Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-11-13

Episode Date: August 12, 2013

Bill rambles about New Orleans, salads and ripping off the banks.

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Podcast! You just had a baby daughter? Um, oh fuck, one of my ears is ringing I hate when this happens Anybody else have hearing damage? Come on, stop ringing Um, every once in awhile one of my ears just goes Weeeeeee

and then it fucking, y'know Like some heavy metal singer from fucking decades ago Like saying remember your childhood, your acid washed genes Anyways, that was the members of Truth and Salvage Company Um, I got to know those guys, uh I was getting hooked through boozing I met that drummer Bill Smith, I was out on a drunken night And he came over to me and he said, hey, my name's Bill also

Why don't you tone it down, you freckled cunt And I had to respect him Oh, kid, um, they have a new album out Called Pick Me Up, that's available on iTunes And a new single called Appalachian Hilltop If you actually like human beings If you like, if you like, yeah If you like some sort of heartbeat in like your music at this point

You know, not saying that you guys out there on your designer drugs Eating each other's faces, watching some guy with a mouse head And your glow sticks is not a good time You know, if I got sucked into heavy metal You know, when I was coming up in the 80s If I was coming up now, I would fucking, I'd probably be there I definitely would be I'd sit there jumping up and down in unison as that guy played his stereo

In some club Am I doing the thing that all old people do? I get fearful and I'm just trashing all the new stuff I was reading something recently when airplanes first came out Actually, believe it or not, people sometimes I do read And I was reading this book about when airplanes first came out And this guy was pitching We basically all we had, we had like, we had the army and the navy

And that was it And this, somebody in one of those branches Because I already fucking forget Because every other word reminds me of something in my life And I just start thinking, you know Tom Sawyer got on a boat I remember I got on a boat, I remember that dingy in that kids pool party And I flipped over and I got trapped underneath

And then my eyes keep going and like six pages go by Fucking I did what I read So I can't remember the guy's fucking name I think we just had an army and a navy at this point And this was, I don't know, in the teens, maybe the 20s I'll just say last century As opposed to people who try to confuse you and go the 20th century You know

The 18th century 1800s was the 19th century You gotta do that fucking carry the one shit Last century Alright And he basically said to the army and the navy He was like, hey man, like these planes, man They're gonna like change shit

And like, I don't know if you guys are gonna be ready for it, man And all the old guy were like, rawr, rawr, go fuck yourself You goddamn Kleenex and your dental floss And your little lawn mower motor that you have in that thing Engine, right? Fuck you, what are you gonna do to me? My iron side's over here And he's like, well listen, man, like I don't really want to take it to that level

But why don't you put one of your badass boats out there And we'll bring our fucking planes over See what happens So they said, alright So they're sitting there laughing at them and shit And they got this fucking thing that's like six I don't know, it's really thick and it's really hard to sink And they keep

Little lawn mower fucking engines and they sank the fucker in like 12 minutes And there was actually navy admirals crying They couldn't believe it They were out of a fucking job, they thought So anyways Is that what I'm doing when it comes to like dubstack? That shit, like I guess I should be into it

I don't know, I like these guys Truth and Salvage Company They have my stamp of approval if it means anything I saw them when they opened for the Black Crows What the fuck were we somewhere in LA? I don't know what, so I don't know If you like that kind of music, give these guys a shot If you're into other kinds of music, just keep listening to that shit I don't give a fuck, but I don't need to hear your fucking reviews of it

Okay? I'm just suggesting This is how defenses being on Twitter makes you Because no matter what you suggest You could just say something simply like You know, ice cream is delicious And then what kind of flavor you get Actually, that's not all natural

You know, the fucking Samoans invented it And you just got to deal with these fucking cunts This is coming from a cunt Alright? So whatever I feel bad because I only mentioned Bill Smith in the band And I probably just fucking created a bunch of In-fighting in their van

Alright? If you're in a fucking band, you got to be riding around in a van, don't you? Isn't that how it works? Um, anyways Let's plow ahead, shall we people? I am still here in New Orleans As you can tell, the quality of this podcast, the audio The audio, at the very least

Okay? Is much better than last week's Because the lovely Nia actually sent out my power strip Or the cord, whatever the fuck you call it And, um, so at least you can hear me At least you can hear the attempts You can hear the big swing and a miss Hey, I got to tell you something

I actually was rooting for Alex Rodriguez this week You know? I really was Not because I liked the guy Not because I'm all of a sudden the fucking Yankee fan The Bed Bath and Beyond of the Major League Baseball community Um, I just realized that uniforms look like towels Very nice towels

But towels nonetheless I'm sorry, I'm drinking some water here I burned my tongue It's not the fucking worst I actually, I ordered room service I got a grilled cheese and tomato soup As old people do And, um, I uncovered the tomato soup

Which was way too fucking hot And I had the grilled cheese there So, I'm an American I can't just eat the grilled cheese I gotta take that grilled cheese And I gotta dunk it into the fucking piping hot tomato soup So I stick it in my fucking pie hole Big bite of that shit

It's lava hot So what do I do? I use my brain My brain says, hey Bill That's like, uh, you're not gonna have much tongue left If we don't do something about this How about grabbing some coke? So my right hand was like, oh I got this

And reached over to that nice, ice cold glass of water But the, the, they had plastic on top of it Cellophane So it wouldn't spill when the lovely Lady Brought it up to the room So, my right hand's like, you know This ain't gonna fucking work

And then the rest of my body went into panic mode And I went, blah And I just spit it out, spit it out Instantly I thought it was actually a smart move But I immediately started laughing Thinking that that would have been the greatest vine ever Or one of, a nice one anyways

Is Bill Burr eats Burr's tongue Is that it was? I mean, you know Can you actually do a vine Where it's actually just one thing It's not a bunch of shit spliced together I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about I'm just saying that Burr, my god damn tongue

Alright people, just trying to tell a story I fucking puke that thing out like Like you ever see a snake when it's in the middle of eating And all of a sudden you walk up to it And it's like, oh fuck I think I'm gonna get eaten And then it just sort of opens it mouth And that yak comes out of it And then the snake's sitting there like, now what's up

Huh, you wanna do this? Um, basically Walking up to a snake while it's eating Is like what happened to me when I went To that Buffalo Bill's game With my Patriots hat on And they waited till I was taken a piss Alright

With my Johnson out And then they pushed me in the back Cause that's what they do up there In the city of lights Other than eating their fucking wings And losing Super Bowls They wait till you got your dick out in Buffalo Don't ever forget that

