Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-22-24

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

Bill rambles about the theater of politics, getting fingerprinted at work, and tattling adults. Policy Genius:  Head to www.policygenius.com/BURR  to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.  Gametime:  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday July 22nd 2022 what's going on? How are ya? Dude how the fuck is it July 22nd already? This goddamn summer's flown by. I can't believe it man. You know I remember when I was a kid I remember you know when you get out of school and next thing you knew June was over then July always took a while and then the second it was August 1st that fucking dread would start creeping up like ah fuck, fuck, here we go again. Here we go again. You know, cavemen back in the day, cave kids, had no idea how lucky they were.

What education did you need? How to sharpen a stick, how to start a fire with some rocks, and how not to get eaten by a saber toothed tiger. You know? And you know what's funny is that fucking generation would probably be like, oh these kids who grew up in the 70s and 80s, they could never handle post-prehistoric times. All right, well you know, I don't want to sleep outside. All right, that was a bad fucking example, but you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. Oh God. I flew up to Winnipeg with Nate Craig and Bianca Cristobal. And we did this amazing show. Thank you to everybody who came out in Winnipeg. We're out in this park. It's like fucking, I don't know how many people,

ton of people. We had a great time. And then we went to a cigar bar later on that night, had a great time there and then I couldn't get to sleep because like an idiot I smoked a cigar, I think it was Thomas Heinz Tobaccoist was the name of the place and I had an espresso too. So I was just sitting there just just fucking awake, going like, I'm getting picked up in five hours and 45 minutes. I'm getting picked up in four hours, 45 minutes.

I finally just forced myself to go to sleep. I did watch the rest of that, The Dawn Is Dead. The Dawn Is Dead with Robert Forrester and a bunch of other amazing actors in it. And it starts off a little slow. The guy who played Mel Sharples is in it from Mel's Diner. It ends up holding up. Robert Forrester gives a great performance.

And then I started to watch this movie movie Gene Hackman and Al Pacino I mean how do you mess with that one called Scarecrow it's a it's pretty brutal I mean it's a great movie but it's fucking brutal it reminded me a little bit of there's a movie, Fat City. Kind of had that thing, because it was started out in California and blah, blah, blah, blah, and all of that. And sort of not a nice part of California in a way, you know, economically depressed or whatever.

So anyway, that's what the hell I was doing. And then we flew back this morning and now i'm here doing the goddamn podcast. Uh, I did watch my red socks Jesus christ, you can't leave the room. You can't leave the fucking room when the bullpen goes in the game We're up one to nothing two games ago All right O'neill's on first Devers is at the plate O'neill takes off on first, Devers is at the plate, O'Neal takes off on the pitch, Devers shallow

fly ball the left field, so O'Neal's got to slam on the brakes, he runs full speed, three quarters of the way back to first base and then maybe even more than that, 80 percent, the last 20 percent he goes like half speed and he gets doubled off The whole fucking year the whole fucking year base running fucking errors Bonehead base running they do that again then I'm like what the fuck it's only one to nothing the Dodgers have like spent more money than the fucking Yankees and Red Sox combined fucking Yankees and Red Sox combined, you know, even covering the bets of the interpreters on that team.

We need more than one run, right? And you know, what happens? I leave the room. I go, I don't know what the fuck I did. I answered the door or something like that. And I come back and next thing you know, it's four to one. Giving up a grand slam. So then I was watching the highlights last night.

O'Neal makes up for that bonehead move with you. Two, three home runs. Everything's going good. Durant hit a home run. Knocking the hell out of the ball. We squeezed to its tie score. We scored like fucking two, three runs. Two run home or something like that and the top of the tenth and we still lose by one

run. So, the Trey Deadlet's coming up so every Red Sox fan is like, dude if we don't get a fucking guy, you know, cause they're starting pitching it's great. If we don't- we gotta get somebody in middle of relief that is- is gonna be lights out. Well what are we doing here? Because the bats are fucking great, base running stinks, our starting pitching is great. And we got a great manager too. So I mean, I don't know.

