Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 7-7-14

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

Bill rambles about boxing vs UFC, your buddy wearing a skirt and the best part of being a kid.

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Anybody who went to West Point can tell you right now that that is not a safe position and that you need to move to higher ground. I don't want to get involved in all of that crap. It's a wonderful weekend, the July 4th weekend, the celebration of the independence of this wonderful nation. Did you guys go to a parade? What did you do? Did you get hammered and watch some fireworks? I actually, one of my favorite things to do out here in Los Angeles is on July 4th how everybody just shoots fireworks, whatever the fuck they want to. Me and my wife and some friends every year, we just go up under the roof of my house and we just sit there and we watch. Unfortunately, none of my neighbors shoot any off. It's always a couple blocks away and then just all the way across LA and we just watch it. I always try to take a video but the cell phone just doesn't, it doesn't do it justice. And then there's like a mall, I don't know how far away it is.

Say like, I don't know, three to five miles away, they actually have one. So right as we're getting on the roof, they're usually getting to their finale because you know, people bring their kids to the mall. You know, one of those fucking malls that has like a trolley that drives around it. And they play like Tony Bennett and Sinatra and everybody feels like, you know, like they're a winner. Is it walking in and out of the gap? Who is overall, if you're not growing food, if you're wearing overalls, if you're not in an early 90s R&B band, you're basically wearing it because that's what your stomach feels comfortable in. You know, it's like, it's like you're pregnant as a guy. You have one of those, you know, those satchels that people wear, you know, where they, one of those little swath fuck whatever it is.

It's like a blanket and it's like a paper root bag at the same time and there's like a baby in there. Well, the baby in this case is your big fucking round stomach. You know, I want to try to fetch shame some people, come on people. Make a quinoa salad. I guess quinoa, even though it's spelled O A is not the way to say it. Fuck it asshole on Twitter is giving me shit. You're driving me crazy. It's pronounced quinoa.

What kind of a man knows how quinoa or quinoa is even fucking pronounced. Okay. You know, what kind of man knows something like that besides an H and F is a fucking somebody who's comfortable with themselves. Somebody who realizes that meat is a lie. No, fuck it with you. I'm actually, I've really cut down with my meat intake just out of pure vanity. I love it. You don't eat meat.

Your fucking stomach goes away. The fat has nowhere to hide. Or as they say in Long Island, hide. It has nowhere to hide. If, yeah, it's got nowhere to fucking go. See, I cook this weekend like a yoga instructor slash a fat fuck. You know, I made my quinoa salad. Quinoa.

How the fuck you say it? I made that thing, which is great. Fills you up like pancake batter. You just pour it down your gullet. You're like, I'm good. You know, it's funny as they say it's a complete protein, but you can add chicken to it. In other words, it's not a complete protein. All right.

All right there. You're with your fucking stretchy pants and your bare feet. Stop fucking saying it's a complete protein. I know it isn't. Okay. And I made that and then I made this peaches and beach salad with goat cheese. I said, I don't give a fuck what you guys say. You can call me a fucking douche all day long.

A fucking twinkle toes. I don't care. It's great. Fills me up and I wake up the next morning and my fucking white stomach's a little smaller. You know, to try it. I actually went to the grocery store and I bought organic beets where it had like the fucking leaves, like some asshole, just asshole, some migrant worker, you know, because Americans don't want those jobs.

If we grew beets in this country, they'd be 40 dollars a beat. We actually had to pay people. And we still kept our yachts. It would be 40 dollars a beat. Can anybody explain to me the economics of that why everything has to be done outside of this country or it would be nine zillion dollars and don't even fucking just say it's because of the unions. I know it's partly because of that.

But the other part is those people with those fucking yachts that I saw in San Trope. In order for someone to get a boat that fucking big legally, without being a fucking pirate, try to be somebody crying in a field in El Salvador pulling organic beets out of the fucking ground or allegedly organic beets out of the ground to the tune of about eight pesos a fucking month. Right? Isn't that how it works? Isn't that how it works?

I don't fucking know. All I know is there's something going on with all these gated communities. We live in a gated community. What the fuck are you doing? What do you know that's going to happen? And right there, you're fucking, what do you call those guys that know how to build shit? Freemason. I like how people get mad at Freemasons because they know how to make shit and they don't want

to tell you about it. Don't you have a secret recipe with your barbecued ribs there or your fucking cream pie or whatever the hell you make? Isn't that a secret family recipe? Well, the secret family recipe with the Freemasons is they understand how the universe works. If they went and told you how the universe works, next thing you know, you're off the grid, you know, growing apples in your toaster and you don't have to pay for electric power. Why would you go to that cubicle with your four foot walls?

You wouldn't do it. And then what would they do? Where would their joy be if they couldn't see you walking into a fucking building every day that you didn't want to go to? Where would their joy be? What would fill up their dark souls? What misery could they look at? They would have left to be tortured, like I guess like torturing squirrels on their property.

Right? You know what I want to do out here? I want to fucking go up to that. I want to go up to that Hearst mansion. William Randolph Hearst, whatever the fuck his name was, he's like the original Rupert Murdoch. And he fucking, he owned all of this shit. Why does Verzi always call when I'm doing the podcast?

He's like the original Rupert Murdoch and he owned fucking everything. Allegedly, Citizen Kane was about him, but he has the Hearst castle somewhere between here and San Francisco. And it takes you like three days to get through it. This was the guy's fucking house. And I actually shot a scene one time, not one time, about last month. Who's kidding who? I did a sketch for Kroll's show.

I might as well hype that. I think that Kroll's a fucking genius. So I hope you guys watch the next season. I got to do a little bit of acting work on that. And we shot in a building that used to be owned by William Randolph Hearst. And allegedly, big word, allegedly, there was a secret elevator in there that old Opili, not red face, used to bring up his extracurriculars in, you know, with their fucking Louboutin's or whatever the fuck, his fucking horse.

He had a whore elevator. That's when you know you got money. You know, out of all those MTV cribs and shack with this giant fucking bed, right? And fucking red man with people sleeping on the floor of his fucking place. You never saw anybody with a whore elevator to this day, you know? It's fucking brilliant. The whore elevator. When the fuck was the elevator invented?

That seems like some early 1900s, possibly late 1800s type of shit, you know? You know, in the late 1800s when they first came up with it, they probably had like fucking six year olds pulling people up in it and it was completely legal. But anyways, this guy had a whore elevator. So I mean, if he had a whore elevator at fucking work, I'm not going to look at his house. I gotta do it. So anyways, I've been off since I did my special and I actually got, I'm finally going to sit down and watch it tonight.

