Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-14

Episode Date: July 21, 2014

Bill hangs with the great Jim Norton, talking about their early days in stand up and Jim's new talk show that will debut on vice.com, this Wednesday. (7/23/14)

Ikea, tip of the week. Do you like to get a gift? You can count on us. Because until April 15, Ikea family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Once in a while, I'll have a guest on of Highest Steam. And this episode is of no exception. This is a man I've done a lot of radio with, but I've never had as a guest.

Please welcome the one, the only, the legendary from New Jersey, Mr. Jimmy Norton. Thank you, Bill. What's going on? It's funny. It's like, I know you're such a solo guy when you do your podcast. I almost felt like when I texted you to do it, I almost felt like, you were the hardest one for me to text. I know you longer than I know any of them.

Right. You were the hardest one. I'm like, Bill does it by himself. I don't want to put him on the spot, but you said you've had some guests. No, no, I've had greats. I had Jay Moore. I've had. Oh, okay.

I've had Dave Kecter. I've had Michael Rappaport. It was great. Just the whole sports thing. That guy's like a total like hoop head. No. Yeah. Fuck Boston and all that.

So we had a great going back and forth. And of course he trusts me for the Giants beating the Patriots. So I try to get guests that I'm friends with because I'm not the greatest interviewer. Right. So I definitely, you know, someone that I've done a bunch of radio with. Now watch. Are we filling the tension that it's all going to go off the rails?

No, it's funny. It's one of those things though. Whenever you're with a friend or ever you're interviewing or talking to somebody that you know, as well as we know each other, it's all, you almost feel self conscious. Like, Oh no, they're going to think I'm putting on my performer hat or my interviewer hat or my radio guy. It's like, Jim, tell us how did you get your start? No, I know.

And that's what comedy podcasts are into every comic in Colin won't do them. He's like, I'm sick and tired of talking about your fucking process. You know, he doesn't want to hear people talk about the process and he's right. I'm actually, I'm out of stories. I kind of like tapered back on doing other podcasts. Not cause I don't like other podcasts. I just, I've run out of stories. I don't know how many more like the amount of times I tell a story and I, yeah, I've

probably told this one before, but I mean, you know, everybody's got your classic half dozen, dozen stories, unless you're like a guy like Jim Jeffries and you just live in like a classic story, it seems every three fucking weeks. An active alcoholic. If you're an active alcoholic and you always have stuff. No, no, he's not that big. Is he sober now? Yeah, yeah.

He's been, he's been, he's been a good boy for a couple years. I didn't know that. Even if he isn't, I'm not going to say he's an active alcoholic. I just got to sit there and be like, you know, he likes having a good time that Jim Jeffries. He came in one time and he was, I think still gone from the night before. It was quite enjoyable. I like, I don't drink anymore, but I love a guy who's drunk, like on the air. Oh yeah.

It's awful to deal with in real life, but on the air. Put a microphone in the front of it. It's great radio. God, they're great. He brought in, who's that big Irish community? Andrew or something? He's one of the biggest ones. He doesn't reign as an Ireland.

Oh, okay. He came in on St. Paddy's Day and he was fucking loaded. Not, not Tommy Turning. No, no, no. We've had him too. Okay. He was sober. This guy I think is bigger than Tommy and he was just so drunk and obnoxious.

It was just funny to watch this guy who in his home country is a, you know, he's a Kevin Hart. Right. And just loaded and fucking seven o'clock in the morning, blathering, making no sense. I'm like, who are you? Oh God, I don't drink anymore. No, they don't, they don't fuck around over there. Like it is a, it's a whole other, but I mean, there's definitely, it's not like everybody

over there is a drunk, but like there isn't like that. I'm saying this as a tourist. I just didn't see the level of concern where everybody's so worried about everybody over here. Like do you think he has a problem? Really concerned about so-and-so. Like I didn't feel that vibe over there. It was more like, if you felt you had a problem, maybe you tried to go to a, I don't know if

they have AA over there. Is that worldwide? Has that spread? Yeah. It's made it everywhere. Russia has it. No, it doesn't. Does it?

Oh yeah. Everywhere has it. Yeah. That's what I've been told. Are there YouTube clips of just like people saying it in all different languages? You know, that's a good question. I've never looked. From what I understand, the program is anonymous, so people don't state their affiliation with

it publicly. Oh, that's right. You wouldn't film it. Yeah, they'd probably frown on some guy with a fucking- I'm a fucking moron. No, how would you know? Do people film the anonymous meeting? This is the level.

This is the level of intellect that you're going to get on this. So fucking settle in. There's nothing wrong with that. It's one of those things where everything's online anyway. I mean, everything is very- the fact that the fucking first tower getting hit, there's a clip of that- Hey, I don't have a windscreen on that, so you're popping on your piece a little bit. So that's my fault.

Sorry. That's my last one. Five days a week, ten years, and I don't know not to go into a fucking microphone. I'm a truity. But the fact that- that's why OP by the way says, but and not put. He'll say, uh, did you put that down? Like, there's certain words he says, P is B, because he- He went to broadcasting school?

Or broadcasting school. Did he? That sounds like such a broadcasting school thing. He went to college. No, maybe in college he learned. I think he learned in college, actually, but you know, he went from communications. But the fact that there is footage of the first tower getting hit, like that plane going in, and you know, back then everyone didn't have the cell phones or the cameras,

there's a miracle. Like, so it's not surprising that people think that things are going to be filmed. I don't know why I'm on this tangent. Right. But it's not surprising to me. Okay. I'm glad that was a tangent, because I was like trying to adjust the level there as you adjust the microphone away from me.

I was like, oh my god, he's talking about 9-11? Where the hell did we go? Oh yeah, just for a second. I just thought of like a weird thing to be on film. Just as a color. Yeah, just a little something. Just a little something. Just to bring us back to how lucky we are, Bill.

How awkward would it be if I just mentioned 9-11 and started blubbering? Anything worse than somebody cries like way too long up to 9-11? Oh, by the way, we're sitting in Jim's fucking fabulous hotel room, so that would really be fucking uncomfortable. Just creepy. Yeah. As long as the mics are on, and I feel there's an audience, even though I can't see them, it wouldn't be that bad.

But if we were just here by ourselves, which fucking takes me back to a moment. Cleveland? Yes, I was in a hotel room, pissed, and you fucking knocked on the door and talked me off the fucking ledge. It was the gig after the Philly gig, where I was like, I knew that they were going to boo me again just to boo me, rather than Philly, they booed me because they didn't like me. And then by the time the fucking Cleveland gig, you guys gave me so many props that the crowd wanted to see it again.

So I was asking somebody there, hey, just put me on early, give me a chance, just give me a chance. Everybody's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry. And then I was in the exact same spot. I go out there and I just walk out, I'm on for two seconds, they just start booing me just to boo me. And I was like, look, I'm not going to pretend to get mad because you guys are pretending to boo me and it didn't go anywhere.

And I got off stage and I was fucking livid. I remember me and Jeff will still laugh about it because Jeff was like, no, no, I'm sorry. I was like, fuck you, fuck this and you, fuck this state, fuck everything. And I left. I think I threw a water bottle. Yeah, you were very unhappy. I was, I was not happy. And oh no, cause me, I catastrophize in my head.

So I was like going, oh my God, I've become the boom guy and I'm going to go anywhere I go. I kind of forgot cause I had been on the virus tour long enough that to me a normal show was fucking 10,000 people. And I wasn't thinking like my next gig after that tour was at the punchline. It's like a cozy 200 people and I can see everyone, you know? And so if anybody fucked with me, I could get them. So anyways, so I go back to the fucking hotel room, ready to quit the business and I air

and knock on the door and you came walking in and fucking talk me off the ledge. I remember that. I don't even remember what we spoke about. I just remember you were very upset and I knew why and you were like, they fucking and I was like, dude, they did it because they were trying to recapture a moment that they wanted to be a part of something that was very amazing to them as opposed to they hated you. You know what I mean?

And I was convinced everyone was out to get me. The crowd, the show, the live nation, everybody. I'm still convinced they're out to fuck me. I couldn't get on the oddball tour this year. I can't get on the oddball tour and they're doing fucking the Twitter center and PNC. You've played half of those places. What's that? You've played half of those places.

Yeah, I can't get on the I couldn't get a fucking set on the oddball. Ah, whatever. They'll have it next year. You know, the shit is guys like you and me, we always got to fucking, we always got to go the X to fucking whatever it is. It was always remember that when they were doing the half hours on on on Comedy Central or the whatever the fuck there was, it was always the guy with the silly hat, the person with the catchphrase, the hot chick, the fat guy, you know, the black guy who doesn't scare

white people. They had to get through all of those. And then they also had to get the veterans that they fucked over on the last group of half hours. They have to give it to all of those fucking guys. And then and then it was always us afterwards. I never did one for Comedy Central. I was so resentful over being passed over.

I was like, Fredo, I just was like, fuck these guys. I'm not going to do it. And then I waited for it. I'm funny too. Yeah. Not like everybody says. Yeah. Well, that's the way Doug wanted it.

I wanted it. Yeah. So I wound up, I said, I want to hold up for HBO and that we finally did them for HBO and they were supposed to do four and they were going to be really these special half hours and they want to do in 10 of them. And you know, I'm happy we did it. Yeah. I'm glad I held off for HBO.