I think one guy, just one fucking guy that you could depend on coming out of the bullpen, we could, I don't know, we could ruin some people's dreams in the playoffs. Not saying we'd win the whole thing, but I don't know. I do like this team way better than last year's team. So I definitely think that we improved, but if we could just stop fucking shooting ourselves in the foot, God damn it, we might have something here. Speaking of shooting themselves in the foot, the Democrats, everybody, they finally stopped shooting themselves in the foot. The Democrats everybody, they finally stopped shooting themselves in the foot. What's-his-face just stepped down. Joe Biden, I will not seek

nor will I accept the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. 1968, Lyndon, Lyndon Baines Johnson. Joe Biden was probably 49 years old when he, when Lyndon Johnson gave that speech. So they finally get this guy out. He can go, you know, get the help he needs. And now all of a sudden, like, this is the craziest fucking race, like, I've ever seen in my life. I don't even pay attention to it Just what people are telling me like my plane landed and somebody texts me Joe Biden stepped Then I'm like who they're gonna get

Who they're gonna get and someone was saying the the governor of California And it's really funny how the rest of the country views California like California is this totally fucked up state because all they show is people living under bridges and stuff like that. And then they try to say, oh, it's because this Democratic governor or the Republican before, whatever the fuck they're blaming. It's not what it is.

It's not what it is. It's this war slash occupation in Iraq. That's what ruined this whole fucking country. It bankrupted them. And that was not the Republicans. And that was not the Democrats. That was what happens when you get oilmen in the fucking office.

That's what happened. And they pilfered all of our fucking money. That's why there's no money for anything. That's why. Not because of a blue tie or a fucking red tie. Because we're fucking bankrupt. Every state is fucked. So, having said that, now all of a sudden,

Trump's gonna go up against a lady who still has her marbles. But here's the thing, Trump does well against women. He's 1 and 0 against vaginas, and he's 0 and 1 against dicks. So this one is too close to call. I don't know anything about Kamala Harris. I'm just hoping she's a better public speaker than Hillary. That was what Hillary's problem was.

Hillary was a fucking feature act trying to close an improv. And she had about 20 minutes of material. So anyways, how fucking nuts is this? So if you can just take yourself out of politics for a second and just the whole show of this is just fucking unbelievable. Just think of everything that happened in the last month. Trump and Biden go out, they have a debate on who the fuck should be the next president, and at one point they were talking about golf.

Who could hit a golf ball further? on who the fuck should be the next president and at one point they were talking about golf. Who could hit a golf ball further? Like they were in the green room or something and the debate hadn't started. They were actually talking about that and you're just going like, oh my god what the fuck is this? So Trump mops the floor with the guy, from what I heard. I didn't watch it right? And it's like, oh wow Trump's gonna win this thing and then some fucking idiot takes a shot at him misses kills an innocent person in the crowd Trump either lost part of his ear or didn't I have no idea I Don't know what's going on. He wears the band-aid. He doesn't have on the band-aid It's it's like trying to get kissed without their makeup on back in the day

I don't know what's going on with that and then I'm'm going like, oh my God, this guy just got shot. He didn't die. And then he stood up and he acted like Sally Field in a coal miner's daughter. Like, I think he just won this election. Then this weird thing happened, like, I don't know, like seven, eight, nine, 10 days goes by. And because there's so much

information out there it feels like it happened like a year ago and i'm going there's no fucking way the momentum of that is going to die right and then all of a sudden biden steps down and now they're going to go with kamala harris and now they took the spotlight back. How do you take the spotlight back? It's fucking unreal So now Instead of two swinging old white dicks You have a non white vagina going up against an old white dick. How does Vegas? How do they handicap it? Who knows? Who knows which way this one goes? This is gonna be, you know, and I have no idea. I have no fucking

idea. The only thing I can say for sure is we're fucked either way. That's all I know because just like dollars and cents, until we stop paying for whatever the fuck it is we're doing over in Iraq, every year we're going to be even more in debt and then they got to print more fucking money. And then all these idiots on Instagrams like, this guy needs to talk about how come it cost all this money for a dozen eggs it's like he needs to tell you why you think it's it's a Democrat or Republican it isn't it's big fucking business it's fucking everybody yeah whatever I'm just fucking screaming into the abyss nobody's gonna listen to me. They'll just fucking continue

Can you go that way? And then meanwhile sitting in the weeds is somebody fucking saying everything that's going on and talking about real shit, you know Evidently the Supreme Court is saying that it's okay to take a bribe No evidently the Senate Congress is saying you can't try us for insider trading. They are just wildly out of control with their corruption. And meanwhile there's one guy in the corner just fucking saying, talking about that stuff. Everybody else is talking about golf and thousand points of light and leave no kids behind and say no to drugs and make it great again.

But just a bunch of fucking catchphrases, like a bunch of hat comedians. That's what they are. They don't have any act. So what do they do? They wear the same silly fucking hat. They hang their tie low. They get a fucking, they get a catchphrase. You know, the last guy couldn't remember the catchphrase so he was losing.

