fucking tweet that steps on somebody's toes all of a sudden, there's like this big fucking dust up. If I ever get in trouble for a fucking tweet or anything like that, that's gonna be my defense. Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys, guys, guys. I'm not fucking a robot. I'm not bundling your information.

Watching you banging your spouse through your fucking TV. Let's have some priorities, huh? Ladies? Sorry. Getting all fucking amped up here again. You know? Uh... All right.

So anyway, so I get it. I put on the TV to try to find the fucking menu. This TV is so... Like the only way you can like change the channel is you have to go back to guide and then go through. I mean, I can't even figure out the fucking TV. This is why I hate technology. And why I felt like

somewhere in the 90s they just should have stopped. Quality of life was good enough, you know? But this shit where it's just like... I always equated to reading. It's like I learned how to read. I didn't have to relearn how to fucking read every six months.

But like with computers and TV and shit, that's what it's like. It's like, hey, I know how to turn on a TV. I know how to operate a TV. And then the next day, oh wait, no I don't. Now I have to waste time relearning something. Every time you got your fucking car,

every six months now you don't know how to drive. You have to learn how to fucking drive again. We get it, Bill. You don't like technology. No, I like it to a point. Central air conditioning, modern medicine and that type of shit. I'm good, right?

I mean, what if they really cured in the last fucking 20 years? People still die of cancer. People still go bald. You know? People still get hammered toes. Actually they can fix hammered toes, right? Stop. Hammered toes.

They can fix those fucking things, can't they? Anyway, so I get into the fucking hotel here. And I saw this hilarious ad for this shit called Ageless Male. You know? And they're like, why don't you get over the age of 40, your testosterone levels go down?

Yeah, because you're too old to fuck. Because no one wants to see you with your shirt off. Because you're fucking old. And now people are taking these goddamn young pills. You know? You want to fuck right into your 80s?

You want your dick to stand at attention? You want your balls to support the troops? Get this fucking Ageless Male. All these fucking morons pumping all this extra testosterone. Isn't that how you lose your fucking hair? Isn't that like a testosterone issue? Like you have too much in there?

That's gonna be fucking hilarious. All these guys going for abs that had a nice fat of hair, then they're gonna go fucking bald. Now they gotta get the fucking hair plugs. I bet the guys who make hair plugs also make Ageless Male. You know? And they've gotten like all the bald guys that gave a fuck

enough to get hair plugs. They're kind of like, you know, you reach that saturation point. Like, remember Crocs? It's just, they ran out of douchebags to find to buy those things. Which by the way, man, I've been like, I told you getting rid of a bunch of shit.

And um, that's all I see stuff as now. I just look at it like that shit I'm just gonna have to throw out one day. You know? We walked through the airport, Dean Delray who fucking murdered last night. Murder!

Do you hear me? Murder! He was pointing out some store at the airport that sells records and all this shit. He's like, man, he's like, dude, that store kills. You know, Dean talks. He fucking kills, man. People go in there.

And I just looked in there and I go, that is just a bunch of shit I'm gonna have to throw out one day. I'm done, dude. I'm not taking anything. You know? When I did that show, like last week at the Hooters upstairs in the big room

when I left, they tried to give me a fucking hat and a t-shirt. I was like, I'm all set. Thank you. Oh good. I did that laying around the fucking house. I got so many goddamn jackets. I don't know how to fucking I have enough fucking jackets.

I could clothe every homeless person that's roughly my size in Los Angeles, the amount of jackets I have. And, um, does anybody, is there a coat drive? It's fucking July. When's the next coat drive? I'm getting, I'm

gonna have one winter coat, one fucking spring coat, and then fucking one piece of shit when it rains. That's it. When the fuck did I become coat guy? I don't even, I think I have like fucking 20 coats. Got all this sport shit. I'm done with it.

I'm done. I'm telling you right now, I want to fucking dress like Malcolm Young. Rest his soul for the rest of my life. Jeans and a fucking plain t-shirt. You gotta get the plain t-shirt. I'll tell you why. Even though you didn't ask. You don't have any emotional attachment to it. Right?