Yeah. You did. And you did the same year. The same year that I did it. Okay. It was, yeah. I taped with Patrice. You taped with Kevin Brennan.

Right. I still remember that. And then Louis CK. Yeah. Here's the thing. One time, you know, because I'm obsessed with trying to own everything I did. You know, I tried to buy my half hour back from HBO, but they wanted me to buy the whole, I had to buy the whole fucking series.

I had to buy like all 10 of them. How much they want? Oh, Jesus. It was like, you know, in the millions. So it was just, I mean, I was looking at like, well, it cost me 130. It was 30 to shoot an hour. So I ought to be able to offer them fucking 65 and they were like, no, you have to buy the whole season and like, you know, fucking, I don't know, some other thing to throw money

at the Sopranos or something to get it. But I wish I had the money because, but nowadays everyone just steals everything anyways. It was probably dumb. But when I was looking back at that, I'm like, that series is fucking insane. Yeah. That's you, Patrice O'Neill, rest of souls, the fucking greatest I ever saw, Louis, Earthquake. That's right. The Concords was one.

That's right. I forgot they were on it. They wanted me to do it with those guys. And I didn't want to. I did one and I was just like, you know, I think once what's his face bought delirious off of them. They were shy. They got a little gun shy.

Oh, he owns it now. Murphy. I didn't know that. No. What's his face? Coming up next. Comics Unleashed. That guy.

Oh, Byron Allen owns it. Byron Allen bought delirious HBO showed that fucking thing. And then they just, when we were kids, teenagers, and they just never showed it again. They had it in their library and somehow Byron Allen went in in there and bought it off of them. How much? Right. But I don't know what he paid for it, like a couple million bucks.

And right before the whole DVD thing died, he put it out at like 15, 20 a whack and he sold like four million of them or something. Yeah. He's a genius. He is. And a lot of people don't really, I don't like talking about people's money, but this fucking guy, it's like this guy, he has like three quarters Oprah money and people don't even know.

Yeah. They just look at him like he's one of those guys like, you know, like how Seinfeld sees a show where everybody else sees just hanging out. He's one of those guys. Like I saw Seinfeld on the Daily Show the other day talking to John Stuart and they were joking how he was saying how he did TV, right? How he just did it. Did it once.

It lives forever. And John Stuart, when he does an episode of the Daily Show, it's all topical. So no one's going to buy the box set of the fucking Daily Show. And Jesus, I'm taking the long way around here. So he was talking about the new TV show he's doing on the net, which is fucking comedians and cars getting coffee and he said, which is what I would be doing anyway. So Byron Allen was a guy, took those press junkets when you were just like, well, is it like to work with Steven Spielberg?

Talk about Mel Gibson, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that. He actually saw a show and then that's where he came up with that coming up next thing. It was just a fucking press junkets. I don't know what's coming up next is that he would say coming up next. Jim Norton talking about the vice show that he's on and blah, blah, blah. And he turned that he turned that into a fucking TV show that comics unleashed is genius. It's literally just and it's the worst setups of all time. It's just do your act for three minutes of the clip.

But it's fucking Gene and he produces the whole thing. He owns the whole fucking guy is a gene. Like he's like a hero mind as far as like the way he does like this business. Yeah, he's basically for people from this is to going too quick here. He basically that show. If you don't watch it, it's just Byron Allen sitting there with three or four other comics. He already knows what your bits are. So you've already written the whole fucking show for him.

And all he does is just say you're set up like so. Jim, have you ever you ever lived in a fucking building in New York? And then you're like, as a matter of fact, I have and the other comments on that drive because nobody's calling each other out like they're all like just participating. Like it is a really a good time we're having. How can three comedians sit there and listen to a guy do a bit off that set up and not want to fucking attack them? Well, they can't do that because then they get sued by tough crowd.

Yeah, you know what? I guess that's what that that's what made tough crowd. Tough crowd was fucking awesome. That has such a such a cult following. Do you know, people they asked me like just as much for first just a long time like when Chappelle show coming back, when's tough crowd coming back. Those two shows had like these die hard fans. And I still don't I don't understand.

What about Colin? I get he got his own show and he gave every comedian in New York a TV credit just about like I was trying to remember towards the last season of that. I was trying to think of somebody who hadn't been on it. He got everybody on that show. I think he did. Yeah, it was Bobby.

Bobby wasn't a regular on it, but Bobby was on it a couple of times. I Bobby Kelly. Yeah, I thought he was on it quite a bit. No, I don't think he was. I could be wrong about that. Maybe I think an open ethnic. He didn't do open Anthony on any W. He didn't do that till we were on satellite.

So maybe he was on tough crowd more than I thought. Right. But I remember him being talked about warm up for it at one point. He's like, I don't want to fucking warm up there. You know, man, Bobby, so I think that, you know, he's a very short fuse. So I think that he was on a few times, but I didn't. I don't think I ever did it with him. Right.

He got mad at me too. He got mad at me because I remember that we went to Vegas together, but not the actual fight and he got very angry at me. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, that was your right. It's like, fuck, dude, I know I was fucking there with you. I'm like, oh, all right, sorry. Forgot. I can't make fun of anybody for having a temper.

But he's another guy who he's always had to go the extra fucking 12 miles. He's just one of those guys. He does got that short thing. I mean, one time I was walking down the street with them and he was talking, you know, we all just start complaining about the business. So he was complaining about the business and he was going to. He was going to help me with the computer. He's great with the computer.

So he was going to help me. And as we were walking, I used to live around the corner from him and I'm thinking, well, my computer's up on the, you know, the fucking whatever, the seventh floor and he's on the ground floor. And I'm thinking in my head, let me go up and get the computer. I'm going to take it over to his house. So as he's telling like his, you know, fucking 20th story about this business, I said, hey, Bob, what if I, what if, can I just go up and get that?

And he just fucking snapped and he goes, don't interrupt me, cunt. Fucking screamed it, screamed it on 9th Avenue in like broad daylight. Dude, like everybody fuck, you know, people looking in shit. And I just looked at him like, and the old me would have taken the bait and I would have gotten to this big fuck you, fuck you fight. And I don't even know if this is the new me. I just was not in, I don't know. I just wasn't in a place where I was mad or anything.

He so came out of nowhere that I just kind of looked at him and I was like, Bob, I thought we kind of got passed doing this to each other. And then he kind of laughed and it was gone, which he's always been able to do as much as that guy flips the fuck out. He's able to bring it back down and be like, all right, dude, listen, dude, he's not a grudge holder. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he fucking, uh, that was like an instant Bobby classic.

Don't interrupt me, cunt. Yeah, that's what a great line echoing. I just like how he said it like I worked for him. Like I felt like he should have been behind some big walnut desk. Well, maybe we could do this. Don't interrupt me, cunt. I'm talking because you fucked this up. Makes me so happy.

That makes me so that that's a fucking Bobby scream. And I'm really happy that that happened to somebody other than me. He's a frightening guy when he fucking yells. I hate to admit it, but Bobby's a fucking maniac. If he does scare me, I would call him a maniac, but that's, uh, that's the old pot and kettle there. I'm out of my fucking mind, dude. Like when I'm out here, I literally had to make a rule about just relaxing

when I drive and one thing that I helped is very therapeutic for me is letting people go if you're really like, and I get so frustrated with the quality of the driving out here, the inability to fucking make turns at a decent speed. And, and dude, when they go by shit out here, the second they pass it, it's it, they don't even remember it. They have no, there's no fucking clue as for what's behind you. Like, you know what they do out here that fucking drives me. Now you'll be sitting behind some guy at a red light, you know, and you're

up on his bumper, you know, like you're supposed to be nothing crazy. And as the light turns green, he then puts his left fucking directional on. It's absolute enraging and it's self centered. And yeah, it's, it's, it's, I'm with you. It's wrong that I fantasize about pushing him into traffic. And no, it's wrong that you don't have the moral courage to do it. That's totally, I think that's totally right. And whenever you hear about someone getting shot and killed for road rage,

everyone first goes, Oh my God, that maniac that shot that person. And I honest to God, the first thing I think is I'm glad. Like, until I find out the guy with the gun was the dick who fucked up first. I love that you have to find out that the guy with the gun was a dick. I know to find out that until I find out the guy with the gun overreacted a little, but it's just something about because people are so self centered and narcissistic when they drive, it's a reflection of who they really are. So that's why we take it so fucking personally, man.

Like you let people go if the guy, if a guy doesn't wave, thank you to me. That don't do that out here, no sin. They don't do that out here. And I go from like being this fucking mother Teresa person. I turn into the devil. It starts, I try to stay calm. It starts with a couple of realies in my car. I just go, really, really, really, you're not going to fuck these fucking people out here.

I don't know what the fuck I ever moved down here for. I end up turning into that just because some douche. Dude, do you see the look on their face? They're like, please, please, please let me go and you go to let them go. And you think like, oh, hey, thumbs up something, nothing. And they immediately, I just back into their own. I don't know. I find sometimes I wave at people out here and they look at me like weird.

