Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-17-20
Episode Date: August 17, 2020Bill rambles about doing stand up over the weekend, 'Tread', and Russian medical school....
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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast
for Monday, August 17th, 2020. What's going on? How are ya? How ya doin'? How's it going?
The world is openin' up, man. I got the fuckin' Playoffs on, Playoffs! I got the hockey Playoffs
on in the background, St. Louis Blues, and the Vancouver Canucks, goin' into overtime,
I've been watchin' all the fuckin' hockey I possibly can watch with two kids under the age of four.
Obviously watchin' my Boston Bruins, Great Victory over Carolina, Fun Series so far there, 2-1,
Tuka Rask, man, that was like the big thing. He was just like, yeah, this is boring, and blah,
blah, blah, it's not real hockey, and that type of stuff. Then I found out his wife was pregnant,
he wanted to spend time with, I get it, man, and come on, you know, what are you gonna do?
Fuckin' play hockey, you know, with no crowd, during a fuckin' pandemic, you got a kid comin',
you know, I don't know, whatever. He helped win us a cup, I'm good with that guy. He comes back,
I got no fuckin' problem with it. I'm sure there's gonna be some hotheads out there,
but there's always hotheads, there's always people flippin' out. Jesus Christ, is that,
what the fuck is that guy's name? Elias Peterson is the whitest dude I've ever
seen in my fuckin' life. Jesus Christ. Hitler wouldn't even believe that they could be somebody that
white. The fuck? And by the way, I gotta tell you something, these fuckin' dudes in the NHL were
obviously still practicing, because some of the goals that I have seen, like, I know I grew up
watching some great players, but the fuckin' level of sniper that it seems like the average player is,
I mean, there's barely, the goal tend to barely any space, and they had just top corner,
fuckin' left and right, between the body and the arm, God forbid, they gotta go east-west with
their fuckin' arms, like they jumped off a fuckin', I don't know, one of those gymnasts,
when they jump up in the air and they get their body together, so they can do the little spin
around thing. Sorry, that was one of those examples where I didn't know the name of anything I was
trying to describe, it really just went off the rails. But I've been joined, the Calgary Flame
series has been a great one. There's a couple of really good matchups where you got like the,
you know, the finesse team playing the physical team, so Calgary being physical,
Dallas being more of the, you know, the goal scoring team, and I love when the goal scoring
team starts pushing back, you know, as a fuckin', you know, a little kid who was born with orange
hair, you know, you definitely, there's always the more physical teams gonna win, and you live
vicariously through it, you know? Dallas stars have had enough getting bullied by the Calgary
Flames, they started pushing back in this last game, Lucic's line is on fire, former fuckin'
Boston Bruins, so I love watching him playing well. He looks like he's having a great time out
there, who else is going on? The old fuckin' Creamsicles got their number one in the fuckin'
east, got their goddamn orange and white dick stepped on the other day, five to nothing last I
saw, and then they came back and they beat the hated Habs. That's just an enjoyable series either
way, just watching them both fuckin', you know, I don't know, somebody's gonna lose, either way
that's gonna be fun. Not like I really hate the Flyers, it's just, I don't know, you know, Philly
fans, they always fuckin', any sort of daylight, they start running their yaps like they've won
something, I don't know what their deal is, but who else, who else have I been watching? I basically
have been watching, I haven't seen much of the Flyers Canadian series, and I haven't seen any of
avalanche coyotes, but other than that, I pretty much watched everything, and I've been watching it
with my son, you know, I'm trying not to do any TV time, but if he's looking at the TV and this
playoff hockey on, I mean, I gotta let him do it, right? He, by the way, is awesome, man, like he,
I already can tell, is super, super smart, like his sister. He's got this way of crying, and then he
looks at you, like, like really, like he's, he's like, like, how do you not understand what I'm
trying to tell you? And it's like really making me listen to him, and being like, oh, you want me to
shift you over? Is that I need to burp cry? Need your diaper changed? You know? And I'm somewhere
in like the last week of watching playoff hockey, because what I do is I have that little horseshoe
pillow, and I sit on one of those exercise balls, and I just bounce it up and down with them. That
keeps him happy, right? And I don't know what happened, because he's given, like he loves
his mom, loves her, absolutely loves her, cannot, cannot get enough of her. Me, he's just kind of
looking at me like, he's just kind of his eyebrows would move like, who the fuck is this guy?
So, in like the last, I don't know, I've probably watched like five hours of hockey
in the last couple of days, I swear to God, and I've just had him, you know, take it whenever I
have a shift, because the game has been on all day long, which has been fucking great. So we've
just been hanging out, and I've caught him, I caught him like during the second day, just looking up
at me, and I looked down at him, and he gave me this big smile, and now it's just like, and then
that was it, we just bonded, he was just like, all right, I like this guy, this guy's cool, he
bounces up and down, I go to sleep, I wake up, he's still there, he's still smiling, he changes
my diaper, this guy's cool, he's not the smartest guy, take some a minute for him to figure out what
I'm trying to tell him, but it's been like a really cool thing, I kind of forgot, you know,
like the baby just immediately bonds with the mom, with the breastfeeding and all that, and then the
dad, you just sort of like, you know, you're sort of an extra, you know, you're a reoccurring player,
like on a sitcom or some shit, there's that fucking cunt in the blues, some of these blues,
I just look at them, I respect them, they won a cup and everything, but Jesus Christ, look at their
faces, I'm just like, oh my god, why did we trade away all our tough guys? If any team needs to get
fucking punched in the face, it's this team, and I'm really fascinated by this series right now,
because it's Vancouver's up two zip, two games to none, just like the Bruins were,
and I'm just gonna, you know, they've gotten a little more rough in this game, I am assuming,
I missed the, I saw the first period, no, I'm sorry, I saw right in the second period when
Vancouver scored, so we shall see what happens, and I, you know, I had put my lovely daughter to
bed and all that stuff, and at the last two nights, I went out and I did my first two stand-up spots,
since this fucking thing all started, I did a show, the people in the belly room,
you know, the comedy store put together a show at the,
at the, in the parking lot of the Magic Castle, right here in Hollywood, and I did a show last
night, oh my god, and I had not, you know, I haven't done my act since like March 10th, so,
and I'm trying to think like, what the fuck, am I gonna talk about, I have no idea,
you know, started listing my act, I had one bad recording of it, and it was one of those nights
where I was just fucking riffing and shit, so it really wasn't my act, so I go up on stage,
it's like this wooden thing that they put together, some Christmas lights on it and
shit, and everybody's in their cars, and they got these little clacker things that sound like
fucking locus, which were really fucking annoying the first night, you know, because it was just