It's a really weird time. But I gotta be honest with you, as an old school wrestling fan, this really reminds me of the buildup right before the first WrestleMania, where it just got to a fucking level that you just thought everyone was gonna lose their minds. Now that's what it feels like. It feels like Trump mopped the floor with Biden, and just when you thought he was to pin him, all of a sudden, Kamala comes running out of the dressing room. You know, they used to do that and they would dive underneath the bottom rope and they grabbed him with his fuck, grabbed Trump's fucking wrestling boot and pulled him off of Biden.

And then Trump's on his knees doing the no, no, like Rick Flair His Kamala is taking a pump off to fucking smack him in the head and right before she gets there He fucking gives her the alley against Foreman straight right right to the baby maker. I Mean that's what this feels like. We'll see We shall see we shall see what happens, but Anyway meantime Me too, and I don't know what I'm doing. I got a I Have three fucking things that I have to take care of after I do this podcast I have two scripts I have to read and I have to watch a cut of my special and I've put it all off until

Sunday night and I just said to my and I was like well, maybe I can do one of them early Monday morning But I got a real busy day Monday. I just said to myself and I was like well maybe I can do one of them early Monday morning but I got a real busy day Monday I just said to myself I said Bill you fucking bald freckled freckled cunt what's gonna make you feel better to just sit down and get this shit done or you're gonna let it hang over your fucking head and I was like all right all right All right, you're right. You're right. Let's fucking do it. Let's sit down. Get what we need to get done. Get done.

I know there was golf this weekend, the British Open. I didn't see one second of it. I taped Saturday and I forgot to tape today. Obviously, it's already over. I have no idea who won that. I have no idea what's going on. All I know is the other day I had on ESPN and it was Auburn day. And then also the WNBA went up against the ladies USA team, right? Getting ready for Paris.

I'll tell you what's amazing if they don't stop showing the WNBA on TV like they did If they don't stop showing them, they're gonna start making money They're showing them all the fucking time So I think eventually I the fucking time. So I think eventually, I don't know, well, they eventually, I think then they eventually find like an audience. They kind of, they just have one story. It's that white chick getting fucking bullied because she's making more money than the veterans

in the league and they acted like that was like some big thing. And it's like, that's what happens in every sports league if you come in a young hot shot and you're going to take somebody's fucking job and you're making more money than anybody else and you haven't scored a point yet yeah that's what happens you're going to get hazed all these fucking theories are they doing it cause of this? Is it because of that? All right. And also I gotta play drums tonight.

I gotta play drums tonight. I gotta go work this fucking song out. I think the show's tonight. I have no idea. But anyway, so I get home. I didn't sleep at all last night. I didn't really get to sleep on the plane. And I get home, I didn't sleep at all. Last night, I didn't really get to sleep on the plane. And I come home to two little kids and they want to get pizza.

So I'm like, all right, let's go get pizza. We get pizza. Had a great time. My son got it all over me was on his hands and he was happy to see me. So he kept hugging me, you know, kids, they just grab like a handful of your shirt. I literally by the end of it, I look like I got manhandled by the pizza delivery guy. I had all on my shoulder. One point my lovely wife's going like you got to dry off the sands. I was just like, it's too late. It's too late. What am I supposed to do here?

A buddy of mine told me about this guitar player, Afro Diziak, A-F-R-O, Afro, and then D-I-Z-I-A-C. And if you watch that person, that guy, that's the kind of shows I used to go to. That's what kind of shows I used to go to that's what it looked like So But it's all good all of this stuff is good. It's all fucking interesting This is all me like post mushrooms man trying to fucking not just be like this is the only way you do shit It's like this, you know, like what I've been talking to you about, like all these fucking idiots from my generation on these social media going on and on about how kids today could never survive the seventies and eighties.

You know, like we all grew up in a fucking crack infested neighborhood or fought a fucking war, which we didn't. Most of us didn't. We didn't. We went to the fucking movies. Okay. All right, Bill, why don't you make the same fucking point again? All right, I'm done.

Let's, let me do a little read here. Let me do the read here. Oh, by the way, I'm gonna be in Fresno this Friday night with Nate Craig. All right, policy genius. You know, a lot of life is unpredictable, but a good life insurance plan gives your family a financial safety net to protect against some of the unknowns.

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Download Game Time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. All right, you know something? I just did a dynamic read for this new version of that board game monopoly and, uh, it's kind of fun how much people love that game. I mean, I know it takes a long time, but like, you know, throughout history, people that have monopolized whatever businesses or whatever have been just horrendously cold hearted people.