I made the lovely Nia promise me that she'd sit down and watch with me because you know, it's a fucking outer body experience, all right? It's one thing to take a video and look at it, you know, of yourself doing something dumb. That's one thing, but to know that a bunch of people are going to fucking see the thing, that really makes you, makes you a little bit nuts, you know? So I got all my other busy work out of the fucking way. It's why I'm doing the podcast here Sunday night. And because I know I got to get this fucking 800 pound gorilla off my shoulders.

I got to sit down and watch. I got to watch the fucking thing, which I don't want to do. God, I'm dreading that. Anyways, the fuck was I talking about? So I'm really enjoying just, you know, last since I got back from Vegas, just not doing shit. I didn't do shit all week other than make my fucking twinkle toe stuff. Oh, and then I also, I made this fucking dessert. I just love when you guys trash me for whatever I do.

I made this chocolate chip cheesecake with a chocolate crust. I can't even tell you guys how ridiculously excited I was to make my first, like, look like a brownie crust. And I was always wondering, how the fuck do you make the crust? How do you get the chocolate in there? It's just like this cocoa powder. You put a little bit in there, then you sift the fucking thing down, right? You put in your fucking shortening. I overcooked it.

How do you tell it's getting golden brown when it's chocolate? You know? I don't fucking get it. Anyways, so I ate one of those things today and I feel sick. It was too much, you know? Fucking too much. What am I talking about? I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm on fucking vacation. I'm living in my own goddamn world out here. So other than that, yeah, I was hiking with my dog all this week. We're still getting the work done in the house and I had the dog, she stays at the vet during the day because she gets freaked out when the workers are making all that goddamn noise. And so, you know, I was on the road getting ready to do the special. I hadn't seen her in like a week and I came back and she was fucking fat. I had a fat pit bull. They love her over the vet and she loves them.

My dog loves anybody that takes care of them. First, she's like, who the fuck are you? And then the second you take care of her, she turns into a little lap dog. And so they love her to death. So they're always giving her treats and I fucking see her. I almost didn't recognize her. You know what I mean? You know, like when you go to your high school reunion after 20 years and you really got, you got to kind of look just like a little part of the forehead in the eyes is where you can still see the person that you used to know.

And that's what I was doing. So I went on a bunch of long hikes with my dog. Fortunately, she's a pit bull, so she's all muscles and she's back in shape after like three, four days. And that was basically my weekend. And oh, I forgot to mention, so we ended up going up on the roof. To to watch the fucking fireworks. And so we go up there and everybody's shooting them off and everything. And every year I say, and I go, you know, it's fucking amazing that all these people just randomly and there's just some people that's shooting off some real shit.

Not just like bottle rockets, they're shooting up stuff that blows up and shoots out into like a ball. You know, and it usually happens, you know, I don't know, two, three hundred feet up off the ground, they shoot them up and it goes off at like 75 feet off the fucking ground in between these apartment buildings. So I'm standing on the roof and I'm literally saying to my wife, I go, you know, it's unbelievable every year how all of these things get shot off and nobody lights their house on fire. And within fucking two minutes of me saying that, I look in the distance and I'm thinking like, wow, that that firework is is lasting pretty long. And I look at it and has that undeniable orange glow slash dancing of fire. And I'm like, that's a fire. Somebody let their fucking house on fire. Right.

And I look and sure enough, I couldn't believe how fast it spread. And next thing you know, there's a helicopter flying around it and then, you know, off to the left, we hear the fire engine starting to come down and as fast as that thing lit ignited and as fast as it spread, they fucking put that thing out. I'm sure they, you know, drowned everything that anybody owned in the building, but they put it out pretty goddamn quick. And so I got video of it. I don't know. I mean, maybe I'll put it up there. I was actually talking to Verzi when I was on the phone. I think I was him that I said, maybe I'll, whatever, I'll post the video.

It's not it, but I, you know, I'm not going to post it because it's not a good video. You know, this fucking cell phone at night. And this happened like a probably a good mile and a half away. Whatever. Whatever. So somebody lit that house on fire. So that was, that was interesting. You know, it was funny.

My mother-in-law was hilarious where she was just like saying something to the effect that she'd wish the person did that later on during the fireworks show because none of the fireworks could, could follow basically somebody lighting their house on fire. That was like way more exciting than that. You went back to the fireworks and it's just like, yeah, you know, it's kind of like doing your closing joke in the middle of your act. You know what I mean? It's kind of like, I don't know what the fuck else it's like. So anyways, do you think it would have been rude of me if I lived right next to them and I put on ACDC houses on fire? This house is on fire, you know, is their house was on fire? You know, talking heads burning down the house with that, would that be obnoxious?

I think it would be. What is the proper music to play when your fucking neighbors light their house on fire? What is the respectful thing to do? Is there, is there some country song saying I'm sorry your trailers on fire? I don't fucking know. I don't know. This is the Monday morning podcast everybody. And like I said, I'm doing it Sunday night and I don't have my, I don't have any advertising yet.

So I'm just going to have to pause here because I'm going to have to drop this shit and after I, after I record this shit. So with that, this is the Monday morning podcast and here's a couple of advertising ditties for you. And we'll be back after these messages from me in the future. Hulu Plus everybody. You've probably tried Hulu on your computer, but you know what Hulu Plus is so much more. With Hulu Plus, you can watch current season episodes of your favorite shows like Modern Family, The Daily Show and Scandal. And watch every episode of shows like Nashville, Lost and Doctor Who. You get to add free movies and kid shows too.

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Hey, how about those reads? Was I good or what? Fuck you. I suck every week. But whatever, I'm trying. So let's get down to brass tax. Let's talk about what went on this week. I was in Las Vegas.

I boozed it up and then I immediately went back on the wagon and I've been able to hold out. I had one beer. I had one beer last night. That was it. But I'm definitely going to stay back on the wagon because I don't want to fucking, you know, I don't have a big booze head again. I'm going to have to go through all that bullshit trying to lose the fucking weight. You got to keep it in check, you know? I'm telling this story on stage and it's kind of bombing.

So maybe it's better for the podcast. You know, I was fucking driving, right? And I stopped at a red light, you know, four-way stop. So the person to the right of me, you know, he's got the green light and he makes a left in front of me. And he was so fucking fat, he like leaned his head right down to his man boob and his arm out the window. Kind of holding on to the car as he was taking the turn. So basically he wouldn't roll over and fucking crush his passenger. I mean, at what point do you just say, all right, I guess it really is like a drug addict.

