Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-3-23

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

Bill rambles about America, Presidents' Families, and Farmland. Indochino:  Go to www.Indochino.com and use code BURR to get 10% off any purchase of $399 or more ZipRecruiter:  Try for free at www.ziprecuiter.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday July 3rd everybody happy fucking July 4th hey British people take that one you mother fuckers independence day You sons of bitches We had enough of your shit You sons of bitches, we had enough of your shit. And on July 4th, we fucking wrote it on the third. You probably wrote it on the third. You think this sounds good? I don't know. I don't think there's enough signatures. Fuck it, let's do it. And we were like, fuck you guys, man.

You think you know about oppression? We'll show you oppression. We're fucking going to God damn tear. We'll go on a fucking tear that will put the British Empire to shame. We still haven't caught up with you. Because when you go around the world and whenever you see, whenever you go to a country and you see two groups of people that are from that country at war with each other, divided. Your best bet is that the British were there at some point in their history. Right, we'll treat these people a little bit better than those people. They'll fucking

sell out. And when we finally leave this place, they'll fucking murder each other. Yeah? Cup of tea, isn't it? Yeah, we learned from you. That's what we are. All you fucking British cunts, who fucking sit here and you trash Americans. Oh, they're fat. They breathe through their mouths. They fucking don't understand football

You know they would know fish and chip. They don't fucking travel all of this shit that you say just no just no Okay, your blood is coursing through our veins We are your children and you did not do a good job raising us so you have no one to blame But yourselves Looking down your pointing English noses at us. Go, Roy, what's with out of guns over there, mate? What the fuck? It's like, well, read a fucking history book, you dumb cunt. You brought the gun, your people brought the guns over here and fucking, you know, went to town on the people that were here. And then you started doing it to the fucking pointy nose,

English people that you sent over here, they had enough and they, you went your separate ways like the two brothers that started, that were, I worked at the Zilgen factory, right? You guys are Zilgen with Sabian, but we're part of the same fucking family. That's what it is. And you don't want to admit it. Now all these centuries later, you're disowning your own children.

Right, what's wrong with you people? Bunches silly cunts, yeah? Now. Now, you showed us how to behave with other human beings, and that's what we've been doing. All right, and what's great about America is also why there's so many guns is because everybody comes

over here. Nobody trusts anybody. You know, and you just keep breaking it down and breaking it down and breaking it down and finding new reasons not to trust one another. You know, I'm white, you're black. I'm from this town, you're from that town, you're from that street. I'm from this street, you're from across the street. You're my fucking next door.

Now you live upstairs. I live downstairs. It never ends. You're Polish. I'm Italian. It never fucking ends. That's why we have the best movies. Right?

Because when you go to the movies, what you want to really see, as much as they dress them up in different periods, at the end of the day, you want to see them shoot at each other, driving cars really fast down the fucking street. That's why we have better movies. You ever think British people, if you fucking did more murdering of each other, your movies wouldn't be so fucking boring? You could never do fast and furious over there. Be a bunch of fucking pasty

guns on scooters going about 30 miles an hour or whatever that translates into kilograms. You know, I was at the airport the other day and I saw this fucking mouth breathe and more on that. You know, we can vote and you know know we think he's smart. He had a t-shirt on that said, God, guns and guts. And I felt like I was on a game show. My answer was going to be, are there three things that ruin a peaceful society? Huh? Religion, guts is a lot of times dumb people think in their right and then you give them guns and then you have some other fucking content that's taking their money every Sunday tell them that God loves them best.

And next thing you know you got a war or a genocide or fucking slavery, right? And I know what all you guns gut some fucking God people and they say, what about what about what do we have the fucking God that's done there? How did it start? How did it start?

Right? Started with God and religion. Right? And then they had the guts to say that they were fucking better than other people. And then they got some guns and they took them. And next thing, you know, you had human beings sticking other human beings

into fucking ovens while they was still alive. All right, what are we doing here? I actually, I gotta be honest with you, when I see somebody that has a fucking t-shirt on that says, God, guns and guts, you know, that the second a little dog barks when they're walking down the street and they pee down their leg a little bit.

You know what I mean? Any of these fucking people, you gotta walk around and advertise how fucking bad as you are. That's like these liberal cunts out here that walk around with sweatshirts on that say namaste on them. That just means you're a selfish cunt that takes no responsibility for your own actions. Some fucking advertising, you know, all those other fucking assholes that were out here on the red carpet, you know,

when the shit hit the fan and women finally started calling guys out for grabbing their twats around fucking underneath the Hollywood sign, right? Then all of a sudden, all of these fucking asshole guys started when they would go to the award shows. They started having male feminist, male feminist buttons. Why do you got to advertise it? Shouldn't the woman be able to sense that you're an ally or whatever that fucking You know you wouldn't know that this was a three-day weekend, would you?

Happy birthday to America Let's bring up some good things about America cars movies Women got beautiful women over here. We got a lot of great stuff. We got all kinds of food over here. Um, you know, another that, you know, I don't know, tell you, um, at least just somewhere to drive your supercar if you buy one out here. You know, you can get out in the open spaces. I was just up in Lincoln, California, named after Abraham Lincoln. He was actually born out there. A lot of people thought he was born in like Springfield, Illinois, some shit like that. It's actually not true. It's one of the big misnomers. It was just

a big tourist attraction to get people out there to rub the nose of the statue and go get themselves a horseshoe. What is a horseshoe? asked? Do fucking British cunt? Why am I coming down on the British? I don't know. It's just a fun thing to do. Even though I like most of their music, right? Except for that one band, they think they're fucking great. And they really only had like one good album with two good songs on it, and everybody's like, oh my god, they're fucking brilliant. I kept that deliberately vague, because that describes about fucking 50 British bands. I like all of them though.

