Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-7-13

Episode Date: July 8, 2013

Bill rambles about fatties, bike rides, and the cyber hacking of cars.

In the mountain, in the kitchen, even in the living, they really lie everywhere, riding the empty baths. But now we go to the finish, bring them to a Bebath collection point quickly. You will always find one in your neighborhood on Bebath.be Bebath! Together, better for nature and for all of us. Campaign in cooperation with the OVAM. How are you? How is it going?

Wow, this sounds really good to me. I hope it's sounding this good to you. I think I nailed it. What's up with these levels? It's fucking phenomenal. Some douche is now going to Twitter me. Or tweet me, whatever. Um, actually, I thought the, uh, the treble was a little too high.

Oh, so was your mother when she was pregnant with you. You fucking drunk fetal cunt. Years later, just walking around criticizing people and you know what? It's not your fault. It's because your mother, first of all, she was a whore, spread her legs, no protection. All the leaves are brown, leaves are brown, and her legs are spread, and her legs are spread. Oh, I could sing that whole song and annoy the shit out of you. Uh, that's what I want to hear from next week.

Peoples whose mothers were whores and they drank during pregnancy. I want to hear what you think about world events. That's what I want to hear. Is that what you want to hear? Yeah, it is. It is what I want to hear. It's my podcast. It is what I want to hear. Um, I'm loving Twitter and I fucking hate it, by the way. I got to stop reading comments.

There's always people fucking correcting you. You know, I got this European tour coming up and someone was saying, hey, are you doing any of the smaller cities? And I was like, no, just pretty much all, I said all the capitals. And it was like 10 countries and one fucking country. It wasn't the capital. And I got like 20 people. Oh, actually the capital of Scotland is not Glasgow.

It's actually Edinburgh. And they're probably just being nice. They're probably actually in reality in their heads when they were typing it. They were actually going like, I'm not trying to be a douche. Just letting you know it's not Glasgow. It's Edinburgh. Just trying to help out. This is just me over here in the back, over here in my corner of the internet,

just trying to help out. That's probably how they were typing it. But I'm such a negative douche that I hear it in my head is, oh, that's how I hear it. That's basically how I hear anybody telling me that I'm doing anything wrong. Are you like me? Isn't that exactly everybody all of a sudden? No matter what language they're speaking, like some fucking Asian person,

right, or some Asian motherfucker, right, to keep it clean. Call back to a special, whenever the fuck I did that one, came up to me and was speaking. Oh, God, how dumb am I against this? If he was up there speaking Asian, if he was talking in his native language, Korean, whatever, and it sounded like, you know, you know, I would hear that like that if he was talking to somebody else.

But like if he felt I pulled into his parking spot, it immediately would just be like, just immediately sound like this guy's a cunt. You know, even if I stole his spot, and even if I knew he was right and I was wrong in the moment, I'm such a dick that I would, I would, I would block out that voice in my head going, you know, this guy's right.

This guy is right, you know, insulted him a little bit, a little bit, you know, you kind of took his spot, I would still block that out. But the only thing that I can take positive out of it is as far as any sort of like level of maturity that I have gained throughout my adult life is at least now I recognize that I do that. And I'm actually, I've gotten good enough

that within 10 minutes of actually whoever I just called the cunt and driving away, I actually kind of admit out loud in the car going, in the car to myself going like, you know, like I was right, Bill, you kind of were a, you were kind of the douche. So, you know, I'm trying to get on your bad side, but just next time let's try to, you know,

try to hear the other person, try to apologize. So anyways, this is the Monday Morning Podcast. I like saying it that way. This is the Monday Morning Podcast, like when they say the Ohio State University, which is one of the funniest bragging things ever. You're bragging about a state school. When you fucked up in high school and you live in Ohio

and you can't go to any real university, then this is the college that you end up at. Oh, they love that one in Michigan. But University of Michigan, that's a state school too, right? Those are such weird schools, like University of Michigan, right? It's a state school. So, anybody that did a keg stand instead of studying for math goes and they live in Michigan, you end up there.

That's why they're stadium. That's why the fucking stadium is so big. You know, ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da. Yay, 100,000 fucking people. Do you think it's because of football programs? Is that good? Or because that many people got to see in math in Michigan? That's my question for you.

But if you live out of state, it's like nine zillion dollars. And you got to be like a fucking, you know, half a physicist to get in there. And you know what's funny? I don't even know what a physicist does. Did they study physics? Oh, look at that over there. Is that a physicist?

I don't know. How would you know? I'm a physicist. What's the deal? Sorry. What the fuck is a physicist? Is that physics? Are they the ones who study the inertia?

Wow. This is a new level of ignorance. Do you like that about this podcast? That rather than seeing me grow as a person, I'm slowly regressing. You know, maybe you were already ahead of me. Maybe you were a couple of steps behind me. But now that all of you, it's like, I'm that guy

like it's a foot race, right? And I came out of the track, out of the block sprinting. You know, now I'm grabbing my sign. You guys are just going around me. You're still going to come in seventh. You're not winning a medal, but you beat me. Right? Makes you feel better, doesn't it?

What does that say about you? When we come back, we'll be talking. I went for a bike ride. Go ahead and laugh. It's a great thing to do. Trying to keep the weight down. You know, because I read somewhere on the internet, you know, and it was typical research on the internet

where you have a question and you're just like, you know, why is the moon round? Why is it round? By the way, if it wasn't just a block out there, what would happen? Oh, Jesus, these 80s stand up presence premises that I'm just throwing out here that would probably still work in the outer reaches

of fucking Iowa. Any question you fucking have, you go, you Google it on the internet and then immediately you click on basically the first fucking website you find, you read it and you just take that as law. At least I do. That's what I do. So one time, I don't know how I came across this,

but they said basically every pound of fat on your body is another five miles of capillaries that your heart has to pump, which is why even just being five, ten pounds over can significantly. I did use that word and I did pronounce it correctly, significantly. That's five syllable word, everybody.

Decrease your lifespan. You know, I mean, how would you like it if every day, right? You had to drive next to five, ten miles to work. That's probably not a big deal, but who's a pound overweight? You know, who's two pounds overweight after a certain age? Everybody's at least 10, 15 pounds over, right? What's 15 times five real quick?

That's 75 people. What if you had to go an extra 75 miles to and from work every day? What kind of a fucking mood would you be in? Huh? How much would your kids be running for their lives when you came walking up the door, up the path to the door?