Like, what do you know me? Like, maybe, you know, I did move 2,500 miles away from where I learned, you know, societal rules. So maybe, but you know, you just think if, you know, you're waving to another white guy, I mean, we're pretty fucking generic. Yeah. You know, there's not a lot of depth to the culture here. There's, there's no gang signs.

I can see black guys get a little freaked out, watching which way your fingers are turned. Well, plus East Coast, though, is so aggressive. And I hate to do, like, anything, but out here, maybe that courtesy, like, you know, in Boston or New York, if someone lets you cut it, it's like, hey, motherfucker, I did you a courtesy. Like, hey, thank you for the courtesy. Yeah, you're a good shit, though. Welcome, you're welcome.

But here it's like, well, that was just expected because they might do that for each other more out here. And so it's not a big deal. That's the only way I can think of. I was in the Pennsylvania Turnpike one time driving to a gig and I know I'm popping all over. I'm very self conscious talking. No, you don't, you're doing much better.

But I don't have, I don't have anybody to help us out with this. Okay. I was driving to a gig and a guy cut into my lane. I was doing about 70. It was raining and he had a trailer, which is normal. And I'm like, I'm hydroplaning, you know, it was a real little drive to my Mustang, real hunk of shit, fucking hydroplaning car. Good call.

And I'm driving and this guy's coming into my lane and I immediately, your mind when you think you're going to die goes very quickly. And I'm like, okay, you got to slam on the brakes. You're going to have an accident. Hit the wall. Like it tried to, it's smart. Yeah. Slow, slow yourself down.

Sideswipe the wall. So I jam on the brake. I hit the horn and he veers out and we don't have the accident. So then I'm, I'm not afraid. I'm in a rage at this fucking guy. Right. And I pull up next to him and it's a, it's a, you know, a fat black dude, like, you know, a family mopey guy and I'm, I'm ready to really, you know,

Cleveland from family guy. Actually, yes, William Stevenson. And he looks at me and he gives me the like, oops, I fucked up ways. Like, oh, sorry. And he gives me that and every bit of anger. You can't cause he just owned up to it. I'm sorry. And sorry.

Yeah. Way back. No problem. Yeah. That was it. In a second, my rage was gone. Do you know what's funny? I sometimes when somebody acts on the rage, even though I know it's wrong, I sort

of live through the fucking ecstasy that that must be like, do you remember when Russell Crowe through the phone as a guy, I just can't imagine. Like when you're in a hotel and you're not getting the customer service you want on whatever it is that the fact that you actually take the machine that they won't help you with and fucking hurt somebody, the person who's not helping you, you fucking hurt him with it. Yeah. Completely wrong thing to do.

But I can't imagine. I always was wondering like, when he's letting that phone go, just just fucking all that rage going at him. I think it was, it was good for him. It was bad for the guy behind the behind the counter. Well, two people learned a lesson that they Russell Crowe learned not to do it. The other guy probably learned better fucking customer service next time. Because I remember when that happened, I was in the Greenwich Hotel in which

DeNiro owns and I remember like, Oh my God, that's a really nice place. It's beautiful. Like he would stay at a dive. What is a stupid comment? But I remember thinking the satisfaction it must have felt when the phone hit the guy, like how good that must have felt to throw that phone at that motherfucker. And again, he got in big trouble for that. But yeah, that was a story that I think you know how mad you are.

You're, you're, you're pulling the wires out of the wall and that voice is still not going, okay, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then you wrap it up, you leave your hotel, you're walking down the hall, you leave your room, you get into the fucking elevator and your brain's still going. Yeah, throw it at him. Yeah, throw it at what happened. Well, I mean, he, he went downstairs to the front.

I mean, I don't know. I was assuming you picked the phone up off the desk and just threw it on him. Oh, I thought he was upstairs in his room. Maybe he was, but I thought that I didn't, I didn't, I thought he just picked the phone up and threw it at the guy. That makes way more sense. If I find out that he actually wrapped the cord and took the phone from downstairs, that makes me love him more.

I was, I loved him just for picking it up. I probably fucked it up. I fucked up everything. I don't know. Do you know the other day I actually called the periodic chart? I called it the periodical. Yeah, but that's understandable. I mean, one, I was on break in bed, there's no excuse.

That's like, you're on a, you're on a Western and you call it a cowboy hat. How do you not fucking know? It shows you them on a fucking research. I did, dude, sometimes on Twitter, when you get trashed, it's just so fucking on the money. And I always read it to people that just being mean to be mean, but when they call me out for all this stupid shit, it really, uh, it makes being on Twitter worth it because other than hyping your shows, it's usually just a bunch of people

giving you shit with half the fucking information pause on that. Um, they fucking, and then it just becomes like, uh, you know, it just becomes like, why am I on this thing? Cause it'll literally put you in a bad move. Then every once in a while, somebody, like that guy waving, you know, in the car, he just gives you shit in the right way and it makes you fucking laugh. You retweet, they psyched you, retweet them. And it just, it becomes like, all right, I'm fucking cool with Twitter again.

I have a piece of criticism. Somebody bashed me one time that actually have it on my desktop and I've opened it a few times and read it. It was just about like, you know, I used to love Jim, but he, but the guy made some valid points as to what I do wrong on the radio. And, uh, about how like, and I felt like constructive criticism. Yeah, but he was mad, but I actually felt like, yeah, this is actually coming from a guy who is a fan and who just thinks I've been quite a

cunt for a while. And, uh, you know what, I, I, I read it and it just resonated with me. Like this guy is not wrong. I mean, I don't like what he said, but I mature way of handling criticism. Oh, but yeah, I normally, it's, it's much more like rageful. I want to find out who they are. You know, I get very, very angry. And this time it just, it just got me right.

And I'm like, I know he's being honest. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, I have been doing that. It feels exposing when some stranger just notices your fucking, your weaknesses and your crutches. I've had a couple of heckles like that where they kind of put you in your place and you've got to be like, you want to be like, what do you do for a living?

That sucks, but you have to be like, I finally learned at one point. Oh, you know something I actually learned about handling hecklers in a different way, watching you. I did down at Caroline's, it finally clicked. I learned through watching you, you don't have to chop all their heads off. Sometimes they are ordering food. Sometimes they're just repeating a punchline. Like I saw, I forget what you, you, they were talking and you just kind of

said something, what'd you say? Oh, okay. And you kind of like, you actually asked them what they said. I think that that's what it was rather than just assuming that they were trashing you, saying that you sucked it. Cause the amount of times I kept having this reoccurring thing where someone, if anybody talked, I was convinced they were saying that I sucked and they were making fun of how I looked at whatever, you know, it's the first eight,

nine years of my career and I would chop their heads off. And the amount of times afterwards people would come up to me at the end of shows going, I was just asking where the bathroom was, or I was actually saying, I enjoyed your act and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I felt like I couldn't get out of it, man. I like, I was locked in this, you know, get them, get them, get them, get them, get them kind of vibe. And then I was watching you and I was, it took me a while to learn how to do that.

Well, I had one too. It's once in a while that will happen at the cellar. Cause that's such a loud, small area where you'll say something to say, you'll hear somebody talking and I can only see if it's somebody ordering a drink that I leave it alone, um, you know, cause there's a small room. But once in a while you'll hear talking and I've had a few people like over the years go like, what, what, what would you say? I just think, I think you're funny.

I'm enjoying you. And then I just kind of now, and then I repeat that. And I just kind of get the audience to laugh at me with it because it's like, all right, they all know I was about to attack the person. Yeah. You know, they all know that this was an almost heckle. So did you always do that? Or is that something?

I think I learned it in a place called, uh, Arba Johns, which was a, it's where I first met Ari Spears back in like the 1991, when he was going, his mom would bring him to open mics and he would do these robo cop impressions. But he was too young to get in by himself. So his mother took him and it was a, a Sheraton bar area. And I had just felt a wave of depression. I probably did that gig. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Well, East Brunswick, New Jersey. Uh, when did you start out here? I started March of 92. Okay. Yeah. So you might have, it was right around that time. Well, I started up in Massachusetts and then I worked, I got down to New York.

Uh, I probably did my first road gig out there, end of 95, beginning in 96. But I remember going out to those, some of those Jersey ones in those hotels. Awful. Yeah. They were either great or you just were driving home fucking that's, you know, thousand yard stair, like, oh my God, what have I done? I remember doing one with Vinny Brand and Bob leave you where there was a pool, I believe in between us and the audience.

I'll never forget that gig. We were on one side. There was a holiday in, and it was in the pool area. And we were, it was, which is an obvious place for a comedy show, wonderful place to try your art wet feet, slapping by as you fucking try to do your jokes. Yeah. It was really bad. I remember Vinny or we were in the front, but I remember there was a pool, I

think between us and the crowd, but in that arbitrage, I was, I was smashing a heckler. Arbitrage and nobody was laughing in the back. And then I realized like, Oh, they can't hear what is being said. Right. Repeat what they say. Hey, it buys you another couple of seconds and nobody knows you're doing it. Right. It's not weird, like how with the audience, we know we're like, you know,

someone's like, you know, you, you suck. You're terrible. I suck. And I'm terrible. It's like, you've just bought yourself. Yeah. And if you hit the price was credit, priceless time. Yeah.