You know, the first British band that I really fucking got into, that could just never seem to stay together was the kinks, right? That's sort of like a reoccurring, thirteenth theme in British music is two brothers get together. They make one of the sickest bands ever and then they just can't get along and they never get back together again. Oasis, how could I forget them? Two day gone beat day gone fall back to you. I fucking love them. 2J, gon' beat Jay, gon' fall back to you. I fucking love them.

Boy now, should some air will, I don't believe that anybody. You know, not only would they want to the great bands of all time, like those two fucking guys are arguably two of the best comedians that, uh, that Brit never produced. They're like a, as a standup comic comedians that that Britain ever produced. They're like, as a standup comic to listen to their interviews,

read them and watch them. It's annoying how fucking funny they are. Some of the shit that's come out of them, I was just like, Jesus Christ, that's fucking better than have to shit my act right now. I do this for a living. This guy's just bored in an interview. Spit it out, gems.

I'm just fucking with you, British people. You know, he like my arrogance, thinking that you give a shit, thinking that you're actually paying attention. You'll give a fuck, it's soccer season. And I will continue to call it soccer. Because, you know, that's the kind of rebel I am, you know? Think I give a fuck?

I have no fucks to give. That's a big thing on social media now. Have you ever been talking about that? I had, you know, I had no fucks left. That's another one. If you don't give a fuck, do you really walk around talking about how much you don't give a fuck? Don't you just not give a fuck?

You would not even give a fuck enough to say that you don't give a fuck. Get on with the not giving. That's what got me in trouble at that lady Gaga concert with my wife. And to this day, she categorically refuses to go to any concert with me unless it's a band that I like. If it's something that she's into, I'll be like, I'll check that out. She's like, yeah, no. Like my grandmother at the end of her life, I was trying to tell her to hang in there.

She was almost 105 and she started coming back again. Like Hulk Hogan that third time when they go to drop his arm and the arm stays up and the whole fucking arena, he's coming back, right? My grandmother was coming back. And I was like, Grandma, there you go. You just start eating, you know, you stay positive love on. She was on the other phone. She just went, yeah, no. She had enough. She had had enough. Most people at the end of their lives feel like, oh my God, it went by so fast. You lived to what I learned. You live to be over a hundred and they already announced

your name on Good Morning America. You're fucking you're like, I'm good. I'm good. She, my grandmother lives so long, she had three sets of friends, she outlived two sets of friends. People of her generation, she outlived the next generation and then she hung out with the old people of the following generation and outlived most of them. Ah, Jesus, I gotta go. I'll finish just in a minute. I'll finish

just in a minute. Christ, it's fucking 12 hours later. Deep more than 12 hours later. Where does the time go? A lot has happened to me in the last, probably 14 hours. You know, since you're not going to realize it, because I just edit the thing to you. Let me talk to you guys about the magic of editing. I just went down and I had to get the fucking, what do you call it?

The diesel exhaust pipe cleaner for my truck. You know, I was all nervous. It's a diesel engine. Oh Jesus, there's this extra shit you gotta do. Thank God it's not like the old school once. we had to drive around in like second gear for an hour at 4,000 rpm I'm trying to blow all that shit out the back of the fucking truck or the car Or the they whatever it is you drive now. It's just an additive And people still fuck that up

It literally comes in a blue container right next to where you put the gas in. Is this other thing where you dump it in, right? Reservoir, whatever the fuck you call it. It's blue. It matches the container and people still will unscrew it and put it in where the gas goes and fuck up their fuel injectors and their valves and all of that shit. Well, not me. Not all fracals. My fucking try. It didn't even come with the fucking owner's manual. I gotta go on the internet and find out all of this shit. It's unbelievable

like the complete like go fuck yourself. You figure it out. I blame Apple for that. They're the kings of that. Hey, here's this new device. Good luck to you. We'll put a little video on there, you know. Do you want to click on learn? It'll have maybe 8% of the information that you can fucking take.

Unless you just have, you know, I don't know. If you just naturally good at these fucking things, like anybody born after the year, like 1990, just seems like they're like half a computer. Like I fucking, I posted a video, literally asking you guys for help to figure out how to fucking buy a song on iTunes now. I don't know what they did, I don't know what they did.

I don't know why they did it. I'm one of the few jerk offs of this plenty of jerk offs, but I'm one of the few, let me finish. Let me finish before you say, hey, wait a minute, whoa, whoa, okay, don't get all fucking, you know, up in your ego and think you're one of the few, the last remaining jerk offs. Let me tell you something, there are plenty of jerk offs left. I realize that. I run into them every day, jerk offs.

Fucking jerk offs. Could it done it the right way? Could it just been cool? Could it not said the thing, but they can't? Cause they're jerk offs. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. but they can't because they're jerk offs. I am one of the few jerk offs left that still pays for every fucking song, you know, essentially that I listened to.

Occasionally, I'll listen to a song, but if I, you know, and I won't buy, because I just don't like it. All right, there's no second date, I'm sorry. Okay, I hope you enjoyed the free meal. I can't be out of the way though. He's done a bunch of money on me. He's like, yeah, yeah. It's like I went out with you when you were a douche.

Okay, and I lost money in these chains. You on the other hand got to act like a douche and get a fucking free meal out of it and a free car ride. So I don't know what you're complaining about. Hypothetical lady in my head right now. Take me to Siberia Take me to Siberia And the coldest weather of the winter months What a time, dude, dude

And it would be just like spring in California As long as I knew you were mine I've been trying to fucking download that George Jones song For a week, cannot figure out how to do it I knew you were mine. I've been trying to fucking download that George Jones song. For a week, cannot figure out how to do it. All right, no mountain to rug it to climb. No desert to barren to cross. Fucking George Jones.