I mean, you see a fucking drug addict laying in the goddamn street, going over and taking a dump on a fucking, I don't know what, shrub. At what point do you like, like, dude, I sleep on a sidewalk and I shit outside before you're like, hey, you know what? Maybe I ought to, you know, kind of knock down the whole fucking heroin use. Maybe I ought to take it down a few notches. I don't know. There's only a few things I've seen like that. I saw this fat guy in Seattle one time. He walked by me and he was gradually picking up speed with the momentum of his fucking weight.

And he went by me and I felt this wind. It was unreal. It really is like I really is a fucking drug. I really believe that I didn't before, but I can tell you just go veggie for two days, man. That's like the what's that shit that what's that shit that the methadone or something to get you off the heroin. Don't listen to me. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So anyways, back to Vegas.

So we had the Monday off. Me Bartnick, Lawhead and Verzi. And so we want to bet on something. We're bored shitless. There's nothing to bet on. So we ended up betting on me Bartnick and Verzi bet on Albania to beat the Germans. I think they'll play in Germany. I don't fucking know.

And we sat there. We put money on Albania to win. I put a hundred bucks on them to win and then I put 25 bucks down on a tie. It was basically one, one, two, two, zero, zero or nil, nil, as they say after 90 minutes I went. So I don't think I've ever been that interested in a fucking soccer game in my life. And I'm telling you, I learned the secret to all Americans who don't give a fuck about World Cup soccer. If you want to give a shit, put a hundred bucks on the on the underdog, you will find yourself sitting on the edge of your seat. I got a picture of us sitting there in the casino and we are eyes.

You would think we were watching the final two minutes of a fucking Super Bowl and Joe Montana's got the ball. That's how much we were watching the shit. And in the beginning when Albania is, we thought scored. We thought they scored. We lost our fucking minds. We jumped up. Right. There was all these other people who were for Albania and they got such a kick out of the fact that these three white dudes were absolutely losing their shit.

You know, that Albania scored. Well, you know, clearly they would think, well, how come they're not for the whiteies there in Germany? But of course, this unbelievable pass. This guy had an unbelievable header. And the fucking ball goes into the net. We lose our mind. Right. The guy did a one timer with his head.

We go fucking nuts like we're watching the Stanley Cup playoffs. And guess what? It was off sides. Can you believe it? I can't fucking believe it. It was fucking off sides. It's always off sides. It's always I tweeted that.

It's one thing I learned about World Cup soccer anytime it gets exciting. That means it's off sides. The amount of fucking times. And how the defensive line could just stop and then make you off line. Start running your pussy. I have to slow down because you slowed down. I swear to God. I swear to God, man, if I had enough money to start a soccer league, I would teach the world how to play that fucking game.

And I would get just the same way the NHL got rid of the fucking red line. That bullshit. I put a fucking blue line out there just like in hockey. All right. And once you're in the fucking zone, that's it. If somebody can run faster than you, then guess what? He's going to take a nice fucking shot at that goddamn goal that's as big as a fucking house. And we're going to start having some nine to eight games.

This poor bastard's running around for eight miles to have a game being nothing to nothing. Sure, I won 105 bucks. I won something like that. I think I ended up being up 20. I lost 100 on Albania to win, but I got the tie. This is how fucking dumb we were. When it went into extra time and Germany scored the goal, we were like, ah, shit, and we got up and we walked out. And everybody else was sitting there and I'm thinking like, oh, they must be waiting to watch the next game.

And then we go up to the pool, took a steam, went out to the fucking pool, just acting like idiots. I kept introducing Paul Verzi, every woman that would walk by and be like, excuse me, ma'am, miss, ma'am, ma'am. Just want to let you know, New Jersey zone, Paul Verzi. I just thought you should know that he is in your presence right now. And I swear to God, for some reason that was working. But anyways, so we ended up drinking like fucking pina coladas. I don't think I've ever had a pina colada in my life, but it just made sense. It was like 108 degrees out.

And it's like that drink is mostly ice and it has an umbrella. Maybe I can hold it over my nose and try not to get a sunburn there. So I'm drinking that shit. And afterwards, later on that night, we're getting hammered at some bar and we start watching the highlights of Albania, waiting to see that goal that didn't count and then see the German goal in the extra time that we thought ended it. And we're sitting there watching it. Germany scores and then Albania scores and then Germany scores ends up being two to one. We're like, wait a minute, what the fuck happened here?

This is still the same. Is this a game from earlier this season? What the fuck is this? I guess with the extended time, it just kept keeps going. We thought it was like sudden death. The first guy who scores wins. So we fucking walked out. I mean, it didn't change our bed at all.

But now the looks on the people's faces when we got up and walked out, it made a lot more sense to sort of look up confusion like where are they going? Where are those fun loving Americans that flipped out more than we did? Where the fuck are they going? So, so I learned that. I still think it's a great game. I know I've shit all over, but it's just fun. It's fun, annoying people from other countries.

You know, I enjoy the game. All right. I do find it extremely confusing. I find the uniforms unbelievably fucking confusing. Okay. Like I was sitting there. I don't know where the fuck I was in the Netherlands versus Costa Rica zone. All right.

I've been to both places. I got treated great in both places. So I'm like, well, who the fuck do I root for? And then I find out that Costa Rica is the underdog. So I'm like, all right, I'll go with the underdog, the Costa Ricans, right? And then I'm sitting there. I'm trying to figure out which team is which. Okay.

Cause they both have like red, white and blue flags as far as I know, but like one team is wearing fucking orange, all orange. And I'm like, I don't know who the fuck is who. I'm looking at the uniforms. I'm trying to find a flag. And finally, what you got to do is you got to racially profile them to figure out who the fuck is. And then, you know, there's always going to be a couple of black dudes or something

like that, somebody with a tan. So it's going to throw you off when you're going like, okay, he looks like he looks like he's from the Netherlands. He looks like he's from the Netherlands. Ah, that guy looks like he's from Africa. Ah, I don't fucking know. And you got to sit there for 90 minutes and wait till somebody scores and see where the fucking number goes to figure out who the hell's who.

