Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-5-20

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

Bill rambles about serial killers, the Stanford Band, and wokeness.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, July 6, 2020. What's going on? And how are you? How is your 4th of July weekend? Do you have some burgers? Ah, yes, I'm hot dogs. Fucking French fries. Did you make a 7-foot hot dog and your fucking neighbor was eating one side and you eat another? You know? And you got mad because he ate 7 inches and you only got 5, the fucking selfish cunt. And you both walked away, right? Is that what happened? Or did you just say, fuck it man, this is all just a fucking thing to take down the guy that I want to vote for. And you fucking just had a party. I don't know, I didn't do shit. I was just over here with the wife and kids.

I got the grill going and we just did burgers and dogs. Nice and fucking simple. And that was it. I kind of lived vicariously through other people's fucking shit that they were doing. All the fireworks out here was great, watching everybody shooting them off and all that stuff. It's always unfortunate. There's always somebody fucking blows one of their balls off. Ever hear about that kid over in Salem? Ah dude, he had a fucking pack of firecrackers in his right pocket. Blew his left nut off. That's what's weird. I'll tell you how it happened. Did you hear about it? It's my fucking story. Evidently, the concussive force of the fucking explosion when it hit his right ball,

what actually happened was his right ball was so concussed by the explosion, was thrown back like fucking Rambo. You know, after he blows up a building and it slammed into the left nut so hard that it disintegrated. It was fucking weird. It was like everybody was looking, you know, they saw the one nut in there and they thought it was the left ball, turned out it was the right one. That movie Face Off with John Travolta and fucking Nick Cage switch faces. You don't know who's who, right? That's gonna be the next thing that they reboot. I'm gonna have that. I'm gonna pitch that over at Netflix. A reboot of Face Off where it's about a kid who blows off his left ball and everybody thinks it's his right ball. You know, and then I get a couple of big celebrities to do the voices of the balls.

You know, I'm just roughing this out here, okay? And if you think you're gonna beat me over to the writer's guild and register this idea, you're out of your fucking mind, okay? This is gonna be my next big score in the middle of this pandemic, okay? And I have been scoring right and fucking left, right? Bert Kreischer introduced me to the wonders of a Heath Bar. I had one of those today, you know? I was very happy. I didn't have any fillings in my mouth. Delicious candy bar. That was a fucking score. Isn't there a candy bar name score? Isn't there? I have no fucking idea. Anyways, God bless everybody who went out there and had a good fucking time, you know, breathing on people and shooting off fireworks.

You know, LA. There's no city. I would say no city in the fucking world that has the level of just random. Do you ever see the Stanford fucking college band, you know, they're all like, hey man, we just like do whatever we want to do, man. Don't ever watch that band. The level of murderous thoughts that goes through your fucking head with those fucking cunts all full of themselves, like what they're doing is so avant-garde. It's just, I get it. I get it. You know, you could have actually got together and done something. Instead, you chose to do nothing and now you're acting like you're actually thinking outside the box when you're really just laying on your fucking back playing a trumpet,

which anybody else in any other band could fucking do. You know, we don't have uniforms, man. We're fucking Stanford. We're crazy. I feel like LA's fireworks is like that. You know what I mean? LA's fireworks is like if the Stanford marching band was exciting. I will forever hate that fucking band because I went to a Rose Bowl game. It was Stanford versus Iowa and the band played the farmer, the Stanford band played the Farmers Only theme song. You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com. They shit on these people. They were guests in this state and they shit on them and they did that classic fucking, you know,

we live on the coast, we live near an ocean, therefore we're more intelligent than you are. And in reality, Farmers are growing our fucking food. The fuck are you doing? Building a website? Go fuck yourself. Having said that, what a beautiful campus Stanford has. You know what I mean? If you had to choose between the two, you got to go Stanford. There was no reason. They know they're Iowa. They know you're Stanford. They know you got better looking broads. You didn't have to rub their fucking noses in it. Came out to this state with their best fucking overalls on, trying to have a good fucking time.

And what did you fucking rich cunts do? You didn't even have to do it. You could have just been rich cunts. You know, you could have just been, ah, you had to rub their face in it. And I was like, you know what? Fuck this band. I would never say fuck that school. It's a great school. And I also like the football team, but fuck that fucking band. Fucking assholes. A bunch of fucking band geeks who got bullied in high school, right? You know, got beaten with their own fucking clarinet. And what did they learn? All that pain, all that sniffling as they were driving, you know. Crying, practicing later on in the night.

Trying to blow the fucking horn. What did they learn? They turn around and they repeat the behavior. Unforgivable. Fuck that band, alright? Anytime anybody brings up the band at the moment that everybody just loves to hate on, I go, hey, what about the Stanford marching band? Anyway, if I see one more ad for a posture corrector, whatever they call it, fix your posture, it's like, I get it, you're watching me. I understand. I've never, well, actually I clicked on it one time. Maybe that's what it is. I've been trying to be more cognizant of the way that I sit and that type of shit, you know. Because right now, like the move, you know, everybody out there with the newborn baby, right?

You guys, you know the move, right? If you have one of those exercise balls, I don't know what it is. But you put the baby in your, your beautiful baby in your arms and you just sort of bounce up and down on the ball, right? And it just, I don't know, it simulates like riding in the car is another thing that just makes them fall asleep. So I got it down. I got it down to a science. I got it down like I get my, my son to so fall asleep that like, I mean, I set him down like I set down my books after school. Well, not that hard, but I mean, for a baby, it feels that hard. Because with my daughter, I was like, oh, oh my God. And I just feel like they can feel your, no, don't cry.