They don't make them like that anymore. Yes, they do. It's part of being old. Yeah, I don't fucking do like that anymore. Like I lived in some golden age of God trying extra hard when he made people. Let's be honest, the guy's slackin' a lot. He slacks a lot in every generation. It's why there's terms like Kahn's be honest, the guy slacking a lot. He slacks a lot in every generation.

It's why this terms like Kahn's, Jerkoffs, sociopaths, narcissists and all that. That's all part of his work. Not every canvas is going to be a masterpiece. All right, but he's God, so he never runs out of paint, does he? Well, he invented the paint, praise Jesus. I never understood that when they talk about God and then they bring up his son. You know what I mean?

Like if you were a fan of Joe Biden, you would be like, you know, Joe Biden, you know, he's actually doing a good job with the economy, praise Hunter. He's like, he's like, he's like, dude, that's something. There's some jeopardy. There is some jeopardy fucking trivia for you, naming a president, a president's kids. The only way you know presidents' relatives is if they fuck up, right?

Like I'll do it right now. I do remember Amy Carter because she was roughly my age when she was in the White House, right? Amy Carter, I remember. And then there was Billy Carter, right? There's always a Billy, fucking it up. Billy Carter, Billy Clinton. Right, Billy Bush. There's always somebody named Billy

that like, you know, somebody accomplished something, and it's going along smoothly, and next thing, you know, what is Billy doing? Oh, no, it's Roger. Roger Clinton. One of the most cringed things I ever saw was when the Letterman program had him come on and sing, walk in the dog. He was trying to launch a fucking music career. Man, that must have sucked for him. He's out there.

She broke a needle now. She don't so walking to the dog. And he was doing some little fucking little shimmy shimmy shimmy shake fucking little dance with his god damn loafers. Oh, it was Bill Clinton. Oh, that was the weird one. It actually flipped. Maybe Roger was cool, but somehow we got the jerk off and fuck. Hey, say what you want about that guy.

We fucking actually had a surplus. There was a moment in time where we actually had, we had more money than we needed. And the dollar was fucking strong. And then we got into a never-ending fucking war that is still continuing on that's costing us a fucking zillion dollars a day, you know? Maxing out the credit cards like somebody's third wife. What's the end game? I don't know.

I do not know. That must have sucked for Roger Clinton, where it's like, all right, let me get to straight. My brother's president, but I'm the musician and the family. I'm out here singing some fucking Aerosmith covers of their covers. Maybe I can get a little side-puss. Nope.

Oh, Billy Clinton's gotta go and fucking go play the saxophone on our cineohal. It was a double whammy, double whammy. He did the music thing and he did it on our cineoh and black people thought he was cool. And then what's Roger comes out and tries to follow it up going on, letterman and singing, walking the dog. It's out there. It's out there on YouTube if you want to see it.

I challenged you to get through it. And everyone in the show was just clearly laughing at the guy. It was fucking brutal. I always look at it like that. Like, look, if you don't fucking respect somebody, just to don't have them show up like that movie where the chick goes to the prom and they voted it, where, how is it going to be?

Was it Carrie? That was the only thing missing from that performance was they should just dump pig blood on them in the end. Ha ha ha ha ha. After they made him wear a pink dress, what he went out there. All right, so let's go through the billies. All right, there was Billy Kilmer. It was one of the great quarterbacks of all time.

All right, he put respect on my name. All right. And I was in the first grade, I was walking around, I was feeling it. Then along came Billy Carter. One of the big jerk offs of all time. I think he just couldn't handle the pressure of being Jimmy's brother. Jimmy's one of the great human beings of all time. The guy's almost a hundred years old.

I think he finally stopped building homes, houses for the homeless. You fucking wait. You wait when that guy passes away. And people actually finally give that guy the fucking accolades. I don't have to get it. That guy was president. He was considered a weak president

because he didn't let these fucking war mongers talk him into bombing Iran. And he kept us out of the fucking war. He got the hostage's back. Those guns just waited until Reagan came in office so it would make Carter look bad. And all those assholes, red ties or blue ties, every one of them sends him, you know, they fucking, the second they're done being president, they go out on the speech tour, I'm going to

go out and give some speeches for 300 grand a night to these corporations that got him in office, and then they go out and give a speech and they pay him 300 grand. They just totally them washing their bribe money so they can go buy some big fucking house and Martha's Vineyard is some fucking aqua first down in South America. And meanwhile, Jimmy Carter continued to serve the public and did nothing but help those in need. The guy is an absolute saint. So what it is brother do? He came up with something called Billy Beer. The guy is an absolute saint. So what it is brother to,

he came up with something called Billy Beer. You know, his brother's out there doing his best to save the fucking world and stop the industrial military complex. And his brother just was just, y'all wanna get drunk? I got some beer. What's it called, Billy?

It's called Billy Bear. That is a literal ration. It's actually now worth a little bit of money. People actually have unopened cans of Billy Bear for the last fucking, I don't know what that would be. Almost 50 years. Tell you right now, someday this 12 ounce can, a fucking deer piss is gonna be worth money someday.

And you know what, I'm not gonna lie to you. I went on the internet just to fucking look at it. I didn't buy it. Who else, Billy the Kid? And that was wait, I was Billy the Kid. And that was wait, it was Billy the Kid, it was Billy Kilmer. It was Billy D Williams, okay? Yeah, right as it was coming back,

he's playing Lando Calrissian, that fucking Billy Carter's got to go in and come out with a stupid beer. And then Roger Clinton acted like such a jerk off that I actually thought his name was Billy. I got low self esteem here with my name. I got, I got turned around. Did I tell you guys I bought some new symbols? I didn't buy some, I got hooked up, I already told you that, I got hooked up with some new symbols and you know what, I sat down yesterday and I finally got to sit down and play with them and I gotta be honest with you,

I still sucked just as bad. It was very disheartening. I was like, hey, you know, they gotta dry sound. I'm gonna put some white heads on the, on the tombs and I'm gonna crank them up, have a completely different sound. You know what, it just took me a minute to kind of slide into something different. Well, I was gonna stick with it.