It wasn't that bad. It took me, but it honestly took me a good like a minute and a half, two minutes to figure out who the fuck was who. I don't think that's right. And I don't like that creepy moment, too, where they hold hands with children and walk out. All right. There's been too much coverage of fucking pedophiles and that type of stuff as an American

in my country. They've made kids weird. You don't touch them. You don't go near them. You don't hold their fucking hands. Okay. I guess it makes it safe because everybody's looking, but it's just, it's really fucking creepy.

You know, taking their hands and you're walking them out onto the pitch. That's like when you're in a titty bar and you're dumb enough to go get the private dance. She takes you by your hands. She walks you out in the back. It's just, it's fucking creepy. You don't do that. All right.

You don't have them run through fountains in public either with no shirt on. Okay. They want to do that shit. You do it in the backyard. Okay. That's your kid. Okay. Fucking turn on that little fucking sprinkler in the back.

Have the kid run through that shit. You don't bring them down to the goddamn mall. Like they do in Columbus, Ohio. Whenever I do the funny bone out there. It's a bunch of fucking little kids doing a fucking wet t-shirt concert contest. Right. I swear to God, if I was, if I were, if I worked for the special victims unit, that's where I would park my ass on a slow week.

And I would just look for somebody enjoying that shit a little bit too much. So anyways, so that was the deal. I made money on roulette. I made money twice. I made money throwing dice. I made money on the tie of Albania. I wasn't betting big, but I would, I would, I would lose a little early and then I would win and then I just walked away and I was fucking done.

So I think in the end, I probably made somewhere between two and 300 bucks. That was about it. That was about it. Right. And other than that, I haven't been doing shit all week. I'm trying to forget my last hour, hour and a half of material. I went out last night. I did a little bit of stand up.

I got, I got one new fucking five minute block starting over again. I don't know. I got nothing. I got nothing. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. What else? Anybody, uh, anybody watch the, uh, the UFC last night? That Erickson guy, whatever the fuck his name is.

Fought, uh, Benicio del Toro. What was it? Benicio del Toro head with Brad Pitt's torso from Fight Club. Um, first three rounds are kind of boring and then it got, then it got good. It got really fucking good. And Rhonda Rousey, Rhonda Rousey, whatever the fuck you say her name. She fucking, uh, dude, she beat up the chick that she was fighting the way my older brother used to beat me up.

You know, I'd get a couple in and then he just put me in a headlock, throw me over his hip and then just give me a bunch of noogies, except there was no, there was no ref to break it up. I was actually upset when the referee broke it up and I didn't realize that her arm had gone limp. Jesus Christ. She took like seven punches right to the forehead. You know what's funny about the UFC?

Like you just can't fucking, you can never get over there quick enough, at least in boxing. When you get fucking knocked out, you go down and the guy goes to the other corner and that sport, they rush you when they fucking, what does it, what does it, what does it bang it and bang it and bang it. And the fucking ref is coming over like, you always take like another three, four. I don't know. Haven't said that. I still love the sport.

And Verzi always gives me shit. He fucking texted me last night. He goes, I texted him. I said, Hey, I'm watching that sport you love because he's always shitting on it. I'm watching the UFC. And he said, he goes, I'm watching it too. And he goes, he goes, I like the UFC. I just think boxing is better.

And I texted him back. I was like, yeah, I kind of guessed that the first 18 times you told me that he's one of those guys who always hypes up boxing is like the sweet science. Whoever called it the sweet science first, I don't think ever got fucking knocked out. You know, whoever called it the sweet science never talked to a boxer that's in his 50s and 60s and is dealing with the fucking brain trauma. I mean, I totally respect boxing. You have sick.

I think, you know, they're fucking warriors. But I just hate people who attack the UFC and they just have to fucking rolling around the ground. It looks like two guys about ready to fuck each other. It's just like, I understand a little bit. Who's getting who the guard is basically missionary position except somebody's trying to fucking, you know, knock your fucking block off. Other than that, I guess it's, I guess it is a sexual position. But I will say this, people who just always say that, you know, dude, if they went up against a boxer, a boxer would blub, blub, blub, blub. I don't think so.

I think it's like 50-50. Because I remember when, what was it? Tim the maniac. Sylvia fought that. What the fuck was that guy's name? He had like the hardest head ever. And he tried to grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down and fucking give him a knee to the head and the guy just threw an uppercut and knocked out Tim Sylvia. I think it would be about 50-50.

But I would have to get after a while, I would think the UFC guys would learn to deal with the danger of a boxer's hands because I don't think anybody in the UFC can box as good as a professional boxer because that's all they fucking do. You know what I mean? Like I'm sure there's some quarterbacks in the NFL that can kick the ball, you know, can actually do a halfway decent punt. But they're not going to be better than the punter who sits there stretching his fucking leg until he can do a total split. They're never going to kick it farther than that guy because that's all he does. So I would think even Muhammad Ali in his fucking prime would have a hard time going 50-50 if all he knew was boxing. Because I would think that 50% of the time maybe he could catch the person as they came in and tried to shoot his legs. And I know I don't know shit about this.

All you fight fans, fucking relax. All right, I got an hour here to kill. This is me just, you know, I took a couple of fucking Jiu Jitsu classes and that was it before I was onto something else. I was just like, this isn't for me. You know what I mean? By the time Jiu Jitsu became, people were doing it. I was already in my 30s and I was just like, I'm too fucking old to be fucking rolling around the ground. You know, I'm giving up my wallet, okay?

I'm at that age and I'm going to pray you don't kill me. Just take whatever you want, man. I don't want trouble. I got a black belt in that. So anyway, just fucking entertain me here. I would think that if a mixed martial artist, instead of a UFC guy or woman, if they were to fucking fight a professional boxer, obviously, you know, they're throwing hands. So all I would do, I would stay outside. If I had an MMA person skill, I would stay outside of their hands and I would just do what Joe Rogan loves the best, the fucking leg kicks.

And just keep smacking them in the fucking thigh over and over and over again. Chop them down. And then when you shoot their legs, the second you get them on their back, they're fucked. If you have no fucking defense against somebody that knows how to grapple and ground upon the ground, dude, you're fucking done. It's over. Maybe I'm nuts. Maybe I'm fucking crazy. I don't know anything about this, but I'll tell you this right now.

I was actually the women of the UFC. Like, what's it face? Rhonda Rousey, what she did to that woman, she could do to me. I mean, it would be over. She'd fucking throw my pasty ass right over a goddamn hip. My fucking powder of white legs would slam on the ground. And I would, I don't know what I would, and I would just be taking them to the fucking head. I'd probably be making some really embarrassing, like emasculating fucking noise in her armpit.

