Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-4-16

Episode Date: July 5, 2016

Bill rambles about cleaning up, the Austrian Grand Prix and journeyman Quarterbacks.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burn. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, July 4th! 2016! How's it going? Happy birthday to the United States of America! Happy birthday to the United States of America! Happy birthday, United States of America and the North American continent! Happy birthday to you! What's going on? And thank you for the well wishes of Happy Birthday from all the other countries around the world that realize we are the best. Huh? You think you got fat people? Huh? Take a look at that! Beat that, motherfuckers! What else you think you can beat us in? Huh? What do you want? What do you want to have? What kind of fucking battle you want? Oh, you cunts around the world. You stole our jeans. All those cool American jeans you guys would defect from your country just to get over here to get a pair of butterfly fucking 501 blues. Remember that shit? All of a sudden, you know, a couple of fucking wars and everybody forgets how much you loved our jeans.

You know what? That's just typical. That is just fucking typical. You know? Fucking England coming over here, stealing, re-fucking cycling our fucking music, walking around like they're doing something. Re-doing the fucking music from the people that we didn't accept. Fucking you guys doing. Anyways, I'm having a great three day fucking weekend. I'm not doing shit. I am back in the workout mode, so the needle is pointed in the right direction. The whole freckles is going down, down, down. Fucking looked in the mirror last night and I could tell I was starting to lose weight, made me feel good. You know what I mean? It's a fucking tough thing being a redhead. You know, there's a really small window that you have to exist in or else the beatings start again. And it's really something you can't understand. Alright, I'm all over the fucking place. I got a bunch of shit I have to do. I'm having some family over today for a fucking cookout. I'm going easy this year, rather than trying to smoke something and blah, blah, blah, do all that shit. I'm fucking going burgers and dogs. Burgers and dogs, the way it used to be, before the fucking food network showed up and everybody's got to be like a top chef. You know? Remember when you were growing up? That's what it was. It was burgers and dogs and everybody was fucking happy, right? Until the boo started going around and it got a little sideways, but it happens.

So yesterday, I had some friends over and we had some cigars, right? And you know the deal. It's like, alright, your buddies are coming over, your wife's going to be like, how are they going to bear? Even if they're cool, like my wife's cool, but there's always going to be an element of how are they going to bear? Are they going to be loud? Are they going to be upstairs and downstairs? It's like, yeah, I'm having people over. Do I do that when you have a little twat party? Do I? If you have them over for your fucking wines and you're all sitting there laughing with your high-pitched fucking voices, you don't think that that's putting cracks in the walls? I don't fucking bitch about it. I go down to the old fucking hardware store. I get out to spackle, right? And with every little cackle, right, another fucking line in the wall. You don't hear me complain. I got my putty knife out. Oh, you have a good time, ladies, right? Anyways, so we were hanging out. It was actually fucking hilarious because I'd gone out and I bought, you know, got some Cuban cigars. Oh, what a fuckhead. I cleaned everything up, right? The thing that what you want to do, this is what I've realized when you live with a woman. What you want to do is you just go all out, right? I cleaned the fucking place up, okay? I even like, like the deck on the back, like I fucking hosed it off so there wouldn't be traipsing dirt in and out of the house or whatever, right?

And she's sitting there going like, wow, you're really going all out. Yeah, there's a reason. Sam Kittison, there's a fucking reason. There's a fucking reason why. Because what you want to do is what you're doing is you just put yourself into a position where you did absolutely nothing wrong. So when they complain, because they're still going to complain, you got all of this fucking ammo, right? I cleaned this whole fucking place up, right? Cleaned out the back porch down the backyard. The whole fucking thing cleaned it up and we're having family over here today, which was another great one to be like, well, I'm also doing it for your family, right? So I'm doing all of this shit. I got the booze. I got the fucking outdoor patio furniture. I got everything all cleaned up. I got an ashtray upstairs. I got one downstairs. I got the backyard lights on. I got the whole fucking thing. I got the music. I got the whole thing and then at like six o'clock at night, I realized I didn't get cigars. I bought cigars but I don't have a humidor and I said I was going to pick them up and I had this fucking panic attack because it was Sunday before the fourth that they were going to close. And it was six excruciating rings before they picked up and I was able to run down there and get them, right?

And they showed up. I ordered some pizzas and all that fucking shit and here's the best part, right? Here is the best part. My wife went to sleep, right? We're smoking. We're telling fucking stories. You know, I got all these orange sodas for myself, right? And it turns out everybody there wanted one because it had the real sugar and it went great with the cigar. I'm telling you, Cuban cigar and the Fanta orange soda is the shit, right? They drank all my orange sodas so I had to drink grape soda like a fucking six fucking year old, right? So anyways, the end of the night, I fucking cleaned up everything. You wouldn't even fucking know. You wouldn't know a goddamn thing. You wouldn't know that a fucking soul was here and that's what you do. All these fucking married guys who said, hey, you know, it's that fucking worth it. It is fucking worth it. You just have to do it perfectly, right? You go all out. You clean up the fucking place. They come over.

You have a great fucking time when you leave. You fucking clean the whole place up again. What can she say? What is she going to say to you? You're not allowed to have friends? Little things like that because I've had buddies of mine coming over here like, oh dude, you fucking, what are you doing? You did all that and you fucking washed the dishes? There's a genius behind what I do. I'm talking shit here. I'm drinking throat coat tea and I'm talking shit. What can they fucking say? Then what it is, is if you do everything perfectly, then they're leaving themselves totally exposed if they start complaining. That they're all they basically can complain about at that point is that you have friends and you invited them over to the house. They know they don't have a fucking leg to stand on, so the bitchin' goes down by like 90%.

Now, if you have your fucking friends over and you leave the fucking ashtray out and there's footprints all over the fucking place, they can make it about that. When the real thing is, is they don't want you to have friends. But they can hide behind the other shit, but the real thing is they don't want you to have friends. And they want to slowly kill you so that they can have the house to themselves. And if you go to the obituaries, there's a bunch of guys dropping around 58, 59, 60, and that's what happened. What really happened was they had friends over and they didn't clean up, which gave their wives the window to bitch them into an early grave. And now they're sitting there in the fucking house having a hell of a time, right? Getting to play the victim, getting all the sympathy cards, and eating all the pound cake.