And it's funny that we then want to be get on a board game and just feel what it feels like to be that heartless, you know, and charge people rent and make them go fucking broke and then put more houses so the rent goes up even higher. And you just looking around the board, getting excited as you watch your family members become homeless. The training you to be a fucking CEO. Alright, chiropractors. Let's get into this. Chiropractors and ghosts. Alright, so I mentioned last week that I was watching this chiropractor work on this poor bastard when he was a kid,

he was on a swing and I don't know what he did. He jumped off the fucking swing and he landed on his head. Fortunately, he didn't paralyze himself, but like he had no mobility. Like if he wanted to look up, he had to do like a backbend, like that type of shit. So this guy basically puts underneath this guy's jaw, it looked like he was gonna, like he took it off like a donkey that was eating some oats or some shit. And he puts it, you know, over the guy. He's looking like the patient in that Metallica video one, and he just goes one, two, three, and just fucking yanks. He had the, he just yanks the guy's fucking neck and the guy

screamed in pain. And I'm going like, you know, I'm rooting for the chiropractor because I wanted him to fix this guy, but it just looked like he was hurting the dude. So now I guess chiropractors are now gonna weigh in or whatever, but here we go. Or people are gonna tell me about their chiropractic visit. Chiropractors and ghosts, dear Billy Big Mouth Bass. Oh, the B's in parentheses. Dear Billy Big Mouth Bass oh the bees in parentheses dear Billy Big Mouth Ass Dave here and I'm just checking in on you big fan of the podcast and your comedy in general parentheses not to mention you absolutely killed it and one of the best scenes of the Mandalorian well thank you well the

writers killed it and Rick Fami Iwa edited the thing and that made me look good. Can't wait for the new special. All right. I heard you mentioned your moderate distrust of chiropractors the other day and I wanted to help reinforce that for you. Did you know the inventor of chiropractic Daniel David Palmer was a spiritualist and a magnetic healer and credits the early ideas of chiropractic to a ghost. Jesus Christ, how neat is that, right? You can Google that dude. Everything I just said is 100% true.

Well I mean you got the guy who started Scientology. He said, you know, if I ever really wanted to make money, I'd just start a fucking religion. You got Donald Trump. He said, you know, I'm a Democrat, but if I ever ran for president, I'd fucking run Republican because you can tell those idiots anything. Now whether they said that or not, who the fuck knows? These are all urban myths. You know, there's another urban myth that a long time ago a full head of red haired freckled

jerk off in a warehouse said I don't want to unload trucks for the rest of my life and I'm too stupid to do anything else I think I'll tell shit jokes in a field in the middle of Manitoba. Anyway not to mention that chiropractors have no medical degree and aren't qualified to diagnose or treat any medical conditions, which should be obvious to anyone who has a weekly appointment with one for the entire rest of their lives because nothing is actually being fixed. Sure, getting your back crack feels good for a moment, but it's a band-aid on the actual issue. On top of that, multiple people have been seriously injured

or killed by chiropractors. Killed? And sometimes, oh they break their fucking neck and sometimes it takes weeks to kick in. What, you go to a chiropractor and then you die weeks later, you lose them here. There have been cases where the chiropractor jerking the person's neck around has fucked up their veins and they later have a stroke because of it. Oh, well I guess I didn't read enough. Okay, all in all, if you have a medical issue, go to a doctor or a physical therapist. Anything actually useful a chiropractor would possibly do to you is something they stole from physical therapists anyway.

Parenthesis source, several of my friends are licensed physical therapists. I thought you were going to quote an actual fucking article rather than my friends who do the other jobs said those other people doing that other jobs suck. Cheers and all the best. He leaves his name, the Dave or El Dave Arino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. Is brevity when you put the word the before your name? Yeah, I don't know I'm a big believer in stretching and Getting regular massages. Although I haven't had one since last year. So I'm do

advice on fingerprinting fear Dear Billy mole hill I've worked with kids my whole life. I babysat in high school and then worked at summer camps. And now I work at school programs at both public and private schools. I love it. Some of my favorite moments on your podcast are when you talk about your kids beating the shit out of you.