Alright, so when you go up there To the falls over there in Niagara Alright, and all of a sudden you get that sensation That you gotta take a piss looking at all the water Just know Just know That the great-grandson Of Joe D'Lamileur, whatever the fuck you said his name

You know, Fred Smurlus Jr My fucking pushy in the back is all I'm saying Alright Not trying to cause any static With that great city Formally great city That city that will rise again Like Cleveland, like Detroit

Like Des Moines I would tell you guys how much I love those cities I like them I'm a fan of architecture And when I go there I always just look and I'm like Eventually this fucking place is gonna blow up In a good way

I mean that in a hip-hop kind of way Look at me Straddle in the fence Of my whiteness This is another sign that I'm getting old I have a real problem with that new Kanye West album That, you know, cause I want to settle down and be a fucking parent

And all that type of shit So I look up to other people That finally fucking do it and I'm thinking Oh, is this guy gonna, you know Is he gonna be changed somehow with this new fucking album And it's just still talking about Losing his diamond ring In some girl's snatch

Isn't that what it's all about? I don't know Sometimes I'm glad I look the way I look And I was never able to enter the club scene Other than to be ushered quickly Back out the side door Anyways What are we talking about here?

This is the Monday Morning Podcast And I hope you're having a nice August The summer's coming to a close But, you know, this is the golden age of global warming Water's a little warmer It's just starting to tickle your toes But you don't have to worry about getting eaten by a shark yet In your fucking living room

So, you know, I think you might get an extra three weeks Three weeks of the summer You know what's the greatest is the football season is starting And, you know, I've become a huge college football fan Over the years And I actually realized that My LSU Tigers, my adopted Okay, before anybody in Baton Rouge gets mad at me

Like, man, you ain't from here You ain't from here Don't call them York Tigers They are our Tigers Because that's what everyone in the South sounds like to me Alright Whether you do or you don't You do

In between my ring and ears Evidently, they're starting their season And guess who they're playing Guess who's back in my life They see you Come on, frogs They're playing They're playing those jackasses

On the kickoff day I know Alabama's playing somebody else I don't know who the fuck they're playing Alabama, can you believe those You see what those cunts did this week You see what they did to fucking the Aggies You know that came from them That horseshit about

Johnny Manziel signing shit You know that came from an Alabama booster You know it did You know it You know why? You know why I think it came from them? Because they're fucking scared They're scared that skinny motherfucker

Is gonna run all around the field Like the white Michael Vick Alright And he's gonna fucking beat their asses again I actually saw the replay at the end of the game last year Where, uh, Jesus Christ You never saw a sadder-looking faces When they cut to the stands after that interception

Right down there in the end zone Tremendous Oh look at that, I'm looking out on the Mississippi River That goes a paddle boat One of those Tom Sawyer ones You know Way back in the day when food was fresh And everybody was dropping the N-word

Every other word Right? We were exterminating the Indians Ah, what a beautiful piece of history Um Alright, what am I doing here? Is it time to do a little, uh, little advertising You wanna say?

Well, I don't give a shit I'm in control of this thing Alright, I'm running I'm running this motherfucker Alright, Dollar Shave Club everybody You know There are so many things in this world that irritate me Canadians, fans, script tattoos

People who get to the front of the line And shoot the shit with the ticket agent Rather than just getting their fucking ID out And getting on the goddamn plane Alright With so many things laying in the world that irritate you Why would you let razors add to it? What I'm trying to say is

Stop milking your razor blade Okay I know you're I know what the brand name razors are This is gonna be a bad week of reading Come on, Bill Pull it together It's the first quarter

Alright? We already burned the time out Fucking get on with it, man Um, I know with brand name razors You're used to paying outrageous prices And exhausting those razors Until they start to look like rusty soda cans Let it go

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Shave time, shave money You get it? Go to DollarShaveClub.com That's DollarShaveClub.com Or click on the Dollar Shave banner At the podcast page, billbird.com And also Are you like me?

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Where the hell am I? Let's get back to the podcast Got a big couple of weeks coming up everybody I want to thank everyone who went out Tickets for the show I'm doing Co-headlining with Brian Regan Who's kidding, kidding who I'm opening for the guy

We're doing a show at Cops Comedy Club It is all sold out And the money is going to charity And I can't wait to do it Brian's been one of the I don't know How long I've been doing this 21 years

I've been a huge fan of that guy Since the first time I saw him And I've never got to work with him In this capacity So I'm really, really excited About doing this And I'm actually also really Interested to see how his fans

React to me and my filth Um, alright So that's on August 27th And then August 28th All Things Comedy Network The network that I've started With the Daily Show's Al Madrigal Emmy Award-winning Al Madrigal

You like that? I have a friend that won an Emmy I knew, I used to know Al Madrigal When it was Al Al Madrigal Now, when I talk to him I have to go, excuse me Emmy Award-winning Al Madrigal

Yeah, me, him and some other guys We all started this comedy network Called All Things Comedy Just because, you know We saw podcasts blowing up And artists always create scenes And then they never end up with the money The businessman comes in

And we own your podcast And we get all the money And you get great exposure Go fuck yourself Have fun behind the podcast music On VH1 So we created like a co-op Where everybody owns their shit

We all come together Like a capsized ship Trying to keep the sharks away Until the fucking Coast Guard comes It's called All Things Comedy And we're doing a live show Our official kickoff Of this wonderful network

That I'm gonna begin blogging on I've already written a blog And we're gonna get that up Hopefully sometime this week And that's gonna be on August 28th At Largo It's gonna be featuring as many people From the All Things Comedy family

Al's gonna be there I'm gonna be there Tom Popper's gonna be there I believe Tom Segora And those who aren't Are gonna try to make videos It's gonna be a great night It's at Largo on La Cienega

Here in Los Angeles August 28th Back to the goddamn podcast So anyways The past couple weeks I've been talking about the food Down here in New Orleans Saying how delicious

Slash unhealthy it is And how you can't find fucking kale Excuse me Is a drink more cold water For my fucking scalded tongue I actually bought a juicer this week To somehow combat All the fried food

That I've been eating And I started drinking that shit That that guy and fat dead And kind of sick Whatever the fuck it's called Fat sick and nearly dead Sick fatty with dead fucking something Whatever

I've been drinking that shit man I gotta tell you something It's delicious Not only is it delicious You crave it after a while And I think I dropped like four or five pounds Good pounds too, you know The flabby ones

I was joking on Twitter Saying how I was in button down shirt shape And I actually want to get into like I want to be in sitting down No shirt on shape I don't know what I know Bill Cosby did a bit on this But he's so

