Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-23

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

Bill rambles about Halifax, trashing bands people like, and killing lobsters. ZipRecruiter:  Go to www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR to try Zip Recruiter for free.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. For Monday, August 14, 2023, what's going on? What are you? How's it going in your world? Oh, Jesus. I am all vacationed out. At a great time on the vacation, the vacation was too long. Too fucking long. Because we did Martha's Vineyard first before we came to Massachusetts. And usually, we just go to Massachusetts, but I went to Martha's Vineyard first.

And I was good after Martha's Vineyard. But then after Martha's Vineyard, we went to Massachusetts. In case you weren't listening to the beginning, after Martha's Vine family became Massachusetts. And yeah, I'm, and it was funny, it's now I'm on the fucking road, you know. My family's backwashed and I am fucking, you know. I'm still out here.

I did Springfield two nights ago, which was amazing. You know, I hadn't been there in a couple of years, but like, you know, Springfield used to just be sort of a really small city except for the, you know, the basketball hall of fame was their big claim to fame. And now, you you know you couldn't miss it. Now it's all buried there's all kinds of buildings and stuff all built up or whatever but I went out there I did the show with Tony V he absolutely murdered the night before I was up in giggles my clock's place the house that Lenny clock built and

had a great time going up there. That's the greatest hang in comedy for my money. And I went up there, was it Friday, to shake the rust off. And then I went up to Springfield, had a great show there. And last night, we were in Halifax. We were supposed to fly up and come right back. And we got fog in, so we had to spend the night there, but it ended up being a great thing because I got to

walk around the city a little bit this morning and see how beautiful it is. Very underrated, you know, a lot of people want to go to Montreal. I would say don't sleep on Halifax, you know, it's sort of like chill, Montreal. There's not a zillion people there and it's I don't know, I think it looked just as beautiful and you know, like probably less expensive. It's kind of like Milwaukee versus Chicago. Like you go to Chicago, I mean just by the time you get into Chicago after sitting in that fucking traffic, you don't give a fuck anymore. You're just like that, that was one of the worst experiences of my life. But

then, you know, right up the street, you got no walkie. It's literally on the same lake. You're looking at the same fucking water with like half the traffic. I know I've sent this a zillion times. So, I mean, I love, you know, both cities for different. Like Chicago, I guess once you're in it, and you sort of walk around, but like, you know, Chicago actually reminds me of LA, where it's like, it's a city, but it also, in a lot of ways, looks like a suburb, you know, a lot of ways looks like a suburb, you know? We're LA, but you know, it's not as bad, it's but like LA looks like one giant fucking suburb

that never ends it every once in a while. There's a cluster of buildings and you're like, what the fuck is that? Oh, that's Century City. That's the Time Warner Center. That's the downtown Glendale. And the rest of it seems like it's six stories high. All right. My fucking brain is all over the place because we last night when we flew into Halifax, you know, it was one of these things. It's like I

wanted to go home with my family, and it was just going like, well, we were really glad to have you up here. But then they said, listen, we'll fly you up and fly you right back. The same thing. So I said, all right, fuck it. I'll do that. Fantastic. So we ended up flying up there, and we're coming in on final approach. And it was like,

the ceiling was, it looked like it was like 250 feet. Came out of the clouds and they had lost one side of the cockpit as far as their avionics whatever. But you know, they have the backup system and then they have a backup system to that, I guess, as far as flying instrument, which would have been going back to the old days of VORs and shit like that. But so we landed and you know with the idea that we were going to fly right back. So I was working with Tony V and Todd Paka, the author of billionaire Boogeyman. I'm trying to think the last time we all did a fucking road to gig together if we ever did.

So we went up and had just a fucking great time. We show up. All my Canada gigs lately have been like outdoors and like these parks and stuff. And I'm always going up going, this is going to fucking, this is going to suck. You know, because I am like institutionalized from when I was coming up. If you had an outdoor gig, it was just instantly the best thing that it could possibly be would be less off-old than some other outdoor gig. But the ones out in Canada have been unbelievable.

So we show up. There's like, fucking 10,000 people on a hillside. You know, it's looking like Woodstock. And we were like, what the fuck? I jumped thinking, are they gonna be as drunk as they were in Calgary? You know what I mean? Oh, no, Calgary, they would drunk

when I was indoors, outdoors, it was during the day. So they were actually a nice crowd. I don't know, they all run together after a while. And anyway, they went up. We went all went up and the crowd was fucking amazing. Everybody had a great set and you know they let us smoke cigars in the tent backstage while we were waiting to go on. And it was one of those things like, you know, it looked fucking big when you just looked at it, but when you walked out there on stage, you were like, Jesus Christ.

And I had one of those sets where, I don't know, it was just on. So like, I think I did like 10 minutes without even getting into my act, which is great, because that is the game, you know, once you've been doing stand-up for a while, it's like, how long can I into my act, which is great, because that is the game. Once you've been doing stand-up for a while, it's like, how long can I avoid my act? Ha ha ha ha ha.

And it's good if you can, because then certain jokes, you don't have the time to tell, so you get like a night off, that joke gets a night off, and it doesn't get all fucking used up. It's like farmers, they don't plant the same soil every year, you know? They fucking switch over.