Oh, yeah, exactly. I come home on the fucking bouncy house. And when I saw you at the Patrice O'Neill benefit this past summer, my favorite bit of yours was the one about your son. Hope it makes it into your upcoming special. Anyways, I'm at a bit of a crossroads. The after school programs don't pay enough, so I'm looking at substitute teaching. You choose the days you work, you choose the schools you work in. And you get off at 3 p.m., which is great seeing as it frees up my evenings to pursue

stand-up comedy. There you go. The problem is this. In order to substitute teaching public schools, you're required to be fingerprinted by the Department of Education. I completely understand why they do this and when I first started the application process, I knew that was part of the deal. However, when it came to actually going down to the office and getting fingerprinted, I ran into a huge emotional block. For some reason, the idea of giving my fingerprints to the government is absolutely terrifying

to me. Well, yeah, because they'll probably turn. I don't mind the government having it because I know they own me, but it's when they then turn around and sell it to corporations. Like didn't somebody just buy, somebody just bought 23 and me. And then I loved all the response, like everybody just going like, like, so wait, so now these new people have all this DNA and they can do whatever they want with it. And everybody's like, whatever they got all your fucking DNA anyway. Like the fucking level of complacency that people have about all of this stuff.

What, eh, you know, there's nothing you can fucking do. Like I remember back in the day when they were first talking about identity theft. And all my friends were like, yeah, you want to steal my identity? I have a fucking minus 900 credit score. Good luck stealing my fucking identity. And we were too dumb to realize that once they get your social security number and all of that shit, and they air quote become you, they then also forge a credit report. And then you get stuck with all that extra debt and you still have your minus 900 fucking credit score whatever the hell it is so

Yeah, I came back to this country. I just gave them my passport They said you don't need to do that and then they just fucking held the camera up to my fucking eye And I was like whoa. What is this? I? Wonder if I could have said no you're not doing that. Here's my passport. You know, you have to. You must comply. I don't understand. Like, I always wonder, like, what are you guys up to that, like, you feel

that you still don't know where we are enough? You know what I mean? They can turn on your laptop if it's on. They can watch you in your house. You have your fucking iPhone. You know what I mean? They can turn on your laptop if it's on. They can watch you in your house. You have your fucking iPhone that unless you have it in privacy mode or whatever, it's tracking you everywhere you go. Like what the fuck more do you need?

Like what are you doing? I don't know. It makes me super paranoid. Sometimes I believe that they actually have the technology to make it, you know, to one of these other earths that's out there. So that's why they're not worried about the Great Barrier Reef dying. They're not worried about that swirl of plastic two and a half times the size of Texas and two miles deep out in the middle of the ocean.

They're not worried about it, cuz they're just gonna leave and just go to a new one. Although, wouldn't they have left by now? You know? And then they would have to take all these people, they'd have to take a staff. Why did I hit that word so hard? A staff. They'd have to take all of these people with them. Now, there's no fucking way.

If they had the technology to go to a whole other earth, yeah, I just think, you know, that my cell phone case would have prevented my cell phone screen from cracking, even though I had the protective case. They at least would have given me that, right? Just out of guilt. I don't know. Alright plowing ahead here. So this person goes on. For some reason giving, the idea of giving fingerprints to the government is absolutely terrifying to me. I have no criminal record and have no plans to commit any heinous crimes in the future, but I can't bring myself to actually make an appointment and go down to the office. It's not about

having my identity stolen or anything like that. It's just some weird vague fear about forfeiting my freedom slash ability to live off the grid. I've talked about it with my therapist as well as close friends of mine and the consensus seems to be that I'm being nuts. I don't think you are. I think having a healthy level of paranoia, you know, people need to be more paranoid. And they also they got to fucking wake up my god. They just got a fucking you got to stop with this Red Sox Yankee shit just looking at fucking politicians just blows my mind that just I gotta

stop talking about this because I talk about every podcast now I'm done with it I'm done with it the elections only a few months away all right I'm reaching out to see if you have any advice I know you're a skeptical son of a bitch and you hate giving away your personal information for any reason but I also know that you have a lot to say on the topic of making mountains out of molehills. I think you phrased it as thinking you've stepped off a cliff, but you're actually stepping off a curb. Am I being nuts?

Should I suck it up and give him my fingerprints or do I have a legitimate gripe here? Huge fan and go fuck yourself. Basically you're feeling these feelings and all these other people who don't feel these feelings are now telling you that, you know, what you're feeling is no big deal. Okay, that reminds me of when my kids, you know, put on a shirt, I give them a shirt and they go, I don't want to wear this shirt. Now in my mind, it's like, what's the big deal? But to them, it's a big fucking deal. It's gonna affect how they behave when they go to school. It's gonna make kids pick on them, because then they're gonna have that vibe.

