Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-29-24

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Bill rambles about talking to bears, learning you have Asperger's, and firing your own boss. Land's End:  See why thousands of brands count on Lands’ End Outfitters. Go to business.LandsEnd.com/BURR and use promo code BURR for 20% off your order.

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Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday July I don't know what 29 30 what the fuck is it? Uh, Monday, July 29th, 2024, what's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, Billy, good mood! Oh, Billy, living life! Feeling good today, you know yeah I don't know if you like me when everyone around me starts going negative I go positive that's what I do but then when

everybody goes positive I kind of go hey take it easy all right relax it's not that good I don't know what it is. I'm a fucking cunt. That's what it is. I just figured it out. Yeah, so. Anyway, uh. I'm fucking hanging out, right? I'm working here. I'm working over here. Shooting this fucking thing, a thing I can't talk about, but it's something that I'm shooting, right?

And then everybody's, oh, it's raining. Oh, no. Right? It's fucking rain. But it's something that I'm shooting right and then everybody's all it's raining Oh No Right, it's fucking real fucking shoot the thing that's inside then Jesus fucking Christ. What is your wedding day? Oh My god, is there anything fucking worse I this this is my belief it's my belief fingers Freddy This is sorry belief. It's my belief. Fingers freddy! Sorry, I got energy today. I haven't had coffee yet. I'm sipping on one. Only had a couple of sips. All right. This is all Billy Freckles, 56 years old, well into his prostate, Cialis years, high Seales years high on life. Let me tell you, me and my wife took a little staycation.

And I brought that acoustic guitar. I told you guys that. I kept calling myself Billy Seales. I go out on the porch in the morning. Underrated an acoustic guitar on a porch in the morning as in an adult as an adult Which I don't know. It's borderline whether I am or not But I think you should just keep that kid alive in you No, it's anything sadder than the person that says that That they've made this psychotic deliberate choice That they've made this psychotic deliberate choice

To keep the kid alive in them and you're gonna have to hear about it throughout the entire fucking social event You're with them. You're out there whatever the fuck, you know, then they have some sort of weird out something about their outfits gonna be weird Just to let you know that they're not in the matrix the way you are that they haven't bought into Conventional wisdoms that they think outside the box. It's the same banker cunts fucking come up, you know, and gouge their check every fucking week. You know, you're not outside the matrix.

You want to be outside the matrix. You go out in the fucking woods. You go live in the woods. You go live in the woods like some dirty white person. That's what's out there. You know, it's funny in America, you don't find too many like other races of people living out in the middle of nowhere. That's a white person thing. And then you go out there and you're living in the woods and then you get dirty.

And then next thing you know, you're just another dirty white person living off the grid. You know, I don't like bankers as much as the next guy, but I've seen what the alternative is and I'll take the fucking ass raping. I would much rather be in a fucking house, you know, watching sports, getting ready for the next holiday, whatever the fuck it is, having my check get fucking gouged than to be out there fucking trying to trap rabbits, knowing there's not enough whatever the fuck you need. What do they call that?

Rabbit starvation? Fuck all that. Mountain lions, bears. I'll tell you what's funny about people in the woods is they fucking talk to bears. It's the funniest shit ever. They go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you bear, hey! No, no, stop it! Hey!

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, It's fucking hilarious because if there was some crazy fuck that came on on the subway on your subway car and was wielding a knife you would not be going hey hey but you knock you sit out you go go put that down dude a fucking bear Has got like five knives butcher knives On each fucking paw times four he's got 20 knives

Fucking sitting there talking to the goddamn thing Do you see that guy he'd like the fucking Black Bear got into his backyard. So he walked casually walks over and opens the gate and everybody's saying get away from that fucking thing. And then as it goes through, he tries to kind of like kick it in the ass, like keep going. And the thing went by and he just fucking one little, just gave it, it was a Black Bear, little, little, not getting racist here.

Little fucking just a little swipe. Like a, hey, hey, you know, if I wanted to. Not getting racist here. Little fucking just a little swipe. Like a hey, hey, you know, if I wanted to. You should have seen the guy's side. It literally looked like a bear gave him half a swipe. His back through his fucking shirt immediately looked like, like I don don't know like a bear or something was going like hey man if I fucking wanted to don't show off in front of your friends your friends your friends your fat cunt it's a bear can't pronounce all the English yet evidently they understand English. It's weird. Yeah, we we here in America talk to bears. In Russia,

they put them on bikes and make them do fucking shit with hula hoops. I don't know. Anyway, I was going to say earlier was if you're a man and you're getting married outside and it's raining out that day, just fucking, just say, forget it. Just just say that is a fucking omen for your marriage that is basically saying everything, everything in that relationship, even shit beyond your own control, is going to be your fault. That's what God's trying to tell you. When God makes it rain, not when he's at a teddy bar like his son getting the prostitute, when God literally makes it rain. Can you imagine what God talking to a rapper?

You know, you think you fucking make it rain? Is that what you think? Huh? You sell out a couple of venues? Let me tell you something, I am the venue. When I make it rain, I literally make it rain. You understand me? Don't ever fucking disrespect me like that.

And I'm not gonna lie to you, put out two, three good albums, okay? That's good standing. All right? But what about all these side pieces over there? And that's when you gotta look at God, you know, take your grill off and just be like, listen, man, with all due respect, didn't you make the side pieces? Can we stop with the devil being your scapegoat all the time? Let's be honest, you made whores, and you made their fathers that didn't stick around.

You made all of those people, didn't you? God's like, all right, you got me. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I mean, marriage wasn't your idea. That's some shit, you know, that evil people came up with to try to control guys and make them not be able to go up the mountain because every time they get halfway up, they get cut in half again, right? Isn't that what happened? You're going to get... What are we doing here?

Can you imagine if God was a little more reasonable? Like in the afterlife, what was I supposed to do was actually a fucking decent response. You know what I mean? All the fucking evil shit that's going on. You're going to jump on somebody for a side piece. evil shit that's going on and you're gonna jump on somebody for a side piece. Anyways if it starts fucking if it's raining on your wedding day, I mean that is literally, remember the Bronx tail, that is the lock the door test. If your fucking future wife, as in 20 minutes from now, can fucking roll with it and

not have a giant, if she has a fucking meltdown like a fucking child, you're gonna have a child with that fucking adult child? You're out of your fucking mind. All right, you, your tuxedo and your tails. I wonder if anybody's ever done that. Just came out in the rain and just said, listen, I'd be lying if I didn't say I had my doubts before this ceremony, but watching this behavior and just full on meltdown, temper tantrum. Yeah, I can't do it.

