Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-21-23

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

Bill rambles about the roach coach, the weather, and 'Fat Bottom Girls'. Butcher Box:  Sign up today at butcherbox.com/BURR and use code BURR to get salmon for 3 Months.plus $20 off your first order. Zip Recruiter:  Go www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR to try it for free! SimpliSafe:  Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for a free month trial of Fast Protect Monitoring at www.simplisafe.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday! Monday Monday, la la la, wow, wow, wow, wow, August 21st. Every other day, every other day, the fucking week I feel fine. Yeah. I would never understood that lyric. Every other day I feel fine. You feel fine on a fucking Tuesday? You know, I'm sick of Monday getting shit. All right, you walk in, you're still half in the bag, but the time you even realize you're at work, the fucking day's half over. The day that kills, used to kill me. When I had the 925, what a way to make a living, right? I used to work with Dolly Potton. Oh, was she sassy? The way she fucking turned that boss is goddamn slacks around. Tuesday. Tuesday. Tuesday is the mother fuck up. Monday, you get, like I'd say, you know what I mean? You're like, just your head's still spinning. You had a good time. You're

a little rest up, but Tuesday. Tuesday's reality. Tuesday you come in after a sober night's sleep, hopefully, unless you're on your way to a program, the program Friends with Bill And I'm not talking about me there. Oh, geez. I'm talking about the guy with the fucking gin blossom in the middle of his face there Like you clicked on a special place on Google Maps over there Tuesday maps over there. Tuesday, Tuesday was the day you came in sober, you had no fun the day before, you had no relaxation and then that's when the job is like real like fuck. Every decision, every test I made, every person I broke up with has led to me sitting here today on a fucking Tuesday.

And I got four more of these days coming. Tuesday, nothing dragged. Like 830 to 1015. I remember that first fucking, that's only an hour and 45 minutes. It felt like half the fucking day. It felt like four hours before the Roach Coach would show up. It would pull into the pack and lot

and everybody would spill out of the fucking warehouse and go down there. Remember those days, dude, you should get the fucking hot dogs off of that thing. I mean, he never got sick. I didn't even remember what I used to get. The Roach coach, you go down there. I was young. Some days I would go down there, I get the cookie with the M&M in it, and that's what I would have. If I did that at my age at 1030 in the morning,

I would get halfway through the cookie. Then my eyes would start getting heavy, and I would start telling everyone that could hear that I should not have done what I just did, you know, because, you know, when you get old, everybody's got to hear about your fucking mistakes in your ailments, right? And then about 50 minutes later, the yawning would start in about 23 minutes after the ingestion I would be faced out.

And that would be it. I mean, I'm talking like REM sleep, trying to get rid of the sugar that was on top of all the sugar I've eaten up into that point. So anyway, what exactly is it that I'm talking? What am I really trying to say here? I'm trying to say that I have a new date, everybody,

in Rama, Ontario, October 6th at the casino Rama resort. I don't even remember saying yes to this shit. I feel like my agent's just fucking throwing dates now. Pre-sales, he's gonna hear this and be like, oh, there's a sort of problem, but there's that he's sort of, he'll be okay, she does shield that we need to work out. I'm fucking around if you listen and mic. Pre-sale starts Wednesday. I'm actually not fucking around.

I don't remember this. I'm sure I said yes to it. I'm sure you called me when I was driving down the fucking highway trying to scroll to the next ACDC song. What? Where? I fucking don't do it. So now I'm doing it, people.

October 6th at the Casino Ramma Resort. Pre-sale starts on Wednesday, 10 a.m. Eastern time with the Code Burr, B-U-R-R, the general on sale is August 25th at 10 a.m. Where can we go for the ticket link? At www.buildburr.com for the ticket link. And there you have it. Well, anyway, now that we got the promotion, out of the way, we're going to get the dot com for the ticket link and there you have it well anyway now that we got the promotion

out of the way uh... all you know i got to call this guy back he's doing a benefit for all those poor people out there and why jesus christ what exactly happened there was a fire during a hurricane and it just blew around and killed the might have a fucking unbelievable. Condolences to all of those people out there. So as always comedies we always do benefits, right? Much of you guys think that we're a bunch of cons that trash people, you know, when shit

it's the fan, we always go down, we do the fucking shows. So I'll let you guys know about that and I hope I hope somebody's helping those people out Jesus Christ All right, that was caring me That was me thinking of something other than myself in the last ten pounds I need to lose. Oh, yeah, I've been fucking working out Oh, you know it. When I go overseas, I make sure I'm in the best shape, both as a professional, where my act is and physically. I'm not going to go over there and have these fucking foreigners in their own goddamn countries. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Ah! Oh my god, I gotta call people foreigners at some place. They don't laugh, but I have to fuck you guys, you fucking foreigners. Hahaha. That would be the ultimate ugly American. I'm doing it! Woo! Um.