That's what you are doing every time it beats when you're that fucking heavy. Just that heavy. And then forget about these ticking time bombs that will walk around 30 pounds overweight, but they're still lifting weights. Right? You know, touch my gut, dude. It's fucking solid.

Yeah, it's because your fat, your fat is calcified. It's so entrenched there. It has squatters right in front of your stomach. You dumb fuck. I love fat people who sit, they get fucking fat, and then they tell you how fucking hard their stomach is. And they think it's like abs. It isn't.

It's the fat is fucking jammed in there so tightly, like back in the day when they used to pack people in their subways. They used to, that was literally a job. Your job was to fucking just lean in on the people and pack them in. You know what I mean? Oh my God.

That was the worst time in society for claustrophobic people slash the greatest time ever for perverts. You know? It's just the entire spectrum. Complete fear to absolute ecstasy, depending on who you are on that subway train. But anyways, that's what it is.

So all you fatties out there who sit there and your fucking stomach is harder than your head, that's not abs. That's not you like, well, you know, I'm so fat every time I do a sit-up in bed, it's like I got a 45 pound, you know, weight. Remember that you do that back in the 80s? You put like, it wasn't enough to do sit-ups.

You always had to add weight. When dips, they had that shit that literally looked like it was like a fucking metal teabag hanging off of you. You'd put the chain around your waist and then you'd hang weights off of that. Dude, he's fucking doing dips with like fucking 225 hanging off his balls, kid. All that dumb shit.

That's what fat people, they think. I know a lot of fat people right now like, why are you always coming down on us? I'll tell you why, because just kick a ginger day and I've never seen a fat person come to my rescue. You don't give a fuck about me. I don't give a fuck about you. That's how it works, fatty, all right?

With your swollen feet. This is so unnecessarily mean right now. I don't know how I got onto this, but I have to see it through, because I got an hour to do here, people, all right? Fuck, I was talking about pack. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think these fat people with the hard stomachs,

they feel like when they just sit up in bed, you know, and they make that noise as they go to sit up and they just go, oh, right? They think that's like, that's why their stomach's so hard. Rather than it's just jam packed with syrup and nougat and pancake batter and all that other fucking gooey shit,

you know, that they eat. I'll tell you right now, I think they should just get all those, just get all the fatties and just get them out of the fucking country. You know? You're bringing us down. We've had it.

We've had it with your kind. They should stick all you fatties on a fucking island. I want to run for political office at a very low level, preaching like, like what sounds like racism or nationalism, but it kind of affects everybody.

Like there's fat people in every race. Except Asians. There's very few Asians. Everyone wants to see a fat Asian. You just know he's hanging out with like Americans. You know what I mean? It's like there's no way you got fat eating that fucking great diet

that you guys have over there. I don't know what it is over there, but like people are in fucking shape in Asia, you know? I don't know about the Russians. All that vodka that they're sucking down. How many more people can I offend in the first fucking 10 minutes of this podcast?

Oh, 12 minutes in. Okay, that's okay. So I got a new 10 minutes to offend people. Yeah, I think they should just run for office. And just, just be like, I get the fatties out of town. I get those fucking people. You know those people you say hello and they don't say hello back. They just smile.

And it's a fake smile. I know I've talked about this in my podcast. I met somebody when I lived in New York, used to do that. And I fell for it like the first 67 times. I'd be walking down the hall and this lady would be walking the other way with her fucking kids.

And I always just be, I'd be like, hey, good morning, or hey after, you know, hello, or good afternoon, whatever the fuck you say, right? Big fucking wave. Hey, fellow human being, being polite. How are you? Right? And she would always do the same thing. She tilt her head to the side like she was going,

aww. And then she'd do this smile, which she wouldn't show any teeth, just like the Jay Leno smile. And then her eyes would like squint up like she was looking into the sun. Big stupid red lipstick. And every fucking time I was just like,

oh, what if I just fucking punched her right in the face? Made her kids cry and I just laughed. I didn't laugh. I just walked away. You know, I'd still be affected. That'd be a part of my soul that I lost when I did it. But I'll tell you, in that moment,

in that catcher right as she closes her eyes, you know, like a fucking old Samuelson move. Don't even drop the glove. Keep it on and just blast her right in the face. And I wanted to do that every fucking time. And then finally one day

she walked towards me and I was walking towards her and she actually started to anticipate me saying hello because we're looking right at each other and I'm in my head just going, I'm not saying anything.

I'm not saying hello to this bitch that says hello to me. This is another thing that makes you die early. You know? It's fucking literally sitting in your apartment. Your little ass shoebox of apartment in New York plotting, scheming, conspiring. Ah, you're gonna fucking

not say hello to this bitch the next time you see her. You know? Because you're eating a bacon, egg, and cheese and that in an extra couple of miles so you had to beat every couple of times, right? So anyway, she comes walking at me I'm walking around like I'm not fucking saying hello this time. You know?

And we got right to the point where it's like who's gonna blink and I timed it perfectly. She anticipated me saying hello when she started to tilt her head and I fucking did my impression of what she did and I of course did it completely over the top. Like I literally laid my head on my shoulder, squinted my eyes

and I made this ridiculous face and continued to walk and she never looked at me in the hall again. And this is the genius of it. She just it's not like she knows what the fuck she looks like. I'm so self-involved I assume she totally understood

my point what I was trying to make. You know? Like say hello, stop making that stupid face. She probably looked at like what the fuck is with that guy? He has some sort of mental tick. I don't want him to run my children. But you know what? It made me feel better.

And you know what? That's what this podcast is all about. Hey people, have you ever heard of Tebow? But where the hell you been? You got your head up your ass? Tebow's the greatest. Especially, you know who really appreciated an old fella like myself.

You know why? Cause back in the day back in the day, I gotta explain this to you guys back in the day when you missed something you just missed it. It was over. Or at least on if you didn't see it in the movie theater that's it. You missed it. There was no Netflix.

There was no something.com that you watch it on. I don't know. It was over. You missed it. Evil Can Evil was gonna jump over 20 buses but for some reason your parents wanted to take you to Pewter Pot to go get a muffin

and you missed it. And the next day you were down at the bus stop and everyone was talking about it and you were a man without a country. And you knew eventually it was gonna come around to you and they were like did you see it? And you were like no. What? You didn't see it?

No, I didn't see it. I was getting muffins with my parents and then just a rain of book bags would just be smashing you over the head and that's what happened. But thankfully that never happens to children anymore Back in the day TV was weirdly had to watch.