weird, like what is, it sounds like jazz snapping fingers of some shit, like I'm in some beatnik
coffee house in the village back in the 60s, you know, when stand-up was first getting going,
right, as far as like after the Borsch Belt guys getting going, right, so I go up on stage and
I'm sort of, you know, I get the initial laughs, the fuck am I doing in a parking lot, you know,
bullshit, trying to get my feet underneath me, just trying to see if anything comes to me,
so nothing was coming to me, so I just, you know, I just went to my old tried and true,
you know, I just started trashing women, it's just not what I want to do, I want to get away
from that, so I start doing this bit about women, you know, who's smarter and that type of shit,
and you know, it starts going down that road, right, and so I do what I do, I butter up the
women to get them all fucking going, and then I fucking hit them with the overhand left, right,
so I do that, and all of a sudden this woman, I swear to God, sticks her head out her fucking
car window like Ace Ventura, just starts yelling up at the, I can barely see her because people
got their headlights on and shit, she's just going fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and she won't stop
through the whole bit, right, so I'm like, oh yeah, you must have been on the debating team,
I'm just breaking her balls or whatever, and then I hit this guy voice, go yeah,
fuck you buddy, starts doing that, I go wait a minute, I go are you with her, he's like yeah,
I go take your fucking balls out of her purse before she bends you over the sink when you get
home tonight, right, you know, the usual, the usual sunshine that I bring, so I continue with the
joke, and I swear to God, the car backed up and they drove away, and two other cars drove away
too, and I'm sitting there thinking to myself like, as they're doing it, like I'm in my head going,
my first thought was like, I know I'm on last, have I gone over, I feel like I just got up here,
are they gonna get in trouble, that was my first thought, and then I realized I was like,
and I said to the people, I was like, are they leaving, and they're like yeah, they're flicking
their lights and shit, and I was just, one of the few times in my comedy career, and like,
I don't know, in a long time, I was just like speechless, I just, I really thought, or I guess
I was hoping that this white woman fucking act was gonna be done, and we could actually get to the
truly oppressed people, people of color that started the woke movement, but nope, they picked right
up where they left off, and you know, I finished my set, I didn't have a, I really did not have a
good set, and also in defense of the people who drove away is like, a lot of my shit is sort of,
I lead you down one way, and then I, you know, make you think one thing, and then I say something,
you know, it's a joke, you can't know where it's going, so, but there's a rhythm to it, and you
have to know what comes next once you piss them off, and I was trying to remember it, I was searching,
so it was fucking up the timing, so they got pissed, but to drive away, it's like really,
how fucking old are you? So, I came home after the set, and I just was like, I was like depressed,
where I was just like, all right, I get it, I'm the older comic now, and I get that younger people
aren't gonna understand me, but like, it's not that they don't understand you, it's that they're
getting offended, like it's like they're acting like they're old, and you're some young punk up there,
like fucking shooting heroin into your arm, and all I'm doing is telling a fucking joke, so it was
really like depressing, and just, you know, just a lot of this shit that's been going on on Twitter,
watching fucking the ignorance of comedians on social media, like attacking other comedians,
you know, over shit that nobody involved in the argument was even there, so I don't really know
what is going on, but it's just like, guys, like you're literally playing into the hands of people
that are trying to censor us, they've divided us, and now it's like, you don't trash other fucking
comics, you can get their phone number, you got to fucking be with them, have it out with them,
right? I mean, admittedly, I've made fun of a few comedians' tweets, but like, I'm not trying to end
their fucking career, so anyway, just that whole fucking thing where it's just like, this, ever
since this whole fucking shit, it's like, it's just gone so far beyond what it was supposed to be
about, and this stuff is just literally, it's like, not fun anymore. It used to be fun, like, to, you
know, go up there, and just have thoughts, and just say them, and just have a good time, and
everybody knew you were just fucking around, and it was fun to watch other comics catch your zone,
and to see these moments and shit happen, you know, people heckled you, got it into it with
people, but there wasn't like, this whole like, political fucking politicized, like, we need to
end your career now, because of this joke vibe, that is like, it's literally undoing, in a way,
like, you know, people went to jail, so you could go up and do what you're doing, and now,
so-called open-minded people are like, undoing it, it's fucking, but it's really bizarre,
so I came home, right, and I don't have any like, cigars in the house, I don't drink anymore,
I'm not a fucking drug user, you know, so, I mean, as far as like, illegal ones, you know, so I fucking,
I came home like some sad person on prom night, and I fucking made a frozen pizza that sucked,
I ate the whole thing and had a fucking root beer, I woke up to the morning, and I felt like,
shit, and Josh Adam Myers asked me, because you're coming down again tonight, and I was just like,
yeah, I'm coming down, I'm gonna come back, I gotta go back down, I can't end on that one,
and I had already talked to another buddy of mine, who's actually kind of stopped doing stand-up,
he's just like, I just don't want to deal with live crowds, I want to write scripts, I just don't,
I don't want to deal with live crowds anymore, I mean, this is literally conversations like
people are having, it's fucking crazy, so I say, fuck it, let me get back on the horse, so tonight,
I went down there and actually found a recording for my act in December, and a lot of it was
holiday shit, so it didn't quite work, but just to listen to my act a little, I listened to it,
and I was like, all right, so I kind of know what I'm gonna start with, and I went up there,
and tonight, I fucking killed, and I had a great set, and I was used to the clackin'
thing, and I just did two sets in two nights, and I feel like I'm a fucking hundred feet tall,
I was making people laugh, I was fun, I was silly, like last night, I think I was just a little walled
off, and just what I was saying was bad, and I got into with that chick in the car, and I just,
that's not what I want to do, I don't want to make people leave the show, I don't mind pissing
you off, but in the end, I bring it around, I make you laugh, but I just fucking hate doing that,
so I ended up having a fucking great set tonight, and so I came home, and I wasn't gonna do my
podcast tonight, and I come home, and my poor wife had a list of me bitching last night,
so I came home, I was like, I fucking crushed, I had a great set, I'm psyched, I'm so psyched,
I don't even want to do my podcast, you know, I had such a great set, it's like I don't want to
fucking, I don't want to fuck it up, I want to sit down and eat a bowl of cereal, and hang out with you,
and she's just like, oh I thought you were gonna do your podcast,
and I was like, do you like not like me anymore or whatever, she goes, no, I'm just sort of, you know,
hanging out, I was gonna watch my show, I was like, oh I get it, I get it, you're watching a
