Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-6-15

Episode Date: July 6, 2015

Bill rambles about fireworks fatalities, women's soccer and Saddam Hussein talkin' smack.

Do you choose the second hand car on Instinct or with your license? With the choice for a BMW with the BMW Premium Selection Certificate, let yourself be guided by both. Because its quality, it feels you. And that it is reliable, you know that. Above all, you now enjoy a 4-year warranty on your certified second hand car. BMW Premium Selection, trust your Instinct, follow your license. What's going on? How was your weekend? Did you have a good time? Did you blow off your fucking fingers? Did you enjoy the 4th of July?

You know, first of all, for right out of the gate, right out of the gate, I want to thank everybody that did some dumb shit with fireworks and had the presence of mind to fucking make a YouTube video out of it. You know, so guys like me could just sit there, I was laughing my ass off last night. I went to bed and I was watching people shooting bottle rockets out of their ass, having Roman candle fights, seeing somebody take one to the face. Do you know some guy in Maine lit something off on top of his fucking head and he died instantly? They were like, he lit off, they said some mortar or something fucking insane. What kind of a fucking asshole would do something like that?

He must have had it. There's no way. Everybody knows once you get up to anything like a pack of firecrackers on your head, you're like, that's funny. You're going to fucking kill your eardrums and you know, but you're going to survive. But what do you put an M80 in his mouth or something? Well, I don't know, Bill, you fucking brought it up. All right, relax. Let's just look up. Maine guy dies fireworks. All right, man shoots off fireworks from top of his head, dies instantly. A 22 year old man was drinking and celebrating the fourth of July.

Happy birthday to America. Dude, put it on my head. Happy birthday to America. I'll fucking like it. Happy birthday. Wow. Michael. Oh my God, somebody calling ambulance. That's how it went down. 22 year old man who was drinking and celebrating the fourth of July tried to launch a firework from top of his head, killing him instantly. Authority said, authority said, you got to be an authority to say that somebody's fucking dead after they light something off on their head. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Clear, clear the way. Yes. Yes. He is dead. Well, they kind of knew that he has brains all over the

sidewalk. Watch your mouth woman. Watch your mouth woman. It's one of my favorite quotes in sports over the last fucking, I don't know how many months, six months. Watch your mouth woman. When that woman called asked LeBron what it was like to be a punk ass bitch and then that guy's going, watch your mouth woman. Watch your mouth woman. And you know, you would think that the broads would have had such would have fucking difficulty with it. Like, you know, I realized that she said something derogatory towards him, but that's no excuse. Go change your broad lady. All right. I love that they didn't say anything because even they knew, even they knew that guy, you know, that bitch was out of line.

I'm just talking shit today. They won't say what kind of firework it was. All right. Apparently he thought that was a great idea. That just when you died in a stupid fucking way, when somebody starts it off, when they start your eulogy off with apparently, you know, apparently this guy thought sticking his head in the garbage disposal was, uh, you know, gonna give him a good buzz. I mean, I'm sorry to bring it up Claire, but you know, how did he even get it in there? Hallelujah. Um, his friends said they thought they thought they dissuaded him from doing it. The next thing they knew, he ignited

the firework and he was killed instantly. What the fuck did he shoot off? There was no rushing him to the hospital. There was no Devin left when I got there, said 25 year old Cody. Jesus Christ. The names of this generation, huh? Devin, Cody, Jeep Wrangler. Devin was the kind of person who would do something stupid. Absolutely. He was the kind of person who would pretend to do something stupid to make people laugh. Well, he wasn't faking it. Um, all right. It's the first fireworks fatality since they legalized fireworks January 1st, 2012. Well, he just fucked it up for the whole state. It's bad enough. Everyone's on heroin. Now you're going to give them fireworks. I mean, what next? Does Isis get their own juice store?

Come on, people. Over 18% of bottle rockets are shot out of people's anuses in this state alone. This needs to stop. That's going on in Main Street right now in Maine. Hi, do you know me? Of course, you don't. I'm your regular housewife here in Maine. My son is on heroin. My other son shot a Roman candle up his ass. I'm sorry to be graphic. He was trying to shoot it out of his ass, but apparently it is excitement. Well, who's getting who? I mean, in order to light the wick, you got to be able to see it. So I don't know how these things were done when we were kids. We just we lit them and we ran away. We hit under our desks. That's what we did. Devon was a great person. Um, and in New Jersey, a 52 year old man blew off a large piece of his leg

below the knee when he set off a tennis ball sized firework in Montana, Montana, Montana. A 32 year old man was killed at his building's home in a fireworks accident involving a mortar tube. All right, at least there was some sort of mortar round. I mean, mortar round. I mean, first of all, when you start lighting off shit, where your neighbors start screaming and coming, you know, what do you think is going to happen? Let's look up a mortar tube here, everybody. I'm learning about fireworks through the death of my fellow Americans. Um, I spilt motar. All right. Firework mortar tubes. How about some images? Let me see what the fuck these things look like. Is there some sort of? All right, all I see is army guys.

Yeah, that's not good. You know, when the shit you're shooting off. Oh, there we go. Well, there's one that looks like a little barbershop thing. What a fucking dope. He shot that off his head. You know, what probably happened, I would guess, is that there was some sort of discharge from the bottom end of it in the concussive fourth. But it seems like there was no Devon. He fucking blew his head off. Jesus, what a way to start. I had such a wonderful weekend. I didn't mean this when I was talking about funny shit. I was just talking about, you know, people having Roman candle fights. Come on, we all did that shit, right? That's that is the evolution of all weaponry. All right, anything that has an explosive

device, anything that that explosive device, anything that that fucking blows shit up. You just you start or anything that you can shoot at a target, it always starts simple. Let's light it off. You know, let's let's point it in that direction at the trees. Right. And then what then you move up to let's torture some insects. Let's shoot a bird. And eventually, because, you know, the way human beings are that we always try to top one another, and we get bored, which is the reason why we went from walking to the horse to the car. I'm really in deep right now. I know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Eventually, you're going to move to the, the, the ultimate prey, the human being.

You know, something that can think the same way you do something that may have done better in math than you did. You know, that's the challenge. This person passed algebra. I did not. We're both trying to kill one another is, you know, first outside inside last going to come into play here when we're out in the woods. Our opposite angles being congruent. Is that going to be the death of me? Or do I just have that extra something? Do I want it a little bit more? Am I able to block out the fifth commandment? Do I have such a strong religious background that I can hear God's voice in my head telling me that I'm right, telling me to deliver that animal? It's not even a man anymore. It's a fucking animal. Deliver that animal in the express line to its maker, right?

