Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-3-17

Episode Date: July 3, 2017

Bill rambles about patience, helicopters and being a booze bag.

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Proximus. Think possible. For Monday, July 3rd, 2017, a day before the July 4th over there. When are you guys doing it? Jesus Christ, when are you guys doing it? You're partying tonight. You got to go tonight, right? You got to go tonight and tomorrow you eat like a fat fuck.

But tonight is tonight, tonight, tonight. Tonight's the night if you want to go out and get fucking hammered. You know, tomorrow's for the kids. You know, today you scare your children. Tomorrow you wake up with them. That's how it works when July 4th is on a Tuesday. You know, your wife will give you dirty looks. But you know, by the weekend, as long as you're mulching up the fucking yard,

she'll be happy. Wait, what do you want from me? I was celebrating the birth of the nation there. Not the movie you fucking racist. That's, well, you made me curse. You know, you get involved in those stupid things. Anyways, oh man. Oh, Billy No Fun was Billy Bad Boy this week.

I completely just fucking, I just, I don't know what happened. I went off the rails. I went off the rails. I was flying out. I was doing the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, which is one of the most amazing venues. I don't know what it is about. It's just one of those places. It's got the fucking magic in it, you know, and it's been around forever.

And according to the people that ran it, he was saying that Janice Joplin played there and in a bar nearby or something, she wrote that song, Mercedes Benz, tried it out for the first time at that venue, then went out to LA, recorded it, and then overdosed. That was it. And I was like, that's great. You know what? I'm not going to be trying any new material this weekend. Bill Burr tried out a new dick joke, recorded it onto his iPhone, went back into the city,

had two slices of pizza at three in the morning, followed by four shots of fucking whiskey, and then went to bed and died on a futon. Yes, he was alone. Oh my God, I just, I don't know what happened. I was flying out there. I think I was stressed. I don't know what it was. The guy, you know, asked me if I wanted to drink, you know, I wasn't on a plane.

It was just this guy came up to me, he said, excuse me, can I buy you a drink? I was like, well, certainly you can. No, I was on a plane in the steward, the male stewardess came up to me, said, do you want it? You want anything to drink? Right? And the devil in me went, oh, and I went quivering voice, maybe later. So you know, I've been eating great, I had salads and all that shit, and I thought, ah,

you know, I'll just have one. I'll just have one. He comes over with some jack on the rocks, you know, nice fucking poor, right? Gave me the old mile high poor, if you know what I mean, he fucking gave me like, gave me like three fingers of fucking booze. So that's with a little bit of pepper and some cheese. And I fucking drank the thing, and I was like, all right, that's it, I got to get waters after this, because that's the big thing.

After I have the first one, I just switch to waters, and then I get my bearings again of like, oh yeah, okay, cool, okay, cool, we had a buzz, now we're coming back, we're coming back, this is a good thing. But if I go to that second drink, forget it. And he just fucking, what did he say, do you want one? I think he just brought me the next one. And then I was just like, well, I'm not going to be rude. And then I drank that one, and then we landed.

And that just set me off on the wrong, the wrong fucking way, the wrong fucking road. Then I got to the city, and then I got two slices of fucking pizza, not even from a place that I liked, a place that I wanted closed, because they have great pizza and they already made their money. So they're like, well, we don't need to be open all night, go fuck yourself, see ya. So then I walked down the street to these other guys, you know, the one that all the drunks are stumbling into. And I got not one, but two slices of pizza, went back, fucking shoved them down my throat

the whole time going, you know, this is way better than anything that I'd get in LA, but this is not a good example of how the East Coast became legendary with their pizza making. No disrespect to Chicago, by the way. Okay? I'm not saying you guys don't make, you make a different type of lasagna pizza out there and most New Yorkers, people from Boston, Philly, we go out there and we don't know where to go, and we just get some average slop and we're like, this fucking pizza stinks, right?

The same way you guys, I know so many fucking people from Chicago, dude, I went to New York, dude, your pizza wasn't good. Did you even look to see where to go? You dope. New York has a great reputation for making great pizza. That's why there's so many shitty ones. You know what I mean? Because everybody's living off of that fucking reputation.

There's like a half dozen, probably, maybe eight in the fucking, all the boroughs. How many boroughs are there? Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Staten Island, man, five fucking boroughs. There's probably, probably eight, okay? Brooklyn's got a couple, New York has a couple, everybody else has like fucking one, maybe two. I don't know enough about it, but I'm just telling you, there's only a few. However, in New York City, you can buy pizza every fucking 10 feet down the road, the same

way in Chicago. Some fucking cunt is out there waiting for someone like me to walk down the street with my fucking Chicago, the Windy City windbreaker that I just bought at the airport. Hey, I'll shed you an authentic fucking Chicago deep dish pizza, and then they're gonna bring me in there. So can we end the fucking pizza debate? Everybody has their own way to do it. Up at Boston, they add the little bar style pizzas, which are fucking amazing.

And every New York cunt that goes, oh, I went up there, didn't fucking taste like fucking Magooly's over there, down the fucking street there, you know, those fucking morons. When you travel, okay, you got to fucking hang with local people and they'll tell you where to go to fucking walk into a place and think that everything there sucks and people there just accept it is probably one of the dumbest ways to travel. However, that's how most people do it. Or you go there and you try to get what you can get down the street from where you live and then when you can't, you say this place sucks.

And I just, I can't, you know, fuck it, I was in the Bahamas, I couldn't get a good fucking Gabogoo, anyways, I don't know why I'm making everybody Italian, but I'm enjoying it. I am enjoying it. So, so I ate this shitty fucking pizza and I was taught to finish my food as a kid. So I'm fucking even just naan my way through the crust. I mean, I could have whittled something like a piece of wood with this crust, tough like fucking shoe leather over there.

That was the first night and then I did well during the day, you know, I did really well, but then just at night, the next night, I ended up staying up. We went to fucking, oh, right down the street from the Portschester Capitol Theater, it was this great Italian restaurant and it was all partly owned by Mario Batali. Who's the best? All those fucking restaurants are awesome, right? So I go down there and I know I should order the fish, but I can't get good Italian out here.

So I ordered, I ordered some pasta, right? I get the fucking go fuck yourself, Molenache, right? So I get that and then we say we don't want dessert. They still brought some stuff over because they're Italian. I mean, just, you know, if you say I don't want any, they're still going to bring you over a half order. That's how it fucking works. So they brought over all these cannolis and all of this shit and then didn't drink too

much that night. But definitely, you know, not drinking that much to me was like, you know, five or six over a fucking nine hour pierced it out to like four in the fucking morning. Smoked a cigar. Fucking stupid. I had all this shit to do the next day, right? I fucking get out of the fucking Uber, right? I get out of the Uber and I know I told you guys I don't Uber.