And that's a fact. You know, coming with the truth here on the Fourth of July, I don't have the fuck I'm talking about. Anyways, so afterwards, right, so we're drinkin' sodas, I'm stoned sober, right? And everybody leaves except for one of my other buddies and he wasn't in AA, right? The older you get, the more your friends just fucking, they quit, you know what I mean? They just fucking quit. It's like being a lifer in the military. Everybody doesn't sign back up, all of a sudden you're the old guy, you know? Fuckin' walkin' around, where the fuck all my friends go, right?

Walkin' around all sad with your fucking smoky-the-bear hat. Hi, hey, you! So he's still drinkin', so they leave, so I get out the giant fuckin' ice cubes, I pour a couple of Johnny Blues out of fuckin' Blues, right? And, you know, he has to drive, so he's doin' a little sippy cup shit, and I live here, so I'm doin' the home pours, right? Thousand one, thousand two, thousand three, see, right? One of those pours. So I have a couple, two, three of those, I'm feelin' good. You know, but I'm not, I clean the whole fuckin' dude.

When I clean the whole, all the leftover pizza, I wrap each slice individually in foil, and then I put a letter on it. P for pepperoni, S for sausage, M for fuckin' margarita! Took the pizza boxes out, put them in the recycle bin, took out the fuckin' chemicals, fuckin' sprayed down the counters. You wouldn't fuckin', that goddamn forensic team of forensic cunts with their fuckin' dusters would come in, would have no fuckin' idea anything happened, right? So now I'm feelin' all proud of myself. I got my little fuckin' sippy drink there, and I put on the TV cause I'm not ready to go to bed yet, and what do I see? Time Life Books, or whatever, Time Life Records presents easy listening love songs, right? And I'm sittin' there watchin' it, right?

So don't fuckin' ask me, I'll put your picture on the wall, cause there's a stain there. Right? I'm like, I remember that fuckin' song? And who could forget this one? Englebird, Hopper, Dink, please release me, let me go. Geez, you ever listen to the lyrics of that song? It's like, for fuck's sake, just break up with her. He literally says something like, talking about, I found a new love. Her lips are warm, and yours is so cold.

It's like Englebird, just enough with the fuckin' details. Just break up with her, just say, look, I'm not in love with you anymore. You know, gotta bring up the other fuckin' broad down the street, just got your heart racing. You fuckin' cunt. It's such a cunt-y song, but you know, I heard it when I was younger, so I'm listenin' to all of these fuckin' songs. God doesn't make little green apples, and fuckin' somethin', somethin' bad, boo. And next thing you know, I'm on the phone, call in 1-800 and give me those fuckin' CDs. So the guy picks up the phone, and he goes, hey, this is Rob from Time Live Records.

Who am I speakin' to this evening? I'm like, you're speakin' to Bill Rob? How you doin', buddy? I'm doin' great. What can I do you for? I'm like, well, you know, I'm watchin' Englebird, Humperdink, givin' this broad too much information, but you know, I like the sound of it. I wanna order the CDs. And he goes, great, great, can I get a phone number?

I'm like, no, you can't. I'm not givin' you my phone number. He goes, well, then I can't complete this order. Just like that. Like I was the 90th person in a row that said, I'm not givin' you my phone number. Right? And he was tired of hearing it. He gave me the O right there for it. Well, then I can't do the order.

Is there anything else I can help you with? And I'm like, well, hey, Rob, well, what's going on? We just went from zero to 200 here. Why do I have to give you my phone number? And he's like, oh, you have to get the phone number so we can complete the order. It's like, I understand you're saying that, but I'm asking you why. And he goes, oh, it's because it's company policy. And I'm like, why is it company policy?

Because I need the phone number in order to complete the order. I go, okay, see what we just did there? We just drove in a circle. Okay, I'm trying to get out of the centrifugal fucking force here and get over to the reason. The fucking reason, right? And he finally just goes, well, you know, the reason is that if there's a problem with your order, we need to call you. And it's just like, well, if there's a problem with the order, meaning you're charging my card and the CDs don't ever come. You don't think I'm not going to call you?

You literally had when I called up, if there's a problem with your order, press two. So we just keep going round and round. I go, you just want the phone number. And I go, not you personally, but time life does so they can sell it to other people. Next thing you know, I'm walking my dog. And some cunt is calling me up going, congratulations, you're the lucky business winner of whatever, right? So it fucking escalates to a really hostile. You have a good night, sir.

I'm like, you have a good night to Rob, right? Hang up. And I'm sitting there for a second, right? Doing the whisper yelling fucking cocksuckers. They can fucking stupid enough to give you my phone number, right? All by myself, like a complete lunatic, you know? And in the background, the fucking commercial still on muskrat. And I'm sitting there fucking cocksucking motherfuckers, right?

Just fucking send me the fucking shit. I bought this before I never had to give you my phone number. Three easy payments of $29.95, right? You're getting my fucking money. I'm going to call me up. Hey, just this is Rob from time life. Just calling the check to see if he got those CDs, right? So anyways, I really want these fucking CDs.

So I call back again. And for some reason, I decided to just go into a Southern accent. And I was like, when they asked me for their phone number, for my phone number, I'm just going to give them their phone number, see if they notice. Like, can I get your phone number? Sure. What, 800?

Right? I was going to do that shit. But what happened was by the time the lady picked up, it was the end of the infomercial that went on to something else. Something that either makes you skinny or fucking helps clean up after you goddamn kids. I forget what it was, right? So she answers the phone.

Hey, this is Sam, blah, blah, blah, blah, from fucking time. And I'm like, I don't, I like to order them easy listening CDs, five easy payments, 29.95. She's like, OK, can I get a name? Who am I speaking to? I'm like Bill, Bill Burr, right? It totally does not sound like a Southern name, whatever Southern. And Bill and Joe Bill Burr, and she goes, can I get a phone number?

I just decided I was just going to give her area codes. I was like, my phone number is 818-323-2125. And she goes, OK, that number is 818-323-2125. I'm like, yes, yes, yes, ma'am, just lied. I got my tapes. They're going to fucking show up, right? My CDs, no fucking problem. I gave them a fake email.

Like I said, too damn tall at AOL.com. I didn't know what that means. Can I get an email? All right, it's two, the number two, number two, and D-A-M-N, tall. Like I didn't say damn, like I was trying to be polite. So then she had to read it back. So that email is number two, D-A-M-N, tall at AOL.com. I'm like, that's right.