What the fuck happens when you sit down You stand up and look sideways in the mirror And you're like, alright, you know what That isn't bad Dare I say it's kind of cute Shows that I like the occasional snickers Right And you sit there pinching at yourself

Like you're in an old school special K Commercial going alright That's not that bad That's not that bad Then you just sit down And like three handfuls of shit Just lands on your thighs You know

For the life of me I can't, what is, what happens Do your hip bones move up To your fucking mantits And everything just gets blown out I have no idea But sitting down without a shirt on You know, that's the truest moment

Of your fucking physique That you're going to see all day Stop standing up sucking any gut Alright You want to see You want to see the damage you've done Maybe you're not ready for it Alright

This is like the ring When you look at that fucking chick's face Your jaw just opens up And you land in a fucking walk-in closet Oh my god I don't know what happened to me I'm not even that bad a shape So I said fuck this

I got a juicer And I just did a quick gig up in Chicago Came right back This private thing So I don't know I ate halfway decent up there I did find a vegan restaurant But then of course I had some Chicago pizza

So now I came back And I had my little fucking grilled cheese sandwich And tomato soup So now my body is starting to pull me back To the dark side And that's what I've really learned About trying to stay in shape It's all about keeping your brain

Out in front of your body Keeping your fucking wits about you Like this shit It's like food You know when they say food is a drug I didn't believe them I'm totally convinced of it now It's like when you're eating bad

When you're just going like a three month bender I've just eaten bad in your head Like oh god I gotta stop I want a fucking cheeseburger And you just keep going And then that makes you want cookies And all that type of shit It's the food equivalent to like

Locking yourself in a room And just free-basin for three months That's what you're doing So when I try to do When I'm eating bad like this I just talked to a buddy of mine Outside of the business Who's trying to lose some fucking weight

I was trying to tell him that Like you gotta keep your head out in front of it And just go like I want that but I'm gonna eat this Even in that moment When you're looking at that apple As opposed to that fucking glorious Whatever you're looking at

Right Toasted roast beef and cheese With the fucking pickles and the chips And all that The last thing Your body's like that's That's what the fuck I want And you gotta reach for that apple

You gotta fucking hit that That crack pipe instead And I'm telling you Second you get two, three bites in You're like oh thank god Thank god I did that And you're fine Because from what I've read

The very little I've read Your body is actually craving nutrition You know? That's why we eat Chinese food Like fucking 35 minutes later You're hungry again Because your body's still craving nutrition There wasn't like a fucking ounce of it in that shit

At the risk of getting sued By that entire fucking continent of China Um it's not a continent It's a country Oh fuck yourself Um So that's what I would say If you could try to do

That's what I'm trying to do As I'm trying to keep my head out in front of it So I got that grilled cheese sandwich And I got the tomato soup And I said alright I gotta get back on the fucking green gumbo here As I'm calling it Because I'm in New Orleans

And uh that's it I'm back on that shit for the last two Tomorrow morning I wake up I make another one Bingo Bango I'm trying to do two a day Juicin' and then one day Having the fucking uh

You know a healthy dinner And then I go in the treadmill For a half hour There's no fucking way You're not gonna drop weight Alright So there you go So stop doing those stupid ass fad diets

It's the fucking cornflakes diet All I do is eat cornflakes I can eat as much as I want That bullshit Eventually You know what really I think the really It really is

It's not even like It's not even the fucking diet It's the Once you get to your weight What do you do then You know once you get down to your weight At some point You're gonna be looking around

It's like you got out of jail And there's some ice cream Right over there You're an adult You don't have to go Mom, can I have some ice cream Right That's how you become a fat fucker

As an adult There's no one to say Hey, you had enough cookies It's on you You had enough booze Put on a condom It's all on you You gotta be your own fucking parent

Until you get a lady in your life Then she starts fucking nagging at you Take your shoes off Hey, get out the rug Fuck you lady Where did you become so angry? So that would be my advice When you're just on

If right now If you listen to this shit And you're on a bad fucking road I'm telling you One of these days in the future You're gonna wake up You're gonna be sitting down On the side of your bed

You're gonna glance into a mirror And you're gonna be like What the fuck What have I done to myself You're gonna stand up real quick You're gonna try to suck it in And try to deny the truth That you just saw

You hear that? That's the steam engine coming back On the fucking racist genocide 101 The fuck am I doing? Yeah, just make yourself Eat an apple Or just eat a fucking salad You gotta turn the boat around

That's what I'm trying to do I gotta do it I fucking went back up to Like almost a buck ninety And now I'm back down to Like the mid-170s It's the fucking worst Just trying to lose like 15 pounds

Is the fucking worst I can't imagine people who Gotta lose more than that So, you know I don't know how this Became more of a weight loss podcast But I think it's working though This guy actually sent me a letter

He said Podcast success story Dear Wilbur You, sir, are a god amongst men Ah, Jesus, I wish that was true He goes I used to be a depressed piece of shit Your typical

The world is against me Nobody likes me Nobody wants me fucking moron That's who I was But your advice on stepping back And making fun of every negative Annotation I have Is that a word?

Did he write that? Did he type that correctly Or am I in more annotation? I don't know I don't know how to spell He goes I have fucking changed my life I'm 80 pounds lighter

I got a great girl And I've gotten two Count them two promotions You're a comedian You're not obligated to be Oprah or Maury But you still make a difference Thank you, sir

For knocking me back into cohesion You probably make 20 times more than me I doubt that, sir With your two big promotions there But I know But I owe you a drink Next time I see you If you're in Canada

Or Beantown You stay classy, sir Ah, that's great Good for you, sir Look at that He turned it around Somehow my negative Whatever the fuck

My shaming My fat shame My fashame Has been working Alright, enough about that shit So that's what I'm doing I'm drinking the I'm doing that fat-sick

And nearly dead Juicin' thing And it's like all green stuff It's kale, celery A couple handfuls of parsley Cucumber, zucchini And then a lime in To take the bitterness out

And I gotta tell you It's fucking delicious I love it And, um I don't know I think I'm gonna incorporate this In every couple of months Just go back to that

Well, I'll just juice for like Four, five days Just so I stay out in front of it Just so I don't have to Sit down one day And have that fucking beach ball I got a thing on my button-down shirts It's the one-two-third button-down

When that button starts to look Like it's doing the iron cross Between both sides of my shirt That's when I'm like, Ah, you fucking jerk off Alright, and then what happens Is I lay off the beer And then I just start slammin' whiskey