Anyway. I've been hitting the gym. I'm doing it! Woo! Anyway, I've been hitting the gym. Guess what I did the other day. I did a fucking pull-up. Should've bugging me a little bit, but I did it. I did a cup, I did one chin up like a week ago, then I did two of them. I haven't done this shit since 2015. Since I literally made the bet with Paul Verzi

that I was gonna be able to do 10 pull-ups When I was 70 years old that fuck was I dream I was drinking back then the hell was I thinking I had no idea When I'm like I literally made that bet and that was the end of my youth I think the universe heard it and was just like wait a minute this guy still think he's young Jesus Christ. He's gonna hurt himself Let's fucking now. Let's uh, let's snap a couple of road roadtator. Whatever the fuck I did. I don't know what I did Oh Billy, Bersides, touch of arthritis and Tannitis that's me. That's where I am arthritis, Bersides and Tannitis and I'm still gonna be able to knock those out

You know, I figured by the time, this is the thing, this is my wild card, because we didn't say I couldn't use PEDs. So I'm going to ride out naturally until I'm 69 years, 69, when I'm 69 years of age. If I don't feel like I can do the fucking pull ups, 69 years, 69, when I'm 69 years of age. If I don't feel like I can do the fucking, the pull ups, I'm gonna do a cycle. Oh, Billy, no neck coming around with his fucking,

I'm gonna be a jacked with that my fucking turkey neck coming around the corner, bustin' out my Stevie Ray Vaughn in-step tank top that nobody had seen since 1989 when I was at great woods Got a couple more freckles that fucking day Johnny when I was on that lineup Oh, it's actually feels good to be able to lift my own body You know and definitely want to do the squats, but the thing is you've got to fucking stretch and make sure you're doing shit correctly. I go to the gym now and when I see these young kids, you know, by young kids, I mean 20s and 30s and they're still lifting this

gigantic weight, you know, I'm making those fucking noises like, did you just blow out your back or did you have a fucking orgasm? You know those people? AHHHH! I remember telling you guys the best one I ever heard was there was a guy like I don't know 20 years ago and I was at a New York sports club on the Upper East Side and there was a guy used to come in there dressed like fucking Ken Petera and if you don't know who Ken Petera is look him him up, blonde, parm, with a fucking headband and sunglasses. All right? Looking at that dude that would built like that fucking dude that kept filing Robbie Benson in that basketball movie

with the guy from the Godfather Part Two. And remember that guy, I don't like your can, with your oily skin, your greasy hair. That guy, he was the coach in that movie That was a good movie that Robbie Benson movie. What was that coach one of these day? You can take that scholarship you can stick it on a sweat the red hot poker a red hot poker Anyway Anyway, this guy used to come in, right?

And he had the short shorts, he had the Ken Patera fucking build with the fucking beautiful noodle blonde hair and a headband and he had these glasses that were like shaded and he would go in and he would, when he would fucking put up his weight, this is the noise he would make, he would go in and he would, when he would fucking put up his weight, this is the noise he would make. He'd go, ee-ya! ee-ya!

ee-ya! And the best one was when, he never had anybody spot him. So that last one he was squeezing out, he would go, ee-ya! ee-ya! You can hear it through the whole fucking gym. And every in a while I would catch some other dudes eye and we would just start cracking up laughing But nobody ever said a word to that guy Because that guy had like he was on like Lallel Zato shit like that guy if you said anything to you

He would literally tear your arm off like a fucking chimpanzee So anyway, I'm in the gym and I see these guys. You know those guys that do that dumb shit with a bench with like the 120 pound dumbbells and they got to put them on their knee and then do like that fucking donkey kick to get it up. I can't even tell you how fucking stupid it is to do that. You are gonna be like, I mean, I didn't even do that shit. Look what happened to me. I am doing that thing going like we had the same fucking, you know, genetics.

I am doing that old person thing where what happened to me is gonna happen. I'm just saying, just saying, you can keep yourself tight. I've learned this now. You can do just lightweight. Light weight. You don't even do high reps. You just have to do it. Just prevent shit from sliding.

Listen, people, don't end up like me, okay? Oh, speaking of me, which is a ginger, I am like three quarters of an album. I come an honorary, I could show up at like an Albinos only party and when they look through the door I can be like, come on. You know, can't do it for one more time for old time's sake. Like Abe Vagoda and the first Godfather,

that's two Godfather references in In the first what? 12 minutes? See people, you're not gonna get that with these other podcasts. They're gonna talk about movies that people actually saw. It's supposed to me who's gonna talk about shit from fucking 50 years ago. I wonder if the Godfather movies till like young people is like me saying you should you should watch You know gone with the wind Just that whole idea the mafia and all that I think now they just look at it like you mean corporations

Aren't they doing that now but all that shit they arrested all those Italian guys for now was like legal is it that what's happening I don't know so anyway we had a tropical fucking storm out here I want to say we're in the eye of the storm right now it's supposed to was a heavy supposed to be at four o. It's now 616. Pacific coast time, August 20th. I think it's starting to die down. I went full on fucking dad mode. You know? That's what you do as a dad when you know there's a storm coming. Even if you can't fix anything, you're going to go outside and do something. You know, you're going to move something something around get these out of here and fucking put that in the garage. I said put it put it in the garage