Yeah. It's really weird. Do you, I don't know how to explain this to people when, when people had you come up with that, that fan, I don't know. When you see a funny moment, I don't mean a written joke, but if someone slams you and you're great at fucking firing back immediately, like Donald Hammond said, he sees impressions as colors like a yellow or an orange. He can't explain it.

When I see like slamming something as like, it's like these weird choices you're making, they're kind of floating in front of you. Like you don't see the words. Is that why you're so, because you got the fastest mind of anybody. When you used to sit at the table at the cellar, dude, when you, is Patrice was like, would just make you fucking, you'd start crying when he was the best, but like as far as speed, like I thought Patrice, a lot of times he would use his laugh to drown you out.

Like he had all these different things. You would just sit there. I remember when you would start looking at me, I was like, oh, fuck, he's looking at me. He's looking, it was a different thing. Like with Keith, I felt Keith Robinson, Keith, you could get, you could get a mitt in his face to try to throw him off. Like Keith, stop looking at me, blah, blah, blah.

And that would make him forget what he was going to say, but you never forgot. And Voss, all you had to do with, I had techniques for all of you guys to survive the pond, Voss, all you had to do was lay on the ropes and eventually he would say something that bombed and then it would come back on him. He always got bit. He would hit you one, two, three times. And then that fourth or fifth one would be so bad it bombed that everyone would then jump on him.

So you never really had to get him back. Voss would, Voss would be pounding you and pounding you, but he always got greedy and through a right hand lead. He really punched himself out. Always punch himself out. But how do you see when you, when you're, whether it's a heckler or whatever, how do you, I can't explain to people how that works. Like how, how do you think of a joke or a funny thing to say?

It's almost like it's just like watching things float in front of you and you grab at them. I look at it more like in the beginning, it was like, remember, like I have to have these stock lines, right? Hey, where'd you learn how to whisper in a helicopter factory? Like, what is that? They're already on. It didn't even make sense.

And it always got a laugh. Um, but it was more like those, I had those stock lines and then it became, I was watching Greg Fitzsimmons and I've told him this before on his show. I learned from Greg, where Greg would just ask him, like, Greg is fucking unbelievable. Un, he's so good at, at fucking with people in the crowd. And one time we were playing this place, the, the grill 93 and, uh, oh my God, where was it?

It was up, was on route 93. Yeah. It was not Arlington. That was where Dane was from. Springfield. I can't be no beginning with an A. I don't remember. And, um, and over mass and over, there you go.

Yeah. The grill 93 and and over mass and these two guys showed up with matching American flag shirts and they sat in the front row and Greg was so good at trashing people like I was either hosting or featuring, but me and the host or me and the feature both said to Greg, Greg, we're not going to fuck with those guys, but you have to promise us that you're going to write at the beginning, go after him. And he goes, absolutely, absolutely.

So we deliberately did not, I mean, there's guys wanted to get picked on and Greg ended up going up there and he just started telling this story that just went all the way around the fucking bend to the point. People like, what is he talking about? Some I brought around to be, you know, I mean, that would be like, I don't know, like wearing matching American flags shirts with your friends or something. And then he just pointed at the guys and opened his mouth like David Lee Roth. You know, when he looks at the back row and it just fucking absolutely destroyed.

I saw him one time at the cow loon. He fucking, he by the, it was like Hannibal Lecter shit. He could tell by the shoes the guy was wearing. He guessed the guy's name and four guesses. He guessed his job. The table the guy was sitting at was going nuts. And it was just all, and of course his name was horrible. His job was horrible where he lived was horrible.

He started, he did a little vignette of their family. Like he's unbelievable at doing stuff like that. So, so that's funny when people ask me, you know, who are your influences? Well, you know, as much as it was the, the greats that you listen to, people don't understand that not only did you learn, you know, I was watching to tell CK and all those guys who were beyond me, but I learned watching guys that were, uh, you know, breaking in at the same time I did. Sure.

Sure. Yeah. Well, you're starting to, because I, a lot of times you would, you were, you would get yourself into the same situation that a more seasoned guy wouldn't. And I would watch you get out of it and be like, Oh, that's, I never thought to do it that way. Right. That's how you scare.

That's how you take it and stop it before it goes off the cliff and the whole. Cause I realized too, that a lot of times I would lose crowds by hitting too hard, like, you know, a guy throws up something that deserves a four. It's almost like in, uh, you go right to, I hope you get AIDS. Yeah. Right to him. Yeah. Like, what's that?

What's that? You fucking wise cut. Can't like what, but there's totally unnecessary. Like it was in the crowd. Hate you for it. So it's like the worst is when someone's heckling you in the front. I'll never forget this guy heckling me at rascals. I was a new comic, but even back then I knew this guy was being a twat because

he was, he was heckling me and it wasn't horrible shit that he was saying, but it was his eyes. Like, I knew he's the fucking, that scumbag in the office who's resentful that he's not up here getting laughs. Like, Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the audience can't see it. So I was pounding him and I really ruined his night and the crowd hated me for it. But because they couldn't see what a dick he was, but you know how like, you know,

you just know, yeah, of course I do. And you can always that mistake a zillion times. I'll never, never regret doing it though. It's like, that's 25 years ago. It's been my first year of comedy and I still feel good that I wrecked that piece of shit tonight because I knew he was coming. You know, I saw, I remember I was at the punchline in Atlanta. I had a guy like that.

And all I can remember about what he looked like was he had loafers with no socks and he had fat feet. So there was like, they were like bulging out the front and he kept putting his feet on the stage. So I made the joke to take him, you know, to take him off or whatever. And it's, you know, because he really, you know, had, he just was fucking annoying me and it was just the fact that he kept putting him back. I knew that it wasn't, oh, I'm sorry.

I just need to stretch my legs out. There was some sort of power of things going. You breathe it into the mic. It was like a power thing. You, there was like this power thing going on with him and it literally escalated to the point that they had to kick him out. And when he stood up, he made sure he got on the stage and took like half a step towards me.

And he was just, you know, this little fucking, I don't know, he probably was doing well in business and he was used to people telling not, you know, telling other people what to do and whatever. Here we are. Now we're sitting here talking about the process. I want to make sure that I get to the whole reason. Why is a fancy man like yourself out here in, uh, in Los Angeles? Do you got it?

You, you, you, you're working on something. What's going on? Well, my, thanks, Bill. My advice show is, uh, coming on and, uh, and I just had to come out and plug it. It's hard to plug. Oh, it isn't. That's great. Dude, what, tell me about the show.

I'm happy about it to do it. Like it's an interview show. So I talked to, you know, I do a monologue. I mean, I feel ashamed whenever I explain things. Why? I don't know. Whatever makes me a comic is that, that fucking shame thing. Colin described it as shame is finally, um, it's hosting a talk show.

And it's, I always wanted to do it. So I hosted, uh, I did four episodes and a monologue, a sketch. You're hosting a talk show? Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking great. Yeah. I'm happy, man.

It's, uh, my first guests are, are, were, were Tyson and Dana White together. Then it was awesome. And it was like a really good interview. And I was like, wow, man, that went well. I've never seen, and I mean this in a good way. I've never seen him give a guy like you a talk show. They don't. That's great.

Yeah. Cause usually it's, you know, they usually tell them, you know, if you're doing a talk show, hey, Jim, kind of tone it down a little. So what, what, uh, what channel is it on? It's on vice.com. It's, you know, it's, uh, it's online, which is kind of where I wanted it. And now can you curse and stuff? You don't ever want total content freedom.

Oh my God. I had total content freedom. Um, Bailey J is my co-host. Um, and she's kind of like my announcer. Do you know Bailey? Yeah. Lovely girl. And, uh, you know, so I think it's, I think it turned out it's Bobby's suggestion.

It's like, dude, you got to get Bailey involved. And, uh, I think it's, I think it's Bailey J. The, uh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. The fuck was I thinking of? I interviewed, uh, you know, I interviewed freeway Rick. You know who that the drug dealer, the ex-drug dealer.

He's a great name from. Oh, that's us. That sounds like a 70s black guy nickname. It is. It is 20 years. Yeah. He did. And he was a big dealer in the 80s.

He was like with the Iran Contra, uh, scandal. Like he was buying the guy he was getting his drugs from was, was finally money to the Contras. And then, uh, you know, Rick went to jail for, he had life without parole, but he's out now in a technicality because they was like a three strikes thing, whatever, but they charged him twice. So who optioned the rights for this fucking great movie? I, you know what, no one, Michael K.

Williams is playing him in something in a, in a, there's a, the reporter who broke his story is being played by Jeremy Renner. And I think the reporter committed suicide because people laughed at him. The whole Iran contra thing and the drug connection and the CIA put money in the black neighborhoods. We had T.I. I wait a minute. They laughed at him.

So he, the reporters back then, they didn't think he was right. Like I think when he was talking about the government, the CIA, allowing drugs into these ghetto neighborhoods, how bad did they laugh at him? He must have been getting. Yeah. I expected a Pulitzer. Were they hanging him from his press undies every day from the typewriter? They keep picking on me, man.