Like, that's my initial When I've, we've begun Our initial descent Into dieting Is I go from drinking Pale ales to whiskey I really am a freckled mess Alright, um

So anyways, I had a lot of Down time last week Um, I wasn't working Uh, I had a couple days off From my episode of Glee Um, it's a really long episode I can't believe how long I'm filming this, but uh

You know, I guess this is How they do it over there I must have a hell of a budget Um, I got into, uh I went on Netflix And I started watching, uh, Ken Burns, The War I know I'm like, that came out

Like five, six years ago If you haven't seen it If you like me and you're late To the party, dude Like, that's my recommendation For the week It's a seven-potta On World War II

Each one's about an hour And 50 minutes long And I know that sounds like I just told you to watch Every episode of Lost Um, just, it's effortless To watch this thing Other than the amount of times

You have to hit pause And go, Jesus Christ I haven't done shit with my life That's what it makes me feel like Like, I can't, I can't even begin to Uh, you gotta, you just gotta watch it You gotta watch it And what's great is

It really ties the whole war together Where, for me, I've always seen Like, they'll always do stuff On it on the History Channel That they'll be talking about The war in the Pacific Or they'll talk about the Blitzkrieg Or they'll talk about D-Day

And occasionally they'll talk about Northern Africa But this thing kind of goes In chronological order Of the whole damn thing And, um, it's, it's I don't know, I can't explain it It would be like

What the fuck was that movie That they showed And they showed it backwards And the guy tattooed shit on his arm I can't remember what the fuck it was It's like finally seeing that thing Going forwards Um, it's just

It's un-fucking-real What? Ah, Jesus, I'm too stupid to fucking just go Just go watch the goddamn thing Watch your people, 17 years old Lying, saying they're 18 And just going out on the front lines And just listening to these fucking bombs

Whistling in Seeing all your friends getting blown up And just, just having to resign to fate Well, this one's either going to hit me Or it isn't And I'm still going to be fucking Shooting at these guys Um, they, the stories that they could

They talk about the guys who were flying Over on the bombardiers Before they had the escorts and shit And you had to do 25 fucking missions Before, you know, you had basically Completed your obligation And nobody had ever made it past 14 It was a fucking suicide mission

And they had a guy who actually survived The ship because he was in that little Fucking skylight at the bottom of the plane And he got shot The fucking armor went through him And killed one of his buddies And I don't, and then he still went back Flew another one and got shot again

And that's the thing that basically saved him Was because he kept getting shot That he wasn't physically well enough To go back up in the goddamn plane again And, you know, and I actually have the fucking nerve To be afraid of flying I'm landing in fucking El Paso, Texas Going, oh jeez, oh jeez

There's nobody shooting at us I never felt like such a fucking pussy in my life Till, I mean, I feel bad enough When I watch like a UFC event You know, or I watch one of those The one of those shows about going to prison You know, I watched the training for UFC And I would be like, I, I

Three times kicking that heavy bag With my leg, it would be all bruised up And I'd be like, it stings, I want to get out of here It's just, can I be the guy who washes the t-shirts? Can I mop up the mat, the mat That you guys wrestle on, you know? I don't know, just whatever Ken burns the war and he's done a whole bunch

Of documentaries and he's doing one right now That is, that's about the Vietnam War And now I'm all paranoid that I said his name wrong All of a sudden that sounded like some guy in ESPN But that's Kenny Maine, right? Yeah, Ken Burns There we go, alright, I got the right guy Alright, he's doing one right now

He's making one right now in the Vietnam War Which I'm definitely going to watch You know, I already made one in the Civil War So I'm like, I'm going to fucking watch all of these things And then, I don't know, six months later I'll forget most of it, I'll probably combine A couple, two or three wars I'll get drunk and I'll just start spewing out information

About Lincoln speaking in Iwo Jima Alright, anyways, let's get on with the podcast Highly recommend that if you get a chance If you have seven hours to kill, I highly recommend that If you have chicken pox, it'd be a great way to Forget about the itching for a good seven hours What else? Oh, tonight Oh, last night

This is weird because I'm taping this on Sunday Right now, I'm taping this Sunday afternoon New Orleans time And I'm actually really excited, obviously Because the season five I guess the second half of season five The Breaking Bad premiere is tonight Did I start like 12 sentences there?

Let me try that again The second half of the season five Series premiere of Breaking Bad starts tonight Do you guys ever wonder why I never became a game show host As cheesy as I am Or like ever, like hosted the Family Feud Or was standing next to Billy Bush He had our table, like they have to read stuff

You know, I know I have the head to be on I don't have the hairline, but I do have the head You know, I fucking give a shit Anyways, Breaking Bad is coming back tonight And I can't fucking wait I thought there was only five episodes, you just find out there's eight So I'm psyched about that And I think I've already gotten past the sadness

That it's ending And I'm just talking as a fan Forget about the fact that I used to get in there every once in a while I can't wait for this thing To come out on box set And just go back and just go through that whole thing again A couple of months back I actually watched the first two episodes Of Breaking Bad

And just seeing, you know, Cranston's character Walter White has the hair And he's just meeting Jesse for the first time Do you know I heard, I don't know if this is true But I heard that Jesse was actually, that character was going to They were going to have him killed in the first few But he was such a good actor Aaron Paul that they liked the character so much

I don't know if that's true, I should stop fucking making up shit I think I remember reading this Like, why would you do that, Bill? It's one of the few bridges you can actually cross in this business And now you're going to burn it by putting out misinformation What the fuck is wrong with you? Anyways, I was somewhere killing time Oh, yesterday when I was in Chicago

And I was in the hotel And they had a marathon on of those doomsday preppers And they were all fucked Do you know why all those doomsday preppers are fucked? Is because they're loners They might survive some initial shit They might last a month, they might last a year But they're just, instead of ripping the band-aid off like me

And just getting fucking, you know Bludgeoned to death within the first 24 hours Or vaporized from something blowing up That's my doomsday plan My doomsday prepping that I do Is that I live in probably the most dangerous city that you could possibly live in As far as earthquakes, as far as the water supply As far as the fucking inability to get the fuck out of there

I really should get a helicopter license And try to go on eBay and buy some fucking used chopper Because other than that, I'm fucked But there's a piece that you gain from just being completely fucked Is you just say, yeah, what am I gonna do? I'm fucked Alright Oh, I got a great idea

I'm gonna sell a doomsday prepper Um, kit For people who don't want to prep And what it's gonna be, it's gonna be a beautiful locket That you wear They'll have a male one, it's a little more masculine They'll put some spikes on it or some shit Male or female

And when you open it up, there's one little cyanide pill in there There you go You just off yourself The dollar's collapsing, there's fighting in the street You just pop it in there And that's it It's over You know

You wanna live and be on dead body patrol? Going out there with your fucking schemas Going out there to bury all those cunts Before they give out disease Because that's what you're gonna be doing if you survive If you're a low level human like myself Where you're really not bringing anything to the table If they let you survive

If they decide Out of the fucking blue To let you survive That's what you're gonna be That's gonna be your first fucking jobs Other than getting naked and have them throw fucking lye all over you Whatever they fuck, lime Is that what they throw at lye?