Yes, it is. And I got them coming, five fucking CDs, five CDs for 30 bucks, three payments. I don't know what the fuck it was. That's going to be a lot of CDs. You know what's funny, my Prius still has a CD holder. When my new car gets here, it won't. And then what the fuck do I do?

Well, I know what I do. I sell them for one easy payment of $9.95 on eBay. And no phone number is required. Just give me a fucking address and I'll send it to you. What do you think about that? All right. Come on, Bill. Type in your fucking password.

Jesus Christ. So rumor has it that Kevin Durant is going to go to the fucking Golden State Warriors. And as a sports fan, I cannot think of a more boring fucking move. You know what I mean? And I fucking hate how ESPN and all these sports places, they just don't call them out on it. Like how bad that is for sports fans. I wanted to see if Oklahoma City, now he hasn't done it yet,

but sources say rumors and all that shit. I wanted to see if, you know, what the fuck? Can Oklahoma City get by Golden State next year? Can Golden State redeem themselves and win a fucking championship, you know? It was such a great series, exciting series. Oklahoma had them beat, they had their foot on their neck, and then fucking Golden State comes roaring back. This is like, this is great.

I want to see this again next year. Like when the 76ers tried to get past the Celtics. Dr. J didn't just sign with the Celtics. Granted, they got Moses Malone. I guess it's been going on for a while. I just don't fucking get it. Just don't fucking get it. It's like, all right, this is a great rivalry.

They're evenly matched. It went seven games. Hey, let's take the best player. Oh, one of the best players. Depending on if you like Westbrook, Brad. And we'll just stick them on the other fucking team, and now that rivalry is null and void. Now it goes from, wow, seven game great series to fucking,

you know, four or five game series. Who gives a shit? Yeah, I don't fucking get it. It's fucking Jerry West going, you know, if you sign here, your, your rebounding is going to be Modus Moore, your blubber blubs can be a Jerry. You don't give a fuck. You don't give a fuck if all the best players in the league

are all on one fucking team. It's the worst fucking thing ever. You know, this is coming from a Celtic fan. And I watched us do that with that Kevin, Kevin Durant team. Kevin Durant, Kevin Garnett team. You know, I think we just bought that we went from literally last place to winning the championship in one fucking year.

And I realized that there's a skill to it. But as a crabby old fucking curmudgeoned, I just don't, I just, what is exciting about that? If he go, if he signs with the Golden State Warriors, that's great. Why don't you have LeBron jump on that one too? Remember those great Miami heat teams? Remember how exciting that was?

If you lived in Miami, everybody else, it was a fucking snooze fest. They all sit on a fucking yacht. Hey, y'all want to be on the same team? We'll win three in a row and we'll be like, we'll be a dynasty like the fucking, the bulls will be like them. Yeah, except they didn't pile on.

Oh, I'm in a mood. I hope that move doesn't happen. You know what's going to happen. I just, you know, whatever. It's his fucking career. But just saying, as a sports fan, as a guy who fucking watches sports, but doesn't really pick up on anything

and then runs his fucking mouth on a podcast, I am not in favor of that fucking move. That would suck, you know. Yeah, I just, what are you going to do? That's what these kids do nowadays. I mean, actually he's been going on for 30 fucking years. Biggest, I guess, free agent signing or trade or whatever of my life.

Of my life was Wayne Gretzky going to the Kings. If ever there was an unmovable guy, there's no fucking way this franchise is ever getting rid of this player, unless we just completely, I don't know, went out of business, folded and had to move. Or if our, I don't know, our owner's son fucking financed

the Michael Jackson victory tour, you know. So now daddy has to sign, sell the fucking team because Michael Jackson's stage was so big it ate up all these fucking seats that they were losing money every night and then racist Massachusetts said that they couldn't do the show out in Foxborough, you know.

Because they didn't want a bunch of black people coming out to Foxborough Mass going hee hee for fucking three hours. Evidently that was going to be a problem. I could see then making the fucking move, right. You know that promoter told me that, that's how I always used to think that when Billy Sullivan, the original owner of the Patriots,

his son Patrick somehow was the promoter for the Michael Jackson victory tour. And I remember at the last second, you know, it was supposed to be at Sullivan Stadium, which was a Patriots old stadium. And at the last second, Foxborough was just like, yeah, no, you're not having that concert out here.

And it was just because there was going to be a bunch of black people out there, right. But Michael Jackson had in his contract that, you know, once you sign it, whether the show happens or not, you got to pay me. That one show fucked him over. But this promoter in Boston told me, no, he had this giant ass fucking stage.

And the Sullivan's didn't take into account. This is all alleged here of the amount of seats that that was going to take up in the arena. You know, and they didn't realize that when they were making the deal. They were calculating a certain number of seats versus what they were playing the Jacksons. And it all worked out.

And then when they saw the behemoth of a fucking stage, they were like, oh my God. So they go to Michael. They're like, Michael, he was like, yes. They were like, can you make your stage a little smaller? We're going to lose our shirts here. And Michael Jackson was like, no, if I have it smaller, Prince is going to outdo me.

Like he had like, you know, that rivalry with him going on. I don't know if that's fucking true. Somebody told me the story. And then I just repeated it as fact. I mean, this is what I do on the podcast. I'm just running my yap here. Did anybody watch, did you watch the Austrian Grand Prix? If that didn't make you a fucking Formula One racing fan.

Holy shit. That was like fucking days of thunder. Actually tweeted that yesterday. Dude, it's like, okay, this is the deal. The German team, the Mercedes Benz, right? They got Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton. All right. Nico Rosberg is a German, right?

Lewis Hamilton is, he's from England, right? And evidently from the Isle of Man, from what people were texting, tweeting me the other day. So Nico is ahead. He's beaten everybody in the points, in the standings. And Lewis is like the fucking upstart guy, I guess. I don't know, right? He wears the big fucking diamond chain.

You know what I mean? He's from England. I don't know what his race is. I don't know if he's mixed. I don't know what his deal is. And he's got the bling going on and all this shit. So all the old fucking traditional fans of the sport, traditional wink, wink.

I like the old school Formula One wink, wink, right? You know what that fucking means. They don't like this guy evidently. They don't like his bling. They don't like his, you know, his whole basic, I don't know. I don't want to fucking throw the ugliness in there, but it seems like there's a little issue there, right?

So anyways, earlier this year, I guess, in the Spanish Grand Prix, I didn't see that one. They both fucking, they banged into each other. Nico was coming around the corner. He's pushing buttons on that PlayStation steering wheel, whatever the fuck that thing is. You just have a fucking steering wheel. Then it was a steering wheel with the paddles.