So it's the joke version of that. Not to get all John Cougar, melanchamp on you. You know, which is basically not being a farmer and speaking for them. Kidding, I like what he does. You know, he tried to fight the bankers, didn't win. You know, was he John Cougar when that happened? Kidding, I like what he does. He tried to fight the bankers, didn't win. Was he John Cougar when that happened? Or was it John Cougar Mellon camp?

Was John Cougar then John Mellon camp, then John Cougar Mellon camp? I think that was, I think that's how it went. Something like that. You know, I get a buddy of mine like he loves, you know, like when you know what bands people are into, you know, and when you find out that they really love a band and they don't know that you know how much they love the band

and then what you do is you just start trashing the band to someone else within their ears shot. It's one of my favorite things to do. Like I knew this guy. I knew that he loved a couple of these bands and one of the bands came on the radio and I was just like, oh God. I don't understand why so many people like this band, right?

And I see him perk up and somebody goes, you don't like them? I go, dude, Freddie Mercury is basically gay meatloaf. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Which I obviously don't feel, I was just trying to get my buddy going, right? But he's basically gay meatloaf.

It's sort of, you know, that sort of musical theater angst, you know? But won't you find somebody love me? Someone to love, you know? Baby, baby, let me see upon it, you know? You know, nerd angst. Oh, they just all, you know, that huffing and puffing and running around a stage, you know, that, that huffing and puffing and running around a stage, you know, in the most effeminate way ever.

Like, I just, you know, I was just going to that route, like driving and this guy's, because, you know, I don't even understand, like, what even your fucking musical, like, we don't mind up at all. Like, he finally figured it out, that that's what the fuck I was doing. For the record. For the record, I think Freddie Mercury might be one of the greatest frontmen of all time. But as an ACDC fan, I love Roger Taylor straight across the board. All right, but when it gets a little too too dramatic, like I'll be honest with you,

I, let's say a nice segment for you. Like what is a band or a song that everybody loves and you just sit there and you feel like an alien? You know, at first you're like, oh God, I fucking hate this song. But then after a while, when it just keeps coming on and every time people just freak out and have this emotional response, after a while, you get past your hatred of this song and you just start observing the people. Because you're so tired of being the only one who hates this song,

that you actually want to just sort of observe people enjoying it to try to figure out what is it that I'm missing. And for me, the number one example of that, for me, is that Queen Song, Bohemium Rhapsody. I swear to God, I could fucking murder somebody when that fucking song comes on. It's such a stupid fucking song. It doesn't make any sense. I don't give a fuck that it's difficult to sing. I see a silhouette of me, wabahoo, wabahoo, where you do the fan gangle, thunderbolt and lightning, very very thin, everywhere in the bar. Get away out!

What the fuck are we doing here? Was it like a vocal warm-up that he just put to fucking words? I fucking hate that song Hate that fucking song and it was gonna go away, but then they put it in that fucking movie That SNL movie with the fuck's the name of that movie with Mike Myers and Dana Carvey When Wayne and Garth's big adventure, I can't remember, it's long fucking time ago. Anyway, they made that song, like they brought it back from the fucking dead, and now it's

just like, it's over. Like, that's literally like, you know, for the next like 30 years. Like fucking in the mood. That fucking song. Like, you know, I bet somebody in 1940s was like fucking hated that song in the mood. Especially if he came back from war, you know, and he had PTSD, you know, you're trying to block out all the fucking horrors

of war that you saw. And then there's just all these people, doobah-dobah-dobah-dobah-dubah-dubah-dubah-dye-ge. Wah-ah-ah-boobah-dabah-dubah. And you're just sitting there going, I swear to God, if one more person starts doing a funny walk pointing up at the ceiling, dancing to this fucking song, I am gonna take some of my military experience out on them,

you know? So mine is, is that that I hate that fucking song. And in defense of this, I love when people hate songs that I love, or hate a group. Like, does a kid down the comedy store fucking hates ACDC? And I just, I can't get enough of listening to him trash ACDC because nobody really does. And he really hates him. And he has such passion for how much he hates him. And I just think it's the funniest fucking thing ever. It was like in that ginger baker documentary when he trashed John Bonham, like nobody trashed his John Bonham. And I had a no-witch in your bakery just goes, John Bonham couldn't swing a sack of shit.

I almost fell out of my chair, like, oh my God, nobody trashed his John Bonham. There's a clip of Keith Richards trashin' him. Like Keith Richards doesn't like Led Zeppelin so much that he didn't understand that Led Zeppelin was a joke, that Led Zeppelin was in on the joke. I think they were talking to Keith Moon. When he told him, someone was telling him the lineup of the band Keith jokingly said like that's gonna go over like a lead balloon You know that old school expression like you know

so they took that And they just led and they spelt it differently and then instead of balloon they said Zeppelin like that's that's the legend anyway So Keith Richards hated that band so much that like he does he didn't even know that the band was in on the joke Keith Richards hated that band so much that like he doesn't even know that the band was in on the joke. There's a clip of him going like, yeah, Led Zeppelin and he goes, because it never got off the ground. And he's kind of making this, huh? You know what I'm saying?