Lime all over you to get rid of the body lice Your job, you're gonna go out there In some sort of tarzan fucking bikini bottoms With that powdered sugar all over you And you're gonna just start, you're gonna have That's gonna be it So my suggestion is Either get some cyanide or learn how to operate a backhoe

Because other than that if you survive You're gonna be standing there with a shovel Getting a fucking sunburn That the modern world has never seen Anyways, I'm watching this doomsday prepper thing And they got all these guys doing this shit And they got this one dude Who's just, you know

He's got like fucking three years worth of shit He's got flat screen TVs Got all this fucking stuff down I love the flat screen TV, that's hilarious to me Like it's the end of the world But somehow cable still exists Somehow somebody is at the head of the cable central Wherever that is flipping the switch

So you can see the final eight episodes of Breaking Bad Despite the fest Everybody connected with Hollywood is now gone Except for Wesley Snipes I'm sure he's got a bunker somewhere Yeah, if you got the balls and I picked the government taxes You definitely got, you got, you have a strategy in place And plus just even if that shit

Even if he didn't take martial arts Just the sword swinging alone that he had to learn The choreography, that would scare the fuck out of most zombies And they turn the other way, right? So he's got all of this stuff And he's sitting there talking about He's still afraid of the Russians In a nuclear holocaust

He's been prepping for 30 years Because that's basically what they used to scare the shit out of us about I came in the tail end of it in the 70s And this guy was older than me So they psychologically fucked this guy up so bad That he was now, you know, stockpiling this hole In the ground And then he found out that

Recently declassified information Said that the Russians had detonated some fucking, I don't know 200 megaton fucking something or the biggest bomb ever detonated They did it And he realized that he wasn't deep enough So he went out and he bought this big steel fucking tube And the whole time he's doing this This guy is like 200 pounds overweight

And it's like, dude, you better deal with that first You're gonna drop off a fucking heart attack Before they drop a fucking bomb on us And he finally addressed it He said, you know, I probably should get myself a better shape Of course, he was sitting down the entire time And even with the t-shirt on The guy was so fucking fat you could tell that he was finished

So I actually liked the guy Because he finally addressed the fact that he was out of shape And he needed to do something about it But towards the end, there was this 15-year-old kid Who's since the age of 12 Maybe he was a little bit older When was 2008? That was five years ago

He was about 17 He was 12 when the 2008 banking collapse happened So he went on the internet And he started reading up on banks And probably saw the conspiracy theory that I did And it scared the fucking shit out of him as a 12-year-old And this fucking kid has been like Scavenging slash stealing shit wherever he can

Because he doesn't have any money And he has all these guns And he has these fucking swords and shit He dresses in fatigues and stuff And his mother is just sitting there going like You know, I always wanted a normal son I don't know why He feels he has to do this

And now he's brought a friend into a fold And then they brought a friend into the fold Then he brought a third person into the fold And it's literally like, lady Lady, did you see Colin by... Alright, I'm not saying this kid is like that But like, what the fuck are you doing? Her big parental moment was

He's not allowed to go to the gun range without her She goes there and lets him practice And this fucking kid was great His spread was basically from, you know One ventricle to the fucking other Alright, is there two ventricles? Or is that an A order? I don't fucking know

I'll Google map the heart at the end of this Yeah, he was basically hitting it all center mass Right around your fucking heart, right? But then he goes home and he's got the ammo And he has the guns in his fucking bedroom And, you know, he's like, I'm thankful To grow up with guns He didn't even have a southern accent

Why am I fucking trash in the south again? He had this fucking awful haircut He didn't have a girlfriend He's going down this rabbit hole And she's just letting him do it And I found it really disturbing I don't find it disturbing when like I see those kids smiling and they have rifles

And their parents have gotten them into hunting I know people out where I live When I lived in New York City They freak out about that stuff Really intolerant of it You know, as they eat a fucking chicken burrito But I don't I think you should know how to hunt

And do all that type of shit You don't want to know I could fucking kill I could kill a pig, a wild boar I would love to go out and do that Fucking shoot that thing You know I want to hear from the rednecks out there What am I in for?

If I miss and that thing comes up on me Don't they just start fucking eating you? They're pigs, right? They fucking eat anything Would I scare them? Or would I look like one of those White chocolate covered pretzels? They'd think my freckles were salt

They'd be all over it Would it be okay since somebody You know, next time I do one of my southern tours here Can you guys take me pig hunting? And I want to fucking do it up I want to go Rambo style with a crossbow But I do want to have a backup oozy And I know if you're a redneck

I know you have a fucking oozy That's been fucking handed down since the 80s Whenever the fuck oozies came out Before laws prevented you from getting them It's for... I'm hunting quail! Is this America? Alright, let's get into some questions

For the week here I'll read the last couple of advertisers Why don't I do that? Alright, here we go Had a bad first quarter I did great in the second quarter Let's get out We got another 30 minutes

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Click on the microphone At the top of the page Home page, excuse me And type in Burr B-U-R-R That's Stamps.com Enter Burr Alright, there you go

There you go Into the wild blue yonder Alright, let's get into the Reads for this week Italy, hey Bill You mentioned a couple of weeks ago That you were thinking about Going to Italy

And you wanted some advice About where to go My lady is Italian So I've been there a bunch of times Here's the deal First, you should decide If you want to see The north or the south

The north is more industrialized With lots of interesting cities Yeah, and San Marino too Alright, isn't that with a blue blood Stay? Good food And has a more vibrant urban feel The south is more country style

With good weather and beautiful nature I think I kind of like that You could think of it being very roughly Like the difference between New England And the south back in the states And the winter, the north will be pretty cold And the south will be a little more balmy They both are the shit

Alright, cool Where's Rome? Rome's like right in the middle I gotta get to know that type of stuff I can't wait to go That's what I'm going to do Right before my European tour Is I'm going to go to Italy for a couple of days