Real Housewife show, and if I come in here, I'm gonna ruin it, I get it, I get it, all right,
I'll leave, so poor thing, she tries to watch her shows, and I never shut the fuck up, I mean,
she leaves me alone when I watch my stupid fucking hockey and stuff, so it's only fair,
so now I'm out here, I'm doing this shit, so I want to thank everybody for fucking,
who built the goddamn stage out there, and all of that shit, there look at that, look at that,
I just got a text from fucking Josh, Marsha Adam Jaius, Josh Adam Myers, he goes,
you fucking ripped it tonight, I have not gotten that text in forever, I want to thank Tammy Jo
for setting the whole thing up, she runs the belly room on a lot of, you know, some of the nights
when, back when you could do stand-up in a comedy club, they set that all up, I know there's a lot
of hard work involved, they made sure everybody was safe, and like I was, you know, I was not in it,
like, I know, when you got kids, they put you in a good mood, but, you know, professionally
was not in a good mood, so I was definitely missing doing it, and I swear to God, if they had that
fucking thing seven nights a week, I would go down there every fucking night, that's how much
I miss it, so I want to thank everybody too for showing up, sitting in your fucking cars, I hope
it made you laugh, I mean, it's just, it's the greatest, like fucking, I got a new baby boy,
I got a beautiful daughter, I did two sets tonight in this fucking hockey playoffs, I mean, I'm in
the best mood ever, so anyways, and speaking just like my life couldn't get any better, I've been
basically fixing up my little office man cave thing here, and I got to give a couple of shoutouts
here, one to Dean Delray, who has all these hookups, he hooked me up with these speakers,
he found me this like this vintage fucking AMFM stereo receiver for my record player,
my turntable to make it sound better, and I was listening to some Zeppelin and ACDC on this thing,
and he hooked me up, the guys I should say that he reached out to and they totally hooked me up,
Clipsch, K-L-I-P-S-C-H speakers, these fucking things are the shit, I mean, I can't even turn
this thing up a quarter of the way, and these things are like, they've been making them like
handmade since forever, and they look like they're right out of the 70s, I'm telling you,
something Don Cheadle's character would have sold in Boogie Nights, things are the shit,
and I gotta rearrange some stuff so I can figure out where I can put them, and
you know, I think late night I'm gonna come out here, gonna watch a little hockey playoffs,
you know, and I'm gonna crank some fucking tunes, it's just like it's, I don't know,
just little things like this, music hockey, making people laugh, it's just fucking awesome man,
and it's really great considering all the bullshit that, you know, it's another thing too,
my buddy passing away, which by the way, we're gonna do the sickest fucking, you know, celebration
and memorial show for the great Wayne Previty when all this bullshit is over, now I'm not doing it
with everybody sitting in fucking cars, we're gonna figure out where we're gonna do it, and all
the guys, I'm gonna try to get as many guys from our graduating class of comics, everybody that
knew them and loved them, man, we're gonna do a fucking, it's gonna be a killer fucking show,
there's gonna be drinking, there's gonna be pizza, the only thing that's gonna be missing
is hanging out at fucking Dominix, who's from Boston and remember Dominix, it's right across
from the Wilbur, Dominix pizza, that fucking great bar, you know, they had like, you know,
all the fucking, the bar flies up at the bar, then they had like the little dance floor area,
and then they just had the giant slice of pizza too, you know, something that's a shame,
that Dave Portnoy, Barstool Sports can't do a review of that one, it no longer exists because
one of the things he says, the bigger the slice is, it's usually poorer quality, which is so
fucking true, but that was not true with Dominix dude, it was, it was an incredible, what it was,
was a great pizza, and it was just a ridiculously generous slice that they always gave you, so
I don't know, look at all Billy Goodnews, huh, extra extra read all about it, all Freckles is
in a great fucking mood, yeah, but it's really bumming me out, I can't go to the funeral though,
I mean, I just got kids and shit, I just can't do it, can't risk that, and we need too much help,
and then I have to come back and quarantine for fucking 14 days, so, but all that's gonna do is
just make me make this night for him even bigger, and he's just such a fucking great guy that everybody
I talk to is like, dude, I am fucking in, I am there, or whatever, I just have to figure out
with everybody's schedule how to make it happen, probably do it on like a Monday or a Tuesday night,
and make sure the West Coast guys can get back there, and then I know all these Coast
guys are gonna show up, so, you know what's funny dude, you wanna hear something crazy,
like almost like cinematic, so whenever I would go out, whenever I would head out with Wayne,
right, I was, you know, Vinnie Age, that was his nickname, right, because he was, hey, how you doing,
which became Age, right, and he was half Italian, so we call him Vinnie Age, right, so he'd pick
up the phone, I'd be like, Vinnie Age, and he'd be like, Billy Red, what do you say, what do you do,
that's how it always started, then we'd go out, do a spot, and then start drinking or whatever,
and then we would always end up nine times out of ten, we would end up at this jack-in-the-box
on Kowanga in Sunset, and I would always get the ultimate cheeseburger with ketchup, I forget if
I told this story, and then I'd get the front, and I would never understood why their ultimate
cheeseburger doesn't have ketchup on it, I don't know why, it's a great first fast food burger,
it's fucking great, but they didn't have ketchup, and I needed ketchup, right, so I'd get that,
I'd get the fries, and I forget what he would always order, but I was reading this other
comic that I started with Dave McLaughlin, said he'd always get the number six, so he'd get the
number six, and then he'd always get the two tacos, and I'd always think like, dude, you get tacos
at fucking jack-in-the-box, he'd be like, oh dude, they're fucking good, you gotta get the tacos,
right, and I always just for some reason pictured them, like, you know those hot dogs at 7-Eleven,
I just pictured like these tacos sitting under these lights, like, because like, to me, it's like
jack-in-the-box is a burger place, and now they're trying to get cute and do a little fucking taco
bullshit on the side, like, if I want, you know, if I want a taco, I'm gonna want to a fucking taco
truck, or taco stand, right, so anyway, I was driving around, and because I was supposed to do
a spot at the store Friday night, they had this way that they were working this thing out, where it
was like, you know, in the OR, the original room, when you're standing on stage, just to the crowds
left, the performers right, it's this big window, and that looks out onto the patio, so they were
doing shows, I guess, where you would, the comic now stands behind the window, which by the way
has autographs on it, you're looking through the autographs, and then the crowd sits in the,
on the, on the patio, you know, but I guess whatever, they got shut down because of some,
some bullshit, I don't know what happened, right? Oh, running the goaltender, oh my god,
what the fuck just happened? Vancouver runs the St. Louis Blues, back up goaltender, Allen,
who's that, Barubi, who's that fucking coach, what is, what is he gonna bitch, come on man,
you fucking love that type of play, that was your whole career, I respect it too,
I think he lost an edge though, what the fuck happened?