It's like, yeah, Keith, that's the fucking joke. So he was like low-key trash in him. And then he comments and he's like, oh, and then that runaway locomotive on drums. And every time I love that interview because I always picture what if John Bonham jammed with Keith Richards and Bonham's doing his bottom shit and just Keith looking over his shoulder like,

what, and he's used to playing with Charlie and looking at him like, what the fuck is this guy doing Anyway, let's let's pick some other songs you guys are all know that I hate that bomb bomb bomb that song sweet Caroline which was funny They were playing that song before the show last night And what I loved about Halifax is when it went to show last night. And what I loved about Halifax is when it went to, boom, boom, boom, they didn't do it. Like nobody does it. Like that. Maybe it's not even the song. Wow, that's a, I never even looked at that. Maybe I don't hate these songs. I hate the people

that love them. You know, when you go to Red So Sox game and they start singing, sweet Caroline, and like you see like the girlfriend, you know, like snuggling with the boyfriend, and just watching how a song that awful like completes them emotionally somehow. But like, why do they do that? Or like, do you remember like from back in the day? He'd be in a bar and that stupid fucking song moaning moaning would come on which is a good song Echikovna Moaning Then again

The but it's great about these I should love these songs because these were the moments in my life Where I had the strongest feeling I don't belong here All right Like whatever is going on in this room right now or at this baseball game or at this nightclub I don't fit in here and I always never felt quite like I've, until I went to a comedy club, and I was like, these people are the same kind of fucking weird that I am. So all of these songs I should love, because I think that they drove me away from those people. I mean, can you imagine living your life and the people that you talk to are the same

people that when sweet Caroline comes on, they screen bump, bump, bump. How could you ever respect that person after that? Maybe if you're a little, I guess now that they've been doing it so long that kids grew up doing it and they did it with their parents or something. All right, here's another one that drives me up the wall that a Lannis Moore sets on. It's like, Ray, yay, are you ready, day? Right? And everybody goes, you know, the smart thing to say is she's not singing about irony.

She's just talking about, you know, some unfortunate things or some bad luck. That's not why I like that song. I mean, that's why I don't like that song. You know, it just sounds like someone that really has nothing to complain about, but is complaining. And whenever that song comes on, you know, I feel like I'm sitting across from her in like a restaurant. And while she's, you know, just bitching about her life, I'm just thinking like, why do I fuck that I say I'd go out to lunch? I should have just, like, this is it.

This is it. I'm just gonna say, I don't wanna do this anymore. Okay? I just can't, you fucking bring up rain on your wedding day every time we hang out. And I just, like, I think you need to go to therapy. This is something that I think you need to talk to somebody else about because I am exhausted hearing this.

Okay? I mean, this is life. Everybody has like a bad day. Do you think you're like special? Do you think that like bad things aren't going to happen? And I'm sure I'm misinterpreting this song, but this is, I'm just saying, this is my reaction. I don't want to get in too deep with this, but there's a lot of fucking songs like that.

This has to be a word for that. You know the Germans have a word that's Shidenfreude? I'm saying that right, which means is taking pleasure in somebody else's misery or pain. There has to be a word for like the hatred you have for people that like bands that you don't like. It's not like full on hatred. It's whatever it is. You know that thing when you're just looking at them,

to the point they can almost feel your look and be like, did you just feel your energy? Like that's the level of venom that you have. As you watch people, like, you know, oh, listen, there's a lot of, I don't, there's a lot. I'm not gonna get into it because people like start and shit, so, but there's a lot of shit that people think is one for you.

All right, if they're playing your favorite band at the supermarket, they're probably not that good. I'm not good. I'm not good. Although, now that people get older and stuff, I'll tell you what's funny, is anytime you walk into a cool sneaker store,

they're always playing uncensored hip hop, is what I find. And it's fucking hilarious. You can't walk in there with your kid because some woman's gonna be rapping about her pussy or somebody's gonna be saying, you know, some guys, you know, talking about his dick hanging out of the Lamborghini daddy that he owns, you know. That is one of the more disappointing things about hip hop over the last, I don't know how long, is people, it's like, I get it. You own a lot of nice things. Oh, is that right? Do you have one of those? Is it made out of gold? Well, that's going

to be impressive until you try to resell it. Oh, did you take all the millions you made and get your face made out of diamonds? Who was the guy who did that? That was the funniest shit ever. I feel like that's the updated version of like back in the day when they would show some old rich white guy and he would be letting us cigar with a hundred dollar bill. I feel like the modern version of that is if you get a big Jesus piece but rather than it being Jesus it's you and your face are made out of diamonds. I should do that for myself. You know it's funny I'm such a weird looking bastard. Like none of them would really be precious stones. They would be all be on the lower, you know?

Like rubies. I feel my fucking red beard. Like no one, you know. You want to see your girlfriend be underwhelmed? Get her a ruby ring. What kind of stone is that? That's a ruby. Isn't that like Russian money? No, that's a ruby. That's a ruby. Isn't he the guy who killed Oswald? Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about, butax and I ended up finding out they have incredible

coffee there. Let me give a shout out to the place I went to there. Geez, where is it here? Into the camera. Into the camera we go. Where is it I went to weird harbor a espresso bar. Oh, I got my usual order. A double espresso and a flat white with whole milk, outstanding, outstanding and quick. Usually when it's outstanding coffee, Usually, when it's outstanding coffee, you usually have to wait a little bit, you know, which is part of the fun. Like, look at him. He's a scientist, you know? Look how much he gives a shit.

