Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-17-23

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

Bill rambles about Schwarzenegger's rise, Japan, and Therapy. SimpliSafe:   Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.simplisafe.com/BURR ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR  

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday Monday July 17th 2023 What's going on? How why yeah How's things in your neck of the woods there? Podcasts a little later got I got confused I got so confused this weekend because

usually if I do to If I'm working two nights, it's either Thursday Friday or Friday Saturday However This weekend it was Saturday Sunday, which was really weird. So all day yesterday I was feeling like it was Saturday and then I woke up this morning But do do and I got on the plane. I was like wait a minute. It's fucking Monday. I Old the good people of the fucking podcast, we're all the goddamn podcasts.

So my apologies for being late. Am I reminding you of some fucking person you're sick of in your life? Oh, listen man, I'm sorry I'm late. Well listen, I left my wallet at my house, I'm so, oh listen, ma'am, sorry, I'm late. Well, listen, I left my wallet at my house. I'm so, oh, listen, you know what? Yeah. Do you have accidentally do something

for everybody else? You fucking cunt. Anyway, sorry, I'm getting away from that air condition. It was a little loud there. I want to thank everybody who came out this weekend. All right, I had an incredible incredible show Saturday night and Sunday night. Two of my favorite shows of the year. I mean, I was on stage. I didn't even feel like I was doing my act. I was just talking. It was just flowing through me. And I really

feel it was the energy that the people would bring it. So, thank you so much. And part of it might have been the coffee I had. Gotta give a shout out. I was in Tacoma, and I was on the road with Nate Craig and Bianca Cristavio, and they both fucking killed it. And we had, you know, just a great time for hanging out and I had, I think Nate Googled the coffee

and we ended up trying this place, Manifesto Coffee, which was just out of this fucking world. I came back the next day to get some more, it was fucking delicious. I'll tell you this one, so many makes it a espresso. Shout out to Luis, by the way. The owner was talking all about coffee, was just, you know, neck deep and coffee talk, the guy was just all about it, man.

I wasn't gonna say he, the way they do it, anytime I go to a coffee shop, if they have like, an espresso and they give you that little shot of fucking salsa water after it to cleanse your palate. You know, the little I know about coffee, I'm like, okay, these people, these people are not fucking around, right? I feel like that's the equivalent when you fly first class and they come around with that

hot washcloth. Which, you're supposed to just wipe your hands off. But Americans, we always wipe our face too, but then people made fun of us on the internet I think we finally stopped doing that because I noticed everybody else stopped doing it I thought that's what you supposed to do it that this was You know wake myself. I was always doing that. I was washing my goddamn face with it Anyway Had an amazing time in Tacoma.

I got, oh man, I have a couple of killer bits that are just topical. And now that this fucking business is shut down everybody's on strike, which by the way, can you believe that fucking cunt? I don't know who said it. Some fucking douche said, we're not gonna negotiate with writers

until they start losing their apartments in their houses. Just, I mean, did I say that on the last, but I still cannot fucking get over that you can publicly say something like that. During these unbelievably sensitive times, you can't even call a fat fuck, a fat fuck anymore. And this guy can say,

I mean, that is like some shit right out of like a fucking super here like Lex Luthor would say some shit like that. Eh, no one cares. That is the funny thing about being in this business. Everybody around the country seems to fucking hate Hollywood. I think everyone out here is a bunch of cunts until you have a hurricane or a flood and then you're like we need help and then we always show up with our tap dance and shoes and our little top hats and our cane.

We do a little dance for you. And then you say, thank you so much. We appreciate it. And the second the water drains out of your basements. What are you guys? Fuck those fucking pedophile, little tired pieces of shit. It's really a toxic relationship.

Anyway. I hope they're not gonna do it. I hope they just, you know, just pay the fucking writers. Just fucking pay them your cons. Anyway. I wonder, need we bigger house, like I could get some more horse