I'm gonna stick with it. I'm gonna stick with it like Roger Clinton stuck with this music career. Sorry, it's like literally like 5.30 in the morning. And my son had one of those nights where he just kept getting up. And kept getting up. And kept getting up. And kept getting up. And kept getting up.

I literally told him, I said, listen, you stay in your bed, you understand me? He's like, yeah. All right, this is it. You're in bed, he goes, okay. And I go to walk out, he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I got a night night body.

No, no, no, no, he screams it. All right, so, he screams it. All right. So I leave the room. I go down in the time it takes me to leave his room and walk into the kitchen. I look at the monitor and he's already out of his bed. I run back down the hall. I go into his room. He's not there. He's in his

sister's room. And they're both in bed looking at the iPad. It's like, dude, you're not going to leave your bed, right? Yep. Yep. Okay. Okay, dad, dad. Okay, dad, the second I leave, just get up and just takes off. And then he came walking into the room last night at about, I don't know, two, three in the morning. He comes running down the hall, you know, you know, a three year old runs, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom, coming down the hall and you're like sleeping and you start

having like a nightmare like some fucking ax murder was coming in. Burst in through the door, talking at two in the afternoon volume. So I had to put into bed again and he got up two more times and then I just said fuck it at 5.30 and I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna have time to do the podcast in the morning because they're both gonna be up, but you don't need to hear all of this shit. You probably got kids yourself, don't you?

No, no, no, no. By the way, I wanna thank everybody that came out to Lincoln, California. Lincoln, California. And came out to the shows. I had such a great time on both shows. The crowds were amazing. And you know, fuck, I used to keep you on it.

Sorry. And I had the last time I did that gig, because they have a brand new showroom, which was ridiculous. I mean, the way it was set up from what I've heard, I've never played Radio City Musical, but it's basically that style of venue. And the last time I did that gig, not only did they not have that venue, it was an outdoor

gig. And it was fucking like 90, 95, 100 degrees, you know, both days that I was there. And so I was very thankful that they had us inside. They treated me like a king. I was up there with Joe Bartnik, Joe Bartnik. All right, ATC, we're going to be putting out before a special comes out when we put out some teasers, some of his jokes.

So definitely check those out and support the great Joe Bartnik. He's going to be headlining gigs around the country all this fall and all of this summer. If you know if you want these people going like you know idiot you fucking you can't do it this you anymore you can't say that anymore go see that guy and you realize you know that you can. What did I see the other day when somebody was claiming that? day where somebody was claiming that. If this happened today, people would spontaneously combust. And it's like, that is just such a misrepresentation of the past and the present. People always complained. People complained, this whole fucking bullshit that my generation,

generation X is doing, that nobody complained, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all of that type of shit. I'll tell you, it was definitely much different and you were definitely not watched as a kid. You were just sent outside and you did whatever the fuck you wanted and that was it. That part of it is true,

but that whole thing that nobody complained is not true. What's so ever? People used to call up the networks all the fucking time and they would bitch more than complain about and stuff being too sexual, stuff being too dirty, you know, influence and the kids. They've always been doing. Those people have always existed. All right. It's just now it's easier to, because you don't have to call up a network, you can just post it on a social media page and anybody in the world can fucking read it. So it just seems like there's a lot more of it,

but it's just, it's just simply not true that people didn't get offended and people didn't give a fuck and you could fucking do whatever. That's never been the key. You've never been able to do whatever. All the way back to the Salem Witch Trial. All right?

The original times up. The original fucking, you know, like, if you look at the Salem Witch Trial, like once again, it was, it was something that no one could disagree with. We need to get these witches out of our community. Now, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to Like, once again, it was something that no one could disagree with. We need to get these witches out of our community. Now, who the fuck wants a witch in their community?

Nobody. But the way they went about it, are you a witch? No, I'm not. That meant, oh, you know, if you denied it, it meant you were a witch. And then if you admitted it, then they still drowned you because you said that you were a witch. It was one of those fucking things. It was the catch 22 or whatever the hell that expression is. There's always, always been that.

There's always been people complaining. There's always been people fucking, you know, everything that's going, it's just, it's been going on for fucking episode. Oh, don't listen to that. I even said, you know, George Jones, you know, they don't make them like that anymore. They absolutely do. There's somebody out there that's exactly like George Jones

with a voice from heaven, with a major alcohol problem like, what do you mean they don out there that's exactly like George Jones with a voice from heaven with a major alcohol problem like, what do you mean they don't make that guy anymore? Half the fucking, my favorite fucking rock stars are that guy and they're dead. You know, an incredible voice, a major substance abuse problem. Although George got clean, he got clean and he turned it around. And this, and you know, there's people like that now. Look at, uh, look at Arosmith. Look at me. Times those guys have been a rehab. Now they're out on their final tour.

I got to make sure I swear to God. If they come through LA and I am on the fucking road, I mean, that band, um, for the last like like since I bought Aerosmith's greatest hits, you know, when they were broken up after night in the ruts. And what was the next one? When the lightning strikes. Then they had greatest hits. That was the next one? When the lightning strikes, then they had grazed hits. That was the first album I ever bought with my paper route money. Members like $7, something like that, $6.45.