Like two, three days What a fuck, wouldn't ya? If you're going to be over there anyways I'll get acclimated to the time The time change While eating some of the best food on the planet I mean, my two favorite kinds of food Is Italian and Japanese

Those are my two favorites I love them both Fucking delish So I gotta figure out where I'm going to go Because I only have three days I don't want to go there And try and do a bunch of things I think I just want to go there

And eat I'm big into stadiums Maybe I would see the Roman Coliseum I think I just want to I don't know what I want to do I just want to eat in some fucking Just great place And taste really clean

Food What I so respect about Italians Is how much they give a shit About the food making process I've told this shit before I used to know more Italian guys Back in the day when I was living in Boston And I swear to God

They would watch me make a meal And it would be upsetting them And eventually they'd just have to take over And be like, just get out of here They would watch you fucking up A piece of meat And it would literally It would upset them

You know? So You got to respect that All right, here we go Salads Oh, by the way That's another great part In the Ken Burns documentary

Is You know, I always saw Mussolini giving the speeches Oh, he's got one great one Where he keeps doing this thing With his hand He's just fucking Talking shit

Hitler makes me want to speak German And Mussolini makes me want to speak Italian Just watching their speeches Watching Hitler screaming and yelling Like, you know We used to be crying No, we saw him second to shit

I mean, is that what he's saying? I want to know What the fuck is he yelling about And Mussolini That look of confidence on his face I just want to hear What the fuck he's talking about I'm sure there's transcriptions

But it's got to be better If you actually know the language And I got that fucking Irish thing Where I got to do everything the hard way So all I would ever see was him Mussolini giving the speeches And then him fucking hanging by the meat hook Him with his fucking girlfriend

And I always wonder what the hell had happened I didn't know that he had gotten captured And then the Nazis came in and freed him You know, like the fucking expendables of some shit Is that a right reference? I never saw one of those movies But that seemed like what they were doing Like they were rescuing people

And And then he got caught again And he tried to talk his way out of it again And his last words were Was basically saying no Like no, no, no Jesus fucking Christ What a fucking way to go out

I've been talking about that in my act It's just That guy in like a year's time He went from just like being Having boy band fame And everybody's screaming and throwing bras at him And shit to be like on his knees Like no, no

Fucking They killed him and his woman I love it too, it was his mistress I believe that's what they call I don't fucking remember I remember already starting to forget the shit And then they brought him into town And everybody was kicking him

And his face They just kicked the shit out of his face And they're spitting on him And they hung him by a meat hook It's like, what happened? You know, you think it's bad to be like You know, in Old Town Try being a fucking dictator, man

It's brutal It's just That's why they never have a behind the music For dictators Because you know how it For the most part How it fucking ends You don't end

You know, you're not lying in bed You know Going through some fucking Buddhist This is the death process You know, where they teach you how to die peacefully And you're surrounded by fucking loved ones Or whatever This is the exact opposite of that shit

Hitler blew his brains out What's his face? Mussolini I just told you what the fuck happened to him Saddam Hussein They dragged him out of a fucking hole He went out like a gangster though, man Like Jesus Christ

He refused the hood They put the rope around his neck and He was getting heckled This is his shit Like when people talk about You know, when they go and they look at comics Getting heckled And taken on the crowd

He has to have the best one for For dictators He was standing there And he's getting heckled And he's giving him shit right back With a fucking rope around his neck You gotta respect that, man I would have been like Mussolini

Trying to fucking wriggle my fat head out of it I definitely would have taken the hood Who else? The fatty over there in Little Fat Boy In Korea I wonder how he died He's probably watching like Little House in the prairie

Or something He was a weird guy He was in the movies and shit He actually lived It's very few that actually get to make It that far, you know They get to continue work It's like actors who get to continue working on

Into their 70s And still doing like Oscar-winning work It's very difficult Most people fall by the wayside Alright, Bill, we get it Okay, alright, you know I'm into that shit

Alright, salads Hey, Bill I would like to get into eating more salads But I'm only 20 And what the fuck do I know about salads? Dude, I didn't know shit about salads I wish I started eating salads when I was 20 I wouldn't have this fucking mess

Ugh, Jesus Christ And it's pasty It's even worse Should I get into spinach? Some good old iceberg lettuce What do I put in salad? What's the point of making a salad If I just cover with ranch dressing

And put a bunch of bacon on it? I'm not even sure what balsamic vinaigrette is Is a boiled egg, a good thing to put in Guidance is appreciated Gotta be a dick here And say, haha, Black Hawk's won Well, you won You get the fucking brag about it, you cunt

Listen, I don't know shit about nutrition I'm just starting to learn about it I know iceberg lettuce is like 90% water, I think Spinach is good shit I like that I like arugula Kale's awesome And, uh, yeah

Don't go through all the crap of eating that shit And then put a bunch of dressing on it Because, you know, you're adding all those extra calories I guess balsamic vinaigrette This is all shit that I've overheard I heard that that's a healthier one But even then, I try to avoid drowning it And, uh, what's great about it is when you start eating them

You start craving them And that becomes one meal a day And that's just, you know You gotta start looking at, like, a steak and cheese sandwich Or something like that A pizza, that's just, it's just a plate full of sit-ups You know, I fucking hate going to the gym I like going to the gym because I want to look good

I hate going to the gym because I fucking have to go Which is what I'm doing right now, which sucks You know, you know what's another bad one Is when you're fucking sitting up in bed like I am And you hold your iPhone up to you And you get the reflection of, like, your fucking nine chins Start to get that pelican neck Anyways

So, um, there's a bunch of recipes out there You can find it, but I would, I'd stay away from iceberg That stinks Romaine is like, that's like halfway decent All right, iceberg lettuce, they're like the, uh I don't know Well, you want to go sports on this one? We'll go sports

And I'm not talking about what they're going to do this year What they did last year I would just say what they've done in my lifetime All right, iceberg lettuce is like the fucking Detroit Lions Even though they're good now, they weren't then So that's probably a bad example The Cleveland Browns Of lettuce

Sorry everybody in Cleveland Although I did promote your city And I saw a lot of fucking construction going on there Romaine lettuce is like that fucking team That every once in a while makes the playoffs But never fucking wins it That's like the Falcons of lettuce And then you get into Rugalas, the Cowboys

KL I would say is the 49ers And, uh, I don't know what Or, I don't know, maybe I should have said the Packers and Steelers Or the Steelers and the Packers Packers are the most successful So I'd say they're Kale I'd say Steelers Ah, just shut the fuck up, Bill

Okay Uh, Russian guy outwits banks Oh, I like this one already Hey, Bill, thought you might enjoy reading this article About a Russian man who outwitted a bank By writing his own terms into their credit card contract Jesus Christ, that's fucking phenomenal How the hell did...