Like they don't, they're unsure of themselves. So if my kids say, I don't like the shirt, I'm wearing my go out, can I change it? I go, yeah, go change it. Put on one that you like. So, when they become adults, when they're in a situation like you are, and their gut is saying, I don't like this

shit, and then the people around them go, ah, you're making a mountain out of fucking a mo hill. And then if your parents do that, I'm not explaining this right. If your parents did that from the time you were little, I feel like you go out into the world and you start ignoring your voice if your voice is telling you not to do this Okay, I wouldn't do it and then second of second all is you want to be a comedian Okay, that's that's what you want to fucking do

So I would just find another fucking job to go do and I don't give a fuck what you had to do To get it done where you didn't have to have fingerprints or any that type of shit for what I don't fucking like now Is that corporations are also doing this government thing like you're going like you mean you go into there like I don't bring my I bring my kids. I just take them outside I go to playgrounds and shit like that anything that has an indoor now You come in and they want to see your ID. Like you bring these trampoline parks like, you know, if you're going to go in there, we have to have your fucking ID.

And then they're like scanning your fucking ID. It's like, who the, no, you're not doing that. Well, then you can't go in there. Good, then I'm fucking leaving. And I'm watching all of these fucking people letting a trampoline park scan their fucking IDs. It's just like why the fuck would you do that? If everybody says no, the trampoline park caves. There's no fucking reason for them to do that.

They'll tell you all in case somebody does something to a kid in there we have everybody's fucking eyes. Fuck you. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. You don't give a fuck about those kids. You give a fuck about money and you're getting everybody's ideas so you can then bundle all that information as another revenue stream and go sell it to somebody else. So, I don't think you should do it. If you don't want to do it, I would not fucking do it. I wouldn't fucking do it. And I think it's great that you're not doing it. I think those other people that go around doing it are out of their fucking minds. I get it if you actually want to be a teacher, I get them, get it.

But if you're just doing this part-time bullshit, you know Like I said the Supreme Court says that you know that you can bribe politicians now and the Congress and whatever the fuck They are said yeah, we can we can insider trade. They're basically telling you how fucking corrupt they are I Don't know. I wouldn't trust him. So I think that is healthy, that's a healthy skeptical mindset, I think. And I love when, whenever you do something like this, there will always be somebody who just laughs and be like, dude they already got it anyway, And they say it with such confidence. First of all, nobody knows what anybody has and what they're going to use it for.

So don't listen to some other fucking jerk off in a bar about that. Just be like, all right, man, you have fun with that mindset. I'm going to do what the fuck I want to do. All right, advice slash funny story. Dear Bill. Oh,, dear Billy new babies, first time writer, 10 year podcast and standup fan. Oh, diehard, thank you. My friend is an attorney, prosecution side,

and thinks I have a case, but I don't think it's worth my time either way. Oh, either way, it's a funny story now that some time has passed. In late 2022, I started a new job as an enterprise account executive in construction technology. Okay. In April of 2023, we had an opportunity to get together in person as a team for the first time. Okay, now what did you, I got a new job as an enterprise accountant executive in construction, in construction technology. That was in late 2022 in April of 23, you had the opportunity to get together in

person as a team for the first time. So there were other enterprise account executives in construction technology, designing technology for construction. Is that what's happening here? I have no idea. Anyway, we spent some team building time going to dinner and a handful of bars afterwards. It was a great time. Lots of laughs, great conversation about work-related things and I was called into a Zoom meeting with the day after I returned home, which happened to be my birthday. My vice president said, Hey man, HR is coming in right now.

HR, human resources. That's the way it is. I was in the middle of the night, I was in the middle of the night, I was in the middle of the night, Hey man, HR is coming in right now. HR, human resources. Isn't that the most creepy fucking name for a department? Human resources.

Natural resources, human resources. We're all just shit to these people to be thrown into the machine. I was told I made derogatory comments about a co-worker's sexual orientation which violates our zero tolerance policy. This means I was fired immediately with no warning. I was shocked and confused. When did this happen? Who made the complaint? But most importantly, what did I say? A few weeks later I caught up with the former VP of Sales who was present when I was fired by HR. Here is the comment.

Me to a group of six colleagues, mix of men and women. It's getting late. Let's go to one last place and then hit the hotel. Colleagues's name, okay so he said to a person, whatever their name was, you live here what's a good spot? Colleague says I know a really good game bar. Me didn't hear him clearly in the crowded bar. Did you say a gay bar? No, I said a game bar, like an arcade bar. Me, oh, laughs. I was gonna say, I like you, but I don't think I'm ready to go there with you just yet. Whole group laughs, and we all make arrangements to go to the game bar together. And somebody ratted you out over that?