You have no idea what's coming I Got the weather channel on Don't ask questions! Just do it! You know, you're going to fucking general act you had to do that. I was outside all by myself. I got up on the roof and I, you know, got the fucking trees and shit, so I was just brushing all of this shit off of the roof. Any little pile of something, making sure all the drains, all the gutters were cleared out. You know, total fucking dead, I heard a jishnoyer might come in,

that down to hatches, right? And then we have the drains and I made sure that all of those things, thank God, I fucking cleared those things out. It's just unreal how much just like dirt and shit gets in them because it never rains out here. So they just you know over the months that they just fill up with sand dirt and God knows what else flying around in the fucking air out here so I cleared all of that out and I gotta tell you

the water came down rolled off the fucking roof into the gutters down the spout, round the fucking driveway off the fucking property. And you think my wife said thank you? Do you think even for a second she went like, wow, you risk breaking your own fucking neck to get some goddamn pine needles off of the fucking roof? She had nothing to say. Well I can tell you right now, I'm gonna bring it up tonight. Do you have any idea what I did for this family? She'll just laugh and roll the rise.

I'm like, God Jesus. No. That's my job. I do the meathead shit. My wife is the brains of the operation. She's, she plans shit. And makes my life great. She anticipates, you know, the great ones anticipate

and then they create space or whatever, whatever the fuck else they say. And keeps it smooth. Speaking of which, I remember last time I was doing Sam and Jim's show, Jim and Sam. Jim and Sim, this show there on Sirius. And Jim Norton was talking about edging

and i was like what in the what is edging and he goes that's when you like having sex and right before you're gonna have an orgasm you stop and then you wait for to calm down and then you get yourself you keep doing that and evidently you know you do it enough times in your orgasm is more intense i mean who needs a more

intense orgasm you are or gathersons are pretty intense you know when afterwards don't touch it don't touch it right isn't that enough no gotta go for these people they gotta go further and i found it hilarious and then fascinating that he was talking about that stuff. So I found the sports version of edging as far as a team. I'm going to give you guys a hint.

A team won a championship in the last, it was 13 years ago. They won a championship. They won it and about five people realized they won it, and everyone else was sort of celebrating, you guys know what this is, because the five guys that were on the ice, who was it on the ice, it happened in Philadelphia, the filthy flyers were in the finals trying to break a fucking uh... thirty five year drought at that point patrick can comes down in over time there are three games to two and far enough hostile crowd

at the spectrum now the wells fargo center he fucking somehow an impossible angle scores a goal and the puck goes into the net and went underneath the little apron thing. So no one could see it, but he knew it went in. By the way, that goal, if it's real, which it was, broke a 50 year drought, 50 year drought for the black ops. So all of Chicago is ready to have a sports orgasm and nobody is signaling that it's a goal. But fucking Patrick Cain is

fucking skating down the ice with the jazz hands going ah, it goes and he goes to hug the goal his goalie who made an insane blocker safe At the end of the third period where he was fallen he was He was dead to rights and he launched himself towards the shooter fucking cheese box Right up right off right off of it fucking amazing, right? So he scores the fucking goal and get it right off, right off of it, fucking amazing, right? So he scores the fucking goal, and then like, it took him like three minutes,

and then they confirmed that it was in fact a goal. But the fact that all of Chicago in Black Hawk Nation, the second it crossed the goal line, didn't all get to fucking, ah, the same time. I mean, there's never gonna to be a more anti-climactic overtime goal to win a Stanley Cup in the end of 50-year drought ever. NHL has been doing this great thing just showing, you know, the deciding games on the NHL channel. You got to check that one out. If you get a chance, if you get a chance. So, um, anyway, so hopefully this storm is over.

Not too much damage. You know, I always feel bad for when one of these storms is coming along. Okay, first off, weatherman. Because they have to predict the worst. It's their job. Because if they don't, everyone's gonna be like, What the fuck did you say something? Right? So then, they diagnose the worst. And then when it doesn't happen, all these morons who can't even name a cloud,

just go fucking weathermen. Am I right? Dude, they ever write, they fuck it, eh? Just go fucking where the men my right Dude, I they ever write are they fucking yeah It's like people who go to the doctor right the doctor goes you're never gonna walk again And then they walk and then they go like what are these fucking doctors? No They know way more than you and they are they are they are predicting the worst than you and they are they are they are predicting the worst the worst case scenario so a you won't sue them and then b anything else is going to seem like a fucking improvement. You know what I mean?

He said I was going to be shitting blood for the rest of my life. Well look at that stool sample in your face. Medical man right? And he's thinking in his head, great, he's fucking happy, he thinks I'm smarter than me. He thinks he's smarter than me and I'm not gonna get sued. Fantastic, next. Keep eating those cheeseburgers, buddy.

Next. Who do we got next? Who's got next, all right? Well, I feel bad for the weatherman and women and the weather days and the fucking Coast Guard. The Coast Guard is a fucking exciting job except when there's a God damn store. I mean, there's a level of excitement to it, but it's all you're gonna be doing is rescuing one fucking jerk off after another. Like you figure most days, if you're in the Coast Guard, you get some exciting,

like a drug dealer. This guy's risking his freedom. Gonna spend the rest of his life in jail. He's coming from a country where this makes him seem like a good option because the way the whole game set up in order for me to live like this, you have to live like that. So he's rolling the dice. They're fucking flying after him on the boat. Gun guns of fucking being shot. Somebody's on the loudspeaker, you know? Don't ask whatever the fuck you're saying, right? Fucking pull that shit over, motherfucker, right?