And then they start crying because they don't, they don't like a dog. They just react into your vibes, man. So with this one, I'm just like, you know what? He's asleep. I'm going to stand up normally and I'm going to walk over and just set him down like I'm putting a drink on a table. And that's what I've been doing. And this little champ has been just, just, just sleeping like last night. I got to go from, let's see, about 1230 at night to four in the morning already. Precious, precious three and a half hours of sleep.

And then I was up for an hour and then I got to sleep for another three hours. That's fine. I'm cool with that. I'm cool like that. I'm something like that. Get it, get it, do it, do whatever that fucking early nineties hip hop was that I missed out on all of it. Because I was too busy statin' out as a comic. I've been posting some of this shit that I finally cleaned out my office. My office is, it's done except for a couple of photos that I want to put up. I got one of me and Patrice.

I got one of John Bonham when he's behind his green sparkle kit and a couple others. Then I'll be done with my office. And now for the first time in years, I love my office. I can move around in it. It's fucking nice as opposed to stepping over shit and just thinking, you know, at some point, at some point, I really need to organize my stuff. And I finally did it for the most part. It's like 85% organized.

And then I just got excited. Then I just threw the last two fucking boxes in a closet and I was like, all right, that's it. I'm done. I'm done. And the reality is what is so funny about all of that shit, it's all memorabilia and stuff from my past and everything, other than some family photos and shit, pictures with friends. The reality is, is if you took all of that away from me, you know, first of all, how long it would take for me to even notice that it was gone.

And I would get rid of all of it, but I, it's just going to end up in a dump somewhere. So I feel like if I keep it in my closet, at least animals won't have to deal with it until after I'm dead. That's what's amazing with plastic and shit. Like how long you're going to be continuing to pollute the planet after you're dead. And I really think that we have solutions to all of this shit. If these money grubbing fucking old families would just get the fuck out of the way. That's, that's a stupid fucking statement. I just, if the mindset of a corporation could just change, we could just do the fucking right thing would be tremendous.

Which I think eventually we will get to. And I think like most things, we're going to wait till the last second. Get better before, get worse before it gets better, who the fuck knows. But I am out here right now in my office, my now clean office that I am loving. I'm hanging out here and, and I, I got to put my daughter to bed here in about eight minutes. So I wanted to knock out a few minutes of this podcast, at least a couple of minutes is what I wanted to do. And then I'll do the rest of it. So there'll be a little bit of a jump here, but you're not going to notice because I'm going to fucking edit it out, obviously.

Full disclosure. And then I got to, obviously then I got to go back in the house and fucking deal with the rest of my night. Which my son has been real good about sleeping after midnight. I can't get too mad at that. He gets a little fussy 1030 to midnight. And that's when you just have to like step up as a dad. And that's the one thing that I have really, really learned is just how much breastfeeding takes out of the woman, the woman. It's she, my wife finally just goes, Bill, you have to understand they're literally sucking.

They literally suck the life out of you. And I was just like, you know what, I get it. I finally get it because I'm looking like what the fuck you just sitting there, you know, you know. It's not like you have to concentrate to make milk. Your body does it on its own. It's being a typical dumb guy. Right. And then you're freaking hooked the kid up.

Then you just sit there, you know, watching your shows. And then the kid's done. And then I got to, you know, I got to, you know, change them and rock them and burp them and do all of this other stuff. I didn't realize you got to keep feeding your wife, your breastfeeding wife. And that, and then you just, you just, you got to fucking be there, man. You got to be that unselfish person in the locker room. Wherever you need me coach. That's what you do.

I cook dinner tonight. I cook the lunch. I cook the bread. Do all of that shit. I do all the fucking dishes. I am putting on a fucking clinic and if I could just somehow not lose my temper once every 36 hours at a Bobby Knight level. You know, I think, I think I'd have something here. I think I would actually have a, I think I would have a happy woman.

Okay. Every married guy's fantasy. A happy wife. What the fuck do I need to do? What do I need to do? You know, that's all I need to know. So anyway, I was watching my little champ today and I recorded a couple of things off of TBS, some old movies. And I actually watched the Boston Strangler, the Boston Strangler starring Tony Curtis, Henry Fonda and George Kennedy, among others.

A bunch of character actors in that and I loved it. Great movie. What's his face was incredible. Tony Curtis was amazing and obviously Henry Fonda is always great. George Kennedy was amazing, but so much of like the dialogue and stuff is so funny and you really can see like, oh, this is how the guys who did airplane. Like, because so much that that movie was like a really serious movie and now you watch it and so much of it is comedy. The flippant way, you know, talking about gay people using the F word and just like just flying around like it's nothing. And it was this really like progressive sort of movie about mental health.

But like, you know, that word, you know, they hadn't had that whole thing going, hey, stop and fucking knock it off. Whatever the hell he said a few decades ago, you know, which is also why you can't go back in time and look at shit and be like, um, what the fuck is up with John Wayne? What the fuck? I mean, that that's shit. I swear to God, it's literally like that is such lazy, like grandstanding by fucking white people. I am so mad at dead for 40 years, John Wayne fucking idiots. I think I think really what you should probably focus on the people that are alive right now who could actually hurt or help people is probably what you want to start with. You know, I get the statues thing.

I get it, whatever. Fuck you gotta do me. I mean, it would be basically this kind. It's like if the Germans wanted them, they fucking, but they kept like Jewish people around. They got to look at like statues of Hitler and after a while they're going to tear them down. And then all the Germans, he's a fucking good guy. I like his mustache. You know, it was a long time ago.

I get it. I get all of that shit. I don't get after you knock it down, then the dude coming over and kicking the statue in the head. It's like it's an inanimate object. It's down. It's on the ground. It's over. It's kind of a punk move.

I thought, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? There's always that guy. I don't give a shit if it's a real person or if it's a statue. When somebody gets knocked down to the ground, there's always that fucking pussy runs over and then kicks the person or the statue in the fucking head. The head. Sorry, voice cracking here. Anyway, so I watched that movie.