Then we went up to Edmonton that was my that was my My inside information and what the strike is all about then we went up to Edmonton And it looked like the day after the end of the world they have wildfires up there once again You know nobody doing shit about it nobody gives a fuck People that can actually do something about, nobody gives a fuck. People that can actually do something about it, nobody gives a fuck, you know, they already have, they're already hooked up with a lifetime supply of fucking coffee beans and a little fucking bed under the mountain. Wherever these people are gonna go in the spaceship when it's all used up, that's my theory. They're gonna be, and then Netflix is going to be watching us eat each

other or bursting into flames. Sorry. I apologize. But anyway, the show in Edmonton, I'm not going to lie to you, I showed up. There was 10,000 people outside in a park. The sun's still out even though it was night because we're up way north of the equator. And it was still light out. And there was all this haze because of the wildfires. And I was just looking at this shit going like, did my agent book me fucking 31? Fucking 31 years of my career

to do stand up in a fucking park. I used to do gigs like this eight months into my career. And I was like, this is gonna be a hell gig. These people are gonna be fucking wasted, then I'm gonna be listening. And I was 100% wrong. It's one of the best crowds I ever performed to. They were sitting there,

they were listening, they were laughing. It was, it boggled my mind how great it was. I was like ten times during the amount of time I was up there, I kept thinking, how is this so good? Everything is working against what is happening right now yet it is all working it was fantastic and uh... i also i hit the gym every single day the green shirt diet if you have problems going to the gym i have a solution this documentary on netflix

although i feel like a fucking asshole telling you go to a streaming service with more than these cuts one to pay anybody. I was watching that Arnold Schwarzenegger documentary and, oh my god. Episode two of that thing was one of the funniest fucking stories. Dude, this guy, he just didn't give a fuck. He went from a bodybuilder. He wants to be an actor, and somehow, he starts buying real estate, because he heard it was a good investment. He was like, I became a millionaire before I even,

I even, you know, tried to act. So then I didn't have to do the bullshit parts. You know, my agents, they wanted me to do smaller parts, be a character actor, fuck the bullshit. I wanna be the star, I wanna be the lead, right? I was just fucking out of tune. And everyone was telling me it was too big and he had a fucking accent.

So he somehow gets a meeting with this guy, he's made like 500 fucking movies. He walks in there with this agent. And I guess the guy was a little fella and he had this giant desk. Swatching a assesses that and then to start the meeting, he goes, what is a little man need such a big desk? desk. The fucking dude lost his mind. The little guy got all mad and he starts, yeah, fuck you, I'm not gonna use you. I cannot use you.

You know, he's Italian, right? Off the boat. He goes, I cannot use you. He goes, you have an accent. And Schwarzenegger goes, you have an accent, too. He fucking threw him out of his office. He goes, he was walking out of his office and his fucking agent was yelling and I'm going,

that meaty was a minute 45 seconds. In the history of Hollywood, there's never been a faster meaty. I gotta tell you something man, the fucking, the brains and the balls on that guy. I mean, I've thought about, I thought, I've not stopped thinking about that. How he went in there and just,

just like the power that that guy had, Just like the power that that guy had. It's all it's all dependent on the person he's talking to giving a fuck. And the fact that Schwarzenegger did not give a fuck, the floor went out from underneath this little guy and he didn't know what to do. I'm sure he tried to fucking stop him from to do. I'm sure he tried to fucking stop him from long story short is the guy ended up producing Conan the barbarian and Schwarzenegger was up for the role and he didn't want him to get the role and Schwarzenegger killed it he still got it. So the little fella comes down to the set on one of the days and he watches Schwarzenegger and Schwarzenegger is killing it and he said he walked all the way up the hill up to me

And he just looked at me and he said you are Conan the barbarian And he walked away and I was thinking yeah, I know him. I have the world Dude that fucking ice cold logic. All right. The only time I ever heard it like that was when I was in Finland. There's something you get into, like, part of fucking Europe.

I don't know what the background is for that mindset, but it is astounding when you run into it. Just fucking straight facts or whatever, but just like I got such, it was so inspiring, because I've seen a ton of people pretending like they don't give a fuck, but like to believe in yourself to that level. I don't even know what. I don't think of, well, maybe he just went in there

and he was so competitive that he was actually like legitimately asking. Why does a little guy need such a big desk? Like he's trying to figure him out. Like what are you doing? You know, with your little socks and shoes over there and your little pants, like why do you need this big fucking desk? Did it like in Tregum?

It's gonna torture me for the rest of my life. Was he straight up fucking with the guy? Or was he, did it not add up? You know, like a cop on the beat for fucking 25 years. It just doesn't make sense. Doesn't add up and he's thought you know columball he comes back You know it's just one more thing. Why why is it? It's a little fellow. He got to say why why could be good said your big desk um

And then when the guy got mad he didn't even flinch And fucking beat him in point counterpoint it was just I'm telling you And fucking beat him in point counterpoint. It was just I'm telling you You got to watch the thing I'm gonna everybody used to make fun of him too when he would drive around in the hummers None of us knew that he was in the army in Austria and was a tank driver Used to drive around a tank with a fucking cigar hanging out of his mouth. I mean the guy is just like I don't even know what It's unreal. You become like, you just watch the fucking thing. After the strike. After the strike.