Look at the technique. You know, you get all into it. Oh, in Springfield, you know what they got me? They got me one of those little fucking... Italian coffee makers. And they got me this coffee of, I don't have it with me here, but it was the best smelling coffee.

I think I've ever smelled, and it was already ground up. And those little Italian coffee makers is you fill up the bottom with water, you unscrew the thing, right? It looks like a little fucking, it's a combination of like a teapot and a lantern is what it looks like. And what's great too is the one that got me is the color of the Italian flag, right? Which I feel

makes makes you subconsciously think the coffee tastes even better because everybody knows, okay, when it comes to cuisine, I mean, there's the Italians, and there really is everybody else, okay? People have come close or whatever. Do we ever do this? Do we ever rank cuisine? Okay, I would go Italian is like, you know, there's no debate. Okay, there's no Jordan or Kobe, it's like, no, Italian know, there's no debate. Okay. There's no Jordan or Kobe.

It's like, no, Italian food. Bam. Done. Go fuck yourself. Like if there was one type of food that I had to eat for the rest of my life, okay. There's no way I'm giving up pasta, pizza, you know, all those, all the fish, the way they prepare, fucking everything. I I go back to drinking You know Haven't whine and shit, right? I would say their number one and then

Number two is For me is a three-way tie Which would be French, Japanese, and Middle Eastern food. No, you know what? It's too difficult, because what I'm going to leave Indian food out of there? You know, I'm going to just ignore the dumplings that I had in Hong Kong. You can't do it. I can only do number one. And other than that, I wouldn't argue with anybody's, I wouldn't argue with anybody's number two. But I will say the ones, if it was

like the Premier League, what I love about the Premier League if it was like the premier league, what I love about the premier league in soccer is if you suck, like, you don't get to hang around. If you're at the bottom of the league, you're out of the league, and then they give somebody else a shot, I would say, German and English food.

Maybe I just don't know where to go because I'm going to Germany, right? And we went around that country last time I was there. We did Cologne, Frankfurt, and Berlin. And everywhere I was, I tried. What is that fucking, what is that famous, versi was getting everywhere we went. It was funny. Kenny kept getting the pretzels and Escaping you know

German cuisine here we go hang on a second German cuisine what the fuck do you call that thing? German cuisine dishes What do we got here Traditional German. Maybe I had 20 of them. I had no idea they had that kind of thing here. Alright, the big, long, stupid, fucking bullshit. They always have to do every single time. Every fucking time.

You go to one of these food sites. It's always like, well, they can't just list the fucking 20. It's gotta be, well, you know, Germany did start two world wars, and blah, blah, blah, blah, but you know, they make a great fucking broad worse. Broad worse.

All right, I'm not gonna lie to you, I do like broad worse. I also like a German breakfast too. I like how they put the hard boiled egg up like, it looks like a trophy, like you feel like you won something. Oh Oh schnitzel There's a breaded cut that is that pork? sit chicken

Schnitzel is a thin piece of meat pounded into a flat so I'll give you anything All right, the schnitzel I didn't know where to go a Breslin which is a pretzel Oh look at this. Braised cabbage. I'm not gonna lie to you, that gets my fucking Irish blood going here. Very popular German food, the most combined cabbage with broth and vegetable. Lab scass, what the fff.

A beef dish. German sailors in the 18th century develop it because of limited resources probably. And it became popular amongst many people on land. Try making, I don't even know what that is. All right, but with schnitzel. Viener schnitzel. If you get the viener schnitzel,

you gotta have a little apple sauce or something on the side. It's a nice little fucking back and forth there, right? I don't know what I'm talking about. I think I'm hosting a cooking show at this point. You got to have a little apple sauce or something on the side. It's a nice little fucking back and forth there, right? I don't know what I'm talking about. I think I'm hosting a cooking show at this point. Let me do some of the reads. Some of the reads.

Where am I going? Of course, I clicked the wrong one. Of course, I'm not prepared. This is what you guys expect. Don't you? Don't you? All right. Where are we going here? Great emails.

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All right, what is an overrated, like what's a fucking kind of food that everybody loves? And like, you just sit and I go, I just don't understand this. You know, there's a few, There's some weird ones out there. Corn dogs. Like Joe Barton, it loves a corn dog. And I'm just looking at it.

There is so many things wrong with all of that. It's so wrong, they put it on a stick almost as though they don't want the food to come in contact with your body. That is a pretty good thing. If the food to come in contact with your body. That is a pretty good, is that a good thing? If the food is on a stick, you should probably stay away from it, ice cream, popsicles, corn dogs. Scears are okay, but I'd say a stick.

I don't want that okay. All right, Bill, let's just keep moving on here. All right, oh, by the way, by the way, I tried out a couple of pizza spots when I was in Boston. I went, I was in Wamef, I went to Devory Gardens. I give that five freckled thumbs up, fucking delicious food. It's been around since 1933.