And that would lose consciousness. I think if I ever dated somebody, I was married to a woman that was as good a fighter as Rhonda is. I would literally, the amount of times I would be like, okay, okay, you know, just let's just talk this out. All right. Just because you could, she would literally be beating the shit out of me. What am I going to do? Am I going to report it? I couldn't.

Then what I'd have to do was on the side, I would have to start taking some classes. Just as a man, I can't fucking report this shit. I'd have to start taking some classes to somehow get some sort of defense against her throwing me across the fucking living room. And then once the first time she ever saw any sort of beyond what the fuck I knew, you know, oh, what are you taking classes behind my back and then she kicked the shit out of me even worse. Oh my God. See, this is why I wish the Chappelle show was still on. How funny would fucking Dave Chappelle be in a goddamn sketch about dating the UFC female champion and pissing her off?

Remember in the Rick James sketch when he gets kicked in the air and he landed on that dresser? Just imagine them using the same special effects of him getting thrown over that one of those judo throws. Jesus Christ. That reminded me of when I remember in the late 80s when you used to fucking like her fight, her title defense. That reminded me of Tyson in his prime as far as how quickly it was over. Do you remember that shit? Anybody else of age that they remember ordering the Tyson fight? Guys, come on over.

I got the Tyson fight and like Tyson, the fight ended before the pizza got there. And everyone was just standing around fucking eating a pizza that was too hot to bite into. Just going like, dude, that was fucking bullshit. It cost like 45 bucks. I still remember when I was when he beat Michael Spinks, a buddy of mine, we were in his newly finished basement. The same basement I watched when Larry Bird stole the ball from Isaiah Thomas and had a nice low ceiling. I remember that I jumped up and scraped my knuckles like raising Arizona. I remember we were there watching the fight and we were beside ourselves.

Couldn't fucking believe it because we didn't understand back then, you know, the whole fucking liver punch and all that shit. We just didn't get it. We were like, how the fuck is this guy? Actually, I think he took one to the head at that point. Took a shot to the side and then in the last, he had already gone down like fucking three times over in like 90, 91 seconds. And we were pissed. It was funny. His house was the house that always ordered the fight.

I watched like the first WrestleMania over there. God damn it. Those were good times. Good fucking times. So anyways, I still totally respect boxing. I respect all of that shit, man. I wish I knew how to do that stuff. I wish I could learn that shit without getting the brain damage.

You know, so anyways, what do you guys think? If Floyd Mayweather, because that's the thing Verzi always brings up. Oh, dude, we had a fucking. We had a fucking epic argument where, where Verzi was trying to say, I'm going to get him in trouble here because everyone's going to fucking right into his podcast. He was trying to say that Mayweather would have beaten Hagler, Hearns, Durran, and Sugar Ray Leonard. And I was trying to say, look, you know, at best he goes two and two. Okay. I'm not trying to disrespect him and I'm not trying to disrespect them.

And Verzi just kept going, he's the fastest fighter ever. That's what they said. He has the fastest hands ever. It's like, okay, okay. Yeah, the guys calling the fight who are selling the fight who are trying to convince you that you are not wasting your money by ordering the pay per view. Yes, they're hyping him up as the greatest, the fastest and all that fucking shit. But, you know, I don't know. I don't know.

So me, Lawhead and him got in the screaming matches. Barton X sat there laughing as we were in this great steakhouse at the mirage. Unbelievable fucking steaks. Unbelievable fucking steaks we had. And we were like, it was us. And there was one other family that was like across the restaurant. We basically closed the place down. And we got into such a fucking screaming match about whether or not Hagler, Hearns or whatever could beat Floyd Mayweather.

I remember looking over and there was two waiters at the other side of the restaurant just laughing at us. But Versey was convinced that Mayweather. I don't know. I got to be honest with you. I don't watch a much boxing to know. I mean, I don't, I don't see Mayweather knocking anybody out. I don't know. I always thought Hagler was the best out of all of them, even though he lost to Sugar Ray Leonard.

I thought that was bullshit. I thought he won that fight. And I got handed to him. He fucking lost that fight. Said this is bullshit. He left. He moved to Italy. He became an action hero.

Right. And you never heard of him since. I bet his brain is pretty much intact. So good on him. You know, Bartnick is convinced that he fucking threw the fight. And that's why he immediately went to Italy afterwards and became an action hero story. So that didn't make any fucking sense. I don't know.

But he looked visibly upset at the end of the fight. He's saying like, this is why you don't fight Vegas and yada, yada, yada and all this other fucking bullshit. So anyways, all right, how far? Oh, 41 minutes in. Jesus Christ. I got a hyper couple of things here for this week. I got, I'm doing a benefit for hungry children, children who are hungry in Brooklyn. Next week, we'll have the link up on my Twitter page at the MM podcast.

And Monday and Tuesday, I will be out there doing a set. And I guess out in Brooklyn. So I'll be back in New York with that heat, humidity and all of that fucking horseshit. And then I'm immediately flying right back here because yeah, I'm on vacation. I'm on full convocation over. Also, I got to ask some people if you already don't don't know shit about fighting and all that type of stuff, obviously from the last five minutes of this podcast, but I got to ask you my dog. Sometimes when we're hiking, I don't know if it's because she's hot or what, but all of a sudden she just wants to eat every piece of grass on the hike and she eats it until she pukes. I don't understand what the fuck that is.

I bring water, I offer her water, she doesn't want it. And she keeps eating the grass, then she pukes and then she's dehydrated and then she drinks the shit out of the water. So basically what I've been doing is I've been, you know, because these are the hotter months, I just decided I'm going to take her on shorter hikes earlier in the morning. And I noticed, you know, she wasn't doing a lot of that trying to eat grass shit. So I can't tell if she, you know, just has a sensitive stomach. I don't know what's going on. So if I figure if I gave my two cents about fighting and I don't know shit, I might as well listen to you fucking weekend warrior dog whispers, what the fuck you think it is? I guess I could Google it, right?

I don't fucking know. So anyways, what else the fuck did I want to talk about? I think that that was it. All right, let me do, let me do my last bit of reads here on the podcast here for the, for the advertising for this week before I get into it. Just remind everybody, once again, if you'd like to donate to the podcast without donating, just go to billbird.com, click on the podcast page and click on the Amazon link. Anytime you're going to go to Amazon, if you think you're going to buy something, if you take that extra step, I get credit for sending traffic there and they kick me a little thanks for sending traffic here. It doesn't cost you extra money. It is an extra step. If you don't want to do it, I get it, but I'd appreciate it if you would. And with that, here's some more wonderful reads from Bill Burr in the future.