Am I actually, I'm not allowed to promote any projects, but I'm not in that one. But I will tell you, I watched that fucking thing, and it's like, alright. I'm not gonna get on a fucking elliptical tomorrow. I throw the weights around a little bit, you know. I finally give it into my age. I just take low weight and I just do high reps. I work all the muscle groups. I have a picture in my mind that I'm wheeling my body.

I just have his fucking voice in my head. I have to watch that episode again. Do you know when somebody just does something so cool, like you wished you did it? You know? And then you start fantasizing that you actually did it? That shit was so fucking cool. I wish I did it, but I can't even trick my own mind

and thinking that I would ever do something that as cool as that. The guy's an immigrant. Brutal accent can barely speak the fucking language and goes in there and just fucking pants. Deep pants is this fucking guy. I wouldn't give him anything in the world after he said that, to see that little guy's face and his fucking agent. His agent, trying to say, because this agent wasn't just worried about his client there. He was like, this motherfucker's not going to meet any of my clients

after this one. And I'm not going to lie to you. That reminds me of Buddy Mine after this one. And I'm not gonna lie to you, that reminds me of Buddy Mine, a comedian, pitched a show at fucking CBS a long fucking time ago, and CBS was a notoriously cold rum. And he went in there and it was funny, they were being assholes and he was an asshole and he couldn't handle basically meeting

himself and he fucking imploded and just verbally abused all of them and fucking walked out to the point. I was managed by the same guy and we had to beg them to let me come in there so I could go in there and I fucking, I didn't curse them out or anything. I just sat, I put on my top hat and Cain and did my little dance and they just fucking stared at me. Uh, it was one of those pitch means you just, yeah, like, you didn't have to walk it off.

It was just so bad. You went out to the parking lot and just laughed like, it didn't even hurt because there was, you could feel there was no hope even just walking in there so and that happened to me a lot so just seeing shouts and they could go walking in on one of the first ones into fucking asset question oh my god it's just like poetry absolute poetry anyway God, it's just like, poetry. Absolute poetry.

Anyway, I was really fucking excited about how those sets went this weekend and I kind of have more material than I know what to do with, which is not a feeling I've had in a while. So, I mean, I even have a hand job joke that I didn't even fucking do. Which is not a feeling I've had in a while so I Mean I even have a hand job joke that I didn't even fucking do I was speaking of which look at the hang on a second

That's funny. I put you guys on hold. It was my agent calling me who I was like cursing out To myself when I was standing outside about ready to do that fucking show in the park. And what am I fucking Paul Simon? The fuck is he booking me this shit out here for? He's, he's, he's Garfunkel going on in front of me. What the fuck are we doing? Am I sharing the bill with Peter Paul and Mary there? And then it went up and it was awesome. So I'm gonna tell him when he calls me back

because he did the classic, I pick up the phone, hello, and he goes, ah shit, can I call you right back? All right. Anyway, so if you get a chance, if you get a chance, and then I have to be up, I'm not gonna lie to you, man. The stuff about his brother, Arnold's brother, is absolutely fucking heartbreaking. And it's the kind of story that like,

I mean, I just like, people not understanding like sensitive kids is just fucking one of the most heartbreaking things you could ever fucking witness or hear about. And I don't know what it is about sensitive kids. I think they've viewed as weak. And back in the day, I think like parents had like this, like they took on, took it on and felt like,

you know, I don't have weak kids. I have strong sperm. because like they took on, took it on and felt like, I don't have weak kids, I have strong sperm, I just make fucking warriors and they don't realize that there's all these different ways of being strong. Oh God, there's a couple of stories that Arnold tells men, oh my God, the fucking heartbreaking, but it's an incredible. Oh God, I would kill to listen any of those tapes. Yeah, you aren't, we're gonna,

we'll get you some small roles and, you know, you do some character actors stuff, that's how we're gonna, and he's like, fucking bullshit, doing those stupid fucking parts. I want to be the star. And then listening to this guy, going like, how the fuck am I going to make you a star when you talk like that?