Exciting, exciting shit, but when a storm comes, you know, it's like there's no fucking reason that they should have any work. No reason that they should have any work. No reason that they should have to put their life on the line that day, but what happens? Every time there's a storm, you know it. Handful of jerk offs are gonna take their boat out. It ain't gonna be that bad.

It'll be fine. Once we get out, no water shouldn't be a problem, right? And there's gonna be about a half dozen to a dozen jerk-offs who decide to go surfing. And then they're gonna get in trouble. And then these poor people who are safe and dry now have to go out and risk their life. I get the drug thing. I get risking your life over that. But if some fucking, if they say a fucking typhoon's coming and some guy goes out there on a wakeboard, it's just like, all right,, evidently, you don't give a fuck about your life means nothing

to you. My life means something to me. So I'm gonna stay right here. I always wish they would do that. Get a call. Hey, hey, hey, hey, whatever the fuck you say. Oh, hoi! I'm fucking out here.

I don't know what the'm fucking engine quid. What the fuck are you doing out there? We told you not to go out there. I know. Well, what do you think I'm gonna do? Getting a fucking boat and end up like you? Go fuck yourself. Why would you do that?

They don't, they go out and get them. They should leave them out there. Just sit right back in your hair, a tail, a tail, a little bit of a fateful chip. Right, a big, like, Gilligan's Island meets survivor. Gilligan, little buddy. Skip back. How abusive was the skipper with his power, huh?

Smashin' him over the head, but the hat. You used to be able to do that. Um... Well, I've really talked myself into a corner. First of all I bring up the godfather, too, and then godfather one, then I bring up a Robbie Benson movie that's so fucking old. I can't even remember the name of it. And then how do I, how do I dismount?

Gilligan's Island. A show that's so old, everyone that's on it is dead except for the woman that put out Tina Louise Still alive play ginger Anyway, I've been playing a lot of drums this week a lot of drums But now been a good time man just A lot of drums. But now, but a good time, man. Just, it's funny.

I still play a couple of zeppelins so I can keep the foot where it needs to be. Butchering, traveling, Riverside, Blues, and good times, bad times. Each time it gets a little better, I can fake it now. I wouldn't want to just sit down and play it, but I could fake it. I could fake it. Any real drumma be like, wow, man, that was fucking horrific. Why would

you ever think to do that in public? But everybody else would be like, hey, that wasn't bad. Do you play drums? No. Is that what those things are called? They would be impressed. I was fucking around with my favorite Lou Rawls song. No, she's not. He's fucking Lou Rawls. What do you still read the newspaper? Yes, I do. I love the newspaper. You know what it is? I can stop the news from coming in. If I don't like what I'm reading, I go fuck that and I turn the...

There, where's the Metro region? Is this what's happening? Fuck that. I just always end up on the sports page you know but if you're watching the news you just keeps coming at you right well Billy you could grab the remote well not of someone else is watching it you know people come over there news junkies immediately they got CNN or Fox News on Those fucking people got nothing good to say But they're not talking about anything. You know what I mean? Talking about ties and dumb shit like that and meanwhile you got the fucking AI You know the most annoying thing somebody sent me something everybody's been sending me all this AI shit

You know what the most annoying thing about fucking those AI robots? I hate when they pretend to think like they don't have the answer. It's like, what is that thing you're fucking? One of these recording things, you ask it a question and it goes, let's try something out. What are you saying? You're a person. Stop doing that. Those stupid robots like looking up like hmm You can speak every language you can't you have all the answers Just fucking say it. You know why they don't do it They're not gonna do that with it because they know how fucking annoying those things would be

They want you to be comfortable And just be looking at I'm like, that's what I do when I don't know the answer. Right? So then you're not intimidated by how much fucking smarter this thing is than you. What is the failsafe with those fucking? Look at that it just shut off my recording as I was speaking as I was talking as I was Saliliquayim I got this emergency alert national weather service a flash flood warning isn't effect for this area until 3 a.m Oh shit, so here I am talking shit thinking everything's going on right. Let's take a peek outside see what's going on

It says this is a dangerous and life threatening Situation you know what that means some jerk offs fucking taking the cover off his boat. Wow. It's coming down now All right now the storm is here only shit Billy duck boots in effect do not attempt to travel Unless you are fleeing an area subject to flood or under an evacuation order. And you know what I'm going to do with that information? I'm going to listen to it. Hey, I ain't no tough guy. You ain't catching me out there doing the thing there that the dummies do. You're not asking me out there doing the thing there that the dummies do? Um, it is raining to beat the band as they say.