Now it looks like a little Game Boy. And they're pushing shit to fucking conserve energy. And I don't know what the fuck it is, but they somehow do this going like 180 miles an hour, which is amazing to me, 120 miles an hour in a fucking turn. As if they're dealing with the G-forces of slowing down and taking a turn well over 100 miles an hour. They're sitting there fucking pushing buttons, you know,

like texting while driving, fucking doing this shit. So earlier in the year, they had one, you know, Hamilton tried to pass him on the inside and then Nico was defending his position or whatever the fuck he said he came over. He put Lewis on the fucking grass. He spun out. He clipped the back of Nico's car.

They slammed into each other. And they both got the old, the old right there friend, the DNC, right, did not complete the race, which caught Mercedes a bunch of fucking points. So evidently, they probably sat him down and was like, hey, fuckheads, you're on the same team here. Let's say you don't knock each other out of the race. So whatever, they got this whole rivalry going.

And it seems like Nico thinks he's the fucking guy. And Lewis is just like, well, I don't, you know, I respect to cheer the guy, but I'm trying to be the guy too. So go fuck yourself. So yesterday, they're fucking racing. And, you know, I don't know much about this sport, but evidently there's soft tires. And if the soft tires aren't soft enough,

they got super soft tires. And I guess the soft to your tires are, depending on the weather condition, the faster your car goes. So whatever fucking reason, they give Nico the super soft ones and they give Lewis just the soft ones. So they're fucking them over with each lap. All right. So Nico's obviously the golden child that the corporate guys like.

And Lewis is the fucking upstart, right? He's the Tom Cruise. Okay, the other guy's the fucking established cunt who's winning. Right. I'm just guessing all of this shit. Um, I don't know, something about the pit stop. Lewis's was slower than Nico's. They gave all the fucking advantage to Nico because Nico's winning in the points.

I think that they want him to win the fucking race because they want to win the championship. And Lewis wasn't fucking having it. So he's driving like a fucking maniac on soft tires when Nico's got the super soft. And next thing you know, he's right on his fucking ass. It's the last lap of the fucking race. And Lewis goes to pass him on the outside of the turn, taking the long way around. He's on, he's fucking ties are on the white line. He can't get over any farther and he's going to pass him.

You see, he's going to overtake him on the final lap. The fucking announcers are going nuts and fucking Nico just drove right into him. He said he had a breaking problem. It's like, Oh yeah, did you have a steering problem too? You fucking drove right into him. And it's like, Oh my God, they're going to knock each other out of the race again. And they get out of it. And then they came back together and fucking, I think the back of Hamilton's car

clipped the front of Rossburgs and took those little fin fin things off the front. So now we can't drive fast. And when your car is damaged like that and you're blowing debris all over the track, I didn't realize this. Evidently you're supposed to pull over. Supposed to hit the old rest area and just be like, well, I guess we're going to call it a day because all that shit that you're putting in the track and blow out somebody's tire, cause them to crash, they could get injured and they're not going to fucking finish.

And it's not their fault that you're fucking drove into your teammate. But this cunt keeps driving his car. Shrapnel all over the track and he finished. He got penalized. Long story short was Lewis Hamilton and ended up winning the fucking race. And they were cutting to the, whatever the owners of the Mercedes team and they were all fucking pissed. And one of the guys on the Mercedes teams is the guy that, you know, and for that movie Rush, I should really have the guy's name here.

I'm new to the sport. So forgive me for not knowing his name. The guy who had that horrific crash on the Ferrari team in 1976 and he had the fire. They showed it in that movie Rush. It was absolutely terrifying. I mean, what's more terrifying than being alive on fire? You know, I mean, what would you rather be alive on fire or in the ocean watching a great white shark approaching? You know, knowing it's going to fucking take your leg off.

I mean, I actually think you got to go with the shark. Just fucking bite my leg off. There's a major artery right there. I'm going to fucking be like, and then the dopamine is going to come out. And I'm going to have that goofy smile on my face as the hammerhead comes in to finish me off. Right. So anyways, they were talking to me afterwards. Nico said that he had a break in problem.

I don't know. I don't fucking know. So now there's all these conspiracy theorists out there going like, well, you know, it's the German team. Nico's a German. All right. Fucking Hamilton's, you know, from England. And he doesn't look like your fucking English guy being made. And he's not a white dude.

Maybe there's some racism going on there. I don't know. But I just became a Lewis Hamilton. I still like Ross Burke, you know, he's racing. He's out there, you know. Can't fucking handle it. He's one of those. He seems like one of those guys.

You ever go out and you play like pick up hoop or pick up hockey and it's just some fucking nice guy. And all of a sudden the game starts and they get that fucking look in their face. Like they'll blow out a knee just to score a goal. You know, those lunatics. You're just sitting there going like, all right, I'm going to fucking steer clear, try to annoy this shit out of this person. I'm going to try to make sure this guy doesn't fall on my fucking leg. You know, I had a buddy of mine, right?

Fucking nicest guy ever. He's a psychiatrist. He works with troubled inner city youth who just gone through all kinds of fucking horrific shit. He has the patience to sit there, you know, and work with these kids that are acting out because of all this horrible stuff that's happened in their home life. And he sits there and he handles it and he loves it. You fucking get that guy out on the ice. He's a fucking lunatic.

One time I took the, me and the other guy, we fucking taken the puck away from him and I heard his breathing change and he just fucking brought his stick up and I'm telling you, this is why I wear the full bird cage, right? Dude, 45 a degree angle across my whole face. It just, bam, it hit my fucking cage. And I looked and I was just like, dude, what the fuck? For whatever dumb reason, I was one of those people, you know, that comes out, plays pickup hockey, only wearing a visor.

Those guys are lunatics, especially when, because there's always the person out there that can't skate, which is usually me, and you start doing that run in place. I'm going to fall forward, I'm going to fall back, I'm going to fall forward and you got like this stick in your hand. That's coming up and taking somebody's teeth out. So, um, oh my God, what a lunatic. I mean, I literally would have needed like fucking plastic surgery. I was getting a fucking face like mine, you just write it out.

Oh, there's his name right there. I got it right here. I'm sorry. Nikki, I'm going to say it wrong, L-A-U-D-A. I don't know how to say it, Lada. I swear to God, so he was, they talked to him and I'm looking at this guy, looking like the old racing guy, like one of his ears is like, you know, mostly burned off and shit. He's got the scars on the side of his face. I got to be honest with you, he looked pretty fucking badass.