I'm not going to say shit to you. You're fucking bicep is bigger than my head. I mean, that must have been the, like, somebody says it in the documentary. Says he is the most incredible career of anybody ever. I mean, as far as like, where he came from, what he sounded like and what he ended up doing is just fucking close by now i'm going on and on about it we get it bill we get it

we understand it within a check it out alright well guess what i just finished four motherfucking weekends in a row four weekends in a row. Four weekends in a row. Bull Billy has the rest of the month off. Tell me what you gonna do. Billy boy, Billy boy, tell me what you gonna do. Charmin Billy, I'm gonna swim with my kids, play some drums and fly a helicopter because I don't give a fuck

because I wrapped up when I was in Edmonton, standing out in the park, talking about my dick. I wanna get, I'm gonna do like three long flights this week. That's what I wanna do, and I'm gonna take a little drum lesson, have a cup of coffee, and then I'm hanging out with my kids. And that's my thing. If you guys are parents and I'm going to take a little drum lesson, have a cup of coffee and then I'm hanging out with my kids. And that's my thing. If you guys are parents, I'm telling you right now, this is what you do during summer vacation.

All right? You just every single day, like, I am doing something with my kids. All right? You do it in the morning so you did it. You did it. It's not hanging over your head. You don't feel guilty if you're fucking go out and sit in a cafe and try and practice French for the umpteenth millionth time.

And you think, I gotta get home, I gotta fuck you, you did it. It's like, home to the gym. Go to the gym. Fucking get ready, you've got damn blubber. Oh my God, I finally stepped on the scale. Jesus Christ. After two weeks of going to the gym,

I was still a buck 86. All right, I need to be like 168, 172. And I've only been like 190 a couple times in my life, 190, 191, it was all during like COVID. So I don't even want to know what my fucking weight was. If I lost a couple two, three pounds each, I think I was kind of at my heaviest. So I was hoping it was going to be low 180s.

So, but I did it, you know, I was avoiding the scale, you know? But I was such a fat fuck that even like, lose in a little bit of weight, I was looking in the mirror and I was like, I, you know, looking alright, let's look about it. It might be 179.8, step on the scale. I don't want to step on the scale. Just step on the scale, just on the scale. I don't wanna step on the scale. Just step on the scale, just get the information and I will over and I stepped on the fucking scale.

That's another problem that I had. A long time ago, if you go back on my podcast, I said, you gotta weigh yourself every fucking day so it doesn't get out of control. And I knew it was getting out of control and I broke my own rule and instead of just putting on five pounds, I put on like fucking north of 20. Like the stupid bald freckled content I am. So now,

I'm just, I'm just going every day. I actually had a meal, I had a berry salad and brussel sprouts. And I was eating it and I actually felt great afterward. I kind of go back and forth with that vegetarian shit, but I've also been eating meat, so I wasn't like, I tried this a long time ago, I was like, you know, I'm seeing one vegetarian meal a day. Why don't I do that?

You know why? Because it's hard. That's why. It's because it requires me to make an F of me. Go out and go get some chicken or beef or something. I know where to go for that. I don't want to start all over again. It's like learning a language.

I already know how to speak one. I don't want to try to learn another one, like a fucking two years old. But I will say, when you do live like that, eat a little bit less or whatever. I have got myself though, I don't fuck with potato chips, I don't eat cookies, I just say it out loud, I just go, I don't eat that stuff. I don't eat that stuff. I don't eat that stuff. What'd you say? I don't eat cookies. I just say it out loud. I just go, I don't eat that stuff. I don't eat that stuff.

What'd you say? I don't eat that stuff. You get a fucking problem. Yeah, I don't eat desserts. I don't eat fucking potato. I'm not even gonna have fucking cake on my birthday. You know? So I'm not five years old.

Like, why am I having a fucking piece of cake? I'll tell you why, because it's fucking delicious. That's a line in the sand, you know, with fatties. Cake up high. I mean, morbidly obese people just say yes. You know what I mean? They're like the porn stars of food eaters like they have a threesome You know where everybody else is like well, you know, I'm sort of you know

What do they call it monogamous? I have cake or pie They're like no, I want both Would you like a candy bar or some ice cream? Yes Cut it up stick it in there freeze up, and I'll fucking inhale it. It's amazing, man. It's like, they're food stories. It's like listening to Keith Richards tell stories about being on tour in the fucking 70s, except rather than like smack and coke, it's fucking food.

You know? I'm not really trashing fat people right now as much as I'm missing what I was eating that got me this fat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know what I mean? You're a bald ginger. You're going to add fat to them? You're going to be a fat bald red-headed male. You think that the world is going to come to you after that? You are a sadly mistaken. Or is it sorely? Sadly you're sorely mistaken.