Do I have that? I mean, it's inevitable. That's personally why I don't fuck with fireworks. I don't fuck with fireworks because I know that I am scatterbrained and I get bored easily and I have 10,000 fucking hobbies and eventually lighting it off in the driveway is not going to be enough for me. Okay. I have neighbors. I have neighbors that I get along with. Maybe I'm bored with the maybe I'm bored with the fact that I get along with them. Maybe I want to start maybe some days you just wake up and you just want to start some shit and you just happen to have some fireworks that don't just blow up. They go way up in the air and you want to shoot somebody, right? Anyways, my condolences to anybody who knows somebody that died. Now, I don't have any

condolences for the people that died cause you're fucking dead and you're either dead or I think you're in a better place because someone who's dumb enough to blow themselves up on the July 4th weekend with their own goddamn explosives. I don't think ever had the brains to really hurt another human being knowingly. I never knowingly lied knowingly hurt another fucking human being. I mean, honestly, if you're that fucking stupid, obviously you could go out and you could hurt somebody, but you know, do you really have the mental capacity to understand, you know, your actions? Man, it's gotta be one of the dumbest fucking things you could ever do.

Take something of that level. You know what it is? I really think it's the fucking, well, they don't, there's no video of it. I was thinking this is the YouTube generation where they're, you know, everybody's basically on TV is that fucking skinny blood disease to cunt who painted the soup cans that everybody flipped out over. Andy Warhol, one of the most overrated, overrated fucking artists of all time. All right. I almost said I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. That fucking jerk off, drugging up people and banging them in the ass and then fucking drawn a soup can. I mean, if that's an, if that's an artist in your world, then you know what? There's a lot of artists

in prison right now. They're fucking pasty jackass. You know, he was the original hipster. You know, didn't have the balls to fucking strike out and do something new. He just sort of mocked and just, just by the way, did anybody see the last two episodes of the comedians? Huh? Did anybody with Josh Gad and Billy Crystal? I fucking love that show. And uh, this is a mini spoiler alert. Basically, Josh gets caught talking shit about Billy Crystal and his act. And uh, then they still have to do what they got to do promos to do the upcoming stew. The fight that they fucking have is great. And um, Billy Crystal's character makes fun of Josh's like fucking hipster friends and such a fucking just beautiful way,

eloquent way, and just really sums up that whole when your creativity is just mocking whatever exists. It's such a pussy place to create from because at some point, that's what I always do. Whenever I watch somebody like, remember what time watching somebody that went on on TV and they just mock the art of standup, you know, which on a certain level was funny, was basically doing all the, I don't know what is, what is the word in the industry? The tropes, the hacky fucking, you know, setups and all that type of shit did all of that. But you know, after a couple of minutes, it's like, okay, I get it. I get it. There's some tried and trued fucking paths that you can walk down as a comedian. All right, if you're so adept at

seeing that shit, why don't you show all of us the new road? And that's what those hipster cunts never do. They never, they don't cut, they don't carve out any new ground. They just stomping all over shit that's already been done, making fun of it. So I actually, you know, it's weird to me is because there's so much of that during this period of time, you know, like whenever in 20 years from now, when this generation of directors makes their fast times at Ridgemont High, they're fucking dazed and confused. You know what I mean? Actually, fast times at Ridgemont High took place in the 80s. So that was actually very current. But I'm just saying how, you know, when the 90s, the 70s became nostalgic, and you made fun of all the clothes and the fucking hairstyles and all that

in the 2000s, and people made fun of the 80s. And now people kind of mocking the 90s. What are you going to mock now? People mocking the decades before, like that's what people did in this, there's got to be something. I know what they'll do. Let's see what will they do. They'll do DJ music. I'm being too hard on this generation, they got their own stuff, they got meth, every generation has to have their own drug, by the way, you know, and heroin, a little bit old, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, right? So what do you do? They they get the meth. That's their new thing, right? The old things, heroin, something borrowed, they're mocking all this shit, and something blue. That's when they fucking OD and they don't have

any oxygen in their blood anymore. Jesus Christ, Bill, what are you doing poetry over here? I'll tell you right now, that was a solid 15 minutes and 15 seconds of absolute horse shit. And you know what, you sat there and listened to it. That's what you're doing today. Two days after the fucking birthday of America, when we kicked England's ass, Jesus Christ, fucking England. Isn't it amazing that that little ass fucking island, that there was full of so many fucking evil white people that they could actually actually kind of took over the world for a while? Well, actually, there was way less people, though, wasn't there? You know, most of the places they went to, you know, they weren't, they weren't as advanced,

right? This is where a white guy gets in trouble for saying some racist shit, you know what I mean? I'm not trying to say that, you know, your boats weren't as good as their boats. I wasn't there, okay? And in a lot of ways, cultures that were considered primitive, if we continued to live that way, I want to ask you, do you think that the planet would be in the polluted state that it is? I don't think it would be. But I'll tell you this right now, I would already be dead. I would already be dead, you know, which for me, selfishly, I'm glad we continue to advance and pollute the fucking world, you know, but that's just a selfish fucking move. I should have said like, you know what, I wish it stayed the same. And I died of a rupture of appendix when I was 12 years old,

under a stack of blankets, sweating in a fucking log cabin, log cabin too advanced, too many trees in a hut made out of the skins of the animals that I ate throughout my life, my life, I was gonna say my lives, my life. I was actually trying to think to you, I was watching something the other day. And I've been on this weird thing where I fucking start to nod off watching TV and then I wake back back up again. And then I start thinking like, did I just watch that? Or did I just dream that? And then I always do the math. And I was like, that is way too fucked up to have been on television. I must have just been dreaming. And then I never have the presence of mind to fucking write it down.