I had somebody call it for me because I couldn't get a cab and I get out of the and the second I get out of it. I walk up to the door and go, well, wait, where's my phone? Where's my phone? And I left it in the fucking Uber and then I didn't have, I had no, no way to call. And I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me because I had my bag of shit with me. So I grabbed my bag and I got this thing, but once I grabbed something, I never looked for anything else.

And also, you know, I had like fucking four, five drinks. So I left my fucking phone there until it's just like, all right, it did a mental check. Everything's backed up. Everything's on the computer. It gives a fuck. I'll just buy a phone tomorrow. Fucking moron, right? So I get up the next day, I go over to the fucking Verizon store and they go, okay, what's your

Apple ID? I'm like, I don't know. You got my phone number. You got my license. And they're like, oh, that's not good enough. You need your Apple ID. I go, well, I don't have it. He goes, can you guess?

I said, oh, yeah. Fucking stand here all day. I don't know what it is. And he basically tells me that he can't get, he can't get into my account without my Apple ID. I go, you're telling me if the FBI came in here right now? That's what you'd say. And he was like, absolutely.

And I was like, dude, I don't know what it is. Are you telling, so you're telling me I can never get a phone again? This feels like a Tom Cruise movie. Did you just shut off the microchip in me? Can I get a phone, please? I had business to do. The guy says, no, I haven't been meditating. My temper starts going up and up and up and up and up.

I didn't curse at him. I started, you know, he goes, well, you're going to have to go to our main store and that's going to take like fucking two to three hours. So it's like, you got to be fucking kidding me. So I walk out into the streets in New York and I said, I fucking hate technology, but I said, I really quietly and technology really quietly. I said, fuck, I said at the top of my lungs, fucking, I said, I fucking hate technology. This lady fucking whipped her head around.

I was like, oh my God, I'm like, I'm literally the guy walking in the street in New York making people nervous right now. So I walk up to try to find where this fucking place is. I don't know what he said. It's on like fucking 50 something in Sixth Avenue. I'm looking for the thing and I'm like, wait, wait, is it on Sixth Avenue and on 57th? I have no idea. This took me back to the 90s when I was in New York, when you didn't have a map, but

you just fucking walked around, head on a swivel, right? Finally find the place and I walked in there and I got an absolute angel at the store. Old school customer service completely fucking hooked me up and she was like in her mid 20s. And halfway through, I just finally was just saying like, you know, I forgot what I said. I said something, you basically the effect that, you know, you don't get customer service like this anymore. Your parents raised you right. She said, thank you.

She come from a big family and she was like, I was like, she said something like I'm like one of seven. I was like, I know it. I know it. I know it. I don't know what it is. Kids who come from like fucking with a bunch of kids, families with a bunch of kids that they, I don't know.

They learned it. I don't know what it is. I don't know what you learned, but you're, I don't know. Everything isn't about you and you keeping all the fucking toys. So she totally hooked me up and then, uh, then I was able to call my buddy who called the Uber, who called the Uber guy and then the Uber guy still had my phone. He brought it back to me the next night. You know, I gave him a nice tip for doing that and now I got two phones.

I guess I can bring the other phone back, but I just don't want to go back into a store. I'm not rolling the dice again. Then I'm going to get a good customer service person. I know I'm not, um, so I'll just fucking eat it was my own fucking fault. If I didn't go out till fucking four in the morning, like an asshole, none of that shit would have happened. I apologize to the lady that I made her fucking probably fucked up her neck when I screamed fucking when I was out in the street.

And, uh, but, you know, I don't apologize to the guy at the bank. I owe taxes, right? I owe taxes up in fucking Canada. So in my account goes, you have to go to the bank. I'm going to send you an email with all the fucking account information. They can wire it up. They have Bing bang, boom, done. So I say, fine.

So I go up, I download the thing. I bring my laptop. I fucking get this David Blaine looking dude to, you know, at the bank to help me out. Right. So we walk into his cubicle area. We sit down. I have all the information on the computer screen. He starts going, I read, read me the VIN number.

I know it's not that, but you know what I mean? And I'm like, what, what numbs like that number there? Read that to me. So I read it to me. He goes, read me the next time. I go, which number? He goes, read me that number. And then I just find, look at him.

I go, I go, what do I work here? He's like, excuse me. I go, I go, I feel like I work here right now. I'm like, look, just, just turning around here. Here's all the information. Type it in. And he goes, what's going to go quicker? Or something like that.

And then he just kind of got quiet. Right. I'm just fucking sitting there. And then after a couple of minutes, he just kind of goes like, you know, I don't understand like why you got upset there. I go, well, I'm not upset. I'm just calling you out on the fact you start treating me like your secretary. I don't work here.

He goes, I'm not treating you like your secretary. Yeah, you are. You got me like reading off numbers and stuff. He goes, I'm just doing that because it'll be faster. And I go, well, I disagree. Well, what the fuck am I, you, you, you understand, you work at the bank. You're at the bank. You work at the bank.

You get paid to work at the fucking bank. I'm the customer. This is what I need you to do. Do the fucking transaction. Jesus fucking Christ. He's fucking God. I'm going to say it. These kids today, everything about them is, it's interactive.

Hey man, like, hey, you know, fucking reach out through the fucking interweb, man. Fuck off and do your job. But I didn't say any of that. I just said, I disagree. That's the best I could do. But I just couldn't believe he was like, but he was, but he kills me as he's walking around saying that I'm a dick, which I am. I admit to that, but I'm fucking right.

I got to sit there and read off fucking numbers to you. He goes, can you read this? He didn't even say please. He starts talking to me like I'm like, I was like, did I just get hired as your assistant? You fucking cunt. I didn't even know what he was talking about. All of those numbers. I'm not a fucking banker.

Every time he told me to read off a number, he had to explain what the number is like, how was that? How was that quicker? Oh, Jesus. So I meditated for the first time in about six weeks. I'm just trying. Yeah, I know. I know.

I know. I just, I'm back. We're back in the writer's room. I got all of that shit to do. I'm building my new fucking act, right? My daughter is finally sleeping through the night. She still wakes up once or twice, but it's just a quick little one. Maybe needs a diaper change or something like that.