I don't know exactly what the terminology is. But, not for me. Anyway, so we are in the dog days of July. Dog days of baseball, right? I'm gonna watch some baseball when I'm home. I'll be starting, I'm starting to see people, you know, they're starting to hint that football's right around the corner.

What, what, what, what, can you believe it? Do you believe it? I am fucking, it's excited. The Bruins Resign, Milan Luchiche, right? I haven't heard anything about Bergeron. I gotta feel when he's done. He's gonna retire. What a fucking career.

His name's on the cup. One of the great centers of all time and human beings. So I figure it becomes, Craig you'll probably retire too, and then I think it becomes Brad Martianstein. You know, maybe he wears the C, I don't know how it works, but I'm looking forward to it, and I'm not worried about last, you know,

last year, I wouldn't even call it a collapse, because I don't believe in the regular season. You know, like it's this, you know, if you fucking crushed a regular season, you know, if you're beating the shit out of a lot of these teams that aren't even gonna be there, really doesn't mean anything, doesn't. I mean, last time we had this level of a heartbreaking loss,

was when we got swept by the flyers. After we had this level of a heartbreaking loss was when we got swept by the flyers. After we had won three games and we didn't get swept. We lost four straight after winning three straight. And we were like, oh my god, what the fuck. And the very next year we won the cup. So I'm hoping that that's going to happen. I'm hoping that that's going to happen I'm hoping that that's gonna happen. All right, let's do some dad talk.

I have to tell you, we've been all, me and my two kiddos that just every single day have been in the pool, except he's last two because I was on the road. But every single, I already came home and I was like, I said in my daughter, I was like, I gotta do my podcast and she was just like, oh, I was like, all right, let's go to the pool first.

Do the pool first, all right? Work before play, or play before work, whatever it is, responsibility, all right? So it is the most fun thing I've ever, I think I've done with my kids so far. As much as riding bikes with them is fun, there's something about being in a pool. Everybody's smiling and laughing, and I just love looking at my son. Like, he's such a good swimmer already, because he's looking at his older sister.

Like, he comes up from under the water and he immediately smiles to look to see where she is, or what she's doing, and then he wants to do it. And I got great hugs from them when I came home. It's funny, my son is so like, like testosterone, you know, climbing up on stuff and having little temper tantrums and throwing his toys and stuff. But when I come home, he's such a little sweetheart. He goes, da, da, da, da, da. And he's like hugging me, kisses the, might like my nose.

And he's like that for like 90 seconds. And then I set him down and then that's it. Takes off, goes and destroys the house. But, you know, he's young, he'll grow out of it. All right, let's do the reads here. All right, oh, simply safe, everybody. You know, when an intruder threatens your home every second counts, it's why I am so excited

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uh... sorry z ip r e c r u i t e r sippercrutter the smartest way to hire come to japan is the first email of the week do you know I was just talking to some friends of mine about this? Do you know way back in the day? It's one of the most brutal things I ever saw.

60 minutes was doing something on the work culture in Japan. Now this was like in the 1970s or 80s. And this fucking guy, this was like in the 1970s or 80s. And this fucking guy, this guy, Japanese dude, in Japan, working for a Japanese company run by Japanese people, right? He messed up at work somehow. And his whole family was like disappointed, lost face, whatever they call it. So he had to get back in the graces, the good graces of the CEO of the company. And I swear to God,

he walks into the room after they like tried to reprogram him, whatever. And he fucking had to sing like the company song or something and he's singing the song To these four people that are sitting at this desk completely expressionless and he's like fucking cry and singing the company fucking song And I had not thought I just remember thinking like oh my god. Why, the guy still wants to work there. Like, how much you got to humiliate this dude, right? So, I don't know why. Last night, that somehow popped into my head.

I don't even know why I popped into my head and I was telling the story, remembering it. Now, just how crazy then? Then somebody from Japan writes in, come to Japan. Okay, first of all, I would fucking love to go to Japan. I would love to go over there. It looks unbelievable. Dear Bill, would you ever consider coming to Japan? I have for like 10 years, I've been trying to figure out a time in my schedule that would

work. I have kids now, so it's difficult, but I would 100% go there. One of the great experiences in my life was going on a tour that went through Asia and seeing, I don't know, the food, the people, the pop culture, the fashion, all of that was incredible. Literally the other side of the planet, the pop culture, the fashion, all of that was incredible. Literally the other side of the planet, I would love to. This person says, I thank you to appreciate our way of life. There's a great respect for cleanliness and efficiency. You speak in my language.