From there, I didn't pick up on any animosity or resentment from this colleague. And we all spent another hour or two together having cocktails and playing old-time arcade games before returning to the hotel. The person felt I outed them in front of coworkers and made a complaint to HR. Instead of using this as an opportunity to educate and enlighten, I was fired without a chance to defend myself or even understand the reason until weeks later. Now here's my question. How does this make the world a better place? How does it make them less homophobic? Let's just say you are actually homophobic. You know, yeah, this is an opportunity where you could educate and enlighten,

and instead they just fucking throw you out the side door. That would probably make you even more hateful towards gay people if that was the problem. Instead, you were just making a joke, and now you're just out of a job, confused. Hopefully you hate HR. Anyway, I was tried without even a chance to defend myself or even understand the reasoning until weeks later. I'm in a much better place now and loving my work so it all worked out in the end. Yeah, I mean who the fuck wants to work with those people which is easy to say

knowing you got another job. Hello to your wife, congrats on your children, can't wait until you're in Minneapolis again. A future ex booze bag. Yeah, that's just nuts. Adults just telling on other adults from minor infractions and then you lose your job. Do you know what I found with zero confrontations in my life when you have zero tolerance for something it just leads to big fights as opposed to working shit out. Zero tolerance policy, wars. None of it ever ends in a good place.

And you might win for a minute, but then there's always the regrouping of whoever you stomped out, and then they come back, and then they try to fucking do shit to you. And it never ends. It never fucking ends. All right. NAB beer recommendation. N slash A beer recommendation. It never fucking ends All right, NA beer recommendation N slash a beer recommendation. I don't know what this means. Hey Bill. I have a solid Oh

non-alcohol beer recommendation for you Athletic beer company has hands down the best tasting non-alcohol beers on the market The only one I would steer clear from is the Light beer which is trying unsuccessfully to be a Miller Light. Everything else has been terrific. I had some time off after going a little overboard for a spell and in my opinion this was the only one that was worth a damn. Hazy IPA is my favorite. Hope you have the opportunity to try. Have a great day and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I only get like a an alcohol free, like I would

never sit around my house drinking one of those. It's just like every once in a while when I go out and I don't want to drink water and everybody else is having booze and I don't drink soda anymore. So occasionally I'll go out with my daughter and she's discovered root beer floats, which is a major, major moment in the in the childhood of any kid. Your first root beer float is just, it's just, it's just another, It's just another life goes to another level, right? Occasionally I have a couple of sips of my daughter's root beer float, but I don't really mess with anything like that. The best non-alcohol beer that I've had that I can think of in recent memory was the Sam

Adams one, whatever the fuck that one was called. That one was, that one was great. Oh, you know what I didn't tell you guys, I I finally soloed all the way up to Bakersfield in the helicopter, man. It was, it was fun. It was, it was, you know. There was nerves kind of just going through the hills. I kind of followed the five up from Burbank Airport. I followed that up and I've basically gone as far as like Magic Mountain and I would bang a left and go out to Santa Paula, or maybe up to Santa Barbara, Santa Inez. But I'd flown up there with an instructor before up to Bakersfield, but never soloed.

And it was really funny, just psychologically going past that point and being in those mountains. And I was like, at one point you know you know five six thousand feet which is the highest I've flown solo and then I came out and it just drops down into all that farmland and everything and you know I have like you know I got like two GPS I got the iPad and then I got my avionics and I also have my phone sitting there if I wanted to even use that too so I was coming in this is an uncontrolled and a controlled I went to the uncontrolled

one and what's great is you have like right on when you do when you press the direct button and then put in the airport and then hit activate in pink on my main screen right on the bottom. Fuchsia if you will it has how many nautical miles your way so about ten nautical miles out you just make a call to other pilots that are in the pattern you just ask for traffic advisory which basically lets you know what runway they're landing on and which way they're flying the pattern, like one six left, one six right, or whatever.

So, and then you know which side to join the downwind, or if they were flying, what would that be, three four? You would just go straight in. So, I kept, I made like two radio calls. I didn't hear anybody. So no one was in the pattern. So I was able with my avionics to see which way the wind was, you know, blowing or whatever.