You know what I mean? And another guy named, I swear to God, Toto Wolf. Toto, like the band. I wonder if that's on the CDs. All I want to do when I wake up in the morning is see you. Um, all right, let's do a couple of reads here. Oh, Jesus, that was 32 fucking minutes of just running my yap. Oh, simple faith.

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Only when you go to simple safe burr dot com. That's simple safe burr dot com. Nope, that's right. I don't know. That might be one and done. All right, Blue Apron, everybody. Oh, Blue Apron. Blue Apron knows that when you cook with incredible ingredients,

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It's all because of the food network. The level of options you now have as a person to eat, you know what I mean? It was fucking chip beef on toast, chicken noodle soup, tuna casserole, cube steaks. These fucking kids today. This is what they can eat. These are kids in their 20s struggling.

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So you only get deliveries when you want them. So if you got a lady in your life, you can cook her some meals. If she fucking leaves you, you can go right back to fucking eating. What the fuck did we used to have? Steak'ems. Oh, I'd love to steak'em.

I swear to God, the last nine periods of my school day, I would be sitting there thinking about the steak'em I was gonna make when I got home, right? Fry it up in the pan like someone in those horse with the high heels and the lipstick, right? And then you put it on the white bread

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That's BlueApron.com. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. What do we got left here? We got two more left. Let's break it up, okay? Let's give you a break for my reading out loud or my attempt at reading out loud. We'll go back to the fucking podcast here.

Where did I go? Where did I go? Where the fuck is the other shit? Ba-ba-da-dee-dee-dee. All right, so should we get into the reads here for this week? Why don't we? All right, Governor Gary Jackson.

Gary Johnson, sorry. Governor Gary Johnson. Hey, Billy Shatner. Billy fucking Shatner. I'm not a libertarian. I never said you were. I'd never been affiliated with any party. I voted both parties in four elections.

I voted in. I've been eligible for six. You sound like a blogger when you're going to criticize a comedian going like, I have a great sense of humor. You know, I find this funny. I love this and blah, blah, blah. But when I saw last night in a comedy club.

All right, so this guy's established himself that he's open-minded, all right? Because he says so. I'm not into the fringe candidates and I don't buy into conspiracies. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not the typical Gary Johnson fan. Not what? Because you say so?

I guess what I'm saying is well, why don't you figure out what the fuck you're saying so you don't have to write extra words in a sentence giving me more opportunity to trip myself up, please? All right, however, I am a fan of his and I think he could actually win if he got on the debates. He's basically Bernie, who I supported for the most part.

They, but I'm not a libertarian. Well, he was a Democrat, right? Well, he was and then he became a libertarian. Then became a Democrat. Is that how it worked? I love Bernie Sanders. Loved him. They aligned on 80% of the issues. His running mate is former Massachusetts governor,

Bill Weld. Bill Weld still in the game. Like fucking Gordy Howe. Rest in peace. Wondering what your thoughts on Gary Johnson and also Bill Weld having lived in the state when he was in office. Below is a short campaign video of the two of them. Well, what the fuck? I don't know.

I thought you were going to tell me about him. I guess I was supposed to watch this before. Dude, you just gave me homework. All right, let's put this fucking thing in here. And we're going to try and watch it. Oh, shit. I'm running for president. I'm running for Bill Weld.

I'm running for president. I'm running with him. Jazzy music. As the governor of New Mexico, I vetoed wasteful spending 750 times, cut taxes 14 times, and left the state. Oh, why is he so breathy? Bridges, schools, hospitals,

and a billion dollar surplus without raising taxes. As governor of Massachusetts, How would I know that? You just said that you did it. I can't fact check all of that. I don't know. We're going to move the country forward. Music.

Hi. I'm Jerry Johnson. I'm sure he's a great guy. I'll look into it. I like that you're giving me other options because there's no fucking way I can vote for Trump or for Hillary. We all know the old bag's going to win it.

She's going to show up a lipstick on her teeth and that fucking maniacal, wide-eyed fucking smile she does. Oh, she's going to carve this country up even more. They are fucking evil. I swear to God, if Trump wasn't such a fucking dope, if he wasn't such a dope,

I actually think he would be the lesser of two evils. But I have to be honest with you, there's no way to listen to Donald Trump and not think about Martin Sheen in the dead zone. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Can somebody please Photoshop Trump holding up the baby, you know, and fucking... What's his face?

Um... Oh, Jesus Christ, when Walken's up in the balcony there, or that fucking... The birds are away, gentlemen. I have no idea, sir. I commend you for being smart enough to not vote for Trump or for Hillary. It's a, uh...

It's a really low point. And I wasn't a big Obama fan, but at least Obama, at least, you know, the guy could speak intelligently. You know, after fucking eight years at George Bush... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That guy was like the presidential version of me reading out loud.

All right? I just... Oh, God. There has to be so many other fucking women out there that would make such great, honest presidents. Do we really have... Why does it have to be the one with 52 pending felony counts? All those Clintons are filthy. Oh, Hillary Clinton.

She's dirtier than her husband's dick. All right, here we go. Facial hair and little ladies! All right, what's going on? I forgot to do two weeks. I'm actually in my garage right now. Echo! Score big?

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when you go to meandies.com slash fur. That's meandies.com slash fur for 20% off. Hey! Meandies.com slash fur. Uh, dear big Billy. Yeah, fat Billy. I'm a 17-year-old guy who will be starting college in the fall

in the great state of Massachusetts. Jesus. Starting at 7, you must be turning 18 later on in the year. I'm always jealous of that. I started college when I was 19. I was already 19. Then I fucked up my first four years

and I was like a 23-year-old sophomore. My high school's dress code allows guys to grow facial hair in the last semester of senior year. What? What fucking school are you going to? So a few months ago, I said, what the hell?

I'll give it a try. But you're only 17. The last semester of your senior year, you're giving yourself a hell of a lot of time to grow this shit. I said, I end up growing up, growing a nice, dark, full beard that seems to suit me well.

I got a lot of compliments for it, mostly from other guys, but some from the ladies. I remain single, as I have always been during this time. I still have the beard now, but I don't know whether I should keep the beard or ditch it and arrive at college clean-shaven.