You know what I mean? I'll tell you what would be fucking insane is if you could actually make a movie that made people feel like they were dreaming, right? But you knew you were dreaming, but you couldn't wake up. Am I describing a coma right now? Am I awake? Can you guys hear me? Hear me? Hear me? The closest thing to that would be, I guess we'd be movies like Jacob's Ladder. Jacob's fucking Ladder! That movie was fucking, that movie's still great. I watched that the other day. Very underrated movie starring the guy from Shosh, Tim Robbins, the guy who used to be married to Susan Sarandon. Oh, crushed two names in a row there. I saw Susan Sarandon recently in a movie with, I want to say Melissa McCarthy. I don't even, I don't remember. All I know is she was fucking hilarious. Oh,

it was Melissa McCarthy. She was fucking hilarious. Fucking hilarious. As was Melissa, as always. So anyways, speaking of ladies, luck be a lady tonight. You won the ladies world cup. You stuck that ball in the motherfucking goal and you won the world cup for the third fucking time. The fucking man haven't even won it once. It isn't fair. It is not right. Why do only the ladies win the fucking world cup while all the guys got their soccer balls on ice? Sorry. The ladies world cups, I actually fucking really got into it. And by really getting into it, I kept forgetting it was on. But whenever I saw it, I kept going, you know what, I'm going to watch this. I saw Japan versus Australia. Japan obviously won that one because they played the ladies in the file, right?

You know what, the fucking women had, the women had what, three goals and the first four goals and like the first, I don't know how many minutes, like five minutes or something like that. I missed it, of course. I was out. What was I do? I was playing drums. You know what I mean? I was doing that shit. And then I fucking came back. That's what I do. I looked like a fucking eight-year-old. I should have died when I was 12. What am I doing here? Walking around like a big kid. You know, I had, I didn't have a, I should have a fucking pacifier the way I lived my fucking life. You ever see those weirdo guys, you know, they can't let go of their fucking childhood. Remember on opiate anthony one time we were watching these things and they fucking walk around

diapers and their mother treats them like a big baby. Jesus Christ. You know what I mean? That's the one good thing if Hitler lived. The one good thing if Hitler lived, people who want to be adult babies would, would have been exterminated. That's the only good thing. That would be the only time Hitler got it right. You know what I mean? That you take out child molesters and all, you know, but y'all in the shadow of the doubt, they're guilty. You got the guy dead to rights, laying in a fucking playpen, playing with a mobile, mobile, one of those fucking things that hang over your head. Shell, Exxon, what do you call those fucking things? A mobile? A menorah? A menage? What the fuck is it called? You know what it is that things that

hang over and the kids look at it because they haven't like a fucking asset trip. Dude, that would be the ultimate drug. Don't worry ladies, I'm going to get back to the women winning the soccer. I got a lot to say about that. Our football is they call it around the world. That would be the ultimate fucking drug is if you could take something that erased temporarily, temporarily erased everything you've ever learned in life. And you could go back to being a baby again, like the first time it opens its eyes and you're just staring at a chair like what in the fuck is that? Is that my mother? Is that edible? Are you know what I mean? Like because I heard when babies first open their eyes, it is it's like an asset trip when they're taken in all the

colors light and everything. They don't know what the fuck they know what they're fucking. They don't even want their own hands are sit there staring at the hand. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the wonderment of that? That's why that's why babies need diapers. Because there's there on such a trip that you if you could fucking do that and you looked at every now you shit yourself because you don't you don't even want to toilet this. You've never been teased for shitting yourself. You never even smelled the shit. You have no fucking idea what it smells like. You just have to shit and you shit. You know what? So I do it right fucking in the zone. You just bury in threes like Steph Curry, except you hit all of them where he only misses like

two out of 100. But you bury all of them because you don't know that it's fucking practically impossible. I tell you right now, if I was running a basketball team, I'd sign a baby. You know, get them up on his feet. Just get them up on his feet. Okay, keep feeding this kid. All right. This is the new triangle offense. Okay, we got the fucking baby right at the point. We're going to keep feeding keep working it around to him. All right. And kid kid over here. Hey, yeah, over here, you just keep launching it. Everybody under the fucking me just keep fucking throwing it up. Right. Be like when the nuggets decided not to play defense and they thought that they were going to have the first 200 point game. What am I talking about? Oh, fuck you.

I got an hour to fill here. I don't have any fucking advertising copies. So this is just going to be me just running my fucking yap for as long as I can. All right, so back to the ladies, the ladies of women's soccer, the soccer playing human beings that have the lady bits. All right. So they scored four goals. Of course, I missed all the fucking goals. The only goal and was four to one. The only goal I saw was when Japan all of a sudden cut it to four to two and I was like, oh, fuck, is this like NHL hockey where no lead is safe anymore? And then the ladies came right back down and gave Japan the old right there. Fred, they gave me the old right there. Fred, bam, shut the fuck up. Go home. Go home crying because you just lost. All right. Now,

let's look at I actually this out into some sort of sports nerd. I am even a sport that I don't even admittedly do not even watch or don't watch it nearly as much as I should because it is a beautiful sport, especially the way the women play it. I actually prefer women's soccer to men's soccer. Why you say over there in jolly old England, Ireland or if fucking Argentina, Brazil, Germany, all this fucking soccer giants football, I'll tell you why I prefer it because the women don't dive every three seconds crying like a bunch of babies. Like when the women go down, like they fucking, you know, they got tripped up and then they look at the ref like what the fuck you're going to call that? I thought the women played, you know, they play a better game.

They just play a better fucking game. I'm sure the men's is a little faster fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but all the goddamn fucking whining and crying and men's soccer. I tell you right now, men's football players, you got to be ashamed of yourself and that goes for you too. They're fucking Rooney or whatever your fucking name is there on Man United. All right. Looking like fucking. I don't want to fuck him to what the champ sport, whatever the fucking character's name is. I'm sorry. All right. Let's just fucking plow we had here. Yeah. The women don't fucking cry every two seconds, but I will tell you this. What is fucking funny

is when they lost Japan's goalie just started crying. I mean, the defense sucks. The defense had a total fucking meltdown. I don't know what the women, the ladies coach saw, but whatever it was, they exploited it fucking three times in the first five minutes. And the only bad goal was when they actually shot one from center ice. And the goalie looked like me playing right field when I was in fourth grade. Like, oh, it's going to drop in for a single. Come on. Come on. Maybe. Oh, shit. It's over my head. I remember that when you totally misjudged it. Second hits the bat, you start running in towards the first baseman and then I don't know. It's up within three steps. You do that fucking