If it says the Andorondack, she's like, oh, that's where I went on my honeymoon. When I banged my wife up in the fucking mountains, then you can't get rid of it. But if you fucked her in a plain gray t-shirt, you know, you don't remember that?

And then you know what? You get rid of it! That's what it's all about. Look at this sad bowl of fucking vegetable soup. That's the age I'm at now, people. I'm 50 years old and I order a soup and a salad. And I eat it and then right afterwards

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let's give you guys a break for me reading out loud we'll go to our first question here okay Eastern European tour good afternoon on the July 9th 2018 podcast and around 28 and a half

minutes in built briefly mentions an Eastern European tour I was trying to locate specifics on this and wasn't able to do so do you have any information on this or is it just a pipe dream at this stage thanks no it's a real fucking tour

let's see here I don't want to name cities alright because I don't want to get people all you know thinking that I'm coming and that I don't let me just see what I can do here let me find a fucking email

why doesn't why doesn't anything with technology work for me why can I get up to the fucking search bar here there we go okay looking for Eastern European tour Burr European tour oh no that's the other thing

come on man this was supposed to be easy man alright dollar shave club press itinerary no subject is it this one okay these are the ones we were thinking about doing

okay I'm not going to say because I don't want you guys to get all fucking excited and then I don't go alright one of them rhymes oh this is a hard one to rhyme with ludapest

another one rhymes with ROG another one rhymes with Sienna Warsaw and Berlin maybe I'm going to do Germany maybe Cologne

Slovenia Brussels and I think we're going to add some more to that I mean it's maybe going to be in those areas okay because here's the deal dude if I get close to your fucking country you know just jump on a fucking train and go over once your paper please

you know how fucking far am I supposed to travel you cunts we'll see we'll work it out but I mean I want to do more dates than that so we'll see and this guy interestingly left says Poland wants you

dear bill my husband and I have been fans for many years we love the podcast and of course your specials and all the hilarious and creative content that all things comedy is putting out great stuff look at this all things comedy appealing to people around the world world

world world that's why we're crazy excited about your upcoming Eastern European tour we live in Europe Germany and Poland and think you should consider Warsaw Poland as one of your stops there's a pretty lively

English language stand up comedy scene here I love it check out worldwide comedy facebook.com slash worldwide comedy and twitter.com slash whatever the fuck that is something about Warsaw for some information the food beer and vodka are great

oh you had me at beer and vodka you'll see the scars of world war 2 and soviet occupation all over the place for example on the city streets and highways

driving can be a serious hazard a driving with bill special edition episode would be really funny I could possibly do that for some reason they wrote WRO like roar claw

is a great university I thought they spoke Warsaw wrong roar claw is a great university city with an awesome history which we know interests you it used to be called Breslau

and it was one of the Nazi strongholds at the end of world war 2 you can google Breslau or Siege of Breslau for some of the insane back story I will definitely be doing that in fact the Nazis evacuated the city

as the allies were approaching they evacuated the citizens to Dresden Germany where they were mostly all killed in allied fire bombing oh yeah whoever lost world war 2 was going to be tried for war crimes

there was all kinds of evil done in that also this is one of the cities where the solidarity movement started in 1980 which contributed to the collapse of communism oh I remember that guy, the guy with the big mustache he got you guys all

mobilized over there, forget the guy's name plus there are like 400 dwarf statues hidden all around the city weird but cool anyways we hope you'll consider adding Poland to your Eastern European tour thanks for the great content you and the ATC network

are putting out, we love it PS, your name in Polish would be either Wielik or Wielusz fuck I can, just by those names alone I can hear the fucking

weight that I'm going to fucking be putting on when I go over there, I can't wait to do it I've never been there um you know I'm going to talk to my to my agent again on Monday about this shit

I mean I might as well do as many as I can when the fuck am I ever going to be back alright and uh so here's the deal, I'm going to go over there and all I need is you cunts better show up alright because I don't want to be over there eating some fucking bratwurst and fucking