So anyway, the reason why they're doing this shit is I'm fucking, I should have built an arc looking at this stuff, um, is if those AI things actually just fucking had the answer right at the tip of their non-existent fake ass fucking tongue, actually they're gonna have tongues, right? Because the billionaire is gonna have their balls their ass licked by a fucking robot And there's people sitting there watching it cuz it doesn't feel like a tongue. I mean it feels good But I don't quite feel like a tongue. Oh, it's a matter the temperature. There's something wrong too cold No, it's actually a little war

All right, bring the power down on that one bring the power down All right, bring the power down on that one. Bring the power down. What the fuck is going on and no one's talking about? So this deal, like you ever go around hanging out with some Noid all that. So even if they know everything and even if they are smart, it's still fucking annoying. So they got to build it in there that the fucking thing has to look around

the AI guy, right? Looking around. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Oh, wait a minute. There's the answer. You want to talk about getting fished, falling in love with one of those fucking things. Somebody's going to do it too. I think most people are going to.

Because you're going to have, you know, what makes a relationship hard? You know the number one thing that makes a relationship hard is it's with another person that has wants and needs. You know, that's where you got to learn. You got to learn, you know, with the old school politician, they reached across the aisle, they shook hands, right? And they both went out and shared a hooker. That's how things got done in this country. AI, they'd think just, it's like having a fucking dog. I riffed that one night talking about how narcissists love dogs

because when they come home no matter what they do, the fucking thing's happy. Like dogs behave how they want everyone around them to behave. Well these AI things are gonna be just locked in, I'm telling you! And you can thank Bodden's America for it! It all happened in the last fucking three years. That's how it worked and then Liberalsman Trump, you can thank Donald Trump for that! You ever think of fucking reading? Have you ever thought about that maybe researching it? Fucking country's bankrupt, thank you Joe Biden, sleepy Joe. You don't think it's

because we've had a fucking never-ending war for 20 years, it costs like a fucking trillion dollars a month or whatever that costs. That's just so funny about these old people saying that this generation is soft. It's like we've been at war their entire lives and a lot of them served. You know? You know it's fucked up. You can join the military. Get a standing ovation at halftime at a football game and then go serve.

And 18 months later, you your homeless living under a bridge and the same people that applauded you and now screaming at you to get a fucking job. I don't think these kids are soft. I think what they're dealing with is they get... I mean we just used to have cocaine. We didn't have fucking fettin' all of it. Right? We didn't have to worry about robots that were fucking coming, that you know, know, gonna roll their eyes around thinking about shit.

It's like 9,000 degrees in Des Moines, Iowa right now. That's our fucking food supply. There's a lot of shit going on. I think you have to be, I don't know. I just think that's what old people do. Eh, wait, if I see one more stupid fucking thing talking about how, uh, you know, people didn't complain in the 70s and 80s, yeah, they did. Yeah, they did. There's just no video of it. My favorite one, I actually commented on the video.

They were like, before all this Instagram video, before all the electric car bullshit, we had muscle car, you bit, bit, bit, bit, bad a boo. It's like, first of all, you just skipped at least 20 fucking years of American cars that were designed to die at 60,000 miles in the Spadammer to win up to 80 miles an hour. What the fuck are you talking about? All of those muscle cars ended around 73 or 74 and they were fucking gone and the best you could do is be like one of fucking 200 people that got a Buick Grand National or a you know Iraq Z. There was a couple of cars. But even then, they didn't move.

They didn't have the fucking horsepower. They skipped over all of that, and the only electric car bullshit. It's like, I like all these people are like turning like electric cars into something that's saying you can't have a gas combustion engine. I love how these electric cars, but simultaneously,

you can buy a fucking hellcat. I love how these electric cars, but simultaneously, you can buy a fucking hellcat. You can buy it BMW M series and AMG fucking Mercedes that fucking, they have a Cadillac that can go 200 miles an hour. They did anyway. What are you talking about? There's plenty of them. I just bought a Ford F256.7 Turbo fucking diesel. No electric car people can't, they don't give a fuck.

You can buy either or. Electric cars are fucking amazing. Gas combustion cars, fucking amazing. They can exist simultaneously. Like people! Back for all the fucking electric car bullshit. Fucking scared. Children. It's something new, I don't like it. Car bullshit. Fucking scared children.

It's something new, I don't like it! Keep it the way it was. Wait a minute, am I talking about myself? Um, I brought up Lou Rawls earlier, and I'm not going to apologize for it, okay? So fucking save your letters. All right, by the way, if you want to get in contact with me, you have to send me a letter because I don't read emails. Alright? Send it to PO Box, go fuck yourself at freckles.net. Flicks. Um, Lou Rawls, I brought them up. So my favorite Lou Rawl song is Lady Love. Your love is something like us,

summer breeze. My Lady Love. It's just a fuck, the song is as smooth as he is. And what I really like about it is the drummer on that. He's got a little intro there. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM B Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, he's on the highest, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,, bum, playing a little, it's like boom, tick-a-doh, tick-a-doh, tick-a-doh, tick-a-doh, da-da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, boom, da-da, da-da, so if I go back and do that,

and 16th notes on the ride, and he plays it for the whole song, even right through the bridge, and it works perfectly. Works perfectly, so I've been fucking with that. If you guys were wondering what I was fucking with on the drum kit, that's what I've been fucking with that. If you guys were wondering what I was fucking with on the drum kit, that's what I've been fucking with. And having a good time doing it, all right?