You only watch a show at a certain time and if you missed it or even part of it you literally had to wait for it to go into reruns before you could see it again. Tevo has totally changed all of that. And while other TV eyes exist they're not as awesome as Tevo. You know why? Because if you have

cable, cable TV lets you watch your shows wherever you want. With Tevo Stream you can watch on your iPad, all over your house and transfer your favorite recordings and take them with you on an airplane. Waiting in line at the DMV dentist office. You can be sitting there

watching all of the Sopranos. Tevo makes other DVRs look like they were designed by the Soviet community. I like this copy. Only Tevo reaches both cable and web to find any movie, any show, any video at the press of a button. Alright?

So there you go. From the couch to the kitchen, from the minivan 5,000 feet. Tevo makes TV 100,000 times better. So why don't you do yourself a huge favor and go get some. Go get yourself some Tevo. Have you heard about that Tevo?

Oh my god, I want to get some. Um, alright. Let's do one other here. Then we'll get back to Dollar Shave Club everybody. How many times have you walked into CVS and said, hey, I need the triple blade plus can I get one of those? And they go, yeah, that'll be $68

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dollarshaveclub.com forward slash burr or click on the Dollar Shave Club Banner on the podcast page at billburr.com. There you go. Look at me. Saving your money. Saving your money. So, it's been a hell of a week everybody. It's always been a hell of a week.

If you try to stay up on world events, there's always something crazy going on. Over in Egypt, where the Arab Spring began as far as I can remember, they elected a president within a year. They're like, we don't like this guy. Why don't we have a new election

and then the new guy's like, no, no, no. I'm in here. I'm in here. I'm not leaving. And they go, oh yeah? We think you are. And he goes, oh, I don't think I am there. I bet you are. I bet I don't. Next thing you know, there's riots in the streets. You know?

When isn't it a hell of a week? Sorry, can you tell I'm searching for something? Where the fuck is it? I swear to God, this is the exact kind of thing that just slowly fucking drives me mad. About these goddamn fucking computers.

What did I do wrong this time? Ghost of Steve Jobs? I'm going to watch this. I'm going to try to do this move. Did it finally work? Did it finally work? Oh, here it is. I got it. I got it. I got it. Sorry.

What did I want to talk about? Oh, I know. Aaron Hernandez, everybody. You know what? One of the fucking hilarious things about Aaron Hernandez's case is I'm fucking sitting here calling up my buddies and people are so into sports in Boston.

Like the fact that somebody lost their life. That's like that's like on page 19 of this story. I call my buddies back there and they're all like, dude, now, now what are we going to do? You know, Bronx always getting hurt. They traded fucking

Welker, right? What are you going to throw to? They're not even thinking like, you know, sports kind of takes a back seat to this unbelievably like bizarre depressing sad, horrific fucking

story. You know, who gives a fuck if we can beat the dolphins or not? You know? I don't know. There's a big, there's a big pity party going on in Boston like, oh my god, this is like the worst week ever. Well, we had the greatest decade ever. All right. I stand by

that. Anybody in any state in the United States, if you want to challenge the last 10 years of Boston sports, bring it on. Bring it on. I want to know one other fucking city that won all four of the major titles numerous times, three Super Bowls,

two World Series, a Stanley Cup and an NBA championship within 10 fucking years. Went to five Super Bowls, two Stanley Cup finals, two NBA Finals, fucking unbelievable. All right. And all you guys now who are gleeful in all your other sports towns

and you think you're going to fucking bug me with your little cunty tweets, know that I know this. You would cut off one of your fucking sports watch, sport watching balls to experience half the fucking success that Boston had over the last 10 years.

You would take this week of horror. You would definitely trade it. All right. You would do it. You trade in your fucking Mark Sanchez jersey. Dude, I swear to God Jets fans would take this week

just to fucking make it back to the Super Bowl. Do you know last time the Jets were in the Super Bowl, we hadn't even pretended to be on the moon yet. Do you realize how long ago that was? You know Richard Nixon

was still it was a comeback story. He was like Travolta in Pulp Fiction. That's how fucking long ago it was. Dude, that's another thing they're going to do. What if he gets acquitted, right? And then he fucking signs with the Jets. You know that was actually my

thought because I don't think as far as from what I've seen, unless his friends flip on him or unless they have some unbelievable piece of evidence that they have not introduced to the public yet, what you basically have is a mountain of circumstantial evidence

against a mountain of money. And as far as my little experience of watching the court case, the rich guy walks he was just Aaron Hernandez waiting for a bus, you know pimp my ride, I'm driving

a piece of shit, a exhibit, can you put a fucking fish tank in the back of this thing, right? If he was something like that over working in a warehouse unloading trucks like go Billy Redface back in the day done, you're going to jail. But you got

fucking pro athlete money, you can walk. Some lady on ESPN wrote the dumbest article was saying that despite the fact of how quickly the patriots acted once they found out all these allegations against Aaron Hernandez

and released him, like this black mark will always forever everybody forever will stain the patriots like if for some reason we don't steer the planet into the sun in the next 300 years, there's going to be people 300 years from now

still talking about Aaron Hernandez still thinking about it every time they see the patriot logo is that isn't the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life you know when you watch a Carolina Panthers game, when was the last time you thought about

Ray Karuth? You don't nobody remembers nobody fucking remembers dude, you know there was a guy in the Kansas City Chiefs that killed his whole family and then himself after football

I don't know what, maybe he got hit in the head too many times, I don't know what happened I never heard of the story until Len Dawson brought it up it goes away do you know a guy on the Jets used to take his dick out

in the Port Authority he died his pubes green and he can shake his dick at people you know and they were so shocked looking at his green pubes they took the longest time

before somebody finally looked at his face and then they arrested him and no one ever thinks about that when they watch a Jets game do they? see that's my point you guys can look all this up this all I don't know if you'll find the last one

but the other ones you'll find oh jesus dude, what do you think if they turned Pedroia into a flanker they could do a culmination of him and that Jesus treat they could somehow make up for Hernandez going to jail

um alright I don't even know what I'm talking about right now hey, this weekend, speaking of Boston I'm going to be I'm going to be doing the Cape Cod Melody Tent how come why did I just add a syllable to Melody

the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Hyannis is it in Hyannis? somewhere down near the Kennedy compound they sit there spending all their fucking booze money down there isn't that what they did their prohibition money