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by going to movement.com mvmt.com see why movement keeps growing check out their expanding collection go to mvmt.com join the goddamn movement I was actually going to order a movie in the hotel room

and for whatever fucking reason they want $24.99 is that because nobody is going to the movies anymore so they're trying to make back the fucking budget of the movie I actually worked on a movie this week written by

and directed by the one and only Steve Byrne he got me a couple days on his movie and old freckles went down there and I played a cunt so it wasn't much of a stretch I wasn't really acting I just sort of did

what the fuck I normally do anyways you know what the great thing about not drinking is aside waking up fresh as a goddamn daisy I mean my freckles glow when I wake up when I'm not drinking is I got on the plane and I landed and I went down and I worked out

and then took a fucking steam and I'm knocking out my podcast here I would not have done this granted I don't have any crazy stories about going into bars and shit which kind of feeds the podcast you know but at some point

I just have to make a decision here you know am I going to wake up sober with a less funny podcast or am I going to keep boozing and continue to crush the podcast game

no I'm kidding I actually have no idea where my podcast is in the overall I know all these fucking people that do podcasts like I'm the number one fucking like everybody's fucking number one everybody has a million fucking downloads I don't want to get it

how can everybody be number one everybody's in the fucking top ten dude I had this guy on as a guest and he put me in the top ten I'm fucking high dudes um anyways what the fuck was I just looking up

I want to look up that shit about the fucking Nazis dude World War II the fucking crimes against the shit that you read like the shit that American troops I read this fucking thing and this guy shot this Japanese soldier

and like the guy couldn't like fucking move I don't know he was like paralyzed and he had gold teeth and the dude was still alive and the fucking guy took a knife out was digging the gold teeth out of the guy's mouth while he was alive and the dude was screaming in agony another American soldier went up and just shot

the guy like Jesus Christ put him out of his fucking misery crazy you know what I mean but everybody makes movies and everybody on one side is fucking evil and everybody else dude you can't you can't be involved in that shit with people

go fucking nuts you know especially all it is is just I would think that once like look how mad I got at that fucking old lady who gave me the flare chop now imagine if I was man enough to join the armed services

right armed forces whatever the fuck you call them and I'm out there on patrol and I see one of my friends get killed like what kind of fucking moody are you gonna be after that you know it's fucking insane and I swear to God the more I watch the Discovery Channel

and the more I watch chimpanzees behavior I swear to God just watch those fuckers watch what the fuck they do to each other what the fuck they do to other monkeys and shit I'm telling you that's what we are

whenever I watch shit on TV I've been sending this for years I just always think of this fucking documentary that I watched these chimpanzees and like 10 of them ganged up on this other chimp they fucking fuck this thing up did horrible things

agonizing things that this monkey killed it then afterwards they were all fucking amped up and it was like they were all talking shit about what they did in the fight so whenever I watch shit on TV and I see like you know Trump talking this shit or that fat fuck over there in Korea running his fucking I swear to God

he looks like a giant piece of fucking you ever eat Toro sushi it's like from the softest part of the tuna like melts in your mouth like God help that guy if he's ever in a plane crash that lands in a snowy mountain and they gotta start eating people cause that guy is gonna be a prime cut

he's all fucking marbled you know he's the boss's son he's never done shit you know isn't it funny that he walks around in that army outfit and he's like fat you know I was like when you go to those fat people

that always wear workout clothes that old joke anyways here we go let's read another one here Africa a billy freckle fuck long time fan love your work blah blah blah I know you're planning on touring Eastern Europe next year we got another one

but how about a tour of South Africa at some point if you and the lovely Nia ever managed to make your way to this side of the world please don't hesitate to contact also always know always want to know if you are friends with Brian Cranston

or not due to your time together on Breaking Bad thanks so much and go fuck yourself p.s. when are you gonna be on Conan again questions alright let's start with Africa I'd love to go over there and I can tell you this right now there's no way I would go on one of those fucking safaris

in that open car as those lions walk up looking at you I know that they say that like those lions like they look at the car and the person all is like one giant thing

so that's why they don't just don't jump up and just somebody off the truck well one of these days one of those lions is gonna figure it out and they're gonna yank somebody off the truck and it ain't gonna be fucking me I can tell you that right now