I don't want to marry a child. And that's, that's what I'm looking at right now. And it's something that I've been ignoring for a long time and I apologize and I will max out my credit cards and I will pay for this whole thing and then you walk out. That's what you're supposed to do. You don't just take off like a coward, like Jack Nicholson's character in Five Easy Pieces. You know I finally fucking saw that movie. Now granted this was before therapy

But you know to watch that movie when it came out to put it in historical perspective That was an amazing thing to watch the anti the antihero because up until then Hollywood had all of these fucking movies that made you feel good, but you couldn't relate to him, right? You had all of these guys like Jimmy Stewart John Wade, it was just one happy ending after a fucking other. So then all of a sudden this new group of people comes along, right? Studio doesn't have Final Cut and they start making these anti-hero movies. The anti-hero. The guy who just says, hey, you know what, fuck you. And then they just roll credits, and that's how the movie ends. So you watch Five Easy Pieces. It's a fucking amazing movie.

I talked about this before, but I don't give a shit. Karen Black fucking kills it, as always. Jack Nicholson, I mean, he's just one of the great movie stars of all time. He kills it. And he's driving this Mercury Marauder, I think it was called. The Mercury Ma Key replaced it. When I first saw it I thought it was an Impala and there's something about the back end I'm like that's not an Impala and then I thought it was like some poor man's Impala or maybe more the

luxury Impala like I couldn't tell And then it turns out it wasn't even made by GM. It was made by Ford. Ford used to be Lincoln, Mercury, and Ford when I was a kid. And then Chevy was Chevy, Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Buick, and Cadillac. I want to say Lincoln had one other. I don't remember but anyway that fucking movie the way I don't want to ruin the movie but the way he handles that relationship that's not the way you do it. You got to sit down and as Hootie and the Blowfish once said, let her cry, it's your chance to buy that grade and if the sun comes out tomorrow, dadada, I can't fucking remember.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. It was a long time ago. And I don't think I was ever sober and listened to Hootie and the Blowfish. I was always in a bar

Right. Oh my god in the 90s. Remember when the ladies Used to wear those cowboy boots that were only ankle high You know, so they have jeans on you thought they had on cowboy boots But they're really like the flip-flop version of them. So it's sort of like a little trick. You know that was their little nod letting you know that you had a tiger by the tail. Like what is this chick gonna do? But then they became so mainstream that chicks started wearing them with like uh with like shorts on and then it just looked like they had on hooves. You know like there was some sort of centaur that finally had the money to get the fucking

other two leg reduction surgery. Here's a question for you ladies. What would, could you date a centaur? You know what I mean? If he got an operation, okay. Oh, that says something different in mythology. From the waist up, it's a dude from the fucking waist down. It's like a bull legged donkey.

And then it has horns. And I think this all came out. To like, there was no Tinder back in the day, you know, there was no dating websites and shit you lived in the middle of fucking nowhere. People would die dying right and left And every once in a while you banged a farm animal You know Something was going on back then there was way too many like half human half beast things in mythology

You know? And then you got these weirdo people to this day that are into like sci-fi movies, you know, that either have a room above a garage or a basement or something like that. And they're always wearing a fucking raincoat and had downstairs on their computer all day. Playing games, there's like middle earth, and they're always wearing a fucking raincoat and had downstairs on their computer all day playing games.

There's like middle earth. There's always some sort of swords and shit. It's kind of a fascinating demographic, you know, back acne donuts, whatever the fuck it is. There's always some sort of weird cuisine, you know? When you're just left to your own devices, what ends up happening? What does your diet become? That's one of the things about being a loner that's dangerous, you know? When you don't have somebody in your life to be like, is everything alright with you?

Hey, is it me or are you going a little fucking nutso there? That's when it's the end of the relationship. When the person you're with is too afraid to bring it up anymore. And I don't mean like some sort of violent fucking scenario where the guy's beaten on the chick. Okay. I'm not talking about that. All right, ladies, so put your buttons and your ribbons away, cuz that's not what we're talking about here. Remember that bar that had that hilarious sign?

I like my beer the way I like my violence domestic And it was so stupid like everybody like flipped out Not everybody but enough people flipped out online that the person who made the sign got fired for like three days and then they let them back after everything fucking went away and It's just like those people that got offended. It's like, all right, just out of curiosity, do you work at a shelter? Do you give them any money? Are you doing anything about the problem other than getting offended online and making sure

a fucking bar back gets fired for what's a really good joke as far as structure and all of that. And then also what I respect about the joke is you're not being a people pleaser. You're not making sure the crowd likes you. You're not afraid of groans. So then I, as an audience member, can say, all right, well, at the very least, even if I'm not into this person,

at least they're gonna be telling me what they think. Right? That is the weirdest looking table I've ever seen in my life. Even if I'm not into this person at least they're gonna be telling me what they think right There's the weirdest looking table I've ever seen in my life. This looks like a fucking hat box with legs on it What would you put in there? round You know that you know, I'll tell you right now that was that was That's something that went away in this country and I think when it did this country became a little less great Like Donald Trump you want to make this fucking country again let great again you want to make this country again

You want to make this country great again? Your orange-headed cunt this is coming from a ginger um, you got to bring back hat boxes You know Got to bring out gloves You gotta bring back hat boxes, you know? Gotta bring back gloves. You ever see those chicks in like the late 1950s? You know? Back in a, a more simpler time in America, you know, segregation, Klan marching down the street.

I love when my people go back and romanticize the past. That was great back then. Oh was it? Or they over exaggerate. Oh man, you couldn't survive the 70s and 80s and they grew up in a suburbs. Suburbs, the suburbs. You grew up in a suburb. That's what I was trying to say. There it is. That's what I was trying to say. Yeah, all these fucking jerk-offs that grew up in the suburbs like me, fucking acting like they grew up in the inner cities, you know, with fucking Uzis and a crack war going on down the street. You didn't. What did you do? Oh, did you ride your bike around until the street lights came on? Oh, wow.

Jesus Christ. Do you get a purple heart for that? You fucking asshole. You drove around listening to Winger. I don't understand why people, why, yeah, I know why it is because younger people just remind older people that they're old I think that that's what it is. I think that that's what it is. You know what it is. I think that that's what it is So anyway, I'm supposed to shoot this thing today It's raining and everybody's fucking acting like this is the first time they've been on a goddamn set

Where it's raining out? Oh my God, what are we going to do? We're going to fucking make an adjustment. I'm going to get out of this costume. I'll get my indoor costume and we'll just fucking shoot that. I'm telling you right now, ladies, here's one for you. And there's been nothing for you so far in this podcast, um, which I would apologize for, but I'm not that emotionally, uh, well, what do women say when you don't say what they want you to say? You're not emotionally evolved.