Well, hey, guess what? There was only one ad read this week. So back to the podcast, you fucking cunts. Jesus Christ, did I butcher those? Or did I not? I have no fucking idea. Last but not least, all of a sudden, everybody's getting a drone and I'm calling it right now. Somebody with a drone is going to kill somebody. They're going to take down a fucking helicopter or a small fucking plane to have just anybody in the world be able to buy those things and fly them around. I cannot fucking believe that that is legal.

Okay, no flight plan, no radio contact, no pilot, no nothing. Just flying around up there. Do you know when you ride in a helicopter, you're not allowed to have anything in your pockets, especially if the fucking doors are off? Anything, a cell phone, anything goes into that fucking rear rotor. You immediately have to put that fucking neutral and auto rotate down to the ground. Okay, can you imagine what's going to happen on one of these fucking drones? I swear to God, where the fuck is the FAA on this one? I really hope they don't allow people to get these things to the level that they're going to get them.

What's funny already is perverts are seeing the advantage of them and I've watched a couple YouTube videos and there's women that have accused, they've taken pictures of these guys that they're bringing these cameras up and they're hovering outside of like, you know, these high-rise apartments. Trying to look into people's, well, this is just going to be like, I swear to God, in the future, I literally think everything is going to be filmed. You're going to have no fucking privacy whatsoever. You're going to have to stay in your house with the goddamn shades drawn and then someone will come up with some technology, some infrared see-through the shades, fucking app that people can use. For the love of God, get a fucking life. If you want to get a pilot, you want to fly, get the balls to get a fucking pilot's license.

Fucking asshole. You're going to fly that thing around up there and almost, you know, potentially kill somebody while you're safe on the goddamn ground. I don't know, that ain't right. That ain't right. Bill Burr says it ain't right and we're back. All right. Listeners know that the All Things Comedy has added good times with Steve Simone. There you go.

Simone. I don't know how to say his name. Oh, hey, we had our first live podcast last week where we did an auction and all that. I want to thank everybody who called in, people who gave me shit and all that type of stuff. We had a great fucking time. And we're definitely going to start doing one of those once a month, bringing on some of the stars of the All Things Comedy Network. We're having a great time running this network. It's a slow burn, but slowly, but surely it is building momentum.

And thanks to you guys for listening to all the great podcasts that are out there on the network. So keep listening. All right. And here we go. Yoko Ono added again, multiple emails from people sending the following link of Yoko Ono at the Glastonbury Festival. This summer. Oh yeah. I made fun of Yoko Ono a long time ago.

I got to be honest. Yoko Ono and the plastic band, whatever, plastic Ono band or whatever. The band is fucking great. And I got to tell you, as far as this video for Yoko Ono, her singing isn't that bad. She'd actually be pretty decent at a fucking karaoke thingamajig there. I don't know if you want to see some more bad Yoko Ono or actually good Yoko Ono singing, which is sort of just bad singing. All right.

Let's get to the questions for this week here. Summertime blue. Hey there, Billy Weedwacker. I'm sitting in my cubicle and I'm hating my life. It's summertime. My kids are hanging by the pool with my wife and I have friends who have cooler jobs that allow them more time off to travel and hang out this rut. Well, first of all, dude, the fact that you have a wife and kids at home and you got a cubicle job, you're crushing it. You know, I always thought those cubicle jobs, they gave you the little skinny Michael J. Fox tie and that's all you got.

Anyways, this rut has me thinking about the good times I used to have riding my bike, playing baseball and hanging out with friends all day till it got dark and then playing some video games once the mosquitoes got too bad. What are your favorite summertime memories? What do you miss the most? Um, what do I miss the most? Oh, yeah, you know what it is? Is you just, I just, I just wish there was a way to convey to a kid a mortgage, you know, being in a relationship, property tax, you know, nine to five job, term papers, all of this shit that you have to do. Counting calories, all of that fucking crap. I just wish there was a way that, you know what I miss? I miss my problems that I had as a kid that I thought were huge. That's what I miss.

You know, someone was picking on me at school that there was some girl I liked and I didn't know what to say. You know, oh, that the Sunday papers are coming and they're going to be really heavy when I go to deliver them. Those are my problems. Oh, it's raining today on my paper route. Dude, I had, I had the fucking, I had the best childhood when I really go back and think about it, you know, I had a paper route. So I always, from third grade on, I had a paper route. I always had a fucking job. So I always had money. I used to make like, like 18 bucks a week. Okay, when you don't have a car payment, we don't have a mortgage, we don't have to pay for food.

When you have zero fucking expenses and all you're into is fucking candy bars and football cards, $18. And a pack of football cards was 35 cents a pack. And it came with a piece of gum. Ah, it was unbelievable. We had this, we used to live in this old house. It was a, we lived in the front and these other people lived in the back. It was just beautiful. I mean, it was run down, but I mean, you could, you could, it's the reason why I bought this old house that I have. The appreciation for the woodwork and stuff. And what I always thought was cool is that it had two stairways, like a lot of old houses have a stairway in the front and the stairway in the back.

And I always thought that that was cool as shit. Because they put dividers up in the middle and built another kitchen in the back and did the back stairway was a smaller place. And then the front, we had the bigger one because we have a bigger family. And this fucking place had unfinished Blair witch basement, like one of those turn of the century, last century, I should say, foundations that always had this smell of dampness and all of that shit. That was downstairs. We had a ping pong table, which was just an unfinished piece of plywood with a net on it in the, in the paddles, right? A bunch of other shit down there and spiders. We'd play that down there and you had the washer and dryer down there, which we had up on two by fours because every time it fucking rained, it flooded down there.

And the pump never worked. Like you had to go down there and put on your big fucking rain boots and turn on the pump. And then on the next floor up, there was a dining room, a living room and a kitchen. And then you went up the stairs and the woodwork, the banister and all that was fucking incredible. Like I said, it needed a little TLC, but then you went upstairs and to the right was a bedroom and to the left was two other bedrooms. And then there was another bathroom. And then when you went through the bathroom, there was another door that led up to a third floor that had two more rooms up there. Like you didn't have to crouch down.