just immediate stop. And all of a sudden your head's back at a 45 degree angle is that ball just keeps going up over your head. That's what she did. And what's funny is she leaped up in the air with the one hand to try to stop it. And when it went over her head, she just fucking landed on her entire backside and you could already see her just going, fuck. And in the end of the game, I guess she felt that she cost her team the victory, which she didn't. It was absolutely horrific defense. She just burst it out crying, which is one of the beautiful things about being a woman. You know, when you look at a baby, all right, boy or girl, you know, they want something, you know, that's yours, something of value when you take it away, so you can't have that. And

they want it. They immediately just start fucking crying. They're upset. They don't like what's happened. And they immediately, they just cry it out. Women can do that. Women can do that. And you feel bad for them. If a man cries another man, the only thing you can do is just laugh in their face and tease them until they stop doing it because it makes you so fucking uncomfortable as a man. The only time it's acceptable is when your friend blows his head off with a mortar round, whatever the fuck he did at a, at a, uh, you know, at a fourth of July party. And even then, even then, you know, you got to shake it off within a couple of Miller highlights there. You know, all right, Cliff, he's dead. Okay. It's not going to bring him back. We still got all

these beers. What is the difference if we'd say it now or in the morning? He's going to be just as dead in the morning. We're running out of ice. We got to finish these things. And you're like, you're right, man. You're right. I'm sorry. You know, it's just like, why would he do that? Sorry. Um, she could, they, that's the thing about women. They can just fucking cry. And we're not allowed to, and it's that combination that they are allowed to cry out their pain. And we have to hold on to it and the fact that they then turn around and nag the fucking shit out of us, that they actually take 10 years off our lives. Do you realize that if women died 10 years before men did, can you imagine how much they'd be complaining about that? How much they

would be blaming us for it? You know, when we say that we die, you know, men die 10 years early, they just blame us. Well, you know, you don't, you hold on to your emotions. You don't go to the doctor. Yeah. And what about the cunt factor? Huh? Anything there? Can you, if I'm sweaty, God, if you turn the fucking tables and women died an average of 10 years before men did, all right? What color, what pansy color uniform would the NFL players have to wear for an entire fucking month as they raised awareness? How much would they be blaming us? How many movies would Meryl Streep win an Oscar for playing the woman that was strong enough to die at the same time as the guy in her life? Huh? I don't know. You know, what's funny about guys and the beauty of guys

is we still, we don't even give a shit. We die 10 years sooner than you do. And we don't even give a fuck. It's the beauty of the simplistic man brain. Anyways, let's plow ahead here. So women's World Cup soccer has been around since 1991. And as of yesterday, the United States of America, we've won the most. We've won three. Once Germany has won two. I'm sorry. Norway has won one. The death metal capital of the world. And Japan has won one. Japan actually won the last one. So we de-froamed the champions. All right? Men's World Cup soccer. There's only been, so wait, wait, women's World Cup soccer. There's only been five, six, seven times it's been played. All right? This is why I'm finally gaining respect for this. I always get

had respect for the championship because the entire world does compete, but not only does the whole world compete, they do it every four years. So it's really, it really fucking means something here. And all these people around the world who are going like, yeah, Bill, you dumb fucking yank, it, yeah, it means something. Well, you know what? Maybe if you guys want a bunch of fucking girls flopping all over the fucking place and you could actually pick it up with your hands. The fuck did, I don't understand a sport where you have four fucking limbs and you're only allowed to use two of them. Jesus Christ. It's like, it's like, it's like you're mocking the handicapped the entire time I'm watching the fucking game. Anyways, sorry. So there's, there's only been 20 men's World

Cups. All right? Brazil has won the most at five. Italy and Germany have both won four. And I got to give the nod to Germany as much as I love Italians, the way they dress, their food, their flashy fucking jewelry. I'm all about it. I love Italians and I am fucking German. I got to give the nod to Germans because they won their first three with half a fucking country. They won their first one. Let's let me look this up. Let me make sure that I have this correct. Um, they won their first one, I think in 1954. I mean, that's literally like, what is that? Like about nine, almost less than a decade. Yeah, they've won their first one in 1954, World War Two ended in 45, 46, something like that. 1944, maybe we'll say 45. What the fuck

within nine years of trying to take on the entire world and losing Dresden and bombs all over the fucking place, they, they won a World Cup with half their country, West Germany. You know what I mean? I'm sure East Germany was actually in it too. Who's getting who? Germany is just, I mean, that is just a roid factory over there. 1974, they won it. They were, they were on, they were on, they were doing so many steroids by 1974 that a lot of people don't know this, that West Germany team was actually 80% women. A lot of people don't know that East Germany, East Germany women, you know, they were so righted up, they didn't have to sneak out of the country. They just stared down the people in the guard tower and they were just like, amen. I don't

want any problem, bro. All you, all you, you want me to open that gate for you? Okay. 1990, they won it. All right, let's get back to what the fuck I was talking about here. Where the hell did it go? Oh, there we go. All right, Uruguay as one, two, Argentina, hand of God, one, two, and then England, France, and Spain have all won one. And that is it. It's only been won 20 times in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight countries, only eight countries have won it. So now I feel better that the U S is men's have never won a fucking world cup. You know, most people giving a shit. It's like, well, how many do you fucking win? You've never won it either. And I love that I now know who's won it and who hasn't. So if I ever walk into a soccer sports bar, I know who I

can talk shit to and who I can't do. What are you, huh? You from Brazil? Oh, chili. Oh, go fuck yourself. You haven't won shit either. What's your big, what's your big feather in your cap that you care? Which makes the women winning three all the more impressive, but you got to give it up to Germany. Germany is the only country that has won both the men and the world and the women's and they've won four men's and they've won two women's and they're only off by one and both. You got to respect that. Jesus Christ. When is Brian Gumbel real sports going to be doing a what's in the water? What's in the water over there in fucking Germany? You know why they're not going to do it? Because we have a base over there. We already know what's in the water. A big Vada fucking steroids. I got

to tell you, it's amazing, you know, to watch Germany channel all their hatred for other races and nationalities and put it into something more productive like sports and look at the success that they've had. You know what I mean? That burning passion to incinerate people that aren't, that don't look like them. The fact that we've been sitting on their fucking chest for the last 60 years, they've had to, to, to focus that energy in different areas and they're dominating the world game of soccer, football, whatever. And look at the cars that they make. It's incredible. If you've noticed all the fascist countries make the greatest cars, Germany, fucking Italy. Who else? Finland. They don't make good cars. They make good phones for a minute.