Why? Cause I didn't say what you wanted me to say. So if I said what you wanted me to say So if I said what you wanted me to say all of a sudden now I have my fucking Honorary doctorate in the emotions you'd like to have in this relationship Tell you what hey sweetheart you see that over there you see that that room over there, you know what that's called That's called the kitchen. Why don't you go out there and fucking you know? Make an effort go out there and fucking you know make an effort okay if I'm fucking still doing all the heavy lifting out here why don't you go out there and pick up a butter knife cut some fucking bread in half and make a goddamn sandwich how about that all right before I bend you over the nearest piece of furniture you

ever do that with your girlfriend and your wife? You just go 1950s mail on them just to see the look on their face. And after they slug you in the shoulder just be like just know that's the way it could have been. All right. So how about a little appreciation? Why don't you go fucking waddle your sweet ass out there in the kitchen and make me some grub.

And as you say that you got to wrap you got to wrap them up you got to wrap them up and then you got to lift that one leg up and put it across your body to cover your junk all right and if you're standing behind them when you do it then you got to tuck in low so they don't give you the reverse headbutt. I know all the moves. Um, yes. I don't beat on my woman like P. Diddy, but I fucking definitely contain her. I would never hit my wife, but I can wrap her up like fucking nobody's business. And I'll tell you this, all right?

I will tell you this. All right, I will tell you this You got no fucking choice. This is a one-way conversation Just the way an insecure man like me likes it. I Fucking I haven't had to wrap my wife up in a long fucking time. I Wish she was out here for that. Oh Yeah, oh back in the day. Oh, my lovely Nini. Oh my God.

She would get upset with me. And she used to call it being passionate. You know, that's what they call it. You know, when they start throwing hands, they call it being passionate. Yeah, I would just wrap her up. Just wrap her up, you know, just fucking maybe grab an arm, put her in a little arm bar. I would never do that. I would just wrap her up. Here we go, here we go. Or a little head

movement as you're backing up, and then you just close the door. Then you stay as they beat on the door. Try to bring it down. That's when we were young and more volatile. Now we just look at each other and we just go, really? Really? And then the other person goes, all alright, I'm sorry, you're right. You're right You're right. I

Will say this and I will say it right now And I won't be taking it back That's you love when when when people like Act like they're doing something super brave I'm gonna come out here. I came out here today That's what you love when people like, act like they're doing something super brave. I'm going to come out here. I came out here today to speak my truth. And then there's always like some fucking couple of lame chicks in the crowd going, I Do not accept artificial sweetener in my coffee Anyway every once in a while, you know be awesome if you could live off the fucking grid

How long you think you could do this if you could just live off the grid in a fucking like sick ass house, had electricity, had all the fucking shit, you know, some reason the government just doesn't know where you are. You got a cell phone. Let's just make it, you know, impossible, but true. You got, you got cable. You got all the fucking games.

All right. Like how many people would you like, how like, remember to name that tune, I can name that tune in fucking five notes. And then the other person would be like, oh yeah, I can name that tune to four notes. And then you get, I can name that one note. And then they would just go fucking, you know,

doom, and the guy be 1812 over chair. How did you do that? You know? How many people could you fucking, what's the fewest amount of people you could live with? Now I know there's a lot of men out there, dude, I could fucking, you know, I could be out there by myself for a while. And then some of them would be like, yeah yeah you'd be jerking off the whole time

Well, no, I would have like a harem of chicks That's not alone buddy. That's not alone. And that's a lot of tampons that you can't go by Well, see that's the thing I would have one of those you know those things that they have down at the wharf That they take off the ship and then put on I would have one of those buried just full of tampons. Anyway how few could you this this definitely a part of me you know when I watch like when I listen to country songs which a lot of me, you know, when I watch like, uh, when I listen to country songs, which a lot of the pop ones, they just the level that they just get down

on their wrangler knees and just blow their audience is just fucking. It's unbelievable. I heard this song the other day something about gravel in my driveway Gravel in my driveway. It's gonna burn it in my lip Drive my truck. I don't give a shit. It's just like I get it dude. You live in the country. Jesus fucking Christ But anyway When I'm on a job or whenever I'm out here in the fucking real world working, this definitely is a part of me. I don't know what it is. I definitely,

as I've gotten older, I like the idea of living in the middle of fucking nowhere. What I don't like is the racism that when you get out, it it just I don't know what it is that you get out in the middle of nowhere and the further away these people get from all of these people they don't like the more they hate them. It's like I think you did it you know. Whatever race of people you don't like I think you've done it. Yeah I don't know that you're ever going to run into anybody. Of that group like what is the fucking problem. Like, I think you've done it. I don't know that you're ever gonna run into anybody of that group. Like, what is the fucking problem? That's the only thing I don't like, you know?

It's kind of funny how racists kind of have taken over the American flag. Have you noticed that? Like, that's kind of what that means. Now when I see like a fucking flag hanging out there and I just go, Jesus, that's when the guy goes, you know, bill, I tell it like it is, you know, Oh boy, here we go. Here we go. You know, I just remember I forgot something. I'm going to get out of here.

Anyway. Anyway, uh I mean they said having me a lot when I was on the road I would do my act and that would just be hanging out with the locals when I was working in the middle of nowhere I'd be like, you know bill I like your act, you know, you just you just say what you're thinking Yeah, I'm a lot like you and I'd be like How's your baseball team doing Alright, alright, okay, yes, it's...

How's your baseball team doing? That was always, ah, here it comes. Here it comes. Which way is he going? Is he going to go in Mexico, China, black people? What's coming? All of the above... Oh my god, you know, Jesus Christ, I remember this guy in the middle of nowhere with his fucking toupee and what was so funny was I had no I was The worst with that you would think a guy like me going bald, you know, you'd start you start noticing shit I am the fucking worst. I can't pick out a fucking toupee To save my my life

And to pay to save my life. And at the amount of times I've been hanged, back in the day I'd be on the road and you know, oh Billy, no tickets, right? And I would just fucking hang with the crowd afterwards, we'd all be drinking and shit. It was actually kind of fun, you know? Especially like I used to, the amount of times I got in like fucking like back and forth with people and then I would just end up hanging out with them after.

You know, like I'm like I told you guys this story a long time ago. Like I was working the funny bone in Springfield, Illinois. And it was this table of people and just wouldn't shut up and. I took a guess that they were farmers because, you know, a lot of farmland out there. So I just started doing this bit. I just started riffing, saying, you know, I don't think farming is that difficult. I did this whole fucking bit about it, talking about all, you know, I must have driven by 10,000 farms.