So I just did, what was it? I did left traffic for one six and then just did straight out and head back to Burbank. And what was really cool was when I came back, you know, you got the first mountain range, then you have Antelope Valley, and then you have the next mountain range, and then it's back to where I'm familiar. So I went over the first mountain range and I was about halfway across Antelope Valley. I could see what looked like New Hall Pass, which is what

you fly through to drop back into the valley to go back to Burbank Airport and I was going like, is that like right there? I mean I know it was probably 20 miles in the distance but I could still see it. So it really made me relax when I was going, I mean, I was already relaxed cuz I did it and I was going back. But it was funny on the way up there, if I had the ability, if I had a back window to look out of, I could have been like, all right, I'm not that far away from the airspace that I know. So anyway, that really got me, was a big confidence

builder and I wanted to fly up to Paso Robles at some point. It's just that's a really far jaunt and a little two-seater and you know I feel like if I flew all the way up there and then came back I mean I would have to take at least a couple hours off go in town get all the way up there and then came back, I mean, I would have to take at least a couple hours off, go in town, get something to eat or something, and then come back. But you're basically making a day out of it. But I got kids and stuff, so I can't be gone that long. I can fly in the morning and then come back.

Like Bakersfield, you can fly up there in like 55 minutes and then come right back. So I mean, overall, pre-flight and all the bullshit. You can be back in like four hours. You know, door to door. So anyway, but I still think one of these days I'm just gonna have like just block out a whole day that I'm not doing shit and I am gonna fly up to Paso Robles because I went up there for a wedding

and I love the downtown area. There was a great cigar bar that I went to and I know some other pilots that live up there so maybe I'll meet some people up there and I have myself a good little time there but it was really I don't know if you have a pilot's license you know I don't know I found it's almost like working on your act if you just sort of keep going to the same airports and flying where you are, you get bored. And with boredom comes complacency, and that's like dangerous.

So, you know, if you keep expanding it, you know, within the envelope of your abilities, which this clearly was, I mean, I checked the wind, everything, to make sure that I wasn't going to get involved in any bullshit. Because when you get into Bakersfield, sometimes in the summertime, if it's really, really hot and the soil dries out and the wind is moving around, you can get into some bad visibility and shit.

Poor visibility. But I always just say to myself, I'm a helicopter. I can just stop, turn around, and go back the other fucking way. And then also it was kind of a good thing to learn how to get fuel up there and also actually see how many gallons of fuel it took to get up there and back. Because for whatever reason, ForeFlight doesn't recognize my helicopter because it's a newer one.

So I don't know what it's using, but anytime I say pass a roadway pass a roadways and I'm going to go up there, it says, you're not, you're not going to have enough fuel. And it's claiming that I'm going to need like 65 gallons, something fucking crazy like that to fly an hour and 40 minutes up there. And my helicopter burns 12 gallons an hour. So let's just say two hours, if it took me that even with wind, right?

That's 24 gallons. I can hold, you know, if I don't do this little trick with the wheel where I lift up one side, it could actually get up to 45 gallons But basically 40 gallons I can put it in So I have plenty I would have 16 gallons to spare so like what the fuck are they talking about? But anytime I see that I see that red exclamation point I get fucking freaks me out, but I

Think I'm gonna I'm gonna maybe in August I'm gonna do that one and then another flight that I want to get down as I want to know how to solo into San Diego and that's a Bravo That's Bravo airspace and everything so I've transitioned that at LAX Which is really cool you can do it along the beach or the 110 and then the coolest one is to do it over Sepulveda where you fly 2500 or higher and you actually go over the airport and just seeing the sheer fucking size of that airport and I don't know. I don't know how I went so long in my life not being into aviation. It was just I was always into cars and fucking playing drums and something. But now that I'm into it, it's the most fascinating fucking thing ever. And I look at these people that fly commercially. And even though I know they got to deal with all of us assholes in the back and

everything. That view they have up front and flying around the fucking country. And knowing how to get in and out of all of these giant fucking airports. Like, what about the guys that fly like international? That just blows my mind though. Just I'm, I'm sweating going from Burbank to Bakersfield and these guys will take off at LAX fly 14 hours and land in Sydney, Australia. That's fucking, it's fucking amazing. You know, as we're destroying this planet, you know, there are some really cool,

creative ways that we are ruining the planet. And one of them would be aviation because it is fucking awesome. And you could defend that one to God. It was like, well, we shouldn't have made birds. You know, the fuck? We weren't going to try that. You should have made us dumber. All right. That's the podcast, everybody.

Um, have a great couple of days. I will check in on you on Thursday. Um, and whatever. I'm hanging in there with my fucking red socks. All right. That's it. I'll see you.