And that's my right to live my best boss in over life. All right, I made a pie today. Can you tell me been inside all fucking day? I made a pie today. I don't know why. I just said, you know what? My having the ingredients, yeah, fuck it, I'll do it. Spin, I've been a billy nice guy today. I could tell my wife was going through it a little bit, you know what I mean? I'm like, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm not giving in to that energy. They're making it about myself. She's probably, you know, a little depressed that happens to me all the fucking time. So rather than making about myself like a douche, like the douche that I am, I just decide I'll just be, I'll just, I'll handle shit. I'll just fucking handle shit. I'll bring her some food, I'll give her water, you know. This is when you know you're a bad husband, is when you're actually nice to your wife,

she goes, why are you being so nice to me? What? What? What'd you do? What are you up to? No, she's fucking awesome. I like being nice to her. It's easy, and it fucking makes my life easy.

All right, let's talk a little bit. And off all you fucking whores out there who just looked at your man and was just like, you see, why don't you do that? Well, that's a two-way street lady. Why don't you do it? Why don't you just make him a fucking sandwich just for the hell of it? Huh? You want to see his jaw hit the floor? Be fucking nice to him. Alright, butcher box everybody.

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Again, that zippercruder dot com slash burr, spelled out burr, B-U-R-R. Zippercruder, the smartest way to hire. That's my favorite thing to read. I just love that pause. It just makes me feel professional. Like I should be looking into the guy there, the music producer, Bob Rock, through the window.

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dot com slashber, there's no safe. Like simply safe. Come on man, nobody's nobody does that pause at the end of the reads like me. There's nobody, you know, this might be my ego talking. I might be thinking about the magnitude of me, my favorite Reggie Jackson quote ever. Divorce court judge.

Oh boy. Oh boy, I don't envy anybody in that situation. Dear freckles, I'm a lady, listener and a huge fan of yours from Saudi Arabia. What's going on? Why don't you come over to Abu Dhabi? I'll be over there wearing my fucking my Sunday best in a couple of weeks. This is my third email, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll read this one. All Alright, this is completely random but I wanted to share it with you. I just discovered divorce court with judge Lynn Toller. I'm imagining that's one of those judge TV shows and quickly became a

big fan of both the show and the judge. I haven't heard of that one. I also don't watch that type of shit. I watch fucking Kojak the other night. That's what I've been watching. And I was pleasantly dissurprised. I was looking to this guy going, is that Paul Anka? Paul Anka did a guest star on Kojak. I can't believe I did a podcast with him.

I understand bringing up that you wrote my way for Frank Sinatra, but how do you leave out? I played a bad guy on Kojak. That's how awesome that guy's life is. He forgets that he even did that shit, or doesn't need to bring it up. Anyway, I randomly came across a live stream this judge did. She did during lockdown where she was asked, who would you like to meet? And her answer was Ron White, Simone Biles, Bill Burr. The first two were going in Barack Obama. Alright, she did her right on the first two. I love that one of my current

favorite people is a big fan of one of my other favorite people. If you happen to be a fan of hers, then this circle is complete. I'll keep this email short, even though I would love to express my appreciation for your work, all the best to you and your lovely family. Go neek yourself. All right, I guess that's how you say it over there, and Eek. I have not, last time I watched one of those shows, I used to watch Judge Wopter when it first came out. I read you complaints and I know you've been sworn. Tell me you would always start and you had Rusty and it was a good show.

And then somewhere during the Judge Judy phase where she just was screaming at people, like sort of like, it was like, Hell's Kitchen meets the court room. I've told you guys this before. I tried to convince Patrice to do this with me. I was going, we're gonna go on Judge Judy. And if you guys wanna do this, steal this idea, because I think it'll work.

All right, I go, here's a deal. You sue me or I'm suing you, all right? And then, you know, after she makes her decision, you just pay me or I'll pay you, and then on the slide, we'll just give the cash back, right? But we would go on there. And our goal would be just how mad we could make her. And you just keep a total straight face

and you don't listen to her and you keep talking. But the thing is, is you act dumb. So she stays in her ego. So she just thinks she's talking to somebody dumb. And I already, I didn't know what I was going to say, but I'm good at pissing people off. I just knew when she was yelling at me, I was going to go, hey, lady, lady, lady. I mean, that would have been it. That would have been like, I don't know that I could have kept a fucking straight face. I looked into the whole thing.

Where it was shot, where it was booked, and all of that. And one of my big regrets, as we didn't do it, because nobody knew who the fuck we were. And if we got away with that, it would have been fucking hilarious to watch. But nothing is preventing you guys from doing that. I'm sure there's a judge out there that's just screaming, yelling at people. But I will check out that divorce court person. I am flatter than anybody, you know, always.

If anybody ever gives a shit what I do. So thank you to the judge, what's the honorable, what do you say? I was also Todd Rex would have been perfect to do it with, I brought that idea up to him and he was imitate what he would say. He was gonna call her your highness. Well, what happened, don't you see there?

Your highness was, you know, don't you see there your highness was uh... i mean is that anything funny that just fucking i don't know i'm sure there is but it to me there is it alright judge lintola the honorable judge lintola thank you for uh... paying attention anything that might dumbass does here alright book suggestion. Hey, Billford Man's Earth Band.