Do you think it's a good or bad idea to make my first impression while sporting a beard in terms of the ladies is the beard a sign of manliness and strength or more of a turnoff? I don't fucking know. I got to ask Nia. Hang on a second.

Jesus Christ. How the fuck would I know? You know, I always thought Dan Fouts was sexy. Hang on. All right, you happy? She was sleeping. I just, I didn't know she was sleeping. I was fucking like, Nia, Nia.

All right, well, there you go. See, I fucked the whole thing up. I cleaned up and then I woke her up. Anyway, dude, I don't fucking know, but you're saying that you're not allowed to grab facial hairs at this fucking school. Was that like a typo or something? Oh, my high schools, not college.

My high schools dress code allows guys to grow facial hair in the last semester of senior year. Oh, okay, I thought I was saying it, college. Well, look, dude, when I was a kid, the only reason to grow a beard was so you could buy booze or get served when you were still underage. You know, whether women like it or not,

I have no fucking idea. I don't know. Go there fucking clean shaven and then, you know, get a little scruff going or some shit. I don't know. This is like a Cosmo question. I have no fucking, is it a sign of manliness? I have no idea.

I mean, if you grow it too quickly, it might be a sign of a hairy back and that might take you out of the game. Some women might be like, oh, my dad had a beard and the subconsciously that gets into them, you know? Oh, yeah, that reminds me of feeling safe with my dad. The next thing you know, they're blowing you. Then they're like, what the fuck did just, what happened?

Right? I don't know. Let's move on to the next question. That was a hard one. I had no fucking idea. All right. Cheating bitch girlfriend. Oh, Jesus.

Hey, you red-faced fuck. I don't know why I find that shit so endearing. I'm sorry, what the fuck's wrong with me? All right. About a month ago, I started dating this lady. She seemed really quiet and pretty innocent. After about a week, I realized, I just pictured that woman in that Vince Vaughn movie,

The Wedding Crashers. Whoever that actress was was fucking hilarious in that movie. Anyways, after about a week, I realized that her last boyfriend was a total freak, like Jean Shorts and shit. Fuck, what do you mean freak? Like a weirdo? Or was fucking, you know,

having threesomes with this chick. Anyways, like Jean Shorts and shit. Fuck. So I did my best to just ignore that and have fun together. I was, in my opinion, a great boyfriend to her. I took her on a lot of dates and it seemed like everything was perfect. And this was my first girlfriend.

I'm only 16 and pretty introverted. So having a girlfriend was a big step for me. Yeah, that's huge. Good for you, man. Anyways, after a few weeks, she started acting weird. One day at lunch, she told me that her old weird boyfriend and her had sex before school that day. And they also had sex a couple of other times

while we were going out. I didn't know what to say and it really fucked me up. She even said it wasn't her fault and I shouldn't be mad. Oh, you know what? I was actually going to give this girl props for being mature enough to own up to what the fuck she did. And then she said that. Don't be mad at me.

After a fight, I told her to fuck. I told her to fuck and left. I think fuck off is what you meant. Because she's already fucking, dude. You don't need to tell her. You should have told her to less fuck. To X-nay on the fuck A. She then started saying that it was my fault.

I don't know what I did wrong. Oh, you poor bastard. You're only 16 years old, right? So you didn't have your deflector shields up. Is that what it is? Did you say you were 16, right? What the fuck was that? I'm only 16, okay.

So now everyone knows it's school because high school is bullshit. I know, I'm now known by everyone, including my family as the guy who got cheated on. This bitch not only made me feel like shit, but also kind of ruined the whole aspect of finding a nice girl. I don't trust them and feel as if I will never move on. Yeah, these are the catastrophic thoughts you have when you're 16. Because your world is small.

You're still living at home with your parents. You go to school, you see the same fucking cunts every day, and you feel like the walls are closing in. All of these feelings are 100% normal. How do you move on after being fucked over like that? The only things I've done is got a job and started lifting weights. Maybe then when school starts again, I can show up shredded and do better next year.

There you go. I like it. Turn a negative into a positive. Here's the thing. You're a nice guy, right? You're a nice guy. Well, you know, so that means there's the nice woman out there that balances you out, right?

If you're a dick, there's plenty of cunts out there, but you're a nice guy. So what I would do is I would thank my lucky stars that that fucking woman is out of your life. You know, she's totally fucked up, right? She's going to go back to the jeans short guy and they're going to fuck before school and they're going to do all of this other shit.

And who gives a fuck? I don't understand how like I don't know how there's no reason for you, just me listening to this. Why you should feel bad about yourself. I get, you know, I got cheated on, you know, it's happened to everybody and it makes you just more feel stupid is what it is. You know what I mean? So I'm trying to count the amount of times that's happening to me.

The first girl I was with was like fucking way older than me. I went from like zero to 90 miles an hour and fucking... Yeah, she ended up cheating on me and breaking up a fucking marriage. And I didn't even know I ended up running into the wife of the guy that she cheated with and then they were broken up and she told me. And I just, I just remember I thought which I just went like, huh. You know, and there was a lot in that because it just let me know that, you know, I just thought guys did shit like that.

You know, I thought we were just the fucking animals and it was just like, wow. So she was doing that and then come home and smile. Yeah. And that fucked me up for a long fucking time. Yeah. You know what? And I didn't trust women, you know, and I started lifting weights.

Did I write this thing 20 years ago? What the fuck? No. Yeah, dude, this is the deal. You know, it's going to take time to get over it, but you know, you're going to meet somebody nice. And I think, yeah, you're the prime of your life. You throw the weights around a little bit.

You show up fucking shredded, right? And then you show, yeah, show up in September and just start chatting up the women. And this is the thing too. Women love a fucking, they love a project. You know, so you can use the fact that this woman cheated on you that, oh, you know, I have problems trusting fucking women. And now they'll just, they'll be coming at you. Be beating them off with a fucking stick.

All right. Yeah, dude, fuck that. This is the thing. You don't ever let it, anytime anything bad happens in life, you don't ever, you don't let it. There's two things you can do. You can either just fucking, I don't know. I view like those types of thoughts like, you know,

when you watch like Bugs Bunny, they would have like that weight that just said one ton on it. I view like that. That's what that thought is. All right. And you're standing next to a fucking pool. All right. And the things got a chain around it.

And you either just fucking let it go to the bottom of the pool itself, or you stick your head in the chain and wrap it around your neck and you let it take you down. And then you just down there in the bottom of the pool. You know, why would you do that? Fuck it. Fuck, fuck her. Just let that whole thing.