That's like beating Bruce Lee at karate Or Kung Fu Or Jing Fung Ku, whatever the fuck he did Article, here we go The idea of beating the banks at their own game May seem like a rich joke But Tmitry Agarokov Agarkov, I don't know, 42-year-old Russian man

Sounds like he plays for the Red Wings, doesn't he? 42-year-old Russian man may have managed to do it Unhappy with the terms of an unsolicited credit card offer He received from an online bank Tinkov credit system Agarkov, sorry, if you're listening I'm butchering this, or if you have Russian descent He scanned the document, wrote in his own terms

And sent it through The bank approved the contract Without reading the amended fine print Unwittingly agreeing to a 0% interest rate Unlimited credit and no fees As well as the stipulation that the bank That the bank pays steep fines for changing Or canceling the contract

The bank has so much money They'll be able to get around this But what, that's fucking genius What a hero Agarkov used the card for two years But the bank ultimately cancelled it And sued Agarkov for $1,363 The bank said he owed them charges, interest, and late payment fees

A court ruled that because of the no-fee, no-interest stipulation Agarkov had written in He owed only his unpaid $575 balance Look at this Two minutes left in the game, people Is he gonna win this or what? Agarkov is now suing the bank for $727,000 For not honoring the contract's term

And the bank is hollering fraud They signed the documents without looking They said what usually They said to me what usually their borrowers say in court We've not read it Agarkov's lawyer said The shoe's on the other foot now Sorry, I really butchered the ending of that reading

So, well, I gotta pay attention to that Well, they'll settle out of court I don't know, man, that's a hard... I mean, the fact that you just got out of paying the fees I gotta put this in my computer here I wanna pay attention to that Agarkov, Russian, bank case Okay, so it's still at that point

Hey, anybody in Russia listening to this thing? Can you please keep me abreast of this? I wanna see if he gets any of that $727,000 All right, I'm gonna do a little pregame analysis here I'll tell you right now, I gotta tell you If I'm the bank, I gotta be taken How do we end up in this situation? I would actually guess that they're not gonna pay any of that

They've probably got enough politicians and judges in their pockets I mean, it's corrupt enough over here I can't imagine what the fuck it's like over there No offense, but it is what it is Yeah, if anybody, you know, in Estonia, Latvia If you're close enough, you can pay attention And let me know, I'd appreciate it Lithuania

Ukraine Belarus, look at me, I've learned some shit I'm an attention whore, Bill Bill Burr Marshall I'm a 16-year-old guy And I've recently come to terms with the fact that I love attention In most instances, this would not be too big of a deal I mean, look at you, you made a career out of it

Hey, listen, you fucking cunt Just because you found out that you're a dick You don't gotta rub up against me and get your stink on me You know? Did I say I didn't like fucking attention, you asshole? Jesus Christ You know, I was actually gonna compliment you With the fact that you actually could

Step outside yourself And see something that could potentially be a flaw Wanting attention is not a bad thing It's all how you do it You know? Alright, here we go. I constantly sit in class Loudly cracking jokes And can usually get the whole class laughing

Plus, I don't have to worry about the teachers yelling at me Because I'm such a manipulative son of a bitch That I have Ensured that they all like me Here's the problem My friends hate it Alright, this is taking a different turn here The jokes I make with them are far different

I actually think they're funny You see, the jokes I make to the whole class Are shitty, hacky, cheap, cheesy, douchey jokes Targeting a group laugh The jokes I make with my friends are normally riffing on something They might actually be creative Alright, so with your friends You're actually a comics comic

But when you're in front of the crowd You're playing to the masses You gotta pick a road here, son Or maybe you don't You're trying to be a comedian Or maybe you are If you're going to be a comedian I would try to make the crowd laugh at the jokes

To make your friends laugh Alright, here we go Now, I know the simple solution seems to be Stop being a class clown But I just love the attention I'm so emotionally undeveloped That I crave the class approval and attention Dude, you're not emotionally undeveloped

This is unbelievable I've had this sort of knowledge of self At 16, I certainly didn't Well, you know it's 16 I don't think I knew until I was 36 So you're in a... You're in a good situation here Because I love being the center of the class

Making everyone laugh, despised Knowing that I'm being fake and not myself What should I do? Should I stop cracking the shit jokes In class? Or should I tell my friends to get over it And keep being that guy To fuck yourself

First of all, I don't know what the fuck Your friends have a problem with I mean, how bad are these jokes you're saying And You're basically... What you're doing is In class, sounds like the first I don't know, three to six, seven, eight years

Of being a stand-up comedian Where once you figure out how to make the The crowd laugh You then try to be like Well, I want to Say what I really want to talk about up here Basically find your voice So

I don't think that you should Make a change because of your friends I think you should make a change because you want to make the change You know? Wouldn't that make sense? If you like the attention And that type of shit who gives a fuck But

If you want to take your class clownery To the next level, I would go with Some of the more creative stuff This shit joke, but I have to commend you That you... When I used to be a class clown, I would always get in trouble And the teachers didn't like me So the fact that you're able to do that

Is great And I think you're going to be real successful in life You could do anything Politics Show business Sales If you can actually talk to a crowd That really puts you ahead of the game

I would think As a Blackhawks fan I would just like to personally thank Boston fans for being so classy Respectful And dare I say St. Light From the bottom of my hat My Blackhawk heart, I would like to personally thank

Each and every Bruin fan You are all models of fandom Thank you for fucking mocking that Or just trying to rub it in I don't give a shit at this point That seemed like years ago And we just won a cup Good luck with trying to find your voice

As a class clown Goddamn ex-girlfriend Dear Billy boy Your podcast is killer man Thanks, well thank you I appreciate that And he says, I'm writing you to get some insight On my ex-girlfriend's situation

About six months ago My ex dumped my ass And totally crushed my heart That's the worst, you gotta go through it though He says I was fucked up for a while But took some of your advice And focused on improving my own shit

I never called her, texted her Or did any asshole For six months A couple of months ago She texted me Ah fucking, I knew it I knew it Now without reading this thing

She's texted you Now either she legitimately wants To get back together with you Or Whatever the fuck she Whatever Life path she went down over the last Six months