It was amazing. It was about this serial killer in Boston and he was strangling women and all of this shit killed like 13 women. Terrorized Boston for like two years, I believe, around the time of the Kennedy assassination. And then, of course, there was all these conspiracies. He wasn't him, man. It was fucking somebody else. He fucking got the wrong guy, man. And the reason why the Boston stranglers stopped the second they arrested this guy is because he wanted to all get blamed on him.

Whatever. 2013, they had the DNA fucking shit. I don't know. Somehow they got semen somewhere. Maybe just to shut it up. I don't know what they figured out that they actually got the right guy. Now, here's the difference. How times change.

Okay. Because if there was, first of all, somebody strangling women in Boston, a serial killer, they wouldn't call him the Boston strangler. They wouldn't. They would be something else. I don't know. Somehow the, I don't know, the neck violating fucking, I don't know what, a toxic male. I don't know what the fuck. They would come up with something rather than the Boston strangler, but this is how different shit was back then.

There was a guy in Boston, serial killer, strangling women. So his name was the Boston strangler. Okay. Within 20 years of that, a man named Andrew Tony playing for your Philadelphia 76ers used to come in and light the Celtics up. He would put on a display of shooting. I swear to God, a Steph Curry. It's foreshadowing Steph Curry. Okay.

His greatest games. Okay. And he was way cooler than Steph Curry because he was older than me. And I still thought at that point, maybe I could make the NBA. Now Steph Curry is just some young kid that, you know, whose dream happened and mine didn't. I wanted to dunk. You know, I wanted to hit the big three backpedaling down the court before it even went in. I wanted to do that.

Let the parquet there and fucking Boston guy down. People chant mine. I wanted to do that. Anyway. So his nickname was the Boston strangler because he would come to town and he would fucking kill us. He would fucking kill us. And I'm trying to think of any fucking way in modern times that like, who's that kid who just won the Super Bowl there in Kansas City? I swear to God, my short-term memory.

The second the season is over, the fuck is that guy's name? He won a ring. Show some respect. But we respect on his name. What the fuck is his name? I can't remember his fuck. Can you imagine if he got named after like, because he kills people with two minutes left on the clock and then they give him the same nickname as if Jeffrey Dahmer had a fucking nickname. He ain't Steve Fentz is alive.

Keep it going. For whatever his file, man, I had it. I got the joke. I just don't have the fucking reference. What is his fucking name? What is your name? By the way, how about the Patriots getting Cam Newton? Cam Newton.

Let's see here. Just when you thought the Patriots were dead, Rich Eisen. I don't know if you guys saw me. I had a great time on Rich Eisen and the man knows how to get me going. Right before the interview, he sent me a bunch of pictures of Tom Brady in a Tampa Bay Buccaneer uniform. Let's see, KCQB. Patrick, my homes. That's not funny.

Right before it came up, I just, I just immediately, I saw it because I knew the answer was going to be there. I stopped stressing my brain and then it just floated right to me. Keep it going for Patrick. Jeffrey Dahmer, my homes. Never would happen. Well, Jeffrey Dahmer didn't have a nickname. Let's look at top serial killer nicknames. Jesus Christ, what watch list am I going to get on this?

Top serial killer, hide and murder material in a serial box on top of your stereo. Top serial killer, killer, nicknames. All right. Here we go. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Do-do-do-do. All right. The hillside stragglers.

The son of Sam, the lady killer. Ted Bundy was called the lady killer. That almost sounds like, I think he's out there crushing ass. I'll tell you what, Ted Bundy, eight ass, he really got in there. I'm sorry. That's actually more Jeffrey Dahmer. The BTK was the worst one. That's just a bad one and he gave it to himself too.

The night stalker. The acid bath murderer. What in the fuck? Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't want to know, but I don't want to hear you listen to your fucking. All right. I almost said something really like I was going to start hating on those fucking people. I'm not, I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it. Okay. I am too old to understand YouTube celebrities. There, I said it. Okay. I understand if you go out and you do some funny shit, but I don't understand the guys who are the women who are just fucking talking over shit. And they're just getting in the way of it.

It's like, are you trying to suggest that I don't have any friends to joke around with when I watch shit? Okay. Acid bath murderer. John. Hey. Oh, look at him with his fucking serial killer mustache. 1909 to 1949.

See what he did with his 40 years on this earth. Commonly known as the acid bath murderer was an English serial killer who was convicted for the murders of six people, although he claimed to have killed nine. You know, that's one of that is sort of a reoccurring thing with serial killers. You know, they are shit talkers. You know, you're being charged with the murder of 16 innocent people. Is that all you found? Wait, there's more.

Yeah, we were going to, 27. Keep going. Acid bath. It was convicted for the murders of six people, though he claimed to have killed nine. Hey, battered to death or shot as victims and then disposed of their bodies using sulfuric acid before forging their signatures so he could sell their possessions and collect large sums of money. Oh, that's not that bad.

I thought he was throwing him in while they were still alive. So this is like some breaking bad shit. Put him in the old fucking oil drum there. So this guy really wasn't necessary as serial killer. This guy was just a fuck that that's not a serial killer. I thought a serial killer is like somebody who just had just got to kill somebody. This guy is just like a fucking criminal. Well, I guess they're both criminals.

You know what I mean? He's like, he's robbing people and he's just doing it at such a high level. We're going to come back to this. Why would I read that? I'm going to go read a fucking bedtime story and you wonder why I'm so fucked up. All right, let's see. All right, let me just hit stop. I'll just paste them together.

All right, we're going to take a break and by the magic of editing, I will be back in three, two, one. Okay. And I'm back just like that with the water. This fucking guy, this John George fucking. Hey, his name is my name too. Look, he's got the beady eyes. He's got the fucking Hitler stash sort of little Tom Selleck.