I can't take it. I swear to God, there's a connection. They're letting the drugs come in. I fucking feel it. Yeah. And then he wound up blowing his brains up or being proven right. We thought T.I. was, T.I.

was on a week before I interviewed Rick Ross. And we were like, that sounded kind of paranoid. Dude, those are great guests. Uh, well, the T.I. was on open Anthony, not on, uh, whatever. But he was talking about the, the, the drugs within the black neighborhoods. Like, I don't know. It sounded a little bit conspiracy.

And then Rick Ross did the same thing. I'm like, fuck man, T.I. was right. Like I've heard it from too many different sources that the C.I. apologized. It was really interesting. So he was a good interview. And then I did a couple of, uh, comedians.

And, uh, you know, hopefully we'll do more. No, dude, you gotta, when's, when's this coming out? This Wednesday, July 23rd. And how does I, I can't say what time, like, I guess when, when are they going to upload it? I don't know. I'll just Twitter it. I'm not sure that, you know, it's like, they, I don't know how this

one works. Like I'm used to doing promotion for stuff. Like I know exactly what day it's on. I know exactly what time it's on. Right. The first episode is being released in two parts because it's, uh, you know, it's like a 45 minute interview plus 20 other minutes of content. So it's like one day and then the next day and then they can watch the whole thing.

Uh, yeah, I just, that sounds like a great, great guess. And then, you know, sidekick, nobody has anybody like Bailey J. That's great. And then usually a guy like you doesn't get, you guys, they usually, you're usually the guy, the way they're like, all right, you know, just tone it down, tone it down. So let's see a real, I can't say I don't want to insult anybody, but like somebody, my taste, actually going out, doing a monologue and that type of stuff that you're going to pick on.

That's fucking awesome, man. It felt so nice to not have to tone it down. Cause in one of the episodes, I just did a bunch of sterling stuff, which I've been doing on stage, but it's like, how long is that going to be, you know, good. And, um, he was a fun one. God, I hope he lives forever. I hope with my angle on it still because my specials coming out and I, and I was able to turn that into something like I'm hoping the point that I'm making, uh, is

still relevant. Is there anything worse than when you shoot something and it winds up, something happens in the meantime, which dates the reference or the bats. Yeah. No, but it happens because this is, I think sometimes I try not to overthink that thing where, you know, if you, even a guy like Richard Pryor talked about the heavy weights of his time, cause you know, there's some comics that like, you know, don't do anything, wear anything that's going to make you look fucking, you

know, in three years, like cutting edge fashion, like take a, like Sinbad, like some of the stuff that that guy wore, you know what I mean? Like some of that, just in general, some of the shit from the early 90s, late 80s, early 90s was pretty out there. Um, so some people try to go just wear black on black, very kind of simple thing and, and then don't do anything topical cause it's going to date your special and it's like, who gives a fuck cares? Yeah.

I know if it's a great joke, it's a great joke. Like, uh, that prior one, I forget he's talking about the old retired black fighter who was refereeing in the ref. One of the fighters was beating the shit out of a white guy and he just, he was joking that the guy wouldn't stop and oh shit, he looks okay, whatever. And that's still funny. Yeah. It's still fucking funny.

So I think if the joke is there, it, let's see, I'm trying to convince myself. What did prior say? And it's, it was a Jerry quarry joke about, it was something that how he just here, he just loves black people beating him up and it made me laugh so hard. And it was 40 years after he said it, it doesn't matter. Woody Allen stuff. He does references from the early 60s. It's hilarious.

Yeah. Carl and opens one of the specials, you know, the Reagan people. I don't care. I learned who Jerry quarry was through Richard Pryor. I didn't know who James Brown was until Eddie Murphy did the bit. Oh, right. I was that fucking white, like the world I was living in and people be like, how the fuck did that?

How did, how did you not know who he was? And it was like, well, my parents were that fucking white. And then there was three channels, you know, and there was no internet. And it was like, you know, I knew who the fucking Jefferson's were. I mean, that was like the only thing that was on TV. It seemed a good times, but as far as stuff like that was really difficult for a guy like him, even when he became an icon. You know, I just saw recently, he did like the Mike Douglas show.

He did some shows, but I mean, I was a little kid, so I just didn't see him. So I remember laughing at the Eddie. I told Charlie this story and he was beside himself. He was almost offended. He goes, get the fuck out of here. Fuck that. You knew who he was. Your parents knew who he was.

I didn't. I didn't know who arguably the greatest performer of the last century was. Do you see James Brown and Pavarotti? They get us. They did it's a man's work together. How awesome. It was unbelievable, unbelievable. You tell they really liked each other.

It was a really, I love stuff like that. Yeah. When they, like to me, that, that's a mashup. Like I don't like when they just take two songs out of the same tempo when it's supposed to blow my fucking mind. It's like, yeah, well, if you get two songs at the same speed and you drop some shit out and you throw some shit in, right? Not that I could ever figure out how to do it.

No, I couldn't. There is a genius to it, but I still resent it the same. I understand hating it. Like I respect, it's hard to do it. Fuck them. It stinks. All right, everybody, here's the advertising for this week. I apologize for the bad edit.

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specific direction, but they are not a law firm legal help is furnished through vetted independent attorneys. Legal zoom.com discount code burr, b, u, r, r. Did you ever try an instrument when you're growing up? No, I didn't. I'm not musical. I used to draw. I wanted to be an artist.

I would draw like I was obsessed with kiss or draw pictures of kiss. I could never draw hands. That's always the thing. My hands were terrible. So every character, don't you just do the three finger thing? No, I put the hands behind the back. I really would. Everyone had hands behind the back.

I couldn't, I could not grasp. That's what makes an artist. If you can draw a hand, you could probably draw anything in the world. Hands and really try to draw on someone's hand. It's fucking hard. I think the face is hard. Yeah, it can be, but I can, I could work out a face. I could do, I would, it would be a little off.

You know what I mean? Like it was, it was like Rocky Dennis-ish sometimes, but at least it was a face. Little bell palsy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all right. I always, when I, when I tried drawing, I just, I just remember was everybody was always jacked. Whoever I drew, like the one body type I could draw would be like fucking jacked

and everybody had the same goddamn nose, but, uh, I don't know, there's actually a show out here that I'm doing coming up where, uh, there's a live band and it's, you know, I want to do the show. It's fucking cool where it's like you go out and you just sort of riff about music and that type of thing. And then when, uh, when, when you're done with your set, you then go and jam with the band, however you want to do it. You can sing a song and they'll learn the song beforehand or whatever instrument

you play that your idea or someone's, no, no, no, this is, uh, somebody else's idea. I hope, I hope I didn't say that and everybody's going to steal the idea, but it's fucking, I'm, I'm going to be doing it coming up. Man, it's going to be fun as shit though. Well, you have balls to do that. That would scare me. Uh, yeah. But what I've learned is, I don't even, yeah, like I got balls.

What I've learned is that there, there comes a point when you get something down anywhere in life, you got your gig down. If you don't keep learning, you don't keep pushing yourself to try to be like, all right, whatever I'm doing, how do I get better at this? I was equated to like, I don't know, basketball, if somebody's even, I don't fucking play it, but like, you know, he always goes to his right and you got to learn to go to your left. He sucks on defense.

I got to get better at defense. It's that whole thing. Like I read this whole, yeah, this great magazine out about Jordan, how we just kept working and working and working and working and working in like, you can literally read the article and not be a Jordan, but just apply that and work and work and work and work. So for me, um, I'm really comfortable being a standup, but I'm not comfortable playing drums necessarily out in public or whatever.

So over the years, every time I get a chance to sit in, I would sit in and just go through, you know, it's just like you go back to being an open micro. I think there's like an ego thing that's involved that once you're good at something and people know you're good, you're, you're embarrassed to kind of stink at something a little bit. So you're like, oh, I don't want to do that. I don't know. And it takes like, I don't know, it's a, it's a balance of the balls to try it.

And then also still be fucking around to be like, listen, guys, I know I'm not a professional drummer or whatever. So we can handle bombing on something like that because it's commerce, you kind of learner, right? Like, I know how to be funny if I'm sucking at something or I know how to own it. Like if you own something so completely, people kind of like, all right, well, what are you going to, you know, he's owning that he's not a good drummer or singer. So yeah, if you go out, yeah, if I, you go out there and you just, you're

acting like a fucking idiot and you're having a good time, then they don't have to worry like, like, I just don't want the crowd at any moment to have that thing like, oh, wait, is he like serious here? Does he like feel like he should be in a band? I don't. Okay. For anybody concerned, I do not. You're a good actor though, man.

You're a really good actor. I finally, I finally went through Breaking Bad and we interviewed everyone on that show and I'd never seen it. We had Cranston. We had fucking the guy, Hank, we had the, the, the Skyler, everyone. And then I finally watched it and you're so good, you didn't take me out of it. Like, you know, I know you so well. And whenever you see like a close friend in something and man, I was like,

fuck, that's Bill. And then right into the character, it was really fucking good though. I didn't think I'd seen you since I'd finally watched Breaking Bad. I'll, I'm learning to take compliments, but I will say that show, the way it was done, all you had to do is memorize what they say and hit your marks. And they handled the rest dude. They just, it was, uh, I don't know how to equate it. Pick a great fucking sports team and you're coming off the bench.