do you ever see that fucking video that uh that poor woman as an Asian family she didn't want to she was driving through the safaris she didn't want to drive and she got out and walked around the car and I'm telling you man this tiger comes into frame frame and grabs her

and yanks like I couldn't yank like a dish rag out of frame faster then this thing took this 115 pound woman out of the frame and then like her son or something didn't know what to do and this fucking hero

ran over there and then he ended up getting killed and his mom got like mauled or something it was fucking brutal fucking brutal so I know you're probably laughing going Bill the city's over here it's not just a bunch of lions and tigers fucking walking around

I know but I'm just saying the touristy thing to go over there you basically your zoo is the jungle unless I'm crazy I don't know anyways what was the other thing I always want to know if you are friends with Brian Cray I'm friendly with him

the few times I've run into him have I run into him since breaking bad I don't think I have during breaking bad I ran into him at a party with a mutual friend yeah and I don't remember I don't ever remember us coming to blows so I would say

that we are very friendly but we don't hang if that's what your question is when am I going to be on Conan again I don't know hopefully soon I fucking love Conan I love South Africa and I love Brian Cranston I mean you went three for three here

alright the crazies the crazies hey Bill the crazy little thing about you getting called a Republican douche is that I see just as many people on Reddit and Twitter accusing you of being a liberal softy yes and all of that

is is just more evidence of what a cunt I am alright when I'm in LA I make Farna Hillary when I'm in a red state I make fun of Trump you know

I don't understand being in front of a group of people and just saying what they already think like where is the fun in that say the opposite of what they think and make them mad and see if he can get them to stay right anyways seems like people just attack

and focus on only one thing they care about as you always say I love you, congrats on Royal Abel Hall it's my dream to play trumpet there thanks and go fuck yourself I hope that dream comes true yeah

yeah I've been accused of it all depends on what the argument is yeah I think yeah I've been called a red-pilled eating Republican I've been called

a liberal libertard snowflake cuckold all of that shit and I've been called a centrist I love this centrist one like isn't that the smart one where you kind of in the middle you lean a little bit I lean left

I think I do anyways it all depends on who the fuck I'm talking to depends on how far left you are um or how far right you are you probably think I lean way left I don't know but centrist is somebody like I don't know I can be swayed

you know you present a good fucking argument you know take a guy like Ted Nugent I don't agree with a lot of this shit that that guy says but he does say shit on occasion I'm like that I agree with I just don't write people off 100%

you know and I also don't think that I have all the fucking answers so if that makes me I don't know what the fuck that makes me he's a centrist do you realize how fucking douchey that is that adults literally have to like come up

and label everything what that really means is you don't think the way I think and I can't fucking handle it so I'm gonna come up with a word that is gonna have some sort of negative connotation and I think you're so weak as a person that it will have found a fuck what

I really don't give a shit you're a centrist am I okay all right you're a liberal snowflake yeah okay all right you're a Trump supporter fine there you go now go yell about that to somebody

at work anyways documentary about origin of soccer oh by the way I learned more about that world cup trophy somebody sent me this thing on twitter okay so there's one world cup trophy and you're not allowed to have it because it's worth like 20 million bucks

so if you win it they actually give you a replica of it this is what this person was trying to tell me I don't know if any of this is true then somebody else told me that if you win like three of them you actually get to keep the fucking thing and Brazil has one they had to make another one

now rather than just telling you guys shit that I've heard I could actually look up world cup trophy which I can't believe how small it is it's ridiculous world cup trophy history here we go

all right and I'm gonna click on let me do what everybody does when you search something on the fucking internet is you just take the first what the fuck is this thing where the hell did this just take me have you noticed now like

it just gives you one option you know they're paying people are paying for that look at this it keeps taking me the same fucking site world cup trophy history search google

come on you keeps taking me this fucking website I'm not gonna name the name of it look at that it just fucking kicked me off you fucking cunts how much do they pay I can only go to you

world cup trophy and a triple trophy history search google there we go all right I was a fucking glitch or something the world cup is a gold trophy oh it's actually

made out of gold ours is fake shit no wonder ours is so big I think the Stanley cup is made out of fucking aluminum stainless steel maybe is a gold trophy that is awarded to the winners of the fifa world cup associated since the advent of the world cup in