Maybe ties a little crooked looking at him on Wikipedia. This guy was not a serial killer. Serial killers don't give a fuck about your money. They, they, they want to fucking, you know, turn you back into a fucking pants suit or your back skin, whatever the fuck it is. They've actually battered to death or shot as victims, disposed of their bodies using sulfuric acid before forging their signature so he could sell their possessions and collect large sums of money.

Yeah, this is a fucking scam. Um, he'd forged their signature so he could sell their possessions, collect large sums of money, not the brightest guy. Um, early life. Oh Jesus. Uh, John, he grew up in a village of Outwood West riding. His parents were engineers and his wife was member of the Plymouth Brethren. Where'd he get the fucking chemistry background?

Hey, later claimed that he suffered from reoccurring religious nightmares in his childhood. Despite these limitations, he developed great proficiency at the piano, which he learned at home. He was fond of classical music. Oh boy. Uh, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. And often went to concert featuring music by a bunch of people at a Bach, uh, Vivaldi and Chakofsky, Chashofsky, whatever the Chashofsky, how do you say it?

Hey, won a scholarship to Queen Elizabeth Grammar with this fucking guy. He's playing the piano. He's getting broads. He's listening to the classic music. Classical music, I should say. What the fuck happened? July 6th, 1934. Hey, Mary, 23 year old Beatrice Betty Hammer.

Oh, look at the, look at the games on Beatrice. Uh, the marriage soon disintegrated the same year that Hey was jailed for fraud. Betty gave birth while he was in prison, although she gave the baby girl up for adoption and led Hey and left Hey. Hey, conservative family ostracized him from then onwards. Hey, moved to London. All right. Let's get Hey was freed from prison in 1943 and became an accountant with an engineering firm.

Soon after by chance, he bumped into his former employee, William McSwain in the goat pub in Kensington. McSwain introduced Hey to his parents, Donald and Amy. Oh boy. McSwain worked for them by collecting rents on their London properties. And Hey became envious of his lifestyle. Yeah, this guy's not a serial killer. This guy is just a fucking. He's a YOLO douche who fucking was killing people and then forging their names.

All right. I mean, serial kills that I think of. Um, all right, let's let's get to somebody else here. What are we the top? Sorry, let me get back to this here. Oh, for fuck's sakes, where did it go? Where did it go? You know, you look shit up and then you click the back arrow and it just disappears.

Um, top 10 serial killer nicknames. All right, let's let's we got to get through the whole fucking list here. Sorry, taking me forever. Um, all right. So where we will not this fucking bitch again. Jesus fucking Christ. Just give me the list. Just give me the fucking list.

I don't need to use your stupid soliloquies. I'm doing the soliloquy. All right. Where are we here? Where are we? Acid bath murderer. The Cleveland torso murderer. All right.

The ick factor of the club whoever wrote ick factor should have been the victim of this person. The ick factor. The one that was holding you of the, he did. Then he ate the head. Oh, my God. Ick like talking about. All right.

Let me just fuck him. Sorry. It was a little stressful. Put my daughter to bed and then I can get my son to stop crying after me talking about how I had it down. I did not have it down. I had a good night. I can tell tonight tonight's going to be.

Tonight's going to be oh, it's going to be a rough one. All right. The Ick factor of the Cleveland torso murderer is sheer body horror. Is this review of a movie? During the 1930s, a series of human remains were found in and around Cleveland, Ohio, often in the Kinsbury. There's that fucking name again, Kinsbury run area. The bodies were typically beheaded or dismembered and the torsos was sometimes cut in half.

Hence the nickname, the Cleveland torso murderer. He murdered the torso. He murdered the people. Something wrong with that nickname. Authorities weren't always able to identify the victims either. The heads weren't always found and in some cases death had occurred several months or a year prior to discovery. 12 victims were allegedly originally attributed to the Cleveland torso murderer, although

the lady of the lake who was found in 1934 before any of the other victims is thought to be an additional victim. Indeed, some theories posit POSIT. I don't know what that word is. That up the Cleveland torso murderer may have been responsible for up to 20 deaths. By the way, the Cleveland torso murder had a second nickname, the mad butcher of Kingsbury run. Yeah, that's way better. That's way better than the fucking whatever the hell she just wrote or he wrote.

All right. You know, I'm fucking bored with this serial killers who have nicknames. See what these people got here. They got 41 of them. Lonnie David Franklin, Jr. How not happy is his dad that he named him after himself? The grim sleeper. David Berkowitz on a Sam.

Gary Ridgeway, the green river killer. Dennis Rader, who really looks like fucking Walter White. He's the BTK guy. I don't know. He gave himself the fucking nickname. Richard Ramirez. He was the hillside strangler, right? What was his name?

Terrorized Los Angeles. I don't see the 405 fucker. What do they call him? Jesus, he's Dennis Nielsen. Look at that fucking guy killed people. Looks like he got picked on. Oh my God, the British equivalent of Jeffrey Dahmer. Nielsen was a gay killer who slayed 15 queer men.

When the fuck was this written? Nielsen in his home in London, England between 78 and 83. All right, that's five years, that's 60 months, 15, and that goes forward. Once every four months, he kept his victims' corpses before dissecting their remains and disposing of their bodies by burning or flushing the remains down the toilet. This led to his capture. I would think so when human flesh was discovered in his sewage system. Not the brightest guy.

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That's it. Enter Burr. All right. The Gulag Archipelago. How do you say that? I'm a political science major. Oh, great. So you're going to win arguments and bars.

How are you going to earn money? All right. Hang on a second. A-R-C-H-I-P-E-L-A-G-O, pro-nunciation. The computer is just going to start guessing pronunciation on everything now. I'm just going to look at the A-R-C-P-E-L-A-G-O. All right. Just say it.