their insider trading money um I have no idea what the fuck they did don't they have a big yellow house they go out and they play touch football that turns into tackle football then it's this big family fight because they're like a bunch

of pit bulls or if they fuck that gene out of their family at this point it's just all watered down you know too many weak men and women brought into the fold you know, you ever think about that shit like when people

you know what's the worst thing ever is when somebody gives the son or daughter of a father or mother that accomplished something great they always give the kid shit like it's the kid's fault like if you're the son of fucking Michael Jordan or the daughter

of Amelia Ehad um people will always be like dude you're not as good as your father blah blah blah and they blame you it's like it's not my fault that I'm half cut with my mom

you know my dad can jump out of the gym my mother trips over a mop handle every fucking three days so I got 50% of that and me weighing me down I can still dunk but no I can't take off from the file line that's not my fault

that has nothing to do with my desire or my heart or anything like that it has to do with my mother the same thing with like Amelia Air Arts kid if she had a kid I don't know she probably didn't have a kid no guy could handle that back in the day

when she was supposed to be in the fucking kitchen making sugar cookies she's out there flying around doing better than the guys meh that's why I had a dick see meh I'm not fucking out of hair too short meh right no guy could handle that

I have no idea did she have a kid did she take him on the trip maybe that's why she crashed the kid was acting up she was reaching back trying to slap him in the face like how you could as a parent back then and she went into the ocean

who knows who knows why these things happen everybody I don't pretend to know and you know what more importantly I don't want to know but anyways back to the Boston sports things Boston fans you know you're not all crying you're not bitching I don't want to fucking hear it

alright quit your fucking crying and everyone else in your other towns try enjoy this week as much as you can because we've been kicking all your fucking asses for ten years and you know it's true at least mostly true you know

the only people who give a shit is Giants fans that's just when it comes to football right but some of them are Yankee fans and I'll take those two Super Bowl losses for what we did to the Yankees in 2004 I'll take that all day long now there's one that will live forever that

unlike the Hernandez thing that will live forever because you know what's great about it there's no way to beat it there's no way to beat it and even though team even the Bruins lost four in a row in hockey right but we didn't have the level of fucking hall of fame

it's just fucking great it'd be like if Babe Ruth Lou Gehrig he had DiMaggio and Mickey Mantel all in the same thing I know what you guys are saying that's not true and I say fuck you fuck you in your pinstripe heart it's true

the way you guys were loaded up with free agents you couldn't do that back in the day back in the day you had to fucking earn it as opposed to now we can go out and buy it Los Angeles Lakers you know anyways I love how Dwight Howard leaves the Lakers

and they're sitting there questioning his heart once again never did they think well why would you want to leave why would you want to leave gee what could it be the fucking 800 pound gorilla how many great centers have to leave

town saying I really didn't have a good fucking time playing with all what's his face over there how many hall of fame coaches have to write books where if you read through the subtext they're kind of going that guy's kind of a cunt it's kind of a cunt to be around you know who says that about somebody they want

a championship with you know this is my impression of a Los Angeles Laker fan as a parent the kid comes home if the kid was Aaron Hernandez and came home and actually admitted to murdering two people

and then the third one you know what the mother and father would do they would stand up on the coffee table and they would start chanting MVP hahahaha alright that might be admittedly that's a little harsh but I'm just saying

I am less than impressed with the average knowledge of sports that a Laker fan has it's just fucking dumb I'm just dumbfounded dumbfounded that not even once did you ever boo Kobe Bryant

when he walked off the court on your whole fucking team I just said fuck I'm trying to think of a major city that would put up with that I don't know anyways maybe it's the sun, maybe it's the pot cookies I don't know what

anyways alright here we go we got some fucking uh we got some letters alright Billy Beanbag there's a new one Billy Bean from the Oakland H Billy Beanbag I get it Beanbag a uh

revolutionary chair Beanbag for the environment once you threw that thing out it was made out of this blend you know like when they blend like a scotch not a scotch, yeah a scotch I don't fucking know a whiskey it's a blend of wine when you pour like a Cabernet

into a Merlot some real white trash shit this is like that, this is the chair version of that it was like a pillow it was a chair it was a fat person's stomach it was everything right it was food that

astronauts ate out in space I think it was like filled with like I don't know like these little whatever the fuck you call those things one of those things that coffee cups used to be made out of and you'd sit there and scratch them and let it go into the environment back in the 70s before you realized

that birds were inhaling it and it was like Agent Orange or minor lung or something black lung is that what it was yeah I don't know Bill you're the one who started riffing on Beanbags and realized that you didn't even know what material it was made of Styrofoam they were filled with Styrofoam

and then like the outside of it was like a blend of like plastic vinyl and you know some sort of treated waste and then you had the upscale ones where they were actually made out of leather I remember my dad

we got a bunch of Beanbags and they were all plastic vinyl hunks of shit but his was a leather one and we just think it was the shit it's big fucking and you'd grab it right this is how you set up a Beanbag

you'd grab it by the top like how your mother used to pick you up by your hair before she hit you with a wooden spoon you know because you were watching cartoons instead of doing your homework back when you could hit children in public or in the safety of your own home when you had company

and you give it a shake and then you would just push it right down the middle and then you'd sit on the fucking thing and it was horrifically uncomfortable and it took a good five years before people realized it you know when people just bought them

because everybody else had them oh it's so easy you can move them around the room look how easy it is to vacuum under it I can pick it up vacuum I see you can't do that with a chair I wonder where all of those ended up you know

you know I would give the fuck right sitting here reminiscing about chairs from the early 70s alright Billy Beanbag have you heard of Justin Carter this 19 year old kid has been in jail since March for making a sarcastic remark

here's an excerpt from a report after a Facebook friend with whom he played video games and described him as crazy and messed up in the head Carter replied sarcastically one imagines

oh yeah I'm really messed up in the head I'm going to shoot up a school full of kids and eat their still beating hearts he added LOL and JK just kidding for good measure for this he was arrested by Austin police

charged with making a terrorist threat and thrown into prison he may languish there until the start of the next decade get the fuck out of here crazy stuff Bill this isn't Russia is this Russia I don't see dude this is that