They went to strawberries, records, and tapes, or good vibrations, trying to think the other one. I remember it was, it was, it was all red with the white arosmith logo, like on half the cover and then the other half was on the other side. It almost looked like the diver down type of cover. And that added to like all the albums that I had, that my mother bought me, which was sing along with Mitch Miller in the gang. Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? Five foot two eyes are blue, but oh, what those five footes could do has any money.

She might. Yeah, that's what the fuck I was listening to. When Chester Cathedral, Lawrence Welk, I kind of stand by those records though now when I listen to them because it takes me back to when I was a kid, you know, before all the bullshit, for all the bullshit. Oh, speaking of which, I'm gonna be an Allen, Allen town, Pennsylvania coming up.

And of course, anytime I get anywhere near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, somebody a comedian from Pennsylvania or one of one of the fans of the podcasts, which I really appreciate will fucking send me an email, a text or whatever and say, Hey, I see that you're going to be here. You got to get a cheese steak from this place. And I just, you know, for the longest time, I haven't had the heart to tell them like I'm not getting it.

Okay. I've had the cheese steak. Okay. But the thing is, is I never had a cheese take until I was in my thirties, so I could see it for what it was. Okay, it's mostly bread. It's like, if you can tell me what kind of meat that is from a fucking steer, I don't know what, I will give you free tickets to a show.

Now, you can't fucking Google it. All right, you have to know. Okay, then there's either cheese whiz, which I don't even understand. I don't even fucking understand cheese whiz. Okay, then you got the cheese on top. And that's okay. I'm gonna tell you this right now. Cheese whiz or the provolone or whatever. The sandwich is fucking delicious. I will never argue that. As far as I am shit-faced or I fucking just busted my ass for the first half of the day and I need to have a man lunch, a day and I need to have a man lunch. You would be hard pressed to find anything better than a fucking cheese steak. Okay? I just tip my cap to that in the sun, risking old age spots on top of my Charlie Brown head. All right, but I will tell you this, when you get past the age of 37, you just just you cannot fucking eat that way anymore

Every time I've had a fucking cheese steak. I've been like oh my god Oh my god, that was so fucking good, right? And then about eight minutes later I feel like I ate a fucking Timberland and I just I don't mind and literally I fall asleep I keep my your body literally shuts down and you have to go to sleep sleep, but your body literally shuts down and you have to go to sleep because it's trying to process and sort out whatever the fuck it is that you just put in your body. And it's just like, I finally, I don't know where I went the last time. Oh, I got a bad one. And then I think baby the last time I was in Philly last year, I went and somebody told

I recommended a place, I went in there, I ate it and it sucked. The worst thing ever, eating unhealthy food that ends up not even being good and you just fucking feel obligated because you would raise not to waste food that you plow your way through it and it absolutely fucking sucked and that it just cured me of it.

I was just like, all right, I've had a cheese steak. It is a phenomenal sandwich, all right? But it is for a certain time in your life. Okay, it's for, I would say 20s into your 30s and it should be an occasional treat in your 40s. And when you're in your 50s, I'm 55. I can't eat that shit anymore. Just can't fucking do it.

You know, if I ever have a Philly Cheesecake again, you know where I'm gonna be on death row? Say, what are you gonna kill me anyway? I would try to time it too. It's like, all right, I'm gonna eat this thing, but you guys have to promise me that you're gonna kill me in the next eight minutes. So I don't end my life in an electric chair, also being like, oh, God, why did I eat that?

That happens to me when I go back to be even handed here. In Massachusetts, they have the steak and cheese, which they're all basically like, you know, derivative of each other. I love a fucking steak and cheese because I eat that, unlike a cheese steak, steak and cheese is a little bit different. I eat that thing and it takes me back, you know, taking me back, boo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo all the way back to like, we know when I was a teenager. So I, I love that thing, right? But I have the exact same feeling eight minutes later after I ate it. I always think, why didn't I just split one with my wife?

I just can't eat that way. So I'm back, fucking working out, Billy Balyptical. I've done the elliptical the last four days in a row. And if you think I'm not getting on a today, doing my 40 minutes, and yesterday, I tried to do 40 minutes and right around 32, my so-as on the left side started getting a little tight. And guess what I did? Guess what I did? I stopped.

I got off and I stretched and I feel, I listen to my body. I never do that. I fucking, you know. That's what these kids do nowadays. They listen to their bodies. Oh, you know, I didn't happen back in the 80s. Back in the 80s, you fucking, you fucking less shut up.

I mean, I know I'm guilty of doing that shit too. There are some things that fucking bother me. You know, I'll tell you back in the 80s, if somebody gave you something, they at least gave you a fucking owner's manual, they weren't like, hey, you know, you figured out like the level of effort that I'm having to try to fucking give iTunes my goddamn money.

I just love this stupid thing. Like send us an email. But so a fucking robot can fucking answer the damn thing? I like when you do that. I mean, a million comedians have done a bit on it, but like the creepiness that they try to make that recording when it's like, if you want this, say that when you just talk to the fucking thing,

the recording, the robot, the algorithm, the JPEG, whatever the fuck it is on the other side of the phone. And you just go, I want a fucking part, man. And then the fucking robot goes, I'm having it like it's thinking. goes hmmm, I'm having it like it's thinking. Don't say hmmm like you're trying to figure it out. Don't fucking act like you're as dumb as me so I can relate to you. You have the answers.

You haven't read it. You're fucking metal fingertips. All right, let's do the reads here. Indochino. Oh, I didn't finish talking about the elliptical. My goal is, I'm doing that thing every single day in the month of July. Do it with me.

If you want to. Do it, I'm doing. So I can feel secure in what I'm doing. I'm doing that this whole fucking month. And my goal is that I'm gonna have a fucking flat stomach I'm going to have a fucking flat stomach for when my tour gets going again in Massachusetts. Right?