All right. Here we go. Archipelago. Archipelago. Archipelago? Archipelago. They spelled it A-R dot K-U-H. That's R.

Archipelago. This is a pirate word. The Gulag Archipelago. Dear Billy Global Worldwide, I'm a political science major entering my third year. In two different classes, we've learned about the Gulag. I'm amazed that it's not taught in high school. It's hard to match the evils of the Holocaust because it was such a concentrated hate, but the Gulag is right there with it.

Please read the Wikipedia article on the podcast or even a whole book sometime. P.S., I agree, Woodrow Wilson was an abomination. Yeah, he was. Okay. Here we go. Let's see here. Let's look this up. Gulag.

Why do we feel like that's like some sort of fucking New Orleans dish? What do they call it? The trifecta? Salary onions and something else. I'm just combining all kinds of shit. Wiki. Okay, Gulag. The Gulag or Gulag was the government agency in charge of the Soviet Union network of

forced labor camps set up by order of Vladimir Lenin, reaching its peak during Joseph Stalin's rule from the 1930s to the early 1950s. English language speakers also used the word Gulag to refer to forced labor camps that existed in the Soviet Union, including camps that existed in the post-Stalin era. The Gulag is recognized as a major instrument of political repression in the Soviet Union. The camps housed a wide range of convicts from petty criminals to political prisoners, large numbers of whom were convicted by simplified procedures such as by the, I can't even, I don't know what that word is, or by other instruments.

Okay. The internment system grew rapidly reaching a population of 100,000 in 1920s. All right. What did they do? Contemporary history, background formation. More death toll conditions. This is really just a dark podcast. Living and working conditions in the camps varied significantly across time and place

depending among other things on the impact of broader events. World War II, country-wide famine and shortages, waves of terror, sudden influx of releases of large numbers of prisoners. However, to one degree or another, the large majority of the prisoners, this is just not going to give. Okay. Shack from Gulag reconstructed Gulag. So what, you just slept on wood?

It was famine, serious famine, 1931-33 swept across many different regions of the Soviet Union during this time. It is estimated that around 6 to 7 million people starved to death. On August 7, 1932, a new edict drafted by Stalin specified a minimum sentence of 10 years of execution for theft from collective farms. Yeah, I don't want to read about this. This is just terrible shit. How do you do this?

I just do not fucking understand how human beings can do that to other human beings. All right. I'll check out the Gulag archipelago. I will check that out. Statues vs. Biden. What? Satshus? The person wrote S-A-T-U-E-S.

I read his statues. Dear Billy Principles, I think that some of these Confederate statues are ridiculous, especially since most were put up during the 1950s and 60s. That's a great point. But honestly, how are people telling me to vote for Biden, who brags to this day about the crime bill, which puts millions of black men in jail for nonviolent crimes, destroying the male role in so many communities? That guy represents so much more than the statues, and every time I bring this up, which

is often, people just look at me like I'm stumping for Trump. I hate everyone's stupid opinion. Thanks, and go fuck yourself. Welcome to my world. That's where I feel. And I also don't even know what to believe, because there's so much shit that's attached to anything that any politician ever signs, which I still don't understand why that is illegal to do it.

You know why it is, because they would say no to it, because they get voted out of office if they did it. The fact that shit gets attached to bills, and everybody's accepting of that, I just think big money is the attack. Who the fuck do you know walking down the switch? What did you do today? I attached something to a bill. How the fuck did you do that?

You don't have any money. I agree with you, but I also think at this point, I'm talking too much about politics. I want a leader under center. That's what I want. I want somebody who throws an incomplete pass, comes and says, hey, my bad, doesn't yell at the fucking wide receivers. And has that look in his eye, like we're going to fucking win this, and points out John Candy in the crowd during the final drive of a fucking Super Bowl.

That's what I want in a president, whether he's wearing a blue or a fucking red tie. That's all I need. All right, go fuck yourselves. Okay, advice. Sloppy teens from a lady. Hola, Billy Blue Eyes. I live in a unique neighborhood, unique New York anchorman. I live in a unique neighborhood.

It's small and has a private airstrip running through the middle of it. Oh, that's awesome. The houses on the strip have hangers and most of the owners are retired NASA and Air Force pilots with small planes. Wow. Can you imagine the conversations when they're fucking talking over the fences? Jesus Christ. I bet they all know what shit not to talk about.

So they never have to say it's classified. They just know the areas they can't talk. Keep it light. You know, would you shoot any fireworks off for the fourth? Okay, at the end of the airstrip, we have a private park with trails and a playground for kids. And in the back, there was a creek with a pipeline crossing it that attracts teenagers swinging off the pipeline into the creek and late night drinking slash partying.

It's been ongoing like this for decades and the neighborhood residents are always trying to figure out how to stop the teenagers from using the park, mostly because of the trash they leave behind. The cops don't do anything except run them off, but they always come back. Lately, the neighborhood residents have been trying to figure out a way, a real way to crack down. For example, towing their cars and pressing charges. I struggle with it.

It seems harsh and we were all teenagers once and had a place to go like this to blow off steam. That's how I look at it. If I ever fucking did that, the level of hypocrite that I would be, we used to go, we used to go down this place, Dan Road. It was like an office, it was a developing office park. We used to just like to be like a caravan like fucking 10 cars just driving down that office, you know, area into this one thing where there was like a trail.

It was like you just all of a sudden you just be off road and you went all the way into these like woods. Well, they cleared out that I'm sure they've now developed. We would just go down there and get fucked up and you know, every weekend, either Friday or Saturday night, a police cruiser would go down there. We'd all fucking run, take off or do fucking whatever. So how the hell could I sit there and cosign on that bullshit? I mean, if they're doing like meth and shit, they're being fucking crazy, then yeah.