Snowden shit this is like all of that we're just slowly becoming this fucking police state you know what it is two people you got to stop fucking putting shit down in print that's just keep it how we used to say shit like that but we said it on the playground

you know oh yeah like I'm going to go shoot the principal in the head that's what you do you don't fucking write it down on the god you know by the way was there any sort of backlash against Facebook for basically ratting out all US citizens you know turning us all into

the man man you know he is still using Facebook I barely used it anyways you know I still go there and I check fucking emails in the back of my head I'm like why am I using this guy's cunty fucking

what do you call it social media thing here you know when he turned the fucking record how much money did he make to turn it and rat everybody out you know I swear to god if you're one of those fucking people who's dumb enough

to be like well if you ain't a terrorist you know I don't know you got nothing to worry about yeah I have no sympathy for you when I see you in the FEMA camp with me you know and that's what I'm going to do that's the only way that's going to keep the joy in my heart is when

I'm in the upper bunk and you're in the lower bunk across the way I'm just going to for the rest of my minutes on earth I'm just going to keep looking at you going well you know you got a terrorist what are you going to worry about over and fucking over until basically

I'm beaten to death by the other people in there who don't want to hear it anymore that creeped me out I don't know why this kids he's still in jail I don't know anything about it I have to know you know

does he have a weird haircut and a trench coat that freaked him out I mean it is Texas Texas has always kind of been their own deal you know what I mean I mean they kill people in Texas the way they rescue dogs here in LA so I don't know

I feel about that I mean as far as like population control it's phenomenal but as far as their swift I don't know I just can't imagine getting put to death for something you didn't do and you walking down there like how does that work in the afterlife

when you go to get judged are you allowed to yell at God at that point like when he starts reviewing your life don't even fucking start with me just open the goddamn gates already okay you know how this story ends you know everything right

I know everything except how to get me out of that how come you didn't help me how come you fucking helped a bunch of people and then you just stopped talking to people hey let me finish where was my burning bush

where was that well alright then hey here's some inspirational shit here somebody wrote some inspiration for the Monday morning podcast it says Bill it's like that thing I read on the internet once said plant three rows

of peas peas of mind peas of heart peas of soul I really hope nobody's eating as I read the rest of this plant three rows of squash squash indifference squash selfishness

squash hate oh Jesus there's another one plant three rows of lettuce lettuce be kind lettuce love one another lettuce grow our own food our own food

why all of that is great and if everybody applied that the world would be such a wonderful place why does that make you fucking you grind your teeth to listen to though what it can

you know that's a great question you know at least I considered a great question I'm in my own head here man sounded awesome to me the thought and then I said it and I was like wow how did I come up with that one you guys might disagree but what why is that who doesn't want peace of mind

peace of heart you know why because it's a fucking pun peas of mind squash indifference a lot of people don't know what indifference means and I think I'm one of them indifference means you have like when somebody goes do you want this you want that a I'm indifferent

I think it doesn't indifferent mean you don't you don't love it or hate it you have absolutely no opinion on it whatsoever which like I don't know how to be like that I don't think anybody's indifferent that's like a higher level of fucking thought

in my world you know hey what do you think about these drapes like I immediately like you know they're alright I like them they're hideous I never just look at something like what do you think about this I have no thought whatsoever

I don't know what that is what do you think about this band yeah they're alright that's the closest I get to indifferent you know Bill why don't you look up the fucking word first before you make ah flat this takes time fucking reading you know

get a life speaking of rescuing dogs I was out with the lovely Nia yesterday and we were driving around looking at houses it's like something we like doing but it sucks because then you always they're always better than your house because you never go out and look at houses that are the same as yours

like hey let's go out and look at shit we can't afford right you go in the house you're like oh my god this is awesome and just with every house you're just kind of going ah I live in a fucking tree Ford but it's still fun to do you know

and I feel like I'm actually helping the owner of the house because by going in there and I'm walking around you know anybody else who's in there they're thinking like oh shit this guy might make an offer I gotta jump on this you know that's how I justify me just going in there and looking in people's closets

so anyways that's what we were doing yesterday and ah so what did we do we went so we went to the grocery store oh yeah to get some shit for dinner and next door there was this place where they had ah you know rescue some dogs

so she's just like oh let's go over and look at the dogs like I don't want to go over there I don't want to go over there and look up some chewed up fucking animal that's going to make me feel fucking horrible and I'll be laying in bed thinking about the dog like in no country for old man when the dude's sitting there laying

there and he thinks about that guy that was asking for water whatever he says like ah fuck it right you gotta go back there the next thing you know you got some psycho chasing you that's not going to happen but I'm just saying I'm going to be thinking I love dogs too much that I can't go down and look at him because now I'm going to be just

fucking thinking about him so she's like why I can find just stop doing that right so we go over there and we walk in and there's this fucking

pit bull that's like two weight classes up from our dog big classic fucking beautiful pity head and I can't even tell you what color this thing was it was like

it wasn't carmel it was like this almost sandy kind of color with no white or anything just no patches just just that color the fucking dog was beautiful and it had to weigh every bit of 80 pounds all

muscled and it was an absolute sweetheart like he came in and the thing is just fucking doing that thing where it's wagging its tail so hard it looks like it's shaking its ass and it's walking sideways as you come up to it

and just buries that big head like right near lap and then at one point I'm petting the thing and it just fucking just leans into me like I was squat down like a catcher petting it and it wanted to be pet more so it just sort of relaxed its body and leaned into me and literally like knocked

me over and I fell down and then it went over and started like licking my face it was the greatest fuck I'm sitting this this all basically happened in about 11 seconds and then all of a sudden this lady comes walking over and the most annoying I'm talking

to a dog voice ever just comes walking and goes that's fucking doing that and it was like my eyes started watering and I just fucking stood up and walked Nia said something like okay and then that

happened she said something loud enough that the girl heard but she couldn't hear anything and whatever the dog's name was like Franklin she was like doing that shit and just stood up and just fucking walked away so now I'm over the other side

of the pet store buying shit bags as Michael Rappaport called them back in the day shit bags I fucking I'm buying those and within 2 seconds this woman left with that dog like walked in saw it

and just left with this 80 pound fucking dog and I had this such mixed emotions like I was excited that the dog got rescued and I was bombed

that that was the person that it rescued it you know and I don't know why she loved dogs the same way I did she did a great thing like why should I be bumped she just fucking you know what it was I wanted to keep playing with the dog

you came in with your fucking Jerry Lewis voice from hell did I just say from hell yes I did it's the 80s comedy week alright what are we 47 minutes in jeez louise alright let's continue on here oh I started to mention that I went on this bike ride

by the way and for those of you who live out here in LA or you come and to visit you can actually ride a bicycle all the way up to the Hollywood sign and

it is one of the hardest bike rides I've ever fucking been on you keep seeing the sign and every time you go around a corner and you just think it has to be the last fucking corner before I'm up here you know

and it just isn't and then it isn't and it isn't and you just keep fucking going and going and going it was like the ascent to use a word that's beyond my vocabulary you already had to go all the way up to canyon just get to the beginning of like

okay now we're gonna get to the summit here to use mountain climbing shit just that ascent you already fucking rode like a half hour just to get up there and then this ascent is I swear to god maybe 20-25 straight minutes of