I got some gigs up in Maine. I got one up in Canada. You know what's fucked up? I thought that this weekend was my last weekend on the road for a minute. I thought I had three weekends in Rome. Evidently, I don't have four in a row. I'm fucking into coma again. I don't have four in a row

I'm fucking into coma again. I don't know why every time I go up to Seattle. I go to Tacoma now I like Seattle. I want to go into Seattle and You know what sucks is I didn't realize that the MLB all-star game this year was in Seattle That's a city that my lovely wife has always wanted to go to. And I've always said, hey, next time I go there, I'll take you with me, blah, blah, blah, we'll watch them throw the fish, whatever, get some coffee, Jimmy Hendrix grave, whatever it is you're supposed to look at. Am I nuts is Bruce Lee and Jimmy Hendrix,

both buried in Seattle, and that's pretty epic. I'll tell you what, it's pretty epic. It's still saying something's epic and fucking, even that sounded old to me. Anyway, Indochino, looking sharp, all wedding season long shouldn't be expensive. Oh man, that's another thing that's great in your 20s. A cheese steak and go into a wedding

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Oh, I love that. I just love sticking the landing on that. I really do. All right, let's get to the reeds for the week. Farmlands. A Billy Blue. You're my boy, Blue. blue you're a boy blue uh... since you're always going on about how fucked up the food supply is

i thought you should know if you don't already that the norwee june government is forcing farmers to shut down and sell their farms to meet national carbon emission standards wow wait wait what they're using global warming as an excuse to take over the food supply. Is that what's going on here?

Carbon emissions is the scam they're using to tax ordinary citizens for essentially existing. Yeah, exactly. That's what they're doing. They're blaming us for global warming, not the whole insanity of capitalism, which I feel like we're coming to the end of where they've just, you know, how many fucking things can you buy? It's just this empty fucking pursuit.

I don't know. I don't know. This, you know what? No, no form of government works because people run it and people are inherently flawed. So it's all designed to fail. Yeah, in the future, they're not going to penalize companies for their carbon footprint. They're going to, they're going to penalize you. So then what? Then you buy less, which will then cause a fucking recession. The whole thing is going to just implode, like a submersible. Carpenter missions is the scam they're using to tax ordinary citizens for essentially existing, while polluting oceans and creating vast amounts of weight with their needless products, both of which do far worse to the environment than having a goddamn farm.

When I say they, I'm referring to non-government organizations that spend hundreds of millions of dollars to lobby the government to pass laws in their favor. Yeah, they're absolutely fucking evil people that should be hunted down. And nothing happens to them because it all works. It's all about money. Gee, Bill, wow, what a deep theory. You stupid cunt.

All right, the average Norwegian citizen isn't sitting around thinking about choking the food supply. The average Norwegian citizen isn't sitting around thinking that choking the food supply is a good idea. I'm pro-environment all the way. I do lots of things to not be waste, to be a wasteful asshole, but shutting down farms sounds a bit evil to me. Anyways, thanks for all the laughs, yeah. I don't know what their fucking endgame is, but all of this like super frightening shit is happening. And they're just, you know, anybody that's actually in power that can do it does not talk about it. The only

people that talk about it are fucking meatheads like me on podcasts with no power and nothing to organize and no way to hold anybody accountable. One meathead just goes like, dude. And then the other guy goes, I know, right? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. All right. Next video. All right. Old school Atlantic City recommendations. Oh, what a fucking sweetheart. By the way, that was one of my favorite things about going Next video, alright, old school Atlantic City recommendations. Oh, what a fucking sweetheart.

By the way, that was one of my favorite things about going, when I went to Lincoln, Nebraska, Lincoln, Nebraska, Lincoln, California is a flashback to my college days. Is I went into town and just scored everywhere that I went. I went in town, I got some coffee at this fucking place of Jesus. What the hell was it called?

I gotta get the name of it. I can't fuck it up because it was delicious. Absolutely delicious. All right, here we go. I'm gonna Google it right now. Best coffee, Lincoln, California, Lincoln, California. Where is it? All right, the 10 best. Oh, rebel hen cafe. I went there. I was absolutely delicious.

And then I was with club soda candy and he's like, do you wanna go back to the casino? I'm like, no, you fucking 10 foot goof. Let's keep going in town. And we walked into town. And there was this great antique store with this wonderful great grandmother runner the thing I know she was a great grandma because at some point her daughter came in with her granddaughter

and Which was adorable they had all of this cool shit in there There was a gun store, but that was yet it was by appointment only and then we went down the street and there was a place where I could buy a cigar. And there was no taxi or Uber available, you know, for like a half hour. So we just sat there smoking cigars on this park bench watching these logging trucks go by. And just, you know, I felt like I was an Andy Griffith in a good way.

One of those small town things. And I feel like we went to four places, maybe not the vape place, but like the antique place, the gun store, even though we didn't get in and the coffee place, because it wasn't a stab box. I felt like we just, like, it was reminding me back in the day of when you traveled, you traveled and you actually saw a different shit

as opposed to you know the same fucking corporate chains So anyway, I love All of these cities that I'm going to I have been to already and I've been to them at least half a dozen times Like I don't know how many times I've been to Atlantic City. So the fact that somebody is taking the fucking time to give me some old school recommendations, you know, I'm there for two days, it's amazing. So if you guys can tell me the good coffee spot

or a place that has, you know, I don't know, whatever the fuck it is, a good music store, old cars, any shit like that, just cool fucking shit. And whatever the cool fucking thing is that I'm not going to see anywhere else, as opposed to, you know, just seeing all of those fucking fatties in their crocs standing in line outside of a fucking Starbucks. You know, I love that fat culture. Morning coffee, you know, because they just don't go in and get the coffee. They go in and it looks like a fucking shake and then they gotta get like a muffin

or like, you know, they, like they, well, I don't know what, I can't even name half the desserts that are behind that, the glass. The fuck, it it sconce. I can't remember if that's like a light that hangs on the wall or a dessert. One of those fucking things. There's something like that.