But you know, they're just booze and weed and shit, you know. I don't give a fuck. I gave some goof-off suggestions such as releasing rabid skunks on them, attacking them with paintball guns and stealing their booze or just putting a fucking trash can there and hopes they would use it. I do enjoy the park with my son and the mess is actually annoying. Got any fun ideas? What would you suggest if it was your neighborhood?

Um, I would probably go down there and just fucking clean it up. That's what I would do. And I would just do what you did. I would have a trash can and I would just say, you know, don't be a cunt fucking. There's something that has vulgarity on it. So they'll think it's funny. Um, I don't know. I don't know.

I remember a long time ago drinking down the cape at this kid's house and, uh, this old guy came by and he was yelling at us. So he was drinking out in the front lawn like fucking idiots, underage, out in the front yard. Stupid, right? He just kept yelling at us, going like, yeah, yeah, we're out here, can't be drunk. We always had a barrel. Christ, we had a barrel.

Kept yelling about having a trash barrel. And, uh, looking back, the guy was right. Now the way he did it was wrong, but, um, I don't know. I can't really judge any of that because I did all of that shit. Any fun ideas? What would you do? Well, you can't fuck with the environment because that's going to come back and bite you in the ass.

What, what's the, you're going to train these rabid skunks to only come out after the teenagers? You know, then they're not going to be there and they're not going to leave a bunch of shit around for the rabid skunks to eat and then eventually they're going to be in your garbage. So that doesn't work. Um, paintball guns, I don't know, that's, you know, these fucking kids today, they can't handle that shit. They'd somehow take video and then you get fucking sued, uh, sued, uh, stealing their

booze. Really? Do you really want a fucking case of keystone light? Whatever the hell kids drink nowadays, cheap ass booze. Um, I don't know what I would do. I mean, it'd be fun to fuck with them if you wanted to. It just seems so douchey though. I, you know, something I actually, I wouldn't, I would just let, I would just let them drink

and have a good fucking time and just realize that, uh, you know, they could be doing a lot worse. They could be doing a lot worse and I, you know, I don't know. I just go down there. I just would fucking pick the shit up. I've always done that shit. I don't give a fuck. I don't hold ego thing.

I ain't picking up your fucking trash. I don't want to look at it. So I would, I would just go over and I'd just pick it up. That's what I, you know what I would do? I would go over there before there's other fucking adults got up and I would go over there and I would just clean up the fucking area and then let them think that whatever fucking thing that they did made those kids go away and that way the kids can have fun. The adults aren't mad and you get an exercise picking up the trash.

There you go. I'm not mad at myself. All right. Wedding proposal advice. Uh, dear bill bald as my balls burr. All right. Somebody got the fucking manscape. Uh, I discovered your podcast a few months back while working during this pandemic.

Shout out to all the essentials. And I can't tell you how much I've been addicted. Oh, that's great. Thank you. I've been on Mondays and Thursdays and look forward every week and I'm currently listening to earlier podcasts from this year pre COVID shitstorm. Anyway, I'm a 24 year old dude and I've been with my girlfriend for a couple of years now and have been thinking a lot lately about popping the question.

We are both the same age and have stable jobs and we don't see ourselves leaving anytime soon. Things are great in our relationship. I am not yawning about your life. Just yawning. I was interested in how your proposal to the lovely Nia went and how you knew it was the right time. And if you were nervous, um, I knew it was the right time cause she was going to fucking

leave me if I didn't, I strung her along as long as I could fucking could. I was terrified. I totally loved her and I wanted to be with her, but I was scared. Um, was I nervous? I absolutely was nervous. Um, I'm having trouble thinking of how I should propose to her, but I know I want to. I know I also know she's everything I want that she's definitely what's best for me. That's great.

You discovered it really young and she has my best interests in mind. Thanks for whatever advice you can lend and also thanks for doing the podcast. Good shit. Lots of love from New England and I hope your family is safe during these times. Go fuck yourself. Um, yeah, I don't know throughout the years with the internet and the cell phone cameras, like people really think they got to do like this big giant fucking thing. I did not do a big giant thing, um, cause I know if I, if I, if I tried to fucking plan

anything, she would have figured it out. So I went the opposite way. I believe it was Christmas morning. We went on a hike back when we still had my awesome dog, old Cleodeo and it had rained out and it was all muddy and she was pissed and we were going up this hill and she just was fucking upset. She was not having a good time and, uh, I had no plan. I just knew I was going to ask her on the hike and then we just came to this rock that

had this, it just was overlooking downtown LA and I just told her to sit down for a second. I acted like I was having trouble with the dog and asked if she could reach into my pocket. My jacket pocket and she pulled it out and it was, uh, it was a little Tiffany box or whatever. And then she went, oh, you know, put her hand over her mouth and just started sobbing. Um, and that was one of the happiest days of my life, not only because I did it and I felt great and I knew it was right and I knew it was the right decision, but also

when you, you know, when you're an asshole like me and your woman is always mad at you, I just knew for the rest of the day she was going to be in a good mood. And I don't think I've ever had another day like that at any moment. I'm telling you today, I fly fucking, I have this habit. I fucking get a glass of water. I set it down on the floor. I think to myself, Bill, don't put it on the fucking floor. You're going to somehow knock it over and I do it every fucking time.