They always you know, whenever you see a farmer on TV. You know, they're always talking about, you know, how difficult farming is, they're complaining that there was a frost, they always, they always talk about how difficult farming is. And I gotta be honest, I must have driven by 10,000 farms in my life. I've never seen anybody doing shit. I've never seen a farmer. There's zero activity. No one's ever on the tractor. It's a couple of cows standing around. The fucking place looks like it's abandoned. When is all this work getting done? I've driven by

farms at five in the morning, five at night, five at twelve, it doesn't fucking matter. I've never seen anybody mending a fence, right, so I did that and of course they start shutting up and they start looking at me or whatever. They start heckling me but they got like a smile on their face so I can see that they, you know, that they're being, you know, cool about it. Right. So we won't go back and forth. Funny, I still remember that room because it was kind of not really a comedy club.

It was kind of a bar that they had just sort of loaned the funny bone name to. This is a long time ago though. So anyway, long story short, next thing you know, I'm drinking with these farmers, right? And we're hanging out. And one of them's going like, you want to see a hard day's work come out to the farm tomorrow? And I said, oh, yeah. He goes, yeah.

He goes, I'm going to be out there, you know, harvesting some corn. I go, all right, I'll go out there. He goes, really? Yeah, I'll fucking go out there. So I can't remember how the fuck I got out there. Next thing you know, I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm in a combine with this guy who was fucking heckling me the night before. We're fucking laughing and shit. And I remember we got like, we got like, I don't know how many rows we did.

And all of a sudden the fucking combine broke down. And then all the joking went away. I mean, this is this guy's money here, right? So he takes out this fucking psycho looking wrench and he's working on it and he's totally quiet But I can tell from the back of his neck How pissed he is? So I just finally said I go, you know at any second if you want you can let out a couple of curse words And he just goes fucking cocks

We just start laughing so then they had to walk in from the field. And he's like, I'll have my buddy come over. He'll help me. I will fucking get the thing going. Right. So then he gives me a tour of his farm. And the one thing that I do remember was the pigsty and my whole life growing up, my mother would be like, well, you're perfect, Burke. Your room's an absolute pigsty. Get out there.

I never realized what an insult that was until I saw an actual pigsty. And I saw one of the grossest things I've ever seen in my life. There was this pig. It was staring at me, and it was eating whatever. And it was just sitting there, you know, eating whatever it was. And I saw one of the grossest things I've ever seen in my life. There was this pig It was staring at me and it was eating whatever and I was just sitting there, you know chewing and then there was another pig perpendicular to him with its ass facing the pig's face and

without warning The pig with its ass facing the other pig it shot this fucking rainbow of diarrhea with the level of velocity in the other pig, it shot this fucking rainbow of diarrhea with the level of velocity that I'm still in off. It was like when you put your thumb over a hose, right? This fucking, the rainbow of diarrhea was shooting clear over the other pig that's looking at me, just staring at me, chewing. So this rainbow of diarrhea lasted for like like I don't know maybe three seconds, but it felt like an hour And it was out of nowhere so gradually depicts is you know running out of shit so that rainbow starts moving towards its ass And it fucking went right up and over the snout of the pig Looking at me like it landed on its snout and then just it like disappeared

You know up this pig's ass like one of those fucking 1995 garden hoses You know those ones that like deflate and then you know Disappeared up its ass and the pig looking at me never Stopped chewing and had the other pig shit Not on its snout like the shaft of its snout it's weird you know like the shaft of your cock you know your fucking dick there your old fucking your old your your Travis Kelsey whatever you fucking nicknamed your dick it's fucking sick yeah that'd be the funniest thing ever if you fucking named your dick after a famous athlete.

Hey, you know what? You help me out over here with my Travis Kelsey with my kev, my Travis, my Kelsey. No, you got to say the whole name Travis. I like Travis Kelsey gets fucking you know, first and last name. I mean, all he needs now is a social security number. So anyway, it was so fucking gross. The joke I used to do in my act, I go, it was so fucking gross that I didn't eat bacon for almost three days. But then at the end, it's like bacon is so

good. I'm like, well, the bacon's on the inside. You know what I mean? The fucking fur and all that. But I'll tell you, all you fucking adventurous people that eat like a pig face and all of that. Oh my God, like pig cheek and all of that pig ear sandwich. I'm telling you that thing is I hope they fucking boiled it. And I gotta be honest with you, Jewish people and Muslim people who don't fucking get along, I'll tell you where they do get along when it comes to pork. And I would say somebody along the line

fucking looked at those goddamn animals accurately and said, you know what? We should not eat this stuff. So hats off to them. Yarmulke is off and whatever the Muslim hat is. Do they have a hat? Every religion has a hat, right? We got the big, we got the Pope hat.

We got a Bishop hat, cardinals. We kind of took the Yarmulke a hat right? We got the big we got the Pope hat. We got a bishop hat Cardinals we kind of took the yarmulke too, right? Is Catholicism sort of like the Led Zeppelin of you know, it led zeppelin for a while We're like, yeah, I mean Jimmy Page wrote it. All right, it was muddy waters That is a shame about that band that they that they did that because the reality is, is if the arrangements that Jimmy did were nothing like the originals. It's just that the lyrics were like the exact same sometimes. Like, I guess you can't, yeah, you can't do that. Right?

I still love them though. I Love the originals and I love what what what they did with them Anyway Plowing ahead here. Oh, I got to give a shout out. So I did Fresno, California That's one of those cities that people make fun of and I don't understand why people go after cities like that. Great people, great, there's a great theater, great coffee place downtown, and I gotta give a shout out, you're not gonna believe this.

I got the best barbecue I think I've ever had in my life in Fresno, California at a place called Mega Texas Barbecue run by Anthony and Tasha. And they, uh, I just randomly got an email. They said, Hey, come by if you can. So I know club soda Kenny is a meat and potatoes guy. The most adventurous he'll get is barbecue. Like you can't, you can't get the guy to like he grew up with the Betty Crocker cookbook and he's not, you know, he would eat a casserole

before he would go out and try like sushi. Tuna casserole, too. Oh, that was a fucking is nothing worse than warm tuna. Anyway. So he sets it up. Me, Club Soda, Kenny and Nate Craig, we go in there, we deliberately don't eat, drove up from LA, went right up to 99. And saw a couple of cool uncontrolled airports on the way up there gave me some ideas there. And anyway, um, we showed up and they just had a taste of the menu for us. We had ribs, we had brisket, we had this thing called a Texas Twinkie, which was a stuffed

jalapeno pepper. It had like brisket and cream cheese in it and other flavors. It was out of this fucking world. They had something else they were calling a lollipop, which was like a chicken with bacon wrapped around it. I can't remember if it was on a stick or it was just on the bone. That was unbelievable. All of their sides, their mac and cheese, their beans, their desserts. You know me, I don't, hey, you know, hey, you know me. I don't eat desserts, but I was just like, fuck this. I got to have a spoonful of watch. I had their, their, their banana pudding and the best peach cobbler I've ever had.