Oh, instead of Manford Man's Earth Band. Billford Man's Earth Band. All right, let's see what we got here. The fuck did I just do to my screen? Go back. Go back. I command thee. There we go. I have a book suggestion. I just do to my screen. Go back, go back, I command thee.

There we go. I have a book suggesting you might struggle a bit with the verbiage at first because the guy writes like a bit of a douche, but it's fascinating. Nonetheless, it's called Incentive Management by John F. Lincoln. Is that a real name? John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln by John F Lincoln Is that a real name John F Kennedy Abraham Lincoln John F Lincoln? Is this another one of these coincidences? Remember they used to do that they both got assassinated He had an assistant named Kennedy and he had this is the damn wiggle I'm not finished with the book although it isn't very long

But the just as far as I've gotten is that people have latent abilities that can be revealed through opportunity. What does latent mean? Hidden? For example, women enter the workforce when their men went to war in world war two they kept the country and war machine afloat when near none of them had worked a job let alone a production job yeah it's almost like their human beings with brains i think that's more about sexism isn't it i love rosy the river to like who the fuck can't put a riveting once they ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Another example, Babe Ruth has his reputation because no one with the ability to be better was given the opportunity to do so.

You mean a segregated league? Yeah, absolutely. That's what I was saying. The guy played in an all white league. That's why what this kid, O'Connor, is doing down in the modern era, 100 years later, the fact that he has the same stats bay breuth had at the same point his career and it just like the president should be calling them every other dog

you probably can't find a phone on a jeez uh... another example bay breuth okay i already said that link in gave this example in nineteen fifty one don't shoot the messenger uh... i'm not shoot the messenger. I'm not shooting the messenger. I agree with that. If you look at, you know, once it was, what do they go, once they broke the color barrier, you see what happened to sports. Right? So it's safe to say that there was a Pedro Martinez and a big poppy and a

Willie Mays and there was all kinds of people back during the Babe Ruth era that just never got to play. You know some Bartolo Colona could he hit a fucking home run for the San Diego Y.I. Otis way back then. On top of opportunity, oh wait he was with the Metz and did it against San Diego right I can't remember. On top of opportunity, oh wait, he was with the Metz and did it against San Diego, right? I can't remember. On top of opportunity, people need a reason to reach their full potential, which is where incentive comes into play. Well, you also need to be motivated.

You should be trying to do this for yourself. I work for Lincoln Electric and can say they have absolutely stuck to this management style. I am a lowly machine operator but I am well on my way to finishing the year making 100K because of my efforts. Well that's fantastic. Anyway, can't wait to see you in Cantno High on November. Go fuck yourself. Listen, I don't know. What it sounds to me is you had all this potential and you read a book that made you aware of it. And now because of that, you're making some money. So I'm very happy for you.

And hopefully other people, and listen. If someone like me who went to summer school, you know, should have been all four years, only went two years, you know. To quote that guy with the fake heart. I had other priorities Dick Cheney Other priorities like getting drunk and being like I don't need this math shit Song I hate that people oh I oh my god I Fucking I opened a fucking Pandora's box here. If that's the red expression.

I brought up my last podcast. Are there songs that come on in bars or sports sporting events or weddings and everybody loses their fucking mind? And for the life of you, you cannot figure out what the appeal is. And for me, it was that song by Queen Bohemian Rhapsody. I see a little silhouette of a man like what? What is happening throughout that whole fucking song? If anybody can explain, I would appreciate it.

It's not like an opera. Is it? I don't think it is. I've seen operas. They're a little more impressive than that. Okay, whatever. I don't listen to opera so I'm gonna say it's like an opera. You know? That's like when some of my people look at a band and go that's a funk band. Like they'll say that about Led Zeppelin. They were actually a funk band no they weren't and not even remotely. Anyway song I'm not saying they were amazing band but they are nowhere there in no way shape or form a funk band. If you want to hear them they're attempt at it listen to the crunch the most unfunk song you would ever

fucking listen to in your life. When that guitar comes in, my wife makes a face like somebody just farted. Um. All right. It's a fun song to play along to. Song I hate that people love. Bill, a song people like that I fucking hate is fire and rain. Oh my god, that song is like stick your head in the oven. I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen something days and I thought we'd never end. But I always wish I'd see you one more time.

I mean, I know it's about a real tragic event in James Taylor's life, but hey, you know, you gotta bring everybody down. That's kind of weird. You don't wanna be friends with James Taylor. If you die tragically, he's fucking makes money off of it. Turns in into a hit song. It goes out and buys some more rollerblades. I was going on about how bad the song is, and someone at work said, maybe you don't get it.

Well, I think that that's what it is, because these songs that I think are bad, I think I don't get them. Because why would everybody else like them? Too many people like them. That it's got to be me, right? It's got to be me. right? It's gotta be me. Everyone knows it's a song about a friend who died and you guessed it, James Taylor

thought, I'd always see you again. It's pretty straight fucking forward and the song blows. Please tell me you said that. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I know what it's about. James Taylor had a friend that passed away and he thought, you know, I always thought I'd see again, but you never know. Right? Yeah, it's not a metaphor. Alright, song I hate, isn't it? Please keep these coming.