And I was with my son and I was bouncing him on the exercise ball and I finally got him to sleep and the exercise ball was in between this little crib. So I, I, I kicked it backwards with the, with my fucking, you know, my heel. And I just heard it. I had a giant, like, you know, the fucking workout level bottle. I just heard it hit the ground and go, you know, that little, that sound it makes. And there's just the fucking water just pouring out. And I was just like, you got to be fucking, how many fucking times you fucking stupid

fucking cook. I mean, I wasn't screaming because I don't want to wake up my kid, but my wife heard it. What was that? You know, it's just like, what was that? It was just, it was just me being me. So anyway, all right, aggressively woke girlfriend dumped me. All right. Here, Billy, the, I hate when you guys give me nicknames that I don't understand Bella,

because I feel like it's a good joke and I'm ruining it. Bella Costco, binging bitch. Now I got to look up Bella Costco. The fuck is that? Is this something that I should know? Is there something I should know? All right, B-E-L-I-C-O-S-O. Oh, traditionally a short pyramid shaped cigar with a shorter, more rounded taper at the

head. Is that what I call a torpedo? Oh, I like it. Oh, there you go. There you go. I get it. Well, torpedo, I think it's, I like the ones that are tapered at both ends. All right.

Why are you bringing up cigars? You're going to make me fucking go smoke here, right? I thought they said my tits, it says my title is a bit of a, is a bit of click bake, but I got you this far, so no regrets. Oh, it's a bit of click bait? Well, Andrew reads these, so I mean, if this is just a long boring one, because I usually find that that's what click bait is, it's just fucking boring. All right, my girlfriend, or I guess my ex-girlfriend now, is a very good person and absolutely

beautiful, brilliant and caring. Ah, fuck, I'm sorry. I can't stop yawning here. We are in medical school together and we're dating for two years. Everything was great initially. We had, oh my God, can you imagine the combined student loan debt you guys would have? We had deep conversations and we're each other's best friends, so when it came time to pick a hospital for rotations, we chose one in her hometown and decided to move in together.

What could go wrong? This sounds great so far. She was actually the stronger voice in asking for the move, for the move in. I was down to do it, but I didn't want to upset her old school Catholic parents because I figured that I should be on their good side if I proposed in a year or two. That said, for the past few months, she has gotten more and more progressive to an intense degree. We started having political fights and I really didn't feel heard.

I'm left wing, but not as far as her. For example, my dad's mentally handicapped cousin, he had a virus when he was little that messed up his brain, runs a liquor store in this state that I'm not going to say. I just don't like getting people in trouble here. It got burned down on the second night of protesting, rioting after George Floyd got murdered. Our classmates were talking about police violence on our school message board, so I posted that and I'm all for Black Lives Matter and the message, systematic racism is awful and needs

to be stopped, but this violence has gotten out of hand and needs to end. I just asked for things to be done peacefully. Well, you're kind of confusing the rioters with the Black Lives Matter people that were protesting and you're always going to have morons. There's people on the right politically that you can have a conversation with and then there's fucking morons running around with their dick out in their four wheeler talking about freedom, right? And then you got on the left, you got fucking people that you can tell your people you can

have fucking conversation with and then you get these fucking, I don't know what the fuck you want to call them, these people like, you know, you should dress your son in pink and give him a fucking flower and just like, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about. All right, she then comes over to me in our bedroom and launches into this thing about how saying that I'm diminishing the movement and I need to not say these things to other people. Yeah.

See, this is where it gets, what you shouldn't say, what you feel, how I need to understand the pain of Black people, the pain Black people are going through and offer support, how it's not time for my comments because I'm white and I've never felt systematic oppression. On my side, I'm pissed, my dad and uncle are now taking care of their cousin who has had very little income due to COVID and now doesn't even have a shop. Plus there's some issues with insurance because being covered for fire and theft is different from being covered for a riot. I don't really get the financial details, but I do know that my dad has had to postpone

his retirement because of all of this. He's 70 years old and is still working to provide for my family of seven. I told her I have a right to be angry and voice my opinions too. I also pointed out that calling for peace is not disagreeing with the protesters' message. I'm Jewish and have experienced my fair share of anti-Semitism. The anger I feel towards anti-Semites would never be an excuse to commit a violent act against someone. Okay, but in fairness, like the level of violence towards Black, I don't think that

Jewish people just get pulled over for being Jewish. Historically, obviously, you've been through some shit, but as far as your existence in this country, if you're going to look at March Madness, what are you ranked in the brackets? I would say you're about an 11 seat. Anyway, we've had other fights over things like feminism, 16 seat. Oh, Jesus, I'm going to get shit for this. I'm all for equally equality between sexes and want to do my part like taking on more child rearing responsibility when I have kids.

Hey, be careful with that, buddy. Be careful with this because these fucking smart ass women have basically downloaded a bunch of shit that they don't want to do anymore and have not uploaded any of our shit jobs. So the guys kept all of their shit jobs and now are picking up their shit shifts also. And then they're fucking sitting over there, they won't even make you a fucking sandwich anymore. Anyways, but I refuse to label myself as a feminist because I think there's a lot of

negative man-hating ideologies associated with that group. It absolutely is. They're guilty of a lot of the things that they're against. Not cool feminists, ones you can actually talk to. They're very rare, like a cool sports fan that can admit that his team got beat by a better team. It's very rare. You know, I'm a bit of a cunt when it comes to being a sports fan.

I'm just a bit of a cunt in general, anyways. She is firm that if I support women, I need to label myself as a feminist. Fuck this fucking chick, dude. Fuck this chick. Fuck this chick. Guys, I'm denigrating her beliefs. I responded that I am a firm supporter of Israel's right to exist, but I would never label myself as a Zionist because I think the treatment of the Palestinians has been

horrendous. All right, dude, you're really coming off like a fucking level-headed person here. Granted, I haven't been able to hear what your woman says here. Your property, I'm kidding. This all came to a head the other day when, after another one of these political fights, she dumped me and went back to her parents' place. Now I'm paying the full rent on an apartment that's way out of my price range because she insisted on a two-bedroom in a city where I don't know anybody.