I don't know what it is 45 degree angle it's fucking brutal and then in some points especially right at the end when it gets even like 60 degrees it's fucking ridiculous and uh I was beyond gasping for wheezing

and then I wrote and I stopped right where they have the radio antennas you're actually above the sign got off the bike and grabbed the chain link fancy and was going wheezing

for fucking like I thought I was gonna pass out but you know what I probably knocked off some miles on the capillaries there so anyways but you know what's great as you're going up there's all these guys

dressed like Lance Armstrong coming down and they all give you words of encouragement because they just did it you know and I'm going up there on a mountain bike made for a lady it's the one I got for Nia that she never fucking rode and I love riding women's bicycles you know

like women's bicycles that designed the way guys bicycles should be I always thought they had that reverse well basically they shouldn't bang that clit on something metal although no one those psychos they probably fucking enjoy it you know

um harder the way the woman's bicycle is fucking like they're so concerned about their dresses and you looking up and seeing their clam that once again seeing their clam

is you know hiding their clam is more important than somebody else's smash testies um I go up there it's not like the old school Schwinn one where it went all the way down to like your ankles but it's angled to the point where I can get my feet down and uh

oh Ricky Bobby you're gonna be okay you know so I don't have a problem with it I have sort of a uh androgynous bike that I ride you know it's a mountain bike but it's not a guys bike and it's not a woman's bike it's you know

it's a little questionable I have the don't ask don't tell huffy that I ride um and I'm not gonna apologize for it you know I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about alright got my ass kicked

Bill I'll keep this short and sweet because I know how bad you are at reading things you know I can't even argue that uh he goes I live in a small city roughly 90,000 people do you live in China? is that a little village to you 90,000 fucking people that's gigantic

the nightlife district of the city has more or less 10 different bars or clubs by the way before people are dicks to me on the internet I mean that's gigantic if you say that you live in a small town oh I guess a small city

alright you're right I'm an asshole okay here we go the nightlife district of the city has more or less 10 different bars or clubs well how big are they if there's 90,000 people in there you got to think at least half of them drink

10 bars or clubs you got 4500 people in each one that doesn't make any sense uh last weekend I left all my friends at one bar to go meet up with a girl at another while there I was heavily intoxicated and grabbed the ladies ass I was meeting

apparently two drunk guys that didn't take too kindly to this and decided to attack me and gave me a good beating somehow I think you left some some details did you grab the ass of the woman you were talking to um

were that her two older brothers and you were too hammered to realize it anyways he goes it's hard to show my face back in this club again after I got beat up should I just man up and go in again next weekend like I own the joint and if I see the two guys should I

get my group to give them a good ass kicking along with me Jesus Christ dude um alright first of all you got you didn't it's like you lost to one guy you lost to two people you know

so I don't think that's a uh I think the embarrassing thing is that you grabbed the woman's ass I need to know more details about that so let's just say these two guys were jealous because they wanted to fuck her and you came in um

somehow they were connected to that woman alright well here's the first lesson if you're going into a bar to meet some lady some strange lady that you don't have a relationship with you know do you use my analogy last week

that's in a way game would you go into the bleachers wearing the other team's fucking jersey by yourself you need you need next time you go in there you need to bring some friends um I think you're just going in there and you're asking for trouble and uh

one way or the other that you go back in there with some friends you're gonna end up in uh either jail or the hospital one or the other that's it either way you're gonna end up in court either suing because you don't have a fucking

you know you got a droopy eye now or just it's just you don't want to do that alright you went in there you were drunk you know what dude this is really on you this is on you uh you were careless with yourself I'm gonna blame you the way they used to blame

rape victims back in the day you weren't dressed like a whore but you were doing the dressing like a whore version for being a guy you walked in there all sloppy you walked into somebody else's bar you grabbed one of their women you started squeezing her ass like you were testing out

some shabbing alright and then you got beat down this should be a life lesson for you alright if you're gonna do some donnie brosco bar shit you gotta have a crew with you

and you have to be sober and uh don't grab her ass until you talk her into fucking to your back in her apartment that's when you do the ass grabbing do not go into do not go into a bar especially

you know it's a division rivalry you know what I mean like as a patriots fan you would never go down on the metal lens and start grabbing some Jets chicks ass that's it you're gonna get a hibachi over your fucking head and vice versa vicey versa there so there you go

there's your advice revenge that's not you don't want to do that that's it's just gonna escalate and then what do you think is gonna happen you're gonna go down there and kick their ass and it'll be like alright I guess it's even

then they go out and get a bigger crew and they gotta top your ass kicking by then you know it's like anchor man you're in that alley fight alright and then brick kills somebody alright next one

sorry I wouldn't go back to that take the ass kicking it's a funny fucking story just tell it in a colorful way and leave it at that as a fucking idiot I walked into somebody else's bar hammered by myself I start grabbing this girls ass and next thing you know I'm admiring the woodworking

of the floor like wow look at this is this a brass rail that you you know footstep how do they keep it so shiny you know as you're laying there on your side watching them kicking you in the kidney looking in the reflection the reflection of that brass rail

alright bill we got it you're on the floor popcorn in your hair there's a million ways to tell that story sir don't go back down there you don't want to do that alright hey billy bin laden there's another one another good one imagine if you

started using a puppet to mix things up oh for my act alright you know the same way dylan went electric you could lose a few fans but you'd own the midwest and central florida dude you realize how fucking funny this is

is this written by another comedian to have that sort of insight you know fucking true that is if I stopped doing if I kept doing jokes but I introduced a puppet I already know what I would do I thought about it a long time ago if I ever used a puppet what I would do is

forever the puppet was always smarter than the puppeteer I would just stand there berating the puppet and I keep telling it to shut the fuck up alright you don't say anything you don't even fucking think unless I come up with thoughts how fucking dare