But look at them angry birds. They made those angry birds. You know what I mean? All of a sudden they couldn't exterminate the people they didn't want to exterminate in their country. What did they do? They said, all right, what are, what are we going to do with all this hate? I want to make some phones. Sorry, I can't do a fucking Finland accent. Actually, I get Finland a pass for being down with the H bomb in, in World War II. I, you know, what were they supposed to do? You know what I mean? Their shit was like, all right, where we are geographically, you look to the right, you got Adolf Hitler with beads of sweat, his BDIs and his fucking eyebrows. Are you with us or are you against us? Right. And on the other side, they got Eastern Europe's

Tom Selleck, the one and only Joseph Stalin or Yosef, if you're a history buff, staring you down, right? This motherfucker would sacrifice 100,000 Russians every day just so he could have fresh pineapple juice. I mean, this guy was a fucking maniac. They were, they were between two, they were stuck between two of the biggest psychos in the history of, in modern history. All right. So they had to go with self preservation. All right. Hitler's Stalin equally out of their fucking minds. All right. So that's a wash. What's the next thing? All right, let's go with technology. German cars. What do we got? What do we got going on here? They got the Mercedes Benz. They got the Duesenberg. Did they make the Duesenberg? I don't know what the fuck they had. They had fucking,

they know, they got, they got, they got a, they're making eight track tapes over here. Fucking 50 years before the guy, 40 years, 30 years before the fucking Bee Gees. What are we supposed to do here? They got real real machines. You go over to Russia. What do they got? They got vodka. They got a goddamn fucking car made with a lawn mower engine spitting out blue smoke. And they, you know, they got, you know, they got those chicks with the fucking La La Zeta warms. You know, by the way, Russian women have really come around, huh? Jesus Christ, they're fucking gorgeous now back in the day during the Cold War. Maybe those are the only women that they showed us. They'll add those fucking Popeye the sailor man, fucking forearms. You know what

I mean? From throwing calves over some fucking hill. They weren't supposed to run over. So whatever. So Finland goes, you know what? Fuck it. We're going with the H bomb. You know, they went with him, right? Flashlight gas chambers. They fucking went with this maniac. What were they supposed to do? They fucking picked the wrong guy. And you know what's funny was Russia actually attacked Finland and Finland kicked their fucking ass with no help from the Germans as far as what I overheard in bars in Finland. And this is the funny thing, but they went down with the ship with the H bomb over there, right? They went down with that guy who fucking pussied out and killed himself in the end. This fucking broad, rather than going out like Saddam Hussein talking shit as they put the rope

around your neck. Even people heckling you was still you still had them on their heels. For me, that's like, like when you know, when people bring up comics, getting fucking heckled and that type of shit and people like to watch it, the ultimate one, like if I was a dictator, I would be looking at how Saddam was saying when I'll be like this motherfucker here right there, right? And everybody, oh, what about Hitler? You know, he killed all those people like that's probably respected with fucking, you know, dictators. Like that's how many HBO specials you had, like how many fucking people you killed. They put, you know, all evil people are going like, ah, man, like his fucking amazing numbers that he had. It's like, yeah, but he went out like a bitch.

You know, he went out like a bitch, just like Gaddafi went out like a bitch pleading for his fucking life. Saddam Hussein walked right up going, yeah, go fuck yourself. Fuck you. I'm going to come back. I will haunt you, right? He fucking stared them all down. He didn't give a fuck standing there, stepped onto that thing. No one in any second they could pull the fucking lever. He wasn't even shaken. He was staring them all down. Go fuck. He wasn't even nervous to meet his maker. That's one of the sickest things I've ever seen in my life. What am I talking about? So they fucking they beat, they beat the goddamn Russians, but because they, they picked the wrong guy. You know what I mean? That's like when you're in the wrong division and baseball,

you have like back in the day, you know, you'd have a better or when that year when the Patriots went 11 and five, but they didn't make the fucking playoffs. That's what that's what fucking Finland did. And they actually had to give even though they beat the Russians, they then had, they still had to give him some land. How fucked up is that? Oh war. All right. I hope some of that was even just remotely historically accurate. I have no idea as long as it's entertaining. Did it entertain you? All right. So anyways, I had an amazing weekend. I had an amazing weekend. Um, I, uh, you know, I had some family came in and for the first time ever, I, uh, I gave a helicopter ride to some family members. I went up with the fucking instructor

though, because I'm not a moron, but we did this great flight. Uh, we flew out a long beach. We ran around the Palace Verde Peninsula. It's great, man. You fly right over the Queen Mary, then you go around the peninsula and as you go around the peninsula, that's when you start realizing how many goddamn things are in the ocean, even though we fucking fished them out. And we started going along the beach and I thought they were dolphins and my instructor's going, no, those were actually baby great, great white sharks. They just haven't reached the predatory stage yet. And I swear to God, there was like five of them. Um, and there was one, there's all these people frolicking in the fucking water and there was this one jackass

who had swam beyond where they were. Um, they were perpendicular to him, but he was further out into the ocean. They were closer to the beach. I won't explain this correctly. And he was swimming out to like a buoy, like that naked chick in the beginning of JAWS. Um, yeah, I've said it a million times, you're out of your fucking mind. If you swim in the ocean, if you don't believe me, take a helicopter ride, have them fly a hundred feet off the fucking ocean. I know what you're thinking. Don't want Jesus Christ. What the hell fucking nuts. Yeah, they have a 2,200 hour fucking overall. It's a brand new helicopter every 2,200 hours. Go fuck yourself. What I'm doing is infinitely more safe. All right. Um, and then we, uh, made a right turn

at the Ferris wheel on Santa Monica peers. We flew over Santa Monica over Beverly Hills, right over fucking Aaron, the Aaron spelling mansion, which is the most ridiculous house ever built that I can think of. Do you know that house was so big? I saw a thing one time they did on the Aaron spelling house. They actually have a room in there just for wrapping gifts. They have a gift wrapping room. You know what I mean? To me, I always thought that for the people who do American horror story, like that would be a great place to do one of those things, people that are that level fucking rich. And then somehow the kid, the children and the poor people that put together all the things that they wrap in there somehow come and haunt them. I have no