Yeah, he just lost a fucking edge, oh, and he went right into the fucking,
used to be called the post, the crossbar in the post when I was a kid, whoa,
and that fucking Bennington dude, whoever, whoever the, whatever his fucking name is,
that guy, they, they took him out, this is their backup, well, he's all right, he's all right,
he's all right, so anyway, so I'm driving around, you know, my spot got canceled, I'm feeling sad
and shit, so I'm like, you know what, I call up my wife, I'm like, you know, I'm, you want anything,
I'm going to Jack in the Box, so I tell her the whole story why, and I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna
get the ultimate cheeseburger with ketchup and fries, I'm gonna get those for myself, and then
is a tribute, a tip of the cap to my now passed away friend, the great, late, great Wayne Previdy,
I'm gonna get these two fucking tacos and see what this shit's all about, right,
so I pull up to the Jack in the Box, it's like a movie, my friend is gone, I'm going to Jack in
the Box is a tribute, right, to get the two tacos with my order, and I pull up and the Jack in the
Box is gone, and I'm like, really, I mean, that's one of those universe things, it's like, dude,
I get it, my friend's gone, but I can't do this here, and evidently, it's been closed for a while,
and Wayne actually heard about it, because he used to go there with this other dude, Dave McLaughlin,
right, and they actually, that was like this, this is just where we ended up, right,
and I guess they're putting up some 21 story art deco themed hotel there with a pool on top,
parking underneath, and you know, it's just one of those things, you know that expression,
you can never go home, I never understood that, like what, I can fucking go home, but it just
means you can go back, but it's not going to be the same, by the way, I think the blues are on a
power play, I love it, that guy was bitching about the tripping, it's like you fucking tripped them,
you know, I mean, they really, NHL refs do a really good job, I feel about putting away their
whistles and overtime, like you, you almost have to fuck, you just got to do something really blatantly
obvious, but this is so fucking huge, such a fascinating series to watch, because I watched
the Bruins last year, and the way, how physical the blues play, it's like you don't want to get
dragged into the deep water, you got to beat these guys in six or fewer games, so I feel like this is
a must win for Vancouver, I'm calling it right now, if fucking, if fucking whoever wins tonight
wins this series, that's what I'm saying, although they don't seem like they're playing as physical
this year, who knows, I have no, what the fuck, why are you listening to me give fucking hockey
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Burr. All right, there we go. Hey, let's talk drums here for a second, right? I was watching
this Nico McBrain like drum clinic and he's showing all of this cool shit and I don't know who the
fuck shot this thing but I swear to God, I want to say it was whoever directed Waterworld
with Kevin Costner, you know those epic fucking shots they had where they were like
he'd be sailing one way and like the camera would be going the other way. They were doing that while
he was playing drums just going over and going back out into the crowd and it's just like,
I got it buddy, you have a jib camera. He's playing where Eagles dare. I'm trying to see
his foot technique. There's nothing to show what his foot looks like and you're hovering over the
top of it like, I don't know, like he's playing a ballad. Why am I out in the crowd? I want to see
how he does it man. All right, so anyway, I got busy and I got depressed last week with Wayne
dying so I kind of laid off the drums. It just wasn't what I wanted to do. So as I was telling you,
I was creeping closer to the good times, bad times stuff, you know, the triplet lick. I was up to 85
BPMs. I was within 10 BPMs. I played it fucking. I'd got three in a row at 90. I was right fucking
there, right? Oh, look at Ray Bork. He still looks great. He still looks fucking great.
What a head of hair man. God bless him. Good for him. Anyway, so I came back,
you know, yesterday and I sat down and it's fucking hilarious. I was thinking like,
I wonder if I can still play it at 85 BPMs. And just that thought alone,
all of a sudden, I couldn't even do it at 75 BPMs. But I've been doing this learning, you know,
through David Litch and all that shit to how to like relax in a good way. It's just like doing
comedy. Last night I was tight. I had a bad set. I got to do it. Some lady drove away in a little
Camry, right? And, you know, that's not what I wanted. Tonight I was relaxed. I didn't give a fuck.
I had a great time. Nobody left from a Prius to a fucking, you know, truck with a lift kit. Everybody
had a good time. So today I went down there. I was just like, you know what? I'm feeling fucking good.
I'm relaxed. You know, who gives a fuck the goddamn metronome? Let me just play this. Have a good
time. And just look at this like the gym. You haven't been, you didn't go to the gym for a week,
right? You're not going to be able to bench as much as you could bench. So just go out there,
but just get a workout in. And I had a good time. And next thing you know, I was back up to 80 BPMs.
Could do 85, but I was fine with it. And I just, you know, when it comes to that part where he,
uh, where it's, you got to do the lick like 10 times in a row. I actually, I don't know. I,
I relax and I smile. And I just think like, let's see how many I get. And whenever I do that,
I all of a sudden I get them all. But when I start thinking yesterday I did 85, I gotta,
I gotta do at least 86 and then I can't even do it. It's 75. It's, it's fucked.
Um, oh Jesus. Who's here? Hang on a second. Somebody knocking at my door.
What are you doing here? Hello. How's it going? I'm in the middle of a recording. People are
listening to the actual recording. Come on, stop making a mess. I'm not. All right. You didn't tell
me you were coming out. I would have grabbed the other freaking microphone. And look who's here,
everybody. Hey, how's it going? The lovely Nia. Jeez. I thought you were wrapping up. So I thought
I was coming in towards the end. All right. Well, if you don't want to be on, that's fine.
People love you though. Well, no, it's not that. What are you doing? What are you talking about?
What's happening? I was talking about, um, trying to get better at drums and how in, in comedy.
And last night I had a bad set. I was, didn't remember my acts. I was a little tight, didn't
go well. People are driving away. Tonight I didn't give a fuck. It went well. And then the same thing
with drums. If I think I want to do better than I did the day before, you just, just that thought
alone is enough to somehow mess with your internal self and you don't play as well. Yeah. I was just
talking about that. Oh, that's cool. I thought you came out here because you wanted to talk about
the amazing documentary that was recommended by one of my listeners, TRED, T-R-E-A-D. Like,
don't tread on me on, um, on Netflix. It's about, I don't want to ruin it, but it's just, it's just
what happened in real life. You know, it's, so it's not exactly like a spoiler alert, but we don't
have to, well, no, we, we can't, well, if we're going to talk about it, it was in the news and
stuff. And, you know, oh my God, this movie, this is a movie where documentary, the first
20 or so minutes, I kind of tuned out. I was like, you know, this isn't really my, um,
it's a white guy of a certain age in a middle of nowhere. He went out, bought a little piece of
the American dream in a town that you would never go to. Oh, that I would never, they would never
want me there. They would stare at me like I was in a fucking zoo if I went there, if you know what
I mean. So, but I have to say, so it's this, it's a story about a man who, uh, takes revenge
on, uh, this town that he lives in this, these people in his town who are on his like list,
his shit list, basically, and he goes through in this big tricked out, we got a backup here.
Death tractor. This guy, this fucking guy, this fucking guy, all he wants to do, he wants to start
this business and they go, all right, well, you got to hook up your business to the, to the sewer.