Amazing decor, a couple of townies up at the bar. I had a great time over there, man. Fantastic pizza, and I brought it back to the house. You know, it was funny, and everybody was just going, what's this place? Because everybody has their, you know, it was funny, and everybody was just going, what's this place? You know, because everybody has, you know, it's really like, it's like sports teams back here

that if you fucking go to the wrong pizza place, but everybody loved it. And then I also went to the Marblehead House of Pizza. I did a North Shore, I did a South Shore. North, Marblehead was a little thicker, crust and a sweeter sauce. If you into that, they fucking crush it. Really enjoyed that. And that's another one. What I liked about both of them is they look like they had both been there for a long fucking time. That's usually a good sign. You know? Like in the Marblehead House of Pizza,

there's just this random banister that splits like you walk up like two steps so that indicates that there's some sort of insane line there if you come at the wrong time so that was a good sign too so check those things out. All right and with that, this first one just says lobster. All right you can make fun of how I look in the sun. Or we're talking about the crustacean. Dear Bill, I just listened to your podcast from yesterday. You spoke about not eating lobster because you didn't like them being boiled alive.

Did you know that Julia Child, the first celebrity chef, did you know that Julia child's husband Paul didn't like it either? He devised a method, oh I guess the way, the fact that the lobster's boiled alive. He said, this guy says, he devised a method of putting the lobsters in a bag and hanging it over the kitchen door. He would bang them against the door to put them into shock so they didn't slowly boil to death. Jesus Christ.

I mean, the whole thing is like that movie casino, which I absolutely love, but the level of violence in that movie. I mean I feel like now you've added like when they got that guy's head in the vice and then you're gonna boil him to death. At least even they said put him out of his misery. Anyway it is an improvement and you never know how the lobster is prepared wherever you go. I'm just saying there is a better way and it has access existed for about 50 years. Well, dude, I need a little more details.

He devised a method of putting the lobsters in a bag and hanging them over the kitchen door. He would bang them against the kitchen door to put them into shock so they didn't slowly boil the death Well how many fucking times I Don't understand why they don't just make like a little knife You just really quickly like To go back to Scorsese The way the way they killed the guy Mori He was in the middle of a story and he just stuck the ice pick in the back with his head.

Oh, and that was it. Don't he never shut the fuck up, right? Why don't they just do that? You know what's so amazing about that is how they all got in the car and then he just kills him before they go in and wait and then they all immediately get out, fingerprints all over the place. But it did have the desired dramatic effect of how much eliminating somebody was just like a day at work. My I appreciate that.

Anybody else have a way of quickly killing a lobster painlessly and then you can boil them and enjoy them on a lobster roll? All right, I can't believe this is really happening. Bill, once again, I can't believe this is actually happening. Cameras are being installed across London residential neighborhood as part of the mayor, Sadiq Khan, ULEZ, ultra low, emission zone.

The plan to charge drivers every single time they drive. We will be charged 12 pounds every time we drive in any area of London, unless their car is electric or meets certain admission standards. What is it think? Well, let's say everybody then goes out and buys the electric car or they meet these certain admission standards. There's no way that they're going to give up on charging you 12 pounds every time you drive. They'll come up with another fucking reason.

Once those taxes or whatever, go into place. You're done. I'll tell you what's funny. I saw this thing, I'll read the rest of the cinnamon. I saw this Instagram video and it said, back before electric cars. And it said, back before electric cars, oh wait, let me find the fucking video, what the hell is it? Cause I wanna quote it, I don't wanna misquote

this fucking thing, cause they sent it to Dean Del Rey cause I knew he'd get a fucking kick out of it. Where is it? Why won't you load? Why won't you load? Wait, I have an in vanish mode? Vanish mode, what? Then they always says what you do is swipe up from the bottom, scene of messes, what? Come on you fucking cunt! I hate these fucking goddamn things! How to fuck did he go into vanish mode? And every single time...

How the fuck did he go into vanish mode? And every single time... There we go, alright, he did it. Okay. Okay, it says, before all the electric bullshit, right? We had, and he goes back to like a 1970s chevel. It's like these fucking people, they just rewrite history, they don't even know it. That's not what you had before all the electric bulls-shit.

Okay, first of all, when cars first came out, they had electric cars way back a hundred years ago. And then secondly, this fucking guy goes from 2023 to 1970 and conveniently, conveniently skips over the catalytic converter, conveniently forgets the Chevy Shavette, the Ford Escort, the Dodge Opel. Remember all those shit fucking cars? The Ford Fairmont, the Mercury Zephyr? Okay, the electric car did not kill the muscle car. Fucking unbelievable. And then not to mention,

we're in a muscle car era right now. It's, you can still buy a fucking hellcat. Bad, before the electric car, bullshit. It's like, what is bullshit about an electric car? I just don't understand what is bullshit about it. And for some reason a gas combustion engine, which the desire for all of that has led us into a 20-year illegal war that has bankrupted the fucking country.

Okay, I'm not saying we don't have oil here that we can't use or whatever, but let's not fucking romanticize one fucked-up way of traveling to another fucked up way of traveling, because electric cars aren't great either. If you read about whatever the fucking the natural resource they is, they have, they're in the Congo. Okay, and rather than just treating the people, you know, nicely, they have them handling it without any gloves, they've got pregnant women down there, they don't pay them shit because these corporate cons don't want to pay anybody. And then what they say is, well, if we didn't treat them

that way, you know, they'd be fucking, be like $9 million per gallon. It's like, or you could take less of a salary. Okay, and I'll tell you, that's what really burns my freckled buns. Because all they do is they talk about individuals that are in the public eye. They hold them accountable.