I'm thousands of miles from my friends and family, and as a kicker, her dad is a chief attending at the hospital we're going to be rotating at, and either he or one of his colleagues, he will be directly in control of my first clerkship grade. He's a very nice guy and has always been kind to me, but I still feel like I'm fucked. I have no idea how he interpreted our breakup and obviously had no control over his response. The worst part is I miss her a lot, and I'm more sad than angry. Underneath all of this, I think the worst stuff is an excuse to be mad at me. Yeah, I was kind of saying this is sort of a weird thing to break up with somebody over.

So she either wanted to do it or just went off the deep end, which happens to people. I went off the deep end in the late 2000s early to go back and listen to those podcasts. I was just talking about the Federal Reserve and all of this fucking crazy shit. Still don't think I'm wrong, but I mean, that's not a place you want to be mentally, and it just wears people out around you. Anyways, she has been upset about my lack of effort in our relationship for a few months. She constantly comments on how I don't take her on dates anymore, which has been hard to do with COVID, but honestly, I have no excuse.

Dude, yes you do. You're in fucking medical school. You're in a two bedroom expensive fucking goddamn thing. You guys are both buried in fucking student loans. The fuck is wrong with this person? I don't know, dude. I think once you get past this bullshit, listen, if you have a shot in hell at making a relationship work, you got to find a sweetheart.

The way you've written this, this is nuts. Anyways, I could have done more and I could have been more invested. I fucked up in that regard. Also, her parents are very religious, so I think moving in with me was a culture shock. Although she was the only one really pushing for the move in, I think it got scary because that leap is a huge separation from her parents or her childhood culture. Anyways, any advice you or Nia could lend would be much appreciated. I have no idea what I'm going to do for the next year.

I'm going to tell you exactly what the fuck you're going to do. You're going to go down to that hospital and regardless of how her fucking dad treats you, you're going to absolutely crush it. That's what you're going to do. What you're going to prove to that man is that her daughter was out of her fucking mind to break up with you. Now I'm not saying brown nose. I'm just saying go in there and fucking kick the shit out of the job.

I would even maybe, I don't know, address what happened. Just be like, hey, sorry, things didn't work. I mean, she dumped you though. So I don't know. I would just go in there. It's a year of your fucking life. Kick ass at the fucking job, no matter what mind game, if the guy decides to play a mind game, which would be really fucking childish, all right?

But you never know a dad with his daughter. Who the fuck knows, right? He might even been behind the breakup. You have no fucking idea or, or this is the whole other way. He might know that she's out of her fucking mind. Who knows? All right? But I wouldn't bring any fucking baggage.

Call the guy doctor so-and-so, whatever. You know something? If he wants to fucking bring it up, let him fucking bring it up. And I would, like I said, I would just absolutely fucking crush it there. You know, you can always break a lease. You can always get a fucking roommate. I'm sure you're going to meet somebody. Get a fucking roommate.

Do not fucking get another girlfriend this quick and get them in there. I wouldn't do that either. I would just get another fucking roommate. You know? I don't know. Do the prison workout. Keep yourself in shape. And I don't know if you still really like this chick, maybe keep like a fucking open mind.

But I, you know, you definitely got to draw some lines and get some boundaries if you're going to get back together, all right? And it's straight up like, listen, you were a sweetheart and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And I definitely dropped the ball in some areas, which I believe we've covered. You know? Because God knows she fucking read you the riot act. But you can reiterate him so she can feel validated.

And then you can delve into her shit and just be like, yeah, listen, you know, this world according to Garfucking Lunatic bullshit that you've gone on to, I don't know, she's not going to understand that reference. Whatever the fucking references, okay? You know, I have a, I have a, I'm a human being and I have all emotions and I have access to all of them and I have a right to feel them, okay? And if I extend that courtesy to you, you need to extend it to me. And that's it.

And if I can be adult enough to listen to your opinion that I do not agree with, okay? But I'll be mature enough to understand that you're allowed to have that opinion, then you need to do that to me. And if you can't do that, I'm not starting this over again. And I'll tell you this right now, buddy, that's the best you're going to do with that one. All right? Because this happens with people as they, they get into shit and they go off the fucking deep end.

God knows I've done it. And it's not fair to the people in your life. So sorry that happened to you. Good luck. But here's the thing, dude. This is fucking shit. You're going to be a doctor, okay? And it's always sad right after somebody breaks up with you.

But you never know. You might get back together or you might not get back together and one day you're going to sit back and be like, what the fuck was I doing in that thing? Putting up with that level of bullshit? Telling me what I can and can't fucking think. I mean, that chick is out of her fucking mind the way you wrote it. You know, although you're not allowed to say that nowadays, you're supposed to say that she's really strong.

And you know what it was? You weren't a strong enough man to handle her telling you what your fucking opinion should be. Jesus Christ, what kind of fucking world are we living in? What kind of world are we living in that shit gets taken away from people? You know, some of this bull, I don't know. I try to dance around this shit because I don't want to get involved in this stuff. But you know, I don't get this.

I just, I don't understand what the fuck goes on with these, I don't know, we'll just leave it at that with this whole fucking woke thing, this whole woke thing. Remember that was like, black people came up with that and somehow white people hijacked it. It's just a way to fucking, you know, it's just this way to just show what a great person they are without really doing anything, like going after the name of an airport. I mean, what kind of fucking effort does that take? All right, I guess maybe a little bit of an effort.

I don't fucking know. You know what? I'm old and I'm going to shut the fuck up. God bless everybody. God bless you. God bless him. God bless her. God bless fucking they.

And God bless people that are wearing masks again. You know, let's give this another try. This, this, trying to beat this fucking virus is going to be like, you know, it's like dieting. We're going to, we're going to yo-yo diet our whole way through and be like fucking Bill Clinton. You know, be disgustingly skinny or just have big bitch hips throughout all of this. And hopefully these genius scientists and doctors are going to fucking figure out how to isolate this thing and fucking, I don't know what the fuck it is they do.

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