It's like somehow you can end up wearing a ring, you know, right, right, right. Be one of those guys, that awful white guy dancing that Shaq used to make fun of whenever the Lakers would win it. Like that's who I was, who I was on Breaking Bad, but it was, uh, it was fun. And, um, you know, what's your most nervous doing? Were you, cause I remember the first time I saw you with Cranston, uh, you, I think we're in a car. No, the first time I, I had a scene with him and I was so excited because, uh,

dude, I was a fan of that show from the very beginning from the pilot episode. So I was so invested in the show and, and couldn't wait for the next season. So to all of a sudden be on it, interacting with these fucking characters, it was, it was like you got sucked into your TV and then fast forwarded into time. Right. So there was this, I always said, I felt like I want a radio contest or something like, you know, do you want to play a stormtrooper in the next Star Wars and stand next to Darth Vader?

I always felt that when I was there and I would have been happy just getting one of them and the fact that they kept bringing me back. And the fact that, you know, uh, Vince Gilligan used so many standup comics to get back to your thing when, when, uh, the question did the first scene I did with Cranston was, uh, was after, I'm trying not to, to ruin it for anybody cause everybody, you know, spoiler alert, when does that run out? You know, I know, but, um, we'd shaken down this guy for money and he got hurt. So we had to go talk to the lawyer, Saul Goodman.

So it was me and LaVell Crawford, he played Hulke. I didn't realize that was LaVell Crawford. I knew his name. He was fucking unreal. Yes, he was good. I didn't realize he was a comedian too. That's right. So we had this little bit that we were doing at the top, this whole act of God

thing. And then Brian Cranston character bursts in. So our thing was we jump up and sort of make sure that he's not coming for Saul and it's all tells us to screw. And I was so excited that I was actually going to be in a scene with Mr. White cause Mr. White, to me, it took everybody, I don't know how long, like three, four season for the entire country, but for diehards, like myself, like he was, you

know, I've never had a guy, like a character that followed that. I was rooting for so hard. And then all of a sudden he took this fucking turn. He took this turn where I kind of felt weird about rooting for him. And then I was just started watching going like, dude, what are you doing? Just turn yourself in. Just stop. Right.

And it was, it was like literally watching, literally watching like someone you loved, like you knew, like a family member rooting them on and being, making excuses for him. And what's he supposed to do to guy? He's sick. He's not giving him any fucking. He put his time in, you know, that type of shit. And then somewhere, you know, you know, I don't know after how many fucking

murders and just some of the shit that he started doing to Jesse, that it started to, it started to turn and it was, it just was unreal to be, you know, I've lucked out, I've really lucked out where I gotten to be a part, very small part of some, some pretty amazing things. Cause my IMDP page is, is a pretty quick read. But I got to tell you, I like, I've always liked the shit you've done. Like the stuff you did in a Spider-Man, I wish, I wish I could have seen that whole fucking rant you did, even though I just, you know, I don't like him any

stinks, but you, you were really in it and they had you in the back of that truck, you just look like this New York guy who was dropping off something and you were fucking pissed. I know you're going to shit on your acting, but I loved it. No, no, no, no, but I'm going to point out this is why Bill's a good friend and this is why I love Bill, because honestly, you, you had a part in what is tremendous. It's one of the culturally biggest events.

How bad would Keith be trashing us right now for, for rubbing each other's balls? It would be a nice for friends, Keith's problem is Keith doesn't know how to be nice about anything. Oh, the moment I take back Keith and he came in with that fucking Pete. He came in with a Dave Chappelle shirt the other night from his ship. Oh no. He's wearing a Chappelle at Radio City and me and Colin are at the table and we're like, oh, you fucking fat fanboy.

And we just attacked him and he sat down for five minutes and he goes, I'm going to change the shirt. And he got up and he left the comedy cellar and he came back with a button down shirt over and that's the second time in my life. I've been able to chase him out. I remember one time he ran out with this. I was there that night. I forget what he ran out that puffy white awful.

It looked like a bedding shirt that he had on. And I beat him so terribly and he hung in there for like two rounds, three rounds. And then it was just, and then he stood up and ran out. And I remember being pissed, being like, you can fucking do that. I didn't know you could leave. I never thought to leave. Like that pounding. I took the bus pounding, which is one of the all time class.

You guys literally did a headlining set. You did 45 minutes on me when I was going to do, uh, oh, that was it. That was it. We were both going to do it. No, no, Esti, Esti, whatever the fuck it was, Esti. Somebody approached the comedy cellar, these Atlanta brave fans. And they said, uh, nine backs or no, no, it was the Braves and they said, you know, they were taking a bus from Manhattan up to Yankee stadium and they

wanted to hire a comic for the bus ride up. And at the end of it, they were going to give you a world series ticket. So we sat there going, uh, man, that's going to be brutal. I don't know, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, all of that type of shit. And, um, I forget what happened at the last without me knowing you said, you know what, I'm not fucking doing that. That's bullshit. Right.

And I didn't know it. So I agreed to do it. And then we sat down and we started trashing each other. And this is, this is what you started it. I fucking go, I said this to you, I made fun of your shirt, but blah, blah, and I was getting you and everyone was laughing. And you know that thing at the table, you're like, Oh my God, I'm winning. I'm winning.

I'm finally winning here. And then as they're all laughing, you just lean in, you go, whatever, bus boy. And the whole table stopped and went, what? And you said, Bill Burr is going to do stand up on a bus on the way to all fucking chairs turned at me. That's the funny. And dude, all the killers were there. You, Patrice, Voss, Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart was there.

Keith was there 45 minutes. I didn't say a word and just got pounded. And then, and I was still going to do the gig because to me that was an easy gig. Sure. All I had to do was shit on the Yankees the whole way, make fun of fucking New York and say that Atlanta was better. Say that I was a Red Sox fan. I would have been fucking shotgun and beers with them.

It would have been a joke, but I ended up not doing the gig, which a lot of people don't know. I didn't do the gig because Patrice and the end of it. Dude, you guys were trashing me so bad. Like strangers were either laughing or they were going, Oh, I'm trying to think of some of the great Patrice imitating me. Oh, Patrice goes, Hey, when they call you on on stage, he goes, are you going to come out of the bathroom or are you going to walk up those little steps?

I remember all of them. He had another one where he was, he was imitating me at the end of the show. This is a visual. So I'll have to explain it. I finished. I'm in the front, front of the bus. I go, Hey, thanks a lot. You guys are great.

And then he imitates me turning around, sitting down. And then as people are walking by reaching over my show, good show, good show. I'm going, Hey, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Reaching over my shoulder. They asked you guys, asked if I was going to use the, the, the bus drivers microphone to do the show.

I was going to bring my own. Dude, every joke was just funnier than the next one. And it was never ending. I took this fucking brutal pounding, but I was still going to do it. I was like, fuck these guys. I'm a sports fan. I want to go to the game. I don't give a fuck.

So in the end, you guys had all left and it was just me and Patrice sitting there and he just goes, Bill, he goes, you're making enough money at this point. If you want, if you want to go to the game, buy a fucking ticket, all right. He goes, dude, I will, he called me the N word. He could say N word. He goes, I will stand in front of that bus. So you don't do that gig. Do not do that fucking gig.

And it was the first time I ever thought of like, you know, like self esteem. Like, why not just blow the cash and actually have a little dignity? Cause you just come into this business doing like those Jersey Turnpike gigs and all that shit that you don't, you just feel like I need to learn how to do this. So I didn't do the gig. And I actually passed the gig off to somebody else and I had taken such a bad pounding. I said, listen, I'll never tell anybody, I'll never tell anybody who I gave this

gig to. And I think the person who did it, didn't they come in and say who it was? I believe they, I'll tell you when we're done. Cause I mean, it doesn't matter. No, it's funny. It doesn't matter enough, but I, I don't think he would care. I passed it on. Not at all.

No, we feel bad. That's a, that's a many, many years ago and he'd probably be loved to be associated. I asked him what it was like and he, he told me later, I go, what was it like? He goes, oh dude, he goes, it was brutal. Yeah. It was brutal. It goes, but the second it was over and I had that world series ticket, dude, he ran away from those people and it's hilarious.

It was their ticket. So then you just sort of sat next to them. So he kind of couldn't leave them. But, uh, I'll never forget that. That was, that was another turning point that I learned from someone who I started with was to have self-esteem. Like at some point you can say, no, like I'm not, you know what, I'm, I'm making enough money here in this city.

It wasn't, I was making great money, but I was making enough money that if I wanted to blow, I mean, how much was this world series ticket for 500 bucks back then to sit in the upper deck, to not stand on a bus. You fucking moron and humiliate yourself. So you, those gigs teach you to like, like the seller is getting pounded so terribly, like I get beaten so badly. Sometimes I'll get a Bobby or Keith and Colin and you know, when they're all attacking you, there's times where I'm a comedian for over 20 years and I find

myself still answering seriously, like when they're killing me, I'm like, well, no, that's not exactly what happened. Like I'm getting beaten up so bad that I know I'm a helpless. I'm fucking, I'm turning into like my girlfriend when I'm annoyed. Like, you know, that's not accurate at all. It's so, it's cleansing though to get a beating like that. It's, it's like, you know, one of my favorite ones watching you taking a beating was that time when you were on the date and Patrice was yelling over at

you and you weren't talking back to him and he started, and you, you had just started opening for dice and you were thrilled, your hero and you guys were hanging out and Patrice started imitating dice, talking to you in the character during the day and you were sitting in the corner trying to ignore him and Patrice was all the way across the restaurant and he's going, Hey, Jim, let's go to the mall. Oh, and we were all fucking crying, laughing. And you finally had to give into it, man.