I fucking hate peach cobbler because everybody Everybody my sister-in-law makes a good peach cobbler, but generally speaking. I always find it to be It's almost like how old-school coleslaw used to be when I was growing up It was super runny and milky and it was gross. It was fucking gross No one knew how to make it especially public schools schools when it was just, it was a fucking plate filler to disguise the fact that they weren't giving you like a, you know, this quadrant needs to be filled up and they take that stupid ice cream scooper and they would just put this fucking, you know, ball of lactose just right. That was disgusting

And peach cobbler was the same way everybody was always too fucking runny theirs And now like like coleslaw is like hearty now. It's fucking delicious The way people make it the same thing with this peach cobbler it was like the the hearty version of it Where was way more like cobbler than peach, you know, I didn't feel like whatever whatever the the The butter and the peaches and all gets too fucking soupy. This wasn't like that It was the perfect combination of the crumble and the peaches Like we did that gig Friday

It's now Monday. I'm still thinking about it Mega Texas barbecue Family-owned family runs started off as a food truck All right. So there you go. You go to LA And everybody all the Hollywood sign the fucking you know, that this to that they fuck all of that Go down to Gardena cinemas All right, then go to G's Empire tacos beforehand Fuck all of that. Go down to Gardena Cinemas. All right? Then go to G's Empire Tacos beforehand.

Go to that one screen cinema. I'm gonna do a fucking movie night down there. I'm gonna go down, because sometimes they have like people that were in the movies and shit. I'm gonna go down there and just fucking, you know, once a month, just host a fucking movie that I liked.

The first one I would do would be to live and die in LA. Then I would do Pulp of Greenwich Village the next month. I just got to figure out I got to figure out what the third movie I got my first two movies. Those are the first two that I would see. Cool, sort of a little obscure, like 80s shit is what I would start out with, like movies that people forgot. Alright, I'm just running my fucking yap this week. Whatever, I'm in a good mood. You know something, when I went to Fresno, I played the casino and I love going to downtown Fresno and this casino was nice, but it was like out of the way.

So I was up there and I'm sitting in the hotel room and I'm fucking depressed. I got this depression, you know, that one of those things like, there's no reason for me to be sad, but I am. I'm feeling fucking just, I don't know, got the blues or whatever. And started making, you start questioning everything I

Tried my inhaling and exhaling and smiling to see if that works. It's funny. It works with anger does not work with depression It works with nerves does not work with depression so I fucking but I went on stage and fucking but I went on stage and had such a great time the crowd was so amazing they just were a fun crowd and they put me in this stupid mood they was in a silly mood I was too and all I came off stage and I felt great and all my depression went away and I was just like oh this is this is why I do stand-up I didn't realize that. This is another reason why. It literally fucking helps me.

So I just want to thank everyone that came out to this show in Fresno. It was just such a fun fucking crowd. The amount of stupid shit that I was saying there was completely over the top I don't think I got one grown. Everyone just laughed They knew I was being an idiot but I think they put me in such a good move that they could tell I was fucking around because other sometimes crowds grown because I'm not in a good mood. And then when I say something fucked up, it takes on a different kind of thing there

Takes on a different thing there. All right, let's uh, oh and I also watch, you know, I've been watching my Red Sox I love the dog days of summer. I fucking love this Red Sox team All right, but the first six innings are just great every night You know, we're always in it or we're winning and our bullpen though as my mom used to say that Leave something to be desired We got to get I don't know what the fuck they need to do It's not like these these guys in the bullpen aren't throwing You know in the 90s, it's just I

Don't know if it's what they're throwing or the placement of it. I have no fucking idea but You know Ever since the all-star break we've played like the Dodgers the Rockies and now the Yankees. I think we played Kansas I'm gonna miss this series in there. I can't remember but we've scored enough fucking runs To only lost a game or two and we've only won a game or two. Not last night. Last night we got smoked, lost like eight to two. But the night before we lose 11-8.

It's like we scored eight runs. Like how many fucking runs do we need to score to beat a goddamn team? And this is another thing too. Like the Yankees are a weird team this year. Where like they're only a game out and they're making a run, but there's something about them that's unstable. I can't put my finger on it. Because that kid last night that was pitching,

I fucking, and also by the way, can the Yankees get over themselves and put their fucking last names on it? They, they, they, way back in the day they're like, you know, you know who the fuck we are. That's when they had Babe Ruth, Lou, Lou, Lou Gehrig and all of these fucking guys. their fucking last names on it. They they way back in the day they're like when you know you know who the fuck we are that's when they had Babe Ruth, Lou Lou Lou Garrick and all of these fucking guys or Lou Lou Lou Lou Garrick that's how you pronounce it but it's just like I don't know the fuck these

guys are. I was watching this picture and I wanted to compliment him today on the podcast but you know there's fucking now I don't know you know I got my kids running around and not saying the name I don't know who the fuck this kid was but the way he was switching his pitches up the way he was setting hitters up he was a really fucking good pitcher so I'm sitting there going I don't know but what there's something about the team though I was really buying into him in May and June and then the last couple of months month and a half I don't know. There's something I feel is still like

Missing not the way the Red Sox the Red Sox. It's just it's it's our it's our god. Our bullpen enough our base running But the Yankees, I don't know what it is because usually If it teams that good they're only a game and a half out, they look a little more solid. I don't know what it is. I don't watch them enough. But I was loving them a couple months back. I was like, God, you know, in a begrudging way as a Red Sox fan, go, God damn, these

fucking guys got a nice balanced team here, don't they? I don't they? I don't know. It's weird. I just, I gotta watch them a little bit more. I will say, my favorite Yankee right now is the guy who's got the Don Mattingly mustache. I mean, somebody, at least being, having a little bit of a personality.

I mean, looking at Alex Verdugo, he looks like he's like did you get arrested for drinking and driving last night so now you're trying to look like a respectable I mean his whole vibe like he had that fucking great beard and he had that chain and all of that shit he had this whole fucking swagger when he came up the bat now he's coming up like hello Mr Steinbrenner hey don't worry the game will be over before 10 tonight I don't know why they do that to their players like nobody's buying into this thing they're trying to make them like they're fucking astronauts they're

like military adjacent or something it's like you're not it's a bunch of fucking free agents they should have a Yankees barbershop when you get when you sign with them you know instead of the the red and blue it's just a Yankees barbershop when you get when you sign with them, you know, instead of the red and blue. It's just the Yankees colors. What are their colors? Jesus Christ, it's gray and is it gray and blue? It's a dark blue. You just have it in the Yankee colors with the white.