And I'm just feeling like it's just, it's building up again. You know, so for me now to like stop drinking, you know, to add that, that extra stress of like, you know, you know, to not have the fucking thing to take the edge off at the end of the goddamn day. Like that. It just starts building up. So up to the guy at the bank, maybe I could have explained it a little nicer. Maybe I couldn't have just flipped out here, but you know, know this.

That's what I wanted to say in the bank, but I didn't. Okay. I kept my cool, but like you work at the bank. I don't. I need you to do this transaction. I have money in your bank. Back in the day, you guys used to give like 10%, 8% on fucking money in the bank. You now give like 0.001% Okay.

So now you don't give me any money on it. You've loaned 10 times out on what I fucking have there. You guys invent money. You're literally counterfeiters. And now I have to go in there. You guys nuke the fucking economy every eight fucking years, building housing bubbles or whatever, and you don't go to jail for it and you leave Americans upside down in their houses.

You don't give a fuck. And then on top of that, I got to go in and read the fucking numbers off to you. Fuck off. I know this is childish for me to be sitting here alone, losing my mind, but I cannot lie to you and not tell you how fucking good this feels to get this out of me. You know, part of my meditation today is I'm actually doing this series on patience. I swear to God. And the guy said, um, oh God, what the fuck did he say?

It almost made me mad when I was like, I wanted to debate with the guy, but I can't because it's just a recording. He basically said that when you lose your patience, it's because you have expectations of other people. Okay. And then when you react to that, it's like your fault for reacting to it for having your you're wrong to have these expectations of people. And I'm thinking in my head, like, like that doesn't make it, I like, I'm at this point,

I'm wrong that I expect people to put in an effort at their job the way that I do and the way that I did. And I'm not patting myself on the back, but when I fucking, I always, any job I had, I fucking killed it unless I just literally didn't have the talent like construction. I just, I mean, I could bring you the shit. I just didn't have that gift or I tried to sell health insurance. I just wasn't good at it. And you know what I did?

I had the decency with both of those jobs to quit within a week and a half. I didn't fucking sit there and torture people and just suck at my job as they came walking in or worse, try to make them do part of my job. So I'm listening to this guy and he's, he's, he's talking in a very soothing voice like this, some sort of British accent. When we walk in there, we have, it's headspace. Hello again, welcome to headspace. When we have expectations of other people gives us a tendency to, he tries to like

lose our patience. Don't get all fucking jolly. Cause you know what it is he's doing that cause he knows there's an angry cut like me laying on the ground going like, okay, so now you're defending this guy at the bank. You weren't even fucking there. You know? So now basically what you're saying is in order for me to have patience, I have to basically treat people the way I treat my daughter, which is I understand that she's a baby and

doesn't know anything yet, you know? So I have to have 100% patience with her, which I do, but that's because she's a baby. So now I'm supposed to walk in and sit across from a 27 year old guy in his, you're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it fucking suit. And as he tells me to do, how, how could I have done that better? I guess what I should have said is sir, I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm not going to read those numbers to you.

I feel that you work at the bank and I am the customer and I feel that that crosses a boundary that I'm not comfortable with. Well, I guess I could have said that, right? And I, when he exhaled, I probably should, like when he exhaled, like I, it was like someone fucking twisted a knife in my back. I wanted to fucking snipe. Did you just fucking exhale? Yeah.

Cause once again, I guess I had expectations that this guy, you know, I had the ability to fucking look at a paper with all the answers to the test on it while typing at the same time. I mean, I can do that. I could do that for half a page and I only make a couple of mistakes and I taught myself how to do it. What the fuck? How much more easier does life have to be?

And then I was also thinking when I left, it was like, you know, something my wife would have just read the numbers off to him. She would have read the numbers off to him. And then afterwards I would have said, like, why did you just do that? You did your job. You know, you're right. You're right. You know, I probably shouldn't have done that, but you know, it got it done quick.

You know, I just didn't want to have the argument and blah, blah, blah. She continues on. You know what? And she's a way, way happier person on paper, I think. On paper. I know that the, you know, something, the thing about women is the, the, the big red flag is the level of shopping that they do and the amount of shit that they buy. Like that's, I don't know.

There's, there's, there's a fucking unhappiness there. There's something psychotic going on with just the amount, the sheer amount of clothes and shit that they buy and just stuff that they fucking buy. I don't see tranquility in it. I feel like that's like eating fucking, you know, seas candies. Just, they just love having that UPS driver showing up and, oh, it's a little package for me. You know, I actually judge how well my relationship's going by how often the fucking UPS driver

comes to the door. If he's coming a lot, then I need to take her out to dinner or something. If you know, if he's coming every once in a while, then that's just her doing the woman thing of basically, you know, fucking kicking our retirement right in the seats. All right. I didn't need to go. I'm okay. Whatever.

I apologize to everybody. That's that first guy at the fucking Verizon store. I apologize for the way I conveyed what I was trying to say to the David Blaine looking dude at the bank. You know, I don't know. Maybe it's a new world. Maybe I'm just a fucking old guy. Maybe that's why I don't fucking know.

I don't, I don't know. I still think I'm right, but I'm going to learn in the future not to have expectations of people and just sit there is the sons of my life slip away, waiting for somebody to do their fucking job that they got paid to do. Um, anyways, anybody wants some MotoGP fucking motorcycle race yesterday? Another great one. Back to back. Fucking great races.

Congratulations to Mark, Mark as Oh my God, did you hear his fucking interview afterwards? Oh, it was fucking hilarious. That's what's amazing. All these guys can speak English, but he searches for the English word while going to, ah, he did two fucking ones so fucking long. They go, Mark, congratulations. Great victory. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I didn't feel it today. He's like, ah, it was, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Minding me of Taylor Negron's great rest in peace is great joke. You don't want coppets. You want an ad. Remember the area rug joke? Um, anyways, what a fucking race. And I got to look at the standings here.

I think that that put Mark, Mark as she sees on top. He's on top of the leaderboard, um, the leaderboard board. Sorry. Um, Mark, Mark has fucking, oh, come on, you don't have expectations. You don't have expectations of the internet that it's actually going to work. Why would it work? Why would it work when you would need it to work? Just laugh, make a note of it.

Make a note of a difficult time in your life. Put it on the clothesline and send it on down and stay. Just remember, you're not reacting. You're observing. You're just, it's like you're sitting on a park bench watching traffic go by. Except the trafficker are your thoughts. Oh, look, the requested URL cannot be retrieved. I'm going to have no reaction to this.

I'm just going to sit here and let my podcast slowly sink into the abyss of something completely not even remotely funny. All right, here we go. Where the fuck are we? By the way, you know, this fucking website stinks because you think of these guys are fucking putting their lives on the line. It'd be a little easier to navigate. Wait a minute.