1932 trophies that have been used the jewels remit trophy from 1930 to 1970 and the fifa world cup trophy from 1974 to present day the first trophy originally named victory

but later renamed in honor of fifa president jewels remit or is that you's remat I have no idea was made of gold plated sterling silver and lapis zooli whatever the fuck that is as

depicted and depicted the greek goddess of victory oh is that what the sneaker company has I didn't know that wait let's do a quick little aside here in ancient greek mythology

nike was a goddess who personified victory her roman equivalent was victoria she was variously described as the daughter of the titan upon the gods I had no idea I had no fucking idea

look at that learning something even bill can learn something anyways brazil won the trophy outright in 1970 prompting the commissioning of the replacement well why did how did they win it outright they just won it so many times like

fuckers we're sick of carting it across the world the original jewels remit trophy was stolen in 1983 and never recovered what there's only one that's a drug lord fucking Pablo Escobar had that or something

the subsequent trophy called the fifa world cup trophy was introduced in 1974 made of 18 carat gold with a something ok now wait a second wait a second world cup trophy stolen

maybe it wasn't so fucking small they couldn't have stuck it under their shirt the theft of the jewels remit trophy it was stolen in 1966 prior to the 1966 world cup the trophy was later recovered one man I thought they said they didn't get it one man Steve Crook of Bristol

was convicted for being involved but other possible culprits are still in there you can't tell me that guy's not a fucking legend trophy placed and how come that hasn't been made into a movie some sort of fucking comedy was he some jerk off from a sports bar the football associate received the theft

on the March 20th Sunday March 20 when the guards began a noon circuit around 1220 they noticed that someone had forced open the display case and the rear doors of the building and stolen the trophy the wooden bar that held the trophy that held the door closed was lying on the floor

that's all they had to stop them these removed the screws and the bolts that held the other side of the door they went to Home Depot and bought some screwdrivers and stole the biggest sports trophy in the fucking world what a simple time the padlock from the back of the display case

taken the trophy and left the way they came none of the guards had seen or heard anything suspicious though one of them reported that he had seen a strange man by the public telephone when he had visited the lavatory on the first floor Jesus those guys were fucking off huh

Scotland Yard took control of the case and gave it to the flying squad the flying squad what the fuck is that sounds like a musical the flying squad also known as the robbery squad is a bunch, is a branch of this

the serious and organized crime command did an 8 year old name all this shit with London's Metropolitan Police raw is this serious it's not the frivolous crime command

this is the serious and organized crime squad's purpose is to investigate commercial armed and unarmed robberies along with the prevention sounds like they have uniforms oh then somebody actually they ransom for the fucking thing

on March 21st Joe Mears the chairman of the football certainly received an anonymous phone call the unknown man said that Mears would receive a parcel at Chelsea Football Club the next day the parcel was delivered to Mears home it contained the removable lining

from the top of the trophy and a ransom note that demanded 15,000 pounds in one dollar one in five pound notes the letter stated that the FAA should place a code coded ad

blah blah blah blah blah blah despite the warnings that Mears contacted the police detective Charles Buggy of the flying squad and gave the trophy lining and the letter to him police told Mears to place an ad

and contacted a bank created a false ransom payment out of bundles of ordinary paper with real money only at the top and the bottom which were placed in a suitcase two police officers were to act as Mears assistants and handing over the money and went home to a well ok

so Mears was suffering from an asthma attack so his wife answered instead and gave the phone to assistant McPhee oh McPhee Jackson was nervous but finally agreed to arrange a switch and told McPhee to come to you fucking moron

and then he got caught isn't that something you see that you learn something every god damn day don't you what a fucking dope you should have just kept the goddamn thing then you can't what are you gonna show your friends they're gonna fucking

open their mouths trying to get laid alright anyways documentary about the origin of soccer hey Bill you're talking about the origin of soccer last podcast and I want to give you a recommendation to watch Wild in the Streets it's the origin of all football including rugby

soccer and your football it is literally a type of rugby played by an entire town north versus south the entire city is the field they play on well worth a watch especially for sports fan I found it on amazon slash fire tv

have a good day alright I'll try to check that out lastly but not least classic movies dear Billy Dollars after he talked about Le Mans last month I decided to watch the movie I really loved it I never knew I needed to drive through Europe till I saw that movie