Um, song I hate. Bill, I understand why you dislike Bohemian rhapsody. I dislike as a nice word. I fucking hate, I don't even know if it's that I hate the song. I just hate what it does to the average jerk off eating a fucking plate of wings when it comes on. I mean you think the Blue Angels were flying over top over the fucking over the hooters. Yes, I eat at hooters. And I do go there for the tits. All right, Bill, I understand why you dislike Bohemian rhapsody. I personally like it, but the song I hate the most that everyone seems to love is another queen song.

Fat bottom girls, it's much worse in my opinion. that everyone seems to love is another queen song, Fat Bottom Girls. It's much worse in my opinion. Fat Bottom Girls, you make the rocket world go round. Hoorah! I'm not a big queen guy. You know, I love their drummer though. No, you know what, I actually find with a lot of queen songs, it's not their hits, it's

the other ones. I do like another one, Bikes the Dust. I'll forever love that one, because Brian Gumbel and Mike Adamley, NFL 81, were talking about the fucking, I think the Detroit Lions were like 2 and 0, 3 and 0 or 4 and 0, and they were showing Billy Sims highlights while they played that fucking song over. I get the chills when I hear that song. Another one bites the dust and seeing Billy Sims fucking high stepping into the end zone.

The same way Carly Simon speaking of James Taylor. Nobody does it better. They put that, I think, to Walter Peyton. That was it. I loved that song. I loved that song. I had no idea it was a James Bond song. To me, that was the Walter Peyton song. Makes me feel sad for the rest. A gay man singing about a large, okay, this person fat bottom girls is much worse in my opinion uh... i came in singing about large uh... fat chick type asses isn't something i can connect to it

well you know i mean he also you know he kind of jumped around he was on either side of the fence there wasn't he was figuring it out um I picture fat not thick. I Gross fat chicks asses That's because they they they wrote it FAT right they did it wasn't PHAT yet And also there was no love but for

Women I guess they call them thick there was no love for women, I guess they call them thick. There was no love for those love in the 1800s for them. And then somewhere along the line, I don't know what happened. Like you had to, as a white woman, you had to be fucking emaciated. But that is not true in other races as far as I've found. In fact, I remember just gonna forever bring a Patrice. We were fucking down with that 7-11 is right down near where the Wilbur was. And this woman came out, he goes, we didn't think about about that bill too much ass for you and I was like yes fucking assways more than me um alright picture fat not thick gross fat chick asses in bad 80s jeans in a flamboyant man convincing me to like them I I hate the whole thing. Oh, all right. Well,

I mean, I don't know. I think these are two great songs to hate. Maybe you don't get, maybe you don't get it. You know, it's more maybe you love it so much that you can't accept the fact that somebody doesn't like it. I'm sorry, I don't fucking like it, alright? Guess what? That's an extra fucking seat. You don't have to fight over at the concert because I won't be there. Alright, overrated. Oh, Macrons. There's a Macarons. Macrons. What the fuck are Macrons? Hey, Mr. Bill. In the early to mid 2010s, it seemed like half of the U.S. population decided to open up

either a frozen yogurt shop, parentheses, minimal complaints there. Oh, that is Macaroon. That's how you spell Macaroon. Or a French macaroon stand. I honestly don't get how those are that successful. I will tell you, there's nothing worse than eating a macaroon that somebody doesn't know how to. I didn't make right because the, not the filling, the cookie part of it. It's like, it feels like some plaster from your ceiling fell down under some sugar. They're definitely good. I'll give them that, but not a $4 each level

of good. Oh, this is why because it makes people in my country feel like they're in Europe. And then with the high price, it makes it almost feel like you got on a plane. That's what I would guess. The person says whenever I walk by those stands, they look completely deserted and their bakery displays looks nearly untouched. I guess at that price, at the price, I guess at the price that they're sold they only need a couple of wealthy fatties as returning customers to keep the lights on. Does anybody work in a bakery? When you just bring out that Thanksgiving onslaught

of desserts every day, what do you do with some of those fancy ones that don't sell? You wheel them out the next day, be honest. Anyway, the person says that Ben and Abid listen to your podcast since 2017, it keeps me somewhat saying, it's kept me somewhat saying for that entire period. Well, that's very nice of you. Okay saw a fire in rain. Okay, underrated movie, James Taylor.

What was it? Black top, hard-road black top, something black top. Look up James Taylor movie. He's riding around in a 57-bell air racing, this guy that has a 69 GTO, I believe. Tulane Blacktop, underrated movie. During the beginning, if not the height of the anti-hero cinema movement, while directors took over movies and had final cut and all of that, and you have all of those masterpieces.

All right, that is the podcast, football season, we got that wide receiver from Boutet, from LSU, had a nice touchdown running past everybody and of course everybody in the comments, he's running by people that are going gonna be working at Kinko's next fucking week. A thug, a thug, a thug, shout out. You can't even touch your fucking toes. I would love to hear the sound most sports fans make when they tie their shoes. That's why Crocs are so fucking... Crocs are for fat people. You know, who just can lift up their heavy leg enough to slide them into those fucking things.

Alright, that's it everybody. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check it on you. On Thursday.