Is that me having fucking expectations again? All right. Mark, Mark has is in the lead, 129 points. Was this what the points that they got from yesterday? Oh, this looks like from what they got yesterday. Um, congratulations to that kid, Maverick Villanez. Is that the guy though? I thought he was German.

I don't think I have the wrong guy. This might be the wrong list. It says GP world standing. There was some guy that came in second place. It was the first time he's ever been on a podium this year. Hold on a second. This is so fucking irritating. Where is it?

Oh, they haven't done that one yet. How about this one? There's Deutschland. There you go. See? I had the wrong one. I had the wrong. No, where the fuck is he?

I thought there was some German guy that came in second yesterday. It says Danny Pedroza from Spain came in. So wherever the fuck the guy was that came in second. Congratulations. And I actually learned something when I was watching the race as far as, um, just how amazing these guys come flying down the straightaway. They're in that tuck and I love when they all they fucking pop up and they stick that goddamn leg out, right?

I always feel like they're going to fall off the bike at that point. And then it's all when you break, how you take the turn. And this kid who was in second place came into, I think it was turn one and he just came in too hot, which caused him to go wide and Mark Marquez did it perfectly and he just went right underneath them. And, uh, but I guess the guy said something to the fact that he heated up his tires when you break that hard or something and then you don't get as good a grip. And that was basically, what do they say something he, um, not create space or something, but

he broke away from him. He broke him or something. I don't know. I'm still learning the terminology, but they're fucking amazing. You guys got to get into this MotoGP because this thing is literally, it's 28 fucking laps and you're watching people on motorcycles driving 200 miles an hour or 320 kilometers, which I've learned every 50 miles an hour is about 80 kilometers. So I always, I always have to do the fucking math, but it's easy because they're basically

doing well, like, like, I don't know, like, uh, 240 to 320 kilometers, except when they're in the turns, obviously. So they basically go in about 150 miles an hour, 140 all the way up to like 200. The Italian ones, the crazy one with this, the straightaway where they actually get up over 200 miles an hour. I mean, I just, and, um, their ability to fall, how they fall, they even fall off the bikes gracefully unless they high side them. And then the technology of the suit where there's like an airbag in the suit that immediately

detects that you've fallen off your bike and inflates, it protects your vitals. And then the leather is just such high quality or whatever they got. They just slide down the track and they get up, dude, they fucking wipe out at 20 miles an hour and they get up like they fell off a tire swing at a cookout. That's fucking unreal. So congratulations to Mark, Mark has, um, I'm a big Ducati fan. So I like, uh, I root for the fucking, uh, I root for the Italians, you know, I like that guy, uh, what's in, you know, what's great is that guy from Britain though, who's

actually going to haunt to that Cal Crutchlow. He fucking rides like a maniac. I also like Johan Zarco. He's from France. He rides a Yamaha, but, uh, David Cio. So I like, I just love Ducati's. I think they're a fucking work of art. But if you ever wondered how much those bikes cost, I think they were like worth like $2

million. Those bikes, something like that, million, two million bucks. Um, they're, I love when they're going down the straightaway and they're fucking given so much throttle that the front tire comes up a little bit. You gotta understand at that point you're going 200 miles an hour and you don't have the, and that split second, you don't have the ability to steer when your tire is off to be on the fucking balls that those guys have. I stopped riding a bike cause I couldn't ride, you know, but actually, you know, something

probably riding the streets of LA in your fucking dad jeans with your leather jacket on. That's way, that is way more dangerous. I don't have a fucking airbag five again, a motorcycle again. I want to buy one of those MotoGP fucking suits. But the thing about it is, is even if you fall off, even if the fucking, the thing like inflates and all that shit, the difference is, is that the track, you don't have to worry about somebody coming in from the left or the right, driving a bus or an SUV and running

you over and crushing you. Um, that's basically it because I have to say, I would love in a perfect world, in a perfect world, I would love, I would love to have a Ducati. I've never ridden one, but everybody I know that ever rode one said you never ride anything else. I mean, it's a little like, I'm a, like I said, I'm a big fan of fucking machines. And, uh, there's, there's one on, there's a, out here in LA on La Siena got this one and right, right up the streets from this vegetarian place, when I'm not being a fucking

moron and eating shitty pizza and drinking booze and smoking cigars, like an asshole. If I'm eating right when, every time I go there, I always got a pop in there and then the guy's away. Can I help you? I just want to be like, no, I'm just a scared married guy with too much to lose. I mean, I'm going to say that next time I come in there, going in this so many times, the guy probably knows me. All right, let me read some of these, let me read some of these advertising advertisements

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burr. This watch has a really clean design. Seriously, I've been getting compliments ever since I put it on. Why do they do that? I guess I'm supposed to read it beforehand. I don't even know. I don't have a movement watch on me right now. I gave it to Andrew.

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Oh, slash burr. Join the movement. All right. Okay. All things comedy. Oh, here we go. All things comedy. My comedy network, which is producing its first stand-up special starring Trent and

New Jersey's own, Paul Verzi. It's going to be taping August 13th, all right? Tickets are going fast. You're going to want to be there. Me and Pete Davidson are going to come out and do a little Smothers Brothers shit up front. I think we're just going to go out with a notebook and try out new material and just shit on each other's new jokes, where everybody's going to have a good time, then Paul's going

to come out and absolutely crush it. I have to tell you, he killed so fucking hard this weekend up at, what the fuck is it called, Fort Chester, the Capitol Theater. I told him on the first night, I said, dude, you're officially not a fucking opener anymore. The level of laughs that you're getting and the quality of material that you're doing, it's, that's it. You know, that's it. He's going to be a fucking nationally fucking selling out headliner soon.

And I'm going to miss him. All Things Comedy has launched its own Patreon page to give you exclusive access to podcast videos and a behind the scenes look at our latest projects. Go to patreon.com, that's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash all things comedy for access to exclusive content. There you'll find my new Sunday vlog before Monday video podcast. Yeah, I did a video podcast. You got to see P-A-T-R-E-O-N patreon.com slash all things comedy.

I did a Sunday vlog before Monday video. I actually had a great time doing it. Al Madrigal's new podcast, Secret of My Success and the first episode features Felipe Esparza. All right, but I talk about everything I wanted to talk about. Oh, can I talk helicopters for a second? So I got back into flying those fuckers. I fly once a week. I have a great time.