Our food is great and the city has a lot to offer. Bring your family. Thanks from Kyoto. First of all, I can't believe that you're all the way over in Japan and you listen to this podcast. So thank you for listening to it. And who doesn't want to go to a country that has a great respect for cleanliness and efficiency?

I mean, half the shit I lose my mind about has to do with that. When I'm walking around the house, you know. Someone says they're gonna do the dishes, and then you go to take one of the dishes off the dish rack, and there's still a film on it, because they did a half-ass job. I don't want to talk about it. Picking up your side of the fucking room, you know.

I would love to go over there. I know my wife would love to go. Maybe there's a way during a break. My daughter has a break from school and my son has a break. We could figure out a way to go over there. Yeah, that would be, that's kind of a bucket list one. You know, I want to go to Japan, I want to go to South America Brazil or Columbia or something go down there I want to see a motorcycle race down there Still never been to Africa

I don't know there's there's a lot of places I would love to see All right therapy talk. Oh Jesus here we go. Therapy talk. By the way, my agent never called me back. Can I clear it, but? Therapy talk. Hey, Bill, have you heard this new trend emerging

where people talk to strangers, friends, and families as if they were in a therapy session? Oh, God, are you talking about me? I think therapy is great for some, but for most, it's just a way to fill their narcissistic needs. Yeah, sometimes it's that sometimes it's because of childhood trauma, they don't have boundaries and they just fucking open up to anybody. Yeah, I saw somebody do that the other day in a shoe store. Fucking person was asking their shoe size. And they said, you know, the person was talking about how they grew up without a father. Okay, so it's like, hey man, it sounds awful anyway.

What color are you looking for? Can we talk about me for an hour? This is what this person says for the narcissistic people. Sure, if you have something real to work out, but all these people going and talking about how to deal with stuff at work or their stupid friends, drama are just wasting time.

Talking about the same shit week, every week, just to stretch the problem out and beat a dead horse. Now they're bringing it to the streets and wasting my day and the dumb couch talk. I work with a woman who interjects this stuff into conversation about the shipping and receiving department. Dig a hole and crawl in you put in it, you pussy. All right. As much as you're making good points here, you kind of seem like you got some issues too.

I actually relate to, because that's what I used to think when I was listening to people open up emotionally. And you were 100% right. I don't wanna hear about, you know, you got fucking touch funny by the birthday clown in the fucking 70s when, you know, we're sitting there digging a ditch.

Like I don't need to hear that I'm You know I Think she's a woman and she's at work. Can you say anything to that in the and oh look who decide to call back hang on a second hang on one second hang on one second Yeah, so anyway, as I was saying, you know, you got to be careful with women in the workplace. They kind of, they're holding four aces. So, um, Jesus Christ, what the fuck do you do with somebody like that? Why don't you just say, yeah, I know, you already told me that.

Yeah, I know, yeah, I know, he did old you and it upset you. It makes sense that you would be upset, but like, you know, we're trying to ship out these fucking packages here before next Valentine's Day. Would he say they're tuts you wanna give me a hand here? You wanna grab a tape gun and help fucking

wrap these things up here? What are we doing? Oh. You know what dude? I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what the fuck to do with that. But I feel you're paying with that. I actually feel both people's paying here.

I understand why that woman is doing that because she had never got the love or whatever she needed and Now she's just like this open faucet of anybody that listens to her They just puke out there fucking childhood You know what I say to people like that I go you should do some mushrooms You should do some mark. Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Yeah, look it up look it up So like what what is that. Yeah, look it up. Look it up. So like, what? What is that?

Yeah, listen, listen. It's your own thing, man. It's literally like learning how to do stand-up comedy. I could tell you a million fucking things. None of it's going to help you. You just need to get on a stage and do it. You could talk to me. I could touch you to you blue and face about much of the just

go do it go do it and uh... just to be you know safe here uh... ashaman is not a white guy in yoga pants that's all the advice I have for you. God, now you got me thinking about that stuff. How the fuck do you get out of that when someone is just like opening up? I don't know how to exist in the job world anymore because I left it in like 95. So in 1995, you're like, oh my God,

you shut up about your fucking childhood, and then she would cry. And then people are like, come on man, and then you go over and you would apologize. And you know, that was it. You take it a friendlies, you get a fribble, and that was it. You didn't lose your fucking career over it.