idea, but feel free to send that to the producers over there so they can fucking laugh you out of the goddamn room. Um, and who doesn't like watching a fucking rich person get haunted and die a horrific death? I mean, that's just fun. I mean, that's a fucking home run right there. American horror story. You know, you don't have to give me any money. All I ask is if you use it, just give the Monday morning podcast a fucking shout out. That's all. That's all. Just have somebody tell somebody else to go fuck themselves and have them wearing an orange wig and I'll be happy right there. That'll be enough for me. Um, all right, plowing ahead here, uh, in the Playboy mansion is right to the left of it. Then we flew up, um, to the Hollywood sign over the observatory,

did a lap around Dodger Stadium, and then my favorite part ever, we flew up route two, bang the left up and over the hill. And where is it? Oh, did a granddaddy of them all flew over the fucking Rose Bowl and then went right back to right down back down to, uh, Long Beach. Um, was fucking awesome, man. We flew in what's called an R 44 Robinson 44 someday. You know what I mean? Someday I want to get one of those. Um, when I get a little more, uh, confident and I also have the kind of money to blow on a fucking helicopter. I imagine I'll have to drug my wife on some level. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, you know, variables as a man to buying a helicopter, like the amount of fucking money and hand as they said on Seinfeld, the amount of hand that you got to

have hand in a relationship that you'd have to have to actually fucking justify buying a helicopter when you really have nowhere to go in the thing. So anyways, don't get a used one on fucking Craigslist. Damn things are awesome. Um, all right. So guess what? Last night was my last cigar and my last, I'm taking a booze break. Oh, Billy clean cakes is back in the house. I got a nice round white belly from, uh, you know, grilling and drinking. I had a great fucking weekend and I manned my own grill, manned my own grill as a man does, even if you don't know how to do it, even if you risk giving the people at your party E coli, it doesn't make a difference. You are a man and you fucking, you man your own goddamn grill. Um, I kept it simple.

I just made burgers and, uh, hot dogs. And what's fucking amazing is we got this butcher in, um, in the next neighborhood over from us and they make their own, you can order homemade hamburger buns and hot dog buns. They made us like the hot dog buns. They came in like, uh, it looked like ribs, except they were hot dog buns and you had to cut them to separate them and then cut them again to make them, you know, to split them so you could put the hot dog in. It was fucking, I felt like it was like the 1920s or some shit. You know what I mean? Everything was homemade and boy, oh boy, was it refreshing. Um, so anyways, uh, let's get to, um, let's get to some of the questions here, um, for this week. Yes. So I am, I am announcing it on the fucking

podcast because, uh, that I am not drinking or smoking or anything like that. So I will stick so you guys will hold me to it. So I don't have to hang my head in shame next week and tell you that I fucked up. All right. So, oh, here we go. I finally got my advertising here for this week. It was a little bit late. Um, all right. Here we go. Dollar Shave Club, everybody. Some of you out there who still have not joined Dollar Shave Club. What's the issue people? What is you, what are you waiting for? These guys are great. You know, you've heard me talking about them for years now. Do I got to break it down for you again? Obviously I do. Their razors are amazing. It's more convenient and cost a fraction of the price. All right. Here's how the club works. You go to

dollarslaveshaveclub.com and pick one of their three great razors, the six blade executive for the werewolf Mediterranean in you, the four blade forex and the two blade humble twin. How have a hairy you are? Right? If you like Brad Mosh and you can grow a beard in between periods back in the day, you'd get the six blader, right? If you're Zidane O'Chara, Eastern European guy, right? Four blades. If you're like me, no Billy German cakes, right? You just need the two blades. Once everything is smooth here, um, you get your first box in about a week. It includes a free handle and a sleeve of blade cartridges. It's high quality stuff. People it's got that weight to it, you know, like your member when it's standing up. Oh Jesus, like the expensive ones you've used

before the humble twin has two stainless steel blades and an alloy strip. That's all you need. You've never gotten a shave like this, or at least not for this price. After that first box, they mail you a sleeve or replacement blades every month or every other you and you never have to worry about it again. That's it. If you haven't joined yet, you're missing out. Simple as that. I don't know what else we have to do here. Try dollarshaveclub.com slash burr. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash burr. All right. Oh Jesus. Here we go. Boo, boo, boo, me on these, me on these, no more sweaty balls, boo, boo, boo, boo, me on these, me on these. Oh, drinking them fucking buttolls. You can take a piss while you're wearing them.

Grab another one with your friends. Piss yourself and your tank stays dry with some fucking me on these. Oh yeah. They even make them for the ladies. No, no sweaty clams. Just get these fucking things all right. 90%. That's the percent of your life that you're in your underwear and underwear gets old fast. You know that feeling of putting on old saggy underwear. You need to know the feeling of great fitting underwear that is two times softer than cotton, cotton, cotton. You need to know about me on these, me on these, me on these.com. Me on these has the most comfortable underwear you will ever try on and it's insane how good they make you feel. They fit perfectly. They don't ride up on you and they literally pull moisture away from your skin so you can stay cool.

They're great. I don't, I'm not wearing a pair right now, but I got them. They send them right to you. New underwear. What a country. But they also make you look great. Oh, not the way I look right now. I look like a hot dog that's been overcooked. That's right before, right before it fucking splits. That's what I look like right now. Go to me on these.com and check out this, the photography, your fucking weirdos. And for the ladies, check out the smoking hot boy shorts. I always feel like a pervert saying this and ladies, check out those smoking hot boy shorts, but you have to try them on for yourselves. Who's who those for for the fucking runaways should fucking send those to bus stations around the country. This quality would typically retail for two times the price

according to me on these. No retail middlemen means more savings for you here. We will make it easy here at the Monday morning podcast. Just go to me on these.com slash burr and get 20% off your first order and low flat rate international shipping save even more when you buy a pack of them. They guarantee you're going to be happy and with and with them. You're guaranteed you're going to be happy with them or your first pair is free. I'm not happy with this underwear. Alright, here's some more. That doesn't make sense, but I have more stuff. So I'm happy. Once you feel me on these on your body, you're never going back and me on these isn't just for you. It isn't just for you guys. They just launched their all of me. Why not take all of me

that damn clam should only get wet when you're excited. The ladies soccer team won the fucking World Cup and all their clams were dry because of me on D's. Wait, they launched their all of me on these women's collection, a four piece line of undies designed specifically for the female body and all its complex, gorgeous as hell glory. I hate that fucking line because it says it's complex, like you don't know where the fucking come button is. And also glorious as hell. It just may it just makes me feel weird every time I say, okay, yeah, it's a little more difficult. Okay, the women women's fucking privates. It's like, have you ever owned a van? And you got to change the fucking oil. It's like you got to go inside the van.