It was this old fucking house, but up there, you know, we didn't have any AC in that house and the second floor was bad enough. And you got up on the third floor and you like literally risked fucking heat stroke. And that was this incredible old house that we rented for the majority of my childhood. And next to it had a, this giant field. And we used to go out there all summer. We played baseball during baseball season. During the winter we played football. My dad put up a basketball rim and it was funny.

He wasn't a sports guy and he thought in regulation room was nine feet. So we had a nine foot basketball rim on a slanted fucking driveway. No wonder I sucked at that sport. Yeah, we used to ride bikes. All of that shit before video games and the internet and all that, you just went outside, climbed trees. We used to climb up this fucking tree. I lived to like 20, 15 minutes south of Boston. I don't know what it was.

So we probably like 10, 12 miles outside the city and we used to climb up a tree that was high enough that we could see the potential building and the John Hancock building. Two biggest buildings in Boston, you know, both insurance companies. Go figure, right? They never fucking pay anybody. We used to climb all the way up those fucking things. We were the member of this fucking town pool. We'd ride our bikes down there. We just stayed out at the pool from one to seven every fucking day swimming all day.

Just had no fucking worries. Your life was a vacation. It was fucking ridiculous. And all you had was this bullshit homework and I was such a pussy. I couldn't even get through doing homework. My life was a fucking joke. My life has never been better. It was never better and you just don't even realize that when you didn't have rent, you had no fucking worries.

Sitting around eating fucking candy bars. You don't even get fat. It's fucking hilarious. So that's what I miss. I miss all of that. All of that shit. Those fucking elementary school days right into like junior high. Once you started getting into junior high, then that's when people really started to break off into cliques.

People started their first fucking drinking and drug abuse and then all the bullshit starts and all that fucking crap. That's kind of where it went off the rails for me. But, yeah man, I miss all of that shit. It's fucking perfect. Dude, when you don't have any expenses and you make an $18 a week and your hobby costs you $0.35 a whack. I mean, you're the king of the world. So yeah, I miss all of that. I miss all of that shit.

That's what I would say. Let me get to the questions. Jesus Christ. Oh, I guess that was a question. I got so involved in that. I forgot it was. All right, my friend is now a woman. Oh, Jesus.

To he whose hair is red and whose balls are blue. I'm a 25 year old man and one of my close friends from high school who I still see somewhat regularly recently told me that he is transgender. You know, I don't know what that means. Let me look that up. I always get trans. Transvestite means you just wear women's clothes. Let me get this right. Transgender.

Here we go. Transgender according to Wikipedia is the state of one's gender identity. Self identification as woman, man, neither or both or gender expression, not matching ones assigned sex. Oh, so you don't have to get to a transsexual then is if you had the sex change. You know what this is like? This is like trying to spell like. Psycho psychology psychosic. Psycho psychotic.

I don't fucking know all those pH, P Y S C H all those fucking things. I can never keep them straight. Identification by other by others is male female or intersex based on physical slash genetic sex. This is already over my head. Transgender is independent of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation. What is that? What is sexual orientation?

What you're into? I got to look on this right? Sexual orientation is an enduring personal quality and inclines you people to feel romantic or sexual attraction to persons of the opposite sex or gender. The same sex. All right. So basically gay straight by. Okay. So that mystery.

Oh my God. This is like quicksand. Further. Transgender is independent of who you want to fuck. Let's put this in layman's term. Transgender. People may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, pansexual, polysexual or asexual. I know what asexual is.

I know what bisexual. What is pansexual? Why would you have sex with a babe? Pansexual or omnisexuality is sexual attraction. Sexual desire, romantic love or emotional attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity. Oh, so that's not bisexual. We like you're into men and women. This goes to the next level where you're also into transsexuals.

Jesus. You know what this? This seems like, you know, one of those word problems in math. Oh my God. Look at this. You know what? This fucking, okay. Polysexual.

It looks polysexual. You know, you know, the male sign and the female sign. The sign for polysexual looks like that sign that Prince changed himself to. Polysexuality is the attraction to multiple genders and or sexes. What do they mean multiple genders? There's two genders. You either a man or a woman, right? Or it's a transsexual.

I'm already lost. Is that considered a gender? A polysexual, if you run for office, do you have to know this shit so you don't fuck this up? President Burr, how much does an egg cost? I don't fucking know. I got a private shift. A polysexual person is one encompassing or characterizing, characterized by many different kinds of sexuality. Polysexuality is a sexual identity used by people who recognize that the term bisexual, I can't even read this word.

R-E-I-F-L-E-S, the gender dichotomy that underlines the distinction between heterosexuality and homosexuality. Oh, is that what it is? I have no, I don't fucking know. I don't even know. All right, so Jesus fucking Christ. You know what's funny? The amount of people that could read that and totally get it. It just all becomes fucking mumbo jumbo to me.

All right, I can't even remember. Transgender. Okay, he actually said this means that even though he is a physically a man, he identifies as a woman. Okay, he told me that he isn't thinking about getting surgery or anything major like that, but wants to try living as a woman from now on. Well, he just became way more difficult to buy for, didn't he? Guys are easy to buy. Now, what do you buy the guy who identifies as a woman that has everything? You know, what do you get him?

Some Chanel scarf that's out of print. I don't fucking know. Anyways, he has always been a little peculiar, so this didn't exactly come out of left field. But since telling me this, he slash she has begun wearing unflattering women's clothing that to be blunt, look fucking gross. Well, did he know how to dress when he was a guy? I mean, can you give him a little bit of a learning curve? How would you put together an outfit? I would go with yoga pants and flats.

I would just start like, you know, I would dress like a woman on laundry date. I would ease myself into it, you know, before I tried to pull off anything a little more risque. You know, like, what would I change my name to? Would I be Wilma? Wilma's clubbing tonight. Then what do I do? You know, you know, I'd have to do some sort of theme, like dress like a housewife in the 1950s. Like Rosie the Riveter meets fucking that chick who was banging Desi Arnaz.

Lucy, whatever. Imagine David Cross prancing around in a skimpy miniskirt. Anyways, I want to be supported. Oh, he went, he went, oh, he dove straight in. He's dressing like a fucking skank. Anyways, I want to be supported of my friend in this time in their life and don't want to turn my back on them. But I don't know how much more I can handle seeing them dressed like this and his slash her new interest in cutesy, girly stuff seems contrived. I don't think you can really contrive something like that.