It's like 800 feet or something like that. It was all this money and he wouldn't fucking do it
and he gets into it with the town. He thought they were putting the squeeze on him. He thought
there was a, he thought it was a good old boy network. Yeah, he thought, and then he was being,
he was not included in it and he was being sort of pushed out of it and he felt very slighted
by the, the men who were in charge of the, the big companies in this very, very small town.
And this is what's amazing. He owned a muffler shop. And he was the greatest fucking welder
and he could fix anything. The greatest fucking welder. He, like, that is like an understatement.
Like this man was like, who knew like the, the, the skill and the absolute like villainry. That's
what it is. It's like, he's like a classic, like superhero villain. Okay. So she's alluding to
what he ended up welding together when he goes to take revenge on this town. So basically,
he gets into with these towns, these townspeople and there's, you know, there's, there's, you know,
the big rich family that's been there and, and they're claim. They've been there for like
ages and age, like generations and generations. They kind of like own the town.
So when he decides that he's going to take his revenge, what I loved was he gave him a chance.
This guy goes out to California. He buys a fucking bulldoze. I forgot. And he has it shipped back.
And where his muffler shop is, is it's right across the way from the rich family that sits on
the board that he thinks is fucking with them. So he parks the bulldozer pointed at his rival's
business and he has a for sale sign on it. He tried to help him out and they were into heavy
machinery and this guy was religious and he was just like, you know, he gave him an opportunity
to buy it and they didn't buy it. And according to the recording was, was then obviously God
wanted him to do what he wanted to do. He also wanted to build a structure across from him that
was going to produce a lot of like waste and stuff like that and like debris and things like
according to him. And he would be right like downwind of it or something. So he just really
felt like they were out to get him. Like there was all this like bureaucratic nonsense, red tape
shit to get his business up to code according to what they decided. So he had just had enough and
he made a series of tapes where he's just going on and on and on kind of like a podcast that no
one listened to until the end. And then he fucking reeked. Wait, no, long, long story short. He
brought this bulldozer inside to his shut down his muffler shop. This guy had a little bit of
money. And for a fucking year, he worked on this thing for a year. He made this fucking bulldozer.
He like it was like he surrounded it encased it in like make metal with concrete. You couldn't
shoot at this thing. This thing was once it got going, it wasn't going to stop. It was completely
bulletproof. It was completely like fireproof. It was like they like he had like he had these cameras
that he so he could see where he was going because you couldn't see him. And he had like this little
like this, this pressurized air to blow on it to get the debris off. So he gets in this fucking thing,
drives across the street and bulldozes his rival's business. He doesn't stop there. He drives down
the street cops on the main drag, the main drag of town just like just just aims for all the rivals.
Everybody who shot on the, everyone who sat on the fucking board, he bulldozed all their businesses.
He was shooting at the fucking giant propane fucking gas, natural gas for the town. Thank
God he didn't hit it. And what ended up happening and these guys jumped up on the tank, they were
like, there has got to be a way to breathe. They threw some shot down into it or some sort of
fire. They tried to shoot down. You just could not stop this guy. I think he was like an evil
genius. And what ended up happening was he ended up like, Listen, you gotta Yeah, don't don't reveal
you guys got I said the whole fucking time. I know even though we talked about the whole thing,
when you watch it, it's even crazier than how we're describing it. But like, can I just say
that that movie that documentary spoke to me in such a way that I just did not anticipate like
the catharsis of watching him in this like, that's what I mean. He's like a superhero.
He's an anti hero. He was an anti hero. It was like it was like it was like a bad 80s action
movie that was real. He even had a catchphrase. He just kept saying they messed with the wrong guy.
Yeah, that's an 80s. It was it was awesome. Yeah, it was really, really awesome. And just
seeing him just go and bulldoze these places. It was just like, there's a scene in bridesmaids when
like Kristen Wiig's character is freaking out at the wedding show, the bridal shower. And there's
this kid watching her freak out and destroy things. And she just keeps going so awesome. So awesome.
I was like that kid watching it. I just thought it was so amazing that I probably thought it was
amazing because he didn't kill anybody. But like, I just it was so satisfying to watch him bulldoze
into these buildings and watch some crumble all around him. Like, you know, when I felt that,
oh my God, you know, when I felt that I lived by Kersi Sue, somebody was when Russell Crow
was in that hotel that time and he got mad at the person downstairs because they couldn't tell
him how the phone worked. And he ripped the phone out of the wall. And he went downstairs and he
threw the phone at the guy who couldn't help him. Now, I know you shouldn't do that. But like,
how awesome, he must have immediately regretted it, but how awesome it must have felt to literally
the thing that you that they can't help you with to take that thing. Like how many times you want
to take I want to take my lap to I've never wanted to do that. But I just to go down to the Apple
Store and just be like, didn't work and just frisbee it into into them. I wouldn't do it.
Yeah, all right, let's just it was just it was just awesome. And then, you know,
just the white on white crime, you know what I mean? It's just you love to see it.
Well, he was he was international. So yeah, it's he was international news and then Reagan died
the next day and he totally fucking cock locked him out of the news cycle. And like, that's yes,
exactly in the ultimate like the real disrespect. He thought he was disrespected before he was
disrespected even more after he died. Now, of course, it was a tragic thing. But like,
you have to watch it. It's like, if you have ever had a feeling of that you wanted to take
revenge on go easy in it. Let's not inspire people to do something. No, oh, God, no. Yeah,
no, right, igniting all the incels and whatnot. But let's get let's get back to something a little
lighter other than bulldozing everybody in your hometown that you don't like. All right, here we
do that. Here we go. My girlfriend is guilting me into going to medical school in Russia.
She's trying to ship your ass off. She's trying to get rid of you. Let me see here. Hey, Bill,
love you, humor. You're an absolute right. Thank you. I am in a real conundrum. This guy's smart,
huh? Conundrum who uses that word? It really doesn't take a lot to impress you. Who in your
world says conundrum? It's not that like odd of an award for people to use. Like people use it.
Use it. Use it in a sentence. Just casually throw that out there and just wow me with it. Go ahead.
Wow you with it? Wow me with conundrum. I'm not going to wow you with it. I'm just going to say,
well, that's quite a conundrum. That's all I got right now. I'm not going to wow you with it.
Sorry. You know why? Jesus Christ. It's not a wow worthy word, which is my point. Anyway,
just keep reading. That wasn't you. You don't wait. You insulted me a little bit there, right?
Yeah. You're trying to back your way out of it. I'm impressed by the word conundrum. There.
I like it. It has drum in it. Almost sounds like condominium. I could have my drums in a condo,
not deal with your fucking pain in the ass, you know? Sorry. So my girl, shat it.
I lasted like 35 years without you. What are you talking about? So my girlfriend,
this is what it's like with you constantly interrupted me. All right. So my girlfriend is
Russian American. Her parents are from Russia. Her dad went to medical school there and wants
her to go to medical school there too. When we first started dating, the plan was for her to
always go to law school, which is super convenient because the school is in the city where I live.