That's the thing where the guy you just get underneath it. Like them balls. Yeah, sweetheart. But to get that 20% off, you have to go to me on these.com slash burr. That's me on these M E undies.com slash burr. All right. And lastly, but certainly not leastly. Oh, actually doesn't we got two more here. Sorry, guys, I just got the heads no, we're just gonna do it. It's gonna have to pop through this shit. Trunk club, everybody. Hey, fellas, you might hate shopping, but you still want to look good, right? Right? What if you could snap your fingers hey, and have a trunk full of clothes that fit perfectly and make you look amazing. You're going to love what you get delivered to you from trunk club

at trunk club.com slash burr. You answer a few simple questions about your look. Well, you know, it's like, I don't want to be too forward, but I do like being noticed your style and size. And then they assign a real person who helps you to style you a real person. They assign a real person. I just thought of Aaron Paul at the end of fucking breaking bad when he's chained around the neck, having to make meth. Who is this person that gets assigned to me? Bring me some clothes, slave boy. They aim, they email you a list of clothes they recommend sending you. You approve at no cost to you. They ship a trunk full of fresh new clothes to your door. You try them on, you keep what you want, you send back what you don't want in their prepaid box.

That's it. A better wardrobe than you could ever pick out for yourself in minutes. Then I mentioned the service is free. Your stylist, the shopping, the box, even the shipping, all 100% free when you go to trunk club.com slash burr. It's not free. You're rolling the price with the other bullshit. Stop talking down to us here. Only pay for the clothes you keep. No ongoing subscriptions, no hidden charges, no malls, just great clothes, handpicked for your style. All right, you should use this shit. You know, if you don't have to fucking shop, why would you? You're going to thank me on this. And right now it's completely free. So go get started at trunk club.com slash burr today. That's trunk club.com slash burr. All right. And last, here we go. Legal zoom, everyone.

You know, there's a lot of great reason, a lot of great reasons smart business people trust legal zoom for starters. For starters, if you want to incorporate form an LLC or a nonprofit, file a patent or a trademark, get a DBA and more legal zoom provides the help you need over the past decades, decade more than a million business owners just like you have started with legal zoom. But did you know that legal zoom is also your first stop when you need advice from an attorney? Legal zoom is not a law firm. So they built a network of independent attorneys in most states to provide legal advice and other useful services to help you run your business. So whether you need a contract reviewed or advice or whether you should incorporate a form an LLC,

whatever your legal question, start with legal zoom. And as always, they provide complete transparency with upfront pricing customer views and 100% customer satisfaction guarantee. Make this smart choice for your business at legal zoom.com today. And don't forget to enter burr at checkout to save even more. Again, that's burr at checkout for more savings legal zoom promo code legal help is here. Well, there you go, everybody. That's the end of the advertising. All right, let me get to the fucking reads this week. This is becoming a long podcast. Jesus Christ, Bill, can you learn how to fucking use a computer? All right, here we go. What do we got here? I'm coming up on an hour. All right. Quote retard, Bill as a mom of three, count them three mentally

challenged kids. What you have my permission to use the word whenever you want to describe idiots at your show, I don't want permission. I don't want to use the word. I don't want to hurt people. Okay, but I reserve the right to every once in a while if I flip out and I drop the fucking word in a moment of anger because I'm standing there in front of a fucking drunk who won't shut up. I still expect you to give me shit about it, but just accept my apology and know that I don't have anything against mentally challenged people. I just was pissed at this person and I made a mistake. That's all I'm asking. I'm not asking for a license to use the word. I don't want to use it. Jesus. All right. Orzo response to mentioning Orzo last week, Orzo last

week. Red Bill gives you wings. Hey, there's a new one. Tell that woman of yours to get back in the goddamn kitchen. Orzo is a pasta shape shaped like rice, not a grain. Christ alive, but seriously love me or her parents is the best part of the podcast. Well, fuck you. I like to think I bring some to the table. Oh, that's great. I'll have to let her know that Orzo is a pasta shape is pasta. Oh, Jesus Christ. Orzo is pasta shaped like rice. Dude, I really have a fucking learning disability, man. I can't read words. I can read them. I just can't put them through. I said it's a I said Orzo is pasta shaped rice. I don't even want the fuck I said Orzo is pasta shaped like rice.

You know what? Anybody who listens to this podcast has got to be at least as dumb as I am. Let me fucking look this up. Maybe they're right. Orzo. Orzo. Wikipedia says it's pasta. So you got to you got to think it's true. Orzo, it's Italian for Bali from the Latin. Also, Rison is a form of shortcut pasta shape like a large grain of rice. Orzo can be served alone as a soup accoutrement as part of a salad. Or pilaf or Gioveste or bacon, a casserole. What's Gioveste? I want to go to Italy. I want to go. I want to go to Florence. Jesus, look at what the Italians are the best man. What the Oh, that's Greek. My apologies. I want to go to Greece. I don't want to go to Greece right now.

Hey, I didn't even say how the fuck did they vote? Did they vote to fucking let their their goddamn banks just fail? That's what they should do. They should just let everything fail and then everybody's money isn't worth shit. And then you know something those bankers got to come out in public and then you fucking stab them in the gut like that dude at the beginning of Scarface. All right, leaving got leaving got Greece vote. Let's see what come on, man. Come on, Greece. You know they didn't. Markets resilient after no vote. And we always pussy out. We always pussy. Everybody always ends up pussying out. You know something only fucking Iceland has had the balls to stand up to their

fucking bankers. And you know what? I hope I'm wrong about that. And if I am, please tell me who else has. All right, no idea where to start. Dear Mr. Burr, I'm a 16 year old high school I'm a 16 year old high school junior from a rural town in Mississippi. Just a good old boy. Never meaning no harm. Getting a confederate flag birthday cake every fucking six months because his parents are too dumb to know what a year is. You're not even 16, buddy. You're really fucking a sorry that was totally stereotypical and I shouldn't have done that. Now that I'm nearing my final year of high school and will soon be having to decide where to go to college, I realized I have no idea what I want to do with my life. The only two things I have interest in