They just take you in there. And then the GM gives you a fucking haircut like a look like back when your dad used to fucking cut your hair and your mother was like kind of you know, we can take them to the barbershop. I know what I'm doing. Christ, I'm not going down there. Remember that shit? And your dad they had that stupid fucking they used to sell these things.

It was like the home barbershop thing and it would come in what looked like a monopoly box and you like the same shape rectangle you would in it on the cover it would everyone was smiling the little boy getting his haircut. The dad's smiling and then the mom smiling in the background and the kid had like the little apron around his fucking neck standing on a height chair. And oh yeah, that was fucking hilarious. My dad used to cut me and all my siblings hair for about five fucking years. And we all basically had like the mo from the fucking three stooges haircut, but we

still had a part in our hair. But it was just like he would just cut the length of it, but he didn't take the thickness out of like, I don't know what he was doing. He had no idea what the fuck he was doing. But like that was that's what being a man was back in the day was you can you I can I can do that. Can you do I can do that. Just see this, this belief in yourself with this insecurity, like just saying you didn't know how to do something was so much more embarrassing than just saying you could do it and fucking it up was the choice that you made back then.

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All right, with that, let's get to your, Jesus Christ, it's been all Billy Freckles this week Let's get to you guys for god's sakes. You guys got things you want to say, California Hey, Billy the best just wanted to add my two cents about California's governor. I volunteered I don't want to get involved in this I'm just saying the state that California is in has less to do with whoever's governor than it does for this never ending war occupation we've had in Iraq. It's completely bankrupted us. This fucking state is gigantic. Something's going to suffer. And I don't think you can blame the standing

Democrat or Republican because there's no fucking money. Anyway, the guy says, I volunteered on his campaign several years ago and drank the Kool-Aid that he would tackle homelessness and support legislation to protect homeowners against red tape with insurance claim. The reality is that insurance companies have received every caveat they've requested and done so with the stroke of his pen. Well, yeah, he's a politician. They're always going to side with the fucking bankers and insurance companies. You must be young. As far as homelessness goes, it was a clearly stated decision to not provide people with rehabilitation because it was argued as inhumane to make someone do something against their will.

However, it is actually inhumane to provide someone with clean needles to make sure they don't die as quick but inevitably die anyway as they choose to do. As a state, we spent almost a hundred billion on homelessness in the last eight years, but there is never anything to show for the efforts. So this is him specifically. The homeless problem is his problem and he was literally going to solve it by himself. Have you looked to see why people are homeless? People are homeless, not because of the governor of your state.

Okay. People are homeless because in the corporate world somebody goes into a corporation, gets a job and their job is to save the corporation money. So what they do is they just start firing people. They go into fucking departments and go, all right. There's six people in this department now There's only three you three are fired pack up your shit See you later you three now have to do the work of six if you don't fucking like it We'll get somebody else in here that will

All right, and then at the end of the year that CEO that came in and air quotes saved the company money Takes those three people that they fired and all those other people that they fired They in the other departments they take the a sizable chunk of their salaries as a bonus and they keep it for themselves This is why the middle class is going away This is right here And then they buy themselves a bigger house and have an infinity pool that overlooks a fucking infinity pool. And then meanwhile, the people that got fired have to downsize their lives and have to go out and look for jobs that aren't fucking there because every corporation is doing this

shit now. So then as they downsize their lives, the people that are in their lives that they can no longer afford, then they have to downsize their lives. Those people downsize. The next thing you know, there's people living under fucking bridges. That's what's happening. The distribution of wealth is completely out of fucking control because there's no, there's nobody watching these corporations anymore.

We're also fighting this fucking war in Iraq, this occupation, and it's costing us fucking billions of dollars every month. That's why there's fucking homeless people. Not because the governor wears a blue or a red tie. I am so fucking sick of people looking at the world that way. The fuck is he supposed to do? Support the troops. Support the troops.

Yeah, until they're homeless, living under a fucking bridge. And then you have to look at them. And they're, this fucking governor needs to fucking get these fucking people out of here. It's like a lot of them are veterans or they have mental health issues and they used to, we used to fucking with their taxes pay for insane asylums and mental institutions, well, not houses, whatever the fuck you used to call them and then they fucking shut them all down Because rich people didn't want to fucking pay for him and then they put the people out the fucking this is not the governor's fucking

fault It's the people that own the governor But alright, so anyways, so he he didn't single-handedly solve the fucking homeless problem. All right. Well, all right. So this guy sucks now. I'm not saying he's a good guy either. I don't, you know, I don't know anything about this guy, but I'm just, I'm done blaming politicians. All right.

They are all grossly underpaid. They are set up to be bribed by CEOs. The, the, the Supreme court just made it like legal to bribe these people. It's called a fucking gratuity now. So I don't know. If you think that these people are going to go in there and solve the problems of homeless people, I mean, I don't want to tell you. Anyway, plowing ahead here.

I should stop being a douche and let this guy make his fucking point before I jump in. There's some guy screaming at his car radio right now or whatever his device that he's listening on. As a state we spent almost 100 billion on the homeless problem but there was any efforts to, there was never anything to show the efforts. Huge grants are given to private firms to build housing but end up keeping the money, collecting interest on it and using the excuse that it's just zoning issues getting in the way. Our governor is well aware of this and even vetoed a bill last month to require an audit of where the money is going. And what does that tell you?

What does that tell you? He's another politician on the take. All right. Except this time he's wearing a blue tie. I love California and it's my home. And you won't hear me making blanket statements about his demise. But it's unfair to give his leadership and policy a pass on this when it can be directly correlated to their decisions. Okay, I'll give you that.

I'll give you all of that. And I'll say everything that you're saying is true. But also what I'm saying is that there is a bigger problem here, that the corporation's greed is completely out of control and they own all of these politicians. And us as citizens haven't figured out a way to hold these politicians accountable enough to the point where they're literally out in the open going, it's okay for us to inside do insider trading, you cannot

prosecute us for that. And it's okay for us to take air quote gratuities. I mean, that's the shit that we should be up in arms about. And we should also be on the same page. But Fox News and CNN handle that every fucking day with another 24 hours of dividing us. The guy goes on to say, many people who have spent 20 plus years fighting homelessness have written about the failed policies which have been counterintuitive to the cause.

It's not as fun to read about as other topics, so I understand why people don't, but it makes it hard for anyone who dedicated their lives to their causes if we just blame the Iraq War. Okay sir, but don't minimize the Iraq War. It's costing us billions of dollars a month that we don't have. The reason why every fucking year they go, should we shut down the government or do we print another trillion dollars is because of that fucking war. And you know who made a fucking mint on that? A bunch of corporations.