All of this started to come into place. She got accepted to a great school,
but now she's changing her mind about law school. Now she doesn't just want me to quit my job. She
wants me, a guy with a communications degree who barely graduated college, to go with her
to medical school and enroll as a student. Wait, you, I have a communication degree,
you ain't going to make it through medical school. Although he did use the word conundrum.
Wait, am I the dumbest guy with a communications degree? This is horrific.
I love her, but I told her no many times and every time she guilt me into telling her,
I'll think about it. Well, yeah, she's manipulating you. Don't do that. But then she hits me with the
if you love me, you wouldn't have to think about it. You moved to Russia and go to medical school
with me. Oh God, no. How do you say go fuck yourself in Russian? The biggest part that makes me
uncomfortable is that she said her dad will pay for it all. And I know, no dude, you don't want
some Russian dude paid for your education. You're going to, oh, I'm something. This sounds like the
beginning of like some mob movie. He's going to expect him to marry his daughter and be a doctor
and make a shit ton of money and have babies and shit. That's what he's going to do. They're going
to bury you out in the snow and they're never going to find you. The biggest part that makes me,
okay. Fuck that. The biggest part that makes me uncomfortable is that she said her dad will pay
for it. And I know anytime someone does a favor for you, they'll always ask something in return.
I do, I do not want to do this, but I feel like I am in too deep to back out of the situation. You
are not. You are not. The only way out is to fail the entry exam on purpose. There you go.
No, that's the chicken shit way out. Should I go through with it and risk my job slash savings?
Should I go through with it and risk my job slash savings moving to Russia or fail the
exam and break up with her? Don't take the exam and break up with her. Yeah, I know. Come on now.
Come on now. Let's, let's not be silly. You're not going to actually take the fucking test.
That's absurd. You know, I read a great Pablo Escobar quote
about lying. He goes, I never lie. People who lies because they're afraid and I'm never afraid.
And I was like, wow, he says, when you lie, that means you're afraid. This guy is lying
because he's afraid. He's afraid of the whole fucking situation. This is a great opportunity
for you to go Pablo Escobar here. Pablo Escobar that shit. That's right. Get your balls. Yes.
You know, back down in your sack where they fucking belong instead of in your throat.
And just say, listen, I'm not doing this. And she goes, well, if you really love me, you would.
And evidently, I don't love you enough. The strove a however the fuck you say cheers.
Um, I don't know too much Russia. Um, how much Russian do you know?
None. Okay. Um, all right.
Speciba or something like that. It was on sex in the city. Never mind. I just remember an
astrovia. What does that mean? That just means cheers. I know any booze thing I know.
Would you ever go to Russia?
Would you ever go to Moscow or something?
Yeah, I would. I would love to go there.
I feel like it's not a good idea for Americans to go to Russia.
Well, you know, it's I think the people like it's tense right now.
Yeah, it's always kind of tense.
But Russian dudes are fucking hilarious. They're great hockey players that tough as
fucking nails. I mean, there's a lot to love about Russian people.
They fucking beat the Germans all the way back to their goddamn fucking
strudel. Whatever the fuck it is. They eat over there.
I know a Russian girl and she is lovely.
I know a girl named Karen and she's the nicest person. Stop calling white women Karen.
And no, and she's very, um, no, she's really cool and she's like has really good taste in
music and she's very sexy. I think Russian girls are sexy. I think that I like their accent.
It's kind of harsh, but it's very much like, you know, like they're in charge.
Sorry. Where is this going?
Oh, I'm gonna bring her over sometime. All right, man to man advice.
I think I just set up a fucking threesome there.
Man to man advice to an 18 year old from the Republic of Georgia.
Hot Russian girls hit me up in my DMs. I'm just kidding.
No, don't do that. Because those chicks are super smart.
They're playing it like we're in the varsity team. I mean, the JV team,
they're on the varsity team. No, my DMs aren't open. So it wouldn't work even if you tried.
All right. Okay.
Man to man advice to an 18 year old from the Republic of Georgia, which I believe is in
like it's east of, uh, isn't that east of like Greece?
We had a Shane student in high school from the Republic of Georgia.
I have never hated how you started a sentence more ever in my life.
You've interrupted me nine times trying to get through this fucking thing.
I'm trying to get the momentum of this podcast again and again.
We had an exchange tune.
You know, you sounded like Joe Piscopo back in the day when he would do Alan Funtwood.
We thought it would be funny.
If you did that on a first date, we would not be fucking married.
Interrupt me with that long, slow speaking.
Who gives a fuck? Oh my God.
Sorry people. She's, she, she gave birth about, you know, a couple months ago.
She's still recovering. She's breastfeeding. She's exhausted.
We have, you suddenly, you're like 80 years old.
And our favorite song.
Why don't you go download a shuffleboard app?
Fucking blue hair. All right.
Oh my God.
Why are you being so mean? I'm trying to because you've been annoying me.
You've been annoying. You, you, you, you gotta get with the flow of the show here.
You interrupted like nine times.
All right. Hey, Bill, I need someone to give me an advice and advice.
I love this. I need someone to give me an advice.
Oh, wait, it's time. Here we go. Here we go.
Come on. Play it.
Hey, that's me.
Yes. I had some advice with an exchange student.
What is this? Oh shit.
Today I told someone that I don't want to be their friend ever.
What ever even thought.
Wait. Okay. I love this is broken English.
Hey Bill, I need someone to give an advice because I don't feel I have no one to talk to.
All right. Today I told someone that I don't want to be their friend ever.
Even thought we have mutual, even though we have mutual friends.
I have been hanging around this guy for quite some time
and we've never got along, especially after he started calling me names
and being disrespectful to me. Well, yeah, this is easy. Fuck this guy.
Oh, he's a bully.
We settled after a little quarrel, but today he asked me if I changed my mind about him
and I told him no. Jesus, this guy is fucking relentless.
My friends did not like it and everyone told me that I was wrong because he is our mutual friend.
I don't give a damn. Listen, this guy is an asshole and your friends are assholes.
I don't give a damn about this guy, but I'm afraid my actual friends will stop
contacting me as I am leaving my country to study abroad.
These are the guys I grew up with. I don't want to end my time with them on a bad note,
but I fucked up because I did not
said a lie and did not told that fucker that we were good.
All right, help me out here because I did not
say a lie and did not
because this is fun. Plus, I've always had a problem with contacting other men
as I grew up without a father and had no one to mentor me,
how to behave and what is right or wrong. I'm asking you, what would you have done in my place
and what should I do? Should I have said a lie or the truth in this situation?
What, that you like this guy? No, if this guy is being an asshole to you,
fuck this guy and if your friends, if you told your friends that he's been an asshole and they're
still saying you need to be friends with this guy, then your friends are assholes and studying
abroad is a great way to go get some new friends. PS, you got some fans in the Republic of Georgia.