It sounds the exact same. All right, old school Atlantic City recommendations. Hey Bill, longtime Lesnar, Informa resident of Atlantic City. I grew up in Atlantic City. It's a wacky town, but it's inability to give up on its glory. Fly me to the moon, Rat Pack Days has stunted the growth of the city, leaving it consistently in some sad purgatory. Jesus.

I mean, I don't think you could have described it any better. Which to me is what gives it its charm. See the great Bob Rouseon movie, Five Easy Pieces with Jack Nicholson, Bruce Dern, and Ellen? You know so funny, I was just on Criterion last night and I was like, I want to watch that movie. Anyway, I have some friends who live there now who are really trying to make the place better than it has been. But personally, I like it the way it is.

Disorientating and a little off. Hope I said that word right. I saw that you were once again returning to the city and wanted to give you a couple recommendations. If you were interested, as I know, you appreciate history and old things like me, probably to a detriment. No, I love this shit. All right, Tony's bought the more grilled old-school pizza and Italian joint that's been around since

1927. The new owner has painstakingly refurbished the place back to its earliest looks. I'll do it. Come on. Complete with red and black checkered tiles, cigarette machines, and beautiful neon signs. This is a real old school, town-y place, not the best food in the world, but it stands as a culmination of atmosphere and authenticity.

The Irish pub in, another old school joint around, in some fashion or another sense, 1910s. The 1910s. Would you say the teens, 1910s. The 1910s. Would you say the teens, 1910s? Think boardwalk empire, low ceilings, historic decor with much of it being dedicated to old baseball memorabilia in a sparse food menu featuring a liver and onion sandwich, old

school, Angelo's, Fairmont Tavern, another old school joint since 1935, absolute classic Italian food, the steak and jello, Angelo, sorry Angelo. Steak Angelo is not to be missed. I don't live there anymore and I can't make it to the show, but after a brief weekend trip to see family and seeing pictures of your red face pimpled all across town on billboards, like a bad rash. I thought I'd steer you in some right directions. As I know, Atlantic City is a little written off as of late.

Try the last 30 years and we share some similar interests. That's all good to me. Another good old school movie to check out is Atlantic City with Bert Lancaster and Susan Sarandon. Bert Lancaster, how old was Susan Sarandon? Like 15? I feel like Susan Sarandon was like five generations of actors after that. Anyway, I thought you would appreciate these joints if you have some time to kill. I hope to catch you down there some other time, but thanks for all the laughs and go suck yourself. Best. All right, thanks for the recommendations.

I'm gonna write those down. All right, where we going? Car fires. Oh Jesus, I had a car fire way back in the day. Have you ever tell you that. I tried to change the fuel filter on my Ford Ranger, and I got impatient. I had done it before, and it wasn't coming off,

and I got impatient, and I ended up breaking it off the fuel line. So I had to get it towed over to this guy who had been working on the truck, giving it to tune up, you know. And I went over there, and I said to the guy, I said, you know, I snapped off the fuel filter and I left the fuel filter on the driver's seat. But my mistake was I should have really made it clear to him that I did.

He was busy and he went out there or one of it, they went up and they went to start it up and it just sprayed fuel onto the The engine and they had a fire and then he called me up And started yelling at me. I said dude. I told you I snapped it off. He said you said you twisted it He kept I remember he just kept going we just had a fire We just had a fire. It's like, no, we didn't.

You had a fire, you fucking asshole. You sat on the fuel filter. But all these years later, I can look back and be, I mean, I didn't understand that it was gonna cause a fire. This was all when I was trying to be old, Billy Fixett, where I had car repair for dummies. I remember, he did say, he'd be the man. He goes, I'm so sick of you fucking guys.

You start the jobs, you fuck it up, and then you fucking bring it down to me. So when you could do shit like this, there was no cameras. When you went in and you tried to get your money back or tried to get some sort of customer service, people I felt it was customer service back then. There wasn't, okay, the owner of the shop came out like some fucking like Earl Weaver out of the dugout

and just yelled back at you And you both told each other to go fuck each other fuck each other right fucking fuck yourselves. That's what we would say Hey, go fuck each other who you and me. What what are we doing? Go fuck yourself and there would be always be kids there And some poor woman sort of you know, crowding them out like trying to get like a hurt of ducks out of there. All right, car fires. Bill, how are you now? Long time listener, first time emailer, I listened to your mini rant on cars and fires the other day. I would like to shed a little light on the subject as I work in fire protection. Oh yeah, because this is big fucking thing out there where there are all of a sudden attacking like electric cars.

And my favorite thing is what they do to the environment, like people who like gas combustion cars are all of a sudden concerned about the environment. People who drive gas, combustion cars, combustion cars are all of a sudden concerned about safety. Gas combustion cars, combustion cars. You know what I mean? Fucking people, they killed over the last hundred years as they worked the bugs out. This is a new technology. This always happens.

If you have any form of transportation and its new people are going to fucking die and there's going to be fires, the same way they was with the gas combustion engine. So I don't know what, the level of fear that people have, you know, and then the next thing that they do is they're going to bring up the Republican Congo and whatever the fuck they're doing out there and how awful that is while they look the other way with what the fuck's going on, you know, with how we get oil and this never-ending fucking war, it doesn't even make sense. I don't get it.