is writing and stand up comedy. Oh, those are two phenomenal things. You can make a hell of a living. I've flunked everything in high school. But here's a few places from where I live. But there's a few places from where I live where I could do something like an open mic. Jesus Christ. But you know, some this should inspire you right right here how awful I am at reading out loud. Yet I've been able to do something in this business. You know what I mean? I'm able to make a living and I can put frosted mini weeks on the table for my family of one. The only two things I have interested in is writing stand up comedy. But there's few places from where I live where I could do something like an open mic or get honest opinions on my comedic writing. I'm ready to ask

where in your opinion would be a great town for starting for starting comedian to start. Also, if you think someone can juggle college in a standard, do you think someone can juggle stand up in a college in a stand up career? I would truly be grateful for your advice and also go fuck yourself. All right. Any place is a good place to start. Just start. If there's an open mic, I would drive as long as I had to drive to go to it. Let's see. You're in Mississippi. All right. What do I what do I know about down there? I mean, the closest scene that I know of from Mississippi, Atlanta, Nashville, Texas, Houston was always a great comedy town. I don't know what the open mic scene is like. If anybody anybody any comedians out there starting out

anybody anything going on in Alabama? What's going on in Mississippi? Write in give this kid some fucking advice. Tweet me about it. I'll retweet it. That's the easiest way to do it because we might not see your emails because we get a bunch of them. So just tweet me about it and you know, at Bill Burr on Twitter and if you got some good advice, I will retweet it. Can you juggle college and a stand up career? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You can do whatever you want to do in life, dude. You can do whatever you want. That's the one fucking thing. Everybody, you know, you know, because people want to make it, they try to look at what is working for the most people and then they get locked into that. That's the biggest

advice I can give you is do not get locked in to what everybody else is doing. Get locked into what's going on in your fucking chest, whatever that thing's saying, like do this, unless it's saying to shoot your neighbor, don't do that. But if it's you're doing something that's not going to hurt somebody like writing jokes, telling them, writing a script. Yeah, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do. And the fact that you're 16 and you're already are listening to yourself, you're way ahead of the game. So and you have the intelligence to understand that, you know, hey, I need some help and you reached out for it. Keep doing that, my friend. And I hope to see you out there. Give it a shot. You know, but I would, I would, I'd write five minutes of shit tonight and

then sign up for an open mic somewhere. And within the week, I would start do it. And that's unbelievable balls to be able to do that at 16. It took me almost to 24 to get the balls to do it. So my hat is off to you, sir. Or man, I don't know who you are. All right, here we go. Girlfriend has prejudiced parents a Billy Billy Dingleberry. I'm a white man who's dating a black woman. She's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And there's no doubt in my mind that I want to spend my life with her. Well, congratulations until now. Dun dun dun. We've been dating for 10 months and I finally met our parents this past weekend. When I got there, they seemed shocked by my skin color, almost like my girl hadn't even hinted to them that I was white. Well,

that's probably what happened if they are fucking racist. The whole dinner was very awkward. I wasn't being looked at in the eye and I was left out of most of the conversation. Didn't they make a movie about this? Ashton Kutcher in the late great Bernie Mac. I even tried talking to her dad about music since we are both musicians, but he just kept giving me short answers like he didn't give a fuck. After the whole thing was over, my girlfriend said that they didn't like that I was white. She said that they wanted her to have strong black babies and not dilute the bloodline. Also, they spouted a bunch of other shit about how much trouble we'll run into as an interracial couple. It has been four days and we still haven't talked about it, nor she told her parents off for

being prejudice assholes. I truly believe this is the only situation where a white person can fully understand what a black person, well, I don't know about that. You get a little sprinkling of it. A black guy with a microphone on a street corner can call me cracker all he wants and I won't lose a wink of sleep over, but when you're told the person you love is wrong and invalid, that's like a kick in the balls. Anyways, how should I go about addressing this? I'm assuming you didn't run into this problem with Nia. No, I didn't make, maybe she could weigh in on this as well. Anyway, thanks and go fuck yourself. Jesus. If you love her, I would stay with her. If you're questioning it, I'd pull the ripcord because that's just going to be a fucking nightmare.

That'll end up being a nightmare. You know what I mean? You're going to be in a relationship where you're waiting for the other person's parents to die sitting there going like one down. Two down, you know, that's just the fucked up. You know, you really, when you're going to get married, if you have to, I don't know, I mean, who the fuck am I to say I waited so goddamn long. So I'm not authority, but you know, if you're, if you're with somebody that's fun, you know, and they come from a good family and their family supported of you guys, I mean, that's so much of the battle. Actually, you know, something this past week when I was in Vegas, somebody came up to me and said, Hey, Bill, let me, I gotta ask you a question.

Who makes you laugh? And without even thinking, I said my wife and it made me feel really good. Like, that's great. You know, my wife saw how shit she makes me laugh. We have a good time. And so I don't know, she might not be bringing it up because she's embarrassed about it or what not. I have no idea. But I mean, that's going to be a hell of a fucking situation. If that's how they're going to view their grandkids, I mean, that's kind of that's a major fucking situation where I would at least want to see where her head is at. And then you throw out certain scenarios about the future. So how are we going to handle this and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sorry, you're going through that, dude, but you definitely need to have some fucking conversations. I would think I would definitely think some conversations that are in order. All right, Colin Farrell movies. Hey, Billy Redskin. Colin Farrell has done a couple of great movies since phone booth, you should that you should like, namely in bruges, bruges, I don't know how to say it, and seven psychopaths with the always excellent Sam Rockwell. Oh, Jesus Christ. I got to see seven seven psycho seven psychopaths. I got to see that. You could give you could give them a look. All right, coming to California next year from Ireland on holiday. Hope to see you in action. All right, well, I hope you make it out to a show.

All right. So it got hit with a wave of fucking tired. All right, that's the podcast for this week. As always, if you'd like to donate to the podcast, anytime you're going to amazon.com, you're thinking you're going to buy something ladies. If you'd like to donate to the podcast, it doesn't cost you any money, just go to billbird.com, click on the podcast page, and then you just click on the link, the avatar, whatever the fuck you call it, to amazon. And it doesn't cost you any extra money. It's just I get credit for driving traffic to their site. They kick me a little Dorae fucking me and I try to give a 10% of it to a fucking charity that hopefully is on the up and up. Right now I do the St. Jude thing. St. Jude, please don't fuck me over.

Take the money and give it to the right people. I'm sorry. All right, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves and I'll be checking in on you on Thursday. All right, see you. You can now spend four years of warranty on your certified second-hand car. BMW Premium Selection. Trust your instinct, follow your fate.