Anyway, you're not wrong about that, but if we're going to blame Reagan's 35-year-old deregulation, we need to blame recent deregulation and mismanagement that allowed this to happen. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely we should. All right? But my fucking thing is I don't want you to be yet another guy who is a Republican who's going to blame this guy because he's a Democrat or if he's a Republican I don't want you to be a Democrat just blaming him because he's wearing a red fucking tie The bottom line is Reagan the reason why that guy got a three-month fucking funeral is Because of the amount of money that he made super fucking rich people

and what was funny was Herbert Walker called it voodoo economics until he got put on the ticket and then he clammed up about it And then all of a sudden started talking about trickle down economics. They actually had the balls to use the word trickle. Like we're sitting there with their tongues out waiting for a drop of fucking wealth to come off a leaf. I mean, you can't do shit like that.

It's like global warming. They knew this shit was coming in 19 late 1950s was the first time scientists were warning them about what was coming and they didn't do a fucking thing about it All right, so you can go back to the root of it on some level but people like I don't know I understand the points you're making and I agree with them 100% and and I am not surprised at all that this guy is not doing what's right for the people. Okay? So he's not doing what's right for the homeless problem. I will go with that. But I'm also saying the reason why we have this fucking homeless problem is not because of this guy. This guy came in and this was a problem and he was supposed to solve it and once again did the crick crooked

politician thing for a payoff or a gratuity I'll go with you on that but what I'm saying is you how did how did we end up with this fucking homeless problem? All right, so we're both we're kind of in agreement here I Think all right see there you go there you go go That's called reaching across the aisle in the end. You know we're both kind of hammered going You know you're a good shit, too all right first time in 46 years Billy ballboy I know you're disdained for career politicians and your love of a good stat So I wanted to share one of these stats that fall into the category of may never be broken Category with you.

For the first time in 48 years, the presidential election will not feature a Bush, Clinton or Biden. Every election since 1976 has featured one of these names in either the feature or headline or role. Is that right? So I would say in 76, it must have been George Herbert Walker ran and didn't get the nomination. But wait, why would he run? That was Nixon. Not Nixon, that was Ford. Well, that's interesting. Well, maybe he tried to...

Don't they just... Is there... Don't they just... no way! Back in the day they would they try to like take out the the standing president in your own party? I can't remember. And then I remember Bush ran in 1980 and that's when he did the voodoo economics. Oh wait a minute he's gonna bring me to the White House. This guy is great and I'm a Herbert Walker fan. And then, oh, sneaky Bill Clinton. Eight years of that horse shit.

And then you had, uh, you're not going to fool me again. That guy, the oil man. The oil man, but oh, he threw a strike in Yankee Stadium. That's the funny thing about Clinton and Bush. They don't get held accountable because Bush, Clinton crushed it with a fucking saxophone solo on Arsenio Hall and George Debbia threw a strike in Yankee Stadium.

I'm not gonna lie to you, it was a hell of a fucking pitch. All right, and then when Obama ran, did Hillary run? No, Biden, Biden was, okay, Biden was with Obama and then he's with Obama again. And then Hillary, oh Jesus, she fucking ran in 2016 and then Biden 2020, Biden 2020, that's fucking amazing. Have a great day and go fuck yourself. Well, thank you so much.

All right, grim version of Monopoly. Hey Bill, I heard you take on the Monopoly board game last Monday, I wanted to put forward a rule change that made my family uses, oh, sorry, a rule change that my family uses when we play it. We call it, your coming with me roll. We call it the your coming with me roll. I already love this. Whenever someone is put out of the game, they can make a single roll of the dice. If the dice come up snake eyes or boxcars, what is boxcars? Is that double fours? What would a boxcar be? The player who put them out of the game is also removed from the game. Not only is it a lighthearted way to to exit a game of monopoly, but it low-key reminds us to be conscious that it's possible to push people too far.

It also talks about how we're all connected. That this guy firing three people is gonna eventually lead to more people living under a bridge. A lesson that seems to often go ignored by people at every social level with which I've interacted in recent memory and that once again being that it's possible to push people too far. The idea of being respectful in victory and in defeat seems to have gone going out of style after Gen X since running our mouths unsupervised in the 70s and 80s usually had immediate and possibly devastating consequences, the helicopter parenting of

today doesn't pass that lesson on. It's not helicopter parenting, it's social media. Is that you can talk wild amounts of shit. There's people that actually tweet at professional fighters telling them that they're bitches. I mean it's just something that you wouldn't do back, you would have to run into them in a bar and say it and you wouldn't. Take it easy and fuck you, you old rusty cunt. I like the old rusty cunt. I could turn that into a country song.

I don't give a fuck, stay off my porch. I don't give a fuck you and your lit torch. I'm not racist. I just don't like living near other people. Leave me alone, I'm just an old rusty cunt. Leave me alone, I'm just an old rusty cunt. Um... Advice. Parents hid from my retardation for me.

What? Advice. Parents hid my reta... Oh. Parents... Advice. Parents hid my retardation for me, not from me. Hey, Billy Bingo Balls, I am a huge fan of your comedy and your recent movie, Old Dads.

You guys absolutely killed it. I would like your advice. I'm in my early 30s and recently have found out I have Asperger's, but I found out in an unconventional way. My mom and my lovely wife were together and discussing why I am so into my hobbies and other weird things and my mom tells her it's the Asperger's. My wife confirmed that my mom was not joking when she said it. Well, wait a minute. Were you ever professionally diagnosed or is she just saying that?

My wife told me the next day and While I did get a good laugh. I was also horrified Explains a lot of my behavior over the years Wait, if you're like psycho into hobbies What is he think? I? Am an amazing have them where is it? It's not saying why I'm in so into my hobbies. I'm into my hobbies. That doesn't mean I have Asperger's. I'm into my hobbies because I have depression and if I sit still too long, I start going into a funk. But if I play drums,

it makes me feel good. Fly a helicopter, ride a motorcycle, go to the gym. You're into hobbies and other weird hobbies are not weird. I think you're getting gas. So far, I'm going to say you got gaslit and your mom didn't want to be a mom or didn't understand you or whatever the fuck you were into. Wait, wait a second. What are your hobbies? You know, what are you? You build ship models or you're getting peed on by prostitutes?

I mean, I got to figure out what you're doing here. Okay, it explains a lot of my behavior over the years. At the same time, it has affected my self-confidence and a lot of friends have said we had a feeling, which is hilarious, but also doesn't feel great. While I don't plan on changing how I live my life I am a little pissed that my parents couldn't tell me to my face should I confront them about it or just live with it and try to forget it I don't even know what Asperger's is hang

on a second I got I got a I got a I got gotta go online for a second. I gotta figure out what is Asperger's. Hey Siri! Wait, people do that. As... Asbestos... I'm not spelling it right. As... Oh, it's not Asperger's, it's Asperger's. 10 symptoms of As-burgers.