They're both, like, both of them. The way we get the raw materials for them is absolutely reprehensible. And for such a religious country like America against God, if you're really religious, all right, long time, lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol lithium, lithium ion batteries have become a nightmare in our industry as of late causing many design approach and code changes. No car fire is a good thing, but there is a big difference between a combustion engine fire and lithium ion powered car fires. Combustion engines typically burn upwards and do not spread to the car next to it. Lithium ion batteries burn outward at a much higher heat and spread to the car next to it, causing a larger fire. Okay, well do you remember when the the crown Victoria where they put the gas, they put the fucking gas tank in the wrong area

and these cops would be on the side of the road and get rear-ended and they couldn't get out of the car and they would get burned to death. Like, I don't wanna hear all these fucking, like, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, these stories about electric cars. The reality is, is electric cars are here and they're cutting into gas combustion engines.

So then people have, in the oil industry, now we're gonna have to put out all of this fucking propaganda about how they're going to fucking kill our children. This is what they always fucking do. I'm not saying that this shit doesn't happen. I'm not saying they're not a fucking problem. I believe those batteries have taken down commercial airliners. And now they know, don't put them underneath the plane or whatever. Yes, I am well aware that there is danger with these things, like there is with any form of technology, but they're going to work the bugs out of it. They're just going to. Like I'm just so sick of watching, like they'll show like a, like a Tesla, beat a gas combustion engine and then people

like, can it go up a mountain? Like what are you gonna do when you're up on a fucking, who the fuck goes up on a mountain? Yes, if you're going to drive it up on a mountain, I wouldn't recommend it if there's no charging facility up there. Yes, I would not recommend that. However, if you're like other, the other 99.9% of people, you're not gonna drive it up a fucking mountain. You're gonna drive it to work in home.

Anyway, lithium ion batteries burned outward at a much higher heat and spread to the cars next to it causing a larger fire. The heat that the lithium ion battery causes produce has been leading to garages collapsing. The amount of water required to extinguish, or now I was talking about natural resources. The amount of water required to extinguish the lithium ion battery powered car is far more than that of a combustion engine. Sorry for nerding out a bit. New technology leads to newer challenges. We need to overcome exactly. This is the first rational thing.

Yes, any new technology is going to have these fucking problems. As the car industry continues, I mean, there's aren't there lithium ion fucking batteries in your goddamn laptop? Aren't there couldn't it burn down your house? But people want to watch free fucking porn so no one gives a fuck about that, right? New technology leads to newer challenges. We need to overcome as the car industry continues to progress the studies and concerns of these issues will be addressed. Okay, I didn't okay, so you're rational You're not one of these fucking witch hunt people. Lastly, paper tiger has to be one of my top three stand-up specials of all time.

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Well, you put out enough specials. Eventually, someone's gonna like one of them. Bill, why can't you just take the compliment? Because I grew up in the 80s, man, there were no compliments. All right, not your average mouth breathing moron.

All right Bill, big fan of your work always laughed a lot when you would call out the mouth breathing morons on the podcast until last year I realized that I also do that. So I thought that that can't be right. Went to an ENT doctor, found out what was wrong and had an operation, which now allows me to breathe like a normal human being. Thanks for waiting. What happened? Left, always left that loud when you would call out

the mouth breathing more than the puck. And so last year, oh, I realized that I also do that, meaning breathe through your mouth. I thought you meant you called out mouth breathing more on. Wait a minute. So what, what operation did you have? Do you have like that flap in the back of your mouth like a bulldog and you couldn't breathe. Anyway, on one of the last latest throwback from podcasts, you talked about how much you love moments in sports when players react to an asshole in the crowd. Oh, speaking of that, I just saw this clip from like the late 70s, mid 70s, late 70s. Put it this way.

Robert Parrish is on the Golden State Warriors, or maybe San Francisco Warriors, and I think they were called Golden State. Yeah, they were Golden State in the 70s. And ML Car was on the Detroit Pistons before they both came to Boston through shrewd red-arabact trades and won championships, and it was a fucking unbelievable

fight that spilled into the stands and somebody threw a beard somebody and Bob Leneer fucking you know was fighting someone in the crowd and I got a and if that wasn't a way game for golden state that was the second time, you know, when, when Malice in the palace, you know, that one that happened in Detroit, I think that's happened twice. I posted the video. Um, anyway, the person says on one of your latest throwback podcasts, you talked about how you love moments in sports when players react to an asshole in the crowd. Where here is Eric Cantona's one of the coolest soccer players ever reaction to some fan telling him to fuck off back to France.

You French bastard. Hope you enjoy. All right. There's a fucking old ass looking ref. There's a referee Roy. He's had his mushy peas. Oh, Jesus. Oh, number seven. Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, he did. He jumped up in the air and threw a kick with his cleats. Soccer players. It's just like, did he think he was gonna get a penalty if he used his hands and punched him in the face?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, flying from London to see you, but I mean, I'm sure that hurts the way those guys roll around when they get fucking clawed by those things. Flying from London to see you in Athens, get the fuck outta here in September. So don't get fucking ill or something. Thank you and go fuck yourself. That's amazing. But

who's kidding who? You leave in fucking Ranias London to go to beautiful Athens and oh by the way, you'll check me out. You go to the Mediterranean Sea. I'm really happy for you. That's amazing. And what? London, tell me, love. Every cat will own face. Sorry. All right. That's it. That's right.

I am going to be an Athens. I start the tour in Abu Dhabi and I end in Athens. It's going to be fucking amazing. And I'm going to be in shape. All right. I'm not going to be the fat American when I go over there. I am fucking billy-beliptical from here until then. I just gotta make sure I drink enough fucking water.

All right, that's it. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check it on you. On Thursday. you