I'm 22 and the first thing I noticed was how differently it was compared to the schizophrenic stuff I grew up with it was very calming in a way I was wondering if you could recommend any good movies from that era I'm going to keep watching McQueen movies I was hoping you could give more titles from the

era so I don't burn out all of all of his at once you can't go wrong with Steve McQueen you can't go wrong with Paul Newman obviously Paul Newman you got it I would watch the hustler I

liked HUD what else cool hand Luke Steve McQueen and Yule Brenner you got to go Magnificent 7 Cincinnati Kid

Bullet and for those of you before you go see the rock movie go watch the towering Inferno if you watch the towering Inferno and then you watch Die Hard I think you'll see those two are combined when they sold that movie

the new rock movie I feel like it's those two movies combined um wow I haven't thought about movies in a minute what else did I like from back then I liked all the Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Westerns

Love Charles Bronson anything with Lee Marvin in it The Dirty Dozen Bridge on the River Kwai Kelly's Heroes The Great Escape Speaking of which do you know when I did Steve Burns movie

the character that I'm playing at one point is putting golf balls in his office and somebody connected with the movie was friends with the James Garner estate speaking of The Great Escape and the putter I used was James

Garner's old putter and I was fucking unbelievable because you know I always watch me TV and the Rockford Files is one of my favorite shows of all time and I love it even more than I did when I was a kid because I never understood

like I think loser's too harsh a word but like how much this guy was struggling in life he lived on a trailer on the beach he had the firebird he didn't have the money for the trans am

and he couldn't sustain a relationship I mean the guy was a mess he didn't like to fight I mean he was just fucking funny as hell that's another one that I love but I am right now I'm just burning through that 77 Sunset Strip with Ephraim Zimbalist Jr

I just can't get enough of that show and it's just that classic shit where anytime a woman comes on screen they play that fucking saxophone music man it's just fucking hilarious Ephraim's smoking in like every other scene in his drink is he likes an old

fashion rye and like back then they were building a character like they had to have their drink and they had to have a car and Ephraim Zimbalist's character in 77 Sunset Strip is

he favors a Ford Thunderbird convertible and I've only seen season 6 so I think that was a 1963 or a 64 Thunderbird convertible but I went online and I watched the intro to all the different seasons

and he seems to have late 50's once because it ran from like 57 to 63 it was like 6 seasons or something like that so it'd be cool if I'm watching it and he gets a new Thunderbird every year convertible and once again

the restaurant this office that he's coming out of is Dean Martin's Dinos that old restaurant that he had and which was on Sunset Boulevard at the corner of La Cienaga on the southwest side of the street

pretty fucking badass anyways I'm an old man and I got two shows to do here thank you to everybody that came out to Portland last night I had such great shows and thank you to everybody who's coming out to my shows tonight in Seattle

this is one of my favorite cities and I think the next time I come here I'm gonna try to do like what I did with San Francisco I'm gonna play a smaller venue and just be here for a week and I'm gonna bring my wife and kid up here because the lovely Nia always wanted to go to Seattle

and I've never brought her up here and I don't know it's a shame because it's so fucking close and it just never seems to work out with their schedule so I think next time I might do one of my favorite theaters in the country which is the Moore Theater which for you rock fans

that's where Allison Shane shot that black and white and that's where Pearl Jam shot that video Eddie Vedder climbed up the side and dropped down into the crowd right remember that song alright that's it

go fuck yourselves congratulations to France winning the world cup congratulations to Croatia England, Belgium all you guys that got down to the final four it's fucking incredible it was an incredible thing to watch and I hope to go the next time there's a world cup back in on you on Thursday

see ya