Like those are the things what I loved about it. And like, I love watching your date kind of keep hearing the name Jim and hearing us laughing and slowly figuring out, like, is he talking about you and you trying to stay in the date? Yeah. We're excruciating five minutes, dude. Fuck, I miss that guy, man. I remember one time I was, I would, I would always come in off the road.

And not sleep. We'd, I would be done with usually dice on Saturday night. So Sunday morning at fly home with no sleep. And I wasn't doing radio at that time. So Sunday nights, I'd be loopy and go on at the cellar on no sleep. And I always had good sets because I'd be creative to be over tired. And I would come in, we played chess every night there. I'd play with Keith.

I remember you were good too, man. I stuck a little circle. Yeah. But I mean, compared to a real chess player, I'm a fucking, I'm a chimp. But I mean, you know, it are a little bit me, you Bobby. Yeah. You were like reading the Bobby Fisher book. You were into it, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, I do enjoy him. Um, and he's quite a character. I was getting, I remember I was, because Keith was such a shit talker. Like he's like a, he's like one of those fucking bums in the park. Like they're like master level players because they're all homeless and they play for drinks and they play out for foods. They're real players.

But Keith, you know, you, you'd move your queen. You do that stupid thing with his fingers, like he was sprinkling salt. Like he's sprinkling salty pick up. Ah, let's see what kind of panty shit you get on. And I would like literally be non-comedian guy. Quit touching my fucking piece, man. And you got to, you got to re-explain that to the listeners. Keith, what Keith Robinson would do when he knew he was closing in on your queen,

he would reach over and pick it up and be like, yeah, what color panties is she wearing and set it down like he's just touching, oh yeah, I was annoying as shit. And I remember one time Patrice pulled my chair out after I had lost. I had lost and I was so fucking overtired and cranky. And he wanted to play Keith. So he had winners and I lost. And he was just such a dismissive, pull my chair out and move me. With you still sitting in it?

I was, of course I was. And he dragged me out and I was so mad. I went, don't touch my chair. Like I'm fucking a grown man. And that's my comeback. Don't touch my chair. Like, oh, and how long did you get pounded for that? I was just an awful night.

And that was a bad night. I was overtired. I sucked. And yeah, that was the worst was the carryover, the carryover trashing where there was so much meat left over on the bone. You'd come back the next night and a fucking chair. Guys, you sit down, dude, don't touch his chair. Like, oh, sometimes I think about those days and I was just like, it's,

it's fucking hilarious. And it's a goddamn tragedy that we never sat down and wrote anything. All we, we took all of our comedic skills and just used them to humiliate each other. Yeah, we just sat there. But it all worked out. It doesn't it? It does. So those moments made, I think made every one of us a better comic,

a thicker skin comic, because then you're on stage in front of 10,000 people and getting an unfair booing. That was when we first started on K-Rock. Right. And you had been not the XM listeners loved you, but they, the K-Rock listeners didn't know you as well at that point, because it was a new thing and you had been away and they're booing you and you pull out this fucking one of the great moments of standup that I've ever witnessed, which was

just turning 10,000 Philadelphia fucking monsters. And they're the worst crowds in the world that don't like you. And you turned them. You did the impossible. And that's that's like, well, I lucked out the sports thing. There was enough Jersey and New York sports fans, you know, the Patrick division and whatever the ML, the National League, East or whatever. There's enough Mets fans that hated the Phillies.

There's enough fucking fans. Everybody hates the fucking Flyers, you know, except the Philly fans. So I was able to do that. But what was funny was I actually, when I finished that set, I felt bad because you had to go on next. And I was like, Oh God, you know, a comic burns down the room. And that was basically that was not like you can burn down the room. I feel is the headliner.

But to burn down the room when there's another guy going up on basically your showcase night, I was sitting there. I thought you were going to be mad at me. And I was and you went out, never addressed what just happened, went right into your act and fucking smashed him. Yeah. I mean, again, they knew me, though. It was like the terrestrial crowd knew me. So I had that, you know, it was kind of like, you know, they were

expecting me to come out. But I felt that if that show had occurred six months after that, when that crowd knew you, that never would have happened. That was just, that was a really weird transition time. But what you did with that crowd, I mean, yeah, it was the sports knowledge. But it was about the ability to pull that out in front of all those people. Because it took a while. They didn't just start.

Well, you know what? I had been booed before a couple. I've got booed on a Vegas show and I didn't leave, but I didn't know. The first time you get booed, dude, is fucking unreal. It's like, it's the weirdest experience because you have exactly what you want, the total focus of the crowd, but the exact opposite emotion. Right. I've always compared it to like, you know, when they do the reverse

echoes on those zeppelin things to make it seem like you're in hell, like the echo comes first before your voice. That's like sort of the standup version of that, where it's like they're cheering, but they're booing. It's the most fucked up thing. And I remember after getting booed, just fucking walking through the hotel, going back to my room and I started thinking about people in the crowd. And it's like, all right, Bill, you got boo, but you let that guy boo you.

You let that woman with that awful dress, that guy with the big head. You could have at least said that. It was just so shocking the first time it happened. And also I, you know, I did a lot of those, the uptown rooms that they called in the black. Yeah. So you kind of had to get, you know, I was in fight and shape. So it's somehow, I just remember OPI coming through the.

The curtain, OPI and aunt, I think he had his glass of red white and OPI just came walking through and it was just like, he said, he goes, I was one for the ages, bro. And just came walking out. What was funny was you went out and killed. And the second that was done, that was the end of the show. And then they brought me back out for the curtain call. And I got booed again, it's half clapping, half booing. And I remember there was this dude who ran up to the stage and he was going, Bill,

he's screaming, he's going, fuck you, fuck you. And I'm going, what? And he's, he's given me the finger. He's going, fuck you, fuck you. And I kept going, what? It's like, you're giving me the finger. How do I not know? I just kept going, I, I, I can't you.

I literally got him hopping mad. He was jumping up and down screaming, giving me the finger. I just kept going, I can't, I kept to cupping my ear like I can't hear you. Fuck you, fuck you. And it just, I just laughed at him and, uh, that was still, that was the end of it. And, uh, I remember I, I, I rode back with Bobby Kelly. And, um, I had a fucking splitting headache after it.

And, uh, I just remember riding back with Bobby and, and he was just laughing. Going, dude, do you realize you just told 10,000 people to go fuck themselves? And I was dreading it because I was like, fuck, I know somebody filmed that because I thought when it got on the internet, I knew comics would appreciate it. But I didn't know that, I didn't know fans would get it. If they, if they would just be like, oh, you got booed, you sucked, you know, fuck this guy, ha, ha, everybody laughing at you and shit. Cause, you know, can kind of go, can kind of go either way, but whatever.

I, I, we're here for you here. No, no, no, no, no, no, that, that to me was, uh, that was a fascinating thing to watch because it was legitimately funny stuff. It wasn't like you were obnoxious and got the crowd. Like you were really pounding them like a comic. Like that's what was so fun about it. If you had just taken your pants off and waved your cock at them. I got right.

I mean, Eddie, it could, well, you know, fucking hilarious though, but that would have been much better obviously. But I mean, that was that was that would have been like instant legend. But the fact that you got them, I saw a guy do that. Did you? I'm not going to say because I don't want to get them in trouble. But I saw, uh, when I was doing late nights at the cellar, do you remember why they used to have that water pipe that used to hang just and this guy

used to go up, he's a fucking mad man. And he used to fucking hang from that pipe by one arm. And he had this crazy look on his face. He looked like Charles Manson. I'm trying to let you know who this guy was, right? So he went on stage and he's doing his fucking thing. And like really just one of these great comics where like just the pain of whatever he went through is right there on the surface.

So if anybody moves, he's going to cut the head off. So there was some woman who was all fucking dressed up or something sitting. You know, she's in her fifties and she's not laughing. And he just keeps looking at her. And he just finally just starts going like, isn't that right? Mom, huh? Mom, mommy. And he got in her face and he finally just goes mom and screamed in her face.

And she got like mad and she goes, uh, she started giving him shit. And he said, like, lady, if you got to the point, it's like, lady, if you don't shut up, I'm going to take my dick out and slap you in the face with it. And she goes, you don't have the balls. And he goes, oh, I don't have the balls. And he starts unzipping his pants. The crowd is going fucking nuts because they think he's joking. And he fucking pulled his dick out.

Pull his dick out. And he had it by the shaft and just his fucking purple head is coming out. And he made these machine gun noises went right in her face. Dude, fucking place went ballistic, fucking ballistic. And he ended his set there. I hope so. Yeah. And Wanda, who was hosting at the time up and coming Wanda Sykes, I think she was

the host, fucking outro to him and then brought me up. Was it Wanda? Wanda hosted one of the fucked up ones. I can't remember. So brings me up and I had to go on after him and I was still new to New York. And I was, I was already going to bomb. And he took his dick out and shook it in this fucking woman's face. And dude, I can't even tell you how hard I ate it.