And last week I flew great, you know, I just, you know, I didn't really have to look down at my altitude. I was just able to maintain it pulling 19 inches on the fucking fucking inches gauge there, whatever the fuck you call it. So I'm getting ready to solo again and you know, it's the fucking hobby costs a goddamn fortune. I'm not thinking like, you know, buy a helicopter with a fucking, you know, it could get really good at this because I love it.

So oh, my daughter's crying, she must have just woke up anyways. So the one, I'm not going to say the name of the one that I've flown, even though I've said it before. Okay, there's certain things with the design of that thing. It's a two bladed main rotor system. It's over slung and semi articulated all this fucking ground school shit. But basically because of that, if you were for whatever stupid fucking reason, if you slam the stick forward and got yourself into a low G situation, which is basically you'd

feel like you were light in the seat, like there's a chance that you risk mass bumping, you risk sharing off the tail, you risk fucking with the mass bumping. The main rotor literally spinning off. You watch it. There's that thing that's producing lift, right? And then you just crash to the ground or if you get into a low G situation, literally the fucking thing could just start rolling to the right because the rear tail rotor is now compensating for the fucking main rotor that the helicopter is not loaded underneath

anymore. So when you go to the right, rather you think, oh my God, go to the left with the stick, you're actually supposed to go gentle, gentle as you're fucking rolling over like, holy shit, am I going to be upside down in a second? Rather than go back to the left, you're supposed to fucking override that intuitive move and you're supposed to go gentle after cycling so you don't share your fucking goddamn tail off. And you know, people with very little hours all the way up to people with a ton of fucking

hours have died in those fucking things. And the company that makes them rather than fixing that fucking problem has just basically told people what to do when that problem arises. And if you don't do it correctly and you fucking die, they blame you, you know, so it's a lot like being in a relationship with a woman in that it's always going to be your fault. It's not what they did. It's how you reacted to it. So you know, in order to get a fully articulated main rotor system where you can fucking basically,

as my instructor said, fly like an asshole, which has stabbed the thing forward, you know, I don't think on any of you, you really should be doing any sort of quick fucking movements. I don't think quick movements in any aviation is never fucking good unless you're getting shot at and you're in a fucking f 16. But any sort of mass bumping, low G none of that, like that's all taken off the table. But the problem is, is to buy one of those, they're like well over a million dollars. So that kind of bug me. So I just kept doing my research and I found this French helicopter.

I'm going to say it wrong. It's G. U. I. N. B. A. L. Guillembeau cabri G two. And it's a little more expensive than the one that I fly. It has a fully articulated main rotor system. And then all these other features, I forget what you call it when when the the tail rotor is completely enclosed, you know, one of the major causes of death is like people walking into the fucking rear tail rotor, you they just, I don't know, they just don't see it. This is why you have a passenger, you have to tell them to stay in the fucking thing

until they shut it off because I still don't know how you walk into a fan that's making that much noise, but they do it. They solve that. They got like these, I don't know, these rubber fucking bushings and all this shit that, you know, like if you land, you're not going to turn your fucking spine if you have a hard landing, you're not going to turn your spine into goddamn, you know, gunpowder. I really wish I had the article here. All of this shit that they had, it's basically they looked at what I flew and they addressed

everything and then for an extra, you know, half a bag, a cash, you can fly this thing and not have to deal with, with any of these fucking safety issues. And I looked it up and basically the only problem with it is because it's so safe now. People are flying like assholes and they've had three of them crash and one of this, one of the guys that crashed and I don't want to laugh because I don't know if they died or not, but what they did, still a carbureted engine, right? So you can deal, you know, you always have to pull your carburetor here because you don't want the fucking that freezes up on you.

The engine shuts off and, you know, you don't have to know a lot about aviation that that's not a good thing. So what this fucking guy did was to show somebody that this you can fucking stab the stick forward. He stabbed it forward and started like nose diving down. And because of the way the fuel line was, it caused not enough fuel to be going through the carburetor and he fucking stalled. Why do people do that? If I ever got one of those things, I would still fly it the way I fly the fucking thing

that I fly now. And I would just feel lucky that, you know, God forbid, if I was ever flying and I hit some turbulence that caused, you know, the helicopter to fucking nose over or something like that, I don't have to worry about me rolling to the right and having to remember to slowly go half cycle to fucking reload the thing. I mean, it actually affects like where I fly out here, the time of year, like I won't go out until like the fucking desert or something like that during the summer, because I don't need all that fucking turbulent air throwing me around knowing at any second I could start

rolling to the right. I just don't want to deal with that shit. So I find this fucking thing. Now the only downside that I found, there's always a downside, right? Is that this thing, because it's European, the main rotor actually spins the other way, which I didn't think would be that big a deal. But what it actually does is all my muscle memory is for a main rotor that goes counterclockwise. This spins clockwise.

So all of times when I think left pedal, it's now right pedal, but I talked to my instructor, he said it's about three hours and you start getting it down and then you're fine. But then, you know, three hours, I mean, three hours, I get to flying a helicopter, have a great fucking time. And then I just keep flying the same one every time. Then I get it down. Then I have this really safe thing that I can fly around. It's got a little compartment.

You can put stuff in. It's a little fucking two-seater. Check it out. G-U-I-M-B-A-L Cabri, C-A-B-R-I-G2. I mean, I think that the shit, there's always concerns with any fucking new helicopter, whatever. I addressed all the safety issues that fucking, you know, anytime I solo, I'm just thinking about that, which is good because I had, you know, the guys who train me were great.

So I'm always thinking about that shit. And but, you know, you read up on it a lot and it becomes like this fucking terrifying thing that I really don't feel like, I don't feel like dealing with so, I don't know. I just, you know, you want to really wish, I just wish fucking schools around here start buying those things so I can rent those instead because, I mean, it's still too much money. It's too much fucking money. But I'm just saying, you know, in a fantasy world, I would have one of those and I'd ride a Ducati to it with an airbag suit on and there'd be no bus to run me over if I have

a fucking laid it down. But we all know that that's not the case. So, you know, maybe I'll just get a poster and put it on the wall in my garage. That's what it's a being a married guy is in your garage. You have a poster of all this shit you'd buy if you didn't have the responsibilities. Oh, God, that's that actually made me a little sad. All right. I know this is some people up in Oregon that sell them, I believe they finally they got,

I guess, rated over here, whatever the terminology is. But I fucking love them and it's a great looking helicopter too. I fucking love them and I'm hoping more, so I'm just giving them free advertising, hoping more people start to use them. All right. F1. Hey there, Billy boy. Mercedes has 1500 people working on two cars simultaneously, 1,498 of which probably went

to prestigious colleges and graduate schools, none of which get to race these cars. The two employees that race these inverted rocket ship cars hated school as kids. At least Lewis Hamilton admitted to it. Your thoughts. Oh, what, that the Tom Brady gets all the fucking credit? Well, yeah, absolutely. This is like white hidden figures. The end of the day, the person that gets in the fucking rocket, you know, be it the monkey,

the dog or a fucking human being who gets in the thing and actually fucking rides it. You know, one of those 14 out of 98 people of Lewis Hamilton had a fatal fucking accident. They have the luxury of walking around away from it, feeling bad that it happened, whereas Lewis would be dead. So that's why he gets to bang Rihanna. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I thought you were going to explain why the Mercedes team and the Ferrari team are so much, you know, better than everybody else.