I'm not saying don't deal with it, but you got to turn it into a positive, which is what you seem to be doing. Fucking work out and chat up a bunch of women. This is think maybe, you know, start your list of fucking requirements. You test, you lock the door test to maybe to try to get a good one. You know, women always say find a good finding a good a good man's hard to find.

So is a good woman. So what this woman did is help you start early on a checklist because I didn't start a checklist for a long fucking time. You know, I was well into my 30s and I was still just like, Hey, you want a book? Every all everything on you do everything on my list is checked off. You know. All right, here we go.

All time underrated quarterbacks. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Shake it off. It's fucking your fault. That's a poor woman. She's got a lot of issues and I bet she's has a terrible father. You know, so in a way you can look at it like that because, you know,

she is young and immature, but if she continues to live her life that way, that is, that is a bad fucking road to go on. You know, that's fucking white symphon dales of the red wine, gray teeth with the fucking tramp stamp. She's going to go down that one. Yeah. And the piece of shit guys she's going to meet.

Gene shorts will be the least of her problems. I hope that doesn't happen to her either. But anyway, so here we go. All time underrated QBs. Dear Billy White shoes. Very nice reference. Billy White shoes. Johnson of the Houston Oilers and the Atlanta Falcons.

All right. My friends tear me apart for being a huge Vinnie Tester Verdi fan. I truly love the man and feel he flies under the radar as an all time quarterback. Maybe not Hall of Fame caliber, but someone who could have won a Super Bowl if he didn't have to face Elway, Terrell Davis in the 1998 Denver Bronco machine. Well, you realize what you're saying? He could have been a championship if he didn't have to play the best team in the league.

Well, I mean, yeah, well shit. San Diego Padres could be a fucking dynasty if it wasn't for all the other, the fucking 1998 Yankees, you know, or the late 90s Yankees, right? I don't know. Anyways, he played 22 seasons and in his final season with season with the Carolina Panthers, he won his first game after only being on the team for three fucking days at the age of 43. He was definitely a badass. Nobody could be in that backyard playing horseshoes with their son and then out of football in two days later,

be under center and fucking win in a game. Like he did that like I think three times in his career. He was sort of like a, maybe it just happened once. I don't know, but I just feel like he was officially retired at least once, if not twice. And he was in the backyard, eating a fucking burger, having a course light and all of a sudden, hey, Bernie, this is the fucking whatever Seattle Seahawks calling or Tampa. But what did he play? Tampa, the Jets, Carolina.

That's a great one. Cleveland. Didn't he play with Cleveland or was that Bernie Koza? I get confused, my older age. Let's look up old Vinny Tester Verde. Vinny, Vinny have the fucking veal. All right. You guys want to hear a great, you guys want to hear a great fucking LA story?

I went out to an Italian restaurant the other day, right? And we're sitting up front near the bar and it was too loud. And one of the guys I was eating was goes, this is too fucking loud. Let's try to get a table in the back. So they end up hooking us up with the table in the back. And as I'm going to walk, you know, to the back, one of the guys there up the bar, he goes, yeah, go in the back. You can barely hear yourself thinking just the way he said it. I can't remember what he said.

He said something along those lines, super Italian guy. And the way he said it and the fact that I was moving as I went past him, I felt like I was in that tracking scene in Goodfellas when they were showing all those characters. You know, get the papers, get the papers. Hey guy, a guy took care of that thing, right? I literally, it gave me like a shock the way he said it. So I said to one of the guys, I was having dinner with, I said, hey, my God, Jesus Christ. That guy just made me feel like I was in Goodfellas. Classic LA story and why it's so amazing to live out here.

He goes, do you know who that is? And I said, no, he goes, that's the guy who played Johnny roast beef. And then I fucking looked at him again. I was like, oh my God, it's Johnny roast beef. One of the greatest pieces fucking acting I've ever seen is when he's trying to explain away that pink Cadillac. And he starts to stop and then, then he starts to talk and then he stops. And actually had, I talked to him about it for a second and he just laughed. He said one, said basically said when a man is scary as Jimmy the gent is yelling at you.

He goes, you don't say a fucking word. Remember that? No, it's in my grandmother's name. What's the matter with me? What's the matter with me? You're going to get us all fucking pinched. That's why it's a matter with you. It's a matter with you.

Take it back. Take it back at the fuck that look on his fucking face. And he goes to, he just keeps going. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What did I tell you? What the fuck? What did I tell you?

I fucking love that seat. So anyways, Vinny Tester Verdi. Here we go. Vinny fucking Tester Verdi over here. Here we go. Vinny Tester Verdi. Let's see. Here's him with the Panthers.

He's 52 years old. I swear to God, I bet he's still in shape. And if you fucking, if you, you know, if you call them up right now, if you call them up right now, he could give you a decent outing. What the fuck? 87 to 92. We played for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. 93 to 95.

He played for the Cleveland Browns. 96, 97, the Baltimore Ravens. 98 to 2003, the New York Jets. Which is how I remember him as a jet. 2004, the Dallas Cowboys. 2005, he goes back to the Jets. 2006, he played for my Patriots. I don't even remember that.

2007, he played for the Panthers. 20 year fucking career, 21 seasons. Wow. Joe Bollard. 96, 98. Heisman Trophy, 86. Davey O'Brien. Sammy Baugh.

Trophy, Sportsman of the Year, 86. Let's see. TDs versus Interceptions. This is what fucked them over though. 275 touchdowns, 267 Interceptions. Wasn't somebody wrapped like that, incomplete like Tester Verde? But he didn't say intercepted. But he threw for 46,233 yards.

Back in the day, you know, for the most part, when you actually, they could cover receivers. Before Jim Earthsay changed all the fucking rules because he couldn't beat the Patriots. But that's okay. I know, the ball was underinflated. Let's kick him out of football. Passing rating, passing, passing rating 75.0.

All right. Well, yeah, okay. Those are great fucking, you know, you played 20 seasons. But he did throw a lot of picks. Where he's the oldest quarterback to ever start and win a pro football game. Older than George Blanda. What about George Blanda?

Maybe he was just kicking at that point. Everybody always reverts back to the days, his days in Tampa and Cleveland. But I'd argue that those Tampa years were some of the worst pro squads ever to trot onto a football field. Yeah, absolutely. You can't blame somebody for that.