you start giving me shit with your little feet go fuck yourself that's how I would do it as opposed to having the puppet giving me shit and then I'm rolling my eyes you know like the husband on a sitcom like well my wife is smarter than me I'm just the dumb fat guy right

anyways he goes here's the thing you'd probably be hilarious despite the ridiculousness of it all you'd lose your mind too being up there every night having a conversation with yourself constantly feeding an unhealthy mental state well that's kind of what I do on the podcast here sir

he goes I guess I should ask a question so what would your puppet look like would he wear overalls or a suit would he be an animal or would he even be a he it was a female puppet you could give it

noogies every time she was acting up yeah see the direction you're going that's the only way to go now with the puppet tearing or whatever you call it being a ventriloquist act it's just so gone in that direction

where the fucking puppet is smarter than you you know you know it's funny someone's going to steal this idea it'll be absolutely brilliant taking an old genre and turning it on it's here you know it's funny somebody's probably already done it is I just in a roundabout way

just said I had a brilliant idea do you like that are you still sitting here are you nauseous at this point um no that's what I would do and then what I would do is I would team up with the dummy and I would start rashing people

in the audience you know although you know something uh I don't know I am you're talking about puppets here I don't know where to go with that um where do we go from here

let's let's oh I gotta read I gotta read a little more advertising here everybody we gotta keep the lights on here where the fuck is it there's all the capitals in fucking Europe okay we got that one you know you'd think I would be smart enough

one of these fucking weeks to just have the only things opened the things that I need but I don't I have everything up here I'm looking at ebay some old Ludwig Baystrom here we go here we go happy holidays alright e voice everybody having your own receptionist

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for your extended free trial or go to huluplus.com slash bill alright there you go couple of options there on how to watch tv this week alright let's go back to the lettuce

alright push over hey bill i need some standing up for myself i need some help standing up for myself i live with my mom as a kid and she used to tell me how bad of a father my dad was and i would say i never wanted to be like my dad

as i got older i became every one's bitch all they would have to say was you're just like your father and i would do whatever they told me to do it wasn't just my mom and my sister a lot of my friends pushed me aside too i've since moved out i'm 23

now but people still walk all over me and i'm overly nice to everyone how do i stop being everyone's doormat ah jesus dude you're describing me when i was 23 everybody liked me i was nice if i met you in two minutes and you asked me to help you

move and to use my truck i'd let you you know and then when you went to pay me i'd be like no no no no i'm okay ah you guys gotta start doing it um and this is the thing it's a learning curve

alright where it's like you can't just be like i'm gonna start sticking up for myself and then the next time you're in a moment where you're supposed to stick up for yourself and you don't you can't consider that a failure because you'll always be conscious you're gonna be you gotta go through that

torturous period where you're now watching yourself getting walked all over and you're going well here's that situation again and here i am not sticking up for myself which will cause you in the short run to be even more down on yourself because before when it was happening you were

so busy trying to get the other person to like you you weren't focusing on what a bitch you were being now you're actually gonna watch it alright but know that that's part of the road to success anytime you're trying to break a bad habit you know you're trying to quit drinking

or you're trying to stop eating late night and here you are eating again you're beating yourself up as you're fucking doing it that's the first steps because before you didn't you'd just be shotgun and beers right eating ice cream and not even questioning it so with this shit um

what can really help you out is if you write it down write down like listen i'm tired of people telling me that i'm just like my dad um you know and you know you can start with that don't tolerate that anymore

just say to your mother i want you to stop saying that to me because all you've done is tell me how bad of a father my dad is and so whenever you tell me that that's like you're saying that i'm a piece of shit alright i'm 23 now it's time for me to become my own man

like when you tell me that it hurts me as a person it hurts my development alright now how can your mother say no to that you know easily she could be a fucking pain in the ass but i don't know um but just just start writing down like you know

i know it's like doing like starting out comedy you don't fucking go up on stage try to do an hour and kill you just try to hang in there for five minutes so just just take baby steps and uh my biggest thing the reason why i wouldn't i avoided confrontation

is because the only way confrontation when i grew up was screaming fuck you and getting into a fist fight so you know when i would be down at whatever bringing my truck in to get it fixed

and it felt like i was getting fucked over i would be in my head literally going like i don't want to fight this guy you know even if i win i'm going to have grease all over my face if he gets a couple of shots in you know it's probably going to grab a wrench like i'm literally thinking that when all i'm doing

is is getting a tune up and i feel like you know or you know i remember the time the guy put a new engine in my truck i remember it just died the thing died and i wanted to make it as a comic and the last thing i needed was a car

payment so it's like i would either go out back then you could get a piece of shit for 11 grand i'd either have to be 11 grand in debt or like you know get a new engine put in was like you know 12-15 hundred bucks so i was like yeah why don't we knock a zero off of that so that's what i did and i paid

the guy and the fucking cunt charged me for the antifreeze that he put in the engine he just would charge me for everything i learned a lot never never never trust a mechanic that has a manicure and that's not a joke he had cologne his fucking nails were like pimp level shiny

so but i didn't say anything to him because i'm like oh this guy's like you know he's like 60 i don't want i'm not gonna punch a 60 year old guy in there like and i would be thinking this shit but i wasn't even conscious because it just been in my head

since i could remember so it's playing on a loop and a lot of shit if you finally say it out loud or you write it down you realize how wrong it is or how absurd it is and it can kind of kick start you to uh

start going down the right road so that that's what i would do and you have to be very forgiving of yourself like you know what's funny is you're a total pushover probably until it comes to looking at yourself then you're probably like a fucking drill sergeant and you're always beating yourself up so i would say

you know try to find the humor in breaking a bad habit or trying to change yourself and uh you know you work at it every day you know it's like playing an instrument you know if you play once every three months you're never gonna get better but if you fucking play an hour every day all of a sudden right you start

shredding and here come the girls and they're jumping on your dick you start sticking up for yourself the women they're attracted to that i'm not talking about being a dick but women are attracted to fucking like guys

they don't want to marry some pussy right all of them want you to go out there and fucking grab it by the throat and drag it home throw it in the pot so they can fucking cook it up metaphorically speaking

last thing i ever want to do is suggest that a woman would want to go into a kitchen and actually be fucking nice for once and make that guy a goddamn sandwich um sorry you know what i'm saying i hope that helped you out

um did i get everything i get to everything here cop that shot dog bill what's your take on the hawthorne police officer firing off one into a dog fucking bullshit right well i mean obviously i'm not pro shooting dogs but i wasn't there