Well, I'm a fan of you for fucking listening. God bless you. That's what that's my advice.
What do you say? Let's say you. Yeah, totally.
Would you say this is a bit of a conundrum? I would say that's a bit of a conundrum,
but yeah, I think it sounds like you need a whole new set of friends.
Yeah, I think you got to go fuck all you guys. I'm leaving the Republic of Georgia to go study
abroad and when I come back, you guys are all still going to be here. You're all dead to me.
Yeah, you're all going to still be here, given tours of fucking Transylvania and I'm going to be
in fucking medical school. All right. Joke, trouble with my lady. Hey, Billy, big brood.
That's cool. I only got two. I don't have a brood. I think you need at least three to have a brood.
Congratulations on rounding off the family with the son. I was talking about how he's smiling now.
Big smiles. He is so beautiful. He's a good looking dude. I'm not gonna lie to you.
He really is. Now you have the full set. I love the podcast and it especially kept me going
during lockdown. So thank you for keeping it going. Me and my lady just got engaged. Congratulations
and moved in together. She's beautiful, funny, clever and has a heart of gold and she's black.
This is important later. Uh-oh. Here we go.
Um, oh, the world don't move to the beat. Just one drum. So I love, I love her to death,
but she does leave shit on the stairs all the time. Shoes mostly. And I tried to diffuse
this with the joke, which went badly. And I wanted your opinion on what if, on if I'm doing,
what I'm doing wrong. Okay. So I trip over a pair of her shoes as I'm coming down the stairs
and yelled up to her really 30 years after ghost dad and black people are still leaving
shit on the stairs. I don't get that joke. I don't either. I never saw that movie, but okay.
Oh, you know what? You went, you went to obscure. It went down like a wet fart, he said. And the
rest of the day was a bit frosty. Uh, it is, is it down to me being a white guy saying it?
Or is it the Cosby reference that makes it seem worse? It's a double whammy, my friend.
You not only tried to have black people doing this, which is already. Yeah. Yeah. It depends on
how you guys joke. You had to throw in a Cosby reference. Oh, or he said, or is it just flat
out? Not funny. If I'm no stand up, but I, okay, I'm no stand up, but I thought at least it
merited a courtesy laugh. Uh, best to you and your family. Keep doing what you're doing.
I think he could have got away with it if they have a playful relationship like that,
but then he, he got to kind of say shit like that and like a stupid accent.
You, if like, if he went like, uh, what, what did he say? Let me try to make this funny to you.
Yeah, I know. But the thing is, I don't really 30 years after ghost dad, black people still live
and see you laugh because it's fucking stupid. Cause now it sounds like I'm clearly joking.
But if I went like, really 30 years after ghost dad and black people are still leaving
shit on the stairs, then it doesn't work. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You gotta be silly.
That's true. Just buy a nice bouquet of flowers and say, I'm sorry for my stupid and sensitive
joke. It won't happen again. And just, just move on. Just player this. What is like,
but what is that reference though? I never saw ghost dad. That's the thing. People might have
seen ghost dad more than I thought, but like, I know. I assume he's dead, but he's still around
and only his kids. Maybe he went down the stairs, he tripped and then he became a ghost and then he
was ghost dad. I'll tell you, Bill Cosby could do a TV show like nobody, but that guy could not pick
a fucking movie script to save his life. Did you ever see ghost dog with forest wood occur?
No. Did the dog bump his head in the dog house and then become a ghost? No, no ghost dog,
something way of the sim. I don't know what it is. It was a good movie. Anyway, move on.
That went over a bun as well as that guy's joke. I know, I know, right?
What's the matter, huh? That's it. You know, you just, you're your new mom. You know what I mean?
Like, you should see how tired she is. You're all over me. You're all over me. I'm not. I'm trying
to have empathy. You're tired. I thought I was up. I thought I was up here having a good time.
You're having a good time. Trashing me. You know, I just was like, you know, had and exchanged students.
You sounded like an old white lady named Ethel. And literally during that whole, as you were trying
to like, you know, slaughter your way through that question, I was picturing that kid like he was the
one asking for advice. Like, what if that actually was him? Who? No, it's not. He would be like my
age and he wouldn't be dealing with that at that age, right? And plus it was from an 18 year old.
That question. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about?
That one. Man to man advice to an 18 year old. Oh, anyway. No, that was a woman.
What? I need to talk to someone. That's that's the man to man advice. I thought that was a woman.
No, it says man to man. Where did you think a woman was in there? And he said he didn't have a
like a male figure in his life. So he didn't have anybody to tell him. Oh, I thought this was some
guy hitting on a chick. I'm an idiot. What? Oh, all right. Well, I still stand by it. Fuck that guy.
Yes. Ultimately still fuck that guy. Fuck that guy and fuck your friends. That's because that
sounded like that whole drama sounded like a chick situation. Like, oh my god, we're friends with
him. So like, you have to be like back in front of me. What are we doing here? Fuck off. Fuck all
of you guys. Fuck all of them. Was that exhale? Like not liking what I was doing? No. Okay. All
right. I thought I geez. All right. Fat wife won't let me work out. There's nothing funnier
than just getting to the point and just being the truth. I don't even want to hear the question.
I just love like the I'm not saying a one liner. Fat life won't let me work out. I love it. That's
one of the greats of all time questions. Hey there, Billy goat. Let's see here. I have a problem
and would like your hilarious opinion on what I should do. Me and my wife have been together
about five years now and married for two. When we first got together, I was a young stud in my
prime in shape and crushing ass left and right. She was in good shape too. I used to work out four
to five days a week and life was great. When we got married, she didn't like me going to the gym
because she says I will leave her for a fitness check. The insecurity. All right. I got to the
point where I had to get her a membership so we could go together just so I could have my joy
of pumping iron. But she only went four times and stopped going. Pumping iron. Pumping iron. You
got to do it. This guy's an old school guy. Pumping iron. People still say pump. Yeah, he says it.
You know, doesn't some of your older relatives call people jive turkeys?
Huh? Do I got to watch Ghost Dog?
I just love, I got to, I got to tell you, I got to tell you something as a comedian,
but as a comedian, I respect the balls of an obscure reference.
She probably got offended me like what? Because it's, it's Bill Cosby. We all saw the
fucking movie. You think I saw every black movie that's out there? Fucking asshole.