You know, it's like Joey Harrington. He goes and he fucking plays for the Lions. You know, right out of the gate, there's no way he's as bad as he looked. Those Lion teams were fucking horrible. I'm not saying that the guy would have played in the league or whatever, but, you know, for the longest time, if you got drafted

by the Lions or the Browns as a quarterback, that was a fucking death sentence. Which is another brilliant move that John Elway made because when he got drafted by the Baltimore Colts, he's like, I'm not fucking going there getting this shit kicked out of me and I'll be out of football. I mean, that almost happened to Troy Aikman.

Troy Aikman, when he got drafted by the fucking Cowboys, so got the living shit kicked out of him his first few years. If that continued, I mean, that guy, he would have been out of football, but fortunately the Herschel Walker trade went down with Jimmy Johnson. How about the Cowboys, right?

And they got that fucking, all those 300 pounders in front of him. I don't know. Anyways, let's plow ahead here. He said, as a Patriots fan, I'd like your thoughts on him. Are my friends right saying he was just an average quarterback at best?

No, fucking way. No way. No way. He was a well, you don't play for 20 fucking years, okay? He was above, way above average, I think. I think he was a, he's not a, I wouldn't say he's one of the greats,

but he was definitely a, he was a really good quarterback, you know? He wasn't like, what is it, if he was an average QB at best, you don't play for 20 years being average, unless you're Steve DeBerg and just somehow, you just look so great with a headset and a clipboard. People just wanted you around.

He was like the David Hasselhoff, you know, a fucking quarterbacks. It just, I think you sold more tickets because he never had his helmet on. The ladies could come down and look at him. You look up Steve DeBerg here. Steve DeBerg. All right.

Oh yeah. The David Hasselhoff. He looks like, he looked like, you know, whenever they had those coming of age movies and you got the nerd who wants to date the fucking cheerleader, but she's dating the guy who's just a complete fucking dick. He had those level good looks. Dude, I'm telling you right now.

Look this guy up. That's fucking hilarious. He looks like he's on Baywatch. Play number 17. Now we got it out. This is, you know what? This is actually morphed into the greatest, NFL's greatest journeyman.

I'm going to look this up. Great is, oh God, I love the internet. I love that somebody's made a page about this shit. Best NFL journeyman. The seven most unkillable journeyman quarterbacks. I love the internet because of shit like this and all the fucking free porn. All right, here we go.

There's a good chance that at one time or another your team's hopes were riding on Ryan Fitzpatrick, Brian Hoyer, or one of the NFL's other well-traveled signal callers. Oh, don't be all just new guys. Come on. All right, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Ryan Fitzpatrick, a plate for the Texans,

the Titans, the Rams, the Bengals, the Jets, and the Bills. All right, Josh McCown. Brian Hoyer. No, Matt Castle. Matt Castle, Matt Flynn, the perennial backups. Oh, come on, man. Tim Tebow.

Oh, now, this was done by some youngster. You got to have Steve DeBerg in there. You got to have Vinny Tester Verde. Journeyman NFL players who just won't go away. Do I have to type in all time? Is that what I have to do? I think I got to type in all time. Come on, man.

You got to. If Steve DeBerg's not on your fucking list, he's not on your fucking list. Journeyman quarterback. All right, we'll just go Wikipedia. Oh, this is depressing. I thought it was going to be great. JT O'Sullivan.

He played for 12 professional teams during his career. You know what? I bet in his man cave, the NFL should give him all 12 of those helmets. All 12 of those fucking helmets. Why am I all wrapped up in the fucking court here? What's going on? All right, here we go.

What happens when you fucking lay down on a couch? And his why is JT O'Sullivan. He played on no less than 11 NFL teams. Oh, professionals, okay. And then he also played for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders in the Frankfurt Galaxy. Chris Chandler holds the record for starting a game for the highest number of different NFL teams with eight.

Oh, so he started, okay. There's no accepted definition or threshold at which a person is regarded as a journeyman quarterback. The term is descriptive rather than definitive. David Craig enjoyed 11 stable careers with the Seahawks before leaving. Let's see, Mark Ripian. Notable examples.

Here we go, here we go. Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson, Rich Gannon. Where the fuck is Steve DeBurg? Notable journeyman quarterbacks. Come on. Come on. All right, you know, I'm just going to look up Steve DeBurg. I'm sorry, guys, this whole podcast,

you're just listening to me surf the fucking Internet now. Do people still say surf the Internet? Or is that from the 90s? I'm old. All right, he's 62 years old. He played for the San Francisco 49ers from 1977 to 1980. The Broncos from 81 to 83. The Buccaneers from 84 to 87.

The Chiefs from 88 to 91. Back to the Buccaneers, 92, 93. The Miami Dolphins, 1993. He was out of fucking football in 94. He was out of football in 95. Out of football, 96. Out of football, 97. And then what the fuck, 1998?

He's back with the dirty birds, the Atlanta Falcons who upset the 15 and one Minnesota Vikings, right? And then went to the fucking Super Bowl, one of the most forgettable Super Bowls of all fucking time. When the Denver Broncos repeated, that was the last fucking game of John Elway's career. All right, TDs to interceptions. He had 196 touchdowns versus 204 interceptions.

He threw for 34,241 yards and has a higher QB rating than Vinny Tester Verdi at 74.2, right? Or was he a 75? I don't fucking remember. Steven Leroy DeBerg, there you go. That's my vote. You know what's funny? Like, I bet he doesn't have a lot of problems

walking or anything like that because he's got so... He has low miles on that odometer as far as like actually playing in the... I'm not trying to insult the guy here. I'm just saying, like, if he was a car, you know, he'd be like, those are all original miles? He'd be like, yeah.

Yeah, he sat in a garage with a fucking clipboard for all those years. All right, that's the podcast for this 4th of July. I hope you guys all have a happy and a safe one. All right, you fucking drunks. I know it's fireworks and it's supposed to be fun, but you know, they are explosives. Don't be that person.

And one of those YouTube fucking videos of like top 10 stupidest fucking moose done with fireworks. Did you see that fucking guy? He actually took like a mortar or some shit, put it on his head. I don't know if he thought it was going to take off. He literally blew himself up. His friends go, you don't understand.

There was nothing left of him. There was nothing left to help. You know, they just showed up and there was like a belt buckle and like a shoelace. He was gone. So please don't do that to yourselves. All right. All right, Cleo.

All right, that's the podcast. You guys have a great week. I will check in with you. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. All right. Thank you.