And then these fucking assholes are smart enough to remain anonymous and to pay off politicians, so they never get called out in their bullshit. So anybody, people do not buy into this fucking crap. That electric cars are better than gas combustion, or gas combustion is better than the electric car. That's also that other thing. Like, I saw this other video on Instagram

where this fucking guy is sitting there. You can tell he's tired, or whatever. And he's sitting there with his girlfriend. You see this truck stops in front of him. There's some Latino country, and it backs up a little bit. Then all of a sudden, this guy jumps out and he has a gun pointed at both of them. And then another guy opens the door and asks for the guy's watch. And I guess his wife was saying step on the gas, step on the gas, step on the gas. And the guy didn't. He gave up his watch and then

they took off. And then this guy writes, sadly this is the state of men being raised today. Well, this is the state of men being raised today. And I wanted to write, yeah, they're commenting on fucking Instagram videos about some macho shit that they would have done. It's like the guy has a gun pointed at you. This isn't the born identity. You just don't hit the gas and you drive over him. You hit the gas, he squeezes off two shots.

And if you're not dead, you're paralyzed from the chest down over a timex watch. All right, the guy let down his guard, he didn't have situational awareness. The time to get the fuck out of there is when he could have noticed the truck stopping and backing up. That's when you hit the gas.

Once the gun's out, unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt the guy plans on killing you. If you just get in that vibe, the guy was standing in front of the fucking car. There's no way for you to get the gun. And if you think your foot coming off the brake and stopping on the gas is gonna move faster than a bullet, I mean, I can't help you. I mean, there's a chance the gun misfires,

there's a chance the guy misses. He's gonna get at least one round off. chance the guy misses. He's gonna get at least one round off. I don't know. And what if you run that guy over and then those other two guys, the guy who we wanted you to watch and the people in the truck are so fucking pissed. And now they're going after you and they have guns. And you don't. You have your car in your time X watch and your fucking chick who's screaming like a fucking banshee. Said, g-g-g-g-g-gate.

I love them with people right there. This is how men are being brazed. It's like, yeah, by us. You know, I don't. Anyway, what the fuck was I even talking about here? What the fuck is it? I was reading something, wasn't I? Oh, anyway, let's get back to the 12 pounds every time you drive a car. Our government will not use this hyper surveillance responsibly, of course they won't.

And everybody has a side deal, by the way. Just always know that. And then doing it during a time when everyone is worried about petrol and egg prices to feed their families and they don't have time to pay attention. When you next come to London, please use that mouth of yours to blast or emerge, or emerging dystopia the way you did our food. Thanks. Yeah, I don't understand like, I don't understand what we're headed towards where they still feel they just can't be watching us enough, they can't be listening to us enough and why things like this, you know, you know what they do. They always attach to something good. Well, there's global warming.

This is stuff that we have to worry about. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. There's always that. And then, you know, which is obviously right. You know, I don't find these videos funny that people are making like, you know, this is, you know, walking to your car in Texas. It's terrifying.

It's been like 110 degrees for 19 straight days in fucking Arizona. That, that shit is fucking terrifying. And these cuts are not talking about it. They're actually gonna look at it as a way to earn money. You know, this part of me, now that they're gradually starting to talk about aliens and shit, there's a part of me, now that they're gradually starting to talk about aliens and shit, is a part of me that thinks that what if is a group of people that are just like

Like they have the technology to keep them alive forever Right and what they do is they just spend a couple billion years at each earth And that's why because I always sit there going, like, don't these sociopath lunatics that are driving us towards the end here, aren't they worried that they're also on this planet? Where the fuck are they going to go? Maybe they just leave.

And there's an infinite amount of Earth's, I guess, according to shit that I've seen on social media, which really doesn't mean anything. Maybe that's what they're doing. So they're not worried about using up everything. And then they just leave us behind. And we thought we were all so important, living our best lives and being social justice warriors

and shooting tin cans with your AK-47. It is really, you like a disposable, like fucking toothbrush or some shit to them. All right, how to handle being laid off, oh brother. This is something I think a lot of people, dear Bill, I'm a 27 year old software engineer and I was just laid off. Now I would think that that was pretty recession proof. Layed off from my first job and only, first and only job I have had since graduating college five years ago.

I'm looking for advice on what to do next. Well, I would stay in computers, and that seems like you would always have a job. The person says, I luckily have a good support network of family and friends that can take care of me for a while until I get back on my feet. But how would you suggest I handle the next few months? Should I start getting ready for interviews immediately?

Should I take this time and travel? Oh, dude, you got money if this is what you're asking. Should I hit the gym six days a week, struggle to organize these ideas and would like your thoughts on this. Being a fan since I was in high school and would love it if you made a trip to Chad and knew the Tennessee, I love Chad and I've been.

Only been there once and I had a great time. This is what I would do. I would figure out what I wanted to do in life for a job. If you like software engineering, I would I would continue in that field. I wouldn't take too much time off because they'd be like, well, what the fuck have you been doing? But I will say that no matter what job you get, don't be living week to week if you can. All right? The way the money game works is you gotta like live

well beneath your means. And you just keep banking the shit. For the ability to survive times like getting laid off and for the ability if you realize that you don't like what it is that you're doing you have enough put away that you can start getting like what you want to be doing going Like when I got into stand-up comedy, there was a time where I could have quit my day job. But I didn't. I kept working my day job. And as much I was so fucking enamored with comedians that didn't have a day job. And how every day they could get up whenever the fuck they wanted to. Because that was my idea of it.