i don't know what happened look if you're a cop and you're walking in there and some giant dog comes at you with his teeth showing fucking mall your face off you know i mean what are you supposed to do but if that shit that i mean i've seen youtube videos

where like the dog isn't doing it it's just barking like because you're in the house but it's not charging it's not doing anything and they have its standard procedure eliminate the threat and they just fucking shoot the dog there's a brutal one on youtube

where they went into the wrong fucking house and they got the guy in the floor and then they shoot his dog and they realize they're in the wrong house and they killed both his dogs it's brutal but in defense of the cops those are the ones that people put up on youtube

you know i imagine that they could then show you a thousand of cops going in getting attacked by once great dogs that their piece of shit scumbag owner turn into a maniac so maybe there's some sort of sweeping thing that if the dog

is more than fucking if you feel threatened by the dog i'm just playing devil's advocate here you're a cop you're going into arrest somebody you're trying to deal with this is this person gonna pull a weapon out and blow my fucking brains out i'm never gonna see my kid again

and meanwhile you got this dog you know what i mean it's like you can only look at one thing at one time so in your life is in fucking danger including animal lovers with thrusted i think it's very easy to not be a cop

and just sit there and be like dude you know what i would have done the same way you do like you know when you trash the quarterback of your team you know what i would have done with my non athletic ass this is what i would have done i would have left over the fucking defensive line you know and then called an option

or whatever the fuck you would have done so yeah i mean just hearing that story absolutely devastating because i know if the cops ever came in my house my dog would be flipping out and trying to attack them and i would be like let me just put her in the other room but if they whatever were coming

in there and i was considered a threat they have to take me down and then my dog would come at them and then they would fucking shoot my dog and it would suck so i'm obviously i wish there was a some way that they wouldn't have to do that but

as much as people want 100% blame cops there the real culprit that set that whole thing off are fucking assholes who turn their dogs into maniacs and maybe even someone like myself i mean i don't know how to have my dog under control

so i just put her in the back room because i don't know because some fucking asshole fucked her up you know ah jesus christ i got work to do so there you go that is the oh you know what i didn't even get to that fucking you see that reporter that died

let me get to where the hell is that story here this writer for rolling stone which i have a subscription to one of the magazines few magazines that i actually read every episode every installment

um michael hastings ah horrible death he fucking was going down i believe it was highland just south of melrose his Mercedes was traveling at ridiculous speeds

he hit a fucking tree and the whole thing exploded burst into flames and they had to identify him by his dental records allegedly this guy knew i guess he wrote some fucking article in rolling stone where he was over in afghanistan talking to some higher ups

in the military and they were saying some shit that they thought was off the record and he put it all in the article and there's people conspiracy theorists trying to say that his car was cyber attacked now i'm not even going to get into that

but dude how fucked up is the world getting if like that's actually something that somebody could do i'm not saying whether it was done by this guy or not i have no fucking idea he might have been hammered i have no idea

i have no fucking clue i don't know anything about it but i'm just saying the fact that somebody could hack into your computer and cause your car to speed up and there's nothing you can't shut the car off

this is why i don't know i don't believe that it's just like as evil as that is we gotta eliminate this guy isn't there a zillion other ways to kill him without doing that like what if he slammed into like a fucking minivan

with the you know a married couple and their 3-4 kids you know there's gotta be you know can't they just spray some mist on him you know just walk up to him in a mall like hi sir would you like to try this fragrance

you just spray it on him and then the guy like you know 10 minutes later he heals over you can't just do it that way but anyways is this true can they actually do that shit and this makes me feel glad that you know half my time out here i drive around in a classic car

you know not like i'm any sort of a threat but what i'm saying is if that if i just would think if you had the ability to do that some fucking nerds would just do it just to do it cause it would be funny

just speed you up for a second and slow you down and freak you out you know like do you remember back in the day when this was like pre-internet fun what you would do is you take your garage door opener right and you would drive around

the neighborhood and you'd point it at every garage until you found somebody that had the same one as you and back in the day they just had a like it wasn't sophisticated so not only yours opened not only yours it opened the other ones too so

you'd eventually find somebody that had the same garage door brand as you and you could open and close their garage so at least you could in my fucking neighborhood so you'd just drive one person nuts you'd just drive by

and you'd just fucking every once in a while we'd just open it and i don't know why we would do it we were assholes so using that if you could fucking do that um with cars wouldn't

like these people like you know hack in to steal like credit card numbers and shit i mean wouldn't there be somebody just doing that just to do it like you're bored it was just the was this the dumbest part of the podcast everybody did i stick the landing starting off with ignorance and then uh well why wouldn't they

well fuck you know what the reality if i have a book of commercial i'm gonna be you know that commercial where the adult sits there with all the kids and they go you know what would you what would you do if you had a zillion dollars and the kids like about ah they made out of candy yeah we could have hot fudge

waterfalls and shit i would be sitting there right with except it wouldn't be like the basketball one where they were like making fun of the fact like i would be like you don't want to say i'm saying them more on everybody alright well that's the podcast for this week i hope it made you feel better about yourself

at least you're intellect um i am going to be as i mentioned i'm gonna be at the cape cod melody tent on friday saturday and i'm at the hampton beach ballroom casino and then sunday i'm in down newport

rhod island at the newport yachting center alright two tents and an attic that's what i'm playing this weekend i can't fucking wait i always play hampton in newport i've never played the cape cod melody tent and this is where the one and only time i ever saw george carlin

so this is a very special gig for me and there's still a few tickets left i'd love for you to come down there and share that experience with me and blah blah blah blah alright okay so here's the outro

everybody alright now that the show is over don't forget to support all the sponsors quick recap join the thousand entrepreneurs who use e-voice as their personal receptionist um hulu plus you want to start watching favorite

your favorite hit tv shows right now all of that shit's on the podcast page and finally dollar shave club there's no reason to pay all that money everybody they're gonna send your blades every month you use one a week nice fresh shave uh uh your side of your face

smooth as a baby's ass alright that's it everybody that's a podcast for this week go fuck yourselves as always thank you for all the emails um and uh thanks to everybody who's been coming out to my shows and thanks to everybody who went out and saw the heat again this weekend

believe it came in third place and uh it's made a bunch of fucking money and uh seriously thank you for going out there and thank you for all the kind words everybody has uh said um to me about the stuff that i did in the week and meant a lot to me all right that's

it go fuck yourselves we'll talk to you next week