So I don't know. Yes, I did say friendlies and a fribble you take it a rocky point uh... broke up with the girl because of red rocks oh no believe bruschetta your woman supporting women bit on red rocks with stellar well thank you that was uh... that was why was a fun joke to tell.

I'm one of the four kids in the only boy. My sisters are awesome at sports and have competed through high school and college. I respect them as athletes. However, I agree with you when it comes to the points you made. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's not hear this fucking thing wrong here. All right? I was not shitting on female athletes i was shitting on all the women who don't show up and support them alright and and and like

when female athletes complain about their pay their yelling at men like i don't understand why they like ladies way the where are all the feminists come on out to the fucking game Come out and watch us play the way the men come out and watch the men play right Which I'll be honest man if there's a fucking WNBA game on I watch it. I fucking enjoy it I Enjoy women's softball Volly ball on a bunch of different levels I will watch that shit unlike most women

i watched the shit so i mean i don't know i i i like to think i'm an ally uh... except for volleyball i'm kind of a perv i was dating a girl up until this week we had been together since march and really got off to a great start recently we started engaging in more debate in conversation uh... a month ago we watch red rocks in both left when it came to the w n b a bit she liked it but said it was based on a male's perspective

well yeah that means she's right i'm a male i think i am jeez i guess what you got wrong and she said his attitude. I said his attitude isn't a fact. You may not like the way he said it, but what he said isn't wrong. We disagreed, but it wasn't a big deal because I'm tolerant of people's stupid opinions.

Was that a joke on purpose or accidental brilliant comedy? Wasn't a big deal because I'm tolerant of people stupid. Oh, he says joke, but also I'm chill with this stuff. All right, you know something, just that sentence alone I can tell, as they used to say back in the day in Boston, you're a hot shit shit so I'm starting to lean to your side in this argument. Cut the two weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to go to my sister's playoff game. She's been to a couple of games with me in the past and she liked them. Twist. I have a male cousin in the state finals for a different sport that she that she's friends with. That game was going to be huge and everyone in town was going.

She said she wanted to go to the boys game because it was going to be a huge event. This was my opening. I didn't want to argue. I just hated the way she dismissed your bit. It was fronting about being a feminist and now she was proving your point. Please tell me you waited to bring this up

until after she went to the male person's game. Anyways, he says she wasn't having it. I asked her why not support the girls team because their stands would be more empty and made all the obvious parallels. She couldn't comprehend the hypocrisy. We broke up when she said she wouldn't admit that you were right Wow, I might be getting laid a little less this summer, but at least I'm a man of principle, right? Right he says thanks and go fuck yourself um

I'm gonna tell you something sir. You're gonna do just fine in life in the most important area finding love All right a Lot of guys, once they get a hold of someone, you know, they get afraid to leave and blah, blah, blah. The fact that you were fine with letting her go on something like that, you know, there was a lot in that. There's a lot in that. She didn't seem like she was playful. She didn't seem like she could take responsibility.

And make granted, this is just your side of it, but the way you describe it is, you know, relationships are fucking hard. So you have to be like, malleable. You know what I mean? You can't just be like, you know, when you met me in 2010, that's what I thought. And you go, fucking, gink, so fuck you.

You can't do that. You gotta, you know, there's got to be give and take and that type of stuff. And it kind of seems like that's what you were looking for and you didn't get it and you walked. That's great. All right. I really believe you got, you got to marry somebody

that has a great sense of humor and can laugh at themselves and can apologize if they did something wrong. Alright, and then conversely, you have to give them those gifts too. And if the two of you guys can do that, you got to shot. But if you're going to be fucking, you know, she could have just fucking cutered away through that. All right, you're right. What a nice, good new exciting. Wanna do that?

And then you would laugh. And you guys would have had a great fucking time. But instead, she died on the hill. Oh God, help the poor bastard. That ends up with that. And granted, this is another male perspective. All right, World War III. Oh, Jesus.

We're going fucking deep here. We're going deep into the goddamn weeds on this one. All right, let's see here. Dear General Burr, let's get right into it, please. How do you feel about a world war or the ridiculous people forcing us to consider if they're going to fuck us into a world war? I have to be honest with you, I don't fucking pay attention to any of this shit. Okay, I just I just I don't pay attention to it because it was bad

enough when it was happening when I was a kid. But at least I was listening to intelligent people on TV. And I know they were still part of a corporate new thing and I know that they were talking heads and that type of stuff. But I didn't have to listen to every mouth, breath, and fucking moron. Um, who just can't see the trees through the forest, doesn't know history, but they have a mouth and they can speak English and I just can't fucking do it. So anyway, okay, President putting brains. I mean, which one are you talking about? Ours are theirs, or whoever is running the country are pushing for war, not peace.