But on the more I read about F1, it seems like people go through phases. Like I said, Red Bull won three years in a row, McLaren used to be the shit, martini Williams had their run. So I don't know, maybe this is just the era of the Mercedes and Ferrari's been doing shit for a long time. Obviously, God, it's the biggest understatement ever. I'll never forget the look on that guy's face when I said, when I said good race after Montreal, when they came in like eighth, or no, he came in like fourth, just watching

the guy go from a Vettel, go from the back all the way up to almost a podium is what I was trying to say. And this guy fucking looked at me. I thought it was a dead man. Anyways, he goes, lots of luck at Count Basie Theater, hope you kill it, will not be in attendance due to you guessed it. School. Ciao.

All right. Father and son circumnavigating, navigating globe in a helicopter. Well, how the fuck do you do that? You'd have to go up to Alaska, cross over to Russia. I got to see this. Hey, Bill, thought you might find this interesting, Canadian father and son are circumnavigating the globe in a helicopter. Here's a link to the article.

Oh, that's nothing about that helicopters. It can fly up to like five hours with a one eye fly. I mean, two and a half hours and then you put it on the ground. So I don't know, it's fucking amazing. Oh, no, look at this. I got a copy and pastes. Let's stay patient. Let's just, just note this thought here.

You're sitting on the bus watching the train, not on the bus, I'm sitting on a bench waiting for a bus, watching the traffic going by. Oh, come on, you fucking cunt. Is it that difficult? All right, take off a helicopter father and son team begin global odyssey. Dude, look at their fucking helicopter. Holy shit. Wow.

Yeah, these guys are the real deal though. Do they get sponsors? Look at their fucking flight suits. Bob and Steve Dengler embark on a 39,000 kilometer trip around the world to celebrate Canadian history and support charities. That's kind of annoying flying through your country and they're celebrating Canada. Go fuck yourself. Celebrate the world or fly around us for a year and a half.

My father, Bob and I have been planning and organizing a journey we call C 150 global odyssey. It was, it's the first Canadian circumnavigation of the globe by helicopter and the world's first ever father, son, aerial circumnavigation. I don't give a shit about all this other than your plan. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh, you know what?

I guess they're cool with Russia. They're cool with Russia. So they're bad. I don't know where they're going to. Okay. They start the start, finish, uh, looks to be somewhere in the Toronto area. All right. So they're going to zigzag across, oh, they're going the other way.

They're going to zig over, over to the fucking Maritimes up to fucking Greenland. Jesus, that's fucking scary right there over that fucking ice cold water, then Greenland to fucking Iceland. How long is that flight Iceland over to fucking Ireland down into Pari across Europe. Across fucking, no, I'm sorry, England. That's England there. Okay. And they go across to Eastern Europe, then right through Moscow to Russia, right back

over to fucking, right across over to Alaska, and then they come back down to Vancouver up to fucking Yellowknife for whatever fucking reason. I guess they're celebrating Canada. You have to go over those fucking Rocky Mountains too. That's scary. We start in Vaughan and our first stop is the Canadian Aviation and Space Museum in Ottawa, where a grand sendoff is planned from there. We fly east along St. Lawrence to Newfoundland.

I guess I could have read this instead of trying to guess with their map north along the keys of Labrador to Iqvaluit, Iqvaluit East then through Greenland and Iceland and the Faroe Islands to the UK, then through Europe and into Russia. A full third of our trip is through Russia. Exclamation point. They're excited because they're Canadian. They get along with people. We return to North America via Alaska and then zigzag in Canada to visit as many places

as possible. We finish up back in Vaughan, taking 35 to 40 days in total. We'll be flying some of the most far-flung and beautiful places in Canada and drinking deeply from its diverse beauty. Oh, I thought they'd be boozing. I was like, these guys are nuts. Urban skylines, Arctic seas, oh, you motherfuckers. God bless these two.

What a great fucking thing to do. More importantly, what kind of helicopter is that? That's a fully articulated rotor system. No fucking, rolling over the right as your dad's sliding into you. Holy shit. That's fucking amazing. I want to keep up on that. When do they say they're doing it?

Starring July 1st. They're already off on their way. Can I follow it? They liked dad and son Amelia Earhart, except they're going to make it, right? All right, well, good for them. What a helicopter talk this week. All right. Here we go.

Weird new coworker. Hey, Billy, hold your nuts. I might have gone over the line at work and want to know your or Nia's input would be would be on this. OK, long story short, I essentially quit my job today because a coworker was taking pictures of me. Before you jump to any conclusions, hear me out and you might agree with me in the end. I already I don't like that somebody's taken. It sounds like you didn't want your picture taken.

This Monday, we got a new employee that basically acts like she's in a reality show. The first day, I thought she might be joking around by doing the classic. Go from one person to the next and whisper, turning around, talk about the other employees in the room. OK, go from one person to the next and whisper, turn around, talk about the other employees in the room because she's already talking shit about everybody. But then I realized she's just crazy. She has taken pictures and videos of all the men at work and shared them with her Snapchat or Instagram or whatever crap it is she's uses to communicate with other people that are on her level.

Sounds like she's trying to get a reality show herself and become famous or something. The first time she did this, she was standing a few feet away from me and did a 180 jump spin that would have made Dennis Rodman proud. And with a phone, took a picture and said that one was for Instagram. It startled the hell out of me. And I plainly said, don't take pictures of me over the day. She continued to take pictures of the rest of the guy without consent, of course. And I got to see a couple of them.

One was of my boss's ass with the text over it that said, dad booty, though. Oh, God, this is. Yeah, this is something just spends too much time on the internet. I don't know why you quit your job. You should just go into. Don't you guys just go to HR? So the only thing that got finally got me was when I was restocking the shelves and realized after walking across the store that I felt I was being watched.