Oh, Jesus. It'd be... How funny it would be if you guys heard me in real time just fucking diagnose myself. Symptom number one. Underdeveloped social skills. Individuals with ass-burgers syndrome often have difficulty in social interaction. They have trouble making friends and maintaining relationships with... I don't have that problem. I never shut the fuck up. For this reason they find that they are much

more comfortable with those who are either much younger or much older than themselves as they do not know how to act. All right I might have a little of that. I get along great with kids and old people but I get along with people. little of that. I get along great with kids and old people, but I get along with people. I get along, but that's just I have a crushing need to be liked. So I think that that... All right, symptom two, selective mutism. In children with Asperger's, selective mutism may represent, refers to situations where the individuals feel they were able to speak freely with those that they feel comfortable with, but may not speak at all, or very little to those they do not feel at ease with. In extreme cases, selective mutism can last for years.

Oh, all right. Symptom three, inability to empathize. Individuals with Asperger's can often seem as if they are insensitive or uncaring towards other people. I'm not reading all ten of these. Difficulty with eye contact. Restricted interests. They can have narrow or restricted interests that are focused. Interests can be model building, drawing, video games or more? I don't know. Okay.

Alright. Oh, see, your wife's kind of shitting on you here. I hope you make it back to Wisconsin soon. Your last show here was the day I got married so I couldn't attend. Hope you were in the lovely knee and the kids are doing well. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Look if it's bothering you I would be like why didn't you ever say anything to me? I can tell you this though in defense of them they probably didn't say anything to you because they probably thought that that was the right thing to do because they didn't want you to feel like there was something wrong with you. However, that doesn't mean that you go around and talk to everybody else about it, but you.

So maybe that'd be like, listen, I get that you didn't say anything to me, but like, you know, it's a little weird to know that you're saying it to other people. I would approach it that way. I wouldn't go in there with anger. You know? I'm trying to make eye contact. Sorry, I had to do something to make it funny. All right, Lowe's Blows. Hey Billy, Bowsocks rules. I have a question for you. I used to work at Lowe's.

Uh, this was during COVID in 2021. I got hired within three days of applying because like most places they were hungry for workers. When I worked there for those three months, I noticed how shitty lower and middle management was. But I needed the gig because I was homeless at the time and that shelter sucked. Anything, anyone saying to a homeless person, why don't you just go to a shelter or a mission, should have to spend at least a month in one of them before saying such bullshit.

I wanted out of that asylum as fast as I could save money. What I soon found out about the store was the top manager had quit the day I arrived because he hated middle and lower management because they were so bad at their jobs and corporate wouldn't replace them because they were already running on a skeleton crew due to COVID issues. I noticed their little clicks and they allowed their buddies to screw up while they shot the shit with those crappy managers but if I took a couple minutes to sit down and have a cup of water working outside 100 100 degree weather, they threaten me with termination.

But I knew better because they were already working with the skeleton crew. My job was labeled seasonal because I worked in the lawn and garden section. And during the winter months they locked that area down because of the snow. So they told me that if I wanted to stay with them, I needed to apply on the computer. We clocked, I needed to apply on the computer. We clocked in to work daily and put our names down for other areas of the store. So I did that and after a week nothing happened. So I went to the manager told him about it and they said yeah you have to sign in on the computer

where you clock and apply for one of those jobs. But I already told the person, told this person that it was like I was talking to a dog so I told them what I had already told them and they said you must have done it wrong. So they took me over to the computer and did it did what I did a week earlier the exact thing. Same exact thing and they said okay you're good now. So another week passes and I still got no response so I go to another manager and I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do that. that I made an error. Well, this person then went on the defensive because my tone was less than pleasant, as I hate being gaslit by morons. So we went back to the computer and did the same thing again, and this person said, okay, you're good now. You should be hearing from someone soon. But as they tried to leave, I grabbed this person by the arm and said, okay, that's three times now. I did the same thing you did twice,

of which you accused me of doing it wrong, just to get the same response. Will it get a response this time? The idiot said, yeah, calm down already, you're good. Ha ha, yeah, wrong. The last time I met up with this person, I walked into their stupid little office, I threw down my stupid vest that had the word associate written on it, like I'm working

for a law firm or something, gave them their stupid little inventory computer thingy, they never seemed to work, gave back their box cutter and said, you're fired. Perplexed, this person said, are you quitting? I yelled back, no dummy, I'm firing you guys. There's a marketable difference in the phrasing. This person, the idiot they were, and most likely still are, said, You can't do that. You have to give us two weeks notice first. That's why I shot back, Hey, if you fire me, do you give me two weeks notice first?

They said, No, that's not our policy. And I finished with, Well, this is my policy. Eat shit, motherfucker, and left the store. That's fantastic. Yeah, other people heard. I got that look as I left the store. So I got on my smartphone and applied with some other company and I got the job with them in just two short days.

The pay was a dollar less an hour, but their benefits package was much better. And I eventually got out of that insane asylum shelter. Did I do the right thing? 100 percent. 100 percent. I mean, what is being a nice person and playing by their rules? What does that do? It makes you go insane.

Fuck them. I like what you did. That reminded me of the end of a lot of bad movies in the 70s. Back in the day of a movie in the 70s ended like that, you would have punched him in the face and then turn around and did the OK sign like Burt Reynolds at the end of Hooper. That was the only thing that was missing. Right into the security camera. Keep up the great work.

Your podcasts give me strengths to not kill anyone and keep going. P.S. this is how camel toe Harry got to be vice president. She failed upward from the bottom to middle management and beyond otherwise known as the Peter principle. Yeah, we're fucked. Vote for RFK Jr. All right, so there's his his political take. Alright look at that look at that an hour and 18 minutes huh. I went long I'm gonna have to pay

fucking a penalty with the with the this is a union house here. Alright you guys that was it. That was pretty good. You know what my favorite part of this podcast was, other than me getting to talk nonstop for fucking almost 90 minutes, was that Gavin knew something. All right? I learned stuff about that guy, and hopefully that person learned some shit about me. You know, my bullshit.

And that's the way it should be. You know? That's the way it should be. All know? That's the way it should be. All right, you feel this like, yeah, you know, I don't like Kamala Harris. Great. And you can say that. Good for fucking you.

You like RFK Jr. Fantastic. Vote for who the fuck you wanna vote for. Hate these fucking people. That's a waste of a vote. What, to vote for who you wanna vote for? It isn't. It isn't.

Let's everybody calm down and let's be fucking cool. That's my message. Alright? With that I gotta go do this job. Alright, I'll see you guys later. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.