I didn't understand that, like, no, when you quit your day job, you've now left the matrix. And it's as awesome as it is. It's slightly terrifying because now you're the one that has to turn the wheel every day. And you can very easily just waste years and years a decade of your career just being a lazy asshole, just not doing anything all day and then just going out and doing your set, not really working on your act, trying to bang chicks or whatever you're into and fucking go out and go drink, smoke some weed and

text thing, you know, you're like this 40-year-old comic on what I should have been working, right? So anyway, I didn't quit my day job. What I did was I treated stand-up from day one as like I had two jobs. And I just banked as much money as I could. I was still living in all of my parents, so I didn't have any rent. I drove a shit fucking, my truck was paid off, and it was rusting out. I didn't give a fuck. The engine died, and rather than buy a new car, I just put a new engine in it. So it only cost me like, it was like $1,500 at the time.

This is 30 years ago. It's supposed to 15 grand for a new I kept my cost down and You know, I paid for my own college education. So I had a bunch of debt. I paid that off and I did not quit my day job until I moved down to New York and when I moved to New York. I had enough money in the bank to make my rent and then hopefully you know that was the race and I get to get into clubs and get in with these bookers and have enough road dates the way I didn't Boston that I'll be able to make my rent and be a comedian before I run out of money. That was kind of the thing. So it seems to me, even though you said you had a

support system that you were saving your money. So I know this is a long answer, but like nobody ever really talks to you about how important it is to save money. And you're certainly not going to learn how to save money by going on to social media because all people are doing is trying to show these fucking ridiculously glamorous lifestyles that they have. It's kind of like that joke I was doing. You know, I was riffing, I riffed that idea about this whole stupid ice bath phenomenon. You already have a bathtub.

You can go to 7-Ele11 and buy a bag of ice. Why do you have to buy the supers, like, sleek, ureth, so whenever I want to take a nice, and that's nothing too, like, you've lived your whole fucking life without taking a nice bath, okay? And you're fine. So, like, everybody has like, this is the fucking thing. Remember like, remember kale? Like I don't know where, everyone just started talking about kale. This is, all these things are, are just these marketing bullshit fucking ideas to separate you from your hard earned money.

Okay, and when you stop playing the game is when the fuck you get ahead. Okay, don't look at all of these fucking jerk offs walking around with jewelry and cars and all of this fucking crap. Okay, first of all, you know, all they're doing, if you go around and you flash your money like that, you are going to attract some of the worst human beings you could possibly make. Meet both male and female.

All right. What you want to be doing is be that person that's fucking crushing it and people don't even know it. You know, Barry Sanders, greatest running back of all time, as far as like elusiveness and whatever, right? And only played 10 years and still almost had the most yards of anybody other than Edmund Smith, I believe. That fucking dude was like fucking Jimmy Hendrix, playing football.

It's like just doing shit you'd never seen before. And he scores a touchdown. And what would he do? He would just hand the ball to the referee. OK, look at how he conducted himself after he scored a touchdown and apply that to money. And then look at these other people that scored touchdowns and rip open their jersey.

Like they're fucking Superman or fucking spin around and do a backflip and all of that fucking shit. That's that guy flashin' his fucking money. I'm not trashin' Cam Newton by the way I'm just the first thing I thought of. I'm just saying like like don't I mean you can be in your 20s and are and are you be drowning in fucking credit card debt and you haven't even gotten married yet. You haven't even had kids yet and all of this shit and you're gonna spend your whole fucking life chasing it.

Or you could, it's critical as a young person, financially, to start marching in the direction of financial freedom. Well, nobody's on absent free because of where these fucking banker concepts have everything set up. That if God forbid, you stop. You know, I told you, I watched that thing

about that guy living off the grid. And you would think like, holy shit, he has to grow his own food, he has to do all of this stuff. He must be just exhausted every day. He has more fucking free time. You know, like this whole thing that they built is just designed for you. I don't know, something's going on though right now. I feel like we're at the end of capitalism where for the longest time,

we've kind of looked the other way at the level of greed at the top. And these guys where they just cannot make enough money and they've run out of For the longest time, we've kind of looked the other way at the level of greed at the top. And these guys where they just cannot make enough money and they've run out of ways to do it. And now, they're only way to keep making more and more each quarter at this point is they have to entirely eliminate the fucking middle class. And it's going to turn into like these places I would go to like when I went to India where it was like you need to have money or you didn't.

It's going to become something like that. But the brilliance is, if you talk about having a middle class now, I believe that they'll probably brand that as socialism or communism, which I feel like the best news I saw this week was the union of the UPS drivers, got the drivers a fucking raise. I used to be in warehousing and and those guys, like, they work on dogs. So anyway, I know I just went on a whole fucking tangent. I didn't even answer your fucking question now that I'm thinking about it.

But I would say, you know, if you need to take a little bit of time off, I wouldn't take much more than a month off. I would try to get back into it. As long as that is what you want to do. But I don't think going to the gym is a bad idea. You might want to use this time rather than travel, hit the gym, do all this shit. You might want to just have some quiet time. Go sit in a park and kind of think about things and maybe try

to get quite, you kind of figure some shit out, kind of talk to myself instead of you, but that's one way to do it. Sorry you got laid off, I hope that works out, but I do like the fact that you actually can be laid off and you have some sort of system set up where people are going to be able to help you out and it seems like you're not too concerned about money which means you're probably smart with your money so keep doing that and if you've been done with your money start being smart with it. Dig yourself out.