I looked up and saw her grinning while holding her phone. And I asked her if she had taken a video of me. She said she was taking a video of the rain outside and I happened to walk across the path, obviously bullshit. I called her bluff and asked her to show me the video from the beginning. And it's clear that it starts and ends with me. Twenty seconds of me wheeling merchandise around. You could barely see a window on the back.

Where you can't even tell it's raining. She's standing 60 feet away from the fucking window. All right. Now, before you say, ah, maybe she likes you, dude, I'm on your side and wants to see you. Let me be clear. No one is touching themselves to a video of a guy with the dad bod wheeling around merchandise. It's not that.

And she knows I'm happy in my relationship with my long time girlfriend, regardless. I complained to my boss who after two days finally talked to her about it. And then she told me she said I walked in front of a rain video she was making. I said, if it was the other way around and it was a guy taking videos of women, I'm sure that would have been grounds for dismissal. Absolutely. I also forgot to mention that she went through my boss's text when he wasn't looking to see which women were talking to him.

It pissed me off that he was more than willing to believe that she was suddenly a part time meteorologist than just believing me that it was the 40th video of that kind she was taking of us. So I kind of snapped and told him not to bother insulting our intelligence by trying to believe his excuse. And I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass, wait, and I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass she took was intended to be a picture of morning fog until he got in the way to just keep it to himself.

And I quit, ah, dude, you snapped. You snapped. You know why? Sorry, dude, I got the volume up too high. You know why you snapped? Because like me, you had expectations and you lost your patience. And that caused you to lose your fucking mind. And you know what?

You're a hundred percent in the right. At least I'm here in your side of the story here. So what do you think? Did I go too far? Should I have given her time to adjust? I'm sure you deal with unwanted pictures of you every day, but I'm not famous and haven't done anything to deserve this. Yeah, I mean, exactly.

That's it. I mean, you're not jumping around like a monkey on stage. Um, I feel like I'm being followed by the worst P.I. And I can't help it. It gives me anxiety as far as I know. She's already has pictures of me with the eyes cut out at home. The way I see it, I'm not wasting time waiting until a coworker grows up to learn the difference between right and wrong.

She happens to be 19, but I'm talking about mental maturity, because I've worked alongside teenagers before who know perfectly well what the appropriate way to believe, to behave at work is, and this job pays lousy enough that it's no big loss as far as I'm concerned. Thanks and hope you and Nia have a little, and the little one have a good fourth of July. You guys are A plus families, far as I'm concerned. Thank you very much.

Um, I agree with you on a percent. The only thing is she's 19. So I think they just need to talk to her. I wish she didn't quit your job, but it sounds like you're not really worried. So I don't think it was your dream job. I mean, maybe her behavior opened the door for something. You got to turn it into a positive. Um, and you also have to learn, like I'm trying to learn with my behavior in

Verizon in the fucking bank this week. Uh, you know, I, you know what it was, was you asked her nicely. She ignored what you, what you, you, you asked her not to do. You went to the person of authority and he swept it under the rug. And then that was enough to make you fucking snap. I completely understand that. Um, I think your behavior is completely normal. I'm surprised you didn't tell your boss to go fuck himself.

And, um, but at the end of the day, you know, you don't have a job now. So, and you're actually a good guy. I mean, I, what, what did the guy say when you quit? He was all right with that. Um, I, I think kids grow up today and they, because they so overshare on all of these things, their boundaries with privacy is, is pretty much non-existent. I mean, there was like a famous woman took video of an older woman naked in the

locker room going, Oh my God, look at her old ass. She got like, and like, she had no idea that like, I was like, why would you do that to somebody that somebody's mom or their grandmother? But I don't know. People are, uh, it's bad. And I gotta be honest with you. It's bad enough when someone comes up to you and just takes a pic. She don't want people walk up with the video already on.

Um, yeah, I, I, yeah, I don't like that. And even with what I do, cause you know, they're usually a extremely selfish person and the whole moment is about them. And, you know, that whole, oh man, YOLO, look at my life right now. Shaking my head, whatever the fuck dumb shit that they're doing. It really is funny though, when you watch these fucking kids on like Instagram and everything, everybody's acting like they have like a hit show and that they're like these celebrities themselves, like always taking like, you know,

Snapchat is fucking pictures of like the food they're eating, the car that they're in, the fucking view that they have. Everybody's like acting like, uh, I don't know that they're flying. Everybody's trying to act like they're flying around a fucking private jet. I don't understand it, but I'm also, I'm realizing that I'm fucking old. So, uh, I don't know. I don't know. I think, I think you reacted in a normal fucking way.

I wish you didn't quit your job though, because I think you're 100% right. Um, in the future, I would just go to HR and when you're, or we go to your boss, when he doesn't, I would make a formal complaint and that would stop it. And, um, but I know, I would know at that point that I would hate that 19 year old so much that would be hard to even be around her. Like I have a big, I have a big issue with forgiving people. Like once you're in, in the cunt column, it's, you know, it's kind of a life sentence. Um, so there you go.

Yeah. Move on with your life and just kind of learn from that shit. But, uh, good for you for speaking up, but, uh, don't do anything else. Don't go back to the fucking business like a lunatic and fucking key somebody's car or anything that just fucking walk away from it. All right. Girlfriend's opportunity. Um, Hey, Billy Redwings, uh, so my girlfriend is really doing well at work.

She's been offered a job in Switzerland. She would rather move in with me and stay in the United States. I feel that she's missing out on a great career opportunity and should go. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet. She's also considering leaving her job too. I like our relationship, but I'm more practical. You should take advantage of things that's come across your life. What are your thoughts?

Uh, my thoughts are you don't have the balls to break up with her and she's committing to you in a way that you're not prepared for and you need to break up with her and tell her to go to Switzerland and not quit her fucking job. That was an easy one. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet. And you're going to fuck. She's going to quit her job and move in with you because she's head over fucking heels.

Oh boy, dude. Yeah. Tell her to go to Switzerland and fuck some blue-eyed fucking specimen blue-eyed blonde-eyed specimen and forget about you. All right. Girlfriend wants me to change my name. Dear Bill, I'm going to, I'm a huge, long time fan of yours from the younger generation. F1s, F1s for family is, oh, F is for family.

God, I can't even read my name on my own fucking. That's an I. F is for family is fucking awesome. Can't wait for season three to come out to see what happens next. Well, thank you. I was hoping you could give me your two cents on this situation. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful young lady for over two years now. We met at a community college in my state and hit it off really quickly. She's smart, outgoing, beautiful community college.