I think she's just, maybe she's really into movies and she's fucking offended that you think that,
you know, that she would go watch that pile of shit. Oh my God. All right. So anyways,
now we just wait, I'm sorry. Just real quick, just before we move on, I do find that like
white guys do have the most random fucking movie references ever like nerdy white guys have the
most random, they're throwing it out there like everybody knows. Now, do you feel like,
do you feel like it's, it's isn't some of it random because maybe they're watching really
white shit that you wouldn't watch because I think because I kind of get, you know, like you,
every once in a while, like, you know, some of your, your, your peeps will be over our house
and something will come on that I've never heard of and you guys go fucking nuts. Like,
it's like Frosty the snowman. Every year I would watch this shit. I was, I have no idea what it
is. So maybe, maybe there's some of that. Anyways, I don't want to get into that guy's fucking
quagmire, conundrum, quagmire. We're using all the, the big ones. All right. Anyways,
now we just had a baby. Now we just had a baby girl. Congratulations. And we're both tired and
out of shape. I want to get back into the gym and get rid of this dad bod, but I can't because
she guilt trips me saying I could help with the baby instead. Instead of wanting to get in shape,
also she always says I'm going to get ripped and leave her for a skinny girl in the gym and it
annoys the shit out of me. That is annoying. Yeah, but you feel really insecure like after you have
a baby because it's just your body. It's like you, they don't prepare you for what childbirth does
to your body. I know, but she was doing this shit before. Right. But she's like moving out. But no,
I'm not saying that she shouldn't, he should, they should get a babysitter so she can work out,
so they can work out together or whatever. Yeah, but he already tried that and she only went four
times. So now like, you know, listen, I've lost three friends this year, two heart attacks and a
stroke. Like what this guy's doing is actually like going to prolong his life. Yeah. You know,
you don't want to have a kid with the guy and then he drops off a fucking heart attack. I mean,
what are we doing here? Anyways, instead of wanting to get in shape, okay, I've read all of that.
What should I do? I don't want to give up working out, but I also don't want to feel
be, feel unsupportive as a husband. Keep up the good work. Congrats on the baby boy. I mean,
see his heart's in the right place. Go to the fucking gym. That's really hard. And you know what,
though, you have to go to the gym now because it's what you feel, what makes you feel good.
And like, she'll get over it. She won't take it first. Just like, just have her blow you before
you go to the gym. Then she can relax. What? That's a good, no, you just give her extra. And tell her
she's beautiful and tell her she's a great mom and you'll help her out like whenever she needs it
and she'll get over it. Like she's, take your dick out and be like, do you want to hang onto this?
Huh? You see this? See this? This is going to walk right out that door if you don't let me go to the gym.
No, I, yeah, you got to, it's just sensitive right now. It's a very sensitive time. So you have to
be, but she was sensitive before too. Yeah, I know. And they might not, who knows, it might be a
bigger thing. But for now, just like, but you should still go to the gym because, you know,
you need to get your stress out and all the other shit too. So good luck with that. Good luck with
that. All right. Underrated Arabs. Oh God. What? No, I mean, it's not bad that they're,
yeah, I don't know where it's going. I just judged it by. You really did. Underrated Arabs. Well,
I mean. Hey, you know what? I ain't that bad. Exactly. See, that's how you heard it. But that's
how you heard it. No, but you know, that's not how I heard it. That's not how I heard it. I was
like, Oh great, this is going to be something complimentary considering the beef we've been
having. I mean, since, since 9 11, this is, this is some positive. I like, let's bring people together.
All right. Hey, hey there, Red Bilbo. I am a 21 year old guy from Saudi Arabia.
Wish to know if you plan to include us in your next tour, our government pays good
money for entertainment. Well, what are the parameters? I just want to make sure I ain't
going over there. And all of a sudden I say something, you know, the wrong fucking thing,
and then I get in trouble. I don't need that. What country was I in?
I think it was Singapore, where I was just going like, Oh, fuck, man, you know,
you know, you spit gum out on the street, they fucking beat the shit out of you with a goddamn
nearest tree or something. He says, anyway, in the last five years or so, I watched a
considerable amount of movies and TV shows and came to notice that there's a stereotype
you Westerners, you Westerns have about us, which is that we're either a literate fucks
who live in the desert, tending our camels and thinking about blowing your country,
blowing up your country, not blowing your country or that we're buried in money and don't have any
problems. Dude, I got to be honest with you. The second you said you were from Saudi Arabia,
I just pictured somebody vacationing in London, shipping his cars in one car and in one plane
and himself and his private jet, right? Yeah, no, there's like definitely that stereotype of
like the Saudi prince that's like, yeah, spending money, but I never, I never thought the illiterate
thing though. Yeah, no, I never thought that. But yeah, you definitely have this idea of, yeah.
Oh, I, and I have the feeling that if I go over to the Middle East as an American, that
just we've just had so many fucking, you know, not good back and forths over there that I'm
going to get the fucking ass kicking that they want to give our last three fucking presidents.
Anyway, and I want to squash the stereotype by saying that we live our lives just like you.
I myself come from a middle class family and I study energy engineering. This is such a great
fucking email. I'm glad this came in. I listened to Western music and I'm familiar with the bands
and love the Beatles and Zeppelin. I watch the NBA and even like the Celtics. Ah, this fucking guy's
great. The sellies. My friends and I hang out in cafes or whatever and we try to pick up chicks.
The only difference between us is that you probably do these activities while drinking alcohol
when we drink, drink coffee or any kind of soda and that I have hair and you don't.
Please continue. Consider touring here. Wouldn't miss it. Go fuck yourself. Well,
you know what? I mean, that is a great email. That's really cool. Yeah. All right. That is
that did make me think. Didn't we have that experience in London, not of like Saudis specifically
or anything like that, but wasn't there something when we were in London one time and there was a
bunch of cars, like really luxury cars that were just going down this one main drive. Oh, no, it's
hilarious. Those were the princes. The princes were over there going on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
they were just kind of it was this whole parade. It was like a display of beautiful luxury vehicles
that were just two. Okay. You want to know what really happened? It was a bunch of rich princes
in in Ferraris and Lamborghinis driving like in stop and go traffic, just revving the engines.
They're loud as shit. And they had all these like wraps on on the cars and shit.
And I was I was walking up the street. And as they were revving the engine,
like loud as shit. This English woman just goes, Ah, stop it.
It was hilarious. British bitty. Yeah, they were showing off. They would they would I believe
I believe your people call it stunting. All right, now I'm in trouble. I should have said it. I said
it with the next ghost dad reference. Ghost dad. I mean, that is fucking up there. Hey, tell everybody
how great my new high five stereo is. Oh, it's great. It's got highs and it's got five. Oh,
fuck you. All right, God bless you. All right, everybody. Well, you know, I would love to tour
a bunch of places if you know, though, once the COVID cure comes, I'm ready to go. I had a great
set in a parking lot tonight. And I'm excited. I'm excited. It takes me back to the old days, man,
made no money. It's a bit of a hell gig. I was able to get myself through it. It's fun.
Happy you got a chance to stand up. I know you've been missing it.
Yeah, I did. I did. So all right, that's the podcast, everybody. God bless you.
Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.