Has hit a hard Has hit a bump in the road And maybe she's having second thoughts Or maybe she's completely evil And she's like, wow, he just never called me again Why don't I call him up and mind fuck him Those are my three guesses On the

Cunt genie lamp there Alright so she texted me She wanted to know what I've been up to And how I was doing She also wanted to know why I unfriended her On Facebook And he writes Why do you think you dumb cunt

Now wait a minute Did you unfriend her because of my advice Or did you do that on your own That's a great thing, you gotta get Cut the cancer out You can't be watching what the fuck she's doing All you're doing is prolonging that pain You gotta

I'm telling you, you gotta Cut off all contact And then you gotta go crisp Bosch Where you just gotta drop to your knees a couple Times a day and cry it out Don't be afraid to fucking do that Now I wouldn't do it in front of a bunch of men But do it on your own

As a man you have to understand The reason why you're able to cry Is because you're supposed to Because if you don't you keep it in your chest And it becomes anger and then you yell at your kids Alright, I resisted the urge To tell her to go fuck herself And kept my responses

Cool and casual Dude, you are on the road to a post-breakup blowjob That's what you are right now Let's see if you keep the car on the road Here is my question How the fuck do broads know when you are finally getting over them And that they should get a hold of you And make you feel like shit again

Also, do you see I know it Also, do you think it's a dick move To get a hold of an X If you're the one who dumped them When they haven't gotten a hold of you Since the breakup Finally, how do you think I should handle this

Going forward Well You know what You basically You learned one of life's tough lessons Is that You know something I might be being a dick here

Like maybe guys do this shit too Alright Guys do do this shit too You got those guys who they break up with the girl But then they keep her in They try to like Hold on to her so no one else can fuck her You know guys who do that shit

So this is really like I'm being a sexist more and as usual I'm coming from the male Perspective, that's all I got Alright, trying to show a little empathy here How do they know I don't know But they're great at it So rather than trying to figure it out

Because I don't know that you can as a guy Just respect that they have that ability Alright Um You might want to consider changing Your cell phone number so she can't Text slash mind fuck you again

Um What a f- They're just the fucking worst In that situation dude Man So I can't remember what the fuck you asked me I'm going through all the breakups I've been through mentally right now Um

Alright so the first thing you said Is how the fuck do broads know when you're finally over them I don't know, change your cell phone number It's my solution Um also do you think It's a dick move to get a hold of an X If you have no intention Of getting back with them, yes I do

And you have to accept The guilt that you feel that you broke somebody's heart And you have to own that You can't like call in just calling to make sure you're doing okay You're not helping that other person If you have no intent, you're giving them A half a second of hope And then, you know

You're just, you're You're ruining them, you gotta let them go Um And lastly, how do you think I should handle this going forward, yeah I would say Uh Don't respond to her texts or uh Even then, just her texting you

Seeing your name and knowing that she's thinking about you And Your heart's still gonna be like, well maybe Maybe she wants to get back together, I would just change your number Start over again, go build Bixby Get a backpack, walk out of town Doo doo doo doo, go down the fucking street Um

Start working out, get some new women In your life, that's another thing Go out there, go hit on something He thinks out of your league Who gives a shit, go have a good time Um Hit on a girl that's odd, that's So called out of your league is like

Playing a sport Against people who are better than you It makes you better, it ups your game Alright So then when you play against somebody who's only A little out of your league You're actually, you used to playing beyond And you're not nervous, you're used to that speed

You know, does that make any fucking sense I hope it does Anyways, that is the podcast for this week everybody Thank you as always for everybody who's Contributed with the questions and everything That really is the last half of this podcast Every week Um

And also, I forgot to mention that The last couple of weeks, if you'd like to support this podcast A very easy way is if you plan on buying On something on Amazon.com Just go to billbird.com first Click on the podcast page And click on the Amazon banner that we have That'll take you right to Amazon

And you don't have to do shit after that It doesn't change the prices of anything Of the sale For driving traffic their way I take a percentage of that Send it to the Wounded Warriors project So it's a two for one as far as supporting me And supporting the Wounded Warriors project

And also hard copy versions Of my DVD Of my stand-up special, sorry DVD copies are available on my website And also available for download Um, for five bucks And it's uh The you people are all the same

Ask me when I'm doing another special I've begun talks About planning, about doing one In the first half of next year I basically I do them every other year Um That's basically how it works

I spend one year Having fun Right in a new hour And then I spend the next year fine-tuning it And then when I'm done with that, then I shoot it That's basically what I do And uh, that's the formula It's been working for me so I'm sticking with it

And then also People in Scotland have been asking me About my, am I still doing Scotland Because I didn't see a date I am definitely doing a date Things got moved around I'm still doing one in Scotland Um, it's going to be

At this theatre, I forget the name of it But I'm Somewhere around the fourth or the fifth of December Or something like that So hopefully at some point this week I'm going to get an official date And I'm going to tweet about it I will Facebook about it

And I will podcast about it next week And uh, thank you to everybody over there Who's been buying up the tickets It's starting off really strong And uh, somebody actually Sent me a link Um For the uh, the advertisement

In Stockholm It was really cool, other than my name obviously It wasn't fucking Swedish and shit It's just uh, it's the coolest Fucking thing ever That there's people on the other Side of the world speaking a different language And they're writing about a show that you're going to go out there and go do

You know, it's fucking awesome So anyways, I'm really excited about that And uh, all the shit that I have coming up Uh, oh by the way If you're into uh, if you're not into Um, motorcycle racing Or you'd like to get into it They got one of their grand prix

In Indianapolis or something Somewhere in the states this weekend coming up On uh August 18th I believe I'm actually going to watch it now that I Got a motorcycle license I watched that uh Documentary on Netflix

About all those motorcycle races Racers and that type of shit It's just fucking the balls that that takes It's like you're in a formula one car Except you don't have a roll cage around you It's unfucking real The balls that that takes So I'm hopefully going to have time

To watch it next Sunday I'm definitely going to try to find a bar out here And once again, thanks to everybody in New Orleans Been having a great time going around town Going to the open mics doing the uh Doing the stand up shows Been getting a wonderful reception and uh Been trying out a lot of new stuff

So I'm having a ball down here I'm going to be down here for another week And a half And then I'm back up Connecticut to do the MGM And then I do I think the University of Cincinnati And then I'm back out to LA And that's the deal everybody that's the podcast

Go fuck yourselves Have a great week and I'll see you later So was a spaghetti bolognese with a little bit of veal Download the My The Laisen app And cook me Yeah, top The Laisen. Me with a cleaver