Easy. Hey, what the smart thing there? All right. No, I'm kidding. A lot of smart people go to community college. They do. They just fucking scatterbrained. A lot of dopes go there too.

She's smart, outgoing, beautiful, has, and has a great sense of humor. She's tall, slim, black girl while I am a greasy haired Italian white guy and we get along great. The problem first started with my dad. He's a total racist. And since we can't, we can't afford to put me in a real university, I have to live with them. I've tried to get him to change his ways, but it's like you said in your act. Old men like him come from a different era, so there's probably zero chance they'll ever change his mind. Yeah, you can't change somebody's mind.

They have to want to. I told my girlfriend how frustrating it is with him and she understands that even though my dad hates her and doesn't want us to be together, that I'm nothing like him, at least where it counts. Even though I can't stand my dad's attitude, I know that he only wants, he only wants the best for me. So I try to be a good boyfriend and a good son while keeping my father and girlfriend separate from each other. We also spend time out at her or out at her place and show he comes over to my place. My father is on a business retreat. Jesus Christ, this is complex. It's really inconvenient, but we've been making it work for over two years in spite of the tribulation and we're still going strong.

It seems like I got everything figured out. All right. Jesus, this is a fucking long one. Seems like I got everything figured out, Bill, but here's where things get tricky. Since I'm his firstborn son, my dad named him after himself since same first name, middle name and last name. My girlfriend hates that the guy she's been in a serious relationship with for a long time has the same name as a contankerous old racist Dago. I like how you're being racist about yourself, greasy Italian Dago. Anyways, who hates her sexy black ass for no justifiable reason?

Jesus Christ, it sounds like bad fucking dialogue in a porno. She wants me to legally change my name completely, first, middle and last, so that there is no connection to my father whatsoever. When I asked her what name she thinks I should have, I don't believe this, you gotta be shitting me. She said I could change my last name to the same as her, her last name, parentheses, what the fuck. I told her that if it would make her happy, I would be willing to change my name. But if I did that, my dad would feel betrayed. He would hate her even more for stealing away, stealing only son away from him and the rest of the family think I'm a total trying to dissociate myself from them, which is totally not the case. She got upset with me and has given me regular reminders since then that she's serious about wanting me to go through with this.

This isn't the first time I've considered changing my name even before I started dating this woman. It's a very Italian sounding name. So what, you're very Italian, that people always made fun of me for throughout school. So I've come to dislike it myself. Yeah, dude, you got a lot of self loathing going on here. Times of the shit. Who makes better food than you? Huh?

Japanese. Um, no, this, you guys make like the best food on the fucking planet. The Ferrari, the Ducati. You fucking women, the Mediterranean lifestyle. What are you, what are you walking away from here? So Bill, what the fuck should I do here? How can I make things right with my girlfriend as well as my dad without accepting one party or the other? She stopped introducing me to people using my name and she only refers to me as my boyfriend.

I've been able to circum, circumvent hostility between my dad and my girlfriend before, but I've totally, I'm totally lost with this one. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Sincerely, that's funny. And he fucking leaves his name off is a deal to you. First of all, um, this isn't about your dad and this isn't about your girlfriend. This is about you. Okay.

You date who the fuck you want to date and your name is your fucking name and your heritage is your fucking heritage. All right. Like what, what if her fucking, her, her parents didn't like you because you were white and you said, okay, your name after your mom, I can't stand your mom, change your fucking name and I'm going to pick the name and it's not going to sound like, you know, I guess black people don't have their fucking ethnic names anymore. Do they thank you white people, but you know what I mean? Yeah, fuck that dude. You can't do that shit.

You can't do that shit. Fuck that. Your name is your name and you're Italian and you should be fucking proud of it. Okay. And you're not your dad and she needs to fucking accept that you're not changing your fucking name and she has a problem. She can fucking walk away. She can fucking walk. All right.

You know what you really need to do? You need to get out of your fucking house and you need to fucking build your own life. Okay. And you need, you need to be with somebody like, this is fucking nuts. Like, I got to tell you dude, like that, if you thought about shit, that came from you, that's one thing. But the fact that she fucking wants you to do that, that's fucking insane. Don't do it. You know, you're, you're given into everybody else and you're not, you're not staying true to yourself.

You got to figure out what the fuck you want and you have to be yourself. Jesus fucking Christ, man. Your dad is who the fuck he is. Your girlfriend is who she is and you're who you are. Okay. And you should be proud of who the fuck you are. Work on the stuff you need to work on and be proud of, of, of your heritage. I don't, I don't get, I don't fucking get that at all.

You know, I know, I know a number of people like Italians. There was two, two Italian sound of name who fucking gives a shit. I don't understand. Like, I don't, I don't, I wouldn't do that. I miss all the fucking ethnic names. Everybody they homogenize their fucking names. Um, I think it's interesting when you meet somebody that's like that. So I think you need to pump the brakes here, sir.

All right. Cause now it's getting fucking crazy. And, um, yeah, don't do that to your dad. Don't change your fucking name. Who gives a shit? He's an old crabby fucking racist. This is the deal, dude. He's going to die someday.

All right. And you're going to continue on. So what you, what you haven't done yet is you haven't created your own life. You're still living at home with this guy. So you have to fucking move out. All right. The name he gave you is the name that he fucking gave you. Don't change it because of his stupid fucking thoughts.

Okay. Embrace who the fuck you are. And if this woman, you can't fucking deal with it. Tell her to walk, tell her to fucking walk. You're young. There's plenty of fish in the fucking sea. You don't get Jesus Christ. You're going to fucking bend over that far.

You've, you're bending over backwards, flip. You like your fucking gymnast. You know, when they do those things to hands, foot, hand, foot, hand, foot all the way across the fucking diagonally across the goddamn mat. Fuck that. Fuck all of that. You know, I liked your girlfriend at first. By the end of this fucking thing, I didn't like her.

Okay. Cause she's waging war with your dad through you and you're innocent. All right. You're the guy taking her out for a fucking ice cream. Why do you got to do all this shit? Yeah. What the hell? I mean, Jesus Christ.

Her telling you to change your fucking name would be you telling her to go get a can you get like a, like a weave, like a blonde weave or some shit like that? I mean, what the fuck? You got to be who the fuck you are. God bless you. You Italian son of a bitch. Stay true to your heritage. Stay true to your fucking name.

Continue not to be racist and fucking just be yourself. Change your fucking name. Oh, Jesus Christ. Anyways, all right, that's the podcast for this week. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Have a happy, safe 4th of July. And if you're not in this country, enjoy your fucking Tuesday.