You know, it takes a lot of fucking balls, which I'm sure you can see hanging out of that small skirt to walk around and that shit. He says I've thought about suggesting for him slash her to wear more conservative female clothing but don't know how to begin to bring up a subject like that. I would just bring up Barbara Bush and just see what the conversation goes. I don't know what the fuck to tell you here for making suggestion. Now, this is a question. Do you have to call it her? I think that's fucking weird. It's like you're clearly a dude. You still have a dick, right? You know, I don't know. I guess that's the one of those things we go like, yeah, he's right over there. And then somebody be like, she, she's over there.

People patting themselves in the back how politically correct they are. Are you seeing that hairy leg chick with the dick and balls? Is that where she is? Jesus fucking Christ. Two plus two is five now. I'm accepting with what the, with his jeans skirt. Isn't that enough? You're going to comment me about pronouns. Anyways, overall, this friendship is just proving to be exhausting because I feel like I've lost a friend I once had and they've become a new person that I don't get along with. And that's all if I stop agreeing to hang out with him slash her and slowly cut them out of my life. What would you do in my situation? He slash she has always had a strong personality and many other friends.

So it isn't like I'd be leaving them to be alone. But am I a bad person if I can't handle being their friend anymore? Thanks. Love the podcast and go fuck yourself. Now, if somebody's being irritating, they're fucking irritating. You've accepted their choice, you know, I don't know if they're annoying the shit out of you. Then yeah, you seem like you've accepted that fact. Like you can't go so liberal that even though they've become a douche that you're going to completely ignore that because you feel like you're now not accepting the fact that he now dresses like a she. So if you don't have a problem with that, which you don't seem to, but the person still is annoying.

Then, you know, don't you can't just fucking hang out with them because now they're wearing a dress. You know, treat them like a regular person. If they're fucking irritating, you got to cut them out of their life out of your life. That's it. All right, corporations, Billy CEO. You're always trashing corporations and rightfully so. But are there any companies you do like? If you are a NASCAR driver, who would you want to be your sponsor? Or if you did a commercial, what would it be for? Go fuck yourself and come back to Baltimore.

Um, dude, that's a great fucking question. Um, I don't know, I guess a beer company because I like beer. Any sort of booze I would be fine with. Other than that, I would like to try to get somebody. I don't know, somebody that makes furniture in this country or somebody. Who, uh, I don't know. Fucking read those cars or something. Something that I thought was cool, but they weren't like, I certainly wouldn't want a Walmart.

Jesus, Cleo, the fucking dog collar. Who would I want? I don't know. I probably like some of the beer, some of the obscure beer companies that I found. You know, like when I was in Australia, that little creatures beer that I liked. Um, I would say some shit like that, I guess. I don't know the NHL just shit that I was into, maybe a drum company, but they're not going to waste their time putting that shit on the side of a car. Would they?

Who the fuck would I have? That's a great fucking question. Something unique. I don't know. You know, I just like to go out there independent and just have a fucking badass car with no sponsor name on it. Right. And just the sickest fucking paint job, make all those other guys look fucking stupid. Right.

And if you actually win, you know, just have a fucking, I don't know what the fuck you put on it. Some of that shit you see on all those cool car shows, gas monkey shit. Um, I guess something like that. God damn it. You know, when he's back in the day when you'd still had record stores, I mean, I mean, what makes CD stores when there's Virgin and all that shit. And as you walk around during the week, I'm going to buy this CD and buy that CD and then you walk in the store and you couldn't fucking remember anything. I might have to answer this one next week. I don't know.

No fucking idea. All right. Engagement ring. Dare Bill Matrimony. I'm buying my girlfriend an engagement ring. So when I want to get something simple. I feel like giving her something fancy will stress the importance of luxury. And that's not how I want to start our lives together.

Jesus Christ. I do well and money is not the issue. I think that if I tied a string around her finger, that should be enough. It's a symbol, not a collector's item. How do I convey this to her? Also, please don't act like a chick and tell me how and why it's important to her. Well, I mean, you've basically walled off everything except your opinion. You sound very fucking controlling and you sound like a cheap fuck.

All right. So go get her a fucking little piece of string and convey to her the importance of the dollar. Do that for her. Everybody loves that, you know, when you're throwing a keg party for someone to come around and go, hey, let's get a cheap beer. Okay. Let's only get a quarter keg. Everybody get a small sippy cup here on this big day of celebration.

This is the biggest day of her fucking young life. The only day bigger than this is going to be when she gives birth to children. Okay. So go ahead with your little string. Tie it around her fucking finger. How do you say that to her? Jesus fucking Christ. How would you like it, sir?

If once you guys got married and you were going down and you wanted to go down and you wanted to go buy this new Corvette that's coming out, the new fucking zero six, whatever it is that's going to go 200 fucking miles an hour and you earned the goddamn money. And she says no. And she stresses to you the importance of that fucking shit. Oh, I guess you're going to say, well, it's my money. I can do what the fuck I want. I don't know how to give an example.

All I can say is that I feel bad for this woman because I don't know. I don't know. I feel like if you're with the right woman, you want to fucking buy her. You know, I feel like if you fucking love your wife. Okay. And if you have the funds, don't you want her to have like a closet full of all the shoes she ever wanted? You know, that's like, that's like her sports package or whatever.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Have all your fucking shoes, dress up. I know you're into the shit. I know that makes you happy. Why would I want to deny you that? Go get all the fucking shoes you want. You know, I don't personally speaking, I would buy her a, a, uh, I don't know.

I would buy, this is what I would do, sir. I would buy a ring that conveys your feelings towards her rather than your feelings towards your wallet and your concern that she's going to be spending all of your money. And if that really is a concern of yours, uh, that's a major fucking concern because that's one of the number one things that drives people apart is money. If you guys are not on the same page monetarily, I would really reconsider what the fuck it is you're about really to do. All right there.

All right there. Control freak fucking cutting all the goddamn Jesus Christ. All right. This is my impression of this guy on one of his kids birthdays. All right. They're all in the other room. He's in, he's in the other room counting his fucking money and they're in the other room going happy birthday to you.

Hey, keep it down. Don't sing too loud. Don't be too happy. I don't want, I don't want to set a precedent with our baby's first birthday that, you know, this is how happy we got to be even more happy in the next one. Give, give us some place to go. Quit your crying. All right.

And that is the podcast for this week everybody. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate everybody's listening and all that type of shit. Don't take any crap. Go fuck yourselves. I will talk to you next week and I think that's it. Yeah, that is it. All right.

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