You don't need to get an ice bath. All right, all right, was I wrong? You don't need my Christmas presents. Just sit down with the woman in your life, oh God, and have a logical conversation. But why are we giving into this dumb shit? It's Jesus' birthday. Can't we just sing happy birthday to Jesus

and our Christmas present be no added credit card debt? We have food, we have clothes, we have shelter, we don't need anything else, all right? Okay, was I wrong? Dear Billy Redface, I am a longtime listener and a big fan of your podcasts and comedy specialists, thank you. I would like your opinion on an incident that I had last week. Last week I had a confrontation at a gas station. That's a dangerous place. Guys sprays you with gas. Gas inflicts his fucking lighter at you. That's it. I drive a forward expedition and was waiting in line. All the pumps were in use. Through this a lot of fucking fights at gas station pumps. There's a lot. I can already think in like the person that like fucking starts pumping the gas and then walks into

the convenience store and takes a fucking you know half hour to come back out or the person that doesn't pull all the way up and then you can't drive around them. A lot of fucking fights there. All right, all the pumps were in use. One pump opened up and this older lady pulled in front of me and took the pump. She got out of the car and stared at me as she walked to the pump. Ooh, she had a walking boot on. Needless to say, I was pissed. A minute later, the pump next to her opened up. I pulled my big ass forward expedition into this pump and made sure that I was parked a few inches from her driver door So that she couldn't get back in oh

My god Oh, do I fucking love that? I mean that's that is fantastic Dare I say that that just made my morning, afternoon, a little late today. I started pumping the gas and eventually, she walked over to me and said, I can't get in my vehicle. I replied with, okay, I was waiting for that pump.

She said, well, I thought you were waiting for someone inside. You are a real gentleman. Thank you. Was she saying that sarcastically? I finished pumping my pumping gas and pulled away from the pump. And as I pulled away, she took a picture of my license plate. Well, what is she going to do? You can't get a ticket for being an asshole. Nothing has happened in my vehicle, so I don't think she did anything with that picture. She's just trying to scare you. Given the fact that she was an old-elady

in a walking boot, do you think I overreacted? I would like to hear your opinion on this incident on your podcast. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Well first, the fact that you don't feel 100% the right, you actually kind of felt bad when you left. You know what? I got to be honest with you. I wasn't there. I would have to see when she was staring at you. I'd have to see what that look was. Was she really staring at you? Was she just sort of squinting? Was she nervous that you were going to, you know, what if your foot went off the break it under the gas and she's old and has a Busted foot. I mean, I don't know the way you painted the picture. I mean, I was all aboard on that Look you didn't hurt her you just you know inconvenience to her the way she inconvenienced you. I thought you did it in a brilliant way

I'm gonna give a thumbs up on that, you know I mean personally, I don't really fuck with old people I thought you did it in a brilliant way. I'm gonna give a thumbs up on that, you know? Personally, I don't really fuck with old people. But I am not gonna lie to you. I would be calling her an old fucking cunt under my breath, but I wouldn't say that to her, so whatever. I think you did what you did was brilliant. God bless you. It's fucking hilarious. Incoherent idioms. Dear silly Billy Sourpuss, we've heard, we've all heard the term card shark,

generally denoting someone who is good at cards. World, apparently, the original saying is card sharp, but it's been set incorrectly for so long and by so many people that the incorrect phrasing stock and is now accepted is correct. Yeah, because if someone in business is this shark, you know, depending on if you're hiring them, you'd like it, but if you're going up against them, you don't like it. Card shark, SHRP.

Dude, there's literally a game show, Card Shark, when I was growing up. I learned the original phrasing while listening to the podcast of your fellow ginger, comedian, and mass native, Conan O'Brien, one of my favorite people ever, who made a point to stress the pee when he said, card sharp. He's such a nerd, I bet he says, toe your mark instead of on your mark. Is he a nerd? Does he just make you feel a certain way because he's saying things correctly? Well, I learned something. He's a card shop.

It's card shark, it's actually... Well, at this point, now I feel if you say card shark, you're actually kind of a douche because you're using it as a way, I guess, to correct people. But who doesn't love correcting people? Miss one, you know, there's a way to do it. Like this is a rule I have. Like if someone's a stranger, I'm never gonna correct if they mispronounce the word.

Because that's like you're setting yourself up for a fight. Excuse me, it's actually card sharp. I mean, if you get punched in the face at that point, you know, you know. What did I think was going to happen? Anyway, this podcast is late, so I'm going to wrap it up here. Thank you guys. Everybody who came out in Halifax, thank you Springfield for the hospitality. They had a little fucking record player with

Lens Eppelin one on it. Good times bad times I was listening to. I was drinking that delicious. I didn't finish it. So it's like a three tiered thing. Looks like a lighthouse. Right? You put the water in the bottom and then you put the coffee already ground up in the middle and then you heat it up and then I didn't understand this at first because I was trying to pour it out. I'm like, where the fuck does it go? You wait till the water bubbles up. It boils, you put it on like,

I just put it on top of the stove. It heats up, it goes through the coffee and then there's a spout and then it gradually fills up the container up top and it is fantastic. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. up top and it is fantastic. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.