And I was too green. I didn't know to be like, just riff about the guy. Yeah, I went up and tried to do my act. I went up and I immediately went up and like, gee, it's been raining a lot here in New York City. It just, it just completely flatlined. Yeah. It's like walking into a party and not acknowledging what's just been happening.

Yeah. It was awful. Yeah. I think I know who you mean, man. Yeah, there you go. Well, listen, we're, we're a little over an hour. Dude, I can't tell you how excited I am. Thank you, Bill to see it.

And once again, promoted. It's going to be this Wednesday, July 23rd is the premiere episode with Dana White and Mike Tyson and my guests. And I think people will like it. I'm actually really happy with it, which is rare. Dude, I'm as excited to see the monologue as I am. Just to see a guy like you, because I always wondered, I always wanted like, you know, you ever be like doing a bit and you just think, and that'd be a great

monologue, Joe, because it's topical. Like say you're your clippers guy stuff, you know, which I haven't seen, which I know is going to be fucking great. But like, I can't imagine like seeing that kind of thing rather than just being like the safe, right, sort of looks like there's going to be two empty seats, court side, come tonight and the clippers. Right. I mean, some of the, some of them are always like, are you even fucking trying?

Anyways, that's the special podcast here with Jim Norton. Dude, I'm glad I finally was able to get you on this. I appreciate it. And I'll see you up in Montreal and try to drag my hungover ass out of bed and come down and do the, the now opiate Jimmy show. Yes. Oh yeah. I'm doing the keynote speech too.

So it should be a real gentleman's affair. Oh, you are. I know you're getting the, the award this year for a comic of the year for hanging in there long enough to get one. You've had a great year and it's, it's a deserved thing. If I see a comic, I don't like getting shit like that. I'm not just saying that because you're my friend. You're a great comic.

And when you see a guy, you admire, you know, it's like, it's the thing is people like, I don't suck each other's dicks, but it's like, I don't get to tell my friends, like, you know what I mean? Like, Hey man, I love what you say. You don't get to tell your friends that we just, we're used to each other. All right. I just like doing festivals because I finally get to see you guys. Cause once we all start, we all moved up the same time, you know, hosting,

featuring and then headlining. So you never get to work on the road with each other. But when we were all doing spots in the city, you could kind of watch. There was another thing. Remember when we used to go downstairs when someone would be on stage and you just stare at him and try to take the confidence. And Kevin, Kevin didn't back down. Nope.

He took it and he was very new too. He, we would walk down, me, you, Patrice, Keith, Bobby, whoever else was around just sitting in the, cause the cellar was half empty back then and sitting the front rows or laugh obnoxiously loud. It is awful jokes when you see it on the little, you know, his little fucking short guy, what about when Florentine would start groans? Those are the greatest skills they've ever, he would sit in the back. He would sit in the back of the crowd and he would turn the crowd on you by like

groaning. He could almost like throw his voice like, Oh, come on. Yeah. Come on. And then like it was contagious. And then there'd be like three people, just get it going. We ruined Voss's night one night at Caroline's because the curtain was drawn was a Sunday night.

Jim's on one side of the curtain and I'm on the other and just doing the, it was a groans in stereo like, Oh man. And there was Florentine's, we wanted to conceptualize that. And I'll never forget Voss for 45 minutes on stage, just being combative with you. Like, what the fuck do you guys want from me? You know how he's fucking ordinary? He is fucking dope. So yeah, why didn't we do that to each other?

It's fine. Why didn't we support you? I'm just, we never, never support each other. We remember Voss and Patrice got into some huge fight down on Caroline's because he was actually opening for Patrice. Then Patrice trashed his CD so bad, he brought it up on stage and he ripped it and had ripped a cover in half and then broke it. And he was trashing it so bad and the crowd laughed so hard that Voss got mad for

real and it was one of the, you know, we've had a zillion real arguments. And then two days later, you know, give a fuck. And it was just like, why would you do that? Me and Patrice had a real argument when we were doing the Colin Quinn show on NBC. I was trying to get something through standards and practices. You know, he was just being Patrice. He just gave me a hard time with this woman. And I'm like, dude, shut up.

Like, you know, and we start, I'm like, you know, I know you're a comedian. You have to prove it. I'm fucking doing this is work. You know, I was trying to get like literally a piece of material through. And we had like a real argument over it. And Keith had to fucking play, you know, the, uh, the arbiter. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, Patrice, dude, I had a real fucking, I had one that became a classic

because of the fucking internet. I had that huge one with him over the stupid fucking man cow show, um, on your show, on the opening Anthony show. We like Patrice called up, told his man cow thing, trashed me. And then I called up Monday to defend myself. And of course, somebody on the show put fucking Patrice on hold. He just put the two dogs in the ring, you know, I vaguely remember. I don't even know, dude, it was a fucking night.

We were pissed at each other for like, you know what? It was funny what, what broke the ice. I think was that, uh, was that Philly rant. The Philly rant, we finally started talking to each other and talked and like, you know, three, four months, which wasn't hard because we weren't seeing each other too much, but we were kind of just pissed. And, um, when, if you watch the Philly rant, there's a time where I look over the DJ going, dude, why are you yelling out shit?

You're fucking me up. I vaguely remember doing that. But what it actually was was Patrice was trying to help me. He yelled out invincible, which would have been a great one to bring up about Philly, which was about a guy who was playing it, was working in a bar, tries out for the Eagles. Not only does he get a tryout, he makes the fucking team and has an impact. Like I could have just gone off on how bad the Eagles sucked.

Um, and I, he, he, you know, he threw that out there. Like got past our stupid acting, like a couple of bitches not talking to each other, saw me in trouble and fucking threw that out there. And then when I came off stage, he just started talking like, you know, one of the few times he ever threw me a compliment. Right. Um, and then, you know, then we were cool after that. It was just like a fucking, I don't know.

Ah, Jesus Christ, whatever. We got a lot of stories at this point. Yeah, it's nice though. I like it though. I like, uh, you know, like musicians, you know, I hear musicians talk. I'm like, that must have been fun to be a part of that. But then I realized like, I'm a part of a pretty cool group of people, just comedians who I like.

And it's like, I never get to watch. I don't watch David Tell. I don't watch you. If you're on, I don't want to watch standups. Did you see a Tell's latest special? Did you see it? Oh my God. I won't watch it.

I love Dave. We were doing co-headlining gigs and he would walk on stage literally like a fucking, like a gnome. He's carrying a plastic bag with things in them. It's like, he's losing his mind. And every once in a while, I, cause I would always make him go on last. And I'm like, look, dude, I'll take less money. I don't.

That's the anti-social. Uh, no, this was just me and Dave doing double gigs together. And, uh, Jesus, what a fucking show. It was a good show. But then we were riffed at the end. Like I would come on stage with him and we would just do like 15 or 20 minutes playing with the audience. And that was fun.

You were awesome at that. Yeah. We had a good time and he's great. But watching him, like even for the couple of minutes when I came back, he would always throw out one or two that would just make me fucking hate being a comedian. Like God, I'll never, he just did one dumb line. Like you've been on mushrooms or you're so high and you think you're having

a pillow fight, but then you realize you're holding a live baby. I'm like, I just wish I thought of that. That's dude. He had one and I can't, I don't remember how we set it up, but the Olympics were going on and somebody doing the Luge had died that day. And, and he went on stage and said something to the effect that I think, I think it's very fitting that the Olympics started with the sacrifices. I can't even do how we did it, but he did it.

You know, when he talks like low and he just sort of vaguely threw it out there. And just to see if the crowd even got it. And it was just like, oh my God, it's so fucking. So it's such a smart joke going back to the original Olympics. And like that time, I don't know, though, they had sack. I don't even fucking know. It's just, yeah, he's one of those guys, but he's a guy that I will watch because there's, there's him and Harlan Williams are two guys.

The way they do their shit. It's just like, there's no way I'm going to, there's going to be no overlap. The way like Harlan, when he just comes out, Hey, what do you say? They're picking a blanket. What are you, what are you doing there, buddy? Huh? What are you doing there sport? And he just kind of goes off on these crazy.

I don't even know what he's doing. Absolutely fucking destroys that. Last time I went to Harlan, I said that to him. I go, nobody in your career has ever walked up to you going, Hey, Harlan, I kind of have a kind of got a joke like that. You know, so anyways, I got my dog downstairs. I got, I got to go, uh, thank you for coming. Yeah, man.

Um, um, it's so funny. So you're just doing the fucking show. You said, thank you for coming. Oh, actually, I did come over to your hotel room. I thought it was like, okay, well, appreciate it. So thank you for coming on the podcast. I'm glad we were able to, uh, to finally knock one of these out. And, uh, like he said, uh, Wednesday, July 23rd, what's the, what's the website?

Vice.com. It'll be easy to find. Vice.com. Check out Jim Norton's new show called the Jim Norton show. The gym. Oh, Jesus. That's clever. Thanks, Bill.

All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll see you on Monday. With the metaverse, firefighters will one day be able to use augmented reality to navigate burning buildings, saving them crucial seconds when lives are on the line. The metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real. Learn more at meta.com slash metaverse impact.