League messages show US military talking about how the war is unwinnable for Ukraine, but we keep sending money. 150,000 Ukrainian men and women have been killed in battles. They have no chance in winning. There were peace agreements almost in place, but NATO's slash Biden's administration sent the UK's Boris Johnson to speak to Zelensky and force them out of them. All right, so now, and then he has a link here. So now I'm supposed to read this and here's the source. All right, let me click on the

source here. This is so above my pay grade. Another NATO ally confirms US block piece in Ukraine. What website is this? Like, how do you tell what you're reading is fucking real or it's written by somebody from Russia? I don't know. They said Putin couldn't be negotiated with even though he has, and they were doing so, and they also said the West wasn't done with its involvement. Can't wash money without a war. I'd like to point out some of the bullshit.

US taxpayers are going to be funding the rebuild of the Ukraine. It'll be financed by JP Morgan and BlackRock. The loans will be paid by us. And here's another source. All right. I like this person just not saying this actually has sources. No one cares about fixing America. Tucker Carlson asked presidential candidate Mike pens why he cares more about getting tanks and munitions to the ukraine

then helping everyday americans pointing out the major problems in american cities he said it's not my concern and went on to walk talk about geopolitical bullshit remember during the iraq war Donahue was fired for questioning WMDs and they fired him despite having the highest rated show on CNN Well, they did that to Tucker Carlson a few months ago for questioning this war Again despite all the money he was making Fox News as the highest rated show in late night it was more important to keep everyone stupid yeah

and guess what bill i can find a problem with this without having tuckers without having been tuckers number one fan well i'm not a fan of that guy but that's a great fucking question i'm glad you had the balls to ask it i'm not i'd be on to you i'm not a fan of anyone on cnn or fox news i just think they're all like just they're just They're just all terrible people

And they are just leading us down this fucking hellhole. And as long as they get a nice fucking house out of it, they evidently don't give a shit. Anyway, cue all the dopes who want to shout Putin apologist at their phones. I love name calling. Putin apologist, Trumpster, fucking fucking Libertard, Centrist. What kind of an adult gives a shit about name calling? Putin Apologists at their phone.

They're idiots who don't understand history or have any world view outside of cable news. They're the same ones who call people terrorist sympathizers back when you question going after a country that had nothing to do with nine eleven yeah look what i think that bankrupted our country for some reason they're blaming joe biden like no one remembers like to be went over there we've been over there it costs like a billion dollars a day we're out of money

we've been bankrupt uh... i feel sorry for your freckled ass always being discredited for saying both sides and being a centrist to sell tickets cuz you're right thanks for being a saying voice well yeah i appreciate that i like what you said could you complimented me yeah that whole thing where you have to uh... they don, they don't feel like listening to people is also

a side. You know what I mean? You got to be this, you got to be that. It's like, no, I don't. And I don't have to think any fucking thing that you think. And like, I will 100% disagree with somebody. I'll listen to you. You know, I mean, I call people names.

I do say mouth-breeding more than them. But I wouldn't, I mean, I do say mouthbreeding moron, but I wouldn't, I mean I do it like on the podcast, right? This is me justifying me being a mouthbreeding moron. Anyway, all right, this is the podcast everybody. I mean, like it or not, this is what I do. All right, so let's wrap it up here. What have we learned?

I had a great time in Tacoma in Edmonton. I still cannot fucking believe how great that coffee was, how great Tacoma was, and how great that outdoor gig was in Edmonton. It was absolutely perfect. And the highlight of the weekend was hanging out last night with Nate Craig and Bianca Christopher Vow.

And me and Nate got her to sing the Czech National Anthem. It was fucking amazing because we were in Canada and me and Nate were trying to remember the fucking Canadian National Anthem and she's from Czech Republic. And yeah, it was just one of those fucking silly nights, man. It was fucking awesome. I could not have had a better time, all right? So thank you to everybody that showed up to my shows, thank you to everybody that continues to show up

to my shows. Thank God you do that because my entire business that I am is, I'm in a shutdown right now. So you guys are save my ass here thank you so much and go fuck yourselves can i really end that way that's what i was sign off out jesus bill i'll talk to you on wednesday how about thursday sorry about that